Stuff Island - Sunburnt - Stuff Island #236

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Download the app now and sign up with code STUFFISLAND. Claim your FIVE HUNDRED FLEX SPINS and choose your slots! The Crown is Yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit CCPG.org Please playresponsibly. Twenty-one plus. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. Non-withdrawable Spins issued as fifty spins per day for ten days, valid for select games only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com/promos Ends May Third at eleven fifty-nine P M Eastern time.For a limited time, our listeners can get 50% off for life plus Free Shipping AND 3 Free Gifts at Men Go To Mars dot com. That’s MenGoToMars.com for 50% Off AND 3 Free Gifts when you checkout. And it’s also available on Amazon! After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. PLEASE support our show and tell them our show sent you. Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

She goes, this one guy, Nickel City fishheads, excuse me, me lady, but would you be interested in a little toothy head per chance? I run a fishhead taxidermy business. I was like, dude, buckle up, babe. Yeah. The way do you see the animals in the dark that are going to come out? Yeah.

Yeah, not good. All right. I thought you were going to say she gained like 600 pounds just on the other. I'm single now. Like a weekend with Shane just in Vancouver. Just grubbing her dick off. How do you guys do it?

I had about 400 beers. Nothing but cheeseburgers. It's fast food three times yesterday. It's like, well, now you know how we come home on Sundays. Like a tornado hit our belly in our mind. I'd say, what do you expect? Just get fucked up for four straight days. Eat nothing but fucking lard.

What? A lard? Well, yeah, dude, I got the Mimi's sausage dip. At the Players Retreat and Kent North Carolina Raleigh. You're saying it like it's a famous thing. Dude, it is a famous thing. To me. It is.

Mimi's famous dip. Mimis. Mimi's sausage dip, dude. It's so good. And they give you Frito, like Frito scoops as the chips. Yeah. And boy, it's, dude, a couple of beers and that shit is so good. Is it like a cheese sauce base, like a Velveeta?

Yeah. And they just put ground sausage in there. Send it. I'm good. I like it. So good. I'm in. The shits the next day are.

Dude, putting leftover taco meat into a Velveeta cheese dip. Final meal. That's my last. might be my last meal before getting executed. It's like a Jesse James thing for your like bowel system. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know, and they put like a bunch of like, they put a bunch of trees over the train tracks and the train nest stuff.

It's literally what it feels like. I'm sorry, so your asshole's not going to open up for about three months. Well, it's a weird fight. Just chunks of sausage with masks on going through the rest of your stomach. We need to find an exit. We got to fight it. an exit. Whole place is barricaded by

cheese. It's such a weird fight because one is just like, fooom, like directly out your ass with an oil slick. Your butthole's got fucking chapstick on it after a dump. And then cheese is like, hold on, hold on.

Everybody just calmed down. Nobody's going anywhere. Now you can't leave. Just locking the door. Holy Velvita bouncers, dude. Yeah, I used to be my go-to. That was my favorite.

People I say that all the time. It's like favorite, like, appetizer. It's just the big block of Velvita and you take a jar of salsa. And you got to figure out the ratios. So it's not too cheesy. It's not too watery. Yeah. That's all you need.

Yeah. But you put extra tacos. You make white trash tacos and you have extra taco meat that's seasoned. Yeah. Chili Cancazo? Holy. It's unbelievable. Fucked, dude.

But dude, the Frito's scoop chip. Yeah. Yeah, it's a game changer. Is, well, it's flavor game changer, but it's also like, it binds like concrete. It's dense, too. It's dense. A Tostito is too frail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just snaps. Right. Because once that coagulates, it starts cooling down, unless you're eating it right out of the fucking, you know? Yeah. Right out of the pot. Yeah, you know that, like, that foam that, like, it's like that, yeah, the insulation that like mixes out of the nozzle. Yeah, yeah.

Expans and gets hard. That is the chip mixing with the sausage cheese. Yeah, dude. Is just a good green chili in a... Oh, yeah. And a cheese. Properly cooked. Yeah.

American cheese. Tortoise. Caso. People don't realize this. They use American for a lot of these Mexican restaurants. For the queso. Yeah. Because the meltability is like...

You could taste the difference because they have that cohita and they have a couple different blends. They have that Mexican cheese that's called, I forget, or I'm sorry, mozzarella. It's like Mexican mozzarella. I forget. It comes in like a fucking knot. But it doesn't have that consistency to stay, you know, melted, creamy. For a long, well, it sits on the table. Yeah, American.

That's it, dude. That's why cheese steaks are the American is just the best. Yeah. Whiz and provolone? You really? Don't work. You really got me on the Cooper Sharp train. Super Sharp, let's go, right?

It just can't be beat. It can't be beat. It can't be beat. And I hate to say it. I think I'm coming around to cherry peppers, dude. I don't know what's happening. Clip it. I don't know what's happening.

This is big. This is big for the family. I know. I started cutting my cheeseburgers in half. Yeah. I don't know what. I don't know who I am anymore. You're hanging on me too much, man.

It's like, yeah. It starts to get real nice because you get a good look at the. burger. Uh-huh. And you get a... It's a tack, tack points. Yeah, yeah.

You can control what's going on. Yes. And your first bites on both sides are the best. Yes. Right? So you're cutting right down the middle where the temperature should be perfect. It's cooked perfect. Right.

So going inside out, you get the best first. But... And if you get a little ingredient movement, you know, if you get some tectonic plate shifted. It doesn't... It doesn't spread throughout the whole burger. You get a fresh start. Yeah.

You got a little bit. You get a fresh start on the second half. You get a burger landslide going, like a tomato just doesn't behave. See you. It's like, phew! Pickle falls on your white shirt. You're like, the fuck is going on. Oh, man.

Especially the way you eat, you know? Over the counter. The boxers. You can't afford a tomato that fly on your foot. I cannot, dude. I cannot. I don't have that many clothes One thing gets hit by a tomato

It's gone It's crazy how often I wear Like a white tea Or something white to cook It's like I never learn If it's not a sauce It's just the oil Yeah

And I can't figure it out Somebody will say Bacon soda Diss detergent And water And just let it sit I've done everything And then I'm getting to the point now

I've dude This is embarrassing but I got coffee stains on this one shirt that I really like and I'm like I'm just going to tie-dye this thing. Yeah. And I just started spraying it with leftover coal brew. I just started whipping it. Oh, yeah.

Just give it a little pizzazz. Yeah, just make it all coffee stains. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not the whole thing dipped, but just like a little fun, you know, a little fun design. Like a tie-dye? Yeah.

Instead of wrapping it up and putting, you ever see how tie-dye? Yeah, yeah. You ever see true tie-dye artists? Dude, it's mind-boggling. how they can like uniformly control the ink spread with these rubber bands and it looks like an octopus it's one shirt and it has like seven different veins

and he just lets it soak after he puts like drops here and there and opens it up and it's like dude I made a sick tie-dye like two years ago you did yeah yeah it was perfect and then behind my back someone threw it in the warm wash oh no because you got to go cold wash to start and everything bled it was a disaster

but was it the bleeding kind of cool as well the bleeding was kind of cool but there were still parts of like the white t-shirt underneath in the mix with all the colors and it really helped everything pop yeah and that stuff was gone well you knew what it was before

and that probably hurt yeah that pained you yeah to see the beautiful art yeah I thought I did it put a knife through your canvas it's no longer Mona Lisa it. Dude. Shows this weekend Friday show.

Yeah. Crowd was dog shit. Oh, just out of control. It was actually a fun show, but there was a group. First of all, it started with a lady.

This was before I was even in the room. Apparently there was a lady walking around. Like, she sat down, she sat down next to a couple and just turned to this woman and was like, oh my God. I want to fuck you.

Oh, my God. The lady was like, wait, the lady said, another woman? Yeah, yeah. And then just started like rubbing her arm and stuff. And they were like, yo, you gotta, you gotta go. Yeah.

They kicked her out before the show even started. So it's like, and she was apparently up and wandering around the room, touching other people. So she was on meth or coke? I don't know. I think she was just hammered. Dude, she went, she went at speed. She left, she went to another bar, got kicked out of that bar and came back and hung out at the bar, I guess. At the club.

Seems like a good time. Dude, then... That's the one you're kind of pissed to shit, Ike. You know what I mean? I've taken an okay to a lot of those. Yeah, what a wasted energy. I know you're fucking maniac and I'm going to risk my life, but... Yeah.

The way you said it, yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see what you got. Let's see what you go. You know, keep bumps off the tip of your penis. No, that's definitely speed. Speed gets your, your, your, your, your, your horny organisms going. You get all, you get all wild.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, I mean, I don't know. Lady parts and, yeah, dude. I'm not this big speed guy. No, but it does. It gets you going. I don't know.

You get horny immediately. I mean, you got a better, you got a better read on that kind of stuff than I do. Most people. Sometimes I won't even notice that they're drunk. I'll just go, that guy's out of their mind. Yeah, a guy had too many guineasas.

He's scratching his face off because he's all mess. You just have no fucking idea. He's hammered. He's got open. It's hammered. A little lunatic. He's got a swastick a tattooed on his far head. They guy's drinking too much.

Then during Miles is said, who's the feature, he says, he says the word retard. But not in an angry way, not in a like, you know, not attacking, just said the word. Lady just goes, no. Dude, I've never seen it like, I've never seen someone get kicked out of a comedy show this fast. it was like dude the only thing like you bear it to

is when like a baseball manager goes out there like to the um and like trying to get run you know what I mean the conversation is like there's literally the umps just going you all

he takes one step that top stuff get the fuck out of here you are not talking to me today dude so that kind of rules because it's usually the opposite takes forever to get a

fucking bouncer. Oh, no, to the table. No. That's what I'm saying. She went out there just like spit, like literally top of the dugout,

spit. It was like, it was like she just went to the show. Like, it was like she had been to every comedy show of all time. Like that was the level of like, it's a 162 game season. Not enough.

I just, you know what I mean? Got to get the team fired up. I was going to go out there. My kids. talk to me. I will do anything. I'll do anything right now.

How did he handle it? Did he follow up with like another, let me that retard? He was just, no, he was just like, let me, let me finish the beat.

She was already out the door. It was so funny. And then, and then I get on stage. And I start like, like, you know, doing whatever.

And kind of like, literally like 20 minutes in, I start talking about how crazy. Yeah. That fucking, that fucking, that, lady just getting just getting run like that yeah so fast yeah not even putting up a fight yeah just going no you shouldn't say that word just gone thank you i'm out it's like she never wanted to be there in the

first place and then and then someone else in the crowd is like shh shh shh and i'm like what whoa what are you talking about and they were like their friends are still here so there's a group in the back that's still and right away this this younger girl i couldn't even see her face it was too dark starts going like no know, like, we're just trying to have a good time. Yeah. We're just like, we're like, they're just crazy. Like, we're here. We're like here for you.

And before she can even finish her, like, I guess her mom who's sitting next to her, goes, just move on. And I'm like, dude, I would love to, but I don't know if you know how comedians work. Now you're false. If you say move on, I cannot move on. I can't. Then the bouncer's coming out already. This is not a jukebox, bitch.

You're going to fucking hear it now. This isn't hit next. You fucking swarmy cunt. It was crazy. Move on. So bouncer's already coming out. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't.

You know what I mean? Don't. You don't have to kick him out. I want to know what the fuck is going. And like at this point, the young. girl is crying and leaves. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.

This whole squad. It's unbelievable. What a nightmare squad. That's unbelievable. Like literally crying? Yeah. Yeah. Apparently just like full water works out the door.

Like she's so embarrassed. Dude. Yeah, it was also. And I had heard that the other couple that got kicked out, the lady that was like, now and her husband. Yeah. They were talking to the manager and the husband was like, I worked at Second City for five years.

Oh, my, of course. I know what funny is or something like that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So then there's another husband in the room still. This girl, I guess it's this girl's parents. I know. I worked at Second City for five years.

The gayest flex. It's insane. Like you're saying the worst thing. You're also. 70 years old. Yeah, yeah. You did a five-year stint at Second City. Yeah, you did jazz hands with three other faggots.

Dude, that fucking, that riot comedy festival, there was like four or five different stages. And I couldn't find out which one I had to go to for my show. And there's like a shared hallway, like behind the stage of one of the bigger places. which I had to go to. And there's just a group doing like weird hand games.

Yeah. And I'm like, who are these fucking guys? There's zip zaps, zapping. And I'm like, oh, it's, fuck, it's an improv troupe. Collectively doing hand warm-ups. I'm like, that alone, if somebody walked in on me, take, somebody caught me doing...

Zip-zab-zop. Zip-zab. Zip-zab. Oh my God. let alone dude saying you done it for five years as if it's a flex

I mean it's like to keep that to your fuck itself yeah man that's why your wife was like no she's been saying no her whole life it's also so insane

to think that a manager of a comedy club is gonna hear that you did five years at second city and go wait what yeah that's crazy oh I

had no idea let's see if there's a table up front yeah yeah I guess you're right I guess you're right I guess so you want to do a show here like what the fuck is that dude then so the ladies

going move on I'm like move on from this is all just happening yeah I haven't really even said anything yeah and I'm like I say that like I can't move on if you say move on I can't yeah and then her husband goes

it's lame I'm like what? And he goes, Slame! Like, what? What's lame? What? And then he started,

then he, then he goes... He's saying, it's lame? Yes. What, saying, retard? I don't even know at this point. I don't even know. And is this the Second City guy? No, no.

This is, I guess, his friend. There's another couple that's still in the room. Like, a husband and wife left, and then a daughter and another husband and wife were still in there, which I didn't know about, that were friends with the people that got booted. So then this guy goes bananas.

This guy goes bananas. Oh, Jesus Christ. Now, what do you? I got to do the show for you? I still haven't said a word. I haven't, dude, I'm literally on stage. I'm on stage. I hope there's footage of this.

Dude, I'm on stage like this. I can't. believe. This guy's going, oh, I got to do all the comedy for you. I got, Jesus. Am I the show now? Am I the show? I'm the show? I haven't I never said a word to this guy.

He's just launching off. Then I go, I go, holy shit. Where the fuck are you guys from? And she goes, we're from Chicago. And someone goes, no, you're not. You live.

year. Then she goes, yeah, we live on St. Mary's. And her husband goes, would you shut the fuck out? It was unbelievable. Oh, my God. There's a miserable couple getting out once in a while. It was such a fucking treat.

They could shut their mouth enough or bring it like that. Oh, where they just expose themselves. Because then you go, you can't hang out with Janice and Dan anymore. That was fucking crazy. He beats her in a shed. I know. That's how I was saying. The vent diagram of people that can't stand the R word and beat their wives.

It's like, you can only find that in Raleigh, North Carolina. The smallest sliver. That's hate speech. Shut up, bitch. That's like truly one of the worst towns for comedy in my mind. I've had fun there a few times, but it's not consistent. It's such a hodgepodge where that club is. Yeah.

I don't just say the club, but it's like, you know, on a college campus, but there's locals. Yeah, yeah. It's such a weird blend, which usually makes good, comedy audiences, but you get a bunch of everything. It seems like it's getting better. It seems like they're getting more established. Like more people know about the club and like. So true comedy fans are finding it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I felt like they, I don't know. I don't know if it was promotion or whatever. It's like when we did it last two years ago. It had just opened. Oh, okay. All right. This episode is brought to you by Marsman.

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hybridy like it's good nights, but it's helium. which is it Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It felt like when you're like walking on a boardwalk, like the whole audience, like just like kind of mozioned in to see like someone juggle. They didn't want to be there,

I didn't care, either the girl drug them or the guy drug them, but no one knew what the fuck comedy was. Yeah. No, this was a pretty good group. Aside from that, that was the only show that was like that. That rolls.

The rest of the way it was great, but it got off to such a wild start. Oh, man. I feel, I don't. I don't know if I should say this, because it's his story, but Nick Murphy, like, I was talking to him about going there. Yeah. And he was saying that, like, the craziest fucking thing happened to him there where, like,

he was, he was on stage and he was doing, like, I think he started doing a bit about Trump. And I don't think it was, you know, particularly, you know, it's Nick. I don't think it was particularly, like. Political. Yeah. Yeah. And some lady gets up, loses her mind.

Yeah. You know, fuck you, all this stuff. They kick her out. He's in the small room. Nemesh Patel is headlining to big room. Yeah. Right? I love Nemish.

Yeah, he's the man. Sweet boy. So this lady's on her way out. There's a giant line of Indian people waiting for Nemesh. Yeah. Right? To get into the room. This lady's so hammered.

She thinks they're Mexicans. No. Yeah. She starts going off. Get out of this country. Oh my. Oh my God. No, like, what did we do?

What did we do? Apparently, they all just pulled out their phones. What are they? Golly. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's all-time great. Yeah. There's always one.

They're almost always white women. Yeah, yeah. It's almost every fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah. The first lady that got the, or the second lady that got the boot, the one that went now, she looked like Skyler, exactly like Skyler or whatever from Breaking Bad. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It was like. Yeah, of course. Blonde. Blue eyes. God, of course it was you. And Southern white women, they're either the scariest bitches in the world or like the most woke fucking animals. Yeah, yeah. There's no in between.

There's no like reasonable. white woman in the south. It's true. You got to be in one camp or another. Yeah, she won't buy a coconut because it's too dark. Raleigh's scary, dude. It really doesn't like, I don't know, in my opinion, it doesn't really have a, has a weird cultural, like, identity complex.

I can't figure it out. Maybe it's just because I haven't... I don't think we ever really went to any of the cool spots. And that's just my ignorance. You just got locked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved it when it was good night. So that little area's cool.

I had that like... Yeah. That country bumpkin bar in the back. Yes. That was fucking cool. Dude, that place rock. That still just ruins. Really?

Yeah, yeah. They even broke down the bar? They knocked down the whole boat. Oh, no. It's just, yeah, it's just ruins. See, that had character. That was like, you felt like you were in Raleigh. You felt like you're in North Carolina

Getting shit faced in that basement Yeah Dude's a two-step in shit Yeah, yeah That fucking rules It was awesome Damn I love watching women two-step Yeah

I went to uh Josh Josh Josh's wedding Yeah Yeah How was it? It was wonderful They go full Greek Full Greek

The Greeks dance like Jews At the end Do you know this? Really? Yeah they get in a circle And they do that little cute Little hot But they don't

I wonder if the Jews stole that from the Greeks I mean Not to light a fuse Not to light a fuse here Tom Yeah let's just get through this I wonder It's nice weather out

I'd like to get back to the dock Yeah No they do this cute little circle dance Where they all hold hands And they they Josh's Josh's wife Is so good

She's such a cute little dancer It was like It was like You couldn't see under her beautiful wedding dress but like you just see like the movement

teacups yes dude it was unbelievable she was unbelievable because you can rate you know you rate the circle yeah everyone's getting ratings and she was just fucking killing it and I guess the wife holds like a a towel or like a

I don't know what it is but there's a whole process and it's very adorable and it's yeah a lot better than the Jews the Jews are all did you guys rage you guys Cutting you off Well, I mean, it probably

Smells like fucking baloney These guys have been dancing in suits And fucking 100 degree weather Did they, they Yeah, do you guys rage? Do you guys rage into the night? Yeah. Yeah, I got fucking, dude, I'm

You woke up the next day I can't show the burn I don't want another clip of me being cold fat I'm not fat You're gonna see How many hours of sunlight did you get? On the burn? Yeah.

Like, how long were you on the beach? I'll show you this much. That's crazy. And you can see the line here. Yeah. I have a medallion. I think you're the first person I've ever seen. Actually with your under your neck is white.

Yes, because I didn't move. Yeah. That's. So the sun point. I just didn't move. My fucking medallion. I have a medallion white circle. It's through my chest hair.

It's crazy. We're talking third degree, babe. You literally needed the mirror. that's can you see that swelling so your skin is just swollen yeah it's just it's it's burnt yeah you got radiation poison oh my god can you see that can you see that my god there's indentations like a temperedic bed and they'll sit there my god it'll sit there for like 10 minutes i was having a good dine with this guy i'm mad dude and it only took you didn't put a towel over your legs? Eventually, once I started

feeling some stuff, but it only took like three hours for me to go, oh, fuck. Yeah, you're closer to the equator down there. It's a different sun, dude. Yeah, 15 minutes of that. It's too much. A hundred percent. Three hours? Well, the way the hotel had the... Three hours until you put a towel over your legs? So I asked

the guy if I could borrow some sunscreen. I didn't know. It was a stranger. I went there by myself, dude. I solo rolled. It's like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, this guy got to be shops by the beach, no? Yeah, I should have done that. Yeah. It was the same beach that, uh, Meish, when I opened for Shane with, uh, Bobby Kelly and, and, uh, Big

Jay. So I know, I know that beach run. I know there's a CVS. I went to the Starbucks we went to. The beach is fucking beautiful. It's, God. If you stay at one of the higher end hotels, they have all the beach chairs for you. And I just sat down.

I decided not to go with the umbrella one because they were too far back. Yeah. To get closer to the water. All the umbrella ones were. back towards like the boards or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I went, no, I'll take that one. And I was like, look, an hour,

hour and a half will be fine. And then I'll start thinking about some sunscreen. No, no, no, no. I want to get a nice base layer. It's my first base layer of the summer. No, no, no, no. I know. I do this every year, dude.

I know. I get smoked for the first burn once a year, and then I'll start layering on like a fucking Caribbean and I'll just get darker and darker and darker. The first burned, lobster, straight Irish skin. And then I turned to black Irish. I know.

You got to put the screen. First of all, no one ever leaves the beach and comes back. No, that's why I never left. Yeah. That's why I was like, I already got here. Whatever you need, get it first. I know what the fuck is saying. I know it.

Here's the thing. How could you do this? I'll tell you how I could do it. It was my flight day. So my anxiety is through the fucking roof. I got to leave at a certain point to get to the airport. say four. I check out at 10 actively

because I get pounded on the door at 9.59 when this fucking bitch didn't show up for two other nights. Yeah, yeah. Of course, she's nowhere to be found until it's 959 the day you check out. And then I go, I keep!

So I'm up and Adam. No, thank you. Yeah. He said 10 minutes. 10 minutes. It always takes you a second. No. Where you go?

Is that my door? Yeah. Is that my door? Is it next door? because you're just faint enough but just enough because they take that key card and you got like well because it also like

you'll go no thank you yeah and then I want to get back to what you said there's always two I want to get back to what you said because it's it really struck me and you're so right I can't defend myself once you touch the sand you're not coming back if you leave

yeah yeah I thought about this but I was like look I gotta leave it four I'll get a few hours down here Fine. What I should have done It's walked to the CVS a few blocks away Got a small cooler Yep You get the styrofoam

Yep Some bullshit I should have got a 12 pack You know what I mean Or at least the six Because they have backup bars They have a concession I got a concession or a bar

It's a concession bar Okay Yeah it's all booze but it looks like a little concession Taco Bill pizza It's a lot They got a concession bar. Yeah. So once I got to the beach, I was like, fuck it.

I just kept walking back and forth. I probably spent like $100 on fucking white clothes. Yeah, yeah. This bullshit. Four white claws. Yeah. I got was a drink of white wines. Yeah.

That's a good pull. That's the move. The solid blanc in a can. Do you have sunglasses? Yeah. I did have sunglasses. All right. Yeah.

I did. All right. Yeah. I had sunglasses. I had two towels. nice chair and then I just I did the fucking

burrito roll in the towels way too late and I should have just I was embarrassed I was like look if I get up and try and go to CBS now for

SBF 15 or 30 no no no you can't walk into CVS burnt yeah and ask for sunscreen that feels just carrying a football and sunscreen

ridiculous I stole a football at that CBS the last time we were there with the boys oh yeah yeah the line was crazy I just

found a football and I pretend it like I do every time at the airport I steal water and I just pretend I'm waiting for somebody and I can't hear them through the doorway and I walk out. Yeah. There's a ratio. Wait a few minutes and I fucking beat it. Yeah. There's a ratio between the line and the price. Yeah.

Oh, 100%. That stealing becomes okay. Yeah. It's what, $15, $20 football? Especially I'll do a thing where I'll take a look at the cashiers. Yeah. See how they're doing. you know if they're moving yeah i'll stick around i'll go all right yeah i'm not trying to beat the

whole system yeah yeah i don't want to make these people are working hard i don't want to make them look bad yeah but if it's the normal just yeah there's a 14 year old girl laxadaisical and dude you're in fort lauderdale so the hodgepodge of fucking maniacs in that fucking antfield waiting in line you got some lady like count and change oh yeah yeah you get that's the other thing too sometimes it's not their fault. You get the person who's like, what kind of gums do you have? Yeah, Jesus Christ. There's no questions in this line. And then she pulls her around

the counter. She's like, can you open up this one place? I want to look at this deal or not to see if there's chemicals in it. You're like, well, up there. Yeah, what do you want for me? Yeah. What do you want from me? Yeah. I almost did it. I just want down there. I should have went down there.

I should save some money. Yeah, but you're thinking that's, now we're getting the fuller story. You were thinking about that line. 100%. You're like, I just want to get to the beach. I don't want to wait in that fucking line. I was already moving. I went to the pool, so you have to exit to the pool,

and then there's like a little archway over the street, elevator down to the private beach for the hotel. Yeah. Which is nice. And I consider the pool because I went to the pool the day before. Considered the pool. I considered the pool. I consider it.

But it's Memorial Day. Also, fuck you, Josh. For that, a destination wedding on a, fucking holiday. Yeah. The hotel prices and flight prices. Insane. Insane.

So I'm trying to take advantage of the amenities. Whereas normally I'm like, ah, fuck you. I'm gonna go to a bar and watch lacrosse. So I'm like, all right, let's try the pool. I did the pool. And I'm like, the beach. I miss the beach more than anything in the world.

Let's just get to the fucking beach. And I was excited to get on the fucking beach. And by that point, I went, it's too late. You're right. Yeah, there's no time. It's too late. Yeah. I'm starting to get the whole picture here.

Yeah. You got a full. It doesn't matter that it's at 7 p.m. You're like the fucking lines for the flight are going to be crazy because it's the end of Memorial Day weekend. I'm stressed about that. That line was insane. I don't have much time here.

100%. And then you get to the beach and you're able to spend five hours in this song. I had so much time. I had all the time. I could have took a nap somewhere. Oh, the dude next to me. I forget the guy's name. Private Beach had no umbrellas?

No, well, they were like a $50 upcharge, but it wasn't about the money. It was about the placement. Yeah. They were so far back that you couldn't really enjoy the water. Yeah. And like I was just taking it all in because I missed the ocean. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? That pick. It was perfect. It's perfect. The weather was perfect. There was a breeze. There was an undertow that was throwing fucking people left and right. But it was the weather or the temperature of the water was like 80.

It was fucking damn. It was so nice, dude. I do miss the beach. A ball in the sky ripping my ass. I got fucked, dude. So funny, too, when you're getting burnt and you look up and there's not a single cloud. Like, there's no break. There's no release.

And you're like, there's another two hours left of this. Yeah. I have a decision to make it. I'm going to make the wrong one. Yeah, all day today, I was just, I took. like a shower like a batter dog like I was afraid to like walk into the water yeah it's getting pelted yeah no temperature matters when you're this yeah a drop of water moving dude it's all four miles an hour like a rubber band slap in your skin yeah but a thousand of at the same time

i'm hanging my head over trying not to get wet and then you find out that somehow your scalp got burnt yeah yeah you're like oh my fucking god that's guaranteed dandruff I'll start yeah I'll start peeling a really weird place as soon my fucking bed's gonna look like fish food everything starts flanking

it just at once like I can't even do the sheets I have to vacuum at first the only the only silver lining is you might get an epic peel yeah oh when you get a whole sheet yeah god I love that Yeah, it's so nice.

Last time that happened was Costa Rica. It was the last time I had this. Yeah. That is the craziest thing I've ever seen. The temperapeutic push. It was worse. You could do like four fingers. I don't think I've ever seen that in my life.

You want to try it. It's fun. It's crazy. I mean, look at that, dude. Look at that bottlenecks. It drops in like three quarters of an inch. That's. It's diabetic legs.

It really is. But. It's cool as hell. Watch it. Those scars, those scars are now permanent. That's fucking nuts. Run your finger over that.

That's crazy. Dude. Dude, you know literally like fucking... Trinnoble. It's got to be third degree. I mean, that's like a big, that's a serious burn. You might like throw up from sun poising

like at some point in the next two days. I could use one. I could clear some toxins on whatever I want to. Is it clear out? Yeah, coming back from the gym, I could see the Adidas. On the inside? Yeah, see it? Yeah.

Oh my God. Yeah. But it was great. Josh's wedding was wonderful. He looked handsome as hell. Suit was looking good. Suit was looking great. Nice.

He got the Tukova slip-ons. Talked him in the no socks. He looked great. All his friends were like, what the fuck is this? Oh, really? Yeah. He usually dresses like a bedbug. No socks.

He looked awesome. He's going to have that forever. Food was great. When he's back in, yeah, he's going to have that forever. He's going to have that forever. He was going to be looking at his wedding photos

and someone's going to be like, no socks. Oh, his uncle started bullying him and I went fucking hand. His uncle Mike. He started saying shit about no socks. I was like, what the fuck do you know?

I was like, I was going nuts, dude. Oh, man. He was the man. though. I told him he was in the CIA. He kept he kept fucking skirting around it. The guy's definition of what he did for work. It was all government stuff

and he was like wishy-wash. He was all over the place and I'm like, look, just say what you do? What do you do? I ask special situations Yeah, exactly. What fuck does that mean? Yeah. People need me. I help them. Yeah, do simpler lies. You hear that. He's just unemployed, which is kind of cool.

Yeah, I pick up Hawaiian rolls from my wife here and there. Watch a lot of twins games Yeah, but she needs sloppy Joe So I got out of the bakery Damn But it was fun as fuck Good time

I got some isolation I got some solo time Yeah, there you go Did you get out there a day early? I didn't even Yeah, I got there Saturday night So not too much time But

The thing was Sunday at 6 So I got some pool in The wedding Beach You get to look at some things You're not allowed to look at Yeah, yeah. Down there, too.

Yeah. A lot of fake fat asses. I was really worried when we first came in because I didn't realize it was a holiday weekend, so there was a lot of riff-raff at the place that was expensive that I paid for. Yeah. To try and avoid the riff-raft. Yeah, now the raft is there.

It started right from the fucking airport. Uber driver. It was cool. But he answered the phone and had like a full conversation with his baby mama. And she's like, did you call her yet? She's like, just giving them the business. She said, she want to go to movies. He's like, baby.

She want to go to movies with four people. She want her nails, did it. She want her hair done. That's like $1,200. You know how many fucking months of work that is? Don't talk to me like that. Just call her right now. I'm going to call her.

I'm going to call her. I'm going to call her. My whole 25 minute ride. God. Is her calling the son? Or him calling the son first. Yo, where she at? I don't know, Dad.

Where's she at? I need to talk to her. It's her birthday. Where she'd be at? I don't know. You call her. Don't talk to me like that. Don't talk to me like that.

And I was like, dude, just kept me to this fucking place. I'm sure it's going to be really nice. Immediately this fucking... It's so funny to find out like a guy like that. Like, he just enjoys painting or something. You know what I mean? Like he's... And peace.

But now he's forced to be this like... Yeah. This guy. No, we had a great conversation until that phone rang. We were just, we were vibing, dude. We were having a good fucking time. And then you could just see, you can just see his ex just throwing him into a wood chipper of fucking stress and drama. He didn't want to any that.

Oh, my goodness. Now it's his last ride because he's got to go to fucking AMC and drop like 800 bucks on her and seven friends. Oh, it's her birthday. It's her birthday. So I get that. Fuck. And then I'm waiting in line And this fucking lady walks in front of me

She's like, excuse me, my friend said she was going to pay for the room She didn't pay for the room. And the guy's like, what? Yeah, my friend said she was going to pay for the room, she didn't pay for the room. So I'm not paying for the room. And I'm like, come on, man, this can't be fucking real.

And then somebody else just walks up And grabs like a bag of like fast food And it wasn't theirs. So like the bellhop has to chase this other fucking piece of shit and I'm going is there a bar here? Yeah, yeah. So now I'm screaming over to the black lady.

Yeah. Because she first of all walked in front of everybody to say she's not paying because her friend. Her friend says she was going to pay. She said she was going to pay. I didn't say I was going to pay. I'm not paying. And he's like, well then you can't get in the room. Yeah. It's not how this works. Where is your friend? She up there. She up there.

She up there waiting. I ain't paying. And I'm like, how do you know what room it is? Anyway, is there a bar? Yeah. And finally, I was like, yes, there's a restaurant to the back towards the beach. Dude, that kind of stuff.

And I was like, I'll put all my fucking bags on my chair. And I'm going to sit down and have a drink. Yeah. And wait for this sludge to get the fuck out of line. It's crazy how those things like that, it's like, it's not even the waiting.

It's the, what the fuck is going on? Right. that like spins my brain out. It's like seeing like a paper towel, a wet paper towel in the sink. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody dropped it there and just leaves it. How did this happen? Yeah. How are you raised? It's not even, it's, I'm saying like it's, it's just what, I can't imagine a set of conditions.

Yeah. Where I leave a paper towel in the sink. I don't know. I do it 100%. What it is. So my mind, you go into like, it's like truly like solving a crime. Yeah. Where you're just like.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, or a paper towel that's crushed up on top of the trash can where you have to push the thing. And they just put it on top of the. Oh, yeah. Yes. What? How?

I mean, that I can almost see is like a judgment call. Like you're almost in a rush. And maybe you're. How much of a rush? It's not an airport. If you didn't look at it. it in. If you didn't look it into the trash game. Oh yeah. All of a sudden he's cream out of

doing your bar. This guy's got whiskers for the openings of trash cans. What the fuck out of here? I'm saying. Let's say it's got a broken step. You know what I mean? Pick it up from the top. You're moving fast. You step. You're talking. The steps broke. See now we're getting somewhere. This is what you'd have to work through. Maybe that's a possibility. Full on

like JFK has set like Zipruder. film and like back. This is what Josh's uncle does. Back into the left. He sits down and figures off out like this. No, there was a couple of comics there. It was fun. It was a good time.

That's awesome. Oh, God. I don't know if I'd do it again, though. Did they have a brunch thing the next day or no? No. They did it right. It was like a simple elope. And their party was more like wedding.

adjacent where they actually had like you know a couple people say some words and they had a proper sit down dinner yeah they had a dance they had a DJ I like it so it was everything without like the church ceremony in a way but still felt it was at a Greek restaurant that was closing its doors

I like that keeping it loose yeah it was great it's perfect open bar fuck yeah gotta have it yeah hot bartender from the Czech Republic with fucking diamond ice but the voice of a fucking gargoyle I like that God their fucking accent is horrendous

It really is Oh god Even when they're trying to be sexy It just sounds like Gross language Yeah It's like Whatever that buzz saw

That cuts off the top of nails It's so bad It does And all the men are like They're not real They're like hot Like Ken dolls Yeah

I wonder if those Like just the ones to make it out. Yeah, I feel like Russia's greatest export to the U.S. is like models. Oh, I just meant Miami.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Miami kind of area. Yeah, everyone's like a real freak. No,

the men in Czech Republic look like gargoyles. The women sound like them. No, dude. It is true. There's no hot Russian dudes. No. It's very few and far between.

It's like Japanese men. when you see a fucking handsome Japanese dude or an Asian guy, you're like, damn. That guy fucking did it. But all the women, even the ugliest look hot. I know. You're a hot Asian guy. You really got to be

top of the food chain. Yeah, you're an actor. Yeah, yeah. Like nothing. You don't need talent. Yeah, because there's not like different kinds. Yeah. There's only one.

Dude, this hot Korean woman hit on me before I boarded my plane. we were sitting in this little cove and there was a delay because of the weather in Atlanta and she finally she just said something to me I got up and got like another drink she said you have wonderful style

and I was like you're wonderful style thank you thank you she'd see me sunburned see what's under this it would freak you the fuck out but then she like she really turned it on like I know what a woman's like interested yeah

And she was older. She was probably like 50. And like beautiful skin. Like you could tell wealthy. Yeah. Was she where she was going to Atlanta? Same flight? I didn't ask her because I didn't want to play that game.

Yeah. I just figured I just let it sit in my, you know. Yeah. You know, mental harness for a while. This is nice. Go, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I beat off to that for a while.

But I'm not about that game. I'm not about that game. I'm not about that game. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to get it burned twice. Exactly right. Because the Delta Lounge, you could pull it off.

You could knock around in the private stalls. You could. It's dangerous. Mayhem, if you do. Well, you lose your rights forever. Yeah, you lose your membership. Yeah. And Delta is the only one that works.

Yeah. Americans dog shit. And I don't even think about the others. No. Spirit, JetBlue. Take a chicken coop. Get the back of a fucking. I think is nice.

I think JetBlue is nice. Really? Yeah. I think it's tough because I would rock the other ones, but you don't get the points. Yeah. I want those points. And what's the other one with the... There's no like seat selection.

You got to get their first. Southwest. Frontier rocks that way too, I think. Yeah, that's just... They do a check-in order. Yeah. You're just asking for fucking viral fight videos. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe they do it on purpose for like, advertising. Get their name out there. Yeah, yeah. It's not helping race relations, I'll tell you that. It's not...

Air Waffle House. Yeah, dude, it's... It's every race's worst qualities coming out in a freeboarding situation. Yeah. Zero cooperation. Yeah. Show me who you really are. Everyone's going, what? Who the fuck does that? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's truly like, it's all the wet napkins of the same. People. You'll see it in like just one Indian lady saving three rows. Yeah. And we're like, it doesn't work.

Yeah. I see a white guy taking a middle seat up front like before anyone. And you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, I wouldn't even have the mental capacity to start that process. It's, yeah.

It's almost like fucking musical chairs for retards. Yeah. But then there's no, there's no winner. They all lose. No, we all live. Everybody else is everyone.

Everyone. It's just you going, they really are different. And everyone else is saying the same thing about everyone else. Different languages. We're never going to be able to cooperate with this. Yeah. Did we talk about the roast?

We did talk about the roast. Yeah, we talked about the roast. We hit the roast. I'm trying to think of what else we experienced the last few weeks. My sun burns. I might throw up. I do. I think you, for real, have radiation poison.

There's, I like. Is that what happens? That is what it is. It's radiation sickness. Yeah. I tried to go to the gym. Didn't really work out. Yeah, yeah.

I did a few things. It's just going. I did some running. That's a lesson. Yeah, that's the major lesson of the gym is just go there. Just get there. Go there. Move some stuff.

Move some, lift one thing. Yeah. Leave. That's good. Yeah, go to mongers next door. Yeah, yeah, go mongers. Get refreshed. Have a marguerite.

Yeah, I've been meaning to hit mongers. Mongers rules, dude. The food is fucking... It's so good. Unbelievable. It's so good. It's so fucking good. I want to get back there and just have it the day.

Who? Let's go Saturday. I'm in Detroit. Ah, that's right. Why don't you play your dates now? I'm in Detroit on Saturday. What's it called? The venue?

Something house? Mike drop. Mike drop. Yeah. Mike dropped Detroit. Go see Christopher O'Connor. Yeah. I think it's Friday, Saturday, this week.

Yeah. Friday Saturday. Yeah. Well, they're closed on Sunday. Otherwise, I would treat you on Sunday. Well, we could do a Monday. They're closed on Mondays, too. Sunday Monday.

That's how you know they're a good restaurant. I know, true. You got to give the workers some. Yeah, yeah. And they're crew, man. They're all like. I know. If you got a solid crew and you're doing a good piece of business,

you give them a weekend. Yeah, you give them a fucking weekend. Sunday, Monday weekend. 100%. That's a good owner. Yeah, yeah. Shout out, Chang. Yeah, yeah.

You reward the staff. You know? Yeah. He's probably taking it too. He's probably having a good old time. Oh, he's a big fisherman. Yeah. He's always taking his kids to baseball.

Yeah. Soccer and volleyball. His kids are fucking athletes and they have. crazy schedules. Talked about this about Cooch. It's nonstop. Yeah. They're up at 5.30 in the morning.

Taking road trips every week. It's like, who has time for that? No, it's like open mic. It's open mic or dedication. Yeah. Where it's just like, you go to one mic and everyone's like,

you go to the other, and then that just goes on, you do eight million shows until, yeah, yeah. Until someone says you suck. And you go to this tournament, you go to the tournament, you go to the other. of the tournament there's three people there yeah it was like we might as well play we drove

fucking two hours yeah it was just swinging warming up little little like you sports now is full just like open mic it's rabid open mic energy where you're just like I'll play anywhere any time oh god yeah gives me anxiety all right Thank you guys. Head over to Patreon. Check it out. Slash Stuff Island for another episode with me and Krishy. Beauty.

We're actually going to answer some questions this next episode. If you got questions.