Suggestible - Best of Suggestible 2020

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Hello friend! We’re returning really soon probably but in the meantime, please enjoy some highlights from the wildest of years. Hosted by James Clement @mrsundaymovies and Claire Tonti @clairetonti. Thanks for listening and hope you’re doing alright over there.Send your recommendations to [e-mail], we’d love to hear them.You can also follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook @suggestiblepod and join our ‘Planet Broadcasting Great Mates OFFICIAL’ Facebook Group. So many things. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Introducing Uber Teen Accounts, an Uber account for your teen with always-on enhanced safety features. Your teen can request a ride when you can't take them. You'll get real-time notifications along the way. Your teen feels a sense of independence. You can follow their entire route on a live tracking map. Your teen will get assigned a top-rated driver. You'll get peace of mind.

Uber Teen Accounts. Invite your teen to join your Uber account today. Available in select locations. See app for details. Well, well, well, we're here again. Oh, how did this happen? Yes, we're back. He knows me.

No, I'll tell you how it happened. We got microphones back in the 90s, back in the 80s. In fact, a little boy was born. Microphone, what are you talking about? And his mother called him James. What is happening? And then eventually he met a man called Nicholas Mason and then eventually they started watching bad films together

and talking about it and eventually they got microphones and they started recording it. Eventually they made a podcast called The Weekly Planet and then eventually it became somewhat successful and then it all culminated in you marrying me and then we got some more microphones and then we started talking to each other that's right and it ultimately led to the world's most successful podcast suggestible wow that was a huge build-up and full of lies but it's really good to be here it's a podcast where we're married and we

suggest things to you gosh the world is so happy at the moment fantastic it's good to be here. This is a podcast where we're married and we suggest things to you. Gosh, the world is so happy at the moment. Fantastic. It's good to be back. Welcome to Suggestible, everybody. Welcome, everybody. Boy, is it. What is happening? Goodness me.

I'm Claire. I'm married to a bloke called James who's legitimately losing his mind now. Get out of here, Claire. We're all having a good time in this house. How terrific. And this podcast is called Suggestible where we recommend you stuff to watch, read and listen to. What a world.

How fantastic. Just keep it alive. I mean, I'm trying to adopt like the Tom Cruise mindset where everything's fantastic and you ask me a question. I've noticed. And he's just, it's a process or whatever he talks about. Seriously, James is just walking around the house doing that constantly to himself.

I heard him do it. I wasn't even in the room. It makes me feel better. You do it all the time. You're like, ha, ha, ha, fantastic. He's just like doing that all the time, which really worries me because you never do that. You mainly just swear.

Yeah, that's true. Boob, shuck, shuckaluckalucka, boom. Boob, shuck, shuckalucka, boom, boom. Boob, shuck, shuckalucka, boom, boom. Are you saying boob or boom? Boob. You're a bit of a boob. It's true. I've got two of them and then I live with one, so really I have three.

I'm Claire, by the way. This is James West of Gestable. She's talking about the seven boobs she keeps in a glass jar. Whose boobs are they? I don't know. I was just talking about you, you boob, your big old boob. Well, then you've got four boobs, don't you? Yes.

You're a boob. What are we doing? Talking about boobs. My name is Claire. You're James. We're married. We recommend you things. Yeah, we try to.

Do you like boobs? Yeah. Cool. Right. Moving right along. Often I say gentlemen's first, so I say it to you now. Excellent. Gentlemen's first, you big old boob.

I'm changing my catchphrase. You old boob. I just clapped. Everybody heard that. It's audio media. And we are going to start, as always, by recommending that James goes first. I swore that I'd read a book over the summer. Oh, God.

He's read one book in a year and he's decided that he's like some kind of champion. No, I'll have you know. On the couch, you even said to me, books are pretty good. Books are pretty good. I suddenly get the fuss. Yeah. Because I used to read all the time, but it turns out that you can just put it on the TV. You don't have to read anything.

It's like pictures. All right. It's like pictures instead of words. You read comics a lot, though. I do read a lot of comics. Correct. But anyway, I actually managed to read like two-thirds of two different books, which I'm still working on.

You didn't actually read a book. No, I didn't. But the one that I'm going to recommend is Exhalation. Let me guess. This is somehow set in a post-apocalyptic future, AI-related, alien-related, something to do with the world coming to an end, bleak, dark, terrible. Some of it is that because it's a collection of short stories,

which I bloody love. There's one about like mechanical beings from a different planet who are. Oh, you mean robots? No, they're not. Well, they're sort of robots. I guess they are. A mechanical being is a robot. Yeah, but the whole system is based on like gas.

I am a mechanical being. No, I'm a robot. It's the same. What if you woke up one morning and I told you that I was a robot? Hello. Good morning, James. I'm not one of those. There are, I know.

What can I do for you? The people who love. Anything. There's a whole sexy robot subculture thing. It's really not my jam. I watched your documentary about that too. Do you remember that? Yeah.

Years ago, there was like guys having girl sex robots. Yeah. Look, man, I'm not against it because really, who are you hurting? Like, whatever. Like, fill your boots. Potentially the sex robot. Well, that's the thing, though. Like, if the robot becomes more.

Fill your boots. It's an expression. With what? Semen Claire. No. From while looking at youremen clear. No. While looking at your sex robot. No, it's an expression. You don't know the expression fill your boots?

It's basically like do whatever you want. Who's filling their boots with anything? It's an expression. Other than their feet. Yeah, that's what it's saying. Fill your boots with your feet. Do what you want. What?

I don't know if it's a straight expression. I don't know. It's like that same expression that you used, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting. Which is a real expression too. It absolutely is. We had a massive argument about it. It turns out it is.

Anyway, this is off topic. We digress. Oh, is it? I should point out that the off-topicness of that had nothing to do with me. You never kicked me out of bed for farting. I'm trying to think if I have. I'm sure the's the opposite. I have.

I get mad at you. Yours is so bad I get mad. I cried one time that was so bad. You're laughing so much. I get so cross and they're silent. So you'll do it, then you'll leave the room, and then I have to just sit in your stent. And it's always when I've got really comfortable

and I'm reading a good book. Okay, look, if you want to put your shoes on and leave, Claire, if you want to fill your boots and walk out the door, you're more than welcome to. Anyway, what are you up to? Hello. Okay, well, I want to talk about cookies. Yes.

I have done a fair amount of cooking. I've got back into cookies. Why are you laughing? Because, like, I wasn't going to champion you on that one, so you championed yourself, but I admire that. You're like, cookies. You looked at me and I'm like, sorry. To be fair, that's your, like, your go-to reaction to everything.

Okay, so this week I opened up my book, Midnight Chicken, that I've talked about before, which is a brilliant recipe book. Get over that book, Claire. It's beautiful. It's just hopeful. Put it in a backpack and jump in a lake. No, go fill your boots with semen or whatever it is that you wanted to do. That I wanted to do.

While looking at a sex robot. I'm making choc-chip cookies. Where does this show deload? First episode of the year, of the decade, and this is where we landed. Well, technically the decade starts in 2021. Oh, shut your pie hole. Anyhoo, and put some choc-chip cookies in there. So Midnight Chicken, I've talked about it before, really messy book.

It's hopeful. It's just a beautiful read as well. It's about how food kind of brought Ella back to life really. And she has a brilliant recipe for choc-tip cookies in there. And I made them. What did you think? They were incredible. And there was a salt.

You put in some sea salt and I had them fresh and it was amazing. And then I ate too many of them. Oh, they're so good. I'll put the recipe on our Instagram. No, no, you don't have to. At suggestible price. No, you don't have to worry. Don't worry about it.

What? You're the bloody worst. Anyway. Honestly, don't worry about it. Also, what's genius about it is that you only – It's not a problem. It just won't have to. That's a suggestible part. No, you don't have to worry. Don't worry about it. What? You're the bloody worst. Anyway. Honestly, don't worry about it. Also, what's genius about it is that you only – It's not a problem. It won't be there. Shut up.

If people look for it, it won't be there. I'll make sure of it. You're the bloody worst. Anyway, the secret is you only cook them for 10 minutes because if you cook them for longer, they start to go hard and you want them to kind of gooey and delicious. If you write a secret in a book, is it a secret? Wouldn't you say the trick is? Would that be the appropriate expression?

Just stop being critical. I'm not being critical. I'm asking genuine questions. I'm trying to help. You know what? I'm going to tell everybody the secret early that we're going to wait until later, but I'm going to tell them now, and then you'll feel bad for making fun of a pregnant woman

because I'm pregnant. Oh, my God. This is how you tell me? That's why my brain has been gone for ages and I get really silly and I've been eating a lot of cake. So, yeah, but we've got another kid on the way. That being said, like if this was somebody else who was like, guess what, I'm pregnant on the podcast, I'd be like, who gives a shit?

So, like this is really bold of us to be like, hey, everybody, care about this thing that only really affects us and nobody else. Yeah, correct, exactly. Are you finished banging on about your nobody else. Yeah, correct. Exactly. Are you finished banging on about your crap thing? Yeah, I'm finished banging on about my crap thing. All right. Cool.

Excellent. I see you're looking at the time. Stop sneaking around. I know what I'm doing. Okay. I'd just like to know how much time we've got, Claire. All right. Yeah, yeah.

You don't have much time left. God, I hope not. I know. I'm going to sneakily get you in the middle of the night in a clown costume. No, I'm going to sneakily get you in the middle of the night in a clown costume. If I suddenly became someone who had a mental illness who decided to just always dress as a clown, like if that became my thing and that was the only thing that made me feel safe in the world, would you stay with me?

I'm going to be honest. Absolutely not. Definitely not. But I'm so adorable. I'd be me. I wouldn't be like walking around being like, ha, ha, ha. The problem isn't that it's. I'd just be dressed as a clown.

The problem isn't that it's you. It's the clown thing that's the problem. But we're married. It's in sickness and in health. In clown or not in clown. There's nothing in that sentiment about clowns. Okay, it's slightly controversial, this recommendation. Whoa.

It is Miss Americana, the Taylor Swift documentary that has just dropped on Netflix recently. And why is that controversial? Well, look, I have not been like the hugest fan of Taylor Swift's music. I respect her as an artist. I think it's awesome. Good job. You can respect somebody and not like anything they do.

And to be fair, I also sing along to some of those songs and they're great. Yeah. And Shake It Off. Shake It Off. I'm all about it. They're pop tunes. They're big pop hit tunes. They're big pop hit tunes. Pop hit pop tunes.

Okay, cool. I won't watch it, but I appreciate that you like it and that other people will. All right. Because I genuinely don't like music docus. I feel like, though, you should. I think you're saying that, but you never watch music docus. Yes, that's right. So that's why you're saying that you don't like them.

Yeah. It's like you were surfing. I don't like surfing. You've never surfed. I don't want to surf, Claire. Okay, guys, he is obsessed with not ever surfing. No, Claire is obsessed with making me surf. Yeah, because you've never ever done it.

But I don't want to. But how do you know if you've never done it? How do I know I don't want to? Because I'm in my own head because I'm me. He's so angry. He gets so angry. No, because you. He's so angry.

Why are you so angry? Let this go. Yeah, because I think you'd really like it. He gets so angry. No, because you. You're so angry. Why are you so angry? She cannot let this go. Yeah, because I think you'd really like it. I've loved it. I've done it a few times. I'm not an expert. But the thing is that I don't think. You like body surfing.

I do. You like showing off your bod. I love showing off my bod. Your dad bod. I love showing off my dad. But I don't. I just don't want to. It's like, why don't I slam my dick in a door?

Because I don't want to. But that would be painful. Are you afraid of the board? You think you're going to, like, demasculinize me, if that is a word? No, I don't. You think I'm going to be like, well, I'll show you, and I'll run out to the surf? You're only on this surf for a short amount of time.

I'm never going to do it. Why? It's got to the point now I'm never going to go back on it. No, no, you've dug your heels in. This is what he does. He's so bloody stubborn. For the rest of my life, I will not do it. You are never going to try it. Because if I do,

I'll never hear the end of it for good or ill. Oh my god. I think this is because secretly surfer boys and men are your nemesis. They're all tall and blonde and you don't want to go in there and make a fool of yourself and get hit by the board. I'm happy to make a fool of myself in the ocean, Claire.

I feel like because you're fairly short so you're low centre of gravity, you'll be fine and you've got tiny little legs. It's not about whether or not I'll be good at it. You'll be able to leap straight up onto that board. I bet I'm an excellent surfer. I bet I'm the best surfer in the world. I reckon you will. But I don't want to do it.

I'd say that you could probably eventually get up on the board for a couple of rides of the wave. Yeah. Shut up. Go surfing. I'm not. Anyway, get on with your recommendation. We're wasting time.

Okay. Well, I'm going to talk about Dr. Sleep. Have you ever seen the movie? Are you going to talk about what a baby you are about surfing? I've already talked about that. I'm never going to surf. You can't make me. I'm just not going to do it.

James, I'm carrying your child. What if I go out there and I surf? Why can't make me. I'm just not going to do it. James, I'm carrying your child. What if I go out there and I surf and I get thrown off and I dash my head on a rock and I die? Well, then you would have lived your life to the fullest. And at your funeral I'll say he lived his life like he died. Yeah, he lived his life. In pain. Yeah, exactly.

Being told what to do by his wife. He died doing the thing he hated the most, just as he always suspected that he would. Anyway, doctor sleep. If you die like that, that would be. You know what? I hope I do die. I hope I do.

Don't say that. No, I hope I do. I hope I go surfing. I'll listen back to this podcast and cry. And I get bitten in I hope I do. Don't say touch wood. Don't say that. No. I hope I do. I hope I go surfing. I'll listen back to this podcast and cry. And I get bitten in half by a shark. Or I smash my head on a rock. Or a piece of coral cuts my throat when I get dunked by a wave. I hope it happens.

Is that why you don't like swimming in the ocean very much? I like swimming in the ocean. Do you? Yes. I'm married to it. You know, you're married to me. My first love, Claire. You don't like swimming in the ocean. Anyway,? Yes, I'm married to it. You know, you're married to me. My first love, Claire. You don't like Swimming in the Ocean.

Anyway, isn't this show about fucking something else? I know, I'm sorry. This is a really bad. Doctor Sleep. Anyway, this acts as a sequel to The Shining, the classic Stephen King novel and also movie, where Danny, the kid from The Shining, is all grown up and now he's Ewan McGregor and he's struggling with mental health

and alcoholism because his dad chased him with an ax. I don't know if you remember how that movie went. Imagine if you grew up and became Ewan McGregor. Oh, my God. What a dream. I know. He's such a dreamboat. He's the best.

I know. Anyway, he's. Your gift is my soul. That's not the words to that song. It's my gift is my soul, not your gift is your song. I got really bad with song lyrics. Yeah, no shit. Okay. Anyway, what are you up to? What are you doing? The other thing I wanted to talk about briefly with you is something that really freaked me

out as a kid. Oh, no. And you're going to laugh at me. Okay. But I wonder if anyone else experienced this. We all had puberty, Claire. Yeah, and I'm going to tell you a deep secret. It sucks, all right?

We know. I'm going to tell you like a deep, dark secret. Relax. So when I was a kid, we had a spooky party and mum had this cookbook that had like a theme. It must have been just like a 90s kids cookbook with like themes of like a princess party, a fairy party, a spooky party. Spooky party.

But there was one plate of things in this that so freaked me out and she made them for our spooky party and it freaked me out so much and I Googled it and it still freaks me out. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Have you ever seen someone make witch's fingers as a dish? Is it like a dip? I can't remember. So there's a few variations.

Sometimes people get like a biscuit because it's also the other term for it is bloody fingers. Ooh. And it's just like biscuits dipped in like strawberry jam on the end. And I knew they weren't real but it's something about seeing a whole plate of fingers that look like they've been cut off. Severed fingers. Severed fingers.

Ooh. That just like has really troubled me for my whole life. So you've never eaten a finger since? Look, I was going to make a joke about that. I bet you were. I'm not going to do it. Will I do it? Look, no.

I've never enjoyed a good. Go on. I think to do it. Will I do it? No. I've never enjoyed a good. Go on. I think people get it. I think the implication is there. I know you were a big, like, dress up, like, a Halloween big party kind of family, weren't you? Yeah, we really were. I remember that story about your dad, Hal.

You guys had a Halloween-themed party and he put on a costume and a mask. Stop me if I'm wrong, if something's wrong. And he sat in a chair and so everybody came into the party. And he didn't move, so everybody thought he was like a mannequin, like a ghost or a ghoul or whatever he was supposed to be. And then suddenly, did he just move his head? He just moved. Like he didn't even move like much, did he?

No, but like quite a few kids had to leave the party. That's so your dad though. He's taking things too far. Just like absolutely committing to this bit. He probably sat there for like 40 minutes. Yeah, he did as well. He did. He really committed to it.

And just like the other, just going back to my dad very briefly, just reminded me of something. He once taught a lecture on mortality and death and he bought a coffin. Yes. As he was talking about mortality and death, he just got two guys from a funeral home to bring in a coffin, just leave it in the lecture theatre and then take it out again. And I remember because he was telling me about this and he said,

I was really disappointed because nobody asked about it. Like nobody put up their hand and was like, what the fuck is this? What is this? Yeah. Because I don't know, I think it was like a way of like making it more real and visceral. Was that the idea behind it? Yeah, I think he was wanting people to really think,

to really understand that one day that would be there. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, nobody asked. If that had been me, I would have been like, excuse me, do you want to explain this? Yeah. Why didn't anybody say anything? I don't know.

They were, I don't know, existential philosophy students. Yeah, that must have been it. Too cool or something. He told me that he wanted to take it a step further. I don't know whether he told you this. Claire's dad's passed, by the way, for those who don't know. But he wanted to put, it's like stand it up and put a mirror inside it so people – and he would get people to file up one by one

and like stand in front of it and then you see yourself like lying in a coffin. And shockingly the university wouldn't let him do it. Really? The uni didn't stop him? Oh, right. I thought he just thought it was too far. But he was going – he would have had to cut a mirror like the shape of a coffin to do it.

And knowing my daddy would have done it. He definitely would have. He had zero embarrassment. Don't always take things too far, my dad. Anyway, yeah, I've forgotten about that. Anyway, your turn. All right, this is a segment of the show that we always bring every week. It's called No Judgment, Don't Judge Me on this one.

That's never been a segment. My favourite thing to do is judge you. You know that. I'm judging you. You've actually, because of your pregnancy brain, you've forgotten that this is actually a recurring segment. Don't try and pregnant brain me. It's called No Judgment, Don't Judge Me.

I'm very witty and wily. What I thought I would do this week, I thought I'm going to go out and watch something that I wouldn't normally watch. Like what's the opposite of something I would watch, right? That's clever. So what I did on Netflix is I keep seeing it like trending on Twitter. It's a show called. Escape to the Country.

Grand Designs with Kevin MacLeod. I love that show. This is nothing like that. This is Love is Blind. It's from the producers of Married at First Sight, right? Oh, no. Yes. Oh, the judgment is bubbling up in my heart.

I don't know if you've ever seen a second of that show, but good Lord. It's 30 people in a house and it's 15 women and 15 men and they're on separate sides of the house and they can't see each other, but there's these pods that are in the middle and you go in and it's like blind dating. So you form a relationship with somebody over a period of time it's a reality tv show obviously yeah you look really embarrassed let me get out this premise and then over a week or two weeks whether in this house and they get to know this person if they both decide that they they're a good match. The one then proposes to the other and then when that two

or three weeks is over, then they go to a resort if they've got a partner and then they spend actual time together the month leading up to the wedding. Hang on, but they don't see each other. No, they do. They do after the two weeks. Oh, but the first two weeks. Yeah, so it's supposed to be not based on looks. It's based on personality.

It's a lot of people, what do you look for in a person? It's like, well, you know, I think personality is really important. And it's just. Totally, I don't think personality is important. The thing about it is, though, I'll give it this. It's fucking horrible. And I hate it. And it's not even one of those things, like I'm four in, right?

You've watched four. Yeah. Because I needed to know right and i don't want to watch anymore like i'm not hooked i hate everyone in it it's terrible it's just sad broken people pouring out their emotions which probably aren't even real in the first place to like just lunatics interacting and being exploited and then forced together in a relationship so they'll eventually start fighting that's what it is it's fucking embarrassing it's terrible it's a terrible show this is supposed to be suggestible i know but i

just think it's important that people know that look and it's not for me like i know that right i don't think it's as bad as doing the nostril yeah i don't think it's as bad as married at first sight. So, yeah, it's just, I don't know, it's a horrible show. Now it's time for that segment of the show that I like to call No Judgment. It's time for No Judgment. You judging? No, no judging.

Don't judge. You know I'm always judging you. It's my favourite pastime. No, this is the No Judgment segment of the show. If you start judging, you have to leave the room. Are you going to tell me you've been watching First Dates? First Dates? UK?

No, I haven't watched First Dates. UK, I haven't. Because last week, what did you recommend? I recommended Love is Blind. Kiss Kiss Marriage. Love is Blind, that's right. Anyway, so I just want to. Smoochie, smoochie.

And I mentioned last week that I watched it until we got to the show and then I was like, I'm done with this shit. Right. Well, it turns out I finished it. I watched every episode. I thought I was better than I was. I thought I was better than people that liked the show, even the people that watched it ironically.

I thought I was better than them, but it turns out I'm not. Did you get dragged in? Well, that's the thing. I think it was, I was kind of in it and it was edit and I was editing and I was just, I just, it just kind of just happened. Sounds like somebody explaining like an affair. I don't know what happened. We were spending time together and it just.

And then it just happened. It was powerless to stop it. I'm so sorry. That's like me eating a whole packet of chocolate covered teddy bear. That is way more justified than this. So anyway, it didn't get better. I should point that out. But what it does do, it culminates.

So there's like a reunion show and whatever. There's actually one couple that I'm like, those guys. You watched the reunion show? Well, it's part of the series. It's episode 10 or whatever it was. They really got you good, mate. They did. Anyway, so look, it's bad.

Don't watch it. Don't get sucked in. Don't be like me. You're better than me. And if you haven't watched it, you should remain that way. All right. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

So no judgment segment was, I'm sorry, full of judgment from me. What? But I tried really hard to have no judgment. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. Can I recommend something now? hard to have no judgment. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. Can I recommend something now? That's what the show is.

Okay. I'm recommending the Guilty Feminist Podcast again. You've already recommended this. I know, but I might recommend one particular episode that I really enjoyed that came out recently. It's on leadership. It's a live show in Melbourne, actually. I know Melbourne.

Yeah. Episode 189 with Cal Wilson, the comedian, who is great. She's also a children's book author. Just wonderful. Has bright red hair. She's cool. It's a really great episode. Also, at the end, it has music from Grace Petrie, who, if you don't know Grace Petrie,

she is a queer folk singer. Her album Queer as Folk is great. And she has two particularly excellent songs, one called Black Tie, which is kind of almost like a feminist anthem and it's really about her coming of age and coming into herself and her sexuality and trying to understand gender. Is it one of those things where like it gets stuck in your head and you just want to sing it?

Correct. Then go on. No, I'm not going to sing it. You can't. That happens out of my heart spontaneously, James. No, it doesn't. And then the second song that I really love from the album is called Ivy and it's about the birth of her niece.

It's just really beautiful and it's really about how she was at Glastonbury Music Festival and her sister rang her to say that she was going into labour and so Grace just drove all night to get to the hospital. Oh, cool. I know. And the lyrics, one of the verses, I'm going to read you a little bit of it. Can you sing it? No, I'm not going to sing it. I want to get a sense of it. I'm not. Stop asking me to sing now. I know. And the lyrics, one of the verses, I'm going to read you a little bit of it. Can you sing it?

No, I'm not going to sing it. I want to get a sense of it. Stop asking me to sing now. I'm all embarrassed. We'll talk about your singing after this, but please continue. Anyway, the lyrics go, and I can't wait to know the person you'll become and I can't wait to hear what music that you like

and I can't wait to know the future as you'll see it and I wonder if I'll still be behind the mic and Ivy, maybe one day when you're my age, well wonder if I'll still be behind the mic and Ivy maybe one day when you're my age or maybe I'll be singing from that pyramid stage and then the chorus is that once I drove all night from Glastonbury to meet you home when you were ready to arrive Ivy how I drove until the sun came out to beat you home all the way up the M5 Ivy. Anyway it doesn't come across that well when I read it. No it comes across really well. Yeah it's really beautiful and so I just think it's a really well. Yeah, it's really beautiful.

And so I just think it's a really beautiful song and maybe Collings can play a little bit of it at the end of this. Oh, yeah, it gets me in the heartstrings. Why get Collings to insert it when you yourself could sing this very song for us? I'm not singing it. You love to sing, Claire. I'm encouraging your creativity. Why are you doing it? I'm weirded out.

Normally you always tell me to stop singing and now you are. I actually never tell you to stop singing, actually. It's really confusing. I'm confused. So what Claire has this thing, right, if anybody around her, specifically me, starts to sing a song, she can't help but railroad it and jump in. She does it to buskers on the street if she's had a few drinks.

She'll do it to anybody. Anyway, yeah, I do have that affliction that I have to sing. Yeah, I do this thing where sometimes I'll just run through like songs and see how many you'll join on to. No, you don't. Yes, I do. You never tell me that. It turns out all of them.

Whatever it is, I can jump from song to song and you will just go with me, whatever it is. I've never noticed that. You do that kind of studies on me, don't you? I do. You old creepity crew. Get upbeat. Get happy. I love podcasts. You old creepity crew. Get upbeat. Get happy.

I love podcasts. Come on. Get on. Get happy. You've got to chase your fears away. I've got no fear. I don't know the words to this song. I love it.

It's not like you do know the words to this song. Yeah. How about I sing you a song? No, thanks. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. This is unpleasant. You make me, you know, you don't make me happy when skies are gray. No, you do, but you do think the sky is a conspiracy. Anyway. What? You do. You've said this before. The sky is a conspiracy. Yeah.

Or overrated. Oh no, you said overrated. Yeah, the sky is overrated. It's the only thing keeping me going at the moment. Sky. Okay. Terrific. Fantastic. You're ruining it. That's not how you do it.

Fantastic? No, Claire. Fantastic. No, it's like this. Fantastic. I didn't do it right. Okay, no, you didn't. Let me try, let me try, let me try.

Ha-ha! Fantastic-o! I mean, that's the popular European version. We're nearly hitting 40 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, actually, well, on that note, surprise, we're always tired. And guess what? What?

I don't even pretend not to be tired. No, you never do. I thought you were going to say you're a donkey, but I'm not. Why would you think that's the thing I'm going to say? Because when people say, guess what, you say you're a donkey and I'm not. No, you say you're mad and I'm not. That's the expression. No.

Don't get me started on expressions that you think are things like the whole kick her out of bed for fasting. Which we established was a real expression. Listen, who's going first today? Do you want to go first? I don't know. Are you the pot calling the kettle black? Oh my God, Claire. Have you ever used an expression correctly? Are there a lot of fish in this barrel? Are you the sharpest tool in the shed? Tell you what, I'm the bloody, I'm the bloody, I'm the bloody Dallas now, mate. After being married to you, I'll tell you that much. I'll kick things off.

Fine. Hello, gentlemen's first, as always. I've just started this documentary series. It's on HBO. It's called McMillions, except the S on the end is actually a dollar sign. Oh, I have a docuseries too. Oh, my God. What a coincidence.

Oh, my God. Anyway, so what's happening here is in the chameleons. Do you remember the McDonald's Monopoly system? It's basically it's Monopoly but you collect the pieces that you'd get on food. What's McDonald's? I've never heard of it. Oh, my God.

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, my God. They sell things called Cheese Max. What's happening? Is this a bit you're doing? How about some Italian fries? Anyway, for those who don't know, and everybody knows this. What about some fish nuggets and a fillet of chicken?

They do sell fillets of chicken. No, it's a fillet of fish. Yeah, but they sell fillets of chicken also. And a chicken burger. This, however, is not sponsored by McDonald's. McDonald's can fuck off forever. I had that horrible day where I had McDonald's twice in one day. I'm having a horrible day right

now trying to explain this thing that I watched. You don't have to say anything. You can just leave the room and I'll just talk to the listeners. So basically... Alright, see ya. I'm going. I'm going. I'll just talk to the listeners. So basically. All right. See you. I'm going. I'm going.

See you. Oh, my God. So anyway, it's called McNeil. Surprise, I didn't actually leave. We know, Claire. I was just thinking you ought to dance. We know. Would you like to continue on with your recommendation?

It's either that or I shoot myself. How many people who are listening to this just think that I'm annoying? Probably at least half. Most of them. Yeah, there's one review that was like, Claire is way shoot myself. I wonder how many people who are listening to this just think that I'm annoying. Probably at least half. Most of them. Yeah, there's one review that was like, Clary's way too loud. I am. I've turned myself down today. I'm sorry.

That was me. That wasn't about the podcast. That was just my life. So anyway, McDonald's run this competition where you get, you win pieces of Monopoly board and if you get like a set, you can win like, you can win like little stuff like you'll win a free meal or you can win like a car or a million dollars or all these kinds of things, right? Yes.

So people would claim the prizes but the people who claimed the prizes were getting the tokens from a guy who was selling them. So they would claim and then they'd give him X amount of dollars. Oh, so it was the guy that was ripping the system off, not McDonald's. Yes, exactly. It's the left hand helping the right hand with two birds in the bush. I think you might be right. Do you like my sayings?

I'm really good at them. Yeah, you're really good at them. I really nailed them. Anyway, it's called. You shouldn't throw glass houses at stones. Don't start a podcast that you don't like being in. I think that's a good one. I like this podcast.

No, I'm talking about me. I just thought that. This is just a motion. Colleagues is going to have to edit this out because this is just a motion to me laughing. Yeah, but think of the people who also have to listen to it. It's not just colleagues. Anyway, it's called McMillions. There's a few episodes left as far as I'm aware.

I really like being married to you. Yeah, I bet one of us does. Because you're so annoying. Yeah. Anyway. What's your thing? All right, cool. Well, can I share with you my reaction?

Yeah, go for it. All right. So I don't know if anyone else out there is finding life particularly difficult at the moment. I think everyone's cruising. They'll learn about it. Yeah. It is bloody hard and for lots and lots of different reasons.

For extroverts, let me just say this is a bloody nightmare, being at home all the time, never being able to see anyone, and Zoom just doesn't cut it for me. Anyway, obviously there are lots of things going on for people health-wise and work-wise and money-wise and kids-wise and family-wise and, you know, the list goes on. Anyway, I follow someone who cheers me up a lot and her name is Marion Keyes. She's an author, an Irish author and bestselling. My goodness, amazing. Her books are brilliant, but she's just really funny. She's a really, really funny woman. She's had a lot of

her own mental health issues, which she's overcome by learning how to cook. And she also went through a phase where she was like restoring old furniture. But she's just very funny. And I think sometimes when people have been through really dark periods in their life, she's struggled with alcoholism as well. You come out the other side and you just have to laugh at yourself and they have a way of kind of writing about life in a beautiful way. Right.

And she posted this poem today. Yes, James, I'm going to make you listen to a poem. Great, great. Are you ready? Yes. It's a really nice poem. It's really good. It's touching.

If you think I'm going to be moved by this in any way, you are sorely mistaken. It's by a kind Irish philosopher called John O'Donoghue, and I sort of fell down a rabbit hole of his work as well after I read this from Marion Keys. My goodness. He's gorgeous. He's also passed away since, but his poetry is beautiful.

On the day when the weight deadens on your shoulders and you stumble, may the clay dance to balance you. When the canvas frays in the corral of thought and a stain of ocean blackens beneath you, may there come across the waters a path of yellow moonlight to bring you safely home. May the nourishment of the earth be yours. May the clarity of light be yours. May the fluency of the ocean be yours.

May the protection of the ancestors be yours. And so may a slow wind work these words of love around you, an invisible cloak to mind your life. Wow. Very moving. You're so annoying. No, I'm very moving. It's beautiful.

He's Celtic and so a lot of his poetry is really connected in with the land and the world and it's beautiful. I don't know. I find it weirdly comforting. I actually happen to have something open in front of me which ties into what you're talking about. No. No, it does.

I follow this Reddit account called Am I the Arsehole? It's a Twitter account, sorry. And they basically post people who like say a thing and they're like, like this confrontation happened but am I actually in the wrong here? And this one is Am I the Arsehole for being annoyed by my girlfriend's zest for life? And so he's saying things like yesterday I went for a hike and she was constantly admiring nature. Like the grass has reached an impressive height.

Look at these baby ducks. Nature is healing my soul. Look at these baby ducks. Nature is healing my soul. Look at this panorama. Breathtaking. And he's like, obviously she's having a great time. She's having the time of her life. I get it. But like they're just ducks and hills and I don't care.

And I'm tired of looking at everything like five times a day. That's really funny to me. That is the difference between me and you. That right there in a nutshell is the difference between me and you. Yeah, you're not like, look at these. Like if I saw baby ducks, like I'm there for it, man. I cried. Last time I saw baby ducks in the park, to be fair, I was pregnant.

I cried. No, I think I do admire. I like nature. Nah. Nah. Nah. You're a real piece of crap. You do not in the same way that I do.

I have to literally go out in nature every day or I get sad. I sometimes just sit and look at the sky for like half an hour. I do nothing else. I just watch the clouds roll by. You also. I look at the birds. I admire them every day. I look at my garden and I potter around.

The only thing that you do in the garden is swear and like yell at the lawnmower. I don't yell at the lawnmower. I love that lawnmower. I have never seen you once wandering into our garden to admire my plants. You don't know what I'm up to. I sit out there and our studio space like opens up to the garden. I like it out here.

It's good. No, you like it in the studio with your television. With the doors open and the sun beaming in. Are you serious? You used to work next to our vacuum cleaner in a spare bedroom. The only reason you work in this studio is because I designed it so that it would open to the garden. You designed it.

You're a real piece of work. And I love it. But you just happened to notice it. I love how you're commandeering nature and being like, no, I love nature more than you. You don't get to decide how much another person likes nature. I know how much I love nature more than you. I know this for another reason. It's the same with food.

You said to me once with food, you could just have a tablet and never have to eat during the day. You would do it. Maybe my mum's a terrible cook. Got her. No, she's not. She's a wonderful cook. Don't say that about your mum. But a lot of food, like a lot of things, it's just like it's fuel.

And if food's really good, that's great. But if it's not, it's just fuel. That's what I mean. Whereas to me, every meal is a big decision. That's ridiculous. Every meal is a big decision. I's ridiculous to be like every food. No, every meal is a big decision. I know it's a big decision.

Because I love it so much. But not every meal. It's the same with nature. But not every meal is that and not everything in nature is breathtaking. When do you ever go for a – you would never just go for a wander. Your favourite time to walk is in the dark when you can't even see the nature. It's not about seeing. It's about the quietness of it, Claire. Exactly, and the dark. you can't even see the nature. It's not about seeing. It's about the quietness of it, Claire. Exactly, and the dark.

I can't believe. That's a crucial point. You would much prefer to walk in the dark by yourself or with your friend Mason talking without looking at the nature. You can never once just go for a stroll during the day. You're a ridiculous human being. I can't believe. I am so right about this.

I can't believe you're even arguing about this. You are commandeering nature. You're trying to take nature away from you and claiming nature for your own. You don't own nature. You're not mother nature. Well, look, okay. You just don't like nature the way I like it and that's fine. Everyone has to like everything the same.

You like watching Avengers shoot each other on the TV and playing old versions of James Bond for work. I have to do that. It's for my caravan of garbage. I am just a much more evolved person than you. This is ridiculous. You are being outrageous.

I am not being that wrong. You spend so much time indoors, probably even more than me. Are you serious? No. No, that is absolutely, that is totally bogus, totally not true. The only reason I spend more time indoors at the moment is because I'm bloody pregnant as all hell and I can barely walk to the corner store. Excuses, excuses.

If you really love nature, you'd be out there. I am out there in nature. Yeah, but if you really loved it. Oh, my God. Stella. Anyway, that's a recommendation. Over to you, Sonny Bob. What crap thing do you have next?

Okay. I'm actually recommending, you know last week how I span out for many minutes. You probably heard. No. What are you talking about? Of course I did. Yeah, that was cool. Today you ranted at your poor mother about her choice of hot beverages at cafes.

You're just ranting. Because boomers are always sending back their flat whites. I'm like, this isn't hot enough. It's like – Anyway. Why am I doing this now? You're just ranting. Okay.

Go back to what you were saying previously that you were ranting. It's supposed to be the temperature that it is, the drink that you get. All right, okay, let's not go down that rabbit hole of yelling about beverages for an hour. This is a YouTube channel. This is a YouTube channel. It's called Some More News. It's hosted by Cody Johnston. Some More News?

Some More News, produced by Katie Stoll and co-written by Katie Golden. And two of these people at least, Cody and Katie, used to work for Cracked before it all went under. Ooh, Cracked. So he used to do this similar show. It was essentially the exact same show over at Cracked. And he covers all sorts of topics, which the kind of topics that make me go, am I going insane? And then you watch a video and you're like, oh, no, that is bad.

Okay. Or at least somebody shares somewhat similar opinion of mine. Bearing in mind also. Just on a side note, be aware, James, or at least somebody shares a somewhat similar opinion of mine. Bearing in mind also... Just on a side note, be aware, James is going increasingly mad. He's going increasingly mad and paranoid. But my point is also, I was going to say, obviously this particular channel has an agenda and a perspective

and I agree with a lot of the things, obviously not everything, but it's the things like... Nostril flaring. Yeah, I recently watched... It also is a man spiralling as he's reading the news, which I really enjoy. Because that's your whole life. That's my whole thing. So they did one recently on baby peanut or baby nut.

You familiar with this? No. So in America, there's a mascot called Mr. Peanut. I really like peanut butter. Yeah. It's one of my favorite spreads. Wow. That's really incredible, Claire.

You've got such a wonderful, vibrant personality. But Mr. Peanut, he has like a mon Claire. You've got such a wonderful, vibrant personality. But Mr Peanut, he has like a monocle and a top hat, all right? Anyway, he died recently in an ad campaign. Who gives a shit? He's not a real person. Does he do a dance? Yeah, he does a little dance, but he's dead now.

I keep interrupting him because he's mid-rant. He's dead. And he finds it really annoying. They brought back, so. I'm the Mr. Peanut dancing. You don't even know anything about Mr. Peanut. And then I reckon someone does that thing where they get a little like

walking stick and like drag him off the stage, you know, you know, the little hooped sticks. Oh, you want me to help you on this fucking riff you're doing? Whatever's going. Okay. Sorry. Continue with your rant. What's the word?

Riff. It's riff. I'm not helping you on this. I'm just going to let you flail at this thing that you're Sorry. Continue with your rant. What's the word? Riff. It's riff. I'm not helping you on this. I'm just going to let you flail with this thing that you're recording. I'm not flailing. I'm enjoying my own self. There, it got dragged off the stage. End scene.

Continue. Round of applause. She's so funny. Well, if you're not going to talk, I'll go back on to my next recommendation. She's muted me. I was trying to talk, I'll go back on to my next recommendation. She's muted me. I was trying to talk the whole time. She did not.

She muted me. She was looking at me. Anyway, so they brought back. I'm leaving. They introduced Baby Nut, which is a baby peanut, right? Or a penis, a baby penis. It looks a bit like a baby penis. I guess you could say that.

This riffing is going really well for you. Anyway. But they made this fake kind of viral marketing campaign. This fake viral. You've closed your eyes. Sorry, colleagues, you'll have to cut the coffee. No, colleagues, leave it all in. This is what people have signed up for. I'm so sorry. It was just so funny because you got in so much pain yet to close your eyes.

Sorry, I won't say anything else. Anyway, so it's basically about how this is a manufactured corporate campaign and how they tried to fake their way into like viral marketing and people like we don't care about this stupid baby peanut because they saw Baby Yoda and went, oh, baby something, let's do a baby peanut. And now like brands are often like, we're your friends and they're just kind of and brands are chatting

with each other online and like Wendy's will say something and then Burger King will say something in return and it's like, oh, it's just brands bantering and it's fucking horrible and it takes up too much space is what I'm saying. Right. That sounds awesome. What was it called again? It's called Some More News.

And it's on YouTube? It's on YouTube. It's free. Check it out. Some More News. I've also got a podcast, which I've never listened to, but I will listen to one day. You will one day.

Yeah, my turn. Whoop-de-loo. All right. My next recommendation is so fun. It's a bit ridiculous. Fun like this? Oh, here he goes. I don't understand etiquette.

Look at me. I have no impulse control. Are you finished? What am I doing? What am I saying? Where am I? We've only got six minutes left. Do we?

Yeah, you're really interrupting me. Well, then I better wrap this up quick. Someone's pulled me off the stage with a big hook. Oh, no. Why are you dancing with your hips on you, hands on your hips? You know what that was? That was the patriarchy just interrupting women like they've been doing for centuries.

Was it, Claire? You pull that card now? After your performance on this show? You've got to be kidding me. All right. Okay. You done? You coming routine done?

We'll see, won't we? We'll see. Oh, God. Okay. Pause the show. I'm just going to say something. Go. I am sick of living with two boys that are so stinky.

You and our son are so stinky. You and our son are so stinky. Everywhere I go, it's stinky. It's stinky everywhere. And I know that's probably a very not very politically right thing to say, but I get so mad. All you do is fart around me all the time. No, I don't. I'm locked in a house with farting fartisans.

It's kids are stinky and men are stinky. Yes, I know. And it's gone to the point where I cried the other day because you farted in the room and it was so stinky. So none of this is true. I can't leave and I'm stuck in the stench. You can't leave. I'm just stuck with the stench.

And then now our son says things like, uh-oh, it's coming. It's coming. Are we leaving this in? Maybe. I guess we can. All right. Maybe because I'm sure there are some other people out there in this goddamn forsaken land.

I'll have you know there are also people who are like way worse than me, like actively out there, like, you know, farting in people's faces and stuff. Okay. That does not, that doesn't make me feel better. I'm just saying. That doesn't help the situation. So what, I should be grateful of the level of sketch and farting is what it is.

Yeah. To be fair, your brother is pretty bad too. He's awful. He needs to get checked for something. Anyway, it does depend, though. Like if you eat a lot of fruit and veggies. He's transcend time and space. Like I don't even understand.

Yeah, they make me mad. I've got to the point, I used to find them amusing. Now I just, I get mad. Yeah, fair enough. Okay, that read done. Great. I don't even fart that much. Let's not kid ourselves.

Let's not kid ourselves. You do, but they're always silent and deadly. Now I can tell the difference between yours and our son's as well. Like a brand. Well, he's mostly Weet-Bix, I'd imagine. Weet-Bix based. Everybody should try this game.

It's called Fall Guys Ultimate Knockout. So basically... Can I explain it to you? It's by Mediatonic. Sure, you can explain it to me. Okay. I mean, I know it, so I don't know why you would, but go on. Well, it's a little boogly, woogly man that kind of looks like a jelly bean and you bump around in this colorful world and throw people off

and sort of play and that's it. Yes, actually. So it's kind of like the TV show Wipeout or It's a Knockout or The Floor is Lava or American Ninja. It's like a blend of those things and you're little ooglyogly boogly people and you're a chubby little bumbling fellow. And it's incredibly frustrating, but also really rewarding when you do win, when you pull something off. And my favorite thing in the game is you can grab other people. So I just annoy other people. I wait till they're in their moment to shine or they think that they're safe and then i like shove them off the edge or something like that so my favorite part of the game i watched you do it

he made me watch watch where people were concentrating on a memory game and he was the only one doing it by the way he would just suddenly run at them in this little ugly boogly pink suit and throw them off the edge and you're madly laughing at like an eagle. It's a memory game. For no reason. You've got to pick a tile because there's a screen and it tells you which tiles are safe because the other ones disappear. And while everyone's concentrating on the screen, I'm running around the arena throwing people off the edge because once you're out, you're out.

Yeah. But then someone does it to you, you're like. Is this because you can't do this in real life anymore? No, you can, but not on the scale. You can't like throw people off a cliff. Because I don't know if anyone, if they know this about you, that you love a prank. I do love a prank.

You bloody love a prank. You love messing with people. And not you do it to me anymore. You really don't. But for many years of our relationship, you used to just mess with me, not in a mean way, just in like an annoying way. I like to think I'm still annoying. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying you're not still annoying.

I'm just saying you're not on purpose annoying. Every now and then though, you are like, you're so annoying. And I'm like, yeah, still got it. Like a peanut, like a Mr. Peanut. Oh, my God. Can you explain to everyone what has happened to Mr. Peanut? Okay, so I was on Twitter the other day and what happened was I saw this like viral marketing campaign from the Planters Mr. Peanut company.

I don't know if you remember, but Mr. Peanut was killed at the start of the year, right, in a viral marketing, a forced viral marketing campaign, and then they brought him back as Baby Nut. It's like Baby Yoda. He's a cartoon peanut. A cartoon peanut. So now they're like, Mr. Peanut's back and he's 21 and he can drink. And I'm like, no.

I'm just like something in me. Look, I do find it incredibly funny, but something in me was just like, fuck this. No, I will not stand for it. So I just went on this little bit of a tirade with the hashtag block Mr. Peanut. So everybody would get behind like blocking this brand to stop with their like branding bullshit. Right. But what ended up happening is it went like a little bit viral. Like it started to take off beyond,

like there's a few articles that got written up in like Business Insider and some other, some other websites, some other minor, talking about how this campaign that they're running has like slightly backfired on them. So look, if anything, I'll probably help them. But it was just this moment of like not the time. You know what I mean? Like I'm just like I'm not having this. I'm not having this in my feed and I just don't want to see

any of this shit. So like it's a joke but at the same time I'm also like obviously hurting in other ways and I'm taking it out. Yeah, I saw a couple of tweets that were like, James, are you okay? No, I'm not obviously. Obviously I'm not. Yeah, we're really not okay today because those have been one of those weird days.

I think it started with me waking you up and you saying, Claire, I've made Mr Peanut go viral. Yeah, it's good fun, man. I feel like it's done. You and me have very different ways of belief about the universe. You should see this peanut, though. I did. I looked it up.

I Googled it. Also, if you watch the viral that he holds up his license, he's like, I'm 21 now. And it says he's like 5'4 or whatever. And I'm like, what do you mean he's 5'4? He's a peanut. What are we talking about here? I'm not having it. At least keep consistency in your world building. Anyway, we've got some things that people have sent in, haven't they? Nice things that they do

for good fun times. For good fun times. To get themselves from attacking peanut companies. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Another thing that I thought was really great is then you have like a whole section that's just like PE and we did dance for PE in the morning, which makes you feel good but also them feel good and you get a bit active. You put like, what's a song that you like to dance with? The song I like to dance with is Everybody Shut Up So I Can Lie Down for a Second.

Speaking of, Nick Mason's here for my podcast I'm going to record after this. I am going to go get him. All right. Let him in. So you hold the fort while I'm gone. All right. I'm just going to sit here and keep telling you recommendations. He's gone.

He's actually legitimately left the pod studio. It's gone. It's all crazy, guys, up here. Okay, so dancing, that's been really awesome. So in the morning we do a bit of that. That can stretch out for quite a while. You can also drink a coffee sneakily while that happens and do some dance moves. Another thing I've been doing which sounds kind of ridiculous but has been genius is

filling up a bucket of water and if you happen to have a paintbrush lying around, even one of those old paintbrushes that you use to paint the house or something or just kids' art brushes are better. I got ours from the $2 shop. And then the kids just paint the walls outside or the floor, as in the garden or the veranda or the concrete. And you can practice letters and numbers and curves and lines, or you can just sit there and watch them while they paint stuff with water

that dries. And it's really amazing. Are you talking about water drying? No, I'm talking about. That's what you've left people with while I'm gone? No, I'm talking about a bucket of water with a paintbrush in it. Oh, my God. And it was really fun.

We did that today. So a few people have asked me on Instagram about some recipes and things. Oh, good. So I thought what I'd do is make a little list of them and I'll put it on my Instagram, at Claire Tontes. So you're not going through them here? No, I won't, no. Are you doing a bit of cross-promo? Yeah, cross-promo.

I'm going to put them on at Claire Tontes so I don't have to list them all here and make James snore away with his boredom, boredom, boredom over there. But, yeah, there's some really great recipes that you can do with kids and just for yourself, even if you don't have kids. Baking is really good for the soul, I feel. But not so good for the bloody waistline. Am I right, Mason? You tell them.

I don't even have a bloody waistline at the moment, so I'm eating myself through bunts all over the shop. You guys, on the other hand, you better look after your figures. Isn't that right, Mason? I'll come off, Claire. It's pretty nice. Hey, do you want to after your figures. Isn't that right, Mason? Oh, come on, Claire. It's pretty nice. Hey, do you want to join in? Yeah, come on in, Mason.

We're talking about recommendations of things to do with your kids. Oh, good. All right. You're a big kid. You can join in. Come and join us. Do I get two microphones? Am I speaking to both of these microphones?

Special guest Nick Mason. Okay, number one, gun range. Number two, Porno Store. They're shut now. Oh. Yeah. Even your most frequented Porno Store? I guess so, yeah.

Are Gun Ranges shut too? Even with the secret knock. Yeah, even with the secret knock. I really like your T-shirt as well. Thank you. I'm a big kid at heart. That's right. It's a Transformers T-shirt, so let me just say, more than meets the eye. as well. Thank you. I'm a big kid at heart. That's right. It's a Transformers T-shirt, so let me just say,

more than meets the eye. Very good. Thank you. It's like fingernails on a shortboard in my head. Thank you. It's awful. He's singing so bad to me. It's so bad.

So what are you doing with the kids? Okay, so we talked about this is where it's come to, painting things with water from a bucket. I'm against this, by the way. Wait, is there paint in them? Is it water colouring? No, there's no paint. No, it's come to, painting things with water from a bucket. I'm against this, by the way. Wait, is there paint in the – is it watercolouring? No, there's no paint. No, it's just water and a brush. It's not a real activity.

And what are you painting? Kids love it. No, they don't. They just paint, like, concrete in, like, the walls of their house. Sometimes the car. You can paint the car. Like a power wash. Yeah.

This is a good show, isn't it? This is a great show. Does it always go like this? Yes, it's not inaccurate. Have I jumped on your toes by talking about the porno story earlier? No, no, no, no, no. Actually, I brought it up much earlier, but Colin's probably getting it now. We're so thankful you're here.

No problem. All we wanted to do was sit and stare at each other in silence. Here's a question for you, though, because Claire and I have different opinions on this. Here he goes. He's waving his hands at me. Yes, he should get a divorce, but it's too late right now. Because all the divorce laws will be closed currently. Damn it.

Where do you think, what age do you think a kid should play video games and what do you start with? Where did you start? I think I had an NES. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Does your kid play stuff on the iPad or something like that? No, we don't do any of that.

No, we do zero games. I am very aware that I have my own biases around this stuff because I really get worried a lot about screen time. What about Untitled Goose Game? Oh, you might like that. He's a troublemaker. He is a troublemaker. It's just mainly for me I worry a lot about too much screen time.

I understand that. However, during this isolation period, we, of course, are also using screen time because how else are we all going to get through? You know, it would encourage his creativity. What? Spraying some water on a rock or something, you know? Yeah. Even just filling a bucket of water, putting some stuff in it,

and then they have to pick it out with tongs. What was with the water? What was with the water, Mason? I don't know what this is. What? Because it's free and it's at home. Just stop making fun. Water's not free.

You just try it. That's a very privileged position you've taken, right? All right. Well, anyway. Okay, you two privileged position you've taken. All right. Well, anyway. Okay, you two blokety blokes. All right. You enjoyed a little bonus sneaky episode. Stay safe out there.

We're thinking of you guys. I'm thinking of you too. Oh, God, be sincere. I'm sincere. All the people out there. You're so sincere. Look at me. You guys are never sincere.

Why are you looking at me with those lovely arms out? We're so sincere. We're a couple of sincere boys. We're so sincere. We're just a couple of sincere boys. We're sincere boys. We're speaking honestly. We're just a couple of dudes. Why has Mason turned into a puppet? I don't know.

This is how we're sincere. We don't like it. All right, guys. Well, from me, from the bottom of my heart, stay safe out there. Bottom of my heart too. I'm one of the couple of honest guys standing from the bottom of my heart. Okay, you dickheads. Oh, wow.

Wow, too far. Sorry. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts, an Uber account for your teen with always-on enhanced safety features. Your teen can request a ride when you can't take them. You'll get real-time notifications along the way. Your teen feels the sense of independence. You can follow their entire route on a live tracking map.

Your teen will get assigned a top-rated driver. You'll get peace of mind. Uber Teen Accounts. Invite your teen to join your Uber account today. Available in select locations. See app for details. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast where professionalism is of top priority.

Professionalism runs rampant. It is absolutely askew with professionalism. What do you want? You are the ramblings of a madman over there. We also have to be... I recommend using askew in a context that I might not fit in. Correct. What does askew mean?

Don't patronise me, Claire. Why don't you tell me what it means? How about that? How about that? You just think I'm patronizing you all of the time. That's because you're smarter than me, Claire. No. Okay, listeners, I have to tell you something. So when we were cooking dinner, well, James was cooking dinner yesterday. This is a tangent that is not normally in the podcast. I'm so sorry. No, it absolutely is. This is par for the course.

It's very askew of us. All right. So James is making my favorite recipe, Moroccan couscous chicken, that I make all the time. I recommended it on my Instagram account at Clirt20 because it's a one-plot wonder. Anyway, I walked in the kitchen and he was burning the chicken and looking very frazzled. I was not burning the chicken. And I said in a lovely, kind way, the kitchen and he was burning the chicken and looking very frazzled. I was not burning the chicken.

In a lovely, kind way. Let me just stir this because the chicken is ready. You need to turn the heat down and then also you need to just cook the couscous in the actual pot because I'd made it before. Because it's one pot. Yeah, and then I tried to tell you about the history of Moroccan couscous.

Yeah, okay. Which I found really interesting. But here's the thing, right? And you just yelled at me. For anybody who has kids or anybody who's ever cooked dinner ever, it's like hectic. There's things going on. One kid like tugging on my sleeping like, what are we doing tomorrow? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. I'm just giving you a goddamn second.

He didn't swear. No, I didn't swear. He didn't swear. No, I didn't talk like that. And the other baby's like screaming in the other room and you're dealing with her. And then Claire's like, the chicken's burning, which, by the way, it didn't swear. He didn't swear. No, I didn't talk like that. And the other baby's like screaming in the other room and you're dealing with her. And then Claire's like, the chicken's burning, which, by the way, it wasn't.

It was under control. And then she's like, but you know the history of couscous? And I'm like, I could not think of a thing that I could give less of a fuck about than the history of couscous. And you're like, you don't even know what I'm going to say. And I'm like, you're going to say they put this couscous in and it absorbs all the water in a dish. Like I understand how couscous works and I do not care. But you're cooking it with boiling water. Yes, because I thought the dish was the

couscous was cooked separately. I know. And this is why, dear listeners, I was helping him because I cook it all the time. It was my recipe. That part of the scenario is useful to me. But if you're like, do you know couscous dates? I don't know. I don't and I don't care. But I'd already told you the strategy and then I thought, while I'm telling you it, I'll also tell you what I learnt as I was cooking this particular recipe.

Irrelevant. You could have told me literally any irrelevant piece of information and it would have been just as important to me. It may or may not come to as a surprise to you that James does not like being told what to do on any level, even if he doesn't know what he's doing. Also, that wasn't being told what to do. Again, that was irrelevant information. No, I was telling you not to burn the chicken

and to just chuck the couscous in the pot. The thing about chicken is, Claire, the way I was cooking it, it was searing it, it was right at the precipice of me flipping it over and putting all the water in so it could simmer down. I knew exactly what I was doing. All right. You just, okay, here's the other thing that you might find entertaining about James when he cooks.

He gets so stressed and he can't do anything else other than cook. And if anyone asks him anything else while he's cooking, I literally cook almost every night. No, that is not true for one. And he's always stressed. It's only stressful when you poke your nose in and you're like, what's going on? I'm like, get away from me. And you also take so long.

I actually like it. You take so long. But I take so long because I clean as I go. I'm like you. You're a hurricane. You upturn every pot in the kitchen. I'm a hurricane. You use every glass. Yes, I am a hurricane. You know why? And You upturn every pot in the kitchen. I'm a hurricane. You use every glass.

Yes, I am a hurricane. You know why? And I'm sure some people on the podcast will relate to this. Why are we having an argument about cooking on the show? Anyway, I'm sorry, new listeners. It's not normally like this. Anyway, by the way, let me get back to this argument. By the way, I banged out.

If James cooks, it's an event. Speaking of, I banged out that meal. And you can't talk to him while you're cooking. No. Just stop interrupting. I can't. Well, this is what happens because you pop your head in and you're like, why are you doing it that way?

And I'm like, do you want to take over? Because I've got a whole balance of everything. I know exactly where I am in every moment of it. And then having somebody go in and go, excuse me, do you know couscous when it was first developed? Anyway, we should start what this show is actually about. We should start the actual show. However, all I'm saying is you don't like being interrupted

when you're doing a thing. Who likes being interrupted? It's exactly the same. Who likes being interrupted? Yeah, because I get interrupted literally every minute of the day. So do I. No, our son is exactly the same. This podcast is literally you interrupting me.

Anyway. Okay, back to the show. We recommend you things and James is up first. Recommend away. Oh, P.S., we are currently in. We've gone into extreme lockdown. Maybe that's why tensions are a little high. Just slightly high.

Do you know something? I read. We currently live in Melbourne for any listener who does not know, in Australia. How am I going to see Tenet, Claire? I know. Lockdown doesn't come up until September 13th. You said to me that you think you can apply to the government for a permit to go and see a movie.

If I do it, you don't understand, Claire. I have to see this movie. And the other thing is, if I do go and see it, I have to quarantine for two weeks either side. So if I see this movie, I'm out for a month. You are not allowed to do that. That is your dream. Quarantine for a month in a hotel room on your own.

You'll get all the things done and no one will interrupt you. No, but someone's going to come in and give me COVID, which is what's been happening in this fucking country. Well, anyway, but it's just such a strange world we've found ourselves in, which currently might be why we've started this podcast with an argument. Maybe. We should get into it. Speaking of personal crises, anyway.

Anyhoo, let's get recommending stuff. Sure. You old boot. You're doing a lot of finger guns at me with that one. I appreciate it. You never know where I'm going to shoot you from the hip with my old boot in. It's true.

Stick a boot in ya. Did you see Uncut Gems? Uncut Gems. Gems with Adam Sandler? No. You told me to. Didn't watch it. Yeah, it's pretty harrowing. So I thought I'm going to go back. Look, I'm loving some Robert Pattinson at the moment. He's the new Batman, obviously.

Robat, Bat and Bat. Robat, Bat and Bat, yes, which is filming at the moment. He's also, of course, in the new movie Tenet, which Mason and I talked about on our more successful podcast. Oh, the very recent release. The very recent release in Melbourne, even though it's been out everywhere else for like six months. And James had an existential crisis because we've been locked down

for so long and that was the thing that broke you. It wasn't not being able to see people. It really did. It wasn't the social distancing. It wasn't the masks. Don't care. It wasn't not being able to get your hair cut. No, don't give a shit.

But Tenet set you over the edge. It did. And then you said you came back and I thought you would be like, the first time I've been in a cinematic experience. Movies are my life. I'm so happy. And I was like all prepped and ready for you to be coming or like skipping your daisies.

And I was like, you didn't even say anything. You just walked in and made yourself a sandwich. And I was like, James, how was it? And you were like, yeah, it was all right. And I was like, what do you mean? You went in the room and he's like, if I could have got it at home, we would have just watched it at home. A hundred percent.

What? A hundred percent. You and our son, mate. I'd forgotten that I hadn't seen a movie since Bloodshot. Like it didn't occur to me. But it had tortured you that you couldn't go. No, it was just the saying of it. I don't care where I say it.

I watched it on an iPhone vertically. God, you're such a bloody miserable sod, aren't you? I just don't have a preference for that. You and our son, you're like very similar and you both are so grumpy and you don't like doing anything. It's true. Oh, mate. His kinder teacher's cottoned on that he doesn't like doing anything either.

And he thinks it's a secret that she doesn't know that he hates going to bush kinder. I should go on to this. He does this thing called bush kinder where they go out in the, in the, in the will, not the wilderness. They go to like a park, like a nature reserve. And they do it every week for a few hours. And I force him to do it because I knew he would hate it.

Yeah. They put on gum boots and like waterproof pants and they run around. And as I did at that age, he fucking hates it. But he doesn't tell, like he tells us, but he doesn't tell her. And I'm like, did I do it? We're like, did you tell your teacher that you don't like it? But he doesn't tell, like he tells us but he doesn't tell her. And I'm like, tonight at dinner we're like, did you tell your teacher that you don't like it? And he goes, no, I keep it a secret. And there's a group photo.

I wish we could post it. So funny. Of Bush kids. And all the kids are lined up on this lovely log in the sunshine. The teachers are beaming. They're all like all in different colours just looking like joyful. All these mates like cheeky grins, arms around each other, and there's our little dude on the end with the death stare of the century

and I bought him these bright yellow gumboots. So he sticks out like a sore thumb and he just hates it. He pretends to be Batman and goes into one of the bush huts and refuses to get out. I told you this. We've got to get on with this. But look, I'll just quickly tell the story. When I was a kid about his age, I went out on this like it was

like this little scout kind of thing. It wasn't scouts but it was something like that and they're like, we're going to go and cook damper which is like this form of like it's Australian bush bread. I love it. It's so good. You cook it and then you have it with butter and jam. It's always my favourite thing.

But to be fair, I love bloody everything. It's bad bread, right? And there was a moment. It's terrible. It's not good. I remember there was a moment that they took us out to like this relatively remote place. It wasn't that.

So the bush in many ways is like an orchestra and all the sounds of the bush that they make music for. You listen for the birds and the swooshing of the trees and the animals and the cracking of twigs and bark and, you know, and all that kind of thing. So if you close your eyes, you'll hear like the music of the bush, right? And so everybody closes their eyes for like a minute and I'm just like, I'm listening and I'm like, it just sounds like fucking birds mate like i didn't even i'm like there's no

rhythm to this it's just like just like it leaves like rustling i'm like this is just this is like nature like i don't there's no there's no tune and in that story is the fundamental difference between me and you because we did that exact same activity when I was a kid and I lost myself sick just dreaming up music. Like I was bloody, I still do it now. I literally recorded a video on my Instagram this morning of me just like out under a tree. Don't tell me it's music.

Don't tell me it's fucking music because it's not. That was not set up, but I literally did that. But, James, it's a spirit theme. I'm not one of those guys who's like certain music, like rap music isn't music or opera isn't music because I don't like it or whatever. All music is valid. This is not music.

It's just nature sounds. It's just nature sounds. There's a reason why you can't be like, oh, the number one track this week is three minutes of fucking tree swaying in the wind. What about like Enya? That's different. Anyway, I've got to do this.

We've got to move on. We've gone for way too long. I know. Anyway. I actually have a question for you just before we start recommending things to you. Hello, listener. I hope you're doing okay out there.

Me too. I think that too. I actually have more concern. All right. This is my question. Yes. Will you paint my toenails for me? You already asked me this. Me too. I think that too. I actually have more concern. Alright, this is my question. Yes. Will you paint my toenails for me? You already asked me this off air. So you're trying to make this an online conversation. But you haven't done it.

No. Oh yeah, I'll do it. Whatever. That's why I'm getting it on air. Oh. And before next week. So when we meet next week. This is one of those things that make me some kind of cuck. Is that one of those situations? Soy boy. Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it. Whatever. Soy boy Colin Farrell painting my toenails. I won't do a very good job but I'll do it. Soy boy Colin Farrell painting my toenails. I won't do a very good job, but I'll do it.

Will you let me film it for Instagram? Yeah, whatever. Cool. Excellent. Content, James. Collings, edit this out. I'm not going to do it. I have a lovely pink shade and I have not had my toenails painted

and I bloody can't reach them. I can't even see my freaking toes. I don't even have feet anymore. Who bloody knows? We'll do that. We'll pluck your eyebrow and we'll get on with it frigging toes. We'll do that. I don't even have feet anymore. Who bloody knows? We'll do that. We'll pluck your eyebrow and we'll get on with it. All right. We'll be back next week, won't we?

We will with this episode entitled James has painted Claire's toes. We'll see. I'm sorry. Don't forget to edit it all out. Don't forget. All right. I did say I had something for you. Oh, no.

I know. I got something. It's not a good smile. I got something for you. You know how last week know. I got something. That's not a good smile. I got something for you. You know how last week you said that you were going to paint my toes? I did say that. And then you didn't paint my toes. I thought I've locked you in here and I've bought you some nail polish remover

and also some beautiful pink portrayal polish, and I think that you should try and paint them on air. You have lost your mind if you think I'm going to do that. I also bought a towel and tissue. I should have known when you came in with the towel. Come over here. There's a chair strategically placed right in front of me. This is absolutely.

No, we're going to do it. If it's really shit and it doesn't work, then we can always edit it out. Come on over, man. I've got to bring my microphone over. This is love. This is love. No, this is entrapment. Yeah, well, you still have a doner.

I can't reach them and I can't go into hospital with manky-ass, bloody, hairy toes. So I have to actually get your hairy toes? Yeah, I didn't tell you that bit, did I? I have to get the nail polish off. I haven't seen a waxer for a while. Yeah, you have to take it off first. You're a real piece of work.

How can I bloody put the nail polish on and take it off? I can't reach my toes either way. Put your foot up. Put your weird, gross monkey feet up. All right. Okay. So first up. I know how to get nail polish off.

Do you? Of course I do. When have you ever done taking nail polish off ever? I've been to some parties as a teenager. You're hanging out with girls. You're braiding your hair. You're giving your toes. What?

Okay. So I have to paint a real picture here. We're doing, this is a bit like a breakfast show bit, isn't it? That they would do. Jim, I'm going to get my phone and I'm'm just gonna like film you over here with your lovely haircut god damn this is strong it's like paint stripper you're a real piece of work you know that embarrass me in front of my podcast your podcast yeah my other podcast okay so you're taking good, that's one foot done.

There are people out there. You know there's going to be some people who pay good money for this video. You're going to get some real creeps on there. What? Are you taking nail polish from off my toes? Yeah, people, are you kidding me? Feet's like a huge thing. What?

It's a huge like subsection of a. What do you mean? What do they get out of it? You don't know like the feet are not like a. Ew. Like a huge. What do people like to do with them, like suck the toes or something? I'm getting high just smelling this.

How quickly do I have to do this? This is some quality. Pretty quickly because it's quickly getting very boring. Is it? I'm sorry that this thing that you sprung on me isn't exciting. This is going to be a video in a few years. It's going to be like Mr. Sunday Movies. Look at that hair. It's going to be like Mr. Sunday Movies. Look at that hair.

They're going to be like Mr. Sunday Movies is a real cuck. I always knew it. Because he does think for his wife that he loves. What an absolute pathetic human being. I'm actually quite impressed. You need to get a closer look. It's not that good. How good is it?

I'm zooming in. Is that the show? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've got to do some recommendations. Oh, my God. Hang on. I'm taking my mic back to my seat. All right. is it? All right. I'm zooming in. Is that the show? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've got to do some recommendations. Oh, my God. Hang on. I'm taking my mic back to my seat.

All right. He's taking his mic. I'm filming you. All right. You know you can review the show. Why would you after this debacle? I should have known with that sinister look on your face. Come back next week if you want.

If you want. Why not? I'm going to perform other beauty routines and regimens. Your favorite type. Oh, my God. Look, as long as you bring more chemicals that I can inhale while I do it, I think I'm going to be all right. I'm really impressed.

You did a good job. I was hoping for more hilarity. I feel like maybe we should delete it. What people don't know about me is that I'm a very sensitive soul. I got many skills. I can dunk a basketball. I can paint a toenail. I got soft little hands.

Look at these calluses from doing chin-ups all day. Oh, yeah. Well, on your chin-up bar that you attach to the door frame. I love it. It's my favourite thing in the world. Good Lord. All right. I talk way too much about chin-ups.

You talk about chin-ups a bloody lot. I'm also not that good at chin-ups. No, he is. I think I'll brag. I'm too good at chin-ups. Okay, the other thing, Joseph, we've gone way over time, but the other thing that you like to do that this pandemic has stopped you from doing, it's a tragedy, is that you like to go to the playground

and while the other dads are on their phones just hanging out, you like to find a specific little bar and do some chin-ups and show up all the other dads. I'm not trying to show up. It's just you've got to get your fitness in where they are. I don't do it and look over and go, what are you looking at, dickhead? It's just a thing that I like to do. And then I let all the mums come over and touch my muscles.

Look at your butt. I like it. I think it's great. I'm always like, look at my man. Don't look at me. Look at my sexy man. Don't look at me. I know you love me talking video games.

And there's a documentary based on the book of the same name called Console Wars. It's everybody's jam. I got so many emails about your bloody Mario obsession. You're goddamn right. All right. I have a serious question for you about this. I love questions.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad do you think the haircut is that I gave our son today? Oh, my God. Oh, I wish the scale went higher. I mean, a 10 being the worst. So what happened, guys, is we were about to drop him off at his nan and bars. Yeah. And he's had another haircut in like 10 months because hairdressers have been shut for like most of the year

and I missed that little window when they were open for a tiny bit. And so I just got sick of looking at you as well because James's hair was also terrible and I just decided I'd get the clippers, like James's beard trimmer out. And I asked him and he's like, yeah, yeah, grab it upstairs. I said put the guard on it. And I thought you were just going to trim the back. I thought the guard was like a cap. No.

So I didn't put the guard on and I just sat him in front of Paw Patrol and I just went, okay, it's time. We've got to go out the door. I'll just quickly do this. I've never cut anyone's hair. It's not something you can quickly do. And she took it, lowest settings, like the lowest settings you can put something on, like to the bone and just ran it up the back of his head.

And because his hair is so thick, he has beautiful hair. Oh, no, his hair looks so sad. It was like you dug a trench into his head. And I'm just like, you're like, James, and I came out. And I'm just like, what the fuck have you done? I've never seen you walk so mad at me. It was so bad. You were so mad.

You kept walking back and forth going, what the fuck? What the fuck? We have to go to kidnap. My son is just sitting there on the chair. Yes, we go to kidnap. Next week. Oh, my God. And you were just like, you had those crazy eyes

where you were really like looking at me like, who am I marrying? I'm like, do we have to shave his head? He looks horrible. Like, we can't. Why did you do this? But anyway, I fixed it. You really did. I fixed it.

I went to his grandparents. They have like a home set of hair clippers. And I like gave him a bit of a fade and I evened it out and it's not perfect but I fixed it. He's still got a few holes in the back where it's bald. It only lasts a week. That'll grow out in a week. But, yeah, and then off the back of that I'm like, I've got to cut my fucking hair.

Yeah, and you did a great cut on your head. So in the end it all worked out. You cut the lawn. You cut your own hair. You fixed your sun tan. It feels good, man, having short hair. Yeah, and you did a great cut on your head. So in the end, it all worked out. You cut the lawn, you cut your own hair, you fixed your sun's hair. It feels good, man, having short hair. Yeah, I know. I've been bloody telling you. You were worried you were going bald. Oh, it was because you were so long and thin. Yeah, I know. I've been telling you, you need to listen to me.

Too straight. But now, look how thick and luxurious this is. And grey. But yeah, get a haircut, man. If you can, Do it yourself. Cut the grass. I'll cut your hair. Let me come around here. I'll cut your hair.

See, so I feel like in the end. Claire will start your haircut and I'll finish it. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, oh my God. I think because you had flashbacks to all the terrible times you had your haircut as a kid. We worked that out later. There was a lot of anger. It was so much anger directed at me that I just felt sick in my stomach. I wasn't yelling.

No, you weren't. But I know you. You don't get angry very often. And there was just this energy coming off you like I had just murdered somebody. It was like if I'd murdered a family cat and you'd looked at it and just were like, what the fuck have you done? And then I sat there on the couch after you left with our baby just, like, looking at her being like, I'm a terrible parent.

I'm the worst person. Well, I'm there like bloody Picasso, like, working my way around his hair trying to fix it up. Well, I think in the end, successfully, I planned this so that you would cut your own hair as well and also finish cutting his hair because I didn't know how to do it. So really we should all be thanking. Yeah, you did a great job, Claire.

Okay, your turn. What boring thing have you got now? Oh, no, it was happy. It was happy. Is it a song? Because you're happy, happy long if you feel like a room without a roof. Because I'm happy, happy long if you don't like anything. Feel like a happiness. I just don't think it's a very good song. You don't like anything. Feel like happiness

I just don't think it's a very good song. You don't say that. You don't like anything. I like lots of things. I like this movie. It's called Love and Monsters. You know what songs you like? Sad sack songs.

I do like sad sack songs. Real sad. Love and Monsters, directed by Michael Matthews. It stars Dylan O'Brien, Jessica Henwick and Michael Rooker. Is it a movie about my love of you because you're a monster? I don't think, no, it's not obviously about that, Claire. Don't you think that's something we both would have heard of and people would have emailed the show about if that's what it was about?

Claire. Look, you didn't start off as a monster, but slowly your face is caving in on itself. It's true. I saw a photo of myself the other day and I'm like, who the fuck is that? I've done all my ageing in my 30s. If you look before that, I just looked the same. I hit 32. I wonder what happened.

Which was the age we started having kids now if I think about it. Yeah, it's really ageing, isn't it? Anywho. Anyway, so stop me if you've heard this before, but this is a post-apocalyptic film. Oh, Lord. But it's with a twist Mason. Mason? Whatever your fucking name is.

Oh, my God. That is not the first time that that has happened. It's not. And I've also called Mason Claire as well. At least it's only during the podcast. It would be awkward in other situations. So. Let's all calm down. podcast. It would be awkward in other situations. Let's all calm down.

Yeah, cool. And the other thing I wanted to say, and this is criticism I have of the movie that you recommended last week, Love and Monsters. Yeah, yeah. Because I started watching it and immediately I thought, oh, written by dudes. Did you finish Love and Monsters? I did. Okay. And it annoyed me. They have a big crab fight. Yeah, yeah. Because I started watching it and immediately I thought, oh, written by dudes. Did you finish Love and Monsters? I did. Okay. And it annoyed me. They have a big crab fight at the end. Yeah, I know.

And you were like, oh, wait till you get to the end. There's a crab fight. Yeah, I know, but it was bullshit. And this is why it was bullshit. Here I go. Here I go. Because, A, all of the women in it were seen through the lens of the main character who is like a white dude, right?

Yeah. And so every woman in that, every female character was either, even the bloody dog, there was a dog in it called Boy and his most interesting female character in it was dead and he just carried around her red dress all the time. The dog was a boy in real life. So how could they write it? See, this is what I mean.

And anyway, in Love and Monsters, right, so there's his mum who he spends the whole time and this is the problem with So Much Young, particularly when it's written by a man. Yeah. It's because they write women in relation to them. So it's their mother, their girlfriend, and even you're like, oh, wait for the kick-ass. No, let me continue.

There was a big crab fight. Yeah, but I know, but whatever. And I enjoyed it. Like I'm not saying it was a terrible movie, but I couldn't enjoy it enough because I kept getting irritated by the way that the women were portrayed. So also even the character that you're like, oh, wait a minute, and there's like a girl in it, like a young girl who's got kind

of like a father figure. She's lost her family. I do that, yeah. And she, you know, she's still written in this way where she ends up learning from him, from the main character, and also the fatherly kind of figure talks to her a lot as well. Yeah. And then even when he finally, you know, spoiler alert, you know,

reunites with the girl that he's, like, done the whole thing for, for the quest, and she's ending up being this kind of, like, perfect woman who's badass and kick-ass and great and also like looks after an entire colony and then, you know. They have a crab fight. They have a crab fight and then there's like a fight between a villainous woman and her and that's gratuitous. It's always the same every time.

It's like two sexy women fighting and then in the end like she initially has been like, well, I'm not really into you because the other guy, the man died and so I couldn't possibly, you know, get with some other man. I'm like, fuck off. It's the end of the world. Of course you would get with another guy. Anyway, and that annoyed me. And then they kiss at the end and she's like, oh, that was amazing.

And I just, it really irritated me because I felt like there were no, even the bloody robot, there's a robot in it and that's the other female character and the robot just exists to be a vacuum for his own memories. Like it blood. And it's like his mom flashes up on the screen and she's like, I'll give you my last charge so you can call the girl that you want and also stare at your mother. And now I'm dead. Seriously, it fucking, I just exploded in a pit of rage and I was like, this is why women need to write their own stories. And if you're a woman out there listening to this

or you're a partner of a woman or a friend of a woman who is a writer, she needs to write the thing so we have more representation and more stories by women for women so the women's characters are complicated and flawed and interesting and funny and it's bullshit. And also Parkinson this week said that women aren't funny and fuck that guy. I used to really like Parkinson.

Is he alive? Sorry, I'm really angry. I can tell. Did he really say that? Yes. I didn't even know he was alive. He really did. There's an article this week on Twitter.

Fucking hell. Exactly. Exactly. Anyway. All right. Moving on. I thought the crab fight was really good. Yeah, I can't disagree with any of that.

I really, and this is the thing, it was a fun monster movie. And I didn't see a lot of that. Like, you're right, I can't disagree with it. No, because the main dude looked a lot like you. Yeah, come on, Claire, don't patronise me. I don't look anything like Dylan O'Brien. Anyway, I like Jessica Henwick who fought the big crab. Yeah, of course you would. She was, like, sexy and cute and smart. No, I like Jessica Henwick who fought the big crab. Yeah, of course you would.

She was like sexy and cute and smart. No, she's in other things. She was also in the trope. She's in Star Wars. She's in a bunch of stuff. Also, she's the trope of the dream girl. She's the trope of the dream girl which walks the very fine line, listen for a minute, of being girl next door, also sexy

but doesn't know it, very smart and great at looking after everybody and also able to fight a crab Sexily with a villainous woman I can't argue with that But what I will say is I like the fact that he turned up there being like We're in love and we'll get together And she was like

I don't really know you I thought that was an interesting like But then that all turned around by the end No one went to shoot Yeah, I know And he kissed her And he didn't ask her He left and then he turns around and he's like, actually,

and then he walks up to her, grabs the back of her head and kisses her, doesn't ask her. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. No wonder blokes think that women just want them to do that. You shouldn't do that. It's in fucking every movie. Look, the first time you want to kiss a woman. Excuse my language.

I'm sorry. I'm a little rage. Now, listen, listen. I'm going to solve this. If you ever want to kiss a woman, you get down on one knee and you take them by the hand after you ask them whether you can hold the hand and then you say, may I please have the privilege and honour of giving you a big old smooch.

That is the only way to do it. All of this is really complicated, right, because so much of relationships and sex and working out when you can kiss someone or not is based on nonverbal cues. Sure. But I always just think checking consent is always the best way to go forward. If you're unsure, ask.

That can be quite cute to be like, can I kiss you now? You know, that's cute. And also quite devastating when they're like, nah. Yeah, but good. But that would be better also. Correct. Than moving in. Than moving in and getting like a cheek.

Oh, my God. Much better. Always getting like a cheap. Oh, my God. Much better. Always ask, always check. That's my golden rule. All right. Also fight giant crabs. Yeah. That was cool.

I like the monsters. The crab fight was good. Yeah. I like the monsters. I mean, seriously, the girl that was the most interesting character, clearly she'd been surviving on her own with a dog in a bus. She's not even in the movie. No, she's not even in the fucking movie.

She had like all these like amazing artwork on the wall. She'd been like scribbling. She looked totally badass and I was like, oh, great, there's going to be an interesting. No, she was dead and she didn't come back for the entire movie. I agree. It was a good movie. Anyway, okay.

My turn to recommend something other than exploding in rage. All right. Okay. So what I want to talk about is called Z for Zachariah. It's directed by Craig Zobel. It's based on the book of the same name. It came out in 2015. Again, never heard of it before.

It popped up on Stan, I think, but it stars Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie is a bloody superstar. She's great. She's really good. She also produces her own stuff. Yeah, she does, which is cool. Which means she gets way more interesting roles. Yes.

And really complex roles. She's clearly gone out of her way and I think it's similar to what someone like Nicole Kidman's done or Reese Witherspoon where if you want these kind of roles and you want to play these interesting characters, you need to take... Particularly if you're a woman. Oh, yeah. It also shows that by doing that people want to see the things that you make.

You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Reese Witherspoon has been such a trailblazer in lots of ways for doing that. Yeah. It's great. Good, I like her. And got paid by a lot of money from Quibi, I found out recently,

from Mason on our more successful podcast. Ah, Quibi? What's Quibi? You don't know? No. Okay. What's Quibi? Short breakdown.

So imagine a streaming service, right, but it only comes to your phone and it has episodic content with stars you love like a Chrissy Teigen, a Reese Witherspoon or whatever, but they're only in four-minute chunks and you can watch them this way on your phone, horizontally, or this way. Isn't that just like – Squiby stands for quick bites. Isn't that just Instagram? Yes. And imagine say you raise $1.75 billion because you're one of the former CEOs at Disney to

get this thing off the ground. And imagine it launches in the peak of a pandemic when people are starved for content, but you also don't have an app, so it goes to your television. So you can also watch it not only on your phone, but watch it on your television screen. But you didn't do it. Imagine if you didn't do that. It was strictly home. And imagine, say, you wanted to share that content because you're enjoying it,

but there's copyright systems in place on the app, which means you can't screenshot it or take clips and post them online to show people you're enjoying a show. And imagine that after six months of you trying to get this thing working and giving out hundreds of thousands of free subscriptions and you were aiming to get 7.6 million people by the end of the year on board, you only had 300,000. Imagine.

And then imagine that on top of that you're hemorrhaging money literally every day because you pumped so much resources into stars to produce content and then didn't promote it properly and nobody knows what this thing is. Well, I'd never heard of it. And imagine, just say last week they decided to fire all the 200 people who work on this app and close it all down and return whatever money is left to investors. And imagine you're Gal Gadot, Wonder Woman, and you come in to talk about doing a show

and one of the executives from that, from Disney, says, you know what you'd be great as? You could do exercise classes like Jane Fonda. So that's Quibi in a nutshell. Oh, my God. That is totally someone who doesn't understand social media. It's crazy. Like every step that they took was like that's the wrong step.

Anyhoo. It stands for quick bites. There's a story. I will say that's not a bad name. Yes, it is. They did a short story where it's a woman who gets her arm removed. Quick bite. Yeah, she gets her arm removed and so they give her a golden arm.

But the golden arm is slowly poisoning her, but she's so in love with the golden arm that she doesn't want to remove it. Is this real? It's real and it poisons her. That's the show. It's called The Golden Arm. So if it's a show, it's not like it. It's a 20-minute show in four-minute chunks.

God, I don't want to watch a show in four-minute chunks. Yes, you do, Claire. You can get Quibi. It shuts down early December so you've still got time. You could just put that on Facebook. You could. And imagine you go to sell this app but then when you go to sell it because you're hemorrhaging money, the deals that you made with creators

mean that the creators still own all their content. So anything that you made for Quibi, you do not have the license to. Imagine that. That's Quibi. Anyway, we should wrap this up. The glee with which you share about this is historical. And this is my favorite one. Obviously, also just to have a bloody laugh, listen to some pods.

We got a lot of pods happening. So listen to some podcasts, make some funny laughs, do a little dance. We've been listening got a lot of pods happening. So listen to some podcasts, make some funny laughs, do a little dance. We've been listening to a lot of music. Yeah, music. Doing a lot of dancing at our house. Agreed. Not saying that we're not finding this really tough. We don't get to do this every day, but it's something we're trying. So be kind to yourself because some days you'll just fall into

a slump and watch the news all day and want to cry. But these are kind of helpful. This is the best technique. I got this from Brene Brown, but this is like a common technique used by Navy SEALs and police officers and athletes and nurses. Shooting a gun, bang, bang. Yes, it is shooting a gun. No, people who work in highly stressful situations all the time. It's called square or box breathing. Have you heard of this?

I have actually, but yes, I have, but what is it? Yeah, okay, right. Because I can't remember. It's really simple because I, for the life of me, I know I should meditate and like, I don't know, all that other stuff. It seems really hard, but I've found when I get overwhelmed, I just do this technique literally. I breathe in for four, I hold for four, I breathe out for four, I hold for four.

So it's a square, hence square or box. Oh. Yeah, and it's really, it's scientifically proven to shift your energy, connect you more deeply with your body, calm your nervous system and decrease stress. And so I've found myself just stopping doing that when I get really overwhelmed, which is bloody happening on and off all the time. Okay.

So you're going to do it with me. I think it's in Longshot. It's in the movie Longshot. Yeah, it would be. It's really proven, you know, Navy SEALs use it all the time in the Army. And regular SEALs use it. We're going to do it all together now. Are we?

Yeah. You ready? I'm going to make you do it. Old stress ball over there. Okay. You ready? I know you don't want to do it, but I'm making you. That's me breathing out. Okay. Let's do it. Okay. Ready? In for four. Hold for four. Out for four. Hold for four. Okay, you totally ruined that. It's hard to breathe. If you don't like it, everybody's different.

You don't remember that. Anyway, if you're listening to this podcast, I hope you actually do it. Don't you feel better already? I didn't really do it properly, so no. But I will do it properly after the show. I'll take the time. You can never be bloody serious this, Blake. Why should I?

Everything sucks. All right. Speaking of getting on with it, the documentary that I'm recommending this week. Ooh, hi, Brown. It premiered on HBO. HBO. But other places, which we'll talk about in the ad. I say H.

I think it's supposed to be H. It is. I say H, too. But believe me, the amount of people that correct me on how to say H is a lot. Yeah. Anyway, The Last Dance is a sports documentary. I'm not a super big basketball guy, right? No.

As in like my stature but also in general. Like I like basketball. I play it a little bit. Like I enjoy playing it. Let us reframe that. You are not a big sport guy, the sport. You don't watch any of the sport. I don't watch sport but I like sport.

No, you don't. What sport? I like playing and running and basketball and stuff like that what sport any sport honestly i don't play any at the moment what do you play i like like running around and stuff yeah that's not sport that's fitness what are we talking about here because you are trying to tell these listeners that you were some kind of sport aficionado. But I'm saying I don't hate it. I have known you for 14 years. I have never once seen you sit down voluntary to watch any kind of sport.

I'm not talking about watching sport. I don't watch sport. Fuck sport. I don't care. And that is the goddamn truth. I don't need to see dudes run around crashing into each other or women. Women can be sport too. Women do great sports.

I'm not against it. I just don't care. Like it's just not my thing. That's all I wanted you to acknowledge. But that being said, I like physical activity. Like I like playing basketball and like I like kicking the football and things like that. You like being fit and active and healthy.

That's what I'm saying. You don't like the sport. No. You don't see the point of it. Cricket is the stupidest thing that's ever existed. I remember you played basketball for a while and you didn't wear your glasses or a lot of it so you just used to drop the ball or get hit in the face. Yeah, that's why I was bad at it.

No, when you wore glasses you played much better. Anyways. I mean you couldn't – it was only up from where I started. Though I played in like a D grade team and we used to play lots of mums in their like 40s. Which is now you. you yeah which is i'm not don't even start with my confusing i'm 34 thank you very much over midway yes yes what no to 40 from your life are you serious you've been over you are the one that is on the precipice of

40 what are you saying old man colin farrell what are you saying to me right now? I'm saying you're on the precipice of 40. What are you saying to me right now? You know what I'm saying to you because I'm saying you to you. What are you saying to me right now? Anyway, back to my story that was scintillating. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was doing a recommendation. I'm sorry to interrupt your story with my recommendation.

Nobody cares about your recommendation. Everyone's in isolation. No one cares. Who cares? Well, then why i'm even here grow out yeah that's what i say anyway what's your dumb story all i was gonna say it's not even that fun these mums like challenged us to a fight in the car park did you do it because i no of course not i'm not violent no You're the cuck. I have tiny wrists. I would be violent. I've never been called a cuck before.

Get used to it. And I appreciate it. All I was going to say was I can't get into fights because I've got tiny, tiny wrists. Yeah. And I hurt my wrist. You actually want to be in a fight. I could never punch anyone.

It's incredibly dangerous. If I had to, I would not punch. I would just kick because I've got long legs. You would be. I've got big leg muscles. You would not do well kicking. Or I would jab with a finger in the eye. Yeah, that would work actually.

Or the balls. Go for the throat. Bing, bing. I get in a lot of arguments with boomers that nearly resulted in fights. Yeah, you do. My God, one day you're going to get punched. Probably. There was that time when you were like really, you saw red when you were driving and then you pulled over

and you thought the guy was going to pull over and you were going to get into a fight and he just drove away i just want to clarify that it's not a true story are you serious and if it was a true story you get fired and if it was a true story it happened before i met you and you weren't even there but it's not a true story i remember i was there when you were definitely not there because it also didn't happen oh sure just like the time you didn't get into a fight with a boomer in the park over a dog leash. That wasn't a fight.

That was a conversation and he lost control, not me. And he kept walking away. He was screaming. You don't even know who I am. You don't know who I am. Oh, God, we're really rambling tonight. The crazy thing is we still don't know who he was. It's a mystery to this day.

It's such a ballsy thing to say, isn't it? You don't know who I am. Like if we knew who he was, then we would never. It's one of the funniest things you could say to another person. If only you knew that my name was Claire Tonti, you would never have challenged me. Like unless he's like, I'm the president of fighting. I'm like, oh no, not the president of

fighting. I had no idea who I was talking to. He's the president of the sport and he knows you don't like it. Anyway, we, no, not the president of fighting. I had no idea who I was talking to. He's the president of the sport and he knows you don't like him. Anyway, we've got to get back to this recommendation. So it's about the Chicago Bulls. The basket of balls. Yes. What do you mean, like testicles?

I don't know why I like the word balls. I think it's funny. Balls. Moving right along. I'm recommending a basket of balls. Me too. Just hairy old testicles recommending a basket of balls. Me too. Just hairy old testicles in a basket. How many?

Are they loose? What are we talking about? I would say there are 12. No, 11 because one dude that donated only had one ball to donate. Or he kept one for himself. And then you just send them to a friend and cheer them up because of isolation. And they fry them up. No, not for eating.

They fry them up and you eat them like popcorn. While watching, say, The Last Dance with Michael Jordan, The Space Jam Odyssey. No, no. All right, what's your next recommendation? I listened really well to your recommendation today. I can't believe you. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah. Here he goes. He's yawning as well and stretching. And hello out there to any new parents. Mate, this shit sucks. Our daughter will probably be listening back in Easter come and she'll be like, oh, my parents, they never loved me. From day one they didn't even love me.

My love for her is in no way impeded or hindered or like whatever by how much this sucks. I love her. I would do anything for her is in no way impeded or hindered or like whatever by how much this sucks. I love her. I would do anything for her. I would lay down my life on a train track with a bad villain in front of the train. I don't make any sense. Is this a lovemaking scenario?

Yeah. I'd lay down with a villain on a train track. I would for her. I would any day of the week, mate. However, that does not mean that I love having to get up every five bloody minutes and be very sore and try and keep someone alive with my boobs. It's real hard. It's really hard. And for some women, maybe it's not hard. For me, it's bloody freaking hard. Well, I think a lot of people kind of underplay how difficult it is. Yeah. Get up. Oh, no.

It's a baby. She's in here. Oh, little one. That's right. She's all right. She's cool. She made her first pod appearance. Yay.

Yay. So. Hello to suggestible listeners. It's the time to suggest things to you. Oh, yeah. That's right. You have to listen to this. There's nothing else going on. No, no,'s right you have to listen to this there's nothing else going on no you have to listen to it no yes no they don't yes yes they do yeah no hello i'm claire james is here also we're married this is suggestible podcast we also have

a small baby here too that's right and she's got something to say. Hail Satan. Whoa. Oh, my God. That's her first words. Step back, baby. That was a big statement for a small person. Goodness me. Anyway, we suggested things. So we just hope you're staying safe out there. Do what you got to do.

Mask up if you can. Wash your hands. Be safe. Exactly. Build a spaceship. We may all need it. Oh, my God. Take me with you.

What are you saying? Actually, no, I like it here. Yeah, you all need it. Oh, my God. Take me with you. I know. What are you saying? Actually, no, I like it here. Yeah, you like it here. It's your home. You wouldn't cope anywhere else. No. You love your home. It's true.

Yeah, cool. Okay, let's get straight to it. All right. I also, I don't know what happened to my voice then. Oh. I'm so sorry. So you can also email the show at suggestforpod. Oh, my God.

Do we even have any emails this week, though? We've got so many emails, and I've got one here. So the title of this email is Thursday Therapy and Van Gogh Musical. Oh, my God. I know. So if you want to email the show. Do you have to listen like this? It's a visual.

It's an audio medium. Yeah, I know, but it's a joke just for you. Oh, that's nice. Because he cut one of his ears off. So he's listening with one ear. You can't see it, listener, but James has got his hand around his ear. How does he wear spectacles? Because wouldn't they be crooked?

Oh, Lord. All right, can we just continue with this godforsaken nightmare of a show? Please, if we could. Oh, there's a mosquito in my face. You're going to swat it. Don't, like, wave it away. You're going to kill it. All right.

Back to it. You can email the show at suggestiblepod at gmail.com with your recommendations. We would love that. This one is from Joseph Heron. Hi, Claire and James. My name is Joseph Heron and I'm a listener from the UK, currently residing in London.

I'm a long-time listener of James' More Successful podcast, but I've been an avid listener of Suggestible from day one. Thanks, mate. Like many, this pandemic has proved difficult for me, causing me to miss two of my final terms of training at drama school. Oh, boo. And it's greatly impacted my mental health as I spent two months of the UK's first lockdown living totally alone.

Oh, mate. One thing that really kept me going was this podcast and I couldn't wait for it to come out each week. Aw, thanks, mate. That's so nice. We appreciate that. Yeah, we really do. We genuinely do.

And therefore I've taken to dubbing the show My Thursday Therapy. Aw, mate. Just for you. As I know both of you are somewhat fond of musicals, my recommendation is the cast recording of Starry the Musical. I love musicals and I'd never heard of this one. It's a concept album written by Kelly Lynn DeAngelo and Matt DeHaan. The musical is a pop punk retelling of key events in the life

of Vincent Van Gogh. Is it goff or go? I think it's goff. You're holding your nose. Why are you holding your nose. Why are you holding your nose? That's one of my best jokes. It just came out so quick, so fast. There was no edit there.

That was the speed in which I thought of and delivered that joke. Sometimes you really surprise me with your wit. I don't even know. Other times you're a total idiot. I sometimes surprise myself. I'm not as funny as Mason or as quick as Mason, but I could get there every now and then. Every now and then you come out with an old gem. Anyway, yeah, exactly.

Look, a lot of people, which is so lovely, have just been recommending listening to our podcast. Well, we know that. To their friends, which I really, really bloody appreciate it. We know that though because we already do that one. We do it. I can't listen to this because I'm in it. Yeah, I know.

Exactly. I mean, like maybe we wouldn't be going so crazy if we had another podcast to listen to. It's such excellent banter. Goodbye. Anyway, okay, James, what are you actually doing other than exercise to help you stay sane? I don't know.

I'm just day to day, man, just day to goddamn day. Well, I'll list some things that we're doing as a family. You know what? I'm tired from starting a viral sensation, genuinely. Like my heart was like thumping after I was doing it because I was like watching it all roll in. I'm like, I don't know if you heard me, but I got into bed and next to me, I was just going, just's like laughing at myself.

Is that what you were laughing at? Because I was so bloody tired and I look over and you're like, and I said something like, go to bloody sleep. It's one o'clock in the morning. And I was like, oh my God. Anyway, so dancing. I love it. Bruce Springsteen is actually one of my faves to get a boogie on. But there's loads on Spotify of just like really great dance.

That's true. If you go on Spotify, there's literally every song ever. What a great recommendation. I just mean like – you're so bloody annoying. I'm still annoying. You still got it. It's so freaking annoying. You're the worst.

Okay, so there's a couple of playlists I've been listening to that have really got me going on the old Spotify. Okay. One of which is called Even Flow, which has kind of like fun, uplifting songs on it. And it's really nice and I'm enjoying it. That's really fun. I love the song Even Flow. You remember that song?

No. I'm not. Okay. You guys don't know this, but hairdressers are currently shut in Melbourne. You don't like Pearl Jam? His grey hair's been, like, flooping around everywhere. No, I'm joking. You don't like Pearl Jam?

You don't like the song Even Flow by Pearl Jam? Yeah, okay. Well, no, I'm not dancing to that. I'll be dancing to September by Earth, Wind and Fire, one of my favourite tracks. Okay, yeah. I wish you could see his face right now. Anyway.

It's got a real rattle to it. I don't know what's going on. My speaker's got a bit of a tinny squeak to it. Maybe it's tired from your viral campaign that you've been tweeting about. Probably. It's probably burnt out from, yeah, from such viral success. It is from all the genius that you're funneling into it every bloody day. I had a friend message me today and he was like,

what the fuck are you doing? What do you mean? Who messaged you that? The peanut thing. Oh. As in like, was it an are you okay? No, it was more like what the fuck's wrong with you? That's how I feel.

Well, at least I'm not alone. That's good. Okay, anyway, that's what I've been doing. Exercise has been a biggie, getting out for walks, cooking pancakes and currently creating knock-knock jokes with our four-year-old. That's right. He's loving it. And he'll tell you if it's not a good joke.

He will tell you. He delivered one today that was – he bloody nailed it. He nailed that. What was that? I can't even remember. And to be fair, the key to a knock-knock joke, it doesn't necessarily have to make sense at all. The delivery.

Yes. It's all in the delivery. It was not even funny. It wasn't, but it was good. It was a laugh. It was like about chips. I can't remember. It was a joke. It was all on the delivery. It was not even funny. It wasn't, but it was good. It was a laugh. It was about chips. I can't remember. It was chicken chip.

That's right. It was like knock, knock. Who's there? Who's there? Chicken. Chicken chip. Okay, let's do my favorite one and then we'll finish the show. Okay.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow. Moo! You tell that joke like multiple times a day and you still... So good. We've even got...

What about my variation on it? All right, here it goes. Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting shoe. Interrupting shoe. You can't see it, but as she's asking, I put my foot up in the air. With his shoe on.

Obviously, you have to have a shoe on, otherwise it doesn't make any sense. Okay. All right, shall we finish? Okay, I want to do one more variation. Knock, knock. What? What? What?

Who's there? Interrupting fish. Interrupting fish. That's not an improvement on the shoe. Will I hear that? I don't know, Claire. In audio, did you hear my fish? Knock, knock. Who's. Did you hear my fish? Knock, knock.

Who's there? Even. Even who? I just realised I haven't actually given a recommendation, so I'm just going to do it very quick. Sure. This is from Liz Lefevre. Hello, Claire and James.

Love the pod. You guys are great. Let's get right to it. I'd like to suggest a book I read recently that I loved. It's called The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. It's Agatha Christie. Ooh, I love. I was going to say I've heard of that.

It's Groundhog Day. It's a mysterious and suspenseful and brilliant book. And the blurb goes like this. Evelyn Hardcastle will be murdered at 11 p.m. There are eight days and eight witnesses for you to inhabit. We will only let you escape once you tell us the name of the killer. Ooh, it grips you right from the start and I couldn't put it down until I finished, which happened to be around 3 a.m.

Cool. I've seen this before somewhere. Thanks, Liz. Yeah, it sounds great. It sounds so far up my alley. It may as well be called Claire Alley. Do you think? They should have called the book Claire Alley?

Because I don't think it would have sold as many, to be honest. Oh, Lord. Anyway, thanks so much for the recommendation. Oh, no problem. Not you, you goose. Oh. You big old goose. Oh.

What's got you to me today? I'm like a goose with boobs with a big boots on. A big boots or big boobs? Yeah, so now in my brain you are no longer james you are a goose with boobs and wearing old boots cool honk honk look at my old boots honk honk and that's just me squeezing my boobs am i right yeah this is from steve hi steve hey claire and by proxy James. Everyone knows the gig is up. You never read the emails.

I hope you're doing well in your mega lockdown. I really appreciated your dive into music last week and I wanted to share two songs which really had an impact on me. The artist's name is Elliot Park and the songs are The Old Man and the Clock and The Soldier and the Oak. The Old Man and the Clock? Yes. I appreciate music today with lyrics that tell a story

and these songs are so beautifully descriptive and engrossing. You can see everything play out in front of you. They really made me stop and think about life and the idea that everyone was put on earth for a reason. We might just not know it yet. Everyone? Well, your reason is to play video games, I'm assuming. Thus, I wanted to share them with you, particularly the depiction

of the old man almost confronting the clock as if he has a secret. The lion little tin hands pulling empires down, I'm on to you now from Old Man and the Clock. I hope you guys are staying safe and best wishes from the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Thank you so much, Steve.

And do you know what, Steve? I really loved this song. It was like a gift. I just heard it in the right time. It's such a beautiful song. I think Collings should play a little bit of it at the end. Collings is going to record his own version of it and play it at the end. The old man and the clock.

It's absolutely stunning. I know this song. It goes like this. Help, I'm stuck in this clock. Somebody's built a clock around me in my sleep. I woke up inside a clock. All right, are you finished? There's a little cuckoo clock door that he can pop open

and put his eye out and go, help me. And people are like, is there a fucking old man in that clock? All right. Somebody build a clock around that old man. Can I keep going on with my very touching and beautiful moving song? When it gongs on the hour, it's really loud in here. It's not as bad for you on the outside, but in this clock, it's a nightmare.

There are a door. I don't want to wreck the clock getting out of it. Sorry, go on. I'm going. Can you at least lie it down so I don't have to stand? Anyway, sorry, go on. Oh, God. How did he get in the clock?

How did he, James? That is where we're going to finish. We're both losing our mind. Anyway, because we've been talking about parenthood, I wanted to read you the lyrics. It's so sweet. This song is one called Always. And it goes like this.

Like Bon Jovi's Always? No, Always. Two words, two words, two words, two words. I'll be there till the stars don't shine till the heavens burst. Wish you could see his face. And the words don't rhyme. And when I die, you'll be on my mind. Your eyes are closed.

That I love you. All right, let me read the lyrics. Sorry, go on. We both know good lyrics. You've really missed your calling. You've sung a lot in this episode. Thank you. You should get out there more.

No, we can't. Like you can judge me for singing in an episode. Yeah. Sorry, go on. I haven't opened up my musical stylings today. You literally started the show with a song. Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry.

Anyway, always, at your worst, at your best, stinky feet, hair in a mess, always, always. Chocolate ice cream at your best, stinky feet, hair in a mess, always, always. Chocolate ice cream on your face, blue ribbon smile, or in last place, always, always. In all your odd ways, your big and small ways, straight and cross ways, pink or blue, no matter what they say, no matter what you do, any and always, I'm for you. Very good.

I know. I just thought it was really sweet. I mean, it's not Bon Jovi always, but the song Always is also a good song. Anyway, if you have kids, I think it's just a really sweet album. There's lots of really fun songs on there. But really, my main song is The Man and the Clock. The one that Collins is going to re-record. Correct.

He's going to re-record. He'll play a bit. It's really beautiful. It makes me sad because the tickety time is a ticking away and we're still bloody stuck in this lockdown. I know. As I said to you and maybe I've said this on the show, aging shouldn't count like in this year.

It shouldn't add to your biological clock. It's really unfair. It's like we're all on pause except're ageing horribly, especially you. Especially me. I know. Believe me, I get the comments every day. You're older than I thought. Am I?

Sorry. Fuck. Is that when you did your wonderful trick, your magic trick? I get a plethora of comments on how I look. Yeah, James just recently in a YouTube video on Mr. Sunday Movies, his YouTube channel, put in a magic trick from Tom Cruise from Mission Impossible. And it's really bloody impressive.

Big shout out to Sila Magic for teaching me how. It is really impressive and you did it. It took you a lot of time to do it. And you can tell because when you watch it, you look insane. I look insane, which is what I was going for. But also I'm like, is this too insane? It was a little insane. I was going for some Tom Cruise intensity, but it's very off-putting.

Anyway, next week I'm going to do something even more extreme. Were you trying to be Tom Cruise? Well, you want that Tom Cruise intensity in your eyes. That's what I was going for. Yeah, okay. Is that why you've grown your hair? No, I'm growing my hair because I'm fucking stuck indoors. And hairdressers are shut.

That's right. All right. Oh, well. One day you'll have luxurious hair like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2. I'll never have hair like that. I did not realise he did his own stunts. That blew me away when you made me watch that goddamn show. I have a theory that he just wants to die,

but he wants to do it in the most spectacular way. No, that's you. Oh, yeah. That's right. I'm just talking about myself. Oh, God. All right. See you next time, suckers. See you. Oh, yeah. That's right. I'm just talking about myself. Oh, God. All right. See you next time, suckers.

See you next time, suckers. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You guys are great. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. Thank you to Collins for the interview. We've been suggestible, Pod.

We certainly have, haven't we? Goodbye. Goodbye. Tickety-tockety, kitchen clock goes. Help, I'm stuck in this clock. Certainly have an hour. Goodbye. Al, I'm stuck in this clock. Somebody's built a clock around me in my sleep. I woke up inside a clock. When it gongs on the hour, It's really loud in here. Casually melting cathedrals like snow.

Is there a door? I don't want to wreck the clock getting out of it. Sorry, God. Looking so coy. It's not as bad for you on the outside, but in this clock, it's a nightmare. I'm gone. I'm gone. We can wait for clean water solutions. I'm gone. and demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.

Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.