Sunday Homilies with Fr. Mike Schmitz - 08/28/22 Eulogy Virtues: Pay Attention

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Homily from the Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. The Book of Sirach makes the claim that the humble person is loved more than a giver of gifts. But what does it mean to be humble? Does it mean what most of us automatically think of? Or does it mean something deeper...something freer? True humility gives a person the ability to pay attention. Mass Readings from August 28, 2022: Sirach 3:17-18, 20, 28-29 Psalms 68:4-7, 10-11Hebrews 12:18-19, 22-24 Luke 14:1, 7-14

So for the last few days, it's been what we call outreach season where, you know, just people on campus and we're trying to get to know as many people as we possibly can. If you remember back to when you were a freshman, that was, you know, how many times you had the same conversation over and over again? I'm like, I'm super bad. I'm like really bad at it because I'm always trying to make, I'm always trying to like make a connection. Like, oh, you? Yeah, me too. Like someone says, oh, like, you know, where did you go to high school? Like, I'm from Brainer.

Like, oh my gosh, I'm from Brainer too. But then someone's like, I'm like, where are you from? I'm from peers. Oh my gosh. That's like half an hour. hour from Brainerd. I'm from Brainerd. Where did you go to high school? I went to St. College Tech. Oh my gosh, we played you. I'm from

Brainerd. Where are you from? I'm from Michigan. Have you heard of Brainerd? Like, this is, like, always. It's just, I'm just trying to, like, because I'm just trying to find the connection, right? So it's like, what's your name? Where are you from? And then, it's interesting, because then the conversations turned to, like, so what did you do in high school? What kind of clubs were mean? What kind of sports did you do?

You play any instruments? And what happens, is where I know we're trying to get to know each other, but we end up kind of basically sharing our resume with whoever we're talking to. That's kind of what it ends up being, just like, well, this is all my accomplishments, this is my achievements, and that makes sense because I don't think it's very wise

to start out a conversation with like, so, so, I know we just met, but like, what are your biggest insecurities? Like, you know, what do you really hate about yourself when you look in the mirror? Like, that's not a good place to start. So it makes sense. What's your resume? What have you done?

What are some goals that you've achieved? And those things are important, obviously, because, A, they're true, and because it's where we start. We pretty much, almost all of our conversations, when you meet someone, you lead with the resume. I think it's interesting, too, because then what happens is we lead with the resume, but then we end up kind of living for the resume, right? You know, the next whole next year, or next four years are just spent building the resume. I mean, actually, people spend their entire lives just building the resume, just trying to accumulate accomplishments, trying to get as many achievements. And this is normal.

This is just what we do. This is what we're expected to do, and so it's what we do. But it's so interesting to think, after a year, or after four years, after a lifetime of not just leading with the resume, but living for the resume. What are we left with? Imagine getting up at someone's funeral and they just stand up, or your funeral, and someone stands up and just read your resume. Going to Elon Musk, even if you did a lot of big things like Elon Musk, right?

Like, well, he started this company and this company, and he had this return on investment on this company, and he died worth X amount of money. Still, that's really tragic, right? That's still really sad. It'd be like being at someone's funeral, and they stand up and say, yeah, so, here lies so-and-so. his max back squat was whatever amount of weight. Here she is.

And you know what? She maintained her ideal weight to the very end. Or there they are. You know, at 65 people said they still looked like they were 50. Again, that kind of thing. But that's what so many of us live for. Because why? Because we leave with the resume.

Then we end up living for the resume. So then all we're left with is the resume. anyone can stand up at a funeral and read a resume but only someone who knows the person can give the eulogy not just saying oh this is what she did but this is who she was not just someone who can get up and say oh he was he accomplished this but like no here let me tell you what he was like

so the question is the question is not what are we going to be left with because we know this we lead with the resume we live for the resume but we're left with the eulogy so what am I really going to live for am I going to live for what they call resume virtues? Or am I going to live for what you might call eulogy virtues? Things that I actually want to be true about me at the end of my life,

no matter how young or how old I am when I die. So what we're going to do is tonight we're going to start a series. I know normally we don't start like these homily series until we're kind of into the semester. And also, I know that there's maybe a little question about, so right off the bat at the beginning of the school year, you're going to have a homily series called eulogy virtues, talking about your future funeral.

Thank you, Father, I'm not coming back. But we have to. Why? Because every one of us is going to spend the next number of months, next number of years. Every one of us is going to spend the rest of our lives either living for resume virtues or we're either going to be living for eulogy virtues.

And let's start like this. Let's do what Stephen Covey said. Let's begin with the end in mind. to imagine your funeral. What do you want to be true about you? From the people who know you at your funeral, regardless of how long or how short your life is.

So for the next, I guess I said, for the next few weeks, we're going to talk about Uliji virtues. And today's Uli G virtue is in the first reading today, the book of Syrac. Opening line, conduct your affairs with humility. So the first ULULULUG virtue we're going to talk about tonight is

humility, which I know, it's like, wah, wah, how exciting, humility. I can't wait to hear what you're going to say about humility, because I think a lot of us have a false view of humility, or we have a view of humility, that's false, because typically our view of humility is someone who, like, can't receive a gift

well, give them a gift, they're like, oh, shucks, whatever, I don't deserve this, or someone, you try to compliment them and they argue with you, like, hey, you sung really well tonight. No, I didn't, I'm horrible. Like, that's not humility. In fact, C.S. Lewis writes about this, He says that we have come to believe that humility is like this.

It's like a beautiful woman trying to convince herself that she's not beautiful. Or an intelligent man trying to convince himself that he's not actually that clever. That's not humility. Humility, if anything, is honesty. Very, very simply. Humility is something, someone, a humble person is simply a person who's willing to tell the truth about themselves, about life, about reality. A humble person just acknowledges the truth.

A humble person acknowledges who they are and who they're not. What they can do and what they can do. A humble person is so good. It's so simple to be humble because it just means you're honest. You're honest with your weaknesses. You're honest about your strengths. You're honest about your flaws and sins. You're honest about your gifts and talents.

Another way to say it is a humble person has honest repentance for their sins and real gratitude for their blessings. Because that's the second element of a humble person. Not only are they honest, they're also grateful. Because if we know the truth and we're willing to acknowledge the truth, we realize that almost every time we have a blessing, there's always someone to thank. Humble people are grateful people.

Because we know this truth. There's always someone to thank. So humility is honesty and gratitude, which is great. But I think there's another, a third aspect of humility that we don't always think about. I think because it seems so normal. It seems so natural in those people that are really humble that we just pass right by it.

And I think it's also the reason why Sirak, in the first reading, the whole sentence says, conduct your affairs with humility, and says, and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts. Like, what is it about the humble person that you love them? Like, you meet someone who's humble. Because, of course, we all like someone who's honest.

We all like people who are grateful. But I was thinking about this, in preparation, I was like, wait a second. I don't know. I don't know that I love the person who says thanks more than the person who gives me the gift. I just don't know if that's true. So there must be another aspect to the humble person

that isn't just honesty and isn't just gratitude, and I think it's this. C.S. Lewis, once again, he writes about this. This is a poem of his book, mere Christianity. And so C.S. Louis, he was British. So pretend that I'm reading in a British accent. It makes it just that much better. So here we go.

He says, do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man, he'll be what most people call humble nowadays. He will not be some sort of greasy, smarmy person who's always telling you that, of course, he's nobody. Probably, all that you'll think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap, took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him, it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily.

He will not be thinking about it. humility. In fact, he will not be thinking about himself at all. So this humble person, I love this line where he says he will seem like a cheerful, intelligent chap, I like that part, chap, but the one who took a real interest in what you said to him. Think about the last time you met somebody, you walked away going like, wow, I really like her. And you replay the conversation in your head, and you realize it probably wasn't because she had really entertaining stories or she was super funny. It was probably because she just really listened to you. I can't tell you how many times I walk away from a conversation with someone.

I'm like, man, they're the best. And I realized, someone you pointed this out to me, like, yeah, because they laugh at all your jokes. That's why. I'm like, I know they're great. But those kind of people that are free to simply pay attention when it comes to humility. The humble person who's loved more than a giver of gifts, why? Because they're free to pay attention to you. Rick Warren, pastor out in California. He once took what C.S. Lewis said, and he he kind of tweaked it. He said, humility is not thinking less of yourself, but it's thinking of yourself less. Imagine what that would be like if you just didn't have to think about yourself so often. If you have been meeting people on campus recently or anytime you've met people,

think about I go back over the last five days and how many conversations that were actually pretty good, but they were spoiled because the whole time, maybe I was thinking, or you were thinking, like, okay, how am I doing? How am I doing? You're talking to them with someone and the whole time you're thinking, okay, what do they think of me right now? Or how's this going? But to be humble, meaning I'm not thinking about myself. I'm just paying attention to you. But too often we find ourselves, and I can't pay attention to the person in front of me because I'm too distracted by the person inside of me. Or actually, I'm not free to pay attention to the person in front of me because I'm too preoccupied by the person inside of me. And so what helps is not just, okay, just

remind yourself, just be humble, just be humble. What works is pay attention. To actually remind yourself the person in front of me, just pay attention. This woman named Tara Brack, and she actually said that, she said, attention is the most basic form of love. That seems so true. Attention is the most basic form of love. That's so true that years ago, I was doing a meeting with a married couple,

and they were recounting to me one of their first big arguments. What had happened was she came home from work, and he was at the computer. He was a programmer, but he was playing some games on the computer. And he's like, oh, hey, you're home. How was your day? And she starts telling him how her day was as he keeps playing his video game. And she's talking, and he's like, uh-huh, yeah, that's fine. And at one point, she's still talking, and he gets up and he walks into the kitchen.

And he gets into the kitchen, and all of a sudden, she goes silent. And he was smart enough to realize something's up. So he kind of like, he's like, what's going? on out there? And she doesn't say anything. So he, you know, sheepishly peeked his head outside the kitchen into the living room. And he's like, what's wrong? And she's like, are you kidding me? Like, I was talking. He's like, I just went to the other room. I was still listening. She said, I was talking and you just went into the other room. And he's like, yeah, but I could hear you. Thus began the first big fight of their relationship. But they came to a conclusion. They came to a

resolution at the end of it. And the resolution was, after every time where they haven't seen each other for a significant amount of time, whether that's the whole day or a weekend or whatever it was, they resolved, we're always going to give each other at least 15 minutes of what they called eyeball time. When you come home, when we see each other, at some point, we put our stuff down, we turn our stuff off, put the kids in bed later on, but at some point we're going to give each other at least 15 minutes of eyeball time. which is so important. I mean, of those of you who are married, I'm sure you know this.

I read a post not too long ago that said, someone was saying, after my fifth year wedding anniversary, I have concluded that 80% of marriage is simply shouting, what from the other room? Which is true, because why? Because when someone pays attention to us, that matters. I think that's why Syrac says, be humble, and you'll be loved more than a giver of gifts.

Why? Why? Because when someone does that, we remember them. I think that's one of the reasons why humility is such a eulogy virtue, because it's what we remember. I think I've met at least two people who could be canonizable saints in my life so far. I mean, a lot of people who could be saints on their own, but who might go through the whole process. I mean two people who one day might be canonizable saints. One of them is a man named Father Thomas DuBae. Father Thomas DuBae, I was a priest, and he was an author, he was a teacher.

And at one point, I was just ordained one year. and I was up in Hibbing, Minnesota, and they brought Father DeBay up to give a mission, like a retreat for the people up in Hibbing. And at this point, he's like an old man. I'd read all his books. I'd listen to all his talks. And so he was giving this talk all day on Saturday. And for lunch, he said, he just wanted a little break for his voice.

Again, as I said, he was like Yoda, ancient. And so he asked me if I'd give him a ride over to the rectory so he could just eat his lunch and silence before we went back for the second half of the day. I'm like, sure, father, no problem. So I drive him back to the rectory. And while he's eating his lunch, I had a up in my room. I had a little, you know what a Nordic track is? A little ski machine kind of a thing.

So I had a Nordic track of in my room. It's kind of nerdy, whatever. And I get a quick workout in. So workout, clean up, come back down. Father, you ready to go over there? He's like, yeah, what was going on up there? I was like, uh, and I was kind of embarrassed. He was like, were you like running?

Or what? I was like, it's like a ski machine kind of a thing. He's like, well, and I was thinking at this point, I was thinking that the holy man, right? This guy is, he's like, nind. level holy. I'm thinking he's going to look at me like, are you kidding me? You're a priest. You had 30 minutes. You should have been in adoration. This guy was like, wow, tell me more about the Nordic track. He said, were you on there for like 10 minutes? I was like, well, I was about a half an hour,

half an hour, oh my gosh, tell me more. And I was like, I don't, I feel so later on that night, the pastor and the associate, like the senior associate and myself, we took Father DeBay out for dinner. And he had written this book called The Evidential Power of Beauty. It's just an incredible book. 10 out of 10 would recommend. The Evidential Power of Beauty. And in it, he has a chapter on how music can either be beautiful or it can be ugly. And I'd never really thought of that before.

And so I asked him about it. But it wasn't like I asked him, I'm like, Father, tell me more about your theory. It was kind of more like I'm a jerky infant priest, baby priest, who doesn't know how to have a civil conversation with someone. So I challenged him about this. Normally, the guy studied this subject. He wrote a book on the topic. I read it once.

But his response was, well, you know, I got that idea from so-and-so. But what do you think? I'm thinking, like, what do I think? I think I'm an idiot. That's what I think. But he was so interested. He genuinely, I just want to know.

What do you think? As I said, I've read every book that man is written. I've listened to almost every talk available by that man. But the thing I remember, is the fact that when I was in front of him, he wanted to know what I thought. Now, when I was on front of him, he wanted to know what I was interested in.

That's one of the reasons why humility, this ability to pay attention, is a eulogy virtue. And of course, you might say, Father Mike, are you kidding me? That's the oldest tactic in the book. You were trying to start a fight with them, and so he flipped it on you and said,

what do you think? Classic. That guy is a ninja. So that's the question, really. If Syrac says, be humble and people will love you more than a giver of gifts, then maybe just be humble so that people will love you. Maybe you can all trick each other into loving each other. Maybe it can be like, this is how you win friends and influence people, just pretend you're paying attention. That's why I think Jesus in the gospel today cuts through all of that.

Because what does Jesus say in the gospel today? He says, okay, when you have a lunch or a dinner, don't invite your relatives or your friends or your brothers. Now, keep this in mind. This is a parable of Jesus. So he's not saying you can no longer have Thanksgiving with your family. He's making a point. And the point is when you, when something costs you something, give it to people who can't pay you back. You know, we pay attention. Why? We call it paying attention because it costs us something. It costs every one of us something to pay attention to the person in front of us. So I think what Jesus is saying is don't pay attention to manipulate someone.

Pay attention to those people who you will get nothing out of it. Pay attention to those people that in the long run, they will have nothing to give you. Pay attention to the people in front of you. And that's, I think, the key, and this is the last thing. Here's my invitation. This week, the invitation to actually work on the eulogy virtue of humility, which, again, is not thinking less of yourself, but is thinking of yourself less. And we do that by doing what?

by simply paying attention. Well, to who? By paying attention to the person who can't pay you back, or by paying attention to the person who won't pay you back. Maybe we do that this week, by simply paying attention to whoever God puts in front of you. Because this is what matters. We lead with the resume virtues.

Too often we live for the resume virtues. But at the end, we know this. all we're left with are the eulogy virtues