Stuff Island - Top Shit - Stuff Island #115

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Come see Stuff Island live at Finback Brewery in Brooklyn 1/20! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/finback-x-stuff-island-not-so-dry-january-party-and-stand-up-comedy-show-tickets-789123859707?aff=ebdssbdestsearch Go to Nutrafol.com/men and enter promo code “STUFFISLAND” for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code “STUFFISLAND” and bet $5 to get $200 INSTANTLY IN BONUS BETS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

you're live oh i'm fucking live right now dude yeah i wish we could post what we just talked about but it would destroy everything and there were no racial terms i know i know we would cancel many things it's funny because this is what happens when chris moves upstairs we can't get all this shit out so as soon as he comes as soon as he comes downstairs we we have to throw up on each other with all the issues it is it's it's wild i mean yeah you still being in this building and then i see you how you been it's like good good dude today just saying how you been today i finally got some good thinking done yeah Yeah? I just sat around. I had a nice day. You're good thinking. What is your good thinking?

Burial sites? I was thinking, like, I was wondering if I've ever had a shit in my life. Oh, fecal matter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, an actual shit in my life. This is what you're revealing? That could have been like served at like a really high end restaurant and nobody would notice. And I mean like people would notice, but they might bite into it and go like, that's not my favorite. You know what I mean?

Like I'm surprised. This is like, they don't normally have this. But no one would go, that's human shit. Like, no one would freak out. It would just be like, that's a bit of a departure from the normal thing. But like, like, like. It's like someone saying, like, have you ever had caviar? Try Crissiart.

It's just a pile of garbage. I'm wondering if there's like. Do you mean shape-wise? They would dress it up. Yeah. It smelled and the texture of it was just right enough that it could be passed off as fine cuisine. So perfect dehydration.

Perfect amount of bowel movement to make a shape? Or would you reshape the shit? Would you bring a plate of your raw shit into the kitchen and say, let me see what you guys can do. Cooking shows do do this. Top chef. Yeah, top chef.

Let me see what you can do with my pile of shit. Dude, Gordon Ramsay, top chef where he just takes a shit. Top shit. It's top shit. Show me what you can do with my fucking shit. Yes, you shape it. You can put garnish on it.

Mascarpone. Anything. Chop chives. Yeah, yeah. What is this? My pal does never consume something so unique. Like, I wonder wonder You just come Out of the kitchen

I knew it I knew that was a good one I knew you'd eat my shit You pretentious cunts It was my Dump the whole time I think Yeah I think that

I think that could happen Yeah I think this is what happens When you drink 32 ounce waters In sittings. Well, that's kind of what we do with animals. You said this in the car ride to Finbeck. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned, was it, who's the light-skinned black dork that knows about space?

Oh, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil deGrasse Tyson. about space oh neil degrasse yeah yeah yeah yeah he was like uh what'd he say yeah he was about aliens coming down yeah he was like um he's like if there was a the aliens came here and they were like a just a type of organism that just lived off of like light like photosynthesis energy yeah, they would just see us eating shit and be like, because that's basically what we're doing. The plants get everything. Yeah.

And then something eats a plant and then they get eaten, they get eaten, and then we eat them. Yeah, we're just fucking everything up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're just mining energy from the plants. Eventually, like at some point.

It's mayhem on Earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aliens come down and like, calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You the aliens come down and like, calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys need to calm the fuck down. What are you eating stuff for? It's just constant murder.

Everywhere you look, it's murder. Yeah, well, you have to. Yeah, we got to murder. The energy's in there. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like. But you know what?

It is funny because there's a tree, a beautiful tree. Yeah. And some fucking mongoloid comes out with an axe and just destroys this thing, throws it into a fire, make fire, and we have to murder a cow, cook the shit out of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Cows are eating grass.

Cows are murdering grass. Yeah, murdering grass. Just earth is murder. Yeah. That, murdering grass. Just earth is murder. Yeah. That's the only way. Murder earth. And then sometimes plants shit. Yeah, well, they make a, just like a, you know,

but like fruit is just like, they just want an animal to eat it and shit it out. Yeah. So they can reproduce. Yeah. So that the seeds are in like, they're like surrounded by shits, like full of nutrients.

Yeah. Circle of life kind of stuff. Circle of life kind of shit. Circle of life kind of shit. This is crazy. But I kind of like, yeah, later that day, I was thinking about that and I was like,

no alien that lived off sunlight would ever build a spaceship. You mean they would just be happy? Yeah. They would have no ambition to do anything yeah if you weren't having to murder something to eat there'd be no drive yeah you know it's like they'd be coming up with like wind machines to get the clouds out of the way or something like that that's what they'd be doing damn dude that's a an island of wops just pushing the clouds to get more sun or something like that. That's what they'd be doing. Damn, dude. That's an island of WAPs.

Just pushing the clouds so they get more sun. Dude. Dude. An entire galaxy of WAP aliens just moving the clouds so they could just bake in the sun. All of those

aluminum folds just becoming catcher's mitts dude alien whops aliens landing on that plot but the only problem would be them blocking the sun if aliens came out of the way aliens came to earth like this is all this is murder central they get the sizzler like, oh, holy shit. These guys know what they're doing. This is a group we can work with. Yeah. Yeah. Just their fucking dark nipples hanging around their waist.

His grandma's still sunbathing. Dude. Yeah. What would they fight over if you could just live off sunlight? I guess plants fight. They'd all be tall. Plants fight. Yeah.

Every day these plants are fighting they're just growing that's why i gotta rotate them because i don't want the babies arguing over each other i'm stretching towards the sun a little bit you ever see slow motion plants yeah it's very like very neat yeah yeah they just all try and fight to get to a higher ground you know they'll twist around each other like, oh, give me some. Give me some. It's like, dude, it's like fans at a sporting event. Like when a pro comes over like a baseball, they're all like, give me a baseball. That would be a sick. That's what I do every day.

I hold a glowing orb. I'm like, who wants it? And they're all like, ooh. My daughter loves this plant team. Did you ever see that movie Koyaanisqatsi? Nobody's seen that fucking movie. You've got to stop watching movies all day.

But it's all just like stuff sped up. So it's like people getting onto the subway and then getting off. And then it compares it to ants moving shit. That'd be so funny. To do one of those images of plants reaching And then it compares it to ants moving shit. That'd be so funny. That's also a theory. To do one of those images of plants reaching.

And then a t-shirt can it thing. A hot dog comes in and ruins the whole tree. Yeah, we really are retarded. What, humans? Yeah, we're stupid as shit. That's one of the arguments of like alien life actually existing is they see us and like oh we're just ants we're stupid as shit it's another thing that light-skinned black dork said no just regurgitate all these

i imagine i imagine i imagine that the aliens are i hope this issue, if there are aliens here and they're like thinking about reaching out, I hope this issue is tearing their planet apart about like whether to get involved or not. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just like political mayhem. Yeah. Everyone's running on like whether we should contact the humans or not. Yes, yes.

And so people are like, they need our help. They're fucked. And someone's like, it's their culture. You leave them alone colonizer some purple haired banged woman from the future leave them alone they need their own innocence

that's what they do dude human lives matter this is a bunch of fat aliens and they're seeing all the stuff we're publishing they already know we're there they're begging for our help everyone wants us but they could be watching this like a netflix series going watch these fucking idiots kill each other this is great another season no i bet this is the thousandth season i bet it goes way back with them i bet they get involved in another planet and it went to shit. And they were like, we can't do it again.

Someone's like, we just made this one mistake last time. I bet it's, I hope it's chaos. Yeah, there's just a Biden in a different galaxy lying to everybody just trying to keep his shit together.

Can't talk. I bet you Biden can produce some great shit cuisine. Yeah, it's all ice cream. It's all ice cream. Dessert. Would you like a Biden dessert? This guy's been creaming on his asshole for 30 years.

He has no idea where he is. That would be... Imagine getting him to bed every night. Just putting him inside of a a giant coconut or his bedroom must be like giant race car bed dude i i like anytime i see any anytime i see him i'll tell you real quick chris i'm sorry to cut you off remember that i would crush jill biden jill biden j? Jill Biden I read a couple articles That she slept with All her like security

Like she puts it out She throws a cat around Yeah I bet Jill Biden throws a cat around Why not Something about her I could see it And you think about

Like a family like that It's like their whole world Is just politics It's like they probably Don't even fuck You know what I mean Joe's just fucking Doing whatever Yeah Constantly I want to take Jill Just fuck the security guard Just invite her old is just politics. It's like they probably don't even fuck. Yeah. I mean, Joe's just fucking doing whatever. Yeah.

Constantly. And I want to take you to like the security guard. You just invite her to hookah bar on fucking Steinway. You know, we get her all liquored up. You take her out on a date. I'd fuck her in the bathroom. I do something that she's never done. I bet she's done. She's definitely done that. Yeah. There's probably a White House bathroom. Yeah.

Security guard. White House bathroom. That's another nice. That's another hookah bar. Yeah, they probably have, like, someone painted, you know, Abraham Lincoln. You've got to walk a quarter mile to get to the toilet. No, I think it's a small house. The White House? Yeah. It's a small house?

Jesus Christ. What are you talking about? Smaller than you'd think. It's a palace. I think it's actually kind of, like... You're unbelievable. But they built it weird, though. Offices and oval.

They're like not really maximizing the space. Holy shit, dude. It's tight quarters in there. I took a tour of Elvis's Graceland, and I thought the same thing. They're not maximizing the space. You could put carpet on the ceiling in this other room, too. Dude, what a gaudy wop that kid was.

Elvis was wild, dude. Elvis? Who's Elvis? Elvis. Presley? Oh, oh. I was like, this is a roommate I haven't heard of yet. Elvis Connelly?

You never saw Elvis Connelly? The greatest shortstop that ever lived. There's no other Elvis, dude. No, that sounds like a The greatest shortstop that ever lived. There's no other Elvis. No, that sounds like a failed comic. That is, wow. Is there any other Elvis? Elvis Costello. Costello, yeah.

I feel like there's a lot of Elvises. Probably a lot, yeah. There's not a lot of Elvis. I mean, yeah. More than you think. I bet the closer you get to Memphis. More Elvis. Yeah. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Yeah, a lot of Elvises. Yeah to Memphis. More Elvis.

Yeah. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. A lot of Elvises. Yeah. Memphis is dog shit. No, but what I was going to say is it'd be a good combination of a show, like kind of like a survivor meets top chef kind of thing. Yeah. Where someone's got to like adhere to a specific type of diet and athletic

regimen to shit out the right poop. Yeah. And then they have to make a dish. Yes. With the shit. But they're competing to like get the right poop that smells and has the right consistency. Look at you. On the next episode of Look at Dish, we're going to defecate into a paper plate.

Yeah. See what we can strum up. And the chefs then choose a shit. Yeah. And then whoever's shit doesn't get picked, he obviously gets voted off. Him just in the post show, he's just like, yeah,

I really had... I wanted to do this for my grandma. That $10,000 would have really saved my life, but apparently I can't shit. I can't shit to the level I've always wanted to shit. I did everything correctly, but whatever. Congratulations to the winner.

I snuck a chili dog, lady. I got drunk. I had one more soft breast. It's got that like in the house camera in the corner. Fat girl finally going, I can't take it anymore. Give me a chili dog. You ruined it.

Carmen, you were in the lead. You were going to be the next top shit. Top shit would be a sick fucking show. Top shit. You a sick fucking show Top shit You're an idiot sandwich Carmen

You couldn't take chili A night off of chili one night And the chef's on the other end It's like it'd be so funny Their competition is They gotta pass off shit as a real meal So You get to watch them

Bring the dish over And someone immediately go like This is shit And they're back They're backstage and they're They're all throwing up in painters buckets It's like this is cake but shit You have no idea what's coming They're all throwing up in painter's buckets. It's like this is cake, but shit.

You have no idea what's coming. You think it's blood sausage. It's just corn in a big old fucking baseball dump. That would be a genius move is if you put the shit in a sausage case. Of course. You got to add a little pork. It hides the smell. Yeah. Do you think...

I actually thought about this recently. Like, dump. We've evolved to smell things that are bad so that you don't consume them and die. Right? So that's just evolution of man. Yeah. Because the shit itself seems like,

we can repurpose this. You know what I mean Yeah It's like drinking urine When you're lost in the desert You piss into a snake skin Keep a little tube of urine Right Rehydrate until you find a little

Right right So you're saying like Obviously shit smells bad Because So no touchy At some point No touchy There was an organism

That was shooting good stuff Like smells good Yeah And they died Cause they ate it They died off Yeah And then cavemen were like Yeah At some point No touchy There was an organism That was shooting good stuff Like smells good Yeah And they died They died They died off Yeah And then cavemen were like

Yeah And then the dumb cavemen Were like Chocolate ice cream All over their face They died Yeah And they were like

No more Smells like Charlie I wonder if like Little rodent Rodent shit Doesn't smell that much Are you picking up fucking rat shit and smelling it? I have before in my life

Oh my god What do you mean? No like I had a gerbil when I was a kid Oh okay I would smell the poop That's a house rat That's a domesticated rat You pick up gerbil shit and go

Yeah You see what hebil shit And go Yeah You see what he smells like Yeah see if it smells like What do you eat You know If it's similar to me But also it's like Now it's an interesting question

It's not Because your shit stinks It's hard to hide I'll tell you I'll tell you right now We have A beer coming out For Finback

Yeah January 20th January 20th We have a show Which we'll release the stuff for underneath this underneath the show but ticket link but we got to select the hops we got to select the beer yeah when i have a certain amount of ipas and i go duke duke it you can smell the ipa yeah yeah it smells like everything else you eat usually smells

ipa in general it's like i don't know why it's so specific of a sour hard scent because it's all probably plant matter i don't think you can like really digest it though yeah yeah i'm vegan now could you imagine me Me being vegan? Yeah. Oh my God. What the fuck? I, no, I eat more ass than plants.

No, but you could like, now getting back into beer, I took a little time off where I was like, just drinking for the, you know, for health reasons.

Yeah. Because of my belly was all fucked up. Went straight liquor for health reasons. Yeah. No, it's true. Because it doesn't fuck up your stomach. Yeah. Because my belly was all fucked up. Went straight liquor for health reasons. Yeah. No, it's true. Because it doesn't fuck up your stomach.

Yeah, you get all. Blow it. Yeah. My bowel movements. I could never be on Look at Shit. Oh, yeah. Top shit. Well, you'd be a great.

No, you'd be the perfect contestant. Yeah. A wild card. Because they would get to go like, Tommy, when you started here, it was pure diarrhea. You've come so far. You cut down from 10 beers to 5 beers and look at the production you've made. Yes. Now you've passed through

5 cuts. You're one of the last 3 contenders. If you can somehow drink less tomorrow night You'll be in the top three It'll be you and this Cambodian woman Who's never drank a beer in a while And the black two Because you have to throw one in

Dude that would be Amazing Top shit. Top shit is so funny, dude. Making raviolis with your own dump. Just crimping. Guys, you have hair thinning, shedding. Any hair issues?

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DKNG.com slash football or eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources. And if you're a Eagles fan, just dial 911-1-1 oh we made uh dumplings with uh the owner of finbeck's mother what a sweet woman oh yeah she was awesome she was ripping those things out dude it's incredible she had a restaurant for 30 years she i don't

think she even realized she was putting like a nice pinch on yeah yeah she's like you just pinch it yeah i but you're doing a little extra thing there you're so you're so smooth with it you've forgotten what you're doing yeah well there's a there's a mexican woman in a little debbie warehouse that's just crimping the edges of a pie You don't think they're doing that with a robot? No, not yet I hope not You think Little Debbie Is still being made by an old Mexican lady? Little Arisa?

You started that with a This fucking piece of shit Now you're actually It's something that you think fondly about when you're eating a Little Debbie. Is that there's a little Mexican woman crimping your... If that's the case, I'm going to hire six abuelos to come here and make me happy. I want to see their process. Dude, yeah, she crushed.

Goddamn. She was incredible. It was nice making it It was fun You crushed I got the fold right You did Yeah

You put me to shame I got the Or I got the To roll it out I feel like I won the box The boxing You also did better on the fold Eventually than I did

Yeah I was I got pretty nice with the boxing You did You did At the end I had a little technique there going You did Dude I was watching that

That That line of beering. What do you call it? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Packaging beer. Putting the actual lid on a can. Dude, seeing the blanks come down that spiral, getting filled with the beer coming from a

tank in the other room, and then the cap going on, going through a pressurizing machine. Yeah. And then there's a giant roll of labels just going just spinning and then the caps coming on you take the four pack off put it in the fucking i was looking at that spiral for a while because i was like you because it feels like it's like it may be necessary. Your autistic train boy was going nuts, dude. It's like, it may be necessary, that little helix there. But is it? But there's a piece of me that went,

whoever built this thing is having a little fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. True. True. Yeah, they tried to convince them that it was. Yeah. It was actually the designer of Coney Island. Most of its rides.

Yeah, the cyclone. Some guy. Do you know if Fairmount in Philly was designed by the same guy as Central Park in New York? Yeah. Frederick Law Olmsted. Damn. Yeah. It's like we set that up.

Yeah. You ever see that movie? Frederick L. Olmsteds? Frederick Loneesteps? Frederick Lomesteps? No, dude. I don't know why this reminded me of it, but that was another fun thing. I was watching the thing about the Normans

and William the Conqueror, the guy who like, he was a French guy who like, he was a French guy who took over England. Yeah. He fucking, when he died, he was so fat,

they built him like a solid stone sarcophagus. He's so fat, they couldn't fit him in it. Dude, they were trying to get him into the sarcophagus. And they brought out

Mexican little Debbie ladies and they were just folding him in. They should have. They didn't know about that yet. This is 10 years ago. Mira, mira, mira. William. Dude, they were pushing him in and he exploded

like a beach whale. You ever see like a whale explode? They didn't degas him? They don't know anything about degassing. Oh my God. This fat fuck just exploded all over these people trying to get them in his tomb. You know like the way they put morphine in people

in Saving Private Ryan? Like if someone just like stuck. Yeah, yeah. It's like one more. One guy grabs him and he's like, don't waste it. He's dead. But then they were in the middle of the proceedings,

I guess, when they were trying to get him in there. Yeah. And so they had to like wrap up real quick. Dude, that morphine scene in Save Your Prime Ryan is me at midnight Like one more beer And it's like baby It's my girl going

You're dead You're not coming back from this This one beer you're not gonna feel anyway Don't waste it on yourself It's an eight dollar beer Oh that's high-level logic. You're already fucked up. You're already dead.

Why do another one? What are you going to do? You could have it tomorrow. It's going to ruin tomorrow. God damn it. Dude. Did you have a late night last night? Yeah.

What were you watching? Well, Chris. Kitchen Nightmares, 24-hour channel on the Samsung television, was my favorite thing in the world. Every time you turn this television on, it'll be on. If you want to take a test, fire this pig up. I found Intervention. There's a 24-hour intervention channel yeah whoo daddy the only time you're a plant that's the sun

that's my glowing orb is people dying slowly i'm the plant like baseball is there anybody is everybody this is survive one guy feeds off this yeah the show called intervention his energy comes from people dying that's that guy needs to come to our planet that's our next president. I'm in a presidential big home. We need to get back to America. Yeah, I've just been crushing that. And it's just my sleep patterns are... Like if I napped after the Finback shoot,

I was so tired, I finally slept. I slept like an hour, which is crazy. Yeah. In the middle of the day, and then I was like, I was doing coke and a rave in my body. It was like, you're not going to sleep for days, dude. Napping in the middle of the day is so insane. Naps are, I used to love naps, and I obviously still do.

Naps are for children and elderly. Now they are my mortal enemy. Yeah. I see them love naps. And I obviously still do. Naps are for children and elderly. Now they are my mortal enemy. Yeah. I see them as a villain. Yeah, you have to fight it. Yeah, yeah. No matter how tired you are, just... When you get your sleep schedule right,

and then four o'clock hits, and you're like... Yeah. And you're like, fucking don't do this to me, dude. Do not do this to me. You fucking loser. You do, like,

you fall asleep for 30 minutes, you're up until 4 a.m. Dude, I fight a nap at 4 p.m. the way I would fight a yawn in a job interview. I was like, well, tell us your piss pee. You're like, yeah. I will. My jaw will.

I'll fart. I'll fart and shit myself before I let that bitch see my yawn. Dude. Fucking holding in a yawn. And everybody knows what you're doing. Slightly extended. Your legs come out. I don't care. You're not not gonna see me yawn

it's worse than holding you to sneeze where you're like air blows out your ears like old wax comes flying flying out your fucking ear holes it's like just sneeze just yawn get it out oh my god it's like just sneeze just yawn get it out oh my god pressure cooker there's also

something so uniquely funny about you specifically in a job interview pretending that it's all gonna come down to the yawn just lying my dick off the whole time i was so good in job interviews holy christ i get to the job i'm just like well, well, wait, what did I say I do? It's like Artie saying he was an engineer. I can see you walking into the job interview just grabbing people and kissing them. Cheap kisses for everyone. How you doing? Get in here.

What is this? How long you been here? You look great. It's like, sir, interview room's this way. All right, I'll talk to you later. See you in a couple weeks When I get the job Huh

What's your favorite dessert Look at shit It's almost like donuts I bring them every week Everybody write down Your favorite donut I gotta go do this interview Quick

Holy fucking shit We should do this more often Just like you and I You and I talking We should start a podcast Yeah Have a little Have a little

Gas I think people would like that Having a gas If we started a podcast Yeah We should do it Seriously I think it would take off

You've been avoiding it And I've been telling you I've been telling you I think we might have something. Dude, let's do this on camera and mics. Yeah. People can watch it. We can upload.

Here's what we do. Now I want to see how long this bit will go. It's a funny bit. I think once a week. I know that's crazy. Once a week, you and I should sit down for a couple hours. Yeah. There's this website called Patreon.

Patreon.com. Oh, you've heard about it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always go to Patreon.com slash Stuff Island to get the latest and greatest content. Stuff Island? Yeah, Patreon.com slash Stuff Island. What the fuck is that?

That's a crazy name. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know. I don't know how they came up with it, but I like it. I like what they put do. What the fuck is that? That's a crazy name. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know. I don't know how they came up with it, but I like it. I like what they put out. What do they talk about? They also do some like cooking stuff.

Okay. What do they talk about? I like it. I wind up watching it. Really? Yeah. But you don't cook and you watch it anyway. No, because the rapport is nice.

Damn. There's one guy who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. And there's another guy who knows a little bit about what's going on. I like that. I like that. And they just work their way through it. And the food looks fucking amazing. Really?

Yeah. What about the podcast part? What are they talking about? Most of them talking about the industry. I don't know what that is. Well, you just ruined the bit. Piece of shit. I could have went on for another 10 minutes.

You're going to insult me. You're not going to be top shit, dude. You're not top shit. Attitude like that. Fucking jerk. Dude, top shit. Top shit. Just trying to repurpose your fecal matter into a nice dish.

Fuck, dude, I'll do it. If we get to, what's our next goal? What's our next Patreon goal? I'll do a top shit. Yeah. It should be. It should be a show. It's a fun concept for a show.

And also, it's like a really... If we had to cook my shit, and we just sit around trying not to throw up, I'll put my fecal matter into a ravioli, dude. Yeah. Unbelievable. But the sauce would take it away. Yeah, yeah.

I know what I'm doing with the sauce. Yeah, yeah. I don't know whatever... Yeah. I don't know what the meat you chose was. It feels like something's off, but the sauce balances it so well. I don't know what you ate last night, but there's a final touch on the tongue. Oh, that's piss.

At the end, I just piss on my shit raviolis. Hold on, don't eat yet. Dude, look. I don't want to toot our own horn here, but it's also an interesting psychological thing. Yeah, to see who's an insane person. Well, how much did the presentation affect people's social pressure.

If you're at a fancy-ass restaurant and this comes out. You eat with your eyes closed. And it smells... It smells like a petting zoo. God damn, is it beautiful. Look, you're... You're up against the wall here.

This guy, he's been fine-tuning his body for the perfect shit. He's battling against other contestants. You're like, you can't. So it smells kind of like shit. Oh, my God. But it's so close to not. I think a lot of people take a bite.

I think you'd get an upsetting amount of people to take a bite. Yeah. Well, you have to have like fucking six ambulances on site. Yeah. And if it was a chef's vibe and he's like really angry and you know, because someone would be like, I'm going to send it back. Just pan spooning a reduction sauce over your own dump. And their girlfriend would be like, don't send it back.

I know it's not cooked to your liking, but please don't embarrass me. Eat the shit of the chef. Eat the chef's shit. Please, honey, please. You did this fucking last week at Applebee's. I'm pretty sure it's shit. It's not shit. It's not shit.

It can't possibly be shit. It's got three Michelin stars. You think someone took a shit on the plate? Just because he's from Spain doesn't mean he eats his own shit. Just have it. Do you have any room for dessert? They're all full, like, throwing up. They're like, yeah, we'll take a look at the menu.

They're so worried about disrespecting the restaurant. Yeah, we'll have a look at the menu. Yeah. No, that would be the best part is that there would be a bunch of people that would eat it and just take it and they'd walk out of there going like it's so good to eat it there is a psychological element of that

when you go to a high end restaurant you have to lie to yourself tell me that wasn't the greatest thing you've ever eaten no it wasn't no it wasn't and they'd be throwing everything at you you ever had Miss Cucinata's cutlets? Yeah, yeah.

It's better than that. And I saved $600, you dumb dick. Oh, dude, they'd be doing all that stuff that one restaurant you went to when he was like, you like Mario Kart? And then he brought Mario Kart desserts. It's like, they'd be doing that. If the poop was in a Mario Kart shape. That guy's cart is still in my wallet

cause what he said to me he was like listen anytime you want to get in here cause it's very difficult to get into my girl's father got us in he's like just

shoot me a text cause we hit it off we need a bromance dude you gotta hit him back I'm going to cause he'll forget you maybe just see how he's doing yeah

I don't want reservations. I just want to check in. It'd be so funny if he was also just a drunk. Yeah. And you're like, hey, it's kind of me from the thing. It'd be funny if he was like, who? Yeah. God, I gave you my card again.

He's drinking whiskey off the Mario Kart he served our desserts on. No, but I was thinking about another. Because I was thinking about another because I was watching I was watching this and I was just how we got here. It's so nuts. I like Stuff Island. Stuff Island, I don't know why

I like Stuff Island, but it's nice. Guy talked about perfect shit to be served in a restaurant. I finally, you sat down and you went, I finally got my thoughts out. And I was like, here comes something interesting. What if you shit the perfect shit so that people would eat it? I was like, holy Christ, dude.

That's so nuts. Then we talked for 40 minutes about it. It's down. Dude, here's another thing that I... We don't have time for another thing. What? What are we at? We get plenty. Can I guess?

Yeah. 48. Close. 41. But here's another thing because that was... First 10 though. Shaky. Uh, yeah. 48. Close. 41. But here's another thing. Cause that was, yeah. First 10 though. Shaky. Not that good.

No. Oh, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What's the other thing you thought of today? Well, I don't know. I was watching one of those documentaries where the cops and detectives really railroad some guy into a false confession.

You're talking about two white guys talking to a black kid that didn't do anything? No, this was in Kansas. It was all white. Yeah, yeah. But I was thinking like they should randomly pull people off the street and like fuck with them and like convince them that they did crimes and get them to like do a confession

and like take them through the jury process and like convict them just so that learn a lesson yeah just so that like just so that like at least someone on a lot of these juries has like had that happen to them yeah and they know how like testimony psychological

yeah like yeah how quick how easily you can be manipulated and tricked yeah be fucked with. Yeah, I think people should go to... Because we have these people. What do the countries have? You have to enlist and serve a year in the army, right? I think everybody should go to a juvenile prison at 18.

18 to 19. 18 to 18 and a half. At least three months you have to go to 19. 18 to 18 and a half. At least three months you have to go to prison. Live those fucking rules. Live prison rules? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel like that could hurt a lot of people. Not that what I'm saying won't. If you're 18 and you're not developed enough that you could learn from that,

put them down. You got to shoot them in the head. If you don't learn anything from going to prison for three months and you come out worse. No, you're going to come out worse. You're going to come out worse. Line them up, dig a hole, Poland style.

Dude, I was watching. I was re-watching. No offense, sorry. You've seen Miami Mega Jail, Louis Thoreau in Miami Mega Jail. When he goes to Miami Mega Jail. Miami Mega Jail, Louis Thoreau in Miami Mega Jail. You go to Miami Mega Jail. Miami Mega Jail sounds like a great bar in Miami. Dude, it's a fucking amazing. Doc, there's one kid.

It sounds like a porn. There's one kid that he's talking to who gets sent. He's 18 or whatever. They send him to boot camp where they'll rehab you and let you go out. But he was in maximum security prison for a while. And, uh, the kid was like extorting people and like doing all kinds of fucked up

shit. And Louie's like, what are you, you're not going to do that on the outside. He's like, no, the outside is different. Yeah.

He's like, but you do it in here. It's like, yeah, this is prison. Yeah. I can't not extort people. Yeah.

This is prison. Different rules. If you're not extorting people, people think you're a bitch and they extort people. Yeah. This is prison. Different rules. If you're not extorting people, people think you're a bitch. And they'll extort you. And they'll extort you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, he was asking one guy, he was like,

this guy beat the shit out of a crazy guy because the guy was, like, whipping his dick out and being like, Sounds great. He was like an insane guy. And then he saw the guy kicked his ass. And Lou was like, why would you do that? The guy's, like, you do that guy's like

clearly nuts he's like because i can't you can't let someone wave their dick at you and yeah disrespect it's disrespectful yeah and then other people are gonna think they can wave their dick at me so it doesn't matter that guy's crazy yeah i gotta beat the living fucking shit not even about him it's about me i gotta beat the fuck out of the guys wielding dudes yeah that's literally what the guy said and that's the kind of stuff i think that happens in prison true though i mean this is also what you would learn in prison through prison rules would translate into like bars this is why i go fucking crazy because the bars i grew up in you would get checked if you didn't abide by like

it's almost prison rules Like spatial recognition Yeah yeah yeah You're gonna have to meet me On the block Your voice Like who are you In the paint You're gonna meet me

In the paint Yeah Disrespect me You're gonna meet me In the paint And you get smashed once Either don't show up Ever again

Or you show up With a fucking Your tail between your legs You go I'm so sorry about that I didn't mean to say Anything about math He's just

Climbing into a top bunk in the bar. Softly taking the ladder. No, I'll sit here. It's fine. Yeah, I'll watch the Flyers game from up here. No, but it's true. That's like street rules, too. It's like you've got to get punched in the face, man.

Like the, I tried to write a joke about this years ago and I'm going to readdress it, but like the element of, and the access to violence is imperative. Like the threat of violence will change a community. And whether it's a fucking Super Bowl party or a bar or an entire town, threat of violence will get everyone aligned. Yeah, it's like you don't want it omnipresent. Right. Yeah. But there's not one dude just knocking bitches out all day long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the threat, the threat.

Yeah. Not the actual violence. The threat of violence, just being around. Yeah. Is essential. Yeah, like, you know how, like, you, sometimes you go to, like, a, you know, you're on the George Washington Bridge or whatever, or you look over a ledge and you're like, I wonder if I could survive this fall.

Yeah, 100%. Getting hit in the face helps you evaluate stuff like that like i never wonder like what would happen if i stepped in front of a bus because i've been hit by like a small man and you've yeah i've been i've been hit by like a 200 pound guy running like 12 miles that's the bus and it's horrible so 10 000 pounds going 30 is going to be... Bruise a rib. Bruise a rib from a tackle from a fat Polynesian guy in high school. You won't walk in front of that fucking bus anymore.

Yes. Or you won't question it. I never have that like, I wonder what would happen. Getting punched in the face, you'll learn more in four seconds than you will in four years of college. You lose a couple things. How to behave in society. You probably lose a couple lessons as it hits you.

Yeah. Not just pain, but also I shouldn't do that. Let's say you're in the wrong in this scenario. I shouldn't do that. That was fucked up. Now I'm not going to just know go shoulder it's about witnessing the power yes it's being exposed yeah to just one fucking strike in your face yeah and how much your face hurts i am nothing and every day you go on social media going either if you're a woman

you're like yeah i'm the hottest bitch in the world. I'm a bad bitch. Or a dude going, I'm the fucking, I'm the toughest dude around. It's like, get worked once. That'll calm you down. That's what we need to do. We need to get a guy and a girl, president, mis-president, and beat these kids to death. Or just beat the bullshit, the social media bullshit out of them. My dad did the same thing to us.

Thank God there was no fucking social media. You start fucking pumping your chest out. I got two older brothers and a dad that'll call you a fucking pussy. And if you open your mouth for one second, my mom would come in and be like, you're being a bitch. I'll hit you with a broom. Or your brother would just get in a chokehold. Your mom can't hit you with a broom.

My mom would pull. Coming in from getting beat by your dad? Dude, there was. No, your mom can't hit you with a broom. My mom would pull. Coming in from getting beat by your dad? Dude, there was, no. My mom would never. You got to go good cop, bad cop on that one. My mom would never. My dad actually beat us. My mother just tried to control the fire.

Yeah, yeah. If me and my brother were truly wrestling and fighting in the living room, my dad wasn't home because he was working. She would just grab a spoon A broom And just go Stop it Just fucking start whacking you

And we laughed Because it's like What are you going to do Yeah yeah I can I'm already eight I'll destroy you Because women are weak

That's got to suck No it was awesome It's great No but as a mom She's trying to beat off My older brother Beating my ass But he was just cracking up

Beating the fuck out of me And then I got pissed Because I would get hit With a random spoon Or broom Yeah but as a mom Hitting a kid with a spoon For most of their childhood

And it's effective And then they just That one day When you hit them with a spoon And you feel it Not do anything It's like It's a dad losing to their son And pick up basketball That one day when you hit him with a spoon and you feel it not do anything. It's like it's a dad losing to their son in pickup basketball for the first time.

Damn it. Yeah, yeah. That's a 30 for 30. Guy's solid as a rock. I have a sketch idea about that. It's a dad losing to his son for the first time for a 30 for 30 where they travel along his upbringing. And the kid finally beats him and the dad's like...

Yeah. Just coming to light going it's over this kid's got me that's why my dad never brought me out golfing i think because i i came out like 13 and i started fucking whooping his ass that'd be that would suck to be the dad it's like i i lost and i still have so much to teach him. Yeah. Now he won't listen. Yeah. And now he won't listen. Yeah. You made one shot. And that was your one shot at learning more about life. Yeah. And you took it.

Yeah. Then you got to go, good for you. You beat an old man. Now, top of the key. Let's start over. Layup drills, left hand only. Right hand behind your back, you fat. Oh, my God.

God. Abuse is awesome. It really does align the world. You got to hit your kids. If done right. If done correctly. If done right. It's like spicing a sauce or over-salting a meat. Just the right amount.

Most of these kids are growing up without spice or salt. It's spicing the sauce or over salting a meat. Yeah. Just the right amount. Yeah. Most of these kids are growing up without spice or salt. Yeah. You gotta give them the fucking spice and salt. That's why it's so hard. It's so hard because you want to, you want to let people know that they're being heard and that you're listening and that you care. But sometimes you also want to go, don't say that to me right now. Yeah.

And I don't mean that. I'm not going to do anything. Yeah. I'm just saying, do't say that to me right now. Yeah. And I don't mean that. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just saying, do not say that to me. Yeah. Because that's... It usually happened like this. My father would be sitting in a position... I care about what you're feeling, but do not...

Yeah. Well, you're also, as a child, you're not emotionally nor intellectually available or relevant to this man's world. So you see him come home from a work shift. You don't even know what working is. You see a Miller High Life cracked, and he's just smoking a dart. Yeah. Just like, and you come in barreling with your energy of like, hey, haven't seen you.

I got a lot of issues or problems Or maybe I don't And he's just like, come on, get Get the fuck out Go see what mom's doing You're like, what's this guy's fucking problem I love you Great

He's thinking about his fucking dumb boss Everything he hates Yeah And you loving him is part of the problem. I shouldn't. It's part of the pressure. I shouldn't have loved him. Yeah.

It's part of the pressure. It's easier just to not love your parents and disappear into your bedroom. Yeah. It is. Do some drawing. Draw. Yeah. Probably why I started drawing.

Dad number hug. Dude. We got a big bag of cat food for the cat yeah i hope it's for the cat we got a big bag he doesn't even have a cat that's the true origin of this eat your shit i'm trying to eat healthier at night no got some cat food got a well we got a giant bag but we haven't opened it because we had like a smaller bag that we haven't finished. And I just put the bag in the closet and the cat was like. Ripped through it? No, no. Just at the door. Smelling it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, like, it's going to seem like I'm making this up. He literally goes like, meh. Yeah.

Me? Meh. You're not going to fucking get it for me? Open the door, he just rubs on the bag. Yeah. Meh. Dude, today he was going. God, they're so dumb.

Today he was going insane on this, because that door was closed. He was just going insane outside the door. Meh. Meh. Why are it in the hallway? Dude, no. So then I took the bag and I put it on like a top shelf in the closet and closed the door. And I was like, there you go. You see what happens?

Yeah. Now you can't even smell it. Yeah. Now you fucked up. Yeah. So fucking grab a book. Fucking figure it out. Yeah yeah go work on your three pointers you gotta figure out another way to spend your day because you ain't smelling that bag no more

go swing a bat you fucking dumb pussy it's literally how parents treat children you think i want soft pretzels soft pretzels Soft pretzels Soft pretzels Your mom goes Nope On top of the fridge You're like Fuck it's out of reach Then your dad's like

Go outside Work on your jumper Yeah You gotta think about something else Yeah you wanna start next year You fucking idiot Dad I've been starting every year Why don't you come to a game

Retard Yeah but do you wanna start next year Yeah do you wanna start next year Cause you come to a game, retard? Yeah, but do you want to start next year? Yeah, do you want to start next year? Because you're getting a little bit bigger. It's pretty locked in, Dad. Okay? Check the newspaper. Mom cuts them out every week.

God, that's too real. He shoves them up by the pretzels. Yeah, he just rolls a joint with it. My senior boner is Tom Papa. God. Well, Chris, that was fun it was fun what do we got coming up we got january 20th january 20th finback brewing in brooklyn brooklyn location we're doing a live show a release party with merch for our new brand of beer called stuff yeah it's gonna be collaboration with finback brewery it's an ipa we picked the hops it's a special it's a special special brew it's only excited about i can't believe it's even happening true we got to write on the barrel that they're

brewing it in we got the right stuff on it It looked very cool. It was very exciting. What a great day, boys, huh? Yeah. Wasn't that a great day? It's New York City, Brooklyn, New York. Brooklyn, New York. Yeah. It's in the middle of fucking nowhere. January 20th. January 20th. We're going to, by the time you see this, we're going to have a link up. And then February 3rd, we're at Soul Jewels.

Oh, really? Yeah. February 3rd, we're at Soul Jewels. Okay. And we're starting our tour. In Philly. And then, yeah. And then it's going to be mayhem. Yeah. And then April at Soul Joles Okay And we're starting our tour In Philly And then yeah And then it's gonna be mayhem Yeah And then April Late March April

We're gonna be fucking Across the globe Everywhere Everywhere We're coming We're coming We's are coming We got a bunch of dates

Set up in Texas already Yeah Ohio Also check out the new Cocktail hour on Look at Dish It's a monthly thing We're gonna be doing So

Thank you for your service Yeah We love you Alright that's it I gotta check out this Stuff Island It's alright I don't listen to podcasts

What? I don't typically listen to podcasts I know I'm starting to Again Getting into it Yeah Just like Escape Yeah

Yeah I've been I've been just listening To too much Other shit That's just not Productive Yeah Yeah Just like escape? Yeah. Yeah. I've been, well, I've been just listening to too much other shit. That's just not productive. Yeah. Yeah. So you just listen to two fucking white guys talk about nothing.

Yeah. It's fun. It's crazy. That's such a waste of fucking time. Well, you want to be doing something else while you're doing it. That's the whole point. It's like background ish kind of stuff.

And you go, that was funny. Right. And then it's like, they usually fade out when you stop paying attention anyway. Right. You know, you like slowly start thinking about your own shit and they're into something else. And then you come back and they're funny.

So while I'm doing my engineer work, which is supreme. Yeah. I'm important. Yeah. You listen, you want me to listen to two jack-offs Talking about nothing Yes To what? For my day to pass?

And find joy? No, it's funny I doubt it, dude It is Give it a try Give it a try I fucking doubt it Give it a try

Send me an episode Alright Send me an episode I will It's this one This one I would listen to This one was a banger.