Stuff Island - Turkey & The Tuna Can - Stuff Island #110

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Go to meundie.com/stuffisland for 20% off plus free shipping. To get 15% off your next gift go to uncommongoods.com/stuffisland Visit auraframes.com today and get $30 off their best selling frames with the code “STUFFISLAND” Support the show and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/STUFFISLAND Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right. I was just looking at the Baby Gronk Instagram, and I'm furious about it. Fuck that kid. Actually, you've got to save the kid. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. The dad's all fucked up.

He doesn't know that anyone who's a highly touted prospect at seven years old becomes nothing. Yeah. Yeah. No one who's ever been the most talented at seven has ever done anything ever in the history of the world. Isn't that great? Maybe Beethoven.

When you see those kids, when you see those kids that just had a growing spurt and their dads think they're like athletic and then everybody catches up to him and just destroys him. No, I held him back here. He's the best at football. Who would have thought? Yeah. Who would have thought? Yeah. Who would have thought?

He weighs 200 pounds. He's in sixth grade. Yeah. That's because he's 15. And he's got a full ball sack of hair. Yeah. They always wash out. Baby Gronk, a message to you.

Get good at writing. Get good at art. Pick up a skill like engineering. Yes. To work on carpentryry he's going to be a pill head electrician dude 100 fall from grace you remember the fall from grace from a seven year old baby girl dude his dad's making a nice video brutal for this kid he's like he's like why is your dad mad because i'm fucking your mom it's like dude you're 10 you're gonna be the worst

athlete i've ever seen in my life then the next clip i look at is him blocking i'm sorry if you're blocking in peewee football you're never gonna make it yeah is he what's his position he's like a tight end or something oh so it's not just the attitude and personality he actually is being he's playing football and the dad is actually glor being... He's playing football. And the dad is actually glorifying his... Dude, he was at Cowboys practice this year in preseason. Well, that's all. That's all media push. It's not fair to do this to a kid.

Yeah. He's going to be one of the worst football players in the history of football. Let me ask you something. Are his teammates... It's not fair. Are his teammates all white? I didn't look at the roster.

But I'm telling you, dude, no kid, no kid who is like the star of the team at eight has ever played in the NFL, and I believe this. Is this on? Don't fact check. Is this Chip

need it? Yeah, it's recording. Yeah. People don't understand. It just never happened. It's never happened. There's too many variables. It's not piano. Every time you start I'm going to interrupt.

How difficult it is to be a professional athlete is so insane like there is a fucking there is a a little league field named after some guy that broke all the records that never touched a professional field and why because he didn't grow past five four true but he could smoke line drives for for five to six years. Sure, sure, sure. When the pitches are coming in from a 10-year-old's arm, and it's 60 miles an hour.

Yeah, let's go over to Johnny Matheson Field. He's named after Johnny Matheson. What did he do? He broke the league record. You know? Even a national record. The odds of him getting on a professional football field and actually being an NFL player is slim to none.

Yeah. You got to crush your dreams now. The problem is you're, you're giving him, uh, some type of celebrity where he thinks this is how he has to earn income and you're, you're building a personality instead of letting it blossom on its own. So this kid that we don't even know what that kid would have been. Yeah. At that age, you're stumping his growth.

He could have been good. Stunting. Stunting? He's also stumping. Yeah. He's hitting him with a big stump. Yeah, you just can't. You have to suck.

Yeah. You got to get your fucking ass beat. It's the only way to learn how to be good. I'm going to check them out. I haven't been watching them. Dude, it's a horror show. That kid should be worried about the feeling his penis has when it rubs against certain materials.

You know what I mean? Seven, eight years old, cousins, you're starting to act. Is my dick supposed to feel this way? I'm trying to think of what I thought. When I'm rubbing my mom's lingerie, should I feel this way? I'm trying to think of what I thought. When I'm rubbing my mom's lingerie, should I feel this way? Kids these days, they're actively pursuing

porn and stuff. What? I don't know. I'm just saying they have internet shit. Alright, we can cut that. I'm talking about little kids looking at porn. The female baby Gronk is trying to start.

Dude, can we open that door? It's hot as fuck. I thought we opened it. That's correct. Anyway, I'm just saying. Yeah, no, I get it. Baby Gronk, it's like, dude, you have no idea what he's going to grow up into.

It's abuse. It is. It's child abuse. You're cutting off his personality development. I don't understand why nfl teams endorse it or they need followers everybody needs money i guess there's like some type of give and take i don't know gronk is you know a specially trained like he's the actual gronk the actual gronk he's like like a very, you know, he's a golden retriever as a person. I just.

And he's a delight. I love the guy. I think he's fun. I don't like him. Yeah, because he's. You know, and ordinarily I wouldn't say this, but I had a couple of drinks on the flight and I just do not. I will not watch Fox NFL Sunday because he's on it.

It's so corny. I can't stand listening to him talk. I can't stand the personality that he's been for his whole career. It's just like, dude, you're amazing. You're wonderful. This is so weird. I hate you so much. I always think of Terry Bradshaw at a steakhouse.

Strip club. Yeah, getting hit on by a hooker. Yeah. He just has that persona where like he he picks up hookers at steakhouses we've talked about this before yeah yeah he looks like he gets real slimy off off camera of course like chris berman had that for me too chris berman looks like a guy that much like what they do in a bedroom is probably horrendous. Just shoving candles up their ass. Oh my god, yeah, yeah.

Just having these little Japanese girls walk on their nuts with teals. 100%. Berman, 100%. Berman puts fucking jumper cables on his nipples and just... Berman's done the weirdest, like, that guy's in a full baby outfit.

Like, Berman... 100, Berman is disgusting. Oh, God. He's up there with Russell Brand as far as just guaranteed rapists. Russell Brand just always looks wet. You ever meet somebody that just looks wet all the time? Yeah. There's a comic we know that I'll tell you on camera. Always wet.

Yes. It's like natural oils coming off their skull from not showering and shit. Dude, Russell Brand is the quinnick because people are always like, it's always the quiet ones. Yeah. It's always the ones you least expect. There's some wild perverts out there. Let me tell you something.

It fucking isn't. It is exactly the guy that you thought it was. Yeah. And he's been doing it in your face for 20 years. Yeah. He is the biggest scumbag in the world. And we've said this before. Thespians can't spot a rapist.

They're basically colorblind as far as rapists go. Because they just don't know because thespians act rapey. That's kind of their shtick. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you need thespians act rapey. That's kind of their shtick. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you need a guy to get into Shakespeare, it's hard to spot the rapism. Yeah. The rapism.

Before you get into Shakespeare, get into my car. I want to show you something. You fucking dork. No. Oh, wow. This guy can slip into any character so fast. He must be an actor and certainly not a rapist. Yeah. Yeah. You want certainly not a rapist.

Yeah. Yeah. You want to catch most rapists. You just go, who's teaching improv in this town. Yes. That guy check his basement. Exactly. Anyone who's like a really good character actor is molesting women.

Yeah. That's why. Daniel Day Pervert. Daniel Day Rapist. Yeah. That's why the only safe super actors are the ones that are kind of themselves in every movie

Yeah, they're good guys Because then you know their range isn't that big Yeah, well I've been working on this Dego actor This Dego actor pretty consistently Never touched a woman appropriately Yeah, there was this improv teacher in Philly.

I forget his name. Oh, now I know his name, but I'm not going to say it. The guy ran an improv and he was the creepiest. And of course, accusations finally came out. He was like,

putting these girls into classes just because they would, he would try and fuck them. Yeah. That kind of thing. Of course. And they're like dudes

that they can't throw a ball like physically it's like it's like john mccain how he can't get his arm up over his head yes that should be like a rapist field sobriety test pick up that tennis ball you are a great actor but throw me this ball yeah Throw me this ball. Yeah. Oh, it's so true, dude. It always baffles me when, like... Dude, you'll see a professional golfer who's, like, lights out, and then he picks the golf ball up off the green,

and Chris will just do one of these. He'll just throw it in the pond, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck was that? He's just shot putting it. Uh-oh. you're the best at the sport that guy's touching rotate your shoulder you fucking dildo imagine being a woman and like sleeping with a man who can't throw a ball over 10 yards well they don't know the difference

women are dogs too yeah yeah yeah it's just the bank account it is fun watching how can you not throw a ball he just the bank account. It is fun watching. How can you not throw a ball? He's got $10 million. It is fun watching the high-end piglets that the golfers scoop up. They're already rich women. You can tell by their demeanor. It's like a woman that goes to school to walk with a teacup on her fucking head.

You know what I mean? She's got no personality. She's bland and boring as ever. The whitest of the white. Violently white women with pearl necklaces and shit yes oh god god like vineyard vines type of bitch god love i'm so horny right now those are the ones i'd like to slap around a little bit i know i could if i did have it in me a wealthy violently white woman Would get some of this back in her hand It is Keep her in line

It's like It's like what heroin must be like You know what I mean Just doing it once People say such great things about it It's gotta be great But a whole life You'll die

You'll wither away and die yeah if you can control beating your girl just once in a while dude it's got to feel good oh my god damn dude cbs comedy is not going to pick us up now dude cbs comedy is the worst foreclosed on i was talking about young seven year olds beating off half hour ago dude what well we well with the part that I was like I have no idea

where I was going with this like young baby Gronk should be focused on crushes in school and like how he feels weird when he sees Sarah

like shit like that I didn't mean to sexualize it that much should you like playing piano and stuff I do want to sexualize something right now this kid this kid yeah sexualize a kid real quick no this is an adult you're gonna take a break for station

identification dude you gotta read this it's so fun i'm gonna read the whole fucking thing okay it's from jenna jameson it's a blog post a long time ago I was talking to this kid I don't know how it came up we were talking about beating off at the bar he's a local and he's a regular I don't know how it came up local 246

no he's a fucking regular is what I meant so I say hello and then I don't know it was quiet one thing leads to another I'm jerking him off my dick's in his mouth yeah what was football was coming on and i get this weird anxiety before a

game and i'm like just yelling wild shit out they don't have the volume on and we just started talking about beating off and i started throwing some numbers out there and he was like what and then i saw him a couple days later uh he told me this story but then i saw him a couple days later he goes hey remember that thing we were talking about my numbers are up i was like okay so now we have this weird connection where like now i look at that guy and go he beats off a lot more than he used to yeah oh i don't know why but now that's all i think about now when i see him okay When I see him His numbers are up He's jerking off a lot more than he used to

Anyway he tells me this story Because I told him after like 3 or 4 My bird's just going I got no calm He goes you want to hear a story He talks about this guy This Jenna Jameson article So he tells me a story

He tells me a story about this porn star Whose whole thing was eating a giant tin of tuna fish before they fucked. Like a ridiculous size. A full bubble. No, not just a tin. It was like, let me read this. My partner was to be TT boy. I'd never met him before, but I've heard about them.

He'd been working since 1989 and has a reputation of one of the roughest women handlers in the business. He hates kissing. He hates blow blowjobs and he loves fucking he's the only male i've ever met who doesn't like blowjobs when i first saw him he was walking on set eating a super sized can of tuna fish it's like the most awkward thing you can eat on set Before you fuck Yeah yeah yeah It's like My biggest fear is like Do I smell a fish Yeah A tuna fish

See this baby grunt's got no idea What kind of men are out there At the professional level Yeah dude At the professional level Wait a minute Wait a minute Life hits this motherfucker

This guy I bet Was like a home run leader When he was seven Alright When I first saw him He was walking on set eating a supersized can of tuna fish. He had a very strong dominant presence. He walked up to assistant director and started talking rapid fire with a slight twang and his lips tightly pursed, almost like a yokel from a Puerto Rican remake of Deliverance.

Then he looked at me and shoved a fork full of tuna in his mouth. He was looking like he was going to tear me a new one before the scene i found a quiet room and tried to psych myself up reporting work repeating words in the phrase over to myself like confidence dominate come out on top don't look like bambi in the headlines this is a porn star about to get fucked once on set tt and i positioned ourselves in a dimly lit tent that was supposed to be somewhere on the african savannah michaels then left the room. And as soon as the assistant director called action, TT boy became the first man ever to take control of me in a scene.

I've never been with anyone so aggressive. I felt like a chew toy. He raced through the foreplay, a little kissing, a little oral sex, and all hell broke loose. He slammed me so fast and hard. It took every ounce of control. I had to stay focused. And in the moment, trying to maintain eye contact with him was like trying to read Dostoevsky on a roller coaster. I could feel my thighs bruising against his. Then suddenly it all stopped. He pulled out and shot me right straight

in my mouth. I wasn't expecting it to pop so soon. Is that all I asked? No, he said. He grabbed my hips and held me over his lap and started slamming me into his dick i was in decent shape cardio wise but he moved with such force and speed that i was winded it felt like my insides were going to fall apart and then finally he popped again is that all i asked no he grunted and he put it right back inside guy was a machine there was no lull his focus never dimmed his intensity never wavered he'd throw me into position at the position and would come in each one i was in shock i'd never been fucked like this my whole life. I couldn't wait for him to finish.

I was starting to get sore. Finally, after four pop shops, he said, hold on, I have to go eat something. How are we done? I dared to ask. He said, not by a long shot. I didn't think I could take any more, but I kept my mouth shut. I was curious to see what he was up to now. He walked off, devoured three cans of tuna, and was back with a raging heart on still pulsating in

the air within minutes he was pounding me over and over in every position i've ever imagined so i finally one last climactic pop he was dumb done time time time elapsed 156 minutes i mean what have we learned? You think you know what women want. He has no idea. We've learned that tuna fish... Guy walks in eating tuna fish out of one of those Chento tomato cans.

And you're going... Every dude in the room is going, biggest retard I've ever met in my life. Women are going, biggest retard I've ever met in my life. Women are going, alpha. Alpha energy. Must own the whole place. You're just hating on him because he's got confidence.

I'm going to try it though. I used to eat tuna out of the can in college. Just to see what it does to my bird. Maybe the mercury gets you all fucking rocked up. The guy was juicing. Yeah, probably. This is like...

Do you think he was putting it right in his dick? He's Mark McGuire. Yeah. Can you do that? Barry Bonds. Like at a certain point, these like wrinkled rich guys, they just, they inject their penis directly to get it up? Yeah.

Yeah, like... Can you beat off and come with a limp dick? Yes This is riveting stuff Yeah, yeah, you can beat off I haven't seen him in five days That's probably what this I mean, we're really

We're really catching up You can't You just You can't let that kind of stuff Fuck with your head What? Because that's just bullshit That's just crazy bullshit what just

that guy and his dick and coming four times it's like yeah but it's a good story because it's it's it's always mainstream when people are having some pecker issues i know i mean it's old as time itself but you don't have dick problems no exactly no but i also don't why i the only thing that's changed i turned 44 this week gifting is no brainer this holiday season thanks to unmatched comfort and style of me undies from undies and bralettes to socks and underwear me undies has the perfect gift for yourself or for anyone else on your list even those hard to gift people me undies is a holiday gift guide that makes it all super easy okay style for everyone from all black classics to fun expressive prints me undies is a look for

everyone plus they come in sizes extra small to quadruple xl guaranteeing a flattering cut for everybody me undies is just about is isn't just about underwear explore the lounge collection We can quadruple XL, guaranteeing a flattering cut for everybody. MeUndies isn't just about underwear. Explore the lounge collection featuring comfy joggers, hoodies, onesies, and more. All right? Knock out your holiday shopping today and get 20% off your first order plus free shipping at MeUndies.com slash Stuff Island. That's MeUndies.com slash Stuff Island for 20% off plus free shipping. MeUndies, comfort from the outside in, baby. MeUndies, get some holiday underwear.

If you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, don't panic. There's still time to find incredible original gifts with the help of Uncommon Goods. UncommonGoods.com has the absolute best gifts for everyone in your life. We're talking moms, dads, teens, in-laws, besties, you're one and only, and it's not stuff you can find just anywhere. Uncommon Goods has unique creative gifts

that's already arriving, often handmade by independent artists and makers. So skip the gifts that scream last minute and find something truly original at UncommonGoods.com. Here's some of my favorite things from their site. Look, you can get anything from Uncommon Goods. I like going there because, yeah, you know, it makes you feel like you've got a sentimental gift. They look for products at Uncommon Goods that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. They have the most meaningful, out-of-the-ordinary gifts anywhere. From art and jewelry to kitchen, home, and bar,

Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. Not the same lackluster gifts you can find just anywhere. Get 15% off your next gift. Go to uncommongoods.com slash stuffisland. That's uncommongoods.com slash stuffisland for 15 Uncommongoods.com slash Stuff Island for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary.

We're all out of the ordinary. We're all out of the ordinary. We're out of the ordinary. The only thing that's changed is my sex drive. I used to be like, I'd poke a hole in drywall eight years ago. It was just nonstop. Now it's like, it comes and goes. It's not as, I can control it when I'm horny, but like before it was like ravenous.

Like I would have to bend over at the gym sometimes. But dude, this kind of shit. Yes. Pretend to tell your shit. But you still have that tell you but you still have that yeah you still have that i still have that it's it's like i it's like i'm sorry i'm sorry but i'm not one-dimensional all right i can fuck like that sometimes. But other times, a girl's trying to jerk me off and I'm listening to a thing about why SpaceX is doing what they're doing. And it's like, stop grabbing

my dick, dude. I need a little intellectual nutrition here. It's not a crime. It's not like my sex drive is down. He's telling this to somebody specific. It's just like, no, because what happens is... It's not a crime samaritan my dick doesn't work in the morning from 10 to 12 no but i i catch myself like listening like

like reading a book or listening to something that really matters to me and the girl's trying to fuck and i'm going i don't want to do this right now. And I, and I think to myself, what am I doing? Like at some future point, I'm going to be so insanely horny and I'm going to have wasted. Like my dick can get hard right now. I can totally fuck. Yeah. But it's like, I'm going to have wasted this.

Yeah. But it's like, no dude, this, I have both sides. I actually, I have a tuna guy does not have both sides. No,

he's an animal. The tuna guy has his tuna and he has his heart on that guy. And that's it. Instead of an apartment, he, he opens a cage and walks into it every night to go to sleep. And the idea of doing porn in general, it's like,

of course, when you're watching porn, you go, man, that'd be a life. You know, you're just fucking all these chicks all the life. You know? This is true. You're just fucking all these chicks all the time.

That's so sick. But you go, if I was doing porn and I wasn't on some type of crazy drug, I would be fucking, and in the middle of fucking on camera, I would be thinking, I'm more talented than this i could have fucked chicks in a way where i'm not doing this this is pathetic yeah and embarrassing

yeah you know i think about that like uh what what's the what's the the famous drug movie with uh uh johnny depp oh um when he's like in vegas las vegas no no no not leaving las vegas that's nicholas cage but uh when he's like he's telling his dad he's like i'm really good at this and his dad's like i know you would have been good at anything yeah it's like yeah when you're a super famous porn star as a man, you still got to be, I think about Johnny Sins, right? Living the life. Yeah.

It's like, you still, when you're him, and you're fucking, you got to think, I could have been good at anything, man. I think we just came up with Baby Gronk's future. I think that kid's going to be eating tuna fish, bruising ribs. Yeah. Yeah.

And his dad's going to be on set like, cut! He's going to be behind the camera. Oh, yes. Because that's what the dad always wanted. Yeah, yes. So maybe he's pushing the personality thing. No one is going to be a big fall.

He's going to be doing drugs and stuff. We got to do porn now. He's a Kardashian mom. Yeah. And then the dad has to start injecting his penis to get hard on set when his son's watching his son fuck all these little piglets whoa yeah that's cool is dad just getting the fallout pussy the fallout pussy that's a good name for the documentary baby gronk fallout pussy yeah yeah

the untold the untold yeah fallout fallout. True story of Baby Gronk's downfall. A&E. Starts this Friday. Yeah, man. I'm looking directly at the camera now. Yeah, it's right. This is like a wild angle because we don't have a guest. I'm just staring right at the fucking camera.

How does it feel? I don't know because it's so small I can't see anything, but it's probably weird for them. You feel like it's too intimate for them? Probably. I'm sure this is very uncomfortable right now. Turn over. If you're fucking the audience, what eyes are you making? Spread your ass.

I want to see your butthole. No, don't talk your way out of it. Just give them the straight, sensual Tommy Pope eyes. I want to have sex. I'm having sex with you right now. I'm having sex with you right now. I'm having sex with you right now. Oh. Can you get me a beer?

Best dirty talk of all time. I'm having sex with you right now. Dude, you know who used to do that? Pat Barrow. Really? Yeah, he would fuck a girl and then get on on the bed stand on the bed i've heard this from girls that fucked him yeah stay on the bed and like do swing he's like you just got fucked by pat barrel he would speak in like like the third person see that's

tuna fish energy you want to hear a great story that's full. Well, he's a tuna can. Because if you're a woman and you go, wow, I really did. I just got fucked by Pat Burrell. Get it together, lass. You need to go, holy shit, this guy's nuts. This guy's embarrassing. Yeah. No, of course. He's a tuna can of people.

He's a tuna can. I'm going to start calling tuna cans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just big meatheads. Tuna cans. Tuna fish energy. Yeah. If they're all about yeah just big meat tuna cans tuna fish energy yeah yeah if they're all about they can't take alpha is tuna fish and yeah this rules just crush one kidding oh rules. What a fucking tuna can.

No, so Pat Barrow, McKeever and I wrote a sketch. You just got barreled because he was such a, I don't know if I've ever told this, but I'm going to tell it again because we have a lot more subscribers. But Pat Barrow in Philadelphia was a legend for just numbers. His numbers were incredible. Yeah. On and off the field, but off the field, he just numbers. His numbers were incredible. Yeah. On and off the field, but off the field, he just crushed everybody. Everybody got it.

Yeah. He was running through wives and girlfriends. So we did an enormous. And you know what? Can I just interject quickly? Dudes with money getting laid a lot. Tuna can. Not impressive.

Not impressive at all. Not impressive to me. He was handsome, though me He was handsome though If you say The buddy from back home Who had nothing Was in like Carpenters Union Or something like that That guy was getting pussy

All the time Let's go I go Now What was he saying What was he doing Yeah How did he do his hair

Yeah Yeah That guy I'm interested in What was he wearing on his neck Yes Yes You can just ask whenever you want. Because Pat Burrell, it's like...

I'm right here. I'll give you all the answers. Another notch. I just have all these... Struggling comedian. Struggling comedian. He's like, I'm in the Carpenters Union. Dude, Carl's just asking if I'm a cutter

And she's like, no, these are all the women I fucked I just cut myself like a tuna can I never want to forget So Pat Barrow, we did a sketch To that SPCA commercial In the arms of a need Or whatever the fuck It's just survivors

Of Pat Barrow fucking their wife Their wives or their girlfriends And some montage to mimic the commercial about dogs. Sad animals about to be put down. So I had an ex-girlfriend that I hired for that.

He this guy reaches out to me and McKeever gets our info. We get an email through our bird text email. It says, hey, this is Pat Barrell's agent. Just wanted to reach out and said, Pat loved the sketch and wants to say thank you. What's the girl's contact? Yeah, yeah.

What are your girlfriend's names and addresses? He didn't even ask. Thank her for what? This fucking idiot didn't even ask. Thank her for what? This fucking idiot didn't do anything. She was a non-speaking dimwit rubbing my head. Still the actor's ego is in there.

She had one line. I don't get a thank you? I carried the whole fucking thing, Pat. Fuck me. Not her. So anyway, dude, this is true. This is actually. If he was taking strings on top of your bed.

My ass is just like, oh, fuck. You would have every right to sit there and go, now this is crazy. No one's going to believe this. My friends aren't going to believe this. I just got fucked by Pat, bro. So, so we had a, this is kind of what like,

this is what turned our relationship. I, I started, I looked at her differently. I got the ick. That's what they call the ick. You know, when somebody does something, you're like,

there's no turning back. Yeah. He gave the number and then I responded to the email, because McKeever was like, dude, you want to handle this? And I was like, yeah. I was like, nah, fuck off, pervert. That's like my response was like very hardcore.

Like, nah, you fucking scumbag. It's just that picture with your thumbs up on it. And then another guy, speaking of tuna cans, Pat Barrow is the ultimate tuna can. He got another friend. First of all, he doesn't have, apparently he doesn't use a laptop.

He doesn't know any technique. Yeah. He's a Dykstra in training. He is, dude. Dykstra. That's the OG tuna. Dykstra is up here, dude. The pyramid of tuna cans.

Dykstra's at the top, dude. That guy. Pulls his teeth out and starts talking about eating pussy within 30 seconds of tuna cans. That guy pulls his teeth out and starts about talking about eating pussy within 30 seconds of meeting. Um, so another one of his agents or man, he goes, Hey, I'm pepper.

I was Matt managers, Scott, whatever the fuck. So they just kept confused about your last email. Please don't tell me to go fuck myself. What's her number? So we tried a second time trying to get this girl's number. And this girl I was dating, we got in a huge fight.

She's like, I'm just going to give it to him. And I was like, wait, what? She was that attention-seeking whore. You know, a bartender where the tit's out type thing. And she loved the attention. So she gave him the number. Pat then texted her saying, hey, come to... Xfinity Live. No.

Basically, yeah. Didn't exist yet. Dude, you're not going to believe this. He goes... Cavs Riverdeck around 1030. Worse. He goes, okay, you and your she tried that she tried to to what she tried to round out the edges here and go hey me and my boyfriend are our fans and he goes oh okay i'll get you and

your boyfriend uh tickets to a philly's game and it was his um inauguration or whatever the fuck for hall of fame yeah philly's of Fame. He got us tickets to that and texted her and asked her to come up to the family suite. He was trying to pull my girl away for me to go to the... This guy had no... Did I say suite? I meant family bathroom. Exactly.

You know the one with the handicap symbol on the outside? Yeah, I'll be in there practicing my swing, you fucking whore come get gulped holy shit gotta hate her yeah well you know don't what okay you know it is it's you know you know sometimes you know, sometimes... Yeah. Listen, baby Gronk. Sometimes you're a dating and attention-seeking whore and you go, well...

He's got nice tits. Bound to have them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Baby Gronk, another life lesson. Trust your instincts. See the clues. Don't waste any more time or life or energy or sharing any affection

with this pig. Take it right to the pen. Let her roll in her own mud. Yeah. Look, as much as people find my homes... I'm having sex with you right now. Dude, you should have seen this video. Baby Gronk. First of all, it looks like he had a stroke. Pull it up.

I want to see what this little fucker looks like. He looks like he had a stroke, dude. Half. I want to see what this little fucker looks like. He looks like he had a stroke, dude. Half his face is not moving. The kid? Yes. No. Yes. Probably from getting backhanded by his dad.

Yeah. It's probably because he's a failure. Yeah. A seven-year-old failure. He is. He's an embarrassment. Dude, seven years old, everybody's good at something. Like sports, right? Well, you can see the potential in anyone, that's an embarrassment. Dude, seven years old, everybody's good at something. Like sports, right?

Well, you can see the potential in anyone, that's for sure. I mean, I was an all-star for fucking 13 years straight. And look what happened to you. Exactly. Comedian. Love coke. Literally, yeah. I haven't done cocaine in a long fucking time.

Every time you've said this. Let's get that off my chest. I've done coke with you like two weeks prior no that's not true yeah when's the last time i haven't done coke in six months it's like wait i did coke with you dude who's this fucking young girl next to him being sexualized i don't know is that his sister is his dad sexualizing his sister too? I don't know. I don't keep, I dip my toes in. I don't do real deep dives. This is disgusting.

I can't, actually, I'm praying, praying for his downfall now. That's why I lit that candle. It's for baby grunt. Yeah. It's day of the dead,

muerte. Yeah, it is interesting because people are like, you want him to fail? And it's like uh yes no i want to get adopted and taken into uh because it's like if he fails that means that i see the world accurately yeah that's what validates your instance that's what's

important to me i'm not wishing failure on him. You know what I mean? It's not like it's just pure schadenfreude or whatever they say. Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude. The Krauts? Yeah. They have a word for just wishing someone's...

Actually, we're getting our place painted. I'm just getting a mural of Hitler behind here. That would be... So sick. So funny. Just the SS in black and white all marching. Dude.

Oh, and also just to watch you defend... Historical podcast. Watch you defend it. Watch you defend it being like, wait, that's... That's pretty beautiful.

That's Hitler? I thought it was Rin Tin Tin. I thought it was the guy who hit 30 home runs from my hometown. Supposed to be Mike Schmidt. That's not Pat Barrow! Hitler's

on her bed going, you just got fucked by Hitler. They did get the Phillies red right. It's not an easy color match. Yeah, yeah. Dude, Hitler boasting after fucking a girl. You just got fucked by Hitler. He's just womanizing all of Germany.

Yeah, what would he swing? Yeah. Pike. Pick one. Guess who? I don't know. I don't one. Guess who? I don't know. I don't know Colonel Mustard. Was it a candlestick?

All right, we turn this around. Yeah, dude, we're doing all right. Hitler. Now, the thing about Hitler is. Oh, I thought you actually had something to say. I'm trying to come up with something. Dude, I convinced our... New Sauconys, dude.

They're sick, right? I love them. You just got these. Yeah, these are coffee. The coffee ones. Mocha. No, there's like a coffee cup in the fucking heel. I was just playing Scattergories this weekend

and dropped Saucony. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I needed S. I needed footwear. Hit them with Saucony. Wow. Yeah, better believe I got a point for that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I needed ass. I needed footwear. Hit him with something.

Wow. Yeah. Better believe I got a point for that. Yeah, dude. High five from dad? My family doesn't play scat. The arguments that would unfold. Oh, I mean, people talk, you know, there's a stereotype around monopoly causing fights.

It could be anything. Dude, here's the way you play Monopoly. You take the box, you throw it in the fucking yard, you start fist fighting your dad. True, you might as well skip a few steps. Save some time. It's like eating fast food for me.

It's like, just throw it in the toilet, save 30 minutes of digestion, you're going to piss out your ass anyway. Just pour salt and sugar down your throat. Just read the instructions, just one instruction. Just throw it out. Save your family, throw it out. Fun way to play Monopoly, if you're interested,

you play a hand of poker between each round. Whoa. Yeah. What, after everybody gets a roll? After everybody gets a roll, you play a hand hand of poker and you can win money back this is crazy yes so you're not actually do this yes this is brilliant yes because it's it's uh it's the stock market wow in addition to this is why you and your brother got so upset when i was like, money's not a thing. It's not real. It's true. I don't want to get into it.

Wait till you're the little liar and you got no money. A park place? I'll get that later. No, dude. Because, yeah, you can win your money back. You can win money to play the next round. That's cool. It's not just this property thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can win money to play the next round. That's cool. It's not just this property thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can play the market a little bit. Yeah, so you're a real person, not just a Jew. Exactly. Right. Well, I'm pretty sure you can't. Your hands are tired as far as that's concerned. It's real estate in the stock market.

Right, right. You're playing real estate. Let's not forget who actually owns the bank that's topical aura frames everyone loves a picture frame the perfect present doesn't always have to be difficult to find a digital picture frame from auraura Frames is thoughtful, meaningful, and perfect for pretty much anyone. They even come in premium gift box to shove all that wrapping paper in the closet, right? You don't even need wrapping paper.

It's a premium gift box. Blah, blah, blah. Look, this is a digital picture frame. You put all your pictures in it. It's awesome, right? It rotates. You can do all kind of, you can just, it's cool. Why not get it?

Pick one of their frames, easily set it up in minutes and start sharing your favorite photos and videos using the Aura app. See, that's the other thing. You can do like cool landscape footage and put it right there if you like the national parks. Visit auraframes.com today and get $40 off their best-selling Carver mat frame with the code STUFFISLAND.

This is their best deal of the year, though, so get yours now. That's A-U-R-A-FRAMES.COM with the promo code STUFFISLAND. You get $40 off. There you go. Get your frames, people. And if you're having a lot of trouble finding gifts and you finally get that taken care of by going to Uncommon Goods and Ore Frames

and getting everyone the underwear you want, now you've got to think about yourself. Okay? BetterHelp.com. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. When you're making your shopping list this holiday season, remember it's about time you give your gift to yourself. Hey, I came up with that copy on my own.

Whether that's taking a nap, treating yourself to your favorite coffee, or getting started with therapy, give yourself some love this season. If you're thinking of giving therapy a try, BetterHelp is the best. It's entirely online. Just take a quick quiz to get matched with a licensed therapist who can talk to you whenever and wherever. You can text these people. You can call them.

You can bother them 24-7. Chat through video call, phone, message. BetterHelp is designed to fit your lifestyle. In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Stuff Island today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E's better help help.com slash stuff island guys get some therapy dude i was just talking to the uh the latino at uh our c-town yeah the beer guy and i was like hey let me see something are you you gotta order beers and he

goes yeah i'm the beer guy and i was like dude hats off your selection is incredible i love how your instagram is nothing but beer and you have all this lovely lovely groceries here yeah he's like thank you man i take it serious you know and i was like by the way uh finback you you always have finback all their stuff now he's like yeah and i was like you're the reason my podcast is making a finback beer essentially because it's always in my crotch when we do our podcast and he's like what he like couldn't understand i was like oh no finback's making uh stuff island beer for us yeah and he's like more confused no no no then he goes stuff island wait well i had to say four times obviously but he was like you're making a beer with something

with finback and i was like yeah he's like congrats. He's like, congrats, man. That's crazy. And I was like, yeah, it is. Do you want to buy it? And he goes, yeah, I'll buy it through them, yeah? And I'm like, yeah. So we're going to have a Stuff Island Finbeck on that rack at C-Town. Look up.

How fucking sick is that? That's amazing. Can you Google translate Stuff island into Spanish? Yeah What is it? Is it? What did you say? I said island things

I don't know how to say stuff See this is why Isla Isla Isla de... What? Otros. Otra. Isla de otra.

Stuff? They don't have stuff. That's why these other languages... Jesus Christ, Chris. Don't get in the way. We already had a Hitler talk. You want to speak? Isla de cosas.

Isla de cosas. Isla de cosas. Yes, dude. Might be a good name for the beer. Tomas. Isla de cosas. Yes. Yeah, he's going to buy it.

Yeah, I just started doing a mariachi he said he's gonna buy because he's got every fuck he got you know when we had our meeting yes finback yes they were releasing their new beers on the tap at the location they're in cans now and they're on there already he gets all of their he has every single finback beer in can on that rack and he's gonna have stuff i don't do that sick yeah i don't know if i said that on podcast yet but we know no nobody even knows yeah we landed the stuff island uh finback deal we're gonna be making a beer yeah we have a meeting tomorrow for the graphics we're gonna make a label which is so fucking cool dude that's like a it truly is surreal yeah that's one of those things it's like oh yeah local bar request they order a keg while we're talking to helium's

i just talked to uh jerry today oh fuck yeah and we're trying to get all the helium's around the country to to buy a cut this out but yes that's awesome yeah we don't have to cut it out why i don't want to get ahead of the conversation oh who gives a shit i'm just saying how cool the next goal is walking into a comedy club and seeing stuff i own on tap yes suck my dick and it not being just our jizz yeah a real beer you just pull the tap and it's just an obnoxious podcast Yeah it's Audible Just It's a vape

Just eating tuna in the back We should call it tuna can We should call our beer tuna Tuna? Nah we have two names Let's see who's gonna win Yeah The Isle of PA.

Yes. With the I and the PA, because we're from PA. Or Stuff. More Stuff. Stuff. Just Stuff. If you've got a good beer name, just suggest it. Did you see the designs we got going?

I did see the designs. Update it. I don't think you saw the updated ones. I just saw whatever was in the thread. No, did you go in the deck and see the designs update it i don't think you saw the updated ones i just saw whatever was in the thread did you know did you go in the deck and see the i didn't go in the deck yet no uh you're gonna be you're gonna be excited all right good they're fucking sick dude good yeah because they're these guys are known for their beautiful cans and simplistic they do have a design that i finback their graphic design is sick. Yeah.

I do love it. And I want to do them, I want to do right by them. We have a call tomorrow morning at 11 a.m. Jesus Christ. That's how I drop them. They run a fucking brewery at 11 a.m. Yeah.

Well, they run it like a business. They're not fucking, the guy's not, he's not just getting fucked up all day. He's a business person. It's still a business, Chris. They're not fucking... The guy's not... He's not just getting fucked up all day. He's a business person. It's still a business, Chris. They got a whole distillery. Are we their first call?

What? I doubt it. They're adults. I think they get up at like 7 a.m. and go to work. There's adults that get up later than that.

You get up at fucking 9 now. What are you bitching about? What are you going to do at 11? I like to ease into the morning. Nice black and white movie. Nice black and white movie? Nice black and white three hour movie? Dude, when Shane was staying with us. Who's calling now?

I'm in the middle of Miracle on 34th Street. Dude, I had no joke. When Shane was staying with us, he woke up at like 11. Came out and I was two hours into Barry Lyndon, which is like the most boring Stanley Kubrick movie of all time. You said it's beautiful, though, right?

It's incredible, and it's hilarious. I came upstairs. You were finishing that. Yeah, yeah. That was round one. That's how freaking long this movie is. Yeah, they're on like some... It doesn't matter.

They're on some what? They were a procession when I came up. They were on some like funeral procession or some shit. It looked like Godfather 2. Yeah, his kid had died. Yeah. Yeah. Stupid.

Dude, Barry Lyndon is so funny. Yeah, I'm never going to watch it. Dude, you should. I won't though. Dude, you should. I won't, though. It's hysterical. It's like dry humor where it's just a dude who's an absolute idiot. Like an Irish idiot.

Chris. Just fails his way to like English royalty. Yeah. And then his whole life falls apart. And it's so funny. I think you should do movie reviews. People have been asking you to do movie reviews. Yeah, I'll do some.

You should just tell them what to watch and then do fucking 20-minute, 30-minute review. I'll do it, yeah. You should. Yeah. You should take advantage of all this consumption of movies. Give me a reason to watch movies. That'd be funny.

You don't need one. Why don't you put the kids to bed? I'm sure you can squeeze in two hours. No, yeah. It also gives me some leverage with my girlfriend to just be like, no, we have to watch this. It's for the podcast. It reminds me of jeremiah's line

with the arby's he's like if i only had two dollars dude we made a roast beef sandwich on the pod and it was fucking fantastic there's a lot of stuff on stuff oh dude the roast beef sandwich yeah i like the cherry pepper one with our homemade cherry peppers, which is also coming out in the look-a-dish. You get to what? I disagree, and you get to find out why. True.

You did disagree. Happy holidays. Yeah, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was great. I did nothing. I cooked. I did so much. I already came over, celebrated my birthday.

We had some lamb shank. Oh, you did? No, I bought a rack of lamb in Brooklyn. Did you see the pictures? No! I made a salsa verde to put over the lamb. I made a fennel salad,

fennel and spinach salad with blood orange vinaigrette, and then just standard beans. I'm never doing turkey again. I stopped doing that shit. You know what? I agree with this. I agree with this. I will say this. I stopped doing that shit. You know what? I agree with this. Two years ago. I agree with this. I will say this.

I went to my family's Thanksgiving this year, and they actually nailed the turkey. Yeah? What'd they do with it? I don't know. I don't know. Arby's looks really good. I don't know, but shout out Uncle Kurt,

because fucking holy hell. His name's Kurt? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Guy knows his way around the kitchen. Arby's looks really good I don't know But shout out Shout out Uncle Kurt Cause fucking Holy hell His name's Kurt? Yeah yeah Guy knows his way Around the kitchen He solved it It was a juicy chicken

Yeah? Yeah First time in You mean turkey? Turkey I always say chicken I think they're the same They're a different bird

You know what I've done before? One's male One's female Right? But the same species? He's kidding, right? Aren't they? You think a chicken

is the same as a turkey? Are there female turkeys? Yeah, they gobble. What fucks a turkey? What fucks a chicken? I thought a turkey fucked a chicken. Damn, son.

That airplane whiskey hit you? You're not even sure that I'm wrong. I am one million percent sure they're two different species. Yeah, because you have to... You're talking about a hen. A hen fucks a chicken. Yeah.

No, a hen gets fucked by a male chicken. A hen gets fucked by a chicken. A hen's a whore. A hen is a porn star. A hen is a porn star. A hen is Jenna Jameson. And the chicken is tuna guy. What's a male turkey, then? Merky.

Merky. What is a turkey? I don't fucking know, Chris. What's a female turkey? This is what you do when you look at this. You always level me with some question that only a five-year-old would ask, and you're just like, ah, fuck. This is why I want to have kids, because I need answers to these questions.

No, you just— And I don't know what question to ask. First of all, your dad just lies to you, so you shut the fuck up. That's what a good dad does. But that's not what I do. You know what— A male turkey is called a gobbler or a tom. I said a gob—

Tom! I did say gobbler. I've been podcasting with a turkey this whole time. I had no idea. Turkey in the tuna can That's why he wants the 5 inch bathing suit The dark meat's gotta get darker The leg is the dark meat

I'm an idiot A chicken and a turkey are two totally different things I said gobbler instead of gobble What is it? A gobbler instead of gobble. What is it? A gobbler. A gobbler. A female turkey is a hen. Yeah.

Oh, I thought a female chicken's a hen. Both hens. Okay. A female chicken would be a rooster. No, male. Male chicken. A male chicken's a rooster. Okay.

Well, good lord. Look who we got. There you go. A lot of our listeners didn't know that. They're lying in their fucking cars to their wives. Well, that's why I want to go to the butcher and... Kill them. Yes.

Take all my aggression out on a rooster. Yeah, because then he'll tell us. Won't shut his fucking Latino mouth in the morning. Dude. Roosters are definitely Latino. There's no question. Yeah. They're loud in public for no fucking reason.

They're always in your ear. They really are. They will not shut the fuck up. Roosters are Latinos on the train at the hour you don't want. Obviously, we're not talking about Latinos in there, but you can fill in the blank. No, I'm talking about... It's been a very racially motivated holiday special i don't

think so no he's trying to get it to be i keep leaving these easter eggs you're not picking them up dude look at my hand from burning them on the pot what the fuck yeah did i show you what happened remember i already had to give me a bowl of ice To tuck my hand in Apparently you're not supposed to do that You're supposed to put it under room temperature water Oh really so it doesn't stop the Yeah the burn is worse if you dip it in

It was throbbing all night I literally had to hold my hand up To try and get blood out of it Like this is how I was eating dinner This is how I ate Thanksgiving dinner. It's like this. You were winding it down. Want to see my wristband?

Man. I missed you. I wish white supremacists weren't doing so much lately otherwise this would be fun yeah if you could just do this as like a remember that that was ridiculous every time i do i actually did front uh lateral raises today at the gym and every time i get up to like here, I just like go like that. And then come, come, come, come, come. Just thumbs through that part? If you do it with both, yeah.

If you do it with both hands, it's not offensive. Or it's twice as offensive. On the other side. Yeah, yeah. The one thing I think Hitler had wrong is only one hand. He John McCain'd it, dude. Damn, John McCain.

R.I.P. you fucking dildo. Yeah. What's his dumb daughter up to? She was a loud mouth bitch for a while. I don't know. Come on one right now. I was really tired. So was I.

That gym fucked me up. Did you work out? Did you have sex at the parents' house? We were in an apartment. We were in like a house. It was a farmhouse and we were in like a little like apartment. Farmhouse? Yeah. Jesus.

Yeah, it was outside of Cleveland. She got farm money? Her brother-in-law's got farm money. Damn. That's nice. Yeah. So you're in a side farmhouse doing tuna can shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. Yeah, yeah. Roos and ribs. I was chugging tuna. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You little fucking rooster.

You made her her hen and her own farm? Yeah. And we were in this separate house. He doesn't even laugh he goes yeah no for real so there i was drilling her buttholes no i don't know it's hard you can't first of all you can't fuck around the family it's weird it's it's it should be if a girl's okay with that There's the red flag little gronk Get rid of that piglet Don't do it around the family

Little gronk Well maybe he's grown out of babies Turned in a little The thing is You can't stop thinking about The other people On both ends When you're fucking you're thinking like

i don't know when i was a kid i would have snuck out of bed and checked in on what my cousin was doing yeah maybe looking through the window or something yeah i don't know you know i do my parents they just got a new and then fucking in the morning you're like i i gotta go hang out with your family i don't want to fuck you and then talk to your family. I was trying to tell my mom to get new guest beds and don't use the detached bunk bed that my brother and I had in high school. Yeah. So we slept in the same bed until high school, and then she got us bunk beds in high school because we didn't have space. So our room was so small that we couldn't get two separate beds yeah

so in high school we were sleeping in a bunk bed slowly trying to be like i was oh just slow beating off above him trying not to do any kind of creak this is why you come so fast when you're jerking off yeah oh. Oh, I'm very good. I said this before. Yeah. Because I would be the first one home. I'd pop in a VCR or a tape in the VCR and beat off or wind back to where my dad had it,

put it back in the pyramid of porn before my brother got home. And I only had, dude, minutes. Yeah. I'd pop off just like Tunicam, man. I could do like six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six in an hour, dude, minutes. Yeah. I'd pop off just like Tunicam, man. I could do like six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six in an hour.

Yeah, yeah. It's like that scene in The Matrix when he's like flipping upside down. Just dodging my cum. Yeah. You're like slipping the tape in and... Yeah. To this day, every time I hear the wheel of a VCR go,

I just get hard. Pavlov's dick. I was... the wheel of a VCR go, I just get hard. Pavlov's dick. So outside of like, so my brother used to fuck with me. He'd get his feet in the air and just go like this. So I'd be like, stop you faggot.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing anything up here. Doing what? Doing what? Stop doing what? I'm like, fuck you, pussy. Meanwhile, I was just making you come harder. See what time like hey bro you mind shaking me up a little bit

so anyway i tell i tell my mom my i tell my mom I tell my mom When they moved from Every time you're fucking down You're like Babe put your legs behind me Kick me from the back We moved from Drexel Hill to They moved out to like

Westchester PA but They took the bunk beds And put them in the side room And now like I saw like my nieces And nephew would like That was their like guest room. Now, like, I saw, like, my nieces and nephew would, like, that was their, like, guest room, and they make, like, forts and stuff. But I was like, I couldn't. Every time I go home with, like, an ex-girlfriend, like, that whole room,

it's, like, weird, like, slow, like, almost like bathroom sex. Or, like, you can't get out of your head that. No, bathroom sex is great when it's, like, hot and slutty with, like new a new new flesh if it's your girlfriend in a bedroom it's like you know you're not doing you shouldn't be doing it you you you're mentally and emotionally somewhere else and i can't fucking my parents guest bedroom i just can't i gotta disagree with you here that's my favorite sex bathroom sex no just quiet

suspicious oh my god dangerous sex just gets you off what about fucking in public like you fuck you're like a well what do you call it? Um, uh, public agent. No, no, you're, you're, uh, whoever laughed at that's a sick pervert.

Uh, no. When you're like, uh, you get off on people seeing a voyeur voyeur. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the fact no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's just about the fact that, like, when you're alone in your apartment. I just thought of a joke.

What? Say it. What's the most dangerous place you've ever had sex? Just go in my mouth. I swear to God, I think Chip Chance would have done it like that. It's so funny. because the guy might come and then it was chip yeah but it's the fact that it's there's so much pressure on it that you don't have to you're not expected to perform well yeah it's just about coming as fast as you can yeah it is very. It's very hot on like...

If you're alone in your apartment and no... Like, if you're alone in the woods and no one can hear, it's like... You got to do the best shit you've ever done in your life. But if your parents are next door, you have to be like, shh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, but that's kind of hot. Well, yeah, because it's like... I think it's hot in the bathroom.

You can't slam around. You can't make any noise. It's like the mission is to have bad sex and for me to cum. Yeah. It's got nothing to do with her. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, she's just a little puppet.

A little meat puppet. Well, it's like she's turned on by the fact That we have to be so quiet Yeah, yeah Oh, the sounds during quiet sex Are creepier than the whole act Yeah, yeah, for sure It's an old man dying in a bed It's prison rape

It's prison rape Putting a hand over someone's mouth That's not how i like to think about it i'm trying to ruin this cool sex for you no i want you to think about a six four black dude pounding your ass next time you're fucking your girl Oh, God. Missed it by a minute. No, it isn't. I got to pee. The by yourself, no one can hear sex. If you're in the right mood for it, it's great.

But don't you feel a little bit of like, now I got to really bring it? Like I got to say crazy stuff. I got to do crazy stuff. I got to be the most uninhibited version of myself. That's a lot of pressure. There are times for that. And I think if it's all the time, you get yourself in a pickle because then it requires it. That's like an anniversary let me play with your butt type stuff.

Like when you like really talk dirty. If you love the girl. If it's just a one-off all that stuff goes it's just the porn sex yes yeah i actually found because i'm in love yeah with a girl i found that if you truly love somebody i'm actually emotionally affected by like altercations like like a, awkward conversation or a fight. Yes. I lose sexual, you know, girl, typically girls do that much faster.

They're emotionally intellectually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, much smarter than men. So like if they were fighting emotionally smart, I, well, just let's just for the sake of argument, we're on different pages you've right sure okay well they're done the book and i just started i'm on the forward

she's every every girl for ex-girlfriend i've ever had if there's a if there's a fight or something it took a while for her to come back to have sex like to be connected sex not just sex but like then feel real connected and then when it's real connected sex it's so much better it's a better feel you can be dirty it doesn't have to be like romantic rose petal bullshit you could still be dirty and have connected sex yeah for me right now i that's how i know i'm in love is because if I'm pissed off or something, I lose all horniness. And before, I was just a dog. Oh, dude.

Nothing mattered. I'm still beat off, but I'm like, I'm not going to use you. Well, put lipstick on me and call me a woman because if I'm mad, I cannot fuck you. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but I'm saying it bleeds into like the next, like if it's the next morning and she thinks she's cute being like, trying to wake you up with like a blowjob or touching you, I get more annoyed. Oh. It's like, get the fuck off. You just ruined my sleep. In fact, that's something I'm trying to get past.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, because normally, like, you know, I mean, you've known me. Not in a biblical way, but you know me. Like, me not being understood makes my dick so soft. You wouldn't believe. Yeah. Until you understand, this dick is going to be at zero.

You better get to work, Barb. Yeah, yeah. So I'm trying to get to the place to have the makeup crazy sex that skips a lot of the. Yeah. You're so intense. You don't understand where I'm coming from stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. makeup, crazy sex that skips a lot of the, you don't understand where I'm coming from stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm acting, I'm like, it's like something I'm working on as a person.

Yeah. Which sounds insane. No, it's not. I think that's like, that's how you know you're with somebody you really love and respect because you want to work on things like that and be better for them. And then in turn, you're better for yourself. And you don't realize that until you're around something that's worth fighting for.

Oh, yeah. It's like how many relationships I just ignored, probably disrespected just because. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's true because you're like, you're like, well, figuring out the intellectual part doesn't matter. Yeah. So we might as well just fuck again. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so you're just two animals in the woods at that point. It's like, I got to put this thing in you so I feel funny for a minute. And then you can scurry off. I'll go do it again. But when it's yours and when something when it's a car you want to wash in the garage you take you put the arm roll on all of it dude see i'm actually you're getting a shiny dash shiny tires and everything i'm coming from the opposite direction yeah across the street being rapey no where i'm like i Like, I need to get past the fact that there's a miscommunication

and just fuck sometimes. Yeah, of course. Where I can't, normally I cannot do that. Where I'm like, if you don't understand what I'm saying, there is so no future here that I need to leave. Yeah. Like today. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, they're not, you know what my girl says? Like, it's like,

it's, she calls it being seen. Like she's not being seen is the same way as being heard. Like you're not being seen as a person is being heard as like who you are too. It's like, you're, you, you don't have any idea what I'm,

where I'm coming from right now. So when the argument starts going it's like you're you you don't have any idea what i'm where i'm coming from right now so when the argument starts going in circles you're like we just talked about this yeah yeah to me fucking limp dick levels of hell oh when we continue to fight and then we go back to subject one don't even get i get I get nuts. We just did this. How much of our day is going to continue like this? Because I'm just going to go for a walk.

I can't. You're not hearing anything we just fucking talked about. I'm already upset. We just 30 minutes. I could be done cardio at the gym right now. Dude, don't even get me started.

Well, I'm getting you started, Chris. Because the fucking thing, because I've had this fight. Don't you point at me, dude. i'm pointing up yeah point upper don't you get me started dude because i'll go all the way no because i've been in the fight i've been in the fight where they're like, you're not hearing me. And I will say back to them verbatim what they said to me. Yeah, yeah. Not only what they said, but the subtext of how much I understand them. And then I'll be like, what did I say?

Yeah. And they will have nothing. And then I am, my dick is in my body. Do you know how long it took me to- The softness is indescribable yeah it's a it's like a non-netonian fluid or whatever it's that fake chicken that um i'm not hearing you dude for years because i just yeah it took years for me to to actually learn that myself though like even in conversations with people, whether it's educational or angry, whatever it is,

your first instinct is to come up with a, to debate them, right? You're coming up with a rebuttal while they're telling you their point and their feeling. Oh, yeah. And you're. Not me. You're not. I know what I'm saying is, but that's a...

Yeah. I think that's a sign of intellect. I think it's a sign of emotional vulnerability. I come from, like, an intellectual jujitsu family where it's like... I need to use the force

they're throwing at me to, like... Yeah, armbar, yeah. I'm trying to armbar my dad at Thanksgiving. So I need to hear them so clearly... Yeah, right, right. So I need to hear them so clearly. Yeah, right, right. In order to use their weight against them.

It's like locking in a perfect chokehold. You need to get under your dad's chin when he's talking about football. I listen well. I listen too well. It upsets people. All right. We got to go. We got to go.

We got to go. I'm not done. Well, that's the point. Let's go to Patreon. Hey, we're the page Yeah Happy New Year