Stuff You Should Know - Short Stuff: The Zipper Merge

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

When you switch lanes on the highway after noticing that the lane you’re in is ending up ahead, you are literally ruining the world.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of new podcast called Tosh Show. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities. And certainly not comedians. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling. But mostly, it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire, or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. Listen to Tosh Show in the I Heart Radio app,

Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. for a contentious short stuff episode. I don't think it's gonna be contentious because I think it's just right. I think that once you've learned this, you actually feel like if it was contentious to you before, you might feel like a bit of jackass. I know I did. Well, I'm gonna have some things to say.

Let's get into it, okay. You know Chuck, when you see a sign, you're cruising it on the highway. Yeah, baby. You got the wind blowing through here. Yeah. You got windows down, you got bugs down the highway? Yeah, baby. You got the wind flowing through here. Yeah, a couple windows down. You got bugs on your teeth. Yeah, yeah.

The whole Shabang, right? And then all of a sudden, there's a sign up ahead that says the lane you're in right now, buddy, is going to be closing in about a thousand or so feet. That's verbatim, by the way. Yeah, you jam on the brakes and you get over. Yeah, as fast as you can, probably knock another car out of the lane next to you as you get into it, but right after you did,

you come to almost a complete stop because everyone in the lane you were just in did the same thing. And by merging suddenly with another lane, it basically brings traffic to a halt. And it actually is a fairly dangerous thing to do especially at higher speeds Yeah, there's another way Well as you you put this one together and you said there are two ways That first way which you just mentioned just getting right over The second way which is to wait until that lane basically runs out and then hop over Now there's a third way,

which is just drive until you see someone sitting on their phone leaving a seven car gap between them and then you just pop over there. Yes. And it's a joke, but it's really not. No, because the people who stay in that lane that's being shut down and are able to get way far ahead of everybody else in the lane that's the through lane that's not being shut down that

everybody had to get over into. They're not actually jerks. They, okay, they may be jerks because they might not actually know this is the thing you're supposed to do, but they're actually know it or not doing the thing you're supposed to do. It's called zipper merging and you're supposed to essentially stay in that lane that's getting shut down until the last possible moment. You're not supposed to get over before then because when you do all sorts of bad things happen, you just stay in that lane and somebody in the next lane lets you in and you just zoom on through. All right, so here's my first problem with that. Okay. Is what happens is you get to the end of that thing and it's called an alternate merge, which means you alternate and everyone goes, you go, I go, you go, I go.

That's not what happens in today's America though. People are jerks and they hug the bumper in front of them and say, you're not getting in front of me. Right. And that's what gums up the works is people wait till the last minute and then get into a battle of wills because people don't take turns. If people took turns, this would be as beautiful

as the Germans call it, rice visheluse, which means zipper, the rice visheluse system, the zipper merge, it is beautiful and elegant, except for the fact that Americans are jerks in their cars and don't let people in and don't take turns. You know what I mean? Kind of, I mean, I know what you mean, but I don't fully agree with it.

I guess is what I was trying to say. That people do that? No, no, no. I think they definitely do do that, but that's not the thing that holds everything up Let's let's take a break and we'll come back in I will explain my position, okay? All right Well now we're on the road Driving in your truck. Why not learn a thing or two from Josh and Chuck it stuff you should know All right

No. Don't you show no. Alright. I am Daniel Tosh, host of new podcast called Tosh Show, brought to you by I Heart Podcasts. Why am I getting into the podcast game now? Well, it seemed like the best way to let my family know what I'm up to instead of visiting or being part of their incessant group text. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities, and certainly not comedians. I'll be interviewing my plumber, my stylist, my wife's gynecologist.

We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire, or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. But it will be entertaining to a very select few, because you don't make it to your mid-40s with IBS without having a story or two to tell. Join me as I take my place among podcast royalty like Joel Olstein and Lance Bass. Those are words I hope I never have to say. Listen to Toss Show in the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The assassination of President John F. Kennedy is the greatest murder mystery in American history. That's Rob Breiner, Rob called me, so I'll let it out, Brian, and ask me what I knew about this crime. I know 60 years later, new leads are still emerging. To me, an award-winning journalist, that's the making of an incredible story. And on this podcast, you're gonna hear it told by one of America's greatest storytellers.

Well, ask who had the motive to assassinate a sitting president. My dad, the father, JFK, screwed us at the Bay of Pigs, and then he screwed us after the Cuban Missile Crisis. We'll reveal why Lee Harvey Oswald isn't who they said he was. I was under the impression that Lee, who has been trained for a specific operation,

then will pull the curtain back on the cover-up. The American people need to know the truth. Listen to Who Killed JFK on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, explain away, buddy. Okay, I'm explaining. Get this. Yes, that causes a slow down for the people

in the right lane, the lane that's being shut down. But that is generally insignificant for that person because that one jerk who's hugging the bumper of the person in front of him won't let him in. Purposely won't let them in. There's maybe three or four of those people in a row before somebody, like you said, is either not paying attention or is kindhearted enough to be like, all right, go ahead, get in, all right? So yes, it's a bit of a slowdown for the people in the shutdown lane.

But not like it would be if everyone just tried to jump over. Yes. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. That's the problem what you're saying? Yeah. That's the problem. That's the slow down. The people who are getting over from the lane that's being shut down prematurely, and you get over any point before the last possible point to get over.

If you get over at any point before then, you are shooting yourself in the foot and everybody else because you are causing the slow down. You are the reason that this lane is suddenly bumper to bumper because you should have gotten the through lane that everybody in the closed down lane had to get into. You're the reason that that's slowed down and that that's bumper to bumper and that people are kicked off

because an unfair advantage has just been created for the people who are doing what you're supposed to do and staying in the closing lane until the last possible minute in zipper merging. All right, let me ask you this. Is there any data on, because there is some data that you found that says if you zipper merge effectively, which never happens, but let's just say it does. Right. It cuts congestion by 40%. Yeah, it's huge. It's huge.

It is going to reduce crashes because people are getting, I have an issue with this one. People are getting over at the same rate of speed as the people in the through lane, but I generally think this happens when traffic is pretty slow. So it's not like you usually don't see a zipper merge happening when people are going like 70 miles an hour. No, some people really haul and then zip into like a spot all of a sudden. And they have to basically slam on their brakes because they just need a really quick movement over. That's forced by the fact that people in the through lane aren't super merging, they got over too early.

Well, my question though is, if you're in the, and you may not know this, but if you're in the through lane, I probably do. And people are, are, are, you see them zippering over and non zippering over, like, should you get over one lane to the left or does that come up the works or should you hold the lane? I don't understand fully. Say it again. So you're in the through lane, you're driving along. Yeah, so the lane that's not being shut down. Yeah, yeah. And people to your right are either jumping over right in front of you or

super merging correctly. Like, should you jump over a lane just to sort of decongest? Yes, that's one thing that you can do. Okay. But I try to do that because I just don't want to be, I don't want to be a part of that whole scene. Yeah, well, not only that, by getting over as far as you can away from this terrible mistsiped merge, you're actually saving yourself a lot of time in heartache.

You're just getting away from the whole ugly mess, right? Yes, that's one thing you can do. You can either slow your roll a little bit to let somebody zipper merge in front of you or you can move over to create space for them to get into at that zipper merge point. Either one is totally acceptable and a nice good thing to do.

So yeah, I did know the answer to your question. Okay, good to know. Here's my deal is I used to get over early, but I wouldn't like stop the traffic in that merging lane to do it. I would just see an opening and do it. And if it was early, it's early. Now I kind of like, there's so many people on their phones now.

Now I tend to wait to the end, because you can generally get over for sure without causing any issue. My big problem is not when it's like a legitimate sort of alternate merge and a lane merging, my problem, and it's when the person is like, hey, the highway splits if you want to go on this highway, you're going that way, and you've got a bunch of people waiting

because traffic's backed up, and someone just rides rides to their basically no road and tries to jump over which is not the same thing. So if you have a lane that runs out, right? A lane on the top of the lane running out. Then yeah, you're talking about a jerk for sure. Okay. For sure. They're being pushy and we should explain to some of our listeners who aren't in the United States because I don't know that this fully applies. I know in Germany it sounds like people are zippermerging like there's no tomorrow and they're doing it really right.

But the reason people get over prematurely rather than zippermerge on American highways is because that seems like the fairest thing to do. And so if you're doing that, if you're not taking your rightful place in the back of the line of this long, unnecessarily slow line of traffic, what you're doing is jumping in line. And there are very few things that drive Americans crazier, especially ones who have a finally tuned sense of day to day justice. Right. Somebody jumping ahead in line, cutting in line.

So even though you're zipper merging correctly, you're going into last minute and getting over, you're not trying to jump in line. It's just no one else knows what you know. Yeah. There is a, there's a real danger that somebody might try to shoot you in the United States is very, very slim. The incidents of road rage that result in like gunplay are really hyped and talked about in the United States, but statistically speaking, it's really rare.

But there is a real chance that you might anger somebody by being so unfair, by cutting in line, that they might chase you in their car and shoot at you while you're driving your car. This is another reason why people don't do this. Yeah, I mean beyond that rarity, it is just out of hand in the United States where like if you accidentally cut someone off on the highway like people in the United States will get out of that lane, speed up, get in front of you and slam on the brakes to pay you back and potentially wreck themselves. It's nuts how people act in their cars. It's so out of hand and like, God, everybody just needs to get it together.

Australia is, at my experience driving there, they drove the speed limit. If you came up behind someone on the highway, they're like, ah, let's get over out of your way then. It was everyone, that's more New Zealand, but everybody was just so civil on the roads. And you know, we might have Aussies bright in and say like, uh, that's not the deal mate in the cities or whatever, but when I was driving around the highways over there, I just found everything from moving about in the airport on foot to driving around. People were generally just like, no, go ahead, it's fine.

Canada is very similar to that. Nice, nicer people. So yeah, it's almost like Americans are like deeply angry and divided for some reason, it's weird. A lot of states, though, as you found, have put a lot of money into educational campaigns, signage, for instance, use both lanes to merge point, like until you get to the merge point, stuff like that. They're trying to get the word out by spending money and saying, hey, the zipper merge is where it's at

if you're doing it right. But it's just, there's so much like you point out, there's so much sort of habit and muscle memory and how people drive and not wanting to risk getting flicked off or whatever. And by the way, don't shoot birds in your car either. That's two eighties like, don't do that. And if someone tries to pass you at like a normal rate

because you're going slower than they are in the lane that you shouldn't be in, don't speed up so they can't pass you. That makes you literally the worst person on the road in your area. Like you're a terrible person, right? That you might not be in general. The car brings terrible things out and people,

I get that. But in that moment, you're a terrible person, a jerk, and get out of the left lane for goodness sake. For sure. So some states actually have instituted zipper merging as a rule. And in Illinois, if you keep somebody from merging over into a through lane from a lane that's shut down

or that's ending, you could be pulled over and they could smack the back of your calves with their night sticks just for doing that and they'll annoy you. Because there's always a police cruiser there when you need them in traffic, right? Exactly. Exactly. Like when you're going 75 miles an hour down the highway and you look over and you pass someone that is literally staring in their lap at a cell phone going like 47 miles an hour. I know and I'm sure we sound old but listen up everybody who drives looking at their phone,

like watching video on their phone, stop doing that. Please stop doing that immediately. You're going to kill somebody. Yep. There is one other thing about this though. States have found that if you put up an extra sign or two that says literally use both lanes to merge point. Most people will figure out what you're saying. And they actually do the zipper merging. Yeah. Hey, I'm down. I mean, luckily, I don't have to drive on the highway very much because my, you know, even when we were commuting to the studio a lot it was just back roads. So since we moved out of Bucket I don't have to get in Atlanta highway traffic much. But you know I'm gonna zipper merch from here on out.

Me too buddy and we should also say I don't know if we said the reason why they call it zipper merges if you look overhead at that merge point it looks like the cars are zipping up. And one of the orange construction cones looks like the tip of a penis caught in the zipper. Is that short stuff out? Stuff you should know is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts, myHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app. Apple podcasts are

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