Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 101 2/13/22

Episode Date: February 13, 2022

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY PAPERS! Our Rams tear up as Ellen steps in and crushes a dream. Our jackass review, a gambling nun and a man runs over another man for putting mayo on his sandwich.

Take a deke, another week, here's Colin Gawne and Dennis Govan, did some underprivileged people wrong, read all about it, Vincent and Sharon, and Gibbons, Hobbs and Ritalin, now the podcast can begin, Sunday Papers Podcast. Recording the Zoom, recording the Zoom recorder, the Zoom call. I have to hold my mic today. It's a travesty. All right. All right, we're going to get through this. Oh, I don't know about that. Are you clapping us in? Yeah. You clap yourself in. I guess we both got to.

Five, four. You're frozen on my screen. Uh-oh. Really? One, two. There it is. Now I put my headset in. Do you want to scream so I can hear you from Florida?

Hey, now. Xtree, Xtree. There he goes. Read all about it. Oh, extra. There he goes. Read all about it. Oh, jeez. Sunday papers coming in from the tip of Florida to the West Coast. Hey, happy Valentine's Day to you laddies. That's a mixed message right there.

That didn't make sense. Was that racial, Mick? Did you say Mick? Yeah, it's a Mick message. It's a Mick message. Check, check. Levels are good, I think. I'm holding my mic.

It's new for me. Mike Gibbons is in West Palm Beach, Florida. Are you in Palm Beach, Florida? Yeah, please. West Palm's across. That's the bridge and tunnel, but no tunnel. It's just the bridge crowd. Right.

And on one of the bridges, the south one, which is exactly the way I'm pointing, one mile, I think, is Mar-a-Lago, Trump's place that he bought from the Post family in Fortune. the post family and fortune. And there are the crazy Trump supporters years. I mean, they're on year six now, I guess, or five, like with their with their with their big Trump hats and their banners and their flags and everything on the bridge honking like crazy every time you drive across it. Wow. do you think what do you think those people do for the rest of the day when they're done doing that um i don't know probably impersonate mick jagger and again fights with cops oh a little foreshadowing to our florida man story teaser little teaser here we go yeah i that's a good question i mean i'm trying to think of something funny

a lot of them have unsuccessful only fans accounts uh hunting i think there's a lot of hunting i think there's sunglass shopping because you got to find that right pair it's got to go around your head and uh and then on top of your maga hat it goes on the outside of the MAGA hat behind the ears. Yeah. I think some of them mix it up in, like, night drink occasionally. Sure. As opposed to day drinking every day. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, I don't know. So what are you doing down there? What's going on in Florida? As you know, I had to try to figure out my handicap, and I went out and played golf this morning in a very competitive situation at an incredibly restricted club, restrictive club. And and so anyway, like about 100 guys, supposedly. And you're in foursomes and it's 20 bucks ahead.

And I don't even know. All this is new to me. I don't know how they keep score. I don't know a lot of what's going on in our foursome though, was Paris Hilton's godfather. And I think also uncle. Um, and so, and he was a character, he was great and cheated. And my dad told me he'll cheat and just to look the other way. Uh, but he's on our team but what he would do is like i i'd putt and you could see it coming up to the hole and then you could see it was gonna miss its mark and he would just put its putter down and derail it in the hole he's

like right in the back of the hole great job and then he'd reach in and like throw me my ball back whatever got our number down little corners he cut. But that's a big corner. That's a stroke. I mean, that's no small thing. But that's what Malloy's whole theory on all these guys is that they cheat in real life. How are they not going to cheat in golf? Yeah. Yeah, they cheat on their wives.

They cheat in business. They cheat on their taxes. And then, oh, and then they're going to play an honest round of golf. Right. in business they cheat on their taxes and then oh and then they're gonna play an honest round of golf right so my dad and these two guys started talking about a guy they saw on the like a next fairway and this is an interesting one for our group because of mikey fitz uh so also there there was definitely an urgency like let's keep up and at one point like a paris hilton's uncle's like uh let's keep up i can't have a like a letter written about me again. Like, you know, they'll probably suspend me keeping. I didn't realize how serious golfers are about keeping up with the group in front of you.

Oh, yeah. Not and not playing slow like they get letters. They get reported all the time. Wow. So they started talking about this guy and they're like, look, look, they left him behind. Like they don't even want to be with him. And I bet they might even be taking pictures to show that they even went ahead so they don't get tagged. But it was this guy and he is known in the club as the slowest golfer. Yeah.

And, and he like looks down on it. I am telling you, I looked over and I thought like he had a stroke or something like he didn't move for, okay. I'm not going to exaggerate 10 seconds. Yeah. Like dead still, not even like, let me, let me move my stance and rock back and forth. And then it was at least three times that before he hit the ball, then he, then he would take a practice, you know, all that. And so I say, and all of this is true. I go, they keep talking about them. And then we pass them on another thing. And I see him do it again. I'm like, no, no. I go, you know, that guy actually should see like a therapist. I go,

that, that is a real, that's a form of like Tourette's or like, that's a mental, like the yips or whatever you guys call it. I go, that's a real, like there's a mental, he's like, Oh no, no, no. He, he, he is, he has mental issues. And then my dad goes, he was a federal judge. Who's a Trump supporter. But my dad goes, Oh no, no. He has mental issues issues he's a federal judge he's a trump supporter imagine that guy being your judge yeah right he's having a meltdown over a golf ball jesus it's like mikey fitzgibbon we play with a guy named mikey fitzgibbon and he uh has tics and he has OCD might be the nicest human being I've ever met coolest guy in the world but man is he slow he's like Ed Norton on the honeymooners

hello ball yes and he tweaks his calves and his wrists and his head and then he does a long exhale and then he tightens everything it just goes on forever and when you're and when you're playing with him and somebody new they i just like to watch their faces as they adjust to the reality of playing with mikey fitzgibbon oddly in his defense what's going through his mind is at what point is gubbins gonna scream at me. So there's that. So what happened? How was your flight out? Okay. So I had to connect. There's no nonstop here, right? Unless you want to fly into Fort Lauderdale. I didn't need that circus and additional stuff over here. Anyway, connected in Dallas, Fort Worth. I'm getting on the plane in Dallas, Fort Worth, I'm getting on the plane in Dallas,

Fort Worth. And the two flight attendants are there greeting us, getting on the plane. And they look at me and they're like, Ooh, two masks. Right. Cause I was double masked because I'm, you know, if I get my, if I get my dad COVID, there's a chance I kill him. get my if i get my dad covet there's a chance i kill him so whatever i'm wearing two masks so but meanwhile i walk on and they're like you know very patronizing oh two masks and i just stop and they're really sweet and i go well here's the deal i go i'm boarding a plane from texas to florida so i've read the room and and to their, they laugh pretty hard, but it's true. Like I am going from one insane asylum to the next and everybody here in this plane, I don't think a single person is playing.

I think it's the first time they've worn a mask in a couple of weeks because federal law requires it. Right. Right. Uh, there is, there are no masks down here. You just don't see them. Yeah. Even the employees.

But what's weird, and you hear this from the anti-vaxxer squad, is that Florida's rate of death is the same as California's or lower. I don't know. There's a million ways to look at statistics. Also, they famously were cooking the books here. Yeah. And they were caught. So I don't know.

I'm just going to take an I don't know on that. I can't believe that. I don't know if a lot of the old people who died here Were They labeled it another death Because it was at the end Some of those I'm sure that's valid By the way When you died of AIDS

They didn't put down pneumonia Even though pneumonia Is what came and took you out. You know what I mean? Right. So if you're on death's doorstep and then COVID comes and takes you out, that's a fair question. Speaking of AIDS, that's a terrible haircut. Where did you get that? Well, so to prepare for Florida, I got a haircut and then unwittingly I went to a dermatologist who burned some things off my face. And I am like every single old guy

here who either has band-aids or a ravaged face. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. It is amazing that old people retire to Florida. I like my haircut. The sides are a little Gucci on the sides. Oh, sorry. Sorry.

I'm smelling some envy. What else? We went and saw Jackass after the show last weekend. Oh, my God. Oh, was that fun? Your wife, by the way, I always knew she was a great laugher. She has a real boisterous laugh yeah that's one thing we learned in that movie theater is who had the giant like

we were laughing so hard well i was sitting between you and malloy and you guys are both great laughers but malloy's laugh is like it's like he's peeing his pants he completely physically loses it i'm not a great laugher. I often laugh silently with my mouth open, especially when it's really funny. But it was so juvenile. It was incredible. I mean, no spoilers, but there is a lot of dick in it. If you are uncomfortable with penises up close, then you may want to go see. Oh, now, wait. Isn't this our family friendly show?

Oh, yeah. We've been. I think so far we've been clean. Yes. OK, so we won't talk about Jackass too much. But we highly recommend take take as much edibles as you can stand. Yes. And then make plans to go out with go with a big group of people and then all go out afterwards that's

that's the key yeah it's really really funny and and uh and oddly sweet at times anyway it's it was great and uh owen just went and saw it i talked to owen yesterday him and his him and his friend had a blast they said it was amazing it's all ages it's all sexes it's everything yep absolutely we want to thank emmet hall for this week's song was awesome i mean really great gubbins makes the song what can you say we're we're coming into the home stretch with the songs as i said we have to discontinue playing original songs because of the copyright infringement issue. But we've got about four or five. If you have one that's almost done, finish it up and send it in. We will play any of the last songs before we say goodbye

and we choose an official song for the show. That's the plan, huh? That's the plan. I meant to tell you. Then why do we meet seven days a week? It doesn't make sense. And why do we have to do it in person? And why do we have to rent a conference room? That seems weird. It seems very odd, although I like the catering. The catering's great. Yeah. It's just, it's putting up all the decor, you know, the Sunday papers, logos all over the walls.

Yeah, the stenographer's odd touch, but you demanded it because you wanted to be protected. Also, the logo this week, I assume the Keith Corsetti logo is up. He sent us one, but he put the date stamped on it, and the date was last week. So I need him to take the date off it so we can use it. It's a good one.

Maybe he wants us to redo last week off it so we can use it. It's a good one. He wants us to redo last week. He wasn't happy with it. That's his subtle way of like, you guys need to redo. Corrections, as always, we may have erred slightly a couple of times. This is from Felicia, or is it Felicia? I'm going to go with Felicia. Hi, Greg. Here's a minor correction for you guys. My name's Felicia. Sorry is it Felicia? I'm going to go with Felicia. Hi, Greg. Here's a minor correction for you guys.

My name's Felicia. My name's Felicia. Prime Minister Trudeau did not test positive for COVID in 2020, but his wife, Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, did. Prime Minister Trudeau just recently tested positive, as did two of his children. You guys like to play a tad fast and loose with your Canadian content, eh? Well, so.

We kind of do it in every country, to be fair with the facts. But, yeah, Trudeau, I guess so. Hot. This is, hi, Greg and Mike. Love the show. I'm not going to drag this out or berate you, Greg. Just wanted to say that Mauritius is pronounced more-ish-us. Mauritius. I wonder about that. Is he just like...

Is that a play on take it eesh? Mauritius? Mauritius. Take it eesh, Mauritius. Teganese, Mauritius. Teganeseus. Teganeseus. Teganeseus. Kurt from Everett, Washington says, you mentioned the movie Walking Ned Divine stated that Ned died and the town folk were trying to figure out how to continue getting his pension check.

Plot. Tula Moore has won the Irish National Lottery and the people in town try to figure out who won the lottery of 7 million pounds. They find out that Ned had won the lottery and had died while watching the drawing on TV. Then they set out to fool lottery officials that Ned is still alive to get his winnings. Great fucking movie. Never seen it. And that's an amazing premise.

It's so beautifully shot. It's this quaint little Irish town. It's very beautiful. What was that movie? And the famous thing, not famous, you know, the cool thing I remember from it is it had like one phone booth and a guy was sent there for business i believe and he was a real outsider and like i think i even saw it in film class in college i'll try to get the name before someone will probably write it and tell me i mean it's like you just described, this really charming movie in Scotland

or one of the British Isles, and he would go to the phone booth to call corporate from it, and eventually I think he sided with the townspeople. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Small change or small? I can't remember. I know what you're talking about. Small change or small... I can't remember. I remember what you're talking about. Maybe Chris can look it up.

Finally, just a minor correction on latest Sunday Papers podcast. The novel is Olive Kittredge by Elizabeth Strout. I think you were going to say Annie Pruel, but caught yourself. Great book and congrats on 100 episodes. Don.

If you're looking for a nice beautiful novel, again, about a small town, Oliver Kittredge is amazing. Wow, all right. You like a small town. Your favorite book is about a small town. Yeah, right. All right. Prayer for Owen Meany, I guess we should say. Prayer for Owen Meany.

But I also love Confederacy of Dunces, which is set in New Orleans. Not the smallest town, but I agree. Not the smallest town. You get in a lot of trouble in New Orleans. Speaking of good times and good cities, I will be coming to Lexington, Kentucky, to play comedy off-Broadway February 24th through 26th. And then Omaha, Nebraska, The Waiting Room, February 27th.

St. Paddy's Day, March 17th at the Hollywood Improv. Spokane on April 14th through 16th. New Orleans on April 21st. Lafayette, Louisiana, April 22nd. And then I believe I'm playing Baltimore. I just got an offer yesterday, but we're negotiating it right now. So we'll see whether or not they give me the kind of money I need to go to Baltimore. Oh, I thought the negotiation was, can you move it to D.C.?

I love Baltimore. People rag on Baltimore. It's charming as shit. It's got a very cool little alt downtown scene. Their little failed waterfront situation. Yeah, the waterfront failed. Yeah. And it's also, it's very weird.

Maybe it's thriving now like they claim Cleveland is. I don't know. But back in the day, it was a failure out of the gate. They don't stop at red lights and stop signs in Baltimore. I want to move there. And it's just understood? It's just understood. It's the craziest thing you've ever seen. If I'm driving behind someone, and I don't even have to be in a rush. I don't even have to be late. And I could be in a good mood. If you are going to come to a 100% stop at a stop sign,

I want to smash into the back of your car. I pass them. And when people come to full stops, I pass them. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I have my block where my office is, you know, Airport Way. Yeah. It's got stop signs,

probably five of them. And I have decided over time that one day I'm going to get a ticket for running those stop signs and I will gladly pay the two or $300. And every day I run off five stop signs in both directions, full speed. I stopped at those stop signs for a little while because people warned me they had set up camp. And that was a income generator. They would ticket people. Not anymore. Right, I guess not.

Nope. But you get a moving violation. Your insurance will go up also. Hey, take traffic school. Okay, you didn't miss her, take traffic school. Okay. You didn't miss her, no at all. All right. We, okay. Then Baltimore should have you.

Then Baltimore should have you. And then I talked about possibly canceling my St. Patrick's Day to fly to New York and march with you, but I don't think I'm going to do it because, partly because I wasn't invited. And then also- No, you are of course invited. I think I did invite you. I said come along. Maybe you did.

But when I mentioned that, a guy named Norm, it's right out of the gate. How do you not love a guy named Norm? Every Norm I've ever known has been a fucking great guy. This email made me laugh out loud. He said, really?

You thinking of canceling to go to a fucking parade? You know who likes parades? Nazis. Orangemen and the gays. It's 2022. The Irish don't need a fucking parade. Enough with this tribal bullshit. P.S. I bought six tickets and two flights from Toronto to go to the first St. Patrick's Day show since 2019.

As much as I like Gibbons' once-a-year stand-up gig, let's remember he also skipped 2019 to go march in a fucking parade. Enough already! Love the show. All right. In fairness, Norm didn't get the family-friendly memo, but I love that email. Right. He's right. Nazis, Orangemen, and the gays can't poke a hole in that.

They do like parades. There's a comedian named Steve Sweeney in Boston, and he was talking about how at the St. Patrick's Day parade in Boston, they weren't allowing the gays to march, and the gays were protesting, and there was a whole discussion. He goes, why can't we just compromise? Can we just let them skip in the parade? I like people who are always working on a solution.

Oh, local hero, there it is. Yep. Wow, I don't know how i pulled that if that's what i said uh okay all right what do we got dennis gubbins we solicited you the listeners to follow dennis gubbins on instagram the account is dgubs at time, I think it was like 1,700. I think it might have been less, but anyway, yeah, go ahead. Maybe it was 1,600, and we said we want to get them to 2,000. Well, right now, as it stands, there are 1,967. We came up 33 short. So, look, we're not going to promise you a good Instagram account.

That is by no means our intention here. This is Dennis Gubbins. Instagram account. That is by no means our intention here. This is Dennis Gubbins. He is way too busy on online QAnon, you know, holding down the vote to participate in putting up good posts on Instagram. But follow him just so we can see if we get it to 1700. DGUBS. Yeah, and you'll miss some of his jokes like when there's daylight savings he's like seriously exclamation point doesn't it feel like 7 29 at least right now but there's no but there's no time stamp there's no you need a time stamp on instagram for that joke to work well he promotes a lot of his local stand-up dates.

And Dennis doesn't do a lot of stand-up, but he does a show like, I think, every other week at the Westside Comedy Theater. And he's very funny, and he'll be on the St. Patrick's Day show. All right, it's worth pointing out another one. Is it just me, or does it feel like 1034 right now? And by the way, I'm putting the emphasis in there.

So it sounds like a joke. It really just says, is it just me or does it feel like 1034 right now? He does have a good one. I don't know if I didn't see it on there, but just got my teeth cleaned. He wants to make out. He puts that every six months. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, here's something that i love oh well i love eggs but i also sometimes i feel a little bit guilty mike i'm not gonna lie to you the whole egg uh you know pharmaceutical industry not pharmaceutical the whole egg industry oh boy slip what do you know that we all don't there's a lot of mega polluting going on because of the way they raise chickens and eggs. And there's another way to do it. But you want your protein. You want your deliciousness of eggs. And that's why Just Egg. It is a plant-based egg.

It comes with batter so you can make scrambled eggs, or they got these delicious patties. They look exactly like what you would see on an Egg McMuffin. And so you take them, and it's the most beautiful thing. When I'm hungry, I grab two of them, I throw them in the toaster oven, I put it on for about eight minutes, and then I throw it on an English muffin with some cheese, and it is amazingly good. They're great. I put it on for about eight minutes and then I throw it on an English muffin with some cheese and it is like amazingly good. They're great. I have them. They're great. Love them.

Eating them. So you don't get the cholesterol. Forget the cholesterol. That's gone. And it makes really fluffy scrambles and easy egg sandwiches. And you're not getting the polyunsaturated fat. And you help save the planet the whole time. It's the opposite of cholesterol. The cholesterol-lowering polyunsaturated fat. Oh. Yeah. Oh, I see.

Right, right, right. Yeah. You're the one talking chemicals. Get with it, pal. So, show off the new cholesterol-free you by buying a bottle of Just Egg today and doing the Planet of Solid at the same time. Just Egg. Really good eggs.

Okay. Now, front page. You got a newspaper? I don't. Do you? Of course I do. Oh, man. I forgot to cancel my delivery. All right, what's happening?

Oh! Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Didn't hear it, but I saw it. It's not a—I wouldn't call it a new paper. I didn't hear it, but I saw it. It's not a... I wouldn't call it a new paper. Proposed legislation in Florida would restrict how teachers can discuss sexuality and gender in the classroom. Shh, I'm right here.

The latest effort by Republican lawmakers to remove the teaching of LGBTQ issues from school. Supporters say the measures empower parents who deserve to have a say in what their children learn. But critics who've dubbed the proposal the Don't Say Gay Bill argue that it would strip protections from LGBTQ cute kids. Oh, that sounds cute.

And have a chilling effect on educators. So you can't discuss gay things. They're in Florida, so I guess you can't discuss gay things. They're in Florida, so I guess you can't discuss flamingos, the Miami Dolphins uniforms, Mai Tais,

men wearing flip-flops, the whole city of Miami, or Key West. Your haircut. Adults who go to Disney World, don't talk about them. Manatees, very gay. gay art deco forget about it yeah hawaiian shirts nope uh and do not play jimmy buffett music and do not show a map of florida

because it looks like a penis good luck in key west with this rule. Are they insane? Yeah, right. It's like the gayest place on planet Earth. I know. I know. Oh, my goodness. There's the Castro section of San Francisco. There's Provincetown and Cape Cod. And there's Key West.

Those are the three gayest places in the country. I guess West Hollywood. West Hollywood is a big one. Yeah, for sure. Oh, and then the West Village. You make it sound so negative. Don't say gay. Listen, they're fine. They're trying to encourage. They want to bring back fairy. They want to bring back fairies. That's what they want. So it's a positive thing. It's not negative uh all right good luck with that florida oh man good list though i like that list wait so what are the gayest spots we've identified p-town p-town let's go in order p-town in the north

right p-town then you got the west village yeah fire island fire island yeah which is kind of p you know new york's P-Town. Then you got, I'm sure we're missing some. West Hollywood, the Castro section of San Francisco. Key West. Key West. Idaho. I think New Orleans probably has a very gay neighborhood.

Yeah. I mean, I know it has a gay population. I don't know the city well enough To know what the specific neighborhood is Miami the gays got it going on Yeah Oh yeah St. Louis is actually all gay

I think it's all gay Yeah especially the podcast industry Yeah Right around the mid coast Right around there It's so funny we're still using gay as a criticism It really isn't Isn putting it funny that that is yeah it is funny though people still do that uh nice gay shirt well yeah what do you mean like a gay guy would wear it because gay guys have

amazing taste in fashion way better than mine see that's why i've moved it over to the uh i just am going back to the easy criticism of someone by calling them a woman. Send your letters. An Iowa man has been sentenced to life in prison for running over a friend with his car following a fight over mayonnaise. mayonnaise. The Des Moines Register reports Christopher Erlbacher was sentenced on Monday to a mandatory life sentence

two months after he was convicted of first-degree murder in the killing of Caleb Soldberg. Couple German dudes here, huh? Jesus. I knew they weren't Jews. The two friends... Jews would run each other over if they were touching me

like if they were forcing mayonnaise on the other guy the two friends were eating and drinking at a bar in uh when erbacher decided to put mayonnaise on soldberg's food soldberg who was not happy with the mayo being added reacted by punching erlbacher leading to a fistfight between the two i didn't read the story so it is about getting mayonnaise. I thought it was about being deprived of mayonnaise. No. Later that night, after making threats to hurt Solberg and others, Earl Bakker spotted the victim outside a nearby cafe

and ran him down with his truck. Earl Bakker's first blow to Solberg did not kill him. He can be heard screaming for his brother. Rather than just leave, Earl Bakker went first blow to Salzburg did not kill him. He can be heard screaming for his brother. Rather than just leave, Earl Bakker went down the street, turned around, and came back to straight Salzburg a second time. To be sure he had completed the job, Earl Bakker drove his truck up and over Salzburg one last time. Man, hold the fucking mayo.

They might be Jews, by the way. Everything seems Jewish except the word truck. Yep. But wait, is mayonnaise allowed on kosher food? I don't know. But, you know, I brought this up because my, you know, the Jews in my family and stuff, like it was a thing. Like, no. And they would call it very goyish to have mayonnaise.

They call it very waspy. And then I remember famously in, uh, not any hall, but Woody Allen movie where he was having an identity crisis and he decided to try Catholicism and he came home and he took out wonder bread and he took out mayonnaise and the crucifix out of a paper bag. It was a sight gag. And mayonnaise was one of them, I think. So I don't know. But then I've had a lot of Jews like, what are you talking about? We love mayonnaise. But I think it's from the deli mustard culture. You know what I mean? Well, Chris just wrote mayo is kosher. I guess he's on a lot of Jewish websites. So I guess he was able to look that up. Yeah, there you go. site so i guess he was able to look that up yeah there you go but um do you think mayo is perhaps being used as a euphemism for something else here like like maga like semen i know this is a clean

episode sorry but come on craig did i ever tell you about the time I almost ran a guy over? My kids don't won't admit they like mayo, by the way, my little Jews and they are my you're so wrong. It's it's crazy. I go, give me. Oh, when you put the mayo, like even put a little on that grilled cheese even or whatever it is, when it gets warm, when it's mixed in a burger and then it even gets a little warm. Love it. Egg salad, chicken salad. You kidding me? How do you have tuna without mayo? I don't get that at all. How do you have a dry ass turkey sandwich without smothering it in mayonnaise? What did you ask? I cut you off. Did I ever tell the story about I was in a bar once and I was pretty young.

Did I ever tell the story about I was in a bar once and I was pretty young. I was probably about 17. And we came out of the bar and my friend had gotten into a fight with this guy in the bar. And the guy in the bar was in there and he had, and this was at like 2 o'clock in the morning. And the guy had, this will tell you the kind of bar it was. He had like his 7-year-old daughter with him and his girlfriend. And he was like dancing on the. He had his seven-year-old daughter with him and his girlfriend. And he was dancing on the dance floor with his seven-year-old daughter. And then while he was doing it, my friend hit on his girlfriend,

not knowing that it was the guy's girlfriend. He just went up and started talking to her. The guy snapped, and they had a fight, and it was short-lived. And then we went outside, and we got in the car to leave. And then the guy came out, and he saw us, and I was short-lived and then we went outside and we got in the car to leave and then the guy came out and he saw us and i was driving my mom my mom had a 1983 buick riviera v8 it was fast name dropper with those long ass doors and so so the side window was open and my brother was sitting in the passenger seat and my buddy who'd gotten into the fight was in the back seat and he saw us and he came over to the car and he started talking shit to my buddy again and so i said i said i said why don't you go back inside and dance with your daughter you fucking sicko and then he dove into the car and so he was halfway in the car and so i just gunned it like tires squeal take off

and as we're going he my brother is kneeing him in the face he's got him by the hair and he's kneeing him in the face i'm punching him in the top of the head i'm flooring it his legs are kicking and then and then like on three we we just throw the guy out the window. I'm probably going about 25 miles an hour at this point. And I look in the rearview mirror, and I just see just the guy rolling on the pavement. Now, yeah? I was a little worked up, as I get. Sometimes I lose my mind.

Uh-huh. And I turned the car around to try to run him over, and I gunned it at him, and he dove out of the way, and then he disappeared. And then I had to turn around because the bar was at a dead end, so I had to turn the car around and drive out, and as we drove out, he threw a brick into the middle of the windshield and crushed the windshield. And then is it should I I'm kind of on his side. I probably shouldn't say that. And then he gets picked up by his buddy and they start following, chasing us through this town. This is the next town over from us. And I'm driving and I can barely see out the windshield. And my brother's screaming, my buddy's screaming, and we somehow lose them.

And my friend goes, let me out of the fucking car. We weren't even home yet. And he was like, get me out of this fucking car. You're a lunatic. So we let him out of the car. On his side also, yeah. And then we went home and parked my mom's car

in the driveway and I said the next day she goes what happened to my car last night and I was like what what happened and she goes the windshield is smashed in I was like that's weird

I go somebody smashed the windshield. So she listens to this. Is she just learning the truth now? She does. I forgot she listens to the podcast. Sorry, Ma. Sorry about that. All right. Is it because the guy had a daughter? That's why you saved this story for the family friendly podcast? All right. So if he didn't jump out of the way, you would have hit him. I think I would have hit him. Yeah. Now, I used to have a real problem with rage.

I when I snap like I get the mayonnaise story. I totally get it. Once you decide to hurt somebody, like you keep going, like you can't stop yourself. Oh, man. All right. If you did hit him, that would have been a different morning. Like, what happened to my car? What? What? What? Well, why? What's the matter with it well there's a human leg in the grill what that's so weird after i parked it right in front of the garage someone must have run at it sideways and need your car did they throw beer bottles in the back of it also?

I don't know how they got the angle to get it so jammed in there and all bloody. Oh, my goodness. That's insane. Yeah. Literally. It was nuts. The craziest thing is the guy that jumped out was the craziest guy I knew. I freaked him out. I took it as a badge of honor that I freaked him out.

Not a warning sign. What? Not a, not a, I should check myself. Oh, oh, no, no. I felt really bad about it later. But at the time, at the time, I couldn't stop myself. I was unable to stop myself at the time. All right.

I didn't go back to that bar for a long time and i and i used to work at the bar too now he's somehow coincidentally a listener of this podcast he's going to come out and absolutely kill you uh there's a nun who is the principal of a catholic elementary school in torrance california she was sentenced today to 12 months and one day in federal prison for who was the principal of a Catholic elementary school in Torrance, California. She was sentenced today to 12 months and one day in federal prison for stealing more than $835,000 in school funds to pay for personal expenses, including gambling trips. Now, you say we did this story. We did this story when she was caught.

Okay. And now she has been sentenced. She has been sentenced. has been sentenced yeah 80 80 years old and um i guess she uh i mean you look you just can't be a great gambler because anyone who gives up getting laid for life for the possibility to get eternal salvation not a great gambler not great at crunching the numbers uh i don't have any jokes on this because yeah i saw it i'm like oh we did that i thought maybe we'd lose it but uh it is a nice update but so man i mean they should have got away with a lot

but she's 80 you know i guess they factor that Yeah. You got to factor in percentage of life remaining. I mean, most people live to be 87. So a year is a seventh of her life. And pretty safe in prison. I am. I'm not even joking, like because she did nothing with this most shocking thing, which I said at the time was that this is this is a member of the clergy in a courtroom who is not, you know, you know what. We'll just say that for the family-friendly podcast. And so maybe she gets credit for that, that she didn't ruin a child's life. Right, right. Well, hopefully there's not a bingo night in jail because she could get triggered.

Nice. Let's go down. Let's do some entertainment i like it it licorice pizza saw it thoughts uh it's the worst pizza i've ever had really didn't like it well i you know listen great characters it reminds me you know of uh wes anderson uh movies where boy you have some great characters here and i kind of wish there was more story yeah the story gets really lost but i enjoyed the ride i went for the ride i um i thought there was some great scenes.

I thought that Bradley Cooper was about as funny as I've ever seen him in my life. In a scene that could have been dropped in any movie. In any movie, yeah. It meant nothing to this movie. I mean, it was an adventure along the way. Yeah, it was a little... On their night. Yeah, it was a little...

And then the other one also, he got another big talent. Who did he get? That did the motorcycle stunt. Right? Oh, yeah, Sean Penn. Sean Penn. Right, right. Yeah, look, it's Paul Thomas Anderson.

He can get these people. He's a big deal. Here's the great thing is i try to not know anything about a movie before i watch it uh so we got it as a screener and i just popped it in um i didn't know sean penn was in it i didn't know bradley cooper i didn't know it was philip seymour hoffman's philip seymour hoffman's son either did i and i said it out loud when i saw him like that guy looks and i i said it's really that is yeah oh no that is him and i didn't know it's a paul thomas anderson film i knew nothing i you know what i said lit what i did say at the time i'm

trying to say the word literally less is that looks like uh philip seymour hoffman uh and the kid from almost famous had a baby oh right right right and that's exactly what that kid looks like and you know the girl from the band hame was amazing she is she i don't think she's done much acting before the kids were great they were great no doubt about i'm not taking anything away from that i just needed more story yeah you all right pretend i haven't seen it. What's it about? Exactly. That's your answer. Yeah. No, I know. That's that's my critique also. OK. Speaking of not knowing something going in at all, I'm on the plane and I saw that the movie Coda was nominated. Have you seen it It's nominated for

a couple of Academy Awards, I think. No, I really want to see it, though. Oh, you haven't seen it? I've not seen it. You don't have to. Oh. Where is it? Is it in this document?

I thought I put it in here. I think you've been skewing very negative, though, Mike. I don't totally trust you. You're going to turn into that guy that people don't listen to his opinions anymore. No, it's dawned on me because while I was watching Coda, I'm like, why am I so angry? And I had all these, you know, mean jokes that came in my head.

So it's about a deaf family of fishermen in Gloucester with one daughter who has her hearing. Which, by the way, is exactly Moshe Kasher's life. Really? Yeah. Everyone in his family? Wow. Yeah. Is it just because of all the bad jokes he would tell at home?

Oh, wow. No, no. I like like mosha i actually like mosha a lot mosha is very funny and smart hilarious yeah um all right so as i'm watching and i'm like because listen i it's one of those where i'm like i think it was hard for critics to be honest about it because uh but it but it is like an afterschool special like about, about this deaf girl and about the deaf family. And here's the thing, but she can sing. And, uh,

anyway, most of the characters in the movie, uh, use sign language and you could still see the Boston accent, Greg. It was terrible. It was so ugly. Because they're giving the finger, every third hand gesture is the finger.

It was so ugly. No, but it did make me think because you and I both, it's like set it in Boston. Don't worry about the Boston accent. Don't do it. Just don't do it. Yeah.

Just have a movie in Boston. Because if you know Boston, you know that there's about six distinct accents throughout the city. And invariably, you're going to have people doing different accents from different neighborhoods at each other. Yeah. How do you like damn apples? But it's like, just don't do it. And he's from there. Don't do the accent. And it did occur to me it was death will hunting because there was a scene. There was a scene where the brother is like, get out of here. Like, I'll kill you if you stay like you have to go up to Berkeley and sing.

We're fishermen. You're better than that. Get out. But but he's screaming at her with his hands. Yeah. And but it's the same exact scene. It's a blue collar. Please rise above this. Just like at a goodwill hunting. all right well i'm still gonna watch it all right i mean like you know by the end i stuck by this talk about positivity i stayed with it you know till the ending and the ending wasn't so bad uh it wasn't like a big thing i'm not spoiling anything but it was like it was listen it like I said, it's an after-school special.

It's feel good. It's feel good. Ellen, speaking of feel good. All right. She's in the news. Long before Chrishell Strauss sold luxury homes on Netflix's Selling Sunset, she was lined up to become the season four bachelorette. In her memoir, she writes that ABC had prepared to announce her as the season four lead.

Like, she was locked. They were about to announce it. And so she had been in The Bachelor, and she had gotten denied. She didn't get the rose. And then Deanna Pappas went on Ellen. This other woman. I'm sorry. I jumped ahead. The news

was set to follow a dramatic 11th season of The Bachelor. Ellen throws you off your game. I know what it's like. I know. During which Brad Womack decided against giving a rose to either of his finalists, Deanna Pappas or Jenny Craft. Deanna Pappas then went on Ellen and talked about getting rejected by Brad, and Ellen declared that Deanna Pappas then went on Ellen and talked about getting rejected by Brad.

And Ellen declared that Deanna should be the next bachelor at fans rallied around the network. Listened Ellen called the president of the network and said, you have to make her, uh, the new bachelorette. And she got it. And,

uh, so she, she fucked this lady out of being the bachelorette ellen degeneres killing dreams since about 2000 she's uh did you know she's also responsible for getting van diesel on fast and the furious she made a call imagine the president so like you're the president like so that that's why you called yeah because i i think this and make it so yeah it's like what even though uh no i'm on nbc you're abc yeah doesn't matter i'm ellen on monday she's like listen the Bengals should have won can you

I think there should be a redo yeah I like the Bengals uniforms better they should win hey we should see if she can get Gubbins on as the next Bachelor I bet she

well not not if she hears this podcast can you imagine you just blew it can you imagine Dennis Gubbins as you imagine dennis gubbins as the bachelor and watching women have to pretend that they want to marry him but it would be such a new twist on it where all the women are begging uh not to get a rose hello my lady here's your rose oh crying just hysterically it's it's a total reverse where the crying women are still in the mansion and the psyched ones are in the limo going home

like just chugging champagne out of the bottle they have a date night together he's on gum, and he's just not talking the whole night. Girls who got the run, they're like, oh, I can't believe I got gubbed. I got gubbed. We were supposed to take a hike and have a picnic, and he's playing golf again. Yeah, it was not a while. It was not. Our date was the it was our date i was the worst he played online games all night and i had said he was playing some war game

uh um this story you like so why don't you read it about the oregon man oregon man uh oregon man he's okay oregon man i just read this story to make me laugh he's preparing to shoot a bear the The Oregon man. Oregon man. Oregon man. Okay. Oregon man. I just read this story and it made me laugh. He's preparing to shoot a bear. The headline was, Oregon man preparing to shoot a bear accidentally kills his brother then takes his own life. Sorry. Anyway, the unidentified man.

Something is fishy about this story, by the way. Oh, yeah. This one's going to be a part. This is going to be is fishy about this story by the way oh yeah this one's going to be a part this is going to be three parts of this story because why did he call 9-11 so here it is 9-1-1 the unidentified man called 9-1-1 just before 7 a.m on tuesday and told dispatchers he had quote accidentally shot his brother while loading a gun because there was a bear on the property. The deputies responded to the residents in Sunny Valley and found a man dead from a gunshot wound. While checking the rest of the home, they found a second man dead. That man had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. One of the reasons I laughed was, can you imagine the bear checking all this out?

One of the reasons I laughed was, can you imagine the bear checking all this out? Like, he must have gone to his buddies like, guys, we have been afraid of hunters for no reason at all. Like, when we see a guy with a gun, we should just watch what happens because it's crazy. Right, right. Guys, I know we've been arguing for gun control, but in this case, I think we're I think we're fine. No, I'm not. How can I make it up? He shot his brother and many shot himself while they were all looking at me. Hey, no, no, not aiming at me, looking at me and shooting themselves.

But there is something like, all right, you call. All right. Why call 9-1-1? But there is something like, all right, why call 911? I guess he didn't realize he couldn't live anymore until he put the phone down. Like maybe he, I guess he called 911 when he still, I guess the explanation is he called 911 when he thought his brother still had a chance or wasn't confirmed dead. Yeah. Well, it's a feel-good story. Let's do some Florida, man. Let's do it.

You are the Florida man this week, Mike Gibbons. The Florida man is going to read the Florida man. And I'll tell you what, if they did not arrest this guy, I would have been going down there to party. Drunk Mick Jagger imposter storm stage and picks fights in Florida. A man who claimed to be Mick Jagger was arrested after a drunken romp in several Florida bars where he picked several fights and charged into a cop. and charged into a cop. Eugene Bingham, who's 59 years old, much younger than Jagger,

but I bet he's not as fit, was allegedly kicked out of the bar Yabba's in Naples three times on Monday before he jumped on stage. So he was kicked out three times. He's back in a fourth time, jumped on stage while the band was performing. He charged into an officer, but ended up on the ground. The faux Rolling Stones front man allegedly told the cop,

don't F with me. Leave me the F alone. And then he puked in the back of the police car after the arrest. First of all, I want to see the Yabba's doorman. How does a Yabba's doorman not keep a 59-year-old guy out of the club four times? Easy answer. He moves like Jagger, Gregory. He moves like Jagger.

You can't pin that guy down. He pukes like Jagger. Oh, my God. They didn't have a picture. I need to see Eugene. I need to see Eugene. I need to see this 59-year-old drunken. I mean, wait. Oh, my God.

We have to look it up. Maybe Chris can find it. There has to be a mugshot. He was arrested. Yeah, yeah. Get us a mugshot, Chris. Oh, I want to see him. That would be perfect.

All right, let's go to International. You got it. Were we going to go right to the queen? Let's go to the queen. Queen Elizabeth. Here it comes. You ready? The health of Queen Elizabeth, who's 96, is being closely monitored.

So at first I'm like, that's a headline. I'm assuming that happens every day. It's being closely monitored amid fears that her son, Prince Charles may have infected her with COVID-19 when they met on Tuesday, the daily mail says she was, she will be tested for several days, even though the palace would not say if she tested positive. So I guess there's a thing where they're being a little sort of playing it close to the vest and they're not telling it. Prince Charles tested positive for COVID on Thursday during a routine screening and is not believed to have been feeling seriously unwell. He met with his mother Tuesday at the palace after conducting an investiture. What the hell is that for a British chef who suffers suffers blah blah blah blah anyway um the good news is she probably doesn't have it because mothers and sons don't hug or show any affection in england especially

in that house right they're never closer than six feet. Hi. Hello, son. I don't even think he like he's probably at the doorway. Yeah. Yeah. They sit at the ends of these fucking tables that were made in the 11th century that are like 20 yards long. Yeah. Yeah. And then she could barely, barely.

Maybe now she can barely say, say, what color is your grandson? Yeah, that's what it is. It's not COVID. She's still just shaking. She's shaking from there being diversity in the palace. Where is that little bastard traitor? Where is she? Is she with Oprah still, America's queen? Oh, my God.

How long is this lady going to live live she's like my dog 96 years old and uh going going strong do you actually we when did her mom live until i should know i don't follow the royal family i don't i know her dad famously died right after the war. He was coughing blood in his hanky, right? Yeah. And that's why she was so young and had to take it. Oh, I'm so ignorant. I'm sorry I'm this ignorant.

He was already a widow, I think, wasn't he, when he died? But then King George, right, came after. Oh, he was King George. He was the stammerer. He was the stutterer, right. Stutterer, right, right, right, right. God, I apologize to everyone who knows this. I don't know history.

That's number one. And I did not watch The Crown, and I did not watch any of the royal movies. Yeah, really? I watched The Royal Tenenbaums. Again, no story. All right. Let's do someums. Again, no story. All right. Let's do some sports. Let's do it.

We're even, Pally. There it is. Today's the big day. Super Bowl XVICXV. I don't know. What number of Super Bowl is this? I'm going to say 62. I'm not seeing them in front of me.

I don't know the number. I have no idea how many it is. I don't watch the Royal Family, and I don't follow sports. It is in the second time in history that a game has been played in the home city of one of the teams, and the last time it happened was last year when Tampa Bay won in Tampa Bay. I would have guessed it was Miami, you know, something like that. I would have guessed I would have forgotten.

It was Florida, but I would have maybe said the Dolphins at one point did it. But, okay. Yeah, no, this is it. This is a big deal. It's our city. I know a couple people that are going to the game. I'd rather watch it at home. The stadium famously – all right, so I was a Rams season ticket holder

for two seasons when it was at the absolute dump, the Coliseum at USC. And I'm telling you, you would go to the restroom there. Right. And in a typical scenario where you're like, oh, you know, something happened because the whole stadium screams and the stadium was rollicking and cheering like crazy. And I come back and the Eagles had scored a touchdown. crazy and I come back and the Eagles had scored a touchdown oh right right so LA and you know you've seen it also oh my god when the on the rare occasion that the Yankees come and you know like one of those games where they they cross division anyway they play the Dodgers it's 70 percent Yankee fans yeah when the Rams played the 49ers a couple weeks ago, it was all 49ers fans. They were making so much noise that Stafford had to call the calls with his foot because they couldn't hear him. I think they will get more home people there.

So I just want to root against the Rams because I don't like them. I don't think there's any soul there it's like everyone's first year like there's not like you know come on and um I love when Los Angeles is sad and upset so that's my take on it wow wow what a bummer you are I'm excited by today. I love Stafford, Odell Beckham Jr., Aaron Donald. There's so many exciting young players. Some of the greatest players. Cooper Cup. I mean, you're looking

at the beginning of a dynasty. This could be the next New England Patriots. What do you mean? I don't even think they're going to make the playoffs next year. By the way, it's Super Bowl 56. It's LVI. Why will they not make the playoffs next year? the way it's superbowl 56 it's lvi um why will they not make the playoffs that's an easy one i would have gotten that if i saw those letters why you think they're going to lose players next year no yeah aren't a lot of them because it's like they're uh gonna go we drive sports people insane when we talk sports because we have no idea what we're talking about

but i think there's free agent stuff that That happens when you're buying proven veterans and stuff. You get them for a year at a time or something. But that Cooper Cup, boy, he gets things done. Gets it done. Clutch. And he's not elegant. He doesn't have any style. He's just like a Gronkowski kind of guy.

He just runs, catches, and then fights for more yards after he gets the ball. He's amazing. Fast, strong. catches and then fights for more yards after he gets the ball he's amazing fast strong so why we right now it's saturday and the line is at four points so we have a 50 bet right now we're even for the season after all our betting us to Drake. I got to give you four points. Drake. Obviously, it brings us to Drake. Drake turns to Bitcoin for a million-dollar Super Bowl bet.

The rapper placed a series of bets worth $1.6 million, including $600,000, to back the Los Angeles Rams' triumphing. Why am I brown? I don't like that word. I don't like that word Rams triumphing. Why am I... I don't like that word. I don't like that word, triumphing. How about it's alliteration? How about beating the Bengals? Yeah.

He also wagered $500,000 each on Rams wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. having over.5 anytime touchdown. I don't know why it said each and all that. Anyway, he must be Cooper Cup and Odell Beckham. He must have five. There was something was cut out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And and then his ticket showed over 62.5 receiving yards during the game. He's betting on him having the over on that bet. Drake's total payout could reach 22.9 million according to the valuation of Bitcoin by online betting app Stake at the time his bets were placed. So that's the thing. First of all, listen, Bitcoin is a bet no matter when you buy it or exchange it. So who knows what it'll be worth? It could drop 50% the morning of the Super Bowl. I think it had a crazy week, didn't it? I think it was up and down.

The stock market had a crazy week. But that's kind of crazy to start betting like that if you're Drake because the guy's worth a lot of money, but you can lose it. You can lose it all. It's happened to a lot of famous people before. Gambling will fucking destroy your... I mean, who are some famous people that were rich and lost it all gambling? Lawrence

Taylor? I think he lost a bunch. Oh, a lot of athletes do, for sure. Yeah, Michael Jordan probably lost a lot. Pete Rose made money. Yeah, stick with that guy. He lost everything else, though. So most of the reason I'm betting against the Rams Is because I like betting against Drake

Right You can't hit me for that one I think most people are on my side Yeah, people don't like Drake It would be so great Because now all I'm going to be thinking about is Drake And I hope This is what I hope

I hope the Bengals win And that Bitcoin skyrockets while they're winning. And that Odell Beckham Jr. gets 61 yards. So he loses even more, I think, unless they locked in these rates. I have no idea how it works. Yeah, you want him to lose and Bitcoin to go up yeah that's right that's my trifecta that's my parlay as they say here's my story here's a story i thought you'd like dennis rodman's daughter trinity rodman had her first four years plans has her next four years plan jesus okay she's going to korea the 19 19-year-old prodigy turned pro over a year ago

without any college soccer experience and now has what has been reported the richest deal in women's soccer history. According to the Post, she has a four-year contract with the American Spirit that is worth more than 1.1 million dollars you mean drake's bet on a game her four-year contract is worth drake's bet on a game yeah right and she's the highest paid person in the league you know it's funny that yeah god i mean

are they getting are people tuning in is the question. Is she going to earn that money? Are they going to justify that paycheck? I know. I guess they're trying to drum up a story. What fascinated me, though, about it, looking at the article now, is, you know, she's this prodigy. There is something there.

Like, that Rodman was that good at rebounding was extraordinary he wasn't the biggest guy out there he had this sixth sense right he knew he knew he could read which side the ball would go to and then it was just sheer like grit because obviously he's incredibly strong but it takes a lot more than that to be a cree the the level of rebounding he was at it's way more than strength there's there's a bunch of stuff going on he was he did train apparently harder than anybody else on the bulls and even during games when he was not on the floor he was on an exercise bike i do know that i do and the tenacity and all that uh and the fight he had a tremendous amount of fight in him but still there's an x factor and i guess that's what she has right all right and it is worth almost

260 000 a year um do we want to do the uh let's do let's do this day in history i like that this day in history 1945 february 13th oh yeah happy valent Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. Do you have a Valentine? Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes. My dad. Oh, that's sweet. Isn't that nice? I'm going to take my wife out. You're going to accuse me just like he was the best man at my wedding and you're going to accuse me

of copping out. That's what you did at the time. That's right. A series of allied firebombing raids begins against the German city of Dresden, reducing the, quote, Florence of the Elbe to rubble and flames, killing roughly 25,000 people. Despite the horrendous scale of destruction, it is arguably accomplished little strategically since the Germans were already on the verge of surrender.

Among the conclusions reached at the February 1945 Yalta Conference of the Allied Powers was the resolution that the Allies would engage in concerted strategic bombing raids against German cities known for war production and manufacturing in an effort to bring the Nazi war machine to a crashing halt. The tragic irony of the raid on Dresden, a medieval city renowned for its rich artistic and architectural treasures, is that during the war it had never been a site of war production or a major industry. Both allies and Germans alike have argued over the real purpose of the firebombing.

The ostensible official rationale was that Dresden was a major communications center and bombing it would hamper the German ability to convey messages to its army. But the extent of the destruction was for many disproportionate to the state's strategic goal. Many believe that the attack was simply an attempt to punish the Germans and weaken their morale. It was Sherman's march. Yeah. It was a, you know what, we are going to run up the score right now like you have never seen and we are going to just there we're going to shame you

it was almost like just obliterate you it was almost like the allies had thousands of tons of bombs and the war was about to end and they're like look we either drop these or we gotta ship them and bring them all the way back home again let's fucking get rid of them and then we can't leave them here if the germans have taught us anything there might be there might be a third world war coming up you got to see the pictures of dresden after this bombing it is literally like every single building is shattered right down to the structure. There's nothing but rubble. It's exactly like what Kubrick would order for his look, like he did in Full Metal Jacket.

Like, they're walking through smoking, burned-out ruins. Yeah. It's funny. God, is Dresden—does anyone does anyone go there like is it worth like i don't know like did they restore anything well like yeah have they done anything like i don't know in the germans it was probably pristine about three months later i think you're right um yeah it's it's just amazing that in wartime, when you just try to wrap your head around bombing a city of women and children. And first of all, kind of sucks being a guy because why is it we're never on the list?

How come the women and children get out? You know, whether it's a fucking boat or a bombing or like, why is it that it's okay to kill us? What do we do? Well, we made the list. It's called the draft. Yeah. We were there. We.

I'm playing golf in Florida. All righty. What are we doing? Letters to the editor. Letters to the editor. This is from Ian. Regarding the potential passing of queen elizabeth what's the deal with elizabeth being the current face on australian and canadian state currency if and when she passes

will they have a new living person on their money if so who i think sir elton john they already went with a queen you think you're going with two queens in a row i think megan markle yeah that would be she's earned it she paid her dues she was so tough and lasted so long right of course i think she she deserves it i wonder if they put a king instead of a queen on the money if it'll suddenly be worth 30 percent more that's right i thought about that yeah so tim keith wrote in to add to your conversation about gordon lightfoot which by the way i went down a fucking rabbit hole yesterday of gordon lightfoot sundown sundown is widely believed believed to be written about Kathy Smith, who served time for injecting John Belushi with his fatal speedball. I remember that when I read this letter. He is absolutely right,

because Gordon Lightfoot, years before, that was hot and heavy with her. Wow. Did she go to jail for that? Oh, she served time. Yeah, that's what he's saying there. Wow. Yeah. He is something else. Luckily, she didn't have good stuff when she was dating Gordon. By the way, he is considered, and I read this in a few sources, the greatest songwriter ever to come out of Canada. And you're talking about Neil Young. You're talking about... Joni Mitchell. Joni Mitchell.

You're talking about... What's his name? The Leonard Cohen. Yeah. Did Gordon Lightfoot threaten to leave Spotify? Probably. Because all the Canadians seem to be doing it. No, there's there's others we're forgetting.

I mean, the band, Robbie Robertson. Robbie Robertson. And we're forgetting so many. Like Jeff Buckley Oh There's a disproportionate amount Of also good comedians From Canada Um

Stand-up comedians? Yeah I remember like A lot Hearing about Is Howie Mandel from there? Yeah there's a handful of Canadian stand-up comedians

Norm Macdonald Howie Mandel What there yeah there's a handful of norman donald howie mandel uh what's his name you know the goofy big guy i'm forgetting his name and then last week is he from canada he passed away uh i'm sorry i'm getting a little tired uh there are some good stand-up comedians from canada but i would not call it disproportionate. I would say the sketch comedians is probably disproportionate. Oh, yeah, the whole second. I guess funny people. Oh, Jim Carrey? I'd say there's a disproportionate amount.

They just dominated the Emmys with Schitt's Creek. Right. Harlan Williams is great. Yeah, that's who I was just talking about. I was saying, oh, yeah, Jim Carrey, Tom Green. Here comes the list. But we should look that up. You'd be shocked how much good, especially their population,

it's lower than you even – I know we all think it's low. It's even lower than you think. Yeah, right. And that's where I'm coming up with the disproportionate angle. All right, well, next week I'll do a little homework. Yeah, yeah. All right. And then we got Trey McCoy says, Greg, you have to get Mike to tell the story about addressing

his coworker that had a distinctive smell in the bathroom at his former job. No names needed. What is he talking about? All right. Can I talk? All right. Okay. I'll say, I think, all right can I talk all right okay I'll say I think I all right whatever so this was a stand-up uno so it was a guy and we it's a typical I think a lot of people work in an office can relate to this there was a guy who

had a smell he smelled like ass I'm just gonna put it that way and family-friendly that's a fine word so he's kids listen this is not how you handle it if you're ever in an office with a guy that smells like ass um someone noticed that his shoes they would see him and they and they could tell that he wiped once regardless if the job was done or not and uh and so and he would also like stand up before they heard the 12 anyway he was we all would call him the stand-up uno he was a segment producer and i remember wait wouldn't he stand up deuce oh because he would stand up when he would pay no it was just one wipe oh got it one wipe uno so he was a segment producer now a segment producer for those who don't, on a late night talk show and on any talk show is the face of the show for the celebrity.

They are the contact, the point person. They do a pre-interview with this person. They powwow with them. They go as soon as they arrive on the show. They go in. You've dealt with a million of these people, Greg. They go into the guest room with the show. They go into, you've dealt with a million of these people, Greg, they go into the guest room with the guest. They even walk over to here and make up with them with their like pad asking questions. Is anything changed? Let's go over what we're going to talk about out there.

So we would have these big stars come in and yeah. All right. So anyway, this was on Craig Kilbourne and all of a sudden during a commercial break, the segment producer comes over and works with it. And also Kilbourne's like, what the, what smells like shit? And, and it was like, and, and it was like, there's something that smells like shit out here. And, and he, he wouldn't let it go. Cause Craig is also very neat and like, and, and, and a clean person. And he's just like, uh, and so all of a sudden, like the booth, you know, here's what's going on in the commercial break. And so we're like, Oh my God, look, who's out there. And that's the cause of this. And so no one, like we couldn't tell him during the break that it's our,

it's our segment producer who Craig was actually kind of fond of, actually. And so he was like, this is crazy. And he stopped it down and he literally had the director come out and goes, I want you to run the fans in the AC like on full blast. And the guest is sitting there. Meanwhile, the guest has smelled this, I think, for the last two hours. And runs it. You can't say who the guest is? I forgot who the guest has smelled this i think all like for the last two hours and runs it and you can't say who the guest is i forgot who the guest was actually and so anyway but it was

someone that i think craig was putting on a little show like he craig in his mind must have been like if i'm smelling at this pungent this guy definitely has and he thinks our show smells like shit yeah so i've got to put on, but I think that maybe it was part of the motivation, but part of it was just like, it smells like shit out here. And so it was this big thing. And then the next day,

I guess Craig just demanded it. I think he saw us laughing and he's like, it's only, it wasn't just me. It's more like shit. And so we, I couldn't keep a straight face. And then eventually we cracked.

And I'm like, no comment. No comment. And finally he got it out of another employee. And there was a meeting. And it was a rule. The person, the segment producer, had to wear cologne from then on. No. He said by name? He said you have to wear cologne from then on no he said by name he said you have to wear cologne

a meeting was had well how many people were in the meeting i don't i mean the whole staff knew about the issue knew about it being addressed and then uh i think the person might have said like, I don't note taken. I'm sorry. Note taken. And it was not enough. Kilbourne demanded cologne. Whoa. Yeah.

That almost makes it worse. Cologne mixed with the smell. I think it was maybe just a constant reminder. Like, yeah. As you're spritzing, you're like, oh, did I wipe my ass? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Unbelievable. I can't believe I never heard that story. No, I didn't tell it like Kilbourn's hysterical.

I mean, he really I know the segment producer. I don't think you do. And I can't say more than that. I don't know. I don't think you do. OK. I don't think you do. I. I don't think you do. None of the obituaries caught my eye this week, so we're not going to do an obituary. Lucky week. I'm wrong. I said every week there's going to be more than three people beginning very soon.

By the way, I'm sure we're missing someone. I'm sure we're missing. Well, the queen. Maybe the queen just kicked it. Well, we did get news that Bob Saget died of a blunt force contusion to his head. Do you know anything about this? No. And I was out at the clubs last night talking to some people that were very close to Bob.

And they said that, you know, all they can imagine is that, you know, he checked in with his wife. He, you know, tweeted out that he had a good show and then he was in the bathroom or something and he slipped and fell and hurt his head and was just laying down i don't believe he was like under the covers i think he was on top of the covers dressed in a peaceful pose so it's possible that he hurt his head and was laying down till it passed and then there was um there was blood on the brain and his eyes actually like the bones around his eyes were fractured that's how hard he hit the ground or hit something with the back of his head oh my god yeah there was like multiple fractures on his skull well i did not hear that at all the poor guy guy. Yeah. Um, Oh man, it gets me scared. You know,

uh, as we're getting of a certain age, you know, that Natasha, uh, you know, uh, Liam Neeson's wife who died cause she hit her head skiing, skiing. Right. And then of course our friend, Tom O'Neill, who wrote the Manson book, laughs in our face and is like that. It was like Jaws, like this was no motorboat accident like that. That was no ski accident. And we're like, what are you talking about? And I think Tom, by the way, this is all allegedly what's not alleged is that Tom said it is that he does not think her death was related to a fall in skiing. Really? Yeah.

Huh. Now, we don't want to get a slander charge against Tom O'Neill for saying this. He said allegedly, right? He thinks. And it's all I said allegedly. And he said it's his thinking. His thinking. His opinion.

Is it's not a. And we haven't said anything, so I think we're fine. Okay. But that it was not a ski accident. She did not hit her head on the slopes as the story was told. All right, let's do some Sunday funnies. She head-butted Bob Saget. So, we got, somebody sent in this funny, I forgot to write down who sent me this, but it was very cute. It is from, do you recognize that cartoon?

I recognize that little guy. I recognize that guy, but I can't remember what cartoon it's from. Yeah. Is it Nancy and Sluggo? I think it might be Sluggo. Then I don't. I don't know what that is. So, it's this boy walking down the street.

He's got on like a little Irish snoozy cap, and he's eating an ice cream cone, and he's got on a blazer. That's that kid's dress. This is like a 1940s cartoon. Yeah, it's old looking. And the kid says, I always eat my cones too fast.

I'll go over to my favorite spot. And he walks over to a fence that has two holes in it. And he puts his arm through. He's got his arm through the hole with the cone on the other side. And there's a smaller hole that he's sticking his tongue through to lick the cone. It's the clean episode. We're not going to touch it. But if you're not watching our show on YouTube, you're missing out on all the good stuff.

He's having a glory ice cream. Yeah, I know where to take my ice cream to eat it slower. Where that guy who lives alone on our street showed me where there's that hole in the fence. Yeah, that hole in the fence where sometimes there's a sausage. Somebody leaves, I guess for a dog or something, they leave a sausage. Yeah, Boo Radley showed me this hole in the fence. and that's where I go to now eat my ice cream. And it's a little similar, quite honestly. All right. Let's go to the Lockhorns. I use my tongue and it eventually melts. Loretta is watching TV and it has the logo

for Greece on it. And Leroy goes, another one of your cooking shows? That's a long way to go. I mean, I guess they made the logo a little different, but it's close. Yeah, yeah. I like it. I like that one. And then there's Loretta is smiling with her friend and looking at a photo album.

And Leroy's talking to his friend in the background. And he goes, Loretta and I had a destination wedding. Hell. Oh, he hates her. He fucking hates her. Here's one that isn't funny, but I thought it was interesting. Loretta and Leroy are at a party. It's the yellow one.

Yeah. And she's gotoretta and Leroy are at a party. It's the yellow one. Yeah. And she's got her arm around Leroy. And there's a woman who can only be described as somebody that Bill Maher would bring to an after party. Except she's white. Yeah. But she is buxom. Huge tits and little legs. Oh, Gregory, the children are listening.

Oh, sorry. She's got the lonnie anderson hair yeah she looks like lonnie anderson and loretta says to the woman he's not what any woman in her right mind would want but he's mine that must have been on valentine's day or something yeah yeah i think so um there is a little uppercut before the compliment, but yeah. And then there's Leroy and Loretta are talking to the shrink, and he says, Loretta expects me to understand every word she isn't saying. Let's do a little Andy Cap. Oh andy's wife what's what's andy's wife's name on andy cap

flo flo right so flo is walking home she's got two big bags of groceries she's huffing and puffing and sweating and a guy comes by from the other direction with his hands in his pockets and goes hello flo where have you been out enjoying yourself and now she walks into the house and says i'm home andy andy's sitting on the couch with a newspaper he says oh pet i don't like to see you struggling with so much so much heavy shopping you should do it in two runs and the next frame is she's throwing a soup can at his head. Is there any, why do they need the first frame? Sometimes cartoons do that.

They give you like a cold open that has nothing to do with the rest of it. Oh, it's like cheers. Okay. And then Hager the Horrible, they've got Hager and his boys have got a big pole and they're about to knock down the door of the castle.

Another guy's got a ladder and he's walking up in front of them. And Hager says, we don't need a ladder, Lars. We're busting through the door. And then the princess climbs down and he says, the princess and I are eloping. And I just thought it was so sweet to see a woman in the 11th century having consensual sex with somebody. It was rare. Maybe. Almost never maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. I think consensual sex is a rather new concept. Well, that's why they have to elope to not be raped. And I think women fooled themselves into thinking they were into it, you know, back hundreds of years ago. Or like it was their duty. I think that was a big part. It was their duty, certainly under the, uh, Holy Roman empire. Yeah. Um, all right. So here's the family circus. I grabbed just seconds, actually almost while we were started recording and I'm so glad I did. What a gem. The dad is shaving and the little crappy son is there

with the orange hair looking up at him and he goes to the dad and he's pointing. Would it be easier if you didn't cut yourself? And that's it. There's if you're waiting for more than that, there's no more than that. There's no like, I mean, it's a layup. Couldn't even have been like saying, wouldn't it be easier to just cut yourself? Like, just don't be bothered with cutting yourself because the dad is holding, he's bleeding, sorry. He's bleeding and he's holding up a paper

towel thing i left that part out it doesn't matter though he's shaving and cutting himself wouldn't be easier if you didn't cut yourself it would it would also be easier if you gave your kids away that would be easier it would also be easier if you took the razor out of the blade and just went after Jeffy with it. That should be the second frame. Just Jeffy, his jugular pumping blood onto the tiles. Another family episode. You know, despite how it sounds, you know, it would be easier if I grab the back of your head and put it in the sink and then let it up. That would also be easier.

All right, now we got Blondie. Dagwood is talking to his son, and the son says, Dad, what's mom's first name? I thought this was very meta. Dad, what's mom's real first name? And Dagwood says, Blondie. And the son says, come on. It must be Betty or Julie orie or kate or something nobody would

name their child blondie that night in bed dagwood wearing fucking donut pajamas and blondie who's reading a book who's trying to better herself and he says what's your real first name blondie goes, without looking up from the book, what's yours? Whoa. I don't get it, but. Whoa. I like the mystery is preserved for you, though. You never found out what it is. I think it's an existential moment. This is like a David Lynch scene.

You know, they don't know each other. They just learn they know nothing about each other. Exactly. It's like at the end of raising adult children and being alone in a bed together, you've accomplished everything you set to do as parents, as humans. He's bottomed out at his job. And now, who are you? It's like that David Byrne song.

You are not my beautiful. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. Yeah. And I assume the kids adopted because we've never seen them touch each other. Is that. Oh, my God. If I if I was married to Blondie, she would be pregnant.

I would have her abort because I would want to get back in there fast. She would not bring kids to fruition in my house. It would be a rule. I'd like to ding you for going there during a family show. Oh, right. I made it almost to the end. I did just advocate the father smashing the kid's face into a sink full of water and drowning him. We stayed clean all the way up to the cartoons.

Let's face it, no kid would have made it. No kid's listening to this, and no kid made it this far. All right, well, listen. Mike, enjoy the rest of your time in Florida. Happy Super Bowl Sunday, everybody. Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Everybody enjoy the game. I hope the Rams win.

I really believe they're going to win. It's not going to be a blowout. It's going to be a close game. I can easily see it going into overtime. All the playoff games were determined by fucking field goals. It's going to be a blowout. It's going to be a close game. I can easily see it going into overtime. All the playoff games were determined by fucking field goals. It's going to be tight. Cincinnati wins by eight points.

Rams win by five. You got so burned on that 3.5 point spread. I know that sucks ago. That's yeah. So they've made it our nice round four. Although we'll play with it. You know, our, our running bet is we'll play with whatever the spread is at half

kickoff. No kickoff. A kickoff. I mean, um, that's funny. Um, no, whatever it is, a a kickoff so we'll see i'm wondering if more people uh think the rams are gonna win that'll move the line yeah again i have no idea what i'm

talking about but that's how i see the world all right well enjoy florida say hi to your dad give him my best i will definitely i will he knows i'm in here i i try to block the sound if you can look at the bottom of the door i put a rug i put a rug at the bottom of the door to block yeah block all the sound all right here's me talking about the gaze and everything um all right our thanks as always to uh key and uh chris and beth at midcoast Media for doing a fine job. And we'll see you guys next week. Take it easiest. Take it easiest.

Take it easiest. Bye-bye. Take a dig. Another week. Here's Colin Garnett. Dennis Gubbin. Did some underprivileged people wrong. Read all about it.

Fitz said he'd shout it. And Gibbons pops with Ritalin. Now the podcast can't begin. Sunday Papers Podcast.