Stuff You Should Know - How Cremation Works
Episode Date: August 31, 2010Cremation is a burial process practiced around the world, but how exactly does it work? Josh and Chuckers take a detailed look at cremation's history, practices and controversies in this episode. Lea...rn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Welcome to Stuff You Should Know from HowStuffWorks.com.
Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh Clark. There's Charles W. Chuckers Bryant with
a full beard, actually. Yeah. Do you know what that would smell like if it caught fire?
It would smell like mayonnaise. It smells worse than mayonnaise ever did. Jerry's in there like
it. She doesn't like the smell of burning hair, huh? Or mayonnaise. Burning mayonnaise would be
particularly bad if you had hair on top of it. Burning hairy mayonnaise is the worst thing you
can burn. So, Chuck, hopefully that will never happen while you're alive. It could possibly
happen after you're deceased, if you're cremated, like a fella named Ralph White who you know about.
I've never heard of the guy. You have, too. Chuck, do you remember that horrid webcast we used to have?
Yes. There was a guy. Oh, yeah. He was the president, past president of the Adventures
and Venturers Club, and not to be confused with the one from South Park. This guy was a real life
adventure, and he was, I think he was like a cameraman for a skydiving show called Ripcord,
National Geographic. He was there when they discovered the Titanic. Yeah, he buddies with
Jim Cameron. Yeah, he was second director, I think, on Titanic. Yeah, Jim Cameron was also
in that club, the little club in LA. That's right. Yeah, I'll bet Ralph White got Jim Cameron in.
Yeah, probably. And are we calling him Jim now? I didn't realize we were on that friendly basis.
Jim or Jimmy? Well, anyway, Ralph White had a pretty cool post, not post-mortem. He had a very
cool posthumous story, and that was he was cremated, and his friends were so dedicated and loyal to him
that whenever they go on a travel now, they take about a teaspoon or a tenth of a teaspoon,
some very small amount, of Ralph White's cremated remains and scatter them wherever they go. Pretty
cool. Yeah, I think he's in the whaling wall in Jerusalem. He's in Lake Bacall. He went on a space
flight, and Ralph White's posthumous adventures kind of illustrate all the wonderful things you
can do with a cremated body, which is one of the reasons why people choose to be cremated. It's
highly portable, right? Absolutely. And it's nothing new, Chuck. Cremation's been going on for a very
long time, hasn't it? Yeah, we won't get in. I mean, we could rattle off every country and when
they started, but... We really could because of this fine, fine article written by a freelancer,
right, Michelle Kim? I've never heard of this person before, but this is a really great article.
But it has been around since prehistoric times. China's been doing it since 8,000 BC. That's
more than 10,000 years ago. More than 10,000 years ago. One part of the history I did find
interesting, though, and fitting since we did our Freemason cast was the Freemasons during the
French Revolution kind of pushed for cremation because it was the whole, not anti-religion,
but just sort of mixing it up with religion. You know, they were anti-Catholic church. Well,
yeah. Very much against the church, and they were saying, if you have yourself cremated,
it's kind of like sticking your thumb up your nose to the church, right? Well,
because Catholics said you can't get cremated for a long time. Yeah, well, it kind of contradicts the
whole resurrection thing, you know? I'll say so. The body's kind of got to be intact. It's like the
one thing we can't do, you know? Just burn it. We can rise from the dead, but if you're burned...
Yeah, sorry. Yeah, and you don't want to come back and find that you're nothing but ashes because
you're going to be ticked off, right? Right. The actual cremator, the cremation chamber,
which I like to call the cremator, even though that's not right at all. Right. It sounds like
a Krebstar product from the Adventures of Pete and Pete. It does. It was invented in the late
1800s by Professor Brunetti, and it started in earnest in the United States and Pennsylvania in
1876. Yeah. When Pennsylvania's a non-licensed state still, which I thought was interesting.
Is it really? Well, there's a little bit of a scandal that we'll talk about later. Yeah.
That apparently the crematory business, you either have fine upstanding people or like
scum of the earth running these places, right? Yeah. Let's talk about how this works, all right?
Yeah. Well, I got a stat for you real quick, though, as far as its popularity. In 1958,
3.6% of bodies were cremated, and just a few years ago, that number is at 34%, and they expected
to be half by 2025. Right. Well, there's a lot of reasons why, right? I mean, we're running out of
land. Sure. There's a lot of people who think that burials aren't so green, which is true. Yeah.
Yeah, because they use really nice woods and metals, and you have to pour cement lining.
Yeah. The bodies and balms, so it's going to eventually leak out all of those things, right?
Well, we'll talk later about whether or not cremation is green, and the spoiler is it's not.
Sort of is, but it's not. Well, it's not green, but... It's definitely not green.
It's not brown either. It's not black. It's somewhere in between.
So, Chuckers, you ready to talk? Yeah, just the actual process is pretty gruesome. Initially,
they store the body in a cool room just to keep it nice and fresh for the cremation. It's usually
examined by a coroner, and they have to sign off and say this is good to go. Because you can't
exhume the body later on if you need to, so no accidental death that hasn't been fully vetted.
Like I imagine they wouldn't cremate someone that had any kind of relation to a crime or anything
like that, or at least not for a long time. And then what happens is they remove some things from
your body if you have the following. Pacemaker, breast implants, silicone breast implants,
uh, prosthesis, or cancer seeds. The little radioactive seeds that they inject into a tumor,
and then you shoot with like a laser or a radio frequency generator? Yeah, none of this stuff
is good for cremation, so they remove that from your body. But there's some things that can't be
removed. Well, they could remove it, but they tend not to. Easy fillings, mercury fillings. Yeah,
jewelry and glasses. Like some people want, like you would be buried with your glasses on. They
want you cremated with your glasses on. Right. But in some countries, I didn't look this up,
so I don't know what countries, there are laws against anybody who's cremating a body from
touching anything on the body. Right. Right. You got to do it how you get it. Right. That's what
they say on the shirts that you can buy, I think in the gift shop. And then they put the body,
once it's been removed, these things into a flammable box, like a pine or cardboard box.
Or one made of hairy mayonnaise. Yeah, they slide it into, the incinerator's already preheated,
by the way. Yes, to at least 1100 degrees Fahrenheit, which is 593 degrees Celsius,
I think, off the top of my head. Yeah. And that's hot, Chuck. It's got to be hot. But that's not,
like you don't just put the body in and then it just burns, it just catches fire. Right. No. They
actually shoot a column of flame at the torso. Like a jet engine. Yeah. Basically. So once the
body's in, what's it called, the retort? It's called a retort. They slide it in there on the
old metal rollers and families. Sometimes you can watch this process through the window if you want.
Yeah. And if you're Hindu, and if it's a Hindu cremation, you can actually push, go.
Right. Yeah. I guess to start the column of flame, right? You're just like, so long. Yeah. Tina.
So here comes the antenna, the Hindu. So the door is sealed up, obviously. Like you said,
they aim it at your torso and then this is what happens. This is the gruesome part,
as you would expect when you have a jet engine, a flame shot at your torso.
It ignites the container initially, obviously. Your body starts to dry out. All that water that's
in your body leaves. Pretty quick. Yeah, I would imagine. Your soft tissue tightens up,
it burns up and it vaporizes. Your skin discolors and blisters and splits just gross.
Like a bratwurst on a girl. Yeah, exactly. The muscle charge, it flexes and your limbs actually
can extend. Right. Like your limbs are moving. I looked all over the place to find discussions
about this stuff, about like a body sitting up. That's the closest thing I saw was,
does a body sit up? I think it was a wiki answer, so it has zero credibility. But if your muscles
are contracting or tightening or doing anything, like yeah, your arms can go up. Crazy. I mean,
imagine the people in 8,000 BC in China. They're like, wait, they're not dead. They're like waving.
Yeah, I had a goldfish. I tried to flush one time and I put him in and he started swimming again.
And then I put him back in the tank and he just floated. So it was just like the water
motion that was making him look like. Well, no, I didn't flush it. Like I would, when I put him
in the toilet, he started moving every single time. It was weird. That is weird. I'm pretty
convinced he was dead though. Or he was by the time I froze him in a block of ice. You'll find
out when you get to heaven. That's right. So your muscles have charred and tightened and your limbs
are flailing about and your bones, obviously, the last thing to go and they are calcified
and then kind of just flake off and crumble into little bone bits. Yeah. And Chuck,
uh, the bones that are, uh, or the stuff that is left are the charred bones that are really,
it doesn't take a whole lot, I think, to pulverize them, but it does take an extra step and they
actually do hold their shape. So it'd go from a body in a box to like a charred skeleton is what
it ultimately comes down to. And either rake or sweep the remaining like bone material into
something called a cremulator. And that is the, uh, that's a grinder that grinds up everything
and pulverizes it into this fine grainy, well, actually coarse grainy powder. Yeah. They described
it as like, um, ash is sort of a weird word because it's not like, uh, like charred ash from your
fire. It's, it's more like a gravel. They said like little tiny bits of gravel, right? Because
it's pulverized bone, right? Yeah. Um, and it usually takes about two to three hours, depending
on the kind of, uh, crematory, I guess whatever machine you put it in. Yeah, there's different
kinds, right? And how big your bones are too. That has something to do with it too.
But also, um, I found that it depends on the level of, well, there's, there's something called the,
um, enter tech for, you should go on to Matthew's crematorium.com. They have specs and it's just
weird because these guys are like selling their crematorium, right? Uh, and here's all the specs
for them. This thing is like state of the art enter tech four is, um, and it burns the body
in no more than 75 minutes. Really? That's pretty good. That must have been the modern ones that
they say are all like automated now. Well, they also sell them ones that burn a body in four hours.
Oh, really? So it's like low end to high end. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Pay for what you get.
Yeah. Um, and at the end of this whole process, you're going to end up with about three to nine
pounds of ash and that's actually that's where it depends on your bones. They say it doesn't matter
like how fat you are because that I think that runs away pretty easily. Yeah, I would think so.
It's like your bone structure. Yeah. Bone's tough to burn. I guess so. So Chuck, these things, um,
we said that they are preheated to about 1,100 degrees, right? But they get up to about 2,000.
Yeah. So you can't just build this thing. You can't build an enter tech or whatever you're
building right out of, um, regular brick or cement or something like that. I think it
explode the first time you tried to do this. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So they specialize composite brick
material and actually over time, the, the interior will be eaten away by the heat and the expansion
and contraction will actually lose surface. So apparently what's recommended is after, um,
the bricks lose about half of their width, they have to be replaced. Yeah. And it sounds kind
of crude, but the way it's described in the article and the way I've heard it described is it's
sort of like a pizza oven. Yeah. They're made of similar things. Right. Cook a pizza. Cook
a body. Cook a body. So, uh, these things go for 250,000. Yeah. Down to 80,000. Yeah. Something
like that. Um, and they use natural gas or propane or, um, propane accessories or diesel
I've seen. Um, but they used to burn coal. Yeah. And I imagine that was a real pain.
Oh yeah. Incinerate a body back in the sixties, I think they were still using coal. Gotta keep
stoking that fire. Right. Another thing I thought was cool was, um, and I started thinking too,
when you, when you burn a fire, obviously you see ashes kind of floating all over the place. And I
thought, well, surely they've got a, you know, account for that when you're burning a body.
And they do, they ignite a second flame in a side chamber and that burns off dust that's trying to
escape the retort. And some of them even shoot water out the top to make sure none of the dust
escapes out of the top of the plume, I guess. It's called wet scrubbing. Wet scrubbing? Yes.
Yeah. What else did we do? Oh, that was the a fluoride thing, right? Yeah. Scrubbing the inside
of the, uh, and, uh, carbon sequestration. Yeah. My brain is getting too full these days.
Mine too. We need to stop doing the show. I know. And after it's all done, you can actually get
it remains, cremated remains. And I found that they say that you shouldn't call them cremates.
That's what the, the CNA says. Why? They just say it's sort of a crude thing that people,
non-industry people say, let's just shorten it. And they're like, they think it's disrespectful.
Gotcha. So we won't say the word cremates, but you can have your cremated remains mailed to you
via USPS if you want. But that's it in the United States. Yeah. You can't do it via FedEx or UPS
or you can't if they know what's in the box. Right. And I couldn't find out why. There's no
explanation on UPSs or FedEx site. They just say you can't, we won't ship that. Right. They also
won't ship a disinterred body. Well, thank goodness for that. I guess. But the only thing I could,
the only suggestion I could find why they wouldn't do that is you can't ensure cremated remains.
Oh yeah, that's probably it. Which I, I, I imagine they ensure everything somehow.
Yeah. And they want to get with a lawsuit. Right. Because people get mad when you lose there.
Yeah, probably so. The other cool thing about USPS though is that they, they make sure to
point out that it's got to be a sift proof box. You don't want like ashes leaking out the side
and you have to have like somebody's got a sign for it. Right. So usually if you don't get an urn
or whatever, when, when you get your cremated remains, the crematorium will have them in like a
basically a plastic bag inside maybe a plastic lined box designed to hold this kind of thing.
Right. Yeah. And there may be just like very small remnants of other people with your remains.
Like they do the best job they can. They burn one body at a time. Like, you know,
if you're on the up and up as a good cremator should be. But inevitably when you're talking
about ash and you're sweeping it out, there might be a little bit of Joe mixed in with Harry. If
you know what I mean. Well, I know what you mean. So Chuck also, I guess the industry standard is
just like you don't want to switch babies in a hospital. At the other end of life, you don't
want to switch cremated remains of dead people. Good policy. So apparently they'll stick a tag
in your mouth like a metal disc or they'll put it somewhere on your person so that when you're,
when you're melted down, this thing's still there. Right. So you can be identified. Right.
You've got paperwork that goes with you from the moment you come to the crematorium to the moment
you leave that's supposed to be with you every step of the way. And there's basically all this is
supposed to avoid a mix up, right? It's supposed to. It doesn't always, especially when the crematorium
operator or owner isn't on the up and up, as you said. And there's been plenty of examples of that,
haven't there been? Yeah, I was a little alarmed to find out how little regulation goes on in
some states. Yeah, only until the tri-state crematorium scandal of I think 2002 did Georgia
close its loopholes and now all crematoriums have to be licensed by the state. Yeah, in Georgia.
But I actually got a different number here. She said 23 of the 50 states license. I've actually
got only eight do not license is what I found. Oh, that's better. But if you look all of these
these examples in this article are in the 2000s. So I wonder if that caused like a
expansion or crematorium regulation reform. I would say so. Because what happened in Georgia
will tell you in a sec, but if you see this on the news and you're in like Pennsylvania,
they don't want that kind of news hitting their state. So I would imagine it probably spurred
some action. It hit Pennsylvania, bud. Yeah, it did. We'll talk about the Georgia guy first.
Yeah, Ray Brent Marsh. Yeah, pleaded guilty and apologized. Yeah, he got he owned a crematorium
in noble Georgia and I know where that is. So don't ask. I think it's probably in the northwest
because it's where Tennessee, Georgia and Alabama come together, which is why I call it tri-state
crematorium. You're serving all three states. Sure. And in all three states, the bodies of the
beloved deceased were basically half buried out in the backyard because the cremator broke down
and they just never got it fixed. Yeah, the incinerator broke. Yeah. And so I think 336 bodies
in total were found and I found that originally they could only charge him with accepting money
and fraud for services not rendered. Yeah, there is no law on the books. They hit him with some
other stuff though. What else did they do? I think it must have come out after this article.
He was actually charged with almost 800 counts of theft and abuse of a corpse. So they actually
charged him with stealing these corpses. You don't want to go to prison with an abuse of a corpse
wrap on your head. They'll find out about that. Yeah, and he was sentenced to 8,000 years in prison
and plea bargain that down to 12 years somehow. Did you say 8,000 years? Yeah. That was almost
a spit take. Yeah, you were drinking your beep drink and you almost spit it out. So yeah,
8,000 down to 12, which is a pretty good deal for him. There was a $36 million settlement
from 58 funeral homes that sent bodies to this guy. So they sued the funeral homes. Yeah. And then
they brought a suit, an $80 million civil suit settlement against this guy and his father's
estate and they probably don't have that kind of dose. So they're probably going to do what
happens when that happens, which is he got to the insurance company. Oh yeah. The Georgia Farm
Bureau. If the guy didn't even get around to having the incinerator fixed, he doesn't have
80 million. He's got 300 bodies in his backyard, but yeah. So he's in jail right now as far as I know.
Almost for 8,000 years. I know. That's a long sentence. You said Pennsylvania didn't want that
to happen. Probably not. It did in 2005. What happened there? There was a guy who ran a crematorium
and he had a deal with the local women's hospital to cremate the remains of preterm babies.
Basically, aborted fetuses. This guy's job was to incinerate them. That's probably not a fun
contract to sign. No. Even if that's the way you make your money, you can't feel great about
like closing that deal. Right. Yeah. You don't go out for a big fat stake after that one. Exactly.
The authorities, I guess, were tipped off and they went into his garage and found in boxes
the remains of 300 fetuses. Actually, 19 of them were post-term. Really? So they were born children
that he was supposed to cremate and he didn't. But they could only get them on 19 counts because
they were unborn. Right. So they weren't technically human beings under the eyes of the law. So he
didn't get anything for those. But for the 19, he got in some trouble. But he had them in boxes
in his garage, too, which is apparently the MO of the shady crematorium operator. Yeah. I hope
they threw the book at him. Oh, yeah. I'm sure they did. That makes me angry. Can't you tell how
angry I am? In Lake Elsinore, California, Josh, in 2003, a dodgy owner was selling body parts
for medical research like heads to people, which means that he was cutting these heads off. Oh,
yeah. And he was sentenced to 20 years in prison. And that's they just say prison. And then in
Mississippi, there was a really nice guy named Mark Seep who was mixing human remains together,
giving out wrong ashes, dumping them into trash bins. And he was found guilty and put in jail,
too. Yeah. Did you say that Ray Brent Marsh was giving people wood ash and cement? I didn't mention
that. But yeah, that's what he did. Yeah. Because I mean, it's not like he was just like, oh, I got
nothing. They burned up entirely. He was like, here's some cement and an urn. Yeah. Thanks for the
money. Yeah, I understand a guy's incinerator burning and maybe not having the money to fix it.
But I bet you anything, he may have made enough money to get it fixed after that and was like,
hey, I'm kind of onto something here. Right. We don't actually have to do this. This is pure
profit. Yeah, exactly. So Chuck, before we get into things that you can do with the remains of a
loved one, right? Yeah. Can we talk about whether or not it's green? I got a couple of stats here
that I think are important. Yeah. So a lot of people are like a natural burial or regular burial
right is not very green. And it's expensive to between like seven and 10 grand. But then they
also say, you know, I don't want to go entirely green, which is bio cremation, right is alkaline
hydrosis. We talked about that before and what you can do with the dead body. Remember, it turns
you into oil that's poured down the drain. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. It is. So this has to be
something in between though, right? For the conscientious person who maybe kind of believes
in an afterlife and wants to do more with this body. How do you kind of believe in an afterlife?
It's a vague knowing. I wonder where you end up if you kind of believe. It's like a tick sucking
right here. Like a hot dog pack. So in 2009, Reuters was doing this article on bio cremation.
They were talking about how green is regular cremation. Right. And it's not green at all.
Like you think about it, you're using tons of natural gas. Sure. Not tons. It's hyperbolic,
but you're using a lot of natural gas or diesel or whatever. You're using a lot of electricity.
There's a mission. It takes both. So apparently it releases a standard cremation releases about
880 pounds of CO2, just one body. And that's the big enemy. And it uses enough energy to
basically power a 500 mile road trip. Really? So not one and the same. Like these are two
separate things. Right. So it uses the energy to get you across country 500 miles and it's
depending on the size of your country. Right. And it releases 880 pounds of CO2 into the air.
I wonder what that compares to footprint-wise to standard burial. I think it's... Is it still
better? I don't know. I think it's just entirely different ways where I think maybe a natural
or a regular traditional burial is more polluting, like directly polluting into the
ground. That kind of thing is using up resources where a cremation has less of an impact over
time, but immediately it's a lot of input. It requires a lot of input. Gotcha. That's my
concept of it. Right. How would mine be in burn? But I like the... Which country was it where they
like burn you on top of the wood by like the banks of the river? That's India. Yeah, I like that.
That's how I would want to go. Well, buddy, if you live in India and you're a Hindu, that's
exactly how you have to go. That was a perfect segue to the religion. I guess so. You said
Hindus, they mandate cremation. Yeah, they're the only religion that does. Yeah, and it's called...
I'm going to go ahead and give it a whirl here. Anthem Sankar, which is last rite. Nice. You want to
hit the other one? Antiesti. Yeah, Antiesti, I think. Which is last sacrifice. Yeah, and those
are one of the 16 life rituals. I guess it would be the last one. Actually, I'll probably be
corrected. There may be one after that with the whole rebirth and all that. Maybe. But I guess the
smoke gets the body to the next life. I bet it's one of the last four. I'll bet it is. I'll wait
drawing that. And they, yeah, like you said, they're Hindus, so they say you dispose of this body
and it ushers you and helps you be reborn into the next life when you're ready to be made.
And while Hinduism is the only religion that mandates you have, that's how your body is
disposed of. Right. Sikhism and Jainism are both kind of strongly adores it, although they don't
require it, right? Right. And you were saying that they cremate people in India along the banks of
the river. Yeah. Most of their cremations, from what I understand, are open-air cremations. See,
I like that idea. There's a city called Varanasi, which apparently is the holy city to be cremated
in, and you are cremated out and open along the banks of the Ganges. Yeah, that's nice. But they
do have an electric crematorium, but since there's a billion people who live in India and all of them
want electricity, this place suffers power outage. That's sad. If you're a Christian,
Jewish, or you're Muslim, Josh, they generally frown upon it or outright prohibit it depending
on which religion it is. Yeah. Islam prohibits it. Yeah, they want you buried that day. Right.
The same day you die, preferably. Right. So in Judaism, Chuck, I don't think it's actually
restricted. I think you can if you want to, but among Orthodox and conservative Jews,
the memory of the Holocaust is still understandably smart to the point where they're like,
why would you want to be cremated? There's legacy is still around. So there's a lot of Jews
who don't want to be cremated even though their religion doesn't prohibit it. Right. Understandably.
Protestants actually is where you're going to be find some more open minds to cremation. They don't
have any literature that says you should do this, but they're definitely more understanding about
it than other religions. Right. And we talked about the Catholic Church having a problem with it.
Yeah. Because of its association with subversiveness toward the Church. But in the 60s, the Catholic
Church said, hey, we've never really prohibited it. Right. You can get cremated if you want. And
apparently they gave it a boost. Yeah. That in the Hula Burger. People really catered to the
Catholics in the 60s. 30% I found. Canada says that 30% of Catholics are cremated now. So that's
quite a boost, I would say. Right. The Mormons also, they're not big on cremation, although they
don't prohibit it. Yeah. And in countries where it's traditional, they're like, yeah, please go
ahead. But the Orthodox Eastern Orthodox Church says, nay, nay, nay. Good point. Thanks. Where are
we now with some, can we talk about finally what you can do with your remains? I think it's high
time at you. Not what you can do with your remains, because you clearly can't do anything. That's
not what you can do with your remains. Right. But what your friends and family can do with your
remains. And sometimes they like to keep you in an urn, and they have these little cemetery-like
buildings called a columbarium. And they just hold ashes from what I understand. Like your urn.
Yeah. Yeah. It's like a vault. So some people choose that. That costs them dough, obviously.
Go ahead and tell us about your hero. I know you want to mention that. Who, Hunter T? Yeah.
Yeah. He was mixed with fireworks and shot out of a cannon, 153-foot cannon, also called the
Memorial Tower. And apparently it was an organization called Heavens Above Fireworks that
did this, and anybody can do it. And Johnny Depp paid for the whole party, right? Yeah. And from
what I saw, if it was this British company, he would have paid about the equivalent of 3,000
U.S. dollars for a large fireworks display. That's what they charge. As soon as you mentioned
money, actually, I did see the average cremation cost is about 1,600 bucks. Yeah. And the average
funeral, I saw five grand in this article. It's ten grand a sighted. We'll say somewhere between
five and ten thousand dollars. Let's. But back to things you can do. We would be remiss if we
didn't mention to our nerd friends that Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek fame, was
everyone knows this. He was shot into space. So was Timothy Leary. Oh, yeah, that's right.
By the same company, Celestus. They're still in business as far as I know. I bet they are.
And then you've got Lifegem, which we've talked about, I think, again on the webcast,
you can take your cremated remains and have them compressed into a synthetic diamond.
You can have your remains mixed into paint. And I guess that's not so much you can have,
but you can probably just do that. It depends. There's actually a guy who does something called
ash portraits. Oh, really? He paints the picture. He does it just with the person's ashes. Oh.
But he'll also mix it in with oil or whatever. Interesting. But he does portraits of the deceased.
All right. I've changed my mind. I want to be remembered as dogs playing poker.
That'd be pretty awesome. That'd be really cool. What else can you do? You can become part of
the coral reef. I know there's companies that do that. There's a company called Eternal Reefs,
I think, is the big one. That's a pretty obvious name, don't you think?
And well, they actually make different sized reefs. And what they do is they mix your remains
with cement. And so the big one, it can accommodate up to four family members. So if your family went
down in a plane and you just feel like shelling out for one coral reef, they've got you covered.
It's like seven grand. Really? Uh-huh. And it's pretty big size. And it's cool looking. I mean,
it looks like an artificial reef. And then you take it out and dump it overboard. Fish live
amongst your family members who I really, really hope love scuba diving. Exactly. You remember
Keith Richards a couple of years ago? He's still alive. Well, now his dad passed away. And he said
that he snorted his father with cocaine. And then, I mean, apparently he said this in an interview.
Then that came out and he was like, no, no, no, no. I was just kidding around. Of course, I didn't
snort my father. Yeah. I think he snorted his father. Yeah, I think he did too. There's a six
feet under episode where these people snort the remains of this coral. Really? Yeah. I remember
that one. It was a good one. I do have some stats for you, though, what people seem to like to do.
38% keep the ashes at their home. 37% bury the ashes. 21% do the scatter. Very popular.
I thought it'd be more popular than that, though. The most popular one is water scattering. And number
two is scattering somewhere on family property. Oh, really? 3% are put in the columbarium. And
you might notice, Josh, that adds to 99%. Yeah, there's 1% that go unclaimed. So sad. It is sad.
And I apparently that people who own crematoriums find it sad too, because even though after a set
period of time in states that regulate this kind of stuff, which did we say the Federal
Trade Commission regulates mortuaries, there's no federal oversight for any crematorium.
Comes out of the state. But in states where there are regulations, they still say you can throw
these out after a set period of time. But most crematoriums, the up and up ones will hang onto
these things for decades. Because again, it's a small box. But I mean, they don't want to just
throw it away. It's a person. And it's only 1%. So I don't imagine they're like overflowing with
unclaimed remains. I would hope not. But since you did mention the scattering, we should talk about
some of the laws about scattering because you can't just scatter anywhere. No, the National
Park Service has no official stance on scattering remains. They leave it up to each individual
park. But most of the parks say unless there's like a grave area, like a designated grave area,
you can't scatter ashes here. Well, it also said they kind of turned a blind eye. Like
Oh, really? They know it goes on. And I'm sure some ashes in Yosemite Park are like,
how are you going to tell the difference between that and like fire ash or dirt or whatever.
But state parks, they say actually the National Forest Service doesn't regulate anything on their
land. So that's where you would probably want to go like avoid the National Park and just stay in
the National Forest or go to your state park that was a beloved state park because they're a little
more lax than the National Parks. Right. If you want to do water scattering or ocean scattering,
the EPA says you got to be three miles away from the coastline. Very prudish. California is like,
that's way too much. They still have a restriction, but it's 500 feet, right? Yeah, pretty close.
And people don't always follow regulations, right? Yeah. So you want to tell about the Cubs fan?
Yeah, this is kind of a nice story. Steve Goodman died of leukemia in 1984. Die Hard Cubs fans,
sadly did not get to see the Cubs win a World Series as likely neither will you and I.
And four years later, he, his buddy snuck in before opening day and threw the ashes into
the wind out over the field. Nice. Pretty cool. That is pretty cool. You ever hear of
Graham Parsons story? Yeah, his body was stolen, right? Yeah, his friends. He said that he wanted
to be scremated and scattered on Caprock in Joshua Tree National Park, right? And his parents found
out he was dead and had his body shipped back for a private funeral. Oh, really? And his friends
found out that they weren't going to be invited. So they stole him and took him out to Joshua Tree and
opened the casket, threw some gasoline on him and set him on fire. Five gallons of gas, right?
And it didn't work because we've said what it takes. So he was half cremated by the time the
cops showed up. He's sort of melty. And just like Georgia, back then there was nothing about,
there were no penalties for stealing a corpse. So they got them for theft of a casket, I think.
That was, did you see that movie? No. Johnny Knoxville played the guy that his buddy?
Uh-huh. It's not very good. I did stay in that hotel, though. Actually, I meant to mention that in the
Route 66. Yeah, the Joshua Tree Inn. Cool. Not in his room, though. And before we move on from
scattering, Josh, we have to mention, because we like to mention our movies, the excellent, excellent
scene from The Big Lebowski. The scattering scene in The Big Lebowski. When all of them just blew
back all over them? It was Steve Buscemi that died, right? I think so. And he threw him out in the
wind and blew back in their face over the ocean. It was good. It was very good.
Chuck, if I am dead and I'm being cremated and I'm part of 75% of the population, what country am I
in? Sweden? Switzerland. Switzerland. If I've been cremated and I am part of just a meager
3% of the population, what country am I in? Ghana. That's right. That's right.
Right. And in between, or actually higher than that, Hong Kong is 83%. Places like the Czech
Republic and Singapore and the UK are sort of mid to high 70s. China and the Netherlands are about
half. And Italy, as far as European countries was, I'm sorry, Ireland was 6%. Italy was 7%. I
bet that has something to do with the Catholic thing. I would think so, for sure. The U.S. is
about 30%, right? Yeah. I think it's a very large Protestant population. Right. And Hindu.
And there's also pet cremation. Yeah. If you want to get into a burgeoning industry that went from
pretty much nothing to, it's a $3 billion industry is the latest stat, get into pet cremation. And
the people at Matthew's crematorium supply, they make pet cremators, too. Oh, they do humans and
pets? And animals, too. Apparently, there's different types. So I guess one you could fit a
horse into and one are made for dogs or something. Right. I would be more likely to go into one of
those because they say that some of the pet-only crematoriums are a little dodgy. Yeah, they're
totally unregulated. Yeah. So they're just like burning your pets together and you don't know that
the ashes you get. And if you're serious enough about your pet to get your pet cremated, then you
probably want your pet's ashes. Right. So you can handle cremation at home. Just dig a shallow hole
in your backyard to serve as a firebreak and do your neighbors a favor and shave your pet first
before you set it on fire. We buried my animals growing up, my pets. Did you? Yeah. We have,
I think at my old house, we probably had like four or five pets buried out in the woods. But we
lived on like two acres in the woods. It wasn't like in a neighborhood. You didn't set any on fire?
No. No, no, no. Okay. Well, that's it for cremation. Thanks for joining us for that one,
right, Chuck? Yeah. I think we've covered pretty much everything in there. But if you want,
it's a good, good article. High caliber HowStuffWorks article. Good. Not like the rest of these
Snickers. Just type in cremation in the search bar, the jazzy search bar at HowStuffWorks.com.
Jazzy? I'm just trying these stuff. We've been getting lots of suggestions, by the way. I like
ubiquitous search bar. It's pretty good. It's not everywhere, though. I mean, I guess it is
everywhere, but it's... Yeah, you're right. So I guess it's time for listener mail.
Yeah, buddy. I got a couple today, a couple of short ones. The first one is from the
sauna cast, and it's a little old, but I promise this guy would read it. This is from Mark in
EastonMD. I know you guys won't read this on a podcast. Those are usually the ones I read.
But I just thought I'd write to tell you what happened to me this morning. In my frantic rush
to get my daughter, Ellie, to a summer camp on time, I had to run out of the house without
having breakfast. That caused me to have to stop at a fast food joint, get one of those gross,
greasy breakfast sandwiches. You would think it's bad enough, but it gets worse. As I drive from
the driveway, I push play on the iPad and start listening to the show in saunas, where I started
hearing about butt funk, Chuck sweating out gallons of fluid, and having to visualize a
naked Vigo Mortensen fighting in a sauna made my otherwise gross sandwich and greasy potato things
one for the books. By the way, the podcast that I queued up next was all about taste buds,
so now I know how I was able to taste my sandwich in the first place. Thanks a lot, guys. That's
from Mark. If you do happen to read this on the air, it would make Ellie and Lydia's day,
and those are his daughters. Oh, hey, Ellie and Lydia. So, Mark, that is for you, my friend. And
then this one, I didn't even think about it, but it's kind of fitting. Do you remember when I told
you about the little girl in Kent, Washington, who named her Betafish, Chuckers Jr.? I saw this one.
Chuckers Jr. is no more. Monday night, I put Chuckers Jr. inside his small bowl so I could
clean his bowl in the morning. Yesterday morning, I went to make my breakfast in front of his bowl
as usual, but to make my breakfast, I thought she meant make his, which would be pretty cute.
I felt something sticky on my foot, and I looked down, and to my horror, I saw Chuckers Jr. stuck
to my foot all dried out. And now this horrible, apparently betas, have been known to jump out
of their bowls. And I guess Chuckers Jr. jumped pretty far because his bowl was a good foot away
from the edge of the counter, yet he still ended up on the floor. My theory is that he probably
flopped around or something onto the floor. Can you just let the little girl think her Betafish
is special? Yeah, you're right. Chuckers Jr. is special, Katie. Also, I found out that the bowl
that he was in had only a centimeter from the top. Centimeter? Where's she from? Liberia? Yeah.
Yeah. She's from Kent, Washington. She said you're usually supposed to leave about an inch
between the top of the thing, I guess, to make it harder to jump out. It's the same thing, right?
One centimeter equals one inch? I think so. It's like 40 degrees below. She ends with this,
at least Chuckers Jr. dyed a healthy fish. That's from Katie, age 13, in Kent, Washington.
Well, thanks for your optimism, Katie. Yeah. Kent, I'm sorry about your breakfast sandwich,
although I'm hungry now. Yeah, it wasn't Kent, it was Mark. She was from Kent. Oh, yeah. That's
alright though. Mark, sorry about your breakfast sandwich. Kent, I have no idea who you are.
If you have a really cool cremation story, we want to hear about it, so wrap it up in an email
and send it to StuffPodcast at HowStuffWorks.com. For more on this and thousands of other topics,
visit HowStuffWorks.com. Want more HowStuffWorks? Check out our blogs on the HowStuffWorks.com homepage.
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