Suggestible - Bumper Parenthood Special

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

Suggestible things to watch, read and listen to hosted by James Clement @mrsundaymovies and Claire Tonti @clairetonti.Pyramid Workout by Sterling K. BrownSave Our Sleep by Tizzie HallThe First Six Weeks by Midwife CathNurturing Your New Life by Heidi SzeHello FreshYoufoodzBaby Love by Robin BarkerThe MotherHoodYou Will (Probably) SurviveDadPod with Charlie Clausen and Osher GünsbergI Don't Know How She Does ItToo Peas in a PodcastParenthood SeriesThe LetdownLittle Miss SunshineThis Is 40The Baby Stuff We Use A Lot by Zoe Foster BlakeWhat I Used And Liked For My Second Baby by Zoe Foster BlakeMulti-Mam CompressesNappy Change ClutchesReign of FireInstant Family suggested by VinnyBig Balls suggested by

Hey folks, it's Mark Maron from WTF. I travel all over North America doing stand-up and it's always good to know Airbnb is an option when I'm away from home. But if you're away from home, why not take your own place and Airbnb it? Airbnb your whole home to make some extra cash. Or if you have a spare room that's not in use, just Airbnb that. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Well, here we are again. It's suggestible.

It's a time of day where we suggest things to you. I'm Claire. Here's James. That's right. The time of day varies for us when we're recording. It also varies for you, presumably, when you listen to it. Wherever you are in the world. But you know what we always say, wherever you are,

it's suggestible o'clock, isn't it, Claire? That's the time that it is. We have a big clock in the studio with an arrow that just points to suggestible time. And another clock that says, don't kill yourself. That's for me. Yeah. Is it a clock or is it more of just like a big sign?

Just a sign, yeah. With your face on it. It's not shaped like a clock. Yeah, it's me looking like disapproving, like don't you do it. Doing that what, like Uncle Sam point or something? Yeah, that's right. Straight directly at you. It's not very inspiring because it's me talking to me and I'm like,

you don't know what you're talking about me. Don't tell me what to do. I thought you'd have like a picture of me and our son and our family. I need a picture, Claire. I've got your lovely visage every day. Visage. Yes. Oh, cool.

Is that French for toilet? I don't know. I don't know. Right. Anyway, this is a podcast where we suggest things to you. And this week we're doing a very special episode because, as I mentioned last week, I'm pregnant. That's right.

Which doesn't really affect you at all, listener. However, to us it's a pretty big deal. Well, I'm listening and That's right. Which doesn't really affect you at all, listener. However, to us it's a pretty big deal. Well, I'm listening and it affects me. Anyway, and so we thought we'd do an extra special episode on parenthood. And look, the thing is, if you're not a parent or you don't want to be a parent or you hate kids or whatever. Turn off now. Yeah, very more than welcome to.

But look, if you have any interest in maybe at some point having kids, then this might come in handy for you. Popping out a few buns from your oven. That's right. But I would say one of the things that the biggest thing I guess I'd like to emphasise up top is for kids is just do whatever works for you. Exactly. Like take advice that's useful, but ignore everything that's not.

Correct. And don't listen to anybody because mostly people just want to just tell you the thing that they did or complain, which is what we're going to do right now. Yeah, look, exactly. Because everyone's experience is different. I think particularly for women, everybody's body is different too. So the way that they go into childbirth and into motherhood and all of those things is different.

Yeah. And I think like listening to advice from one woman because she had that particular experience with her baby or one family is dangerous because you are not her and your body may not do what hers did. And so I think, yeah, it's just really important. I've written, be kind to yourself. Have you also written mute your computer? Oh yeah, sorry, I did. Sorry, sorry colleagues we've started on a bad note i know because i often do that at my more popular show the weekly planet and people like look around to see if their computers made like a this this is becoming a thing now for you guys you just keep

slipping in that the show's more popular on the weekly plan i was gonna say it's cross promotion it's not though because it's much more popular i don't need it quite frankly yeah anyway am i going first or you i thought the first thing you could talk about is something we could talk about together. You're bloody full of hot air. I am. You are. But I think this first thing we kind of. Stinky hot air.

It's true. We come at from different perspectives for obvious reasons, and that's kind of. Because I'm a woman. That's right. And you're a man. That's right. And you didn't cook one in your tum-tum. I didn't cook one.

And pop it out your vag-vag. What is happening? In a whole lot of trauma. No. I did. You were there eating a chicken burger. Oh, my God. Can we get over the chicken burger?

Okay, so just very briefly, at the moment we have one child and I, we have another on the way. My one, I had a very terrible birth. I won't go into its specifics. No one needs to know that, but it was terrible. There was a lot of swearing and scary things that happened. And my one memory of James is turning over to him like I was in total agony and just bloody eating a chicken burger.

Yeah. First of all. Feet up on the side of the bed. It was like a chicken schnitzel sandwich. And the reason that I was eating is because we were there for like 20 hours and the nurses said, just take some time to go and get something to eat because this is like a long thing. And that's why I went.

I didn't just have a – It was long for you, wasn't it? I didn't just – you know what I'm talking about. It wasn't to be like, yeah, just wait on a second. I'm just going to get – I didn't get Uber Eats delivered to the delivery room. You didn't get cold compresses to mop your sweaty brow. Well, there's a funny story. A friend of ours had – I heard this from a friend who heard it

from someone he worked with. Okay. He got there in the end, guys. He's really struggling today. But basically the wife was in terrible, terrible labor and the husband was like next to her kind of panicking and the nurse handed him like a cool towel for her and he went, oh, thank you, and he like patted his own face with it.

That's so funny. That's like those stories of those husbands that pass out or whatever in the middle of the breakfast suite. So I think me having like half a burger over a 19-hour period, Claire, come be some bloody slack, all right? We know people who have been like forced to leave or whatever for various reasons. Yeah, yeah, been asked to leave by the midwives because they were causing too much trouble.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, look, it's a full-on experience. However, that is just the beginning of your parenting journey. Oh, my God, it's just the beginning of the journey. But anyway, I want to talk about like fitness and how, again, I think this is different for both of us. You want to start with fitness? I want to start with fitness because I think that one of the most important things that people don't talk about with having a kid is you need to be physically and like mentally well or as much as you can. Because it helps greatly with the sleep deprivation and just the mental trauma of everything that's going on.

I mean, also it's a gift, a joy. It's wonderful. Yeah, obviously, Claire, all that shit. Look, just that's going on. I mean, also, it's a gift, a joy. It's wonderful. Yeah, obviously, Claire, all that shit. Look, just that's a given. Everything I say, just that's a given. Just pretend I said that. Yeah. And what has worked for me, and I'd love to hear what you did as well,

I do F45, which is like it's pretty expensive, but I don't really drink anymore or go out, so I figure like if I'd spend $100 on alcohol, I don't spend that. You can spend it at the gym doing chin-ups on a bar. Yeah, exactly. And with loud music. And you literally go in and it's like Black Mirror but for gyms

where you look at a screen and the screen does a thing and then you do the exercise and then you move around the room and it's a mixture of cardio and weights and it's 45 minutes and then you're done. And I do that maybe four to six times a week and that kind of gets me through. And I think just that short, sharp kind of like really quick one and done kind of fitness really works for me as opposed to like, you know, you go to the gym and you kind of wander around and you do a bit of this

and you do a bit of that and you're on your phone and you talk to this person or whatever, but it's just like get in, get out. The one thing that changes hugely, particularly when you become a first-time parent, is your level of time that you have for yourself is greatly diminished. Oh, yeah. And those hours that you do have for yourself are really, really important.

And because I think sometimes I think part of me got really cross when you said fitness then. And I think that comes from me as a woman, because when you give birth and your body changes so much, there's a huge amount of pressure societally for us to A, bounce back, whatever that means, into a particular body type straight away without respecting the fact that our body has just gone through this enormous change. And so you feel so much pressure already. And I know so many new mums have experienced this, not to mention that a lot of things happen with your pelvic floor and other

things to do with your body as a woman in the way that you've birth, which prevent you from doing exercise, particularly for the first six weeks, no matter whether you had a cesarean or things went, you know, more of a natural birth. And so that made me really cross that you started a fitness, even though I know it's really important because obviously endorphins are really great for your mental health. Well, that's why I also wanted to talk about because it's completely different for me than it is you. And obviously it's different for me now because my body isn't changing.

No, you're fitter, if anything. I'm becoming the size of a house. But I just wanted to quickly also say before you talk about your- And I launch into a tirade. Yeah. But if you don't have to pay for a gym membership, if you want to go for a run, you should do that. Sterling K. Brown has a really good,

who's an actor that people might know from various things. I saw his fitness regime is if he doesn't get in the gym is, Collings will link it below, but it's basically 50 jumping jacks, 40 squats, 30 pushups, 20 butt ups, which is like a, you just look it up. It's like lifting your butt in the air. Uh-huh. 10 burpees and then 10 pull-ups, uh, wide grip pull-ups. Um, and then you do that three times and it takes like 20 minutes and then, and that will,

you could just do that every day. Yeah. Yeah. And that would be fine. Just to take that time for yourself I think is important. For women I think it's very different. 100%. Yeah.

And, I mean, obviously also staying active during pregnancy is important and all of those things that do really help. But there's also a lot of health factors. Everyone's body is different. Some people can yoga all the way up to 37, 40 weeks. Other women like me who love exercise find it really hard to exercise. I find that so cruel. It is so cruel because I get really nauseous and really terribly sick.

And you love running. I do. And immediately I almost can't run because I'm A, too nauseous, too exhausted because pregnancy brings that real huge waves of exhaustion for me. This is not everyone's experience, it's just my experience. It's not my experience. Yeah, I know.

God. Anyway, so I think the number one thing I would say is prioritise your mental health and exercise can help with that. But particularly for women and especially just after you've given birth, just be bloody kind to yourself. Whenever you get small cherished moments that are just for you and that aren't about adjusting to your new life, do something that makes you feel good.

Even if it's literally just run a comb through your hair and have a shower or get outside and see the sun, go for a walk around the block, those kinds of things. Save that to the end but give each other little breaks and little kind of i was gonna say holidays they're not holidays but but yeah like if you can give your partner the baby and go and just get a coffee or whatever you know just anything that you need if it's an hour or whatever it makes such a huge difference it really does give each other breaks in the night so because i know i know you're really good when i'm when i work late you're really good when I work late.

You're really good at going, you look like you're going to die, sleep in the spare room and then have like an actual night's sleep, which I really appreciate. Yeah, because I think you're a team. I think what happens particularly, we're really talking about in this episode mainly pregnancy in the newborn phase. But I think what happens early on is that sleep deprivation kicks in because babies often, not all babies, but a lot of babies feed every couple of hours, like two or three hours.

So that's a really kind of full on thing to go through if you're doing that all the way through the night. Sometimes it can be every hour. And so it's a really intense time. And so not only being kind to yourself, but being kind to your partner and thinking of yourselves as a team and how you can kind of eke out some sleep for the two of you. Yes. Because even when women are breastfeeding and often the feeding falls specifically to women when they're breastfeeding,

there are still so many things as a bloke that you can do to help. And I think one of them is is really tuning in and listening to what she needs and as much as you can giving her breaks yeah just as just sleep at the beginning because you do kind of feel you can't feel useless as you know because you can't feed the baby unless you're bottle feeding which we can talk about as well but uh but yeah so you just kind of do everything else. I know one thing that worked for my parents was when we used to wake up when we were babies, me and my brothers, my dad used to just put us outside and then go back to sleep.

No, it was his job to get up. He grabbed one of us hand to my mom who'd feed and then he'd kind of doze. And then, and then when they were finished were finished, so she wouldn't get up. So it's just something you have to do. Yeah, he'd change that piece and do all of those kinds of things. I also acknowledge that some people don't have the luxury of having a partner. And someone has to work. Or someone has to work or whatever your situation may be.

Some people just have useless as shit partners as well. That's not fair. It's true, Claire. Anyway, I just think try to be as kind to each other as you can, particularly when everyone is getting no sleep. And the biggest thing I always say to any of my friends that are having a baby or have had a baby is that it does not last forever. At the time it feels like it will, but it does not last forever.

Yeah, it lasts an excruciatingly long time. No, it just gets better and easier. And so. It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls and arancini balls. Yes, we deliver those.

Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. On that note, I wanted to talk about a couple of books actually that I found useful. And then I want to talk about a book that I would recommend, Burning in the Fiery Pits of Hell. Thanks, adult Hitler.

Jeez. So I know I don't think I've ever done an anti-recommendation before but this book tortured me. No, this book can fuck off. I'm with you. Look, it's called Save Your Sleep and for some people it's a godsend. I thought we were talking about the Da Vinci Code. That's so good.

Anyway, it's called Save Your Sleep. And for some families it's like a godsend and people swear by it. It's a very military precision way of making your baby sleep through the night basically. And there are some good tips in there, but so much of it is about waking your baby and feeding them at 6.05 and then pumping for this amount and expressing for this. And if you haven't had kids, you're going to be like, what are they even talking about with pumping?

But it's not pumping iron, it's pumping your boob. Just to let you know, which is a terrible, terrible thing to have for any woman, I think. I don't know, I've never met a single woman who enjoys slapping a contraption on their boobs and then sitting there for hours while it goes, and like essentially milking you like a cow. It is horrendous to watch. It is horrendous to do, in my opinion. Maybe someone loves it. I don't know. And look, it can be really convenient. I really struggled with breastfeeding for lots of different reasons

with our son. I tried so hard. I ran myself ragged trying to do it. It nearly, it really broke me trying to breastfeed. And I had it in my head because I listened to all these midwives and all this advice beforehand. You know, breastfeeding was the only way breast is best. And that, you know, women just need to push through the pain and you're not trying hard enough if it's not working for you. And there's a magic bullet that something will happen. What I've since discovered is that everyone's body is different. And every baby is different. Every baby is different. I mean, they all look the same. I mean, you know, our son had reflux and I won't go into too much of that, but he had a lot of allergies and things too, that complicated matters. And it also depends

on the kind of birth that you have, all sorts of factors go into it. And I kind of hadn't realised that at the time. And I felt like no one really said to me, it's okay, formula is okay. If it doesn't work for you, mixed feeding is okay. You can feed with formula and breast milk at the same time. Which is kind of what we ended up doing and then transitioning. Yeah, exactly. But I had so much guilt over it and I tortured myself over it for months trying to get this

thing to work. And I tried cookies and all this nonsense. Anyway, so Save Your Sleep had a whole lot of strategies in it that I felt were quite damaging. And so the books that I felt like were really good. Angels and Demons, the sequel. It's way better. Or was it a prequel?

No, sorry, go on. Who knows? I'm just going to list them. The first six weeks by Midwife Kath. Midwife Kath is someone to follow. If you are a new parent or going to be a new parent, she's brilliant. Her advice is really sensible. She's a really qualified midwife.

She's been doing it for 30 years. My obstetrician recommends her too. And she just has, you know, as with everything, you take it with a grain of salt because your situation is always different, but her advice is very practical. And she says that too, that breastfeeding, it works for lots of women and obviously is a great thing to do, but it doesn't work for everybody and that's okay. And she has really great tips about bath time and getting them to sleep in sensible, calm, measured ways. And she gives lots of great advice in that.

So I would read that one. Also, I mean, if you can also breastfeed, it's way cheap. It's cheap as well. So if you can do it, you should absolutely do it. Oh, no, I'm not in any way advocating not to breastfeed. Breastfeeding obviously is an incredibly wonderful thing. And for a lot of women women it becomes this incredible experience and wonderful for their family.

Bottle feeding also means another person can feed your baby. Yeah, which does help. And often actually what some of our friends do who breastfeed is they breastfeed all the way during the day but then that bottle at night time at about, and this is very specific if people have babies, sorry, so sorry if you're a listener of this show going, this is totally boring. They've already left those people.

Don't worry about it. Right. So, you know, you might do what's called a dream feed where, like, mum might go to bed at, say, 7 o'clock and dad can stay and do one bottle of breast milk or of pumped breast milk or of formula and that just means baby also sleeps for longer because often with formula they get more calories in and often sleep is about how many calories they get in before they wake up hungry again.

And so it really can be wonderful because then not only dad has that bonding time but also the mum can sleep. Oh, God, sleep becomes the biggest thing. So anyway, Midwife Kath has suggestions around that too. So the first six weeks by Midwife Kath. Another one that's wonderful is called Nurturing Your New Life by Heidi Zer. And she's also at Heidi Apple on Instagram. I've talked about her before.

Brilliant recipes in that book, recipes to nurture yourself and nurture your family during that time that are super easy with all ingredients that can be kept for ages so you can buy in bulk. Yeah. Freeze a whole lot of stuff. This is a recent thing that you've kind of introduced, which has been really good, yeah. Amazing, and I've been practising her recipes so that when it comes to D-Day.

Yeah, and they're great recipes that Dad can follow too. They're very simple really. Yeah, even a dumbass like me. Thanks, Claire. Well, just people like you who are culinarily challenged. I'm a fucking whiz on a recipe. You've never followed a recipe in your life. You put a recipe in front of me, I can cook literally everything.

James cooks like he's living in slow motion. You cook like you're a tornado. You just use every pan. If we're throwing stones, let's do this. I cook like the chef from The Muppets. I clean as I go. You don't even know that I've cooked. Okay, yeah, but I do more of the cooking.

That's probably true. It's faster because I know if you're going to cook, it's going to take like an hour and a half, and by that point our son is like super starving. I can get a meal together in like 20 to 30 minutes. So can I. Get out of here. We should have a MasterChef style competition.

No, he can't. He can't. He really can't. He's like obviously better at following a recipe, definitely, than me, but you take bloody forever and you're always like what's this? What should I put in here? Oh, I'm just chopping the carrots. No, mate. Sometimes dinner just needs to get on the table. Yeah, I'm good at that. Chip, chip, I'm just chopping the carrots. No, mate.

Sometimes dinner just needs to get on the table. Yeah, I'm good at that. Chip, chip, chop. Get out of here. Anyway, going back to the books, Nurturing in Your Life is a beautiful book to gift also to someone who is a parent or becoming a parent in your life because it's just really nurturing and it's really kind and it just says do whatever is right for you and your family

but look after you. And she has just lots of lovely simple things like go give yourself a bath yeah no go and ring a friend just like have a cigarette that's fine she's a qualified nutritionist and dietician yeah as well and she has a beautiful instagram and she's a mom of two kids but she just has a really great outlook on life and her recipes are excellent and really quick and easy and very healthy, good for you, nourishing stuff. And that way you're also not running to the shops and whatever. Speaking of food, I just wanted to quickly mention like things like meal service like HelloFresh, which is a sponsor for us occasionally.

For your more popular podcast. But they are good. Like if you just – they give you the exact ingredients and they're easy to follow and they take like 20, 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah. They are good. Like if you just, they give you the exact ingredients and they're easy to follow and they take like 20 minutes. Yeah.

Yeah. But now all like you foods, which is just, which, which are already made up, which we've used before. I think they're better in the newborn phase because I think in the newborn phase, even the idea of HelloFresh, HelloFresh is brilliant. Well, we have to say that because we're sponsored. No, yeah. I know what you mean.

Even just cooking can be hard. But online ordering and stuff is honestly really great. Yeah, that's really what I'm talking about. Because often you kind of go to just take out and you can lean on that. Because I know I put on quite a bit of weight when we were first kids. I did too, yeah. Just from eating take out and not exercising. And not sleeping because sleep is such a massive part of it.

So, yeah, you're absolutely right. I think freezing meals, cooking and, up to up some freezing before the baby's born is awesome. And also getting your fam to drop off some food. That's right. And have a cigarette. You want a cigarette? It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Snort some cocaine. You get some bloody cocaine, don't you? No, I'm not advocating that on any level. I am. Anyway, so aside from that, three other books that I wanted to mention very quickly that I feel like are great. One is Baby Love by Robin Barker. That's kind of like a gospel guide.

If you have any kind of weird thing, like your baby is snorting like a pig, like we had at one point, rather than falling into Dr Google, which is very dangerous and you should not Google too many things when you are sleep deprived and the mother of a new baby. But at the same time, it can be helpful. It very much can be, but sometimes you can get into dangerous, weird blogs where you're freaking out about all the symptoms. Anyway, Baby Love is great and all your baby questions are answered in that book.

It's like a Bible. It's really good. And then I just wanted to recommend two books that I feel like are just great to read because they make you feel less alone in how difficult parenthood is and all of the funny, ridiculous, hilarious things that happen. So one is called The Motherhood by Jamila Rizvi. Oh, yeah. She's a lovely friend of mine and has a brilliant podcast over at Future Women.

Let's say friend of ours, Claire. Okay, friend of ours. She's brilliant. So The Motherhood is a collection, I guess, of musings or reflections from a lot of prominent women in Australia about their experience of motherhood and it was sort of inspired by her friend Claire Bowditch who wrote her a letter when Jamila's baby was born. Yeah.

And it's just gorgeous and it makes you feel less alone and it's very raw and honest and great. So I would really recommend that. From our good friend Jamila, equal friends. And also it's also these are all really good gifts. If you don't know what to get, your friend who is having a baby or a family. I never know. I never, ever know.

The other one is Lauren Dubois who I think I might have talked about before. I follow her on Instagram. Dubois. She's great. She was a journalist. Now she's a mother and she has this, just this awesome kind of motherhood blog. That's really funny. And she's written a book called you will probably survive and other things. They don't tell you about motherhood and

it's hilarious and great. And she works up from newborn baby or pregnancy, newborn baby, all the way to the toddler years. And it's, it just makes you feel better about yourself when you're like, I don't know, covered in breast milk and like hasn't slept in five days and haven't had a shower in a week. And you just want a cigarette. Sitting and sensing a pattern here. All right, they're the books I recommend. They're good books, Claire.

Okay, excellent. Well, I've got a podcast here which actually I featured in this week. It's called Dad Pod. I'm taking the more dad side of this situation, obviously, Claire. I would hate to speak for you and women everywhere, even though I easily could because I have such a good understanding. Oh, God, here he goes. Sure, give us your experience.

When your bits rip open and a thing pops out of them, you come and talk to me. I'm sorry, that was a terrifying image. Claire, excuse me. My bits have ripped open and a thing pops out of them. You come and talk to me. I'm sorry. That was a terrifying image. Claire, excuse me. My bits have ripped open and I need some assistance. So it's called DadPod. Charlie Clawson, who people might know from Tofop and acting and various other things.

He does this with Osher Gunzberg, who people would know from various – if you're Australian, you know exactly who he is. The Bachelor hosts The Bachelor, among many other things. He's great. But he also has his own podcast and he does a lot of interesting things. And he's also like a really nice guy. Anyway, they've both got two newborns and they basically just are chronicling that through this podcast.

And so every week they also have a guest kind of ring in who they speak to about a particular topic. So I was on for about five or ten minutes on this episode that went out yesterday or whatever. People want to check it out. But it's just a really good kind of fun like and I don't know, it's one of those things that I wouldn't listen to normally because I'm like fucking dads and bloody dad podcast advice for kids.

I don't want to hear it. But this one is really good and really funny and like helpful and interesting and I think it's just a good show. And honest. And honest as well, yeah. I know. I think that's one of the most powerful things is when people actually tell you how they're feeling and how they're going through it.

Totally. And you just get to listen to other people being like, this is bloody hard. There's nothing worse than when you're struggling and you go to a mother's group or like hang out with other dads. I know how you feel. And everyone's like, best job in the world, wouldn't change it, love them so much, this is a dream.

No, I never believe any of that. I always feel those people are broken. Which probably isn't true. Some people have like other, you know, everyone's babies and experiences are different. But for the most part, it's just such a huge life change. My goodness, it's huge and it's wonderful and glorious, but it's just such a huge life change. My goodness. It's huge and it's wonderful and glorious, but it's also extremely difficult.

So, you know, it's nice. And that's what I think those two books I recommended are good for too. I wanted to talk about, I have two podcasts as well. One is called I Don't Know How She Does It with Holly Wainwright. This is actually from the Mamma Mia Podcast Network, but it's an old podcast. I don't think they've even It with Holly Wainwright. This is actually from the Mamma Mia Podcast Network, but it's an old podcast. I don't think they've even released any episodes anymore. But there's just interviews with really prominent Australian women just talking about how they make their lives work.

But a lot of them actually centre around how they are parents while also working. Yeah. And that is actually, and it's very honest, and Holly Wainwright is a great host. So I'd recommend that. Just go back and have a look through there. And Two Peas in a Podcast, which the two women I interviewed

a little while ago, they're awesome. And Two Peas in a Podcast sort of goes through their journey with having twins with disabilities. And it's just, there's just a lot in it, even though that might not be your experience of having twins or, you know, having experience with kids with special needs. It's just joyful and kind of heartbreaking and it just is a really honest look at.

And they're lovely. They're just lovely. But they're also really funny. Yeah, they are. Anyway, it's a beautiful podcast too. Yeah. Do you want to talk quickly about, do you have any TV shows? Not really. I just wanted to quickly talk about something that you introduced really

early on with our son, which was reading a book before putting him down for a nap. So that's something we were doing that like straight away. And I'm like, why are we doing this? Like he doesn't, he can't even see his hand in front of his face, but it's one of those things that slowly, and it happens quicker than you'd think, I i guess where that becomes like a thing that they recognize is like you read a book and then you kind of have a lie down kind of thing and look everyone is different and our kid was pretty good at like you're getting into a routine and don't beat yourself up if this doesn't work for you because we also have friends who like like the people like well have you tried a routine and if you tried this and whatever and it's that doesn't work because just some kids just don't respond that way.

You know what I mean? And some do. I know. And it's the same like our guys that had other challenges. He loves going to bed. He loves his story time. Yeah. And some of that is, I think, to do with our routine.

And some of it is just because that's his personality. That's just who he is. He's James Clement's son and we all know how much you love to sleep. I love a story and I love a nap. And we both love story, clearly. Be warned, it's slowly – and they can pick books like pretty early on as well, like point to the one that they want and recognise. They're more perceptive than you think they are.

Definitely. They just can't talk. Yeah, it helps with language, everything. They're so – I mean – Like brain development. As primary school teachers, that is literally one of the indicators for how kids will go in school, how they will develop with maths as well as English.

Yeah, it's great for comprehension. Yeah, and oral language. So reading to kids, if you're worried about what you could do for them before they hit school and all that scary stuff, just read to them. It's way more important than teaching them like letters and writing and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, because that clicks in. Like they'll do that regardless.

Yeah, but they need the exposure to language. Yes. And reading to them as soon as you possibly can and their habit is right. Because you need to have that, in a nutshell, you need to have that fundamental understanding of the basics of language, otherwise you're just kind of learning it by rote, which you can do. And you need both. Yeah, of course you do.

Yeah, rote learning has kind of went out of favour. It's like, well, you don't really, you know, there's some things you just need to know. Absolutely. And phonics, which is, you know, sounds and letters is super important. Yeah. Anyway, that's another. That's a whole other world.

But read to your kids. It's the best. Also, it's really fun. I love reading to kids. It's awesome. Sometimes you're tired. Just like a bottle and a book and then whatever. Yeah, exactly. Love it. Okay, well, then I'll recommend my TV shows after we've just talked I love reading to kids. It's awesome. Sometimes you're tired. It's like a bottle and a book and then whatever.

Yeah, exactly. Love it. Okay, well then I'll recommend my TV shows after we've just talked about the wonders of literature. Sure. Fry your brain. No, I just finished watching Parenthood, which is I think based on the movie with Steve Martin. It's a long-form series.

Yeah, there's a movie. Is it really? I know the movie. I didn't know they were connected. Or inspired from. Really? I'm pretty sure. Steve Martin's not in it. Yeah. Parenthood. Is it really? I know the movie. I didn't know they were connected. Or inspired from. Really? I'm pretty sure. Steve Martin's not in it.

Yeah. Parenthood was more of a comedy. Oh, well, I mean, this Parenthood has comedic ties. It's sort of dramatic, I guess. Anyway, the six seasons, it is a bit problematic. It was made kind of 2012 maybe. Oh, Claire, everybody's so PC these days. Oh, my God. It gets a little bit more PC as time goes on. Oh, Claire, everybody's so PC these days. Oh, my God.

It gets a little bit more PC as time goes on. Oh, my goodness. But it's just. You're right. It absolutely is. Yeah, there you go. But it's just a delight anyway. I mean some of the women characters, some of them I feel like they're always like,

what should I do? And they always go to the dad and the big brother character and they're always panicking. The women I know in the family are usually the ones that get all the shit done. Not in my family, Claire. Which isn't always the way, but it often is. There was a 90s series and Leonardo DiCaprio was in it.

Oh, there you go. Anyway, it's just about a big bunch of siblings and their parents and their children and grandchildren and it's just a kind of beautiful look at family life and, you know, there's a little boy who gets diagnosed with Asperger's. They kind of follow his journey and the parents' difficulties and challenges and heartbreak. And, you know, they deal with sickness in a family

and how that affects people. They deal with, you know, divorce and separation and adoption. Teenagers, and what a nightmare bloody teenagers are. Oh, my God, I can't wait. You know, addiction when parents and when like single mums and all that kind of stuff. adoption, teenagers and what a nightmare bloody teenagers are. Oh, my God, I can't wait. You know, addiction when parents and when like single mums and all that kind of stuff. So there's just lots of beautiful stuff in it. It's also just really funny.

I may also be flooded with pregnancy hormones, so it may be why I loved it so much. But Parenthood, that's currently all the seasons are available on Amazon Prime. So that's cool. The Letdown we've talked about before is on ABC. Let It Be Sunshine, the movie. I don't know if you like that, but I like that movie.

I know you don't. I just don't think it's that good. Okay. Well, I like it. I don't like the ending. It's so naff. They all get up and dance and whatever. Yeah, I love that kind of thing.

You probably wouldn't like Peridot then. No, I've seen it. I don't mind it. Yeah, it's good. And This Is 40. I love This Is 40. You love it. Paul Rudd. Especially as't mind it. Yeah, it's good. And This Is 40. I love This Is 40. You love it. Paul Rudd.

Especially as I'm increasingly getting closer and closer to 40. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God, I hope you're not feeling exactly like him. Anyway, so those are some TV and movies that I thought were quite good to check out. Got any more recommends? Not really. No, I think that's really everything. I guess the other thing is don't compare your kid to other kids as well. Oh, exactly. Because all kids like – think that's really everything i guess the other thing is don't worry don't

compare your kid to other kids as well because all kids like it's and that's good because that you just you do it forever you do it your entire life um kids develop at different times kids like go ahead and then others catch up and fall back and go ahead like it's just some kids are good at some things and other things they're not good at it's just they just kind of are who they are you know and you can obviously push them and, you know, you want to try different things and try to make them the best people that can be but they are who they are. Yeah.

And ultimately also a lot of the things they learn about behaviour and that comes down to you. Like you can tell them something but if you're not doing it, they're not. If you're like a big screamer, which I'm trying not to be. Before our son was born, A he was just screaming all the time. All the time. Couldn't stop.

All the time. Ah! Yeah. So, yeah, that's the kind of thing that they, even though they might not realise they're doing it, they mimic you often. So if you're using manners and being calm and saying it's okay to feel feelings but, you know, don't lash out at people and whatever

and it's ongoing forever. Yeah. Yeah. I think as well. But again, do what works for you, whatever. One of my friends I used to work with, Alicia, said this to me actually, which I think has always stuck with me. She said that before her daughters were born she thought that it was her

responsibility to shape them in their personality and who they were. Yeah, right. And then once they're born, she realized they're born who they are kind of already in this tiny package, but their personality is almost all there. Yeah. And it's your job to guide them and steer them in the right direction. But ultimately, they are who they are. And you want to instill all the right values and, you know, kindness and hard work and,

you know, respect and responsibility. But in a lot of ways you're there to guide them, but you have to accept them also for who they are. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Which I think can be tricky because sometimes the thing with parenting is you can see the traits in yourself that you might not like or the good traits, but also the bad ones reflected in your child. Yeah, absolutely. And that is something that people don't necessarily tell you. That's really challenging.

Yeah, because I was quite a shy kid and our son isn't always, but, you know, like all kids he can be. And I just want to be like, it's fine. You don't need to be afraid. I feel like those kids that are just like, woo, and like chilled out. Get out of here, that kid. I don't want to be afraid. Being like those kids that are just like, woo, and like chilled out. Get out of here, that kid. I don't want to say. No, but like what I realized is like I thought like adults had it all together

and whatever, and I'm like, oh, I don't really know what I'm doing and whatever. But now I'm like, everyone's a fucking idiot. No one knows what they're doing. You don't have to be shy. You can say literally anything. I know, but, you know, they have their own path to go down. Of course they do.

Exactly. And that's what I'm saying. Like it's him. Yeah, exactly. But that's the challenge, I think, to not put your stuff onto them. Yeah. And, yeah, but it's such a – and that's also what's so amazing is watching this person grow and change and learn about the world

and it can be heartbreaking and incredible. And you have these little victories along the way. Yeah, and you just start to see the world through their eyes. And I know you're going to be like, oh, Caroline, this is so funny. But to me what someone said to me, someone asked me the other day why I have kids. I think it was me. Claire, why do you have kids?

No, and I wanted to say two things because I think they were thinking about it in terms of how hard it looks and also the world, the current state of the world. And I said I think having kids, and it's very personal, but for me it's an act of hope. Yeah, well, actually Osher Gunzberg, my good friend from, I spoke to him one time. Let's not get into all the celebrities that we know.

But he said a very similar thing. Because I mentioned how like the world's on fire. What am I doing? Kind of thing. Yeah. No, but it's hope. And being able to appreciate the world that we are in right this second. But also, you know, you don't have to have kids.

No, exactly. Don't worry about it if you don't want to. kids no exactly don't worry about it if you don't want to exactly i don't want to speak for anybody that we know but you know in particular but some people just don't want to and great god and isn't that great that you can now really think about it because i think 50 years ago people just thought they had to have kids and i think some people are not designed to have kids or not really or for whatever circumstances don't want to. You just don't have to. No, and that's okay too because it is a life-changing, altering thing

but it wouldn't change it for the world. We should probably wrap this up though. We're running over long. I know, but it's a bumper parenthood episode, James. Oh, my God. I just have a few little quick things I wanted to talk about. Can I? No, Claire.

I'm leaving. Look, if you're going to do this, I'm going. I will not take part in this. Enjoy the rest of the No, Claire. I'm leaving. Look, if you're going to do this, I'm going. I will not take part in this. Enjoy the rest of the show, everybody. These are just some like specific couple of things. I'm going. Goodbye, everyone. You're annoying.

If you are after looking for recommendations for prams and all kinds of paraphernalia, Zoe Foster Blake has a blog and she has two blog posts. The baby stuff we used a lot and what I used and liked for my second baby. She has two blog posts, the baby stuff we used a lot and what I used and liked for my second baby. Both of those posts have a chock full of really great practical recommendations for just stuff because baby comes with a lot of stuff and it can be very overwhelming, especially because I panic and have like choice. There is a lot of choice.

I'm back everyone. I came back. You came back. He's here. He stormed off, started screaming, but he's back. I had a cigarette. There is no hope. I've had a cigarette. I'm giving up. You came back. He's here. He stormed off, started screaming, but he's back. I had a cigarette. There is no hope. I've had a cigarette.

I'm giving up. This is 40. Anyway, so those two blog posts I think I would go to just to read through and get some ideas. The things that saved me, if you are a woman, breastfeeding and life is hard and things are really hurting, Multimam compresses put in the fridge saved my bacon. And they're amazing.

They're really, really good for your, close your ears, boys, but they're for your boobs and they're really helpful. And I've given them, gifted them to friends. I'm still laughing. I'm like, no, but a lot of my friends, I'm serious. A lot of my friends have really liked them. They're landling. They're great. Yeah.

And also this JJ Cole nappy change clutch that we used. Do you remember? We folded it up. We had it in, I stuck it in my handbag and we literally used it every single minute. Oh, that like flat changing mat thing. Yeah, it's just like a changing mat thing. I'll get Colleen's to link it below. For some reason, that thing we used every day for like two years and it was so good because you can just chuck it in your bag,

chuck it wherever. And if something happens on it, you can just hose it down. Yeah, because it's sort of, you know, coated. So, yeah, really I would recommend it. And they come in cute colours. So they make really good baby shower gifts. Is that everything? That is everything.

I'm also quickly going to recommend the movie Reign of Fire from 2002. It stars Christian Bale and he's up against the force of dragons which are taking over the world. So that's cool. It's set in the year 2020. We talked about it recently on my other podcast. Is that because to you that's what parenthood is like, a reign of fire? No, I just think it's a good movie about dragons.

Like there's Dragonheart and people remember Dragonheart, but I feel like nobody talks about Reign of Fire. And Matthew McConaughey's in it, Gerard Butler's in it. It's just a good crew all around, mate. Get into it if you can. All right. Go eat a chicken burger. Good Lord.

Wish I could. I'm doing low carb. You know that. We asked for some suggestions quickly. Oh, we did too. We did. So these are from audience listener people. Thank you so much.

You can do this at Suggestible Pod. This is from Vinny. I know it probably doesn't apply necessarily but instant family is a great heartwarming comedy about the highs and lows of adoption i have seen instant family yeah and also the female who kind of looks like claire oh yeah rose burn yeah mate that is so nice i mean that's pretty generous but sure it's very generous but i'll take any crumbs I can get at the moment. This giant woman will take anything.

Clearly I'm married to James. Okay, another one. This is from David Malofsky. Big pregnancy exercise balls are great for rocking newborns to sleep. A bunch of my dad friends did it and even our physio started recommending them to her patients. Oh, very good. That's not a bad idea either.

Yeah, really, really good. Yeah, so they're two of the ones. And another guy, Harry Fitzgerald, has recommended The Barefoot Investor. Oh, yes. And I think if you are, because parenthood brings in money and all kinds of things as well, The Barefoot Investor really sets you up. It's Australian, so for US and UK listeners, it's still really a good read. I think it still applies. Yeah.

It's just got great strategies around setting yourself up and your family financially. That's right. Yeah. That's everything. Also, if you want to review the show, guess what? You can. What? You can do it in app. All you do, you open up your iTunes app and you give it a bloody five stars if you want to. All I'm saying is it would

make my entire year more than me giving birth to another child. Me too, Claire. Me too. Excellent. It's nice to have our priorities in check. Swills19 says, five stars, first of all. It says hysterical.

Claire and James have an excellent rapport. Rapport? No, it's definitely rapport. Rapport, good. And this show is great. Uplift, an uplifting way to begin my weekend. There you go. What comes out on Wednesday or Thursday?

I don't know. But I'm just saying you can listen to it before the weekend. But then again, any time is a suggestible time. We all know that. Good night, everyone. Oh, God, he's running. He's gone. He's really gone, guys.

It's over. Okay, thanks, Colleen, for editing this show. I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. It's actually quite peaceful. Ah, it's got my cigarette. I feel much better.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you. Hey, folks. It's Mark Maron from WTF.

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