Stuff Island - Stuff Island #99 - Homework Stinks w/ Joe List

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Joe on IG: https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/?hl=en 15% off with code STUFFISLAND at waterboy.com 30% off with code STUFFISLAND at waboba.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This motherfucker, we had access to just go over the Williamsburg Bridge. Yeah, took you through the tunnel. I'm looking at the map because I could tell this guy has no idea what he's doing. I'm watching Lyft live. He's going to fuck it up. He's going to fuck it up. Then I start screaming. I'm going, no, dude, take the bridge. Take the bridge bridge it's what it's telling us yeah this is the technology and he said no

the tunnel there's traffic coming up this way i'm like no no no no no no no don't do that what were you doing at spring street that's my question i was buying something this is why he's pushing for six o'clock. He's telling me you're pushing. I'm fucked. I knew it was bad. I knew it was a problem. I knew it was going to be trouble. So what's in the Adidas bag?

I knew this was going to be trouble. It better be fucking $10,000. Yeah. I like those kicks. Thanks, babe. Joe, thanks for sitting down. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here, but I'm so nervous because...

Plug your special. Well, right when you... Enough for everything. Let's get the fuck out of here. By the way, my director was like, can you plug up front? Because most people don't listen all the way through. It was the most hurtful thing I've ever heard. He's like, you can't just be plugging at the end.

They're done with you by eight minutes. So this is what happened. So we were doing five but even last week or whatever you were like could you do five or six so i was like all right so you want later but like i can only do five but i knew because you said or six i was like something's up and then today you're like can you move to 5 30 or six i ask everybody five or six so then bobby had just oh no you had just texted. I was like, let's do 530. And then he called and was like, dude, can you open for me at Fat Black tonight?

Yeah. 7.15. And I was like, well, Tommy just asked to push it. And he's like, dude, it's no problem. You do 7.15, whatever. And I was like, okay, I'll be done at 6.30. That could do 45 minutes. Perfect.

Yeah. Dude. And so I'm good. I got 40 minutes. But Bobby's doing our, we're doing a live pod at Skankfest. Yeah. I can't wait for Skankfest. Yeah, I asked Bobby to do it. And I texted him.

It's on red, you know? Yeah. I see he sees it. No response. And then I asked him a second time like a day later. And I was like, you want to do it or no? He calls me. I'm at the gym.

He goes, Tom, you'd say we're men, right? We're men. Both of us. I know where this is going. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, and so do I. Immediately. I'm like, dude, yes, we're both men, Bob.

Tell me how you're going to insult me for the next minute and a half. I can't wait to hear what his take is. He's showing read receipts? Yes. That's the most bitch move ever. Let's go, Chris. Also, if you're going to show read receipts, you better be ready to respond. Yes.

Yes. Otherwise, turn them off. Yes. We're men? What, because you throw a follow-up text in there? No. I didn't know we were going to be Calling Bobby a bitch I'm out on this

That was not me Robert Apparently we were men Because he goes So we're both men We can agree That we're both men Right

And I'm like yeah He goes So men They call each other Yeah They call each other I'm like I have to call you

Every time I want to talk to you He goes What Not every time But like men Tend to talk to each other on the phone. Is that right? I thought the read receipts was a feminine thing.

He doesn't like texting. It's the most manly thing you do is just text to do back. Yeah, I respect your time. Here's the info. Yeah, but he likes to talk. So then we just insulted each other at the gym for a good, like, 15 minutes. He's a big phone call guy, and a lot of things I really think, and sometimes

text to me. Dude, this mic setup is insane. It's insane. You guys were here for a month. You're busting my boss. He was here for an hour. You couldn't figure out. Wait, I'm not busting your boss. I was too jarring up about it.

If I talk to you like this the whole time. It looks like a DJ. 45 minutes late to his own podcast. He's buying slippers and Adidas. What do you mean 45? WFAN, the fan. 41 minutes. I said 530 to Joe. I was 10 minutes late. That was during the day. You're already

you knew you were going to be late. First of all, you napped today. I didn't nap today. Yeah, definitely napped. I saw you this morning at the trainer. For the record, no, this is a bit. You took a little nappy. Dude, you're out of your mind, dude. I woke up before you did.

I didn't nap all day. The pie was supposed to start at 5.30. Yes. You're coming at me. The pie was supposed to start at 5. I'm not coming at you. Don't come at me. Come at him.

The pie was supposed to start at 5. He rescheduled to 5.30. Oh, did I hold you back for 30 minutes? No, you ruined the podcast because you're out shopping, and now he's got to leave in fucking 15 minutes. Off air, these guys are like, we're going to fuck Tommy up. When he gets here, I'm going to rip him a new one. So don't come at me.

What the hell are you talking about, dude? Wouldn't that be great if you just called Bobby and said, you're sucking me out? And I say, Joe's sick. Joe ate some seafood. He can't show up. I'm just concerned. I'm worried about Robert.

And then this is what's going to happen. People in the comments will be like, fucking list. Big time in these guys. Yeah, you did big time. Because he's leaving. No, it's your time. He did pick time. No, no, no.

You're big time. No, no, no. He went shopping. He went shopping on Spring Street. He thinks he's going to take an Uber back at rush hour and make it in time. It's crazy. Spring Street. What a fucking little lady.

Let's blame it on the Indians, man. What are you, Tom Brady? All I know is I was here setting up with Artie 15 minutes early. What a hero you are, Chris. He stormed in. He came at 4.50. He felt like he was late. Yeah.

It's because he's got to make fucking dumplings. We both found out at 5.20 that the podcast was starting at 4.50. He felt like he was late. Yeah, because he's got to make fucking dumplings. We both found out at 5.20 that the podcast was starting at 5.30. I forgot to tell you that. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I'll take that one. And how was Soho? Talk about girls. I'll tell you what.

Traveling to Soho to shop? It was... Jesus, there's a Models right across the street. No, it's not. It shut down. That fucked me up, dude. Oh, no. The Modell's on Steinway?

You went from Moe's to Soho. That shut down three years ago and it fucked me up. That's where I used to get all my gym gear for like 20 bucks. Oh, I love that Moe's. Yeah. Soho was Soho, I'll be honest with you. Soho, Soho. Yeah.

That's fun. Yeah. Soho's fun. You feel like you're really rubbing elbow. And I like to take my family, like they're very blue collar, of course. I like to take them into, you know, Chanel and Drabot or whatever. What's the other one? What's the other ones?

Give me some of the other ones. Bloomingdale's? The designer. We went Bloomingdale's, but... Louis Vuitton. Yeah, Louis Vuitton. You can go in there and I'm like, they're all like nervous. And I'm like, no, you just go right in.

Yeah, Chanel, that's one. Are you taking your parents to high end? I don't buy them stuff. Not my parents. My parents don't come here. That's a whole other bag of hammers. But my sister, my niece just moved here. My uncle, they come down and I'm like,

yeah, let's walk around in here. Show them a thing or two. And you show them the inside of a store? Yeah, that's right. I'm not buying them watches. But they're all nervous. And I'm like, just walk in. Who cares?

Like you're going to a national park kind of thing? Yeah, it's kind of like that. You're just showing your fucking wealth. No, I'm not. No, I'm showing that you don't need to have wealth. You can just go in here. Because people think it's exclusive. But you can walk around all day.

You can go to Tiffany's and all that shit. Just look at it. Oh, wow. $25,000. Maybe. Dude, I used to go to high-end department stores just to get a squirt from a gay fucking Dominican. Get a couple squirts.

Yeah. The guy working the... Gay Dominicans can squirt. I heard it's piss. If you're talented, Chris. My Uber driver couldn't, I'll tell you that. I would have fucked him just to get me here 10 minutes earlier. I wasn't that late. I was only him just to get me here 10 minutes earlier. I wasn't that late.

I was only 10 minutes late. You were 41 minutes late. No, we agreed on the 5.30 start. My first mistake was telling you. You lucked out that he was somehow behind schedule. No, we had a conversation. Well, no, yeah. You said take your time.

I said take your time. Wait a minute now. I said show up at 5.30 because my Uber showed. This is unbelievable. No, it's not. I knew it. I was.30 because my Uber showed. This is unbelievable. No, it's not. I knew it. I was in the jump that there was subterfuge. I should have took a canoe across the fucking...

It was at Schuylkill. Did they sell those in Soho? The Hudson, yeah. In the Adidas store? Dude, unbelievable. This guy sucked. Heath Griver. Anyway, Joe, thanks for coming by, man.

Enough for everybody. That's the new... People are going to be... They're already done, but enough for everybody on YouTube right now. This is a great shotgun start. Yeah, yeah. I love this stuff. This is a lot of passion.

Yeah. You know? I got caught beating off last night. My girl caught me beating off on this couch. Wow. I'm interested in this story. Yeah. There you go.

More of that, Joe. That's good. That's good. More friendly shit like that. Nothing to contribute, just tell me more. You said that like I came in before we recorded, and I was like, guys, I'm starting to host a show, and I'm not really sure how to do it.

And then I was like, I'd like to hear more about that. Yeah, dude. There you go. Okay. It's one of those crazy, embarrassing moments where you have to tell somebody immediately. We had our trainer today. I had my 12 o'clock. He had a 1 o'clock.

As soon as I saw him, I was like, yeah, I got beaten off on the couch last night. Your trainer? What? Like your personal trainer? Yeah, yeah. OK. And I was like...

In the middle of Public Enemies. That's a whole... Let's get to it. He paused Public Enemies. On the couch. On this couch. Wait, is Public Enemy a film? Yeah, yeah.

It's a movie. The 1930s movie? Oh, oh, oh. It's Walt about that time frame, yeah. And great cast. Great movie. I finished it. I don't think I saw the film. Both of them. Wait, after you got caught jerking off time frame, yeah. And great cast, great movie. I finished it. I don't think I saw the film.

Both of them. Wait, after you got caught jerking off? Dude, you just pulled up your pants? There was only 25 minutes. Now, was it something in the film made you want to jerk off? Chris asked the same question when he showed up to the trainer. I had to tell him immediately. I was like, I got caught beating off last night.

It's so embarrassing. Also, Chris walks on clouds. Like, he's a very quiet entry to a room. You entered quite quietly. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean that. I usually don't. Yeah.

I was probably ashamed. You felt like you were in trouble. Yeah, I was in trouble. And you wanted to hear if we were saying bad things about you. I did not. I don't care. Yeah, you did. You snuck in the door.

Dude, I got six-shooter bullets. You wanted to see if we were saying nasty things about you for showing up 40 minutes late? No. I said that. You came in so quietly, it felt like you were hiding in the other room. Just hear my true feelings. Yeah, I was here at five the whole time trying to push your time. You have like bushes in your fucking hair.

Yeah, like a Viet Cong. That's what all these are for. In a ghillie suit. I just pull up in a ghillie Shane ghillie suit Hello folks Shane yeah how you doing No so

Chris Comes home With From Chris Shane and Little Sass Went to the Bill's Jets game last night What a ball game

Yeah Right Oh boy Unbelievable That's a shame That's a very big shame About Rogers But They come in drunk Chris is hammered Chris likes to start movies Unbelievable. That's a shame. That's a very big shame about Rogers. But they come in drunk.

Chris is hammered. Chris likes to start movies and then autistically stare at the first 20 minutes and then fuck off. And then I have to autistically watch the whole two hours. It's adorable. Because I can't start a movie without finishing it. I've never seen this film. It's a good film. Yeah, it's great.

It was a very good film. The cast is outrageous. Who we got? Give me some players. Johnny Depp. Christian Bale. Christian Bale. Who's the hot dude that does the dancing? The guy from Big Fish, the actor in Big Fish. Billy Crudup. Giovanni. Giovanni Ribisi. Love Ribisi.

That other character actor who played Al Capone in Boardwalk Empire yeah he's in there he's fucking phenomenal yeah and the hot dude that does the

dancing stripper oh Channing Tatum Channing Tatum's in it he's fantastic yeah he's pretty boy Floyd yeah he gets shot in about 20 seconds unbelievable movie

Chris fucks off I'm like well now I'm gonna watch this okay I did a little pause uh huh I looked at Twitter sure uh huh I looked at Twitter

sure I saw I got just kind of barred it with like some sleaze bag I saw a little meat

it was horned up it's about 3.30 everything checks out so far yeah yeah see and then I'm just gonna eject

you know it's so so I just start right here on this couch yeah Joe why not go to the bathroom Joe Chris and you're Eject. You know? It's so reckless. So I just start. Right here on this couch? Yeah. Joe? Why not go to the bathroom?

Joe! Go to the bathroom. Sit on the toilet. And your lady is in the bedroom? Yeah. I see. And what she usually exits, like a bowl in a china shop, so I can hear something coming and I just do a, you know?

Okay. How often are you jerking off on the couch? That's not often. Do you live here? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure about this. This is unbelievable. First of all, he complains, I got to stay up, I got to watch the whole movie, I get committed.

He's just looking at Twitter the whole time. No, I didn't. I just took one little peek. No, no, no. I got horned up, and she walks out, quiet as ever, and then she goes, what are you doing? And I was like, nothing. Now, did she see what was on the phone? And was it embarrassing?

Yeah, she probably saw it. It was just like a pornography? Can it not be embarrassing? I feel like it's always embarrassing. But I mean, was it particularly embarrassing? Well, it could be embarrassing. It could be like a Penn State coach. A strap-on.

A Penn State professor fucking a dog. That and you tip over into a crime. No, it could be embarrassing. It could be like a Penn State coach. A strap-on. A Penn State professor fucking a dog. Then you tip over into a crime. No, it wasn't embarrassing. I wasn't embarrassed more. I was just more like, you know, it's all pudding. I just start laughing. What's really interesting is everyone seems to be coming and going very quietly in this house now. I don't know what's going on there.

Yeah. But all three of you have been accused of walking very quietly. Yeah. It's very rare, though. And it takes... I always walked very quietly because my parents would stomp around. Right.

Yeah, heavy walkers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brutal people. There was just heels. You could hear them going everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like... Yeah.

I think in New York, a lot of it, too, is you have... You guys are obviously very close, but sometimes you have roommates that you don't really want to spend time with. Oh, yeah. Kind of tiptoe to the bathroom because someone go, oh, hey. Yeah. Oh, what's that? If it's your best friend.

Yeah. Oh, I just wanted to take a shit. Yeah. Public. I don't want to catch up. Now, can I ask this? Because I thought about this the other day. Sometimes my brain, I'm very imaginative.

Yeah. That's not right. Imaginative. How the fuck do you say that word? Imaginative. Imaginative. Yeah. It sounds weird. But so like I'm watching tennis, the U.S. Open, but I can watch something, sports, and also be thinking about sex or a woman. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually was sitting there and playing with my dick while I watched TV, which I find relaxing, which gets me. thinking about sex or a woman. Same. And I actually was sitting there and playing with my dick while I watched TV, which I find relaxing, which gets me...

Like actually kind of getting it up? Yeah, just rubbing my dick. Not like jerking off, but like playing with my balls, playing with my dick. And it gets me hard. It's like a janitor

playing with his keys. Exactly. It's very comforting. So I'm watching men's tennis, but I'm also thinking about fucking a few different women. I'm a straight guy. I'm thinking about fucking women.

And part of me is like, I could jerk off right now, but I'm also watching the men. Does this make any sense? Yes, of course it makes sense. I could jerk off and come thinking about whatever I'm thinking about, but with men in the background. Regardless of what's on the screen. Yes. You understand, right? Yes.

You understand everything. That's pretty wild. on the screen. Yes. You understand. Yes. You understand everything. Yeah. That's pretty wild. I get it. I get it though because 99.9% of the time when I'm jerking off, I'm like watching porn.

I'm not even really watching. Watching it. I'm just there. It's like this foundation to a fantasy that I'm totally in dreamland. Yeah, right. I'm just in dreamland. I'm just seeing shapes.

And the noises help. The noises definitely help. So I get it. But to do it to Djokovic-Medvedev, that's wild. It's not at all. Who was it? Sinners forever.

It might have been Sinner. He's very cute but no you're kind of half watching it's all attention span it's no different

than watching a match or a game and looking at your phone you're kind of like okay he won that point back to this in my mind I'm picturing

you know eating out my sister or whatever and I'm just like okay it's 30 love yeah got it well it's an emotional response and you don't it has nothing to do with your visual response I'm just like, okay, it's 30 love. Yeah. Got it. Well, it's an emotional response

and it has nothing to do with your visual response. It's just like, I feel horny right now. Right. For whatever reason. Yeah. Whatever happened last night,

it may have not have been like a visual, like somebody fucking twerking or fucking. I don't go to Twitter for porn, but I saw something and I was like, actually, it's late. I'd like to goerking or fucking. I don't go to Twitter for porn, but I saw something and I was like, actually, it's late. I'd like to go to bed.

Yeah. And I like to empty the sauce before I go to bed because it calms my anxiety. Absolutely. And it's my end zone. Yeah. So I saw you. I knew your disposition.

I knew you weren't going to fucking scurry out here. You'd rather piss the bed than come back out here to piss. I know you wouldn't going to fucking scurry out here. You'd rather piss the bed than come back out here to piss. I know you wouldn't, but I'm just saying, like, how drunk you were. You were drunk and tired. I'm like, he's not coming back out of there. I'm comfortable. She came out of the bedroom

like three times earlier that night, and it's a fucking like, it's just a drunk dude opening the door with his head. So I could hear that coming. So I felt comfortable going, I got time. But if a girl gets up more than once,

I feel like that's like the fucking guardhouse beam. Dude. Yeah, yeah. It's the anxiety I get when she comes out twice going, are you coming to bed? It's like, go to sleep. Yes.

I have nothing to do right now. And I have to fight the demons. I know. I'll be in and we'll cuddle and I have to fight the demons. I know. I'll be in and we'll cuddle and we'll have a nice night. Fall asleep. I agree with all this. The only thing I would push back against is masturbating in the shared living space. I get it too, pal.

On a leather couch. It's easy cleanup. That would be a problem. Yeah, that's better than fabric couch. I don't know. And it's also my seat. This is my seat. This is fucking Peter Griffin's recliner right now, dude.

My ass is in this. Nobody sits in this seat. What about that seat? I can't shoot that far, dude. I spit like a leaky faucet. Oh, so you're sitting up for this. I'm picturing you laying down. And I'm picturing you.

You're sitting up, jerk. Picture the racket in my hand. The only time I've ever sat up while masturbating is in the car. Now you guys masturbate while driving? 100%. Yeah, boy. I might move in. This might be the craziest thing I've ever said on a podcast

and I'm going to fucking do it. I used to masturbate at work. Yeah, I've done that. I've done that too. I worked at Sears. Yeah, I've done that. I've done that too. Everybody's done that. I worked at Sears, yeah. Going to the bathroom. Yeah, everybody's done that. Sure. I don't want to derail your story because, by the way,

you said I'm going to tell the craziest thing I've ever said and then you changed it. Yeah, Chris is like, this is crazy. Everybody does this. But yeah, I used to masturbate at work is all I'll say.

Dude, all right. This is nuts. I had a voice recorder. Before I started doing stand-up, I was like, I want to do jokes. I bought a voice recorder. I kept it in the little middle compartment. Center console. Center console.

And I would just say something dumb as shit, put it back in there, lock it up. Yeah. And one time I was so fucked up, I think I was on, I was probably on drugs, and I'm driving home. This is nuts. I recorded sexual sounds

on the voice recorder as if like a girl was getting fucked. Like a chick. Like a chick. Like that? Yeah getting fun Like a sequence of to then jerk off to later. Oh no then So I did like 30 seconds of a girl getting fucked and then you read and then I played it and jerk off Wow, wow, that's incredible

It's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's weird. That's like the audio version of being able to draw your own porn. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice, dude. I didn't think you were going to come back to me. It's like a superpower.

What are you talking about? That's unbelievable. That's really it. And did it work? You were able to get off? Yeah, I can make any voice. Can we hear some lady voices? No, dude. I can't.

Darling. Were you saying names? I don't think I dropped names. You weren't like, Tommy? Yeah, I went hard. Alright, stop. I'm getting fucking chubbed up. It's like I'm watching men's tennis over here.

I mean, you could sell it. You could clip that and sell it. Make that a... There's someone listening to this driving that's going to pull over and jerk off. This is going to be really three weeks. Someone's Jericho. Right now on a bus.

Yeah, that was damn good. Some dude's on a bull bus beating off his pocket. That's crazy. Yeah, you could get a job at like a 900 number. Yeah. Does that still exist? That must still exist.

I think it does. It must, yeah. Yeah, old school people. Yeah, is there audio porn anywhere? Like, because now the call-in thing seems like, why not just record things and put them out? You know?

Record a sexy conversation. But I guess you could still talk to somebody. I think you still talk to somebody. Another embarrassing thing I did, I took that same recorder and I recorded audible sex with somebody. It was a black nurse. She would come over at like 6 a.m. Wow. She was a black nurse. She would come over at like 6am. She was a night nurse.

And I recorded our sex. You'd jerk off and listen to that? In the car. On a long drive, yeah. Supposedly the song Rocket Queen by Guns N' Roses is actually Axl getting blown or fucking a woman or eating someone, I forget. Which one?

The song Rocket Queen. The long bridge is like... And supposedly it was actual sex. That's what I heard. Wow. Yeah. He looks actually better than I would think. Axl Rose?

Yeah. He's had some hard years. Yeah, he did. I haven't seen any pictures of him recently. What that man went through. The fact that he's alive. Yeah. The fact that any of those guys are alive.

Yeah. It's still amazing that the me too movement kind of musicians sort of skated me too yeah yeah right pretty much all of them because they started doing the thing of like movie people and all this stuff and what happened and then you're like well what do you think led zeppelin was treating teenage girls like in 1968 but surprisingly none of that has really come up. Yeah. Yeah, there's probably people still on the road treating women like that now. I would imagine.

Right? I tried to. Sorry, I got weird. But yeah, but I mean, like, Roger Daltrey, I think they were all fucking 14-year-olds. It just feels like everyone was kind of like, oh, we'll let that slide. Which I'm okay with. There was, I mean, the Leather Pants guys, those like true artists were

sexual beings. Everything they did was like, they sang sexual, they moved sexual, they would just point at a chick and she'd just rip her bombs out. Put her in the bus. Yeah, Motley Crue and stuff had guys out finding people to bring out. Yeah, I think it was... Put her in the bus. Yeah, Motley Crue and stuff had guys out

finding people to bring back. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. Yeah, because the managers also want to get sucked off. They're fucking scumbags. Of course. Just a fucking

goblin manager, like, you want to come back and suck ass? You don't think the managers were hot? No. You don't think they were any good looking?

They probably had the same look as the musicians. Okay, you ever seen a comedy club manager? A guy that runs a comedy hot? No. God. They probably had the same look as the musicians. Okay, you ever seen a comedy club manager? A guy that runs a comedy club? True. They look like Frankenstein. And they try and get

all the side pussy from somebody like, you want tickets to Shane Gillis? I'll get you in. Yeah, yeah. He's just trying to fucking beat off some girl's back after she passes out.

Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of hot rock and roll managers. I don't know. No, like Led Zeppelin's manager was like that big, he looked like Andre the Giant with a beard. There you go. A mongrel. That was hot.

An absolute fucking mongrel. That was hot in the 70s, though. In the 70s, nobody had beards. It was like five guys with beards. Joe, have I seen you since the 80s when the beards came back? I think more recently. Maybe the 70s people had beards. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Have I seen you since what? The short film? I don't think so. No, right? I'm talking about. Have I seen you since what? The short film? I don't think so. No, right? I'm excited about this. Is Rubinoff texting you a lot, the director? No, I actually texted him to see how it was going. When's it coming out?

I'm not sure. I think it's close. I think that, I don't know. I think soon. I think there's big plans in the making. Yeah, it was very fun. Yeah, great time. I was very impressed.

Hilarious. Yeah, it was very funny. People, great time. I was very impressed. Hilarious. Yeah, it was very funny. People couldn't tell at home. I pointed at you and said hilarious. No, there was this one scene that we kept breaking. Like, we couldn't get it down. So, like, I have to slide. There's an open cop car door.

Joe's a sheriff. He's in the driver's seat. And we're getting shot out by some crazy man in a cabin in the woods. Yeah. In upstate New York. And I have to run from the back of the car to slide in to the passenger side door. It was like a Kramer slide. Yeah.

Yeah. It was a Kramer slide. Yeah. And we just kept laughing every it took like 15 takes and also my fucking sandals i was wearing no socks and i'm wearing these zara slides like puerto rican slides and i got the amount of gravel that was in my shoes by the second slide we did it like 15 times oh my my god. Because we just kept laughing. As soon as I'd slide, we'd just start laughing. Well, because you had a line. You said something really funny. You were like, hey, or something. Yeah, I don't remember. You ran up and slid real

flat. It's so shocking. It was really, it was really great. It was fun. I think it's going to be hilarious. I'm going to hate it because I'm like clean shaven with a mustache. You can really see all of my shitty face. I saw pictures. You look great. Oh, thanks. Yeah, it was really fun. He looks good in a cop uniform. He did look good in a cop uniform. It's rare to give that compliment to somebody. Yeah.

Uniforms are hot. Guys in a suit and uniform. It's a really nice look. Imagine a men's tennis match and two sheriff uniforms. Whew. Baby. You're jerking off on the slide of couch. I'm not believing it earlier. Sam Rubinoff, he's good. I just went to a premiere

of this other thing I made, this short film called Gut Punch, which is on YouTube. One of Rubinoff's movies was in the lead up and it's hilarious. He's really very talented. His parents are wonderful. They were very sweet.

He's making a film. His parents were there making food. I couldn't imagine. Looking handsome. Having to do anything in front of my parents would be a fucking nightmare. Dude, imagine. Imagine being loved and adored by your parents.

It would be weird. No. That would be strange. If they were laughing at parts. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be weird. No. Yeah, that'd be strange. Yeah. If they were like laughing at parts. Yeah. Oh, my God. If you don't meet someone's parents and they're not like, ugh, how do you deal with this guy?

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's so weird. Yeah. My parents won't come to New York. I'm having a child. They don't come to New York because my mother's afraid of bridges. She's like, I just can't.

That makes sense. I can't do bridges. And she's like, it makes me sick thinking about it. Yeah. And I'm like, all right, well, I guess we'll just bring the child to you. Yeah. I've been here 12 years, like 10 or 11 years. My parents have never made the 90 mile trek.

Yeah. They only have to go over one bridge, right? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I guess there's a couple on the way down. You said bridge. This autistic got fucking all riled up. I'm trying to tell a sincere story. I'm just trying to think of how many bridges there are between here and Massachusetts. So my parents

never fucking visited me in 10 years. Connecticut has some bridges. I fucking swear to God. The point is, my brother's dating my ex-girlfriend. If you go west on 90, you don't have to go to the fly. Jesus fucking Christ! Shut the fuck up! I live 10 minutes from LaGuardia.

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Yeah. You used it for a hangover? Oh, no. I've used it for the last four days. Just because you're diarrhea. I had food poisoning. Yeah, yeah. And it's,'s dude that might be keeping you alive my i remember my brother drinking pickle juice so once the pickles are gone he would just smoke the pickle juice in the morning yeah yeah

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But the good stuff. Yeah, it's just pure electrolytes. Stuff to bring you back to life. Nine times the electrolytes as Gatorade. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Yeah. That's the feeling when your iPhone dies. And you plug it in for the first time.

You stare at a black screen. You see that apple. What you might have been tasting is ginger for the nausea. Whoa. Yeah. And it makes your tummy feel better. They also for the nausea. Whoa. Yeah. And it makes your tummy feel better. They also have L-theanine. Yeah.

To help calm your nerves and reduce your anxiety. Anxiety is nice. Anxiety is terrible. No, I like... Did you say that on purpose? No, they have anxiety. They're aware of the phenomenon. Oh.

I thought that was just a clever mishap. This isn't your grandma's sports drink. It's crazy. I don't know. They're up. They're hip to the lingo. Sunday Scaries got you down? Can I just talk about how good it is? instead of you pretending that there's not seven talking points that wasn't a talking point that's stuff i made up on my own oh really endorse you just

staring at a screen coming up with them slowly i'm not even looking at their ad anymore i'm looking at the next one wow you're still talking to me staring at your screen what helps me think not looking at me in the eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah i agree i get lost i agree whatever the hell's going on in there how dare you dude whatever nightmare is happening in there i was just like mouth breathing it's like that the big black guard that like sucks bees out of people's mouths or exhales bees. Oh, in...

Green Mile. Green Mile. Yeah, that's what our eyes do. We just take each other's nightmares. It's true. But no joke. Every night I come out here and you got bees. You got bees.

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Alright. WNBC. So they've never come? Ever? Once a year my parents will now travel to Santa Barbara to see my brother and my ex-girlfriend. Maybe they know about the jerking off on the couch in the middle of the night.

Well, they will now. That'd be great if my mom listened to our podcast. Isn't that terrifying? That's more terrifying than anything. What? Is parents listening to podcasts. Oh, I wouldn't care. I'm just like, I eat my own cum.

Dude, I had a fucking nightmare where like... What bridge was it? Connecticut River. I don't know the name of the bridge, but I had a fucking nightmare. How many bridges did you go over? Nobody did anything.

Nobody went over any bridges is the point. I think he's not realizing that you're doing a bit. I know he's doing a bit. He thinks that's going to shut it down. I know he's doing a bit, but the bit doesn't make sense because he hasn't paid attention to the story. How many bridges did you go over?

I feel like Yoko Ono. I'm here for the breakup. They're going to blame me. He's moving upstairs next week. Oh, really? Yeah, we're going to be fine. Tommy doesn't know when October is. I'm moving upstairs, too. We're both moving upstairs next week. Oh, really? Yeah, we're going to be fine. Tommy doesn't know when October is. Two weeks.

I'm moving upstairs, too. We're both moving upstairs in October. Oh, really? Yeah, how about that? Let's go. Yeah, that's good. All right. Yeah.

This is the guy who doesn't know how to make friends. Hey, orange. I like orange. I had an orange. Do you want to? What happened? I don't know why you want me to do it. I didn't do it.

There we go. This is very, this is like ASMR. Shane did the same thing yesterday. It's like, dude, you're blocking your fucking mug. There we go. Now then. Did you want, look at this. Yeah.

I got to make a face. I got to really get out of the way. Yeah, yeah. You look great. You can do act outs now and stuff. Wait, so what story? Your parents hate you, and then you were telling some bullshit. Oh, you were saying podcasting.

Them listening to the podcast is such a nightmare. I had an actual nightmare where everything went wrong. I had to kill someone to save our friendship or something. And I murdered somebody. It was bad. And then I was literally somehow was like in my childhood house. And I woke up. I got out of bed.

And my mom was coming down the stairs in like a robe in that, in that like your teacher just called kind of energy. You know what I mean? And I was like, oh, no, she found out about the murders. And this is not good. But I was like, how could she have known maybe the cops called her and she just pulled out a zoom recorder and hit play and it was me talking about killing someone and she was like Chris I Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. And she was like, Chris, I recorded this.

Did your call me today? Now, are you living with some guilt, do you think? Have you done something that you're afraid of getting found out about? Of living? Yes. Yes. I don't, like, yeah. I don't know.

I think there's just, like, you know how life just keeps going on, and sometimes you forget about like horrible things that you've done every once in a while I have a dream where I like I come across this hill it's always the same hill and I'm like oh no this is where I buried all those bodies

oh jeez and then I have this extreme guilt like normally it's not the craziest thing you've ever heard and then I have this extreme guilt. He says the story so normally. Yeah. It's not the craziest thing you've ever heard. I have this extreme guilt that it's like, dude, you forgot that you killed people

and buried them in a hill? You're insane. Did you grow up Catholic? Yeah. Yeah, Irish Catholic. You have a lot of guilt. Everybody's got a hill. Yeah.

I have a hill. Everybody's got a hill. We. Everybody's got a hill. We're moving up the hill in October. Both of us. Upstairs hill. Besties. Do you ever have a nightmare like that?

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I have recurring nightmares always, but I have a lot of nightmares. My nightmares, the one recurring dream I have or one of the recurring dreams I have is that it's the last day of class and I haven't been to one.

Yeah. Like, I missed the entire year of classes. I'm like, shit. I get one, everybody has, like, you can't punch. Yeah. Like, you can't. Yeah. I get one, I can't throw a football,

which is the most meathead shit in the world. Yeah. I used to have, like, for five years, I had one where I just fell at the top of my childhood uh basement steps and never touched a step all the way to the bottom until i woke up i had that like once a week for like five i know just me dropping but that's because they my brothers used to put me in a uh laundry basket and then slide down would just slide down the steps and then run through that fake wood wall by the

water heater. Oh my god. I had a friend pass away recently. Not to bring it down, but like passed away recently. I've had several dreams, like three dreams where we're all mourning, but he's there and present and also mourning. He's like, I know it's crazy. This is crazy. Was he a comic? No, no.

But is it a comedy kind of environment that everyone, you sit around a table? Kind of hanging out. Yeah, yeah. We're all kind of hanging out. We're like, man, that was nuts. He's like, I know. Fucking weird. And he's like, I'm like, it's his face.

He's talking. I'm like, oh, this is all right. Well, see you later. Yeah. And you wake up and you're like, what the fuck? But do you guys remember most of your dreams? Like Sarah remembers every dream, every detail. It's very rare that I remember a dream.

No, that's crazy. Yeah, I remember, like, feelings, but I don't remember, like, the details. It's just very difficult. I've heard that if you wake up and start, like, writing the shit down right away, you'll remember more of it. And then eventually you'll get better at remembering. Yeah, I've also heard if you do that, you're a sociopathic fucking nightmare. There's something that feels odd about it. Yeah, it's crazy.

One time I had a dream where I was like, I was like astral projecting or whatever that shit is called. You're like, vivid dreaming, where I was like, I was aware that I was dreaming.

Right. But I was having all these cool, yeah, lucid dreaming. I was having all these cool, like abstract-y, and I was like, you got to remember this. This is cool art that you're making right and yeah try to and then i woke up and was like i can't remember it god damn dude i recently dropped back into a dream that i wanted

to re-enter oh wow and that's never happened to me before yeah yeah yeah that's and i think it was it has a lot to do with like where your mindset is. Usually I'm high anxiety, like both of you guys, obviously. But I was just very complacent. And I was like, I'm going to try and get back to where I was. And I picked up the same chapter of my fucking dream. Just continued it. You're right. The only time that ever happens is when you don't wake up and go,

fuck, I was right. If you just wake up and go, fuck, I was right. Yeah. If you just wake up and go like, ah, fuck, I missed it. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you're just right back in. Dan Cook used to have a very funny joke about that, about when you're having like a sexy dream that's, I think it was Cindy Crawford or something, it was 20 years ago, where he's like, you try to force

it back and you're like, come on, where are you, Cindy? But if it's like a bad dream and he has a dream where some lobster is chasing him and shooting light and he wakes up and falls back asleep, the act out was so funny, the lobster's like a bad dream and he has a dream where some lobster is chasing him and shooting light and he wakes up and falls back asleep. And the act out was so funny. The lobster was like this. It's like one of the funniest act outs. The idea that like while he was awake, the lobster was just chilling there, chewing his nails.

It's fucking so funny. Underrated. Very funny guy. People decided to trash him. He's very funny. No, he's very funny. What's he up to? I don't

know he's still worried he still sells like i think he like lost a lot of fans but he had like 30 million fans so now he has losing yeah yeah or whatever it is he's a billionaire becoming a millionaire yeah he does all right yeah theaters and stuff but yeah but back in those days i don't know were you guys big dane cook i mean like i was like right in that age where i was like this is the best guy. I think it was something that you kind of grow out of a little bit. I still watch his Comedy Central Presents and be like, this is so good. So good.

I think it is a little, I don't know. I think you grow out of it a little bit. It always bothers me when people shit on him. It was like, no, that was perfect. It's like not watching, it's not like not liking a cartoon that you used to love as a kid anymore. It's like, well, that was perfect for, it's like not watching, it's not like not liking a cartoon that you used to love as a kid anymore. It's like, well, maybe you just grew into a different person. Yeah.

You're still really good when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of people, too, they were just told that he sucks, and so they went with that. Yeah, exactly. And you're like, no. It's like, what's that band everybody shits on?

Dave Matthews Band? No, but I hate that motherfucker. You hate Dave Matthews? What's the other one? I love Dave Matthews Band? No, but I hate that motherfucker. You hate Dave Matthews? What's the other one? I love Dave Matthews. Look at this photograph. Oh, yeah. Dude, bangers.

Nickelback is good. Nickelback bangers. Also, Creed. I got to get off the horse here. This is my stop. Joe, Joe, Joe. Look at this photograph. Also, that meme of him holding up a photograph is so funny oh yeah yeah so funny dude it never not hits

yeah but like same thing like creed like you got to respect these guys are they're playing the game they know the foundation of a the structure of a good song and they have like five six seven number one hits how do you deny that that? It's not for you. That's fine. It's not for me. I don't give a fuck. But Joe? I saw a funny clip.

Did you say you love Nickelodeon? It's not for me either. I saw a funny clip. That Creed guy was on somebody's podcast. And apparently like the other band members didn't know they were making Christian rock. Sorry, I'm like spitting. And then someone like wrote a review of their album and it was like, it's fine,

but it's like this Christian rock is like bullshit. And the band members read it and were like, dude, what? Are we making Christian rock? And he was like, yeah, I love Jesus. And they were like, we don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah. And they were like, we want to be in a big rock band. We want to like fuck chicks and be doing crazy shit. We don't want to do that. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like, we want to be in a big rock band.

We want to, like, fuck chicks and be doing crazy shit. We don't want to be, like, Christians. That's why Carson Wentz isn't playing football anymore. The whole locker room looked at his Instagram and was like, chill. Go to God shit, dude. Oh, wow. We don't support you anymore. That's not true, but I heard he was a dickhead.

That's like the song Spirit in the Sky. The guy that sent me off to the spirit in the sky. It's just a Christian rock song. And everyone's like, it is? But I'm like, I don't know. It sounds like it to me. Yeah, who cares? I got a friend in Jesus.

But it's also right in that zone where you're like, is this really about fucking and they just weren't allowed to talk about it? Also, that was just after post-Vietnam, right? Yeah, I think right in the middle of it. Everything was all hippie, dippy bullshit. Yeah. They're all the same.

I feel like I ruined the party. No, why? It looks like there's a cut right there. Nothing happens. This episode was actually brought to you by Jesus. We need to clean it up. Yeah?

Yeah. Become a Christian rock podcast. We need to be a Christian rock podcast. We need to stop jerking off on the couch at 3.30 in the morning. Yeah? Yeah. Become a Christian rock podcast. We need to be a Christian rock podcast. We need to stop jerking off on the couch at 3.30 in the morning. Yeah. Stop drinking. We're the opposite.

It sounds like we're talking about jerking off and fucking. It's about Jesus. It really is about Jesus. It's about getting closer to God. Yeah, yeah. Because the endorphin release through an orgasm is me being contacted by the spirit of the Lord.

Right, right, right. When you say your girlfriend found you jerking off, you were actually in prayer. Yeah. And that was embarrassing. Yeah. That's also Jesus just making eye contact with me. Every time I come, I think about Jesus. Got a good body.

Yeah. Smokeshow, dude. Have you ever seen that painting in Glendale? I think it's like the largest painting in America in Glendale, California. There's a good body. Yeah. Smoke show, dude. Have you ever seen that painting in Glendale? I think it's like the largest painting in America in Glendale, California. There's a cemetery there. Forest Lawn. Everyone's buried there. Michael Jackson.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know that. Bunch of people. Jimmy Stewart. A ton of people. Jimmy Stewart.

But there's a. Jimmy Stewart and Michael Jackson. The big two. Holy shit. Beat it. I don't know why I combined them. But there's a huge auditorium. And I think it's like the largest.

Because someone's going to write, fuck you, you fucking idiot. But maybe it's the largest painting. It's literally 100 feet wide and like 40 feet tall. And it's of Jesus' resurrection or not his resurrection. His what's the other thing before that? Crucifixion. Crucifixion. And it's fucking mad.

It's really impressive. It's free. It's worth going to. The cemetery is unbelievable. But my buddy just lives down the street. So he took me there. It's it's crazy. It's a fucking massive painting.

You can't believe the detail. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you can go in and they tell the story of Jesus, which is fun because it's like a 20-minute version. I have no religious whatever. So I was listening and being like, oh, shit, this is crazy. That's the most annoying part about growing up Catholic is I

never learned any of the stories. Well, they're all the same. It's all about some dude that never existed doing something that's not possible. Well, the hard thing about not being religious or reading the Bible is not realizing how many things are the Bible. The newest M. Night

Shalaman movie, which I thought was terrible, and I think most of them are terrible. Is that old? No, it came after old. It was with the wrestler who I think is a good actor who's in Guardians of the Galaxy. What's that guy's name? Oh, the big guy.

I think he's very good. What's that guy's name? Oh, the big guy. The giant guy. Yeah. The bald dude? I think he's very good. He's very good. Yeah. But anyways, he's in this movie

and then the movie, you watch it and everyone after is like, oh, that's the apostles or the four horsemen or something. And I was like, oh, I don't know that.

Yeah. There's a lot of literary references that are like, oh, that's Judas. And I'm like, I don't know who Judas is. Yeah. Fuck.

It's like there's so many references to the Bible in the culture. Yeah, I knew he screwed over Jesus, but I don't know how. He fucked him. Yeah. He ratted him out. He killed him because of Judas. He ratted him out. He told the soldiers where he was.

I don't know. I don't know. Wasn't there a kiss? I think that's what this painting is actually about. That's Judas kissing Jesus. There's Judas and then Joseph is the parent of Jesus. Joseph and Mary.

Mary's a whore who got plugged by a neighbor pretending she didn't. It's like a white lady having a black child and the husband's like, must be a miracle. Geraldo had a joke like that where he said... Who?

Geraldo. This whole religion is just based on a woman who really stuck to her story. Yeah. Yeah. Joseph's there being like, I'm not a god. Look at this fucking heart. And then there's some wise men. Yeah.

They brought gifts you piece it together two songs frankincense myrrh and myrrh and sal I thought it was gold

yeah gold myrrh sal and q I think I gotta check the time I'm sorry Bobby scares me yeah yeah pal okay I'm good

how do they do the giant murals like you know what graphing is I don't even know if that's a proper Sorry, Bobby scares me. Yeah, you're ahead, pal. Okay, I'm good. How do they do the giant murals? Like, you know what graphing is? I don't even know if that's a proper term. So they'll take like a photograph, right? And you have one by one squares. And if you want to make that six by six,

you just look at that one by one square and you match the detail in the one by one square and you the same detail you match the detail in the one by one square to make it six times the size. So you just focus on that one square and then make it six times larger. When you see a mural that's like 30, 40, 50 feet

you know like five stories are they doing the same process? Like how are they? I don't know. I think some guys might just be good enough to, like, fucking rip it out. They're nuts. It's like, dude, anytime I see someone draw a face and you, like, watch a face come to life, you're like, holy shit. Yeah.

What the fuck? It's like magic. Yeah. Someone draws hands the right way, you're like, that's incredible. No, and sometimes people act like comedians are like art it's it's just as what you do is just as impressive and i'm like yeah stop it yeah i'm doing magic tricks yeah i'm like oh jizz wow like you're like drawing a 3d thing yeah i'm like please yeah yeah there's like something scientific about what they're doing it's oh yeah it doesn't even

make sense and it's weird because you're like the skill of draw making shapes with a pencil i can do that but you're doing it so much better it doesn't even i can't even like compute how it works even an athlete it's like i can run really fast. You're just faster. But like drawing, me and an artist, I'm like, it's like we did two different sports. Well, the thing is with the perception is innate with an artist. So like if I see this angle, you're looking at the same exact corner of a room,

and I tell you to draw that on a piece of paper, your angle is going to come off so different if you don't have it innately. And then you can learn techniques to exemplify that same behavior, right? That like, you're just, I can't explain it succinctly, but like I can see things a certain way that you don't and you can never get there.

But if I see things on the base level of another artist, I can learn techniques. Right. It's like being a funny person, like a plumber. If he's not smart, he can never be a comedian. Because he's funny, but he's not smart enough to make it. Exactly. I know people that are funnier than anybody I've ever met in my life, but they couldn't go

on stage and do stand-up comedy. Right, because they can't figure out a way to synthesize them being funny into a joke. But we also know extremely smart people that have 20 minutes that you're like, it's really good jokes, but they're

not really instinctively funny. They're not naturally funny. Sometimes I think there are comedians who are extremely smart, like Ivy League or have got whatever great SATs, and they're frustrated because they're like, they see these fucking morons that are so much better than them, and it must be annoying.

Yeah, yeah. Is that you talking to us right now? Is that what you're doing? Did you guys go to Ivy League? You're the Ivy League. I don't. We're the fucking morons I don't. Oh. We're the fucking morons.

Oh, my God. I think people think I'm smart. Definitely, you guys both did better academically than me. I'm willing to bet money on it. There's no way. Maybe one semester. I don't know. Did you go to college?

Yeah. Yeah. We went to the same college. Yeah. I didn't even apply to a college. No. Really? I think people have bad...

I did a bit about this. I think it's because I have bad eyesight. I have glasses. People think I'm like, oh, I'm smart. I'm quite dumb. Well, you do... No, you've got a good vocabulary. Yes.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, you speak with purpose and you sound smart. Well, I read. Well, there you go. I don't do that. Yeah. College. Fuck college.

Maybe I'm smarter than you guys. College. You see? You're kind of convincing me. I convince you that we're fucking with that? Yeah. I know you can't get from Soho to Astoria in a half an hour at five o'clock. Will you stop?

Will you stop? We just fucking got over it. We have to bring up Cree to get over that bullshit. Oh, boy. Bobby's texting me. I'm fucked. No, college, I think, is just about whether you can fill out the paperwork. That's the hardest part, dude.

But I had very bad grades in high school, and I failed off the track team. I was ineligible athletically. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah. I didn't do homework. I didn't like tests, all that stuff. Yeah, I would show up for the tests i hated homework homework was it's a problem i'm going on i'm going to say this

homework stinks yeah that's a push it's just it takes up so much time well i really believe this i thought this was crazy that when i was a kid it's like if you're an athlete you get up you go to school from whatever it was eight till till 2.30, then you have practice from 3 to 5, and so you've been working from 8 to 5 p.m. I worked a longer day than my parents, and I'm supposed to do two hours of homework? Yeah, it was crazy. No, I can't abide. I wouldn't.

And we had coaches that would, like, we would practice from 3 to 7. Yeah, that sucks. We practiced for 4 hours. It was just like, and I remember I went to college and i i was playing sports and i there was a kid on my team who was like from a team that won the new york state championship in lacrosse and i was like how long did you guys practice for he was like hour and a half two hours a day he's like if you can't get done what you need to get done in an hour and a

half two hours yeah your coach sucks yeah that's sucks. And I kind of feel the same thing about school. It's like, if you can't teach me what I need to know in the class, that's on you. It's like going to the gym for two hours. Nobody needs that amount of time. I'm in the gym for seven minutes. I'm in the gym.

I do like three sets. I'm like, just log it in for insurance purposes. It feels good. I'm like, yeah, that felt right. Curls for girls. Maybe an ab. I'm sitting in the big bouncy ball thing. I'm like, yeah, that felt right. Curls. Curls for girls. Maybe an ab. Yeah, yeah. I'm sitting in the big bouncy ball thing. I'm like, all right, let's go steam.

As soon as you break a sweat, it's like, I did it. Sweat? Yeah. I'm not doing that. I drew that in the steam room. That's what the steam room's for. That counts. I have no passion for lifting.

I'm all sport. If you play ultimate frisbee or football or wiffle ball, softball, whatever, I'll play for 14 hours straight. Yeah. I will not want to stop. Even if I go for a run, I'll run all day. But to go to the gym and be like, ah, I'm like, this sucks. Yeah.

But you release what you probably get from running is you release some anxiety and all that stuff. Yeah. It's the same thing for me for working out. I need i can't run i'm not a runner i mean i do run but i hate it right i sprint for like 30 seconds and then i walk i'll do that for like three miles and that's it that's as much as i could do i can't run yeah lifting and running is the worst it was the worst part of practice right this sucks you have to do it, but it's like nobody likes it.

The people that do, I think, are mentally ill. Have you guys watched the University of Florida football doc on Netflix? Yeah. But they're like lifting and slapping each other and shit. That was crazy. That first episode. That is fun. That becomes just like a

bar mentality at that point it's like everybody wants to show up that I could get behind if there was six of us we all went to the gym and we were like come on let's fucking mess get up you fucking bitch yeah that I could be like but like by yourself

it's just like it's hard to dude you always show up like when we work out together we're just so much better so much quicker your time is shrunk It's just like it's hard to, I don't know. Dude, you always show up with, like when we work out together, like we're just so much better. So much quicker. Your time is shrunk. Yeah.

Almost in half. Just going, I just did it. Yeah. I used to shit on a workout he showed me, and I was like, you're not going to just use the program? He's like, nah, I'm just going to do this workout. I did it with him. We were done in like 25 minutes. I was smoked.

I was like, that was unbelievable. Yeah. It's because you just want to get it done. Go as fast as possible. Just get the fuck out of there. Yeah, goals. I need goals. Bad with goals. Never had any goals. Really fucked me in life. My goal was to get here at 530. I showed up

538. You're still busting my tits about eight minutes. No bust. You're coming at me. Let me call Bob. He's coming. Don't come at me. I'm calling Bobby. Well, you're still busting my tits about it. I know bust. No bust. You're coming at me. Let me call Bobby. He's coming. Don't come at me. I'm calling Bobby. Well, you guys colluded to show up late to the podcast.

I did not. You're the only one with beef, and it's with him. I don't know why I'm involved in this shit. Are you calling Bobby Kelly? Yes. Don't mention my name. Actually, let me look at Google Maps. Let me see how late I'm going to be first.

Did you lie to him? No, I told him 7.15 7 15 i said i'll be there big guest appearance it's crazy because he gave me so much shit yesterday at the gym put it on speaker about never calling him dude he's probably driving right now and i fucking call him he's not answering dad what are you calling me for couldn Couldn't get to the phone. Leave a message. Jesus Christ. Anyway, Joe, plug your stuff.

Enough for everybody on the YouTubes. Great special. Thank you. And there's other specials on there, too. This year's material and I hate myself. They're all up there and I just keep... Truly one of the best, Joe. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. You're incredibly gifted. Oh, that's really nice of you. I appreciate that. Thank you. I Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. You're incredibly gifted.

Oh, that's really nice of you. I appreciate that. Thank you. I genuinely mean that. I don't say that to anybody else. Oh, thank you. New faces together. We did new faces.

Good group. 2013. Back... 2012. 2012. You know it was a long time ago? Because there's like 15 straight white dudes in a row. Yeah. Oh, you mean funny people?

It was a different time. Joe? What's that? You mean funny people? That was a different time. Joe? What's that? You mean funny people? That's right. Mullen? Nick Mullen was on there. Junior Stopka?

Ahmed Barucha? You? Boy, you really know it. Me? Who's the guy, the veteran from Cleveland that was there? Oh, yeah. Oh, Dave Waite. Dave Waite.

And then there's the other guy. What the fuck's his name? He's funny, and I've known him forever God I feel bad It's the first time I met Soda Because Soda was New Faces the year before And he walked in and everybody knew each other And I was just a

I was a fucking recluse cat Well you were living in Philly still weren't you Who the fuck else was on And Annie Letterman Oh Anthony DeVito DeVito was on there And Annie Letterman. Oh, Anthony DeVito. DeVito? Yeah. DeVito was on there. And Sean Patton hosted. Sean hosted. I mean, the festival would get shut down if you had that lineup on a show right now.

Yeah. They would be like, this is a Nazi meeting. Oh, Joe Mackey, of course. Mackey. Mackey was the one that everybody followed out. He blew up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went after him and you went last that first night. Yeah. And I remember it was so fucking loud when you were on stage. I was like, this is awful.

We bombed. I bombed in front of my dad. And who's the bald germaphobe? Howie Mandel. Yeah. Was in the front taking notes to all of us. Yeah. And I shit my fucking brains out.

And then we did the next night where nobody came. It was great. And Greg Stone. Greg Stone was in the crowd tackling like a it looked like a jimmy fallon sketch yeah greg stone is forever one guy losing yeah just breaking the sound barrier oh he's an angel he's an angel who went up there like think about to put away ego the humility to go up with your best buddy to keep him company and he sat in the middle of the crowd and literally started applause breaks

for everybody. He watched 14 comics in a row. And was going, oh! And he was like elbowing strangers. Like, oh, this guy! He literally did that. And it's like unbelievable. It makes me want to cry. And him and I spent a lot of time together

in that festival. But yeah, it was fun. Well, thanks for coming. Is it all right that I'm leaving? I feel terrible. I guess it's been an hour. We're done. It's fine.

Episode's over, dude. All right. We're scheduling conference. You did it. Actually, just say you're staying around for the Patreon so people want to see you. All right. I'll be here on the Patreon. Come check it out.

Come back after you're set. I wish I could. It's all Bobby's fault. This is all Roots. I got to do this. And I'm doing you know what dude tonight. You know what, dude? I bet you are. I bet you are. Yeah. Thanks, Bob. This is all Ruse. I gotta do this and I'm doing You Know What Dude tonight. You know what, dude? I bet you are.

I bet you are. Yeah. Thanks, Bob. Piece of shit. Don't fucking get mad at me. You know what? Thank you, guys. Thanks so much for having me.

Absolutely, dude. I can't wait to see the film. I think we're gonna premiere it at your comedy fest is what he's saying. Oh, really? Yeah. That'd be sick.

I think that's a big top secret or something. That's Oh, really? That'd be sick. I think that's a big top secret or something. That's what, November? Yes.