Stuff Island - Waymos - Chris O'Connor + Tommy Pope - Stuff Island #179
Episode Date: April 9, 2025Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a bla...st, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Any logistical conversation about Waymo? Yeah, Waymo story. You got a Waymo here. I just got
dropped off. Yeah. Are you taking Waymo's? Taking Waymo's. You got a crick in your neck?
Huh? You got a crick in your neck? Crick? Yeah. Oh no. I popped over. Did I tell you this yet?
No. This is more embarrassing. You got an old man turn. Shut out. Shut out. E-Musky, first of all,
for the Waymo. That's an incredible beast of a fucking car.
The Elon Musk made the way.
Mo. Yeah, they're Yagi wires.
They're all Jaguars, dude.
And it's the the ease and comfort.
I just realized Elon was in on the way.
Mo. I don't know if he is.
I imagine that guy is adorning the way.
He's blessing them with fucking all the way most gonna be pissed Just a line away. They're way
Lies true
Here swastikas in every way the cars blowing up. I thought we were doing good
No, I popped a ribbon I it. I looked into it. This is very embarrassing. It's very
embarrassing. I couldn't sneeze, cough or shit.
You know, but how'd you injured? Did you injured on sneeze?
On stage, dude talk about...
It is...
Fucking...
It's a black guy breaking a dick on a stool dude.
Saving private Ryan dude.
A black guy throwing a fake football on stage, popping a rim.
That is a black guy humping a stool.
That's your platoon.
Dude.
Ed, you've muscled through the rest of the bit?
No, it's like three or four sets the night before.
And I'm trying to get this ending.
And I finally got the ending.
And the intensity of the throw increases.
And I scream when I, at the end, I'm screaming while I'm throwing this football.
Yeah.
And I'm also, it's fucking, you know, 1130.
I'm drunk, tired, angry and happy at the same time. So I'm using
every ounce of my energy. And I forget where I was. I don't know
if it's not the full pop, but the pop was like two nights
prior to the full pop. Was it like sunset after the mothership?
And I just felt like a tweak and like the next day I felt like a sharp pain and
Then like I could feel it when I coughed
Sneezed, you know squeeze the dump and I'm like, oh, that's just like it might be a floating rib. So I like went on the
You know the thing you roll on it that you have that lesbian bar
Because I've had floating ribs or pop ribs before where the rib literally comes out of the inner costal muscle fibers.
Yeah.
Where your ribcages lock.
Yeah.
And you can't breathe.
If you put your hands up high, it's just like a sharp pain going through all through your system.
And then you roll it back in.
It's just immediate relief.
I went to a chiropractor who taught me that the first time and I was like, oh, football.
Yeah, loose rib. Yeah, basketball
I thought it out before I thought so there's different locations down in here. You tore some oh boy
Boy, oh boy did I first time I felt a pop and the next the next day or two
It was it was it was bad, but I was like, it's not that bad
I'm not like I could still go do yeah, you know and
Then at the sunset
Was like the 10 o'clock show. I had three shows where I did it and I got back from that Fairmont show
I did with fucking
What Lopez
Holy shit that show sucked. I was just fucking angry
and
I really I fucking I went ham on stage at
sunset. I was adding things I was like fuck it let's record
this and try and find little pieces because the development
of this bit I've been doing for two three months now. Yeah. It's
like I'm finding things that are interesting but at the end I'm
trying to really sell this last thoughts. Right now I couldn't
see how I'm laughing. I couldn't do this like two days ago.
Holy shit.
And it felt like a, like the way you feel an ACL pop or.
You're gonna have to ice and stim dude.
You gotta go rehab.
Yeah, no, I thought about it.
So today and yesterday, it's finally gradually fading off.
It's fading off. But no, I finished the set and I literally said,
I gotta get out of here, I can't.
I can't finish the joke.
And I told a joke I didn't wanna tell
and everybody was like thinking it's a bit.
You literally on stage went, I'm sorry, I can't finish.
Dude.
I've been injured.
I finished the set holding the shelf of my ribs like a stage bomb.
And I was like, I can't tell you.
They recognized the pain I was in.
I was like, I'm so sorry.
I got nothing to say.
I don't know who's on next.
And then I sat in the green room.
I lied on a seat like this, trying to breathe.
And then I went home.
I've been sleeping on the couch
because I'm a big tossing Turner. And every time I toss, you know, I'm waking up my girl,
the dog gets off the fucking bed. So I've been removing the cushions on my couch and
sleeping on one side. Oh no. Like my dad. Yeah. That's not as embarrassing as how great
Waymo is, dude.
Waymo is...
I can't believe you got hurt doing stand-up.
I know. It's so fucking... so old and sad.
I know. I don't know. I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I mean, doing an act out and getting a fucking pulling a muscle in your ribs at 45...
Is incredible.
Sounds bad.
It's pretty bad.
Sounds very LA.
It's pretty bad. I'm starting to think about like,
yeah, Dean Cook's gotta have so many old injuries. Just old bits. You know what I mean? He's
got to remember them like, like NFC championships. Yeah. Old bit torn ACL. Oh, yeah, that was the old frog. It's cold that day
It's cold in LA that day. It was 68
Muscles weren't getting the blood flow forgot to stretch
Yeah, it's a dynamic warm-up before you
Which is the ultimate hack move yeah doing. Doing shadow boxing and pushups and stretches.
Yeah, that's a high knee walk.
Yeah.
I mean, obviously you saw it.
Just in my natural movements.
Oh, yeah.
Like this guy.
Yeah, I know.
I got to use it.
This is the crutch.
It's the worst feeling in the world.
Lower back pain and rib injuries.
There's nothing worse.
Yeah.
Because there's no force of oxygen that can remove from your holes.
Sneeze, fart, laugh, cough, shit.
It hurts like a motherfucker.
It's just nothing makes you feel 30 years older than having to do this.
Oh my God. But when you do that, people listen and respect you.
Usually comes from an elder.
This type of movement.
Can I stalk you for a second?
Not moving your neck?
Question from the other room?
You know you're in trouble?
You dad puts down the paper.
I'm drinking a Mikhailov Ultra. So what is the Waymo have a special app or
is it just pick you up on Uber? No it's Uber. Yeah. Can you request a Waymo? No I think
what they're doing is they're they're feeding you the Waymos because people are scared to
jump in this you know unmanned car. Yeah. So they're giving to you at the same price point
as a regular car but it's like a luxury sedan. They're all Jaguars and they're given to you at the same price point as a regular car, but it's like a luxury sedan.
They're all Jaguars.
And it's fucking nice.
There's nobody talking to you.
You can play your own music.
You say Jaguar?
Jaguar.
What do you say?
Cousin?
Jaguar.
Jaguar.
Jaguar.
Jaguar.
Jaguar is way worse than croissant.
Jaguar.
Jaguar.
Jaguar. Jaguar. Jaguar.
Jaguar. Jaguar.
Jaguar.
Dude, a foreigner saying that is sexual assault, dude.
Jaguar.
You can feel him fingering in this thing, girl.
I know, they say it in the ad and you go,
oh my God, I thought it was just a jaguar,
but it's a jaguar.
No, it's great.
You hit a button, so you order your Uber,
picks you up, your destination.
You'll have a button says unlock the car goes
Get the car. Hello, Tommy some hot bitch salutes you. Yeah
Buckle up. Let me ask you something when you're just waiting on the corner and it pulls up
Does it pull past you about ten feet you got to walk over to it? I will say that's never happened until today. I
Went to go hit the button and it went like they think you're in
trying to jump in. Oh. So you have to wait for the app to communicate with the
car to send you the unlock the car button otherwise any fucking you know any
Puerto Rican teenager could jump in there with their skateboards. What about when
you drop it when they're dropping it? You know they're skating around town. If you go if you go right here's good
did they slowly creep forward at a speed that oh, yeah?
I don't think there's any communication like that if your girls running down the street trying to catch up
I think you just gotta no
I'm wondering whether the ideals are and I'm wondering whether they're better than us
I'm wondering whether whether they're better than actual uber drivers every time I ever like
There's always a time where there's no cars on the street.
I'm here, the Uber driver turns and stops here.
I think this is...
What are you looking at?
I think this is the argument.
How are you not scanning for a human body?
I'm the only one in the street.
This is the...
Come get me.
Argument for the future of this technology
is that it removes human interaction
and thoughts going, I could take this turn
before this fucking car or truck comes.
Yes, are they a little safe,
but they don't drive like bitches.
I know, but I've heard them get,
they get like, you know when you get a red light
that's like, it's like an eight minute red light
or that the light's just broken,
there's no way to override it.
Yeah.
You know?
You just sit there forever.
Yeah, yeah, it doesn't have the human ability
to go like, okay, the system's broken,
and I need to be an independent thinker
and get through this intersection.
It just goes around, man.
There is a call button, there's like a call center button, which I can't imagine fat drunk white women get fucking ham on I wish there was a button that was just a go for it button
Like choose your own destination and no no just like you know when they're like if there's a gap in the traffic
And you really want them to make the turn you know when you're in an area
Yeah, it's just like dude go for it. Yeah You know? I want a little punchy butt in the way, Mo.
Do it. Well, this is the point. It's efficient. No, it's efficient, it's effective, and it's
easily the most or the least stressful ride you can get.
Because I get high anxiety trying to jump into an Uber.
You don't know what that guy or girl's gonna say.
And you're like, even if they're nice,
it could be too much.
It's after a show, it's before a show.
And you're like, I just wanna veg.
I just wanna sit in the back, have a beat and vape.
The videos of fucking the mayhem in some of these. Has
to be. What do you think the law process of going through Waymo, going hey you know when
someone throws up in a car it's like a $250 fine. Yeah. They gotta have to like check
the videos. Oh yeah. I'm sure the amount of cameras inside in there, it's cash cab dude.
Yeah it is cash cab. Zero right answers. There's no jerking off in there. It's cash cab dude. Yeah, it is. Yeah It's zero right no jerking off in there. Yeah, although there should be coke drug use
Yeah, you and your boy pull out like a CD case and just rip lines for a 30-minute ride
Yeah, it should be like yeah, whatever the relationship you have with lawyers and psychologists
It should take it should be the same rules inside that car
Yeah, you know what I mean if you're not a danger to yourself or someone else, it should be... Yeah. Yeah. I think they're gonna
figure that out. Waymo client privilege. Yeah. Like Waymo of it? We got Waymo client privilege.
Here Waymo. Waymo security. Way more independence.
It should be a totally... it should be international waters inside that fucking thing.
Yeah, I feel like the second generation is going to have a live feed.
There's going to be like a shake them up part of the system where they're like,
you guys got us. You've been doing drugs, finger and philatin.
Now when you enter it's
not just a hello Tommy it'll be a hey how you doing pal yeah we're live here
and last time yeah yeah we look through your records we caught you so we're just
gonna watch and we're not gonna watch too much have fun play some music. Do your thing. Get put on probation. Yeah This is being monitored
Yeah
By HIPAA, yeah
Which would make sense? I mean, I would totally understand if I just dropped into a self-driving car and the guy's like, yeah
Just let you know put your belt on don't forget your wallet
Yeah, you know make sure you got your. Don't forget your wallet. Yeah.
You know, make sure you got your phone
before you shut the door.
It's gonna be a motherfucker to get out of here.
Yes.
Just having a human, you know, humanistic instinct.
There's some other stuff here.
It's just legal stuff I gotta read to you.
No jerking off.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me just get through this, pal.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll get you to that fucking water burger.
Keep your dick in your pants.
Don't call your ex.
There's got to be.
Yeah, that's going to be a whole new porn category is Waymo porn.
One million percent fired up Josh.
See if we can find something.
Yeah Waymo porn.
My dog won't stop bleeding.
It's been a crazy.
What's going on with the so she got done her spay
Yeah, finally comes back to life after all the drug and
You know, she was sedated for two three four days
And then we can go on walks because she's not allowed to run and jump
Because of the stitching and internal organ situation and she's an active pup. He found it. So like,
we finally got an opportunity to like trot around town. So I'm treating her like sticks and stuff.
There's fallen sticks all over the place and she's running. As she's running, she likes to break it
and then pick up the pieces and then pick one piece up and then still run but still break
And then she started shitting shitting weird
Some bloody jelly shit. Oh
Mama, so we're thinking it's the spay. Yeah, we're going I thought it was healed because she had healthy shits for a while and then
She was throwing up this like sponge that had a red tint to it and that's when we had a fucking
Full scare took her to the ER terrifying
At like, I don't know ten at night and they did blood work
Chest x-rays to make sure there was because we told I told him the activities have been doing yeah
And sometimes they get lodged break the you know the tubes. Yes. Yeah
Everything's cleared. They gave us more meds. She did meds for two days. And then she's on a chicken and rice diet. Okay. So we're boiling chicken,
making rice, and she's grubbing. Yeah, dude. It's a dream. It's a dream scenario.
Flavorless, dude. We're talking like I know Irish and style.
I know. I know.
She's eating like an Irish.
I remember my dog, my dog growing up, got on the chicken and rice diet.
Grubbing. He loved being sick, dude.
Yeah, she would go from that hard, dry bullshit to chicken and rice.
It doesn't doesn't need any seasoning.
It's fucking delicious.
It's a jerk off to a blow job.
Yeah.
We're talking callous jerk off to the sweetest, tightest, wet
pussy in your palate.
So she's fucking munching, dude.
She's munching.
And they were like, look, if you guys give her one big meal a day, which we haven't yet, we give her two half-size,
they say split it up in the small ones, but she rings the bell. She'll like,
by the time she gets done the small portion, she's banging the metal bowl against the holder.
And we've always given like, give her a little more, give her a little more.
She's sick. She's on pills. You feel bad. So just give her a little more. I think I overfed her.
Give her a meds. We're squirting this. She's got a pill in this water bottle. You got to squirt in
the back of her throat and then hold her chin up. And that's like a congelant for her tummy lining.
And then she's on a anti-acid so she doesn't throw up anymore.
So everything's got to go out the back end.
So I'm feeding her fucking chicken and rice.
I'm pounding this down her throat because I feel bad for her.
She's giving me puppy eyes.
Get some more chicken and rice.
Sweetie baby, give her the goods.
You're living nurse hours.
My girl goes to bed with her.
I'm on the couch healing my fucking hack wound.
And she wakes me up at like 4.30 in the morning.
And she's like, baby, you have to take her out.
She's whining at me.
I'm like, all right, I'm pissed off.
So I'm gonna get, I gotta piss.
Oh man.
I go out to piss.
We just got this luxurious, expensive rug.
Piss right on it?
No, dude
Fucking pile of fucking chicken and rice mud
Square in the center of this rug like there's hardwood there's all this, you know dogs are colorblind
You could think maybe she thinks it's grass
She took a plop of shit
On this new zealand wool rug that like dude
on this New Zealand wool rug that like, Dude.
eviscerated the rug itself, but also like all hope
and now worry.
And then for the next, every 15 minutes,
she would whine, I'd take her out
and on her hunch down on the streets,
it would just be a,
hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee,
like you could hear the air pressure coming out
And then sponge dude, she just kept shitting and shitting until there was blood and I kept going she's fine
We just did blood work. We spent fucking two grand
All these doctors looked at her. She's fine. She's got a little stick thing
Because I don't want to go back. Yeah
He's got a little stick thing. Because I don't want to go back.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm in my undies.
She's fine.
I'm blind walking her.
My contacts aren't in.
She's farting all over the fucking neighborhood.
All over the nice gay couple's corner house.
Feel embarrassed.
I can't see it, so I can't pick it up.
So I'm hoping the heat will come back.
And it's a pile of, yeah.
Mayhem.
Yeah, it's unpick-uppable.
Yeah, it's fucking Vietnam.
I've rode off a couple dog shits.
Yeah, yeah, you go.
There you just go.
No disrespect, but I can't. What've rode off a couple dog shit. Yeah, yeah, you go. There you just go.
No disrespect, but I can't.
What am I gonna do with all that?
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna clean up soup off of grass.
This is unbelievable.
It's one of those funny dude we gotta make.
Those wet vac tubes you carry over your shoulder like.
Yeah, I looked at that.
So wet vac.
I looked at that fucking pile of mess and I was like, I'll take her out.
I'll take her out.
Why don't you take care of that?
She's got cardboard like fucking old like wine boxes trying to, you know, push up all
this shit.
Oh my God.
So she finally got most of it out.
Then today I hear my girl screaming at like, I don't know, eight. So we slept like an hour and I hear her scream,
oh my God, Tommy, no.
And I'm like, she shit again on the carpet.
And this time it's just blood.
On the carpet?
More blood, yeah.
So it didn't come out the top, just the bottom.
Took her to the vet this afternoon.
They're comparing notes with the ER.
And apparently they think it's colitis.
They think it's an infection.
So she don't have antibiotics.
Because they did all this stuff.
I felt good about the blood work.
I felt good about the intestinal tract.
There's no blockage.
Her hydration levels, everything was fine.
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I got I got home we say I got a picture of Shane with his headset while he's talking to somebody
Old apartment and I caught him on video because he got me on video
Doing some stupid shit. Yeah. Yeah, and he's just laughing. Yeah, and so you need that
It's like two dick pics, you know what I mean?
Like I need to get back at him and I still have it and we're both waiting to fire this off to the
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Yeah, and they think it's just she ate a stick that may have had bacteria on it
Cut the inner lining that starts to create an infection
So she can't keep anything down while you're feeding all the stuff that makes you upset anyway
Yeah, you know it's like when you're on antibiotics you're pissing out your ass regardless
as a working chicken and rice guy.
It's the worst feeling on earth, pet being sick.
You went through it.
It's fucking horrific.
They can't tell you anything.
Yeah.
Vets don't know anything.
They can't.
The vets have to, they have to treat it like a fucking lawyer going like, if I give you
the truth here, I think she's fine.
Yeah. And then she fucking dies. Then you sue the whole veterinary clinic she wasn't fine
yeah so then you got to go bring her in we'll take a look yeah this is why poor
people's dogs just die under trees like I just paid $400 I can't bring her
again cuz it's pug shit blood one more time yeah dude figure it out yeah I don't
have the money for this
She know it's crazy. Yeah, you spend you spend human money. Yeah on
animal science yeah
Quite frankly, yeah, what's going on? Yeah, like the doctor was great though
He like she was sedated as hell and he came over fucking had the finger ass. There's always one guy
He loomed her up. He got in like a fucking indian stance and he was like looking at me. He's like yeah
It should be fine. She just has to like, you know
He's like not making eye contact with me. He just needs to make sure she's not running too violently
Yeah, and then you know just don't overfeed her. Okay?
Look, the way his mind was going, he was in my dog's ass.
You can see him imagining. His eyes are looking at the shape of the dog's ass.
Yes. Yes.
The inside of a dog's ass.
He's in the anal cavity of my dog while trying to feed me the information that I need to know yeah, yeah
He's a very good doctor. I would love to get a hand job like that. Yeah
Now you know way mo
Should be right
Just 10 10 years worth of cum exploding in a waymo.
Paint the ceiling of a waymo.
The problem is you're not getting enough exercise.
Yeah.
I see here that you haven't been sleeping as much.
Oh new series on Netflix.
Hold on.
I know where it is.
There! Holy shit. Oh new series on Netflix hold on I know where it is
Holy shit, yeah
Godspeed Now I gotta get on a flight tomorrow to go see my dad get his fucking kidney removed
Oh, she's going to sleep for six months. Yeah
Yeah
Happy holidays. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Enjoy it.
Summer's coming.
Summer's here.
Summer's right around the corner.
Summer is here.
It wasn't here this morning.
It got here this afternoon.
Last couple days it was cold.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is great.
It was nice, yeah.
Love throwing the fucking hoodie on.
Yeah.
It is kinda disorienting now.
When I get down here, I expect it to just be hot.
Yeah. When it gets cold, you're like, what the where the fuck am I?
It's always confusing England, except for three straight months.
Then you're in hell.
Outside of that, this whole place has no identity.
They don't know what the fuck they want to be.
A swamp in Louisiana, a desert in Arizona.
True. They have no idea
Same thing with every restaurant or bar. Like what is this? What do you guys want to do here?
All of Austin is like who am I do I want to trans do I want to fucking you know?
It's cut this dick off and be somebody different dude. I went to a bar the other night cuz that might I lost the internet
We lost the internet. So I was like here. Yeah, you went to a bar the other night cuz that might I lost the internet. We lost the internet So I was like here. Yeah, you're looking at a bit
No, it was another
We're a comedy podcast another one of those things there's windy it was super windy there's branches falling all over the place
I lost it outside. Yeah next morning wake up and there's no internet. So I call the internet company and I'm like, hey
Outside yeah next morning wake up, and there's no internet so I call the internet company, and I'm like hey
It was windy last night. I'm literally looking out this window at just wires dangling
And I'm like I think so yeah, yeah, and they were like wind can't do that. It's like
Yes, what do you mean every fucking week the last year something's got cut off by wind and rain? What do you yes?
Well, I'm not saying literally the wind blew it off its moorings. Yeah.
I'm saying the wind broke something, but then fell on it.
Yeah, there was a connective tissue to the thing.
And they were like, all right, well, we'll send someone out.
And they came out and they were like, yeah, it's not working.
I don't know what's going on.
I guess we'll...
Wait six days.
Yeah, we'll send someone else. So now you're going to a bar to get Wi-Fi. So I go to the bar. Not bad
Yeah, that's maybe was Chris out there with fucking
Just clipping the wires
Guess we got to take a walk
Barneys, no, I went to watch the NCAA Championship and
It's packed with Houston fans and the bartenders there.
It's a sports bar.
Yeah.
And the bartenders were there were like, well, this is crazy.
They're like, I can't believe sports like look at all these people.
We're gonna make so much money.
God.
And I was like, how do you not know how bars work?
Yeah, there should be a manager going, hey, Houston got into the finals.
Yeah.
We need six more people.
This is what happens. You go to these bars in these fucking,
these towns that have no identity. They don't plan for stuff.
It's so many bars I go to with a big event going,
how is there only two bartenders right now? Did you not see SportsCenter once in the last three months?
Your team is doing well.
People are gonna come out and want chicken fingers
and diarrhea.
Also, it's like if you're a bartender in some city
who wants to see the world and travel,
go to a place with a good playoff team.
Bingo.
You're gonna make tons of fucking money.
And then take three months off.
Yes. You could bartend at a Tiki bar in Hawaii, Boston, Philly, New
York. Dude, I mean, it didn't it didn't even fully occur to me. I mean, I always
go to bars to watch the fucking games, but I like until I was working in one.
Yeah, it was just like you realize the Phillies getting into one round of the
playoffs is like, yeah, it's like you invested in Bitcoin.
It's fucking nuts.
True. If you get to like, if you get to like the top four seeds of bartenders
at a Philly bar during the birds run, like that's your VP of your company.
You're making hundreds of thousands of dollars cash in a sock next to your opioids, dude.
It's insane.
You can go anywhere you want.
The lowest guy on the totem pole is making two grand.
Barn backs are making fucking eight grand a night.
That was me.
Yeah.
I'd learn nothing.
Yeah, it's crazy.
How could you not?
It's so typical of this area though.
And they weren't doing that.
Like, you know, when you go into like a Philly bar during a Philly sports
playoff event, they're like just.
They're buzzing.
Buzz.
Buzz.
They were like slowly like they're still moving at like Texas pace. Yeah, trying to figure out what everyone's doing.
Yeah, they're all dressed the same.
What's their jerseys?
Give me my fuck.
Yeah, but that actually fired me up.
The fact that a bartender wouldn't know that.
Yeah!
They're all wearing the same shirt.
They literally threw out the night they're getting like this slow. These people are drinking a lot.
Yeah.
You're like, no shit!
Yeah.
He's got a fucking purple mohawk and he's like, Snow White was not that bad. I don't know what the whole scene was.
Oh man, that's currently the worst film of all time?
Yeah. Isn't that great?
It is pretty nice.
I have to fit in.
Cut it.
Also, may I add, there's construction going on right next door.
They just started up. Of your house? house. Yeah beans are fired up, dude
They didn't do shit for the first the first six weeks. We've been there nothing just eat here one hammer
And there would be one fat girl like eating fucking Taco Bell
Yeah, yeah on the porch and she tossed something in the fucking can yeah, and she fuck off
I like to work and then a pack of Indians came in to investigate no I think they I think they brought it
Mexicans is a funny it is funny dude Brown on Brown crime is not yeah yeah
wealthy Indian real estate people showing up and seeing yeah the Mexicans
yeah working or something yeah there was like three generations that are holding. This is not what I heard about. Yeah. What are you doing?
Oh, that's literally days of mess.
But so yeah, that's fired up on top of all this. So like I had like a half hour, 45 minutes to take
a rest before tonight and just getting, they got a backhoe out the front lawn, trying to level
everything out. So that's going to go on for, for you know, yeah the duration of your stay. Yeah
Love the play go you lay down for a nap after all night with a dog. Yeah
Just fucking saw and everything also
I can tolerate a saw it's when they start using things. You're like, what are they using that on? Well, it's random
Yeah, so the random things get me going.
When you hear something get tossed into a fucking empty barrel. Oh, yeah.
Or like the fuck like you're just like, yeah, yeah.
If Saul is a sound machine, you keep that going in a repetition.
Even a jackhammer, I can fucking disappear from. Yes.
Because it's consistency. Yeah. You know the bomb. Yes, that's a doorbell
It's a Mexican doorbell, dude
Anyway, we're living in hell
That's good. Yeah, it is good. Everything's fine dogs healthy. We think it's just a colitis. It used to not your dad
Dad shits out his his bun. It used to not be like this. Her dad shits out his... his bong. It used to not be like this.
Living in hell. Whoa.
Give me a year Chris and let's cancel this whole podcast.
The Fuhrer speaks.
Dude, what is it?
It used to not be like this.
I don't know.
You get one thing and it immediately turns into a problem.
Yeah.
You know?
And you think if you get the best of the things,
it's a best-case scenario.
Yeah, it's like it is net positive, but you're just like, you know, when you're like...
From what we were doing to then in the vet.
Yeah.
You're like,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. You know.
And it's it's the rains it pours when it rains it pours. 100% the last 48 hours of every fucking
thing. And then it's the construction. Yeah. And then she's going, they're walking through our
front yard to get to the other truck. You can have that and I'm like literally pulling up my fucking
My sleep car was like you want me to say something now. Yeah, do you want me to do it right now?
She's like no, I'm just letting you know. I'm like, well do you have to wake me up for that?
Nobody's just letting anybody know that's not a sentence. And they know what they're doing, these fucking women.
I know, I know.
Like she knows that she's taking the dog
on her schedule for walks,
and she's frustrated and anxious.
When I have the dog, I'm just like, I'll figure it out.
She's napping, and she gets in her head going,
you know what, this is fucked. I'm doing this by myself
I'm gonna walk in and say something that doesn't fucking matter to interrupt my sleep. Yeah, you know how hard it is for me to sleep naturally
Without new construction and a bloody ass dog. I have a hard time falling asleep. Do not wake me up It's my only fucking rule. Yeah, truly if you wake me up. I am a problem
Yeah, truly if you wake me up. I am a problem
Because hurry the the fire in my fucking heart will not allow me to go back to bed Even after I solve the shit you should have solved for yourself
No, because you immediately start going like who walks in and wakes. Yes like that
Yeah, and then you can find a cone
Yeah, and then she said well you can lay down now. We figured it out.
Like, oh, no, I fucking can't.
No, I can't.
I'm going to have problems sleeping in 12 hours because this is fucking insane.
And I got to teach you my second dog not to do shit.
Keep it.
You do start going.
She don't listen to pod no more.
We're fine.
You're like, I never woke my dad up during it.
Can you fucking imagine?
With just a random.
Nonsensical fucking, yeah.
Are these, what are these, new forks?
Yeah.
When's the first spillies game?
My God.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Instant beating.
Just.
I couldn't knock on the door when my dad was in the bathroom. My dad was a bad get off with just a beating it
My dad's awake trying to shit and have a cigarette. Yeah, just smoking a Winston
Having a little dump because the only piece he had
Yeah, and if I just ever
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Once I get that turtle Bay headset,
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Back to the epi. Bitch a bitch what like it was like a
Dude and it is the that'll come that's why I'm you talking to that what goes right down the pilot
Yeah, death star fucking shot. Yeah, like you're Sarah Bellum. Yeah, it's licking a bad
Licking a bad
That's not a curious what? Yeah, what's that?
You can taste the belt on your ass. Yeah, I want he's not sharing in your curiosity
What's up, son? What did you say you found? Yeah?
but that is if that's a testament to like pure poverty where there's no like the space is so like
Protected you know I mean like it's like it's like finally getting to a urinal during a championship game
Where you're just like you're constantly like this is mine now. This is mine the way
That what
The way you immediately go like I had a question here
Shocks your brain you lose all what did I want to tell I had something yeah mom's bleeding
Even still going mom's seizing and bleeding on the floor. Is that enough? Is that enough this? Yeah
I said enough to piss my dad just at the door at the door like this going like one more should I yeah?
Call your brother
Yes before cell phones to see there's no like you couldn't hear him ripping through like Instagram reels.
All she could hear was ripping through a Winston just going like leave the man be.
Yeah, yeah.
Just defragging.
And he comes downstairs, throws you into a fucking a car for football practice.
Like the guy had three minutes apiece.
It is a day.
Worked for, you know, 12 hours, eight to 10 hours a day,
and then came home, wrangled the fucking and then threw him in
the back of a truck.
Throw in the back of the truck and then play football for a
while, showing someone his photo album later.
And what's all that? What's all these time codes yeah yeah he's like looking at the matrix it's like
they're curse words all you see is numbers i think i think it's like a safe to get money
I think it's like a safe to get money. 613 was the N word.
I don't think so.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah, that's I think that's old school Whitey Ford.
I think it was for Hall of Famer.
Yeah, I thought Everlast's name was Whitey Ford.
That let me look at that signature. That's a that's an old white guy.
True. Yeah, true. To Chris, hope you're not black. Whitey.
Chris is a safe name. Yeah, this sounds like something I'd sign.
I got finally got the car back. Yes.
Is it that fun?
Yeah.
Let's go.
We're back.
What's it look like?
Different color?
Is it red?
No, it's yeah.
It looks great.
Yeah.
But yeah, it looks like you're
punching it.
You trying to find some dude?
I'm trying to find holes.
I know you are, but I think they did
like an amazing job.
Shout out Classic Coachworks.
Does she fuck that?
Classic Coachworks.
I got a word. It took fucking six months. It was not their fault Fuck that. Classic coachworks. I got a word.
It took fucking six months.
It was not their fault though.
Middleman?
No, it was a standoff. It was an insurance company standoff.
Oh, jeez.
Who would have thought?
Who would have thought there were a pack of fucking gay birds in the way?
They try to do that thing.
Squawking like vultures on the side of road eating through a fucking old raccoon
Don't you dare?
They tried to do that thing they were like they were like now that's not from the accident. Mm-hmm. Yeah, really
It's a brand new fucking car. Yeah. Yeah, you had the car six weeks just coincidence. Yeah, it gets hit
You know, it was like one of those things like a le electrica and like one of the headlights was fucked up
Yeah, I'm gonna do this with fucking like I talked about it, but getting insurance. I got my first doctor's appointment for my
My main guy, what do you call?
primary care doctor
I'm gonna set up top top to bottom
All my things I want to get checked out spend a lot of money
Cancel it get in a way mo get in a car accident
It's just crazy money dude
The amount of money it takes to ensure yourself
At 45 it's like five, 600 bucks a month.
Yeah.
For what?
They know, they know it's coming.
An annual cleaning?
They were like, they probably saw your act.
No way this guy's going to make it. Oh, I swear to God, if I could, I would have laughed harder.
That hurt me so bad.
Fuck.
Cut that.
I should have said the N word while he was insulting you.
You have to cut it.
That was separate channels.
No, yeah, it's it's brutal.
But I'm doing it all dude. I'm getting my fucking prostate popped.
Yeah, you gotta...
They can finally go up there and take a look.
Checking my commies.
You just jizz in a cup and they go...
Blood work.
They got plenty.
Yeah, still some in there. Yeah, I
Told though I've seen I just saw this tweet
We're like there's a petri dish of bacteria and they show like the billions of bacteria going fucking bananas
Yeah, and they put one drop of whiskey on it. They all just die
So my insides are either safe
No, it's keeping the sperm safe. Hopefully the nut sack is safe. It's probably a fucking party. Drexel 03. They've been on leave for
a while. They're just getting fucked up. Just drinking ready for battle.
I'm already thinking about you have to wait like three to five days
before you beat off to get tested.
So I wonder like, yeah, like how do I want to do it?
Don't I do old school style and like throw in a VCR?
Oh, when you come back, throw a tape in.
No, at the actual facility.
She isn't a cup.
Just get a mag.
Get a magazine.
A magazine.
Yeah, get a magazine.
But the mag has, I imagine, lots of, you know.
No, get your own. Order like a limited edition.
I could, BIO. You should be bringing your own phone.
You might as well bring your own mag.
Yeah, I'm sure you could just use it.
I'm sure they assume you're going to use your phone your phone to ever tell you in high school when I first started fine
Is there any way we could do this in Waymo?
It's more comfortable
Any movement I used to hide nice to only buy black
Black women mags. Yeah, and I would hide them behind my bureau.
But me and my brother shared a bedroom.
Your mother?
My dresser.
Yeah, the tall one.
Is that a bureau?
I think so.
I said it for you.
I usually say dresser.
I figured you say cupboard and bureau and shit.
No, no, no.
I have no idea what any of those things are called.
The hutch?
What's a hutch?
hutch is
The blankets for known as knees right it holds the blankets. Yes. It does
Dude my mom's a big fan of putting the blankets on
Yeah, if you sit down if I come home and I sit down it could be middle of the day
I could be dressed like this. I got a blanket put on me. Let me tell you something. It's pretty great. It's
awesome. If you commit to it, awesome. It's a good time. It's awesome. All they want to do is still
put you down for a nap. Yeah. I'm telling you. All they want to do is put you down for a nap.
You are in a high chair for your whole life in their eyes, dude. You are no more than five years old until you're dead.
It's true.
Me walking into the house like this,
in their eyes I'm probably still dressed
as like a E-Man or something.
Want a pop tart?
Want a pop tart?
Do you have practice?
No, mom, I said the N word on a podcast.
I'm full.
My heart is full.
Practice is over. It's time for the real thing. I'm starting.
Yeah, I go to Philly on Thursday. Nice. I cancel my golf with my dad, which is terrible. I already
said that, right? I'm trying to think of what I could tell you guys for the weekend. Well, I'll
say it's weird driving this car because I've had this car for eight months
and I've only driven it in six.
Yeah.
It's weird.
It feels like I'm in a rental.
That's nice though.
It is kind of nice.
You're falling back in love with it.
It is.
It is.
But I'm scared.
Yeah.
You know, when I first was driving it, I was like, look, I'm out on the road.
Yeah. Freedom. Yeah. Now I'm just it, I was like, look, I'm out on the road. Freedom.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm just like, if this thing gets fucking hit again.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like being in a relationship where you cheat on the girl and she never trusts you
again.
There's no more cruise control.
We're not just having fun.
Can you stop checking my Facebook messages?
I'm not fucking around anymore
different
I don't smash into fucking
The rails of a highway, but i'm telling you they did a really good job. I keep expecting to find things
I'm testing things. Yeah, I keep expecting to find the one thing where it's like. All right, that doesn't work
Yeah, the oil lights on for every second of the day. Everything is dialed in
The fucking gas cap. Did they give you a discount for how long it took? Is there any of that type of stuff?
Yeah, the insurance cover the whole thing
You didn't pay one dollar for this. No, I paid like a thousand bucks, but it was
Damage I was so about yeah emotional financial for Ubers and all that stuff
Yeah, it cost me a fortune. Yeah. Yeah, you're on one of the numbers
Yeah, I mean luckily you're close to the city that you bop around here, but yeah
But I mean the money I spent uber in the first month
I was here in South Austin if you were at lock laying locked out there. It would have been you would spend
$10-12,000 completely fucked. Yeah, buy a new car. Yeah, keep it. I should have what I want
I yeah, because it was I didn't think it was gonna take that long and
So I like rented a car for like at least a month which is
Did you guys put you down yeah
When I was still in...
In Philly.
Renting a car. That fucking destroyed me.
Really? Is it mileage and... It's everything, right?
Yeah, you're just paying for it. And I wasn't... There weren't... I like...
It was one of those stupid ass things that when I got
the insurance, I was like, I've never been in an accident in my life.
I'm not gonna crash this fucking car. Yeah. I'm not going to crash this fucking car.
Yeah, I don't need a extra for the rental thing.
Did you crash a rental?
No, no, no, I'm saying I don't need to like the in your if you get car insurance,
you can choose to like pay, you know, of course, fucking 20 bucks extra to like
have them just pay for your rental car.
Yeah. But I was like that I don't
need that it's the dumbest penny pinching stupid ass move I thought you do that in the fucking world
well don't you do that don't you get the insurance when we rent cars oh all the time yeah well you
just said you don't no I'm saying when I buy insurance for that for my current my actual car
I was saying when I buy insurance for that, for my actual car,
that insurance covers your rental cars.
It's also a way of like bleeding them.
Yeah, we have a 2018.
I think I spend 250 a month in insurance.
It's something so insane.
USAA, so my girl's fake military thing.
I gotta switch.
I'm getting it, obviously after this.
I think she ate the pussy of a sergeant
and then we have USAA.
By proxy.
I don't know how that works.
Through osmosis, USAA.
She's really getting this episode.
She's been great, she's been great.
Just got engaged next episode episode. I'm like
this dumb fucking bitch. That wore off huh?
I don't do enough.
Yeah.
Yeah. My dogs.
Are you excited? Are you going to set a date?
When are you setting a date?
There's no dates. There's no...
There's no future. There's no past.
There's only future, there's no past. There's only waymo.
No, I'm excited just because it's nice to commit.
I know it sounds ridiculous. No, it is.
I was a flandering maniac.
It's nice to just go, I'm changing, I'm locking in.
Yes.
Narrow the focus.
I think we'll do a courthouse thing in New York and then have like a
Celebration with close friends and family. Yeah, you'll be there. I'd be yeah
You have a little party?
Yeah, we want to do like like a tight a destination wedding. I don't know
I don't know if it'll be like a zil a New Orleans
Something normal. We have a hotel in New Orleans. We really love we have hotel
New Orleans would be great New Orleans would be great. There's a place called Hotel st. Vincent's which is where we we saw Mike White in
the cast. Yeah, yeah, yeah
too, but uh
Yeah, something very basic but still
levels of like, you know, romanticism and cute things.
To the point where she's being a little more simplistic than I am and I'm like, well, I
want to celebrate.
Yeah, you want to have a party.
Yeah.
I'm not going to invite ants and stuff, but like it's going to be, it adds up quick.
You start going down names.
You're like, I'm already at 50.
Dude, how the fuck I know six guys.
I remember when my brother got married,
he was like, this is fucking insane.
Yeah.
This is insane.
It's everybody.
Cousins, kids.
We're supposed to be starting a life.
We're just bankrupting ourselves.
That will not happen.
That will not happen.
I wasn't that guy.
800 people.
I'm not spending 10 grand on a fucking ring.
So some dumb white bitch can be like, oh my god
Look how big it is. Yeah. No, this is specifically for her
It's a beautiful ring from the Georgian era. Yeah, so 1820s. It's it's a gorgeous
It's it's perfectly her. So I think we're gonna try and do that with the wedding where it's like
Who gives a shit? It's just about us. Keep it nice nice nobody cares keep it sentimental sentimental and unique and small yeah so I'm gonna
ask Shane if we can run out his house that's probably how it's gonna work I'm
like yeah I can't really swing that would be sick dude I just at his house
now just like a lake house weekend yeah Yeah, yes. Would be... Or Jersey.
Jersey Shore weekend.
Would be fun.
Find a house...
Yeah.
Where the girls can do whatever the fuck they want on the beach and we can just go diving
in the bay and toss each other beers.
You know what?
I'm a big proponent of the Friday night wedding.
Yeah, yeah.
And then you kick it Saturday.
100%.
So you can wake up Saturday and start drinking again.
I love this.
And everyone loves it.
Everyone loves it.
There's no anxiety about Sunday.
Yes.
I gotta get home to my kids.
Exactly.
They got school on Monday.
Saturday is the real party.
Like you get married.
People look down on Fridays because it's a cheaper white trash option because it's, you
know.
You can rent out a fucking church.
Yeah.
And people hate the
like i got a race there friday or something it's like take friday yeah yeah yeah yeah but then you
get saturday yeah you know what i mean yeah and i'm just in a coke hole because it sucks when
people should yeah exactly then you can coke your way out of it you can coke your way out of it. Sundays you can't coke your way out of it. Yeah, yeah, the only way over is through.
Laughter
Fuck.
You gotta commit yourself too.
I'm still thinking about the insurance guy.
Maybe they saw your act.
Laughter
As I lean up to laugh.
What do you mean?
Dude, yeah, you get out.
Oh, it's the best.
Because the thing is, if you have a Saturday wedding, everyone, you know,
you're things don't really get going until what?
Six o'clock on Saturday.
Oh yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
And Sunday's fucked. Maybe even now.
Maybe seven or eight. Well, Saturday weddings, they
I mean, we're in a good position because it'll be people that have flex schedules
regardless. So it doesn't matter what day. But yeah, I know what you're saying.
You're talking about nine to five guys.
Friday night wedding. Send it. Yes.
Thursday night rehearsal dinner. Friday. Yeah wedding. Yeah Saturday
Roast up here. We're doing this fucking go. Yes full. Yes
Just here's what I'm Lord of the flies. No fucking there's no rehearsals. I don't need
Well rehearsal that is cute as it would be to have you and Shane and fucking John and everybody behind
me, I'm not fucking, I'm not getting married in a church.
No no, I know, but you still, I look.
I'm gonna stand on the steps and have some fucking Islamic dudes slap me in the face,
throw wine in them, I don't know what to do.
Rehearsal dinner is just pregame.
Right, it's an extra opportunity.
It's VIP tickets to the drinking
Yeah, but the rehearsal dinner is an extra five grand in the pocket of somebody. No, you just go to a bar
I rent a fucking place. They don't you just go to a bar
You got to rent the whole room. They don't the rehearsal dinner has always been in like one of those fucking
And then they do some gay toast and they're like no she lost ten pounds
I'm gonna marry her my brother brother did rehearsal dinner was in the yard.
We have a rehearsal dinner.
That's just a party.
It's a pre-party to the next rehearsal.
There's just labels to make it sound nice.
I understand.
You know what I mean?
Because you can't go ahead.
We're going to get fucked up Thursday.
If you want to get in early, you got to go.
Fuck.
You got to go rehearsal.
Then now we're going to have a rehearsal dinner Tuesday, Wednesday.
No, by the time Sunday comes, if you do a Saturday wedding,
they try and do something cute on Sunday and they're like,
there's a brunch for everyone involved and come down at 10 AM
and it's like no one's going to that except for your mom
and your mother-in-law and
now and the kids if it's a pig roast on the beach at 10 a.m. Chris people just got hired to run my
way you better believe people gonna be there dude it'd be so funny if you were just such a great
wedding cord dude i i'm telling you chris o'connor the wedding I think I could do a good wedding. Yeah, we don't need all these flowers
Just get empty bud lights
Up in a fucking cute
It's got charm yeah, you wrap some of that like that rainbow we sell a thing
Doesn't they don't even know it's a bud light oh?
man
All right well, thanks for let me vent yeah, I gotta get my hair cut
I want my dad seeing a nice clean cut before he dies on the fucking table
Now he's gonna come out that right is rain. I might just go in it
You're gonna. Hope you a holy shit this whole time. It was one kidney. Just holding you back. Yeah
Speaks for a good fighting when he comes up
I Yeah I might do that move like non-gopher slash drunks do where i'm just gonna jump in the cart with him and take the day
Cruising around with him because I can't I can't swing. Oh
I can't jog. It's bad. Honestly, you'd probably be level with your dad. Yeah
But then i'll really push it if we get down to the fucking 17th, 18th. He's close to beat me. This is good.
This is like an authentic handicap. Yeah.
A literal handicap.
That's how they should do it.
Next on the team. A blind boy from Ireland. Boy, he can hit it.
Whitey Ford.
Yeah, there you go.
I'll be rocking and rolling.
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Well, we don't know how that's all gonna shake out.
So...
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Yeah.
And Devin Costa.
Hope you enjoyed Connor McNutt. Yeah. Devin Kosta. Hope you enjoyed economy.
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