Stuff Island - Stuff Island- FREE Patreon #73: Shattered Glass & Dads

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right let's i'm gonna breaking news breaking this just is yeah this is sports center update right after andy left i've said this story before on the podcast about this old first generation i think she's eastern europe lady. She's probably 85 years old. When Shane and I and Steve lived here, we had, there were two 50-year-old rose bushes that were so gorgeous along this wall in our backyard. And then we had a garden, like tomatoes, peppers. We had some herbs.

And we're all hanging out and all we hear is a big fucking crash at night and this woman, they have a private little driveway and the car has to be maneuvered in this small box I'd say it's 25 by 20 feet and she puts it this way towards the back side of the wall and one day this old bat got in the car and hit gas instead of brake and goes full speed from the back edge all the way through the wall exploding this fucking wall exploding there were cinder

blocks all the way on this side by my grill. The fucking bushes are uprooted. Bye-bye, tomatoes. There's nothing but a spinning tire going... Locked on these cinder blocks. Walls demolished outside of the center of it. It's a cartoon. And she just gets out like wobbling like a fucking just disoriented she's got a car fucking booze bag she's gotta be no no no no not at all you think this is she's she's up and

about like all the other foreign mamas like fucking known as just sweeping the the leaves and the dirt like she's she's very tidy do that some people get fucked up and they get into like activities no i just think she's just you know she's she's trying to run from the reaper dude she's trying she's only got a few years left and she shouldn't be in a fucking car so she number one she didn't say sorry she never came by with like a fucking apple fritter or some bullshit i don't know what they cook over there i I should have been given a fucking baked pie. It's two Pop-Tarts. Frozen and smashed in the middle.

Sorry, the corners are broken. So the car's totaled. She gets rid of the car. I haven't seen her drive a car in fucking five years. Oddly enough, I see her being presented this brand new Mercedes you saw it? I saw it I saw the sun

in the backyard through our fence our new reconstructed wall and fence now because also our backyard was a crime scene when they smashed the wall I told you about the kids running from the cops and they were hiding in our backyard. The cops walked in the house. So I see her being presented with this brand new C-class Mercedes.

It's like fucking nice. How long ago was this? A month. Just now. Chris and I are, I went to get a beer, take a piss. Chris was sending a text and we just heard a boom. And I was like, what the fuck was that? And he goes, I don't know.

It sounded like a crash. There's no way that that bitch ran into a wall again. I was like, no, no. Sure enough, the fucking woman went the opposite way and slammed into the other wall. Dude. The car's smoking. She's on the fucking back trunk like this.

How am I going to tell Emmanuel? Well, no, yeah, she said she was at the hood. She walked around to the front, assessed the damage and just... She caved front, assessed the damage, and just... She caved like, what the fuck? The car's smoking, the fluid's from the radiator, whatever the fuck. Leaking everywhere.

Leaking all towards the back garage. How did she build up that much speed? Dude, well, that one, that one, the old car was like a gallant. It was a piece of shit. Yeah, but at least she... These go to 0-60 in like four seconds. These things are fucking bangers. Yeah, but do least she... These go 0-16 in like four seconds. These things are fucking bangers. Yeah, but do you think she was coming back

and went right into it? I think she probably reversed and tried to get closer to the wall. And then maybe she drives with two feet because she's a monkey. And a lot of times what they say is the elderly, they panic and they slam both. Yeah.

And she may have just slammed the gas. And to get that speed to smash that front, she had to be going at least 35 miles an hour. There's no way she could get up to 35 in 10 feet. There's no way. All right, well, dude, that was a bang and the fucking car is smoking. Well, it's also, she ran into a brick wall that's like a joint. Like the foundation of the house in front of her and then the other wall, it's also, she ran into a brick wall that's like a joint. Like the foundation of the house in front of her,

and then the other wall, it's like. I want to take one of these cameras off. And just go film it? And show, yeah. Let me see. Let me go see what it looks like. See if the cops are coming. The cops won't show up.

Why? It's an accident. You gotta report it, right? This wall came out of nowhere. There's family out there? What are they doing? They must have heard it too, right? Is everyone, everyone's upset?

You think it was his car? No, it was her car. He gave it to her. Here's the thing. I couldn't tell if he was giving her a brand new car or showing her his car. But there's no reason, if this guy's got any fucking knowledge of this woman's history, I'd be like, don't.

I'd hide the key. I'd put those keys up my ass with a string. You're not moving this fucking car, mom. These keys only come out once a day when I have a BM. Yeah, and I put a fucking bell on it too, so every time I moved, it rang. That's crazy. I cannot believe that just happened.

Dude, I... Let me take a picture for Patreons. Okay, go take a picture. And then that one's posted. We'll blur out their faces. I'm building a warehouse. picture. And then that one posted. We'll blur out their faces. I don't know. They're wearing hoods.

It's cold. Dude, Shane's in the dark. That's unbelievable. I live in fear of the day that my parents start doing shit

like that. Just crashing cars. It's not good. That's not good. Parents losing the ability to drive is... That sucks. That sucks

so bad. It's worse. There's not working at a certain point. It's worse. There's only so many things you can do. You still have left in life. Yeah. You start telling me I can't fucking, I can't walk to the store no more. What else do I got?

Yeah, you got to walk to the store. I can't drive. I cannot believe that just fucking happened. That's crazy. It's heartbreaking. It is hard. It's kind of sad. Dude, it's so sad. I's so sad i live in so funny deep fear of just like of that happening to me just when you get to a place where you're just like your depth reception starts to get shitty and also the shame

the way she was positioned on the trunk of going they'll never forgive me for a second one doing it twice is yeah you made your bed now mama yeah man i mean it's just like there's when you can't take just having the car in the right gear for granted it's like you have to be on literally on top of everything that you're doing all the time like dude knowing her age and the thickness of her accent she probably only knows how to pull a mule like to the left she's gonna push button start mercedes in 2023 by the way they need to quit it with all this shit. What was wrong with the key?

Dude, when I'm... What was wrong with the key? It's too much for her to turn. Put the parking brake back in there. Have Park be an actual position on the fucking... Yeah. Dude, the push-button gears are ridiculous. My dad's got a... It's a Honda.

It's like a Honda Accord. And he's got like tap trick things. Tap trick things. Oh. You push like park, reverse, neutral. It's like, what the fuck is this? Stop. Stop doing that.

Was it taking up too much room? Is that the complaint? I don't know. Yeah, I guess there's too many moving parts. But then one chip goes bad. You get $1,000 to replace one fucking chip. Dude, I'm telling you. I don't have enough confidence in digital stuff. I don't even like the digital toaster I worry about.

Yeah. I know, that really fucking lit your ass when I bought that. I mean, I don't mind. It's working all right. But it's like fucking... It's flawless. Just keep certain things analog. It's fine.

But also, if you do digital, digital should be at a certain, like if that thing fucks up again, I get another one. It's $35. I don't give a shit. I know, but it's like. This is a $70,000 car.

This woman should be nowhere near it. She should have a fucking dog collar that zaps her every time she gets within 20 feet of a car. You're getting close to the electric fence. Mom's out back. I heard her yelp. She's like, can I leave the house? Let me move the car.

Oh, she's getting zapped again. Oh, I'm still feeling this bronchitis, bro. Yeah, dude. I think I've got like a post-nasal drip that's like pretty disgusting. I did that table. I think people were hearing it on the last podcast. Yeah, but it's cute. You kind of sound cute when you're nasally.

Well, I sound cute, but I do this swallow. People are like, is there someone making coffee in the background? That's probably me, though. All the noises I fucking make. I don't know. I was thinking I was listening to it. I think it might have been me. It's pretty gross.

Dude, I did that table read for the Fox. Yeah. And I had this lingering, I didn't want to tell him because we actually record next month. But I got two weeks in between. Yeah. And I did this thing where like he's being accused of murdering his wife. And I'm like defending myself, but it's a cartoon.

So you just do whatever the fuck you want. And I got this like lingering like chest cough. Yeah. And then after the show, he was like, dude, I loved what you did with that, like laughing and throwing up thing.

And I was like, that was just a week old bronchitis. It's still lingering. Yeah. I hope you're not weak. Do voiceover people know how to like do that shit? I imagine. Make it sound like do that shit? I imagine. Make it sound like you're sick?

I mean, yeah, you can plug your nose. Is there a special tier for making? It's like the voice you do with, what's his face? Ravishing. What's his name?

Unbelievable. Yeah, it's unbelievable. You're going to be stuck. You're going to be huge. You do the voiceover thing, it's going to show, it's going to be big.

It's going to be massive. What's that, what's the movie again? It's going to be huge. Dude, the voiceover thing is going to show. It's going to be big. It's going to be massive. What's that movie again? It's that show. Yeah. Oh, about the making of Godfather. Yeah, what the fuck is it called? God, it's so good. There's something.

It's over, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's that. But I might rewatch it. I love that guy so much. I'll rewatch that for sure. Robert Evans. And that's that. Because you had braids and you had balls. I love that guy so much. I'll re-watch that for sure. Robert Evans. And that's that.

Because he had braids and he had balls. What's that from? And that's that. Oh, that's when Tommy from Goodfellas gets whacked in the garage. The old man comes up behind him, shoots him and he falls. And he goes, oh, fuck. Gets shot in the head and he goes, and that's that. They walk out of the garage.

It's so sick, dude. By the way, I went to that fucking diner. Which one? The diner where he throws, when he learns of that Tommy getting killed and he starts smashing the phone in the fucking...

With the diner they go to a bunch? Mm-hmm. Where is that? It's in Queens. Really? Yeah. Oh. Is it nice?

How's the food? That's that. No, I got diarrhea. That's why I was brought and bring it up. I did. Wait, so you just went into the Goodfellas Diner to take a shit? No, no. I went to eat because she said she wanted to get diner food.

And I was like, oh, yeah. I haven't been to a diner in a while. Mostly because I have family that loves me. I don't know why you would waste a fucking dollar to get diner food. And I was like, oh, yeah, I haven't been to a diner in a while. Mostly because I have family that loves me. I don't know why you would waste a fucking dollar in a diner. I like it. But I like going to diners. No, diners are fun. They are fun.

Only after like 2 a.m. Yeah, dude, if we're in fucking Cincinnati, I'll do a diner late morning. It's nice. But like we're in New York. It's like, what are you doing? Yeah, just go somewhere. Go somewhere. You're not going to have to lay down on a lawn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To fertilize. Well, the coffee they give you is like, I swear to God there's diuretics in it. Yeah. It makes you shit. I think they strain it through a camel's asshole. It is just pure garbage.

It's just been sitting on the tray getting hot distilling into... Also the amount of clarified butter they use for the eggs and everything is grouped in the same giant pit of the grill. So they'll just pull potatoes from over here

and they just keep re-greasing this fucking thing. I like that. I like all those flavors melding in. Oh my God. You got to tell you, I can back up into Jiffy Lube and fucking... The amount of lubricant around the core of my asshole after I do Dino Food is so nuts, dude.

During World War II, you're collecting that shit. For the troops, you got to make bullets with it. They're using my ass in the factories. Save your grease. So the metals don't clink together. Where's that papa kid? We need him to shit all over the fucking... The C300s.

Damn, I can't believe that just happened, dude. That's so funny. That's so... Yeah. Crashing a car. There's nothing funny. It'd be so funny if we hit him with it. You can't believe that just happened, dude. That's so funny. That's so, yeah. Crashing a car. There's nothing funny. It'd be so funny if we hit him with it. You can't park there.

Fuck. Good God. She wouldn't get the joke, but the sun would probably be climbing that fence like Spider-Man, dude, just trying to fight a fist. I caught your head off. If your mom put her Gio through a fucking brick wall,

why would you get her a Mercedes? Yeah. Dude, if Jeannie Papa fucking smashes anything on a CRV, my dad is crow-hopping those keys into a river. There's no shot Steve Papa's fucking giving her anything. In fact, she probably couldn't pick up a remote for television for years. He'd be so upset. What, just?

If she fucking crashed the car. One time she just. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing she does is she's actually good for her age. She's exactly 30 years older than me. She's 73. But she's got to bop around this nice angle to get around the

little cut of grass and the lights to get into the garage. But they're not like a tennis ball hanging family so she's got to really work her senses. I like that idea too. Hang the tennis ball. But my dad's got a lawn work and bags of

weed in the back, so I don't think he wants her anywhere near that. Garage? Yeah. That's where he hides all his fucking weed. I tell you, that's so funny. Isn't that funny, that story? Where he used to grow weed underneath the tree line

in Kennett Square. Did your lady get to smoke any of it? No, my dad smoked her weed. Oh. Got him ripped. He was so impressed with how much she was smoking. And this is when she wasn't, she doesn't smoke as much anymore, but I was like, this is the first time she met him. And I was like, yo, I know how to ingratiate you quickly.

But I waited for the whole day. We went to my brother's for Christmas. And then it was after that. My dad likes the party. Still. He's 75. Yeah. Still will put it on until like 1, 2 in the morning. Boozing all night. Playing pool. That's nuts. He played like three

rounds of pool. And I was like, yo, why don't you... My dad's YouTube videos in bedtime. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, yeah. He's... Now my pop's OG, dude. And I was like, why don't you... I was like, Dad, do you want to smoke weed? He's like, you don't smoke. And I was like, she does.

I was wondering if you want some weed, dickhead. And he goes, yeah, it's cool. Just immediately to 100. Yeah. I'm trying to be a good guy, you fucking idiot. This is how I know that Uber thing was just like... Dude, he was out of line. What are you talking about? That guy was out of line for saying no talking. Yeah, yeah. he was out of line. What are you talking about?

That guy was out of line for saying no talking. Yeah, yeah. He's out of line, but you got to. I had no time for that. But don't you want to investigate? What do you mean no talking? Because it's so crazy. I did say that.

I was like, what do you mean no talking? And then he said it again. No, but you do. You do. What do you? I think the first time I said it, I was like, what does that mean? No talking. What do you mean no talking?

See, that's, you're already antagonistic. That's fine. You got to go. You got to go. And then he said it, then he fucking planted his heels. And I was like, all right, my fucking heart is banging now. And I was like, all right, I don't like music. Turn your fucking music off.

Yeah. And that's when she was like, all right, please pull over. Please. I'm sorry. Please pull over. We're going to get out of here. Because she knew that would be bad but you left so much good information on the table i know they like where to bury him

and stuff it's just i mean like dude you go they're talking how how do you mean that you can't reason with a fucking crazy no no you don't reason i just want to know where the i want to know the source of the yeah what happened yeah why why no talking what happened that there's no talk i can understand if we were dude when i say we didn't laugh once it was like we just got in oh yeah the car ride just started yeah there was no like cackling there was no i can imagine you're talking about like the mashed potatoes i thought yeah yeah normal shit no religion no politics nothing to be offended by yeah just a normal couple talking quietly and reserved in the back of a car and this guy clearly is a mental patient yeah that's a that's a crazy of course that's totally psychotic but that's so interesting

dude if i got in the car riding an uber and say no talking is this his first trip of the day if you and i know it was fucking 10 o'clock, 8 o'clock, 9 o'clock, whatever. Is it every time he sees two people get in, he goes, oh no. If you and I,

with what just happened, jumped into the car, and we couldn't believe what just happened, and we just kept bopping about it, and he said that, I'd be like, I get it. Sorry about that.

We're just, you can't believe, we just saw this bitch do it twice. Was he on the phone? What? No. That's every Uber I've gotten in recently, this guy's been like, you mind if I take a call?

Yeah, they're always on the phone. They're always on the phone. And I swear to God, it's one of those like 120 people on a Zoom call thing. Yeah. It's like they talk, they chime in once every 30 minutes. Dude, it's the opposite for me. When I see people that talk in public on the phone, I'm always like, who's on the other line yeah you haven't stopped talking for five minutes and if you do it's

and it's like they couldn't i guess you're catching up with, I don't know, your son from a different fucking country? Yeah. How are you talking this long without listening? I don't know. I don't know. And I also, look, this is the condescending part of me, but it's just like there's no way what's being exchanged is of any value. Interesting.

Of any value at all. Nope. The idea that people around the world are having nonstop conversations that have absolutely no value whatsoever. Or it's just like, what could you possibly be talking about? Spend a little time in your own head. Yeah. Spend a little time in your own.

Comb through the memories of your mind and search for answers to questions. That's why I think the smarter gentlemen I know and women that I know later in life are, they're the, I'm going to go for a walk types. Yeah. I'm going to go walk through Longwood Gardens for three hours. Yeah. Because you realize like how important peace is. Like if you start talking to somebody and you realize you haven't stopped talking

unless they specifically ask me, catch me up on this dramatic experience that happens once in a lifetime. And then you lock and load you put a seatbelt on like this bitch yeah yeah and you get to talk because you need to that's how that's my speed for storytelling no seatbelt directly into a wall well i feel guilty like i start talking i'm like i'm sorry you don't care like my instincts are to go ah shit i yeah i just realized i've been talking for 30 to 60 seconds nonstop. That's out of a podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Like, sorry, my bad, dude. And they're like, no, no, I'm actually interested. Keep talking. Yeah, yeah, keep going. But you got to think to yourself, you're not that interesting, dude. Yeah. It's like when some fucking idiot that you know is like,

yo, I'm going to the show. Don't fucking make it about me, dude. There's also, it's always people having a conversation about another fight that they had and the person on the other line seems like they're gassing them up. Yeah. It's like everyone can't be right.

And all these phone calls, everyone's getting told that they're doing the right thing. It's like there's no fucking way. You know, I never see someone on the, it's always, and then they said this and then I said that to them and they're like, can you believe that? I know, I know. someone on the, it's always, and then they said this and then I said that to them

and they're like, can you believe that? I know, I know. It's never, it's never them being like, yeah, I guess that is a good point.

It's so true. It's never someone going like, hey, you know, I shouldn't have took my shirt off at that point. You're right. She had,

yeah, she did have a good point. I probably shouldn't have thrown my car keys at her forehead. Okay, dad, let me call you back. I'm going to call her. Yeah, let me get off the phone with you. I got to call her. I apologize.

Now I know what to say. Thank you so much. You're right. It's never calls of like, what do I do now? Yes. It's always like, I told you that before. Yeah. Anytime you see a bitch slap in the back of her palm into another palm,

that bitch is wrong and ratchet. Dude, I was— Earlier today, I was watching a— There was a— I was watching, like, a podcaster fight. We're like— Two options. I don't know if I was watching a knockout video or a podcast.

The same fucking thing. Two different types of knockouts. One puts you to sleep. You only get put to sleep by force or two women talking about nothing? I'm in trouble sleeping. Can I recommend a podcast? Dude, this guy was in trouble because he's got a big podcast, and he wanted to fight.

Oh, you're talking about that Roydhead fucking shaking the car of his girl? No, no, no. But that's also, boy. Is that Brendan Schaub's fucking partner? Yes. What a fucking dildo. No, that guy recently. That guy sucks dick, dude. Dude, it's- What's's his name it's a great time to be on that reddit mark what is it mark harley yeah what's

it what's he do the reddit is all he's such a corny fucking dork i didn't hit her i swear oh hi mark from like the room he's just a roid head with like long hair who thinks he's Fabio. Yeah, but so what had happened was, What had happened was, What had happened was, Now look at here. He recently did an AMA

on that Reddit and then like, just like basically shitting all over Schaub. And basically like he fired, So that dude did? Yeah, Schaub fired him

or he quit. Was he a comic? I'm sorry. I know, he's like some mix of the two. He's like a podcaster, actor, LA guy. And no one's touching Schaub, so he's like, can I be a roid-head Neanderthal on your podcast? Yeah, so he likes shit on Schaub,

and then everyone was like, oh, he's actually not as bad as we thought. And then that was like no joke a week and a half ago. And now it just comes out that he's been like just beating the shit out of his girlfriend. Oh, my God. Dude, he's literally trying to pick up a car while she's trying to get out. Dude, steroids, they fuck up your head. Yeah.

I love how I'm dropping knowledge. Look, I don't know if you know this. Yeah. Yeah. Extreme levels of testosterone will change the chemical makeup of your skull. Yes. I love how I'm dropping knowledge. Look, I don't know if you know this. Yeah, yeah. Extreme levels of testosterone will change the chemical makeup of your skull. Yes. Dude, I've said this before where it's like I got a cat's nuts cut off once and it made him a great cat. And it fucked with my head about like what balls are doing to you already.

Yeah. Let alone you're injecting extra ball juice into you. Like, dude, you're going to be fucking crazy. That's why my dad's cool now. My dad was a motherfucker. Yeah. His testosterone levels were just even keeled. All he talks about is how beautiful his grandchildren are.

Yeah. I'm like, dude, you fucking beat the fuck out of me with a belt. But then, like, you made up for it by throwing me long down and outs. Yeah. It's a better way to burn off the energy. Just tire out the arm. True. You got to fucking, you got to oil the rig.

Damn, I can't wait for the beaches here, dude. We're playing football every day. Golf every other day. Yeah, it'd be nice to get a good schedule going. That or we're going to be on tour all the time. It'd be nice to play some golf on the road. If we can get a nice road gig set up. It's tough, though, because you have to...

I think playing golf on the road, even though I'm not a golfer, I think it is a perfect remedy to keep you from getting too fucked up at night. Yeah, because you know you got a tee time. You got a tee time. You got something to do during the day. It can put you on like a nice little schedule.

Here's what people don't understand about golf. I'm trying to explain this to my girl. It's like it is so taxing. Yeah. You know, as corny as this is, and I know a lot of the blue-collar workers that listen to our show are like, dude, you're a fucking idiot. You talk for two hours on a microphone.

Well, they're also correct. Yeah, they are correct. I am an idiot, and it's not as hard as working eight to ten hours of manual labor. I totally get that. But like what I'm saying is the mental taxation and the physical taxation coupled on 18 holes, four hours long, it's not something you do before two shows on a Saturday night.

It's something you bookend and go, we're going to come home Monday instead of Sunday. And Sunday we're just going to have a fucking golf day. That's interesting to me. But if you time it right, dude. Or we could do it before the shows. You know how you like to come into town the night before shows? Yes, yeah, yeah.

We could come in the day before shows, get a fucking 18 in. But if you get a 10, 11 o'clock tee time, you're done by like 2. Yeah, that's all right. And then you get a little nappy nap. That's true. Then you get out. That's true. It's like that's the rhythm. But then you get a little nappy nap. Then you get out. But then you're talking about

golf purists. They don't use anybody else's sticks. I got a driver and I got my own sticks and my driver has a certain I have a certain swing speed where there can't be any warp. I need an extra stiff shaft

or they'll fucking warp. You start slicing everything. Yeah. So then you got to go to a really nice course that has high-end clubs for you. High-end brands. You know, you can get the Titleist T3s or T300s or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Like, you have to like accommodate. Yeah, but I think it's... But at the same time, it's not fucking... I get it. But if I'm going there to have a good time, I'm not picking up old fucking Clevelands from 88. Whatever, dude.

Just get the reps in, dude. That's true. Just get the reps in. I'm also talking I haven't golfed in three years. You haven't golfed in two years. You haven't golfed since you bought the new gloves. They're still wrapped because of my shoulder injury. What are you laughing at?

It's a serious fucking injury. I can't do certain exercises at the gym. And as soon as that healed, your right arm got exploded. My what? Yeah, I fucking fought a lesbian. You're going to need fucking Tommy John. Dude, I couldn't get over

how bad that hurt the next day. I also like tore my fucking tricep a little bit, but it's that's healed. What hasn't healed is my wrist from hitting the bag. Yeah, you can't be doing that. Full bore, zero hitting the bag. Yeah, you can't be doing that. I was going full bore, zero to a thousand

without any... You can't be doing that. It's like... It's like squatting 315 when you haven't squatted in your life. Do you think you'll ever be able to get to a place

where you can walk away from stuff like that? No. I'll shatter my wrist. I'll be... I'll fucking... Why not, dude? I'll be slamming a car

into a fucking wall like that fucking old bat. Walk away. I bet you she was an Olympic fucking swimmer or something. She's got an athletic mind that says, you will not keep me from driving a car. There's no reason for me not to drive a car. I go out now, son. You're like, what did you play in the WNBA? She's like, no, I went to art school.

Yeah, she's like, no, I fought three world wars. I beat the Nazis, you fucking idiot. I ate rats. Do you think you'll ever get to a place where you can just leave it alone? Sports at all? No, no, I mean, just like, you fucking... What do you mean?

You pop. With what? Like, everything. The moment someone, like, you're very reactionary. Like what? Like if somebody asked me... Like right now? I love how you're like, do you think you'll ever, like, be different?

But it's just, like in the cab. Is there any piece of you that's like... I think when I have children, I'll learn to not. I pop too quick. My father never did that though. So I wonder. I remember my dad putting us in weird positions where my mother would flip the fuck out.

Yeah. My mom was so scared because my dad's upbringing was like, he told me stories and my mother would tell me stories of like, so when my dad's dad left him and the family, the mother was a real bad drunk, my grandma. And he had like another family in like Florida or something. And,

but my father's schooling changed. So he always got called out because there was, there's nine of them. And he would have to get called out of class because the younger brothers were just constantly fist fighting. Yeah. So he'd get to like, Steve, you got the younger brothers were just constantly fist fighting. Yeah. So he'd get to be like, Steve, you got to go get Roger. You got to go get Raymond.

You got to go get Alan. You got to go get Ray. Even though he's the oldest, he probably wasn't like established pack leader. He probably had to eat the liver and the heart out of the deer before them. I don't know. They always talked about Uncle Ray is the toughest out of all of them. And my dad, or he talks about my

dad as like a fucking saint like he was like that guy's the lion he was always the lion yeah because the dad was always that's hard to maintain huh that's hard to maintain in a pack of boys yeah that's why my dad's nose looks like a windy road in ireland dude's been in so many fights he's got so many scars and like he's always fighting for for something so like i think his mentality like as the pack leader protecting his family transitioned into our family like overly aggressively well he had to be just had to be yeah but my mother was also ready for it these motherfuckers are going to come for the throne. My mother's one of 11 Irish, and her dad was abusive.

But when she had kids, she was like, everything was scared the fuck out of her because she knew what was at stake, I think. Yeah. And my dad was more like, there was this one time I remember this guy was being a dickhead,

or maybe my dad was being a dickhead and tailgating him. And we got to this. Let's see how I switch it. He's a dickhead. I'm not a dickhead. But he got to a red light. My dad just clicked.

He's got a cigarette lit. And he just unclicks his seatbelt. And immediately my mom's like, Steve, no. Steve, no. And he just opens the door. And she's going, Steve. She starts screaming. I'm like, I'm in the hump because And he just opens the door. And she's going, Steve! She starts screaming. I'm like, I'm in the hump because my brothers are on the side.

I always were a bitch. Yeah. And I'm like, what is going on? I was only like six or seven. And then I realized, oh, they're going to fucking fight. Yeah. But that only comes when you have to fight for every. And he didn't.

Yeah, right, right. Well, it's like the slightest. Insult. It's so disrespectful. You can never go let him just have it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like taking an apple. Once you let that go, then they take.

Listen, in the prison environment, you take an apple off a tray and they don't do anything, they're eventually going to take your ass. Yeah. It doesn't translate well to the... No. We got to start doing this more. Philadelphia suburbs. No guests. This is so nice. Why are we...

They say this all the time. We should do no guests. Well, we're getting it in now. We should do one or two a month. Or at least one. Yeah. I'm fucking shoring these people that I don't give a fuck about.

What the fuck? Shitting on our guests? No, no, no. I do care. Actually, so far, I've only not known three people. It's why we've been doing this for 10, 12 years. Yeah, I know. And to still be excited at this stage.

Talking about killing myself. No, like I'm going to kill myself. No, things are good right now, man. Dude, we said it before. The show in Poughkeepsie was great. It was weird. Yeah. But the crowd that knew us was wonderful. There was a lot of fucking booing.

We brought it around. We wound up having a lot of fun up there. Yeah, at the end it was great. Yeah, yeah. My 9-11 joke really shit the bed. That happens. They did not. It was the first time since I've been telling that, dude.

Yeah. I told that for the very first time in Philly at our first helium show. It was the first time those words came out of my mouth. Yeah. And it's killed every single time except for Poughkeepsie. Because it was all old people that didn't know what they were getting into. And that shit becomes like a mind fuck. You're like, am I telling it wrong?

Yeah, no. Is there a way I'm changing it? Yeah. No, I didn it wrong? Yeah, no. Is there a way I'm changing it? Yeah. No, I didn't do anything cute to it. I just knew the minute I said it, I was like, oh, fuck. Because once you, if you get no reaction up top, Yeah. Dude, that's a,

that's an eight minute bit, I think. Yeah. Of like, strap in, dude. Yeah. This is going to be, you're hitting three walls, bro. You're going to hit some walls and you gotta sit and the pacing is like you gotta do

you gotta sit in the pauses you gotta sit in the shit it's like the fear of the first time I ever told it but then if it works it's so fun like Shane's theaters that Houston

I did it in Dallas rather i was fucking well that's also the nice part about theaters is they are more of like a performance yeah true as opposed to like a club is more of like uh you just talk like it's everyone feels like they're part of the conversation yeah that's why a little movement on a theater stage is nice. Just a little movement. Yeah. Just, if you're a person that doesn't even take the mic off the stand, take it off the stand. Yeah.

If you're a person that doesn't bop around a little bit, just take a few steps. Just like a fish taking in oxygen, just do a little move here to there. Yeah. It changes everything. Yeah. You know who taught me that?

I've got to figure out how to do that. Nick Guerrera. Oh, yeah. When I did the Big Sky Comedy Festival. Like, that won me the festival. What's he doing now? He still does comedy. He's funny as fuck.

Yeah. Is he in LA? Yeah. Yeah, I think he does well. But he fucking levels, dude. That year was me, Tony Baker. Shit. There's like four or five dudes that are like doing really fucking well.

Numbers wise. Where's Tony Baker from? Ohio? Yeah, I think he's a Cleveland guy. Lives in LA. Because when a guy picked me up in Cincinnati, he was like, you know Tony Baker? He's a friend of mine.

Yeah. He might have been a Cincinnati boy. Yeah, it makes sense. I think he's Ohio. Yeah, he's the fucking man he doesn't drink he's the fucking night terror

guy yeah yeah yeah yeah he also won me the competition every year he sends me a message and I'm like yo man you stole me

that three grand because it was neck and neck he had a killer set yeah and at the very end one of the producers was like

yo you gotta tell that story because I told it in the van traveling and he's crying he yo, you got to tell that story. Because I told it in the van traveling. Yeah. And he's crying. He's like, you have to tell that story. Damn. And literally three of the four agents that were there were like,

you won because of that. A hundred percent. Dude, if you tell a story about what just happened. Just happened. In a competition thing. Yeah, the payoff. People shit themselves. Yeah, the payoff. People shit themselves. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, if you tell a funny, good thing that's like current. Yeah. It's crazy. It's all proof like. All you do, if you're out of your act at all and it kills. Yeah. It's like. Yeah.

You're home free. This is what I love about. Someone was just asking if I ever get heckled. I was like, no, but when it does happen very few and far between, I love it because you get the opportunity to write on site.

Yeah, yeah. Because all these people, they think you're just, which you are oftentimes, just curating this act and these bits that you've been doing for years. Yeah.

And then when they see you write live, every bit after that, they're like laughing harder. Yeah, it also when they see you right live every bit after that they're like laughing harder. Yeah, it also changes your demeanor a lot. Yeah, yeah. It changes your demeanor.

You feel loose. Yeah, it's like that St. Louis show where that one dude was on mushrooms until he threw up. That was so funny. Laughing nonstop.

Weaving that in and out of every bit. Like that crowd was so fucking hot. He came back. That was great. Yeah, shout out fucking Pothead Weed, that crowd was so fucking hot. Hooked and came back. That was great. Yeah, shout out fucking Pothead Weedhead.

Pothead Weedhead. Pothead Weedhead. Mushroomhead. Foghorn Leghorn. God, I'm so old. Oh, we also have to apologize. Or you have to apologize. For what?

For losing the whiskey. The Cincinnati whiskey. Oh, yeah. Well, we got... Yeah. We got... We got the Indy 500 mug. We got a Notre Dame fighting Irish coasters.

Notre Dame cards. I got a Jasmine action figure. I fucking swapped jerseys with this dude in St. Louis's old school St. Louis Cardinals jersey from like the 50s team or something. That was crazy. I'd like to see how he feels about that trade. Yeah, well, it's clearly not, it's not original.

It's a fucking remake, but it's so fun. I had it on earlier and it's so comfy. It feels like it's old. It's like broken in. The way it's done is very, very nice.

And the sewing is exterior. I felt like, but we gave him a, I gave him a hoodie or a t-shirt. Whatever t-shirt I had on. It was a self-winding t-shirt.. I felt like, but we gave him a, I gave him a hoodie or a t-shirt, whatever t-shirt I had on. It was a stuff on a t-shirt. He gave me like,

I did spit in his mouth. He gave me like a, a $10,000 Honus Wagner original jersey. He gave him a stuff Island too. He's like blacked out. I love how you think $10,000 is the Honus Wagner. That card sold for like $60 million

or something fucking crazy. There's only like three. Does anyone have a Honus Wagner authentic jersey? No. Game worn Honus Wagner? No, the fact that there's gotta be one out there. No. No, dude. Why? Unless you put it in a tomb, that thing's fucking disintegrated, dude.

There's a pile of fucking rubbish somewhere. They wore like lingerie, too. It wasn't like well-done cotton. They were struggling with sales back then. He just noticed Wagner's nipples through his jersey. I'm going to put it on. Yeah, bring it out. I got to do some shout-outs. Oh, this is very tough. Leave it to yourself. Yeah. It bring it out. I got to do some shout outs.

Oh, this is very tough looking at you by yourself. Yeah. It's all right. I'll just look at my phone. I'm just going to look at my phone and think about stuff. How are you guys doing?

If you could ask me one question, what would it be? Put it in the comments on the Patreon. If you'd like to answer, if you'd like me to answer one question, what would it be? Put it in the comments on the Patreon. If you'd like to answer, if you'd like me to answer one question, what would it be?

What would you like to pick my brain about? I've been thinking about starting a Twitch. Just get online. Well, yeah, didn't, wasn't your lady wearing it for a little bit? She put it somewhere?

Bitch! Never put that fucking shit in the hamper. This is frankly, I don't know. You're an asshole. Fuck. Let's see it on you. Hold on, I got this.

Jesus. That's our view. There you go. There's the hose. That's a good piss. That's a good piss. Yeah. Back in the saddle again.

It's the end. Yeah. A squeaky valve. We got a hole in the filtration. Yeah, dude, that's nice with the long sleeves. Look at this, too. It almost looks like the stuff on them. Oh, yeah.

What is it? St. Louis. Oh, that's What is it? St. Louis. Oh. That's an L? It's Cardinal. Old Dominion Freight Line. Yeah. Dude, how sick.

Wow. That's nice. Isn't it nice? Yeah. Anyway, shout out. I don't know what his name is, but... Yeah, if you want to bring stuff to barter with,

it shows. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that works. Yeah. If you don't want to buy something, if you don't want to buy merch, barter with, it shows. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that works. If you don't want to buy something, if you don't want to buy merch, you can barter for merch. I think I would wear this to a Phillies game. I know it's fucked up. I think.

No, I think people would like it. It's also so authentic, but I'd wear a Phillies. No, I couldn't. I couldn't wear this. It's too confusing. Go back to St. Louis and wear it to a game. We got fucking cord hats coming out. Yeah.

We're going to make a bathing suit. I was thinking we should do one that's just the Stuff Island wild colors. Yeah. I like that. For the men. Yeah. And women. We're going to do a one-piece.

The women, like Baywatch, but all those wild colors. I want the Baywatch just red one the men. Yeah. And women. We're going to do a one-piece. The women, like Baywatch. Yeah, yeah. But all those wild colors. I want the Baywatch just red one-piece. Yeah. Stuff Island on the chest. A huge fan of one-piece bathing suits these days. In the Baywatch text. That like fucking.

I think it's sexy as fuck. Oh, Stuff Island but in the Baywatch text? Yeah. Pretty sick. Not a bad idea. Pretty sick. Not a bad idea, Christopher. Yeah. Pretty sick. Not a bad idea. Pretty sick. Not a bad idea, Christopher. Yeah.

I hope somebody brings me something nice in Buffalo. Besides, cocaine. Cocaine. No, I haven't done any drugs in quite some time. Neither have I. No mushrooms, no weed, nothing I can.

Just a lot of booze. I doubled up the booze. Boozing it heavy. God a lot of booze. I doubled up the booze. Boozing it heavy. God, I got so full. I brought back some cigars. Little cigars from Joe Rogan's Cigar Guy. Nice. They're fucking sick.

Dude, Bobby Kelly told me, remember on the Cassies, the small ones are more powerful. Yeah, they're nice. They look nice. They smell nice. Shout out Yoni. Yoni gave them to me. Joe Rogan's club is great, by the way.

The mothership. The comedy mothership. I said a dumb thing to Rogan, and he just stared at me. What, that it's gay? It's so gay. He was talking about how he likes the location because there's a lot of just weird, sketchy people around. And I was like, yeah, it's the perfect place for the mothership to land.

And I said it. I really gave it eyes and teeth. And he goes, yeah. He just walked away. Did he find it like insulting? Oh, my God. I don't think so. That's not insulting.

No, I thought it was cool. It's kind of a cute little play on words. Everyone was hyped. Everyone was so excited about just the insulting. No, I thought it was cool. It's kind of a cute little play on words. Everyone was hyped. Everyone was so excited about just the place. I was all jacked up. You were saying, though, like, it's so tough to be around potheads, too, though, because, like, you never know how high they are and when they're high. Yeah, yeah.

You know? Like, a drunk or a cokehead, you can tell. Yeah. Like, if someone's yacked out of their skull, they're doing wild shit. Yeah. A drunk is just slurring you can tell. Yeah. Someone's yacked out of their skull. They're doing wild shit. Yeah. A drunk is just slurring and blinking slow. Yeah. If you're gone in the head with like mushrooms or weed or acid.

Yeah. You can't really tell and decipher your responses. Am I pissing you off right now? Right, right. And it's like, is my face doing weird stuff that's freaking you out? Because I don't want to do that. Did I insult your girlfriend? What happened? I don't want to have just like a dead my face doing weird stuff that's freaking you out? Because I don't want to do that. Did I insult your girlfriend? What happened?

I don't want to have just like a deadpan face and looking at you. That'll freak you out. Yeah. I mean, you deadpan sobers. Fuck that. I'm riding the rails, dude. When we were in Poughkeepsie, dude,

we were in Poughkeepsie, we were like... Unbelievably... Go ahead. You tell me what you think you were. What? Your demeanor in Poughkeepsie. Yeah, I was having fun. Dude, the bartender was like, get him in bed.

What are you talking about? Do you remember the bartender? Oh, when I was sleeping. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was before the show. I was exhausted. The whole first three hours.

Dude, I slept three or four hours. Two and a half of that was on a plane. But after the show, I got up for the show. I rallied. You did rally was but after the show i got up for the show i rallied you you did rally i rallied put it together for the show and then afterwards i was dancing up a storm and then there was a wedding there was a crazy wedding did you see uh do you see me there the next morning i sent the picture i went back to mahoney's you did yeah because i missed my train oh shit because the fucking uber driver takes 25 minutes in that hole. Oh, fuck. So then I missed my train and I had to go back to Mahoney's.

I had to. And stare at that old cop that died in service in 1988. You're at the downstairs bar? Yeah, because the upstairs bar wasn't. They have a brunch? They weren't serving. I didn't eat anything there. God, that place is disgusting.

But dude, there was a wedding. There was that fucking wedding. Oh, yeah. With a guy who looked like stevie married some like kind of cute yeah she was cute yeah and then there was all mixed in with just like what i thought was other college kids like i couldn't tell dude there was bridesmaids dancing with a guy in just like an adidas track suit and i was just like what the fuck is dude it's kind of like austin like austin late night it's such an eclectic group of –

like you go to one bar and it's like Latinos. And then you go to another bar, it's like cowboy. And then you go to another bar, it's like young dancing people. Yeah. But there – because it is strange. It's a strange group of – It's like one of the only bars in the area. Yeah.

So it's just everyone has one place to go. They're all on top of each other. And me and JP were just like, what the fuck is going on with this group? And then like the, the girl's mom, the bride's mom came over and was like, stop fucking staring at my daughter.

No. To you? Yeah. And we, me and JP, we were like, what? What are you talking about?

We're just trying to get like a lay of the land here. Yeah. Also your daughter's being a whore. I know. Imagine your daughter like dancing in the middle for attention at a giant Irish bar in the middle of the woods. And then you saying, stop staring at her. It's like, that's what she wants, you fucking idiot.

Yeah, in a gown. Well, apparently the daughter was upset by it too. I guess we must have been staring. Yeah, she'll be divorced. But it was a scene, dude. That muscle-bound dude who kept trying to take his shirt off but not really there's a super jacked guy clearly on roids like dancing like dancing with the bride and the groom looked like stevie from fucking eastbound and down so it was like what's happening here are they like in and then we were talking i

was like i don't go i don't know what the hell was going on. Yeah, I don't know. We were talking to like family friends, and they were fine with us, so I didn't think there was a problem. It wasn't a fucking private event. Yeah, you were at a college bar. Yeah.

Dancing in your wedding gown. That's weird. Yeah, essentially, there were like... It's one of those bars where the next day you go there and you just smell all like the Irish throw up and like – Oh, yeah. The shitty burning food. It's just – oh, God.

It's like – It's every bar in downtown Boston. Same thing Philly. Yeah, yeah. Fucking on 3rd and Spring Garden. What was that big one? Finnegan's Wake. Finnegan's Wake.

Yeah. We used to go there. It's so late. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me and Mike Madden fucking put numbers up in that joint in college. I would get fucking blacked out in there. I remember one time I was on the second level,

and I had two Bud Lights. Second level is the only place to go. You go down to the basement. You're fucked. Second level. I got two Bud Lights. I think I accidentally maybe spilled one. And then, like, I was like, oh, shit.

And I took a sip, and then two seconds later no no two bouncers on either side of me picked me up by my elbows and i was literally like like running in the air what'd you do opened this like this scaffolding door no on the second level just put me outside and i was just outside with two Bud Lights. The door locks behind and I was just like, dude, that rules. Yeah. Dude, and cabs used to sit outside that place like it was a fucking airport.

Do you remember? Like if you'd leave that place, there would just be a line of cabs. Trying to save lives. Otherwise you get on 95 just one iron. Just smoking strangers dude dude that was nuts that place was fucking lawless dude

and that was also when that area was still sketchy as fuck so Finnegan's Wake was the only thing there that and fucking what was the other one of the best fights I ever got in was in that place it was outside though but Temple when I lived on Temple's campus as the baseball team, the best fights,

it was just glory, dude. It was glory days. Dude, that was, yeah. My buddy Cooch used to, I told you this, he used to bring around a mouthpiece. That's insane. He's the one who got drafted, but he was 6'4", 220. Solid muscle.

We would have intra-squad fights. The Canadians, we had Canadians on our team. Oh, those guys are nuts. We would have intra-squad fights. The Canadians. We had Canadians on our team. Oh, those guys are nuts. They would fight every time. Yeah. Every time they got drunk, they would clear an area and just brawl.

It was like, dude, we have game. Dude, I said it before, but like imagine... I still think about like his... When we get into an altercation or something would happen, because you're just drunk idiots all fighting over pussy and beer. Yeah. He would literally stand up, reach into his jeans, and lock in a mouthpiece.

And you're looking up to this dude. Like, he's a beast, dude. Yeah. And some people would still fight him. He is a big boy. He's a big motherfucker. Oh, yeah. I finally got to meet him.

I think he's still like, I'd say 11%, 10% body fat. Yeah, he's- 43, fucking yoked. Yeah, dude. He's jacked. And he's got that fighter's face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're not fucking-

It's like boyish and yet big. And then it was all- It's like young Liam Weeson. It was all upper body. I couldn't- My neck- I had like fucking traps. Traps are here. I had the fucking-'s the i think what are those no these are lats these are traps yeah and uh this dude tried

to cold cock me because he waited in the shadows as we told our buddy to leave and instead this dude smoked me and my neck just went like it i shook. And you saw his face just go white. And I took one step and spaghetti like this motherfucker. I hit him so perfectly on the jaw. It was beautiful. It was all because this dude pissed on. If that lesbian could only see you. I trained for that, bro.

That was phase one, dude. That bulldog. I miss her so much. Just sweating down her shirt and tie she was she was in a shirt and tie yeah of course yeah she was impressed on her date she did beat me once though man she beat me once yeah son of a bitch she was impressive she was impressed even though she was running that's her connection that's what naeem said she she was like running and jumping in a way that was like really impressive.

Yeah. And she was barreling through this fucking thing. Like fucking. Boom. Sounded like a car slam in every 30 seconds. Like Troy. Yeah, yeah. In the jump.

Not as delicate. I would fuck Troy before her, but she was a very nice lady. That's fucking nuts. Damn. How hot was fucking, what's his face in Troy? Brad Pitt. God damn, he's beautiful. In that movie especially.

He was jacked. He was fucking thick. His hair length was great. Like Fight Club, he's jacked in a way, but it's like too skinny LA hot. It's weird. But Troy was a fucking man. He was pretty hot in a way, but it's like too skinny LA hot. It's weird. But Troy was a fucking man. He was pretty hot.

Yeah, I just like the longer hair, though. Yeah. He's your fucking dude with long hair. You can dog him. Yeah, you can dog him and not know. Dude, fucking Mark Harley, dude. Ew. He's looking.

He's a single now. I mean, he's fucked, right? I would imagine he's pretty fucked. It looks like an animal video where like a bear is like trying to get in your car. He's just like, you just see his reverse of his head like shaking a car. Was he on something? He's like, that's, knowing you're being filmed, knowing, you know what I mean? Yeah. the repercussions

and like I don't understand that I do not understand that knowing what's at stake there dude it's like you don't you're not talented enough to get past this

I mean it's not even it's just like what possible good is gonna come from maybe I just don't love people enough but like I agree with this

no no I agree with this but it's like there is no way I'm holding someone's car. There's no one I would fight for more. They don't even have children, do they? I don't think so. Yeah, dude. Get another one.

Yeah. Just get another one. Just move on. Like, also, you got to be like, I don't know. You got to know that you're just a big muscle-bound idiot. This relationship is not going to last. You know what I mean? You're in a fitness relationship?

That's not long-term. Yeah, how do you think those end? Yeah. They end through murder, suicides, and heart explosions. Yeah. All due to steroid. Yeah. They end through murder, suicides, and heart explosions. Yeah. All due to steroid. Yeah. You're getting Benoit'd. Your whole family's getting Benoit'd. Yeah.

You're gonna Benoit yourself. Or you die of liver and heart failure at like 50. Yeah. Because you've been taking horse tranquilizer through your dick. Or you're gonna just, what, be two geezers in like a Florida, like, old folks home. With your nipples in your pockets? Mandelbaum.

Mandelbaum. Mandelbaum. Yeah. Yeah, just like fitness freaks. Yeah, where do you think all this skin's going? It's like a guy gaining 400 pounds. Yeah. Like, you're stretching all this shit.

You're going to lose the muscle because there's a guy that goes to our gym that was so fucking jacked. It was off-putting. And it was a younger dude I met through this girl. And he's a weird... I thought he was Russian because he was so strange socially. But he was just a white, boring kid with zero personality. Never smiled. Yeah.

But he had, like, I've been to war energy. Yeah. He was just a fucking dork. He lost... When I saw him after quarantine, he lost no joke. He was big. He's like 6'4". I think he probably lost 80 pounds of muscle. Dude, he was like insane.

Yeah, just couldn't get steroids anymore. It's like, what are you training for, you idiot? Yeah, you should have gotten fat. At least you've been enjoying yourself. To get that yoked and then to wind up just with stretch marks again? You can't wash your hair? You just got to rub it against the wall maybe? I don't know.

You got to get one of those back scratch pads. Yeah, yeah. Because you can't reach it. Yeah. How do you wipe your ass? I couldn't touch my shoulder in college. This is the closest I. Yeah. How do you wipe your ass? I couldn't touch my shoulder in college. This is the closest I can get, but... How would you wipe your ass?

I don't know. How do you wipe your ass? I don't know. I can't stop thinking about this old lady crashing into the wall. Well, dude, that's what... These people won't be able to drive to the gym. You know what I mean? It's like sooner or later,

you got to start talking to the person across from you you know you can't just do pull-ups yeah well the rest of your days functionality it's all about like being healthy and functional and looking good once you pass any of those barriers you're you're missing the point. Yeah, also, dude, if like, just let her go. Let her go. You know? Maybe he thought it would be funny. Maybe he's like, this is good podcast stuff. Maybe it's going to blow them up. Maybe it'll make Brendan Chubb funny.

Yeah. Maybe I... I'm sorry. It's content. It's good content. It is good content. And get... I'm sorry. It's content. It's good content. It is good content. And get your name out there. Yeah, yeah.

Shit, our t-shirt sales will be up through the roof if I start assaulting my girlfriend. Well, that is the thing. Some girls want you to fucking lift their car up so that they can't leave. Yeah, also... But honestly, get rid of those people. Start the car. Don't be in a relationship with those people.

Well, they find each other. You see the videos of this woman? She's a fucking lunatic. She seems like the cause of most of it. There's no doubt. Yeah. Any blonde bitch that doesn't blink while yelling at you is like, she's fucking nuts, dude. Yeah.

There's something to say about blonde white women. Wanting to start a fight? They're fucking nuts. Yeah. And they got no quit in them, dude. Yeah. They're a junkyard dog that hasn't been fed. They want that fucking fury.

There is that thing. That is a funny thing when it's like, if you, she kept posting these things where it's like, if you lash out against your abuser, that's not abuse. Just like, I get it. That is true.

But also. Wait, lash out and protection of her own. Like if there's footage of you hitting somebody. Oh, and he, that it's like a guy killing a rapist. Right.

That's not a killer. That's how they say it. Yeah. But it's also just like you gotta get out of there dude they say this is why these people have to go to therapy after being in abusive relationships

it's hard but you gotta I think if you're an emotional abuser it's the manipulative behavior is is so well crafted and then they fall into this need as opposed to you know it's the need is so well crafted and then they fall into this need

as opposed to, you know, it's the need and then it goes to the want where it's like you both need it and want it. And then you find yourself as your shell of your person and your friends have to be like, hey, just so you, it's like drug addiction or anything else. It's like you're in an abusive relationship. You don't realize this because you've been abused

to the point where you're psychologically damaged and you feel like you need more. Well, there's also that thing where it's like you're an abusive relationship you don't realize this because you've been abused to the point where you're psychologically damaged and you feel like you need more and like well there's also that thing where it's like everyone's a piece of shit every human on earth sucks so when you're being abused you're like well i mean i'm not perfect yeah yeah there's it's so easy to get into that zone where you're like well i am a bit of bit of a shithead. I'm not doing everything right. Maybe if I did everything right, then I could be in a place where I'd go, nah, well, I don't deserve this. But also those abusers just like...

So then it's hard to get out. Yeah, this is crazy for me to even say, but like... And I only know this from watching shows and documentaries and shit, but like pedophiles seek out single mothers and they seek out single mothers of like low intellect, women that are poor, abused, so that they can then manipulate the mother into thinking

it's a healthy relationship so they can molest the children. Jesus Christ. So there's a mindset to seek out these type of people that need help or like maybe it's financial or emotional. Maybe they were abused by their father or maybe something. And then there's always a pattern. It's why like children that were – their mothers gave birth to them at 18 years old.

It's like 80% chance that they have a kid as a child. Yeah. It's like a cycle. So like these people that become or get in these abusive relationships probably because they were they were born in this environment that they needed that like yeah it's not always the case i'm just no no but it's also that thing where it doesn't it doesn't it's not as crazy a situation because you lived it. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's more normal. Yeah, it's normalcy. If you grew up in a house where it was just like your parents were like a decent age, they were together and you're like, you get pregnant at 18, you're like, holy fuck, this is so fucking crazy.

It's cultural too, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If your mom gave birth to you at 18, you're just like, ah. Yeah. I mean, there's some cultures you have a baby at, I mean, shit, this is the same way my,

this, a hundred years ago, if you had a kid at 23, you're a fucking grandma. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you're only living until 35, 40.

It's like, get going. Yeah. It's crazy to see a kid have a baby nowadays. It's just, anyway, that's been our podcast brought to you by Manscaped. Yeah. We got to do some ad reads. Yeah, we got to do some ad reads.

Yeah, we got to do our ad reads and plug them in there naturally. All right, well, I hope you enjoyed that guest list podcast. I want to say thank you for all your support and love. We're taking Chris to the Grand Canyon. When we get 4,500, we've been teetering around 4,000 for quite some time. I was thinking that we should still try to go to Monza. This year's Monza. Let's do it.

Let's do that at five. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, we said we'd do it at four. I think it's crazy that all these people that are already on the Patreon aren't telling everybody else to get on the Patreon. It's just like, you're supposed to be building. We should be building faster.

Yeah, yeah. Get up. Get up. Get up and fucking... like, you're supposed to be building. We should be building faster. Yeah, yeah. Get up. Get up. Get up and fucking... Well, we've had some technical issues. We've had a lot of... And it's true, and fucking a lot of our friends

in this business that have been doing this as opposed to us just clicking buttons, you have to be consistent. You have to... And we're trying, but it's hard to find...

We think we got it. Yeah, we think we do. We may have cracked it. And I know I've been saying this for a while, but we, after our tour, we'll be doing a few shows with Shane at the end of the year, but, um, or the next few months. We're going to have a lot of more look at this. Yeah.

It is. Because we got our, we got a new setup in the kitchen for some filming and sound and lighting. We're very excited about that. Yeah, we got, yeah. We got a lot of ir setup in the kitchen for some filming and sound and lighting we're very excited about that we got a lot of irons in the fire we do we have a lot of work to do I'm going to go Benoit this whole fucking production

alright let's do some reads it is tough it's tough to it's tough to do it all to be on the road and then trying to get work locally it's tough to do it all. To be on the road and then trying to get like work locally. Yes.

Then doing the podcast. Then trying to do extra shit for the podcast. That's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of fucking work. Scheduling is the real, is the real bugaboo.

Yeah. It's no days off, I guess. That's why you got to get a woman and fucking manage all this stuff. I think I'm going to have my girl do a lot of this stuff for us. You think I'm kidding? I don't know.

I think we should just bind together and do it. True. We should do the work. We should do the work. Two adults. We should learn how to do it. Yeah. Well, it's been great.

I do feel better now. I feel like it's cold. I might be on the other side of this cold. Yeah? Yeah. This morning I was like Jesus Christ. I was sick as fuck

from our our Cincy India St. Louis. I came back bad. But I'm good now. Everything's good.

Yeah I did I did way too much. It's also traveling as soon as you Iowa, Minneapolis When I walked in the kitchen and I saw you dragging a fucking bag, I saw your backpack. I said, where are you going? You said, Austin.

I went, oh, fuck. I just knew it. I knew it wasn't going to be good, but it's good. It was good. It was great. Yeah, it was great. It was the right move. It's the right move.

I just knew it was going to set you. It's a lot. It's a lot. We have a lot to do. In the last 14 days... We need gonna set you it's a lot it's a lot we have a lot to do it was i in the last we need to prioritize stuff island last 14 days iowa minneapolis breakup cincy indianapolis st louis austin london ontario toronto right new york clean up the glass clean up a bunch of glass that glass is in your fucking bed somehow

I put your mail in there I know the amount of glass that ripped through the fucking bag she cleaned up some of it what was it no I cleaned up all of it what was it it was wine bottles it was the Notre Dame glass

she started just smashing things. It's crazy. Don't let her back in here, dude. Yeah, yeah. No, no. If she's got to pick a bag up, put it in the fucking steps. No, I'm dead serious.

I know. The fact that she just said, hey, I moved out and said, hey, thank you so much. She did say that. To who? To me. Yeah, fucking thank me. Fuck you, dude. i deserve a thank you thank you for cleaning up my shit every day uh yeah then i went to austin then poughkeepsie

back to new york i fucking knew it crazy. I knew that was purposeful. I fucking knew it. What, the glass? Dude, there was like six pounds of glass. You should have seen the floor. She just started tossing all the shit. Yeah, I was like sitting out here watching TV. Oh, you heard it being- And I just heard smash.

I was like, what the fuck? You thought it was her in the backyard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her neighbor hit the bros bushes. Dude, it was nuts. That's a boss-ass move, though. Was this post-conversation of like, we can't do this anymore?

Yeah. Yeah. That's a fucking... You see, I'll say this. If I know I don't want to be in a relationship and I know I feel bad, and there's been talks of it before and there's ups and downs and she gets you back into it and somehow swindles you back into the relationship you know is eventually going to end, I'm waiting to hear a sound like that because there's no coming back. Yeah.

I had an ex hit me once and I was like, I just laughed. I laughed because I knew you fucked up. Yeah, yeah. Now there's no more pity parties. Yeah, yeah. There's no more, let's try one more time. Yeah. You made your bed now.

Yeah. And now I haven't out. Yeah. Yep. The crash is like, pack up, sweetie. Yeah, yeah. Hey, tuts. Bye-bye.

Yeah, yeah. The bus comes every 20 minutes. That's what I'm saying. Someone does something fucked up, get out. Get-bye. Yeah, yeah. The bus comes every 20 minutes. That's what I'm saying. Someone does something fucked up, get out. Get the fuck out. Get out. But, like you said, there'll be another one because you love this shit. I do not like it.

You said you liked it. I did. Well, the good times were good. If there's a common theme, it's like Shane or getting sober. There was always somebody. It was always something. The guy would be in a cast. He had a black eye.

He's got a missing tooth. And how many fucking stories can I hear? And there's, yeah, what did he do this time? What did that guy do this time? What did she say? It's like, no, no, no. You're the common denominator of this mess. And if there's multiple, multiple, multiple of these situations, it's you.

It's not me. Okay, thank you so much. It's not you. It's not me. Okay, thank you so much. It's not me. It's not me. I'm not doing it. I didn't say you are, but, you know, there's only so many maniacs. You invite the chaos. You invite the chaos.

There's only so many maniacs we'll put up with that shit. And then you have to. I'm the maniac putting up with this stuff. I know this. But she's also putting up, you're not, you know, we're not easy, easygoing characters. I'm pretty easygoing.

You think that, I think you send me into a fucking spiral daily. You send me into a spiral daily. Okay. That's what an abuser would say. No, no, no. You're a piece of shit. Well, I think you're a piece of shit.

But I'm not actively doing anything. I don't actively do anything. Right. I think inactivity is also active. Active participation. It's like, look, I drove the car. They robbed the bank. It's like, well, you're going to jail.

No, but I didn't drive the car. I didn't drive the car. You're driving your own car right now. No, if I don't... It's got the wheels off. If I didn't stop them from robbing your bank. If I see someone run in there, that's not my responsibility.

I don't have to make them stop. You're on the lookout for cops. You're in the past. I'm not the wheel man. You're in the car, dude. I'm not the wheel man. I'm just living my life, having my own thoughts.

Everyone wants to get in my mind. You know what I mean? At the moment they get in there, they go, I don't like any of this. And it's like, well, yeah,

I didn't ask you. I told you. Yeah. I told you you don't want to be in there. Yeah. You like falling asleep in my bird. You like to come from my own home. You like not paying bills.

Don't you? Get the fuck out of here. All right, let's go. I got to do some reads and then I got to get pee pee and then I got to do some reads. And then I got to get pee-pee, and then I got to eat. Okay.