Stuff Island - The Sportatorium w/ Shane Torres - Stuff Island #117

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en See Chris and Tommy perform live at Soul Joel’s Saturday February 3rd https://www.souljoels.com/shop/tickets/doubleheadlinerfeb3rd/ Go to squarespace.com/stuffisland and save 10% on your first purchase Get free breakfast for life @ hellofresh.com/stuffislandfree Go to rocketmoney.com/stuffisland to cancel unwanted subscriptions and save $$ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, before we start the show, I want to let you know Chris and I will be doing stand-up with friends and collectively at Souljoles in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. I've been to Pottstown, don't tell me you got shit to do. February 3rd. February 3rd. Tickets are at souljoles.com. Go get them. What? Tickets are selling fast. They are selling fast.

Yeah. That's why we did this ad. It's going to sell out, so get your tickets now. 10 days. What's this? Wallpaper to fix my background. Are you a good person? Because I'm insecure about it. Because of the beauty you guys have.

Oh, this is nice. And I'm... This looks like, honestly, this part of your apartment looks like where I shot my special. I swear to God. That's a great compliment. My girl will love that.

Dude, have you guys been there? She would love it, probably. Where? Which one? It's called the Sultan Room. It's in Brooklyn, in Bushwick. It's like a little indie rock hub in the back, but the front of it is a restaurant called The Turk's Inn.

And it was like this famous, incredibly tacky dinner club in Wisconsin in the 70s. The bar is shaped like a heart. Of course. And then moves it to Brooklyn? Yeah. Let's ruin this. I can't help you get into the problem. Have your giant fucking water bottle.

Dude, it's crazy. It's insane. It's like you got it from Gallagher or something. Well, he's acting like I've always had a cup problem as you can attest to. True. And now I don't.

Yeah. I've got a different more offensive problem. Yeah. Well, he would drink more upsetting things. He would drink previously like a cat

and then leave his cups everywhere so you knew exactly where he was. Popcorn trail for people that are dehydrated, if you will. And then he would put the cup away. How rude is that?

He'd wash it and put it in the cabinet. And then I would go, where's my fucking cup? I'd have to buzzsaw the germs off the fucking... I would have fucking killed you. Oh my God, dude. You were that patient it well i was very very patient just because i cared about my cleanliness but when you live with your friends there's a like you get resentful about cleaning whereas when you live alone

like me my girl i love cleaning yeah it's like therapeutic like doing the dishes in the morning yeah like if i'm not having a productive day that I want, I will clean something and be like, you did something. You got a point on the board. You didn't get shut out today. It fulfills that void of creation. Yes.

Yeah. It's like being a house mom is not that hard. Yeah. But then when you clean, when you clean, the problem is, they're at school all day. Now what?

Yeah. Every day they feel like they fulfilled something. You lazy bitch. You did laundry. Shut up. Dude, yeah. Oh my God. Nothing transmutates into anything else faster. Like cleaning into rage.

To transfer so quickly. If you're cleaning up someone else's thing, it's rage. Dude, if there are pans, I swore to God that I never thought would get clean. Yeah. for so quick if you're cleaning up someone else's thing is the rage dude if they're they're of pans i i swore to god that would i never thought would get clean yeah and i have like mirror shot like you could have seen your fucking reflection yes yeah yeah because you don't realize the rage is taking you all the way through yeah i do my part of my morning routine is most of my existence is false reality so i So I create these false

arguments with people in my head. Oh! If somebody leaves me on read on an Instagram I'm like, this fucking... Oh, now they got numbers and they can't respond to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were shirtless in Chattanooga three weeks ago. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah. We were shirtless in Chattanooga. Yeah, three weeks ago. All the time. I was like, oh, yeah. The only thing that has kept me from losing it is just like, don't be a psycho. People think you're nice.

Be nice. Right, but that comes like two-thirds at the end of your breakdown. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right when the depression starts to kick in. It's like, all you have is being nice. You want no friends? You're not even allowed to have the feelings.

You sound like you're saying it to someone at a bar drunk one night. They're going to screen cap it. Dude, I catch myself having the fake arguments out loud when I do dishes. So if I have an issue with him that I couldn't just walk upstairs and go, Chris, can I talk to you about something for a second? And he would say, yeah, of course. And then it would be so easy. The amount of relief is.

And you're like, why didn't I do that three weeks ago? Yeah. And then you create this falsehood. And I'm doing dishes going, yeah, well, if you didn't leave him around that much, it wouldn't be that fucking much of a problem. And then I'm yelling to myself, washing a bowl. Yeah. Instead of just bucking up and being like, yo, this bothered me. And he goes, yeah, I'm sorry. I washing a bowl instead of just

bucking up and being like yo this bothered me and he goes yeah I'm sorry I wasn't I had something else going on

yeah yeah yeah wasn't malicious I just was doing this other thing I didn't make tiny little bits of water all over the apartment to piss you off

I got a mop again you fucking slob I feel like it's a little bit of youngest brother syndrome probably cause it's like I never said anything growing up where someone went, oh yeah, that's just good. Yeah, 100%.

Oh yeah, good point. It was always just like, what? Shut up. Fuck you. Yeah, yeah. Explain to me why. My brothers and I cannot communicate without them. Dude, we were in Hawaii for five days. I was with my brother and my nephew and we, friends had like a cottage we rented from them And I'm like I'm fucking clean

Like my place is clean And this They would just leave towels Wet towels on the bed Crazy And then I go to him at one point And he could tell how mad I was getting And he goes

He goes well like really I'm doing a lot better Than I normally would at my house. And I'm like, well, that's not what's happening. So, like, really, what you need to do is calm down. Yeah. I fucking, I drove around the island of Maui. It's like fucking paradise. They'd have a paid fucking road if this was paradise.

Let me go shape wood into spears and figure this out. I love when people pull that, midget syndrome where it's like, well, remember me five years ago? It's like, yeah, well, you're still not good. Yeah. And also, hell, come on. Yeah.

Every day, every podcast we've done the past two months, he's been like, I'm down to five drinks a day. Yeah, that's great. That's good. That's me driving around Maui. What do you want from it? I'm way better than I used to be. Yeah, that's me one-eyeing around Maui.

It is weird what you fucking apply that to. Yeah, but you know, the next statement I'm going to say is also wrong, but my drinking doesn't affect you. Definitely doesn't. This ain't about you. I'm better.

I'm chewing on the microphone. I'm doing this for you, Chris. Oh, yeah? Tell me how. Did it affect you by putting this roof over your head? Sorry. That's the alcoholic husband. Yeah. God damn it, dog.

My drinking doesn't work. There's three beers left in the case, bitch. This is for you, man. It's Sunday. Christ. Fuck, don't bring up Sunday. Your cowboys are nice, dude. Yeah, well, they'll be all right. You boys are nice.

We'll see, man. If anybody can blow it. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all waiting. The whole world's waiting for you. Yeah, I think we got, I think we have Green Bay, but after that, I don't, like, I think Dak might be a guy who just, he looks so good, it's going to break my heart, so I'm not getting my hopes up at all.

I know. Yeah. Who are you guys playing? Shut up, dude. Tampa Bay. In Tampa, thank God. Yeah. Who are you guys playing? Shut up, dude. Tampa Bay. In Tampa, thank God. Yeah, no, I didn't know where you guys lay. Because Philly would...

What happened to you guys at the end of the season? Our OC and DC, they're fucking dog shit. Yeah. They're terrible. You think that's what it is? You think it's coaching? Yeah. It's 100% coaching because their talent's extraordinary.

Yeah. I think Jalen Hurts has like... He's got a problem. You think he's hurt or something Yeah. I think Jalen Hurts has like a... He's got a problem. You think he's hurt or something? I think he is. He definitely has like some... He's had some leg thing he's been battling. But he has like a mental problem where like...

Oh, he's got like the yips or something? It's just he'll take... I can't stand this take. It's crazy. He'll take a sack. He'll take a 30-yard sack. His offensive coordinator... On like critical drives.

They have three plays. So the defense then goes, I'm going to study tape on the last seven games. These guys are fucking idiots. And smart, good, strong teams go, they're going to read your offense and go, this is what's going to happen. See, their RPO is going to drop back.

If we throw a blitz on him, he's got nowhere to go. That's why his leg hurts. He's carrying the fucking offensive coordinator. Do you think he's doing the thing where like, I have to make something happen because nothing is happening?

Yes. That's what happened to Wentz. Yeah. Wentz started doing the same shit. Like, I need to make a play, so I'll hold, like he's making bad decisions

because he's trying, it's like analysis. What do they call it? Paralysis by analysis? Yeah, but that's why the offensive coordinator is so important in a team.

You could take a good high school coach. I think it's because Philadelphia is just loaded with a bunch of pussies. Listen, man, I'll give you that this year. You fucking shang. You calm down. Yeah, probably had a sixth ring to the finger this year. I had an Eagles coat hanging on that fucking hook the last three weeks. I moved it immediately.

I'm like, things are going to change. Look, it don't... There's good news. The Texas Rangers did win the World Series this year, too. That was a nice thing for us. Yeah, you're fine. City of Champions this year. What does that get in your head? You're like,

fuck the Cowboys. I kind of do that. Like, well, we don't deserve two. There's no way. Like, I have anything to do with it at all. God doesn't give with both hands. It is wild because it's not really a baseball town, but apparently it is now. Like, Dallas-Fort Worth is not.

Yeah. It's football and basketball. Yeah. Yeah, what is Dallas like? It's like Wall street as a bigger city almost like it's like it's like its identity is that it's dallas which is weird just because that's kind of new york's identity too yes but like um it's not like you're not like i got to go to the museums in dallas and then also go to the like lower like the versions of that to me don't

really yeah maybe in the 90s it was a little bit different when I was growing up, but it wasn't like deep LM used to be like this cool strip of bars and venues. And now it's kind of like Patagonia and yeah, it's a little like shitty corporate, like, yeah, like a little,

like everything that was cool about it was like, well now there's condos on top of the, you know, the Ruby room. Yeah. You know, you're like, well fuck, that's like a little less fun and everything.

It's nice for a weekend, though. We were there with Chain. Oh, yeah. Would you guys do the Majestic or something? Yeah, the Majestic. That's the first place I ever saw stand-up comedy. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah, yeah. The town's clean. It's got nice, it's got like nice aesthetics, great restaurants. Yeah, yeah. No, there's like a lot of nice shit to like about it, but it's not like, it doesn't vibe me. Like, yeah, yeah. I mean, like if there's of nice shit to like about it, but it's not, like, it doesn't vibe me. Like, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, if there's sports going on, it's a blast.

But other than that. This was last year when the Eagles, we had a show on Sunday, and the Eagles had just gotten into the Super Bowl. So it was the week off prior to the Super Bowl. And everybody, I'm sure the whole stadium knew that, like, we were from Philly. So I came out, and I was like, yeah. I tried not to do it

but i had too many pops in the green room and i came out and i was like you're down to five i'm here making my fucking living yeah so i came out and i was like how about those uh zeagles huh and they were like there was like. Dog, did I tell you what happened? I was in Philly opening for Bert at the Troc. He was taping a special. And I just did a bit like, oh, I'm from Dallas. Everybody started screaming and booing. And they started the Eagles chant in the middle of my fucking set.

Yeah, that's nice. And I told them it was the only thing they knew how to spell. You got to double down, dude. Yeah, I had to. And the Dan Flee was floor Was like Ah he's alright Yeah He's making fun of me One guy did swing at me

Did he really Yeah It wasn't that show But the time I was in Philly Before a guy swung at me A little bit What after the show Like there was like

Yeah we were in a bar Somewhere and this guy He like He came up And he tried to like You know like Square up a little bit Oh shit

Yeah But it was like It was like I did say something like I was plugging my shows that I was coming back to. I did say something like your wife has horns. I did say something like,

I'll be back in January. I'm sure there won't be a playoff game. You'll have time. There's just some Fucking drunk goon That seems like a guy Who probably doesn't even I only cried for a little bit Like

Yeah Sometimes I feel like a lot of those guys Are guys that don't even Like the Eagles No They're just They're just like

They're gonna wake up the next day And be like I swung on that guy I don't even like the Eagles Yeah I just want an excuse To try to hit someone Well you feel something

For a while For some people You know what I mean You get away from the elements of your dumb kid and your wife with horns. You're just like, something's exciting for a moment. It's misplaced energy.

Of course it is. I wish I had that excuse. We finally got our wall spackled from all the holes and balls. I thought you guys like we're basically like union guys like like didn't you work in a lumber yard or something i did work in a lumber yard how the fuck do you know that i think you i mean i i guessed i don't know you told me you're

from philadelphia i assumed you were i guess he was on the register i just assumed you were like dude are you saying i'm a union i got a lumberyard personality first of all this is the nicest thing you've ever said I just assumed you were like, dude, are you saying I have a union? I got a lumberyard personality. First of all, this is the nicest thing you've ever said to me. You can make your father proud. My dad's got one. That Indian tear just dropping slowly.

I was going to say tattoo. No, yeah, I just assumed you were like, guys, we're kind of handy for some reason. No, I'm not. Chris is handy. Chris is a woodworker. I call on him. I hang my TVs and shit. I have been doing really well. It is embarrassing how few of my friends have any kind of tools in their apartment.

Yeah, that's gone, dude. Our dads are dead. Yeah. I mean, that whole ability. I have a small bag of tools and people were like yeah like women will see it and be like oh you're like yeah why your hands are actually i will fuck you yeah well it's like it's so like not a thing drill into the faucet you're like yeah i'm just hammering i'm hammering nails into sockets i'm like no this is how you do it

you're just hammering an ass plug in the room. I'm a cop in the union. But there's like, yeah, that dude doesn't exist anymore, especially in this city. Yeah. Like, there's like a lot of people. A guy that could do anything. Yeah.

And if they are, they're immigrants that some fucking whopper Greek is taking advantage of. Yeah. It's true. I knew you were going to say something. We live in a... Dude, this whop box,

they've been taking advantage of... This whop box? It's a whop box. Where going to say something. Dude, this WAP box, they've been taking advantage of it. This WAP box? It's a WAP box. Where we're in now. Yeah. So you're feeding the war machine by paying rent here. And you had to stack all your own. No, they just repaid.

Oh, they did it. Yeah. That's not bad. Yeah, it's a nice color. Yeah, we got burgundy over here, rose over there. I'm getting a mural. All right. Is that rose or burgundy? That got burgundy over here, rose over there. I'm getting a mural. Is that rose or burgundy?

That's burgundy. Why are you going to put a mirror behind you? A mirror. Mural. You said mirror, right? Yeah. No, mural. I'm getting wallpaper. You condescendingly said a mirror.

Yeah, you said both things. A mirrored mural would be so sick. A mirrored mural. But I do want, I did think about this, but it was too expensive, and we have to put this couch against the wall. I was going to do like an old Dego, like Grandma Nona's house,

where they have just giant mirrors or one walled mirror. Oh, yeah, yeah. That shit's creepy. It's awesome. Like just, I don't know. It's just a wall of mirror. The whole time. Yeah, yeah. No, you're facing's creepy. It's awesome. Like, just... It's just a whole wall of beer. The whole time. Yeah, yeah.

No, you're facing this way. It's behind... Oh, you mean... Yeah. I don't want to do any of that, dude. Yeah. You know, like, when a restaurant has, like, a mirror over the toilet and I can just see myself holding my dick.

It's so strange. It's the fucking worst. That's got to be a double... I'm like, why would anyone? It's, like, all I ever say. Yeah, yeah. That's a perverted owner. That's got to be, like, a double mirror it's like oh that's a perverted owner that's gotta be like a double mirror where like you could see through it behind the wall i bet there's a

hole behind that what's the thing with double mirrors just like if you're if you put your finger on it it touches and your finger is not touching like if it's separate like oh yeah there's like a pain yeah it's double pain oh really that's it there's like a so the glass like it should you shouldn't see a reflection of your mirror. There'll be like a tiny gap between your finger and the reflection. If it's a double mirror? Yeah, at the point of contact. Yeah.

Yeah, so yeah, like... So that means they can see through? I guess, yeah. Am I combining two different ideas? I think it might be. No, I think you're right. Yeah, there's a thing like if the point of contact on a two-way mirror... Yeah.

There's going to be a gap of space between the reflect. So. Yeah. Like on a regular mirror, it should just be touching. There shouldn't be anything there like that. Whoa. Yeah. I think I have that right.

Well, you just fucked me up for the next five months. Well, I know you're not going to be able to hang it. So it doesn't fucking matter. Dude, I'll take you. I've been doing well. This is a double I put What do you call those

Fasteners things You put into the wall Brackets Plastics Plastic things I think you just put two drills Yeah I drilled holes in there

I put the plastic things in Then the screws The anchors Yeah The anchors Put a wall anchor Two wall anchors in That's impressive

That's a 45 pound fucking painting Is it? Also the circle mirror in here You know what I did? What'd you do? You know what I did? What'd you do? You know what I did? Tell me what you did. The back of it,

the back of it has like two metal things, like spacing. I drew, on the back of it, I drew on a piece of paper and then I lined up that on the bare wall.

I took the piece of paper and then found the holes for the spacing. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Yeah. That is nice. Look at you.

Look, I told you, you'd come around on me. Pieces of shit. That is the worst part about houses like this too is that you level something and you put it up and it's just like

the ceiling's not level. Yeah, the whole thing is just like, well, fuck. You're basically built on the La Brea Tar Pits here. Like, no way. Like, when this waste was built? Yeah.

It's probably all the holes they dug for the dead dogs in the past 35 years. Just sinking backwards. That's why the oil in our pan keeps sinking. I think that is the thing about these houses. They're fucking solid. They'll last forever, but they're not up to code. They're not safe, but they'll be here for a long time. Dude, they redid this bathroom.

They ripped off all the drywall. What you saw was, do you remember this? Yeah, it was slats. Like old school, 100-year-old. Instead of drywall, they had slats and paste over it, like wood slats. Yeah, just like. They don't do that anymore, apparently. Yeah.

This is like 80 years old 100 years old yeah what is drywall better than that i mean like i'm like i don't it seems like i don't know what the difference in quality really would be uh i think the slats like as far as structure goes but drywall is like you can put your fist through drywall you know like easily yeah yeah no i think the slats the slats wait till monday night are you guys playing on monday yeah okay what the fuck is that why is that dude the fact that we gotta go to dallas at a short on a short week no you guys gonna be going to san francisco i mean san francisco yeah yeah i don't even worse i don't i

think uh i'm rooting for you guys because I hate Tampa fans. I think they're like the most fair way. They're fake. Yeah. Anything in Florida. At least Eagles fans give a fuck. I'll give them that. Yeah.

Yeah. But no. Tampa's just old. I mean, I think there's like a few real fans and then a bunch of people who buy hats when they're good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. It's just all retired Jews that come out of the tunnels from New York and they go down south. Anybody you miss yet in this grouping? For better weather. Yeah, yeah. The sun's out.

Yeah. This WAP box is a slur turn. Go, go, go, go, go. Rocket money. Rocket money users. Okay. If you're using it, good for you. If you're not, you've got to fix your life, okay?

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I caught two things. One of them I can't talk about. I said it by accident on the last pod. Yeah, yeah. And Ian was like, yeah, that's the one

you can't say. I was like, what the fuck? I want to bury him. Sons of bitches. Took like 300 bucks from me. Jeez, man.

Yeah. Was it XNXX or something? I didn't even know you could subscribe to that. I had a subscription. I thought I was beating off for free for four years. There's quarters coming out of my bird every time I beat off. They probably don't like that. The other day, I got

charged for Sling TV, which I subscribed to forever ago. Honestly, I completely forgot about it because one of the annual charges, and I stopped using it after a few months. I tried to cancel it. And the only way to do it was by calling their customer service number. But of course they're only available 10 to five and who calls people anymore. So what I do,

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That's HelloFresh.com. Stuffed island free. Yeah, fuck you. And now back to the episode. It is nice to call Hasidic Jews Ninja Turtles now. What? It's just another slur you can say.

You can say? Why I don't get the ninja turtles because the tunnels they were building they live on their oh now it's fun yeah now it's really fun and all that pizza they were ordering you see you're like calabunga i have no idea it's so wild that that was a fucking thing it's insane i know yeah it's so cool that there's still like a real seedy like underbelly to all of this. Dude, I see that and I'm like, hey. At least the internet takes a while to figure out some things.

It's like a book you're reading and you don't want it to ever end. You know what I mean? I did feel like the internet for a minute went like, whoa, let's get all the facts before we let it start. Because it's too interesting. The truth is too interesting.

Apparently, it was like there was just like a rabbi war. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought it had something to do with COVID. That's what they're trying to say to save face. They're saying it was an underground church. Oh, I see. So they could like be in worship together.

Yeah. Okay. But it's a rabbi war? so they could be in worship together yeah but it's a rabbi war? I heard there was a like a fight club? there was a rabbi the Hasidic fight club is hilarious the rabbi names are so some of them dudes are burly

I see them at Planet Fitness sometimes and they're all working out and they'll just be like but they're in their garb. They don't wear shorts or anything. They're just like... It's like wrestlers. They purposely try and smell like shit so they can get a... Nike hasn't made them

any sport wear for their shit? No, I'm saying wrestlers... If you want an advantage on your partner, you just smell like advantage on your partner, right? Your opponent. You just smell like shit. Your opponent.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't wear deodorant. You don't wipe that well that day. Right. And he's got to get you in these weird situations. Might fuck you up. The fuck might fuck you up. That's not a bad.

Yeah. I didn't see that in the Iron Claw movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were too busy cramming in suicides. I'm not sure how well that worked. It was so good. I was like, and I knew the story. They're from where I'm from,

that family. Oh, really? Yeah, they're from that part of Texas. I used to see them wrestle when I was a kid at the Sportatorium, which was like the arena they had all their shit. Is that what it was called? Yes, it was at the Sportatorium, which was like the arena they had all their shit. The Sportatorium. All right. Is that what it was called? Yes, it was called the Sportatorium. That's the most Texas name ever.

Holy shit. I wonder what happens in that building. Holy shit. What was the old flyer called? Like the Spectrum Arena? The Spectrum. The Spectrum. Yeah, Spectrum was the shit.

What was it named after it was just colors the Spectrum of colors I guess it was like South Philly it had a bit of every color fucking Chinese the blacks hockey is well known for its inclusiveness

they were woke at the time in between God Bless America renditions you know how woke Philly was it's inclusive. This color is exactly what they did it. They were woke at the time. In between God Bless America renditions. You know how woke Philly was in the 70s. God. What a horrible horrible place

to not be white in the 70s. Holy shit. What a good time if you were though, huh? It was just one it's one notch better than Baltimore.

It was defunatory It's defunatory Slurritory Spectrum roll dude It is not hard to be a straight white guy However that being said It's not as good as it used to be True

Shout out Comedy Central Piece of shit Have you been on Comedy Central? What? Did you do something on Comedy Central? Yeah we sold a show But we were white What show?

It's called Delco Property Oh I saw Delco Property Yeah yeah yeah Should have been called The Sportatorium Dude The Sportatorium It was a fine building.

Lots of buildings. I bet. It was a gathering of white trash of the likes you have never seen. I can't imagine there was an elevator. You fat monsters. There's no reason none of the chairs in Philly's have arms on them.

Fucking piglets. True. Too busy putting it in a sandwich. I can't say part of the story. Yes, you can. I went to the sport auditorium. I was like seven years old. I went with my buddies and their parents.

It was a wrestling match. You remember Paul Bearer, you remember Paul Bearer? The guy that carries your dead grandma? Yeah, he was the Undertaker's manager. Paul Bearer. Oh, so it was on purpose? Yeah, yeah.

That's hilarious. But he was very like, like pretty effeminate, like a little like... Was it an act or he was... I mean, a little bit of both. It's professional wrestling. Was he by Paul Bearer? Was he was I mean a little bit of both It's professional wrestling Was he bi-pol bearer?

Was he putting it on a little bit? I don't fucking know I don't watch wrestling I'm an adult He's like a Vincent Price kind of type Don't know who that is Why would you But he used to manage the Undertaker He used to manage the Undertaker

Before the Undertaker was the Undertaker And then it was somebody else. We went and my buddy's mom. Oh, yeah. I know this guy. Yeah. My buddy's mom yelled at him. They were all heckling.

They were like, this is part of the fun. And she just goes, your mother's. And then she just called him the F word. She goes, your mama's. What? Yeah. And he was like oh like he played it up you know it was i i was seven and i was like this is like a little nuts

that's such a confused mother yeah and also especially at the sportatory he called someone's mom she called someone's mom that yeah that's a safe word at the sportatorium

it means you give up it's like Matei in blood sport yeah what sports were at the sportatorium professional wrestling and that was it

that's all I ever saw dude it was a disgusting place there were like cats running around and stuff professional wrestling. And that was it? That's all I ever saw. Dude, it was a disgusting place. There were cats running around and stuff. The infrastructure was not there. I think it was under a freeway, if I remember. Is it still around? No, no, no.

It went out with the Von Eriks. Did you ever see a horse fuck a woman? goes on down there right well that's what i imagine right yeah you're close to mexico yeah they bring those donkey shows up you think so what do you think we do down there somebody's doing it east coast has a little opinion about where you guys are from what's that what do you guys think you guys are are doing Donny shows That's like Okay well I hate I'm half Mexican So I was just gonna say That's like a Mexican

I'll speak your case What do you know Shane? I've yet to see one But we're only 12 days Into the new year What about like Chicken fights And rooster fights

And shit Yeah but that shit Happens here Yeah It's got to Chinese Yeah we walked by Pollo Vivo. Pollo Vivo is fucking shady.

There's no windows. It's a live chicken place. Is it here? Yeah. Why would you have windows in a kill house for chickens? That's normal, right? I don't know. You want to walk in and buy chickens?

Yeah, why would you? Well, you got the claretizing. Hey, everybody, come on in. You want to walk in and buy chickens? Yeah, why would you? Advertising. Hey, everybody, come on in. A butcher's a meat aquarium, right? You open the window, you hang your giant fucking lamb. Yeah, but they're not killing them in there. You'd hope so. I'd like to.

You don't know. No butcher is killing... A live goat and skinning them in the back? Why not? Save some money, chickens. I mean, cut out the middleman. I get it. I got you.

I got you. A roommate of mine in Texas, we had a goat and a... A pet goat? Yeah, in the backyard. See, this is what I'm saying. You're asking why I'm asking you. I think we had a pet goat.

You're like, well, of course. He's been to donkey shows. This is your fucking logic. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you should go down to Fortress today. Slippery slope. This is pretty good. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon I'll tell you though, this is working Six degrees of pig bacon

Somebody fucked that goat Kinda I left, I moved And I came back and I was staying with him And I was like, oh, where's Lawnmower? That was the name of the goat because we didn't have to do yard work. He's crushing, yeah. And then he goes, oh, I sold it to one of the cooks at work.

And then we had goat tacos the next day. No. Yeah, he ate his own pet. Yeah. That's sick. I mean, in Philly, dude. What, what? Hold on before you say this.

Did you learn to love the goat? No, he's kind of a pain in the ass Goats are like It was a nanny goat They were pretty aggressive Yeah Like he had to keep So you didn't raise him from like a little baby

He did, yes What are you That's regular for them down there Right That's what I'm saying She'll see what we do with our cats Oh my god Tacos aren't as good them down there. Right. That's what I'm saying. You should see what we do with our cats. Oh my god.

Tacos aren't as good. Regardless how bad that goat was, I don't think I could eat it. If you told me it was him, if you told me it was lawnmower, I'd be like, nah. You would have ate it. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. You for sure... This was in my 20s. I eat lamb, obviously. Yeah, like, nah. You would have ate it. Yeah, dude. It's crazy. You for sure. This was in my 20s.

I eat lamb, obviously, but. Yeah, like. Okay. Richocrat. Like. You for sure would have ate it in your 20s. I don't think so. You're fucking bullshit.

Dude, I'm very sensitive about animals. I mean, I guess. Do you have any pets? You met her at the airport. Where is your beautiful... She's coming in. She's very exciting to see. Yeah, she's a nice girl. I've lived with pets.

I haven't had that much fun in an airport lounge since. That was so fun. That was wild. That was like a Bill Braske kind of... It was so fun. You meet a boy that you love in Delta Lounge. Oh, this was in New Orleans? No, they were on their way to New Orleans. I can't remember where I was.

The Guardia. And the drinks are free. We were maybe the most obnoxious people. Fuck them! Oh, I didn't care. More obnoxious than the guy with the fucking... The piece in talking about business. There's always one of those jerk-offs acting like

his job can't wait. Computer open talking at full volume. Well, I think we should wait till tomorrow to really press him on this. Shut the fuck up. Go to the bathroom, you dildo. No one's listening. No one's on the other line. The Delta Lounge is like one step above steerage now.

There's so many people in there. I'm like, I fucking can't wait until we start trimming the fat on this. They have. That's why they change all the awards. I got to spend a lot more money this year to make Diamond. Yeah. They're trying to get rid of the riffraff.

Yeah. We're going to do it too. Yeah. I got the plot in this. We're going to do it. You see, Reagan's going to fix this country. Damn, Nancy Reagan was a head god, apparently. Yeah, I know.

She sucked the best dick. It seems. That's what they say. Man. Nancy Reagan was a fucking head lord. What do you think about that? Do you know that, Chris? Are you horny?

I've heard it. I've heard it. You don't believe it? No, I believe it. It feels like it went into you. If you're in a political relationship, it's a good a political relationship, I'll tell you this right now. It's a good asset to have. Want to admit something?

Got a little horny over Jill Biden once. Jill Biden? Because I heard she was fucking all the security guards. What? Yeah, and it's just like a hot scene in your head. Yeah. Once the big man went cuckoo, she started giving out...

Handies? Well, no, everything. She just started getting taken care of. Just giving away for free. Jill Biden's a loosey-goosey. I think she's hot as hell now. The idea of Jill... You think she's getting just mowed down

by some guy with an earpiece in? Yes. He doesn't change. He just unzips, gets all white material over his black slacks. She's going to get me, too. She's going to get me, me too and it's gonna be great no just security guard after security guard being like oh i didn't want to lose my job matcha just put her pussy's disgusting putting that guy i didn't want to lose my job

protecting this octogenarian yeah you gotta fuck the first lady. Otherwise you get fired. God, all those guys have to be so worried that he's going to die on like, just like having a thing, you know, like on their clock. Like he didn't even get, he didn't even get shot. Just had a heart attack or whatever. I can't believe it doesn't happen.

Yeah. He's so fucking crazy. Every morning has got to be just, we'll see. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit like. That guy's hooked up like an astronaut,

and they've got someone monitoring his vitals at all times. Every morning is like a preschool. He must be traveling with a doctor or something. Oh, my God. He's got a whole fleet. Yeah. My buddy. It's a preschool fire drill as soon as he opens his eyes. I think he's.

I think he's. He's got to be like, all right, everybody get him in a line. We're going to walk outside to the closest exit. He's a fucking meandering blind pug. I think they're traveling with an ice cream man. I think he gets like ice cream after he completes his speech. Those are the videos I keep seeing. He's got a damn old man.

I will say this again. When I see an adult eating ice cream alone with the sun up it's the scariest thing in the world yeah i'm it's the saddest thing i've ever seen why is that i think it's normal take it easy donkey show i'm gonna get to it all right yeah i see when we get fucked by a horse then i have a little bit of rocky road perfect maybe choice chunky monkey perfect choice who's the guy that died of a horse dick i don't know his name oh that's why you call him the who's the guy instead of like knowing that's something you get remembered for if you were famous well he should be famous it's

incredible yeah my buddy shot something with biden uh for like a late night show he's working on he was like those cue cards were so goddamn big big yeah i can't imagine just like dude i love seeing the the videos of you know like on a projector yeah it's imax the dudes in at like a baseball stadium or sport authority, sportatorium. Sport authority? Yeah, whatever. There's just a dude with, he's like 80 years,

70 years old, 60 years old, 50 years old, you pick one, and he's got a giant phone with the font of a text that's like this big, and it's always sexual. Like the ones that go viral,

it's always like, I'm going to leave in the sixth inning and eat your ass make sure you're wearing that it's lingerie i love it's like the hoarding shit these old men have like three pounders and they just go after either their lady or some side piece and and it just pans to their face and it's just like guys their face, and it's just like, guys wearing reading glasses. The best part is they have to scroll down. He's got old wood on his ears from fucking making a deck. He's got, like, hat lines, like, on the front of his head. Like, just comes in pulling off a Yankee cap,

and there's just a press. Make sure you clean your bag, because I'm hungry tonight. It's like, Jesus Christ. It's an Orioles game. They're losing by seven. Who gives a fuck? Guys all horned up. Where do you guys stand on lingerie?

I love lingerie if it's simplistic and appropriate. Give me an example. Something up top that's like a tight. Why shouldn't you describe this? It's like the worst game of charades. I have a favorite my favorite is garter belt with fishnet stockings to the waist

yeah fully entrenched so you can rip it so there's no separation and then are they wearing actual underwear in this situation no just straight netting you're getting me happy time Are you wearing actual underwear in this situation? No. No. Just straight heading.

Don't smile at me. You won't. You're getting me. Happy time. I didn't get you a Christmas present. You got to try this mezcal, Chris. It's really good. And then like a, I was going to say brassiere, but like something tight.

Brassiere? Like a halter top. Who are you, Howard Hughes? Brassiere? I'm going to make a push-up brassiere. I just need something to connect a tight bottom for the breast directly. You like a connection. I like a strap.

Yeah. Yeah. Something to pull it out. But yeah, if done tastefully. As trashy as that was. I would love to see what you think tasteful lingerie looks like. I don't want a whole one piece. It's just a flyers jersey that's a wedding dress.

This girl was so hot when you see her. Just wearing a fucking eagle ski suit. With a hole cut out of the butt. What about you? Yeah, Chris, tell us your sexual don't have i don't have the i don't have the patience for it jesus really yeah i just don't i don't yeah anytime someone comes out in laundry like i don't especially if i haven't seen them like dance well i don't know i haven't seen them dance because it's like i don't just take it off so we can fuck i don't

what's the well it's like wrapping a present, dude. Yeah. I like it, but it's got to have a... I do love it when they just wear my shirt. That's hot. It's the sexiest thing. That's not lingerie, though. Yeah, but that is like...

That's hot. In that world, that's the thing that gets me going. Yeah, yeah. Sweatpants without even wearing a baggy t-shirt. Yeah, yeah. Very hot. Yeah. That's different, though.

You're talking about Saturday night date night type shit. Maybe it's our anniversary type shit. See, that's's even worse because then you're fucking full of pasta and they come out in the sexiest I'm gonna fuck you so bad right now And I mean bad like Just farting. Just farting. The clams casino was a little much for your man. Dude, I've been watching. She's burping up clam sauce, just trying to unbutton her brassiere. I've been re-watching. The focaccia. I've been re-watching Sopranos.

You got to eat. Shot least surprising thing I've ever heard. Shut up. On those nights where you know it's like special and you want to, you miss her. You stop eating off

a couple days before you want a big old delicious load. Those nights, you pick at the food, you pick at the food. You ever see Tony eat on those shows?

Yeah, yeah. So he'll go like this. He'll go, what the fuck? What is this? And he'll like, he just taps around the plate a bunch He can't stop moving his clock

He goes Oh no What the fuck is wrong with you AJ All that shit And then he'll He'll like stab at it He stabs at it But he never gets to

He's just constant moving And he'll like look down And he'll be like So you do You do On set eating Like you've been shooting For eight hours that day

just having to pretend? It's on-set. Look at this. Look at this. You only take one bite and you go, I'll take it to go. Come on. You know what I'm saying?

You're going to have a ginger ale that looks like a beer? That is actually like food after sex. Yeah. I know that's maybe the fattest thing I've ever said in my life. No, you're right. You're right. That's ice cream in the daytime. That's a way better way to do it for regular people regular people for me i like i like

everything yeah for lumberyard guys that's what we call ice cream with the sun my friend would say like they would fuck she was dating this dude and they had separate bedrooms because like he had like sleep issues whatever the fuck that means They would fuck before they went to dinner. Whatever the fuck that means. I don't know what that means. I don't know if it means- You don't have sleep issues? What are you, narcoleptic?

No, I have a sleep issue. But she said it like, just say you have weird nightmares. There's too much language on top of shit sometimes. It doesn't matter what it is. You're making it seem a little more dramatic than it needs attention yeah it's like yeah sleep issues like what does that mean they want you to ask weird fucking night yeah like yeah okay yeah i mean i have fucking sleep issue i was gonna say you don't talk about it i have i have my fucking things but like when i when i'm trying to sleep

god damn it now you get it. Yeah. But it just like, it just be like, oh, he fucking snores too much or like whatever the thing is, you know, like I don't, you're putting too much, you're churching it up too much. It's fucking wrong. Yeah. But I mean, it's too vague. It makes it creepy.

Yeah. And I don't want to know more about this person. Well, you have to, I mean, how do we get into the lingerie thing? He just asked. We were somewhere, but it made me think about, yeah. What's your favorite? Lingerie-wise? Yeah.

I, um... One time, I was looking up this chick. Say her name. Gabby. God, I can see how hot. She came out dressed like the Philly Fanatic, and I just... Beat the fuck out of i don't mind like a like a short like i don't know if you call it a teddy but just like a neck

like thing that's like here to here like i don't mind the full piece like yeah that's uh if it's just barely covering everything like but it has to be if you're doing from here to here with two small straps the problem with that is you were going to say negligee but if you if you're talking about a one piece that's like kind of like a i don't want to call it a teddy because a teddy seems like something like yeah a teddy is a little longer and flowy yeah yeah this is like i know you're talking like a the mini skirt i know what the fuck you're talking about it's wonderful but if you get the quality in terms of like ornateness, it comes with like the shit they used to take like the Irish broads from like the fucking 1700s. You got to unhook like six things.

It's like, I don't want all that. So then they have to go cheap. If they go cheap, you get a bunch of them and just fucking rip them. That's why I like the fishnets. Just absolute, absolute terror. Here's the thing. If I start with that kind of intensity, it's not going to be... No, you don't start with that intensity.

You've got to poke through the holes. Like a bottlenose dolphin trying to get into the net of caught minnows. Jesus! What have you been reading? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're trying to nip through and just steal a fish. You've got to get your big fucking walk horn in there.

Oh, okay, you're saying this is the big moment of like, all right, just fuck. Take it slower and then get to that point where it's like. But like you're saying, yeah, now the net's open and all the minnows are free. The net's open, all the minnows, all the dolphins are eating, baby. Seven course meal. This is fucking disgusting. You is. I know. This is fucking disgusting. You is. I know.

This is my fault. I did this to myself when I asked to be on. Anyway, happy New Year. Happy New Year. Yeah. How's it been being home for two weeks straight? It's been great. Yes, Pam.

I love that song. It's horrible. No, I'm saying every time I hear that song. It's horrible. No, I'm saying every time I hear that, it's been, I'm fucking, I'm all in one right now. I'm having fun. I'm having, I hope you're having fun. Just a mess, Cal. I'm going to have a drink. Okay, he's got fucking 70 ounces of water.

Yeah, I got to finish my jug. Why are you being such a good boy? What do you mean? You can't have a drink with the friends? Yeah Yeah, I'll have a drink You don't have to Don't do that

Don't do that We almost had him Now you're making I was saying don't do that You said don't do that I have to get in a car No, I made a rule I made a rule that I was like

And this passes the test I was gonna I don't want to buy a drink For the rest of January You didn't I bought the bottle That's what I'm saying Passes the test

But you're waiting until a certain time to have a drink at night? No, I just haven't been drinking I had a little bit of wine last night With the dinner? Yeah, but that was it Fancy dinner or something? We made cioppino It's like a seafood stew

Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's really good. That's a... I had that for the first time like six months ago. Yeah. Awesome. Simplistic. Yeah.

It felt like it'd be good for a hangover. Oh, it was. It was. But I had to feed three other people, so there's no leftovers. I would like another one. Yeah. It's one of those things you let soak for a while. It like better the second time yeah is it pretty um is it pretty involved to make it not at all really no pretty simple shallots and garlic for a base white wine

we cooked shrimp monkfish and salmon and that's fresh thyme come on tomato sauce okay clam juice fresh tomato sauce you make it yourself water no I just took a a jar of pomodoros and immersion blended it okay I gotta cook for you Shane you wanna

you wanna come on one of our look at dish yeah I'll cook for you what's your favorite meal besides your pets do you have a do you have a frog

I can deep fry you fucking maniac I'm from Texas. We're going to deep fry everything. Everything you love. Bullshit East Coast elitist fucking. I'm not an elitist. I'm just, you know.

You're looking down at working class. You worked in the lumber yard. You're basically me. Like, fucking, that's why I love you, baby. Yeah. Can't fix shit. I would love, I don shit. My favorite is usually some kind of Mexican food or something.

I would like to be surprised. You know what I've never done is the birria. Birria? Yeah, I've never done that. I'd like to do that. What is that? I'm saying it wrong? I don't know why you decided to have an accent.

Because I'm staring at your fucking eyes. I always have a twang when I look directly into those diamonds, dude. Beeria is like a consomme. It's like a kind of taco. What the hell is that? Consomme. Learn them. It's like a...

Learn them. I know what beeria is. What's consomme? Consomme is like a... It's a paste. It's a paste. It's a paste. It's like a cook-down reduction of... Sauce?

Yeah. And a medley of ingredients. With aromatics. Aromatics. Yeah. A lot of herbs. A lot of herbs. To beef broth.

Okay. You sear off the meat. You cook it it It falls apart And you use that same consomme To reconstitute the tortilla And then the meat on top It's like a wet taco That's fried with cheese

Are we still talking about lingerie? This is what I'd like her to get into Jesus Christ I am so close to being Brendan Fraser Oh man to get into. Jesus Christ. I am so close to being Brendan Frasier. Oh, man. I watched that the other night when I was depressed. It almost finished me off. Frasier?

No, the whale. Oh. God damn it. How the fuck? I like him better now that he's doing... It's just consume with an accent a goo. What are you talking about? How do you spell consomme?

C-O-N... Like that? It's a super broth that has been clarified egg whites creating a crystal clear liquid. No. That's a clarified butter. A consomme is a soup or broth that has been clarified egg. Okay, so that's not a good sentence. I don't even know if there's consomme is a soup or broth that has been clarified egg.

Okay, so that's not a good sentence. I don't even know if it's consomme. I don't even know if you... I mean, it's a consomme. I think it is. I mean, that's what I've heard it called. Just look up birra. B-I-R-R-A.

I-A. I-A. Birria. Birria. Birria. Birria. Just say it the way you... Birria.

Yeah, thank you. I like that, too. Yeah. Yeah, it's like... Calm down. Yeah. Don't be doing all that bullshit Does it look good? It looks great It's incredible

Beeria It's a meat stew Yeah Like we said But you put it on a tortilla Or yeah And then you dip into it Yeah

The sauce is the star Oh it's like an au jus kind of Yes Yeah it's a Mexican au jus It is It's a Mexican jus It's a Mexican au jus. It is. It's a Mexican jus. It's a Mexican jus. Oof.

It's the name of my next special. Oof. It's just you under a grate. It's me in one of those tunnels they built. That is wild. I forgot. Do you have anything to plug? Yeah.

My special, the blue-eyed Mexican. They think this is a joke. But this is really what it's plug? Yeah, my special, The Blue-Eyed Mexican, produced by Bert Kreischer. They think this is a joke, but that's actually... But this is really what it's called. Yeah, yeah. The Blue-Eyed Mexican, produced by Bert and Leanne Kreischer.

It's on my YouTube as well as Bert's. Hell yeah. So you get it there. And you can follow the podcast, No Accounting for Taste, with me and Kyle Kinane. Let's go. How's that going?

Good, Dan. We're going in the right direction. We haven't done a Patreon or anything because we're not really into internet panhandling like you guys? Good, Dan. We're going in the right direction. We haven't done a Patreon or anything because we're not really into internet panhandling like you guys. Oh, wow. Wow, do you like the digs here? You enjoy this? I said I'm happy to be here.

Do you like the $80 mezcal? You don't pay for that? You spent $80 on that mezcal? You got the American. You gotta go fund me. I know. We're working hard for this. Also, we are so far in the red on our podcast.

We're making no money and i like i'm like let's start a bit let's start a patreon and he's like ah fucking i don't know yeah i could see yeah i'm truly the battle with with kyle yeah for sure what you do a pretty good impression of him actually no i did i used to i think when we were in the lounge yeah i used to do him and dancer and jermaine which is like just a different octave. A little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're the same wild tapes.

Depending on how they're doing, one is just a slightly more, like, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you why little Nas X would make a great astronaut. Yeah, yeah. You ever fish a gummy bear

out of your belly button? Oh, c'est la vie. It's like an american fortune cookie dude dan saint germain made me cry when i first got to new york i was like 2014 or 2013 what's the uh what's the cabin yeah lower east side yeah that was great that motherfucker went on some rant and you could tell it what like it started with a bit and then he just lost control. I couldn't breathe and I was crying.

That's only happened a couple times in my life. Literally, I couldn't control myself. When you're not thinking about somebody's act and you're just watching it and laughing at it, they're really taking you over. You don't know them yet. You don't know what their shtick is. You get't know like, you know what I mean?

You get normalized to people's behaviors. What are you going to go up there and do now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same old hunk of door shit. But that fucking holy Christmas, dude. That man blew me away. I feel like the one time that happened.

Sean Patton does that to me. Yeah, Sean's still the best. When he gets unhinged, it's like... It's insane. I have to tell you a story about Sean in New Orleans off camera. It's not okay. He was great, but the story is not okay.

But when he spins out, it is one of the funniest things I've ever... Last night we were at the stand and he was just trying to do... was just trying to be like telling women to fart for equality, and the crowd was horrible. They were not good. He was just like, just fucking hold your little puckers together. And nobody was giving.

And he just won't give up. That's the thing. He just stays there the whole time. Well, you can tell he's getting off on that. Yeah, he won't shift out of it. I'm like, please like me. What about this joke about bagels?

Just spend the rest of the set apologizing. Normally this never happens. First time. To be fair, you wore that. Oh my God. I got to piss. You guys want to do Paige?

Yeah, sure. You're going to stick around? You got five sets tonight. I got five sets tonight, but I have to be at Gotham by eight o'clock. All right. But I'll take a car. Bye.