Stuff Island - Thanksgiving Peepshow w/ Dave Temple - Stuff Island #108

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Dave on IG: https://www.instagram.com/imdavetemple/?hl=en To receive 3 free bars of Dr. Squatch soap with the purchase of any 3 bars just go to drsquatch.com/STUFFISLAND  To get 15% off your next gift at UncommonGoods go to: UNCOMMONGOODS.com/STUFFISLAND.  For a limited time, get an exclusive 15% off discount with our link at waterboy.com/STUFFISLAND.  It’s time to ho, ho, hydrate this holiday season.  Visit AuraFrames.com today and get 30 dollars off their best-selling frames with the code STUFFISLAND  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This thermostat, they got old radiator heaters, the water heat, and you just have to activate it, blast on full, and then when it finally warms your room, you got to turn it off. But every room is different size, so small bedrooms get fucking blasted. Some rooms don't have windows. It's a different tropical environment, every fucking room, except for this one, because it's the biggest space. So you got to wait for this one to get comfortable. Everybody else is burning. Yeah. And that thermostat is like a shitty boat throttle

where it's just... There's only hammer down or neutral. Yeah. It's like a shitty fucking action park where you just sit in one of those little tubes. I live with my girl now. I love it. She's great, by the way. We're just fucking naked in the house all the time.

I can't wait to beat off on this couch without wearing him peeping around the corner. No guest ever sits on this. It's going to be my spooge couch. I've never caught you. You've only been caught by the... I'm good. I'm good. I just fucking... I keep it on mute mute I got little mouse ears

You got nabbed a month ago She knew what I was doing She probably knew She's like he didn't fuck me today He's probably beating off He's probably beating off the peaky blinders I had to go get my shit tested yesterday I got a vasectomy in September

So then I had to go and drop a load So they can test it That was funny yesterday for what i got a vasectomy in september oh so then i had to go and drop a load to make so they can test it that was like funny to like i literally just went to a place to beat off in a closet dude my trainer just told me this story he said they still have the same old school setup where you walk in you can pick like a cd or vhs they got old school mags they've never updated no well this one they had a tv on the wall but i just used my own phone that's what i said yeah but she they had like a tv and now i brought a little router that's all she tells me when she puts me in there she's like all right uh if you if you use the tv make sure you cut it off which was like that was a funny little last thing for you close the door just the door opens like ah yeah just the whole hallway ricochet and porn yeah and they charged

me a hundred bucks for that which pissed me off wow i didn't know that they were going to do that but what's the charge for the insurance cover that she said it didn't so she's like did anyone reach out to you and let you know about the cost for today and i'm like no and she's like well it's going to be a hundred dollars and i'm like well yeah i have to pay that because like i need to know that it's tested so that i can go out and do my thing but like yeah i i don't understand how people do peep shows or like pay to go into like a booth and jerk that because it almost ruined it for me you know what i mean it's like you just hit me for a c-note i didn't expect to and then i gotta go in here and jerk off yeah the peep show would have to be in my Living room I'd have to

At that point it's prostitution I'd have to bring her over here and be like do the peep thing Till I get off That would be so funny if you ran a clinic like that And you were curating every room Dude I think I do have the interior Decorated style To make you feel comfortable to beat off an opitry dish

It's kind of my talent So 100 hours I thought about this There's a dummy that pops out To make you feel comfortable to beat off an Opetri dish. It's kind of my talent. So 100 hours, I thought about this. There's a dummy that pops out. I just get pissed off they're not using the right lighting. I'm like, turn the lamp on. Shut the overhead off. You're cutting a lot of fares, you fucking idiot.

Was it hard lighting like that? Was it hard lighting? Was it like doctor's office lighting? Absolutely, yeah. It was like a tiny room that they had one more comfortable exam chair, like the leather one. And then she put like one of those mats, like one that you would put up for a dog or you're training a dog. That was like on the chair, and it was just like, figure it out on your own.

In case you start firing everywhere? I don't know. I don't know. I used it to wipe everything off. The paper you sit on is a fire hill? It wasn't that kind of chair. Except the paper Just goes out On the floor

Like a carpet roller I'm gonna fire frontwards Yeah Dude the paper for me Would be the size of the cup Cause I just leak I don't shoot Oh fuck dude

I know Damn I do wanna get tested soon This is a hundred dollars You gotta roll it Like a doobie doobie Like a gonorrhea test It's just100. You got to roll it like a doofus. With the gonorrhea test? It's just fucking

mint toothpaste falling on the tip of my burp. Yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah, gonorrhea? No, I've only had chlamydia, but gonorrhea is like

it's an infection that starts to like ooze stuff. I've never had gonorrhea, but I've heard of it. Yeah, it's like the slobber inside of a bulldog's mouth

starting to foam out of your penis. Oh my God. You guys hungry? You want me to get something to eat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little clam chowder. Dude, I'm serious. I've been

looking into it since my trainer. Because I want to see if my sperm has a gray beard too. I want to see if they're cooking the back shoulder. I got a vasectomy. I got mine clipped. So she's, they're testing out to make sure there's nothing swimming. That's what I mean.

But isn't the same process? Oh, possibly, yeah. Because you know what? This place was a fertility clinic. Okay. So yeah, that was the other thing. I was like the only straight guy there because it's mostly like lesbians trying to conceive and stuff like that.

So I was kind of, also the reason why the room has no catering, like, oh, you're producing a sample? Yeah. Go in the back. I bet black dudes have a higher percentages of it not working. Possibly. Because you guys breed different. Did you see fucking...

With the direct eye contact. I mean, it's a lot easier. I think it's a lot easier for black guys to get women pregnant. You think so? I've been doing the numbers. I think definitely poverty has a lot to do with it i've noticed that thing yeah because i had my first kid at 19 here dave no no dude i am i had my first kid at 19 with 13 on my checking account bro like that and that like when i hear

about people paying top dollar for in vitro fertilization i'm almost like wow you know yeah and then getting in a second time you're like your parents have money you think the doctor's looking at your sample right now he's like there's still sperm yeah that's my point did you see the old dad's movie there is no no the one that just came out yeah yeah yeah that's the plot some one of those guys has a situation he has a vasectomy and his young wife still got pregnant so he's like what the Dude, honestly, Ferg was telling me the, the, the percentages are actually, it's like 7% of it not working.

And then people not knowing, cause they don't come back for the, the final test. So my doctor was very adamant to be like, treated like it's loaded until I tell you. Yeah. Yeah. Keep,

yeah, keep going. Yeah. Yeah. But having $13 age 18, you're like, condoms were like seven. So you're like, I can, I can get a nice hamburger or protect myself for 18 years of taking care of a child.

My thing was I trusted the girl. She said she was on the pill, and she was. She was just bad at it because she was also 18. You know what I mean? So that was the reality. We were dating, but she thought it was okay to like hang out in my dorm room monday through friday and just take loads and then go home on saturday and take five pills yeah nah it's not how it works it's not a headache she can't in bio

it's not an average for how many you take for the week damn well i'm sure you love your child you have more than one right you got two yeah yeah did it again yeah did you have a conversation obviously with your girlfriend saying like you definitely she definitely doesn't want children obviously oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that was the convo and then like this was to make sure like i'm not fucking around so you know what i mean like just in case you ever change your mind yeah you're gonna have to do that somewhere else i'm not like i love my kids that's also the reason why i'm not gonna have anymore like i owe it to them like now you're just gonna grow up and be a successful human being yeah after giving us that shitty teenage dad life no fuck that that's crazy

yeah good for you they can you can always adopt later in life you want like a dog or something yeah yeah yeah i'll do a dog or something yeah yeah yeah i'll do a dog in like another year yeah like i just want to i want to know what it's like to be a young like i feel like a kid again because again my life stopped at 19 so this is my first time having an apartment like we we can actually afford it you know what i mean like oh we're buying our own furniture so i'm like yeah i'll add in, but just give me like two years of this lifestyle of just nothing but two fucking adults that take care of themselves walking around. Oh, dude.

Yeah, my cousin had kids early, and now they're both... He's like 45, and they're both in college. Yeah. And he's like... Are they hot? He was like, what? Do they want to come to my clinic? My peep show. Tell them your peep show. Dude, my peep show this is the best it's like him and his wife are still like young yeah they've got they've got money now they're like yeah this is great we can do whatever the fuck we want oh yeah

this is what people like him say because they they're out of the muck now they're like well now you're just about to start it but it's like yeah but i had fun when my knees worked and shit people were worried about me having a kid at 45, right? And I'm like, well, fuck it. By the time they're 18, you're not going to see them graduate college. I'm like, these years, they don't talk to you anyway. 18 to 23, you don't fucking exist.

Yeah, and it's mostly just mistakes between 18 to 23. You don't want to be around for that. Zero to 10, I just want to make sure my arm is powerful enough to hit him in the back of the skull on the beach with a football. Yeah, yeah. Learn the foundation. Yeah, yeah. Learn the foundation. Yeah, yeah. Pull my belt off with some fucking ferocity.

Yeah. Strike fear in their eyes. Yeah. When they smoke Kool-Aid or something. You know what you're going to be asking for help? Take my belt off. Yeah, yeah. Hitch yourself.

I start coming. It works. That's a whole bully. That's why I can't get to it. Whatever. That joke's dead. So you're clear? Not yet.

I just dropped the sample off yesterday. They said they'll get it over to my doctor in like three to five days. That's great. And then it's just full bore water. Do they freeze it? Huh? Do they freeze it? How does it?

No. I think they tested it right then and there. They're just, it's healthcare, bro. It is slow. Like, yo, I started going to the doctor during the pandemic. Like during the pandemic, I enrolled in like healthcare and like actually started going. First time in 13 years. It is the most infuriating process ever.

And it's funny watching like my girl always try to calm me down like yeah that's what it is yeah I don't understand why women are always pushing men to do this this is gonna kill us faster yeah frustration yeah every time I go to the doctor almost never and every time I go I'm just like give me the full thing and they're like what yeah they're like i test everything right i don't know like i want the deluxe give me the works watch yeah yeah we're bringing do the wheels in the dash i want to put the fucking armor on my fucking asshole check all the hoses you know what to do yeah don't you have like a like a standard diagnostic not for poor people but apparently for the rich, they do have this.

They have a full body scan that checks for lumps and cancers. Then they check your blood. If you could afford it. I want to be like hanging upside down and something scanning me and shit. Yeah. I think like the doctor, they almost look at you when you ask like, who told you about the scan? Yeah. And it's just something like Mortyy's like i told him myself he's one of our group on wall street these days yeah that's what i want i gave him blood they were like what do you want us to i was like

everything every single thing yeah yeah yeah what is that what you do yeah test my liver test all the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing that I can say, I mean, a lot has been good, but the best thing that worked health-wise was I got my toenail back. I didn't have a toenail for like years, dude. My left big toe, it was just all crumbled. If you lift it, it would just crumble and just fall off.

Oh, no. So it would grow, but it was like- You usually see that on fat and just fall off. It would grow. You usually see that on fat women in the city. Right, right. It's an athlete's disease. Yeah, yeah. It's just from shoes and stuff like that. There's two different categories. That helped. They got it back.

I have a toenail now. That's pretty cool. That's when I started trusting modern science. You can test my sperm now. You fix my left toe. Just out on the street, it's like, yo, they can fix toes now. No, because I know a lot of dudes, especially black dudes. I know a lot of black dudes' feet tore the fuck up in their boots, man.

And we've just been rolling with it for years, man. My girl was like, they have something for that. Go tell your doctor. I need that. I got one i did it a black girl i got one that's a little funky looked like they were in those chinese finger locks the whole left one they were rolling over each other and shit yeah have you ever seen the the pinky toe that's over the yeah my brother has two of those on both feet oh my god my mom's i guess my mom's little port was so small because he's only five nine no it's sometimes it's the shoes too though sometimes like if you're not wearing shoes oh he did wear heels

i forgot to say that dude when i played sports during my adolescent years my i got two ingrown toenails at the same time my ingrown big toes started growing inward because of the the shoes so especially football you're putting so much force stopping and running and then what happens is it curls in and then grows up through your skin and the doctor at that time i thought i had a high tolerance because i saw like a video of some chechnyan rebel get his head cut off in the basement my best friend uh parents house so i was like i'll be fine he gives me the needle but it's no ingrown tongue dude i've said this before i've seen some shit i've seen marion gondal's cut off heads but this just fuck me up. It's the same thing. The head comes right off.

With heights, for me, I always say, climbing a ladder, I get sweaty palms. I shake. As long as it's a realistic distance, I can't do it. But if you put me on a bridge or in an airplane, I think I'll have an easier time of jumping. Yeah, I know what you mean. 200 feet, better than 20 feet. Because it's relatable where you know you can feel that pain yeah yeah so i think what happened was when i saw this guy and he gave me the needle

i passed that and then he makes an incision about like a quarter of an inch on both ends of your nail all the way through that kind of fucked me up yeah and then when he like dislodged it from the skin and just pulls them out i passed passed out. Yeah, and then where did they do this shit? Doctors are sick fucks, man. They're sick fucks. I've been watching this rhinoplasty show. It's called Botched. Okay, now you're a sick fuck. Dude, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

First of all, the fucking trolls that go on the show to fuck their body up, they have that dysmorphia. Yeah. And they're piles of garbage a woman that has a giant fake ass and fake tits fake lips fake cheeks that's a that's a do not swim here shark sign you don't fuck with a girl like that you know what i mean that's like oh yeah yeah being in australia like that's a warning sign to like yeah do not take this girl out to dinner yeah yeah she's a fuck bag right right but it's so fun to watch them all the rhinoplasty

they take a hammer and a chisel to break the bone and shit and then they put these plastic cylinders up there to keep the passageways the airways during the mesh

and the healing process cause trial and error 100% but when they remove that during the mesh and the healing process. Cause trial and error. 100%. But they, when they remove that or if they take the old silicone bags out of the fat tits, when they take that out, it's like pimple popping shit.

It's the payoff is glorious. Oh my God. The thing that fucks me up about that is like when we're like people get their nose or something changed and then they have kids. Yeah. That's going to be crazy be crazy yeah your kid has that nose and is like where'd i get this from do you ever see that and you're gonna be like i had it i fucking got rid of it because it's fucking disgusting yeah you better start working i couldn't

get laid with that yeah you better start cutting lawns and saving up you're about to get a hook nose like you've never seen before the amount of chicks that i know that got nose jobs during the pandemic was insane you know what i mean because it was like we you've never seen before. The amount of chicks that I know that got nose jobs during the pandemic was insane. You know what I mean? Because it was like we weren't seeing each other. So they could just heal and come back. I always look like this. Yeah.

I also did a one-nighter in Miami during the pandemic. And I knew that I was going to fly right back out. And I was scared of missing my flight. So I just got a hotel right by the airport. And all of the, it was like. Passengers. Well, the hotels by the airport is just full of people who are recovering enough before they can find their way home. So it's the walking dead.

It's just girls. Because they have to keep moving. So they're just walking back and forth down the halls trying to keep the circulation going but they're all bandaged up wrapped in comforters like when we were checking in we knew we made a mistake because it was a girl wrapped up in gauze at the front desk arguing because they're letting her know like lady you bled through like all the comforters we're charging you and she's like i don't think i should get charged i'm gonna talk to talk to Mr. Howard again. That motherfucker be after me for nothing. That ain't my blood.

That was it. Yeah, that was it. Test it. She spent $50,000 on a new ass. I can't afford comfort. The credit cards are maxed. They're just going to put down down An extra 150 on a credit card Just like

I don't think it's gonna go through I'm gonna heal in your lobby Like an old dog Holy shit Yeah who was Anthony Yeah he was telling us About people coming back

From flights From like Columbia Or something Yeah Just sitting Asking if they could do it On their knees Sitting in the seat like this

Yeah yeah It's wild Insane Wild So in Florida, a lot of people have to be brought home like a sick Rottweiler. Yeah.

Like they just get an SUV and lay the back seats down and they just ride back up north that way. Dude, if I saw a station wagon with some chick on all fours with a bandage, two black eyes

on all fours staring out the window trying to keep her balance. I know. I'd throw up laughing. Dude, chick on all fours with the bandage two black eyes on all fours staring out the window trying to keep her balance i know i'd throw up laughing there's no way they don't get pulled over where's that body cam footage you know what i mean what the fuck happened here what's with the puerto rican pit bull in the back oh it's funny holy fucking shit did you ever see that i don't know if it's a viral tweet or something and i don't i don't know if it's a viral tweet or something, and I don't know if it's true, but there's a very successful... They look like a king and queen.

They're like Chinese. It's like an emperor's family, like the way the photo is set up. They're very wealthy, you can tell. Yeah. And the husband and wife are gorgeous. And then there's like five of the ugliest kids you can imagine.

And the joke there was they have had so much surgery to reconstruct their actual looks that their kids are now popping out like fucked up chihuahuas. Oh, dude. Yeah. And it's like, I guess you got to choose between like college and getting your face redone. Yeah. Or choose between the kids.

See which ones you want to pop an egg. See which ones make your tummy upset. That's got to be an interesting conversation to have with someone when you're in a relationship and go hey things are uh things are getting pretty serious yeah i just want to show you a picture of me in high school yeah it's just an anti-semitic cartoon from germany in 1945 just that dude like so funny that fight Just about wanting to have kids

You wanna have kids? They're gonna look like it Black Friday coming up Happy holidays, thanks for your support We love you Thanksgiving's Friday You better get online So here come the ads

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some uncommon experiences, go to uncommongoods.com slash stuff island. That's uncommongoods.com slash stuff island for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. We're all out of ordinary. We are all out of the ordinary. Dude, my dad always says that. I knew they were bickering and probably out of love at the moment

when I was growing up. And then you start changing different than your brothers and then anytime there was something negative the ball busting wise like my dad was like yeah you get that from your mother yeah you know because I'd like my nose has a real big ball at your mother's nose yeah i do that everything i don't like about my children i just pawn it off on their mother yeah yeah you did that yeah see why you're acting like this at mcdonald's your mother was just like this dude all right so i'm gonna get nerdy real quick but like on mcdonald's yeah right so i read like weird shit in the morning

to learn about the world i guess you call it the newspaper or whatever good for you but like mcdonald's their revenue is like way up this year way up and it's based on everyone who fought to raise the minimum wage they're like oh okay we'll pay like one guy fifteen dollars an hour then we'll build kiosks in every store but what happened was the foot traffic died down because the price went up like right now your average mcdonald's meal didn't notice because i don't eat it it's about 16 bucks wow it's not dollar menu shit anymore you know what i mean so oh no and what's happened is i'm a big part of that right because that's what they've also said is it's not even necessarily poor people consuming mcdonald's now with grubhub and door dash

a lot more higher echelon people are ordering it on the low and paying a premium price for it you know what i mean so mcdonald's they're now have one guy who makes the 15 an hour and they're making like 40 more money than they were before you know do you think there's an element of shame there where a lot of the poppies was like i don't want to get in my car and drive go to the drive-thru and like i'm just thinking like a wealth what a wealthy piece of shit would think i don't know i do think like grub hub and that shit has changed the game because it's like when you come home fucked up at three in the morning yeah it's that or taco bell yeah you know what i mean you're not standing in line in the drive-thru yeah yeah yeah and it's just like in, otherwise you would just go to sleep hungry,

but instead you're ordering 15 Big Macs. Yeah. Changing your sheet, because you shit your pants like that. One more blood all over. My sheets are just the Big Mac wrappers. It's an easy clean up. A crochet of Big Mac wrappers,

like an old quilt from a grandma It's Taco Bell It's all my high school t-shirts Remember that wrapper Don't shit on that one That's an antique You gotta get it dry cleaned Just hose it down What else else fast food is so good yes i think i do think and i've been yapping about

this a little bit on stage but i think starbucks is about to hit yeah it's about to get like waffle level house like mcdonald's level because it's just lines there's lines and people are agitated in the lines. Everyone comes in with their app order, and they're pissed that they have to stand on the line. Yeah, it's like waiting in line for security, and some dildo comes in using clear. That fires me the fuck up.

Right, right, right. So you feel the energy within a Starbucks lobby, and you're going to start to see fights in there. Really? I see Worldstar posting a lot of Starbuck videos in the next few years, man. Just some dude

with purple bang wig just getting his fucking face rocked. That would... I'll stop watching violent videos for that shit. Well, because eventually you got to just start

rocking in there and just taking stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Don't order anything. You got to know that there's going to be orders up.

You got to treat it like a Lord and Taylor's in Philly. You got to grab all the purses, all the croissants. Yeah, just walk out. Hit somebody on the way out like,

what the fuck are you going to do? Nothing. You don't know my name's not John. Or Sarah or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Just give a phone

number and address on your order, but leave that there and then steal everything else. I think we have them. Dude, if you just go up and grab it

with confidence, they'll never stop you. I've said this before. Dude, if you just go up and grab it with confidence, they'll never stop you. I've said this before. I don't pay for waters at the airport. Oh, yeah, yeah. I get that. I go to an external kiosk. You don't go to the Hudson's.

I know what you're talking about. You go to the external ones where it's self-checkout. I grab one, and I'll just pretend I'm waving to somebody. I'll just be like, Gar, come here. And then I'll just be like, Gar! Come here! And then I'll just harumph, walk that way,

and if nobody says anything, I just keep walking. Yeah, you're good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's if I'm not hungover. Yeah. That's like, if I'm hungover,

I just grab it and walk. And then I go, oh, shit, I thought the thing was over this way. I act like an 80-year-old man. I don't disagree with that at all. Fucking that upcharge

on that water is crazy. Crazy. And the fact that you're making us pour it out before we come in here yeah i had water yeah yeah i had it and you're just excited to get the fuck out of the city you're in so i go in there with monopoly money dude before delta lounge i would i would get all the snacks snick snacks i get gummy bears goobers yeah a water and then i go sit at the bar, get a $30 burger, six beers. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, why was this trip so fucking expensive? The airport was like half of what I spent.

I forgot you, dude. And they keep changing them to make them like malls before you get to the gates now. Dude, that drives me fucking insane. Yeah, yeah. The first time I encountered that was in London, London Heathrow. Yeah. Or wherever. Yeah, we had to walk through a full mall, though.

And it's not just like a, because in New York, they still they still have them like it's pretty much a straight line but it's all mall around you in london it's like a windy road and you're like late for a flight yeah and you're like dude i can't yeah what the fuck are you doing and they have the part they have the perfume women like sexually harassing yeah there's like trying to sell fucking You know Thank you for letting me know I'm going for the first time In March London Yeah so I'm coming through there

Like fucking Bernie Mac Dude Get the fuck away I would love to Just knock over Fucking Whatever The counters and shit

I will say The simplicity Of some of these Like the Delta Lounge I was just in Louisiana Yeah In New Orleans Last week

Yesterday It's a fun city I'll say that like the delta lounge i was just in louisiana yeah new orleans last week yesterday it's a fun city let's say that and their their delta lounge is it's like a sliver of a cafeteria from high school it's dog shit really it's terrible even the food is i had to leave and go eat at a chili's because i thought they'd have options but i got chicken fingers the chilies i left the delta lounge yeah some cities don't cater to that. It's funny. Indiana is another one. Yeah.

Horrendous. Yeah. I was there. I don't do Delta Lounge, but I was definitely just in St. Louis. And me and Derek were there. And Derek, he'll always, he doesn't care. He'll upgrade to the first class even just for a quick fight. Yeah.

So he's actually talking about it on stage. Like, we're on stage fucking around, and he's like, yeah, man, y'all have a five first class and blah, blah, blah. And you're just watching this St. Louis audience go like... Yeah. Know your audience. Yeah, yeah.

And he just realizes, he's like, first class, the front of the plane, behind the curtain, and they're like, uh, no, no. Like, the entire audience, like, none of us have ever been up there. It's like, you ever get your shoes shined at a palace? It's like, dude, I brought my kid because I can't afford babysitting.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, first class on a flight. I mean, he's big, so I guess it kind of makes sense. But first class on a flight that's less than like three hours is a waste. It's crazy. I'll tell you they don't do anything so here's the thing no they don't but like we we travel so much and i'm starting to hear this and i value this now man it's like don't skimp on that like if there's anything now if

you're making it and you can afford it just do first class always upgrade your hotel yeah good on the road hotel i get i could do comfort plus that's what i upgrade that's my first class. Always upgrade your hotel. Eat good on the road. Hotel I get. I could do comfort plus. That's what I upgrade. That's my first class right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make yourself comfortable. Free booze. If I'm going-

It's first class. On a flight that's less than three hours, it's first class. Who gives a shit? I can't sleep anyway. You get free drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could give me a full fucking mattress. I can't fall asleep on a plane.

Derek was pissed on that flight because someone had a baby crying in first class. That's fucked up. And he was like, dude, what the fuck? Like, I paid for first class. And it's like, well, yeah, they did too. But it's like, yeah. Yeah, there should be a clause. You can't have a child.

A baby, yeah. Or a kid less than 10. But noise canceling headphones usually. No, a baby rips right through that shit, dude. I had them in yesterday. This piece of shit Asian kid just kept yapping. It's always an Asian on the flights for you. Yeah, it is

Why is that? Mark that down Asian kids on flights I got a new bit Yeah but in first class An Asian boy's just crying In your fucking ear You seen that video

Of that guy going off About the baby crying And like all of the airline Stewardesses are trying To calm him down And he's like I don't give a fuck. Shut that baby up.

Yeah, I paid for this seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for him. I just saw some white bitch yelling at some other dude because she put her seat all the way back. And the guy was pissed because I guess he was next to the person that was being impeded by the chair.

And she's got every right. She's like, if the chair goes back, I can go back. Yes, yes. Fuck you. I paid $800 to go to saint louis yeah i'm gonna recline an inch and a half yeah yeah i it drives me nuts some guy fucking said that to me on the flight we were coming back from dublin and some guy was like everyone's eating with the person in front of them reclined and he was like can you put your seat up so I can eat? Yeah. And I did it because I'm a bitch. Yeah. I stewed.

I stewed. Rightfully so. I let it ruin my afternoon. Yeah, yeah. That's how I deal with everything. I just let it happen to me and I go, unbelievable. Yeah. That's a woman in the 50s. Are you guys... Can you believe? Unbelievable. That's a woman in the 50s. Are you guys...

Can you believe? Are you guys at that stage of life where you're working when you're angry? Yeah, I actually am better, but I do let it fuck me up for a long time. If somebody says something or does something and I haven't done enough, even if my girl stops me from really getting bad,

I still feel like I didn't get it out. And then the next couple hours, she'll just be like, you got to stop. Relax. And I'm like, no, fuck that. No one's going to tell him he's wrong. Exactly. And that's the thing that pisses me off, too, is that late consolation from your lady where she knows you're still fuming.

And you're like, yeah, so you should have just let me get it off. I would be fine right now. You know what I mean? Then you're calling me a child. You think gonna fucking help right yeah i gotta get mine out for you everybody's got rhinoplasty going on dude i dude i was watching i was watching the fucking phillies game seven in a irish bar in kentucky my girl. That's why we lost. Say a sadder sentence, I dare you. Dude, and this fucking no joke,

like slack-jawed yokel starts jawing at me from across the bar. Were you wearing a Phillies hat? I was wearing a Phillies hoodie. Yeah. And he's got no skin in the game other than he wants to feel something. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a fat piece of shit from nowhere Shout out Kentucky And I started giving it back to him And she was so nice She was like what the fuck are you And she was right I'm literally arguing with her No she's not there's more at stake

The reputation of Philadelphia sports fans Is at stake right now And I'm in that mode where like i can't just let this kind of stuff happen right yeah and then what would she think yeah yeah here's the double-edged sword here is like if you know this is a fairly new relationship yeah yeah you know you don't say anything and then she's just like driving home just going i can't believe you didn't fucking say nothing that dude he got treated like a bitch. By some fat slob in a shitty bar in Kentucky. Yeah.

If he does that here, he'll never protect my honor. Oh, dude. I was getting hit from all sides. And then the blowjob starts going. Yes. Yes. It's a slippery slope. It is.

It is. I don't want you to go George Costanza. Dude, the backdrops go. It is. Everything starts falling off a cliff. It is. She looks at you differently. Yeah, that's fine. You can wear that. dude the backdrops go it is everything starts falling off a cliff it is she looks at you differently yeah that's fine

you can wear that I know dude it's a mess because you think being the bigger man is a power move yeah but

no it doesn't play like you think it does I feel like being a bigger man is a power move after you've shown your teeth many times because then she's like, I'm back.

Exactly. Now your blowjobs go up. Back rubs go up. She's like, I know what you're capable of. I saw what you did to that kid. That's why I try to do them quarterly. Just a quarterly spaz out. You know what I mean?

Mark it down once every three months. I'm going to fucking lose it. Okay, you can talk me down. My spoon might not work, but my anger does, Mom. Rev the engine, let them know you still got it. Exactly. There's a Hemi in here, bitch. Dude, that was like my last few years of motorcycle ownership.

Like, I wouldn't really ride like that, but I would just start it up and just... Please tell me it sounded better than that. Fuck you. This is seamless, bitch. Got away. Did you whip around on that hog, dude? Oh, my God, man. Open mics in Philly, right?

Yeah, yeah. My number was coming. That's why I got off. Yeah, dude. Everybody's number's coming. It's only a got off. Yeah, dude. Everybody's number's coming. It's only a matter of time. Yeah, and it's funny. The guy who I sold the bike to,

his son did die on the bike like a few years later. You know what I mean? And that was a reality. It was like, I looked at, I've never seen a bike not end up

in the picking parts just as a wreck. They all, that's where they go. It's just up to you whether or not you're going to be on it. But that's where the bike is going. And I replaced it with running and even air sport.

But, you know, I enjoy it. No, no, no. I get it. Did you pass a candle vigil? How did you find out this kid was dead? Facebook. Like, I'm still friends. Like, the guy who I bought it.

You texted the guy and be like, how's he like the bike? I know. I kind of felt guilty.'s he like the bike? I know. I kind of felt guilty. What do you should ask? I kind of felt guilty when he said it. We've been looking for you, Dave. No, I kind of felt guilty when he said it was for his son. And I'm like, ooh.

Because it was a powerful bike. It was a 1000. And he's telling me that his teenage son is going to. I'm like, OK, dude. You know what I mean? Like, you're a great pop. But like, this is a lot of bike for a kid. You know what i mean i've

almost killed myself on it plenty of times and i was an experienced rider yeah dads can't control potholes i mean jesus motorcycles scare me because of how many times i've almost hit someone on a motorcycle yeah just not seeing them you know what i mean it was great though man i fucking loved it it was poetry emotion church man i still think i'm gonna get a vespa one day is the bop around town like i'll still get my shits off on a revel yeah yeah i actually got pulled over on a revel for you know zipping through traffic and really i could get it up on one a cop pulled you over on a rebel i was wild in new york yeah i didn't you see what these fucking kids fully deserved it and the reality was i would have ran but they top out at 29. Yeah, but you can love that. Dude.

Faster than a speedy bullet. With the helmet on, dude. Oh, God. And that tiny windshield. Yeah. Sasquatch. Dr. Squatch. Sasquatch.

I started using this product. Not this one in particular. This was just sent to us. This is the soap. It's perfect size. It's a perfect stocking stuffer. Again, the dad thing. Get him a bunch of these.

I started with the deodorants because I started getting bugged out by... What do they put in deodorants that get in your skin and cause cancer? Something like... Fluoride? Heavy metal. Heavy metal. Aluminum. Aluminum, yeah. Their deodorants are aluminum-free.

I'm obsessed with them, so I told them, just send me some deodorants, but these bricks of soap are delicious. This one's pine tar. You can smell like a man without doing anything manly like me. Oh, it smells like bourbon. Wood barrel bourbon. That's probably downwind on me right now.

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That's what I'd like to do. Oh, you know what? You're fucking right. to drsquatch.com. I'd like to give some of these copywriters a grade. That's what I'd like to do. You know what? You're fucking right. We get judged enough. You know what? I'm going to send some grades back. I'm going to call them tomorrow. F, F, F.

Proofread this shit? Yeah. Give me a talking point on why you think you should still have your job. Yeah. Patty. Do not hold Dr. Squatch responsible for that. That's someone else. All right, your last one. Patty. Do not hold Dr. Squatch responsible for that. That's someone else. All right, your last one.

Okay. Waterboy. It's not the movie. Give me that frame. It's... This stuff is actually good, Waterboy. Waterboy rules. Yeah, yeah.

I also just found out, I gave one to our trainer. One of them says hangover cure, weekend recovery and athletic recovery. There's four different types. You get athletic recovery that has more like amino acids, electrolytes. If it's for hangover, it's more hydration.

The one I had has like Himalayan salt, ginger. I was wondering what the, no offense to other competitors that we do love. It has a very like briny pickling flavor. You're the other ones yeah no the water boy which i love because it feels like it's actually doing something yeah it's not just the powder that tastes good in water and i've been using it the way it's prescribed up your ass like sasquatch that's anytime you open a package you're like I can't fit it up my ass that's good

that's very good because I'm going to be tempted I want something I can't fit up my ass okay yeah they're they're great what you're going to want to do get to the code.

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That fucking rules. You can always just go down a one-way street around here and just ditch it. To me, the dream... But then they get the number and they can track you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've been caught like that before, too. I had a charge like that in Philly where I got off the bike. Ditched it, yeah.

And ditched it, but they found the bike later and, you know what I mean, caught up with me. Track you to less... Yeah. Follow the footprints through the mud. Yeah you to less. Yeah. Follow the footprints through the mud. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much. There's a guy

that's right in his front door. But the dream, I just drove from Cincinnati to New York and it was peak foliage and it was the fucking best drive of my life. That on a motorcycle

would be fucking amazing. Yeah. Through the mountains, the leaves are changing. It's so funny to think of you getting smoked by a bus. Christopher runs, getting all emotional, staring at trees,

just getting fucking wrecked going through a stop sign. Just ass over a tea kettle in front of him. A sonata in front of him. Yeah, dude. Like those fucking Arabian princes doing the fucking... Those videos make me laugh so hard. Oh, yeah. They do the drifting in the desert.

Yeah, yeah. In a fucking Toyota Corolla. Uh-huh. And they just hit like 80 miles an hour and it just goes... Oh, yeah. And dudes are just flying out of sunroofs. Yeah, yeah.

They just look like throwing a Muppet off a fucking 30-story window. Rich people get wrecked. I thought they were sophisticated. Yeah, well, they got money enough, but yes. They've got untold sums of money but they engage in weird things my second favorite automobile accidents are

inner city kids doing the fucking drifting and then just like some onlooker not being able to judge the distance and speed I saw one this fat girl get smoked by the back end of a car I had to walk away I couldn't breathe i was

laughing so hard yeah there's a new one that just came out as a white kid getting fucking barreled oh god check them out go to youtube search drifting horror drift horror you might like this one i got into it's a downhill barbie jeep racing oh it's like rednecks that they just take whatever kind of hot wheels they've given their kids for Christmas and they're not riding anymore and they all bring them

to the top of this thing. It is a big event. They got drone footage and everything and I mean, they have to make it across the finish line. So even when they,

even like once they wreck, they're getting up and getting to pieces and trying to hobble across the line. It is wild. There's a Barbie door over the shoulder there's a uh there's a similar thing with running there's a hill in uh it's like england or

scotland scotland yeah what's the scott scottish uh comedy festival edinburgh i think it's an edinburgh okay it's a cheese wheel race and every year they have this giant cheese wheel that they started to it's a treacherous slope yeah with the undulation and the holes yeah it's crazy and they run full speed and every year there's like two or three of like champions that win it every time because the way they fall and they flip like rag dolls they know how to just resist the impact by not trying to resist yeah it's like parkour yeah it's like letting go of your limbs a little bit and they just fucking gummy bear down this hill but the fucking the fatties that are doing it for the first time watching them tumble is

such joy hey it's show your kids share with your kids tell them your sperm's dead and then show them these these fat scottish people falling down a hill there's got to be bonding there's got to be rally car accidents you ever see those like rally car videos where it's just like it's the whole path is lined with people oh yeah they're flying just the desert races and stuff yeah yeah there's one in australia i think it's a big one yeah, I used to feel like a bitch because I would be at motorcycle races and stuff like that. Or, I mean, you guys are from Philly.

North Broad Street, we used to turn that up when we were kids. Like between Dolphin and Norris, people would block it off and everyone would stunt and stuff like that. And I would be like in the back. Like I'm just scared, you know what I mean, that something's going to fly into the crowd. Meek Mill turned that the fuck up too. Yeah.

His videos of showing that parade. Now it's like five times worse. I always felt like that was like the first sign of spring. No, it is. They do a fucking do. They do. People are like doing wheelies and all the dirt bikes just ripping down broad. It's like, wow, the weather's about to change.

Yeah. It's Punxsutawneyville. It is Punxsutawneyville. Punxsutawney peyote. broad yeah well the weather's about to change yeah four more months of annoyance but you know the buns are gonna come out too you hear the rip roaring of the fucking Latino teens yeah back, yeah, yeah. On the back wheel? You know, you're going to see some fat-ass Latinos. All the college chicks have tearaway pants. Yeah. All the hookah bar owners are spraying down the establishment. Just the wind from the four-wheeler rips them off.

Damn, dude. Do you have anything to promote, Dave, or are you just coming to hang? Nah, man, I'm just coming to hang, man. I mean, I got a podcast, No Need for Apologies. Come check it out. It's on YouTube, and, and you know i'm starting to get better at promoting like way more consistently as opposed to just a weekly podcast we're trying to figure that out ourselves we're year two now we're starting to say hey uh link subscribe oh like subscribe yeah yeah do that for like stuff yeah yeah yeah you gotta sub we gotta get to

50,000 soon it's one of those things it feels crazy that you even have to say it everyone else is telling everyone to like and subscribe if you see something that you like like and subscribe that's what we should do subscribe if you see something say something tell your fucking dumb friends yeah

I like I subscribe no one needs to tell me to do it I don't do it if i like something i'm like yeah see it every time every day someone searches you yeah they do it out of spite they fucking hate watch you you know you gotta definitely gotta hate if you're eight watching something you're a real piece of shit yeah i thought of an ex-girlfriend in a bikini going to Morocco with her new boyfriend. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Hate watching is unbelievable. You got to let that go. I don't do it, but I receive a lot of stuff where you just, like you get stuff in your inbox where you're like,

you follow this person? And it's like, I thought we weren't cool with that. Speaking of, Chris, give me that thing right behind you. I had a real grumpy day where someone was like, liking the comics shit. And I was like,'t cool with that. Speaking of, Chris, give me that thing right behind you. I had a real grumpy day where someone was liking a comic's shit,

and I was like, this is dog shit. I messaged them, and I was like, what the fuck is this? I saw their like on the post, and I messaged them with the emojis. This is the opposite of hate watching. This is a cartoon that was sent to me.

Oh, man. Remember the Far Side? Did you grow up with them? Ed Larson? It's the best. Sunday funnies and shit. Yeah. I said on a podcast, this is probably a year or maybe more.

I was like, the one I always remembered was School for Special Needs and the kids pushing on a pull door. And somebody had this laminated and framed. Yeah. It's fucking beautiful. And that's funny

because they were calling. No name. They called it. No message. Nothing. Yeah. Just sent to you.

Yeah. It's scary. More like be more like that guy. The far side is so good. You know, they named like I've

scientists discovered some like new single-celled organism and they named it after Gary Larson. Really? Out of respect? Yeah, because he did a lot of panels that were just two amoebas talking.

You ever do that basic white bitch thing and you buy a star in the sky for your dad for his birthday? No, but that's cool. I haven't either. How much does that cost? It's nothing. It's like a hundred bucks. Yeah, like a hundred bucks.

It can't be a lot. There's a a hundred bucks. Yeah, like a hundred bucks. It can't be a lot. There's a lot of stars, Chris. They just give you the coordinates and tell you that they only gave them to you. It's such a scam. And you got to keep it low enough for the poor people to go, you know, son, you see that up there?

Yeah, that one's yours. Quadrant 17,000. That's yours. But I also like the... Happy 16th. There's a motorcycle. Go kill yourself. This is where I like the decency of white people

to actually... Someone got paid. Black people are like, yeah, that's your star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saved a little money. I bought you a star.

That's almost more romantic. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's just the moon. The kid grows up to 35. I'm like, my dad named me After that moon Alright boys We're gonna do the Patreon right

Yeah yeah Hell yeah Yeah yeah yeah Oh dude this move Moved my girl to New York This week it was nuts Yeah Yeah

What you got What Start a new girl in New York There's. It was nuts. Yeah? Yeah. What? Start a new girl in New York. There's millions of them. No, they're not good. They're not good here. Yeah. Moving is wild, though, isn't it?

You know what? I got frustrated again by just like, because she got like a box, a U-Haul box. You just fill it with all just fill it and then they like ship it and uh like you'd think that you all would take care of the whole process right you pay like on the u-haul site you pay for like moving and like all this stuff and getting it in the box and then shipping the box and then having movers moving into the apartment and but they just fucking farm everything out yeah so like you call we literally like she called the movers the day before and was like hey are you coming and they're like yeah we're gonna be there at 8 a.m and then she called the guy the next day at like 8 30 and was like hey like how you guys doing and he was like i'm in dayton pouring concrete yep she was like what yeah yeah

and then so i call you all and i'm like you need to the movers in dayton pouring concrete you need to get here and they're like well you're gonna need to find another mover and i was like no no you need to find another mover and they're like we had nothing to do with that guy yeah and then that guy has nothing to do with the guys that were moving nope it's all it's why it's a crazy chain of things where you just like nobody's responsible for anything and then and let me guess this is like a white guy with like a 14 letter last name oh totally the consonants are together it's like yeah the moving industry has gotten weird where i used to always be a self-mover i've only my most two move my recent two moves are the only

time i've hired somebody well you can't afford condoms you're not gonna afford a whole movie so but it's weird like one i don't like that you want to talk about a feeling there's nothing worse than watching men come and pick up your stuff you know what i mean like having men come around and you're like all right you know what i can pick up your stuff you know what i mean like having men come around and you're like all right you know what i can pick up stuff too you know you just gotta let your lady know like i'm gonna help the movers they're not doing it all by themselves yeah and now you gotta stand out by the truck and go with your arm you gotta move that you gotta go full foreman mode yeah yeah see i don't want to be a dick i still want to earn these guys respect

just so they don't fuck shit up yeah you're I still want to earn these guys' respect. Come on. I want to do. You do. Just so they don't fuck shit up. Yeah. Right. It's like being nice to the person making your fajitas. Right. Or fucking burritos or whatever.

But the weird thing is, we had the same shit happen where literally 15 minutes before the guy's supposed to be there, and my girl, she's getting nervous. Like, I don't know. Double check with him. So I double check on him. He's like, oh, sorry. We we double booked we can come and do it tuesday it's fucking sunday you know what i mean so it's like i'm moving all right um so now we're getting on the phone and we're calling the castanza bitch i'm fucking moving here yeah dude it's like i need to be out and here's this is where And this is where I'm a petty asshole. I said, yeah, because I knew I was going to call someone else. And I just wanted him to come on Tuesday so I could not answer him.

You know what I mean? So like on Tuesday morning, he's like, hey, we're here. And I'm just like, yeah, fuck you. I didn't even answer him. I just let him sit out there. He hit the buzzer a few times. I was like, fuck him. That's how easy it is

To change schedules isn't it Yeah Fernando You gonna fuck with me now Fernando I didn't think about And then I got scared Cause I remember like

My girl was going out to work And I'm like shit What if these dudes Like wait out all day Yeah yeah yeah Now you're an asshole Bringing making shit harder Than these bitches

Wrapping her in plastic Putting her in the back Yeah So all we gotta do Is move this face But no Then the new guys Just pretend you're do is move this face but no the new guys the guys that we did get that were like able to come from like dumbo storage or something like last minute you know what i mean so they're fucking taxing us they're coming in like three

times what we were already quoted from these guys we don't have any choice we got to do it so this is where it gets weird is like we're already being taxed. I do plan on tipping, but the guy is like, we recommend 25%. Don't do that. And his fucking Balkan accent where it's like, bro, where did you even learn the concept of tipping? Your accent is so thick that I know you just found out about this from the moving company and that's because you're not getting any of this thousand dollars that they just charge yeah you know what I mean also that actually works with scaring little white women yeah mmm you know I mean so that

if he says it in a certain tone certain power tone they're gonna give it to you yeah I've never needed a tip recommendation in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Tip what I think you deserve. Exactly. And that's what I had to tell him. I don't need a recommendation from you. I had to do that. Dude.

I'm going to do this to you. Dude, stop talking about moving. But I even had to give him the good. I had to give him the no. You're going to get what I give you, buddy. You know what I mean? You're like, let's calm that down right now. Yeah.

You and your Serbian buddy. I'll kick the shit out of both of you. All you got to do is give them leftovers and a cigarette. Those fuckers. They eat like they got three assholes and they smoke fucking three packs a day. Yeah. Just buy them a pack of Winstons. Those fuckers.

He'd be like, are you sure? My tip will cover Gatorade and cigarettes. You know what I mean? $7.50. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, Chris is moving. It's mayhem. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, Chris is moving. It's mayhem. It is.

It's nice. It is nice. It'll be very nice soon. I haven't lived anywhere. Seriously. Like by yourself? In 20 years. No, I just never, because of comedy and being like-

Oh yeah, you started right. Poor. It's just like, I never was living a place where it's like, this is my home for the next. It's always just like, this is where my stuff's going to be for a year. Yeah. And it's always been that. I've never moved into a place and been like, I'm going to get forks and knives. So nine?

Yeah. My ex-girlfriend, the last house I had after college. Yeah. Me and my lady, we've been in our place for a few months now. She's like, do you want to put your name on the mailbox? And I'm like, what the fuck for? I'm not going to be here that long. Yeah, it's ingrained in you.

Putting things on the walls. Yeah, it does feel great. Yeah, it's crazy. Although, I will say this, I do like that lifestyle more. Because I still own a home in Philly. It's a pain in the ass. Although, I will say this, I do like that lifestyle more. Because I still own a home in Philly. It's a pain in the ass. Yeah.

It's a pain in the ass. Yeah. I have tenants there. Something is always broken. Yeah. You know what I mean? All of the money that I made off of this place was spent. Thank God I had a tenant. My whole HVAC unit went.

So it was like any money that I collected being disciplined on rent went right back into buying a whole new HVAC system. So you're just like, all right, this is weird. You know what I mean? What am I leveraging these people for? Dude, I've been here for 10 years. That's a fucking nightmare.

We cut the lawn. Anything that's wrong, we take care of. And if I have to call him for something, I go, hi, let me call my guy. I'll get get him down there i don't know if he can do this i'm like benny if you imagine three women living in this place as opposed to yeah yeah three you'd be here once a week yeah this light bulbs out yeah i can't get this thing to turn on yeah like it's no no it's not always women but like three bitches yeah. Yeah. You could be a bitch guy. You know what I mean?

You could be three beta bitches. All their fathers are attorneys. They're in your ass. Oh, no. Somebody else will do this. This isn't up to code. You got to gut the whole house. Yeah.

I smell gas. Come see. Yeah. I've been in people's apartments like that where they'll call their super to change a light bulb. It's fucking insane. Because they're like, well, I pay rent for that. And you go like

dude you can't dude like you know what I mean I would never call a guy for a light bulb although I didn't realize you're well within your right to do that yeah

that is always shocking when people yeah because it's like I pay rent to be just inside yeah that's where my privilege

is at I don't yeah we've had lights out no one owes me anything we've had lights out since like yeah 10 years I've had see how tall one owes me anything We've had lights out Since like Yeah ten years I've had

See how tall These fucking walls are Yeah The ceiling light Is the same in my bedroom How the fuck I'd have to move my bed out And get a giant ladder

To fix the light bulb Yeah How the fuck is that Maybe they have those Light bulb grabbers these days I don't think so No some I mean

That would be sick Some people who aren't workers Do keep a ladder In the house. Just a step stool or something. You know what I mean? No, we got something. But I'm like, I have to put it around my fucking queen bed.

It's impossible. Yeah, you need like a pole with a suction cup and one of those like windows. Yeah. Or I just grab a shotgun and just go. Give me a fucking floor lamp. So I got four floor lamps. I've been spending out the wazoo

just not to get this fucking WAP to come clean. I've gone full childish influencer level. So I got like the sticky lights.

I love that. We have that behind the television. It's one of my favorite things to do. It does feel good. Yeah. It's a nice...

And they're very cheap and they last forever. I've had that for six years. They burn way less electricity because they're LEDs. Yeah. I only learned that from when we started putting LEDs on bikes and stuff like that. Yeah.

And you can leave them on and it doesn't kill that little battery, you know? Yeah. And you can change the mode. So what we do is when the Eagles are on, I go right green. Yeah. Bright Kelly. And then we go red for. Phillies.

Phillies. And if the Eagles aren't playing, I just go green for. Depends on the sport. I'll go a yellow like this when I watch basketball. If I'm watching crime, I go hard red. Thick Auburn. It changes the setting

because it bangs off this back wall here too. You shut off all the other lights, it illuminates the theme. Oh yeah, I know. I loved it. I always thought it was extra... I'm like autistic with my lights like i have lights everywhere fluorescent cafeteria oh yeah yeah that's not true at all it's 100 true you always make me turn the shit on we'll be watching a movie at like 9 p.m turn the light on no tommy watches everything in the dark he sits in the dark yeah it's insane yeah yeah dude and just it's just i we just were raised differently my

parents walk in and throw they go what are you sitting in the fucking dark to put some light on the subject that's what they are i would i like anytime i had one lamp eyes don't work they're fucking old fucking 40 years old at the time that's a shame it's just turn some lights on you look as long as you can see it's like you going to a restaurant. I say this all the time. It's like you go in the restaurant and it's overly lit or a bar. You're like, what is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I shouldn't see that fucking man's face from the barstool all the way in the corner of the restaurant. And then all it takes is a little dim and you're like, this place is nice. It's great. The new bartending shift comes in, you know what I mean?

And she just adjusts everything. You're like, there it is. There's somebody who understands ambiance. Well, a bar is different than the home. Is it really? No, it's not. The home, you put some lights on. Every room is the same.

I got to see where I'm going. What the fuck are we doing here? Because you're always staring at your feet. Oh, dude, I love it up there. Lights are on. Yeah, she's in hell. Dude, no. She loves it.

Well, you found the right person. We're both lights people. Yeah. Yeah. Lights are on Lights Well You're gonna start seeing The electric bill fly

Yeah Every time I get out of town I gotta walk into his bedroom And shut off the fucking AC Shut off the light Kid just runs on energy The house though Not his person

We both run on depress We're running out of balls I'm on Big Macs Big Macs Big Macs and LEDs inside yeah

alright well we're gonna do the page thanks for watching this is a thanks link link like subscribe this is why no one

likes and subscribes link like and subscribe we're releasing a new a new look at this called Cerizos Link, like, subscribe. This is why no one likes and subscribes. Link, like, and subscribe. We're releasing a new look at dish called Cerizos. It's a Thanksgiving special. It'll teach you how to do a charcuterie board and knock the pants off your Aunt Deb. It'll be out for like three weeks by the time this airs. Oh, true.

It'll be out for two weeks. But why do you say that? We run a tight ship around here. Fuck, I think this is like we're doing an ad read. Fuck, Walt's out now. And boy, oh boy, when this sees you. Wait till you see the numbers, it's jumping. Dave Temple, everybody.

Wait till you see the numbers, it's jumping. I'm Dave Temple on all the social media platforms. If you want, give me a follow. I'm on there. Hell yeah. Love you. Alright.