Stuff Island - Tyler Rothrock + Josh Francis - Stuff Island #201

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

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yeah i mean thank god chris isn't here you're you two dark clouds in the same fucking room i think we're like a double negative it becomes positive you think so that's how is that what you're telling yourself you don't even know math that plant that plant will be dead by the time you're done this out it's like just mid-convo no i got to i got to change it around dude you can't you're built like this i know this is like i know i think like i've been going to therapy and my therapist basically says that she's like you got that you aren't gonna ever like like be happy so it's like how much yeah yeah she's like talking herself out of a job oh good good no that's good for all right fair you think she'd go the opposite way i know you think she'd be like

three more sessions yeah she's like 250 don't two see now idea you could get somewhere yeah we can get you somewhere instead she's like yeah by 2028 I think I could get you happy but yeah stick in there it's like being like an ex pro ball player and you're like teaching little kids and like a rich dad comes in the kid sucks dick oh dude and you're like no he's got he's got something he's got there's like there's a there's a hitch there I think if we control that for the next 10 years yeah yeah yeah yeah pay my son's tuition he's got he's got the will to win yeah he's important it's very important you can't teach you can't teach you can't teach being coachable

You know, and let's talk about the Zell payments. I would like them on the first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's, you know, private compound, so that's going to be, you know, you charge for that. Yep, exactly. So who is your girl? Is it a guy or girl? It's a girl.

Yeah. She's great, actually. She's really good. I'm like, she's like, she hits me straight with it, which I've, I've gone to therapist, and they're like, clearly you just mailed it in for a check. Yeah. So, which I kind of respect, too. Yeah. You know, that kind of inspires me.

Like, there is a job out there that you could coast. Yeah. make money but yeah she's good she's good is that uh what's your objective here are you going to stay with her yeah i'll stay with her as long as you get out of it because we have a sponsor here on our podcast oh what do i get out of it i don't know i don't know if i get a ton out of it like i i i get enough out of it where i can like i think i'm dependent on her to tell me what to do like if i'm fucked if i'm having like a fucked up thing i'll be like how do i like not think about it like you know what I'm saying like so she'll give me like uh the roadmap to like stop

going down the rabbit hole okay so that's all I get out of okay so it's just it's temporary fire fire drill yeah all the every day okay every day at the fire the fire is raging wow and I got to find the kids and get out of the house you get on all four stable other smoke yeah and get the dog I'm stop dropping and rolling yeah that's how I move around you think I'm walking I'm Stop dropping rolling right now. I'm a completely fucking panic. Well, that's where my head space is at. I'm always in an anxiety-ridden panic.

Yeah, I think you have to, I think that's, you have to operate from there. Yeah. Everybody, if you don't, you're a fucking freak. Yeah. I think if somebody's calm, it's like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. Yeah, we're not like in a calm environment.

Like, there was a time I think where like human beings were, but like now it's just not that. You know, there's so much shit going on. I think the opposite. I feel like we used to be. And that's why I think we, because it used to be like, you needed anxiety.

You needed to be afraid of, like, what's in the woods? Yeah, now we're like, yeah, now it's like, how much are potatoes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the way we live is so not how we're supposed to be living. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's never going to be, until we evolve into this, whatever, it's never going to be natural. Right, yeah, sitting, you shouldn't, we, as a, as a species, you shouldn't be allowed to just sit and think. That's awful.

That's the worst thing that can happen. Yeah. Nothing makes me more upset than a calm thinking person. Well, it's like if you look at other animals that do it like with a cage dog, a dog is in a count like licks its fucking fur off and like creates open wounds. You see tigers that just like paste the zoo all. And then dudes just do it and then they just go into a target with an AR-15. And they're like, yeah, that's what they do.

Well, like, that's what men do. And we just like let ourselves be in the exhibit in the zoo. Yeah. We just don't like, you know what I'm saying? Like I thought about this lot when we lived in New York. like that's basically a people zoo and I chose to be in it yeah I there there was the opportunity to leave which I did but not for a long time you didn't realize it yeah you didn't realize that dick every day sucked dick yeah and we're like no it's good here yeah it's fun

it was a beautiful parrot with my wings clipped I had no idea I could fly and do things well it's so funny when I saw Shane special about the friend that like watch crazy videos yeah I knew it was you yeah of course when we lived together it would be like 6 a.m and he would be watching like faces of death videos to start the day. Yeah. Then you go why do I feel bad? He'd be like yo Ty watch this and it would be like some journalist losing its vocal box

because he's like you know beheadings were huge then when we live together. Beheadings used to be in style it was like it was good beheading season dude I've always thought of this I don't know if people have done this already but it would be so funny to do a thing where it's like the director of the ISIS video so funny to be like all right cut no okay yeah

well his head's off his head is off we can't get the all right get the fucking the beauty is like they're doing dude they're operating under pressure those yeah yeah you want to talk about stop dropping and rolling yeah you better get this right on first date how many swings are you doing dude they got like the machete with like the rings on it warm it up so they swing better the only thing i could think of in those videos is you know though you ever see the montage of like all of their best productions like their production the production team for ISIS was They're pitch deck. They have a serious Bible.

You think they go like this? Yeah. All right. Let me get a check. I got to get room tone one quick. It's just gurgling with no head. But it's like, getting room tone and a guy's just like coughing up his own blood. But it's off.

That sounds a little off. Yeah. It's like, I'll sync the audio. We'll do it post. We're going to make it work in post. I've done this before. A hundred times actually. They were all gays throwing off a fucking a roof.

No, there was one that was like They burnt this dude alive in a cage Like a literal Fucking cage over the top of them Who did it? Like was it like the cartel Or was it? No, it was ISIS.

Yeah. Yeah, you were doing a lot of ISIS. And they soaked all around him his body And then, you know, he was like There was probably three feet On all sides of him For inside the drop cage You put over a line, something like that.

Yeah. And then they just ran like a Bugs Bunny gasoline line from like 100 yards. And you can just see it start whipping around The guy's just going He tried to jump up top To hold on to the top

Oh yeah dude Dude that's insane They have like a creative team Like yeah There's a whole creative house There's a writer's room Yeah we've done that already Yeah they have to get the guy from two girls

One cup to come in All right They're calling it out We got a special guest Yeah we got a guy We make a tiger real hungry for a long time no there was one where

this one was probably the hardest to watch was the drowning ones dude i saw i've never seen the drowning one it was like it made me cry a little bit nah it was sad i mean i sat down i stopped cheering as much as the others but they drop them in cages in a pool slowly just with like a crane

and they slowly drop in a cage are they doing that thing where they're like pulling them up letting him get breath and then going back down no but they slowly bring it down so the guy gets to the top of the would you even try to get the i guess You would. Dude, I asked myself this question. Like, would you submit to it?

Like, why am I trying to get breath? They're going to kill them. I don't think, I don't think you would. I think it's just your natural instincts to fight. I don't think you would. Yeah, I always think. But then they just, you're watching, how often have you seen a body give in to drowning and what it actually does to your sister?

You've never seen that. What happens? Huh? What happens? Well, you just naturally fight it for a bit and then like the twitching stuff. It's like hanging. Yeah. last bit of a hanging.

Okay. You see how the body, the muscle spasms, and then they just float and they're just like, you know, they're in space like the fake moon landing. That makes my tummy hurt.

That's crazy. It's fucking wild. But again, the production. Unbelievable. Yeah. We got a drone overhead. They got gopros.

Dude, the drone work. The drone is, yeah, dude. The guys, they put these three guys in a shitty, a shitty car. Like the shitty car we,

that you know, ride my ass. Yeah. And they're seatbelted in and fucking handcuffed to the steering wheel and the door handle. And the guy in the back is like, you know, he's fully chained to something. And they just fit it with an RPG. It was like the most like a five, maybe the son of one of the creators came up with this one. Because it was like so G.I. Joe cartoonist, dude.

And the guy just gets on like a hill 30 yards away and launch. is an RPG into the side of the car it blows it up I mean if you if you enjoyed murdering people like that that's the fucking that's the jobs yeah

that's the NFL that's the Mr. Beast of yes yeah that's where you the Mr. Beast the Mr. Beast of Isis yeah there's probably a guy they all follow like you gotta get his yeah dude they get they get a budget that's what I'm saying do they have a budget

they get a budget and then they go RPG on the hill yeah before then they were in the trenches they had to do the classics drowning you know how many producers they probably had to fire like editors they're fucking all over the place they're trying to spend more or else they're not going to use it so like we have the budget left we've got to spend it by the end of the year let's just do the RPG yeah let's do the RPG we're gonna get taxed on it or just like watching it being like yeah there's something with the pacing

it's like awful little there's something yeah it's not showing you what we actually do here we start with the horrified face then we go into the setup And then the land, yeah, then we show the money shot. I can totally see, like, the head terrorist. Did you see that video from forever ago when it was the Ukrainian soldier? It was in Ukraine. It was the Russian soldier. That's the first one I've ever seen.

Dude, this Russian dude's getting sucked off. Oh, no. There's this video. There's this video. It's a Russian soldier in Ukraine getting sucked off. Oh, then he turns around? No, no, no, no. So he's getting sucked off.

There's a P.O.V. of a drone. Looking down. This guy's sitting there, like, getting, like, he's like, face fucking. another soldier. The drone then comes in and just drops a grenade right on him. And he looks at it as he's getting his dicks like it just blows up. That's like. And then it was,

it was everywhere. And then I mean, the guy did look up at the drone before he dropped. Yeah, he did. They noticed the grenade thing noticed it. He's just getting it. But there's a way to go out.

This was a gay Russian that forced. It might not have been gay. It might have been more of like a prison thing. Yeah. Where you're like you're going to, he probably didn't know he was going to get blown up. He was probably like you're going to listen to what I say. You think he busted?

Well, I don't know. You hope. Because I feel like it's against the Geneva Convention if he did. You know what I mean? You got to let him finish. That's a war crime. That's a war crime. You got to let him finish.

The Nuremberg trials. They didn't let him bust. They didn't let him but. Yohanna. It's a southern Cajun guy defending him. Yohanna, he did not let my climb. Wait, so the drones can film and drop grenades. Dude, there's so many videos of it.

That's really cool. Yeah. You've never seen the drone footages? No. Oh, that should get. It hurts me. Oh, really? Yeah.

I get all sad. Dude, it is kind of, it does press on the heartstrings a bit because you can see these guys like, they look at the camera. Yeah. And they're like, please, please, please. Yeah. And the guy goes like, it's a robot and they're pleading with the robot. Yeah, well, it's actually men control.

Yeah, it's a 15-year-old kid on the other end. He's like really good at like Fortnite. It's like the Indians driving the Teslas. You know what I mean? He's getting cracked. Not that the Waymos. The Waymos freaked me out. I didn't even know what that was.

I think, was that Mollin who said that? There's like a fucking pack of Indians still driving these self-driving cars in India. They're just some keyboards. That's so funny. Dude, the way, Mo, you got to, you'll get it here. They're fucking amazing. Bro, I didn't know what, nobody said anything about this. So when I checked in my hotel, the guy was like, we're all sweating, by the way.

The fucking air's off. Dude, it's so hot. And this is already a hot box that take the air has to be on for two hours. It feels good, though. feels like we're doing something you know yeah you're earning it yeah yeah the guy was like you know i was like how far to i think i wanted to like know how far to the creek was you know he's like uh you know here it is you could take an uber or a scooter or a waymo and i'm like i just didn't even pay attention and then i saw a car without i didn't even know what it was and it freaked me

oh that's the first time i was like yo yo yo yo yo yo there's a haunted car it is why yeah yeah but yeah it freaked me out Well, they're currently, I think this is like their trial run where like, this is their like light launch and they're trying to figure out how it works and stuff. Do you want to be living in the city that they like soft launch? Buddy, it's empty car. It's wonderful. They don't go on highways. Oh really?

Because you don't really have to. Huh? You been in them? Oh, yeah. I've been in like 50 of them. Shit. Dude, as soon as it comes up, I get excited. I go, whamo!

And I fucking, I hit accept immediately. Because what it is, it's a, it's an upcharge and service in a way, but they don't charge you money. Because it's a, it's a, it's a Jaguar. You don't have to talk to some fucking dildo. Some Ugandan refuge. Yeah, you can control your music. What is the, like, how much do those cars cost each? There's no shot.

When you go on an Uber, right, current. This is how the current system is. I don't know what it's going to happen when people realize how great this fucking thing is. Because a lot of people are like you are just scared, which I get. But this technology has come so far This is like Now they have the Uber taxis What do they call them?

The taxis? No, I don't know. There's self-driving taxis that are a separate company They're already up and running. Yeah, I have no idea. Robotaxy, it's called. Really? Yeah, so the Robot taxi, you can call to you through an app

Whereas the Uber, you just go on, you select whatever UberX, Uber Comfort, Uber XL, and then maybe not XL because they don't have the SUV. yet it's just the sedan but the waymo the waymo yeah just the sedan so if it's in your area if it's available and then going maybe towards your destination it'll say waymo available would you like to hop to accept because you have to accept because people are like fuck that uh i want a regular driver yeah so it's very it's it's it's random i get them like it coming back for the mothership

a lot because people are getting so these things are like on on the same path on the path dude it's fucking GPS but what I mean is like they're not you can't just like call one to you and no no no no no they're like on the same route yeah there's no waymo app yet and I think that's the next release but also like how are they getting like okay the individual car itself yeah has to have cost the that would waymo a million dollars I saw the technology their shit spinning on it it's crazy money how are they getting the return on investment they're not how long I can't see them be I can't say I can't I can't see it working yet in government subsidies Unless the money probably comes from the cities that they catered.

Yeah, I mean, it's all a tax scheme for sure. Yeah, definitely. Because you're not paying drivers. Right. You know, you're not paying salaries for anything. And it's just like it'll pay itself off. It's just like leasing a car, I imagine. It's going to take so long to pay off a million dollar car.

With $7 rides. No, they get expensive on the way home. Do they? Yeah, it's like $20 on the way home for a fucking short ride. And you're totally confident in it. dude i i i disappear you want to talk about therapy that's where that's my therapist if i can get if i can get off stage get out of the fucking green room after fucking hingecliff is yapping in my ear with 10 cigarettes in his fucking mouth and i just hear nothing yeah for for 20 minutes on the

way home play whatever song here's what's funny i think it's my demeanor no uber driver ever talks to me. I think they see me, because they see me, they're like, no, we're just going to, well, you're also, you're a big kid, too. I'm a medium, you know, medium size, but I'm on the bigger end of medium. People, I mean, you don't, you don't give off how sweet you actually are. You know, I mean, you're a scary dude. Am I?

Would you feel, am I scared? You got, it's the forearms. It's, it's all of it. Yeah, you got like, you got like, you got like, there's a lot of area down. Well, you got the haircut that says I gave up a long time ago. It's been my haircut. Yeah. Forever.

This has been my only. shit. I think you could do something with this. Did you play a ball or anything in college? Yeah, he's a good baseball player. Basketball, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. He's a legend in his town. Yeah. No, I'm not a legend at all.

His father was. Yeah, but, yeah, my dad was the head coach of our rival high school. Oh, God. So that was like the legend. So I had to play. He chose to send you to the board the public school. Yeah, like he wouldn't, like, he coached against me. It was hilarious.

I imagine. He's like this cat, you know, he's picking you apart on defense. Yeah. He's like, he can't hit a football. fucking three-pointed to save box them out. The true story is my dad died. And I like, since he passed, like, I, like, we've, like, going through his stuff. I found, like, his scouting report of me.

It's the meanest shit. Dude, that's weird. It was, like, slow, uh, no right hand. You can't dribble his right hand. Can only make an open jump shot, you know. And so the true story, like, what happened? I could make, I could shoot, right? We were playing my dad.

I think I told you the story before. Yeah, I've heard this. We were playing my dad's team. and I made a three-pointer in front of his bench, right? And I'm running back on defense, and I hear my dad's voice, like, screaming. You know, your dad, you get, and he's, like, screaming. I'm like, fuck. And I see somebody go to, like, to check into the game,

and the person guarded me gets subbed out, and I see him, like, on the sideline, I'm in the game, and I'm watching my dad, like, yelling at this kid screaming, he doesn't shoot. He doesn't get to, he told the kids to not let me score in the game. And I heard it. And I'm like, fuck you, dude.

Like, you're by dad. This has to be 75% of your therapy sessions. Yeah, yeah. Talking about your dad. The death. The death, yeah, yeah. And then the social history with the sports. Yeah.

That's brutal. Dads are motherfuckers. Dude, dude, dude, hold on a second. Tell the story. Yeah, that's not about to. Dude, my dad. So my dad, I go home to Iowa, and it's my first time being, doing comedy in Iowa in like five or six. My parents have seen me do stand up once.

Dude, I'm like two minutes into my set, and I watch my dad walk out of the room. And then I'm like, I talked to him at the show. I was, what the fuck was that? You didn't come back? No, not at all. And then I talked to him afterwards. I was like, what the fuck was that? And he's like, man, he goes, I think I get it.

Dude. He goes, I think I get it. He summarized the, I mean, in four words, just ruined seven years of hard work. I think I get it. It's going to be forever. That's going to be echoing your skull. Even when you do great things.

That won't be the last thing you say to him. I think I get it. Makes me there when he's dying. Yeah. I think I get it. You can't free and it is crazy, dude. Yeah. And then my mom?

I think I get it. You got sorrows. Imagine your dad telling the family you're dying. No, no, I think I get it. And then just walk out. Yeah, it looks like you got it, pal. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Where does he draw the line? I think I get it. That's so funny. I mean, dude. This episode is brought to you by Draft Kings. Draft King Sportsbook is one of our sponsors, and we love them, especially this time of year. Josh, the football season is fucking back. Skull Vikings.

The Vikings won. Yeah. That was a fun game to watch. Yeah. The Eagles won. Dach got fucking spit on. America won. America fucking won.

What a little dumpster that kid is, huh? your season, your shot. The NFL season is rolling and every touchdown can bring you closer to a payout with Draf King's sports book and official sports

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Never bet against them. Never bet for them. I only bet for them. Never bet against them. But the props is where I divvy up all my money that I want to spend. Because I don't know enough about the Vikings.

Who gives you shit? You don't even I mean, I don't mean to say it directly to your face and break your heart. Or the thrill of live in-game betting. Every snap is loaded with an opportunity. What are the lines on the Eagles Chiefs this week? The spread is one and a half in the Eagles are favorites. Eagles are favorite at Kansas City, one and a half.

You go to a draft king sports book right now. Over under, 46.5. Yeah, 46 and a half. That's tough. Money line is negative 125. Yep. Eagles plus 105 for the Chiefs. the Chiefs.

Yeah, that's going to be a tough one. It's got to be... But Jalen Carter's back. They count that suspension as this one-game suspension when they put a gag on him. He's just in a cage. He would still beat most linemen.

You know, the only reason the Cowboys, eight and a half was a crazy... Josh Wolff texted me. He goes, anybody would be stupid to take this? I said, I wouldn't touch it, eight and a half. Until Jalen Carter spit on this motherfucker. That guy changes defenses.

As soon as he spit on, I'm like, this is going to be a tight game. He doesn't spit on him. That game, we win by 20. Yeah. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Dude, he garners a double team every goddamn play.

The run game is non-existent. You can't sit in the pocket. That threw great balls because Jalen Carter spit on him and was on the fuck in the, in the locker room. Yeah. He had time back then. Eating bags of donuts, that fat piece of shit. Well, he's back this week. New customers, this one's for you.

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or 100 grand in cash. No purchase necessary to enter, but every dollar you spend gets you more entries. That's ridge.com slash stuff island. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about it. Please, please say stuff island saying. Storado. Also, what was worse than that is that my mom sat there the whole time. that's almost worse

it's like I'd rather him just dip out I would rather them go yeah okay he does I see what he's doing because you don't want there at all to really to begin with yeah no it's no it's like you it's very nice of them to support obviously and whatever but it's like I'm

headlining a fucking a place it was like an AA meeting the venue got fucking bait and switched we thought we were doing a little club that they had just built and then the last second they lost their liquor license so then we moved to the upstairs of a brewery and I performed for an hour four shows off of a karaoke mic with no lighting you shouldn't see it well the lighting was on the

floor because we've we recently did a brewery for an l-d launch we did the finback brewery yeah we made the beers and they were like these guys are trying to tell us how to do a comedy show and I go it's not going to work and they go all right we're going to go upstairs it's like well you have a launch event downstairs where people you're being a brewery with a bunch of fucking nerds they scream when they get the beer three because they're having fun for the first time in like two months so they just they all start screaming at higher level so they turn music up you just scream louder it's like you go to a bar as a professional drunk yeah turn the fucking music down yeah yeah yeah this isn't a dance club but when when like people like that

like tech people get drunk they like discover like fun arms and legs yeah yeah yeah finding their body that it's fun yeah where it's not just like a this person yeah and they become like like atrocious human beings 100% there's nothing worse than like fucking I don't know I think guys who like frequent breweries suck yeah dude it's like a specific type of guy do you know what I mean is a

very specific and you're like brewers yeah I will say people that own breweries are the same people that that love to go to this cult breweries but the brewers the most impressive thing about releasing that finback beer was the

actual science around yeah yeah these guys are all like highly educated individuals that are like yeah super impressive of course yeah but i want to talk to you for like five minutes not 45 minutes oh dude no i was locked in i yeah no but this is back in the tanks like this oh you were back in the yeah yeah no they don't they don't go out towards the fucking animals these guys are like they're in like lab coats yeah they're like beer lab coats and they're like they take that shit seriously yeah they're doing breaking bad and fucking dude they're it's it was fun it was fun

god but yeah the brewery type dude just like a dude talking he's got like yeah dude he's got like like crossfit dorks softball dorks just like yeah the musky breath of like an apricot flavored IPA and you're closer to you the little time yeah are you gonna like kiss me talking about like weird bands that they like and you're like it's just a pack of dykes and they wheel like the one the one single friend that has the baby wheels in this fat-headed retard and then everybody else they're like oh my dad and they just stare at this thing and they have to pretend like what's he doing now a pack of dykes is I mean his His combination of words sometimes.

It's word plays awards. It's so good. I mean, I'll say the funniest, the hardest I've ever laughed in, like, maybe the past year, we're like filming something

at his house and he just goes, yeah, the fucking Clydes, this fucking Mexican Clydesdales are up there, and he's just in the middle of like riffing. And he just gets pissed

and you can hear us upstairs and he calls him Mexican Clydesdale's got a There's one fucking, there's one, there's one bean, bean bag of fucking upstairs that just, she hoops, dude.

So, The Mexican glides down. Dude, I hear her walk around. I'm like, let me see how big these heels are. And she's wearing like flat fucking crossfit shoes. I'm like, how are you making the shoe? Yeah, because they, she, the door is like right to the side of our. She doesn't have what you would think is the size to make that sound.

No, she has the size. But it's not, but no, it's not, it's not, it's not the actual size. Look, the two roommates make the number 10. There's one skinny little bean and there's one fucking donut. But they're fucking, we know who's pounding around up there. Yeah. Do you think, are they, are they, are they a, I don't know, thought about it. Yeah.

I can't tell you. Probably. They don't talk much. Probably. Marr's the most lovable, likable human being in an interaction. And we walked up there and they were just like, hi, and they did like a dead fish. Oh. And it was, it's just weird.

Yeah. You know? I could, one of my favorite things about Tommy is like, well, if we're in like a social setting and it's, there's some like wild fucked up shit going on where like you're, you're, you're judging the situation you could see him judge it like he's like making like his eyebrows it's in the eyebrows the face is making it i'm like oh he's he's he's thinking of how fucked up these people are i can't wait to and he'll say like a clydesdale comment like in the car or something but i see it like registering in your head my father let's talk about yeah everybody's got a fucked up dad that does

what we do yeah right because you can't you can't come from a non-traumatic background probably not to not do the probably not There are some and they're very good wordsmiths. They're they have beautiful minds. They're usually Ivy League kids. Yeah, yeah. They're in writer's room. The math is there.

Yeah, the math is there. And then you hang around with them in a green room. You're like, God, I wish you were dead. But my brother got me into comedy, right? You know this story. So when I was 29, He helium comedy club opened up in Philadelphia. And he goes, yo, there's a comedy club. All my friends growing up, you used to be like,

like you should do comedy and I was like I don't know what that is really I didn't watch comedy I didn't all I knew was like Richard Pryor yeah the BET Murphy BET shit what my dad like through VHS tapes on HBO and then there was like 20 year gap where I just never watched comedy didn't know it existed until my brother uh threw on like a Brian Regan oh hell yeah oh yeah we got all coked up in a VFW and uh at the Polish club rather it did Clifton heights and put on Brian Regan the CD so in front of the DVD He'd be yacked out watching Brian or he. It's like a clean comic.

Wait, with like, with the bar goers, is everybody listening? Yeah, yeah, it's just all the... That's a great... That kind of rules, yeah, that's a good... That's a vibe. And I was like, holy shit,

they're still like doing this stuff because I only saw the legends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Eddie Murphy, all the fucking legends from the past that like created this whole thing. And then the club opened up. Brian signed me up for an open mic

when I had a full-time job. He goes, you're on tonight. after work you gotta get there by six and I was you know shit my brain's out nervous have you been had you been writing no yeah no he never told me any of this

so I just went up there bomb my dick off but I thought I did good but I'll be looking back I was probably the most atrocious set you can imagine the reason you watch open mics in the first place when you know what's going on is because it's so funny it's insane

long story short my mother never watched me do a set ever until Philly's funniest the next I was in the finals the first two years I won the third year you literally were in the finals the year after you started right yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking Tommy no I won the second yeah I know I know and my dad

had been coming but my dad would just get wrecked my dad would just get wrecked with the boys at the bar smoking red wines they'd have like a whole collar rossy fucking jug for the dude and he would just get ripped smoke heaters and he would just love the environment just getting away from my crazy fucking mother and just having a good fucking time

he started like actually watching comedy you know so he would come to shows every few months or whatever when I would feature for a big headline and my mom she came to one show was Philly's funny as the year I won I win the fucking contest

she's in the crowd she saw the whole show you did well yeah I won enough to beat fucking McKeever destroyed there was somebody else that fucking destroyed it was like a really good show it was a tough show oh yeah back then it was like killer people like kent haynes all those

yeah kent was a fucking beast uh and then uh um yeah i get all stage my dad's like yeah you did it you know he did some regular bullshit never talked about it again uh it's my proudest moment and my mom goes i really like that second kid she didn't she didn't say congrats she didn't say anything you're holding the trophy the whole the whole time in her fucked up mind was like that's something about that way do you you credit her or your dad for kind of

oh it's both without the combo that'd be nothing yeah what about you it's just all dad all dad yeah my mom's like a sweetheart and then my dad is like yeah boozer he boozes he's oh yeah boozer and then he's also just like

he thinks what he thinks he is is he thinks that he is That's a true loser If you want to ask how much of drinks What he thinks he is He really does think that Like everybody loves him And it's like

And everybody does like him But he'll do like I mean he's one of those people Who talk to strangers And it's like insane Yeah Like I was home And he cat called the lady

On Thursday Some girl lost by What's up? Off the street Yeah At the gas station Oh my god And she was like a

She just had like a dress on And my dad was like, look at the legs on her. And then she kept walking. And then he went, hey, miss, you drop something. And she turned around. He went, you smile. And then like, I was like, what the fuck was that? And he goes, you know how many times I got pussy from that line growing up?

And I'm like, what in the fuck are you talking about? And then he does that shit. He doesn't even realize that it's like, Craig. And then he's driving. He's justifying. He's like, because they like that stuff, you know? They like to hear that stuff. He's like telling me.

Talking to himself. Yeah. He's like, because they like... They do. Josh doesn't even in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's just like telling, he just like, is it a waymo?

He's just, he's just telling me, yeah, he tells me that I'm like, dude, so insane. He would never know how to get to a waymo, too. Dude, my dad's head would explode if he saw. He would start shooting the diet. My dad saw a car pull up with nobody in it. He would be like, what the fuck?

That kind of was your dad. Dude, well, he's, my dad is like a, like an old school Midwest of Iowa guy. Like he,

I grew up in Iowa and he never left. He left for four years when he joined the Marines. He's never been on a plane. Dude, to come and see me, to come and see me graduate, uh,

boot camp when I graduated boot camp, they took a cross country train. It took them a week and a half to see me walk across a thing for an hour. And then I got, and then he just got on the train again that same night. And I didn't see him for the, you get home. for 10 days. I didn't see him for seven

of them. Yeah, you probably got out on the stage. He goes, yeah, I get it. I think I get it. Yeah, he goes, he sees me getting, he sees me like, I'm going to be you up for him. I'm running trying to get it. Do that thing where I'm getting held up to kiss him. The train just starts moving slow, you know. The old, uh, I read a, uh, I've read an interesting article that

It talks about personality development. And they say to your exposure to other personalities. So to answer your question, like genuinely, I would say it's obviously mostly my parents. But growing up in the 80s and 90s, the family orientation for big families, my mother was 1 of 11. My father was 1 of 9. Or my mother was 1 of 10. My father was 1 of 9, something like that. So like our family parties, everyone was really close.

And they all lived close together. So you think about how many cousins you have. You think about how many birthday parties for aunts and uncles and then holidays. So there were so many parties that were unhinged. You guys probably had a party every week. It was at least every, yeah. It was something to do every week or two. And you're always in this environment where like old school, they're smoking.

I got so many Polaroids of like our birthdays where like my fucking godfather is holding me. and like the ashes are like close to my face in your soft spot in your full month's four months off my soft spot he's ashes near your fucking soft spot and everyone's drinking fucking high life 32s and like it was like they were young and fucking smoking weed and doing coke and yeah it was just and they just let you run the streets and then you'd run the streets and then you'd go in your own fucking the basement and it would just be a bunch of kids fucking off and doing shit that like parents have of today would never allow.

Yeah. So you talk about personality development. Anyway, the story would, or the study would say, like, you pull from certain people. So if you're exposed to a crazy aunt and she has this fucking laugh or this fucking thing about her personality or a sense of humor, then you got this one uncle that's got a dark side. Then you got this one uncle, like your dad, who sexualizes women. And then you have, and then you go, oh, I'm like, you're creating a fucking a cat. Yeah, you're building a bull.

Building, yeah, it's like a video game where you're like, I'll take a little bit of this. Choose your character. That's crazy. Yeah. I always think about that because me and my brother were, you know, same parents, same house, same everything. And we are so polar opposite in terms of like views, politics. Everything is polar opposite. And I never could really figure out how that could happen.

And it's obviously like hearing that, like he's probably pulling shit from friends and like other type of shit. All right, this episode is brought to you by Chubbies. You guys know them. You love them. I know them. I love them. I got the six inch stretch short and then I get the five inch in seam bathing suit, you know? I've worn the Chubbies on the episodes.

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Because it never made sense to me how we could be so different coming from the exact same place. Yeah. I think it's all the development years. and what you're exposed to. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, most people, I don't know, standardized home, you have your siblings,

your mom and dad, let's say you're in the fucking middle of Iowa. Sure. But if you're in the outskirts of a metropolitan city, you're in the streets with a bunch of strangers, and then you go home to a big family,

you've got brothers you're sharing a bed with, all these things start to mold this sense of humor and personality that goes, oh, how did you fucking, this guy's something else. You ever hear that? when people were like you got a handful there

kid you know that one's that one's gonna be a fucking problem yeah yeah yeah no it's crazy then you look at his background you go oh yeah no shit because he raised himself in the fucking streets you look at the work

where did you go to college uh I went to the University of Northern Iowa okay yeah and then you went to the I was in the Marines before that but coming from like oh you had a cult did you have a culture shock moment where you like we're in like or when you moved here perhaps

dude well yeah I mean, yeah, it was the first time I saw the ocean was when I was like going to boot camp and then I was like in San Diego and I was like going to like Applebee's Like I was like, I was like down to that Yeah, super hard and then it's like And then at a certain point you just become like

I went to Chipotle what I got here too Dude I do this all the time though He's also a country bunkin Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you should see where he's from Yeah, the middle of nowhere like Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah That, well, that makes, yeah, dude, it's all, you go a little bit left. It's all cornfields like Iowa.

Yeah, well, it's, it's so, it's not even like culture, I don't know how to describe it. It's just like, ignorance. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, no, a hundred. Can I take this one? It's just the thing where I go, like, well, that's why I've talked about this before, but it's like, I feel nothing when I travel. Like, I don't know what it is. It's like, I just was, I think I, like, I've been to so many places through the military through comedy, whatever. It's like, I've been to so many countries, so many.

stayed so many cities and every time I've never been like wowed it's like anytime I go to a place I don't know if this is like a I don't know I feel like it's just like lack of like ex-essentialism or something it's like I saw the Grand Canyon I was just like oh okay oh that's crazy

you know what I mean I went to like the ocean and I was like that's yeah yeah I go into Tokyo and I was like it's fine it's fine oh my God it's like I was just about to support you yeah the three examples are nuts dude I don't don't get it. I feel like I'm like lacking something in my brain that makes things. I get that with like my

current point in the career. Right. Because we've traveled so much and we've done really cool stuff. Yeah. So you do become desensitized to like, oh look how fucking neat this. You know who that fucking guy is? And you're hanging out with like stars and stuff and you're like, I don't really care about that. But like when you travel a world

I think it takes a certain dead brain to not. Do you have? Maybe it's not when you... To not look at the greatest hole on earth. And go, holy shit. The greatest hole on earth is crazy. Dude, the fucking Grand Canyon shook me to my core.

It did not. Because I was like, I don't give a shit. I don't fucking care. And we were driving alongside of it. And I caught like a break in the trees. And I saw the depth in the fucking mass. Yeah. You're like, it's great.

It is great. No, it is. Whoever name this, nail it. It was actually Mike Grand. That's why they did it. It's a great. This is my king. No, just a thing where it's like, it's not that I don't,

because it's definitely not desensitized. Like, it's not, I'm not desensitized. I've never felt this. What about, Rome? You've ever been to Rome? I haven't been to Rome. And I haven't been to, like. I haven't been to Greece.

I haven't been to Greece yet. But what was the context you were in these places? Were you in the military? I was in the military or I was traveling for stand up or whatever, whatever. So your mind was controlled in both areas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never just been my own person. I've never just been my own person.

Quit stand up for a week. can go back to the grand time. No, I might not have to come back. I just go. Well, I can't imagine being like... Yeah, I get it.

I think I get it. I think I... It's my second callback. That's so good. That's such a good one, though. But that's why I won't go. I don't think I can handle the temptation. Like, when I walk over a bridge,

I'm like... If I have a couple beers in me, I'm like... We talked about this, dude. We talked about this. Well, it would be, if there's a place to do it. It was right here. It'd be at the Grand Canyon. No, he means any high thing.

Oh, just in general. Dude, Chris's old apartment was on the 26th floor at a high rise down here in Center City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, check out the balcony. And I was like, dude, I started tingling. No. And I have that, it's called the imp of the perverse. Do you know this?

No, but thank God it's a thing. Yeah. No, yeah, it's a fucking, it's a thing. Okay, good. It's a mental and emotional thing. It's called the imp of the perverse. Whatever could go wrong is in your control and can go wrong. it's up it's up to you i did uh so at any moment called the wild you can you can change

you can yeah driving over the Walt whitman bridge in philly yeah yeah every time i just think i can't pull over right now they're just i'm not even stopping traffic i can't pull it right now leap done you ever shot guns yeah yeah i can't do it dude yeah i can't hold on here's my the perverse with that so uh chris's good buddy from high school was a the NFL football player and a star at Notre Dame. And he belongs to Donald Trump's a gun club in Connecticut.

Yeah, it's, it's Donald Trump's GC. No, it's the one he's he's a part of. It's a fucking, it's a private old school, probably extremely racist gun club. It's just one of the, it's ISIS execution videos. I wonder what the targets are.

Quiet on set. Donald Trump is Trump walking up with the RPG. The targets are just minority. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're running like bunnies. Because we were a ski shoot. So you got to hold the shotgun down. And it's me, Chris, and his buddy.

I'm not going to say his name. But, and you got to put your gun down until it's your turn. Then you load. There's like, there's very specific rules that everybody bides, it's insane. Because I've seen so many videos where people pop off in the gun ranges. Yeah. I've seen where they kill the fucking, you know, the instructor,

or they kill themselves or they kill their wife. I've seen all those videos and I'm thinking all this shit and I'm just thinking I got I can kill both of these things bro the whole time I'm holding this shotgun I can go

and I'm like I'm getting like hot I'm feeling something where and then we're they're like all right you're up next time and I'm not even locked into the speeds anymore just go I'm still fighting the fact that I could

shoot them in the fucking face dude I had the exact same impulse yeah I was with with the Dugan family. Yeah. And there was, is an 18-hole skeet shooting course.

And I had to hold the gun 18 times. And I, like, couldn't get it out of my hands fast enough. Yeah. Because I was like, I could just fucking add

to the sadness here. You know, I could just kill people. Yeah. Why are they letting me just hold this gun right now? Yeah. I'm this close. I mean,

I don't know how close I was. This is crazy. You guys are crazy. No. No, no, it's not. We're in control. Yeah. But we're also aware

that there's a problem. This is why gun controls should be a fucking issue. because you get some fucking kid. Yeah, I feel like you guys shouldn't be... That's why I don't do it anymore. No more gun range. I get it, but it's also...

I'm not going to do it. Of course. It's an intrusive thought. You think, like, what if? Yeah. Yeah. I get that. I relate to that.

The intrusive thought thing... He's drunk tanks, you dick, kid. You never thought about... But you know, your instructor pisses you all. You know, you get some shitty burrito. You're like... Ah. Crafty was bad at the military base in that day.

Dude, do you ever see the video of the dude who stole a tank in San Diego? Unbelievable. So crazy. This guy stole a tank. And what's funny is that it wasn't loaded. Like he didn't have like any ammo for the tank. He just was on this, on the freeway, on the 35, riding down the tank. And then a cop who was a National Guard dude was also a tanker.

And they were like trying to figure out how they were going to stop it. Yeah, the guy was a tanker. And he goes, oh, you can just open the hash. So he just climbed on top and just shot. He shot him right in the head On live TV in San Diego You ever see the guy that made his own tag? Yeah, the bulldozer

What did they call him? They call him the dope I don't know, whatever There's a name of it's the move That's he cemented himself in Oh dude Would you ever see Sky King You know Sky King?

Yeah, the guy who stole the That one fucking Wait what's that Sky King Was it like a commercial jet? Yeah something like that He like worked at the airport It's just the guy that kept doing

The Loopty Loops Yeah The Loop de Loops Dude, what do you call? And he pulled it off. I think it's like, yeah,

yeah, he did, you land. I thought he was going to pull it off. They go, all right, I'm good. Let's land this fucking thing.

They were like, hey, we're going to land. He goes, I don't know, man. I'm kind of, I'm up here.

I think I'm just going to fucking kill myself. I'm in a lot of trouble, I think. I think I'm just going to fucking kill myself. I always think about, Sky King is like one of my heroes.

Yeah. Because he was like, I don't know. He didn't take any hit there's no he just fucking grat he went in that cockpit fucking took a plane man yeah so he just ran out

into the strip and then jumped in a plane I think so I think he worked there he worked at like proximity yeah it was a plan did he get the job on purpose to have access to the place I would believe so I would like to think that it was like a thought out thing and not just like him being there for six years fucking

a TSA agent checking yeah yeah then just is the final the final straw I always wonder if I could land a plane just like though I think about it sometime

I go I'm gonna be the fucking would you that's a question that's the thing I fantasize about it really they go is it a pilot

and I go I used to draft 10 I go there I go there to start jacking off you hit the fucking world trade center by accident

fuck fuck I'm a veteran do you think so okay you're in that position would you want to be

the guy that does it yeah would you you're in a plane both pilots are dead they go we need somebody to do this would you want to be the person or would you not be I tell you I'd tell you what I'd be

I'd be the guy at the the door of the cockpit and I would line up everybody that said they want to land it and I'd interview each one and they go get the fuck back to your seat Tommy we're running out and I'd ask you questions

because I figured out and then I'd sit next to the guy that decided he was the best and the one I decided was the best and I'd make sure he's in control the whole time I like I can pet talk I'd let him know he's the fucking man

You're fucking killing it right now Do you think all the good sports talk I think there's a level of like This might be an alcoholic brain talking That there's like three or four drinks Would make you better 100% than not having any drinks I think it's just a nerve thing at that point

You know what I mean? It's like yeah I got a there's 150 people on here I'm in control I want to forget about them Yeah yeah I want to just focus on what I'm doing Right yeah But then there's one too many There is a lot

It's a very fine line. Then there's the one that makes he go straight into the pond. You're like, I'm fucking good. I'm going to Hudson this thing. He just crashed straight into the Atlantic ocean. Everybody drowns and you miss the airport. In negative 40 degree weather. It's like the worst thing you can.

I do think about landing planes like when people are like they run out of gas or the, you know, they lose an engine or both engines and they're just floating. There's not that many options. No. No. Like they're, I always thought it's like, just put it down somewhere. We'll figure it out We can walk through the woods It's like the undulation of everything is always

Unless you're in Iowa Yeah then you can even still Even then it's yeah You're fucking still You got it How many roads are wide enough I think Any barriers

It's like always highways They try to go on to when that happens Yeah but they're always by planes Yeah the tiny little propeller You're in a commercial jet And you got to I mean we saw it You gotta find an airport And if you can't float to an airport

You're fucking dead I think that I could do it I love that I love that I've driven tanks the side of ships and stuff that's like the job I was like an AV crew

it's like a tank that goes in the water so I think it's not about it's it's a this apples and orange I know but I go it is but it's just like the like who else is who else is more right yeah you know who else is more qualified I think that all the time though I think that I would

I think I would be the hero everywhere yeah I like I used to keep scissors when I was at school after the middle I used to keep scissors in my backpack that I had sharpened and I was like I'll fuck it I want a motherfucker I want a mother fucker I want a motherfucker

In case somebody has a gun Yeah I'd be like I'm gonna I think about it I go I'm gonna stand behind the Every room dude I was front right I was the closest to the door

And I'd go I'll just sit behind the little door They walk in And then every And then all of a sudden Everybody's just like Pussy galore Pussy galore

Yeah it would be crazy Trying to think that I'd get pussy from that You think Stephanie McMurphy's not Gonna talk to you He got fucking You got blood all over You got It's like

Come on you And I know I'd go over Oh my Brain on you Dude I'd go over by stab him 185 times nobody wants to

fuck me you're like you went to fall you think you're gonna be the hero you just you just got him completely

yeah yeah you got his blood on your fucking face I'm like doing like are you not in a day that's like yeah but there's one friend that's like

I bet he eats pussy like nobody else I think about that too I want to like I don't know sometimes I'll think you ever do that when you're just walking

through like a supermarket I don't carry a gun on me I should But I'll be like, all like, look at my cart and sometimes I'll just pick a weapon. I'll be like, yeah, I can. That's a can of beans. I can rock somebody with that if I. I won't, I have like a standup bit about it.

I'm not going to do the bit. But I, the, the, when I was in school, it was like right when Columbine happened. And I would fantasize in class about a guy coming in. And I was like, wrong day to be you, pal. I like, I saved the day. And I just, I think. And I don't, I'm not speaking for you, I don't, I know my fan, hero fantasies come from a place of, uh, insecurity that I, I, I, I won't be that guy.

100% for sure. I know I won't be that guy. Yeah, right. For sure. Yeah. So I fantasize about the thing I'll never be. A hundred percent. Yeah. You were, you, you might be that guy. You have the, dude, I'm 180 pounds. Yeah, but you were in the, dude, I've not done anything. Dude, okay, I got a, I got a fucking story. I was in, what I was in, I was in Florida on vacation. And we're like, uh, out at the bar, like, or the, or the, the pool you know and you know it's like a a resort there's families people everywhere and this mom she her baby went went miss the baby was in the pool and a baby is in the now not in the is underneath the water oh my god so everybody's screaming trying to find this baby and

if i'm being honest with you i didn't do shit whoa because i didn't want to find a dead baby I was just like I hope somebody finds this baby I hope somebody finds this baby and I like I feel so much guilt about that moment because I know I fucking

yeah didn't act I don't have it in me to act well there's that's a that's a fight fight or freeze then you grow fight fight fight fight but there's also like freeze

which is like when your brain that is like a thing where your brain doesn't know what to do so like if there's like eminent danger like something like if we look and a train was coming right now We might just like, yeah.

You almost everybody would, your brain would instantly recognize it's like you can't do anything. You know what I mean? It's like that's literally deer in a headlight. It's like your brain recognizes that's too quick. There's no point of even trying. But you can't really, you can't defend my action though. Yeah, but it's also, I mean, what was. It's selfish.

It's a selfish thing. I don't think you should feel guilt about that. Well, the baby is alive. Yeah. Somebody saved the baby's life. It was not me. But the baby did sink? Oh, yeah.

It was at the, it was blue. they resuscitated the kid yeah yeah well where were you i mean there's so many i was very close to where the baby was did you know okay but did you know that the baby was in there hold on did you show the baby in the water it was the ice

video the last bubble getting sucked off by a Russian soldier her mom no no no it was uh I mean I couldn't have been more than 10 feet from where the baby was found

and luckily What kind of pool are we talking about? You can see through a fucking pool I know but dude It was like full of people Oh you know so like You went to a pool resort No no no

I mean yeah kind of There's a wave pool of Puerto Rican I'm in the lazy I'm in the lazy river I'm just in an attitude You're just on a boardwalk I'm having fun Yeah

You're a Wildwood's boardwalk Dude that's yeah it sucked in it like do you feel guilt about it yeah but what's the guilt coming from that you didn't act that i i i chose not finding a dead baby was the by fear and that overpowered saving the baby yeah did you stand up no i literally kind of like pretended to look but i was not looking i'm not this i'm not this is the thing i'm proud of i don't know why i said it i don't have to say it. I'm still sweating. I don't think it's, I don't think you should feel guilty

about that. I really don't. Because I think it's also, I feel like kind of bad that I don't have the thing in me. I think it's probably situation. I think it's one situation. I've done it many times. I've not, I've not acting. How many babies have died on your watch?

I was a lifeguard for 17 years. 65 deaths. I'm a terrible lifeguard. No, I just think that that was such a weird, because It'd be one thing if you saw, like, a car accident, you were the only person. I've also seen that. I've also been in that position.

Somebody screaming, they're about to be on fire, and you don't do anything. It's different. I was, me and my two friends were the first on the scene of a car accident. There was no cops. The car started popping. Things were on fire. They ran because somebody was like, there's somebody in the car. My two friends ran to it.

And I was like, I'm going to chill right here because I'm scared. Okay, maybe I'm not on your side anymore. Yeah, you're not, but here's the thing. Just don't get in danger around me. Because I'll make it worse. And, yeah, I'm just not. Well, I hope you don't move to Texas because we hang out way too much. No, I do.

It's the thing about me I don't like. For sure. I've been, I saw, I was the first to an accident in San Diego. This was, this is after the military. This is after college and everything. I was living out there for a couple months. And I saw a car that had flipped over. And it was.

It was in front of a residential area and I pulled over. And some lady, it was in front of apartment complexes and some black lady saw the accident as well and came running out with a fire extinguisher because I think that she thought there was going to be a fire. And then a cop, I mean, I called 911 and I'm like talking to the guy and he's like upside down, like stuck. And by the creed is blaring, which is insane to it. Will you let me? But it wasn't. All the jobs were black wide open.

Dude, so he's upside down, like, listening to Crete. I mean, he's, like, and he's pouring blood. The, the fucking... He's still air. Yeah. And so he's, his airbag. Oh, you think you like great? Yeah.

Sheed his head squar? Dude. His, his, his airbag. He told the school. That's how he crashed. He hit the high hat, dude. And then fucking 360ed into a fucking top. Baccapelle.

Two players will blind him. Oh, man. They're all sad Christian song. Dude, I just saw Crete. Dude.

Did you lie? My brother for my birthday got me one ticket to see Crete. That's the saddest gift. That's the sad

happened in a dead baby. That's the drowning in a pool. Yeah, dude. That's the saddest gift you can get. He's not even given a dead. be a hope of it's second person coming with it. He's hoping you kill yourself if you listen. He goes, go to the Grand Canyon after you're going to love the view.

Oh, man. Listen, though, this guy's upside down. His airbags deployed. His fucking, he's pouring blood. He had to have broke his nose from the airbag. I mean, I don't know what else. And so this lady who he saw the whole thing, too, comes right now with a fire extinguisher. And then a cop pulls up maybe like a minute later.

And I'm like telling her don't, like, because you know, like they teach you not to pull somebody out of a thing because they can break their neck and whatever and now you're accountable you're liable and uh this lady the cop pulls up and he's talking to him and the cop doesn't even want to pull him out he's like we got he's like we got ems on the way it's like four minutes out like you're are you good and he's like yeah guys all fucked up he's like yeah i'm all right i am now yeah yeah he's like i'm so fan he skips the song so he's sitting there so comes on he doesn't like he's like just playing the turn the can he just hit the And Dora ad comes down.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, that's my wife. Yeah, that's my wife. So he's, so then this lady is like, the cop is like, the cop is like, he's like telling everybody. He goes, okay, the EMS is on the way. I'm going to go back to my thing. I'm going to call my, he goes to the talk. He goes, I got to get all people, whatever. So he goes back to his car and this lady is like the black lady for whatever reason

wants to get the guy out of the fucking car. And she starts smashing the fire extinguisher up against the window and it shattered through and hit him in the face just as the EMS pulled up it was crazy oh my god so she broke through this thing to try to pull him out even though like the cop told her not to the cop even said cop they're on their way the cop was like i'm not touching him you don't touch him and then he just she just like started freaking out and thought that like he was going to explode she thought the car was going to explode is what was it like on fire no it was just upside down look i've been there have you no i was when i flipped the golf cart i thought it was going to explode oh yeah i

You just think anything with a motor upside down, dude. You thought you got to get gas. My brother's still bring it up. It's the funniest. It is a funny thing to think that because it's upside down, it's going to explain. That's such a video game thing. Well, it was such a violent crash. Me and my buddy, Cooch.

Did you? Do you remember Cooch? Do you remember Cooch? Yeah, yeah. So there's this one golf course by us, uh, Paxon Hollow that the 17th hole is, it says it's like 120 yards, but it's so high up that you like, it's like a 30 yard chip. Uh, and the way down.

they zigzag so it's so dangerous so you can't unload you know unleash the fucking the neutral so we get full speed when we could the last turn and all my brother's friends are done that on they're on the 18th tee which is right next to the 17th green and their cars are piled up to where you can't navigate around the cart path so we catch this last burn and we had the governor tea to unlock the full speed which is like the round Rangers have and shit. So he goes, he's like,

I'm gonna pin it. I'm pinning it. And we're going, we're buzzing, dude. We're buzzing. We're not going to make it. We're not going to make it.

And he has to go to the right of the carts. But to the right, there was a like a cut off of the grass. And we just rolled this thing. Did you stay in it? Yeah, we stayed in it. Like he,

he wasn't touching anything. The fuck's actually good that you stayed in it. I thank God. Yeah. Yeah, I still have a, listen to my ankle. Oh. Oh, God damn, dude. And the fucking top of the cart was smashed in,

and we're upside down. And I just keep screaming because I hit my head, obviously. But I'm like, yes, yeah, it's going to blow, it's going to pull. And the rest of my drunk brother's friends come over. They're cracking off. It's like electric cart. Dude, it's electric cart. There's no gas.

Oh, my God. And then we should be hurt. Dude, we had to get two cars behind us, two cars behind us to protect from a ranger seat. it. Oh yeah. So we're like just buzzing up it. Trying to get it all the limit it back to the fucking parking lot. And then we just

pulled it into where all the other fucking carts are and then ran. They'll never catch us now. We weren't assigned this cart. Yeah, yeah. Well, back then they didn't put like a cart that is cart number 42 under this guy. Dude, well that is, have you thought about how you can't, that crime has

to be impossible to do now. Now, yeah. It's like there's cameras everywhere. It's like anybody who is actively a criminal has to be out of it. You either have to be. It's not even crimes. There's no more serial killers, which sucks. It does suck. You know?

Yeah, you can find them right away. It's literally impossible. I was think it's funny. Crime, you can still do a couple things here and there, but you can't be a serial criminalist. Yeah. Actually, dude, you can't even like do any crime because it's all on video and we're all in a database. Oh, if you're in Iowa, you can bury your wife and no one fucking cares.

I always think it's funny. There's still some parts where. Imagine like. Yeah, we just got a chick-fil-A. So, yeah. Like, before, we're about four years. Before DNA, it was probably, like, easy as hell. Oh, God.

Imagine, like, if you were, like, a serial murderer, like, right as DNA was coming out. Yeah. And, like, your lawyer's like, dude, I got bad news. Yeah. You were coming on. You got to hang them up, dude. Dude. You almost broke the record.

We found all your shit. Yeah, yeah. And they, dude, they told you to stop jizzing on them. They would just box up the panties. Yeah. They would just box up. Yeah. Come filled panties in a cardboard box

Throw it in a cabinet The way we're gonna do with it The way we save look at this on hard drives For fucking two years They're saving fucking Ramirez Yeah, because they can't do shit about it But then they're like What if we invent DNA

And all those guys are like fuck Yeah Have you ever heard John Mullaney's bit about it? It's so funny He's like the detectives back then They'd be like well there's a pool Of the killer's blood right there And he'd go gross

Yeah Yeah Yeah need to not be like now it would be like oh we know exactly what it is but back then they were like how did they even fucking solve you had to see it yeah there was always you have to see

serial killers were successful because there was no connective tissue to the family right you could still probably 95 percent 98 percent of murders there's some connective tissue where it's you do not want to be at a bar at 2 am and have somebody say that to you the way you can't have any well you probably could I really do think you

could just like go kit if there was like a lack of motivation completely. You just completely random. You can probably kill somebody in Idaho and get away over there. You can't pick somebody fucking

although I don't know that. Hitchhiking. Think about hitchhiking in general. It's insane. Especially nowadays. Hitchhiking, they can never prove a car meets that person.

Whereas if you you meet this person at a gas station, your car is on site. That person's on site. Yeah. There's something there. If you're just driving along a dark road in fucking Jersey or Iowa,

and there's somebody on the road asking for a ride, there's no connection there. Right. That person can be buried anywhere you want. But... After you have fun with her butt. But it's up to you. You're going straight for butt?

Yeah. What? Would you go straight for butt? I'd wash her up first. Yeah. Do you think... I got a bucket water in the bathroom. Listen, I'm going to do something bad.

I'm going to do that way. See, now you've introduced other items into the... Yeah, sponge bucket. we found a sponge It's a sponge murder He cleans all the butts Yeah well I used to do A lot of DNA on the sponge

Well the second I've thought about this It's always hers It was I never cleaned myself Interestingly enough The stink dick killer His odor I've done I used to think

We gotta go Oh shit are we at Yeah we got to go Oh yeah we are Sorry We did it We have to go to that meeting Yeah

Tyler. We absolutely did it. You fucking stud. Thank you guys for having me. I hope these days of travel find you well and you make a decision to come here. I miss you. I love you. I love you.

We can bury your girlfriend if she says no. Dude, she would be so happy if I laugh. It would be the most romantic thing I've ever done. I'll never see you again. Yeah, I'll drive you there. I never thought you'd say that. But no. Thank you.

so much. What do you want to promote? I have a special coming out. It'll probably be out. Let's go. So, uh, no, this comes out Wednesday. Wednesday of next week? No, this comes out tomorrow. Oh, then it'll be out Saturday of the 6th of September. I'm very excited for you. Yeah, thank you. What's it called? On the run. On the run. On your YouTube? On my YouTube. Perfect. That's very fitting. Thank you. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Josh Francis Comedy on Instagram. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, they're starting to love Josh now. Also, look at and do a Because they're a fucking war hero.

Yeah, he's a warrior. Yeah, I'm a fucking veteran. Yeah. Support the troops.