Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 102 2/20/22

Episode Date: February 20, 2022

Ice fishing shacks are the new jack shacks, a confederate flag burning in the Bayou, A Florida woman uses her relief $ to put a hit on a TSA worker, and the Queen mother pays a settlement for her garbage son Prince Andrew.  

I'll be all about it, here it goes. Someday, there was someday. Now I have to put the headphones in. Now I've got to bring the microphone over here. That was a little burp for audio level. Check, check, check. Was that high enough? It was in my suitcase, so the dials might have moved.

Why don't you start screaming now before I put the headphones in? Read all about it. Read all about it. Hear ye, hear ye. Okay, then. Fresh news. Is Ukraine invading Russia? Maybe.

Maybe they're turning the tables. You'll find out on Sunday Papers. We're not going to find out. We're not doing that story. No, we're not going to do that story. I don't know what that story is. Unless it involved a guy driving a pickup truck into a clown school,

I don't think it's going to happen. The truck driving thing, did you hear most the far majority, the vast majority of truck drivers in Canada are against that truck driving thing. Did you hear most, the far majority, the vast majority of truck drivers in Canada are against that truck driving stuff. Oh, boy, look at your stock market today. Oh, boy. Someone's worried about Ukraine. Oh, yeah?

All right. Today's Thursday. Oh, down 622. That's it. Need more. Need a lot more. Need a lot more. It's not even halfway down the wall. It's it. Need more. Need a lot more. Need a lot more. It's not even halfway down the wall.

It's got to hit that floor. We're recording early this week. Today is Thursday, the 17th of February, one month before St. Patrick's Day. I'm ill-prepared. You have to do this. Why? Where are you going? I'm going to see my beautiful daughter up the coast.

Oh, I don't want to give a shit about that. That's great. We're going to have some fun. We're going to do some hiking, go out to eat, and it'll be nice. It'll be a big road trip with the wife. Nice. It's hard to throw a move on her in the front seat there, right? It used to be.

You've got to get one of those old school cars or truck, you know, pickups that had the bench seating. Oh. When you could have your gal in your arms while you drove. We got tinted windows, though. Oh, all right. Hey, now. Okay.

How was your Valentine's Day? okay how was your valentine's day uh i i i think i forgot even to wish my daughters i someone goes did you remember to wish your daughters happy valentine's day and i'm like uh that's exactly what i said uh like you're not a big holiday guy like you have never ever in the 30 something years i've known you don't say it called me on my birthday that's for you're full of shit i've gotten better about that last few years you'll see god we'll look at the text i call you every year april 11th happy birthday i think just Googled that quickly as you were talking about this subject. You're April 5th. I know that. There you go.

There you go. And I didn't Google it. Hands down here, hands down here. Here's my hands. You'd see them if I was Googling. But no, I've gotten better wishing you a happy birthday. I was bad. I don't place a lot of value on that. Same with me.

No, you're not a big, that's fine. As long as people know that about you, it's fine. It's when I set up my mom, my dad died many years ago. And so every year on Valentine's day, I send my mom flowers. And this year I fucking forgot. And all of a sudden it was Valentine's Day. And I felt so bad. I called her and I missed her. And I talked to her the next day and she was fine with it. But I was racked with guilt. So I sent her a big present that day. And then she, of course, receives it and she's like, oh, that's right.

I'm a widow. She had not remembered until then. She had one year where it didn't get hammered home by her son. It's really more about him. Yeah, right, right. As a matter of fact, I used to send her chocolate-covered strawberries for years. And then she finally said to me, you know I'm allergic to strawberries, right? That's the kind of communication we have in the Fitzsimmons family.

They cost like 60 bucks. I never was into that. I don't get the chocolate-covered strawberries. There's too much going on there, I think. If they're fresh. Shari's Berries makes a good chocolate-covered strawberry. Meanwhile, I like dark chocolate-covered espresso beans. Talk about too much going on there i think if they're fresh sherry's berries makes it makes a good chocolate covered strawberry meanwhile i like dark chocolate covered espresso beans talk about too much going on there so i'm a moving target i don't know what i'm talking about so i was with my dad not to rub it in but i was with my dad and uh what's that like yeah i don't know if you remember but it's loving it's nice um no no sometimes sometimes i wish i were in your shoes

uh but um it was you know i don't yeah god i i the day went by what was it monday uh sunday i think it was monday yeah okay but the daughter's thing i don't know i guess she was your daughter's i I sent her a card. Seems weird. I sent her cookies and a card. Your mom. No, my daughter. I remembered my daughter.

And I did send my mom a card earlier in the week. So she probably got the card, but she just didn't get any flowers. I think you're trying to save it now. No, I did. I sent a card. All right. I don't even like this topic. Why did you ask me about Valentine's Day?

Because I'm happily married and it's really nice to be in a couple. Oh, okay. I'm glad I brought up the dad thing. I think I trumped you there, surprisingly. You'd rather have a father than a wife? Well, I have an ex-wife who's not dead so i i have more living people in my in my in my hand of cards here for playing poker um so i don't know maybe maybe what i just described is worse um i uh but i don't you, growing up, my mom, we used to like,

all of a sudden when we were in grammar school, be like, Oh, let's get flowers or, you know, let's get something on my dad. Even, even though they were divorced, it'd be like, you know, don't forget it's mom, you know, mother's day. Don't forget your mom. And she kind of be resentful. She's like this just had a very and i can understand more about me she had kind of a very cynical view of the hallmark holiday and was like oh why aren't i celebrated every day like so there's one day a year you know like and uh so that you know on little mike's ears that that lodges in in the brain. Yeah. And they are these, you know, these hallmark holidays, so to speak. But, yeah.

I don't know. I don't even know what to say about it. Let's talk about Super Bowl, which has less emotions in it, so maybe you can handle it. You can talk about it. Talk about another created holiday. We won it. LA Rams, baby. can handle it. You can talk about it. Talk about another created holiday. Yeah, so I was in Florida for it. LA Rams, baby.

We won it. We, the worst. It's all I do is focus on the Rams year round for my whole life. Isn't that such a weird thing how people try to out veteran each other with how long they've been? I was a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers when when they were a garage band. Everybody wants to, like, know them and have been a fan longer. Well, I'm going to deal with this when either the Jets or the Knicks ever, ever win again, because people will be really trying to show their stripes, you know, with those two.

And I think I'll be like, yeah, you're an idiot. Yeah, you're right. I did drop off. I just couldn't take the crushing depression every year. And the hopelessness from the game one of the season, knowing there's no hope. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I didn't follow it closely.

I didn't wear my hat and jersey and watch every game. No, I didn't follow it closely. I didn't wear my hat and jersey and watch every game. No, I didn't. I'm a proud non-card-carrying member of the Jets and Knicks right now. Very proud, actually. I'm doing other things with my time. You are known for preseason saying, I think the Jets are going to be good this year, and then you go two games in, and then you jump right off.

I don't know. I thought that about the Knicks like three seasons ago or something. I thought there might be a spark. Anyway, whatever. It's terrible. John Sparks is long gone. Starks, wasn't it? Oh, Starks, right.

So what – all right, let's talk about this halftime show. Yeah. Well, the Super Bowl in general. First of all, highlight for me, well, the game was extraordinary. And I won because it was four and a half points. Yeah, can we talk about that? I am a Rams fan. I'm not a diehard Rams fan.

But I liked them when I was a kid. I've always liked the Rams, and I love their fucking roster right now. I was excited they won. the rams and i love their fucking roster right now i was excited they won but they won and they won by three points because they just they they fucked up a uh a snap a placeholder fumbled the ball on the extra point and so uh gay gay uh wasn't even able to kick it so we lost that point i would have tied you it would have been a tie no would have been a tie. No, four and a half points. Oh, was it four and a half? Yeah, it went up day of, morning of.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would have lost anyway. You would have lost anyway, so be consoled. What do I owe you, 50 bucks? I think that's what we did. Yeah, I think we did 50 bucks. Rabi called me.

I think it's safe because his wife doesn't listen. No one listens in that family to this podcast. But he was like, 250 bucks. I'm like, dude, you have a disease. I go, isn't like 100 the same as 250 in terms of I care about it just as much. I don't want to lose 250. Don't get me wrong. But 100 is enough to be like you got some skin in it.

And he's like, 250, you pussy. And so I'm like, holy. With him getting Cincinnati and you getting the Rams? No. He's Rams, Rams, Rams. He grew up. He claims he grew up a Rams fan. Yeah.

So I said, fine, 200. So that's what we bet. So I took his 200 bucks. And 50 for me yeah any action in florida was there betting going on down there okay so at the next table all right i was in i was in this literally yacht club on palm beach island it was the oldest crustiest crowd you got the guy we were there with is an awesome guy so don't get me wrong about the guy who brought us and he's young younger than me the crowd was so old so first of all the halftime

show to look around at the it was a what the fuck is this meanwhile i'm like yeah i know it's old this song's 30 years old and they're looking at me like, because to them, it's this very threatening spaceship that they're watching land. And it's incredibly new for them. And so. Sorry about that. I just had to book a role in a major motion picture. We're back from a phone call and we listened.

And can we tell them the highlight of the call for me? Yeah. All right. The guy's trying to work out some transportation, getting you to Kentucky, it sounds like. It's Doug Stanhope

flying me to Chicago, but close. Okay, good. And then, I thought he said Lexington. I'm going to Lexington on Thursday to do stand-up, but then the movie

is Monday to Wednesday in Chicago. Got it. Oh, I'll see my son. Look at that. Okay, oh, all of a sudden you're the family man, because when the call happened, it was like, well, you said I'm going to San Francisco this weekend,

and as we've already established, you're driving up there with Aaron doing a road trip. So then all of a sudden it's like, well, do you want to fly out of there? You're like, oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I could fly out of San Francisco. And I was not supposed to be talking in the background, had to whisper, Aaron's driving back alone. No. And Chris at the exact same moment went, oh. Oh! So we nixed that plan, thankfully.

Hilarious. Looking out for you. Yeah, so my acting career is not over. Look at that. That's going to be cool. Yeah, that's going to be fun. And the best part is he said we get to improv and riff, which means I don't have to memorize my lines.

And you get to do hockey material. I overheard that part. Well, that'll be easy. There you go. Oh, method acting. So what were we talking about? Florida? Super Bowl. Super Bowl halftime show. Yeah, right. So they were pretty flabbergasted by the whole thing. I did over here one table be like uh uh you still want to defund the police no really yeah yeah and and they still wanted to put like you know someone talking but all right so next to us was this group of uh people at the table and they had the boxes and so we look over and we're like, oh, look,

there's the boxes. Like maybe they need, you know, to sell some boxes. It was like right before a kickoff and all the boxes were filled out. And then we noticed they're all like, so they filled them all out among themselves. Right. And then, uh, so there's like, I'd say, I think four couples and maybe five and all the boxes are among themselves. So at one point I then brought up my concept, you know, my concept, which is you look at what the next score might be. In other words, the next winning box. And I go, I'll give you a hundred bucks, you know, or whatever I said, I probably said 20, I'll give you 20 bucks for that box. I probably said 20. I'll give you 20 bucks for that box.

And she's like, what? And they, first of all, they didn't even understand the concept. But then we heard that there, I'm not going to remember the exact numbers. I think there was $4,000 in their pot. Okay. I'm not even kidding you. It was like 50 bucks a box. It was something crazy. 40 bucks a box would be 4,000.

It would be 40 bucks. I think it was 40 bucks a box. Right, right. So anyway, it was huge odds over there at the next table. But yeah, I introduced the concept of like, you know, basically creating a stock market around these boxes and futures on the boxes. So like Monopoly, like trying to, within the game,

buy stuff from the other players. That's the funnest thing to do. Well, you know, Govans... Especially when you can scream to an old woman, I'll give you 20 bucks for your box. I don't think I'm invited back. This old box? You want this old box?

I don't think I'm invited back. This old box? You want this old box? I don't think I'm invited back. I think I got the lock on that. Well, you know, our friend Gubbins hit it big. I know. He hit a box that paid out like $8,000 or something. Now, your audio sounds a little lower since you've been on the call. Are you plugged in? I'm plugged in. All right, good. All right, maybe it's me. I'm going to turn mine up a little lower since you've been on the call. Are you plugged in? I'm plugged in.

All right, good. All right, maybe it's me. I'm going to turn mine up a little. Okay. So, yeah, Gubbins, he made like four grand or something. I'm sure he'll donate it to wealthy people. He's chipping in for gas for the Canadian truckers. That's perfect.

Yeah. The Sopranos ad came on, and there were a lot of memes showing exactly what happened, which is old people, it was like a dog whistle. Everybody was like, whoa, like as soon as you heard that bass line, you know? Yeah, right. And it was amazing. So have you seen a lot of the jokes about it? You sent me a very funny one with James Gandolfini in it.

Well, that one actually made me choke up. That was some guy goes, I cut together my own version of it. He did it on Monday. Yeah. And it's the ad with his kids and, you know, and Meadow driving around and AJ and stuff. And it's a scene from The Sopran kids and, you know, and Meadow driving around and AJ and stuff. And it's a scene from The Sopranos where, you know, late at night he'd be there watching TV all alone. And this was one where he gradually teared up and got very emotional at the end.

Yeah. And it's so well done, the guy who did that. It was very cool. All right. Here was one. Here was one joke, though. At least we didn't have to sit through Meadow trying to parallel park.

That's good. It's perfect. And then, wait, what was another one? This is a good one. Tony Soprano didn't struggle his whole life so his kids could drive electric Chevy trucks. And then I think my friend Dickie nailed it. You know Dickie?

Yes. I watched the Super Bowl with Dickie in L.A. I sat next to him the whole game. Well, he nailed, I think, the joke, if you ask me. And it was, it would have been great if in the middle or at the very end of that Sopranos Chevy ad, it's suddenly cut to black followed by the F, uh, the Ford F two 50 logo coming up. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be bad. That would have been amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. And you know, I told him,

I'm like, get that out there. I go, I mean, Jimmy Kimmel should be doing that, but then they have such corporate, whenever you bring it in a, a big advertiser into your comedy,

it's a minefield in late night. Yeah. All of a sudden you're doing a funny thing saying Ford's better than Chevy. And all of a sudden ABC loses, you know, $500,000 that month because they pull all the ads. Right. More than that. So we want to give a shout out to Holy Shit. How about that song this week from David Chamberlain?

Very. It's a nice groove. I like that a lot. RecordLA.com is his company, and he's done a few for us, and they're always up there with the best that anyone's ever done. So thank you so much. Our logo this week is from Eric Chiarolanzio. Chiarolanzio.

Nailed it. And I believe it's, I said it before, Something and the Bear. BJ? BJ and the Bear, I believe is what that photo is from. It's an old 70s TV show. Seems like you're the bear, but I'm a character called BJ. I don't know if I did much better. You're BJ, yeah, with the pleather jacket and the chest hair.

Oh boy. Look at that. Hey, look at that head of hair though. Huh? Wouldn't that be nice? Look at that. Yeah.

I wish I had more fun with my hair when I had hair. I wish I'd done, I had a mullet for a while. That was fun. You did dreads for like a year or two in college. I'm kidding. I should have gone real long for a while. Your brother cornered that market.

Yeah, yeah. That's true. I couldn't do it because of my brother. And your family. Thanks to Liz Brown, who was nice enough to send me a mug, the official, not the maroon mug, the blue mug. Oh, wow. Yeah. So thank wow. Yeah.

Why did Liz do that? Because she's a big fan and she said, tell Gibbons that she taunted you. I should find the email, but she taunted you. Okay, Liz. We have beef. Liz, we read an email of hers last week. Yes. Yes.

She is a friend of the show. an email of hers last week yes yes she is she was pitching that she was pitching the most uh most uh the biggest losses in terms of people dying and she pitched uh a lot of people of color look at your memory kicking in i'm trying to remember who she pitched my who did she pitch oprah i would imagine who oprah Somehow I don't think Oprah was one of them. No. Who would it be? James Earl Jones? Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan? Yeah, we talked

about this, yeah. Morgan Freeman? Did you mention him? I think she mentioned Morgan Freeman. No! Morgan Freeman? No. It's going to be big. It's going to be big. Only if he could announce his own passing. He should pre-record something. I bet you he has done more Super Bowl commercials

than any actor in history. Not true. I don't think you're right. Who's done the most Super Bowl commercials of anybody in history? What was that guy's name? Fontana? There was a La Fontaine. He was the most famous VO guy.

He was like in a world. He was that guy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just guessing. I mean, he, you know, it's probably whoever the hell did Budweiser. Maybe a Marlboro man.

They came, they kept dying of lung cancer, the Marlboro man. Did you know that? That, that can't be true that's absolutely true Chris Denman immediately researched Marlboro men dying of lung cancer I thought we were talking about VO guys you're talking about the Marlboro man like the cowboy yeah I do think

one of them later when they were no longer affiliated died yeah of lung cancer oh no no they all died of lung cancer. Oh, that's a strong word. It sounds like a Fitz word. Not all. Most of them died of lung cancer. And now you say, I'm always right.

Speaking of corrections, on the Sunday, February 13th episode, you guys couldn't recall the name of a movie about the outsider who comes to a quaint little town. I believe you are thinking of Local Hero with Peter Reigert and Burt Lancaster. It's about a Houston-based oil company looking to acquire coastal land in Scotland. Does that sound right? It's 100%. I even watched the trailer this week because we got that. The movie was written and produced by Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits. That is not true.

It's absolutely true. All the time. He wrote and produced the soundtrack. All right. We're now getting info hot off the press from Denman. Five men who appeared in marlboro related advertisements and here's the names died of smoking related diseases thus earning marlboro cigarettes specifically marlboro reds the nickname cowboy killers well hold on so it wasn't what it

was not lung cancer they were in the green room and the guy lit the couch on fire and they all died from carbon monoxide poisoning unrelated to the cigarette smoke bobcat golfway killed them oh man all right that's a lot you win that one that's a lot more than i thought yep uh speaking of uh speaking of green rooms i'm going to be coming to lexington kentucky this oh wait a minute now that'll be that'll be over no will it be over no it'll be happening uh the february 24th through the 26th the comedy off broadway in lexington omaha nebraska the waiting room on february 27th baltimore just announced I'll be in Magoobies March 3rd through 5th. Magoobies is a real thing. They get so much shit about that name.

I don't know why they don't change it, but I guess it's too late. I didn't even call out the waiting room, but Magoobies. Yeah. All right. St. Paddy's Day at the Hollywood Improv March 17th, and then I'm coming to Spokane, Washington, New Orleans, Lafayette, and Tacoma. Fitzdog.com for details. Update on Dennis Gubbins.

We reached out to you guys. We wanted to get Dennis Gubbins' Instagram account over 2000. It was at 1967. Thanks to you, this week it's now at 2069. Oh, my God. A hundred new people in just a week. I'm going to go look at it right this second. I'm wondering if people are dropping them because now it's gone to his head.

It's such a boring site. He doesn't do anything with it. He's got to do something now. By the way, it's at DGUBS, D-G-U-B-S, if you want to follow him. I'm going to encourage him to put some pictures up. It's right at 2069. Yep. I'm going to unfollow him just to drop it down to 68.

Guess who took him from 1999 to 2000? Couldn't guess. I did it. I did it. I went to check, and it was at 1999. You weren't following him. I did it. I did it. I went to check, and it was at $19.99. You weren't following him. I was not following him. Okay, then.

Lovely. Well, listen, we do a lot of talking, Mike, and we only do it in English, and that seems stupid. There's so many other languages. Si, claro, si. You got to speak French. You got to speak Spanish. This is a world economy and the way to do it

is with Babbel baby Babbel learning in little 15 minute chunks that's I used to take French for like 3 or 4 years

in high school and then 2 years in college and it was always an hour and a half long classes your mind numbs over

you don't remember anything Babbel gives you little digestible chunks, and it sticks with me. I'm taking French again. I'm relearning French. I'm doing Spanish, but I want people to meet me in the middle.

Can I tell you a tiny little story? Down in Florida, my dad's knock on the door. My dad's out at the dentist. And anyway, a woman comes, and it's a cleaning woman. And she's supposed to come tomorrow, I think, at 2. So she was like uh you know i i she i how do you say today i forget i forget anyway but she was just spanish so i'm trying my best you know i'm just getting into babble now all i have besides that is three years of high school spanish but I'm making my way. I'm like, and then the confusion was how long I, then I go,

and I go quanto horas or whatever. And I'm trying in my worst broken Spanish, but I am trying with words zero effort to meet me in the middle. And I, and, and, you know, I'm not this guy, so I can say this, but in America, so it's, and it's like, you, you have to know the key words like money. I know many, like, in other words, I know so many of the key words, especially if it was related to my job. So I go,

and so then the confusion was it takes her two hours to clean, but we were talking about two o'clock tomorrow. Could not. And I'm, and I'm doing diagrams with my hands. Not, Not now. Mañana. Two o'clock. And no, nothing.

And zero Spanglish came out of her mouth. Just pure Spanish. So it's up to us, Mike. We need to get on Babel. She works for the building. She's a citizen who works for the building and I think has worked there a long time. That's the other thing.

I would not be saying this if I thought it was someone, you know, like very fresh. Although even then, you know, like when you go to Paris, wouldn't you be self-conscious about making your way? Oh, I would totally. If I was going to Paris on my vacation to clean people's houses and scrub their toilets, I would totally take some time to learn the language. Well, now I don't like the tone of this. All I'm saying is when I went to Italy, I'm like, here, I go, listen, I was old. I was old enough. I was like, you know, out of college, I think. And I go to Italy and I'm like, here's my list of words that I need to know. And the first word I demanded to know was sorry. There you go.

Scoozy. It turns out, by the way, scoozy you can fucking use for anything. You can use to get attention, to pardon yourself, to leave. It's goodbye. I'm a sure ejaculation.

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three just go to babbel.com and use promo code papers that's b-a-b-b-e-l.com code papers babbel language for life also that's mucho sabados. Mucho lunes. That's many, many of those days. Go ahead. I'm making an effort. If you really need to make an effort, you need to drink some coffee. And the way to do it is to get yourself some cometeer. Oh, boy.

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Wow. With Cometeer, it happens instantly. I bring them to my office. They're in the freezer or my fridge. I boil some water in the kitchen, and I have my coffee when I like it, and it's good. Nice. I hope the next ad isn't for zinc. Go to zinc for your $4.50 Americanos, which are not as good as Cometeer.

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we need it alright let's get into some news I guess if we must Do you have the paper? All right, let's get into some news. Oh, I guess, if we must. Do you have the paper? I got a sad yellowed one. That's fine. Extra! Extra!

We all have found it! Extra! All right, listen up, adult weirdos. All right, I read this. I don't really have much jokes on it, but I think, sadly, this is the future. Like, I think this is I don't really have much jokes on it, but I think sadly this is the future. Like, I think this is going to like happen. Uh, if you could live at Disneyland, would you? If so, it's your lucky day. Disney's theme park division is planning to break ground on story

living by Disney. That's what it's called. Master-planned residential communities that will somehow be steeped in story. The first, dubbed Cotino, will be built in Rancho Mirage, California, which is Palm Springs. It's going to include 1,900 homes, a 24-acre grand oasis modeled after Disney's famous lagoons,

a clubhouse, beachfront hotel, and of course, plenty of shopping, blah, blah, blah. Disney cast members will operate the community aspects, while Disney Imagineers will have a hand in each community's creative concept. This actually isn't the first time that Disney's been behind the construction of livable communities. Epcot was famously designed by Walt himself to be a model. It sounds like I'm reading an ad, but this is, that's, you can't get away from it. That's what this thing is.

And Walt designed Epcot as a city of the future. And they settled though on making it a park. And the company created the town of Celebration, Florida. Oh yeah, I remember that. It's huge. Which opened its doors in 96. So Disney hopes that its everything-is-an-attraction mentality, which is now implemented at its hotels and restaurants and cruise ships, can be carried over to residential living.

The company thinks the idea behind story living will be so sticky that it even announced that people can purchase day passes to visit this community where real people live. Yeah. So in a way, it's going to be Disney's third California Disney theme park. So I think when you buy the condo, you have to give them a down payment and a small piece of your soul, which they keep in a basement while you live. Do they accept the goofy dollars? Remember those as down payment? Yeah.

When we got, we, we, as a joke, I tried to use it in a bar when we were at Disney World in Orlando. And, uh, and they're like, yeah, we take those. Yeah. It was like five miles from the park. And we were drunken out of money. And we're like, oh, try a Goofy dollar. And they took it. Can you imagine the racial diversity that Disney condos are going to have?

Well, also, it reminds me of, of, I think it was that Gaffigan joke. It's like, have you ever seen, he's talking about getting just absolutely the worst, having the worst day of his life, dragging his kids all over Disney. And then you see adults there without children. He's like, you know what, I call them, and it was basically weird,

I call them weirdos. Or, it was some but it is true. And there is a whole population that's obsessed. I think they can just jack these prices. Oh, yeah. Especially if you get in the first one. There's a lot of those adults. My daughter's boyfriend's mother spends all of her free time and money going to Disneyland.

Disneyland or World in California? It's Land out here, I think. Yeah. There is a lot of those people, and they take it very... You know, there's only one place in Disneyland here where alcohol is sold,

and it's a private club. No. Yes, and it's in like the... You can't get a beer at Disneyland? No. No, you cannot. No shit. Yep.

And it's in like the French quarter. It's in the like Louisiana section. I don't know Disney. I'm proud to say. But it's in. I do know that. And they have season passes. They get their season passes every year. They study like the crowded days on the calendar and they try to avoid lines. And they just go over and over and over again. Yeah, yeah. What do you think that is? You think it's like some kind of like a childhood that wasn't fully lived somehow? Maybe their uncle raped them while wearing a mouse costume.

I'm just—no, no, it's an escape of some sort. I mean, like, it's an idealized safe. I think safety is a huge part of it. It's nostalgic, safe, and I think there's something about their childhood that they really want to experience again. One time we went to—there was a kid's party in the neighborhood and they hired a woman to play the Little Mermaid. You know, like she shows up and she does like a little live show. And so she pulled into the lot behind my house and I was in the back upstairs and I looked outside. I don't like where this is going on.

And she changed into her Little Mermaid outfit in her car car she was the most voluptuous she was gorgeous and so i got to the party early and sat in the front row and it was all dads it was just dads like the kids were like can we please get by so we can see the little mermaid shut up kid give me another juice box. She's ours. Oh, the poor woman. So this is so bizarre. And yeah, sorry. I just saw it right before the podcast started. So we could have a lot of jokes on it.

But I mean, of course. I mean, it's a gated community plus Disney. Yeah. But that the characters are going to be walking around. It's also very surreal. So there's going to be characters walking around in costume? My only hope is I just,

I just hope the crime rate is high. Like I hope, I hope for some reason people target this community and I want to see like, you know, one of the ducks just trying to tackle some guy with a with a cap and a mask on as he's stealing trying to steal a car right uh yeah they

said the characters are going to populate the place or the the there's official name for them by the way there was that article cast members they call them yeah cast, there was that article. Cast members, they call them. Yeah, cast members. There was that article years ago. I forgot. It was, I think it might have been, I'm forgetting what magazine, but where they talked about that they are never ever allowed, you know, the tunnel system underneath the amusement park and that the cast members are never allowed to take their hat off. They can't reveal themselves. And so they would talk about when it got up to like in the 90s and even into the hundreds and they would be on a float, the people would asphyxiate.

They would all of a sudden pass out. And so they would have like Goofy tied to a pole. And then now Goofy's just hanging lifeless off this pole as all the kids are screaming at him. And what would happen sometimes is they would throw up inside the big head that they're wearing. And the throw up would hit the mesh, like a screen where their mouth is. And it would clog it. And then they would be oxygen deprived. But they were not allowed to take it off.

Imagine still following that rule. They also couldn't admit they were not allowed to take it off. Imagine still following that rule. They also couldn't admit they were gay, and that's 90% of those male cast members. Oh, my God. Here's an upbeat story. For more than two years, authorities in a small New York town had gotten tips that a missing six-year-old girl was with her biological parents there,

even though they lost custody in 2019. So they're fucked up parents. They did something horribly wrong that the daughter was taken away. Hold on. As we know, there's three sides to every story at least. Their side, the other side, and the truth. But there's more than that probably. So eventually, this is overwritten, but the long story short is they they found her.

A tip finally came in and they showed up and they found they found the little girl two years later. So now I guess she's like eight years old. No, no. She was four when she was missing. Wow. So now she's six. And they they they broke into the house. They searched it, could not find her, even And they broke into the house. They searched it. Could not find her. Even though they'd got the tip, they really believe this is it. She's in this house. Yeah.

And then somebody noticed something odd about a staircase to the basement. Detective Eric Thiel shined a flashlight through the floorboards and saw what appeared to be a blanket. They started ripping the stairs apart, observed two small feet, and Theo was the hero of the hour. They found the little girl. Whoa. Yeah. This is very... Well, first of all, I bet this poor little girl wished she was abducted and

chained to a radiator in a Disney development in one of their houses. Hey, everything's fun. That could be part of a new storyline of a new Disney movie. Something horrible always happens to a kidnapped child in Disney. And she's going to think

it's like the Home Alone robbers are all goofy and slipping on marbles and oil slicks and stuff. Nope. No, or maybe they'd make it like a Harry Potter experience. Yeah, you live under the stairs just like Harry. Poor girl couldn't even live in the attic like Anne Frank. Oh!

By the way, I like the cross between Anne Frank and Harry Potter. I think there's something there. Oh, my God, did I send you that breakdown? I didn't realize how spot on Harry Potter was in ripping off Star Wars. No, really? It's actually crazy, yes. Both parents gone, raised by an older relative, an uncle. No, no, it's nonstop.

Someone did a side-by-side comparison. It's the exact story. an older relative, an uncle. No, no, it's nonstop. Someone did a side-by-side comparison. It's the exact story. And also in a way like Lord of the Rings, or yeah, like Lord of the Rings, it wouldn't be too far off that, you know, like Anne Frank, the bad guys are the Nazis.

So there's probably more similarities here. It's because of the whole joseph campbell hero's journey uh thing every screenwriter in hollywood is told when they get off the bus when they get here you got to read the hero's journey and so everybody realized everybody learned that star wars is the perfect script and it's about the kid who has a troubled childhood who has to leave home and he has to go and he has to uh fight and he learns skills and he meets a mentor and he learns a skill and then he fights his way to get back home again yeah and so every script in how hollywood has the same fucking story yeah the ilia the odyssey and then they put a layer of uh youngian psychology on top of it with the dark and the

light side and that internal light and dark side within all of us. Yeah. So anyway, poor girl. Well, she's found now. God, you wonder how she's going to do in life. God bless her. You know, listen, I've heard of our friend. Well, I guess we'll just say his first name. Our friend Billy was kidnapped when he was a child. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And he was kidnapped by his father because he was at his mom's. And that was, I guess we can, can we say that was the right thing to do?

For the father? For the whole situation. For Billy, really. Really, for Billy. Really? You don't think it was the right thing for Billy's dad to kidnap him? I forget the details. Well, he grew up with his dad.

Yeah. Who we love. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Billy didn't turn out so hot. No, no. Billy turned out fine. I just mean, what you're saying. Billy didn't turn out so hot. No, no. Billy turned out fine. I just mean, what was the mother's situation?

I thought he was still close to his mom, though. I don't think so. I don't think as much. Yeah. No. I'm not saying anything bad happened there, but maybe it was like a somehow wasn't allowing custody, but technically it's a kidnapping.

Wow. Well, this was, these were the parents. I know. Our next story, whores. Craig Schubert, the mayor of Hudson, Ohio, tendered his resignation from the largely ceremonial post. Last week, Schubert suggested that during a city council meeting that allowing ice fishing at a local park could could lead to prostitution all right i'm on

craig's side so far keep going well i mean i finally get it i never understood the whole ice fishing thing i never understood sitting in a shack on ice for six hours but if you're going to send some girls to just come around with some frozen handies. Come on. Frozen handies. I mean, imagine how cold their hands would be. It'd be amazing. Is this something desirable, a freezing hand during that? It depends on how hot your cock is, Mike. Oh man. All right. Well, this is no longer the family episode that we had last week. Uh, you know,

you only put in three sentences in here. And the last one is, quote, he said this during the meeting. Does someone come back next year and say, I want an ice shanty on Hudson Springs Park for X amount of time? So I think what he was bringing up is, listen, if you give people any chance, people are going to, people are going to hook up in whatever, whatever thing you, obviously a lot of cheating and all that goes on in motel and hotel rooms, but it doesn't have to be that far. And I think now what I'm reading here is these would be like a temporary small room that could be rented for really cheap. I see. So I think he's right.

I see what you're saying. Well. Why is he against it? Why is he against it? Who's getting harmed here exactly? What's the problem? I guess the trafficked prostitutes, but we'll overlook that. Well, you know, let's keep that on ice.

but we'll overlook that. Well, you know, let's keep that on ice. I guess maybe a fisherman's marriage could get hurt. Let me tell you something. If you're in a relationship where you can go, honey, rather than sit at home with you in front of a roaring fire and watch something on Netflix, I'm going to sit on a frozen lake in a three-squ three square foot shack with my fat buddy and fart and eat sausage. You build fires on the ice, too.

That's how thick it is in really cold places. Jesus. And do you know, have you ever gone ice fishing? No, and I never will. Oh, I've gone a lot. And so you put it in there, you know, and I used to go to the Brickner, too. We'd go because Jeff. How do you make the hole?

I mean, we used to use an ax, but they have very fancy. You can attach it to a drill, but it's like a giant screw that can go down. And that when you ever see a really neatly cut ice hole, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. And so and you can do it by hand as well. But you just like sort of there's a word that I'm forgetting, but you just screw into the thing. But you set up your sticks across the hole, and then you set the flag down, kind of like you would set a mousetrap. So the thing is, it literally pops up and goes, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, like all those fisherman boners when those whores are in there.

Hey, baby, get on my pole. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. Fish on. Ew, disgusting. That's what they yell, too. Fish on. Fish on. Come here, you little flounder.

Smell my finger. I've done very well today. there is a priest who resigned this month after his diocese announced that thousands of baptisms he had performed were invalid because he had changed a single word he said we baptize you instead of i baptize you. Imagine how this meeting started, right? It's like, uh, uh, I, there's been, uh, I can't live with it anymore. It's on my chest. It has to do with thousands of kids. It's like, Oh, what?

I said, I said the wrong word. Was it blow me? I may have ruined them for life oh so so apparently um thousands thousands of people who believe they they or their children were baptized by orango can fill out a form online to be properly baptized. Subsequent sacraments, including marriage, may need to be repeated by those who had invalid baptisms performed. In other words, here's the thing. If you get—you can't—there's seven sacraments,

and they have to be done in an exact order. First you're baptized, and then you are— then you get your first communion, then you do your first confession, then you get your confirmation, then you get your first communion, then you do your first confession, then you get your confirmation, then you get married, then you become a priest. That's a sacrament.

And then the seventh one is your last rites when you die. And if they're not done in order, they're invalid. You know this off the top of your head? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so since they didn't go in order, it's invalid. And so since they didn't go in order, it's invalid. And all these people, if they died, here's the thing.

If you're not baptized and you die as a Catholic, you cannot go to heaven. So my— You know, I mean, the 30,000-foot view of this, you know you have to step back. I mean, the 30,000 foot view of this, you know you have to step back. It's far crazier than if I just now try to make a joke about like some secret society. Like you got to learn the handshake. Then you have to learn the password. And then you have to remember like the first founders of this little meeting spot that you're in. It's craziness.

Right, right. It's pretty crazy. Anyway. Aaron's Aunt Jo, who's hilarious, when she and her brother were flying to Ireland when they were little kids, Aunt Jo took them in the—any Catholic can baptize another Catholic as long as you say the right words. And so she took her in the bathroom of JFK Airport, and she baptized Aaron in a sink. I told you my dad said he put holy water on Sophie's head. He did? He said he dipped his thumb in and then did the sign of the cross.

I'm like, Dad. First of all, technically my dad's not even Catholic anymore because he got divorced. Right, right. So they kick you out of that club that everyone wants to be in if you get divorced. But it's like, well, why? I'm like, why didn't you use rooster blood? Like, I mean, it's just like it's the same thing. I know my mother has baptized my kids. I have no doubt about that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. All right. So speaking of gods, Brad Pitt is in a little bit of hot water, heart more like heartbreak water. He apparently during Hurricane Katrina did a ton down there. So I'm interested in this story. I didn't really read the whole thing. OK. An attorney for Hurricane Katrina victims who bought defective homes touted by Brad Pitt say they, quote, they believed in him.

They believed in the dream. He sold them. Unfortunately, what they got is a bunch of broken promises. In 2006, Pitt and his Make It Right Foundation set out to build affordable homes for residents of New Orleans' Lower Ninth Ward, who lost everything the previous year in Hurricane Katrina. But the experimental, environmentally friendly homes turned out to be defective, leaving the residents with mold-infested homes. So he's changed his charity from Make It Right to Make It Moldy. Make It Moldy. That's what he does.

It's a great brand. Listen, I saw those houses when I was down there. I was down there after Katrina. And that guy, I'll tell you what, though. He was walking the walk. He got involved. He didn't just send money. He was also trying to find a solution.

I don't know. The only reason I'm defending him, it's not because it's Brad Pitt. I'm defending anyone who actually tried. I know. I know. And he couldn't have foreseen this now are they dicking the people over now i don't know the details i don't know if they've ignored it or they're like you're on your own i i don't know what's going on but it's a shame i mean hot look hollywood's trying you know

sean penn fucking pulls up in a rowboat and fishes you out and brings you back brad pitt builds you a house is ryan gosling Ryan Gosling going to make dinner? I mean, this is like some kind of a porn for women. All right, wait, I'm reading some of the details here. Sources in 2018 said Pitt forked over millions out of his own pocket to help fix the homes, which weren't built to withstand New Orleans' tropical climate. Okay. So some houses didn't have things like waterproof paint or rain gutters. Some had flat

roofs. Yeah, let's put a flat roof on a house in New Orleans. And we're so tightly insulated that once moisture got in, it wasn't getting out. The result, termites and toxic mold that even reportedly killed one resident. But listen, every house did have that terrace on the second story, though, where you would show your tits and everyone threw beads up to you. They did have those. So they knew where they were going. I don't understand the problem. Right, right. And yeah, there were vomit troughs on the edges of the balconies. Yeah, just they didn't do. And they were vomit troughs on the edges of the balconies. Yeah, just they didn't do... And they were packed so they couldn't drain water.

Baton Rouge activists and... Speaking of Louisiana. Yeah. And Louisiana Senate candidate Gary Chambers Jr. has released a new campaign ad where he has seen burning a Confederate flag. This is the guy. This is that badass guy. Remember he did a political ad a couple weeks ago where he was seen burning a Confederate flag. This is the guy. This is that badass guy.

Remember, he did a political ad a couple weeks ago where he was smoking a joint in the ad because he wants to legalize marijuana. Oh, no. Black dude. Very cool dude. He's running against John Kerry, which is weird. I think it's the same John Kerry that was running for president.

It's Louisiana Senate? No, I guess not. Come on. Maybe. I don't be. It's Louisiana Senate? No, I guess not. Come on. Maybe. I don't know. But do you remember- That's a Fitz fact. Have you heard Attell's joke?

He goes, did you know that if you come on a Confederate flag and bury it, you will grow your own cracker barrel? That's amazing. that's amazing I used to have a dumb stupid idea which I wanted to do as a sketch but I think I've talked about it on the podcast before but it's a performance artist getting all sort

of political and they want to part of their performance art is shitting on the flag but the arrangement with the theater owner and all that is, as long as that flag doesn't touch the floor. So the,

so he's like, what's it's a weird compromise. So it's this huge failed effort at trying to shit on a flag that can't hit the floor. Yeah. So there's that. I like this burning. Uh, uh yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know if this gets you elected in louisiana louisiana has a very large black population so he uh he said the

attacks against black people but aren't they not letting them vote down there or making it harder to vote? Right. Our right to vote and participate in this democracy are methodical. Gerrymandering districts are a byproduct of the Confederacy. Our system isn't broken. It's designed to do exactly what it's doing, which is producing measurable inequality. Yep. So.

I mean, it's for him, it's called the rebel flag. It's it's built in the name. Yeah. You can rebel against it. No, no. But I'm also saying that it shouldn't it shouldn't garner any respect. Yeah. It was the flag of insurrectionists. You know what flag those people should fly? The ones down there? The white one. Remember they were waving that at the end of the war?

Oh, boy. Classical Fitz Dog bit. There we go. Alright, new section. New section. Paper crinkle. New section. Paper crinkle.

You put this one in there. Good news for Gubbins. It was a letter. It was just a letter of somebody saying that I was the 1988, 1988 follower, a great year and also the number of minorities and disenfranchised people. Dennis has jumped in front of for vaccinations during the pandemic. I hate to correct you,

Gary Morris, but I'm sure Dennis jumped in front of way more than that. Yeah, that's nothing. Okay, local news. Local news. Here we go. No paper crinkle? Local news. California local news california man stranded off the coast helped to safety by harbor seal all right i just put this story in here because i don't know why i occasionally have these thoughts of like what would i do same with chairlifts i'm always like what if it stopped here and i had to stay here

for the night like how could i jump jump? Could I survive the jump? How would I stay warm if I couldn't jump? Could I go up to the wire it's hanging from and shimmy my way? You know, like put my, maybe I would pull a 007 move and put my jacket over and just fly down. So the other one is stranded at sea. So Scott Thompson, a sea urchin diver was stranded in the Santa Barbara Channel in the middle of the night after he fell from his boat while its motor was still running. Thompson was only wearing a T-shirt and shorts

in the chilly... Oh, God. By the way, the temperature is 50... It's probably colder there. In Santa Monica Bay right now, it's 58 degrees. So it's 7 degrees colder out where he is. I would say so. Only a T-shirt and shorts in the waters.

I thought to myself, great, this is how I'm going to die. Today is the day. Oh, yeah, I'm going to. And he just started swimming as hard as he could towards the boat. And it really didn't take too long to realize it's getting farther away and I'm not getting closer. He immediately thought of his family and was motivated. I thought the line was going to be like, he immediately thought of his family and just gave in to death. Now he immediately thought of his family and was motivated to return home. He planned to swim to an oil platform, which was

closer than the shore. And he was soon terrified by a splash of water right near him. Quote, I wasn't thinking about sharks or anything like that until I hear this splash. But it was a medium sized harbor seal. The seal would go underwater and nudge me like a dog comes up and nudges your leg. Did it know like, hey, this is a human in trouble. Hey, keep going, dude. I think it was like, hey, this is a human in trouble? Hey, keep going, dude. I think it was like, hey, I want to have sex with you. Yeah, right, right.

Hey, where's the asshole? Which used to be your line. So crew members aboard the oil platform treated Thompson, who was then taken to a hospital, and he survived. But imagine in the middle of the night, your little dinghy motorboat's like puttering away from you, and you can't catch it. What would you do?

Well, he had shorts on. If you have pants on, you take off your pants, and you tie the ankles together, and then you put the pants up in the air, and you pull it down into the water water and the air gets trapped in the legs and you can use it as a life preserver. Wow, look at you. I'm a certified lifeguard.

And that's one of the things you learn when you do lifeguard training. Because you're saving everyone with pants on? I don't get it. Where were you a lifeguard? I don't... Where were you a lifeguard? It was at a pool at a swingers club. People had, you know, big pants. So this is, to me, this sounds like

this guy had some kind of a near-death hallucination. Like, yeah, and then this harbor seal, there was a rainbow, and then he pushed me along and an octopus gave me a hand job it was amazing well it's like life of pie uh if you got if you still want to the people listening right now if you still want to see life of pie i would stop listening for about uh 30 seconds because here comes the spoiler that was the whole life of pie the tiger and the animals on his little boat and all this. Those were predators. Like his mom was raped by a man and he made the man a tiger.

And he coded his whole thing. All right, we're back. No more spoiler alert. So life of Pi was great. I mean, you got to like Indians. But yeah, maybe it was. Maybe these were his coded memories, his screen memories, as Freud would say. Right. I don't know, though. That's I mean, that is a terrifying. And boy, an urchin diver knows there are many great whites around there. Many.

There was just a guy in Sydney, Australia. They fucking. Did you see the video footage of being eaten by the great white? It was brutal. I saw that there was. And here in Sydney, Australia. I know. Did you see the video footage of him being eaten by the great white? It was brutal. I saw that there was, and here's the funny thing. I didn't click on it. I did. I shouldn't have.

How far out was it? Not far at all. Maybe 100 yards. What do you—I guess I'm going to watch it. What do you see—oh, yeah, by the way, if you don't want to spoil the footage of a shark killing a man, don't listen for the next 30 seconds. What do you see? Like the tail flailing in the air as it's like tearing the guy apart?

Kind of. And you see blood in the water. You see a lot of thrashing. And yeah. JoJo has never seen a shark while surfing. Has Sophie? That's a good question. Have you ever seen a shark while surfing? Has Sophie?

That's a good question. I've seen sharks below, though, when I've been on my paddleboard. Have you? Yeah, but not big ones at all. Yeah, right. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, because we have right here in our bay, we have a lot of what they call juvenile great whites, which are like, you know, six, seven feet, something like that.

They're not there's never been. And they make a lot of fart jokes. Give each other wedgies. I don't think. But they're very immature. But they but I think there was one woman swimming with jewelry on and she might have been bitten. I think that happened. But very, very, very, very rare. Shark attacks are so rare.

It's incredible with the number of sharks there are out there that there aren't more. And it's only on the uptick because we've fished out their fishery. We've just taken out all their food and now they have like no – it's kind of like the bears coming down and stuff like that. Anyway, all right. Yeah, I guess I'm going to watch that footage now. You piqued my interest. All right, let's do some entertainment.

Sure. Gilded Age. Yeah, Gilded Age is, if you liked Downton Abbey, it's the same writer, creator, and it's the same style, but it's the American version of it. And it takes place while Mrs. Astor was in charge of who's who on Fifth Avenue on the Upper East Side. And it's the Vanderbilts and the Rockefellers trying to, they're the new money, and they're trying to make their way in. And you know what? There's very little sex.

There's no cursing. It's a nice palate cleanser if you're used to watching smut all the time. But I enjoyed it. I enjoy it. I haven't seen it. You didn't really sell it just now, so I don't know if I will. It's kind of like, it's just super soft. Well, did you watch Downton Abbey? Yes, I did watch that.

Did you like it? I like Downton Abbey. All right, then you'll like this. You know Astor Place, the subway stop? That used to be their private subway stop. No. Yeah. No shit. Yeah, their mansion. Well, now Astros, yeah, their mansion.

I think, well, now someone's going to fact check us. I think I'm right. Do you know how the Astros made their money? No. Opium to China. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's old school.

That's old money. Have you seen Murderville yet? No. On Netflix, it's Will Arnett's show. The first episode's Conan. I think I might have talked about it a little last week. Kumail is the third one. Marshawn Lynch is the second one

and he's very good. Kumail I think is the best representation I've seen so far. I think I've seen all but one because he breaks a lot and Conan is just so good at not breaking. You've got to explain the show a little bit. I don't understand.

Oh, you're right. I thought, you know, I'm based in that I explained it last week a little. So it's a British format that Will Arnett has brought here and did and there's a, it's very much like an improv game. So Will Arnett plays this detective and then, uh, a guest shows up and is not the actor like Conan O'Brien and,

uh, and Kumail. They're, they're not told anything. And so they just come in and then they're briefed that there was a murder and here, then they and that's how they go through the show. They never see a script. They don't know. They only see what we see as it's happening. Oh, OK. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah. No, I highly recommend it. It's really funny. They're 25 minutes each and they're really funny. What channel is it on? Netflix. OK. Netflix does it again.

How long is it on? Netflix. Okay. Netflix does it again. Yep. Dave, I saw in the news today, Thursday, Dave was renewed for season three. Yes. I had completely already assumed that. Yeah, so did I.

I thought it was picked up already. Yeah. Well, that's great news for Santino. Should we call him? I don't know. Should we? Yeah. He don't know. Should we? Yeah. He won't pick up. What do you mean he won't pick up?

This is the Fitz dog calling. Oh, boy. Wait. Okay. It's probably going to be inappropriate. You're on Sunday Papers, our podcast. Mike Gibbons is with me. Did I call that or what of all the ways I could have answered the phone

I'm glad that Iris Scumbag was the first thing that came out of my mouth well this is great dude this is huge and Gibbons big fan you know that the only reason I stay friends with Fitz is because I want to get to the Gibster that's really it that's all I hear from everyone truth is the

truth unfortunately i you're fine yeah but i think he's really talented and smart and just he's got something for sure i think you feel like he can only be friends with one red-headed wise ass who hates himself and you want to be that guy yeah and he can't it's like he can't be with there's all the other guys are taken like louis and burr and kathy griffin like all the other redheads so anyway just we're just giving you a quick call to say congratulations on dave getting picked up for the third season thank you thank you that's incredible very nice i really appreciate it we uh they wanted to really make them wait. They made everybody wait. They told us a while ago, but they didn't want to make the announcement. And now I think hopefully we'll get cracking soon and make my boys proud over there. The paper boys proud. Absolutely.

Yeah, the paper boys. We assumed it was picked up a long time ago. It was actually like a pickup that you read and go like, what? It wasn't already? Well, you know, yeah, they told us they were going to do it again, but they don't do the official pickup until like contracts are out and all that stuff. I mean, this is all Hollywood jazz. I mean, you know Hollywood jazz. You were sitting in the parking lot last night talking to Jeff Ross for two, three hours. I'm sure it was all hollywood stuff it was a lot of uh me smoking pot which i don't normally do at the store and

then suddenly emily the booker walks up to me and wants to talk and riff and i'm fucking brain dead so you can't smoke pot no place like that no that's like when that's like when you're in high school or college and you went over to some guy's house and all you wanted to do was get the weed and go and he made you smoke and stay. And just what a waste of life. That hour and a half, you'll never get back. No. And they're going to make you review it when you die in the afterlife because you watched

that hour back. Right, right. How miserable you are. I doubt Jeff. He can't hear me though fanny you did great last night by the way i should say you did very very well last night very funny guy oh thanks man just so good as usual i sit in the back and i watch you i watch until um i feel that you i i i'll watch you until i know that you're you're done with them

you know what I mean when you're ready to be done I can feel it I mail it in around two thirds of the way through and then I coast to the finish line really about eight years ago you start to peel off mentally your brain is thinking about how you're going to get home what roads am I going to take

to get back to the house when do I get my twenty dollars so I can get the fuck out of here yeah you know what i love about new york they pay you in cash yes why don't we get cash it should be here's the deal either pay me a fair wage or pay me instantly but don't pay me 20 in a check in three weeks that's it's cab fare western union check it's like i know it's like cash advance the comedy store is getting predatory loan cash advance checks for it i can't wait till they start bouncing like whenever i do like i let them uh pile up and then i grab them yeah i just want to go to the bank i cannot wait for the day that i get there and they're like these aren't

valid yeah there's no money in this account right Right, right. It all got spent on Pauly Shore's new, his new movie. They financed a movie using Comedy Store money. Is that true? No, I don't know. Oh, yeah, that's next. But he didn't ask me to be in it, so I was really pissed off. Real pissed off at him. But that's okay.

I just did a movie with Kevin Hart. Take that. Hey, now. There we go. All right. I'll get cut out of it, but I did it. You know, I did it. I just did a movie with Kevin Hart. Take that. Hey, now. There we go. All right. I'll get cut out of it, but I did it. I did it. I got a couple checks.

You'll probably get cut out of the podcast also, but it's nice that you spent this time with us. I love you, boys. I appreciate you. All right. Love you, too, man. I'll talk to you soon. Congrats. All right.

All right. Thanks. Bye. Yes, we got Doug Stanhope on earlier, and now we got Andrew Santino on. He was ready to go. Yep. Ready to go. All right.

What else? Oh, wait. What were we going to talk about? He brought something up during the call. Oh. I forget. Anyway. Well, here's what we need to talk about.

Well, wait a minute. I saw The Lost Daughter. Now, I think I saw it, too. What's it about again? It's an impossible question to answer. It's with Olivia Colman. That's what it's about. Well, so is everything. Everything is with Olivia Colman. It's unbelievable how much she's doing, quite honestly. So Olivia Colman plays this, I'm not going to go into it. She a woman and she's on holiday and greece and honestly matt so maggie gyllenhaal wrote and directed it she has an oscar nomination for best

adapted screenplay which confounds me because this was like an artistic take on a novel, and I have no idea what I saw. I feel like I saw it, and I don't remember watching it. It's in Greece, and how is the daughter lost? There is no lost daughter. Oh. Spoiler alert. Oh. It's not something you learn at the end.

It's crazy. This is how bad it was. I watched it on the flight back, and three times I tried to walk out of the theater. Jesus. Really? You didn't even hear my setup. I was on an airplane. I was looking up the movie as you were talking.

The Lost Daughter. Oh, I downloaded it but didn't watch it. It's on Netflix. So don't watch it. Do not. Honestly, you would miss nothing. All of a sudden seeds are planted. You're like, oh, okay.

I don't even know why these people were cross with her. I thought I knew. And then it turns out, no, that wasn't it. So there's no explanation. Oh, my God. Yeah, it feels like Olivia Colman is in everything, and so is that guy who was in Dune, the kid who was the star of Dune.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, good-looking kid. Yeah, he's... Yeah, he's... Yeah. Timothy Chalamet is in everything. That's how they should promote a new movie. Now from Miramax without Chalamet in it. Right, exactly.

So, you know, we'll just make all the posters in advance. Timothy Chalamet and Olivia, you know, what have they got a star in? So, yeah, don't, and we're going to get people who write in saying I missed what it is. Don't get me wrong. It was well-directed, like in terms of it was beautiful. And then with the sound, the images were, you know, very cool. The tone was, like, really cool. I just wish the story was kind of there.

That's all. Well, she is a good director. She did that period piece on HBO about Times Square and the beginning of the porn industry. Oh. It's so good. And she's in it and she directs it. She's very talented. Not 40 Deuce. Yeah.

No, I think it's just called the Deuce. Oh, the Deuce? I think it's just called the Deuce. This one should have been called the Deuce because it was shit. Let's do some Florida, man. All right. It's a Florida woman, and she used her pandemic. Listen, just like someone else in Florida,

she should not have gotten a pandemic relief loan like mr brady but this woman used it to pay a hit man oh i love it it's a perfect florida use yeah the woman received a loan on two weeks before a man wearing a black hooded sweatshirt shot this other woman to death as she walked to her apartment building with her three-year-old daughter. Oh, God. Now, there was a famous violent man who was in Florida,

and his name was Scarface. And I don't know if you remember how he made his way, but when the kids were around, the mark he wanted to kill, he said, no bueno. No bueno. And he didn't follow through with it i don't kill

no fucking kids even scarface drew a line there that's right and that was florida that was florida he was a florida man so they said the arrest warrant was dated february 9th and she made withdrawals from her bank account totaling more than ten thousand000 just in the few days before the killing. So they arrested the man she hired, her, and she had a romantic relationship with him. And it was first degree blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I just thought that was the craziest thing. Like, what did you spend your pandemic on? You'd have to go to Florida to find this story.

A hit man. Yeah, because really, you know, the fact that there's a pandemic should not be stopping people from assassinating loved ones. You know, we have to keep business as usual in Florida. Florida's motto, life as usual. Let's make Florida great again. Remember how it was when you could hire a hit man and they didn't have to wear a mask? International news. Oh, let's's do it even though it's international it's still tied to florida prince andrew will pay virginia joffrey around 12 million pounds

drawing on funds from the queen's private estate oh i love that that makes it so much sweeter. The queen had to sell like a Picasso or, you know, some fucking chandelier to get the money. Oh, maybe it'll even kill her. Like, I'm sure this is stressing her out. The out of court agreement means the Duke will not face a jury trial on allegations that he raped Joffrey on three separate occasions when she was 17. He had repeatedly denied Joffrey's accusations against him, insisting he did not remember ever meeting her. Despite the photo of the two of them together. And by the way, just to point this out,

because she's donating all the money to a charity to help women that are abused, which is beautiful, because she doesn't have a lot of money. And then the queen's like, I'm one of them. I too was abused by Andrew. So can I get the money? Yeah. What are the definitions that have abused female again?

You're held captive against your will and told what to think and say. Yeah. And your life is being ruined. And you're told who to have sex with by other people and who to marry. Let's skip Russia because we're not going to do it and go straight to sports. Yes. Well, we covered the Super Bowl. I guess Drake didn't win.

I mean, I assume Drake. No, he won. He won a lot. He won like $1.5 million, I think. I know, but he bet a lot. So he didn't bet with the spread. He just said Rams would win. No one would take that bet. He had a bet on

Odell Beckham Jr. getting a touchdown. I know, but then he lost the other bet, which was how many yards he'd get. Yeah, the under-over was like 60-something yards and he ended up with an injury. He lost two bets and won one. Maybe he did the money line

on the game. Yeah, look it up, Forrest Denman. But I'm positive he won at least a million dollars. So good for you, Drake. He needed it. Yeah, exactly. Maybe we'll hire a hitman. All right, let's do some science. Well, doctors in the UK hope that thousands of men with prostate cancer

could be cured through an innovative hour-long operation. The treatment uses electrical currents to destroy difficult-to-reach tumors. I mean, it's a win-win. Not only you get rid of the prostate, you get a nice little fucking, nice little shock to the asshole. Normally, I have my doctor rub his hair to get that static electricity and go right up the keister i mean what feels better than getting rid of cancer i'll tell you what a little a little vibrator up the fucking up the bunghole that's what it translated to vibrator they're using a vibrator it's so weird that you know how sometimes what do you mean they're sticking like a car battery cable up there what are you talking about

vibrator wow my tumor's gone and i have an afro isn't this cool you go into the operation they're like wait a minute can you call up those x-rays again it was here last week and you're like, wait, do vibrators count? Oh, I want to be discharged, please. Let's talk about the twins. Oh, yeah. OK, so. All right. This was in People magazine. OK, boy. And the headline said formally conjoined twins said, formerly conjoined twins and there's formerly conjoined twins and their sister.

So there's three of them, but two of the sisters were conjoined, born conjoined, enjoy being normal teenagers, 17 years after surgery. All right. So I thought the word normal was outlawed. Uh,

like you're not allowed because that is implying everyone else is abnormal. Right. You're not supposed to say, oh, I now speak like a normal, I walk like a normal person. You're not supposed to say anything. Right, right, right. So that's what grabbed my attention. So anyway, here's the story. In almost

all senses, they're typical teenagers, except for the fact that Mackenzie and Macy were once conjoined that's it nothing to look at here it's the only difference macy and mackenzie were born conjoined at the pelvis and were separated 10 months later though the surgery was successful both girls each have one leg and rely on prosthetics to get around like most high school seniors, the triplets, McKenzie, Macy. Oh, I didn't know the other one was a triplet boy. The other two must be so envious. Um, the triplets, uh, like driving around aimlessly with friends when they're not working their afterschool jobs. I'm guessing

they drive automatics. Now, by the way, that does remind me. So Gubbins was complaining that when he gets knee surgery, it's his right knee. He's not going to be able to drive for a while. I'm like, what are you talking about? Drive with your left foot. He looked at me like I was crazy. I'm looking at you like you're crazy. You can't drive with your left foot. No fucking way. That is unsafe. Are you insane? All right, so my Achilles, what do you think these girls do? By definition, one of them is left-footed.

But they practiced and practiced and practiced, and they probably had like, you know, they did it on a virtual reality system. I mean, there's no fucking way you could drive a car with your left foot. I challenge you. Try it this week. No, I have,

because after that conversation, I'm like, so listen, I had my Achilles bones. I didn't have my, I didn't have my left leg at all. And I was like, boy,

I'm lucky. It wasn't my right Achilles. But I, I then back then, even once my leg got better, it was like, could I have handled it? Yes.

It's just two pedals. I'm not talking about a manual. Yeah. You totally. By the way, do you think there's a law? How about this? If you showed up for your driver's test at the DMV, the physical driver's test where you're going to drive around and try to pass, and you just folded your right leg, you know, like up

under the chair and you did it with your left foot. You think, is he allowed to penalize you or she? Interesting. Yeah. Can you drive any way you want as long as you're following the law? Yeah, of course. Of course. Some people drive with their hands. I drove in Ireland one time, and it was a stick shift car in Ireland. But obviously, you're shifting with your left arm. But just that confused me so much that I slammed into the car in front of me. Because I was pushing down the clutch instead of the brake. And I've been driving stick shifts since I could walk. I was a kid.

I know how to drive a stick shift. But I just, bam, right into this car in front of me. And luckily it was this British couple. And they got out and they were like, so sorry. Was it us? Was it our fault? And I was like, yes, it was. Didn't even take our papers.

All right. So back to the girls. They enjoy climbing trees, spending time with their many pets, and horseback riding. Now, how confused do you think that horse is when one of these girls hops up to it? Oh, God.

Are you just going to showcase one-leg jokes? Okay. Is that what this bit is? No, I got a better one coming up. Mackenzie has her sights set on possibly becoming a kindergarten teacher. Good luck with that class.

Madeline, meanwhile, wants to be a nurse practitioner with a focus on helping geriatric patients with Alzheimer's. Well, that's one way to monitor how the Alzheimer's is progressing because you'll know they're really getting worse. But every day you'll go in there and they'll be shocked every single time you enter the room.

Oh, my horror. What the hell happened to you? You just served them lunch a half hour ago. Oh, God. Every time Mackenzie walks in there or Madeline.'s madeline sorry mackenzie's being tormented by six-year-olds right right yeah those are those are some high impact jobs for people with one leg have you ever heard jim jeffries bit on remember the south african guy with no legs that killed his girlfriend holy shit his routine on that is so goddamn funny it's like it's laugh out loud

funny he is so ballsy yeah and hilarious um because he's talking about how that guy was dating a girl the girl he killed he was dating her and she he checked her phone while she was in the shower and saw that she had texts and she was having an affair with a South African rugby player. And he's like, and you have to understand something in South Africa, a rugby player outranks legless Olympian. He's like, it goes rugby player,

legless Olympian cricket. That's the way it goes. That's great. Oh, God bless these girls. That's great. Oh, fuck. Anyway, God bless these girls. And, of course, I'm making fun of people, the people who react to them. Of course. It's not a big deal.

Yes. All right, let's go to this day in history. All right. 1985, February 20th. Ireland allows the sale of contraceptives. Big news, less Irish. Finally, less Irish. So in 1984, you could not have protected sex.

You could not. Legally. Wow. You could not. Well, I guess, I don't know, you could probably ship them over. But, yeah, they didn't sell condoms. Do you think there was more anal sex in 84 than 85? Interesting point. No, because AIDS had started in 83. So probably not. No heterosexual, though. Oh, they didn't know that back then, did they?

Yeah. What are you talking about? Heterosexuals can spread AIDS with ass sex. It's all about breaking the tissue and bleeding. No, I know, but it was labeled. It was so despicable, but it was labeled a gay disease. Yeah. So in other words, what I'm saying is, yes, of course, I know that anal sex is the one that puts you at a higher risk category. But if the girl thought this guy has never slept with a guy, I think she thinks she was safe is my point. Yes. But even if he tears me up with this podcast. From 80. Can we get back to crippled twins? Triplets?

Can I get back to my safe space? From 82 to like through us going through college, it was not considered confined to the gay community. I remember being very worried about catching AIDS when I was in college, and that was 85 through 89. Yeah, because you were going in the park looking to blow someone. Hey, now. Yeah. In Boston.

Hey, you behind the tree. Oh, my God. Yes, the Irish using condoms. And now let's do a little bit. Do your kids know that story? Yeah, they read my book. Oh, fuck. They know everything about me. It's pathetic. Writing a book was the stupidest thing I ever did. Letters to the editor. All right. Okay. Here's a guy,

Matthew Troncholetti from Philly. There you go. An Italian guy from Philly. So here we go. Big stretch. Gibbons is one of those New York guys who disparages Philadelphia because he giacoletti from philly there you go an italian guy from philly so here we go big stretch gibbons is one of those new york guys who disparages philadelphia because he visited once and had the vague sense he might get beaten up oh my god beaten up but he was afraid nonetheless and that's what he remembers about his visit keep in mind mike that new york's job is to crank out scumbags like madoff and epstein and the Trump family while Philadelphia is where they come to get their MBAs at Wharton. New York creates the creeps. Philadelphia

educates them. Mike, your response? I don't even know where to begin with that. First of all, your stupid school let in Trump and he kind of didn't even really get in through the right process but I'll leave that alone. I've been a Philly many times. I've never been beaten up but it's like a it's like a, it's, it's,

it's like Boston and how it's a Southern city in the Northeast. And they have such a giant chip on their shoulder. And listen, what am I going to say that Bill Burden say in those 11 minutes or whenever he did that radio show? That was a live show. It was a standup show. Right. But it was like a radio festival., it was a live show. It was a stand-up show. Right, but it was like a radio festival. It was a concert thing. Yeah, it was an Opie and Anthony festival.

I mean, please Google Bill Burr Philadelphia. That's all you need to know, and you'll hear every criticism about this stupid city. All right. Which is beautiful and has very impressive art, I will say, and an unbelievable children's hospital. So I want to give credit where credit's due.

I fucking love Philly. They are the best crowds. I'm telling you, the Helium Comedy Club in Philly is top two clubs in the country. And the people that come out are Irish, Italian, black, Jewish. It's very diverse. I don't agree with you about it being what is it what's going on boston is more segregated so what's going on in philly what what is it that that city does it's the city of brotherly love man people are like people are super friendly they're're outgoing. They're loud. They're fun.

They like to fuck around. They got a great sense of humor. The food's not great. I'll give you that. But the architecture is amazing. They have a pretzel with mustard on it. That's their contribution to the culinary world. Yeah, no, the food's not good.

The food's not good. Yeah, there's Baltimore right up the road. Same thing. I don't know. Whatever. All right, let's move on greg and mike love the show and congratulations on 100 episodes i know episode 101 is the family episode so i was wondering if you could both speak to the wildest place you ever jerked off never make the show blue andy now you're not going to want to talk about this because you're so full of shame. Me? Yeah, where's the weirdest place you ever jerked off, Mike?

Probably my mom's hand. That's not jerking off. If you're going to corner me, I'm going to fucking attack. She was asleep. She was asleep. I hate to say it. I know because I don't know. There's so much to choose from.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is it I mean, just begin entry level one on one. Many jobs. Many jobs. So there's many car rides. Yep. Many public transportation situations.

What? Yeah, like you. You're Mr. Airplane. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pilots know they can't even take off until you're done. Pilots know that when that fasten your seatbelt sign goes off, get out of the way. I am headed for the lavatory and I mean business. It's the only way I can settle down for a flight. And then I go back to the seat and I start snoozing. I've been in bunk beds where I've tried to keep, I just prayed that it was real snoring on the roommate's part, male roommate.

When I was about 14 and I just hit puberty and I just started jerking off, two weeks later, we went to Florida and we were staying in this resort complex and it had a hot tub. And I was in the hot tub and there was this couple and the chick was smoking hot in a skimpy bikini and the bubbles were on, but it only went up to like below your chest. And the guy and the girl were making out and he was kind of groping on her. And I spanked one out in the hot tub. Wait, wait. How far away were they from you? Three feet. In the same hot tub. Okay. You know what is the most terrifying part of that story? I'm imagining your eye

contact. I'm imagining the bubble suddenly stopping. I can't believe we're giving into this guy's letter. All right. I thought of one. In Carmel, out in the middle of the lake, I did it. On a boat? Nope. In the middle of the lake. I did it.

On a boat? Nope. In the middle of the day. Uh, I think I had taken out like the lifeguard had a, um, a surfboard. Yeah. And so, but it was, it was before paddle boarding. I mean, it was two summers ago. I'm kidding. No, I was a kid. And, uh, so I think I just paddled way out there. Like I'm going to take it around the lake, paddle around the lake. And then, and then, so I then got in the water and like had one arm on the, on the board. But the thing is. So you were in the water while you did it?

Oh yeah. And somehow, and I, and the trick was I couldn't lose my bathing suit. And the trick was I couldn't lose my bathing suit. That would be hysterical. You have to paddle back naked. Yes. So I held that in the hand. So I had an elbow up on the surfboard. But in hindsight, there were houses that were high enough up where they had a great view.

And it's a crystal clear lake. So I don't know what they thought was going on. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Yeah. So there was that. That is definitely a scene in whatever the next camp movie is. It also reminds me. Wet Hot American Summer or whatever.

American summer or whatever. It also reminds me how like crazy you are as a teenage, how like just jacked up on testosterone and all the hormones in your body. Like imagine doing that now, how long it would take. You couldn't, I don't think I could do it. No, no. I mean, even if like there was a monetary offer, like I'd be like, I don't know if I could get to completion here.

Yeah, yeah. I'll try. Let's do an obit here. Yeah, yeah. I'll try. Let's do an obituary. I think I just killed my career. Go ahead. And that's all, folks. Ivan Reitman was a filmmaker who directed movies including Ghostbusters and Stripes, died in California in his sleep at 75.

That sounds appealing to me. In my sleep at 75. Sounds about right. All right. I hope. He started in 71 with Foxy Lady, and he had previously produced the live National Lampoon show in New York City, and would go on to work with National Lampoon acting alums,

including Bill Murray and Harold Ramis, many times over the course of his career. He directed Meatballs, which I, speaking of camp movies, that was a great one. Yeah. Followed it up with Stripes and then Ghostbusters. I mean, my goodness. How about Legal Eagles, Twins, Kindergarten Cop, and Dave? He also produced Heavy Metal, Up in the Air.

He did the Ghostbusters reboot. And, I mean, this guy was, like, really a comedy genius. He was an unbelievable—I mean, those are some of the greatest comedies ever made. Did he direct—I'm trying to plug in my computer. We're just about to die. Did he direct the reboot of Ghostbusters, or was he just a producer? No, I don't think so. I think hebusters or was he just i know i don't think so i think he produced on it oh boy i don't think i'm good all right okay let's take this out okay

keep going yeah so anyway he died it was uh it was very sad there we go that is sad you know my my first experience with him uh and just as civilian, knowing his name, I guess, was Animal House, right? Animal House, right. I think that was the first time that, like, I was so young, but I guess maybe that was the first time that it was like, oh, that guy directed that. Like, you know, it was like, you know, when you're a kid, you're not into that stuff. And no one was really that into it back then unless it was one of the big directors. But anyway, that's when I first that was the first movie I think I was aware of his that I saw. And then then I just learned how much he did.

I mean, think about it. I would literally put Animal House, Stripes and Ghostbusters. Animal House, Stripes, and Ghostbusters. Maybe not Ghostbusters, but Animal House and Stripes I put in my top seven movies of all time. Top seven comedies of all time. If not top five. Yeah, I mean, he latched onto that early Saturday Night Live group, you know? I mean, that's it.

Wow. And yeah, he was amazing. And now his son is doing incredibly well. Jason. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's cheer up after that horrible news.

And do some funny. Sunday funny. I don't think it's going to cheer me up. Okay. Well, this first one, I hope it doesn't cheer you up. It's Hager the Horrible. And when I say horrible, this was not a good guy. Hager the Horrible.

And when I say horrible, this was not a good guy. This was not worthy of a cartoon strip for children to read in the family room. Hager the Inappropriate. I mean, it's insane. This guy is a fucking marauder. He's a rapist. And they do cartoons about it. In the first frame, the king is sitting on his throne with his valet and hager has a gold pot in his arm another guy's got a rug over his shoulder and the king goes i'm watching

a horror show do something and the valet goes i could make popcorn sire but the real joke is what's happening in the background which is one of the soldiers is picking up a screaming woman as he smiles and carries her out of the castle to rape her her head is back and you just see her screaming mouth ajar and like it's yeah it's horrific i'm surprised she still has her clothes on yeah not for long not with those big boobies they put on her in the strip To make it funnier And he's smiling like crazy the guy carrying her off Yeah oh my god

Wow Now we got the Lockhorns Loretta says to Leroy I'm not saying you're wrong Leroy That goes without saying Sorry I missed it Let's do some family circus. Oh, yeah. Well, I wish I missed this. Oh, boy. It's a Thursday one. Maybe Thursdays are even the

weakest of the week. So the dad comes home and the mom meets him at the door and says, the new couch came. And then you look at the couch and and oh my God, all the children are sitting on it and they have all their toys on it. And that's the comic strip. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing going on.

Nothing going on at all. What? So they, before the couch, they did, they didn't watch TV. I'm guessing. Keen got Omicron, and he was stuck at home, and he's feverish. He can barely lift his arm, and he literally, his wife said the new couch came.

And so he wrote that, and then he doesn't do the illustrations, and he just sent it off to the illustrator and said, just fill it with stuff. Yeah, he could be like, I'll come home tomorrow. I'm going back to work. I mean, something, do something there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. All right.

Blondie, here's, first of all, let's talk about Blondie's daughter and I don't want to be inappropriate because God forbid Blondie listens to Sunday papers. But the son and daughter are standing in the hallway. And the daughter has on some aqua blue jeans and a lime green tight sweater with her mother. Not quite as big as her mother. Like Blondie is like a 34F.

The daughter is like a 34 f the daughter is like a 34 double d and she says to the son daddy always finds such unique valentine's gifts for mom every year son goes i know in the next frame dagwood has got blondie in a uh an embrace she's leaned all the way back look at the only thing the only thing sticking up is her left breast, which is huge. And so the son goes, the pepperoni perfume seems to be doing the trick. Daughter goes, yeah, better than last year's chili scented shampoo. So Dagwood, this fucking maggot, he needs to put food smells on Blondie to be attracted to her? That's what it takes to put this guy over the top?

He should meet her in an ice fishing shack. She'd smell like trout. That's right. That's right, Mike. And that's how we're going to go out on Sunday Papers this week. We've done it. We've done it again. And you know... I'm late, too. I was supposed to go to a dinner.

I forgot. I didn't think our podcast would go this long, but you made two phone calls during it. No, sorry about that. Sorry to bring star power onto the podcast. Shut the fuck up. What? Yeah, I know. I couldn't get it.

And he couldn't hear you, which we would have talked to him longer, but he couldn't hear you. Thank God. All right. Imagine if it went longer. Okay. We want to thank Midcoast Media,

Beth Hoops, and Chris Denman and Key, who do a great job every week in putting the show together for us. And we want to thank you guys for listening as we hurl our way into the 200s, the 100s of our podcast. Yeah, the second century. We'll see you guys this week in Lexington, Kentucky. And Mike, anything you want to plug? I don't think I have any.

Yeah. Do not at any cost see The Lost Daughter. Okay. There we go. All right. We'll see you soon. I lost two hours. Take it, Ish.

Take it, Ish. Sunday, never ends. Sunday. We all love it. There it goes. Sunday, never ends. Sunday.