Stuff Island - Tim Butterly + Sidney Gantt - Stuff Island #163

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Tommy Pope is joined by guests Tim Butterly and Sidney Gantt for this week's episode of Stuff Island Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week th...ey talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Head to htttpes://www.squarespace.com/stuffisland to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code STUFFISLAND at shopmand.com! #mandopod Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 We had a big wicker chair and that thing was fading by the time it went in the trash. Yeah, I mean you got siblings. Wicker doesn't exist. Yeah, true. You know? And if you have like overweight hands, they just blast through it on Thanksgiving anyway. I remember at a very young age picking at the wicker chair and being like, what's the difference between this and pretzel sticks? I can't have a little bit of chair.
Starting point is 00:00:31 I can't solve some chair. Let me suck on it. And eat it. Dude, sucking on hard pretzels. I can't find a good hard pretzel here. No. In Texas. A good hard pretzel?
Starting point is 00:00:40 Yeah. That's crazy. I know. They come in bags. Yeah. Dude, I have the same problem in Queens. There's like a weird selection of brands that I don't fuck with. Do you use a local brand when you're back home?
Starting point is 00:00:51 I never really liked Hertz. Like a mom and pop hard pretzel? I was like a Sturgis guy. Okay. Yeah. Like the gay motorcycle guys? Sturgis pretzels? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Thick, sourdough, overly salted. Like hard ones? Well burnt. The tooth chippers. Yes, tooth chippers. These are snacks at your aunt's house. Yes, and you suck on it. And you taste like the caramel in them.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Tell me I don't suck on anything. Come on, man. Pause. You're happily married. Exactly. That means you're lying to me. I can't. Well, I mean, that's different.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Yeah, is it? It's different. You don't call clitoris as glutmini pretzels? I don't suck on anything off my wife's body. Okay. That's it. Have you ever had food? I have.
Starting point is 00:01:29 You have your food play? Like in the bedroom? Yeah. No, dude, we're very Christian in the bedroom. We don't do anything. Traditional. Yeah. 25 years and have not done one exciting thing.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Wow. Two positions. Doggy and Mish. Me on top, her in back of me. That's it. 25 years. Yeah. And you guys haven't explored anything.
Starting point is 00:01:53 No, I mean, we just enjoy the carnal moment and then we're done. I'm not trying to have this be a whole thing, like a whole production where we're just cleaning up sheets and stuff and replacing linens. I'm not. I just want to come yeah you know but there's got to be a point where you're like let's have a fucking new year's eve party with your bus you know what i mean like let's do something different every now and again like during sex i'm like man let's go to hibachi yeah Let's go to hibachi. Let's spit an egg on that thing. I'm just like chopping up her clit. You've never once taken it to a point where you may be worried? Never.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Whoa. No, like I said, so like during sex every now and again, I'll be like, man, as soon as we're done, we're going to get right back at it. I'm going to be doing the nastiest shit I can think of. And then as soon as I'm done. That was pretty good. Yeah. Wow. I'm pretty satisfied. Yeah the nastiest shit I can think of. And then as soon as I'm done, it's just like... Yeah, that was pretty good. Wow, I'm pretty satisfied. Tunafish? Is that so cool? Meet back here in a month?
Starting point is 00:02:52 I wonder what it does to a wife's psyche to hear the PS5 chirp right after you're done. You're still like dripping out. Huh? Like when you sit on a timer. I told them I'd be right back sorry babe oh my god no you can sit with me it's fine yeah you're not intruding if you can sit while i play i still love you that's not less thanks for coming guys yeah thanks for having me man
Starting point is 00:03:19 oh we're just going off you guys are scoping scoping some uh check out some some, well, I was supposed to be, and then I fell asleep in the Uber on the way here, and I didn't see anything. I might as well have been kidnapped and dropped off here. Wait. Mary Jo's going to be so pissed at me. No, just make shit up. I was supposed to be looking around.
Starting point is 00:03:37 I'm going to drive you downtown, so I'll be like, look, there's north, there's east. I'll point at a couple things, and I'll say, babe, Tommy was really showing me some stuff. Yeah. I didn't get way too high at the Capitol building and then fall asleep in a car. Dude, we bought this place in like a week
Starting point is 00:03:53 just looking at pictures of places. And we only had like two weeks to get a place. Yeah. And we're like, this looks great. All the interior photos. We got kind of fleeced. How? In terms of like the legitimacy of of some of like
Starting point is 00:04:06 what's actually transpiring here i don't know this is pretty nice no this is a nice was one of the chairs supposed to talk it's a nice it's a nice and when does the cowboy male man come by also i didn't buy it so it's like there's only so much you can expect from the outside like we were we got out of the uber and there was that there's always so much you can expect from the outside. Like we were, we got out of the Uber and there was that, there's always that question of like, are we at the right spot? Yeah. Yeah. But then you look at the facade of this house and it's like,
Starting point is 00:04:29 it's dressed like Tommy. Yeah. It looks just like you. It's probably why we picked it. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. The blinds are rolled up too high.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Like my jeans. It's emitting the scent. It's a perfume all over the grass. That's killing it. The garage opens, goes, oh! Cardinal start, but it looks good. You're moving here too, you think? Nah, I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah. Too much? I don't know. I think we're just happy where we are right now. I mean, it depends on if my wife decides to look for new employment. Yeah. You know, but we're pretty,
Starting point is 00:05:08 we're pretty locked in where we are. Our kids go to the, she, she works at a school and our kids right now are, are being privileged enough to go to a private school that we couldn't afford otherwise. Yeah. So what are they like 10 and eight,
Starting point is 00:05:22 12 and nine, 12 and nine. Damn. It's great. It's pretty sick. Great ages. You can't really take them out. Cause like, what 10 and 8? 12 and 9. 12 and 9. Damn. That's great. That's pretty sick. Great ages, you can't really take them out. What do you mean? Like fight them?
Starting point is 00:05:30 No, of course you can. I've been watching your videos, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My son, he's old enough. He's a fun little hangout partner right now. Do you got your kids in jujitsu like Tim? Yeah, we all go to the same spot. Your kids fight?
Starting point is 00:05:44 Do our kids fight each other? Yeah. Yeah. His daughter, his daughter destroys all of us. She's a monster. Yeah. I saw. She's also older than the rest of the kids.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Yeah, but she's still a lady. She loves it. Like you beat up a 75-year-old. Yeah. Yeah, I do want to see my daughter fight a grown man. Yeah? Yeah. I'd be pulling for her, but I just don't don't know you know she knows what she's doing and she could probably beat up any 16 year old
Starting point is 00:06:10 girl she'll ever meet but like i would love to see her defend herself against a man are we talking like a like an irish pub fake tough guy that's 23 years old and like philly yeah not like a guy that wrestles in college and he's fucked up and talking shit. I'm talking about just a loudmouth dickhead. Alley dirtbag. Yeah, and he doesn't see it coming. And he's laughing the whole time. Look at this little twat. Oh, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:06:31 Oh, you don't like me talking like that around you? Oh, am I offending you? Yeah. And she folds him off. Armbar. Yeah. Once she gets momentum, it's over for her. Dude, it would also be really funny for her to get too big for her britches and just get fucking punched in the face.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Right. That's also a lesson you can't do. I know. And you can't avoid it for them because then they don't learn anything right so that's the painful part that's the conundrum of fatherhood i imagine for you guys is like you want your kid to come home with a black fucking eye right you don't want your daughter to get punched in the face by just a random ass bully i doubt it i bet you were stepping on toes a little bit yeah and you got fucking struck i don't have anything in common with parents who like when
Starting point is 00:07:04 their kid gets in trouble they're just like not my baby it's like what did you do my son got punched in the stomach in a bounce house one time by an older kid because when he was younger he used to anytime he would be around older boys he would just kind of like bump into him and he was just roughhousing yeah but the same way that he and i was mosh house yeah that's all he was just in a bounce house moshing with strangers like why could we not do that and this one kid told him to stop one time and he didn't listen and he just like me and ansley just watched from the outside he just like what he like he's a kid so he like wound up from here and like hit him with a punch to the stomach dropped my son to his knees even with the afro thunder yeah he did he got him
Starting point is 00:07:45 imagine like it's never happened to me but like watching it happen to my son i can only imagine how sad it is to be dropped to your knees in a bounce house like you're not even enjoying like people around you are bouncing and you're like wobbling you know you're like you can never really deal with it and how much how much how much time do you get in a bounce house per year you know what I mean every second is precious it's like stubbing your toe in heaven does this have to be like I love talking to fathers
Starting point is 00:08:13 my nephew's too old for me to go I'll go to that party with you do you just go to like bounce house parties birthday parties I mean this is at a street fair and I try to not go to every birthday party if I can get out of it. Yeah. Like my wife typically takes the kids to birthday parties.
Starting point is 00:08:31 I don't like to go to kids' birthday parties. What, don't you? You're not like deviled eggs or something? Nah, I mean, you know, so, you know, my family is culturally white. So we go into a lot of white parties. And they're just, I'm not going to lie to you, man. It's boring. White kids' parties are not popping. Yeah, that's not true. You got to go to of white parties And they're They're just I'm not going to lie to you man It's boring White kids party are not popping
Starting point is 00:08:45 Yeah that's not true You got to go to white trash parties Yeah You need bad kids So you're going to Standardized white parties You need I don't even go to those
Starting point is 00:08:54 See I would go to If there's no bad kids Sliding across the floor In swishy pants You're in the wrong party There's like One of the kids is naked The whole time
Starting point is 00:09:00 For no fucking reason No no no Start of dinner Still nude Like I said So we'll go We'll go to Butterly's kids parties yeah but then my kids go to a private school where all of the parents are like putting on airs about who their kids are or not yeah there's a lot of
Starting point is 00:09:14 policing there yeah so my my filthy family is a real good time compared to 100 yeah yeah it's not worth it yeah my family parties growing up were the greatest thing in the world. Just 50 cousins, mayhem, drinking wine off the end tables. Yeah, that's what's up. Getting fucked up downstairs. That's what's up. Yeah. That's why we all have problems now, but fun times. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Christmas was great. Pop the fucking waterbed. That was my bounce house. I would have got it for a year. My aunt's waterbed. Oh, my god yeah and we don't have waterbed insurance i'm underwater literally underwater on this bed i'm upside down on the waterbed and you ruined it tommy i'm sweating 39 years of window units my parents yeah look at him 100 who is he yeah 40 yeah 39 yeah uh my parents used to drop us off at my godmother's house like after a party she'd be like you're you stay here so my parents could
Starting point is 00:10:12 go home and do you know normal stuff yeah and uh like having sex yeah but it's probably i can't i mean if you knew genie she's like yeah classical christian stuff she's not throwing a fucking four-inch plug in her ass she's she's doing missionary getting ready for church that's what i'm talking about yeah yeah that's a good that's a good that's a good mom that's a good mom but i wish you would turn up you know i mean i wish you would turn up at least get bangs suck a dick backwards i think it's too decadent for a wife. Yeah. If only our parents knew about ultimate surrender. Yeah, yeah. You know about ultimate surrender?
Starting point is 00:10:50 Where a little wormy guy gets wrestled by a lady in a bathing suit? That's the best stuff there is. Her safe word was like, our father. She ain't. She ain't. No, I'm walking to the bottom of the shadow. Dude, no joke. It's my dad's nickname. Rigatoni Steve. We eat rigatonis five nights a week
Starting point is 00:11:07 rigatonis that's crazy yeah it's a crazy amount of rigatoni but my my my aunts and uncles get all fucked up all the kids would be high on sugar and fucking booze and then they wouldn't get up to like 10 that's like sleeping in and i I remember walking into my godparents' bedroom. That was the water bedroom. And ass snooze. Just completely bouffant out. Her tits are moving with the waves. Let's go. Take it back.
Starting point is 00:11:36 He's snoring his dick off because he's a Vietnam vet. He's got one of those masks on. It was the creepiest shit I've ever seen. And they just woke up, made us pancakes. And i tried to sleep over that house every fucking that's what's his name from dune baron harkonnen yeah it's kind of what he looked like dude yeah r.i.p neil that dude fucking rolled can you see my sweat right now it's great you got a're glowing. You look pregnant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Beautiful skin. I wish I was. I'm ready for a kid. Yeah? I think so. You're at that point? Yeah. My eggs are fucking screaming.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Yeah? What position do you think you're going to make your kid in? What position? Yeah. I think that matters. Yeah. Positioned via sports, I imagine you're talking about, right? You're going a fullback?
Starting point is 00:12:26 Quarterback or wide receiver. On football. On power forwarder? Yeah. A number two guard, basketball. Baseball, second base, center field. What do you mean in real terms? When you make your kid, what position do you hope to make your kid?
Starting point is 00:12:44 Sexual position. If you want a quarterback, you've got you hope to make your kid? Sexual position. If you want a quarterback, you've got to make sure the backs of your hands are on the inside of her thighs. Yeah, and you've got to read an alt. Omaha. I've got to check down to her asshole. He's got the play card over his mouth. I'm going to call him. My dad comes in like,
Starting point is 00:13:04 I'm going to call him. Yeah, my dad comes in and like, I'm going to bust. Yeah. She's just still standing there like a fucking harass in the air. Just me and my dad talking about like my next play. 69!
Starting point is 00:13:16 Yeah, look, she's only got two minutes left. We got to call a second play. Ready? I don't know. I don't believe in that shit. I just want to dump her in her regular style and make her do a handstand and I'll just hold her fucking
Starting point is 00:13:33 hold her legs up for 30 minutes like you would a kid in a bouncy house trying to get that sperm all the way to her skull. Swing her back and forth. Just a playground swing. Ah, I got you. When I see come, come, come. Like in a circle, it's a triple force it up in there.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I see a droop of sperm falling out the nostril. I know we're good. I know the cookie's baked. It's all gazing, baby. Pull them out. Let's try one. Like looking at the blueprint of Tommy's sex plan. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:10 I think if you're doing it enough, you're never going to nail down what position. I never believed that when someone's like, yeah, she was born missionary. That's how we know the girls are made that way. And Charlie over there, it was like dog style there. Let's say shut the fuck up let's
Starting point is 00:14:25 get sex twice yeah i mean but it's just i i guess you just don't want to like do you want to be being filthy when you make your kid yeah or do you want to just be having like good kid making traditional look i i have a hard time i stay traditional but then like the act of it gets animalistic i don't we explain do you like you start this you ever hugged tommy before it's like that but he's penetrating you i mean you're trying to no there's always a love making when tommy's making love the stubble from his face goes to like covers his entire body you're left in a full, second degree burns everywhere. It just starts flowing out like
Starting point is 00:15:07 Whopperine. Stumble everywhere. That's how you know I'm horny. Baby, I'm not ready yet. Look, I'm on horny. You have stumble on your forehead, baby. I know I'm about to get it. No, I think there's like a sensible way to have passionate sex that is also dirty.
Starting point is 00:15:30 Yeah. Well, see, listen. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. That is not a crazy thing to say. I'm not saying we're not sensual. It's not. There is a sensuality.
Starting point is 00:15:36 There's a balance. There's a sensuality to our lovemaking, but it's not. We're not doing all that freaky weird stuff. We're not doing no internet shit. We're not doing regular missionary sex, but then you look them in the eyes and your mouth are stuff. You ever had no internet shit? Regular missionary sex, but then like you look them in the eyes and you're like,
Starting point is 00:15:47 mouth are open, you choke them. No, we do no choking in the bedroom. You choke all day. You choke 12 hours of fucking day in a key.
Starting point is 00:15:56 We're all choked out. Have either of you ever thrown a strike? Not on purpose. There was recently a 12 to 6 elbow. We got a warning. It was on the picture.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Hey, watch the back of that. Come on, man. That's why they don't do thongs, sorry. Fingers out of the cage. Fingers out of the cage. Yeah. You do it again, I'm going to take a point. No, recently,
Starting point is 00:16:19 it ended up with a black box. Gotta make something happen. I'm going to steal you. Last round. Let's go. Last round. Defend yourself. Work Gotta make something happen. We're gonna stand you up. Last round. Let's go. Last round. Defend yourself. Work, work, work.
Starting point is 00:16:27 You're down. Do what I told you there. Throw the one, too. Throw the one. He's just laying there. Yeah, we, like, there was, like, there was, like, a, there was a transition. It was a sexual transition. We were transitioning.
Starting point is 00:16:41 And, and probably the timing of the transition was a little off for what it typically is she farted but like like i like we both kind of came in hot head to head and then she she caught my uh forehead on her cheek right there got a black heads that probably changed the entire sex i mean we finished she's a trooper she had a black eye the next day yeah she had a black eye for a few days how fast were you coming back to change she has lady head formula one dude you're not getting rid of a flat tire take your time and shift does your dick have like a time limit that's the fast we gotta keep it going we gotta move we gotta move we can't be lingering you think that's like
Starting point is 00:17:23 mat work oh yeah, yeah, absolutely That type of speed to like shift? Yeah, we don't do anything adventurous in bed But we do drill a lot Yeah, that's crazy Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, we do We have sex in a 4-5
Starting point is 00:17:33 Yeah, too You know, it was It wasn't that It was just, again Just like my It's just the way Like the hardest part of my forehead Yeah
Starting point is 00:17:41 Collided with her lady orbital bone Yeah She's also got a white people skull Yeah, she does unfortunately they're very strong white people skulls yeah i think so white lady skulls yeah white lady no way that's like in general yeah compared to a black guy head that's crazy true story last night i whacked my girl in sleep yeah is she pure white i didn't drink huh is she a pure white no she's palestin and Nordic. Dude, those are, I mean, that's like tank skeleton. It's nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Head like an Easter Island. Yeah. It's got a Dan Soder head with tits. No, it's, I didn't drink and my dreams have become, my nightmares have become extremely vivid and whatnot. So there was a lot of nightmares and my dog usually sleeps in between us but she wasn't thank goodness and i give her like a like it was like a hard and she's like like she screamed got us both up and i knew what i was doing because it was vivid like i knew i was
Starting point is 00:18:38 just fighting and i'm like i'm sorry but i'm so tired so i'm like it's okay come on i gotta get back to this fight. Yeah. I don't want to lose this dream. It was like part three of like a really vivid nightmare that I was enjoying. Yeah. And then sure enough, like two hours later, I get a kidney shot. And I'm like, that's too, there's no way this wasn't planned.
Starting point is 00:18:58 And she swore retaliation. And she gave me a fucking shot that like, I still feel today. She was standing up. She's sleepwalking there. Yeah. and she gave me a fucking shot that like i still feel today standing up yeah so that's a real that's a real thing i get that but sex smacking some some you know your girl on the head with your skull it wasn't on purpose tommy i wasn't like she'd enjoy this yeah it was just you know i'm imagining you both on your hands and knees rotating at the same time and that's how you bond like when you're both looking for something on the floor together and you go well dude that would mean they're doing a double dildo ass to ass
Starting point is 00:19:31 I don't know why would their asses be together I was thinking more parallel like almost like racing I'm losing it how did your heads why were your heads so far apart and coming so close together at such a high rate of speed? So here, so, okay.
Starting point is 00:19:46 So the, the, again, the, the transition. Tell us a bit about your boring sex. Okay. So I was, I was munching some box. Cool. Jesus. Right? I don't want to get graphic, Tommy.
Starting point is 00:19:59 I was trying to not have it be this. Right? Oh, man. All right. I was, I was munching a little box. And then. Like a radio play. I was, I was trying to not have it be this. Oh, man. I was munching a little box. Like a radio play. I was finishing. I was coming up.
Starting point is 00:20:11 And then she was shifting back. All right, guys. This episode is brought to you by Mando. Go to shopmando.com and use code STUFFILAND. All right? You're going to get $5 off a starter pack. That's 40% off that starter pack. It's incredible.
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Starting point is 00:22:41 Go check it out. Oh, to come this way to blow you. Well, I don't know what she was going to do, but she didn't blow me after. I will tell you. She didn't blow me after. Yeah, because you give her a fucking concussion. Yeah. But typically, in traditional sex partnerships,
Starting point is 00:22:53 they go, he's giving me the goods, I'm going to blow him next. And I was giving her the goods. I bet, dude. It was one of those times when I was down there. I'm looking at your mouth right now. You're afraid to get messy. No.
Starting point is 00:23:04 No, dude. I'm being a bib door. I come up to you. You were a bib? Yeah. No, not me, man. times you're afraid to get messy no You bring a big yellow blouse. Like a hazmat suit. And I'm ready to slurp your box. Dude, eat pussy like a lunch lady. He goes in with a ladle. Just to get the tongue out. So it doesn't touch his shoes. It's like outbreak. But that is my one.
Starting point is 00:23:40 That is my one. That is my freakiness. Like I don't care about the slob. Yeah, you just beatbox all over Clint. Dude. How black are you, dude? I'm just down there. She's just scratching on your flat top.
Starting point is 00:24:01 I'm soaking in it. Good for you. Yeah, but that's it. That in it. Good for you. That's it. That's my freak. That's my clown makeup's running. Halloween fangs are falling out. Swallowed one. I mean, there is a a like you said
Starting point is 00:24:27 there is a there's a charm and simplistic womanly sex where it's like you know she has a good heart and she's not a scumbag falutin whore
Starting point is 00:24:35 yeah but then there's like only fans like that did you see yeah did you see the lady that had sex with a hundred guys no she
Starting point is 00:24:43 it seems like it had a pretty significant impact on her. Really? Wait, is this recent? Yeah, just scroll past it today. It's a girl, it's some lady 100 dudes one day? 100 dudes, I guess in a row. Does she now look like somebody who just was president for four years? Is she like worn now? Well, she tried to put on a brave face
Starting point is 00:25:00 about it. They were like She had all the eye makeup on her and they're asking her like wow how are you doing are you okay did you eat anything today she's like yeah i think i had a sandwich and then it was just mostly loads yeah she said after that was mostly cum and they're like what do you think of it she was just like and then her eyes just get really far away she's like yeah it's definitely intense oh my god it was pretty sad but the crazy part is that like remember in like when we were kids there was like ladies doing 500
Starting point is 00:25:32 guys on howard stern every other week yeah you know the ladies were built 100 guys and it ruins your life it's like come on man wait so is this just promotion for her obviously it's promotion for her only fans but is she charging or just part of her clientele? This is like a winter special. It's a holiday special. I'm going to take 100 dudes from my OnlyFans and fuck them. That's what it was? It was from her OnlyFans?
Starting point is 00:25:55 I don't know where she found them. It was just, you know, it was the classic, I'm going to have sex with them, I'm just going to gangbang, you know? Yeah. The tale's old as time. Run the numbers. Half of them have to be sadistic maniacs that are going to face fuck you,
Starting point is 00:26:06 grab your ears, rip them half off. Oh, man. So the makeup. Oh, man, imagine being in line. You're like, I'm going to get her attention. You're number 65 in line. She's going to remember me. I'm going to open the door.
Starting point is 00:26:16 All these other fucking idiots can barely even get hard. Me? I'm going to leave an impact. She tells an internet joke. She thinks about you on her deathbed. He just quotes Gilbert Gottfried And sticks his fist in her asshole Imagine what kind of punisher you have to be
Starting point is 00:26:34 To be 63rd in line to have sex with the OnlyFans That's crazy You're just fucking a squished frog You've been on set way longer than you thought You're fucking a squished frog It's like craft services on a fucking set There's just no more coffee set way longer than you thought. You're fucking a squid. It's like craft services on a fucking set. There's just no more coffee. You're like tilting it.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Somebody already ravaged the Lifesavers. Dude. Get the last bit. You ever go to open the Dunkin' Donuts box and the only thing you hear is the last couple sprinkles roll across the thing. You're like, oh, fuck. Could have used a strawberry frother. She she's hollowed out you hollowed her out
Starting point is 00:27:09 it's like fucking a bag of cotton balls it is great just the friction must be bananas that's wild damn that is wild yeah I mean god I got a permanent visual of a lot of girls I fucked with, but a hundred in a row.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Like, what do you mean? I'm not following. I got snapshots. I get beat off snapshot that I keep. I log. Okay. You know? So you beat off in the brain?
Starting point is 00:27:36 You don't? I do both. Ah, yes. I've also played Pokemon Snap. Yeah. No, it's 90% visual. But like, if I'm in a pinch, I like to bring back an old memory because it's 90 visual but like if i'm in a pinch i like to bring back an old memory because it's more it's more fun okay because it like it causes you to to activate something that
Starting point is 00:27:52 you're not used to it's visceral it is visceral yeah and it's emotional because then you start thinking about that person you see their teeth yeah yeah yeah you remember the smell how you trick them into doing it in the first yeah yeah yeah in a coat closet yeah yeah it just becomes like a an adventure and it's harder to do it that way because i beat off in 30 seconds on the thumbnails i don't i don't click i have a hard time i usually typically just go from the brain i have a hard time doing the pictures you go off the dome i do a freestyle off the rip every time that's crazy well you've been with your wife for 25 years. Who were you banging in grade school? Who was I banging in grade school? Yeah, you said...
Starting point is 00:28:28 You know, I did come from a very hyper-sexualized black community. Oh, okay. So all your cousins were fucking... Yeah, all my cousins. That's why they mutate like fucking... Like gizmo, dude. That's right. You can't feed them after midnight, dude. can't feed him after midnight
Starting point is 00:28:47 don't fuck him after midnight and don't give him any cum little black babies falling out of the tub water that's the NBA
Starting point is 00:28:56 you're talking about the NBA right now that's not all the NBA is related it's so funny yeah yeah but no it's uh you know you know college was a college was a fun time yeah where'd you go to college Lafayette college
Starting point is 00:29:11 oh nice yeah and it was uh one of those situations where uh for a lot of the chicks there I was probably like the first black guy experience that they had yeah so I was like it was like you know I was I can say fetishized. Yeah. Oh man. Dude, imagine thinking you've got like a, you're like, okay, I think I got black guys figured out. Sydney was number one. And then number two is any other black guy.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Yeah, exactly. You're like, what the hell was that? Sydney's the training wheels for black dudes. That's crazy. It is a good lead in. Why do you put a Timberland on my head? It's like my mom eating Halal. You just go, here's a little spice.
Starting point is 00:29:52 I did missionary with a black guy in college one time. I'm down for whatever. She's taking a snake dig from ass to mouth. Just getting split open right before a volleyball game. He's doing the big slap down on her oh you like that she's in a nose cast next to her
Starting point is 00:30:12 dude that Chris Kattan bit you and me you and me mean Sam Talented Skank Fest It was the funniest thing I think He got a lot more sympathy Than I thought he would
Starting point is 00:30:31 Who did Chris Kattan Yeah Well he was He was on the festival The Kattan man Yeah The Kattan man
Starting point is 00:30:37 Yeah I was there for that I was there I was lurking In the shadows Oh for the live pod Yeah Have you seen Have you seen Chris
Starting point is 00:30:44 Since then No Yeah me either Hope he's okay O'Connor In the shadows. Oh, for the live pod? Yeah. Have you seen Chris since then? No. Yeah, me either. Hope he's okay. O'Connor? Get down. Get down.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Have you ever seen him in the same room? They're probably just as weird. They speak with the same tone. Like the same pacing. He's got a bobblehead. O'Connor? No, yeah. Tan's got a big fucking Barbie doll head. I think he has a much smaller body than he was probably supposed to.
Starting point is 00:31:14 He's probably a toddler. He's just going like this. Just stretching on the screen. Yeah. He must have been really thin on Saturday Night Live. Because his body fit his head then. And now his body is way out of proportion. It looks like he was cursed is he back in stand-up i don't know if he ever left i remember he came around helium a bunch of times yeah and uh he was one of those ones well i'm not gonna
Starting point is 00:31:36 say anything never mind you remember people will come through helium and it would be someone that was like big from remember like uh the fucking the sports guy from anchorman would come through helium and it would be someone that was like big from remember like uh the fucking the sports guy from anchorman would come through yeah i opened for him and they would just like they would really upset they would really disappoint people yeah entire weekend yeah he would be walking out he's so talented he would i remember like he's like let's go get a drink tom and he was like deflated at the bar and i was like dude you're the fucking man don't worry about this shit and he was just like i don't know yeah i don't know because he would change like outfits and this is like philly and they were like hardcore stand-up yeah it's wild you know what i'm talking about right the cowboy hat guy yeah i don't say his name but like he would do like all this improv and like second city type
Starting point is 00:32:21 stuff oh he would change outfits yeah he would just go into the green room come back out as another character and people were just like struggling with drinking oh yeah at the time doing that drunk is tough yeah there was an entire circuit of guys who were like they crushed movie stars in 1999 and then they toured on that forever yeah and like people go i remember that i love that thing he was there they would go see like a guy who looked like he was like critically injured at some point yeah battling substance abuse and they were just like what the fuck yeah dude it'd be like bob koozie coming back to the nba and they'd be like you know dude it's a different fucking game right now for mozzarella
Starting point is 00:32:58 sticks for this this is crazy but i'm you know i think katan's doing better now. Yeah, good for him. I hope he's doing good. Well, dude, I hope you get here. Oh, yeah. Because there's not enough. You know what I thought would be really funny? It was like he came here and failed. That would be so funny.
Starting point is 00:33:21 Dude, I saw you at Skankfest. You're fucking wonderful, man. Oh, thank you very much. You were supposed to do 10. You did 35. I was like, this guy's at Skankfest. You're fucking wonderful, man. Oh, thank you very much. You were supposed to do 10. You did 35. I was like, this guy's got it. And you fucking murdered.
Starting point is 00:33:29 I'm ready. You really did. I was very proud of you. I think it'd be so funny to move my entire family down here. How come nobody's more proud when Black Comics do it, though? I know. I know. Well, he used to say I was on acid.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Then it was like, oh, okay. I get it. Oh, when Butterly does 20 Extra Minutes, it's fun. When Butterly does 20 extra minutes, it's fun. When a black guy does it. The old Mushroom 15. Plus, it's such an animalistic stage. I mean, nobody fucking knows. It was noon, and the sun was creaking through the shades.
Starting point is 00:34:00 Insane. And I didn't want to be alive at the time. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I said a couple of extra words no dude no one said anything but yeah if i offered my entire family i changed my children's lives when i came down here and i was just like i'm not really feeling it no people aren't really getting me it is a you know it is a it is a chance i don't know i think you're fine i'm probably fine. You have children.
Starting point is 00:34:25 Yeah. So that is a risk that I can't speak on, but I know your talent levels, and I know the availability here. Imagine being 16 years old, and your dad goes, we're moving for my dream. And you get there,
Starting point is 00:34:39 and you watch him flounder. And he's like, Dad's pretty upset all the time. Is everything okay? And you're like, leave. He's fine. He's just acclimating. And then six months later, he was like dad's pretty upset all the time is everything going okay and he's like leave let him be he's fine he's just acclimating and then six months later just i'm not sleeping anymore i don't have any friends yeah we're like running out of money though i mean all right maybe funny is the wrong word but man that'd really be something i don't think chris is coming back
Starting point is 00:34:59 to stuff island so you could do stuff i'll just step in there yeah cool yeah no he's coming back yeah this is the last week of shooting it's very exciting ooh they're about to wrap yeah I rapped on Friday
Starting point is 00:35:09 with Schultz did they clap for you they did that's a picture rap on Tommy Pope on WAPS they did yeah give it up for the WAPS
Starting point is 00:35:17 and they all started going WAPS WAPS WAPS it was like 150 extras it was fucking awesome that's fun Thomas Hayden Church
Starting point is 00:35:24 is on this season. Who's that? Shane's dad. I mean, I know him as a dude from Wings, but he's an extremely talented actor. He's like a dramatic, legitimate actor, which is very funny to see on set. He's done some really silly shit, though. Did you ever see Tales from the Crypt Demon Knight? No.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Where they're all stuck in the hotel with with like a you know demon takeover and thomas hayden church is like some dude that's just like trying to get pussy yeah everyone's dealing with the demon thing and there's a part where i think a girl has a car battery hooked up to his nipples yeah he was fun man he was fucking great but he gave a speech and they got emotional and it was like adorable what What was the speech? He was just saying, every time I do this, I get emotional. And everyone was like, oh! All the chicks are... Did you get misty-eyed?
Starting point is 00:36:13 I thought it was beautiful. You didn't answer the question, though. No, I didn't get misty-eyed, but if he kept going, if he gave a full speech instead of just saying... If he did a Tim Buddle-y set on it? Yeah, I would have been also... If he gave like a full speech instead of just saying. If he did a Tim Buddle-y set on it. He did. Yeah. I would have been creepy.
Starting point is 00:36:26 We did 20, 20 extra minutes. I would have been also. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Yeah. It was. He's the man, dude. That's fun. It was awesome.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Yeah. They're done this week. So hopefully we'll be back up and running. Oh, beautiful. In a couple of weeks. That's exciting. I don't know. Chris will probably go to Acapulco for fucking, I don't know, merengue competition.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I would go to like a spa. He wants to do that. He wants to go to a spa in a foreign country. He merengue competition. I would go to like a spa in a foreign country. He wants to go somewhere. I would go to a Swedish resort. I would wear a robe for a week and get stones put on me. You're in season two, right? No. No? No.
Starting point is 00:36:57 I think they killed me off, off screen. Yeah, so that's 17 and a half seconds. That's it. That's all you're getting out of me. Season one? Yeah. You count it? Oh, seconds. That's it. That's all you're getting out of me. Season one? Yeah. You count it? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Oh, yeah. A chess timer? Yeah. Dude, I had to because my wife was making fun of me for how excited I was. I was like, yeah, well. Yeah, it's awesome. I think I'm gay, too. I fucking suck. It's fucking great. Yeah. I mean, it's 17 and a half I'm gay too. I fucking suck.
Starting point is 00:37:25 It's fucking great. Yeah. I mean, it's 17 and a half more seconds than I've been in either. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. There's a couple black scenes coming up next year. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:33 I'll put my hat in the ring. It's just a circle. It's actually the reboot. Straight to DVD. It's called Rims instead of Tires. There we go. All three kids are going to come,
Starting point is 00:37:55 you think, if you make the jump? Yeah, maybe we'll leave one behind. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:58 I don't know. That's a wild question. That is a wild question. You talked about your
Starting point is 00:38:02 daughter looking at colleges. Oh, yeah. That's a ways away. They still live at home. Yeah. I talked about your daughter looking at colleges. Oh, yeah. That's a ways away. Yeah, but they still live at home. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:06 I feel like Byron Houghton. So, Tim, tell us how hard it is taking your daughter to college. It's really, you know, I wasn't prepared to be this old. Yeah. I didn't know I'd be taking my daughter to visit colleges that we can't afford. Yeah. That's going to be fun, letting her down and be like, yeah, I do think that's a great choice. It's not possible.
Starting point is 00:38:29 That's not going to happen. Sorry. Yeah. Moravian University is not really in the cards. Yeah. It was a cute school. You know what I was worried about, though? Have you ever heard the stories of during college visitations or whatever, or move-in,
Starting point is 00:38:44 where the frats hang banners like, thank you your daughters and she's like oh my god i was afraid of seeing something like yeah have you ever heard of that josh oh you've never heard of like frats animal house yeah that's crazy i think it's probably more like a party it's like a 60s yeah i was really nervous it's like selling vapes. We buy rapes. Can I get a pre-roofy, please? I've already raped. Is that Asian? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:16 Citrusy. I don't know. I was worried. I was worried. I was going to get like a weird vibe where it was like, wait till the grownups are gone. You know what I mean? But that wasn't, I don't know. That was all in my head.
Starting point is 00:39:24 No, it's there, though. It's just low key. No, it wasn't there at that wasn't, I don't know. That was all in my head. No, it's there, though. It's just low-key. No, it wasn't there at all. Yeah, I don't think the Hank Banner's about. No, no, no. But the idea of it, like all the kids that are going to college, the whole thing is, you know, once the parents are gone, now I'm an adult.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Now I'm going to be living my life as an adult outside of the gaze of my parents. If she puts on weight and becomes a slut, I'm going to be so... I guess that's every girl's right. Yeah, it's a freshman 20 they say. If she becomes a fat slut, I'm going to be so upset. Yeah. I put so much work into you and now you're fat and getting around. As long as she doesn't get headbutted by a black guy.
Starting point is 00:40:01 A nice Christian black guy. Shifting positions. That would be her best opportunity. A starter black guy. Shifting positions. That would be her best opportunity. A starter black guy. That's what you want. It's like a sourdough black guy. A starter black guy. You pull him out of a jar.
Starting point is 00:40:21 That starter black guy will blossom. Is this your first black guy? All right. Let's start slow. Let me go in the back. I got something for you in the back. He'll be a loaf. You're going to like this one. Easy started black. Is this your first black guy? All right. That started slow. Let me go in the back. I got something for you in the back. He'll be a loaf. You're going to like this one.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Easy to clean. Yeah. Did you get emotional or you're not there yet because you're not really dropping her off anywhere yet? Even just the experience of like, you know, sharing the experience of my wife where we're walking around with our daughter that we've raised and we're looking at her launching into adulthood. It was something that
Starting point is 00:40:50 rocked me to my core. Can't recommend it enough. It rules. That's awesome. That's what I want. Me dropping her by the time my kid gets to college. Oh my god. You're going to take great care of your granddaughter. Talk to me pushing a walk the time my kid gets to college oh my god like you're gonna take great care of your granddaughter pushing a walker
Starting point is 00:41:08 i don't gotta die a lot of time left listen yeah no at that point i'd be like no black guys i won't give a shit i'm gonna lose all my to lose all my angst and anger about her at that age. Zero to 10 matters the most, right? By that point, I'll be 55, 60 years old. And then you put another 15 on the end, I'm 75 if I make it that far? 80? You're like Pacino. Go get fingered by seven of them.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Be that little cum slug. Knock around 100 strangers. I don't care. I don't have to deal with it. Be that little cum slut. Knock around a hundred strangers. I don't care. I don't have to deal with it. Yeah, we'll take 14 fingers. That's the freshman 14. And 10 on the jets. Still gambling
Starting point is 00:41:53 with my daughter. No, I think there is a balance of being an older dad. You experience, you're locked in with the younger years i don't know i'm lying to myself or no but yeah and then the things that really matter i've already
Starting point is 00:42:10 accomplished you're at you're extra wise you're probably more efficient with your energy you know what i mean like you're not roughhousing you're not maybe oh i'll roughhouse i'm gonna be in good shape in 60 right yeah i am dude yeah well dude i mean not i mean i'm not i'm not trying to insult you to me i apologize i didn't i have if i if you're about to say wow dude you're not you're Yeah, I am, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to insult you, Tommy. I apologize. If you invite me to your... You're about to just say... Wow. Dude, you're not what you used to be. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Dude, I used to admire this man's body, Paul, but you know what I'm talking about. What happened? I used to constantly ask Tommy what his workouts were, and then one time he sent me like 30 pages for just arms. No, that was... Holy no that was uh you know that was the bulgarian workout yeah you remember what time he was jacked as fuck me and kooch yeah i'm jacked dude what do you want sid what would you say has been his biggest physical change i would gray hair okay well i mean the gray hair for sure but i always felt that you had a gray hair persona ever since i've known you keep it up man
Starting point is 00:43:10 his chest used to be insane yeah well that doesn't matter anymore i think you'd be surprised if you saw me you're gonna look like one of those like old kettlebell dudes if you saw me in a tank top i think you'd be surprised if you saw me you're gonna look like one of those like old kettlebell dudes if you saw me in a tank top I think you'd be very surprised I think you'd be surprised I hide it
Starting point is 00:43:31 Tommy I think I'd be surprised too yeah I'm wearing a leotard to mothership tonight yeah also I'm stopping drinking
Starting point is 00:43:39 for a while and I'm gonna eat a lot of protein when are you stopping I started last night it's called a it's called a wean okay you go from 15 drinks a day down to six and then down to four ah yeah so it doesn't hurt yeah yeah what are you what are you down to now i had three drinks like last night okay i haven't done that in years nice I haven't went to bed sober in a long time. Yeah, what are you going to do at night now?
Starting point is 00:44:09 I mean, I'm out late, so I got to navigate the late nights at the clubs and stuff. Yeah, but don't you come home kind of like... Yeah, energized. Energized. What's your bedtime routine now? I don't know yet. I watch YouTube until I can't open my eyes anymore.
Starting point is 00:44:23 It's usually like 5 a.m. Yeah, I'm trying not to do that maybe i'll start reading drawing just watch youtube dude yeah i can't i don't know i don't i don't like to watch you can watch youtube videos on drawing why not just watch speed running videos videos on the television like movies no dude movies stink they're not fun that shit sucks movies and stuff that's all strangers what is your go-to uh well i mean depends on my movement i'm a big i love speed running videos those are great watching like autistic dudes play metroid a million times i could really sink my teeth into that you watch an autistic dude play an actual video game oh yeah oh yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Your third party removed watching... I'm watching a guy break records in video games. Yeah. Wow. I'm witnessing greatness.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Yeah. I mean, that would tire me out. Oh, yeah. It would also infuriate me. That might be the opposite for me. It's kind of monotonous. They have no charisma. Like, it's definitely...
Starting point is 00:45:21 It's a great... It's dropping the landing gear. I'd be yelling at this waterhead to go left instead of right. Shack my heart rate up. Come on, it's pixel perfect, dude great it's dropping the landing gear I'd be yelling at this water had to go left instead of right track my heart rate up come on it's pixel perfect dude where are you on that you only missed a skip
Starting point is 00:45:31 hurry up oh that's 15 seconds wait are you watching like a football game where where come on just tailgating this mongoloid
Starting point is 00:45:41 I got fucking 10 grand on this no I don't know tailgating this mongoloid? I got fucking 10 grand on this. No, I don't know. Where's the dash cancel? I don't know. That's a plan. I'm always going to remember what you said, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:55 What's going on? I love that. Whoa. I love some sick forearms. Are your arms getting shorter or wider? You've got like Chris Benoit body now. That's what I'm saying. His body looks different.
Starting point is 00:46:04 That's the shortest arm I've ever seen in my life. That's crazy. I was a rigatoni. Whoa. It's just because they're black belts. They're talking shit like this, dude. And I can do nothing about it. I can just be like, well, fuck you guys, dude.
Starting point is 00:46:19 Just send you pics. I'm going to send you gym locker room pics. Send me some pics. Or yeah, Sid. Yeah, change my mind. Just change my mind. I fucking will. I can be easily swayed. I'm going to bring you gym locker room picks. Send me some picks. Or yeah, Sid. Yeah, change my mind. Just change my mind. I fucking will. I can be easily swayed. I'm going to bring you back. You're going to have a big apology, dude. Dude, I remember he used to just be
Starting point is 00:46:32 popping out of... He used to wear those shirts that were kind of baggy and the rest of the shirt. He's thicker than ever, Sid. What's wrong with you? He was like... It was different, though. It was like bodybuilder. He was like bodybuilder. He was 30 years old. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 44. I'm one year younger than you. He was 30 years old. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 44.
Starting point is 00:46:46 I'm one year younger than you, man. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. All right, we'll cut that. And I still, you know. Yeah, blacks are different. They are, in every sense. It's not fair. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:47:00 Oh, man. I do have a genetic predisposition towards being kind of cut and jacked. My dad, he still looks like a dude from the movie 300. Yeah. And he's close to his 80s right now. Wow. He is ripped as fuck. Well, you don't drink.
Starting point is 00:47:17 You don't smoke. That is correct. You're boring as fuck. So that helps. Not taking any risks in the bedroom. Right. Yeah. Not getting any con In the bedroom Right Yeah Not getting any Concussions
Starting point is 00:47:27 Lawmaking Yeah There's a correlation Between your fucking And your living your life Yeah I got no CTE though Yeah if I stayed in my lane
Starting point is 00:47:34 I'm sure I'd be Building muscle at night Sleeping eight hours Doing coke Off hookers buttholes Having a blast in AC That's a given take You're having too much fun
Starting point is 00:47:43 I can't even remember The good times. All for naught. Yeah. Well, that sucks. I had nice hair. You do have nice hair. Would you get Turkish hair loss
Starting point is 00:47:57 surgery if you needed it? I won't. You wouldn't do it? I won't need it. Tommy, have you ever heard of a hypothetical? Yeah, but I've already been beating up enough. My hair's not going anywhere. I'm sorry. My arm's shrunk.
Starting point is 00:48:11 My hairline's not going to shrink. I'm not saying you're going to lose your hair. I'm saying imagine a world where your hair thins. I fed him my last burrito. I give him a fucking energy drink. I build him up for this shit. Get a tag team for my boys. It starts coming out. No, them up for this shit. And tag team for my boys. It starts coming out.
Starting point is 00:48:27 No, I would start panicking. One million percent hop on a plane and go to Turkey and plug. Okay, cool. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 00:48:33 For sure. Yeah. I would try anything once. Yeah. That's why you're fun. That's why you're in good time. Yeah, I'm in good time, dude. That's why you're in good time.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Throw in my ass. I think, you know, outside of like ass surgery in Brazil, I think the Turks understand what to do with the plugs. They're ahead of the game. Who are you basing this on? I read one article. Yeah. One YouTube video.
Starting point is 00:49:00 One Reddit post. Yeah, blacked out. By a guy who's not sure how he feels about it. No, I would do that. Are you talking about the Barstool guys? They all have it? No, there's like three or four of them that went to Turkey to get plugs.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Jason got it done years ago. Does it look good? It's very convincing. It looks hilarious when it first happens. I'm completely fixated. It's a kid drawing a hairline on you. I can't stop thinking about having the million scabs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:30 I want that so bad. Isn't it like- I want a giant swollen scalp with a million holes in it. I crave this feel. Dude, Hellraiser? I want my scalp throughout the head. I'd be Heckraiser. I have such videos to show you.
Starting point is 00:49:53 And just the, the, the, the, the, you know? Oh, dude. And it's like discolored and infected. Yeah. I don't know what is grabbing me about that. Just peroxide and it has like an afro puff. Oh, that's going to itch. That's going to have an itch.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Well, don't they put the plugs in and then it starts to grow and then it falls out and then regrows? Something like that, yeah. Something like that. So that's what I don't understand about it. So it does actually start growing hair. I think it's... So you can still get haircuts and stuff afterwards? No, the success rate isn't that great.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Okay. But I think the actual surgery of implanting the plug, which is just the bulb. Yeah. So it starts to look like immediately everybody's got their hair. It's going to grow. And then I think that falls out. And it's the next cycle, I believe. I've heard something similar.
Starting point is 00:50:42 And the next cycle is when you know it's actually taken. The bulb is taken. You're planting a bulb in the grass. Yeah. Do you think I could get them to swap my... Can I get them to swap all of my head hair and all of my pews? No one would be bald. No one.
Starting point is 00:51:00 No, I'd have my regular head of hair down. Yeah. And then just black eye hair up here. No, I'd have my regular head of hair down. Yeah. I would comb it. And then just black eye hair up here. Yeah, dude. I don't think anybody, I don't think most people could tell the difference between my head hair and my pubes. A hundred percent. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Dude, if I like put them both on a paper towel for you, you wouldn't be able to tell me which one was which. Black skulls are just ball sacks. See, the pubes are flat bottoms, so he looks like an hourglass. Dude, just straight like a biker's beard. Dude, I got a sick line up on my pubes. I bet. Come on up here, man. Sideburns go to points on the balls.
Starting point is 00:51:40 Just using that brush. Like genuine sideburns. Dude, just a little ball sack cake. Like a barber ball sack cake. A doobag. You all done. You done now. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Oh, by the way, doobag. Thank you. Doobag. That did not go unnoticed. I'm trying to get waves down there. Oh, man. Having waves on your pews would be so sick. I'm a natural waver.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Yeah. If I cut my hair, it just waves automatically. So what is the process there? It's just combing? Yeah, I think it depends on how your hair lays. My brother and I, we got lucky. As soon as we cut our hair, we get waves. Some people have to go through a process where they have to
Starting point is 00:52:25 put the do-rag on, put a thick grease, like a Vaseline type thing, and then you brush your hair. Where did that come from? Is that like a class system thing where waves were considered upper class? Like a giant lip disc?
Starting point is 00:52:42 Lucky. Jesus. Just as an example. This is the black cast system. Like, why is that? Like a giant lip disc? Jesus. Like a cat? Just as an example. This is the black cat system. Can I hit your rape? Oh, yeah. No, you can't talk to him.
Starting point is 00:52:57 He ain't got no waves. Yeah, but why was it ever desired? I think maybe because people who had finer hair would get waves. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like back when light skin was in. Okay. You know, and it was like.
Starting point is 00:53:13 So then it is a class system. I think. I mean, listen, I don't claim to know any sort of black history whatsoever. Yeah. But I'm speculating. Because I always wonder when I do see the waves, I'm like, that's sick. It is pretty sick. But not everybody can do it. It's not just overcoming. Yeah. But I'm speculating. I have as much information. Because I always wonder when I do see the waves, I'm like, that's sick. It is pretty sick. But not everybody can do it.
Starting point is 00:53:27 It's not just overcoming. Yeah. It's a genetic thing. You need a good head shape too. If you get good waves and it reveals like a very funny head shape, it's like you're getting clowns.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Yeah, like that dude from Duke. Get off the bus. Which dude? Who's got the fucking wrinkles in his forehead or his thick of his head. Yeah, so it's just his skull. The half black dude from Duke.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Come on, he's a center. Yeah, I only know Cooper Flagg from Duke right now. That's the only person I know. Damn,
Starting point is 00:53:53 he is dirty. Cooper Flagg? He's the truth. Yeah. That kid is the truth. He's pretty good. We're talking early aughts. Do you guys watch any
Starting point is 00:54:01 like dreadlock repair salon content? No. On Instagram? No. I get a lot of that. I get a uh like dreadlock repair salon content no yeah i get a lot of that i get a lot of uh you're plugged into the community yeah yeah oh yeah people come in they're just like i started i started my dreadlocks five years ago you know you don't go to the dentist for a couple years and you show up and make excuses so these people come in with like you know, beaver tail flaps.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Is there just lice under it? They're not necessarily dirty. But it's a whole thing getting them set up and how much they can save. Lice can't thrive in our hair. They're a weak bug. They can't get down to the scalp. They can't hang? No, they can't.
Starting point is 00:54:42 They can't do it, dude. They can't drill, baby, drill to the scalp. And black people can't hang no they can't they can't do it they can't drill baby drill to the scalp they just they'll just die on the top of my hair jesus christ dude we had uh we recently had there was like a lice outbreak at my kid's school not too long ago yeah and then it came to my house and everybody in my house so we had to go to this place called lice lice lifters oh my god so everybody's getting checked and they're finding like the eggs and the lice and everybody's hair yeah and then i finally get in the chair after everybody else and he's like checking my hair and he's like nothing and he's going back and my son's like
Starting point is 00:55:18 you're not finding anything and dude there was a part of me that like for a second was a little embarrassed that i didn't have like i didn't want him to think i wasn't a part of me that like for a second was a little embarrassed that I didn't have lice. I didn't want him to think I wasn't like a family man. Yeah. You know? Like I don't want him to think that like me and my wife sleep in separate beds and I'm not doing things with my kids. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:34 I wanted lice. It was so bad. He's combing through Cindy's hair. He's like, you guys must have a pretty boring sex life. There are barely any bugs in here. Do they stay on your couch and shit like bed bugs? No, no, no. They have to
Starting point is 00:55:52 be on a scalp. They need to be on a human or they die. So you guys just all walk into a clinic, say, wash me? Yeah, they torch your scalp for 15 minutes, basically. With gas? No. Like an oil. They use an oil-based thing on it. Sometimes it's a heat treatment. Some people use a heat
Starting point is 00:56:07 treatment. We went to a place that used an oil treatment. Does the school pay for this? No. No, you do. So the school's like, we got to close down for a couple days. All you little red rats get checked. No close down. They stay open. Are they doing checks for the new kid coming in
Starting point is 00:56:23 making sure Charlie is not full of bugs still I don't know I don't know what their maintenance program is It still bothers me Because I'm constantly wondering If we're going to get reinfected Because they go to a school that is kindergarten Through high school
Starting point is 00:56:38 So when they have an outbreak It's like all ages of kids They're all using the same stuff So yeah I worry about it all the time but again apparently i can't i'm immune does it take like uh how do you how do they leap from one skull to the next i don't know do you gotta hold or head you gotta touch yeah so so there's been an outbreak uh nationwide hair, you know, lice. We call them head bugs.
Starting point is 00:57:07 Yeah. But there's been an outbreak of lice. And they think that it's coming from selfie culture. Like people are taking selfies and going head to head. And then they're transferring that way. Yeah. Yeah. The gays, man.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Yeah, it's the gays once again. Spreading another thing we don't want. Head IV. What's that clock say 55 minutes do you guys have anything to plug follow me on social media at Tim Butterly on everything I'm about to
Starting point is 00:57:40 release my spring run of shows before I hunker down and record something in the summer. Also, follow my YouTube channel. It's just Tim Butterly. I make Tim Butterly's show and some video game stuff over there. And Dadmeet. Dadmeet.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Yeah, yeah. So follow me also on social media, at Sidney Gant on everything, S-I-D-N-E-Y, G-A-N-T-T. And then I do a solo audio-only podcast you can check out called Break the World with Sidney Gant And also a very funny comedian Ryan Shaner and I are about to start a podcast
Starting point is 00:58:10 That is going to blow the whole podcast scene wide open So follow me on social media So you can be updated when that's going to happen It's crazy he said that He said I'm thicker than ever Who said? Tell me, how's that? Babe, Sidney said I look skinny Yeah, but like thick like a black chick He said
Starting point is 00:58:30 Sydney said I look skinny. Yeah, but like thick like a black chick think like a hot like a big booty Yeah, you're caked up though, right he's thicker than ever said yeah, look dude look at look

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