Stuff Island - Stuff Island #98 - Smiling Eyes w/ Chris & Tommy

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Download the DraftKings app NOW and use code STUFFISLAND to sign up! New customers can take home TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS IN BONUS BETS INSTANTLY just for betting five bucks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well. Yeah, it's crazy because we banked a bunch of episodes and I feel like this is the first time we've done this in like a month. Well, it was two and a half, three weeks. Yeah. We didn't do this. It's weird. Yeah.

Well, hopefully we pick it up because so far it sucks. People have been asking for just the two of us. You better fucking think of something to say I cut my hair for this I'll call a neighbor to come down here We can peg her Not like that, with questions Dude, I cut my wig an hour ago

You guys didn't notice, I was hoping you'd see But I fucked up On the right side? Whoa! Right side's perfect left side's good top's a little short but it's decent i got a fucking racing stripe up the back of my neck really yeah clip film oh no ah yeah can you see it yeah yeah you got divot yeah yeah it's got hooked it yeah you can tell got to divot. Yeah. Yeah, so it's, you got to hook it. Yeah, dude. You can tell by the divot.

Yeah. I went into the woods. I stand in there sweating, trying to, I got hair in every orifice of my body. It's a nightmare. I got to stop doing it. I got to stop cutting my hair.

Dude, also, it's so fucking hot out today. It sucks ass. And then I always do it right after the gym, so I'm already sweating. I got shit rolling down my eyebrow. I got miniature hairs

plucking at my pupils. And I bent down and my trimmer is off. I cut my girl's ear last night. I was trimming around her. Really? Yeah, I was trimming around her juul locks. You know them. When it gets too long.

Yeah, the curly cues. Yeah, I got some of those going. But yeah, the thing is. You are a great dude. Wolfman Jack. I'll cut you out tomorrow. Dude. thing yeah the curly q's yeah i got some of those going but yeah the thing is you are great too wolfman jack i'll cut you out tomorrow dude i'll give you a racing stripe to match me i don't think you want to be i got i've been i've had covid for about two weeks well guess what pal if you got it i got it dude we've been making out lately have you been so i've been sweating soaking comforters dude i gotta rotate pillows i'm drenched oh god do you still have like a heavy

comforter in your bed at this yeah but i need it because i'm freezing i'm sweating and freezing well you run your ac for 24 hours a day well i can't get it cold enough in there you know told me that our electric bill checking notes that's all right well i'm leaving the door open past couple days leaving the door opens this place past couple of days, leaving the door open is the coolest place down. Yeah, it's nice in here right now. Yeah, dude, I can't... I walk in from that heat. I need instant gratification.

I should have got a baby pool this year. I'm going to get one of those four-footers next year for the backyard. A baby pool? Yeah, when you take over Shane's place, I'm just going to keep the door open and do dives off the steps.

You should just get a pool that's shaped like that. Is this a couch pool? No, no, like this that's shaped like that. Is this a couch pool? No, no, like this. Just stand in it. Is this a silo? Just stand in it with your arms crossed. Just staring at the Arab neighbors.

Pissing every 30 seconds. Yeah! Yeah, dude, we never spend any time in the backyard. Anytime we're out there for more than 10 minutes, someone dumps a bucket of water. Dude, this is true. It is. It's a shot across our bow.

Dude, getting a giant pool this shape and sitting in it like the WAP police and just staring at the fig tree makes sure nobody grabs a fig. Just die! But yeah, so I don't know if you know this. Artie, your name's Ian. But every time we do like a barbecue out back,

they just did it for AYG when we did the AYG barbecue. I don't know if you remember. Yeah, there's a fucking woman and I know what she looks like. She's the woman that, downstairs neighbor used to be this old Irish bat. It was so funny. Crazy bitch.

And she would drink, you know, white wine with ice out of like a giant goblet that was colored and said like, beach is my home or some white trash shit. Had like a gradient purple going up to nothing. We would drink in the front yard on like plastic chairs and this old arab woman would come over and like talk us out of drinking saying it's like poisoning our system we're like yeah we know yeah we're having a great time don't push this on us so she's the one who's dumping buckets of water through the fire escape as a way to let us know let us know that she's not into the partying atmosphere of people enjoying themselves. Yeah.

I mean, I would do the same thing if I was a Muslim woman. Yeah. I would ruin everyone's time. I would make it my business to ruin everyone's time. Plus, you get to be anonymous. True. You're like an online troll in person. It's like a grayed out Twitter account.

Last episode sucked You last guess was shit Dude No but she doesn't wear the garb She doesn't wear the The fucking ninja uniform No No she's out and about

She wants you to know She's tired of sleeping in cages And getting hit by sticks Oh good for her She wants to ruin your life too Yeah yeah She's making some noise She's trying to make some's tired of sleeping in cages and getting hit by sticks. Oh, good for her. She wants to ruin your life, too. Yeah, yeah. She's making some noise. She's trying to make some noise, dude.

She's got access to water. She's letting everybody know. Well, I can tell it's a very boring life for some people where they kind of want to... This is like stirring up the rats, you know? Yeah, yeah. You want to fight with the neighbor. Yeah, create some action. Yeah, get a little adrenaline going.

Things are a little too boring. I feel like you did something today. Damn. You ever seen your dad fight a neighbor? No. Like there was no like, you're using my parking spot? You're parked too far into this curb?

No, my neighbors growing up were like my neighbor next door was Pam and Bill. Bill was the man. I'd go over there in my like fully dressed up in football gear. Yeah. You know, because my brother was probably doing go over there in my fully dressed up in football gear. Yeah. You know? Because my brother was probably doing something.

I would just get dressed up in football gear and run around the backyard. Yeah. And then I'd walk over and he'd be drawing in watercolor. Who, Bill? Your neighbor? Bill. The old man? Yeah.

Just drawing in watercolor? Yeah, he'd be just drawing in watercolor and stuff. And then he'd be like, I'll draw you. And I would just stand there with a football. Jesus Christ. He would draw me. Dude, he gave me a sick painting i wonder if we still have it me watercolor tell me you had clothes on dude dude neighbor bill just being a pedophile i had a full take your clothes off i'll draw you look it's a watercolor i had a full

giants uniform on phil sims jersey ew yeah i loved Simms Let me see that painting I'll fucking Smash my My terrible haircut through it Nah dude You'd love it You'd love it You saw me You saw me in watercolor

Do you actually have joy in your eyes? Yeah Yeah He took some artistic license He gave you smiling eyes Yeah Bill's like I'm gonna do a little something different here for you Chris

I'm gonna make do a little something different here for you, Chris. I'm going to make your face likable. Dude, that's so funny. Just an old man painting kids around town. No, it was just me. What did Billy Wayne last week say his friend did? He was a kid musician or something. No, not the guy that did books.

Wasn't one of his buddies an author for kids' books? Or did I say that? I don't know. Do you have a friend that's a musician? Kid musician. Is that what I just said?

Yeah, you did. I just didn't believe you right away. I need somebody else to go, yeah, he's actually right. Because usually when we don't have a third party here, we just constantly bicker and go, that's not fucking right. That's not what I said. And then we run the tape back. I told you, you fucking idiot. Bill and Pam.

You ever look at just regular neighbors like that and just imagine them having sex? I don't know. Not really. My parents were asexual. Yeah. It seemed like. I mean, they never were like.

Not twice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Twice they got it in. Twice. At least. One Easter. But my parents weren't like sexual people, and Pam and Bill were not sexual people.

I just figured everyone was just like living. I didn't realize people were like fucking. My imagination goes even worse when they're asexual and personality. I think like ball gags

and fucking handcuffs. Right, right, right. Why are they hiding it so much? Yeah, they really get it going. Yeah, yeah. Because they don't want people looking around. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's don't want people looking around. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. That's why they send you to camp for a week. She's got to work on getting a whole cucumber up her ass. They don't realize that the best defense is a good offense. True. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah.

Paint that for me, Chris. Yeah, if you act a little bit sexual in public, then people just think you have a normal sex life. Yeah. They don't think you're fucking whips and chains. Yeah, or just regular sexual. I do that with anyone, though. Any couple that passes, I just immediately picture them,

especially older, like, weird couples. I just think, like, what are they doing? What are they up to in the sack? I normally just wonder, like, what do they talk about? That's your fantasy? It's not a fantasy i just wonder how do you how do you fill a whole life with conversation would you ever hear your parents talk uh yeah but it's always like they had i don't know they they had the yeah they would talk but

i feel like they had the equivalent of like business meetings you know what i mean it's like when you're working at a company you understand why everyone's like business meetings. You know what I mean? It's like when you're working at a company, you understand why everyone's like having meetings and talking and, you know, I still think of you saying that. Do we need a new lawnmower? Do we not? You know, it's like a few weeks.

You're like, come in here. I want to talk to you. Like we're not running a company. What could you possibly need me for? Dude. Yeah. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing drives me crazier than that. The only conversation my parents would have is just bickering, bitching about something. They would... Any opportunity to make fun of each other in front of the kids. Mm-hmm. And then they would just be exasperated,

say something disrespectful, and it would end. And now, once people have grandchildren, that's 99% of their conversation. Which is what? All they do is give you updates on the grandkids. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's 99% of their conversation. Which is what? All they do is give you updates on the grandkids. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's nice. You had to hear what James did at school today.

It's like, tell me. Yeah, because it's exciting. It's exciting to them because they don't have a partner they can talk to about anything. Yeah, but it's also, it's like they're the first time, you know, it's the first time they're being grandparents. Yeah, but they were already parents time you know it's the first time they're being grandparents yeah but they've already parents they know how to yeah but they get to see that the kid is kind of like them even though they're a generation apart you know what i mean it's like that's wild yeah that's a wild experience to have they want to talk about it yeah i was thinking about that in the shower the other day where it's just like i was like this is my first old like i'm finally old enough that i'm

oldish you're 37 yeah 38 i'm like 38 this is my first i mean this is my first experience being old yeah you know and it's like i was just thinking about like politicians and stuff it's like they just these people just hang around forever yeah when you get a new crop you know what i mean like i can't imagine being 60 and still what's like we're talking about aoc or fucking whoever it's like dude could you imagine that's the worst part about there it's like just being being 70 and just being she's still doing it god i mean people are still mad about it thought of my dad coming home from work and a job he fucking hates and then just having to explain to his wife what he did that day oh yeah like that's hell on earth yeah that's why they don't talk anymore it's like well

i tried to tell you about carl stealing a fucking nut. Yeah. You didn't want to hear that 20 years ago. So all of a sudden you're interested in my life? Yeah. It's also like. Go upstairs. I got to finish this jug of Carlo Rossi. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, we'll just not talk for a couple of years. I'll come up with some stories and then we'll have like a good year. Yeah. And then we'll go back, live separate lives in the same house for a while, and then we'll talk again. Yeah, I don't know why I'm being so depressing about this. It's like when you listen to a podcast for like a year straight,

and then you're like, I'm going to take some time off. And then you come back, and you're like, I forgot how great this was. Yeah. Yeah. I always think about like, I stare at parents as they... I'm just so afraid to get to that point. I watch married couples at barbecues. I just watch their disposition.

I watch them stare into the abyss. And just, if their grandkid's not around, even if they are, they just go... No, don't touch that. I feel like the only barbecues you're going to, though, are your family's barbecues. Yeah. What am I going to say? Yes.

If somebody invites me to a barbecue. But you're generalizing it. Like every time I go to a barbecue, I just leave the old. Yeah, I'm just going to a fucking. You're just talking about your parents. Yeah. I'm going to a nursing home barbecue every time. It's getting real fucking old.

Dude, I don't know. Sometimes I saw a couple walking around the park, Astoria Park, the other day, and I was just like. That's nice. That's good. Yeah. You get to a park with your spouse. That's a happy couple.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just like do another lap. Yeah. And it's got to be to be old. Yeah. And walking through Astoria Park just going, this is nuts. Yeah. This is old. Look at And walking through Story Park just going, this is nuts when it's old. Yeah. Look at these kids. Look at this. People are

playing Can Jam or whatever that is. Some newfangled game I've never seen. Lacing up your serial killer janitor sneakers. Like, Pam, where are my snakes? The bridge you saw get built in 1925 is fucking... Your uncle helped.

Now it's bathed in, like, LED lights, and there's, like, the fucking Rangers logo on it or something. Yeah, some emo kid with lipstick on. You can't describe it to your wife.

Yeah. I told you we should've moved to the Poconos. Pam. I do want to get married, though. I want to have children. Yeah. I want to...

In 10 years, I want to stare at nothing at a barbecue. Yeah. You know, judge the food. Nah, I want to be like, I want to just be telling dirty jokes and stuff. Oh, my God, in 30 years? Yeah, I want to be the old grandpa that's just like, everyone goes, stop. But they love it, you know? Well, that's already here.

I got news for you, pal. We're two fucking dirty grandpops. You don't need a wife or kid to have that happen. You think in 30 years you're going to have a grandchild? You better. First of all, you are not inner city. I don't know. They might come up with some type of, I don't know,

like you put those little sponges you used to put in the sink and they grow. Oh, the dinosaur pills? Yeah. They might have that for grandkids. For kids. Yeah, yeah. In the future, you'd like your kids just to skip adolescence and just blossom right in front of your eyes?

Dude, that'd be great. You'd just have a baby and you're like, oh, shit, she's hot. Like, immediately. You don't get through all that awkward years. She's just immediately a smoke. I'm not going to say this publicly. What? What?

You're not going to say it. Some family members are hot. You can't help it. It's just, it's a gift for them. It's true, yeah. Sometimes they are. I'm fortunate enough that I don't really have any of those. It's also a very weird conversation for like

when you're on the deck at like a regular party, like a birthday party. Yeah. And the majority of things that are said to your brother are, you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah. He may as well be like, your kid's fucking smoking hot. Yeah, yeah.

What do I, what I would do to your child? That's what you're saying. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, anytime someone says, you gotta cover up anytime someone says that. Yeah, yeah. Because it's a kid that's too hot. Yeah, right.

And he's always right. You look over and you're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, no one says that to a fat cousin. Well, they also, they need to get in one of these silos put the fat kid in a silo and get your hot kid a coke to show up to the labor day weekend barbecue we got you your own pool yeah it's just 30 stacks of like a spare tire. They just put a running hose along the side so she doesn't get stuck.

Watching them get in and immediately overflow. It's like... It's squeaky. Jumping through an inner tube. We got a wetter travel. Transport an old fucking whale. Dude, we never talked about Ireland. Yeah, we tried to Last week

We never got to it God damn it Ireland let's do Let's fire it up Chris The bag thing Is so fucking funny Oh yeah when I went

It started First of all We tried to start this Last week Or two weeks ago With Billy Wayne With the red eye We're not gonna get into it Cause we or two weeks ago with Billy Wayne with the red eye. We're not going to get into it because we talked for like an hour straight about the goddamn red eye.

The whole point was it ruined the trip for me for the first 48 hours because I didn't sleep for 24. And then the layover, we got in at what, like 5.30, 6 o'clock? Yeah, yeah. Slept for an hour and then we went around town. Yeah. Not even. Oh, yeah, we did bop around a little bit. I think I heard Shane talking about it on Rogan,

so we can't go into detail, but apparently it was an incredible trip. Shout out everybody that came out Ireland. The crowds were unbelievable. Yeah, the crowds were unbelievable. We were warned by a bunch of Irish comics from New York. Yeah, everyone said they were going to be drunk assholes. Yeah, they were like, Friday night, late show. Don't even worry about jokes.

Don't judge yourself. You're not getting a fucking thing out. Three sold out shows. Shane's fans are incredible. They're there to see comedy. They're not there to interrupt. And they were fucking rambunctious. Dude, yeah.

But all the bars closed at 12 because they're also fucking animals. So we didn't have anywhere to go. Yeah. We just drank in the green room for... That was the craziest thing. Our first night out there, we were like, we were bopping around, we were grabbing drinks,

but my farts were unbelievable. My farts were unbelievable. And we'll get to that in a second. We'll get to that. That's because you ate like you had three assholes to get on the plane. Normally when you travel nationally, it's a Delta lounge. And you fill up because even if you're going on a six-hour flight to L.A.,

they don't feed you. Yeah. Whereas we took Virgin, they fed us three times. Yeah. After having a full belly. Yeah. After not sleeping for 24 hours. It's like that story where you see that diarrhea plane yeah yeah yeah it's probably virgin atlantic yeah

because well they give they give people yeah well they give people english food yeah you know i had a chicken pot pie and then i had fucking like some fucking weird cheese sandwich it's like they always have weird cheese where'd you get this cheese from it's like an animal. It's like, they always have weird cheese. Where'd you get this cheese from? It's like an animal. It's like some weird version of a, not quite a goat, not a cow.

Like, it's got some new mammal over there they get cheese from. You hear this kid making noise like this? No, what was he doing?

He's acting like he's watching a fucking show. He is watching a show. He's got 40 ice cubes in his glass. He's cracking plastic asking, ian if you want something what are you are you watching a netflix that was grandpa shit i've ever heard well i got a fucking problem netflix or something i got a problem because my dad it's it's it's genetic you know when you hear people crunching and it fires you the fuck up?

That's a genetic thing. Him rattling bones over here. I don't know if it is genetic. It is genetic. I think it's an old style of combat. What do you mean? These weapons you can't put down. Yeah, I think because if you made a crunch,

your dad attacked you. Yeah. You started listening. You start to listen for other people crunching to bury them. No. No, no, no. And then you're just, then you're. I already looked it up.

I did because I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this? I know it's abuse on his end, but it's a disorder. People are activated and it drives them nuts. Like just like nails on a chalkboard. You start crunching on a pretzel when it's real quiet and people are trying to talk. That kind of shit right there? Yeah, but I think it's... That's riling me up.

Yeah, yeah. But there's these things like for instance, your cable, right? Your cable on your microphone is wrapped in a way around that that drives me absolutely insane. I know that's just my dad. I know that's just my dad i know that's just my dad because the cable would be like that and i know he'd come over and be like what the

yeah and then you start getting like attuned to things like that and you think if the cable's like that violence is coming oh man the same thing with chips crunching and people like you you assume we'll have one of these guys look it up. Loud, crunching noises. Look it the fuck up. I guarantee it's a medical issue. We got to get your dad here to look at the middle room. That thing will get spotless soon. You think if you were raised by adopted parents

that you're still furious about crunchy cracking and ice cubes? No, I would have went to a prison for teens because I would have murdered them. Since I figured I was abandoned and Bill and Pam picked me up. As soon as I found out my adoptive father was painting children in the park. It's like those, those,

that, that couple that tried to raise like a chimpanzee in their home. Okay. Yeah. Individuals with misophonia, which afflicts up to 20% of people feel anger, disgust, and a desire to flee when they hear certain sounds.

Chewing and similar noises from the mouth are most often associated with the condition. Yeah, but you... Yeah, but, he says. Yeah, but. That's crunching to me right now. Your fucking ignorance is a pile of pretzels in the back molars. You're being a real fucking

dickhead. I have a condition. You make those noises. No, a condition. You make those noises. No, I suck on the pretzel till it gets a little bit soft. And then I swallow it like a wet roll in a hot dog eating contest. You can't handle it coming from... You can't handle it coming from... I'm Joey Chestnut.

I'm Joey Chestnut. You can't handle it. Hold on a second. I'm not done. Oh, my God. Is misophonia a real mental illness? Misophonia is a disorder where you have a decreased tolerance to the specific sounds and things you can sense related to them.

While it doesn't yet have an official recognition as a distinct disorder, experts still recognize it. There's experts recognizing this. Reactions can be emotional feelings like anger body press body processes like a faster heartbeat behavior actions like gnarling common trigger signs can be chewing food noisily ticking of a clock heavy breathing tapping of fingernails or toes clicking a pen dripping water rustling a paper plastic smacking lips or producers pretending they're watching a show at their own house. I'm just imagining a guy that looks

exactly like you who's lost this argument too many times. Experts in extreme. Let me give you a website, hon. It's just my name. A lot of people that haven't been accepted by mainstream science yet, but it is real.

No, I remember looking it up. I was like, this is fucked up. It makes me like crazy. But when the noises are coming from your inside your own head, they don't bother you at all. Yeah. That's why I'm mostly angry. 80% angry.

Yeah, but I think it's... Dude, biting him with a fork, slapping the lips. Yeah. Shit like that. Maybe you don't bite a fork But you slap your lips You're just doing this To play the other side of the coin It's true you do

You whistle You squeak You make noises You eat chips loud as fuck We'll get a nanny cam When you crinkle down You crinkle down the bag You know why?

You go You spend time You crinkle down the bag once If anyone was doing If I was doing that This is genius You crinkle down the bag once. If I was doing that. Genius. You crinkle down the bag once like rolling underwear. Right? Yeah. Then you can get

in the bag without smashing through it. That's another one of my fucking pet peeves. Watching a movie over somebody's house or just rattling through a bag every like two minutes. Rattle. Rattle. Like there was some fucking monster on the plane to Dublin. He pulled out a whole bag of like rolled gold and then a thing of Tupperware

and he bite his fork with Tupperware and go, like you should be fucking struck. Your parents, your father Bill should have spent less time painting in the driveway and beating your fucking ass. The reality of this situation is that person was probably doing

exactly what Artie was doing, was delicately doing something and it was a... No. If I can hear... Jesus Christ. No. Artie's right there, first of all. I can see his dumb head through the camera.

They're going to clip it out. I can hear him open a plastic thing and go, you want some? I heard him say, you want some? And then Eden's like, yeah, thank you. It's like, we're right fucking here. It's like they just put on a show. All right, well, I have an alternate hypothesis.

No, no, I have an alternate hypothesis. No more food in the fucking house. You're here to do work. We're here to talk about nothing. We're here to break down our mental illness. It's like if the writer's room, there's no nuts. There's no peanuts. There's no fucking popcorn.

You ever been in a writer's room where people are just like, oh, come on. What if, what if, I'm talking with your mouth full? I'm fucking. Ah, talk with your mouth full. Yeah. I'm calling your dad as soon as we're all this. None of it bothers me.

I know, because you're a crazy person. No. You're the crazy one. No, no, no, no. You got to admit that it's not genetic. You were raised under a certain moral code in your house, and that meant smacking, cracking, making noise as well. Gets a smack and a crack.

Yes. And so when you hear someone doing that without any reprisal, it makes your blood boil. I agree with this, but there's also another side of the coin where it's just common decency and manners. When you're in first grade and second grade, if you had a teacher that could teach you

manners, they wouldn't be like, ah, let Charlie chew his fucking iron off the tip of his fork because he doesn't know how to eat. He's getting metal forks in elementary school. Don't bite your fork. Don't slap your lips because you're never going to get a woman to love you. And if you do find a monster to love that behavior, she's also a piece of shit you are.

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StuffIsland. The crown is yours. This is the part of Catholic school you did like? Yeah. No one's gonna love you if you bite that fork! We get metal forks? We had sporks, I think, in elementary school. They weren't around when I was a kid. Really? Sporks? Yeah.

I don't think so. Half of the spork was a knife. It was like a, yeah. Wait, the spork was a knife. It was like a, yeah. Wait, the back end was a knife? It was like a multi-tool, yeah. Jesus Christ. What kind of school did you go to? Parochial? No, just a regular public school.

In Connecticut? Mm-hmm. You'd switch blades for lunchtime. No, you go, they didn't want to manufacture, I guess, a fork and a spoon and a knife. They'd just give you one thing. They were ahead of the curve. Green, I guess, a fork and a spoon and a knife. They just give you one thing. They were ahead of the curve. Green. I guess.

Yeah. I mean, I think it was more a cost control thing than really being like. Yeah. Respect the environment. Yeah. Someone was like, I'm not paying for all this fucking. Yeah. That's why we had to wear.

Three different instruments. It was always cost in Catholic school. You had to wear like your baseball uniform on the basketball court. You just get one, dude. Your sleeves are removable. Just fucking shoot a three. Like the basketball pants you just unsnap. Put it back on.

You're playing third. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. How did we get here? We got here from Vartan in Ireland. I call that a gift, dude. Yeah. No, but we went to that bar, and it was like, it was 11.50,

and we were like, we were kind of ready to go home at this point. We were still like, yo. Wait, is this you and I date night when Shane wasn't in town yet? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, with the AC dripping all over us? Oh, that was, yeah, that was,

dude, you put your best face on for that one. I was like, dude, I know this, I know this speakeasy. It's cool as fuck. We went in there,

the stairs smelled like someone took a shit. It was, yeah. It was an extension of that United Airlines diarrhea hallway. Well, it was all carpet and everything was leaking

because it rains every three hours in Dublin. Yeah. They had carpets inside this place and it just smelled like a cat owner's house that has like 13 cats. Like something was dead somewhere, but you couldn't find it. So bad.

And they were out of all their good stuff. Great cocktails. Chris got rained on for fucking three hours. And I told the guy, he goes, oh, I'm so sorry. No one there was Irish. I didn't see an Irish person for the first, as a worker, for the first, like, what, three days? Oh, yeah.

No, it was all, where were they? Brazil? Yeah, Brazilian. Oh, my God. We went to this bar. These Brazilian dudes were robots. Like, I couldn't tell they were from Brazil until we asked them. Yeah.

Because one guy was decent looking the rest of them who fucking knows they were made in a mud pot I thought they were Eastern European yeah so did I they had that kind of like they almost looked they behaved like the first generation AI bartender he would just walk up and go

hello hey how are you man can I get an IPA just walk up and we go hello and he'd be like hey how are you man can i uh can i get an ipa and a water and you go yes and he would just stand there yeah and then he would give you a menu yeah it's like well where's the beer yeah and then he wouldn't give you water he goes water yes and then we'd fuck off for a while it's like dude there's no one in here why is it so hard and you'd be like we get just another round and they'd be like they don't know what that means but they wouldn't even go like we had to go by we had to go by temple bar area to get to the real irish yeah yeah yeah they were moving

quick that was a blessing but water getting water there is... They don't drink water. Europeans don't drink water. This has bothered me forever when you're just like... We're like, yeah, can we get a round of waters? And they'll give you a thimble. And you're like, okay. That whole country pisses like a cat. And you're like, can I get more? And they're like, more?

Yeah. And you're like, yeah. And then they'll be like, all right, I'll get a jug for you. And they come out with basically a pint of water. Yeah, it's one water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have said with basically a pint of water. Yeah, it's one water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have said, give me seven jugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One jug for each of us. Yeah, just run a hose through here. And they'll give you a look like, what the fuck is going on? This is not a cultural thing. Everything in Dublin is just a hair off, dude. Yeah, yeah. They're so close to getting it right, and it's just backwards. It really is. Everything's just backwards it's it really is

everything's fucking backwards yeah nothing bothers me more than going in there and being like can i just get a coffee and they're like well you have an americano yeah it's like you know what the fuck i mean just make the we make all your coffees yeah we make all of your coffees make our coffee you'll like it the trip was great why would you put a stupid version of our coffee. You'll like it. The trip was great. Why would you put a stupid version of our coffee on your menu? It's just so that you were agitated. Dude, the story, Shane,

you already listened to it on Rogan. This is what we wanted to say on the Billy Wayne episode was this cokehead who was apparently Conor McGregor's fighting partner was an absolute cartoonish irish dude yoked out of his fucking mind trying to start a fight with uh brady quinn yeah

like literally standing behind my car freaking down here to pair the pair like i was like oh my god this dude's huge i take a step back in the corner like i'm gonna have to hit him from the side because he's big as fuck. He's staring at you guys. Apparently Phil gripped his like that meme where he puts his fist down underneath. Yeah, that's when I knew I had to go home because I just kept looking at that guy like I'm going to have to hit this guy. Yeah, well, I mean

what are you going to do? If he's truly an MMA guy, we're like, fuck. I got locked in a bathroom with him. That'd be so funny. Did I tell you his story? I don't think Shane told it but that same right when we were about to leave they stopped serving at like 1230

which was the late bar I go to take a piss as soon as I walk in cokehead dude's there the door shuts behind me it's a dude with a backpack he locks it and I'm like well you're about to get mugged I'm fucking dead I'm about to die I're about to get mugged i'm fucking dead

yeah mugged no i'm about to die i'm about to get my head smashed into a urinal i thought he was gonna fuck me up because he recognized me with you guys and it never turned into a fight oh yeah yeah and i literally just put my head down like please don't hit my face yeah like i almost i just said it out loud i didn't say it loud said I said it to myself like Just take it Take as big as a beat As you fucking can Yeah And it turns out They were just locking the door

To do coke Cause I pissed I don't even think I pissed I think I pretended to piss I just sat there going Alright I just did a fake shake And I was like

Now I'm gonna get my ass kicked I turned around The dude has to unlock the door And I was like Excuse me Excuse me Very politely said Excuse me As soon unlock the door. And I was like, excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me. Very politely said, excuse me. As soon as he let me out, I was like, holy fuck.

And then the dude showed up in the green room the next night. Just walked in. Yeah, just walked in. I thought Shane invited him. I couldn't believe how he got in there. And then, yeah. Then he wound up getting his ass kicked by a bouncer. It was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, we started walking. It was me, Chris, Shane, McCann. Yeah. Then he wound up getting his ass kicked by a bouncer. It was fucking hilarious. Yeah, we started walking. It was me, Chris, Shane, McCann. Yeah. And McCann was talking so much shit about his fighting. And apparently this bouncer, I mean, the way they described it is that the bouncer didn't even stagger his feet. Just a straight jab. Just like a five-year-old. King Koopa just fucking.

Right down the dick, dude. King Hippo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and just fucking split him open. And then, yeah, then he scampered off and then went. Well, you could tell he was trying to. He was like, let's go. He's like, let's go to this bar.

Not that bar. This bar, this bar, this bar. And I was like, that's weird. And then we all started going to the entrance of this bar, which is in the corner. And he bucked around the side. And then I saw like a bouncer approach him. Yeah. And if I knew he was going to get his ass,

I thought it was just a friend. Yeah, yeah, you would have stayed. I would have stayed. I would have stayed to watch this dude get wrecked. He just got fucked up in an alley. Yeah, yeah. Didn't hear the bell ring. Dude.

It was also funny, his brother showed up, and he was the nicest guy in the world. Yeah, it was nice. It's, it's like the, uh, and we were like, how come you're not like him?

An asshole. He's nice. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, Oh, he was like me fucking three years ago. And his brother was like,

no, I wasn't. And then we went, what were you doing three years ago? And he go, and then human trafficking. Yeah. Human trafficking.

And we were like, what? Yeah. What country? Oh no, just the boys. Yeah. He was, he was doing human trafficking with boys in mexico yeah just oh i thought he meant irish guys i don't i i thought

he meant getting in illegal irish immigrants oh oh in there to like you say mexican boys i don't know now we got a question well i didn't think he was doing everything above board. I didn't think he was helping people. Wow. I didn't even think about it like that. Just the boys. Yeah. Whoa. Well, the boys can get, you know, sold sexually too.

Yes. Yeah. I thought you were going another way with that. I thought you were about to be like, well, boys can take it. Yeah. Some boys are hot. No, the Irish, I think he meant just the boys.

Like his Irish lads. Oh, maybe. Setting them in on. I just assumed the worst. That is the worst. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, don't, you wouldn't say human trafficking.

You'd be like, no, I was helping some of my buddies get work. That is the worst. Yeah. Just a hundred coked up fucking Irish carpenters trying to fight everybody. Jesus Christ. What's this, Philly? Dude, I was thinking about that.

When we were over there and there were so many Americans over there, I was thinking about it would be like time travel. There were so many Americans because the Notre Dame game was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what everybody asks us. Are you going to the game? Yeah, yeah. Are you here for the game? Are you here for the game was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what everybody asks us. Are you going to the game? Yeah, yeah. You're here for the game?

You're here for the game then? Yeah. It's like, yeah. And one guy talked to us about cricket. Oh, yeah. He was fired up. That was our date night. Yeah.

It was the first whiskey stop. Those cricket guys throw the ball. A hundred and something miles an hour. It's like, no, they don't. There's no way. He said like 95 or something like that. 98 miles an hour. I thought it would don't there's no way he said like 95 or something like that 98 miles an hour i thought it would be like 70 they bounce it but yeah they're also they're indian dudes built

like crickets there's no way they're whipping a pill that fast dude and it's like an odd over the hand over the head stroke but it was funny when we got to the notre dame game and other people were farting and they smelled exactly like my farts it was a guy from uh that nfl player yeah what's his name and his roided out buddy yeah i forget his name oh god he was tyler eifert yeah he was farting downwind i had shit on my teeth by the third quarter man i was happy that i had a yeah a brother in arms oh god i was getting hit in all angles that was a shit tornado watching a blowout let me let go a couple you know a couple heaters yeah yeah i'd be like tyler there's just old eifert's old ir Irish grandmas passing out.

No, but I was thinking in the future, if there's time travel, it's got to be like people will go, people will find out there's certain times to go to and everyone will fucking be there. It'll be annoying. What do you mean? Like you can go back to Rome and there's just a bunch of...

A bunch of Americans? Yeah, yeah. Getting t-shirts? Yeah, they'll have to put restrictions on it. Like, you can't all go to Rome. Well, if you're only going back in time, you would never go to, like, this time. This one?

Yeah. What are you coming here for? Electric car? I don't know. Maybe people will think it's cool. No, no. The 90s. It's like people who live on...

The 80s were cool. Maybe. This shit is gay. Nah, people would come back to see, like, Trump live on the 80s were cool maybe this shit is gay nah people would come back to see like trump what the fuck was that like just to see it everyone losing their minds they'd be like it's you gotta go to a rally gotta go see it you gotta see it it was nuts you know nah i think could you imagine actually going through like a real tough situation as a whole world and other people visiting from other times being like, you guys are fucked.

Yeah, but if you... I can't believe this. You can only go backwards? I don't know. You can go in any direction. You can bop around? Yeah. Where would be your first, Rome?

During the big boy times? Back in time. Can you die? Yeah, I think so. So if you make the decision to go back to like... It's like backpacking, you know? You probably have like a jacket or something that can protect you. No, I'm saying if you go back to like a big war. Yeah.

Like if I want to experience a civil war. Yeah. If I want to experience a civil war. Yeah. If I die, I'm really dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you could go with a bulletproof vest and a helmet. You could be a war correspondent. Yeah. Just throw on a UN helmet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how your boys know you're headed back in time. Where are you going? Yeah. Nowhere. Dude, and if you win it. You go on the time machine. I in time. Where are you going? Yeah. Nowhere. Dude, and if you win... You're going to the time machine. You got a UN helmet on.

I'm not. Yeah, they give you like a fucking M16 or whatever. Just playing cricket with my friends. Dude, if you... Yeah. If you had a bunch of like modern weapons on you that you could buy at like Walmart, I'm sure you could fuck up Civil War people, no problem.

If you really got in a pitch... You can't do that. You can't disturb the future. No, but it's... These are the rules. No, but it's like when you go on safari, you're not supposed to kill any of the animals, really, or whatever, but if one of them attacks you, you got a rifle there to take it out. It's defensive use only.

That's crazy. You slept well. I know you're getting better because you you're coming from all angles right I can't keep up with this let's get back to farting and double I do want to say thank you to all the fans I mean the fans of Shane but fuck that they were so fun man they were they were so goddamn good. Right off the jump, too.

Yeah, every show. Yeah. Every show. Aaron McCann fucking opened. He killed. Right off the jump. They were, like, hot and warm. Not to take anything away from Aaron, but...

Yeah. It seemed like... Didn't seem like he needed to, like, corral them at all. Right off the jump. It was just like, yeah. I can't wait for that to be the opposite in Indiana. No, I'm kidding. No, Indiana's probably

going to be great. No, it is nice though when you like, you get too many nice shows to go back to just an old fashioned slugfest. Yeah. Like a VFW kind of just.

Doing 10 minutes in New York. Yeah. Bunch of woke fucking purple bang idiots. They suck. I'm like, this just destroyed in another country. You guys aren't suck. I'm like, this just destroyed in another country.

You guys aren't listening. I feel like now the more is the problem. You're like, just talking to like fucking tech guys. Yeah. You're like, I don't... You're 25, you're making $400,000 a year. Yeah. I don't have anything for you.

Well, they're there just to bop around some fucking Asian hostess. They're not there for the comedy. They're there just to bop around some fucking Asian hostess. They're not there for the comedy. They're there just like, I got to do something. I got to take this little pinata home, pop her, see what kind of candies fall out. That would work. This is good stuff.

This is good crowd work stuff. Yeah. You didn't even want to come here. You just need to be here. I actually didn't want to do this at all. I just woke up like, no. This is the first time I've had COVID that I've noticed. Did you test?

No, but. But you know. Yeah. It's all the symptoms. Well, so is every cold. What? You just got sick. You got run down from doing tires.

Yeah, yeah. Traveling. Ireland is what did it to me. In Ireland. Yeah. It's the same shit. Drinking heavy and eating only McDonald's and fish and chips. Dude, the McDonald's runs we had.

I got footage of Chris on a fucking rickshaw calling this dude a bitch, pedaling uphill in a very positive way. Yeah, it was more like yeah you're going yeah bitch yeah get it bitch yeah yeah dude he couldn't keep his eyes open i felt the energy was more like when you're the car behind your guys in the tour de france you know yeah it's screaming chugging up the hill you got this bitch dude he tried to charge me 40 bucks drove us like two miles yeah dude he hauled i was like 40 i was like that rickshaw i only got 20 hours cash and i was like that's enough he drove us eight minutes he wanted eight minute drive yeah he goes there's an atm over there i don't know

what he was and i was like yeah there is an atm over there i don't have it i don't have a car that 20 hours cash you want it he's like yes i'll take it thank. And I was like, yeah, there is an ATM over there. I don't have a card. I have $20 cash. You want it? He's like, yes, I'll take it. Thank you. And I was like, yeah, of course you will. You just got paid triple what you should have. I know my friend looks extremely white, but we're in Dublin. Treat us like we should.

Yeah, that's $20 American. $20 American. Yeah. Slightly less than $20. I was just going to say, $19.25. It's still plenty. Yeah. But there's someone you can convince. It was one of those trips. There's still plenty. Yeah. But there's so much you can convince.

It was one of those trips that was just nonstop packed. I don't even know how to describe the trip as a whole other than it was a great time. Yeah. It was nice. We took the subway

to where the trolley to the shows. So you don't have any back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well i couldn't on the flight there again just some stupid shit i couldn't check like i couldn't check into my connecting flight to dublin in london that's because you didn't do it in time i mean i told you i tried to do it in time

and it wouldn't let me yeah and then I tried to do it at the airport. Wouldn't let me. Then I had to do it. And I get to the, I get to the air lingus counter. Air dingus. Yeah. Fucking air dingus. And I, uh, I get to the, I get to the counter, I get to the counter and I'm like, yeah, I

just, I'm checking in for this flight. And she was like, uh, okay. You checking any bags? And I was like, yeah, I'm checking in for this flight. And she was like, okay, are you checking any bags? And I was like, no. And she was like, you have no suitcase. She sat back in her chair and looked at me and was like, you have no suitcase. And it's such a red flag.

You'd be like, yeah, I'm trying to get on that flight. She's like, well, what do you got? Yeah, I'm full of chicken pot pie. I had a couple of drinks. I was so defensive. that flight like well what do you got yeah i'm full of chicken pot pie i had a couple drinks i was so defensive no i got i got carry on yeah i got a bag of almonds you're gonna piss the guy off next to me chewing too loudly so you have no suitcases you have no suitcases what the fuck are you doing what What are you doing? You have no family. That's what she was saying.

So you have nobody who loves you. It's every British person. They just don't. They, they found. Fuck Heathrow. Fuck Heathrow. Yeah.

Fuck Heathrow. Air dingus can suck a bird too, but fuck you Heathrow. Oh yeah. You guys all suck. On the way back, air dingus. Air dingus really shit the bed. It was unbelievable.

We like, we wait in line. We go through security, right? Then we took, then we had to walk. No, we're two and a half hours early. Yeah, yeah. We took a fucking, it was Shane, his parents, me and Chris. We got there two and a half to three hours past security. We're done security.

They say we're in this one wing, so we're like, there has to be something to eat at that wing. Yeah. We take a two-mile fucking journey to this wing. Nothing. There's a closed sandwich shop, and it's like hot tuna that's been wrapped three air dinguses ago. Yeah.

No one's eaten that diarrhea pot pie. Yeah. And then they take a shuttle 100 yards down. Then we had to stay there. Oh, we stayed there for two hours straight. No, no. We stayed there for 45 minutes. No.

In the actual wing, the first wing, we were there for two hours. Really? And then we took a 100-yard shuttle, sat there, and then walked. For 45 minutes? Yes. That's where I got a sandwich. I got a fucking chicken and stuffing sandwich that I got to tell you was out of this world. You were chirping about the sandwich.

Dude, it was unbelievable. He made me want Thanksgiving at 9.30 in the morning. Yeah, dude, it was so good. and then we waited in another line to then stop outside where there was a crosswalk for airport traffic. It started raining. Yeah, we walked in the rain. And instead of stopping the traffic to let everyone get through and board the plane, which would have taken five minutes,

they just had us wait. For trash trucks. Yeah, yeah, Just in the rain. These are old people and children. Can you imagine if you had a kid? I would have spazzed. Well, there was three. Don't travel with children.

There's no reason to, unless they're 13 years old. If there's a death in the family, just say they don't know them anyway, unless it's your mother. And even then, you didn't even know grandma. If you're traveling Erdingus across the fucking land, little Nancy doesn't know fucking meemaw. Yeah.

Go touch her dead cold hand. Keep your kids off Erdingus. I try to eat my pot pie in a fucking piece. Dude, fat people on Erdingus are a menace. That's what I call fat people. Air Dingus?

Dingus is full of air. I got to piss, dude. You do? Yeah. I can't, though, right? What? No. We're only 25 minutes in.

No. No. No, dude. No, no. Oh, God. I would quit the show. no dude no no oh my god I would quit the show I would quit the show dude

you'd see me at the airport and she'd be like so you have no bags right I'm like no I'm going anywhere you have no cases you gave me a bag to nowhere yeah I couldn't stand that. I told you on that flight where they fucking...

Yeah, I think I said this on the Billy Wayne Davis podcast, but the fucking... Her hitting the button on my seat to bring the seat back up. Yeah. And then the fucking black people next to me. She was like, bring your window shade down. I'm about to be launched soon. Yeah, that, the shade,

the chair I get. This is why, if you're blacked out tired and you need to nap before the plane takes off, just know they're going to ask you, they're going to wake you up. So at least try and do it

at a certain angle, which I can't, so I don't even bother. Yeah. But the shade thing is so disrespectful. It's also just like, if you're British,

I hate to say this, but you have to check whatever you think is the right thing to do through me. I'm an American. You don't, you

got an idea about window shades or seat backs. Ask Chris. You ask, is this, should you put your seat back up or what? Yeah. Yeah. And I'll say yes or no.

Yeah. Yeah. They got to come to you as a country. No, I'll go. Yeah. No, we also do that too.

Okay. Yeah. But you don't say this is, it's like what you do doesn't matter. Yeah. It's about my comfort. What you do doesn't matter. I'll you like if I go to another place as far as I'm concerned it's a it's a buffet style thing about what parts of your culture I'm gonna respect it yeah of

course I mean yeah yeah yeah it's not yeah it's not, yeah. It's not, I guess, country specific. Just imagine you in India. We've got to take a look at this abroad just to see you fucking act out. Just get arrested in different countries. Yeah, yeah. Just yeah. It's crazy you don't get more fights. Me? Yeah.

I feel like I have a way about doing it. Yeah, you're frightening, though. You have that weird body-like structure that's like, this kid could snap. Could be a problem. Yeah, he could hurt you. Does help. Yeah.

But. Your eyes strike fear. Yeah. You got this fucking, like, even looking at him now. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about what I should say. I was, yeah, I was, yeah, I wonder how people feel when I look them directly in the eyes. Oh, most women run.

Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like it's not a good feeling. I think you have sweet eyes. I think you get a bad rap. I think you have nice eyes. Really? Yeah.

I feel like most of the, because you know how sometimes when people say they make too much eye contact, they feel like the other person's looking into their soul. I feel like I'm doing something to them. It's upsetting them.

Oh. You know, they're doing a little rewiring. I like to avert it. Yeah. I'll check in with them. No, that's worse. It is?

Yeah. You can't look over here and then go like, while you're talking to them? Yeah, well, yeah. It's your stance more than. It is? Yeah, you can't look over here and then go like, while you're talking to him? Yeah, well, yeah. It's your stance more than anything. Yeah? Yeah.

When I was in the doorway the other night. Yeah, it's your bow legs shaking my foot, rattling my soul. Shaped like you just got off a donkey. The window shade. Man, it's been a while since we've done this. Yeah. It's nice to be back on the couch, though. Yeah?

Yeah, it is. It's, like, nice to do it again. You feel good today? Yeah. You had a productive day. You got back in the tuning? What? Yeah.

Doing some animation? Yeah, doing some animation stuff. I like this a lot. Yeah. I like this a lot for you. I had a somewhat productive day today. You did have a productive day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. I like this a lot for you. I had a somewhat productive day today. You did have a productive day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good. Yeah. I didn't. No? No. You went to the gym, dude. Yeah, but I gave up half of it. Yeah.

Yeah, I started. You know, you just don't have it, but at least you're there. Work up a sweat and get the fuck out. Dude, I'm working up a sweat at night. I don't have it but at least you're there. Work up a sweat and get the fuck out. Dude, I'm working up a sweat at night. I don't, I need to wake up

and like chug like lots of water to just replace what I did. You're in the clear now, sick wise. I don't know. I was

and then I went to the US Open and I stayed up. Tell us about that. US Open was sick. We got there, well, yeah. I didn about that. U.S. Open was sick. We got there. Well, yeah. I didn't know the match at night was going to be so fucking long.

So I was like, let's get there early. We'll get to, like, roam around the campus a little bit, and we'll, like, fucking see what's going on. And it was sick, dude. Like, we watched a boys junior match, and it was fucking... Did you paint them? What? Did you paint them?

Did I paint them? Yeah. No, they weren't in a fucking Phil Simms jersey. No, but I... Yeah, shout out Cooper Williams, dude. He fucking beat the pants off some... American kid? Yeah.

Coop? Cooper Williams, yeah. It was great. And I was standing right next to... I was sitting right next to the towels, like where they like towel. So you just got to hear him talking shit the whole time. It was fucking awesome. Talking shit against his opponent?

Yeah, yeah. It was like getting to sit between the penalty boxes at a fucking hockey game. How serious do tennis players get, though? They're not like, fuck your mom. They're furious, yeah, yeah. What do they say? Your mom's got an elongated clitoris.

I fucking hate this guy. You've got to be fucking kidding me. This guy keeps finding points, the dumbest fucking points. And they're like, there was one time where some guy hit some just like ridiculous miracle shot, and he just like...

Dude, there was one, they play lets in junior tennis. Like, you know, where like Where it hits the net? If it hits the net and goes in Normally it's just a let And they serve again You have to play that

If it hits the net, goes in the square You still gotta play it? Yeah, yeah So the guy fucking aced him on one of those And he just looked at us and went This is fucking stupid That's crazy Yeah

Well, that's a rule that is no longer there When they get to the pros. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why they do that in juniors. And I'm fresh off of coming off Ireland and I'm like, this is dumb. Why are you doing this? Yeah, you're back in America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to get the rules straight. Yeah. Figure this out.

Did you talk shit with the dude? Yeah, I tried to say some shit to him. I was like, fuck this guy, dude. Fuck this guy up and he's saying it with this level of volume yeah yeah and he can hear you yeah he's right dude he was he was closer to me than you are right now did he make eye contact with you like yeah yeah you got my back not really was he scared of you no but i i tagged i got a sick picture of him going like this after he won and i tagged him in it and he messaged me he was like thanks dude yes yeah yeah you got a message from

cooper williams let's go fucking 18 year old florida kid let's go is he hot that's a hot name dude they're all hot yeah that's the other thing don't don't bring a don't bring a lady to the boys junior tennis championships there are built like avatars yeah yeah it's every every dude's got a body that you're like they don't how yeah well i'll tell you how their parents are multi multi millionaires they go to private little clubs their whole life their whole objective like a supermodel is just to work out and take care of their body. Damn, that's the dream. And they're constantly

they're already built like praying mantises. So they have long muscles and they're just lean and they don't eat like American fucking slobs. Yeah. They swim

and play tennis all day long and then finger twelves. Just finger them? Yeah, I think until you get past the juniors, you're not allowed to have sex with them. You can only use your hands.

Oh, really? It's for your ambidextrousity. It's probably a coaching point. Yeah, your trainer. Your trainer's like, look. Yeah. Let me see your left hand. Did you finger last night?

Yeah, yeah. And they're like, bad. You have to finger. Yeah, yeah. Because you need... It's the wrist strength. Yeah, it's all good. You need to build it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to hold on that racket for your forearm. It's good for your game You have to finger. Yeah, yeah. Because you need. It's the wrist strength. Yeah, it's all good. You need to build it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to hold on that racket for your forearm. It's good for your game. Your backhand. Yeah. Got to be fingering. Yeah, yeah. You're not fingering.

You ain't getting to the pros, dude. Yeah, you probably have a two-handed backhand. Yeah. If you're not fingering. Speaking of, you got to finger with both hands at the same time. I had such a good time at the U.S. Open last year. And then this year, I kind of hated the U.S. Open. Really? A little bit. I.s open last year and then this year i kind of hated the u.s open really i was with you last year yeah we saw one of the best yeah yeah it was great rapinoe what's his

name no no tiafo yeah yeah oh rapinoe's the most hideous woman in the world no but like dude it was trying to turn it up dude it was so fucking hot in there it was crazy and it was it was like being at a poorly run comedy show where like you're sitting in the audience and it's so humid and so hot it's like dude turn the fucking ac on wait it's indoor it yeah i, it's indoor? Yeah. I mean, it's not, they opened the roof, but it's like, it's a giant pit. I don't know if you remember the stadium. Yeah, but there's a tiny little box open at the top. There's no

airflow. Yeah, what do you want them to do? Roll out fucking ACs in the middle? Dude, the whole upper deck, they can close the roof and turn the AC on. Okay. And they didn't do it. Also, you don't need to close the roof. turn the ac on okay and they didn't do it also you don't need to close the roof just turn the fucking ac on it's all gonna go down do they have a turn the fans on at least get some circulation going what the fuck are you doing and then i read an article

there's a five it was dude it was a five hour match it was a five hourhour match. It was a five-hour match. And I read an article the next day. It's like an epic, a thriller. It was like, it was so good. It kept 20,000 people like in their seats, like cheering until 2 a.m. And it's like, dude, fucking 90% of that stadium left after the second set. Yeah.

Because it was too fucking hot. Can you criticize the event for not running it properly a little bit? I would also say their investment firms are opening in the morning and they have to beat the poor

and steal from the poor people. That's true. Yeah. That's true. You're talking, what, Elite Eight, right? Not Sweet Sixteen? No, it was,

it was around a 16. All right, well, still, they're all millionaires sitting there in their khakis. Everyone in the lower bowl is fucking rich as fuck. Yeah, or they're cheating on their wives so they can't sit too low. They got to go higher.

Yeah. Because they're fucking their secretary. They got to get out of there before midnight. And it was also brutal because it's like you're sweating. You're exhausted. And then these guys are fucking four hours into a tennis match. They're fucking exhausted. They're just fucking hitting it as hard as they can.

They're changing their shirts in between sets. Dude, the guy changed shoes three times. Shoes. He sweat through his shoes. Yeah. It's like, what are we doing? Oh, man, I feel bad for them. Yeah, it's brutal.

I'm kidding. Why? I don't like tennis players. You have these opinions sometimes. I do. I don't get it. I don't like tennis players. You have these opinions sometimes. I do. I don't get it. I don't like privileged sports people. You can't make it.

Yeah. Crew, tennis, golf, all privileged little cocksuckers. Yeah, you don't. They get so much more. If you played tennis, how far do you think you'd get up the rankings? As a little boy? Like an Alvarez size? Yeah that guy break that broke the mold i think he's like six two or something is he that tall i think he's actually those guys are that tall that he looks short

yeah wow yeah dudes we were watching were like six six and six four or something like that yeah and swimmers those guys are huge yeah yeah yeah how? I don't know. I have no idea. I may have hit a ball with a racket three times in my life. Yeah. And it was on a basketball court. Yeah. Just trying to. That's basically what they play on.

They play on like a fucking hard court. 6'1". Wow. I truly thought it was like 5'9", 5'10". No, he's big, boy. Yeah, and he's also built. He's like jacked. Yeah. Is he still in it? Or are you getting", 5'10". No, he's a big boy. Yeah, and he's also built. He's like jacked. Yeah.

Is he still in it? Or are you getting knocked around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in it. Yeah. He plays tonight. He might be playing right now. When's the final?

He plays tonight. The final is Sunday? You know what Sunday is? Yeah, yeah. Watch party. Yeah, that'll be sick. I put 300 bucks on the game last night. I'm probably going to put another three.

They got to be a night game, right? What time are they playing? No, it's one or four. Damn. No, they're at New England. Right? I put 200 on the spread. Spread was four, which will change by Sunday.

I usually don't do this. I don't get on the fucking boards this early. Yeah, yeah. And then I put another 300. Oh, shit, I put five on. Put 300 on the money line, just the Eagles to win outright. And then 200 on the spread. And then I'm going to start playing with the scoring first

yeah those are the fun that is the fun stuff yeah score anytime eagles wins this guy scores anytime you get a jail and hurts eagles win i think it's like plus 230 or plus 180 drop a drop a coin on that i'll probably be a grand in the hole for the first week. Make a big mistake. Dude, the last year, I did well. Football's the only sport I bet on. DraftKings, baby. You got to go to DraftKings.

What's our code? Stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's just stuff. But you got gotta go to DraftKings I can't remember Dot com

And if you bet five dollars You get two hundred dollars Worth of a bet Yeah If you're the first First time better Yeah Use code stuff

Put it on the birds Yeah You gotta put it on the birds The spread's only four points Which is baffling That's crazy And I think it has a lot to do With Jalen Hurts

Not playing a preseason game. He hasn't played one game yet. Yeah. So he's going to be rusty but rusty for him. Come on. Are there any injuries we're not aware of? No.

Nothing severe. No big time players. Yeah. I don't think so. What do you say? Jump over to Patreon? Yeah, I got to piss. Take a piss

code is stuff found yeah code stuff found