Sunday Homilies with Fr. Mike Schmitz - 10/03/21 Holding On: The Power of a Promise

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Homily from the Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time. "Because I said I would." We are not yet who we are called to be. Sometimes, in order to become the person we are called to be, we need to stop holding on to what is holding us back. Other times, we need to keep holding on. The ability to make and keep a promise is one of the ways we are called to become who we are created and redeemed to be. Mass Readings from October 3rd, 2021: Genesis 2:18-24 Psalms 128:1-6Hebrews 2:9-11 Mark 10:2-16

So a little while back, I came across this, I was at a youth conference, and this girl, this teenage girl, she had this t-shirt on, and on the t-shirt were the words, these words that just suck with me, I just, all it said on her shirt, there was no image, it just was words, and the words said, because I said I would. That was it, because I said I would. And I was just captivated by this, I'm like, man, this is awesome. One of those kind of sayings, one of the phrases that just, I thought,

Where does this come from? So I have a friend, his name is Google, and he tells me a lot. And I went and looked up, and apparently, there's this man named Alex Sheen. And Alex Sheen at one point was just a normal guy, living in a normal life, working a normal job, until his father was diagnosed with cancer, a cancer that ultimately took his dad's life. And at his father's funeral, Alex Sheen got up and he gave a talk, he gave a eulogy, and he said that his father was his hero. out of all the human beings on the planet,

he said, my father was my greatest hero. He said, it wasn't because my father was the most handsome of all men. He said it wasn't because my father was super fit. Wasn't because my father was an incredibly successful businessman or made a lot of money or that he was even successful with whatever it ended up he did in life. He said, my father was my hero for one reason.

And that one reason is he kept his promises. My father was my hero. for one reason, because he kept his promises. Because if he said he would do something, he would do it. And he did it because he said he would. You know, I was thinking about this, this reality that making a, you know, I think that the difference between having character and having a lack of character

is that one thing, the ability to keep a promise. The difference between having character and lacking character is the ability to keep a promise. And I think in so many ways it's that simple. And we can ask ourselves the question, am I a person of character or not? How do I know? Well, can I, do I have the ability to make and keep a promise? And I was thinking about this because I realized that as I looked at my life, I have a lot of heroes in my life. Like Alex Sheen had his father as his hero, I have a lot of heroes in my life. People that I've said, I want to be like that person. And I realized as I was looking, going

through the list that I've got, I thought, oh my gosh, every one of the people that I've looked up to, these men and women I've looked up to over the course of my entire life, they all have this one thing in common. They have the ability to make and keep a promise. So one of my heroes, his name is Thomas Moore. Thomas Moore at one point was the Lord Chancellor of England under King Henry the 8th. And at one point, King Henry the 8th, he decided that he was going to leave his wife and attempt to marry another woman. And because there's some pushback from the Pope and from the church, he basically declared himself to be the head of the church in England.

And he wanted everyone else around him to affirm that he was the head of the church in England and that this new marriage was completely legitimate. And everyone said fine. Everyone said, yep, we can go along with us, King Henry the 8th, except for one bishop. His name was John Fisher, and one politician whose name was Thomas Moore. John Fisher wouldn't say that the marriage, the new marriage was legit, and he wouldn't say King Henry the 8th was the head of the church in England. And so he was thrown into the Tower of London and ultimately killed.

Thomas Moore, the Lord Chancellor of England, he also didn't say that. He couldn't say that. He knew it wasn't true, and so he wouldn't say this. So what happened was he thought that, he thought that, he was he thought that, You know what I'll do? I'll just, I'll retire. I'll no longer be the Chancellor of England. I'll back away from my role, being a really public figure, and I'm going to go live in the country with my family and live out my days in obscurity. But here's the thing. Thomas Moore was someone that everyone knew was a man of integrity.

Everyone knew that he had character. Everyone knew he's the kind of person who could make and keep a promise, and so did the king. And so Thomas Moore's silence wasn't good enough for King Henry. He wanted to force Thomas Moore to say, nope, your new marriage is valid, and you are the king. King, head of the church in England. When Thomas Moore wouldn't say it, he threw him in the Tower of London as well. And after a year, at one point, he sends his Thomas Moore's daughter, his favorite daughter, Meg, the name is Margaret, he called her Meg, to basically go to her father on the condition that she would convince him to take this oath. To say the words that the king was the head of the church in England,

there's an incredible screenplay, incredible movie that was written called The Man for All Seasons, and in it, the scene is just so good, that Meg goes to her father in the Tower of London, and And she says, Dad, listen, you've always told me that it's what's in your heart that matters. So here's what you do. In your heart, know the truth. But with your words, simply say what you need to say. And then you're free and you get to come back and live with our mom and us. And you get to live to an old age.

And at this moment, Thomas Moore looks at his daughter, Meg, and he says, Meg, listen, when a man takes an oath, when a man makes a promise, he's holding his own self in his hands, like water. and if he opens his fingers, he needn't hope find himself ever again. That whenever we make a promise, we're holding ourselves in our own hands like water, and if we open our fingers, we needn't ever hope to find ourselves again. He goes on to say, he says,

some people aren't capable of this, but I'd be low to think that your father was one of those people. In fact, the author of this play and the movie, his name was Robert Bolt. Robert Bolt was, he was so captivated by time, Thomas Moore's ability to make and keep a promise that here's what he said. He said that a man, a person, takes an oath only when he wants to commit himself quite exceptionally to the statement.

When he wants to make an identity between the truth of it and his own virtue, he offers himself as the guarantee. I don't know if you ever thought about this. Whenever you make a promise, you're offering yourself as the guarantee. You're not saying, I'll do such and such if you're saying, I promise, I swear, and you are the guarantee. And he says it works. Thomas Bull, he said, there's a special kind of shrug for a perjurer,

like for the person who says, I'll do this and doesn't do it. The special kind of shrug for someone like that, we feel that that person has no self to commit, they have no guarantee to offer. Why? Because they're not willing to hold on to themselves. They're not willing to hold on to the promise. When it gets difficult to hold on to the promise.

You know, last week we started the new series, and the series is called Holding On. And one of the things we began the whole series talking about was the reality that, so many of us, we're not yet the people we're created to be. So many of us to show up to this church at all times, we're not yet the people that God created us to be. And so last week we talked about the reality

that I can only become the person God made me to be if I'm willing to stop holding on to the things that are holding me back. But this week we're taking a turn. We have to realize this other truth that I can only become the person God has called me to be if I am willing to keep holding on to the things that I need to keep holding on to, like a promise.

Like this is actually what you'd say, this is the power of a promise. You know, there are some promises that are so powerful they actually change reality. Now say that again, there are some promises that are so powerful, they actually change reality. In the first reading, and in the gospel today,

what do we have? We have picture of marriage. So here's Genesis 2, the first reading. And what happens? Here's God who sees Adam and says, it's not good for the man to be alone. So what happens? All the animals is like, nope,

not good enough, not good enough. Dog, man's best friend, cat, the devil, whatever. Keep moving on. And then at one point, he says, God put the man in a deep sleep. In fact, the Greek word for that is he put him into an ecstasis or ecstasy, took him out of himself. And the man wakes up.

And you have this snapshot of when he sees the woman for the first time, he burst into a love song, at last, he says, at last, this is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. He says, at last, this is the reason why a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his bride. And the two become one. You know, this is what happens at every marriage. In fact, Jesus amps that up even more to become one so thoroughly and so truly

that no one can separate it. It's the power of a promise. This promise that actually literally changes reality. This kind of promise is called a covenant. You know, it's interesting. We have the Bible word covenant. I don't know if you ever had any friends who might say something like this.

They might say things like, listen, I don't need it when it comes to getting married. They might say, listen, I don't need a piece of paper. to prove that I love someone. Maybe you've heard people say that, maybe you've got your friends, people around you. I don't need a piece of paper to prove that I love anyone. And the church would say, you're right, you don't.

That would be a contract. We love contracts. Contracts are good. That's not a covenant. Here's what a contract is. A contract is in agreement for an exchange of goods or services based off of a condition. I'm going to say that like six more times.

So a contract is an agreement of an exchange of goods or services based off of a condition. So you need someone to roof your house. Contracts are perfect for that kind of thing. you say, okay, I will pay you this much money if you roof my house. Sign the contract. Here's the deal.

If they don't roof your house, you don't have to pay them their money. It says, there's a condition. If you don't pay them the money, they don't have to reroute your house. You can actually, if they don't do their part, you don't have to do your part. You can void the contract. Super good. The problem is this. Too many of us, I think, in our day and age, we approach marriage with a contract mentality.

No, of course, none of us would be like the shallow contract where you say things like, well, hey, listen, as long as you stay cute, you have my attention. Some of you might. Or, you know, the contract mentality of, hey, listen, as long as you stay fun, then I'll spend my time with you. Or as long as you're employed, then I'll stay here. Some of us, we have a deeper version of the contract mentality where we say something like, listen, if you're patient with me, then I'll be patient with you. if you're kind to me then I'll be kind to you

you might even say to your spouse if you're faithful to me then I'll be faithful to you but here's the issue but if you're not then I'm not if you won't then I don't have to we can sometimes take this again contract mentality to what's meant to be a covenant to a covenant is different contract what is an agreement for an exchange of goods or services based off

a condition a covenant is completely completely different. A covenant is an exchange of persons with no condition. A covenant is when you stand right here in front of the altar and you say, I'm yours. No condition. The other person says yes, and I'm yours. No condition. It's actually the promise. It's the only place that I know of in the world where people promise unconditional love. If you want to boil it down even more simply than this, so the highfalutin language like covenant and unconditional love, when people enter into a marriage covenant, at its most basic, what they're saying is this.

They're saying, I'm not leaving ever. That's what they're saying. When it comes down to it, basically what we're saying we enter marriage is like, I'm not leaving ever. We can hear that and go like, oh, that sounds so enslaving, but actually it's really, really freeing. So a little while ago I was talking with a friend, and they had said, they were living in Duluth,

and they said, you know, I can't see myself living in Duluth for the rest of my life. He said, I don't really actually like living in Duluth. And they turned to me and said, do you like living in Duluth? And I thought, I have never asked that question. Like, I might be dense on some things, but like this is, I have never even stopped to wonder. Like, do I like living in Duluth? It was like a completely novel idea to me to even consider this question.

Do I like living and doeth? And the reason why I've never wondered is because in 2002, I knelt right over there in front of that big chair. and there's a bishop sitting in that big chair and I knelt in front of him and put my hands in his and he said, do you promise obedience to me and my successor? And I said, I do. Which means if he tells me to live in Duluth, I live in Duluth.

If he tells me to leave Duluth, I leave Duluth. So I don't have to ask the question, do I like living here? Because I never have to ask if I like where I live. You know, it's interesting. When you make a promise, there are some questions you never have to ask again. When you make a promise, there are some questions you never have to ask again.

So, remember last week we talked about the word decide. The etymology of the word decide means to cut off. When a young man or young woman say to the other person, I choose you, I'm yours. What they're doing is they're cutting off every other possibility for romantic partner. Every other possibility out there, they're cutting off. In fact, one of the ways we look at marriage, we say marriage is when you,

say essentially, after you get married, your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance for the rest of your life. You're cutting off every other source of romance, every other book series, every TV series, every movie, every other coworker, every other person you come across. Your spouse, once you get married, your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your entire life. And again, that comes down to the reality that you made a promise. And that promise is, I'm not leaving ever. So when someone says, Father, do you like being a priest? Or if I was talking to some of the people who are married, like, hey, do you like being married?

I want to say this. The answer you always have to give. The answer I always have to give is I want to say this in the most sensitive and most compassionate and most delicate way. But the answer, Father, do you like being a priest or do you like being married? The answer is, it doesn't matter. That's the answer. It doesn't matter.

Because that's the power. That's the power of a promise. the power of the promise is I'm going to keep holding on no matter what. Before you all leave, let's back up. Because the question, do you like being ordained or do you like being married? It can be a very good question for self-knowledge. See, okay, how am I doing right now? But it's always asked in the context of the promise.

It's always asked in the context of, okay, we're here for good. We're here for better for worse. We're here forever. So now here's the question. Do we like what our marriage has become? And you can have a couple that says, I don't like what our marriage has become. I don't like what our relationship has become.

And that's good. That means you're being honest with each other. And that means, okay, so in the context of the promise, in the context of I'm not leaving, you're not leaving, we don't like what our marriage has become. Good. What can we do to make it better?

Same thing when it comes to a priest. the priest could say, I'm not leaving, I'm struggling, but I'm not leaving. How can I make this better? Because, you know, we don't make it better by leaving. You don't make it better by leaving. In fact, there's this series. It's called Ted Lasso. I don't know if you've ever seen Ted Lasso.

I have to say, I've literally never seen it, so I'm not endorsing it. I saw a video on the topic. It's weird. Anyways, it's like Inception, and now you're hearing about the video on the topic. So at one point, the guy commenting on the video was saying, here's Ted Lassow, he's this character in this series, who is really optimistic guy. He has a son who just adores him, and he has a wife that he loves so much, but his wife is falling out of love with him.

And in one point in the series, his wife comes to him, and she expresses to him how unhappy she is with their marriage. And in this moment, that's meant to be this incredible moment of self-sacrifice, Ted looks at his wife and he says, because you're so unhappy, I'm going to let you go. I'm going to stop holding on to you so that you can go and be happy. And you realize how Hollywood has gotten it. the exact opposite, has gotten 100% wrong, completely wrong. Because here's the thing, you don't get married in order to be happy.

And say that again, you don't get married in order to be happy. Now, you don't get married to be miserable either, so it's like balance it out. Why did you get married? You get married because you realize, I'm not yet the person I ought to be. I'm not yet the person I ought to be. And neither are you. So how about we do this? how about we promise to love each other

until we become the people we're called to be? How about we promise to love each other even when we don't want to? Because that's the reality, right? There's so many times when you just say, I don't want to do this. There's nothing in me. Nothing in me desires even to put forth any effort.

Everything I want to do, everything in me tells me I want to escape. And I'd say, yes, that's the moment. when everything in you wants to run, when nothing in you wants to try, like that's the moment. That's actually why you showed up here and made a promise. That's the reason you made a promise.

I mean, at the same time, I know people could say, like, Father, you don't understand. People change. Circumstances change. And I have to tell you, I do understand. I know both people change and circumstances change. But let's look at these two things. People change. In fact, I talk to so many people who say,

listen, my spouse, they're not the person I married. They're not the same. they're different. They've changed. And I would say, duh, that's my technical way I respond. Duh, they've changed. Of course they've changed. They've grown. Of course they've grown. You know, you can't control whether or not you and your spouse grow. But you can control whether or not you and your spouse grow apart or grow together. That part you can control. We've grown apart. Okay. If you've lived life that way, you've grown apart, well then flip it. and start growing back together.

You can't control whether or not you grow. You can control whether you grow apart or whether you grow back together. People say like, but our circumstances have changed. Our situation has changed. And I would say, absolutely, you're completely right. They have changed. They absolutely do.

But that's why you made a promise. Say that again. Our circumstances have changed. Yes, of course they have. That's why you made a promise. You knew they were going to. Have you been to a wedding? You know, it isn't one of the things we can do.

We can tell ourselves that our circumstances have sufficiently changed, so that now I have permission to no longer do what I said I was going to do. I'm going to say that again. We can sometimes convince ourselves that our circumstances have sufficiently changed that now I have permission to no longer do what I promised I would do. I don't have to hold on anymore. But think about the wedding day.

Think about the vows. Tell us all of the couples going through marriage prep. That on your wedding day, isn't it strange that you even make promises to love and honor each other on your wedding day? That's the last day you ever, that's the last day you need to promise to love. and honor each other. Because duh, of course you're going to love each other that day. Of course you're going to honor each other that day. If you're not, then maybe you should rethink about that day. But you realize that couples, they make a promise on their wedding day to love and honor each other, not because they need to promise that day, but because they know

the truth. And the truth is, the day is coming when I won't want to love you. The day I know this. The day is coming when everything in me will want to stop holding on. The day is coming when everything in me will want to escape. And you make a promise on your wedding day because you know what you're saying is when that day comes, I'm not going anywhere. You're saying, I promise you, when that day comes, I'm not going to stop holding on. You're saying when the day comes, when everything in me, nothing in me wants to try anymore, when that day comes, this is my promise to you. I'm going to keep holding on.

It's interesting because even the vows take that into account. The vow is say, I'm yours. That's the promise. But then the rest of the vow covers the circumstances. It says, I'm yours for better, for worse, and everything in between. And I'm yours, and sickness and health, and everything in between. And I'm yours, richer, for poor, and everything in between, until death. The reason you made a promise on your wedding day is because you knew the circumstances would change.

You knew that they would change. You knew this day would come. So here's the big question. A lot of times people ask, a little sidebar. They say, father, but how do you know when it's time to stop holding on to a relationship, and when it's time to keep holding on to a relationship, which is a really good question, because there's a lot of different kinds of relationships out there.

Do you have to keep holding on to every kind? Absolutely not. There can be bad relationships out there. When do you know when it's okay to stop holding on? And when do you know you need to keep holding on? And I would say it all comes down to one thing. And that one thing is the promise. The promise is the only thing

that changes it from something that maybe you need to stop holding on to. And now I can never stop holding on. because that's the power of a promise. And I guess I get it. Like, this is heavy. I completely understand. This is really serious. This is, I know the people here.

I know people in your life. I mean, people here who, your spouse has left. They just walked away. Or your parents, they decided to walk away from each other. Or your uncle or aunt or whoever it was. Maybe even in your life, maybe you're the one who walked away. And when you hear this, this is like, when you hear this gospel today where Jesus talks about,

and remarriage and how that's committing adultery. It can be one of those things like, oh gosh, here we go. And it can be so heavy, it can be so serious and be so painful. And I totally get that. Why? Because it's an example of how serious this promises. But then I think about this woman, her name is Helena. Helena was the empress of the Roman Empire, the mother of Constantine.

And at one point, Helena's husband, he abandoned her and married someone else. And Helena was a Christian. and so what she do? The rest of her life, she lived as a single woman. Even though her husband had met someone else and had married her, here's Helena who's like, but I'm a Christian, and I know what Jesus's words said. I know that he said that I'm not to marry another. She's Saint Helena. Because this is the heaviness, this is the reality, this is the seriousness of the promise.

In fact, my friend, my best friend, Nick, he and his wife, Jaisland, he tells, he says, he's told Jaislan ever since before they were married, he says, Jaislin, after we get married, even if you leave me, even if you meet someone else and marry them and move in with them. He's like, I'm moving next door. I just want you to know. Because he's like, because we realize this that no one, no one will be judged on how well your spouse loves you. You'll be judged on how well you love your spouse. You won't be judged on how well your spouse kept their promise to you.

You'll be judged on how well you kept your promise to your spouse. That's what it comes down to. And I know it's heavy, but this is the thing. This is how you and I have already been loved. I want to say that again. This is how you and I have already been loved. Because I see that crucifix against this wall here. And I see a God who keeps holding on.

I see this image of Jesus Christ who, I myself, I want to run from him so often. And what does he do? He keeps holding on. I reject him. What does he do? He keeps holding on. I am unfaithful to him. And what does he do?

He keeps holding on. And I guess is that you also run and you also. reject and you also are unfaithful. And what is he done for you? He keeps holding on. And so no one has come to this church being asked to do anything that hasn't already been done for you. Here's a God who makes a promise and keeps his promise. And I get it on. Sometimes we're called to do heroic things. This is the last thing. I think we're called to do heroic things. I don't know if many of us get a chance to live heroic lives. I don't know if many of us get a chance to live heroic lives. I don't know if many of us get a chance to live heroic.

Actually, that's the opposite. I think we do. But we get the chance to live heroic lives, not in big moments. We get the chance to live heroic lives in the small moments. Not just in the big promises, but in the small promises that we made and kept. So Alex Sheen at his dad's funeral, he got up and said, my dad's my hero because he kept his promises. And so he started doing this thing where he would hand out promise cards. and he says, I want to be like my dad

who would do something because he said he would. But I can't do big things right away. I'm going to start small, and I'm going to start making small promises, and I'm going to keep those promises, because I want to be the kind of person like my dad. I want to be the kind of person who has character who can make and keep a promise. I want to be a hero like my dad, but I can't be a big hero. I have to be a small hero.

So he started handing out these promise cards and say, invite people to make a promise. everything from a simple like a kindergartener saying, I promise I'm not going to cry when I get dropped off at kindergarten this week because I said I would. To a heroin addict who says, I'm going to stop using

so that I can have a relationship with my daughter because I said I would. Every one of us is called to love. See, this isn't just about self-discipline. It's not just about being able to do what you said you'd do. It's about being able to love when you don't feel like loving. It's about being able to hold on like Jesus has held on. My invitation this week, make and keep a promise.

Make and keep a promise. You have the ability to do this. You have the ability to have character. You have the ability to be heroic this week. It's simply making and keeping a promise. That could be something like, I am going to spend 20 minutes a day in prayer this week. four times.

You can do that, make and keep a promise. I'm going to call my grandma this week. You can make and keep a promise. I have an assignment due on Wednesday at 8. I'm going to hand it in on Wednesday at 7.59. Because you can make and keep a promise. You can do that because, why? Because you and I are not yet the people were called to be.

But when you don't feel like it, you can keep a promise. And you and I are not yet the people who are called to be, but when you want to escape, you can do it anyway. And you and I are not the people who are called to be, but when you want to run, when you want to let go, when you want to stop holding on, you can make a promise. And you can do it because you said you would. And when you don't feel like it, you can keep holding on.