Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 107 3/27/22

Episode Date: March 27, 2022

Big news week with March Madness and The Oscars this weekend. Also 2 gay guys adopt a gay dog, a Goop Exec quits over diarrhea, and a Brazilian woman gives a homeless man a special treat in her car.

Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers, Sunday Papers. Oh, I'm going to say got it. Are you going to start? Okay. What? There we go. It's time. Do you got it today? I. What? There we go. It's time. Do you got it today?

I don't think you got it today. Read all about it. He's got it. Read all about it. Ukraine, not on Sunday papers. We don't talk about it. It's kind of over, man. No one's thinking about it.

It's March Madness. Yeah. It's kind of over, man. No one's thinking about it. It's March Madness. Let's not pretend. Let's not handpick atrocities and put all our focus on those. What about Yemen? Do you know how long they've been bombing the fuck out of Yemen and killing tens of thousands of people? I don't know if it's 100,000 people. A lot of people have died in Yemen.

What about Kim and Kanye? What about Kim and Kanye? What about Kim and Kanye? There's so many beefs. Ukraine's a beef. I mean, this kid, this kid Pete Davidson, I mean. Yeah. I don't know about Pete Davidson. You know, for a long time I kept quiet about him,

but I'm starting to feel like he's a little bit of a media whore. Well, I think these are two people, and I'm not even including Kanye, who are addicted to drama. They know no other way. They know no other way but drama. Yeah. It's so funny to have that compulsion. It's almost like people that go in and ride, you know, 100-foot waves. It's like everybody else is running from that wave, and they're running towards it.

They're embracing it. They're stirring it up. I get it, though. And you must. I remember watching. It was, I don't know what series it was, but they would interview people. And it might have even been Michael Stipe's show. But I remember Michael Stipe was on and he was riding around with that Mario Batali, I think. The chef,

I think he was Me Too'd. But I think he has Mozza here in LA. Anyway, that's how you can find it. That fat guy is on a Vespa driving around, a little scooter driving around New York to farmer's markets. Anyway, Stipe talked about, it was really confessional, how bored he was, even with his family, when he would come off a world tour. Yeah. And how raw, it made sense. He was advanced enough enough to be like to not only know it was, you know, terrible, but also to accept that it was natural. How can you compete? He he literally was dining and meeting the Dalai Lama when he was on his Asian tour. And in every city, it's the who's who of artists shaking his hand,

wanting to take him out. This is when REM was at the top of their game, but also Michael Stipe was kind of almost a bigger artist in a way than, than REM. You know what I mean? He was this international symbol and a hero to so many people. So he was right. Like, and, and I. And I'm not making a joke here, but even for you, I don't know how you do it.

When you come in off the road and it's like, listen, there's a giant room full of people adoring you and showering you with applause and all this, and you get home and Erin doesn't give a shit about you.

No, it's just the opposite. She's in the hole. She's been in the hole while I was gone so she would expect me to like really step up and do most of the parenting because she needed to rest right i got and i was rested i was fully capable of that because i was i never get jet lagged for some reason and i would always come home and i would be so happy to see the kids that i would i would you know do it but then i'd be burnt out again

and ready to fucking go go on the road it was kind of it really worked i have to say for 30 years on the road i've gotten into a rhythm that works but i don't want more i'm not i really am not a guy that like i don't get jealous of people that are playing theaters i just kind of go like those people work so much harder than me and they have so much less of a home life than I do. I don't want it. Well, I would say this. I think it's because you're recovered because I'm imagining you still drinking, which is very hard to remember that guy,

but that guy wanted excitement. That guy wanted distraction. That guy needed to be, he had a hole in him that needed to be fed with adoration or energy, just even energy. Like let's not even put judgment on it. And I think when you come home, what, you know, one of the things people talk about now, I think it's interesting, the more they learn about introverts and extroverts and how they define it, like someone who gets energy, which we've talked about, you know what I mean? Like from a crowd, from a room, from interacting, that's extroverted and introvert. They, it, it, it drains them. The energy flow is the opposite

direction. And you come home, even if it's from New Jersey. And even if you were miserable there, still energy was flowing to you. And now you come home. And as you said, it has to go the opposite direction. You have to give. And, uh, yeah, yeah. it's hard. You know, I I understand. And I and I actually think about Pete when I think about Pete Davidson and any any Kardashian. I think it's like quitting drinking. I mean, I think it's hard. I think for them to turn that faucet off and feel complete. Good. Yeah. luck. Right. Right.

Especially the Kardashians. How many people have done it? I mean, you haven't seen that many people do it successfully. You know, leave show business. What's her name is doing it now? Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock. Yeah. And I mean, you talk about A-list.

She is A list. She is used to being picked up in, you know, limos and everything she wants is at her disposal. And now she's going to devote herself to raising two kids who are orphans. let's slow it she's had them a while by the way so it's not like a new thing so she's ignored them for seven or eight years no actually i think i thought she had kind of already done this and i'm not trying to be funny i i thought she had already kind of done this i thought a couple of years ago because we've seen a lot less of her have we and i knew she had those kids well what one movie every three i know covid but one movie every three two years know COVID, but one movie every three, two years. I don't know. She kind of had this resurgence with that blindside movie. I'm going to look up what she's done. Yeah. And then she tries to do comedies. And I think she's kind of funny. But God, you see her with Melissa McCarthy and you're like, oh, man, there's a really funny person in that room and it's not Sandra Bullock.

I disagree. I think she's really strong in those movies. Oh boy. Okay, she did... Oh, you're right. She did. Lost City is coming out right now and she was also a producer on Lost City. The Unforgivable, I don't know if she was... Oh, these are her producer credits.

Actor credits. On the plane in New York, I forgot, she was. Oh, these are her producer credits, actor credits. On the plane in New York, I watched. Oh, on the plane ride back after we did the podcast last week, I watched Unforgiven. When was the last time you saw that? Yeah, that's a great. I mean, that will go down as good as any of the spaghetti westerns. It's like a classic great western.

Who owns this shithole? His first line in the movie. Oh, God, I'm forgetting it. But it was like an informal line to say. He's like a pig farmer and he's like falling in the mud and all this. Oh, God, I forget the first line. But it was two words, I think. So she took off between 2018 and 2021. So that must have been the first few years she had the kids.

And then she's just done two projects since then. So, yeah. I think his first line was, say what? I think that was the first line of Unforgiven. Like a guy's like, are you the Mun the, you know, Muncie who blows the killer's like, say what? Anyway, it was a little heavy handed. I could, I mean, he was the director. I'm just going to keep talking about Unforgiven, but there was a little like, yeah, we didn't need to know that. We know exactly what's going on. Just go back in the

town now and fucking then kill them all. Like, in other words, you didn't have to say he did that. Like, it was kind of like, it was almost like a note that they got from an executive. Let's hold the viewer's hand. Make sure they know your motivation. Know your motivation. His friend was basically just whipped to death and is on display. Yeah.

Anyway. Fun day yesterday. We got together with Wheeler Walker Jr., did an episode of Fitz Dog Radio, and he requested you. I didn't know you did other podcasts. I felt a little like I caught you cheating. What are you talking about? You were on that podcast more than anybody in history.

That was fun, and it was great. He asked for you to be there. You guys go way back. Yeah. Did you hire him as a writer on Craig Kilborn? How did you first meet him? Oh, wait. What are we allowed to talk about here?

Are we allowed to talk about it? I don't know. Interesting question. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, we're talking about Wheeler Walker Jr., right? All right. Let's just talk about his new album is out.

It's called Sex, Drugs, and's called Our Paths Cross the Comedy Central. Wheeler Walker Jr. My Path. We crossed the Comedy Central. Yeah. Yeah. But he he's been on the show a few times and his new album is fantastic. It's so I've only heard two tracks from it, but it's I assume the rest of it's good. He sent me more demos. Oh, he did? Yeah. No, no, not yesterday. He sent them a couple of months ago. And yeah, I wonder if I can read this. He texted, Wheeler texted me and wanted to know, I think this went out, I have to assume it went out public. So he wanted to, he he asked me do you think this is a

good uh like press release type thing because he had to explain his out you know absence a little uh uh so he goes is this too crazy for the story the publicity around wheeler's new album uh wheeler's new album was recorded a while ago, but Wheeler's been mired in legal shit since he stormed the Capitol. Quote, sure I made a noose that was the exact measurement of Mike Pence's neck and had his initials on it and screamed I was going to hang him and kick the cop's ass, but that don't mean I was going to do anything, you dumb fucks.

ass, but that don't mean I was going to do anything. You dumb fucks. I'm like change noose to rope. And he's like, great note. Yeah. That's a, I had, I had the same thought. I was like, is that a crime? I might be a crime to say that. Yeah. Um, yeah. So that's coming out, uh, not not this week but the week after and we did that at the world famous comedy store in the studio they have there they take good care of us

and they had a sign the marquee out front said welcome back Joe Joe Rogan is there this weekend doing shows first time in a long time maybe years since he's been back at the comedy store. I imagine, yeah. Well, yeah, sure.

If he had COVID to it and has moved to Austin, sure. I think you're right. So later also we're going to talk about our March Madness bet, which is fantastic. Yeah. And we're also going to talk about the Oscars. We're going to do the Oscar picks. Yeah, a lot of Oscars. The Oscars are fantastic. Yeah. And we're also going to talk about the Oscars. We're going to do the Oscar picks. Yeah, a lot of Oscars. The Oscars are tonight.

Yeah. Boy, is it a woke Oscars. When I saw the Oscar predictions. This Oscars took Adderall and Ritalin. And it's going to put Trump in the White House, in my opinion. Anyway, Ross Broccoli. Yeah. We didn't talk about him. We talked about him before

you went on your trip. And then I don't think we talked about you. You didn't give me the update. He came out. He picked me up at the air. Well, first of all, I was flying from Lexington, Kentucky to Omaha, Nebraska. So I think I had seven connecting flights. And by the time I got there, one of the flights had been delayed and I missed one and instead of getting in at one in the afternoon I got in at 8 10 p.m for an eight o'clock show I landed and so Ross picked me up at the airport and we fucking drove straight to the gig I changed into my my show, my tuxedo in the back seat. Did you put maroon on? I put on maroon. You put on maroon.

Is that a new maroon top that I'm seeing right now? No, this is a classic. I got this last year. That wasn't the one in Jersey, though. You have multiple maroon tops. Almost all. Almost all. Well, look, you know, what do the fucking Lakers wear? They're always wearing yellow.

They're known as purple isn't it purple? Purple and yellow. Hold up the mug. Hold up the mug. Can I see the mug? Oh, yeah, by the way, the Sunday Papers mugs, they just made a bunch more. So if you want a Sunday Papers mug, they are now available. Go to SundayPapers.net or FitzDawg.com. And we have the maroon 12-ounce mugs.

I'm holding it up to the screen right now. Yeah, hold it higher just so it, because when you hold it in front of your shirt, you can't see it. All right. This is fun for listeners. So anyway, so Ross picks me up. We get to the gig.

Ross is a comedian you met and I met through you in New York City. Wildly eccentric, was the kind of poster boy child for holiday in-ads, which won awards and were very funny in the 90s and 2000s. So anyway, that's who now lives in Nebraska. So while he was in New York, he was running with all the celebrities. He was a—celebrities fucking loved him. And he made out with all kinds of people like Drew

Barrymore and Janine Garofalo it was fun I might have made out with Sarah Silverman I think he made out with everybody say Amy Poehler he made out with all these people I remember Garofalo on stage saying a story I don't know if it was on stage or in a group of comedians at the bar but she was like so they were going to hook up

and they had you know I guess they were starting to date a little bit and they were making out and they were in bed. And then it kind of came to a pause and, uh, there was a long, awkward pause. He's like, uh, so are we going to do this? And she's so appreciated that he vocalized the thought in the air. Yeah. And I don't even think they did it then. I think they really laughed and, like, didn't do it.

I think that's exactly what happened. Yeah. Yeah. But he's the kind of guy, he was walking down the street in the Bowery one day, and this smoking hot chick was walking past, and they looked at each other, and they stopped, and they made out. And he said they walked back to his place and went upstairs to his apartment and they had sex and they didn't talk. They never said a word to each other.

Wow. Yeah. That's the kind of like magnetism this guy had. But he went a little crazy in New York. He couldn't handle it. It was too much. And so he goes back to lincoln he's this fucking great joke writer so he comes out to the show and he um he did he

fucking killed he hadn't done stand-up in a year because he's been blackballed in lincoln because his political views are so insane he's a total conspiracy theorist. Right. And he's pissed everybody off. Huge anti-vaxxer, anti-Israel, anti-every... And so, but he went up and hadn't gone on in a year. And he did this joke about it. He goes, you know... He goes, you know, there's not a lot of talk about uh you know we know about who invented the bullhorn you know that's in the records we had that's fact but we don't know what he said into it

once he built it i mean that really should be the headline that's such a Ross Broccoli joke I remember him in uh on Ludlow Street what was the name of that place the alternative comedy Luna Lounge in the Luna Lounge and he's like so uh any of you guys have those the brittle water filters and everyone in New York did because you'd have like rusty pipes and stuff like that. It was very good quality water, but the pipes to get it up to your fourth floor walk up weren't exactly new. So anyway, everyone had a brittle water filter thing in there, you know, the pitcher that they would keep in their fridge. And he goes, you guys have those brittle water filters and all? He's like, yeah, he's like, uh, totally cleans the water off. He's like, but, uh, on. He's like, yeah, he's like, uh, totally cleans the water on. He's like, but, uh,

you got to clean that pitcher though. Like every few weeks. And he just, he's like, kind of like, why? Like there should be no re all you're doing is putting clean water in it. And it was just a look. It was, there was no ending written. There was no punchline. He kind of shrugged his shoulders like, what gives with that? What's up with that? It was so funny. A lot of his jokes have no structure at all, but they work.

They're just funny. Anyway, so that happened. Oh, I got to tell you the coolest fucking thing that happened. So Owen is on his spring break from college, and he decided to go to New York, which I was surprised by because- That's a the cool move everyone's heading to the beach especially he lives in chicago and meanwhile he goes to new york already once or twice a year but he fucking loves his grandmother he loves his uh cousins and his aunts and uncles and so he

so he got excited and him and him and his buddy his buddy rory who i fucking love he's the guy he does the radio show with at the college oh wow and he's like this very like interesting creative he's like uh he's a he's a film major and he's got a deep understanding of music and film and um so he he and owen fly to new New York and they line up this week like you can't fucking believe it the first night they went to see this new play that just came out I don't know how they got tickets

and then the next night they went to see Book of Mormon wow they went to MoMA they went to the Met he's seeing his cousins they went to Katz. They went to the Met. He's seeing his cousins.

They went to Katz's Delicatessen. I mean, they're just going on stuff. So Thursday night, I go, do you want to go to a comedy club? And he goes, oh, yeah, we'd love that. So I called up the comedy seller. And he's like, do you know anyone I could call to get in? So I call the comedy cell or I text, I text Liz over there and I say, can, can you put my son and his friend on the guest list? So Owen shows up, his friend gets sick, so he doesn't come.

Owen goes by himself. They seat him with another guy and they give him a great fucking seat and he goes on and the bill was like Sam Morrell. And I sent it to this show cause Attell was on it. Attell closed out the show. Oh, my God. And so he went, and he said he literally almost had to leave the room because his stomach hurt so much watching Morrell fucking kills.

But then he said Attell just took it to a level. He's like, I think he might have had the set of his life. I think that that might have been the height of his career. I was like, like no that's him every night for 30 years that's how fucking good he is every night i mean i've said it a million times i i felt when i would go to the cellar because i lived a block from it and i would go every night it was like i live next to the blue note and there was one of the most extraordinary jazz musicians on earth playing there every night.

Yeah, it was it was different. It was art. It was unbelievably creative. And it would surprise me, shock me. And I would be, you know, just, you know, having an incredibly emotional reaction, which was laughter. But it's like I'm trying to compare it to jazz. It's like it was just inspiring, really. So and then the cellar was so fucking cool. They they picked up his check. They they paid for his drinks. Yeah, it was just inspiring really so and then the seller was so fucking cool they uh they picked up his check they they picked oh wow yeah it was just so nice and then he went outside and atel of course is standing off to the side out front smoking a cigarette and owen walked right up to him and he introduced himself and you know atel was really sweet to him owen was going on about what a nice guy he was and um so they so they talked for a while. It was very cool. And then Attell called me later to talk about what a good kid Owen was.

So that was a big deal. That was really exciting. Dude, imagine how impressed Owen's friend. I mean, well, I'm impressed. No, his friend didn't go. His friend was sick. Oh, sorry. I missed that part of the story. Yeah, I hear it now. He went solo. Yeah, he went by himself Wow Took the train down from the Upper West Side Walked in the rain Got to the show He had a few IPAs Now he seems a little bit like a weirdo

And then he laughed hysterically alone in a basement And then bothered the A-lister outside Exactly Did he have a copy of Catcher in the Rye with him? I mean, that's what I used to do when I was a teenager. I used to take the train down from the city and we would go to the village. We'd take the subways, me and Frank Moretti, and we'd sit in the comedy cellar. And then after the show, we would go up to the comedians out front and we talked to them.

And it was like it was Rick Cromeome and what was that other guy's name? You wouldn't know him, but like, you know, but at the time it was like fucking Seinfeld, Paul Reiser, Richard Belzer. It was amazing. The lineups were fucking crazy. George Wallace. Yep. Excellent. Oh, Bill Grunfest. He was the host all the time at the cellar he ended up becoming like a big writer in la well as you know

because of you i kind of like you know it was i'd go there every night i mean i was at hbo also so i got you got to know everyone through you so they all trusted me, which was great. But I would go there and I mean, you know, Mike Royce, the emcee, like, you know, just the smartest, most talented guy doing like the heavy lifting all night. Right. It was just, you know, what a treat. And the cellar was, you know, not getting props, but every comedian, it was their favorite place. You know, it was far from national. You know what I mean? Like it was just, and all the nobodies, Ray Romano, Louis C.K., Dave Attell, Jim Gaffigan, you know, every, you know, all those guys who would then soon, you know, are now

household names. And then the big guys would come down, you know, Chris Rock would come in and it was, it was always great. And it really, I mean, just to put in perspective, people know about the Comedy Cellar around the world. It holds about 80 people. It's in a basement. It has a fucking bathroom that the restaurant upstairs has to use where the people have to walk through the middle of the room to get to the bathroom. You leave the restaurant, you go downstairs, you walk in the middle of a comedy club where half the tables are on the other side of you from the stage. Yeah, you split the crowd.

You walk down the middle of the crowd. And every performer, you're like in the light, your head is in the lights. Like every performer sees you. And if a guy is bombing, you become like a duck at a fucking carnival they just they just attack you as you go to the bathroom well i told you uh and i've said this on the podcast but uh i so i have to go to the bathroom once i go down and meanwhile i'd seem to tell like i don't know six nights in a row at that point and uh and and, and, and, and we know each other, but anyway,

I have to go to the bathroom and I go in and he's on and, uh, and I figured, you know, I would, I would come down and see the, cause at the beginning he does whatever I was going to come to the second half of the set. After I went to the bathroom, I walk in, I'm going over to the bathroom and he's like, let me tell you about the Amish you again. Like he interrupted. He interrupted, like, one of his bits to scream you again at me.

I'm like, oh, my God. I went in the bathroom. Like, I'm like, I just can't leave. Like, I have to stay in the bathroom. I can't walk through that room again. Oh, God. So, shout out to Michael Solomon, who did our song this week.

Fantastic. Yeah. He's been very prolific for us, and I appreciate you, Michael. Fantastic, Michael. The logo was done by Craig Godette, who's also been very prolific. This is the two fattest twins in the world on motorcycles.

Look at that tie-in. I already talked about the chef, the fat chef going around on a scooter in New York City. Look at that. All right. By the way, I bought the Guinness Book of World Records a couple weeks ago. Oh, I thought you were going to say, I bought it 3,026 times, which is a new record. And I just keep it on the coffee table. It's so great.

I get as much of a thrill of leafing through the Guinness Book of World Records as I did when I was a kid. Did you used to get it every year, like at your book fair at school? Well, worse. So it was a competition of who could get their hands on the book when we were forced to go to the library and grammar school. Oh, right. Right. Cause that, that person's going to have the shortest 45 minutes in that library. Yeah. Yeah. Time will fly as you're looking at the fingernails and these fat guys on the bikes and, uh, the tallest man and all the freaks. And forget about sports. Then you get to sports and it's like, who had the most yards?

Who had the most home runs? Most push-ups. Most push-ups. Most burpees. So, yeah, so I just got that. And, well, I'll tell you. I have news about that. I'll tell you about it.

Oh, all right. Corrections this week. Lucia Ribeiro. Ribeiro. Yeah, what is that? She writes us regularly, so we should know how to say her name at this point. Lucia R. Did I see a twinkle in your eye when you were telling Gibbons that a helicopter is what brings water to the tank atop a tall building?

I did a Google search. A water storage tank holds clean water from your reverse osmosis system until a demand for water is initiated in the house or business. Water is pumped into the tank from the water source like a well or a reverse osmosis system. The tank accumulates water until it's full. The shorter answer would be yes. It was a twinkle in your eye. The other correction is Captain Hook, although foppish, is not explicitly gay. Although Peter Barry, the playwright, is asexual. Asexual. That's an interesting concept. How is that different than there's there's asexual, there's celibate, and there's can't get laid? Which are you?

Asexual, I think, has a new meaning, and I want to be very respectful in all that. If you were a famous person in the 1800s and you called yourself asexual, I think that meant you were into kids. Yes. Yeah, they left out a kid sexual. Yeah. Yeah. yes yeah they left out a kid sexual yeah yeah um so he was obsessed with kids i'm not saying sexually but it's a fact and peter pan is always played by a woman in peter pan right i saw with sandy duncan on broadway didn't she have one eye don't say that about Peter Pan. I think she had one eye because the Captain Hook. That's right. I saw some had a bruised vagina from Captain. I saw some Instagram posts where it's like, you know, something gets mind blowing. And then it was

these two dudes. And he's like, maybe Captain Hook wasn't into children. It was something like because you ever notice he didn't care about any of the other kids? Oh, maybe captain hook isn't a villain. Maybe captain hook. Cause he wasn't into any of the other kids. He was just trying to stop Peter Pan and Peter Pan was recruiting all these kids. And so he was, maybe he's the real hero. And the other guy's like, what? You know? But it was interesting. Either that or Captain Hook was Epstein and Peter Pan was Gisele Maxwell. Oh, wow.

Okay. Interesting. Interesting. I think it would be very easy for Captain Hook to kill himself. Yeah. Yeah. This is from Barry McCockner.ry my cock and her get it oh okay good all right oh so in your correction section one of the listeners names was loose asshole this is one of richard and

sal's prank phone call names i chuckled when you read it. Loose Asshole. And then he sneaks in Macockner. Then he sneaks in Barry Macockner. It's a double whammy. Got it. This one comes from Greg Reinheimer. Now I'm really looking at each damn. Should have been Kissimmee, Florida. Alright, what? Mike said that you could go to La Trobe, PA for

imported beer. Beer made in this country is domestic beer. It was a joke. It was importing it into Pittsburgh or something. Yes, I know very well about La Trobe. So not getting a joke is not the same as a correction, Greg. But he did wait. He has a fun fact

right here. Also, Rolling Rock is no longer made in La Trobe. It was bought out by Anheuser-Busch and is now made in New Jersey. Did not know that. Because their big claim was those spring-fed waters in the Alleghenies or wherever it was. That's right. And Anheuser-Busch is a European brand now.

Is that right? Yeah, Budweiser is owned by a European German or Czech or something company. And most of the parts in your Ford are made by Honda. Yeah, Budweiser is owned by a European German or Czech or something company. And most of the parts in your Ford are made by Honda. Whoa, look at you. Yeah, sure. InBev. Is that Chris writing?

What's InBev? Chris, you want to finish writing something? Let's all wait for Chris to write something. I-N-B-E-V. Really good. That's probably the international owner. Oh, that's what it's called. Okay, thanks. Maybe put that in the notes.

Here comes the king. So American. Here, the American beer made by InBev. Speaking of beer, here's some great places to buy beer in the next couple months. In La Jolla, I will be at the Comedy Store on April 8th through the 10th. Spokane Comedy Club, April 14th through 16th. New Orleans at the Howlin' Wolf on April 21st. Lafayette, Louisiana on April 26th.

Yeah, why don't you come down to that? Hey, wait a minute, man. When is March – not March. When is Jazz Fest? Oh, good question. There's no way they have you down there during – I mean, maybe. I don't think I'm going to look it up. You keep reading.

You keep reading. I'm going to look it up. Denver Comedy Works on April 28th through the 30th. Plainville, Massachusetts at the casino there on April 23rd. You can now get tickets. I know the link was not working before. It is currently working. Tacoma Comedy Club, May 19th through 21st.

Irvine Improv, May 27th through 29th. Bakersfield, California on June 11th. And Jazz Fest is April 29th through May 8th. So we're the week before that. Wow. I'd almost rather go when it's not Jazz Fest because then you can actually get into places. Well, you're lucky because that's what's going to happen

because Jazz Fest begins, you're there on the 21st? Yeah. And then you're in Lafayette, and then you're nowhere near the deer in Denver. It's the 29th. And you want to hear something fucking amazing? I am performing in Massachusetts on April 23rd. And then I get this invite from our dear friend Mary Fitzgerald,

whose father, who's a legendary Dorchester guy. He ran numbers. He was a bookie, worked for Whitey Bulger, went to jail a lot. And anyway, he died. And Mary is having a memorial at PJ Clark's, which is this famous bar in Southie. And she invited me to the memorial. And I was like, oh, I'm not going to fly to Boston for that. Well, it's the day after my gig in Massachusetts. So I'm staying an extra night, and I'm going to go to PJ Clark's and hang out with Mary's amazing family.

And it's going to be a drink fest. I mean, she's got like 17 brothers and sisters, and it's going to be a blast. That's maybe when you pop out of your non-alcoholic state. Well, too bad he can't stay a little extra in New Orleans. And don't hate me, listeners, that I'm not going to read, like, the amazing jazz acts. But I'll read you some popular names that are going to be in Jazz Fest this year. The Who.

Stevie Nicks. Yeah, Stevie Nicks. Forget War. Oh, Jimmy Buffett's there's there he's gonna ruin the whole fucking thing but stevie nicks the who uh black crows nelly dave growl i don't know if he'll be there we'll see um ludacris elvis costello holy shit yeah um lionel Richie, Erykah Badu, Willie Nelson, Luke Combs. Chris Isaac, Dirty Dozen Brass Band. Of course, The Meters. Hey, cool in the gang. There they are.

Boz Skaggs, Randy Newman. Oh, my God. Buddy Guy. Yeah, Melissa Atheridge, The Avid Brothers. Buddy Guy is still alive? Wow, that would be worth seeing. The Avetts are still brothers? Who else is here?

Anyway, it looks pretty fun for sure. The Who at Jazz Fest. That's pretty wild. I wonder if they saw. I had heard that those guys... It's like Madonna getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Did you see the coolest thing?

Dolly Parton goes, no, no, no, that's not right. Yeah, finally. Finally somebody can go like, hey, this doesn't make sense. You know who that is? That's someone who's very secure and not threatened. Well, she did get fake boobs. And, you know, she's tatted up. You know that, right?

Is she? That's why she always, always, always wears long sleeves. Isn't that amazing? No kidding. Incredible songwriter. Wow. You know what else is incredible, Mike? Magic Spoon.

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I do it like, you know, in between lunch and dinner, I'll have a small bowl and it gets me through the day. And just to clarify, when you say build your own box, it sounds like, oh, you could customize like a Nike sneaker. No, it's your shipping box. Put whatever flavors of this in and customize your order. Like for instance, I will never order cocoa and peanut butter separately because I, when they arrive, I mix them. That's my jam. Go to magicspoon.com slash papers to grab a custom bundle of cereal. And be sure to use our promo code PAPERS at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash papers and use the code PAPERS to save $5 off.

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I do have paper. Do you have paper? I have a newspaper. I have a legal pad with a totally woke grocery list on it still. All right. Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! A dog abandoned at a North Carolina animal shelter after his owners thought he was gay was adopted by an openly gay couple on Tuesday. So what a happy ending.

Gay couple with a gay dog. I'm assuming it's a Lhasa Apsa, is the kind of dog I have, because they look gay. What kind of gaydar do these folks have in North Carolina? I know. They can see if it's a gay dog. Wow. Well, it was humping other male dogs, which I guess made them uncomfortable. But, you know, my dog is, I walk down the street, I wear maroon, and you're not going to believe this, Mike,

but my dogs both have little sweaters that are maroon. One day, I was wearing this sweater and walking them with their sweaters, and a woman on the street, who was very pretty, I smiled at her, and she laughed at me. She goes, Great sweaters, guys.

I hope. Gals. Nice. Oh, my God. I remember actually the pilot for Tosh.0. We had footage of a pit bull who mounted another pit bull and was humping and humping away. And then the camera came around. And it was, you know, crappy footage from a phone in a dog park and it came around and you saw that

the dog getting humped had a penis and now it's from the front and the dog humping him all of a sudden throws up on the other dog's back. And the joke we, I think the joke we landed are like, oh, look

at that, pit bulls are like NFL players and rappers. It sickens them to think that they themselves are gay or something like that. Yeah. Oh, my God. What was your other pit bull joke you used to tell on stage? I used to have a joke that didn't, I always thought it should do better when you would have me do standup, like at St. Patrick's day.

But, uh, I, it was something like, am I the only one when I see a pit bull mix, you know, dog or a pit bull mix puppy, which are the cutest things on earth.

But am I the only one that is convinced that they are a result of rape? They're a product of rape. Like the other dog didn't have a say in that. You think the golden retriever, a female golden retriever had a say in that mating? And then I'm like, you know what? And by the way, it's never going to be like, oh yeah, yeah, the mom was a pit bull

and the dad was a poodle. Like that's not happening. It's always the male dog is a pit bull. Are you kidding? Also, you know what pit bull makes you never see? Pit bull greyhound. Because the greyhound's too fucking fast. That's just not going to happen.

Yeah. That's good stuff, Mike Gibbons. See it? There it is. Goop is in the news. Oh, yeah. Gwyneth Paltrow's company. The former second in command there is throwing mud at the clean queen, Gwyneth Paltrow's

allegedly toxic workplace. Uh-oh. So this woman, Elise Lohan, who was the co-host of the Goop podcast. Yep. And she was the brand's chief content officer, stepped down after seven years. And they had a show on Netflix, and she was in that show a lot. She said, quote, so when I left my last job at Goop almost two years ago, I decided to force wear all cleansing. To me, it has become synonymous with dieting and restriction.

And I felt like I was not in a healthy relationship with my body where I was always trying to punish it, bring it under control. And I've been eating like a teenager for two years and enjoying it, to be honest. All right. Well, she also stopped wiping. I don't know how her two years is going, but it sounds disgusting. Well, I guess there's all of these cleanses that Goop has you do. I think Goop is named after what comes out of your ass after one of their cleanses. Well, did you read on?

I read more of that article of like how many disgruntled employees? Like it's really racked up the numbers. Yeah, 140. They lost about 140 people because of the quote unquote mean girl vibe. And also, yeah. Low wages and fear-based management. And it was 140 were layoffs, resignations and all that stuff. So I think HR holds these exit interviews,

but they're really confusing for the employees because they call them a conscious uncoupling gatherings. And it's like, Hey, am I here to learn more about unconscious coupling? Oh no, you're being shit canned without severance. That's that. That's what this did. Just when a Gwynny wants to call it consciously uncoupling with you right by the way you might throw in a hot brush on the bathroom on the way out that last cleanse you went through was a little violent yeah um yeah it's uh it's so funny because you talk about

they i know there's a what you know how there's uh the soho house yeah uh there about I know there's a you know how there's the Soho House? Yeah. There's also, there's a place, it's basically these yuppified hipster hangouts where rich people that are beautiful go and they spend time with each other. And they

have one in New York that's just for women. And it is run by women, it is owned by women, and it is a shit women. It is owned by women and it is a shit show like goop, the infighting, the low pay, the toxic work environment. It's all there. And so the solution is not all women or all men. It's a mixture. The best jobs I've ever been on was when we had men, women, queers. Oh. Isn't that one of the things in LBTQ? Yeah, it's fine.

It was just startling. Sorry. All different kinds of people makes for a good environment. It keeps everybody, you know, I don't know. It's just, I can't describe it. It's just, you don't want all of the same thing. Diversity works. Diversity works. Yeah. just you don't want all of the same thing. Diversity works. Diversity works.

Unless you're this guy. A man was found dead after jumping from the balcony of a high-rise apartment building in Universal City on Tuesday. No, University City, which is in, I looked it up, San Diego. Oh. Police confirmed that the man was wearing a helmet. Oh, good. And was equipped with a parachute that failed to open. Oh. Police confirmed that the man was wearing a helmet. Oh, good. And was equipped with a parachute that failed to open. Oh.

The incident occurred at a 23-story high-rise apartment building. And at 1030 on Tuesday night, a neighbor called 911 and reported a, quote, loud pop similar to a gunshot. Oh. Before they stepped on their balcony and saw a person bleeding on the ground below. before they stepped on their balcony and saw a person bleeding on the ground below. The jumper was 48 years old, and his daughter was present in the apartment when he jumped. Hey, I'll be right back, honey. If not, have an awful life.

I mean, what daughter? Yeah. Wait, hold on, Dad. I think this is a really good idea. Is your chin strap on tight? Yeah. Okay, hold on, Dad. I think this is a really good idea. Is your chin strap on tight? Yeah. Okay, good. And you know he told him. What are the odds? You have about three-tenths of a second to pull that chute.

I mean, the building's only, what, 23 stories? 23 stories. Oh, my God. But I guess they say they've had, it's not the first incident. There's been a bunch of them in the past month at that building for some reason. Okay. So after we did the podcast last week, I'm in New York City. We're there with the British relatives and we go to the High Line and it was great. It was like an unseasonably like 70 degree day in New York. And we walked

the High Line North and it comes and ends at Hudson Yards. There's that big stair sculpture there, which has a lot of copper and it's a piece of art and it looks amazing and it's very, very popular. So as we're walking up and all the tourists walk up the stairs and it's this really tall thing. So we're walking up and there's a valet, a woman at a valet, cause there's a very expensive mall right there as well at the base of it. And so I go up, I don't think I told this story on the podcast last week. Anyway, if I did, sorry, I'll move it along. I go up and I'm like, uh, Oh, is it closed? Cause I didn't see. And she tried to be like, Oh no, no, no. It's you can take the stairs and walk underneath it all you want.

I'm like, nice try. I'm like, why isn't anybody on? And she's like, yeah, it's closed. And I'm like, is it like closed because it opens at 11 today or like is it? It's like, no, no, it's been closed a while. And then finally I couldn't do this dance anymore. I'm like jumpers. And she's like, yeah.

And so, yeah, I'm like, oh, my God. So anyway, we're there with the British family and, uh, and all of a sudden, like people are walking up like, Mike, can we go up? And you know, and all this stuff, I'm like, no, you know, it's closed. And then eventually there's a little bit of chatter because someone overheard me talking to her about jumpers. So kids in the British family are very confused because they think jumpers in England means sweaters. And so they're like, oh, is it cold up there? Is it the jumpers? I'm like, no, no guys. No, not, we don't call sweaters jumpers in England mean sweaters. And so they're like, is it cold up there?

Is it jumpers? I'm like, no, no, guys, no, not, we don't call sweaters jumpers here. And no one's throwing sweaters off the top stair up there. Yeah, yeah. I wish that were the problem. Right.

And by the way, kids, stop saying fags. Those are not the same thing in this country. Exactly. So I don't know how they're going to solve that, man. I mean, all this is is stairs. It doesn't go to anywhere. You walk upstairs to a very high height. And if that's a thing, I mean, you hear about, although this is way worse than like the Golden Gate Bridge.

You know, the Golden Gate Bridge, I get it. You're not going to like run your car in the garage. You're not going to run off. You jump off your depressing four story building. There's something a little more grand about and legendary in a way about jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. But no one sees you land, generally speaking. A lot of them are at night. So truly no one sees you landing. And you just disappear. This, you are smashing among, it's the most selfish thing ever. Yeah. I'm not even trying to be funny.

You're smashing among children and babies and families and tourists. And you could land on one. I thought about, here's a weird kind of existential thing for me, is I bought term life insurance, which I don't know, if you don't have life insurance, there's a couple different kinds, but the kind I got, you purchase it in advance for a set number of years. Yeah, I need it until I'm 60. Yeah, I think I bought it, well, usually you buy it until your kids are out of college or in college. If your college account is funded, then you just get it until they're in college.

That was explained to me. So mine runs out. My life insurance runs out next month. And I used to think about, you know. A little lowman, yeah. I used to think about, and I have a $1 million policy. and I used to think to myself, which was huge when you got it. But when I got it, it was a big deal. And I was and I thought at the time, you know, my wife is accustomed to a certain way of living. And with that failure and disappointment, there should be a payoff for her someday.

And so, but like the really dark side of me, the scared, you know, would think if things get really bad, I'll kill myself and my wife will at least get the million dollars. But I don't have that safety net after this month. I got to actually earn. Wow. Yeah. So, like in whatever it is, 20 days, you have to start killing yourself trying to earn money. I have to kill myself before the next 20 days. So if I die in the next 20 days. But after that, you're going to kill yourself by working yourself into the ground.

Right, right. Trying to make money. But I was wondering. All right, good luck with that. If I was going to do that, what would be the most effective way to kill myself? Because I think the policy is null and void by suicide. No, no, they changed that law. Oh, they did?

Yeah, that's why, you know, it's the famous, of course, death of a sailman, Willie Loman. It had to seem like a car accident, spoiler alert, because suicide, his family wouldn't get the money. And I think they've changed that, you know, with more mental health awareness and everything. I think you also, for the sake of your family, want them to think it was an accident and you didn't kill yourself because then people are wracked with guilt.

Yeah. Also, I mean, if you really were trying to scam insurance, you're going to wait till the last week of the policy. The way to swindle them is to do it the first week of the 30 years. Yeah, yeah. Although that would be kind of a funny movie is a guy who's just brazen about it and calls the insurance company. He goes, all right, when does my policy expire tomorrow? All right, I'm going to kill myself tonight, so could you guys make out a check to my wife?

Exactly. You know, wait, oh, it's three-day mail okay you can put it in the mail now all right so three okay thursday got it yeah uh ted cruz in the news in boston montana he was late to check in for his flight and uh got into got into it with a couple of frontline employees. That was perfect. He was demanding their names and threatening to go corporate if he was not checked in for the flight. The traveler who took a video of the whole incident claims that Cruz asked the agent,

do you know who I am? 12 times. Yes, Senator Karen. Yeah. To which the employee said, yes, I know who you are. You're the anti-union guy who's trying to kill my pension.

You're the anti-mask maverick who's trying to get me sick with COVID. Yeah, you're the guy who voted against me getting government assistance while the pandemic knocked me out of work. Yeah, we know who you are. Why don't you grab a Cinnabon and a neck pillow from the gift shop? Next flight to six hours, asshole.

Yes. Yeah, you're the representative who left your people and went to Cancun when they were freezing to death, literally. Yeah. Yeah, we know who you are. We know. Now, did you, this week, since that story, he is in the news again. Now, did you this week since that story, he is in the news again.

He railed in the Supreme Court nomination of Katonji Brown Jackson. Gross. Yeah. Oh, and he kept going over and they kept yelling. He went 20 minutes over his allotted time grandstanding. So here I'll just read what I pasted here. Senator Ted Cruz was photographed. So he was photographed after his grandstanding, checking his Twitter mentions immediately after the aggressive questions in a confirmation hearing Wednesday. And then a Republican, by the way, after his grandstanding and incredibly rude and obnoxious questions that won 20 minutes over his limit. A Republican Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska warned, he warned of literally goes,

apologized to Jackson about like the jackassery from people mugging for the cameras during the third day of the confirmation hearings. He's a really gross human being. I think he lacks all any moral compass whatsoever. And he's just another one of these politicians who and it's not just Republicans. There's Democrats to do it, too, who put their egos and their celebrity ahead of what's good for the country. who will just speak out of both sides of his mouth, say exactly the opposite of what he said. Maybe whatever gets him out of Trump, whatever advances him. That's what he will say. And by the way, before we get attacked for going after a Republican, I thought the Kavanaugh hearings where there was a lot of jackassery and bullshit among the Democrats during his confirmation hearing as well.

And also Republicans, most of them hate Ted Cruz. Right. Is that true? Really? Well, the Republican Senator was apologizing. He's really bombastic. He's disgraceful even in Republicans' estimation. He's a piece of shit human being and it's true speaking of which the gubbins story is wait no no i'm kidding gubbins we fucking love you i love the gubbins has been in thailand

for like the last two weeks is he coming back i don't know if he's coming back he's living the life out there i gotta go visit jesus christ he's hanging out in a jungle packed with fellow hairy primates. Yeah. And he's, who knows, eating great food and hanging out with his Uncle Dicky, who's a great dude. I think they're smoking a lot of weed. Allegedly. On the domestic front,

things are not picking up in the Gubs to Hubs competition. We're supposed to be doing a Bachelor with Dennis Gubbins. We need three girls. We've onlyubs competition. We're supposed to be doing a Bachelor with Dennis Gubbins. We need three girls. We've only gotten two. We've been soliciting more women to reach out. I don't know that there's a huge market for the redheaded freckled right now.

It seems racist. I think we pivot and we create a show in Thailand. We pivot and we create a show in Thailand. It's Gubbins with about 20 roses and a house full of ladyboys. Oh. Who wouldn't watch that? Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful ladyboys.

Can't really tell the difference. Is ladyboy, can I get canceled for saying, I wonder if Thailand does with it, because that's what they're known as in Thailand. Would you fool around with a gorgeous ladyboy? You mean for kicks? Yeah. I don't think. I'm not going to think too hard about this. I think the answer is no, but I'm not repulsed by the idea. I mean, a ladyboy is somebody who's born a man and then gets breast implants and other transitional stuff.

I don't know if they—I'm very interested to see you define this. I don't know if they go to that extent. They may just be incredibly attractive, usually slight in frame, very convincing. They appear like a beautiful woman. I believe they also have breasts. Oh, wow. Okay. Well, ask Jim Norton. Jim Norton, that's his expertise. But you ask it like, so I don't, I mean, anyone who's heterosexual, which is how I identify lately, like if it was a beautiful woman next to a beautiful lady boy, if we can use thatosexual, which is how I identify lately. Uh, like if it was a beautiful woman next to a

beautiful lady boy, if we can use that phrase, uh, well, I mean, 10 out of 10 times I'm going to, uh, you know, be attracted to the, uh, I mean, I might not know. Yeah. So that's, that's a more interesting question. If I was fooled, what would, what would my reaction? If you, if you, If you met a beautiful woman, went back to her hotel, started fooling around, and then realized that it was a lady boy, would you continue?

Alright. What is it called? Virtue signal? The virtuous thing to say right now in order to appear virtuous would be that I wouldn't stop. But if I'm going to be honest, I think I would. Because I hope that and I would hope that point was after he took care of me. She she took care of you. Well, no, I don't. Well, we don't know how this person identifies.

Oh, that's true that's true yeah well i think a lot of them according to chris denman we can conclude that ladyboys are simply asian transgender women so lots of different versions and choices yes but you know jim norton i heard jim norton on series xm comedy the other day and he's like you know you got all these woke people that make a big deal out of pronouns. He goes, if you want to support transgender people, pull up that skirt and suck her dick. He goes, because you don't really know yourself

until you're staring into a mirror, brushing your teeth for a half an hour, screaming faggot. Whoa, okay then. That was in quotes from Jim Norton? Yeah, in quotes from Jim Norton. I didn't say that. Yeah.

Staring into the mirror, screaming that at yourself for a half an hour while brushing your teeth. That's such a great image. All right, let's do some local. Should we do this local news or should we move on to entertainment? No, let's move on to entertainment. Speaking of woke, here we go, entertainment. All right, it is the woke Oscars tonight on ABC, I think.

Oscars tonight on ABC, I think. And we got, I read an article and these were the Oscar predictions by Pete Hammond, who's a name we all know out here in Hollywood. And literally he's known as quote, an awards columnist. So this was for deadline, but I think he wrote for Hollywood Reporter Variety for like, I don't know, 80 years. So anyway, the oh, you put in some news here up top. I didn't see this. Go ahead. The eight categories. Oh, there were eight categories. Go ahead.

Read this. They were they cut eight categories. Yeah, they cut them because they lost so much ratings last year. They were down like that's not why they lost ratings last year. But go ahead. Well, they're trying to pick up the pace a little bit, so they cut documentary short subjects because nobody's seen any of them, film editing because nobody can tell if a film is well edited or not,

makeup and hairstyling, original score. Original score they should have kept. Production design, I don't even know what that means. Animated short film yeah well live action short film and sound are instead going to be held an hour earlier and the winner's acceptance speeches will be edited into the live broadcast later yeah like whenever it's the award for sound then you got to think back to the movie and think do i remember like was there an explosion that was

really good or did somebody break a wine glass at dinner and it sounded very crisp i mean how do i know what the fucking good sound is you know what's gonna lose uh the sound award is coda oh wouldn't that be ironic um all right so some of those if i going to be blunt about this, I would say animated short film should be cut. Live action short film should be cut. Sound included. Definitely film editing. When I would see, I still can't get the vision. Sounds like he used to be an editor.

I know how to edit a tiny bit, but I mean, like, I should know her name. It's terrible. I think the editor of Jaws was a woman, and I think also, but some of the best editing i've ever seen was raging bull like where you're like wait what and then you when i've slowed that down and gone frame by frame she's doing stuff that doesn't even make sense it's crazy how gifted like that's an artist so anyway i think editing is big in a movie it paces it up sometimes it even tells the story in a way. Like, I think, you know, like you hear about, like, Jaws being saved in post, like not seeing the shark. Those are all big decisions, you know, that are made in post.

So anyway, production design I think should be in there too. You know, I guess sound. Yeah. I guess sound, yeah. They say you can share your fan favorite and the most cheerworthy moment by using the hashtags hashtag Oscar fan favorite and hashtag Oscar cheer moment on Twitter. I'm going to be using the hashtag Oscars so woke. Yeah. Because that's obviously a very positive thing to write.

Yep. You saw Nightmare Alley? I saw Nightmare Alley. It's two and a half hours i smoked a joint first and i found myself going like first of all i i'm sorry bradley cooper but you're too good looking it's distracting it it just you all you're thinking about is i'm watching Bradley Cooper, who's super famous and who is a big star and he's in a movie. It's like I never get lost in Bradley Cooper because it's self-conscious how good-looking he is. Your microphone's making a little noise.

Yeah, so, and I don't know how to fix this, and I don't even know how to define it. Bradley Cooper's an incredibly, incredibly ambitious guy. Really, really ambitious. God bless him. I wish I had an ounce of it. And super talented. Super talented.

Unbelievably talented. Smart. Funny. Athletic. A great guy. Not party because he doesn't drink but like i've been at parties with him and game night at zack's and shit so i also know he's a good guy just around the quote normal people and so all of that but not only can i see bradley cooper when i see him in

most things i see that ambition and but there's exactly yes but there's a like the role is a sweaty role it's a role that requires a lot of work and he's unbelievably i think maybe it's self-awareness but it's hard to tease out because if i'm being honest he's not even close to as ambitious as tom cruise who's the producer of his movies, does his own stunts, and is literally as self-conscious in terms of, I'm Tom Cruise doing this scene. Yeah.

But there's a magic quality that I can't define where Tom Cruise is way more watchable than Bradley Cooper. Oh, yeah. Robert Redford. Same thing. Gorgeous.

Can't take your eyes off him, but I also get completely lost in the role that he's playing and i don't with bradley cooper yeah so i don't know what that is i don't know if it's he's not picking kind of the right roles or it's just that that's the magic some people have it some don't right even if they're just as sort of uh ego driven and ambitious or whatever it is whatever those negative qualities are that pull you out some people have the same ones but it's hidden it's somehow in the mix and it doesn't help that nightmare alley is film noir which is a very self-conscious you know genre of film it's very like here's a close-up here's a long still pause yeah you know here's a fucking shot of the wall for a minute and then we cut to it's

it's it's you know it's very uh um it's it's very full of itself yeah or no totally all right so here we go and it was a remake by the way like the pick for best picture so getting back to uh pete hammond's things he thinks the winner of best picture is going to be CODA, which I didn't know this stands for children of deaf adults. Which by the way, do you know, uh, Moshe Kasher is a CODA? I think you told me that when I was talking about his parent, he grew up in a household where he only signed and, uh, yeah, it's amazing. I wonder, you know, he was up in a household where he only signed. Wow.

Yeah, it's amazing. He was a consultant on the film. They hired him to help with the film. He did? Yeah. Wait, Moshe helped with CODA? Yeah. Because, you know, I read a very interesting criticism.

Of course, my criticism was it's deaf, well-hunting, and that it's like, you know, I don't know. It's like an after school special. Anyway, critics, this is interesting. And I wonder if Moshe maybe lost some arguments with this. Had they criticized the film's depiction of the hearing child interpreting for her parents, even in situations where professional interpreters would be required by the American Disabilities Act. In other words, I think some deaf advocates and deaf people were like that's as if they couldn't communicate themselves, as if the guy couldn't express his whatever he was trying to express to his fishing community that he like knew all the dudes in, you know? And so it's like, you know, that they were helpless without this child who could, uh, hear and speak. Right. Interesting. Yeah. I can see that. I can see that.

So Marlee Madeline, I read about them and she threatened to quit. So this is by the way, Coda was not only a delegate nominated for adapted screenplay. It was not only nominated for Adapted Screenplay. It was not only a book. It was a movie. It was a French movie. No kidding. Yeah. So this is a remake. And Marlee Matlin threatened to quit. The original movie did not cast deaf actors, I don't believe.

That's the French for you. I think it's French. And Marlee Matlin, though, in this got cast and then threatened to quit unless more deaf actors were cast. But it got me thinking for a second, like I've run lines with you and you run lines all the time with Malloy. Imagine running lines with the deaf actor because you have to be like, dad, why were you making love with mom so loud? And then you have to be there as he. Now, for people who don't know, first of all, I just threw my hands around in chaos, but for those

who don't know running lines is like when I run lines with you, you're the actor trying to get a role. I have the script in my hand. The biggest reason you're doing it is did I get that right? Did I remember you're trying to remember your lines. So I'm running lines with this guy and he signs and I'm like, yeah like yeah i gotta take your word for it i think you remembered every word yeah right right like what good am i yeah i gotta say the daughter uh in the film she was fucking good at signing because she learned how to sign for the movie yeah she did she was amazing all right and actually i don't know her backstory maybe she was a coda also because i don't know how she could have gotten that good at signing

she's not a coda but here's the question everyone's wondering how do you know she was good at it that's true right right mr expert yeah did you like penelope cruz's act spanish accent when she spoke spanish right right did you like that particular dialect Cruz's Spanish accent when she spoke Spanish? Right, right. Did you like that particular dialect she was doing? Did she get it right? Did I like when so-and-so was a DJ? I don't know.

Did they just hit play and move their hands around a lot? Oh. All right, so you think it's going to win? These are our predictions. No doubt. That's a lock. I'll call that a lock. Okay. Director, he picks Jane Camp predictions. I think there's no doubt. That's a lock. I'll call that a lock. Okay.

Director, he picks Jane Campion. Of course, Jane Campion. She's overdue. I'd say that movie was unbelievably gorgeous. What was it called?

The Power of the Dog. Yeah, it was beautifully shot. Oh my, and it had a feel. And I remember like saying over 10 times, that's a painting like the setup shots and i and and i read interviews and they really worked hard on that and everything

so she very well might deserve that actor will smith yeah i'll give it to him i thought he was fantastic in that movie yeah the movie i think is a piece of garbage because it's just this— King Richard? It's this—it's well done. It's a well-done, like, after-school special again. But that's—the daughters are producers, executive producers on the project. So if you're really trying to see some of the—they left out a lot, the motivational tools he used, like purposefully moving the family from Long Beach to Compton. Yeah. They left that out, which was crazy. They also left out the restraining orders. They left out a lot of his other family.

He had like 15 other kids. Yeah. They left out a lot. So, and I think that does a disservice to some of the motivating things, especially fear. You know, I think that does a disservice to some of the motivating things, especially fear. I think that was a big motivating force for those girls, women. Actress Penelope Cruz, he says. Didn't see the movie, but I'll tell you what. I love her in everything I see her in. I give her my vote. She's amazing.

Not only amazing looking, but she's funny and she's great. So I did not see Tick, Tick, Boom going back to actor, but I think Andrew Garfield, from the clips I've seen and everything, and I think, and that was an incredibly demanding role. I think he deserves honorable mention up there, but I'll pick Will Smith. I saw The Lost Daughter,

which I don't recommend for Best Actress. But Olivia Colman. First of all, I love anything she does. Anything she does. And she attracts awards. She wins awards. So I think she will win it over Penelope Cruz. Wow.

So you're going for a white woman over a foreign-born Latina. Interesting. Still a woman. She foreign-born Latina. Interesting. Still a woman. She's got the woman card. Supporting actor. They're saying it's Troy Kutzor, who was the deaf father in Coda. Oh, yeah. All right.

I'll give him that. Jesse Plemons, if you haven't seen it in The Power of the Dog. You didn't like him in Jesse Plemons. You didn't like him in that. Well, he played an interesting role,'t like him in Jesse Plemons. You didn't like him in that. Well, he played an interesting role and it was called Jesse Plemons. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think he can win for it again or, you know, like, I don't know if he'll get it because he does that role. But I love Jesse Plemons. I absolutely was blown away by him in Breaking Bad. Or how about him in Fargo? Or how about him in Fargo? Did you see him in Fargo? Yeah.

Dude. But in Fargo, he is the almost exact same role with his real life wife who is in this movie playing his wife. Right, right, right. Hey, you know what? Why not? You want to have a quality of life? Hey, you know what? Why not?

You want to have a quality of life? If I was a big, famous Hollywood actor and I had scripts being thrown at me, throw me the script that's got me and my wife on the same set together for six months instead of apart. Good for them. In the same role. Now, there was this other kid in the movie, Cody Smith McPhee, and I thought he was actually, I wasn't a huge fan of The Power of the Dog. I thought he was great in that movie. a huge fan of the power of the dog. I thought he was great in that movie.

Yeah, he was great. He was fantastic. And he was swimming in a very, very, you know, a tank with a lot of big sharks. I mean, he's up there, you know, with a Cumberbatch and Plemons. And, you know, so he held his own more than that. He was really good. He's standout. Supporting actress, Ariana DeBose from West Side Story. Didn't see it.

Well, here's a hint. She'll be the first Afro-Latino and LGBTQ plus person of color to win. Wow. In this category. That checks a lot of color to win. Well. In this category. That checks a lot of boxes. Yeah. So now this role already was given an Oscar and it was Rita Moreno 60 years ago. Oh, my God.

Way to put the extra nail in that one. This is a lock. Adapted screenplay. They say it's going to be this woman sean i don't know how she pronounces her name s-i-a-n heater and uh for coda she's the one who adapted it and directed it it was a good script i thought it was a very strong script i thought the story pushed forward i thought it wasn't predictable even, even though it did fulfill your basic, like, happy ending kind of movies. It still, it took you through a journey.

I thought it was good. She used a lot of whiteout to erase Good Will Hunting from the title page of the script. Original screenplay, this guy picked Kenneth Bronig. Oof. For Belfast. I didn't see it. I saw it. It was really milquetoast. It was like, who's the guy that I love?

Jim Sheridan. It was like he was trying to do a Jim Sheridan movie, but it didn't decide what kind of movie it was. Was it going to be a sweet family movie, or was it going to be a political movie? And it tried to do too much and it got lost. So I don't think the directing was good. I don't think the script was good. I think it'll be a shame if he wins. Interesting. I saw the movie, the worst person in the world. It's incredibly heavy. It's, uh, we talked about last

week. Anyway, she is, gets honorable mention like, but not, no one has seen it. Um, and it's uh we talked about last week anyway she is gets honorable mention like but not no one has seen it yeah um and it's foreign yeah so animated feature encanto is his pick okay animated family the madrigals i hope it wins because al madrigal will get a little uh maybe it'll help his career um yeah it's uh it's a walt disney animation so i'm going to read a little, maybe it'll help his career. Yeah, it's a Walt Disney animation, so I'm going to read a little blurb here about Encanto. It's a Walt Disney Animation Studios, tells the tale of an extraordinary family, the Madrigals, who live in the hidden mountains of Columbia.

It's an animated, you know, I mean, it looks very childish. And they live in a magical house in a vibrant town in a wondrous, charmed place called Encanto. The magic of the Encanto has blessed every child in the family with a unique gift from super strength to the power to heal. Every child except one, Mirabelle, who is a homosexual. No. Because it's Disney. No, I'm joking.

But it sounds like are they making cocaine? It sounds like a small town that Pablo Escobar is running. If it's so extraordinary. Yeah, it does. It does. I think they have those hippos down there and they have tons of cocaine. OK, so, Greg, look back over this list. What do you I've accused this, you know, last year was the lowest rated Oscars ever. Three women are hosting this year. They're very popular. I think that'll help.

What what do you notice about this list? What do you notice about this list? I noticed that there's a straight white cis man asking me a question that is so loaded that I don't even want to touch it. Are we really going to be two white guys complaining about the woke Oscars? I am. Go for it. Hold court. Good luck. I think Hollywood has got to—first of all, I agree with a lot of these choices.

I like Jane Camion, like shit. Absolutely. And like, so I agree with a lot, but I guess one of the things is these are the movies being made. Now, here's one question I have for you. Will anybody be talking about these movies in two years? Anyone? Pick one. Yeah. How about in two years? Anyone. Pick one. No.

How about in a year? How about in a month? I feel like the last three years, there's been almost no good movies made. Will anyone be like, oh, this is on when they see it on their TV? Will they even see it come across their TV? Will some network buy one of these movies to air again? Yeah.

And listen, and I'm not complaining about this, but there's not one American male who this writer thinks will win anything. American white male. American white male. Sorry, sorry, sorry. American white male. I probably felt guilty saying that.

But American white male, which, by the way, I actually don't give a shit about but oh my god like how about better quality films yeah alright it's crazy I don't know what your point is it's falling on deaf ears because that's going to win best picture how about

Sebastian the comedian Sebastian Maniscalco you're making me be critical in two stories in a row. He surprised his fans at his shows. He's unbelievably talented. He's shockingly talented. He gave away free commemorative NFTs to all his ticket holders. He's the first comedian to launch such an offering

using the next-gen digital collectible technology. Non-fungible tokens. I still don't understand what it means. I mean, isn't it enough, Sebastian? You're selling out Madison Square Garden multiple times. Isn't it enough? Your t-shirts are probably selling a million dollars a year. Do you need to sell something that you don't understand it either? It's too much. You did it, sebastian i was absolutely bewildered by your comedy sets and now i'm even more confused uh this i'm not this is not underhanded he's amazing because great comic very what i do as a as a jealous bitter comedy writer is i tend to think of wow how did this

guy write this and you know what That's the wrong way to approach an appreciation of Sebastian. This guy sells the shit out of his material. Yeah. It's unbelievable because I'm making this up, but this is, this could easily be a Sebastian, uh, like bit. Um, my wife comes over our family and she's, and she's like she starts talking about therapy. And then I swear to God on the page, you'd have to put laugh break for 90 seconds. Yeah. And that's what he said. But he he is indicating to you with his unbelievable physicality that that's the last thing that's going to be relatable

to his basically just above monkey family, which is how he depicts them. And like this, you know, more emotionally advanced wife and her family, which is like the basis of a lot of his comedy. So God bless him. I'm the bitter, unsuccessful one. And he, uh, he's unbelievable, man. And not only that, he's this lone body in the middle of fucking Madison Square Garden or the forum. And he people are in the last row. I don't even go to see you, too, if it's a last row ticket. And he wins them over. There's a lot of acts that are playing, not a lot, but there are a handful of people doing Madison Square Garden. You think of somebody like Aziz Ansari doing it. It's like that guy is talking quietly and barely moving. Sebastian is actually doing an arena energy show.

Oh, he works for it. He works hard. Absolutely. Let's do some Florida, man. Instead of NFTs, maybe you should give out jokes. OK, here we go. Florida, man, Florida restaurant cancels. OK, this is an update on our guy, Adam Johnson, who we've talked about. This is the stay at home dad in Florida.

Anyway, here we go. Florida restaurant. Yeah. OK, go ahead. Florida restaurant cancels Capitol rioters going to prison party. It's Tampa, of course. A Florida restaurant has canceled plans to host the party for Adam Johnson, who was convicted in connection with the January 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol riot. Johnson made national headlines when he was photographed carrying House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's lectern after entering the restricted Capitol grounds. Come help me celebrate my last Friday of freedom before I go to prison for the lamest charge in history. That is what he wrote. Yeah. He pleaded guilty to entering and remaining in a restricted building. He was sentenced to 75 days in prison. The stay at home father had said, OK, this is the key now.

By the way, 75 days in prison. That's how long it's going to take to get your meal at a Florida restaurant. So maybe you'll get them food when you get out of prison. maybe you'll get them food when you get out of prison he had said at sentencing he deeply regrets his participation he told the judge he knew that if he had committed similar acts in other countries i'd be on a firing wall not before you though uh he i he acknowledged that the the riot was violent there were quote there were things there that happened that should never have happened. I'm ashamed to have been a part of it. And I read there's a great political website, The Daily Kos, as he put it. But after his boohoo routine, he's out and about mocking the sentence he received. You cannot trust any of these insurrectionist assholes. They will say anything to avoid jail time,

then go out and make jokes about their actions. It comes from Donald Trump. It comes from this whole, everything is hyperbole. This is, what did he say? This is the lamest charge in history. How is it the lamest charge in history? How is it the lamest charge in history? You tried to overthrow the government and you're spending, what, three months in jail? I think that's a fucking slap on the wrist for what you did.

It totally is. And by the way, the stay-at-home dad who has five kids, his wife is a medical doctor. They can get help to cover it. And that was addressed in court, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. But what a lun in court, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. But what a lunatic. Oh, man. Yeah.

Well. Way to go. Tampa, baby. Tampa. Yeah. All right. Let's do international. Oh, boy.

Good paper crinkled. A personal trainer in Brazil found himself using his strength for an unlikely reason after catching his wife cheating. Cameras caught the moment Eduardo Alves discovered his wife and a local homeless man having an affair in her car that was parked outside an elementary school. Alves is seen arriving to the scene and peeking into the windshield of his wife's car. Upon witnessing what was going on, he appears to fly into a fit of rage. He bangs furiously on the window, jumps in the car, gives the man a beating. The bizarre incident occurred after Alves' wife and mother-in-law left to aid a local homeless man in need. According to news outlet Metropolis,

his wife reportedly said she received, quote, a message from God to help the homeless man. She told the officer she likes to help people in need through her church. Yeah, these Brazilian churches, man. They really walk the walk. They fuck the fuck. How giving. How absolutely generous of this wife. Yeah, right.

And, you know, even if he didn't see her, she would have got caught. Sweetie, why do you smell like urine and car exhaust? So this guy jujitsu'd his way or uh what uh what's the brazilian fighting again um the dance capoeira no he capoeira'd his his way into the car and in i i was right as i read the article i'm like and he beat up the wife nope he beat up the homeless guy yeah well i never understood that it said in the article he thought she was being mol beat up the homeless guy yeah well i never understood that it said in the article he thought she was being molested by the homeless guy she thought he thought she was being attacked by the homeless guy not that she invited him in to fuck oh all right now i love the story even more

and now what if what if she gets pregnant because how would he know if it was his you know what i mean because all babies act homeless they beg for they beg for food they sleep anywhere piss their pants randomly scream this is so good yeah canceled they're mentally ill look Look at them. Yeah. Well, it does recall Wheeler Walker's song, God Told Me to Fuck You. Yeah, yeah. That is her defense. Right.

By the way, go find God Told Me to Fuck You. The song is hysterical. And Wheeler Walker Jr. told us the origin of the story on your podcast. Yeah. I can't origin of the story on your podcast. Yeah. I can't wait for the new album. I really, really enjoy his shit. And he's starting to get noticed by Snoop Dogg and Bob Dylan. All these people are big fans of his.

I think that he's gotten big. I think he's going to get huge. I'm going to go down. I think I'm going to go down to the Ryman, his show at the Ryman mid-April. In? Nashville. In Nashville?

Really? I mean, what a trip. I haven't been there. Oh, wow. Yep. I love Wheeler and his wife. And so I think I'm going to go down. Yeah, I think he said he could get me in.

It's sold out. But I also, I've been a little remiss that I've never been to the Ryman. All right, let's do some sports. All right, let's do it. All righty, folks. March Madness. For those that don't know, Gregory and I bet $100 on every single game. We think there's 67 games and it might even be 69 because we included two of the four play-in games that are the day before the tournament.

All right. Overs were up out of the gate. You were doing incredibly well. It was 12 overs and six unders after the first 16 games plus the two play-ins. That is 600 smackers right there that I owed you. This Thursday, this is amazing. Update now, you go ahead a week. This Thursday, if you didn't count the two playing games, right, which I wish we didn't. Of course, they were both unders.

But the tournament was perfectly even, 26 overs, 26 unders. And Vegas knows what the fuck they're doing. How accurate they are. Unbelievable. And that's how this bet started. Stupid Rabih was like, I figured it out. The kids play with heart. I'm like, you figured that out, you jackass.

So I'm like, trust me. Anyway, 26 overs, 26 unders. Now, Friday, unders making a comeback. So we're recording this on Saturday. Last night, four out of the four games were unders.

It was delicious. So now, as of Saturday afternoon, the tally is 30 unders, 28 overs. So now I'm down 200 bucks. You are down 200 bucks. Okay. And there's four games tonight. And there's how many games left all together? Four tonight. We're down

to the final eight, right? I think there's 11 games left or something. So wait a minute. So there's eight teams left. So all eight teams are playing tonight. So what you got there is 8-4-2. Those are the last

the amount of teams. So 14 games left. So you could lose $1,200. Four games, two games. Man, you're questioning my math. I think I had put it at 15 games were left before Thursday. Can we talk about St. Peter's for a minute? This ragtag bunch of kids out of a small school in New Jersey

that's now in the final eight. So, yeah, when I was in New York, when they won their first two and Jersey City was going ballistic. New York won. Remember New York won the local news channel in Manhattan. Yeah, they had cameras or they were covered. I know now everyone's covering it. But they were there game one because it was the only New York local story. Yeah. And so it was incredible to see. And they just beat Purdue last night.

Unbelievable. Yeah. And you know what happened is like Purdue didn't play. They played them like it was a nothing game instead of playing them like they could be the best team in the country. I think it was. Wait, let me find it. What was their, were they 10.5 points underdogs or something? Oh, were they?

I think, let's see. And meanwhile, you know, word is out on them. Dude, 13-point underdogs against Purdue. Wow. And the word is out on them. Like, in other words, it would have been, obviously, if they met Purdue first round, who knows what that spread would have been.

Right, right. Unbelievable. It's amazing. So, rooting for them. I don't even care if it's an over. That's the story of March Madness right now with St. Peter's. Or the overs. Or, I mean, the unders. Or the unders. I think the overs.

I think the unders. What are we doing, the unders. Or the unders. I think the overs. I think the unders. All right, what are we doing, business? Are we going to do business? I like talking about cups. All right, let's talk about cups. It's your story. Business. Oh, there it is.

Starbucks has a love-hate relationship with its cups. They love it. You know, they got their white iconic cups. They do the holiday logos. And the cup is ubiquitous, says Michael Kobari, the CEO. He says, but it's also this ubiquitous symbol of a throwaway society. That's because cups are disposable. When they're thrown away, they end up in landfills, litter on the streets. The solution, quote, eliminating the disposable cup, Kabori said. He called the option the holy grail.

By 2025, Starbucks wants every customer to be able to either use their own mug or borrow a ceramic or reusable to-go mug from their local Starbucks. Wow. Yeah. I think they're leaving out an option, and I don't know what I'm talking about, but clearly they've had a million think tanks on this. What about it's I know it's crazy, but it's 50 cents for that a 50 cent charge, which would, I think, more than cover the cost of, you know, I think hopefully if it's put towards the environment or a way to take care of that cup. hopefully, if it's put towards the environment or a way to take care of that cup. Well, I think what they're saying is if you don't have a cup, you're going to give them money for a mug as a deposit, and then you're going to return the mug or you own the mug. But I think the idea is no paper cups no matter what.

I know, but okay, so let's say you're on the road, right, and you need coffee or falling asleep, or you're going to the airport, whatever, and you get this mug. You have to throw that hard mug out. Is that better? No, you put it in your backpack. No, I'm leaving, man. I'm like Gubbins. I'm going to Thailand.

I'm never coming back. I grab a Starbucks on the way to LAX. Now I have to throw out this mug. I'm never going to be able to return it and redeem my deposit. That's true. Now you've got landfills full with mugs. towards an environmental impact fund that would, you know, help mitigate the landfill situation, whatever. I think the,

I think in that case, the paper cup is better. I don't know. I can just picture coming up to a drive through at a Starbucks and the guy just leans out the window with a coffee pot, pours into your fucking car. Just the windows open a long straw comes out. Yeah.

There you go. It's almost like doing a coffee funnel but meanwhile it's like meanwhile dunkin donuts has those thick fucking styrofoam cups it's way worse yeah and they're donuts i don't think they biodegrade if you don't eat them so i remember a few years ago no they don't i remember a few years ago uh someone turned me on to this TED Talk. So it was this guy, Chris Jordan. He uses large photographic portraits, as I'm reading now, to put a face to the sometimes abstract waste statistics that we hear. It's portraits of mass consumption and it was an exhibition. And so one image he had, which we've put here, you'll see it on YouTube, is one million disposable cups. So I think he takes pictures of them and then like replicates it. And but is it that's an exact number.

So there are one million cups in that portrait that you see in front of you. And here's the sad part. The 1 million disposable cups is the amount used by airline flights in the U S only every six hours. Damn. That's insane. That's insane. And I think he had one of these portraits where for scale, he had a human being, a five foot, like, you know, nine human being standing in the corner. It was like the smallest thing, like, you know, down below. And those are styrofoam. Yeah. And, uh, and I read, so when I went in this article to paste it in here today into the

document, I found there was a, there was an article about this guy and his photos and there was comment section. And in the comment section, this guy wrote, if you ask me, I don't understand why cabins are pressurized in the first place. Why not just let the passengers pass out after reaching 5,000 feet this way? No assholes are making noise on the onboard phones. No kids crying. No one million plastic cups per six hours.

Fucking great. I got to steal that. No fights over masks. If your mask is under your nose, flight attendant who has oxygen just puts it over your nose, and then they just babysit a bunch of, like, you know, people in a temporary coma. Yeah. It'll be like, what's the Keanu Reeves movie? The Matrix.

Every flight will be like The Matrix. Right. Exactly. No one, oh, by the way, no one going to the bathroom, hopefully. You know, I mean, I think it would be great. No one hungry, no one complaining about food. It's great. I love it.

Yep. We got to find out who said that. That's too good. Oh, my God. I'm not going to find that in the comments. Maybe I can. Maybe I can. Anyway, let's do this day in history. Let's do it. March 27th, 1998, the FDA approves the use of the drug Viagra. Wow. Sildanafil, the chemical name for Viagra, is an artificial compound that was originally synthesized and studied to treat hypertension.

Chemists at the Pfizer Pharmaceutical Company found, however, that while this drug had little effect on angina, it could induce penile erections. Mmm, so good. Typically within 30 to 60 minutes. Seeing the economic opportunity and such a biochemical effect, Pfizer decided to market the drug for impotence. Sildanafil was patented, and a mere two years later, a stunningly short time compared to other drugs. It was approved by the FDA for use for erectile dysfunction.

It sounds like a vaccine. Yes. Yeah. How many of those guys that won't take vaccines are fucking popping Viagra's every night? Yeah. Though unconfirmed, it is believed the drug was invented by, ready for this, Albert Wood. Yeah, baby. I like it. I like it. Viagra's success was practically instantaneous. In the first year alone, the $8 to $10 pills yielded about a billion dollars in sales. Famously touted by ex-presidential candidate Bob Dole,

then in his mid-70s. Such direct-to-consumer marketing was practically unprecedented for prescription drugs. Now, sales and marketing account for approximately 30% of the pharmaceutical industry's costs. An estimated 30 million men in the U.S. suffer from erectile dysfunction. All right. Why did they need any marketing dollars for this? Why was there any advertising? You don't think word of mouth would have... I don't even think the marketing had any effect on it.

I think they should have just done branding on porn videos. Just, this guy is on Viagra. Watch what he does for the next 27 minutes. And then Bob Dole, was he paid to endorse it? Yeah, he was. He was paid to endorse it. This is the weird thing. It might have even been more successful

because I think now you put a taboo on it. Like guys will hide these blue pills. You know, they don't want women knowing they're on it. And women now, because of the marketing advertising know about, I remember everyone back then when Viagra was like the only option and it was because I was in late night and we wrote jokes, tons of jokes about this. And, uh, so now everyone knows it's the little blue pill. You know what I mean? Right. Like back then,

which was something you, most takers were ashamed of. Yeah. You wanted to sneak it in, you know, obviously, and just have that in your system. So anyway, but do go and see Norm MacDonald is on

Dennis Miller Live. You'll find it on YouTube. And David Spade is with him. And it was like the week Viagra went public, I think. And already Norm MacDonald had amazing things to say about it. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah.

I remember I do an ad on the podcast for Blue Chew on my other podcast. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, geez. All right. And our friend who's gay, our mutual friend, said to me, he goes, hey, man, do you get free samples for that ad that you run? I go, yeah.

He goes, can I get some? And I was like, wait a minute. So you're gay and you need Viagra? Like, did you ever think maybe you're not gay? Maybe you just like show tunes? Don't force it. You're forcing the issue here. I'll probably get some of this wrong,

but what I heard was when Pfizer was testing this heart thing, it was a big controlled experiment. However many hundreds of guys they had, they took it and they were not getting, they had their charts took it and they were not getting like you know they had their charts and clipboards and however they do these controlled you know uh blind double blind studies but guys were like do you have more of those pills yeah like yeah right oh they don't work what are you gonna do with all of them and the clipboards immediately got turned over.

Everything got scratched out, turned over, and it was a new study. And it was a side effect. I think a lot of drugs are side effects. You know, they're supposed to be for one thing. Propecia. Propecia. Propecia is for your prostate. All right.

You're supposed to take it at like, because I take it, you're supposed to take it like three milligrams, whatever it is. Like if you're in trouble with your prostate or you're heading towards prostate cancer or something like that, Propecia was a drug developed for it. And you're supposed to, let's say it's you take three milligrams a day, right? No one listen to me, please. All of a sudden, same thing with the erections. Guys were like, oh my God, my balding has stopped.

Not only has it stopped on some of these dudes, some of the hair came back on their head. And so now Propecia, I believe the number one reason a prescription is written is one milligram a day for hair loss. Wow. Yep. And I bet there's a ton of those. You're right. I think there's a ton of those where the side effect all of a sudden became the marketing drive of the drug.

All right, let's do some letters to the editor. These are your notes to us. They come in at FitzDawgRadio at gmail.com. Always love to hear from you. Eric Weiss says, now that we're hearing about your incredibly uninteresting

Wordle experiences, is it safe to assume you'll soon have my fantasy football team and bad poker beats segments? Thanks, Eric. Well, can I predict a letter next week? What? You read that twice.

You read that letter to the editor last week also. Well, you also told the story about the High Line last week. I'm waiting for that letter. I like letters to the editor. By the way, I think you did. I'm not sure. Anyway.

By the way, did you do Wordle today? I did. I got the same score as you. And I made a guess on, here we go. I made a guess on the third that I thought was going to do it. And it's like watching either a dealer, like you have five in the blackjack. And it's like, hit me, hit me, hit me. And I'm watching green, green, green, not green,

not green. Yeah. I got the last two wrong and I got it on the next guest, which was four out of six, which is I think what you brought in. I wonder if it's like, see the New York times crossword puzzle famously the Monday one, they take it easy on you because it's the first day of the week. You can usually blow through it in like 15 minutes. And then every day of the week, it's harder until you get to Sunday where it's like, put aside a couple hours and a few cups of coffee if you want to get to Sunday. All right. Pause one second. I'm just trying to make letters to the editor shorter next week. I believe Sunday is not the hardest. It's the longest. I think I read that somewhere. Oh, and Saturday is harder than Sunday?

Saturday or Friday. I think probably Saturday is the hardest. I think I read that somewhere. Oh, and Saturday is harder than Sunday? Saturday or Friday. I think probably Saturday is the hardest. Yeah. Technically harder than Sunday. Anyway, go ahead. I agree with that. I agree with that. Because I think Sunday they give you big themes.

There's usually a couple of tricks that help you through it. Right. But I wonder if they're doing the same thing with Wordle, where they're giving you a harder one each day, because the Saturday one was fucking hard. What I heard was the guy that developed Wordle had a giant library of words, a standard library because he's a programmer. So he just went and it's plucking words out of this collection of words. I heard The New York Times didn't alter that programming.

words. I heard the New York Times didn't alter that, you know, programming. Yeah. OK. That it's still randomly or I don't know how it's done. Plucking words out of this list. This is from David Chold and I was listening to Sunday Papers and you mentioned the drinking age in Europe. As an American 17 year old in Europe, I have to point out that there is no drinking age at all. I've been to bars and clubs only to be shocked to see 14 year olds with no parents. The Danish How about that? You know, there was a movie last year, and I think it was where he's talking about. And it was that one you and I talked about where they read this study that a little alcohol can improve your life, you know, like whatever measure. And so anyway, these five older guys or four older guys who were teachers at a school started drinking. But they showed all this drinking with like the kids and like there were these races and part of the race was chugging a beer and everything. Yeah. I wonder if this kid, if I may, 17, is at that school where we have some

fans over there. Remember that? Switzerland? I think it's Switzerland. All right, David. Well, thanks for writing in and I hope school's going well and that you guys are blocking out constantly. is going well and that you guys are blacking out constantly. Matt Brock Brader said in about 1976 a documentary was made for British television. It featured about four or five dying

Marlboro Cowboy spokespersons as they are struggling in the last days of their lives. It was intercut with actual Marlboro commercials and billboards. It also featured Philip Morris executives interviewed in their offices smoking on camera, claiming it was no big deal. Marlboro's legal team eventually squashed the film

and ordered all copies to be destroyed. Apparently, several copies leaked out, and about 86 or 87, I saw a 16mm print in my high school's health class. They proudly boasted it was an illegal copy of the movie. The movie is called Ride Into the Sunset. Could you even hear that? The movie is called Ride Into the Sunset.

Yes. By the way, he has a little tag here. Go ahead, read that. Also, in regards to the Joe List episode, Joe mentioned the unreleased Louis C.K. film. Bootlegs of it are out there. It's a masterpiece. Yes, somebody sent us a copy.

Sent us a link to a... Oh, I didn't get that. Can you make sure I get that? Yeah. But we were doing the cancer operation voice with the microphone on the neck. And, uh, Louie in his new special does the funniest bit about that, where it was a guy, it was an anti-smoking like PSA and he was Latino. And it was like, I started to smoke when I was,

and he's, he's like, wait a minute, I thought the accent was the mouth part. It has an accent when it's in your throat? It was so funny. Oh, my God. All right, let's get sad. Time for the obituaries. And that's all, folks. Oh, this is sad.

Taylor Hawkins. I have a personal part of this. Go ahead. The golden-locked musician who for more than two decades drummed for the Foo Fighters on their way to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has died, the band said Friday. An announcement made shortly before the group was to play in Colombia.

He was 50 years old. Cause of death is not disclosed. The, quote, the Foo Fighters family is devastated by the tragic and untimely loss of our beloved Taylor Hawkins. His musical spirit and infectious laughter will live with us forever, said the band on Twitter. They were, yeah, so they were going to, so they were going to play in Brazil, and it got canceled, obviously.

I read a little update, which was there was a call when they called the paramedics or whatever it was that there were, and who knows if this is true, but there were chest pains. There was a complaint of chest pains. And when they got there, they were unable to revive him. So, okay, this was yesterday, Friday, that this happened. There was a complaint of chest pains. And when they got there, they were unable to revive him. So, okay, this was yesterday, Friday, that this happened. Friday, yesterday morning, Dickie invited me to go out and play golf.

And it was Mikey Fitz, our great, great friend and amazing soul, Mikey Fitzgibbon. He was playing. He's really good friends with Chrisris cheney just like mikey sweet chris cheney is the sweetest guy i've played with him like three times or so and he's the basis for jane's addiction and he's an unbelievably sweet guy uh he just formed a band, uh, last year with Taylor Hawkins and, um, uh, whatchamacallit, who else? Dave Navarro. Dave Navarro. And it's called NHC because it's Navarro, Hawkins, and Chaney. And, uh, they, I saw a thing in Rolling Stone about them and they put out some songs in 2021. So anyway, we're walking up one of the fairways and he's like uh yeah he's like oh my god he's like taylor's this is fucking yesterday morning yeah he's like taylor is like the sweetest guy

he facetimes me every morning at 7 30 a.m and we're all like what and he's like he does he's like i don't answer every time and we're like what is that and i know i think taylor struggled with addiction and stuff and we're like is that part of like is he? Checking in with you or you a sponsor's like no, he's just like the sweetest guy and we're like weirdos What do you talk about and he's like, I don't know. He's just sweetie just checks in and we just talk about stuff Obviously we starting a band but it's not like business talk it's just he thinks about me and calls and We went to make we went from making fun of it to, it was like that scene

in super bad was like, I love you. Like, why don't we say that more? Like, and it was these two guys who every single morning, the call comes in though. And he goes, most of the time I'm like, you know, my wife and I are trying to get the kids out of the house or whatever it is. And we're trying, but that was yesterday morning yeah and we were blown away by this description of how sweet taylor hawkins was wow wow so we freaked out when this news dropped yesterday evening like we all texted each other like this is crazy yeah he must be devastated that's a tough one that's what so mikey Mikey, who is also, I failed to mention, an amazing guitarist, and that's why he's friends

with all of these musicians. And, you know, Chris also has been playing in Eddie Vedder's new band that he's touring with. And so Mikey, you know, Chris invites all the guys, anyone like a friend of Mikey, you know, who wants to go to the Eddieedder concert and all that. So Mikey was like really shook, by the way. You should know that.

And he had met Taylor, I think, a bunch. But he's almost scared to call Chris. Yeah. He can't imagine how hard this has hit him. Yeah. He is a very sweet guy. He's supposed to come on my podcast. Who, Mikey or Chris?

No, Chris Chaney. Chris Chaney has so many unbelievable stories, too. He was one of those savants. I played with him a few times, and all you do is listen to his stories the entire time. And you don't even want to golf because you don't want to have to stop the story so you can hit the ball. How about next week we'll tell a story? You're going to have him on this other podcast I'm hearing so much about. So next week, why don't we tell the story?

This is a deep tease for next week, folks. He tells a story about Tommy, like Pam and Tommy, Tommy Lee playing golf and this extraordinary putter. Were you there when he told the story? Yeah, yeah. It's the definition of rock and roll. So we'll tell that next week and you should get him to tell it on your podcast in person. All right.

Other obituary shout out, Madeline Albright, who was the first female secretary of state. Also amazing drummer. She was a great drummer as well her family immigrated from the czech republic in 1948 after communists seized power i think they had fled the nazis before that and gone to england or something and then they i think they went back to czechoslovakia anyway she was an american story she strengthened the nato alliance alliance and she intervened in the genocide of the Balkan War, supporter of environmental concerns. Anyway, she was an written here. It's fascinating. I'll just read this. Madeleine Albright discovered late in life that she was born Jewish. Her father, Joseph, with just an F on the end, was a diplomat who took his family out of Czechoslovakia to London after Hitler and the Nazis invaded the country.

Imagine that life where you had to hide you were Jew. Anyway, and then she rises up to be secretary of state of the most powerful country in the world and the leader of the free world. Like, with that background, with that story of fleeing. Yeah, that's incredible. I don't even give a shit about politics. That's an incredible American story.

Yeah. Well, I think Henry Kissinger was similar, wasn't he? He's a dick, though. Yeah, but he was a dick. Fuck him. All right, let's cheer up with some funnies. It's the Sunday funnies. Fuck.

From Kissinger, that's a hard one to wipe away, to cleanse the palate. All right, let's do it. Well, the Lockhorns can do it. They're sitting in a financial advisor's office, and Leroy says, we both love money, but sadly, it's unrequited. It did it. I forgot about fucking Kissinger. The next cartoon is Leroy face down on the couch, unshaven, the remote under his hand on the floor, a half-eaten sandwich on the table.

Loretta says to her friend, this year for Lent, Leroy just gave up. I like it. Not as strong as the first one if I'm going to be, if I'm forced to comment or compare. Hager the Horrible. Oh. He's with his friend. What is this guy's name again? Shitcan.

Shitcan. Shitcan says the old duke says he has no- Oh, I think he's the assistant rapist. Yeah. That's his title. He's the holder down. Oh, boy. Great.

The old duke says- That guy graphic. The old duke says he has no money. Hager says the evidence suggests otherwise. And then Dopey says, what evidence? And you see the king with this blonde, buxom girl. She's yellow haired. And she goes, would Dookie Wookiee like me to wait inside for him?

And then they rape her. That's a smart Hager joke. Yeah. Yeah. Why? Did I interrupt you? What were you going to say? Just something about rape.

He's the old rich guy with the hot trophy. Yeah. Yeah. And these guys use intuitive logic. It's probably the other logic, but I love throwing that around like I'm smart to deduce. I guess it's deductive logic, that this guy has money because why else would she be interested in him? Oh, his name is Lucky Eddie. Thanks, Chris Denman. Once in a while he looks up from the fucking bagels and the

QAnon newsletter to fucking write something in our script. Alright, here's the thing about a rapist, a raperaper and a pillager named Lucky. I don't think luck has a lot to do with it. No. You make your own fortune as a rapist in those days.

Let's say your roommate was a rapist, right? And he goes out on Friday nights and he rapes. When he comes back, you would never say, did you get lucky? You might say, did some women get terribly, terribly, tragically unlucky? Yeah. That's what you would say did some women get terribly terribly tragically unlucky yeah that's what you would say right and no one would call that guy has a lot of luck with the ladies that's never been said

about a rapist i think you can call every woman living at that time unlucky and then whatever her her name is. Well, as we've talked about often, consensual sex, I think was discovered in like 1974. Yeah, that's about right. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, before that, not a fair world at all. All right. Here's a cleanser pallor, pallet cleanser circus okay the mom is walking uh and uh her daughter is next to her dresses a little ballerina and they've clearly just left a like gymnasium and they're walking by a sign that even says dance recital and uh which has nothing to do with any of this it could she could have been holding a bat I don't even know. I guess it would be hard. Yeah, whatever. I'm overthinking it. Do I even have to keep reading? Anyway, the little girl says to the mom, Billy's not very nice. He told me to break a leg. All right. I was going to say it could have been a play, but I guess maybe it

makes more sense because a ballerina is more likely to break a leg. And if you're a stupid child, that would really signal to you that your brother is telling you to have a mishap dancing. Yes. Yes. All right. Here's my new thing. I, and this is going to fall on me, I just hate even looking at them anymore. I will write a better family circus

every week now. That should be your challenge. Every week, take 30 to 40 seconds and top their punchline. Yeah. And, you know, I'm not good enough sometimes to do it on the fly. Like, I don't know, you know, what she would say there. A lot of it's dependent on the picture. I would maybe make a comment. There's a little girl behind her. I would maybe make a funny comment, you know, snarky. It's very easy to go dirty. So I'll try not to go dirty on everyone. That's what everyone seems to do when they're doing alternative punchlines for comics. Right. They would go bulimic, something about her being overweight as a ballerina at the age of six. So you're calling this a wonderful child fat. She's plump.

Interesting what just happened. Okay, sounds good. You know who's not plump is this goddamn blondie. She's plump in all the right places as far as I'm concerned. Yes. Dagwood comes home from work and he's got a briefcase

and he says, uh-oh. And then he walks in the door and he says to blondie who's wearing office chic. She's dressed as the secretary that everybody wants to fuck. Black skirt, white blouse. And I know she's got some nice fucking perfume on. You know it.

You can almost smell it through the page. And he says, sweetheart, I just realized I forgot to pick up your dress at the cleaners. And she goes, no problem, honey. I can wear something else tomorrow. And he goes, I'm so sorry. I should have written it down like you suggested. Like you suggested. Don't worry about it, dear.

You're the best. But I still feel bad about letting you down like that. She goes, oh, please, honey. Everybody forgets things now and then. As a matter of fact, this morning I forgot to take the roast out of the freezer for our dinner tonight. Next frame is him giving her the fucking stink eye. And then he's staring out the window and she's hiding behind a wall. And she goes, dear.

And he goes, please, honey, I need a moment. You. Wow. Motherfucker. Wow. She let you not only let you off the hook was calling you honey the whole time she offered to fucking she told you write it down it was clearly really important to her and then you're gonna fucking ice her you're gonna ghost her and she's so scared she's hiding behind a wall jump out that fucking window, Dagwood. I'm taking Dagwood's side. I think what he said, he should throw that bitch out the window.

She even said it. You know what? I can wear something else tomorrow. What is he going to eat tonight? Yeah, right. Forget it. That's on her. She knows why she's hiding. It's such, I mean, they should study this in women's studies.

They should read this cartoon and look at the patriarchy right there. And look, the dog is also hiding behind the wall because then he's going to have sex with both of them in not a nice way. In not a nice way. He's fucking everybody. There's a little bit of negative energy in that bed tonight and in the doggy bed. If you want some positive energy, we're going to tell you once again, magicspoon.com papers. You're going to get a little bit of money off your purchase.

Also, if you want to get sexy, you want to get close, take 15% off your first order of Dame by going to dameproducts.com slash papers. I want some free Dame products. Okay. Hit them up. They'll send them to you. I'm going to. I don't know how to do that. I know I can get the discount, so I'm going to do that. Anything you want to plug? Yes.

I want unders. I want unders in the rest of the games in this tournament. Okay. Let me tell you what the over-unders are. Do I have the right thing? The Duke game, it looks like it's 148. Damn, that's high. Villanova, it looks like it's 127.5.

I have to find the right ones because there's two here. One says 126. Anyway, yeah. And then Portland Portland is it Portland 150 I see that's the funny thing about his bet I don't even know who plays most of the time yeah but there's I thought there were four games man

anyway we'll find them we'll find them we'll keep you abreast don't forget to follow us Unders if you want to follow me it's gray greg fitz show on twitter greg fitzsimmons on instagram if you want to follow mike gibbons it is gibbons time all over social media yeah you know what i'll start writing back how about that i'm gonna write family circuit and i'm gonna i'm gonna uh what do you call it? I'm going to engage on social media.

That would be nice of you. How about that? I have time. I'm going to make room. People leave comments. If you want to watch the show, it's on YouTube. Just look up Sunday Papers and leave comments there. Maybe Michael will reply to some of those.

Who knows? Oh, yeah. Well, I did reply to one youtube video where they accused my internet connection of uh being the cause of my audio delay when it was you in jersey in some motel so it's really just shitting on me that brings you to the uh comment section i i won't lie it's an enticement for sure yeah yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we want to thank Midcoast Media as always, Beth and Chris and Key. And they are actually, we got a meeting with them on Wednesday about setting up some video cameras in my office.

And we're going to perhaps start doing Sunday Papers in person again. And not again for the first time. I may not engage in that, but okay. All right. We'll see. All right. Well, thanks for that, but okay. All right, we'll see. All right, well, thanks for listening, guys. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next week.

Take it-ish! Take it-ish! Sunday Papers Sunday Papers With Greg and Mike Gibbons and Fitzsimmons Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike, Gibbons and Fitzsimmons, on your radio. Sunday Papers. Sunday Papers.