Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers (1st Episode Revisited)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

2 1/2 years in we take our SECOND vacation week. But in lieu of a full new episode we present to you a 30 minute intro followed by our very first episode from March 10, 2020. Yes- literally the day the lockdown began. Happy Labor Day-  See you next week! Follow Mike Gibbons on Instagram @GibbonsTime Follow Greg Fitzsimmons on Instagram @GregFitzsimmons

okay good i've already been recording on my h6 we're gonna clap in yeah there's your clap three two one and we are hey now read all about it read all about it there Read all about it. You've already read all about it. Here's the real headline today. We are taking the week off. We're going to jump on. We're going to talk to you for a few minutes. And then we thought it would be a cool idea. Was this your idea or Denman's idea? My idea. Denman had a better idea, which was put together a best of. But how the hell was that going to happen? I don't know. I don't even know how to listen to old episodes.

I've never heard one. So that's not true. I do, because I cut the promos. So I have to sometimes weed through the whole thing. But anyway, we thought we'd replay our first episode ever. Did you already say that? March 10th, 2020. Literally, I would say that's literally the week things shut down because I remember

I had a St. Patrick's Day gig March 17th in New York. And I remember that was canceled and it was canceled three days before the gig. So we literally started this podcast the week the pandemic shut everything down. Maybe a little bit later. No, March 10th. No, you're right. You're right.

Okay. All right. Calm down. Easy. You know I have long-term benign COVID. So take it easy on me. By the way, my temper. Yesterday I went to Gold's Gym where I'm the smallest person by 50 to 60 pounds. And, uh, they have, uh, a manager there that I've

just never liked. He's a, he's a nasty guy. He's kind of like, he's just got a shit attitude. He's got a chip on his shoulder. He thinks he's a tough thinks he's a tough guy and uh and i've only had a couple interactions with him but i was never a fan and so i they've got they they of course like it's gotten very corporate over there and they put in a new system so instead of showing your id and getting in you uh you hold it up to a screen on this like space age looking gate contraption and it never fucking works for anybody for anybody there's like it takes everybody like a minute to keep holding it up to the screen so even norm even normal size people get tripped up that's right all right so i go yesterday and i had a bad fucking week like bad couple days i'm in a shit mood it wasn't swiping and so i jumped over the turnstile

and the new york city yeah so the guy yells at me this guy that i don't like yells at me and then he does this with his hand the the come the come to me, the come to me thing. So I just stand there. I don't come to him. I go, what? And he goes, he goes, what are you doing? I go, it's broken. He goes, that doesn't mean you jump over the turnstile and I go fix it. And we were yelling at each other. And then he said something and then I ended with, then fucking fix it. And I walked away and I kept wondering if he was going to come and get me and throw me out physically.

And I don't know if I go back, if my membership is going to be frozen now. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm imagining it's still not going to work at the turnstile and you're not going to be hopping the turnstile and, uh, and you're, you're not going to be hopping over and you're not welcome. No, I may have worn out my welcome at Gold's gym. I think the, uh, the average amount of weight that that gym bench presses just went up with, uh, canceling your membership.

Yes. The 10 and five pound, uh, weights are going to get a lot less busy. I was the only one using them. Guy, don't you want, you know, you're going to get dust on those 15 pound barbells and dumbbells. Come on. Dude, did you watch Serena Williams last night? No.

You know, I'm not a fan. So, but I saw the memes, I'm not a fan. So, uh, but I saw the memes. I'm a huge fan and I, it was one of the greatest tennis matches I've ever seen. It was just so emotional. It was so powerful, inspired. Did she play the number two player in the world? She's played six matches in the last year, not tournaments. Wait, she beat the number two player in the world yes i'm shocked i would have lost money on that yeah a lot of people did because at wimbledon she looked terrible she is enormous and but she's in shape she's just a very big woman

i don't know if you're allowed to say that anymore but i would say that uh i saw an interview and they were like it was god it was something like um did you come out here and you know maybe have doubts like you you know like weren't gonna win it was something like that and she just like like gave like a sassy look yeah and then you know everyone clapped and laughed because it was an interview like at center court and i I'm like, sorry, fair question. You looked like a piece of shit tennis player three weeks ago. So what is so crazy about that question? Yeah. And you got trounced or you lost anyway from, you know, a very lowly, low ranked player. So that is a totally fair question and it's just her ego

and her temper and she's a shitty sport i'm not in she's a great sport she she has become a great sport she's become very nurturing to younger players she's a role model she's look how many black players there are today because of her that has nothing to do with she's a good sport that's great i'm not taking that's great polite you see here's the problem with you you think you come from blue blood wasp you're a fucking irishman your father shoveled coal and a tenement in the bronx you're not humble how am i off brand because you think tennis is supposed to be this thing where you never yell at a ref or show any emotions that it's no no no no mackinac mackinac was my favorite but mackinac was white oh jesus mack he had a fro dude mackinac uh and the world never claimed he was like you know holier than

thou and idol and if you ever asked Macko, did you ever? Yeah, he would always say he had doubts or he was playing like shit. Like he was real. Serena is not real. She is real in the sense that she, as she said last night, she's had a target on her back since she started playing tennis. And you cannot argue that fact. Because of that, she's got a very thick veneer.

She's had to have a little bit of bravado to push herself through. And God bless her. Look where it got her. Yeah, she's also had a, in addition to the target, I am not denying that. But in addition to the target, she's also had a sign on her back, do not criticize. And you cannot, you have to watch what you say, because it is a PC situation as well. And I think sometimes there is a double standard. I'm just I'm just saying. Right. She got a pass. She fucking whipped a ball at a woman, smashed a tennis ball at a line judge.

Yeah. I mean, how many men did that this year? A bunch of, Djokovic did that this year. He can't come out and apologize. Yes, he did. He hit one. He hit a ball away and it hits and it hits. I'm talking about she looked at a woman, aimed, cocked, fired. No, that's not true. Oh, good Lord.

She's a terrible sport. And by the way, many, many high school male tennis players can beat her even in her prime. In her prime, she was hitting 125 mile an hour serve. How many men on the tour hit over 115 miles? Oh my God. It has to do with spin play. Forget about it. I can't even go into the best server in the game. I can't even go into it. John McEnroe called her the best server in the history of tennis't even go into it john mackinrow called her

the best server in the history of tennis the other day mackinrow got in trouble at one point we can't talk about this why are we doing this on our anniversary all right let's celebrate our anniversary it's not even an anniversary why why are we doing this on our lazy day where we're just setting up a podcast well first of all before anybody calls us lazy or resents us this is we've been doing this for two and a half years. This is the second week we've taken off. I think you might be right. Yeah, we took off late, right around Christmas.

Wow. Right around Christmas, we took one off this year. Well, we know you're loose with the facts, but we've hardly taken any time off. Maybe you're right. But this was, what was it march 10th march 10th my brother's birthday yeah my stepmother's birthday she's no longer with us and that happened during this run i can't believe it's been over two and a half years oh your stepmother never heard the podcast.

It's actually what killed her. She died of complications. And by complications, that was their polite way of referring to the podcast. Yeah. She hung herself with her earbuds. She would just pray, spread, spread, spread, spread, please spread. Please have them take off my ears um by the way so i went back i so i listened to the beginning of the podcast and uh did you listen to any of it no you uh you plainly say and state that masks don't work i did yes which is great so great well i was

parroting fauci who initially said that masks don't work there was a lot of confusion yes so how did they cover that they said they were trying not to have a rush on mass so the health care workers could have them or something. Right. So he said that they don't work. And I was merely conveying what our surgeon general was saying. Is he the surgeon general? No. What is what is he? He's the surgeon general. No, no, no. I know. I don't think he's a surgeon general. Oh, my God. Here we are. We're the worst podcast ever. he's a head of this he's not ahead of the cdc but he's the disease specialist he has a cabinet position he's the disease i'm sorry he's a malignant disease on the cabinet um i uh

i'm not sure what else we talked about but boy boy, we didn't know what was going on. That's for sure. And I did think I was going to be a lot more productive early on. I think I was pretty accurate in predicting how many deaths because I was just quoting scientists, which who knew how rare that would get. And what did you what did you guess? I forget what it was but i remember we have texts between dickie uh rosie's bagels uh dickie and me and i think the over under it was either 600 i forget what it was but that was even low but i mean i remember back then when you're like this could this could be a million people after you know a couple of waves they

well they didn't want to hear it so i get it i understand that but speaking of dickie uh i got some rosie's bagels this week my family was in town and we got a sunday delivery of some we got some assorted he does a jalapeno cheddar that shows a tin foil that you heat up and it melts uh with some delicious spreads and by the way his locks are first rate they are like new york quality locks wow yeah nice so go to uh rosie's bagels la if you want delivery on the west side of la now you said you had two stories because i have no stories nah fuck it let's not do the stories what were they though all right i'll do we'll do the stories i've never heard let's go two weeks after a 34 year old woman in saudi arabia was sentenced

to prison for retweeting activist critical of the saudi government another woman has been handed a record-breaking sentence for using social media nora bint seed al-qahtani has been sentenced to 45 years in prison for writing a tweet wow according to court documents obtained by democracy for arab world now i wish we could do that here to our influencers who would you put in jail if there was one social media presence that you could put in jail who would it be you know i don't follow it enough but i mean you know i've always thought of this thing like and there should be a good screenplay that does this subtly but like where someone just arrives now after they wake up in a coma you know and maybe they went into a coma in like 2010 and it would just be

like you know why is everyone taking first of all you could take pictures with your phone second of all why is everyone taking pictures of the sky but of course that's the pose when you're doing a selfie yeah but you wouldn't guess that everyone's um you know and i know everyone's done these jokes but like imagine if if it wasn't phones right imagine if you were in a comb when you woke up and everyone was turning like you know canon and nikon cameras around and taking a bazillion pictures and in restaurants everyone on canon and nikons and was taking pictures like did the whole country become asian what the hell happened right right well there's a really funny you know you know uh i don't know if you read The New Yorker, but there's a column called Shouts and Murmurs.

And it's usually just like a one page comic. It's usually a humorist. And this week's was based on that. It was about this guy on another planet and his great grandfather is still alive and he's the last person to have left Earth. father is still alive and he's the last person to have left earth and he's just and he's describing how he went on his first date with their grandmother and he didn't even know what she looked like naked because that back then people didn't first exchange nude photos and it was a very very funny tight piece and then i looked at the writer and i looked him up and it's you know frank rich from the new york times yeah it's his fucking son who went to harvard became the president of the harvard lampoon and then wrote on uh saturday night live for four years and now he's he's like a hot shot writer and i mean and i had no idea who it was so i wasn't biased and i was like god damn

this guy's good nice very cool um other story madonna no good did you see the picture this week of Springsteen looking like Woody Allen? No. You didn't see that? Really? Oh, everyone listening, you can just Google it. A woman got a selfie with Springsteen, right? And, oh, I thought I sent it to you.

And she, hold on, I'll find it. And she put it out there and she's like, oh my God. Here it is. Can you see this? It's on Twitter. Let me get her handle. It is Carolyn Madden, Caroline Madden, whatever, anyway, here's the pic.

You haven't seen this. Holy shit. That's crazy. He's got to lose those glasses fast. And what about the most unbruised Springsteen sweater ever? Oh, my God. It's like he went to a costume party. Yeah.

I mean, what the hell? Everybody looks like Woody Allen to a costume party. Yeah. I mean, what the hell? Everybody looks like Woody Allen at a certain age. I wear the bucket hat. I've been told Woody Allen when I'm wearing my bucket hat. No, you look like a pervert a long time ago. Here's a great. Wait, wait. So I wrote some dumb little jokes, which was.

You have to have knowledge of both of them, but where were they? Like, incident on 57th Street and misdemeanors. Sandy Hall, you know, conflating the two. What are you writing jokes for? I think I put them on Instagram. You know, fun, man. Fun.

Look at you. What? Very proud of you. Wait, what else You know, fun, man, fun. Look at you. What? Very proud of you. Wait, what else was it? Oh, oh, oh. Screen door slams. My daughter's dress sways. I love how this is two and a half years in and your video is still freezing.

I bought high-speed internet access for my office now you're animated now i see you i still have to get the ethernet cord i got the adapter right here so i can take the ethernet cord and plug it into my macbook pro unused adapter i know i just got to bring the ethernet cord from home and then we're good to go all right another story another story wow we're doing a podcast okay go ahead a woman has discovered that woman again oh wait hold on i gotta plug in my computer it's about to die oh good you'd think we'd have this right oh you have no idea my podcast last week i had the sklar brothers on and uh one of the Sklar brothers audio was bad. And my audio was mono Sklar brothers. Okay.

We put out an episode that was way below par. And I, and I, and mid coast media, Chris Denman has nothing to do with it. Not their fault. They tried to save it. It was just a bad recording. So my apologies to the listeners oh i thought you meant content got it hey now a woman has discovered that the man she has been in the relationship with for six years is actually her biological brother desperately seeking advice the woman took to reddit where she explained that both her and her boyfriend are adopted. And after doing an ancestry test to find out more about their heritage,

they discovered they are full biological siblings. I am 30. My brother is 32. I'm just going to call him my boyfriend for the majority of the time while I type this. I feel weird about this. My boyfriend was also adopted. And when we met, it was one of the things we sort of bonded over. We both didn't learn we were adopted until high school. And we both were lucky we had good families. We weren't passed around from foster homes. Our relationship was and still is great. We understand each other very fast. We were attracted to each other quickly. I've never met someone and felt immediate attraction familiarity like this. Now I know that the comfort and familiarity is because he's my brother, not my half brother. He's my full brother. The woman went on to explain that they have done

everything a couple of six years could do. We have said, we have said we love each other. We've had sex. We've celebrated anniversaries we've met each other's families i'm just glad we both agreed early on that we don't want to have kids so that has never happened uh okay i hope he's not as chatty as she is well she's on a reddit post you know what so they are having sex they're having sex you said that they're having sex and they're not going to stop i don't think they're i think they're going to stop having sex but they're going to continue to have a relationship i wonder if you could convince let's like for instance let's say I was hooking up with my sister and I got a vasectomy, right?

Yeah. Could I talk, could I talk the law into like, you're going to let this slide, right? Isn't the whole, the whole rule against incest is, is about offspring, isn't it? Yeah. And we just do it in the butt and I'm fixed i mean do you know how careful we're being um i'm trying to see if she's saying they're they're breaking up this has lifetime movie written all over i mean it's very. What if that's your soulmate, you know? Jesus. Well, I don't know. Would you continue the relationship and make it platonic or would you break up and find another lover? Right. I was going to say, you don't have to, you know,

put yourself inside your soulmate, but then you're going to find someone else to spend the majority of your time with. Huh. I mean, would it be? This is a real, it's kind of an interesting, I know a lot of people aren't entertaining it at all, but

like you don't know each other at all. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm struggling because there's a huge creepy situation don't of course of course but i'm trying to actually look at the other side as hard as much as i can um you don't know them does it for some people it would make it hotter to be. I have a friend. I'm not going to say his name, but he is a comedian. And he was dating his first cousin. They were secretly having sex and then seeing each other like at the family

barbecue the next day. I mean, I don't think that, I mean, other than obvious weirdness, I don't think that, I mean, other than the obvious weirdness, I don't think that weird. So a first cousin is one of your parents' siblings' kids. Right. So you're banging Aunt Jo's or Aunt Sally's hot daughter. Right. Yeah, I could see that.

Really? Really. Right. Yeah, I could see that. Really? Yeah. I mean, you know, yeah, I mean, I could see how it happens. Would I do it? No. How hot is she? Would I, I don't think I'd do it, but I mean, obviously you gotta be real safe. It's not gonna be pretty if, uh, if the hot daughter gets pregnant. And she yeah she's a christian who insists on having the baby yeah and she's 15 and you're 47 what no um all right good stories good stories good stories i felt like i i was funny because you know i read my news feed and I came across these stories and I was like, fuck, we're not doing a show this week. These are great stories. So, all right. We did a couple.

So that that that I think that makes I think we'd look it's we're 27 minutes in. I think we can say we didn't take a week off. We did not take it's official. We didn't take a week off. And the podcast we're about to play, I think, is an hour 20. Yeah. So, I mean, Jesus Christ, what do you want from us? No, but I mean, that's a nice listening experience. And it's weird going back and listening to us and you telling everybody masks don't work. But then nailing my prediction on how many people die. Nailing my prediction on how many people die. And predicting they were going to steal the election from Trump.

It was a lot of weird stuff. A lot of weird stuff. I predicted that. No, we already knew that. Trump was president. Yeah. How about that? Did I already have a gig booked in Lowell, Arkansas on Septemberember 16th and 17th of this year back then at the grove i'm not sure so just be safe and you might as well plug it again all right

and then new orleans are you coming to new orleans by the way i gotta book my tickets doubt it when is it come on when is it the uh october 6th we fly in on the 4th like next week october 6th is a month oh sorry it's august i forget because we're doing so we're shifted time here uh all right let me look into it i doubt it all right are you in chicago the week before for owen's birthday no uh october 15th i'll be in chicago at the den theater his birthday is the third though how did you know that i i told you i remember it radiohead album came out oh now right now in the history books it says it came out october 2nd but i remember it being the third well he's going back to college on sunday and uh yeah and i'm not Rain Man like I don't remember when any album came out I don't

remember the year but I do remember of course that was the first child among us and we have four kids now but that was number one big deal and there was a watch when's it gonna drop and I also was so in a radio head that I knew the album came out. I think I might have listened to it while I got the news about Owen. Huh? Yeah. Good story. All right. So listen, we will see you guys next week. Enjoy this. And thanks for supporting us for these two and a half years. Thank you for letting us take part of a week off. Were you going to read an ad? Oh, yeah. Let's read the ad.

Well, there's no ad in the podcast you're about to listen to. And Greg, this is your idea, but I think you have a good business sense. Yeah, this is our sponsor from last week, and I want you to check them out. They're called Upside. And it's all about dealing with inflation that's hitting us all really hard right now. I just filled up my tank and it was fucking $100 to fill up my tank. So it's a really easy app. It's too good to be true. I've used it. It works great. It's a no-brainer. You get cash back. To get started, you download the free Upside app. Use my promo code PAPERS to get $5 off, to get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10. Next, claim an offer for whatever you're buying on Upside. Check in at the business, pay as usual with a credit card or a debit card, and you get paid. In comparison

to credit card rewards or loyalty programs, you can earn three times more cash back with Upside. Upside users are earning more than a million dollars every week. That's probably why they have a 4.8 star rating on the App Store. So download the free Upside app and use promo code PAPERS to get $5 or more cash back on your first purchase of $10 or more. Use promo code PAPERS. Okay. Boy, you committed to that ad. Upside is great.

You gave them nice love. Did I or didn't I? You did. You did, of course. I'm very excited about that. Also, I downloaded it and I used it. It's easy. It's great.

There you go. Also, happy Labor Day, everybody. Happy Labor Day. It's a day to think about what unions have accomplished in this country for the working man and woman. We didn't have to go. You know what? Unions have been decimated and there is a public opinion that needs to be corrected. Yes, there's been corruption.

But big businesses are all joining together. They're becoming multinational corporations. And they're driving down wages. They're taking away benefits. And the unions are the last stand. Support your unions. And it's a beach day. And it's a beach day.

This is what I don't want to be talking about next week how los angeles is on fire i do not want to be talking about that i saw a little blip on some alert on my phone hopefully it's out a fire started somewhere but la is going to be the hottest it's been all year uh this. Not good, but good for the beach. I'll see you at the beach. We're going to the beach. You going Saturday and Sunday? I think so.

I may catch the second half of the day Saturday and definitely Sunday. All right. Take a beach. Take a beach. Take a beach. take a beach take a beach take a beach you've asked for it we've promised it we've teased it now it's happening sunday papers people mike gibbons let's do it greg fitzsimmons sitting here with uh what can only be described as the only take on the news that you really need. We got the paper here,

fresh off the presses. It's the Sunday paper, which means, look, we all get inundated with news from our phones. Every 15 seconds, you're checking. And it's candy. It's a sugar high, and it goes by fast. The Sunday paper is something that I grew up with and I it's the only paper I get it's the end of the week it sums shit up the most important story Mike I'm trying to launch a new podcast are they still listening they're like the whole paper what they've already checked their phone and gotten four other stories by now totally yeah stock market has closed if you want news from three days ago now this is your place if you want an antiquated delivery system for the news that

you already heard you got the right place you want to hear two delivery system for the news that you already heard, you got the right place. You want to hear two guys try to be funny and argue over issues that you kind of remember? Go there. And don't forget at the end, comic strips you never read in the first place. Yeah. It's the Sunday Papers. Well, welcome. Mike, how are you?

I'm good, man. I'm psyched. Your voice sounds good. It's strong today. Yeah. Yeah. It's the Sunday Papers. Well, welcome. Mike, how are you? I'm good, man. I'm psyched. Your voice sounds good. It's strong today. Yeah. Yeah. Neither one of us is shaved in like a good five. You did.

You had a little date the other night, and I noticed that you said, we played paddle tennis during the day, and then we met at a party later that night. And in between, you did a shave, but you didn't use a razor. It looked like you might have buzzed it down a layer didn't do any such thing really yeah and it was just a it was just a meeting thing not really a date oh i'm sorry i didn't mean to blow your personal no no but also no i didn't i don't i'm not are you kidding me i don't man is it manscaping yeah i thought you manscaped i did not man look wouldn't there be evidence that it's shorter i have rabbi growth i mean like i don't i can't grow a beard yeah so uh yeah no i didn't do any such thing comes in gray both of our beards

come in gray at this point is there a way guys do dye their beard but doesn't that dry your face i would imagine you know i just dyed my hair recently can you tell the i can't and i know that's the answer you probably want to hear. Looks good, right? It does look good. Just for men, they tell you leave it on for five, I leave it on for four. Leave a hint of gray. Wow. Yeah, keep it real. I like it. Well, don't they have a formula that keeps it real?

I don't know. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Let's start off. Let's get into it. The news. God damn it. Obviously, the top story. Sheryl Crow has a new album.

And it's spreading. It closed down Italy. She's that powerful. They say it comes with birds. Starts with the bird flu. Yeah. Crow. The Pope. Start with the Pope bird flu? Yeah. Crow.

The Pope. Start with the Pope. That son of a bitch. He came out. He blessed everybody for upwards of 30 to 40 seconds behind a plate glass. Yeah, I would. Yeah. It's like a sneeze guard. Yeah, and all the disgusting people under the sneeze guard.

Yeah. Are you blessing us or going for some chickpeas? This meek. Look Ugh, this meek, look at all the meek who are going to inherit this fucking joint. Good luck with it. I'll tell you what,

that guy, here's the thing about the, well, I will talk about it later, but the Onion had a very funny headline which was, what was it?

That he wants to suspend molestations. By the priests. Yeah, the priests just because of the spread, molestations by the priests. Yeah. The priest, just because the spread out of the Corona virus temporarily suspended said, and it said in, in light of the fact that the Corona virus affects older people,

that we're laughing about it. That's how crazy it is. That's how, uh, you can only laugh. Um, I don't know about that. Well's how crazy it is. That's how. You can only laugh. I don't know about that. Well, you can't wear a mask. The mask doesn't help.

While you're molesting? While you're molesting, it doesn't help. I don't know. I think no kissing is a plus, not even for the virus. Well, it's also harder to pick the priest out in a lineup if he was wearing a mask at the time. Yeah, the boys can't wear a mask. I'm pretty sure, but yeah. I'm wearing a condom right now. Oh, the boys can't wear a mask. I'm pretty sure, but yeah. I'm wearing a condom right now.

Oh, just to do the story. Yeah. Yeah. Cruise ships, they say. The State Department cautioned American travelers against taking cruise ships as the coronavirus outbreak spreads across the U.S. Quote,

I don't think anybody should be taking a cruise right now. This is a very sticky pathogen. Once it gets inside a closed space, such as a cruise ship, it spreads widely. It doesn't have to be sticky. Everything that hits, what was it, SARS, bird flu, I'm forgetting others. Ebola. There are always cruise ships, always. They're like this giant floating petri dish um i think

what's going to happen is they're going to this one that's off oakland is that the one where it is yeah they're going to shut it down look at it and be like oh forget corona we found the new one yeah the new one is on that one already i'm sure well if you want to talk about a group of people that's vulnerable cruise ship passengers not in the best shape no they bought a cruise ship ticket that's how vulnerable they are they've they've already mentally been been victimized yeah and never mind they need their walkers to get on and all they're doing is drinking and eating sugar from buffets yeah touching all touching the same trays of food yeah under the pope's sneeze guard yeah and then uh you ever been on a cruise ship i have no i didn't know that uh yeah long well first of all there's really cool ones now i have not done that

uh way back in the 70s uh completely inspired by love boat my dad took us uh to a bahamas one out of miami and we did that and i thought it was great because also he'd give us like here's whatever a lot of money at the time like five bucks or something and they didn't supervise the slot machines i lost my mind i was like 10 and i went crazy in the in the in the. Yeah. As soon as they were in international waters and then even in ports because the Bahamas allows gambling. So once we were away from Miami, I just gambled like crazy and lost it all, obviously. All five. Well, it's five a day, I think. Yeah.

I did one once. Comedy Central had a cruise for their party. They used to have annual. Back when companies spent money on annual parties. Well, that was the thing about all the Viacom companies is they never pay the employees, and they were the first one to come up with like permalance, where you work 50 hours a week without benefits.

That started with Viacom. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? I was there. I was getting 75 a day, which was a good rate, and nothing, nothing, nothing, obviously nothing else. And working how many hours? Oh, a lot. But in fairness, it was one of those hot places. I mean, this is the,

this is the nineties at MTV and you wanted to make a mark. So you were, and you didn't have a family, right? You know? So 2am was fine. You were getting stuff done. And then they gave you perks like they would throw parties. They would have retreats. So this was a retreat on a cruise ship. And it was me and Jeff Ross. And we went on. And I'll tell you what.

Doing comedy on a cruise ship is the worst fucking thing in the world. It's just not set up for it. Nothing feels right. It feels just forced. And so we both bombed and then you got to walk around the cruise ship surrounded by the people that were at your show the night before yeah you know you're online waiting to get some uh crab legs yeah and they're kind of averting their gaze totally yeah exactly and then i remember i lost a lot of money gambling after bombing and i was with aaron and we hadn't been together very long oh wow like we've

been together like a month and i was like want to go on a cruise that i you guys should not be together now yeah based on that and so uh i lost a lot and then she went you go back in there and you win that money back because i was really fucking upset misguided couple and i went in and i won that fucking money no you didn't and then i made love to her like she was a like she was a whore we'd picked up on a wharf jeff ross eating in the corner watching you too jeff ross loves cruises he likes to eat 24 hours a day he's a fucking happy guy yeah i don't care what anyone says he's a happy guy no matter how you slice it never seen him in a bad mood i've seen i i was a you know the executive producer with him on on the burn and uh i'm happy to say he's human and he can get like you know cross with yeah with certain creatively like you

want him to right he doesn't just take everything laying down kind of or like with a smile why is he in the news what just happened what happened to megan and uh harry oh yeah they uh just gave up the royal titles today i don't know when you listen to this but today is the day they're giving up their royal titles they uh what they do they went to england for something they uh went back for their last uh i guess sort of job uh under under the uh under the titles and it was to see a concert. So, phew, they're done. That's going to suck to go to a, like a rock concert?

No, in fairness, you know, a lot of the concerts are fundraisers. Oh, everything they do is a fundraiser. Yeah, so they go to, they went to a concert to raise money for police or firemen or something like that in England. But a concert, nonetheless. Why don't they raise enough money to buy guns for the cops? Yeah, right? I know, England,

they're getting some of that terrorism now. So those are the top stories. That's the front page section. Now let's go to entertainment. And now let's go to entertainment. Hooray for Hollywood. Oh, here we go. Let's do it.

A lot of good stories in entertainment, Mike. This is the section, guys, if you're still listening. Dolly Parton, who just turned 74 years old. Looks fucking good. She's awesome. She, she's the most beloved, one of the most beloved people in America.

When I was, uh, working on Carpool Karaoke, uh, I went to, Can you try to list more of your credits throughout the podcast? Did I list others? Uh, oh,

Jeff Ross. So, uh, so now I'm even. So Carpool Karaoke, uh, was, we got nominated for an Emmy or something. So I was on a red carpet and, so carpool karaoke, uh, was, we got nominated or for an Emmy or

somebody. So I was on a red carpet and a guy then asked me, Hey, uh, who else are you going to do? Uh, for carpool carriers. And I literally didn't, I was like, uh, Dolly Parton. And he goes, and this is like this gay reporter lost his mind. He's like, what? And we had no plans to do Dolly Parton. So then Jamesames and especially the

executive producer this guy ben winston hear about it and sort of ben especially freaks out because he kind of didn't know especially the hip quotient to her like that it actually would be a great one to this day still no dolly parton karaoke and this day, I would go out of my way to watch a Dolly Parton carpool karaoke. Are you kidding me? Oh. Well, you know, there's a docuseries on Netflix about her that was like the number one thing on Netflix. Oh, I want to ask about her tats. You know, that's why she always wears long sleeves.

She's covered in tattoos, apparently. But, you know, I mean, yeah, Jolene. I mean, that she wrote Whitney Houston's Big. I want to hear about that because I don't think they got along for a little bit. I Will Always Love You. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't she also write that Prince song? Oh, I don't know about that. Usually it went the other way, but I don't know.

Met a girl named Neki, I guess you could say. Dolly Parton wrote it. I'm just kidding. Holy shit. Anyway, she wants to do the cover of Playboy magazine. I want to see her. I don't know if I want to see that. I want to see the centerfold, and it would be the first centerfold that goes out horizontally

because her tits are so down and out. You mean vertically? Well, no. Isn't vertically? Oh, it's usually vertically. Vertically, it's, yeah, isn't vertically? Oh, it's usually vertically. Vertically, it's, yeah, north, south. This will be east, west. Just her chest.

Yeah. Do you think if you were a 75-year-old guy, you would be more apt to be able to masturbate to Dolly Parton than, say, like, you know, Anything? A Kardashian. Oh, I thought you were going to say more apt than a 30-year-old could masturbate to Dolly Parton. Well, I went to the Bunny Ranch one time and Dennis Hoff invited me out.

Full approval from the wife. She said I could go. Oh, right. She said as long as you bring, I was working with a female comedian and I'm forgetting her name right now. And she said, if you bring her, you can go. So I went and there was a couple of really old prostitutes. And I go, does anybody pick them? He's like, they get more work than any of the other girls because older guys don't want to sleep with somebody their daughter's age.

And a lot of the clients are, you know, in their sixties. It'd be very different if that ranch were in LA where everyone is sleeping with people, their daughter's age. Uh, that's interesting. Yeah. Well, I think it's kind of like if you, I'm talking about you, but anyone, if you saw your, you're still attracted, you're, you know, you have filters on, you know, you, you can't see your spouse of 40 years or whatever it is as how they look now. You're still seeing a lot of that youthful thing that you fell in love with. Yes. But I think also like I'm, I'm more attracted to older. I mean, you know, when Louie talked about in his standup, when he was attracted, like to his wife, things, things about her. Like there's,

I think naturally, I mean, it happens. There are exceptions, but naturally you're more attracted to, uh, older and older as you get older and older. I think, I don't know.

I think, and I do a bit of point. I do a bit about how, like, I still go back to Jill. Can I say Jill? I said, I said her name.

I said her name and her husband wrote to me on my website to say that he heard me talking about how I still masturbate to her image. And I think, and I say to my, I say, I think that might be a felony because at the time, because she was, you know,

16 and I go, but, but no, I don't think it is because I was underage when I started masturbating, so I think I'm grandfathered in. But he reached out to me. He wasn't mad. He was just like, he kind of just said it. He was like, I heard you're talking about Jill.

As he's cleaning his gun. And I'm cleaning my dick. Yeah. He's like, take her. Led Zeppelin is in the news. Let's pull up a dick. Yeah. He's like, take her. Led Zeppelin is in the news. Let's pull up a clip. Yeah. I guess this is an appeal

because I think initially Led Zeppelin might have lost the case and now they... So I forget the name of the band. Was it Triumph or something? Yeah. But they were accused of stealing a lot of songs. And if you go down the rabbit hole as we just did,

it really bums you out how much music they stole. This is Bobby Parker playing a little riff. Tell me if this sounds familiar. Yeah, Moby Dick. Oh, here's Zeppelin playing Moby Dick. Yeah, it's the exact same riff. So there are videos on YouTube where you can listen to like a half a dozen songs that are not only the same melodies, but in some cases, the lyrics are almost exactly the same. What's the one lyric that they flipped?

I work from the original lyric was I work from 11 to 7, you know, for you, babe, or whatever. So you change it from 7 to 11. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, and my And you change it from seven to 11. Yeah. Yeah. But my buddy, Chris Weinstein, has that Spotify playlist. Do we have a website we can put stuff on? Anyway, there's a Spotify,

Chris Weinstein's Spotify playlist is a giant list. It's basically the plagiarism list of Led Zeppelin. I mean, it's no less than 20 songs. I mean, it's really, oof really and a lot of it is what's weird is there's all blues songs like he stole from howland wolf and uh uh what's his name king um starts with an a albert king yeah um but then he also stole from like folk singers yeah big time well stairway to heaven yeah that is one of those and yeah so uh it's a bummer because i love led zeppelin and i remember losing my virginity to led zeppelin too and there's something very fucking visceral about hearing that when you

lost your virginity to it you know oh i every time i listen to led zeppelin too i think about you losing your virginity well yeah because we, every time I listen to Led Zeppelin 2, I think about you losing your virginity. Well, yeah, because we were seniors in college at the time, and I told you about it. So check that out. But anyway, the story is that they restored a jury verdict that found Led Zeppelin did not steal Stairway to Heaven. Now, Stairway to Heaven, I don't...

Just pay. Just pay. Also, youairway to Heaven, I don't- Just pay. Just pay. Also, you're keeping the story alive. Now we're talking about it to tens of people who now know Zeppelin are thieves. Yeah. Like, let it- They settled out of court with Willie Dixon. They settled out of court with so many people.

Yeah. And just do that. If you're living in a castle and you lifted part of a song pay it can't be much maybe it is maybe is that i mean maybe stairway to heaven maybe the guy's asking for a piece of all time so now it is tough to cough up you know millions i don't know what about uh usher and the other guy when they stole the mar Gaye song. Did they ever pay for that? I don't think it was Usher. It was... Oh, not Usher.

Pharrell Williams. Pharrell, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, they lost in court. They did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was blatant. Marvin Gaye's family, yeah.

Not only was the tune the same, it starts with the sound of a party going on in the background. Here's the best proof. Literally, you should just do this in a court. My kids had never heard the original so i played the original like we love this song and they thought it was the new one right right yeah but then you can't tell but then you had like uh um david bowie using that uh that that baseline vanelle ice took the baseline from the, uh, queen. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

And Bowie. Yeah. But then was that not stealing? He changed like one note apparently. Yeah. Uh, but hip hop has its own history. Right.

I mean, everyone loves that Tupac, uh, California. And he did nothing with the, I know it sounded like 80 year old men at this point, but he did nothing with the, um,

what's his name? Uh, it's, it's a song from Joe Cocker and it's literally that. No shit. Oh, my God. Yeah. Look it up. I mean, yeah. Anyway, if you Google at home or YouTube Joe Cocker, Tupac, you'll hear it.

It's great. No, it's Cali. I mean, the whole thing. But he obviously just started talking about California over this unbelievably great hook. He probably figured who in my demographic listens to an old British rocker from the 60s. I mean, in fairness, you know, in the movie Straight Outta Compton, you know, they show him come in and that was already, I think, teed up for him. And I think it was Dr. Dre. up for him. And I think it was Dr. Dre. And by the way, as I sit here, that might have already been very legally done and they paid for it. And that was a sample that was available. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Well, look, I mean, we're stealing John Oliver's show right now. Yeah. Let him come after us. Jane Fonda was in the news because she's about to get arrested for the fifth time. No, she's been arrested five times. But on Friday, she went out. She wears a red protest coat every time she goes. She's branding herself. Is it a MAGA coat? It's a MAGA coat, yeah.

It says, keep Jane great again. She calls it fire drill Fridays. And she was really talking about climate change. And I mean, look, she's 82. What the fuck does she care? Climate's going to be fine for the next six years. That's all she's got left. By the way, the Democrats should just take the slogan, makeica great again and run on that yes like

meaning five years ago like and then and then when trump like you can't steal like we didn't it's like you're stealing you're wearing the hat right now even while you're wearing the hat no we're not yeah how does it feel how does this feel where you can't even have a conversation because there's no like of baseline for truth. You just make up whatever you want to say. I think Sarah Silverman put out an album called Make America Great Again. Or David Cross. Oh, did he?

I think David Cross put out an album called Make America Great Again. They should just start wearing blue hats that say MAGA. Right. Yeah. Well, we're going to get to Curb later where we uh oh yeah yeah we get into that um also harvey weinstein is in rikers which is the largest prison in america i don't know if you knew that it no is it biggest prison in america there's hardly any space i mean it's all cramped right there on the river uh it's an island and you know they actually they expanded the size of

the island oh they make it bigger they made actually, they expanded the size of the island to make it bigger. They made landfill. And they put barges around it also. Now, is he in a barge? Part of it's a barge, but he's in a, he has a TV, I think. He has a TV. Does he have a plant that he can jerk off on? I don't know.

That's all he cares about. Yeah, the power plant's right nearby. The TV's nice, but you guys got anything? Like a ficus? Yeah. And I'll water it. And a syringe for my apparatus? So he fell down.

He says he fell down and has a concussion so that he can go to the medical wing and stop getting fucked in the ass. Oh, my God. Who knows? Do you think that that's like they don't have them and that's what i mean i think he has his own little private thing yeah no i've heard that but that's only because he hasn't been sentenced yet he's just in holding waiting to be sentenced

yeah and then he'll go into general population do you think when a guy like harvey weinstein goes into general pop it's like you get points for getting a guy like that for fucking a guy like that? Or is there a weird like? I don't know. Everything I said is going to be highly inappropriate. I know. I wonder. I wonder the take on him.

It wasn't children. In other words, you know what I mean? Um. You know, it's it's I don't know. I don't know his worst. I don't know his worst offense. He raped somebody. Well, I do know those. Some of the rapes were the people he was dating for a while, which are, which are, which are rape, no doubt. And really, really, really bad. But like there's a violent rapist in there. It's a, there's a different type of crime in some ways. God, I don't know. Just stop me talking now no i just wonder

if you're a celebrity no matter what you did if you're a celebrity and you get in there do you get points for like hey i i tapped that ass oh interesting you know well i thought you were talking about maybe killing him no oh oh just fucking him yeah which could maybe that's how he fell and then he wants a concussion wait wait please make please do it again and make me fall on my head hard i cannot remember this well that's it he's fallen on his sword he's doing anything to get in that fucking medical wing yeah um you saw the story about the baby no i love that There's a rapper called DaBaby, D-A, Baby. And he apparently slapped a woman in Tampa, apparently.

And it's on, which sounds about right. Sounds like an old Johnny Cash song. Yeah, just to watch her cry. And he was headed to the stage, I guess. And there's a lot of video of it. And I guess they got in a tussle or whatever. And he slapped her kind of hard. But so there's charges against DaBaby.

But just to see the headline like DaBaby slaps woman. It's so fucking funny to me. The irony was she cried like a baby. You can't blame DaBaby. DaBaby don't know any better. No one put DaBaby in jail. DaBaby. DaBaby don't know any better. No one put DaBaby in jail. DaBaby. Well, and babies are in jail.

You know, their cribs literally have bars on them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He's going. That's what they should make his jail cell. It should look like a giant crib. It can't be in general population. He's just DaBaby.

He can't be in general population. He's just DaBaby. Who gave DaBaby a tattoo on his face? I'm going to get DaBaby. Oh, my God. Pete Buttigieg. That guy. DaButtigieg, not DaBaby. Let me tell you something about Buttigieg. That guy. Da Buttigieg, not Da Baby.

Let me tell you something about Buttigieg. It's tough when you're gay and the first four letters of your last name are butt. There it is. That's the kind of high-level quality comedy you can expect on the Sunday papers. But he is going to be hosting Kimmel's show. Oh, wow. Kimmel Live. Oh, all right. And he says he'd like

to host Saturday Night Live. Okay. I mean, as a comedian, I just love how many people are slumming in the fucking comedy world.

Do you know how many comedians are headlining clubs who are only doing it because they got Me Too'd and their acting careers got derailed? Oh, yeah, yeah. Piven?

Well, I don't want to name names. Oh, all right. Not him. But it's uh but it's the baby it's the baby is out there how old do you think he was when he started do you think that that was his original name and he just stuck with it i don't know yeah maybe maybe it's a long one let's say yeah maybe he hates it stop calling me the baby don't be a baby It's on your elbow. I know. Well,

I have to fucking, that's how they know me. You know, most, most rappers sag their pants. He sags his diaper. All right, let's go to Sesame street where they are doing PSAs to tell kids to be counted in the new census.

They realized that, uh, children under five were being underrepresented. So they're using count van count to count. Yeah. One child in a cage. Yeah, they don't count them when they're in the cage. Oh, I think they're counted, right? Yeah. They're already inventoried.

Well, there's Rosita, I think is the Latino, and she's bilingual. So she's trying to get the Latino kids to get counted. Ah. Yeah. I don't know her. That's a Sesame Street character? Yeah, Sesame Street's very woke now. It was always woke. Yeah, I guess it always was. as well as well because the electric company do you remember that show yeah i remember it way more uh this it was not a

night it was not as nice a block as sesame street it was a few blocks down a little more a little more inner city i would say yeah yeah Yeah. Like, definitely cooler. Yeah. I remember even as a really young kid, I'm like, whoa, this is cooler. Well, wasn't Oscar the Grouch really just a homeless guy? Basically, I think, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're right, yeah.

Everybody was nice to him. He lived in a garbage can. Yeah. You ever been friends with a homeless person? Did you ever have like a relationship where you said hi or gave money to the same guy on a regular basis? On Sullivan Street. And then there was also a kid. I wouldn't call him homeless.

But he, on the Upper East Side, there was a kid who was definitely on the spectrum. I mean, I think probably very autistic is my guess. probably very autistic is my guess, but he would wear headphones, which back then it was like one of those big clunky headphones that were, that was a radio and had radio dials on it. And, uh, one of his big things that he rocked back and forth a lot, but I would,

I would sometimes give him money on my way down to the subway in the morning. But what he liked to talk about a lot were those four swings in october reggie jackson four swings in october because 1977 i think it was four at bats in a row he had a home run yeah in the playoffs and uh it was it was years earlier but this kid couldn't stop talking about it every single day and so i'm like four swings, four swings. And then I'd give him money. Maybe I was talking about it. Now I'm looking back on it. He might have just been repeating what I was saying.

I guess I didn't help him. And he's talking to his friends rocking. Yeah, there's this guy, great guy, gives me money. But God, he's fucking obsessed with. Oh, here he comes. Here comes four swings guy again. All right, here, hold on. I have to fucking scream it back at him.

It's 1981, I think. Yeah. It's time to move on. Yeah, exactly. By the way, that's a guess on 77. I'll look it up. I think it was 77. Is that what you guessed?

That's what I guessed. I think it's a very good guess. Let's see if we can name the entire Yankees roster from 1977. Catfish Hunter, still alive? I don't think so. Was he? Maybe. But there was Ron White, Mickey Rivers, and I can't name anyone now.

Reggie Jackson. Yeah, of course. Are you looking it up? No. Ron Guidry. Catfish Hunter, did you say that? Didn't say that. Catfish Hunter. Did you say that? Didn't say that.

Dave Kingman. You said Thurman Monson. Yeah. Oh, Craig Nettles at third. Right. Big time. Lou Piniella. Yeah.

Holy shit. This is impressing me. Oh, yeah, of course. And that was one of the first. They're not booing. They're saying Lou. That was one of the first ones before Bruce. Caitlin.

It's Caitlin. All right. Yeah, I could find more if I Bruce. Caitlin. It's Caitlin. All right. Yeah, I could find more if I really... Oh, Bucky Dent. Bucky Dent, the shortstop. With the Red Sox killer. Let's get to some reviews. We've got TV reviews first. If you haven't seen The Outsider yet,

I have watched the first seven of nine. Oh, did we look her up yet? she have any got the woman oh god in the outsider the first i was into the outsider for like two episodes and then i started to really fade on the third and then they introduced this character, a black woman who's African-American. Cynthia Erivo? She fucking breathes life into this series. I mean, she is a one-woman show. She's playing someone who's a little spectrumy. And most actors don't know.

Take Tom Cruise, for instance, in Rain Man. They don't know how to underplay it. They just, the autism takes over the whole fucking character, and it's unwatchable. I walked out of Rain Man. But she plays it really fucking well, and we're wondering, has she got an EGOT? Okay.

An EGOT, if you don't know, is an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. Holy shit, she's torn about it. And there's only about 10 people that have it. She's got a Grammy. She's got a Tony. She's got two Oscar nominations, but she did not win. Does she have an Emmy?

It doesn't. She could get nominated for this, for the Emmy. Why wouldn't it list Emmy Award here? She's got to go. Well, now she could. Yeah, now she could. Right. I guess she does, yeah.

No, she's got a GT. Oh. Grammy and a Tony. I guess so. I don't know. For some reason, I thought she also had an Emmy. Look up how many people have EGOTs. I'm curious.

Oh, well, I know it well. I know it well. Guess how many? Well, this is the problem. Some of them are not quite pure in my daytime. I mean, some of them. Oh, yeah. Right. That. But no, no. But there's also people can get two awards for the same performance, which is bullshit. bullshit so if you're in oklahoma and you win the tony then when they put the cast album out you get your grammy i don't i don't think those should be counted yeah and that's how what's his name just got one uh john legend i have the don't look it up i'll tell you how many guess how many there are

well there aren't that many pure ones uh also this doesn't count like streisand fucker she's got a honorary oscar that shouldn't count right so go ahead i don't know how many pure ones there are here's the pure ones 15 i in there there's not pure ones go ahead what are some of them uh i'll list the ones you've heard of rita moreno i think hers is legit yeah no because underneath it says winners including non-competitive awards, where Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli. Yeah, but you're not counting my thing, which is same performance gets two awards. Audrey Hepburn.

She turned down a Tony Award. Did you know that? No. Yep. Why? I forget. She's badass, though. Because she's a lesbian.

She just liked turning down a guy named Tony. Oh, all right that's all right that works uh mel brooks got an egot uh mike nichols whoopi goldberg but sometimes they also read their they read their memoir and that gets them a grammy yeah that's not who i'm i'm picturing like the that fucking four you know four whatever you call it uh weapon like you know yeah threat quadruple threat what did whoopi goldberg win a grammy for she must have been reading it must have been an audiobook that's what i think yeah that's what i think uh also her oscars for ghost doesn't count john legend hasn't he got that's what i mean but he got two for Broadway. Yeah.

He got a Grammy. He would have won a Grammy anyway, though, right? Oh, also, yeah, sometimes they get an Emmy from a Broadway thing. Whatever. We're spending too much time on this. All right. But, yeah. Let's go to some other reviews.

Oh, so check out The Outsider. It's very good. I saw the movie. Oh, we're on tv malcolm x is a documentary oh yeah how is that well this is the problem with documentaries it's i like it i'm on board but and it's fascinating he's fascinating but um do you know his wife i i don't know how long after he was killed was it was it one of the kardashians sorry his wife wasn't quite and god i hope it wasn't the day of but she was dressed in a anyway i was trying to figure that

out i was also dozing a little i was watching it too late last night but i have to go back and watch it but she was interviewed and she's like it's they were asking who killed him and all this stuff is like well you know they're're trying to pin on him like that. He might've brought this on himself and that he might've like, Oh, it was something like that. And she goes, cause his house was massively fire bombed. Like they bombed his house. They're like, they said he like bombed his own house. Well, maybe now they're going to say he killed him.

He shot himself with five guns or four guns. I think four bullets, different types of bullets were in them. Um, but you want to know the, an interesting thing she said when, uh, when she was talking about when he was bombed as the reason,

cause his house was like fucking, you saw like shit out on the street and all the windows were blown out and it was fire. She goes like he would bomb his own house. Like we, we didn't have insurance like for the furniture she she started to detail things like chairs and you just realize like oh it's different than today where if you're the slightest bit famous that just means you have tons of money also yeah and he had nothing but speaking engagements selling out places clearly

they you know they weren't charging or it was so minimal because it was for the public service and he had a movement and he was moving. But it really was like, it stood out to me that one of her rationale for proof that he didn't bomb his own apartment was they lost furniture. But you also have to think that he would get pretty steep discounts at any store on Malcolm X Boulevard, don't you think? Probably. Yeah. And there's one in every city.

That's a good point. I remember Chris Rock had a joke. He's like, you always know if you're on Martin Luther King Boulevard, you're in a bad neighborhood. Yeah, he's like, I don't care what city you're in. And if you're on Malcolm X Boulevard, you better try to find Martin Luther King Boulevard. Get the fuck out of there. So Malcolm X documentary, but this is one of the problems with documentaries is when I see it's like six parts or four parts, I know I'm in for a slower burn than I want. I think a lot of documentaries can be a

documentary yes absolutely and or two parts what was the one the last one on hbo that errol morris did so stretched out could have been one fucking episode would have been a great episode yep what was it called it was about mind control and how they used uh lsd on an fbi guy to try to get him to do stuff i'm forgetting the name of it yep um i saw mcmillions did you see that that's another one that's going a little slow for me real slow they love that one they love the guy they think he's charming he is charming he's not that fucking charming no but you're also judging him and it's fun to judge him like we're doing so they know that so they just leaned into a yeah yep tell your jokes tell yep go ahead make i'm just shocked that if you don't know the story um the monopoly game that mcdonald's did um was rigged

i just assume all of those are rigged i I mean, like, you really are going to win a fucking million dollars from a milkshake? Yeah. Or the lottery? Or the fact that people that are making $4 an hour are not going to grab those fucking playing pieces? I don't feel ripped off. All right, so the lottery.

It's like, obviously, it has to be of a board. I get all that. But psychologically, feeling gypped, which is now a word you're not allowed to use. Why? the lottery it's like obviously it has to be of a board i get all that but psychologically feeling gypped which is now a word you're not allowed to use but why because the gypsies yeah you got you gotta look do they have a voice well by the way do they have a voice they have the number one heavyweight boxer in the world now he's a real gypsy he's an irish gypsy oh i didn't know like sean like uh what's his name not sean penn like brad pitt played yeah in lock stock and two smoking barrels or no no uh what was the

the other movie he did the same the british guy yeah i'll get in a minute so yeah he it's and they've been officially designated an indigenous like that. No, it's awesome. It's an official recognition of them as a population in Ireland. That's great. And his dad was one, even though technically this guy was born in England. I just read an article on him. Technically he was born in England. Yeah, he's a gypsy. And yeah, you can't say the word gypsy.

Oh, by the way, I've learned a lot because I was writing that. I'm writing the sitcom on an HR department. You can't say basket case anymore. Why? Do you know what basket case means? I guess. Basket. Would they used to confine people in baskets? You could say that. A basket case was like you're on, I think its origin was you're on the war field and you're a medic and you're like, go over there. We got two basket cases, which means to go get them, you better bring a basket. Cause they're dead. No, they're in pieces. No. And they're still alive. Otherwise they wouldn't tell you to go get them. Yeah. And

so you're, that's a basket. How many basket cases did you have? And now it then was co-opted. I believe this was the order, not the other way around. Co-opted into if you are a quadriplegic, your shorthand was your basket case. Do you feel good now about calling your aunt a basket case? Just because she has cats? Oh my God. Yeah. Wow. The language, fucking language is fascinating and it's brutal some of it yeah yeah

so gypsies i didn't mind because of fucking gypsies i'll try to take my wallet in italy the fucking little kids it literally was like i was a moose surrounded by wolves i would just lash out at two kids they'd back up meanwhile two were coming out at me from behind it was crazy anthony cl Clark used to have this joke. He goes, the gypsies in Europe will come at you and they're so desperate, they'll hand you a baby so your hands are occupied and they take your wallet.

So here's a little tip. If you're traveling in Europe and somebody hands you a baby, swat it to the ground. That's perfect. But there's a great book called tinkers about um about gypsies ah it's real i think it won the snatch was the was the brad pitt movie oh right i think tinkers won the pulitzer prize as a matter of fact yeah oh by the way a little call back to uh the coronavirus uh in entertainment contagion the 2011 i think it's a Soderbergh movie, is number eight on the

iTunes charts ahead of Parasite on the movie streaming and rentals. Speaking of movie streaming and rentals, there's a few winners on there that you may have missed last year that I highly recommend. You and I both loved a movie called Queen and Slim. Yes, I did like it. It was kind of a Bonnie and Clyde movie about this couple that's on the run after he kills a cop because he's about to be killed by a cop.

But you know how it is with the African-Americans and the cops. They just can't seem to get along. And look, both sides have good people. Oh, boy. I saw a movie called The Way Back. Ben Affleck is an alcoholic trying to come back. And I wanted to like it.

And I was really liking it a third of the way in. It is a well-done movie. All right, so very briefly, basketball coach. So then they show it, like, get out there. You got to get out. He's like, ready? And this is going to be their big comeback. It's like, one, two, three, go.

And it's like, oh, please don't make me watch these kids. And all of a sudden, it would go, one, two, three, go. And it would just freeze, and then the color would kind of become muted. And then they just put the score up that they lost that game. Oh, good. It was really effective and I appreciated it. The story, I'm thinking about story a lot lately because I'm going to try to write a movie. So, of course, instead of writing, I'm reading a lot of books on how to write a movie.

Yeah. And what they say is instead of shitting on a movie, ask yourself how you would fix it. It's a tough question. You can't just say I'd make them more likable. It's like how? And this lost its way a little. And also he didn't drink. Whatever. I don't want to give this review of the movie. I didn't want. Right. That's true. Anyway, it's not as good as Rotten Tomatoes says I guess that's I saved you money viewers I saved you money there was a time when I really liked Ben Affleck it didn't last long and now I find him unwatchable I don't want to be the fucking mid-level comedian that shits on high-level actors who am I?

and if I saw Ben Affleck I'd be so far up his ass he'd have to get a goddamn pair of tweezers and get me out of there but just go back to shitting on Audrey Hepburn or Whoopi I don't think I shit on her I just watched The Color Purple with my

daughter I've never seen it if you ever need to cry I hate the Lakers it is Steven Spielberg so it's a little corny it's a lot corny but if you want to cry it's good yeah what did i hear is a really tearjerker i forget oh as long as we're in entertainment i will say this uh of course this is old guy news we should have a section called old guy news yeah i re-watched the other day i only put on for a little because um david burn

hosted sarn he was a musical guest on sarn i and it was really great. And I'm like, you know what? I want to go back, see that exact song you just did. I want to see it in 19, you know, I want to see stop making sense. All right. Watch stop making sense. Just do it. Whoever's listening to this, just do it. Even if you think you've seen it, Jonathan Demme directed it. It was shot in, I didn't know this at the Pantages theater. I'd always heard it was shot at Dartmouth, but I think they had a warmup show there or something for it. It is the best concert movie.

I put it above the last waltz. It's, it's that good. He comes out, he starts, it starts with a boom box and his guitar. He does one instrument at a time. The second song has two people.

Third song has three people. And by the way, I then by the middle of the concert, it's so well shot, by the way. And here's the headline buried deep in my tail. He doesn't cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. He'll stay on backup singers for like 30 seconds. And you're not even seeing David Byrne sing. And it's so effective. It's so effective. It's such, it's literally art. It's a piece of art, that movie. And the music, the talking heads are just the most underrated band in history. I didn't even know Pauline Kael, the greatest maybe film reviewer of all time, literally goes, it's near perfection. I didn't even know she reviewed it. It's so great. And by the way, halfway through, last thing I'll say about it.

I was like like when did graceland come out and i looked it up graceland came out like 15 months later or like two years later paul simon's album paul simon's album uh with lady smith black mumbasa from africa very percussion obviously driven i am telling you he was so inspired by Stop Making Sense and by David Byrne and the Talking Heads. There is so much percussion and international flavor in that concert. Well, there you have it. Mike Gibbons strongly recommending you put everything down right now.

And I say we put it down and get to the business section. Should we do sports? Now let's do sports first. Let me change pages. We will, we will rock you. Sports, obviously, we have not spoken that much considering it's all anybody talks about,

about this SARS virus that's going around. But it's really affecting sports. Empty stadiums. Corona. They're playing soccer matches in europe with no crowds right which is insane so the fatalities have like skyrocketed to zero no they're fighting outside the stadium they're still showing up uh or plummeted to zero oh there's they're still, they're killing each other at home? Yeah. All right, good.

Poor hooligans, what are they doing? By the way, are you allowed to say hooligans anymore? I'm not even going to shave my head today. Yeah. To protest. I went to, actually, I went to a soccer game in Barcelona. We saw Barcelona and we saw Messi play. Whoa.

And that's my son's team. And he's obviously a big soccer guy and love Messi. And we get to see Messi score a goal. But let me tell you something. Soccer crowds in Spain, they sit down. Nobody stands up during the game. They don't get up until halftime. And then they get up orderly and go to the restroom.

They take out their sandwiches they unwrap them in spain they clap they don't stay yeah yeah you know i heard the story it was a great story where um italy was i think they were away they were definitely away and i think it was spain where they first heard the white stripes riff, which became huge in soccer. Italy took it home. And then that was a really great article and I think an NPR story written about. It became the number one ringtone in Rome. Oh, yeah?

And most people had no idea where it came from. They just knew that that was the giant chance. You know what the new ringtone is in Italy? Uh-oh. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. I like it. All right.

Also. Is that just American? Taps? I think so. So, like, if you did that in another country, like, you're sort of, you're burning them, you know, in a in another country, you're burning them in a way? You're about to lose. Would they be like, what is he doing?

Yeah. What does that mean? I think so. Dun-dun! Would they know that one? Is that American? That one they'd know. From horror movies?

Yeah, they'd know that. Why? Because of our movies? Or did we steal all these? No. That one they'd know. From horror movies? Yeah, they'd know that. Why, because of our movies? Or did we steal all these? No, well, I would say some of the music you hear in spaghetti westerns was done by, what's that guy's name? Well, there's a bunch of them, but the biggest one was- Starts with an M? Yeah, I forget his name.

Anyway, a lot of those songs that you would associate with mood that you would recognize, I'm sure are very international. Soccer, Empty, March empty march madness they're saying now uh made do with no crowds they're coming up with contingency plans our friend uh pete scott works uh in conjunction with it and he's at turner sports and everything so he's like yeah, everyone's in a panic. The Olympics, obviously, like you couldn't think of a more efficient way to get everyone sick like than the Olympics. Everyone fly from every country, all come here, shack up in really close quarters. So much so that the Olympic Village, we have to give out condoms for free because you guys

are, but first deplete all your energy by competing. Then fucking co-mingle like crazy. Now everyone fly home. Yeah. Are you kidding me? In coach. Yeah. Are you kidding me?

Right. Yeah. I did Lights Out with David Spade last week and the topic was whether they were going to cancel the Japanese Olympics. And I called you as I always do. I call you and I ask you to give me some jokes for it. Yeah.

And you gave me a great one, which was, you know, you got to be careful going to the Olympics. You never know what you're going to come home with. Look at Caitlyn Jenner. You'll never know what you catch. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so I did that and it got some groans.

Good. Good. That's exactly what we're going for. I went for all grown jokes. It wouldn't get a joke. It wouldn't get a groan from Caitlin. I've now worked with her twice. Yeah.

The roast was one and I just worked with her and she loves that. She told a joke. You want to hear it? Yeah. She goes, I heard, I heard a good joke lately. And she's with comedians. She's with Nikki Glaser and Bert Kreischer. And she goes, I heard a joke.

So all of us roll our eyes. I mean, like also this is awesome because it's going to be a good joke lately. And she's with comedians. She's with Nikki Glaser and Bert Kreischer. And she goes, I heard a joke. So all of us roll our eyes. I mean, like, also, this is awesome because it's going to be a horrible joke. Probably. Turns out it was good. She said she was playing. She plays a lot of golf and she was playing with one of the top ranked women or whatever. And the woman was really down on herself. So what's my mistake?

Oh, it's my game. It's like she's like, I don't know what she goes. She goes, the golf hold to me right now is like a Kardashian girl. He's like, what's the matter? She's like, oh, it's my game. It sucks. She's like, I don't know what she goes. She goes, the whole, the golf holding me right now is like a Kardashian girl. And he's like, what do you mean? He's like,

nothing white will go in. Really? Caitlin said that? Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's what I mean. There's a real,

you know, I heard she told this joke. There were two flies sitting on a piece of shit and one of them farts. And the other one goes, i'm eating uh by the way she didn't say that i even know that joke i like it i even cleaned up the joke a little bit it was like the golf holes like a kardashian pussy that was literally what she said that's nothing white i can't get and she did that on tape for the airing of the show it's gonna air on netflix god bless her yep um all right let's get to uh let's get to business yes now the bear the bear market they're saying is starting the uh stock market uh again i don't

know when you're listening to this but today it went down 2,000 points, which is the biggest drop in one day ever of the S&P. So our friend, Mike Gibbons- Right here. Who is famous over the years for shorting the market with his stocks, which means you're betting against the market. You're betting it'll go down. Which usually means I win for a few days and then I love it. I get lust and I get greedy and I stay too long and the fucking dumb stock market takes a undeserved bounce up

and I get wiped out. Every time. Every time. Wiped out every time. And for the first time in the 30 years I've known him, you didn't have stocks for the first 25 years I knew you. So You didn't have stocks for the first 25 years. So far,

I mean, but you you you bet against the market two weeks ago and you are making a small fortune. I can give it away as a public ticker and I have no I have no. Well, I own it. I guess that's the disclosure. But I don't think that affects this ticker symbol. People buying it. I don't think affects it, believe it or not. All right. Give it to them. It's called TZA, Tom Zebra. No, yeah, Anthony. Do you memorize the alpha thing? No. Yeah, it seems like something we should do.

Alpha, beta. Charlie? Chai? I think it's Chai. Charlie, I think. I don't's Chai. Charlie, I think. I don't know. Anyway. Wait, are you talking about the Greek or the military?

No, military. Military. Oh. Anyway. Oh, no, no. I'm not talking about the alphabet. So anyway, it's TZA and the opposite one is TNA. What you do is you buy one of those and it goes three times.

It's juiced three times the direction the market goes. So if you buy TNA, that means you're going positive. So if the market goes up, uh, you know, 2%, you go up 6% that day or more. So today I own TZA. I went up 30% today. All your money tripled. No, I went up 30%. Not all my money, but no, it went up 30%. Wow. And it's not all my money, but I did take a big swing at it. Just because I'm making up for all the years, I always, always, always lose. And I don't trade. This was the first thing I bought in years, or two years probably.

How much of this money would you say you'll give to charity? Well, will charity pay me if I lose? Well, if you were Wall Street, the government would pay you if you lost. They don't. Because they're already looking for money. Wall Street is already looking to the Fed. Well, they got the. They're the biggest crybabies ever.

So everyone's complaining and bitching and moaning. The S&P 500 is still up for the last 52 weeks, you stupid idiots. And they all hate Bernie Sanders and his socialist leanings. As soon as this happens, all they're doing is screaming for government intervention. Lower the rate. You got to help us. You got to give us these incentives, these packages.

Bail us out. Bail us out. The World Bank is starting to come into Asia to bail them out. It's all. There's such. The S&P 500 was up 28 percent last year. So now you have to give a little back and you're bitching and moaning. It's crazy. You're not going to get your billion dollar bonuses.

But it is gambling, man. When you buy one of these fucking three times, it's called a weighted ETF. You like, for instance, at the end of today, a good move might've been buying TNA, which goes up three. Because you think it'll bounce tomorrow. If it goes up a thousand tomorrow, you'll make 20% or whatever it is. Yeah. You heard it here. Mike Gibbons tells you, watch the documentary, Stop Making Sense, and buy yourself some TNA for tomorrow. Too late. Also, outsiders, we lose.

Like for instance, TZA is an example, just to calm everybody down. TZA closed at, I would say, let's say 50 on Friday. It opened today at 61. So where's an investor like you and me getting in there? You're not. You just. You can't get in. You're going to get in at 62, 3, 4, probably way above that because it's sort of racing. They've already factored in that it's going to go down.

Because I don't know who these people are, but you can trade futures. Who are these people? Maybe other markets like Asia and Europe can buy it while the market's closed here. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. It's all rigged. It is all rigged. Take your money and have some fun with it. Yeah, gambling.

Finally in business, Bill Gates. Of course, this comes from the private sector. He is funding at-home testing kits for the coronavirus because they're not available from the government. So the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation have put some money into this project. It's called a thermometer. Do you have a fever?

Fucking lay low. Right. And also, by the way- You can't do anything if you have. It's the flu. Yeah. And if you're worried about, I can't get wipes

i can't buy disinfectant wipes get a fucking napkin and some rubbing alcohol boom you got it wash your hands wash your hands honestly wear some gloves so you know the other thing is like oh my god i gotta get tested for coronavis oh i have it. What do you do now? Oh, we send you that building over there where 60,000 Americans die of the flu every year. Honestly, 45 million people got the flu two years ago, 61,000 died and 860,000. I think, I think I have this right. Almost a million people were hospitalized with the flu two years ago. Last year was a little bit of a down year. I think this year is up, though. But in other words, you're going to a germ factory if you have it. I guess they quarantine you.

I don't know. But self-quarantine, right? Isn't that the move? Self-quarantine. And I'm about to go to Cuba in three weeks with my family and my mom, who's 78. And I'm starting to wonder if Cuba's going to let us in. They may say you're from California. We're not letting you in the country. For a number

of reasons. Right. And then we're supposed to go to Ireland and again we fucking rented this place a year ago in Ireland and I don't think we're getting the money back. We got all our plane tickets bought. We're not getting it. Are they giving money back on plane tickets? I don't know but the flights might be canceled right so cross your fingers for that

um let's that's the economic impact you just described it the planes well the hotels the just travel and then all the business, even the superfluous stuff, like even dumb agencies here in California, but big ones are like new policy for a while. No more face-to-face meetings. You have to do it over Skype. Right. Or, you know, whatever. And comedy clubs, don't forget, come out to the comedy clubs. You will not get infected.

Just relax, especially if you're young. I don't want to be the guy that poo-poos this coronavirus, but the truth is if you're under 50 and you're in decent shape, you're fine, especially you're going to be fine at Copper Blues in Phoenix on the 19th to the 21st. And also I'll be at Stand Up Live in Phoenix on the 22nd of March. Boston, Massachusetts. Laugh Boston, Live in Phoenix on the 22nd of March. Boston, Massachusetts. Laugh Boston, April 2nd through the 4th. And then I will be at Boise at Liquid Laughs on the 16th through the 18th of April.

And then April 23rd through 25th, Sacramento Punchline. Come on out. Check out those dates. Let's finish it out with the uh sunday comics all right you love it mike you love it well this one this first one gave me a sneak peek of one of them this first one is uh hager the horrible oh i didn't see that i mean and i don't know how many people remember the old comic strips. They mean a lot to me because I read,

they were my first exposure to comedy as a child, reading the comic strips. And I love them. And Hager the Horrible is one about an old Viking. He's a rapist and he murders people. And they have a cute comic about him. So in this one, his his wife who's wearing a helmet with the horns coming out of it is sitting and having coffee with another woman and uh the other

woman says my husband gives me an allowance and his wife who i believe is named helga says that's nice and the woman goes i know it's like i'm being paid to plan my own escape because she's being abused domestically. Yeah. I mean. But that's fine. Aren't they cavemen? They're Vikings. Oh, Vikings.

Sorry. The Vikings. There's also a caveman one, right? But yeah. All right. Vikings. That's fine. That's fair.

Isn't their M. there mo rape and pillage isn't that literally what it says like that's what they pat on the on the top of the door as they go out of the ship like rape and pillage yeah and that's why if you get your ancestor dna done everybody's got a little bit of asian or a little bit of uhic. Ah. Because it was either Genghis Khan, pronounced, by the way, Genghis Khan, even though people will fucking argue with me about that. Oh, it's like a GIF.

Geng... It's a GIF. And... But you'll get a little Asian from Genghis Khan. They raped and pillaged around the fucking... You ever see a map of where the Mongols... Oh, yeah. yeah well my dad has black hair from ireland that's spain right isn't it the armadas that went up there and

fucked ireland yeah yeah the black irish they call them i wish i got tanner skin because of it i i missed out on that my dad has tanner skin yeah you look for that silver lining. Yep. This one is the family circus. How was the rape, great grandma? Will I be Tanner? Tell me what it looked like. Tell me what it looked like. This is... Can he grow a beard? I can't.

Why do I suck at soccer? This is family circus, which is all, I love because it's just one frame. It's just one frame. And the mom, who's kind of a MILF. Oh, boy. You know, look at this picture of her. Yeah.

She's got that short Liza Minnelli haircut. Good breast. Yeah, and it looks like David Byrne. But it also looks like she photoshopped her waist smaller like they do now on uh selfies but so the boy and i think his name is donnie he's the main character in the circus everybody hates donnie he's like the mickey mouse of cartoons and he says to the mother mommy did you used to be sexy she's bending down listening to him and he's holding a bowl she's holding a bowl so on a mixing

spoon in it honestly what the fuck yeah how can you let that go out the door like he's just robbing by the way that frame you might as well write 50 fucking things that the kid says yeah it has nothing to do with the bowl there's no story yeah it doesn't leave you wanting to know more right it's just oh that kid said something that he didn't realize was kind of inappropriate mommy was daddy uh your second choice like just shit him out just fucking shit him out right 50 and in a half hour and then a giant makes me know how fucking rich this guy is his name is jeff keen and his name is giant in the corner. He wants you to know. And then on the left side, it says Bill Keen Incorporated.

Yeah, that means that's his son or grandson still living off the grandfather's bullshit. Distributed by King Features Syndication. Well, that's the... That's the son. That's part of King World, I think. No, I think the guy oh i see right but it's why are they maybe listen i don't want you know maybe it's really sad maybe there are people who are like uh and that means something to them every day what could explain

that piece of shit yeah being in a national where was that in the net it's syndicated right and that's once a week you've got fucking seven days to come up with one frame and that's your frame yeah oh my god we got to do our own comic strip every week mommy i thought this was just for haircuts there that's 10 times fucking better he's holding a bowl at least address your illustration i'm so fucking furious mommy can i lick the ball daddy says he likes licking the ball and he says you like when he licks the ball all right maybe it's harder than it seems all right finally speaking of sexy let's get to it you guys know this is how we always end sunday papers and it's blondie oh that little vixen

that little latex vixen. What was that? Did you see the Brit Hume story? Oh, yes. That was great. Brit Hume, if you missed this story, go back and find it. He's a newscaster on Fox News. He is officially the crustiest old white guy. Yeah.

He's like, that's how he talks. And he showed a screenshot of a story that he was doing. And he didn't realize that you could see the open tabs on his internet browser and one of them said and i i should have written it down but it's like vinyl vinyl vixens sexy vinyl vixens and uh it spread everywhere and that's it whatever reputation you've built out in the 50 years you've been in the business is gone i don't know at this point won't he get credit for it because he's so ancient and old and i just know he's gonna have a lot of nicknames i know there's gonna be a lot of also is he married now he has to buy two of them yeah Yeah. Right. Fast. Yeah. So like,

uh, how am I going to get this on in the wheelchair? Dagwood walks in the door, this fucking guy, and he's wearing a bow tie. So he looks like a dick. His hair is slicked back. He's got that one cowlick that goes backwards.

And, uh, he gets, of course, this big smooch from Blondie and she's up on her tiptoes while she kisses him, accentuating her calves. You've seen her calves. They're like bowling pins. They're pretty great, yeah.

And the blue dog is always staring right at them because he knows they're going to fuck. He knows they're fucking coming. That's what dogs can sense. They sense fear and future fucking. and she says fear and future fucking so dagwood says did you and tootsie put a lot of fucking effort into that name back in the 50s when this thing started did you and tootsie have fun shopping for new shoes at the mall and she says actually it was a little disappointing and then she in the second frame she takes a step back allowing you to see breasts that have a shelf. You could put a fucking fishbowl on the top of her tits, and it would sit flat.

And she's wearing a tight sweater that cinches in at the waist. And she says, we walked into the shoe store and found exactly what we were looking for. Dagwood, confused. Why was that disappointing? Third frame. Now she's walking and she says where's the challenge in that and that's what I love

about these 50s comics I almost asked wait say it again because I kind of couldn't follow it never mind I withdraw the question I don't care I just love how they depict women in these little comic strips yeah how was your day shopping? Well, it's better than fucking Haggard's wife who gets beaten and dragged into the bow of a ship or whatever the fuck happens over there.

Rubbing salve on her from the venereal diseases her husband brings back from the Orient. Oh, man. All right. We've done it. Mike Gibbons. We've done our first Sunday paper. We've done Sunday papers before, but this is the first one in what will be a series.

That's right. If you didn't know this, Mike and I are going to start doing Sunday papers on a regular basis. We're going to do a couple. We're going to put out there for you guys to enjoy for free. And then we're going to invite you to support us through Patreon.

And so the Fitz Dog Radio podcast will go out every week as it's always been, but then the Sunday Papers will go out probably do what, every other week? Maybe. We'll try to do it. We'll see. If there's a demand. If there's a demand. Then we'll do it even more.

I need the money to short the market. So get involved and we'll let you know how to get on Patreon after these first couple. And we look forward to taking this journey with you. Thank you for listening, however many people you are. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you to our fine producer.

I assume she's going to be producing this. She produces Fitz Dog Radio, Andrea Giletti. And we'll catch you guys next time. Back in the news. Is that our tag? Is that the tag? I don't know. We don't even know if it's a title.

We need a tag. Back. What is back? Are we still recording? What is back in the news? We need an ending. I don't know. All right.

Happy Monday. But it's not. I don't know. Yeah. Sunday paper's out. Sunday paper. It'say closed kindling pile there it is yeah just do that there you go