Sunday Homilies with Fr. Mike Schmitz - 10/07/18 Rivals: All or Nothing

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

Homily from the Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time. There are some relationships that do not tolerate rivals. There are only two kinds of relationships that get to a point where it is “all…or nothing”: Romantic relationships and our relationship with Jesus. If we say “all”, that carries with it some consequences. Namely, all of our heart must belong to the other. Mass Readings from October 7, 2018: Genesis 2:18-24 Psalms 128:1-6Hebrews 2:9-11 Mark 10:2-16 Download the Homily Study

So one of the many things I love about being a priest, because I love it, so much. One of the things I love about being a priest, I get to be invited to people's lives like all of the time, maybe a little too much, but not only do I get invited to people's lives, I often get invited to people's relationships, which gets more complicated. Just getting into someone's life, like that's easy, that's simple, that's clean. Getting invited to people's relationships is less simple and that's easy and less clean. I mean, it's everything from my friendships to like my relationship with my parents to a roommate, romantic stuff, you guys, it stinks being a priest.

I hate it. Just kidding. No, because it's so good. Because I don't just get to see a snapshot. I get to sometimes see those things grow. You know, the relationship with friends that you're in a new place in school. Maybe it's like, well, do I keep those friendships from high school now that I'm here on campus? Or are they going to fall apart?

What's going to happen with those things? Or even, like, you know, the friends I was close with last semester, last year, it's different. now, we're not in the same place anymore. To see those things grow is really cool. I mean, honestly, I love getting invited into roommate stuff. Because it doesn't bother me, I can put it away. You guys have to live with it, but I just get to go, huh, funny, and then move on. But there is that, I mean, right now, isn't this the roommate season, right now, like, roommate conflict of, like, it was fun at first.

It was funny how you played your music so loud and came home in the middle of the night, and it was really cute. And now it's not cute anymore. I get to see that. that. It's great. No, or even just like when it comes to relationships with parents, because those things grow, especially when you get to move away and there's this at best there's this time where you get to have a closer relationship ideally with your parents the more independence you have from them. Like the less you need them, the more hopefully get close to them. So yeah, you get all these

relationships are changing, all these relationships are growing. But these It's funny thing about, I've noticed about romantic relationships. Because all those others, with roommates, with friends, with parents, they never get to a point where it either is all or nothing. I mean, again, when it comes to your roommates, when it comes to friendships, when it comes to your parents, those things never get to a place where it's all or nothing. But every romantic relationship gets to that point. At some place, it's either like, okay, are we going to keep doing this forever, or are we done?

Have you ever noticed that? It's the only kind of relationship that I think we have as human beings that gets to that place where you have to answer this one question, is it all or is it nothing? Again, I'm going to remind us, you don't have to do that when it comes to roommates. If you had a roommate who was like, will you be in my roommate for the rest of my life? You'd say, well, I will stay here for the rest of the lease, but then we'll reevaluate. But the way you're talking right now makes me think that I won't be. But this kind of relationship, romantic relationships, at some point, it's either fish or cut bait.

It's either all or it's nothing. It's either we're here forever or now is the end. And that's fascinating because the first reading and the gospel today, talking about marriage, the kind of romantic relationship, it highlights the power, the beauty, like the life-changing reality of that kind of relationship. That if you do say all, that there's something there. That's why what Adam says, this is the reason. he looks at Eve and he's like all

takes one look at Eve and he says this one at last is born on my bones flesh of my flesh this is the reason why a man will leave his father and mother and cling to his bride when he sees Eve Adam is like all I am all in her forever

no one else but this is also the challenge right this is also why that kind of relationship is so like massively demanding and massively dangerous. Because out of all our relationships in the world, marriage is marked by many things, but one of the elements that marks marriage is this one word, exclusivity.

And there's just one. That no one else gets in. If it's all or nothing, and I say all, that means it's incredibly exclusive. Again, no other relationships like that. You might have a best friend. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but we have a best friend and then one more person gets added and it can actually deepen the friendship. You have roommates and like, yeah, two is good, but four is better. I don't know if you've ever had that kind of experience where maybe there's an old lady on the block and she was kind of the grandma to the whole, all the kids. Or even, you know, someone who says, yeah, my coach, he was more than a coach, he was like my dad,

and dad to all of the athletes. I know some people introduce some important women in their lives and say, yeah, she's my second mom. Because those relationships aren't as exclusive. But all of this is to say that marriage is a particular person. that marriage is a particular kind of relationship. It's one where you either have to say all or you say nothing. It's exclusive. Another way to say it is marriage is the particular kind of relationship

that does not tolerate rivals. Marriage is a particular kind of relationship that doesn't tolerate rivals. That word rivals. A rival is a person or a thing competing with another for the same objective. That's what a rival is. Tonight we're starting a new series for next four weeks for me talking about this and this is the name of the series is rivals.

Again, a rival is a person or a thing who's competing with another for the same objective. And when it comes to those exclusive kind of relationships in our lives, they don't last, they don't exist, they don't thrive, they in fact get destroyed if we allow in rivals. Of course we can see how marriage is the kind of relationship that doesn't tolerate rivals. Like to think about that, to allow, or even to invite in arrival into a marital relationship is to invite, it literally isn't to invite disaster into a marriage. But so many couples do.

So many marriages do. And that's why I think so many not only experienced the disaster of divorce, which is so painful for everybody, as we all know, but even those that hang on, they wonder, like, why am I not as happy as I thought it would be bearing to this person? Why? Where's the joy? Because there was that day, right, when they got married, when they said, yes, I'm, all. I'm in. Exclusive. No rivals. And they thought this would be filled with joy and filled

with love and filled with peace and it's filled with battles. I said all, not nothing. What went wrong? You know, I know a lot of Catholics who have the same experience when it comes to their faith. Actually, I know maybe a lot of people in this room have the same experience when it comes to their faith. At one point, you met Jesus in a real way. Like maybe you're raised Catholic, maybe weren't raised Catholic, but at some point you met Christ, you met God, you had an encounter with him that was like, this is it. I'm all in. Because you know that's what Christianity is. The only other relationship other than marriage that I can think of that is a marriage, a relationship that says all or nothing is Christianity. He's either everything or he's nothing.

And I know a lot of people have encountered Jesus. And they're like, well, Jesus promised what? He promised peace. He said, I give you peace, peace the world doesn't give. Jesus promises joy. And he says, I want my joy will be in you and your joy will be complete. He promises rest. He says, take my yoke upon you and learn for me. My burden is easy. My yoke is light. He promises love because he is love. And then we walk around. We're like, what went wrong? Because he promised love and peace and joy and rest and I'm not feeling love and I'm not feeling joy. I don't feel peace and I don't feel rest. How come? And I think it's because of this because at a certain point we haven't

realized that a relationship with Christ is also based on exclusivity. It's also so all or nothing. At a certain point, we need to make the decision. There don't get to be any rivals. All. We don't know this, right? We already know this. You guys know the Great Commandment.

When someone asks Jesus, what's the greatest commandment? He says, the greatest commandment is you shall love the Lord of God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength and all your might. It's based off the First Commandment, which is what? It's, I'm the Lord of God. You shall love no other gods beside me, which is to say, I'm the Lord of God, you shall have no rivals to me in your life. But going back to marriages, think of any, think of any failed marriage you've ever heard of,

or seen or been a part of, experience yourself, almost always, is because one or both of the couple involved allowed a rival into their life. At some point, just invited a rival in. And it can happen right now. Now people start thinking like, okay, so what's the arrival? Where's the boundary? What's the border for this? What constitutes unfaithfulness?

Like what constitutes cheating? Like what really counts as a rival in a marriage? Because it seems like a really complex question. Could be thousand different things. I heard a preacher once talk about it this way. He made it so simple and really straightforward. When it came to marriage, he said this. He said, when it comes to rivals,

your spouse is the only list. is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. So look at it like that. It cuts through all the baloney. Like, your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. So someone says, well, can I read like the romance novels? Is that a source of romance in your life? Well then, no, it's a rival.

Your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance. What about that romantic movie that really love and it gets me all? Is that a source of romance in your life? Your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. What about that TV series? It's so great and Kat takes me away out of my memory. No, your spouse is your only legitimate source of romance. What about porn?

Okay, that's an obvious one. Your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. How about texting that one person at work and kind of there's something going on? And we haven't said anything really inappropriate, but no, your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. I may have shared this with you before, but years ago there was a couple that I was helping getting ready for marriage. And they're awesome.

Such a good couple. At one point, they graduated, they hadn't gotten married yet. And the bride-to-be had to got a job where there were a couple guys working with her, and she just found that she liked hanging out with them during the break time, during lunchtime, just like fun, they talk about whatever, things they were interested in. They kind of banter, and she just found it made work enjoyable, some people at work. But then she found herself kind of looking forward to it. Still no big deal.

And then she found herself looking forward to one person during the break time or one person during the lunchtime. And then she found herself enjoying not just the banter, but enjoying his attention. Then she found herself seeking his attention. And then came to the day when she found herself comparing this man to the man she was planning on marrying. And comparing this man over her future husband. And she realized this moment she realized, this moment she said, wait a lot of her way to see, second, my husband has a rival in my heart. My husband to be has a rival in my life. This man that I love so much, all of a sudden she really didn't happen right away, right?

It just slowly crept along and it slowly grew. But when she realized it, she knew she had a decision to make. Remember because that kind of relationship is either all or nothing. It doesn't tolerate rivals. So she realized, yeah, this man had become a rival. but she also realized that she had the power to restore the joy and she had the power to restore the love in her relationship. She had the power to restore the peace in her relationship and she made a decision. She could have made a dozen different decisions,

but she decided to quit her job. Because she was like, I can find another job. I don't want to find another him. Because this relationship is an all-or-nothing kind of a thing. It's exclusive and she says, I will not tolerate a rival for my spouse, for my heart. Of course, we realize it doesn't just have to be a person, It could be anything.

The rival in a relationship could be a hobby. I've known marriages that have been destroyed over World of Warcraft. Not a joke. Seriously. I have no marriages that have been lost because of work or the next task. I once did a wedding where some of the guests at the wedding, I had done their wedding six months before. And so after the homily, after the whole thing, the groom came up to me, this man, newlywed of six months. And he said, I didn't really, I must have said something during the homily that struck with him.

And he said, you know, I didn't realize that six months ago, I married the love of my life. I did not realize that in the last six months, what I've done is I focused all my attention from her and getting, being, giving myself to her to, well, now I have to accomplish work things. Now I have to work for the promotion. Now I have to pay off the school debt. Now I have to go on to. He said, I married the love of my life. and I just went on to the next task. I didn't even realize it.

But that day he made a decision. My wife will not have a rival in my life. My wife will not have a rival in my heart. See, because here's the thing. Every rival promises something. The rival of another person promises love, promises romance. The rival of another task or work. It promises fulfillment.

It promises accomplishment. It promises meaning. every rival promises something that only the legitimate source can fully deliver every rival in our heart in our life promises something that only the legitimate source can fully deliver and this is why we experience so much brokenness

not only in our relationships but also with God but isn't it funny how Jesus in the gospel today he points back he says but in the beginning it wasn't like this because we're the gospel of gospel mark today where does this takes place. And Jesus says the line about, yeah, if a man divorces his wife and marry someone else, he's committing adultery.

And if a woman divorces her husband and marry someone else, she's committing adultery. Like, that was a big deal. It was such a shock that in one of the other gospels, the apostles are like, yeah, Jesus, can you say that again? Because I don't think so. They did the whole double take.

What? At one point, Simon Peter says, Lord, if that's the case, then it's better to never, ever, ever marry. Like, just let's sit on that for a second. that Jesus says, no, no, actually if you divorce, marry someone else, you're committing adultery. And the apostles get this such a degree that Simon Peter, if that's the case, then no one should marry ever. And it's funny, Jesus doesn't argue with him.

Not because you shouldn't marry, but because, yeah, it is serious. But he says, but listen, in the beginning it wasn't so. In the beginning it wasn't like, so we heard about that in the first reading today. What was it like in the beginning? You have Adam and Eve there, and they don't have one rival. There's not one rival between them, and there's not one rival between them and God. And one of the things that we have to realize, if when it comes to romance, when it comes to the rival in a relationship that we say that there's not,

that one spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in their life, when it comes to our lives as Christians, as followers of Christ, we have to realize the truth is that God is the only legitimate source of love in the life of the Christian. That God is the only, Jesus is the only legitimate source of love in the life of the Christian. But please don't get me wrong. Everyone has to be sad, Jesus is the only thing you get.

So be happy about that. I don't mean like that. I mean, go back to the beginning, because he points back to the beginning. What was it like in the garden? God was the only source of love in their entire lives, and what did they need? Absolutely nothing.

In fact, they were given more than they could possibly dream of. Adam's lonely. Adam finds himself alone and God says, well, listen, I made her for you. And she says to Eve, hey Eve, I made this man for you. Because why? Because God was the only legitimate source of love in their life. And so what does God do? He gives them all of the love they desire. Because when that is in order, when we don't let God have a rival in our lives,

he's the source of love and we have more love than we even know what to do with. And again, it wasn't like there, I heard every reflect on this, that back in the Garden of Eve, there's like one rule. There's two. There's three rules. the Garden of Eden. There's, um, God says, be fruitful, multiply, don't eat from that one tree. I mean, think, be fruitful. Yeah, too, I work, go, go till things, make things real. I create stuff, you create stuff. Multiply. When God told Adam and Eve to multiply, he wasn't saying go do your times tables. He was like, hey, man and woman, go multiply, wink, wink. Here's God saying, like,

and here's Adam, like, oh, do we have to? Like, no, God puts you in this paradigm. with the person that you love more than anyone in the world and says, go, have a family, raise them up. Also, you're in a garden paradise. You can eat anything. If you let me be the one to feed you, don't let there be any rivals. Just this one tree.

Just don't eat from that one tree. You have more than enough other trees. No one was starving in the garden. But what did they do? They didn't have a squabble between the two of them. What they did was they allowed there to be a rival. between them and God. They allowed there to be something other than God that they chose. And this is how it all goes down, because it's all or nothing. It's exclusive, and our

relationship with God doesn't tolerate rivals. And this is the last thing. A bunch of years ago, my brother, my older brother, his name's Mark, he got married to his wife, which is how it works. Her name is Jennifer. And at one point, you know, they're first year of marriage, first couple months of marriage, and they weren't making a lot of money. And at one point, my brother Mark comes home, drives into the driveway, with a brand new Dodge Durango that he had just thought he would purchase that afternoon and just did it then without telling the new wife. And so honks the horn, Jen walks out, and he's like,

Jen, I got a new truck. She's like, what did you do? He's like, I got a new truck. She says, are you kidding me? He says, well, no, I mean, you know, I bought the car. And she says, why did you, how did you do this? Not tell me. He says, well, you know, we can afford it.

She says, why did you not even ask me? And he then responded with, well, it's my money. No. Mark. Oh, I don't, I have a, my brother is awesome. He's not the smartest person in the world. And it runs in the family. But he does learn.

To his credit, he does learn. And what he realized was like, oh, when I'm married now, even if my wife isn't in my presence, I'm still married now. And I'm married now, and even if I have enough money, what do I need to do? I need to actually live out of this relationship, even if she's out of sight. That I make decisions based off of the fact that I'm married to this woman now. And if I can live out of this relationship, when she's here and when she's not here, then we won't have any rivals between us.

And I have to say, again, he is a smart cookie. My brother, I'm now 18 years later, when I see my brother and his wife, I have to honestly tell you, I have rarely, if ever, seen a healthier, stronger and like more just, just powerfully loving marriage. Never. Why? Because two things. They do not tolerate rivals.

And because they made the decision, we will live out of this relationship, whether we're in the same room, or if we're in two different countries. Why? Because this is exclusive. Because back then it was all or nothing, and I said all. So every decision I make with you, every step I make with you. And I made the decision, all or nothing, the answer is all. So I'll not live a moment of my life, as if you are not the heart of my life.

And that's what we're going to be doing for the next four weeks. In the next couple weeks, we're going to talk about the rivals. how to find him, how to identify him, what to do with them. But tonight, we have the invitation. And the invitation is, okay, you guys, is it going to be all or nothing? When it comes to Jesus, this is a moment of truth. Is it all or is it nothing? Is this going to be an exclusive relationship between you and him?

Or is it going to be a relationship where we try to tolerate the presence of rivals? And lastly, is this going to be a relationship that crashes and burns or is this going to be a relationship where I live my life as if Jesus is the heart of my life, a relationship where I live my life because Jesus is the source of love in my life.