Sunday Papers - First Class Perverts & Strip Club Football | Sunday Papers

Episode Date: October 25, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Greg Fitzsimmons and Mike Gibbons investigate what your first-class airfare actually gets you, whether a strip club counts as a sports bar, and a Florida suspect whose escape plan required the ability to fly. Plus, Norm Macdonald’s documentary and legendary commitment to a bit, Nathan Fielder’s Elizabeth Holmes documentary, an argument about ethics, and a round of This Day in History that puts Greg’s confidence to the test. The guys also remember Tom Skerritt and RJ Mitte before tackling another batch of listener cartoon captions. Thanks to our sponsors: Kikoff, Fabric by Gerber Life, and Ember.Fabric by Gerber Life: https://meetfabric.com/papers This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons:Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadioInstagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmonsTwitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.comTour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTourMerch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch“Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82“Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons:Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadioSunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPodChildish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons:Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitzFitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitzSunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitzStand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitzPopular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a recurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca or call 1866-5-1-2-6-200. Terms and conditions apply. Great Fruit Simmons, prepared to fill you in with Mr. Michael giving Sunday papers will begin. Will we read all about it? Probably wouldn't doubt it. Read.

Just we. Actually, Ontario is not, I'm in Toronto. There is a lot of French signage and all that crap. But I think Quebec is the French-speaking province, right? You should maybe know that. And then there's a lot of racism regarding it, right? Or nationalism? What would that be?

I guess being French isn't a race. So whatever. Strong start here to the podcast. Culturalism. But luckily, I studied French for four years in high school and a year in college. And I speak so little. I mean, it's amazing. And I wish I could speak another language.

and they say now as you get older, you should, you know, test your brain and stretch it by, so I'm thinking about, you know, getting on that. What's that app that you can learn a language on? This is perfect. Right. You're, you can't remember the name of the app

that's going to help you with the memory. You know, I just started watching the Norm MacDonald documentary. Yeah. And in it, he says one of his favorite jokes is that joke about, memory. I'll do it very briefly, but the two old men in a home, and the guy goes, Hank, you know, my memory is going, what's, what's that one that's helping you? What is that, what is that drug you take that helps with your memory? And he's like, oh, man, oh, it's like, it's,

it's like a flower and he's like a lily. He's like, no, no, no, it's another type of flower. He's like, it's like beautiful, romantic. And he's like, tulips. He's like, no, it begins with an R. And the guy's like, oh, rose. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, That's it. Rose, what's the name of that medicine I take for my memory? That's fucking greatest joke. But that's you right now. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the Norm documentary is out. If you haven't seen it, people, Judd Apatow produced it. And it's almost like, I mean, the thing about Norm is he's the most, nobody, you don't go down the rabbit a hole more. for anybody than Norm McDonald. You can literally waste two hours finding clips you didn't know existed. You know,

that somehow you missed before. And this documentary is almost like going down the rabbit hole of clips. It shows you a lot of the great ones. I don't want to be a spoiler, but this is a spoiler. They don't have the moth joke in there. And I

went to an early screening and gave notes on it. And my biggest note was, you got to the moth soar in and uh he actually was he was going to put it in during the credits that's what i suggested yeah but it was even too long for that so he didn't put it in oh all right um yeah i'm surprised it's good that he got the rights to all this stuff too um so much of it is nbc no they're very generous with the rights yeah he got everything and um a lot of it was like you know, people's podcasts.

And, no, it was great. And also, Judge just put out, I think it's out, the Maria Bamford documentary, is that out yet? I don't know. He had sent it to me. You know, he was so nice in case he's listening. But no, no, that's not what I meant. I meant, I should tell him personally.

I ran into him in January. We were going around working on Nikki Glazer's set for Globes. And there's Judd. at Largo backstage. We are all very nice and warm and fuzzy. And then he told me about what he's up to in those two documentaries. And he also had contacted you and I about if we had any Norm stuff, like if there were any funny text messages.

And I think I have the same thing that Spade and all them have, which is Norm and I text that a lot. And he would like, Mike, what are we doing this? And then you respond. And he's like, who's this? You know, just that, just that, even though. was a genius, that absolutely dumb stuff that he would do. Yeah.

So I think I just had the same story everyone had. But Judd sent me both documentaries. And I remember feeling so, and I do feel honored. And I was about to watch the norm. And then I found out it comes out like a year later or whatever, eight months later. And I didn't want to be alone because the implicit promise to Judd is I, of course, won't share this with anybody. And I would keep my word.

So I'd be all alone watching this thing. And all I want to do is talk about it with people. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. So, yes, Maria Bamford is right around now. I think I've been seeing the promos for it. I put in this one clip that I believe you were there. I did a podcast with Norm.

And we were at my house in the back. And I played this game called. talk your way out of it. I learned very well. So I would give people really ridiculous, difficult situations they were stuck in. And they had to improvise talking their way out of it. And so his setup was,

all right, you go to this girl's house. She's super hot. But she's kind of like, she seems like she's a little bit off. And she asks you, because it's a turn on, if she'll put on blackface. And, uh, and, uh,

and, uh, and, and, uh, and then she's, She's going to say, give me that big black cock. And so she's screaming that. And then the next door neighbor hears this screaming and is concerned. So he walks in the door, sees you in blackface having sex with her. She's screaming the N-word. And the guy, and Norm's, and I go, talk your way out of it. And Norm says, well, I look at the guy and I go, hey, mofo, let's kill this honky bitch.

He commits to bits, man. He commits to even blackface. Yeah. All right. So what else? So listen to this. Here's my show. Here's my life, 35 years into doing stand-up comedy.

And you just assume you get to a certain level. I'm not at a high level, but I'm at a respectable level. I play the A-rooms. And I get treated pretty well. Well, what's your line? You worked your way? I crawled my way to the middle, and I'm very happy there. It's perfect.

I don't get spoiled. And so I'm doing four different venues in the Toronto area, in the Ontario area this week. If you're listening to this today, there's only one left you can. There's two left you can go to. One is Waterloo tonight. and then Tuesday night to 27th, I'll be at the Tivoli or the Rivoli in Toronto. Anyway, so last night I'm in this town called fucking, I can't remember. Catherine, St. Catherine.

So I go down and I'm supposed to be playing this big comedy club there. We're doing two shows on a Friday night and we get down there. And the club owner, I guess, is pretty flaky. So I'm working with a promoter who's promoting these shows and he's producing them and he's booking the clubs out. And the club tells them, oh, yeah, we're taping a TV show tonight. So the club's not available. Let me find another place we can do the shows because we've already, you know, sold all the tickets. So we show up and they give us an address.

We go to the address and it's called the burger joint. And it's a fucking. hamburger restaurant. Like, not even a high-end one. And it's got about 80 seats in it. And we walk in and there's no green room. They just saved one booth in the back for us to sit at. And it's like they've got this makeshift stage and no lighting and two big speakers on

tripods. And I get up there and it smells like a fucking slaughterhouse. There's a garage door behind me. and I'm just standing there going like what I'm like what I and they're reading my credits and they're like this guy's won four Emmys he's been on Joe Rogan 25 times and I get up there and people just started going thank you thank you for coming it's a shitty little town thank you for coming here yeah wow and and the opening guy just fucking shoot it he he just he bombed and I actually had fun because it brought me back to my early days of comedy of like playing places like that every night around New England, you know.

Oh my God. Yeah. And so many people in L.A. also like in laundromats. Yeah. Yeah. No, they really are the best shows because it forces you to be in the moment. It makes you deal with where otherwise you're just in another club with a red fucking curtain behind you or a brick wall and everybody's seated the same way. And this was just, it was really fucking fun. Oh, that's great. Yeah, but it was definitely humbling. It was very humbling. This is disturbing. So I was looking up where Norm, man, I'm on Google Maps.

So I'm looking at where Norm's from, right? Because he then moved to Ottawa. He was born in Quebec City. But he moved and grew up on a farm. in Ottawa Let's see here between Avonmore and Monkland That's before his family

moved to Ottawa Sorry, that was in Ontario Anyway, I look at up To see how far it is from you You're what, down by Toronto? Yeah So you would I was like, oh yeah, you would go

Up River a little bit You'd go in the lake and then there's the lake And on Google Maps the lake that you are right near is Lake America. Yeah, I know. Oh, that's how they listed on Google? I'm looking at it right now. No parenthetical.

It's Lake America. Oh, that's fucking Google. We're doing that. We're doing a story about that. We're doing a story about that later. Yeah, they're not. That's not all he has to rename. Yeah.

Well, they are not happy. about that up here at all. They are very upset. But you know, it's wonderful. They don't hold it against me. I definitely, I think crowds are last time I came up, I feel like I sold out all the shows. And this time, they're not sold out.

And I think it has to do with, it's called elbows up. They're calling it up here, which means you, you know, like in hockey, you put your elbows up and you go into a check. And that's their expression when they talk about not visiting. visiting America.

You know how they're... Oh, I love that. That's a cool saying. Yeah, so they don't visit the U.S. Like Florida, you talk to anybody in Florida. It used to be filled with Canadians in the winter. And now there's like none. And there's all these vacant rental units. So...

Well, maybe this great president who always does things right the first time, maybe he'll change it back because what he's doing now to help Michigan, Republicans and main Republicans is he is going back on his tariffs and things that have angered Canada. So maybe in this coming week where the writing seems to be on the wall and his side needs help in these Canadian border states, maybe it'll be Lake Ontario again. Well, whatever.

We'll get into this later and we talk about the other thing. We skipped last week. We appreciate there was a deluge of comments, DMs about where are you guys. I count on you guys this every week. And I was traveling. I think you were traveling. And it just couldn't happen. But thank you for missing us.

And we will not miss one again until probably Christmas or New Year's. We'll take a week off. Whoa. Big statement. Okay. Yep. This is our meeting. You guys are hearing our meeting about the podcast.

Right. So what can we say about you can see everything? We saw that in the last two weeks. I think we could talk about it without spoiling it because the one thing I will say to people, because the guy who's opening for me said he's going to see it Monday, and I said, have you seen the documentary or the series? And he goes, no, I go absolutely see the documentary.

documentary first because you want to be on sort of firm footing about the facts because you're going to see spinning going in a couple of different directions and it'll it'll it'll give you a better perspective on the film if you are I even felt like I should have freshened up before the movie I didn't know it was going to be uh whatever I don't want to get too into it but see see the documentary first well I didn't know it would kind of necessities in order to have a fair assessment of the question that everyone asked, which is, what did I just see after they see the documentary? It would have been nice to be armed with a little more like, whoa, he left out a lot. Like, his whole thing that she did wrong was a semantic.

And that worked for this documentary because this documentary focuses a lot on semantics. What do these words mean? Right. And in fact, like, you can see everything is even almost a play on that because you can see everything. But anyway, it ties into like a semantic argument they have about her. And meanwhile, I think there's going to be a little bit of it's riding high, right? Nathan Fielder, Canadian is Toronto is doing. is his name, everything, his brand is incredible right now.

He's getting high marks for this. But I think it is settling in a little. And I don't know. I might be wrong. I think there's going to be a backlash against him a little bit. Because in my opinion, and this is the big question people have at the end, this is not a spoiler. In my opinion, I think she comes off looking better than if she had not done this.

Oh, absolutely. Some people don't think so, but... Well, I think she couldn't look worse going... Before this film, she couldn't look worse. You know, I mean, she's a fucking demon who, you know, swindled a lot of people out of a lot of money. And I don't know if she cost any lives, but I think there were instances where her blood testing machine

gave false positives or false negatives and was detrimental to people's health. But no, I think it's, I think, first of all, is she hot? Do you think she's hot? No. There's something attractive about her, though. Maybe it's just the maniacal eye contact, but there's something very flirty and sexual about her.

She looked different in this one. And maybe it's because she was, they talk about her looks in it, that she had just given birth. I found out, you know, the more you find out about her, And this is not touched on in the movie at all. So no spoilers here. But a big question came up. Why did she have a baby weeks before she went to prison?

And you're like, what's that about that? That sounds like incredibly selfish. Oh, no. It bought her time. They suspended her incarceration because of the baby. And the first one also. She has two young children. Yeah. And the first one bought her time also. It's really kind of despicable.

Yeah. And then the kids grow up with this lunatic dad and their mom's in prison. Because when you're poor, they don't suspend your incarceration if you're pregnant. My mother worked at, you ever heard of the Bedford Women's Prison? No. It's really famous. It's like the biggest women's prison in the country. and my mother used to volunteer there for years. In Bedford, New York? Yeah.

One of the richest communities in America. Yes. Well, it wasn't. It didn't used to be. When that prison was built probably 75 years ago, I think it was farmland. Maybe I've had it wrong. Bedford, I always know, it was horse country, not horse country. Oh, there we go.

You and Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis, I mean, McGillis. That's a better name. That's my version. Wait, just quickly, her trial was delayed by her first pregnancy and her prison date by another. Yeah. So my mother used to volunteer to hold the babies.

She would go into the prison because these women were giving birth in jail or soon after. And she would be there. And her job was to just go there for like six hours and fucking hold babies because the women weren't allowed. to have them in their cells all the time. Oh, man. I thought she went in with like a catcher's minute because the babies were just shooting out all over the place.

I'm one of the volunteers. I help catch the babies. Those women, turns out it didn't delay their prison sentences. No, I think some of them got pregnant in prison. Thanks to some guard sperm that was flying around. So anyway, my thing. is I don't know how this will play out. Now, another way that this documentary can play out, again, no spoilers at all, don't worry. But another way this can play out is it is such a hit and critical

hit that they think this will be nominated not only for documentary, kind of like foreign film one best film, you know, with Parasite. I think this will be up for best picture. Now, that means that it could get some best actor and actress nominations as well, which would make it even more unreal and surreal than it already is. Yeah, and we can't say why an actress might get a nomination because it's a spoiler, but we'll talk about that in a couple weeks when everybody's seen it. Speaking of movies, we started doing movie night, and you, of course, We started movie night because we were all out.

It was like the whole Irish mafia, and we were out one night. And we were talking about how Silence of the Lambs, you can't see it enough times. And you, of course, did your thesis for your masters at NYU on Silence of the Lambs. So you of course. Well, and you're fucking so annoying. Once it comes up, you get so impassioned that it becomes a half an hour of everybody talking about science and celebs. So we decided to have a movie.

I go, no one wants to hear this. Like, no, no, really on the text chain? Literally. Well, that was after. That was after. So before, so we go, all right, we got to, we got to all watch. We'll have a movie night at my house. And so everybody comes over that was there that night, except you.

And so we watch it without you. And of course when. But it is like, it's not. You're not just watching a movie. You are going through an experience. It's almost like you're in the theater because you're sucked in by the story. You're sucked in by the acting.

You're sucked in by the cinematography. You're sucked in by the score. There's so many things about it where the most wonderful thing about motion pictures is losing yourself in them. It's why we go. I just sound like Nicole Kidman. the AMC ad.

But so we immediately needed to know more critical perspectives on this. So we, we texted you and you gave us a good breakdown. Right. And I mean, listen, what you're describing is it's high art. It's just,

I mean, Demi, I watched it again. And I can watch it for the rest of my life. I watched Stop Making Sense, which you would think, all right, how much influence could,

like, Demi, like, have on this. And he and Byrne. Jonathan Demi, director. Yeah, who directed Silence of Lambs and won the Oscar for it. He, it's, it's, you know, the best criticism I ever read about Stop Making Sense is we have to stop calling it a concert film and call it a musical.

And I know we've talked about a lot on here, so I won't now. But it's riveting. I mean, you see David Byrne transitioning his looks. And there is a story. And there is an arc to stop making sense through his. his alienation and wondering if he'll ever like and in the surreal like is this my wife and and and through the end and his apocalyptic paranoia so anyway and the building of the set from the beginning he starts out with an acoustic guitar alone on stage and by the time they hit uh life during

war time he's fucking sprinting around the entire stage while the band jumps up and down it's insane with a full orchestra with drapings in the background and decorations the cinematographer of Stop Making Sense is the cinematographer from Blade Runner and there are shots with the lighting especially there's one that you will pause it you'll be like it has the two backup singers and they're in this gray and the lighting you're like that is a shot out of Blade Runner it's unbelievable yeah yeah So anyway, he's an artist. And then you put the most amazing story and amazing actors into his hands. And it's riveting. And it won Best Picture. It got the Oscar for Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Screenplay. I mean, that's it.

That is the sweep. I don't know how many movies have gotten that sweep. That would be interesting to know. I do know. It was the most successful movie. in that sweep way since it happened one night, which was in the 30s, I think. I'll look it up now.

Wow. And then there are some movies since that have done well, but no one puts it on that level. It happened one night was the one that really just took everything. So we had so much fun that we decided to do Tuesday night movie nights and you made it to the second one, which was past Tuesday.

And we watched, and it was the whole Irish Mafia, was Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbon, no, Fitzgerald, Fitzsimmons, Gibbons, and Gubbins. Oh, my God. And O'Neill. And so we watched the in-laws this week, which, and we watch it with my daughter. So it was actually, it was actually Fitzgirdt, Fitzgerald, Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons, and Gubbins. So my daughter, and we were worried because, you know, these old comedies from the 70s, they don't, they're slower paced. And they don't like, I was talking about how modern comedies, the studios tell them you got to come out of the gate with a big set piece, something physical, some over the top, grab people, get the laughs.

And with these old comedies, they don't start joke one until three scenes. in. They're just building character. They're giving you the world. And I'm peering at Jojo out of the corner of my eye. She's on the other couch. And she is riveted. And then when you get to know Alan Arkin's character and you get to see Peter Falk who, I put Peter Falk up there with Jack Lemon as one of the great all-time film comedian actors of all time. This is how amazing is. This is the shortest way to say it, I could not take my eyes off him, no matter what scene it was. And he's with Alan Arkin, who that's the guy I normally say that about. Yeah, right. And Jojo was laughing her ass off. And I asked her the next day, and she goes, oh my God, it's one of the funniest

movies I've ever seen. So. And it's all the little lines. We talked about it. Like it was, as I said, it was a screensaver in my apartment. And, and I've told the, I've told the, my Peter Falk experience. where he asked me my favorite line from it. But there's just so many little ones I would point out to you during it. And they're not, it's going to be disappointing for people to hear, but there's such character lines that there is, like, that's the proof is the characters, you're so in love with them and they're so great, that a line that they say that is so them is hysterical,

even though like I'm about to say it, it's not on paper. So I told you that one of Jeff Brown, my roommate's favorite lines was he just gets this coffee and he just he just says, is this coffee freeze dried? It's very good. And that's all we would say whenever we got coffee in college and we would die laughing. But it's like it's just a weird line. But it is such also a bizarre line. Well, it's funny. Well, it's funny because I mean, it's juxtaposed in the movie where frantic action, high stakes, but then he's, you know, it's funny. always is completely in the moment as if it's just a casual day that he's walking through. Oh, I know. It's so funny. Anyway, everybody see the original in-laws. It's great. Also, the voting booth logo was outstanding this week. We're getting ready for the elections next week. I don't know where you live. If you're in Tennessee, you want to check that lever. It's popping over to the Republican side mysteriously for a lot of. people. And if you're in Texas and you're told you can't vote where you've always voted and you

have to drive two hours to another polling place, please go public with that information. Yeah. Whether you're right or left. You want to read the corrections? Yes, I do. And also, do you want to explain why my logo and your song are not on this week's episode. Well, let's point to a gentleman named Mikey Fitzgibbon, who is a musician, who taught my daughter how to play guitar and failed to come through this week with the music. I'm doing the lyrics and he's doing the music. And he has like OCD. And I don't know if he's being a perfectionist about this, but he just completely fucking dropped the ball. So it's on We talked about it last time, but how about he on the slide conspired with me and said,

why don't I help you with your song? And you do that. I'm like, well, I'm doing the graphic. And he didn't even tell me he's doing the song with you, but also he was then going to double up. He can't even deliver one. He was going to help me secretly kind of to pull one over on you by doing the music for the song I promised to make. Well, you'll have better luck asking David Byrne to get you the music for the song. I can tell you that firsthand.

Okay, corrections. Oh, you're going to need to get paper. I'm in Florida. I haven't even addressed that yet. I got paper. I got your paper. It's a big old industrial humidifier behind me. And it looks like I'm doing this from my hospital room.

Okay, Bruce Wise said Mike was mistaken. Ruby Bridges was escorted by federal marshals, not. the army. Eisenhower did send a battalion from the 101st Airborne to protect the Little Rock Nine in Arkansas. Very good correction. I'm glad to be corrected on that. And then one of my, I'd say my oldest friend, my second oldest maybe. There was one other, Joe Tenetti, who we met in eighth grade. Joe was kicked out of Hackley, which your brother had the honor of being kicked out. Joe gets very defensive when I say that and clarifies that he was not invited back.

So Joe was not, let's go with that. Joe was not invited back to Hackley. And so I lost them. Only one year in school together, eighth grade, and we're still lifelong friends. He works in the Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, lives there also, gave us that behind the scenes tour, which was amazing. Anyway, he writes in, not a correction, but more of an addendum. Mike just missed mentioning an important detail for their L.A. constituency, I guess.

When Greg and Mike were referring to details about Norman Rockwell's painting called The Problem We All Live with, Mike knew but forgot to include that the painting is currently on loan and on display in L.A. Oh. It's on loan from the Norman Rockwell Museum in his new, East Wing home. Oh, sorry. In the Birch, here's written a lot here.

So anyway, it's on loaned to the recently opened Lucas Museum down by USC. So your listeners can now seize the rare opportunity to see the seminal work right in L.A.

while at the same time get their Star Wars fix on the same day. Dude, let's get down there. I saw the outside of the building. This George Lucas Museum is it's very controversial, the architecture. I think it's fucking beautiful.

It's very like kind of postmodern. It looks like a spaceship. It looks like a spaceship landed by the 10. Yeah. Yeah. For those West Coast Norman Rockwell fans, temporarily, there are a few great Rockwells to be seen in their own backyard. All right.

Can't wait. And what I learned when we were taking the tour there, I know I learned and forgot that. But I guess Lucas and maybe Spielberg got captivated with Rockwell and they're big owners of them. Wow. They both own various ones. Yeah. And then the final, it's not really a correction, but this came from Joker Dog, who just said, Greg, you have the body of Kermit the Frog.

Ribbit. There you go. All right. It's always nice when people weigh in on my physicality. I appreciate that it was something about my looks that doesn't involve cancer or AIDS. So thank you for chiming in. Yeah. I'm just a frog.

Just a reptile. We're amphibian. Tour dates, as I mentioned, I'll be in Waterloo, October 25th, Toronto, the 27th. Phoenix at the Vista Center for the Arts, November 6th, New Orleans at Skankfest, the week of November 13th. Then I'll be in Key West Florida, November 18th, 3rd. 21, San Francisco Punchline, December 3rd through 5th, and Portland, Helium Comedy Club, New Year's Eve. We have advertising. Oh, yeah.

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All right, let's get to it. The front page. Here we go A Catholic priest in Ecuador was killed after a large crucifix toppled onto his head during a live streamed mass I saw the video by the way

Did you see the video? I chose not to watch it Because it was kind of spoiled There was a spoiler Shocking video shows the moment Parish priest's father Sanchez Molianari Was crushed by the huge cross

in this giant church. It's the country's largest city, Guayaquil. I take that one I need to sleep. Around half an hour into Mass, the heavy wooden cross mounted behind him fell on top of him. Father, father, call an ambulance, a female member of the congregation and started screaming in the video.

More worshippers were heard screaming for help as the live broadcast continued on social media. And I heard that police immediately, launched a child grape investigation. Because there's a reason why that. God's watching everything. Yeah, maybe he had it coming. Meanwhile, Jesus is like, oh, the cross fell on you.

You're getting all this attention and doctors. So the nails obviously got embedded in your feet and your, oh, they didn't? It just fell on you. Yeah. Did you have to drag it for a mile first while people pay? melted you with bullets and stripped your clothes off. Oh, no, no, it just fell on you while you're talking. Were you forced to hang from it, which completely makes it impossible to breathe?

No? No. What about the, did it land on the thorns that were on your head? Oh, you didn't have thorns? Yeah. Yeah. I think, though, you got to think this guy, if you think about getting into heaven, going to the pearly gates, St. Peter standing there.

There's an express lane, and this motherfucker went straight through the express lane. He's a priest. He's killed on the altar by the cross. Unbelievable. And how about, I think it is a little weird that as soon as something goes bad in this house of worship, a woman screams for science, science, science, get here. Science get here and help. Hurry, hurry.

Yeah, we were just kidding. We weren't serious. Yeah. We believe you, too. I think they should leave the cross on the altar, just broken in half, just as a reminder. I think the new crucifix should be him with the crucifix falling on his head. That's the new thing that all everyone in Ecuador wears is the priest getting hit with Jesus on the cross. That's the new crucifix.

And you know that he met Jesus in heaven and Jesus was just like fucking crosses, right? A woman caused a fatal car crash in Utah because she was too busy watching porn while driving. A 44-year-old California woman, Christine Chowell, was charged Tuesday with homicide and connection with the deadly crash. Chow told officers she was at fault and when investigators got a warrant to search her phone they found she'd accessed a porn site less than two minutes before the crash man I wish I could do it in two minutes

the charging docks say Chow was driving on I-15 when she crashed into a white sedan which had slowed down the 66 year old Utah man Scott Lovar Litchfield who was riding in one of the cars suffered a head injury and later died.

Whoa. So a couple jokes from Dickie Egan. 44-year-old Caroline woman, Christine Chow, has been fingered as the driver of the car. Okay. Imagine getting rear-ended by some woman watching someone getting rear-ended. This is a tragedy. There's no footage.

I know. Yeah. And I think I wrote this one. Just when you thought Asian women was the worst category of driver, try Asian woman whose eyes are rolling back in her head. I think that was Dicky. Did I? It seems like you.

Yeah, that sounds more like me. Well, I know the second the car's touched, hers squirted fluid all over the road. I did read that. That's not even a joke. Listen, man, hats off to Christine, 44 years old and she still has a killer sex drive. I know.

Way to go, girl. Yeah. Most drivers give somebody else the finger. The airbag deployed and snapped her wrist. Nice. Yeah. It is weird, though. Like Asian women are usually in the movie.

I think an Asian woman watching porn, it's like when you see Jalen Brunson at a college hoops game watching. Yeah. A little. Yeah. I can see that. A little. It's a stretch.

It's a thin, it's a thin metaphor. All right. So I saw that story. And we, we texted about it. And then I started, I only grabbed one, but I started seeing all these stories about people in the news, masturbating in public. So this one is man watches porn and masturbates in first class on United Flight out of California, as woman speaks out.

A California woman has slammed United Airlines for not doing enough to punish a man who allegedly masturbated on their first class flight. The woman said she was on the red eye from San Diego to Newark and went first class so she could recline her seat further and sleep during the trip.

But after takeoff, she claimed she caught the man sitting next to her watching pornography and making jerking motions under his blanket. And in order to do that, I am apologizing to them and trying to make them feel comfortable

helping me, the woman said of the flight attendants. I don't quite understand that. The flight crew agreed to move her and switched her with another passenger, but the woman said the man left the plane and wasn't confronted by any police waiting at the gate. So she's livid. They replaced her with another passenger.

I wonder if that other. passenger now knows about the story and is like, what? What do you think? He's not going to jerk off to me? What am I? I know I put on a little weight, but. I think they should have just put the male flight attendant right next to him. No explanation needed.

So it was a red eye for everybody except for the man who was, it was a squinty eye for him. I think it would have been really funny if everyone like kind of conspired to make her feel crazy. like, wait a minute, is this your first time in first class? This is what happens here. Yeah. What do you think we're paying for? Why do you think they hand out those wet towels? Yeah.

We bake cookies just to cover the smell of everybody jacking it up here. Yes, there's lap blankets. What do you think? That's to keep you warm? Here's, we give you the biggest best headsets. So if you're not interested, and hearing what's going on three feet away from you. You don't have to.

You get eye masks. You get headsets. What's the problem? Let them do his thing. They're the best quality. Come on. And then we give you a little toiletry kit to clean up. There's even moisturizer in there.

We put a curtain so nobody in coach can see what we're doing up here. Yeah. Get with it. God. Get back in coach. Also, did you notice the hottest flight attendants are in first class? Is that, you think that was an accident? I remember Dennis Miller had that.

He had a bit, which is, meanwhile, he didn't age well, but it's definitely not going to age well about, I remember they, because they passed the law that they're not allowed to hire flight attendants based on appearance. And anyway, he had a whole bit about it. I think it was Washington, D.C. stand-up hour. I don't know how I remember that. Mr. Miller goes to Washington. Ah, look at that. You really remember it. Yeah, it was a great special. Okay, well, we are back to geography.

Trump says he asked Google CEO to rename the Atlantic Ocean on Google Maps. He called Google CEO Sundar Pichai, I don't even know, to ask whether the company could handle his proposal. I only like two oceans. The Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean. I'm not going to put either Trump or America on any other ocean, but those two. So we seriously looked at the Atlantic Ocean and I called Google Maps, who were really great with the lake. They're still rattled from the Gulf. I said Sundar.

I'm thinking of the Atlantic Ocean. Trump referenced his previous executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico is the Gulf of America, as well as his push to rename Lake Ontario as Lake America. A successful push, we'll add. I just proved that. According to Trump, Pachai rejected the latest proposal. Trump described the Google CEO's response by saying, no, no, no, this time I'm not doing it. Oceans are different, sir.

They cover a lot of countries. Please don't ask us to do that. So I'll probably pass. Should I pass it? Trump said, adding, I think, let's keep it the Atlantic Ocean. I love how he made it his idea. And also, those are not his two favorite oceans, the Atlantic and the Pacific. How about the Caribbean where Epstein's Island is?

Might be his favorite ocean. Might I suggest the name Fatlantic Ocean? And then it's a win-win. There's our clip for this week. It's a win-win. Well, I mean, it really is. Like chalk up another successful effort by Trump to get people not talking about other shit. That's all he does.

He launches these ridiculous, the press has to learn to swat things to the ground to go, we're not going to talk about this. He can say to press conferences. He could do it on his little rallies. But we don't have to print it. We don't have to play clips of it. It's not news. I bet it has to be in meetings behind closed doors.

They have to be talking about him pulling a simple. playing a sympathy card of some sort. I told you when I was on the Imelda Marco's trial, it was not looking good for her. And then on one of the worst streaks of the trial, she collapsed in court and collapsed hard. And I'm thinking this is the plan. That's my conjecture. But it wasn't like her lawyers and, you know, had an arm under each of her arms and walked her out. Paramedics had to come in. they had a look at her, examiner. They had a razor to this giant, like, stretcher, and then, like, hook her up to tubes and stuff,

and then wheel her out in front of the, and it began in front of the jury. So anyway, I don't know why, you know, he got shot once, which helped him a lot. I don't know why he's not going to claim, go to the hospital. And, I mean, maybe they have to weigh how much it would hurt him over health kids,

but he's not. They're not voting on him now. They're voting on his party. So I think it would work. Didn't Giuliani do the same thing with some health reason during his trial? I don't know. I don't remember. But anyway.

He came out of his coffin during the daytime. All right. Let's get to ethical question. There you go. All right. So it's my turn. Or I should say it's your turn. All right.

A comedian dies. Say he's a guy that has a lot of great one-liners. His jokes are tight. People admire his jokes. He never made it big. Is it ethical for his widow who needs money for their kids to sell those jokes to other comedians? And is it ethical for those comedians to buy the jokes? Wow.

I mean, I don't like it. Please don't tell me this isn't a real thing, is it? No, but it's something I've been thinking about creating a website for. Oh. Well, I mean, publishing them is something very, very different because that's a tribute and an honor. But, I mean, if people are going to be playing these as if they're their own, then I think that is an ethical breach of ethics. but what about people that because we both know big comedians that our friends write jokes for and they get paid to write them

so what's the difference the difference is consent I know you're very unfamiliar with that term but uh lamb to Kai forever there is no consent from the creator uh so I don't like that it's kind of like doing things

AI things with people who have passed who have not been in on that plan. All right. Here's a more pedestrian question that a lot of guys have asked themselves and wives have asked their husbands. Is it okay for a husband to go to a strip club is part one. And part B is it okay for the husband to not tell the wife that he went? No. Well, I mean, it happens. It's very, very, very common. But, no, you were going into a place of sex workers. And I think that, so that's a separate ethical question, if that should even be allowed. But it's legal. And then something, but a lot of what happens in there is not legal. And then not telling is the ethical violation. is then now, you know, it's it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, right. Right. But is it ethical. I mean, you can buy tobacco for a kid. That's not, that's not legal. Oh, my God. Well, there goes my side hustle. Okay

Some people sell t-shirts after shows I could sell Lucy's The kids at the playground Some things are legal Like lying but they're unethical I get what you're saying I'd say I don't know

The second part is a very big part of it It defines the first part Are you doing it secretly And kind of living a lie Then it's unethical But if you're going And then sharing it with your wife I think now whether she accepts the explanation,

then it gets more complicated. Is it ethical that she doesn't accept it, but she knows and you still go? I don't think I've been to a strip club in at least 15 years. And I have not, I don't believe I've ever gone and not told my wife. No, I've always told my wife when I went. I would never go and not tell her.

Well, you know, like when we stayed, like it was like usually Vegas or something, we go, I always wanted to just like make it fun. I'd be like, you've got to hear her story about this. Oh, no, you're famous for that. You are famous for going to a strip club and never getting a lap dance, but spending. And the girls actually want to talk to you and don't mind that you're not giving them 20 bucks a song. My bad. Then I'm treating them like a human being. Yeah, they love it.

Actually, wait, I do know the last time I went to a strip club. It was when I went. It was maybe the most depressing day ever. I went to two seasons ago, the Jets in Las Vegas playing the Raiders in Allegiance Stadium. And I looked, so we were staying at the Luxor, which is the closest casino to walk to the stadium. But I was looking like, wait, isn't there a bar nearby where you could watch all the other games, the earlier games, before this started? And the closest bar was, I think it's crazy horse. It's on adjacent to the parking lot of the stadium.

So we went in there to watch and they brag, drink specials. All the games are on all the TVs. I wasn't creative at all. This was advertised to me. So we went there and we all met there. I think Jack was there. I forget who we met a bunch of people. And I'm there watching the games also.

and then the ladies would come up and sit down. And so what the drill became was I had to pay them for their time. I also would buy them a drink, but not one lap dance. And you would just pay that. And they would talk football with you. That's amazing. And then they'd be like, honey, well, the drill here is this has been my time. I'm like, I get it.

I get it. Here you go. That's a bigger turn on than taking the top off is actually knowing what's going on in the game. These are also the daytime shift. So it worked out great. keeping the top on. By the way, there's a lot of cities that have strip clubs named Crazy Horse. Why are they called Crazy Horse?

I already touched on this wordplay. Say it slow. Yeah. Hors. Crazy Hors. Like you could never actually spell it, W-H-O-R-E-S on the sign out front, because people would say that's, you know, that's inappropriate. Also, the line would be too long.

Well, listen, not only do they have loose morals. They're nuts. They're insane. All right. Last one I'll ask you, is it okay on the highway when an ambulance goes by and everybody pulls to the side to be the first car to ride the wake of the ambulance opening up to traffic? What do you think I'm going to say? Of course, that's my move.

Is it? There's nothing. In fact, I'm trying to help. I mean, maybe the guy falls out. I want to be there. I've blocked really bad drivers from getting near the ambulance. You're setting a pick. You're setting to pick.

Yeah. I like that. Running interference. I feel I'm part of the procedure at that point. Yeah, I like it. All right, let's get down to entertainment. All righty. Byron Allen's comedian fueled Comics Unleashed

Has been a dependable winner for the network at CBS To the point where they're actually beating out Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel It looks like more younger viewers are choosing to click over to Comics Unleashed Is it Comics Unleashed or I think they renamed it Comics Unwatchable Oh, is that what it is? Yeah Well, I think we've talked about this before. Norm McDonald's joke was.

He's never seen comics more leashed. Oh, they go through every word you say before you go on, and it has to be squeaky clean. And you get like, I've been asked to do it and said no many times. And here's the deal. They give you like less than $1,000. And you have to agree to place your soul in a sub-zero vacuum sealed jar while you play act actual human conversation with the guy who is so unfunny he had to buy the weather

channel to try to seem more interesting did you know that well i just know he is he bought the weather channel yeah yeah uh no he was also going to buy something giant like a network or something yeah i think he did actually yeah so we were going to pitch him a show we had a real good show idea with this with this famous comedian and we were going to take it and so someone knew his head of development someone knew byron allen's head of development so called and did a soft feel out of like hey we're taking we're shopping this show around we think it's really good uh would byron allen yeah because of what he bought i guess that's why we're contacting him uh would he be interested and the the first line of the email was he'd have to own it

he would not, he's not going to get involved with anything he doesn't own. Right, right. So that's where you start with that guy. No, his business model is, there's a distinction. When you watch a TV show, it's either a network show, which means you're NBC and you purchase, you rent a show like friends, and you air it, and then they get paid money, and then you recoup the money by playing ads on it. If it's a syndicated show, which Byron Allen's model is, they basically buy the hour. from the network, and then they get the ad revenue. So the upside with a successful syndicated show, like Oprah,

most of the daytime talk shows are syndicated. Ellen, the upside is so much bigger when the show is successful, but it has a lower rate of success because you don't have the network supporting it the way they would with another show. So, yeah, so I just looked it up. He owns the Weather Channel. He owns HD Cable Networks.

He owns a lot of broadcast TV stations, like local ABC stations, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox affiliates all around the country. He's got a bunch of other ones, too. A majority stake in BuzzFeed. Wow. Yeah. That used to be more impressive, but it was wildly impressive. Yeah.

All right, let's get. I say we go down to Florida. All right. You want to hear, this is funny. Hold on. Before we move on, I literally Googled. I figured this would be a short way to get an answer. I put into Google, Byron tried to buy, right?

Yeah. And the first result is a 12-year-old Greek girl named Teresa. That's the first result. And then you look that in 1809 and 1810, the English romantic poet Lord Byron tried to buy a 12-year-old Greek girl named Teresa Macri while staying in Athens. 500 pounds he offered. The outcome, the mother refused the offer or in some alternative accounts, Byron withdrew it. It was the inspiration for a poem made of Athens. So anyway, wrong, Byron.

Wow. All right. Let's talk about Florida. First all, wait, I got to see what... We're 12-year-olds you can get on Craigslist. A Byron Allen offered $14 billion to buy Paramount Global. Wow. He offered $10 billion to buy ABC.

including local stations, FX and National Geography from Disney. He offered $3.5 billion to acquire BET, VH1, BETT Studios, Paramount, and a 12-year-old Greek girl. He did the same thing. Hey, Greek TV. He only offered a billion for the Greek girl.

Why would you be purchasing a dying media? I mean, nobody's watching. TV and even less are going to be watching it in the future. That's, that's a weird gamble. He might have escaped. He might have lucked out by not winning any of those bids. Yep. All right. Florida officer found dead man, impersonated him for years. This is my favorite part. And renovated his home. Well, there's an upside. Dennis West was found dead in his Florida home during a welfare check in 2022. Weeks later, one of the officers who discovered his body, took possession of the property, unlawfully spent years renovating and impersonating him,

according to investigators and police documents. Brian Luis Scoros, 35, an officer with the Lauder Hill Police Department, was arrested on felony charges of official misconduct, criminal use of a deceased person's identification, and unlawful use of a two-way communications device. Wait a minute. He used his phone also. Oh my God. I didn't know that was a law.

You can't use somebody else's phone. How are you going to impersonate him if it's not a two-way communication? Yeah, right. Well, I mean, so it was a cop impersonating a cop. There's nothing wrong with that, right? They're all dressed the same. I don't think it was a cop. They just, he was on the case and they discovered a dead pot.

Oh, I see. Right. It's funny you say that because I, at one, point thought that also in reading this story. Well, it's Florida officer found dead. I mean, those are the first four words. Found dead, man. Right, right, right, right.

Well, you know, look, it's good to see an officer. He's actually bringing a guy back to life instead of killing one. So that's a good trend. He sort of made the guy. Maybe that's the confusion. He did make the guy an officer. Yep, right? I mean, he went to police academy.

He got his badge. Great benefits. He's skilled. He's a skilled police officer, no matter what his title is. If he was alive, he'd have great pension coming his way. Did I miss? All right. Anyway, this story's great.

Make America of Florida again. Here we go. You want to do the crinkle? Oh, I didn't know we did a double. Oh, yeah. It's a new story, man. So officers said they went to a home after a person with an active warrant refused to leave the property on September 13th.

When officers arrived, they said they met Marquis Thurton, who attempted to evade arrest. His escape attempt came to an unexpected end when he appeared to believe he could fly away from the officers. Thurton is seen crashing through the Lom's window and landing on the front porch next officer. So I want you to zoom in. We have a photo here. That was his flight attempt. Yeah, this was, you know, he landed, I mean, he's at a 45 degree angle headfirst going into the fucking fence outside with his legs are in the air. This was a full Superman dive.

It was not a bad jump. I'm going to give him that, but it was a terrible flight. Yeah. This was not good. Now, was the window open and he flew like the top half of the window open and he and he, and he, and he, Because that's a good, that's a good three and a half foot jump that he made. Look at all the broken glass. He smashed through that.

Oh, dude, that's how you tear your fucking legs apart. And through blinds. And look at the blinds then were pulled out. And you're right. He cleared the lower half of the window, untouched the lower window. And by the way, this guy is. Maybe he can fly. This guy is covered like Devante Adams.

There's three cops literally surrounding him. him. He was not going anywhere. Meanwhile, the prosecuting attorney is going to be like, Your Honor, I believe he's a flight risk, and we're like, ah, he's not. He's literally a flight risk. He's a flight risk taker. Exhibit A, far from a flight risk. You can see the photo yourself. Crazy. Oh, my God. It's Florida. Just where you, what's the upside? You get away. You're in Florida.

That's true. Are we going to this day? Let's go to this day in history. Crinkle it. All right. This was maybe the worst day to look up stuff. I don't know. I know.

I don't have much. And you know how I don't list them either. Yeah. This even, like even it's Fats Domino. Then it's like, well, when did he die? I'm not interested in that. Rosa Parks, you're going to get that, right? She or her refusal?

Rosa Parks refused. I believe it was before. See, this is even weird. When, how about this? All right, we'll do one. When do you, give her take 10 years, when do you think Rosa Parks died? Do you want me to help you with how old she was? Yeah.

92. Damn. You know why? She walked a lot. She didn't take the bus after that. Now, surprisingly, the incident did not happen in the 60s. My memory is that happened in the late 50s. So if it was in the late 50s, let's say that she was 50 years old.

So if she was born then in 1900 and she was 93, I'm going to say she died in 1993. Nope, you missed it. You had a lot right, though. The incident was in 55. Yeah. And I think there was more than one incident, by the way. And then she died at 92 in 2005. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. It happened in 58. She was 93. So if happened in 58, she must have been born. Oh, I don't know how old she was when the incident happened. Got it. That was the missing factor. So she was older.

She was actually probably in her 60s when this event happened. You know, yeah, 2005. I'm glad she died before Uber's. I mean, it would be so long, every Uber demanding to send the front seat with the driver. it would just be Right and also Then you have to buy them First Class tickets on the plane

Yeah She you know listen She stood up for what she wanted I get it but a little annoying Always to be Well she didn't stand up for what she wanted She sat down for what she wanted That's true

Let's not overstate what she did Okay The Manchurian candidate Which is a film Very close to the work of our friend Tom O'Neil and it's Angela Lansberry who's incredible in it. Murder she caused is really what this subtitle should be. It's American Cold War thriller.

It was released in American theaters on this date, give or take six years. All right, you gave a lot away. I did. I know her age range. And when she was in that film, she was probably 30. You said Cold War Thriller, so it was after the 60s. So let's just call it 1970.

You missed it, pal, 62. You're very close on these missiles. I didn't know the Cold War started in 62. I guess it did, yeah. Well, Kennedy, man. Oh, yeah, I guess Cold War, I guess technically is after World War II, right, with the arms race. So it would really be in the, starting in the 50s. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, okay, okay. Under the desks, all that stuff. Yeah. The Cuban Missile Crisis. Right. Okay. The 40-hour work week went into effect under the U.S. Fair Labor Standards Act of the date I'm asking for. So when I'll, okay, the Fair Labor Standards Act passed.

Two years later, the 40-hour workweek went into effect. I'll accept either date. They're two years apart. Give or take 10 years. When do you think the 40-hour work week started? Well, I feel like the labor union started to get a hold in the turn of the century around 1900. I think it took a while. I'm going to say 1915.

Almost. 1940. Wow. No shit. Shit. Yeah. Damn. It was very productive until 1940.

Yeah. Okay, there are a lot. We're not going to do these. There are a lot. I'm looking for one more for you because you're really crap in the bed. But oh my God, there are so many. This is when Black Friday. This is when the stock market crashed.

The Great Depression was on this date, basically. But you know when that is. So we're not doing it. it. All right, we'll do two more. It was a 29? One fun one. The Rolling Stones made their first appearance on the Ed Sullivan show.

I'm going to give you three years on this one. 1964. You got it on the nose pad. Yep. Yep. Okay. I like this one. We're going to end on this one.

The first domestic microwave ovens went on sale. Give or take eight years. When did the first domestic microwave ovens go on sale? I feel like the 1960s, but maybe the 50, I'm going to say 65. Oh my God, I said eight years for a reason. 1955. Whoa. By the way, I would have said the 70s.

Yeah. Well, there's a rock song about microwave. I think the Stones had a reference to a song in the 60s about microwaves. I will really betray that I know absolutely nothing now about almost everything. Well, Dyer Strait said the song about it. They were a little later. But did NASA technology have anything to do with microwaves? Yes. Yes.

They did. You're very confidently saying that. You see the difference between us when we don't know how I, mine's in the form of a question? I will put my money where my mouth is. If I'm wrong, I will buy a microwave oven for you the following week. Okay, how about this? You look it up right now, and I'm going to read the letters to the editor. Here's my crinkle.

Okay, here's a letter to the editor. Y'all skip letters to the editor, but Mike said I missed the question and the Raiders. Time to work on your reading comprehension. Boys, the first line of my email says USC fans have the most neck tattoos. I added that in the NFL, it would be the Raiders fans. Do better fellas. All right. So he agreed with us at USC fans.

I think so. And he agrees with you that it's Oakland. Everyone agrees with that. Speaking of corrections, um, the microwave oven. was invented by Percy Spencer and engineer at Raytheon. So it had nothing to do with NASA.

Wait, that doesn't exclude it, maybe. Was Raytheon under contract? Well, it says here why the confusion exists. People often credit NASA because the space program heavily popularized high-tech spin-offs and used microwave and radar technology for space communications, leading to a common urban myth that household appliances like the microwave came from the space race.

This was the perfect example. You put your finger in my virtual face saying yes, you were that confident about this fits fact. Yeah. I love it. Well, it was an urban myth, and I'm urban.

You know what died? Everybody's implicit trust in you. And also, Tom Scarrett. Crinkle, obituary. Where was your, that was the best segue ever. Oh man, Tom Scarrett was a likable MFerman. The affable generally saw spoken simultaneously foxy and commanding. That is some good writing right there.

I think it was the New York Times. That is an impressive way to describe someone and very accurate with him. He's simultaneously foxy and commanding Emmy Award winning actor whose best known roles were the films as different as MASH, alien, steel magnolias. Died on Wednesday, he was 93. I remember him as the father in A River Runs Through It, who was... Oh, so great in that. His Scottish, Protestant, Steely, kind of bury your feelings.

he nailed that. By the way, that film, River runs through it. Think about how many, including the most recent series East of Eden, have an urban setting with a father

who is trying to negotiate two brothers who have a rivalry and one of them goes off to war and one stays behind. How many times has that story been told? Did you say urban? No, I meant I meant rural. Yeah.

Like farm. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, that's his true. That's sort of his embellished memoir. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is absolutely. And so it's, yeah, it's, I recommend, listen, it's a little long, but approach it that way.

Say, you know what I want to put on, it's like putting on a nice warm blanket when you watch that movie. It's just a, I think. I think it's the best cinematography I've ever seen in a movie. It's incredible, man. Those in the magic hour and that light with the, and they even end Robert Redford's voiceover as you're seeing the light shimmer off the fly fishing line that's passed out. It's really great. Also, kind of, very sad, not kind of saying.

Very sad. R.J. Mitt, I believe, M-I-T-E. I don't know. Mitty. Is it Mitty? Yeah. The son on Breaking Bad died, sadly taking his own life. Best known for playing the son of Brian Crenson's chemistry teacher turned Mephieler on the series Breaking Bad.

The character of Walter White Jr. Have been inspired by a college friend of series creator Vince Gilligan. Mitty drew from his own experience living with cerebral palsy to bring authentic. to the role. He told the Associated Press in 2014 that his disability and the surrounding struggles with physical therapy, family problems, and exorbitant medical bills. All key subjects on the show made him better at his job. And then there were really sweet, um, remembrances and kind of tributes by Brian Cranston and other cast members, uh, um, for him. I thought he, was so perfect for everything that was kind of just said there.

But like it's just everything in, you know, it's one of my favorite shows, especially from a writing standpoint of all time. And just everything contributed to turning up the temperature and increasing the pressure on our protagonist. And one that just did it so beautifully was this, son, this handicapped son who needed medical care and needed insurance in this country where you need to be, have money or a job to get care that you have a right to.

And also, his character, the way he played him was so strong. He never wanted help. He did it himself. He wanted a fucking muscle car. And I think also it raised the stakes in the end when she knows and they split up. And then he takes his father's side. He takes Brian Cranston's side. And the mother keeps it to herself. It added so much tension to that trio and that family. And he was just so sympathetic, you know, he, without playing the victim like you just realized that, It was such, to break his heart was heartbreaking. And that's what Walter White was doing. Yeah, yeah.

All right, let's cheer up. Okay. Let's go to the funnies. We play the comedy caption contest with you. Every week we give you one frame of a comic. You guys write a punchline. You send it in to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. We kindly ask that you put your name directly beneath your submission.

We pick a handful of the great ones. We read them. Mike and I pick a favorite, and that person wins. Dot, dot, dot. Last week's comic, Frankenstein, sitting on a therapist couch. A female therapist has a little notepad. She's listening as he speaks. Sean from Ontario, Canada, who was at my show last night with his mother.

He won. He wins. the first comedian made a meal out of talking to him and his mother and it was very funny and he was a great sport he said he wanted to say hi to me after the show but I was hiding in the back booth of the hamburger joint just not really you feel like meeting anybody I know

and I feel awful because Sean is a big supporter of the show and personally apologize I'm sorry Sean not on behalf of the show I guess. Yeah. Anyway, his joke is, I'm tired of your stupid questions. I'm going back to shock therapy. I love it.

Sean, also, if you push Kim to shove, you could have just gone with that last line. I'm going back to shock therapy. Yeah. I can't take it. I'm going back to shock therapy. I find that a lot with the submissions. People try to pack in two jokes. It's not bad.

It's not bad. It's kind of funny to tell the therapist through stupid questions. It's not bad. Yep, yep. I like it. That's the winner. Matt says, Doc, please don't fire me.

It's not bad. Kelly from Colorado. Wait, what does that mean? He got, they've chased him with torches. He was afraid of fire. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was his biggest fear. Yeah.

Kelly from Colorado said Frankenstein struggles with body image. So that's just a commentary? Well, he has a body. He speaks about himself in the third person. Yeah. I don't think the monster called himself Frankenstein. Oh, right. The monster is talking about the doctor that falls apart.

There you go. Flesh try says, but me, no, have mommy. Oh, Sean, I'm sorry. That one's really good. Ryan Bray said, you mean metaphor? take me apart, right? That's not bad also. Ben Holdridge,

me can't stop. Has he read both of our journals? That's on the cover of my journal. Albert says it's Stein, not Steen. What kind of monster do you think I am? Oh, Albert. What is that? Yeah.

Chris says, I've just always felt like I was born into the wrong bodies. That's pretty smart. This is the best batch we've ever received. Yeah. Brad says sometimes I feel like I'm not enough of a monster. All right. Not bad, Brad. Dave V says she was showing me how much she loved me when my cock fell off and she choked to death.

Dave. All right. Okay, Dave. Frank Kehoe says, Doc, you are all the same. I said I want to sleep with the mummy, not my mommy. Smart.

Another smart one. It's good. All right. So we got a bunch of good ones. What do we want to do? Well, Sean gets the honorable mention, but I think, but me have no mommy really made me laugh from flesh tree.

I'm going to also give an honorable mention to me. We can't stop masturbating. Yeah. All right, good week, everybody. Next week, let's see how you do with this one. This is very specific. We have two penguins standing on an iceberg, looking up at the sky, and Santa's sleigh is flying through the air. Remember, they're up in the North Pole.

So this is taking two North Pole tropes, putting them together, and you tell us what one penguin is saying to the other one. Well, before all the corrections come in, there are no penguins in the North Pole. Oh. But anyway. Really? Let's keep going. Is that true? Yeah.

Huh. Yeah. Aren't you just filled with little wisdoms? Well, maybe that's what, uh, so both of these images are unbelievable. Yeah. Or what's he doing at the South Pole? I'll let the, I'll let the listeners write it. Uh, Hagger the Horrible.

We've got, uh, a guy with a guy with a, a lute sitting on the couch next to Hager's beautiful daughter. And he says, honey, do you continue to see me because you love me or do you just feel sorry for me? And she goes, please stop. And then Hager and his wife are in bed. And she goes, and the girl says, nobody feels sorry for you. And then Hager goes, honey is right. I feel sorry for her.

And it's like, no, I'm with you because you're a gentle artist who's not going to grate me. like every other guy in town. I like your restraint there. Yeah. And then we got the Lockhorns. I put a bunch in. It was a very strong week for the Lockhorns. Loretta is standing in line with a friend.

There's a poster on the wall for a play they're going in to see. It's called Richard the 3rd. And she goes, Leroy refused to come. He says he doesn't like sequels. You're not even paying attention. What are you doing over there? I thought I saved this really funny onion. I'm looking for it.

Sorry, go ahead. It was a very funny one and you missed it. Come on. It's for the audience. It's for the crowd. Loretta and Leroy are talking to another couple. And he goes, Loretta and I finish each other's sentences. But she starts mine too.

I like that. I like that. I was tuned in for that. And now Leroy is filling out the paperwork at the doctor. and the woman behind the desk says, are you sure you want to list Arthur's bar as an emergency contact? There are a lot of good ones.

And then Leroy comes home from work one day and he goes, I'm at that awkward age. Too old to quit, too young to retire. That is fucking me right now. Yeah, I've said that before. You have? Yeah, what is the exact wording of it? I'm at that awkward age, too old to quit, too young to retire.

I just said, I'm in that, I think mine's better. I'm just right now in that awkward stage between college and retirement. I used to have a joke. I'm at that awkward stage where my hair is falling out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne. I love that one. So it's all really coming together. All right. What do we got from the onion?

Well, there's one here. It's a police car. Police arrest woman reporting domestic abuse for being tattletail. Okay. Yeah, I mean, oh, this is the one. I found it. Maybe I erased it. But here it is.

It's a picture of Nathan Fielder, how he looks very often. on these sets, especially of the rehearsal, where he has, he's carrying around a laptop in a portable like workstation that he hangs around his neck. So it's like a little mini desk on his stomach. Anyway, he's on set and that's what that look is. And the headline is, Nathan Fielder quietly deletes footage of Theranos machine working perfectly. It's big, man. That fucking movie is really, and it's a. amazing because he did that Nathan for you show for years and it really flew under the radar. Not many people knew about it.

And I was always like, why is this show not more talked about? Yeah. So I'm glad he's finally getting it. It was in comedy. It was a hit with all the comedians. Speaking of not getting it, here is Blondie who is at the dress store and she's holding up this green cocktail dress. And she goes, I'm going to try this one on. and there's a woman watching her.

And she comes out with this green dress on. Let me tell you something. I mean, I don't even think this one is funny or poignant. I just need you guys to see the different dresses she's wearing. This green, it's a pea-green cocktail dress where her bosoms are heaving, which gracefully descends into a very narrow waist and then comes right back out at the ass, bowling pin calves revealed underneath it. And she goes, well, what does?

do you think? And at that point, I can't even read on. What do I think? I can't even think. Meanwhile, she's got this other woman in the dressing room and you can feel the sexual tension. Because you know this woman cannot be looking at Blondie when she goes, well, what do you think? And not be thinking all kinds of dark, having feelings she's never experienced before. And Blondie goes, you don't think it's too bold? And the woman goes, no way. That dress makes a statement. And then Blondy starts walking away. And she goes, it says, I run a business. and a family and still look this good. And then Blondie comes out with another one.

It's raspberry. And also, she's leaning forward slightly, but you see the bosom does not, it's not falling. It's supple and full. And she goes, what about this one? And the woman goes, two O's. Oh. And then she goes, that one says, I spare no expense to look fabulous. And Blondie goes, sold.

Now she walks in the door. to fucking dummy who I love it. He sits on the chair, feet up, and hands in pocket. It's not lazy enough on a Saturday to be watching TV. And she goes, I'm so excited. I found two dresses that really spoke to me. And they don't show the next frame where he complains about the price instead of going, sweetie, why don't you fucking drop that dress, throw the other two on, and let's go a couple of rounds.

It's two o'clock in the afternoon. Two wardrobe changes. I think got you so excited. If I may go back to the third to last rain, this is how you read it. Blondie comes out of the dressing room and goes, what about this one? And you say the woman goes,

two O's O. First of all, she doesn't say two O's O. Greg was looking at what she said, which is O-O-H, which most English-speaking people say, ooh. Yeah. Ooh, ooh.

I mean, that woman is, dripping she is so wet right now she wasn't working for the commissions that day you made it sound like she was on like uh like drag queen show like two o's oh that's a new saying i bet drag queens would love blondie she's like a marilla minroe oh come on yeah you can mean she's like a very she's like a young you know there's a little dolly parton vibe i mean obviously we're talking to about the shape and stuff and the hair.

Yeah, yeah. She's also just very positive and glamorous. Yeah, always put together. Always. Always done up. Always done up. Yeah. Don't forget, support the sponsors.

We've got Kickoff. And if you go to kickoff.com slash papers, they'll know that we sent you and you're going to get 80% off the normal price. You're also going to go check out Meatsfabric.com. And again, let them know we sent you. put in that slash papers. Amber Mugs. Oh my God. Go to Ember Mugs.

Where is the, oh, I don't think they actually send you to a landing site on Ember. I think we just talked about them, but highly recommend them. Next week, Mike, we got moving out on Tuesday. I'm thinking we mentioned it in today's Sunday papers that what's his name who died was in? What was the,

Steelman? Magnolias. Would that be a good movie for movie night? Well, here's the thing. I've never seen it. Oh, well, there we go. Yeah. It's supposed to be amazing. And there's also, what was the Cher movie that was supposed to be so great? Oh, no. Beaches? No. Is that what you just said? I'm looking up share movies right now. Moonstruck. I heard Moonstruck is really great. Oh, I just saw it recently. Moonstruck is one of the best rom-coms or whatever romantic comedies ever. Yeah, all right, so we can't do that. You just saw it.

All right, I'll bring up Steel Magnolias with the group. We'll see how it goes. Thank you guys for watching and listening. However you do it, our numbers are way up. Obviously, people are telling their friends, and we appreciate that. Let's keep growing the show. And thank you to Midcoast Media, who always does an amazing job putting it together. Matt Peters sitting with us week after week.

And I guess we'll talk to you guys soon. Take a niche. Take itish. All right. Great Fruit Simmons, prepared to fill you in with Mr. Michael giving Sunday papers will begin. Will we read all about it? Probably wouldn't doubt it. Both of them clearing throats all the way throughout it.

Do you like to crinkle or do you like the juice? The get said, get ready for the front page news. Then an ethical dilemma blonde, he wants it from behind. But Greg would have to wear an A for the rest of the. all his time. Fitzsimm's victory is this day in history, because Mike joins in and makes blondie rotissary. And the caption of the comic is her saying, Uno Mas. So here comes Mr. Ditters, bumps his office boss. Before he gets his pants off, he drops and grabs his chest, and this will be my entry into the weekly contest. I do not want to Cousy, I know the story I never miss,

and next week Mr. Dithers is the first of the obits. So wake up all your neighbors, increase subscriber list. This be Sunday Papers. It truly is a gift. Chia! papers read all about it. My teammate says he plays pickup basketball, quote, for the cardio. Well, there's more to it than that, Sean. Like with Bet365, I get paid the second my team goes at big with early payout and can cash out at any time before the game ends.

Sean's getting his steps, but I'm getting paid. Bet365, the home of winning early. Must be 19 and older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, visit connects ontario.ca or call 1866 5 through 1,2,600. Terms and conditions apply.