Sunday Papers - Dolly Parton, Taylor Swift & the Florida Getaway | Sunday Papers | Greg Fitzsimmons & Mike GIbbons

Episode Date: September 27, 2026

This week on Sunday Papers, Greg and Mike celebrate Dolly Parton Day with a Carpool Karaoke prank that made it into Variety. They also get into a canceled Ed Sheeran concert, the claim that churchgoing couples are having more sex, Taylor Swift’s new songs, and an uncomfortable debate about AI. Plus, a Florida getaway driver throws stolen cash out the window, an Alabama chicken pot pie lawsuit leads to a discussion of the Hot Coffee documentary, Barbara Walters gets a belated obituary, and the caption contest returns. Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons:Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadioInstagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmonsTwitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.comTour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTourMerch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch“Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82“Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons:Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadioSunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPodChildish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons:Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitzFitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitzSunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitzStand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitzPopular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

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Extra, extra. New York City. New York Energy coming my way. Coming together to bring you the news. Oh, now are you having a nor'easter? We got a nor'easter coming in. I just read this to you hot off the press. I was supposed to go to ACDC.

Do they call it Giant Stadium? I guess it's everyone calls it MetLife Stadium now. It should go back to Giant Stadium, although the Jets play there as well. When I say play, put play in parentheses, but they exist there as well on Sundays. So ACDC is there, and that's Friday night tonight, and they just had to cancel because the storm. Yeah, and well, we'll get to another cancellation later. When we hit the sports section, another cancellation, the Gillette Stadium. Oh, wait, sports?

But that should be in sports. Let's move it down to sports. No, it shouldn't. It said Sheeran. Oh, right, right, right, right. I was thinking because of the sports stadium. All right. Great.

Correction. First correction already. I'm a little off today. That's going to be one of many correct. directions today. I want to hear about where first of all, happy Dolly Parton Day. Yes. We're doing this today, 9-25, September 25th. And many places are, I think, making it official. They're going at Dolly Parton Day. Is this, what do you mean? It's either official or it's not official. Is it a national holiday now? Oh, I don't think it's national. I think certain cities, I'm sure Tennessee,

but I can look it up. But some people, maybe it's unofficially also. I don't know the whole deal. But anyway. Right, right. Okay. Well, I think it's important that we have a day honoring somebody who clearly captured the hearts of America. I mean, there was one of those deaths where you really, you didn't realize how big she was until it happened. And then it was like, damn. Well, all right. I think I'm talking out of school, a little, whatever the phrase is. But so when I was, we were up for an Emmy for Carpo

karaoke, a primetime Emmy because it was a prime time special. Anyway, I went to one of the pre-M-E parties or whatever, and there was red carpet. And I, the executive producer of the Late Late Show with James Gordon was Ben Winston, who's killing it in Hollywood now. He's the producer of the Grammys,

and he's just doing great. And he and I are friends. And so I see his name. tag and I thought that would be funny. So I put his name tag on my shirt and on my suit and I walked the red carpet and they're like, oh, oh, Mr. Winston. Mr. Winston. Like, tell us about, you know, Carpo karaoke was still relatively new and all that. Like, who's coming up? I'm like, well, I'm very excited about Dolly Parton. And I just decided to say that. But also, I really wanted her. I had pitched her and James and Ben, who will deny this now, looked at me like I was

crazy. And I told them, I'm like, you don't understand. Well, you should mention that Ben is British. Yeah, both of them are British. And I go, you don't understand how many cultures she runs across with her, like, people worship her. And anyway, I try my best to explain it. I go, and I don't know if you'll understand this because they were Brits and younger than I am and living in England at the time, but I go, it is not too dissimilar to what happened to Johnny Cash. I go, it's multi-generational, multicultural, and there is just a love there that even the hipsters are going young hipsters. Don't get fooled. It's not just going to be old. It'll be them too. And anyway. No, it's literally every single white group in America came together for this.

Every single what? White group in America. No, no, no. The biggest trend was. was how many black people were losing their minds over Dolly Parton's death? Really? To where that was one of the most popular white memes I saw, which is white people like, what is it with all my black friends? Is it because it's working nine to five and black people don't like to work overtime? Oh, I think you nailed it.

I think you nailed it. I mean, here come the view. Here come the views. Here come the listens. So anyway, that didn't go well in the office when I got, because I was printed in variety as Ben Winston saying Dolly partners. No way. Yeah. hilarious.

And I thought it was hilarious and he did not. And she never did it. James thought it was funny. Wait a minute. So listeners should have rallied. and like made, you know, petitions to get her on after that. I know, I know. Sadly, it was just a, that would have been a ratings dump.

If you guys had, you know, just discreetly started some petitions and got it rolling and that's the funniest story, let that story get out. And then she finally comes on. That would have been huge. Yep, yep. And I meant it, man. I did not pick a joke name. Like, I wanted to do carpal karaoke with her.

so badly. Yeah. It would have been great. Anyway, happy Daly Parton Day, everybody. Happy Dallie Parton Day. I was in I was in La Jolla last weekend. Thank you everybody for coming out. We sold out a bunch of shows. It's kind of my sweet spot. Like I always, I have so many people that are nice enough to come out when I play the San Diego area. And so I sell my pins after. the show, which, you know, I don't love it. I don't love standing there and the entire crowd streaming out and I'm selling the pins. I think you do love it. Well, I like meeting people that some people have traveled, like some people get hotels and they drive six hours and they stay in a hotel and they come to the show and or people come back year after year and I get to know them.

And it just feels really nice people. A lot of people shout out Sunday papers. A lot of people say hello to you. And yeah, no, they really do a lot. And so that part is nice. But what I, my, my threshold for being around drunk people is so low. And when people come out of a show, the Friday night late show, people came out and they were wasted. And I get to the merch table and there's this couple. And they're so drunk that they're leaning on the table.

And I go, I go, can you guys just step to the side? I need to sell my pitch. Oh, right away. That's all I need to hear. One syllable. I'm like, here we go. Oh. So we're not good enough to stand.

No, no, no. It's just that I need to stand there in order to not lose money in the next 30 seconds that you're fucking with me. And so they finally move and they go, she was funnier than you were talking about Nicole Buchanan

the feature act. I go, yeah, she was. She's great. I love Nicole. Now, please. And she just keep No pins Now get the fuck out of the line

So she keeps coming at me Keeps coming at me And then I went I go you're really being annoying Can you just leave me alone And now she And then I turn my back on her She's behind me with her boyfriend

And I turn my back on her And that's the kind of thing Is when you've got a thirsty drunk Who's on a roll And you've pissed her off And then you turn your back on her And you don't feed into her insanity Now she's screaming

Now she's trying to rally everybody who's buying pins against me and going, he called me an asshole and just starts making stuff up. So I said to Nicole, go get security. So security came out. Nicole, can you get your mom out of this building? Actually, she does, she did grow up near there.

And so security came out and they usher the couple away. And meanwhile, I'm losing so much money because all these people are streaming out. Nobody wants to be any part of this scene at the pin table. And so, so then I'm selling the pins, going great. And then seven or eight minutes later, they come back.

Security's gone. And they start at even higher pitch, screaming and yelling. And I go security and security gets rid of the money. Anyway, long story short, it was a disaster. And I feel so vulnerable when I'm standing out there. Because I didn't know if the guy was going to punch me in the back of the head. You know, you never know. And so I go, I'm not selling.

I'm selling pins on the late show. Oh, this was the early show Friday night. I go, I'm not selling pins on the late show. And so Nicole's good, just, we'll get security out there. Don't worry about it. You don't want to lose that money. So I go, all right, so fine. So I go out there and I, and I'm on stage,

and I'm deciding whether to, like, say I'm selling pins after the show. Then I finally, you know what? I'll sell pins after the show, but you guys need to all buy them, and nobody, and I don't want anyone harassing me. So I kind of told them what happened. So this guy walks out, young guy, two smoking hot girls with him, and he walks up to the table. He's the first guy out of the show. And he goes, do you take Venmo?

And I said, no, I don't take Venmo. And he goes, oh, that's too bad because I was going to buy all the pins. Yeah. And I go, it's Greg hyphen Fitzsimmons of Venmo. And Nicole counted up the pins, and there was 50 pins left. And he Venmoed me $500. and then we handed them out to people as they were coming out of the show for free. And everybody was cheering for the guy and it was a big party.

And yeah, it was great. Oh, my, look at that turnaround. See? It might not be the best business model, antagonizing people and then selling them weapons in the form of a pin. T-shirts are a lot safer than pins. A lot softer below. Yeah, yeah. And then, so I'm in New York now.

We had my wife's basically stepfather, had his memorial last night. It was unbelievable. He was this, I might have talked about him, but he was this really influential civil rights attorney. He worked for legal services for the elderly, for the poor elderly. And he spent 50 years doing the best work a lawyer can do. And so there was a lot of big wig. lawyers there, the guy from the ACLU, who's the president of the ACLU?

I actually don't know. Anyway, he hosted the event and people got up and spoke, and it was really amazing. And of course, Tom O'Neill crashed because he asked me if there'd be an open bar, and I knew that all they

had was kosher wine because it was in a Jewish college that he used to teach at. And so I said, yeah, yeah, open bar. So he showed up, yeah, he didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't He was slamming down kosher wine. And a lot of characters spoke.

And, yeah, I spoke. There was a lot of people, a lot of people come after your money when you die is one thing I found. There was one woman that showed up. That's why Tom was there. Right. That had known Johnny, like, many years ago. Yeah. And she was kind of leaching off him and he would buy her stuff.

because she was a student in need and then she stole some stuff from him so she disappears and then we find out she had latched onto some other old guy and robbed him and it was like banking fraud and she went to jail so this crazy bitch shows

up to the memorial and starts asking around if she can help us get rid of his stuff in his apartment she wanted pins she caused the scene But it's so crazy. Just bald-faced. And there was more of that.

I won't get into it because I don't want to air his longer. But it was a lot of craziness and a lot of funny speeches. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Now, what's up? Tom is sending pictures of this little cute dog that he is on a bar crawl with, it seems, constantly, night after night.

Well, he's house sitting for our friend, who you know, who's a big producer. and she's got a two-bedroom terraced apartment in Chelsea that she's letting Tom O'Neill staying alone. I think Grindr literally had steam coming out of the app this weekend with Tom in that apartment. What that poor little dog is probably seen. Oh, my God. Well, it went to that great, what is that great sing-along,

Gay Bar Mary's? Oh, yeah. disaster or whatever it's shame on me for meanwhile i haven't been there that much but i've been with him and there's the dog on tom's lap listening to the show tunes so yeah and then afterwards we went down to uh you know tom tom's friend kieran has the bar downtown oh yeah yeah so we all went there and uh my wife's brothers in town from south africa with his wife and uh her nephew flew in from London with his wife. And it's been a party.

It's been a party. So I German Shepherd, very New York moment, German Shepherd. And there's some Section 8 projects near where Aaron's mom lives, where we're staying. And a big, tough, very scary-looking dude coming down the street on Amsterdam. And he's got a German Shepherd. And he's got the German Shepherd by the collar. Really rough. Like front legs in the air.

dog is shitting, giant shit, one mound after the other as he drags him down the street. And then he throws him like by a tree where it's like got a little gate around it and there's dirt. And they purposely put the gate up so that dogs don't shit in that. Right. But I guess he's training it. And so I go, I go, hey man, you got to clean up all that shit. And then he says, what did you say, motherfucker?

and I fucking, I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't walk away. I jogged away. He was so fucking. And I was like, why did I say that in the first place? Like, this is New York. That's just what happens. Yeah, I don't know.

I think you did the right thing. Yeah. Yeah. Because like, even if you were, I don't know, if you were a tough guy and like, listen, we're older now, I mean, if there's no, like, listen, I'm not going to fight you. I'm just saying your dog's shit on the sidewalk. Can we all help each other out here? Right, right.

By doing our part? Yeah. I don't know. But he might, who knows? If he's crazy, that's not a thing to do. Yeah. Marie's Crisis, not Marys. I was thinking like Hamburger Marys.

It's Marie's Crisis is the legendary gay bar where Tom took his dog. Is Maria a woman who found out that her son was at a cabaret bar in Chelsea? Might be. That would be nice. Yeah. Played pickleball. I mean, I don't like pickleball, but my cousin Mary Pat. My cousin Mary Pat plays pickleball in Central Park, and it is actually really cool because it's kind of tucked away.

There's like eight pickleball courts. I didn't know where they are. They're up around 1003rd Street. You know where there's tennis courts are on 103rd Street? They're just above the tennis courts. They used to be handball courts. And so you go up and they've got these shelves and you put your paddle in, and then everybody, they go in four at a time.

Then you put your paddle in the next shelf down below. And then when a court comes open, whoever's on top, you grab your paddle and you go to that court. So it's like it's just a great mix. Or all these characters, there was this guy that was telling me he works like 12 hours a day as a bus boy. Like he barely spoke English. And he was a fucking amazing pickleball player. And then there's like, you know, just old people, young people. It was just.

And we just had, I played for three and a half hours. It was so much fun. Sounds like you played longer than you're allowed. Isn't there a limit on that? No, no, no. Once you finish your game, you come off the court. Oh, and then you wait. Then you, yeah, you put your paddle back in and you wait for the next game.

Yeah. Got it. So you play with everybody. And then the, oh, yeah, I forgot to mention Tom also. He went to a party. Dimples Liz, who you know, who says, they call them George and Martha, because they're straight out of that movie. Oh, who's afraid of Virginia Wool?

Yeah, yeah, he was afraid of Virginia Wool. Because they just drink and argue. Oh, love it. And so she brought him to some fancy party downtown because she's an art dealer. And so they go in and they had swag out for people to take. And I guess Tom, of course, like got a bag and started stuffing it with this really expensive cosmetics.

And they busted them. and they took it away from him and they kicked him out of the party. And of course, Tom sneaks back into the party, gets the bag, fills it up again and runs out the door and puts it on eBay for $900.

He's like your pin lady. Sneaking back in. That's his style. Meanwhile, do you have any idea? I started telling him last, I started guessing last night how much money he's made from chaos so far. And it's pretty astounding.

He does not need to be. stealing cosmetics. Well, one of the great lines of all time was when he got his first book deal, which then went away because he didn't make the deadlines, but his initial book deal, and then they, I don't know the right term for it, but they then, he owed them that. So I don't think they sued him for it back. He didn't have to pay them it back, but he had to work it off or whatever and maybe pay. Oh, and then I think a new publisher bought it, Tom's cringing right now if he's listening to this. But I think a new publisher bought and then part of it was they had to pay off his original book deal. Anyway, the original one was loosely being called

like a million dollar book deal or whatever it was. And we were all, it's like the long national nightmare had ended. Like Tom is finally, his book is finally going to get done after 20 years, right? Anyway, book deals, uh, great. I'm over Malloy's house. We're out on his porch. Tom, comes walking up and walking and Malloy goes, he doesn't look like a millionaire. Like same sloppy clothes. Oh, no. His clothes, he would, he would, uh, his mother every Christmas would, would give him socks and underwear for his adult life.

And then he would go to Ross dress for less and he would buy he wears these skinny jeans. He's this guy. I'm not going to see his age, but like he's, he's well into his 60s. And, uh, and he wears these skinny jeans. black jeans like he's 19 years old because they're cheap and Ross dress for less. How about dress for a little more? Just for a little more. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Let's get down to the logo for this week. Bruce Wise. We asked for more logos. Bruce, as always, stepped up. You want to name the album cover? Mike? Yeah, never mind the bullocks. Yeah, there we go. There it is. I guess I'm Sid Vicious and you're Johnny Rotten.

Album still sounds fresh. Yep, it does. That's one of those songs. When one of those songs, I don't change the channel. I leave it on the radio. You've had Steve on your show. That's right. Jonesy. Song this week from Brett Kerr, who sent it in. This might be a. little bit. I don't believe you sent it to me. Scandalous, I didn't send it to you. It might be scandalous because there is a chance that this was made partially with AI. I don't mind that. I don't mind that as long as it's not heavy-handed.

Oh, yeah. We have to make songs and logos. I forgot. I mean, when there's a symphony and there's eight-part harmony and all, then you go like, all right, this is a bit much. That's what my song is going to be like. Oh, yeah, we got, oh, we were supposed to do that for this week. Was it this week?

I think it was this week. I was going to do the song and you were going to do the logo. But I've been away all week. I can't do it. Next week we'll do it. I'll be in Alaska by myself. All right. So let's be specific.

I'm making the logo. Yes. What do you mean? You're making the logo. I literally just said I'm doing the song and you do the logo. I know, but when you say things, it's, you know, they're fits facts. Yeah. It's loose.

All right. Speaking of loose, corrections this week. Yeah. Ted Kaczynski, the year. Unabomber. Apparently he died in June of 2023 at the age of 81. I think, I think did we, I think I thought he was still alive. To paraphrase, Norm MacDonald, 81's a ripe old age for a unabomber. I mean, that's pretty impressive. Yeah, when you go to one of those like USA Today average death rates for occupations. Yeah. That's way up there. It's normally in 20s or 30s. You know what?

The youngest average ages for an occupation? You name the top three. I can tell you the top three right now. What's the question? I kind of don't understand it. I'm going to guess the profession that is the youngest that skews the youngest? That you die the youngest at. Oh, die.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depressed teenager? Is that a job? All right. I'm going to say, oh, God, I should. be better with some jokes here, like an emo musician or something. But I'm going to say, uh, ooh, probably something like, and I don't know what you call it, but like an underwater welder or like some, some, some, that is not one of them. Oil rig? Uh, that is no longer one. I

think it probably used to be, but it's not now. Maybe they don't die, but that's brutal work. I don't know. God, I don't even know where to guess. So youngest professions that die, I know there used to be a lore about dentists had the highest suicide rate. Yes, that is true. I checked on that. I don't know if it still is, but there was a time when that was the number one death rate because nobody wants to go to the dentist. What am I, Jerry Seinfeld? I mean, Tom O'Neill has killed two dentists who have taken their own lives based on his teeth that he gets in Mexico.

Chicklets, the chicklets he gets. All right, just tell me. All right. Number one is loggers. Oh, all right. You know what? Underwater Welder, man, is right there. Those guys are bros.

Go ahead. And then you got the one that if I had to choose the job, that if I, if there is a hell and you get sent there, my hell is deep sea fishermen. Oh, that's on there. It's actually fishing and hunting workers. Man, I was all around with my guys. Okay. And then you got roofers coming in at number three. That's how Artie Lang's dad was paralyzed from roofing.

Well, to paraphrase Bill Burr, like being a mom isn't up there because I've heard that's the hardest job in the world. Well, you know, it probably was at a certain point. I think there was so much death during childbirth that it probably was up there. Yeah. Oh, well, labor. Literal labor Yeah Was one of the hardest jobs

Right The other ones Real quick Steelworkers And garbage men It's funny Is there Not one of them

includes women right I mean obviously There's gonna be Rare rare Rear exceptions Well not roofers But they are the ones That get roofied

So tangentially Also Not good outcomes Is that what you call Somebody Roofies women Do you call them a roofer? No, you don't.

Okay. For sure, actually. Okay. All right, what else we got? We got. This bugged me for years, and I'm just sleep deprived and hung over enough to do something about it. You always call the Sunday Papers episode art a logo. It's a graphic.

A logo is a graphic mark symbol or emblem used by a company to make people instantly recognize it. Yeah. Okay. So I guess we're going to start calling it a graphic. Yeah, our artwork this week. It could also be that. Yeah. But it's a graphic.

You know, in a way, I bet an argument could be made for a logo because like when you go in a list of podcasts and you're looking for hours, you'd look for, you know, it would have a logo next to it, but it changes every week. Well, maybe that's why we've never had a lot of listeners is because we hide the evidence of the publishing of our podcast every week. We try to stay under the radar. That's what we do. I mean, we're not going to sell out. No. Tim Dilley said, Mike said that Robert Kraft, McElmore, Ed Shearren, kerfuffle is a free speech issue saying Kraft cannot stop Mack from saying whatever he wants because of the First Amendment.

The First Amendment says that government cannot limit free speech. Kraft as a private citizen has every right to say he doesn't want the anti-Semitic speech. inside the stadium that he owns? Not well First of all I don't think I really said it like that It is obviously a free speech like is he free to say what he wants There is the difference between public and private But what you cannot do protected by law is fire someone if they voice a political opinion

And that is protected. Yeah, that is yes and or religious I believe. I believe I have that right. And what's worse is then he conspired with other stadium. Employers, basically. And also, he doesn't fully own that stadium. That also should be entered into the equation. But no, you can, if you're being fired, and then, of course, listen, none of us are experts on exactly what their contract said. Technically, is it a firing, or is it a termination of contract? I don't know. I'm not a lawyer, but Tim, it's a good point on the point you made anyway.

But I don't think I was making that point. Well, I was speaking to private industry. Yeah. Well, what's weird is that the concert was supposed to be on October 7th. Yeah, that's not true. And then we got Joe Blow said that in Pills, Billy Corgan's interviews at the time, he said that Simey's dream was about inventing a comforting childhood, far from the abuse and trauma that he experienced.

Oh, that wasn't a correction, but that was a note. Yes, I like that. Thank you, Joe Blow. Stephen Blackwood said another minor correction. Bill Murray was in the first season of SNL. He started the, well, I think he actually made a mistake. He meant to say was not in the first season of SNL. He started in 1976 the second season.

I didn't realize that. Yeah, I remember. Did you know that? Yes, and I did forget it, though, because I blur it. But yeah, he famously came in because Chevy Chase was leaving. Wait, I thought he and Chevy Chase were on at the same time and hated each other. I think it was no when Chevy Chase came back to host. Oh, okay.

Got it. And we're going to fact checked on that. but I think that's what it was. And then I think it came to Fistakuffs. Yes, it did. Yep. Yeah. Thiz Marley said,

what are aggressively casual shorts? Is that something you said? I love that. So I described guys in Southern California who were aggressive. So aggressively, I used to say that about the farmers market here in Santa Monica, that everyone has, is just so aggressively casual,

which is like it's just such an effort to look like you're putting in no effort. Yeah. But with the shorts, I think there's a lot of cargo capability. There might be a keychain attached to or a chain wallet even or something. But normally there are just these performance shorts and like long board shorts. it's a look. And then there's like there's a Birkenstock, but it's not the standard one. It's swayed maybe with an open back and a covered, you know, there's way more male toes on display than there should be.

There's a tussled hair that was crafted. The chaos of the bangs are crafted. Oh, my God, and the amount of tats. Yeah, a lot of tats. It's just a lot of thinking about self. It's a lot of thinking about self and then you see them with a child and you go, no. No, you don't get to have a child because you are a fucking child. There's no bandwidth in your special little single malt scotch, ride a bike for 50 miles on Sunday life.

That's not what you do. No, and forget single single. It's also the, they're brewing their own beer maybe or they're like just a snob about IPAs or something. And they go to Burning Man. You know what? I'm tired of people telling me, Pete Scott, if you're listening, that I got to go to Burning Man. You know what I don't have to do? Go to Burning Man.

Don't got to do it. I don't have to go to India and I don't have to go to Burning Man. Two things on my list. I went out to dinner with he and his friend and they tried to sell me on Burning Man. Yep. Last week. Yep. They're all little brand ambassadors.

I've seen the videos. I'm not Lawrence of Arabia. I don't need sand whipping against my face. Well, you know who's dancing naked? Because that's the big headline. Oh, there's people dancing naked. Yeah, dudes and fat chicks. That's who's dancing naked.

There we go. Sounds like you just described Alaska. Wait a minute. Are you trying to get me into the... Here we go. I'm going to Fairbanks this weekend, September 30th through October 3rd. third, I'll be performing at a number of theaters in that area.

Batavia, Illinois at the Comedy Vault, fun little room, October 15 through 17. Then I'm going to Toronto and I'm performing in four different places over five nights. I'm going to be in St. Catharines, Hamilton, Waterloo, and then downtown Toronto on the 27th. And then Phoenix, New Orleans, I'll be at Skank Fest. You got to make it to Skank Fest, Mike. Oh, man. All right, November 13 to 15. Okay. All right. And then we want to give a shout out to the fine folks at Gotham Production Studios doing a great job putting this show up week after week with love and care. Love it. All right. Some of the crinkle. Something to crinkle.

I have that old envelope, but he's right again. Perfect. I love it. Front page. Well, I found this story before I checked its source, but it's a story. The Americans having the most sex, regular churchgoers have a surprising advantage over secular couples. According to our new report published today, sorry, according to a new report published today by the Institute for Family Studies, no group of Americans seems to be having more sex than married men and women who regularly attend a place of worship. This group is made up mostly of Christians, but also includes Jews and Muslims. In fact, we find that the only Americans who have avoided the country's sex recession in which fewer and fewer men and women are having regular sex are husbands and wives who attend religious services at least twice a month. In the 1990s, 64% of married people age 20 to 54, both church going and secular, had sex at least once a week.

Now only 48% of secular couples have sex a week compared to 62% of their religious. peers. Yeah, you know who gets laid even more when people go to the church? Priests and the married couple's kids. That spikes when people go to church. It should have said published today by the Institute of Biased, untrustworthy family made-up fucking stories. Because I look this up, it's a conservative think tank.

And one time they, I mean, you can just Google them. but it determined that conservative women are happier. Oh, no, there's an article in the New Yorker this week about how Republicans have co-opted female sexuality. Like Sidney Sweeney, who's like very conservative, like she just spoke at that. What's his name? Eric, what's his name?

Who got shot in the neck? Yeah, yeah, that guy, man. Blocked it out. What's his name? Yeah. Eric. Oh, my God. I'm so space.

You sent me up. I would have remembered. Go ahead. So anyway, she spoke at that. And but it's all about like, you know, you look at Fox News and all the, all the broadcasters have big fake tits and blonde hair. And they're promoting. There's a lot of these sex positive Republican women. And their whole thing is like, just wait until you're married.

Like, they're against sex before marriage. But once you get into it, they're trying to claim. they're claiming that they're more sexual. It's like good sales pitch. I respect that. I think you get a lot of people in with that. I'm sorry, this is bothering me so much. Charlie Kirk.

Charlie Kirk. It's Erica's is what you've messed me up with Eric. That's what I'm thinking of. That's what I'm thinking of. Right, right, right. What's she doing? Well, how's things going for her? She's doing really well.

She seems to be thriving. Yeah, she really has gotten over the murder of her husband very well. As a matter of fact, over it almost instantly as she took over the corporation. It's not, it's a corporation. Let's not kid ourselves. I mean, I don't think anything went on because she would have been like, guys, why it was the autopsy, like not this. Why? What happened to the investigation?

What happened to the crime scene being scrubbed? I didn't ask for that. Time out, guys. I'm seeing weird. behavior in the video the second it happens. Like, can me? I'm just glad that Mossad was there to comfort me in my time of need. They were the first ones there with their arm around me.

I don't know. Guy, I'm not feeling good about this. Or am I? No, you know what? I'm feeling great, I guess. That's what I'm going to go with. Yeah. Ed Shearin's shows at Gillette Stadium this weekend have been canceled due to bad weather.

The singer, all of it could have been avoid. The singer 35 was supposed to be performing on Friday and Saturday at the venue in Foxborough, but they're no longer going ahead due to the severe weather forecast throughout the weekend. The tour has made the difficult decision to cancel the Ed Shearing concerts. The decision was made with the safety of fans, staff, and everyone involved in the shows as the top priority. They also went on to say, this is proof that Jews control the weather. I don't think they needed that last part. This is one of those things where, you know, people are always making that kind of tropey joke about like whenever there's a really heinous crime, black people going, don't let it be a black guy, don't let it be a black guy.

And this is definitely the Jews going like, please don't let them. But first of all, I'm in New York. It's Friday. There's no bad weather tonight. The weather's fine. You have rain coming your way at 11 p.m. buster. Tonight? Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was tomorrow. The ring was coming. No, no, no. But listen, there is a Nor'Easter coming. I mean, who knows how bad it'll be. Well, look, you know, I'm sure the Patriots are hoping that they have the same luck. Someone can write in about this. I don't know if Nor Easter's have degrees of like where there can be a, like, a hurricane has to be a certain, you know, wind strength or sustained winds or whatever the measure is to be literally.

called a hurricane. I don't think a nor'easter is the same. I think it's just the direction and type of storm that it is. Can we call it a northeaster? What are we from Maine? A noista. But can you believe this thing was canceled? Like, I wonder if

McElmore got lucky if he was paid. I don't know if he would have had to be paid, if he was still on the bill and weather, you know what I mean, and weather canceled the show. Right. But if he was fired, I think they had to pay him out his contract, I believe. Are you trying to imply that the Jewish owner of the stadium would not want to pay out?

I am not implying that at all. Because that's kind of racist. I'm saying, I think God doesn't want, maybe God had a hand in this teaching the Jews a lesson. Speaking of God, Donald Trump's administration is blocking national parks. from offering free entrance to the public on Martin Luther King Day or on Juneteenth. MLK Day has been recognized at the parks for decades. Now, however, fasten your seatbelts. There is no more free entrance on that day.

Instead, Trump has decided that free entrance should be given on his own birthday on June 14th. What a solution. Well, it makes sense that a day that mostly one, white men go into the woods and make fires should be on his birthday. How about this, Donna, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you want to do things and take things and be in place of Martin Luther King Jr., may I suggest you go to a balcony in Memphis at a motel, just stand out there. Let us know when you're going to be there.

Let everybody know when you're going to stand on that balcony just like he did and just act like he did. That's what you want, if you want to just slug yourself in and. replace Martin Luther King, Jr. And if you thought Erica Kirk did not grieve properly, wait to you see Melania, banging everybody the next day. She has got so much pent up Eastern European sexuality. It's teeming.

She can't wait. That's hysterical. Also, here, here's one that he won't want to do regarding replacing MLK. How about all the MLK Jr., streets and cities, why don't we call them Donald Trump Avenue, Donald Trump way? I don't think he'd like that because, as Chris Rock pointed out, we know where those are. Yeah. Now, Chris Rock's joke was, if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, you know you're in a bad neighborhood. If you're on Malcolm X Boulevard, you're in a really bad neighborhood.

Exactly. Two leaders. Did you see this story? I did see this story. Two leaders of an underground University of Wisconsin-Madison fraternity were arrested in charge with hazing after dozens of pledges were found injured, shirtless, and covered in condiments in a sweltering basement. Delicious. The Madison Police Department said Thursday it received an anonymous tip about an event in the basement. Alpha Epsilon Pie was kicked off campus as a. a recognized chapter in 2015, but then I guess they still kept the house.

This is an unofficial one. 30 pledges, most of them were 18, were partially clothed in a filthy basement. The victims were covered in food condiments and other liquids had visible injuries consistent with being physically assaulted. The thermostat was set to 81 degrees, so it was hot and humid. So wait a minute. mustard, steam. Maybe they thought it was a brat party.

Instead of frat? Yeah. I'm going with that. I'll stand behind that. It said covered. Hold on. It said they were, what was it? Oh, covered in condiments?

Yeah. I literally was like, it said food and condiments. I'm like, I think it's a typo. It would have been splooge and condoms back when we went to school. I know, these guys are getting off easy. Oh, you're getting treated like a hot dog. Oh. It's kind of heartwarming that there's some of this still going on, but I got to tell you,

the detail that the thermostat was set to 81, my apartment has been 81 degrees for three weeks now. Right, right. Because of this heat. Yep. So I guess I'm being tortured. The threshold for pain for these. 81. That's kind.

That's what I set mine at always. 81. Oh my God. I go to a hotel. I put it on 81. No, you don't. No, I put it on 70. That's my number, summer or winter, 70 degrees is my sweet spot in the hotel room.

And do you find, I bet you don't, that 70's the same from hotel to hotel? You know, they rig them. Yeah, they're different. They're different. Yeah. And you can also, there's all these hacks online where you see how you can reset. the thermostat in your room. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can, there's ways to like, you know, whatever it is, reset it by, by a sequence of buttons and stuff. Yeah, but they're all different. Every single hotel room in my life has been a different system. And the one I just stayed at, I was in La Jolla, great little hotel, the inn by the sea. And the air condition is not working.

And so I'm fucking so hot all night And I call the next day I go Can you send up an engineer my air conditioner What room are you in? 519 Hold on click click All of a sudden the air starts moving in Yeah we just turned it on for you

Wait so I don't do it You guys turn on my air conditioner Well yeah there's a master switch we turn Okay great Great system And thanks for no heads up on that Yeah and I'm sure it'll be on between 2 and 6 a.m. Right.

All right. It is time for the ethical question. Ethical question. There's at least one really good one. It is your turn to give me an ethical question. Yeah, I'm going to the New York Times. All right. This is a good one. Does my boyfriend's anonymous sexting count as cheating?

All right. Anonymous? I'm going to tell you what it is. My boyfriend and I are college juniors. we've been together for seven months. He told me recently until a month ago, he had been sexting women on the social platform

yikyak. That sounds like you're sexting with Jewish gals, which lets you message anonymously with other people, here's a detail, with other people at your college. He said that the chats all

remained anonymous and no photos were involved. I don't know if I should break up with him. him. If he were cheating, I would do so instantly. If he had just been reading smut or watching porn, I wouldn't care. This is a weird middle ground where he's not really cheating, but he's definitely crossing a line. So, what do you think? I think this is very interesting. I'm all for it. I think that, you know, if you want to keep, it's the same question of, is it okay that my boyfriend

and watch his porn. It's like, I don't know. Do you want to bring a third person and have them lick your feet and do anal? Well, then let them watch it. You know what I mean? Unless you want to sex with them, then let them sex with other people. Oh, man. This is going to lead to another ethical question that I'm going to make up based on a news story I read. But before we get there, all right. So I ran this by a gal, and it was definitely, like she's saying, it's crossed the line, like the woman in this article is saying. And it was no hesitation that that's wrong.

They're sexting with another woman while they're in relationship with their girlfriend. So I then brought up, what if it was sexting with AI? Oh, interesting. What do you think about that? Well, that's a little bit like saying, you know, the NCAA, you got caught blood doping, and so they suspend you from your baseball team. So you're not allowed to go to practice and hit balls.

But what if it's a batting machine? Okay. Are you allowed to hit balls from a batting machine if you're suspended from the NCAA? Well, it's kind of like practicing Jewish people who get in elevators, but they don't press the buttons on Friday because they stop at every floor at Cedars Sinai. All right. Well, and let's bring in, let's bring in dildos, obviously into this discussion. A high-end vibrator with rabbit ears and five gears. Right. I guess it's not. You can't do that. I guess it's a little bit different than an interaction, but here's what you don't do. If you do, if you do. sex with AI. You don't brag to your girlfriend. Well, you know what? I went to AI because it's better

anyway. That's what you don't say. It's better than the anonymous women. Okay, Greg, here's the toughest ethical question that I'm making up. I read a story while I was getting ready for this podcast, that a man, when I was looking for Florida man, actually, I think a Florida man was arrested for they found him with AI-generated child porn. No. And it caused me to pause because my brain got overwhelmed with, and it wouldn't include me, but a bunch of smart people debating this issue.

And I think one side, and again, I'm not the smart guy. I think on one side, someone might be like, you know, that age old dilemma of, you know, having condoms available in the library because you're not going to stop sex on college campuses or high school campuses or whatever. Needle programs that recognize you're dealing with addicts. So someone might be able, again, I'm not going to be able to do it, but someone might be able to start. a side that's for it. It's kind of like that Louis C.K. joke where he did on SNL, which was the balliest thing ever of, do they make child sex dolls?

And he kind of like got tisked and booed. He's like, oh, I'm, oh, I'm like the bad. Okay, fine. Just have them keep doing it with real children. Yeah. You know, like, so I think this is a really interesting question. Well, I think the question, to me, the only question is, does watching that AI cause you to go to the next level or does it satiate it?

That's the only question. Because if it satiates it, it's a solution. But if it riles somebody up to then want to do it in person, then you don't want it. And I don't know. I don't know what, I mean, I think a lot of instances of guys that are pedophilia, going, there goes the algorithm, going to jail is because they have possession of pictures, as opposed to have actually done something. And I don't know if that's a lesser charge.

I'm sure it's a lesser charge than the act of doing it with somebody, but it's still, I think it's one strike. I don't think you get, like, you know, released on that. I think you've got to do some time on that. Released. Well, if porn is any indication, young men and men masturbating the porn are having less sex. That's probably true.

No, no, that's a fact. Yeah. They're having less sex. But does the chicken come before the egg before, does it come before the masturbator? Which comes first the masturbating guy at the laptop or the guy with the girl at the bar? Yeah. And all, you know, but it's interesting. Like, what if there was a someone, right?

Because I think a lot of, listen, I imagine a lot of these guys are, I'm not defending them at all, not even a little bit. But I bet they're tormented and they think of themselves as monsters and it's uncontrollable, right? I'm sure some of them are like that, right? Anyway, I'm wondering if like, okay, here's the thing. You, in order to do it to AI generated child porn, which is so crazy, but you have to register. you have to register. Like at a methadone clinic. So we know you're one of the people doing that.

Yep. And I don't know. I don't know if they're, anyway, I'm in over my head on this. I think part of it also is, as far as the photo sharing and all that stuff, is the sense of community because they do feel like monsters. To find out that there's other people out there that feel the same way, they want to share that stuff. and then that might spill over from AI into real.

I don't know. It seems to me that there's two options if you have that condition. And one is chemical castration and meetings like support group meetings or jumping off a bridge. I like the idea of them starting to chat as a community because inevitably it'll go wrong

and they'll want to kill each other and maybe that we encourage that they all just start they get in racist fights in the in the in the comment section like every group on earth does right and they then uh they should meet up and kill each other we are so far off the algorithm this week we have a new algorithm i think we created a new one all right that's been the ethical question i only bring it up because we actually our numbers have gotten really good recently and then And I don't know, we must have done something last week because they plummeted. All right, let's go to entertainment.

Just raising questions. That's all we're doing. You're right. Entertainment. Okay, I just grabbed a headline. And the headline was Elizabeth Holmes documentary gets an R rating for graphic nudity. I didn't even need to hear that. I mean, it's the thing I want to see most is this Nathan Fielder documentary on Elizabeth Holmes.

I have wanted to see his cock for years. So I guess it's categorized as a horror movie No matter which person we're talking about it is nude She's hot Are you kidding me Wait you think Elizabeth Holmes is hot Oh there's something so sexy about her I don't know something's so wrong about you

Why because she's autistic she can't be sexy She just looks like this weird doll Her exche she she is an oddball And I am being generous Well, I have to say this. I was so primed for this movie. I saw the first trailer and I was like, in. When do I get tickets?

When is it out? Then I saw the second trailer and I was like, this is off the charts. This looks unbelievable. And now you tell me there's graphic nudity. Like, this is going to be the biggest movie of the year. People are very excited to see it. Yeah. And if you haven't seen it.

I think it's A24 who's killing it. Well, there's already been a docu series, and then there was a scripted movie about it. Or I don't know if that was this. That might have been a series. Yeah, that was a series as well. So people are already primed on the subject matter. Plus, it was a national headline for three years.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And she's in the news this week for maybe going to a, I don't know if the correct term is halfway house, but of getting out of prison. Oh. Or some lesser degree of prison. Okay.

Yeah, anyway. If I forget at the end, when you ask me if I want to plug anything, I highly recommend you go see. I think it's one of the highest rated movies out there now on like Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic. You should, especially if you were, with the Owen, go see the Oasis documentary.

Oh, yeah? It's in the theaters? It's in the theaters. It's in IMAX. But you find it in New York. That would be a nice break from what you're going through. And I would go see. I think I'm going to see it this weekend.

Oh, nice. It's supposed to be great. And it's more than just like the, you know, them playing music. It is about that reunion and all that. All right. Speaking of. Also, one other thing, I just want to mention if people were confused. last week there was some kind of an audio issue and I was only coming through your left ear piece,

which if people listening in their cars or however, I guess they didn't notice, but most people have headphones on and I guess I was only in the left side and Mike was apparently popping his peas. And so Mike now has a windscreen and I have checked my recorder and hopefully we don't have that issue again. I'm probably lower than that's up from people. The comment section terrified me. All right. It's been terrifying. All right. So Swifties are being hypercritical of their darling. She just today, which is nine to five. How dare her on Dolly Parton Day? She better have addressed that. Both from Tennessee, kind of, kind of with her. But she's come, dropped four songs, which are like part of the deluxe version of her last album, which has not done well. The Life of a Showgirl encore edition is what this called. And this one headline was,

I'm a Swifty and even I think these new songs are terrible. The Life of a Showgirl encore edition is just as derivative and flat as the original album. I'd rather see the wedding picks, please, Taylor. So even her fans are calling it. So the first song, I think, was Patient Zero. and people were making predictive songs. Like they sang it and kind of predicted what would be like just based on the title. Well, guess how many of them were right?

Of course, it's a spiteful breakup song bitter about, and they think it's about her relationship with Joe Jonas, which was like over 10 years ago. You know what's weird is for somebody who seems, like they mainline Prozac and are always smiling and happy and upbeat. Where's this sad, angry person that writes these songs? She has nothing to do with the human being we see in the luxury box saying, oh my God, 29 to 37 times per game when Travis Kelsey's on the field.

If I had one thing to say to Taylor Swift, it would be the advice that has never been given to a writer ever. I would say, write what you don't know. Try that. Because all you've done is write what you know and you know one thing. Yeah. So please try to write what you don't know. And also, if you're Travis Kelsey, you know your days are numbered. This album shits the bed. She needs material. That means you got to go. One of her songs is about Cleveland. And again, it's addressed to the haters. and the detractors, so it's almost like a bitter, and then it ends with something like, but I'm wearing white, you know, like,

it's just... Wait, what does Cleveland have to do with it? He's from there, and she went there, and so it's about him. Oh, all right. It's so, it's so childish. That's what it is. I mean, the worst an ex-girlfriend ever did to me

after breaking up, she took a shit on my doorstep, and I don't even know that it was her because I lived on Mulberry Street and it was during the San Giro Festival. Could have been any Italian guy from Long Island. Better art than what Taylor's putting out. Right.

I'd rather Taylor shit out some shit rather than songs. By the way, the San Giro Festival is going on and we walked through it last night down in Mulberry Street. Walk past my apartment, which for three weeks every summer, there's this, if you don't know New York, they have this festival in Mulberry Street in Little Italy,

and it is every hokey carnival mixed with the Catholic, you know, St. Patrick's Church is on the corner, and there's a lot of Catholicism mixed in, and there's a lot of juice heads from Queens and Jersey that come in, and there's a lot of fights. Staten Island shows up strong. Staten Island is right there with them, and they all pissed in my doorway every night.

I did not miss that at all. I can't believe God, he didn't keep that stuff from happening. And then there was this gun thing where you can shoot. It was like a machine gun that shot BBs, which I have no idea how that's allowed. It's loud, and then there's a red star on a piece of paper.

And just like a shooting range, you know, they put it on a line, and then they move it down to the wall, and they give my nephew, who was almost in the Navy SEALs. He was in the Navy and he almost made the SEALs. And he is a gun fanatic. He's from South Africa.

And he was not, twice, was not able to shoot the star off the paper. And I said to the guy, if he can't do it, I guarantee nobody has ever shot that red arrow off. And the guy was like, no, nobody has. No, the guy was like, Navy SEALs can. But also, I don't know how I would have felt about walking around New York City for the rest of the night with a three-foot. stuff panda. So I think we all won on that one. People, so I lived on Sullivan Street, which had the feast as like a mere, like the same type of festival called the Feast of St. Anthony. And the Feast of St. when that went on, I had to walk up exact same situation as you, but I was further west. And people

would, when they visited me during the feast, which a lot, everyone like came down to visit me because It's like, oh, there's a, you know, you get your unbelievable, pretty delicious food too at the feast and check out the people watching. But anyway, people would all come up to my apartment and give me as a gift a goldfish they had just won at the ping pong ball into the goldfish thing. So every feast of St. Anthony, I'd have like six or seven goldfish in my kitchen. Yeah. And the goldfish. They're all dying because the ping pong ball that landed in the. the water they're swimming in had just been on an oil covered street that had cigarette ashes on it

and mozzarella cheese. I think it was the least problematic thing in that goldfish's journey into that stand that night. Yeah, right. In a hot car waiting to be unloaded. Yeah. Oh, man. All right, what are we doing? All right, let's move down to Make America, Florida.

Here it comes. Crinkle, Crinkle, Crinko, Crinko. Florida man throws cash out window while leading police on chase. Officers were told that a masked man was making multiple transactions using several different cards and withdrawing large amounts of cash at ATMs.

The passenger got out of the truck and began to walk away but was detained by the officer. The driver, who was still inside of the truck, took off. Other officers attempted to pull over the truck, but the suspect refused to stop. He began throwing throwing large amounts of cash out the window, which was caught on the dash cam video.

The vehicle eventually stopped. Officers took the suspect into custody. Officers recovered more than six grand in cash that have been thrown from the vehicle during the pursuit. I bet he threw twice that, and Florida must have lost their minds. Oh, my God. I bet you arrest spiked that night in that part of Florida from all the crank and cocaine that was bought with that money.

Also, you're the guy who's been a cop, right? You were the guy who did the stealing at the ATM. Your driver's waiting for you. You do all the legwork. You're maybe the brains of the operation, too. You got your idiot behind the wheel. You steal all the money. You get in the car.

You're like, go, go. Now the cops show up. You get out. And maybe it's even your plan. Like, you fucking take off with all the cash. So you go out. You're like, Hey, officers, and now you have no money on you, and you get out of the car, and you watch your buddy, the driver.

He's like, yep, doing the right thing. You're smiling. All of a sudden, you see cash start flying out of the window. You're like, that's not the plan. What are you doing? Yeah, yeah. It's like when the cops break in and they start flushing all the cocaine down the toilet, there's always that part of you that used to do cocaine that goes, no, no. I know.

Oh, right. Let's make America, Alabama again. Here we go. An Alabama woman named Yolanda Jackson was awarded $20,000 judgment against Church's Texas chicken following a trial in August. All right. So I only put this in there for one reason. I'll read you the details. In January, she ordered her chicken pot pie at a drive-thru location in Alabama. When she bit into the pot pie in her car, the hot filling popped and splattered, caused it. second-degree burns to her face, lip, mouth, chest, and left wrist. Jesus. The burns left permanent scarring, which impacted her career as a paid model. Her attorney noted that the lawsuit was largely about holding the company accountable because Jackson felt ignored and dismissed when she tried to raise the issue originally. Lawyers for churches argued that she was a restaurant owner herself, I thought she was a model, and should have known the freshly cooked food needed time to cool. The judge ruled in favor of her awarding her $20,000 plus court costs.

All right, a couple of thoughts. One, $20,000 is not a lot at all and probably doesn't even cover. Maybe it doesn't cover her medical bills. I don't know. But I want, I wanted, anyway, what are your thoughts on this before? I'll tell you the reason I put it in here. Well, like you said, if she's a model, why does she own a restaurant or vice versa?

And what do you make as a model that 20 grand is worth spending, you know, a year in court chasing down money from a fast food restaurant? So I need photos with this. I need to see A, what she looked like before and after the second degree. What's a second degree burn? That's not bad, right? That's just a little scamming and it goes away. Well, what would a first degree burn be?

Well, what's worse? First or third? I think a third-degree burn is worse than a second-degree burn. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's kind of like the Def-Con where it goes down. Def-Con 1 is way worse than 5. I think I have that right. Right. This is what I'll say about this.

I would have completely called this bullshit and like a money grab and all that stuff. Hopefully the money's cooled off if she grabs it. But there is a documentary called Hot Coffee, which is fast. And it's about the McDonald's case. And I know in years past, we've talked about it on this podcast. But it was that old woman and they got coffee from McDonald's and it was too hot and she got burned. And she sued. Well, you have to say the coffee landed on her vagina.

Well, it landed on her body. And what you didn't know from the hell of anyways. Yeah. It was labeled a frivolous. And even President Bush love the term frivolous. Now, President Bush at the time, the younger one. he loved the word frivolous and was told it was a talking point because they were trying to move all corporations to arbitration where you weren't allowed to sue them and like with arts phones if your phone blows your face off you have signed in that apple agreement if it's an iPhone to go to arbitration and not to a court and then the arbitration the companies get to pick the judge it's crazy and And they put a maximum. They cap the amount that it pays out.

Go watch the documentary Hot Coffee. I'll just say this very quickly. I was turned on to this issue by famous Neil Postman, who happened to be my advisor at NYU. And Neil Postman goes, just a little lesson in how to read the media and how you have to have your guard up at all times whenever you're reading, no matter who the source is, including, let's go to the New York Times. Here it is.

And it was the coffee incident. And he goes, so how many of you know about this story? we all raise our hands. How many of the thing was a frivolous lawsuit? We all raise our hands. He goes, how many know that, you know, the woman, you know, burned herself while she was driving with the hot coffee? We all raise her hands. He's like, you're wrong. She was parked. He's like, do you want to know why she was parked? She told her son who was driving. She was not driving that the coffee was so insanely hot that they pulled over and parked in the McDonald's. Then she tried to carefully open it, but she was an old woman and it spilled. She then had to have skin grafts. and all this, and then was inactive after it and died.

And people were made in the argument, the beginning of her death was caused by those burns. And the operation, she had multiple operations. Then she didn't want to sue, and I'm wondering if it's the same with this woman, she approached McDonald's first and said, is there any way for you to make this right, that coffee? Then it turns out they had like 29 letters from other customers saying, Your fucking coffee is way too hot. Anyway, that's where it starts.

It then gets into a whole documentary about judges, and it's fascinating. I think there was also an element about McDonald's was overheating the coffee on purpose because then they could make the urn last longer. There was something that made it even more evil. But the really hard thing about the trial was that normally you would introduce evidence of a photo of the burn, and so people could see how gruesome it was, but it landed on her vagina, and so they showed the pictures.

And, I mean, you've seen a vagina. Like, how do you know it was burned? Like, it was already a third-degree vagina. Right. Did you then sue for seeing the photos? Yes. Because you were scarred for life. And they gave me free McDonald's for life.

All right, let's get down to this day in history. Here we go. Man, I got to tell you up front, it's not a good one. It is not a good one, man. Oh, boy. A lot of stuff about Nazi Germany. 1945. No, there's so much.

Yeah, here. The first one was, oh, no, that's a different one. That was Polish, but it was way back. Okay. American novelist Truman Capote was born on this day in what year, give her take 10 years. All right. He was very big in the 60s.

So I would say in true. was based on a crime that happened in the 50s. Sometimes called in cold blood. What did I say? In true blood. That's Truman Capote. So he would have been in his, he was young when he wrote in cold blood.

So I would say he was 30. It was the 60s. So he was born in 1930. Oh, man. Good logic. He was a little older. I'm surprised when he wrote in Cold Blood in 65, but he was born in 1924, so you got it. Nice.

I wonder if you know this. I'll give you a clue also. American baseball player Babe Ruth became the first player to hit 60 home runs in a single season. And then it was eventually broken by Roger Maris. But, well, Roger Maris hit 61 in 1961, so there's one little clue. but what year did Babe Ruth become the first player to hit 60 home runs in a single season, give or take 10 years, and I can give you, I don't think his clue is going to help you, so I'm just going to throw it in there.

This Yankee team is argued to be maybe the best sports team of all time, regardless of sport. 1927. That's exactly what it is. Yep. Greatest sports baseball team of all time. He had already played for the Red Sox, gotten traded. Yeah. Oh, he was a pitcher and a hitter and was killing it on the Red Sox. And then No No, Nannette, I think was the play that lost me. They had a, the owner of the Sox was in a hole because of he invested in that play, I believe, and needed the money. And that's why they sold them. And to put the curse on the Red Sox. That's where it started. Curse of the Bamben.

People love when we talk sports. We did pretty well there, though, I think. All right. Yeah, man, it's slim pickings, but here we go. We're going to go with... Jeez, man. It's bad. All right.

Nope, we're not going to do that. Jesus Christ. Middle Eastern. Could you kill this segment anymore? Bridget Pardot. Yeah. What year was she born, give her take five years? Bridget Bordeaux was very big in the 1960s, so she would have been 25.

So she would have been born in 19, I'll say 44. Missed it, 34. Damn. Oh, she was big in the 50s, huh? I guess so, yeah. Yeah. Yes, she was. All right.

The landmark late. evening, late evening, talk show and variety program, The Tonight Show, premiered with Steve Allen as host. Steve Allen. In what year did the Tonight Show premiere, give her take four years? All right, so Jack Parr took it over in the 60s. So Steve Allen must have done it in the late 50s. I'm going to say 1957. You did it, man.

1954. There we go. Come on, man. You did it. Yeah. And I think there was another one related to that here. Well, here, George Gershwin. What year was George Gershwin born?

I'm going to give you 15 years. All right. Gershwin's musicals were very big in the 1940s and 50, so he would have been born in 1917. No, 1898. All right. All right. Last one.

The American sitcom, The Brady Bunch, premiered. What channel do you think of premiere out, by the way? NBC. ABC. And it became a pop culture phenomenon. Give or take, I'm going to make this one hard for you. Give or take three years. When did the Brady Bunch premiere on ABC?

Well, I was born in 66, and by the time I was watching it, I believe it was still running new episodes, but they also were mop tops, which makes me think late 60s, early 70s, early 70s. I'll split the difference in say 1970. You did it, kid, 69. Hey now. Look at that. All right. Big week for me.

Yeah. All right. What else we got? We're going to obituary. Greg and I didn't think of someone who died this week that we could do in the obituary. But then I told him, why don't we do? because I just came across this name and shame on me, forgot she had died.

Then I asked you, and I go, hey, you know what I just saw? We could do as an obituary was Barbara Walters. And you're like, she died? I just thought she got fired from the view. When did she die? 2002. Oh, my God.

She was in her 90s, I think 94. We haven't written it up. Was she that old? No shit. Yeah, all right, fine. I guess you're forcing me to look it up. So let's pay tribute to Barbara Walters, which I think we did at the time. But who knew she was that forgettable?

Well, I met her. I hung out with her once. I did the view. 93. She died at 93. I did the view. It probably was around the year 2000. And I was in,

I was in the green room and I remember she was on like a blackberry and I remember thinking maybe it was a blackberry, maybe it was later if it was a blackberry. What year did I do it? I don't know. But she was, I was so excited to meet her

and I said hi and she nodded at me and then just grinded on her fucking blackberry. And I was like, oh, fuck. So busy. But then I got it. I got it. She's fucking baby Wawa. Baby Baba Wawa.

I just looked up her bios in front of me. Sadly, she went to Sarah Lawrence College. Poor girl had to say Sawa Lowen's. Her whole, couldn't she have gone to another school, Dartmouth or something? All right, so there was our obituary. Let's cheer up. Here we go.

I just looked it up. Greg Fitzsimmons appeared. I looked on chat GPT. I was on the view in July 2000. So when did the Blackberry come out? Boy, you're taking a deep dive here. I just want to make sure I have my facts straight. Oh, you?

I'm sure. You know me. I'm meticulous. Blackberry came out in 99. Okay. I remember it being a novelty that she was on one. And it was still at the point, I think the reason why I was annoyed is it was, you know, when a technology is new, it's so much

more obnoxious. Of course. Yeah. Like, I'm sure, like, when the early cavemen were sending a smoke signal, there was probably some guy named Unk going like, what up with this guy? He think he's so special. Nobody has to write in to tell us cavemen

did not do smoke signals. Just for the record. Okay. Caption contest. Caption contest. Every week in the The funnies we do a comedy capture contest. We give you one frame of a comic. You write a punchline.

You send it into Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. You put your name directly underneath your joke. We read the finalists on the show. We pick a winner and at some point an award is bestowed upon them. This past week, we had a chipmunk and his cheeks are puffed out. Yep. And he right directly behind him looks like a female mouse. and she has an acorn in her hand

that she is offering him and she is the one speaking. Sean's joke was, honey, there have been so many recalls on nuts. Let me make you some real nut butter. Okay. All right. It was, you think the obits were slim.

You think the day in history was slim pickens. This one did not generate the greatest batch of material. And I'm not, look, I love that people do this, and I respect. Even the bad ones, I enjoy reading because I like to see where people's heads are at. But this did not feel the greatest set of responses. I think they don't mind us crapping on them either. All right. Ted H. said, we're going for the record.

If your mouth is full, then bend over. Okay, Ted. Okay. Yeah. Darren said, are you going to spit or swallow that nut? All right, Darren. Phil McCracken, and you know where he's headed. Thanks for chowing my box, Theodore.

Now, here's a little something to help you nut. Like, they're all using the word nut in different ways, but none of it is actually tracking with logic. None of it. This is just a random thought because I can't control those. I remember, I forget where it was, but such a funny comic. I think the title was like how fight starters, something like that.

And it was a tired old, like fat guy and his wife beat her t-shirt at the breakfast table. And he's eating cereal. And the wife is over by the stove. Or she just walks in the kitchen. And she just goes, what are you eating, honey? And he's just staring at the cereal box. And it was called Nut and Bitch. Nutton, bitch.

It was just so good. If people don't know, there used to be a serial called Nut and Honey. Nutton bitch. That's great. It's just, and it didn't even try to make sense. It was, but it was so, like in terms of a real, believable cereal brand name, but it was so funny. Anyway.

Albert Carrotto, who prefaced this joke by saying, you had requested a clean joke for this week. He wrote, cheer up, I have acorny joke for you. All right. I like that. John said you better be able to take another one or Joey Chestnut's going to make you his bitch next weekend.

Okay. Joey Chestnut seeing acorns now. And that'll be it. That'll be it for the week. All right. I think nothing. I think you got nothing. Nothing, bitches.

Okay. So no winner. I don't think there's a winner, right? I guess a corny joke for you. Why not? Yeah, you asked for clean. He gave me clean. That's all you can ask.

Next week, the comic is there's a soldier and he's got on his military regalia. He's talking to a woman. She's got on a cocktail dress. They both have glasses of wine in their hand. He is speaking and he is pointing to some metals that are on his chest. There you go. Soldier pointing to metals talking to a woman. What is he saying?

I'm going to nut inside you. Lockhorns really let me down this week. I had nothing, nothing from the lock horns for you. Well, you read six a week. Slow it down. Yeah, yeah. Hager, wait a minute. I had a Hager.

Oh, here we go. So Hager, a lucky sitting on the beach with this woman who looks freshly molested. She has on like a ravaged dress. Her hair is messed up. And he goes, I realize I'm no night in shining armor. And then this guy walks up who looks very tan. And he goes, or even a random guy in shining coconut oil. And she smiles and looks up as if sex is a positive thing in her life in medieval days.

Which seems hard to believe. I think she's excited to get away from a guy who just got hung up on. the word shining. Right. It seemed like a weird thing to say. It's almost like he was writing for our caption contest. Right. The guy looks quite weird in the coconut oil.

Yeah, he looks like he's not yet evolved from a chrome magnin man. Yeah, a little weird. All right, Blond. Oh, no, we got an onion. Let's do the onion. Yeah, we got the onion. Let's see, here we have. it's Trump with Xi Jinping from China

and you see the two of them in a very stately photo getting off the plane and it says Xi Jinping impressed with how much Trump's English has improved since last visit that's really good yeah

let's bring it home with Blondie she springs out of bed she has a mauve negligee one strap coming off the right shoulder bosom's heaving she's she's showcasing the feet as she gets out and they are a lovely size sevens next one she's downstairs and she's got a slip on and a brazier and she's running as she puts a skirt on frantically and now she's charging down the stairs she's got a briefcase in her hand slams into the postman and now she's back in bed. And we see that she has a thought bubble

that she's running across the street hailing down the carpool car that Dagwood goes to work in. And then she goes, honey, wake up, I just had the worst nightmare. And he goes, what was it, sweetheart? And she goes, I dreamt I was you, which I fucking loved.

Yeah, that's pretty good. She just called him a nightmare. That means she doesn't masturbate. That's right. Yeah. Not in that dream. Nothing happens. All right.

We are going to tell you to visit our sponsors, but we did not have one this week. We could have taken the week off, but we want to keep the momentum going. Our numbers are going up. We want you guys tell your friends, share the show, share the clips, help us build. We got Gotham Production Studios this year, and we're putting out more clips. The show is building. Help us keep it going. And then we can have advertising and make some.

money. Yes, that would be nice. All right, Mike, anything you want to promote? Yeah, go see the Oasis movie. Okay, do that. And I guess we'll catch you guys next week. Tag itish. Tag itish. And it should be known. There's no lies but bits, facts should we be thrown.

We know we've gone until next. Auntie, hoping that no one cares. We recorded this one. Tag anish. Oh,