Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 11 5/17/20

Episode Date: May 17, 2020

On Sunday Papers this week, Mike and Greg discuss the finer points of exercise, as you'd expect. Plus candid opinions on the city of Philadelphia (Shout out to Burr's famous Philly boxer rant), and that time Mr. Fitzsimmons read about his son in the morning paper.  Sunday Papers website coming soon, keep an eye out.  

here we go read all about it sunday papers people coming on uh sunday may 17th 2020 this is the week that um partial openings yes in in uh almost all the states. First of all, how are you doing? I'm hanging in there. You know, I've started taking longer walks. I walked for like two and a half hours yesterday. Wow. Really? Yeah. Okay. And I felt rejuvenated. I got up early. I got up at 645, two and a half hour walk. And then I just sailed through the day. I got so much more done. Like I would write that screenplay. I would. And whatever it is out there, if you're not even in the creative profession, it's like I would clean the garage. I would learn Italian, you know, whatever it is.

I would spend more time with my kids. You are doing that. I'm saying like for a lot of people, that's the other thing they would do with their time. I think that they meant that, though, as like intentionally and willfully and on purpose and making it, but this is, you don't have a choice. Yeah. Also a lot of people are being driven crazy by it. I am. They're not here right now, but when they're here for five days in a row, by the end, it's like, okay. And of course I blame them unfairly for some of my unproductiveness. But I feel like, yeah, go ahead. I find that there is an intimacy that I wouldn't normally have.

Like, you know, when you have teenagers, they're in and out. They come home for meals. You ask them where they were, where are you going, who's going to be there, just business. And now there is no business. None of that chatter exists. So what's left is you sitting near them for very long periods of time. And I find that like we're starting to talk in a way that we'll never talk again. My daughter was showing me poetry. Wow. Yeah. She's writing poems and sharing them with me. Then she put, yeah. So. And you have to pretend you haven't already read them all.

When are you going to bring up the new guy? Yeah. Right. Right. What about you? How's the, how's the intimacy levels? It's good. In fact, intimacy, remember, can also be negative. Like, you know, we've had some arguments that have resolved, though, very well, like can have led to bigger conversations about like, well, what is it about, you know, like what I do or how I ask about that, you know, and, you know, that bothers you or what is the underlying issue? So we've had some of that, which is actually really great. issue. So we've had some of that, which is actually really great. Yeah, no, that's where intimacy comes from, you know, conflict resolution and then not storming out of the house because you can't. You got to stay in the house after that, you know, you have to have a huge argument. You just run up to the front door like I'd be out of here and then slam it. But you're still on the inside. Yeah. You go stand in the corner and just face the corner. Yeah. This is as far away from you as I can get right now. I'm just making sure my levels are okay here. I think they are. I'm in a good mood though. You want to know why? Why? I've had a coffee and I took an Adderall.

So I am flying right now and I'm feeling positive. I had a coffee and a Ritalin. Actually, mine is Ritalin. Actually, mine is Ritalin. I just wanted to dumb it down for the listeners. Yeah. Now, why did they move you to Ritalin? I would take Adderall and then I would zip through the day and then within five minutes of like walking in the door, completely crash and be like, you know, the guy from Awakenings. I would just stare into the distance and say nothing. And I felt that was unfair to my family. So did you, you know, that's a big strategy is how, so for people who don't know, these advanced drugs are basically cocaine pills. And what they've done to make them less cocaine-y is they're mixed salts. And so that's what they call them.

And so there's a more gradual up and there's a more gradual down. But the gradual down is not as gradual, you know, as you're pointing out, as it should be. And I talked to my prescribing guy about all these strategies like that would be the time to exercise. In other words, is when you feel the taper, like, and also just look at your watch, you know, it's going to be two hour run or whatever it is. And you're going to start to experience the hangover, not the medical term, but basically the hangover at the end of this, or take a half, like, like take tapering into your own hands. No, that's what i've been doing okay yeah i take a very small amount and you know just for the record people that are listening we're not advocating

you know street street use of these drugs oh i am i've been to therapy yeah uh well here's the yeah i mean look no no, I'm not, I'm obviously not, but boy, I was concerned when I first went on this stuff, you know, you, you, you told me about a prescriber. I never thought I was ADD my whole life, which is remarkable looking back on it, how intimidated I was by long books, how I did really well testing. But man, when that reading comprehension came up, like, nope, like, you know, like I would just be miserable on that. All the schools I was kicked out of talking in class, you know, all that stuff. Well, it's also now like I'm not taking it every day and you can see the difference.

I've got projects, half star, I've got a half, half a watercolor painting done i've got like just half the colors or half the colors i've got like um all these hard drives laying out that i was going to go through i've got a punch a heavy bag that i bought leaning against the post in the back not hung up yeah oh and my car i washed half my car and then my phone rang and literally the front half of my car is clean and the back is dirty finishing projects uh and just doing things to completion is a is another telltale sign like the inability to do that yes but boy you know when i anyway when i first got on it i was very concerned because when I went to the guy, I was like, hey, listen, you want to know a side effect? I am in a much better mood.

And he's like, yeah, well, it's because, you know, you're being more productive. I'm like, that's not it. That's like it's even before I get productive. I'm like, I'm worried I'm depressed. And he's like, well, you know, he long explanation about how you guys do that to yourselves because you beat yourselves up. And listen, energy also feels good. So he kind of talked me off of that. But I do believe there's something there because I feel great right now as if there's no virus and 80,000 deaths in the whole thing.

Well, it's they'll start to go away because we're relaxing social distancing. Here's the thing. There's a neighborhood website. You know, a lot of people have these neighborhood chat groups. Yeah, next door and then your own personal one. Right.

So somebody, this really fucking disturbed me. Somebody posted a video this morning of this woman who looks like a very serious runner. You know, she's got on like the short nylon shorts. She's skinny.

She looks sad. And she's running. And then she stops, walks, this is from a security camera, walks between two parked cars, drops her shorts, takes a shit,

and then jogs away. And they posted it. And it's like, do you think she did it on purpose? Is this, do you think she serially shits on the street? Or is this a woman that maybe has a bug in her stomach, had an emergency, was embarrassed, and now you fucking posted it for the entire community to see?

And you can see her face. Well, let's be clear. She did do it on purpose. Yes. That wasn't some weird accent. I wonder, what do you think will happen if I pull down my pants and and squat? So, yeah, that is that. Well, she's literally trying to shame her, right? Yes. Yeah, that is terrible. I mean, we've all shit in public a couple of times in our lives.

Yes. Mostly accidentally, though. True accidents. I've had that happen. I had one where this isn't Sunday Papers related, but I was leaving a comedy club and I left and I knew I had like a stomach flu to begin with. And my ass cheeks were very much, they were bouncers. They were guarding the door the entire time.

They were clenching. There was gas. I was afraid to fart because I didn't know it would come out. And so I leave the club and I immediately go into cramping phase. There's no bathrooms around. I'm not going to shit in the club because there's like audience members in the bathroom.

So I get in my car and I was like, all right, I'm going to make I'm going to look for a place in the neighborhood. Well, it's it's the UCB theater, which is a shit neighborhood. And there's no places that will let you in to take a shit. So I pull down an alley and I'm going to open the door and I'm literally dying like it is. It is crowning, but it's, but it's liquid. And so I ripped the door open and I look up and there's a video camera and the red light comes on back in the car. I back up, I'm driving down Franklin. I get to a red light and I'm like, all of a sudden it's like, it's, it's going to evaluate. There's nothing I can do.

I ripped my pants down at the red light car next to me. And there's a Starbucks cup and I get the Starbucks cup and I get it under me. Like as it's coming out, I get it under me and it comes out like a, like a soft serve, a soft serve. Yeah. I don't, I'm ashamed to have nailed that description. Go ahead. I swirl it. I give it a nice swirl. Like they do a soft serve. No, you no you want to be yeah you want to be elegant about it you want to fill the cup yeah there's an aesthetic right and uh and it gets and i can't see it but i clip it i get the sense that from the weight of what's in my hand that i'm at the top i clip it i pull it up and it is fucking level with the top of the cup so i grab i put it it in my cup holder and I grab some newspapers. I clean up the best that I can.

And now you need toppings. So I jerk off on top of it. Right. And I start driving down the street and I pull into an underpass and I'm going to take it and I'm going to throw it out the window. As I'm about to throw it, I notice there's tents and I realized it's like a homeless encampment and I'm about to throw a cup full of shit at them, which I think is a federal crime. So I put it back in the cup. I make a U-turn and now a cop pulls up behind me because he sees me stopping and turning. And so I keep driving and I'm just like, the car stinks.

You're like, how do I throw it at this cop? Something I've always wanted to do. Or do I just pretend I got one of those frozen caramel macchiatos? It's a little crepuccino. And so eventually he stops following me and I pull the 110, and I throw it out the window. Yeah. You should have just lied and said you found a dumpster and threw it in there. Oh, my God.

It's on the freeway. Someone has to clean that up. Yeah, but he committed a crime. Whoever's cleaning that up. Good for you. Very skillful. I like it. Yeah.

And I love that the newspapers are still in your car that you use to wipe your ass. Right. And then, and then I, talk about the Sunday papers. Yeah. And then,

and then, and then I get home at one in the morning and I jump in the shower. So the wife is convinced I'm having an affair. Yeah. Really raucous one. Pretty dirty stuff. She's like, God, I, I, I, I'm having an affair. Yeah. Really raucous one. Pretty dirty stuff. She's like, God, I'm jealous, but I won't go that far. I still will not go to scat play.

Are you dating a German woman behind my back? All right, let's get to it. Front page. What do you got on the front page? There's a lot going on this week. First, we need some sound effect. There it is. Front page. How do you not have a front page? There's a lot going on this week. First, we need some sound effect. There it is. Front page.

How do you not have a newspaper again? I keep throwing them out. Here, I got another one. Front page. Here we go. There's a Hawaiian tourist who came from New York. He got to Hawaii. And then, you know, there's a 14-day quarantine rule if you go to Hawaii

because they've had a bunch of deaths. So this guy and a $5,000 fine and one year in jail. So this 23-year-old, the day he arrives is posting pictures of himself with a surfboard, sunbathing, walking around Waikiki at night. And they track him down and they arrest him. Wow. with a surfboard, sunbathing, walking around Waikiki at night, and they track him down and they arrest him. Wow. He's in jail.

Now, you had said he was a Hawaiian tourist. You mean a tourist who went to Hawaii. Yeah, a New Yorker who went to Hawaii. Got it, got it. Okay. Right, right. Wow. And it makes you realize, like, social media,

you can get fucked on social media. People think they can just post anything they want. Your your your life is playing out in front of the police, the FBI, the CIA. I heard some of his followers ratted him out. Is that true? Yeah. Well, that's I heard. I just heard it on the radio. And yeah, because I don't think the police,

although they, they can, I got to go unplug Alexa. She keeps talking back to me, but, um, yeah, you can, uh, if you tag something, it'll obviously come up, you know, like you hear about places that don't want pictures taken and people will sneak a picture and then like tag it and then they'll they'll be contacted. Right. Yeah, there's stuff. I mean, going to college, the stuff you put on your Facebook page or your, you know, Twitter feed like all day colleges look at all that shit. And and I don't know if I've mentioned to you, I watch TikTok a little bit. A little bit. A little bit, a little bit. Two to three hours a day. My phone now tells me how much time I'm spending on apps and it's only TikTok and it's

like three hours a day. I think it's more than that. Hey, by the way, do you know, can I like yell to Alexa right now to stop listening to me? Try it. Alexa, stop listening to me. Try it. Alexa, stop listening to me. Can you just say... Can you just say turn off? Let me see. Alexa, turn off. She's still reading some legal disclaimer, I think.

Oh, Jesus. Alexa, turn off. Speaking of the FBI listening to you, I can't believe you have that shit in your house. No, no, I don't. I'm going to go turn it off right now, but I kind of don't. Alright, I'm going to read the next story while Mike is off fixing his

CIA listening device. I could never fucking do that in my house. That's insane. You know, your phone is listening to you enough but in your house i don't want that shit i'm back oh it feels good unplugging a woman's voice huh guys yeah um by the way when i go to unplug it i really have visions of 2001 you know like i mean of how and like her like like like the little disc like sort of dodging my hands on my bathroom counter okay no listen i have it i bought it for my girls

for christmas like two years ago the little the little pocky pucks and they had wanted it and uh they didn't use them to their credit meanwhile i have siri hooked up with this home pod which is how i play my music it's really for music it in my bathroom. And occasionally when I'm in there, I'll be like, hey, Siri, what's the news? Like in the morning, I'll say that. Or Alexa, I mean. And and but really, it's to Bluetooth music. That's what I use it for, because it's just a free speaker. free speaker but holy no i mean and when you walk in the room and you don't even say anything you see and this is such old trite stuff by this point but you do see the light light up she's listening even without any syllables coming out of your mouth if she hears any sounds her ears her ears perk up right so yeah when you shut her off did she say this is so typical of you exactly like you think that you think that's gonna you think that's gonna stop me yeah um i see a lot of tiktok videos parents that put up shit of their young kids like like there's one of a um the father putting his like nine month old in a toy car and pushing

it down a plastic slide. And then the kid falls over backwards. But then the kid laughs. It's like, I'm not laughing. Right. That's fucking crazy. Yeah.

And he published it. Yeah, I'm sure kids are good props. Yeah. Kids do the darndest things when their parents set them up on a car on top of a slide. This next story. All right. Oh, car on top of a slide. This next story. All right. Oh.

After spending months alone at sea, Canadian sailor Bill Norrie arrived in Christchurch, New Zealand to find the world had completely changed by the coronavirus pandemic. Yeah. He had no idea. He's pulling in the port like, I'm getting so laid. He's like, oh, I can't wait. I'm going to go right into the bar, get my whatever sailor drink, a dark and stormy, drink about 10 of those, and just get laid.

Share a joint with somebody, make out with some strangers. And do I have stories to tell? I'm going to regale the whole back room of that tavern. Then he gets off and everybody's got face masks on. He's like, there are a lot of Asians. Is there an Asian convention in town? What's happening? Yeah, that is surreal.

I'll tell you what, though. Being on a sailboat for three months is like my worst nightmare. I mean, he chose to do this. He wasn't lost at sea. He was like navigating the nightmare. I mean, he chose to do this. He wasn't lost at sea. He was like navigating the globe. Right. If I had a choice of like coronavirus, like hacking up a bloody lung or spending,

I would even say eight hours on a boat, I'll take coronavirus. Wow. Now you get seasick no matter what? I get seasick, but i also just don't like it i don't like feeling trapped everybody that sails including you i've been out on a motorboat with you yeah and you love this shit but it's like people drink and i think they go into like a little fantasy like i i'm columbus or you know or i'm like an fbi and I'm going to solve a crime.

I think the fantasy, I think you're right. There's a fantasy, an unconscious one. And I think it's just that you're on the open seas. You're really an outlier. You're really doing something very, it's not really rebellious, but you are, you know, in, obviously it's charted, but for you, it feels like uncharted territory. You can make, you can go wherever you want. You're in total control and you're away from it all. Yeah. You know, uh, I think that's part of it. And the guys who would like to three months or sale, first of all, wait, there is a documentary. Oh my God. I highly recommend

this documentary, especially if people are running low now. And it's an amazing one that like the best documentaries, in my opinion, like capturing the Freedmen's and stuff, start off as one thing and completely find a much bigger story and make that turn and go with it. So this was a story about the around the world race so you and i took our daughters to go see uh that that sailing documentary like about six months ago oh right uh with the woman and it was the all women team and was called maiden and uh and maiden is excellent and it it's that race though it's these races around the world that start and end in england they go out they and they immediately head down around is it the cape of good horn whatever it is it's the south american cape they go around that way i believe i think it's that way yeah that's right anyway they go around the world and there's one race that's alone sorry Sorry for the long preamble. Basically, this is a story then. They had an amateur, kind of like their Eddie the Eagle.

Eddie the Eagle was the long ski jumper out of England who stunk at it, but he was kind of the darling of the Olympics. So everyone was rooting for him because he's an everyman. And this guy worked in like an electronics repair shop in England, barely had the money, barely had a boat. And he set out to compete against the world-class racers in the solo around the world. And I I'll look it up by the end of the podcast, what the name of it is. It's amazing. But if you just Google that around the world, solo race documentary, a British guy, you'll find it. It's crazy. I highly recommend it. I'm going to look

it up now. You talk. Yeah. I think a lot of these guys are, uh, they're married. They're, they're trapped in miserable marriages. I mean, who the fuck wants to leave a hot wife for three months on a boat by yourself? There's, there's a guy in, um, um in uh poland who's a kayaker and is has kayaked across the atlantic by himself a fucking like you know like 12 foot kayak just that's it the entire way yeah it's crazy there are a lot of the okay it's called deep water It's a 2006 documentary. So easy to find. Googling it, just like I said. Deep Water. In a weird way, and probably because when I was in my marriage, which was not working,

I became obsessed with these guys. So I saw that documentary, and then I got a lot of books about not only guys stranded at sea. There was one called Open Water, and that that I think, um, Robert Redford's movie where he was alone, you know, stranded. What's what's what all of them have in common is when they're stranded on a little dinghy, like their boats sunk or whatever it is. It's amazing how many ships pass them and almost hit them. But there are these giant rigs like oil tankers and, and cargo, you know, cargo ships, and they are on autopilot. And, I mean, these guys send up flares, but the very skeleton crew on these things is sleeping and don't even see them, and they go right by them.

Right. But talk about your hopes are up. You're literally starving to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Now I remember Gilligan's Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Now I remember Gilligan's Island.

When the Globetrotters got stranded on their island? That happened. To listeners who don't believe me, that happened. Well, they realized that they needed some diversity in the cast after seven years. Yeah. Hey, Writer's Room. they needed some diversity in the cast after seven years. Yeah.

Hey, writer's room, you know this show about these people, three-hour tour, stranded on an island, desperately trying to get off. The Globetrotters said they'd be willing to guest star. What can you do? Oh, we got it. That actually, we were looking for that. That makes total sense. Yeah. And it's always like people come to the island because they used

to have that once they got into like season five and you know as they say it jumped the shark and they're starting to look for like sweeps you know anytime you have sweep season on tv shows they're looking for like that big episode that crosses over right and it but the but the storyline was always the same somebody would come to the island and they would be so annoyed with the occupants of the island that they would just leave in the middle of the night. It was never night. And nobody ever sent anybody back for them. They were like, fuck those people.

They seemed to be doing well. Yeah. It must be a fuck fest. Meanwhile, nobody was getting laid. Oh, man, I know. Three hot women. See how I did that? I included Mrs. Howell.

She would have gotten pretty hot. After a few months, she would have gotten pretty hot. Yeah. Here's a story about a barber in upstate New York, Kingston, New York, and he continued to give haircuts in upstate New York, Kingston, New York, and he continued to give haircuts in violation of New York's emergency shutdown orders. This guy, Joseph Lalima, is now hospitalized and in bad shape with the coronavirus.

He's also a hero in Texas. That's right. No, that's what's happening down south. You're a fucking hero if you violate the order. Of course you are, yeah. And I have a friend who's got a sister in Nashville who says if you walk down the street with a face mask, people actually heckle you. They call you a communist. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's bad that way. You know what I thought about today? Like how popular Trump is. By the way, you know, we're ignoring, which we can, a very big news story, which is Trump is like, I mean, he's obviously never subtle. But he's not even being smart about who he's firing. Like he's now firing the most obvious people who are questioning. And, you know, he uses the very corporate speak that everyone hides

behind the easiest line to hide behind in the corporate world when you're firing someone is the company's lost confidence in you. Yeah. You don't mention any details or really what it's about. So he fired the latest guy at the Department of Justice because he was looking into Trump's, he was questioning stuff. And, and, and I thought about how like, you know, his followers won't care and they really do like love him and will vote for him. And there's an interesting thing I never thought about before, which is super obvious, but is these people you'd think they would pride themselves on. Fuck the government. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like I'm not you know, they're liars and they're crazy. And I know that's part of why they like Trump, because they think he's, you know, a disruptor and an outsider.

But still, you're you're loving the president like that's that's not that's not. And you're putting yourself under like a rebellious streak. You're not like the president. In theory, you know, the electoral college, he he won. In other words, really like so most of the country, you know, put him in office. So you're a conformist. Are you forgetting that, Texas people and Georgia people and these people who sort of identify with being rebellious and not part of the system? Like, you're liking one of the most popular, you know, whatever.

you're liking one of the most popular, you know, whatever. Well, it's, you know, I think it's, I read an interesting article about it, which was, I can't remember who did it, but it might've been Pence or they, they compared Trump to the death star and like in a rebellious way that they're rebels. And then of course all the Democrats took the bait and they said the death star was evil. Don't you realize, like, not only evil, it was defeated. But the mentality is that people were sick of the system and they want to see somebody smash the system. They want to see somebody break rules.

They want to renegade. And even if he got a majority, it still represents something that resonates with people that's not necessarily completely logical. Yeah. It reminds me a little of like when everyone would, you know, Apple, when you buy a product, sends you stickers and people who put those stickers on their car. And it's like you. I don't know what it's working for you in this scenario with your identity. I guess that it's not Microsoft. So, you know, you're it's kind working for you in this scenario with your identity, I guess that it's not Microsoft. So,

you know, you're, it's kind of like that identifying with Trump as being, it's a little bit of a rebellious individualistic expression, I guess, but you're still putting a, one of the largest companies in the world, you know,

sticker on your car. Let's not. And also it's a computer. Let's let, like, let's not forget that Mr. Rebel. Like it's right. Right. I don't know. Whatever. your car. And also, it's a computer. Let's not forget that, Mr. Rebel. Like, it's... Right, right.

I don't know. Whatever. But going back to this barber story. Oh, that, yeah. But, like, you know, the guy, he, obviously, he contaminated tons of people. I mean, he's literally touching your head and face. Like, a bunch of people are going to get sick from it. But, you know,

that's kind of on them. I mean, if you it's like we're all have a social contract right now, which is we're all going to look like shit. Our daughters are going to shave our heads. Your hair is going to turn gray. Crazy. You're seeing women that look like skunks because they got the gray coming out of the part of their hair and the outside is still dark right and it's kind of like it's fun in a way and it's also just like it's it's sort of like a solidarity move and if you go get your hair cut you might die from it and look i hope you don't but it's it's more justified than a than an emergency care worker getting sick from it and it's like you're gonna, you're going to look great. You're going to look great in the coffin.

People are going to be like, whoa, look at this guy's hair. Look at that. No roots on that beautiful female corpse. Right. Yeah. And look at the nice tan line on her face from being outside picketing to ease up restrictions. No tan line where a mask would have been. Exactly.

Hey, did you hear about this Code Rocky thing? Did I send that to you? No. It's an uplifting story, which I needed, but a definitely emotional sneak attack. One morning I woke up and I saw this footage. So it's when a COVID patient wins after serious treatment is being discharged, the hospital, and maybe

it started in Philly because of the Rocky thing, I'm wondering. But anyway, they will call what's now being termed a Code Rocky. And all of the doctors and nurses go in the hallway and form this line applauding the discharged patient who is invariably on a stretcher because they're not strong enough to walk. And some of the hospitals in the background play the theme music from Rocky the movie as this person is being discharged. And it's happening all over. Some of it is so moving when you watch it.

And are the people that are now on unattended respirators, are they clapping their hands? They muster all their energy for an eye roll because it's being smashed in their face that they haven't gotten their Rocky call yet. Not only are they unattended, they are jealous. The heart rate skyrockets just from their eye roll. They almost flatline. Yeah. All right. Final front page story is Las Vegas is going to be opening up, but not before there was a giant demonstration. There were 10,000 casino workers that went down the strip because once again, what better way to protest Corona than get together in large groups. Let's have a parade. And so they were driving down the strip, and they're concerned about transparency.

This is led by their union, Local 226, that has 60,000 members. And what they want is they just want to make sure that the companies share the full reopening plans and that they're in on the plan, basically. Right. Yeah, the poor, poor casinos, their minimum wage employees are protesting to go back to work and not get a fair share of the pie that these casinos own. Yeah. But I understand they want to work. I totally, totally get that.

Well, I mean, think about, you know, it's a Petri dish. Vegas is the most dangerous place you could go. You're literally, you're handing money back and forth. You're exchanging chips and cards. You're walking down crowded sites. You're getting a lap dance from, you know, some drug-addicted runaway. Hey, by the way, it's in the business section, but since we're on that, have you heard of Berkeley's plan to fully close streets? No.

And create giant outdoor dining rooms. Oh, yeah? Yeah, so this is something Vegas should consider, especially because the warm weather, you know, apparently helps this. But yeah, so California guidelines for restaurant reopening, they don't specify a specific slash in capacity, but they do require social distancing measures between the patrons. Right. And the workers, which means that to make enough money to remain afloat, restaurants need way more space to serve the diners. In response, Berkeley introduced legislation to fully close many of the city's streets, repurposing them as seating areas for the city's vibrant restaurant scene. It was inspired by this Lithuanian, the Lithuanian capital of Vilnius, I'm probably slaughtering that name, which last month turned its plazas, streets and squares into vast like an open air cafe.

And it sounds pretty cool. Like, in other words, Main Street here in Santa Monica is dead. And the restaurant should totally be able to, like, put chairs outside. It's almost like what Times Square did. You know, they closed, I think, a strip of Broadway, didn't they? And made it outdoor eating. Yeah. In Times Square. Well, you know, I've also in Santa Monica seen a strip of Broadway, didn't they, and made it outdoor eating? Yeah, in Times Square. Well, I've also in Santa Monica seen a lot of outdoor diners. They're homeless, but they're out there. I'm wondering, though, imagine Philly. You know that part in Philly where there's two rival cheesesteak, legendary cheesesteak places,

but they're like catty corner? I want to see their chairs spread out, keep going, keep going. And now they've intersected and they've like, they've like one of those, you know, those, what are those called? Those are matrix style. Like the two circles now are overlapping and just a bunch of Philly people screaming in the worst accent on the planet. And then of course beating each other to death. Right. And it's one's Irish and one's Italian because we know how well they get along in Philadelphia.

And, you know, I've been to those places. I took Owen on a tour of Philly because he was looking at Drexel and Temple. And so, you know, and I had cheese steaks in Philly downtown, but they're actually the famous cheesesteak places. And I'm spacing the name right now for some reason. Yeah. They're a little bit. They're not in the main, like sort of touristy part of Philly. They're actually downtown in the more like gritty, not the best neighborhood.

No, I imagine not. And the fucking the steaks suck. It's like anything that's touristy it's like these guys can give a shit they've got a grill filled with meat and we went uh late at night so it wasn't that busy and we got some cold ass meat they don't use regular cheese they use cheese whiz and and the bread well i don't know i was not impressed not impressed listen we've been over this philly's the worst. And people are like, you hate this city?

I'm like, no, no, it's the people. The city's fine. I'm sure it's beautiful. They have a nice river. They got old, beautiful old apartments. It's the people that live in them that we have an issue with. Amazing art in that town. There's amazing outdoor.

The buildings are incredible. One of the world's best children's hospitals it's just the people did you ever see bill burr get heckled in philadelphia it's one of the greatest things ever yeah talks about they're so racist they've got some of the greatest boxes of all time that have come out of there oh and uh joe frazier joe frazier and and. And meanwhile, they've got a statue of a white guy who isn't even real. Rocky. Sylvester Stallone's up there. They put a statue of an actor. And he talked about their sports teams.

Yeah, he really dressed them down. It was perfect. Yeah, we're going to get our website up and running in the next week or two, and then we're going to start posting clips of, like, we're going to put up Burr's stand-up, all this kind of shit. And our recommendations for documentaries, TV shows, it's all going to be up on the website.

All right, should we move to entertainment? Let's do it. There you go. What have you seen this week? I saw, I showed the kids Chinatown. they'd never seen chinatown before whoa all right and you know i was worried because film noir is a little bit slow for gen z or whatever generation they are yeah um but they you know the the acting is so amazing and it's so beautifully shot and it's such a great script but then you get to the very end of and i look fuck spoiler alert it's so beautifully shot and it's such a great script but then you get to the very

end and i look fuck spoiler alert it's chinatown if you haven't seen it i'm sorry okay but the end but the end of the movie and you know there's good guys and bad guys and jack nicholson is the good guy he's the he's the pi who's trying to crack the case and he's protecting the woman. And then until you get to the scene where she's trying to explain to him that her daughter is also her sister because she was raped by her father. And as she's saying, it's my sister. No, it's my daughter.

No, it's my sister. As she's doing it, Nicholson is slapping her across the face as hard as he can. Back hands, forehands. She's admitting being raped as a 15-year-old. And also, she just thinks it's completely appropriate. She's like, yeah, I'll change my story each time you slap me.

You're right. You're right. I'm really being unclear. And then they're back in each other's arms in the next scene until, luckily, the happy ending where she's shot in the back of the head about five minutes later. Wait a minute. Who is she? I forgot that part. Yeah.

She's driving away. She's driving her sister away in the car. And the cops shoot at the car as if it's some kind of a crime that's, that she's so dangerous. Yeah. God, I forgot. And then the horn, the horn,

you hear the horn, right? Forget about it, Jake. It's Chinatown, right? Final line. Yeah.

It's a very, you must've had to explain it because that, that movie does not hold your hand. They just assume you are very smart and focused and following every little move. Yeah, it's very intricate. And there's a lot of dead end stories. They launch a couple of little like leads that don't follow up. And it's always the guy behind the guy behind the guy because you have to go all the way up the chain to water. Right. That movie is all about water and who had the power. Yeah.

And it's based on the truth about how California was so corrupt that they stole the water supply from the city and started opening up the valley. Yeah. Mulholland. Mr. Mulholland. What'd you watch this? Oh, and also I watched, you know, there's been so much hype about that HBO show Run. Oh, yeah, yeah. Run away from it.

Run and don't see it? Run. Don't walk. Run and don't see it. It is so contrived. It's so you can hear the pitch. Okay, here's the pitch. There's a guy and a girl, and they haven't seen each other for 15 years,

but they've had this code. They were so in love that they had this code. If I text you run and you text run back, then we meet up at the 5 o'clock train. It's so contrived. And then they meet up, and the two actors, who are both good actors, but they happen to lack any chemistry whatsoever.

And so you don't care that they just, she left her husband and three kids to be with them. So now you don't fucking like her. Right. It's weird. All right, good. I won't say it. I saw, you know, it's funny.

I saw, I pitched to you that, hey, you know, we should do a bit which is called stating the obvious. It's like, all right, now it's time for Stating the Obvious. Mike, what obvious thing are you going to state? And the reason I thought of that bit is because I watched A Star is Born, the 1954 version with Judy Garland and James Mason. And it's amazing. I mean, it's long, but it really gets you back into that Hollywood world. And you become a lot less impressed with with maybe many of our listeners have only seen A Star is Born with Bradley Cooper. But, you know, he just painted by numbers. The whole story is there, including rehab, you know, all of it.

And and of course, you know, the big plot moves are obviously there, but even the small ones. But they are so great. And like Judy Garland's voice, holy. I mean, you have to remember, for the movie to work, you have to, just like with Lady Gaga, you have to be wildly impressed with the raw talent of this person who the star has found and is now making into a star and everyone everyone in the industry once they take a listen or a look at this person have to be on board and man judy garland it's just crazy how strong her voice is and i've never been a big fan but i guess as i get older you step further away from it and just be like, is that talent or not?

And oh, my God, it's such a definitive yes. So, again, stating the obvious. But an interesting thing, though, is the long it had an intermission and but a lot of stills. And then I had a Google like, why am I watching a still like production stills of like her on the porch that I was just watching a scene of her on the porch? And I guess the film had been so damaged and I get maybe there was a fire at Warner Brothers, but that's how they did the restoration. They dug up these stills and you'd hear the dialogue. Oh, no shit. You'd hear the dialogue while you're watching these stills.

Yeah, it was it was interesting. What did you do during the intermission did you pour another glasses infidel and put on more lipstick i did and so i actually sat there and i'm like well they're not going to play an intermission card like with with the ticker still go, like they're just going to show an intermission card for 10 seconds. So, you know, it's intermission. That's where you would pause it. Nope. It runs like it did in the theater, I guess.

No shit. Really? It runs. And that was a little weird, especially because I was a little high and I'm like, is this just me or is this the weirdest thing happening right now? So you have to fast forward. I'm getting such a snapshot into you during this pandemic. Alone in your house, high, watching campy movies from the 50s.

And looking around like I'm being filmed. I have to fast forward an intermission, slide on this. And that's exactly what you have to do. Yeah. I forget if they played music during it. Normally they would. I remember seeing like Lawrence of Arabia. It was re-released in the theater and they kept like the intermission. And I think they play music gone with the wind.

I mean, how the Irishman didn't have an intermission, especially Scorsese, who's seen a gazillion movies, old school movies, you know, with intermission cards. It's crazy. I guess they just figure people don't have the commitment of time that they used to.

So you've already got a three hour and 20 minute movie. Now you're going to ask people to pay the babysitter another 20 minutes on top of that. 3.30, by the way,. Irishman, oh, so awful. What else? By the way, speaking of... Oh, and I also saw the new Pete Davidson-Bill Burr movie

called King of Staten Island. How is it? It's good. Judd Apatow produced, directed, I think wrote it. He wrote it with another guy. It's great. It's really great.

You know, it's like... You know, there's two sides to Judd. I mean, some of his movies are, like, you know, super bad and, you know, bridesmaids that are just, like, hilarious, over-the-top funny. And then he's got some that really have heart. And this one has a lot of heart, but it's got a lot of funny scenes. Bill Burr is fucking great. I mean, I think this is going to be like a breakout thing for him. Wow. All right. I have to see that.

And Pete Davidson's really strong. Marissa Tomei. I showed it for my family. It's a screener. It's not out yet. I think it comes out June 12th on Video On Demand. But Judd was on the podcast this week, and we talked about it. Oh, great.

But I think it's going to do really well. Very cool. I saw Spade's movie, or most of it spade and spade has a movie spade and swartzen yeah it's a sandler movie it's on netflix the wrong missy i think it's called uh-huh and um lauren lap lapkis yeah lauren lapkis who's's amazing and i worked with her on the between two ferns movie and you had put in i said hi on your behalf because you worked with her on pete on uh what you would call it crashing crashing yeah she's she steals the show um i did i started it late i forgot it was out so i did fall asleep during. But that's no comment on the movie. It was like, see, unlike you, I'm staying up really late, like too late. And it kind of, you know, shits on the next day. You start off on such a wrong foot. Right. So I want to go back and see it, though, because Spade is kind of always cracks me up.

And Swartzen is also great in it. Who's the lead? Spade. Wow. He's never been a lead before. Oh no, he's been a lead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, his movie before this, which was kind of like a Joe Dirty character,

actually had me dying laughing. I forget the name of it. I think it was on Netflix. He played a hick whose son is like, you know, going to go to college. But I should remember the name. It was really funny, though. I love Spade. I think he's so fucking talented. Oh, yeah. Subtle. He so gets his own voice. He's always like in his own wheelhouse. He knows just what he's doing. Oh, the hick one I just described. He has all these little comments that, you know, are addons like to the scene and all

these little he mumbles asides that they're like there's no way that was scripted they're so funny right right um all right should i talk about silence the lambs and get it over with because a lot of people are writing me like about this theory yes all right let me try to let me try to blast through this as fast as possible and there there's a lot more, I guess, just know that. All right. The theory on Silence of the Lambs is she was molested on the ranch by the rancher. And Hannibal sees this, but he wants to hear. And like a therapist, he can't tell her, but he wants to hear her screen memory.

So what is a screen memory? Freud describes a screen memory as when you have a memory that's too powerful for you to handle, like abuse when you're a child, you develop a memory that screens you from the truth. It's a false memory. And dreams, most dreams are screen memories with symbolism because you can't handle the real thing. That last session, when she visits him in that cage in the middle of the room, if you watch that scene and you have this in mind and every one of their interactions, if you have in mind that Clarice was raped by the rancher, but she has no memory of it. And she's created this little memory and that Hannibal sees through it and he walks her through it and helps it. After your father's murder, you were orphaned.

You went to live with cousins on a sheep and horse ranch in Montana. And, and one morning I just ran away. Not just Clarice. What set you off? You started at what time? Keep in mind, he's seen hundreds of these. He knows they also like dreams. They don't make sense. She set off early, still dark. And he goes, then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it? I heard a strange noise. What was it? It was screaming. And she goes, some kind of screaming like a child's voice. What did you do? I went downstairs outside. I crept into the bar and I was so scared to look in. What did you see, Clarice? What did you see? Lambs. They were screaming. He's like, they were slaughtering the spring lambs. Makes no sense. No one slaughters livestock

in the middle of the night in the dark. It's crazy. But he knows that. And you ran away? No. First I tried to free them. I opened the gate to their pen, but they wouldn't run. They just stood there confused. They wouldn't run like you hear so many victims of sexual predators. But you could and you did, didn't you? Yes, I took one lamb and I ran away as fast as I can, which is the image that he paints. I thought if I could just save one, but he was but he was so heavy, so heavy, which is why she didn't get away. So it's so dramatic now. And he goes, what became of your lamb, Clarice? She can barely talk, by the way. And it's so dramatic now. And he goes, what became of your lamb Clarice? She can barely talk by the way. And she's like, he killed him. And then he's like, you still wake up sometimes,

don't you? You wake up in the dark and you hear the screaming of the lambs. And she's just like, yes, like she can't even, she's in her own world right now. You actually hear the sound effect of wind blowing and Hannibal continues, continues. And you think if you save poor Catherine, you could make them stop. Don't you? You think if Catherine lives, you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the lambs. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. Hannibal is now crying. And he goes, thank you, Clarice. Thank you. And when she's walking away, he goes, brave Clarice, you will let me know when those lambs stop screaming, won't you? And that's how their final session ends. And I just recommend it to anyone going back who's ever enjoyed Silence of the Lambs.

When you put this new layer on it, there's no other way to think other than it's one of the greatest movies of all time because it won its Oscar and everything just on the merit of the topical story, the surface story of the whodunit thriller and then you add this to it. It's incredible.

Well, it's been another great episode of Sunday Papers, where we recap the news, topical, section by section. I think it's worth it. I'm also hyper. I'm on coffee and drugs. Well, I think everybody's going to watch the movie this week. So let's hear your response. Well, I think everybody's going to watch the movie this week,

so let's hear your response. By the way, if you want to give us responses to the show in any way, send them to FitzDawgRadio at gmail.com. We read everything, respond to everything, and we're going to get to some of your letters. Letters? Emails on the show later on. Final thing in entertainment is I will recommend my friend Mark Norman has a one-hour special out on YouTube. Oh, I've heard about it.

It's great. It's called Out to Lunch. It's hysterical. He's really one of the best new comics that's come out in years. So check that out. A couple of other entertainment stories. Did you hear this Russell Crowe thriller, which I will not talk about? Unhinged has set, ambitiously set,

a July 1st date in theaters. Really? They moved it up because everybody moved releases later or just put them on streaming surfaces. So this is one to watch. But if you're going to put, if you're going to get me back in the theater,

I can tell you right now it's not going to be a Russell Crowe movie. If I realize I'm risking potentially my life to go into a crowded movie theater, I guess I'm assuming it might be crowded because everyone wants to go to the first one out. But I don't know. Do you think it's going to happen? I think Russell Crowe is a guy that actually gets people to go to the theater. I think he's a big enough name.

I do like him. And he hasn't shied away from keeping all his gained weight on, and it makes him more sort of empathetic, I guess. Absolutely. Or sympathetic. And he looks fat in this poster. I'll be curious how Jed's movie does. I don't know how many big releases have gone VOD so far.

I would imagine some have come out already. I'm going to look into it. But, you know, I know, I just wonder, can you win an Oscar if it comes out on video on demand? Maybe it's the kind of thing where they have to put it out in one theater for one showing at midnight on a Tuesday. You'd think they'd change rules, right, maybe? Yeah.

Yeah, I think it just has to play once, doesn't it? Or maybe it's got to run for a certain number of times. But they'll do that and take the loss in money just to get an Oscar. I guess. Yeah, wow. What is the Oscars going to look like this year? I know. As I just pointed out with Sons of Lambs,

almost all movies that get Oscars come out two months before the Oscars. They come out in November and December. So that'll be the time to really watch how they're going to do this. Yeah. When the second wave is strong. Hey, another entertainment story. Did you hear about this hack into this big lawyer who, you know, I brought him up before. This entertainment lawyer's office, a powerful A-list to his legal firm, CyberAttack, is blackmailing them for $42 million ransom. Otherwise,

they're going to release all these deals, some of the biggest deals in showbiz history, including Bruce Springsteen's $20 million Netflix deal, Sean Diddy Combs' rumored $100 million vodka deal, U2's $300 million Universal deal. But it's like, I don't know how damaging any of those, but apparently like the Sony leak, there will be all these emails. And of course, $300 million universal deal. But it's like, I don't know how damaging those, but apparently like the Sony leak, there will be all these emails. And of course I read this on Fox News because Fox is throwing around the word hypocrite already. They love this story because those three people are liberal

and outspoken liberal, especially you two, you know, and Springsteen. So I guess they really want, are interested in these emails and what they'll, you know, what they'll reveal about these money hungry celebrities. I don't think people give a shit. You know, I think, you know, the Fox, the Fox breach, was it Fox? What was it? Sony. The Sony breach.

I mean, what was really the damage from that? A couple executives look bad. I don't know. There were some pretty bad things in those emails, though. But it's Alan Groobman. Now, I mentioned about he was representing Michael Jackson and he's the story about him that I know through a family member is why I can say confidently. I, I believe Michael Jackson is, is very guilty. And, um, yeah, I don't think I can tell, tell that story on this. I can tell the story about his daughter though. His daughter is Lizzie Grumman. She's like a socialite and publicist. Do you remember her backing over people in the Hamptons with her SUV? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this is one interesting part, though, of how the powerful can just stay powerful. She backed over. I read about it a little after seeing the story. After being asked by security guards to remove her Mercedes from a fire lane, Grubman intentionally drove her father's Mercedes Benz SUV into a crowd of people outside of this Hamptons Club, injuring 16 people. She was alleged to have made the inflammatory statement before striking her victims with the vehicle, fuck you, white trash. Later allegations arose she received special treatment. So the story I heard, which might not be true for legal reasons, I'm saying that she said, fuck you, white trash, ran over a lot of people hurting 16 badly.

Then she flew home at home. One of her, you know, her lawyers, her dad's his top lawyer, had another lawyer friend there. She kind of said what just happened he read kind of the scene and immediately went over to the bar poured vodka a full glass of vodka and i guess said to people like lizzie you seem really rattled you should drink this and people in the room are like you're giving her alcohol when she just had a car accident and he's like lizzie drink this and made real eye contact like knowing like saying i can't tell you why i'm Lizzie, drink this and made real eye contact, like knowing, like saying, I can't tell you why I'm telling you to drink this right now. Fucking drink it. And in front of everybody else, he goes, did you see that she just chugged a half a glass of vodka?

Because when the police came, they could say to the police, she's been drinking since she got home. And now any sobriety tests that would have been given to determine if she was drunk when she ran them over, which she apparently was, allegedly was, are now non-admissible. Nice. Slick move. I wish I had a dad like that, you know? But it shows you in the world, like, if you've got a clever dad who understands the machinations of how things really work, you know? Yeah.

You're just so much better. Your dad is pretty sharp. Your dad would have told you to do something like that. I think my dad would have had me arrested to teach me a lesson. I got arrested once, and my parents did not come to my court date because they wanted to teach me a lesson. I sat alone in the fucking courtroom with a court-appointed lawyer. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Are you allowed to tell us the charge? Yeah. I was fighting outside of a bar, and I was like 16. I had snuck out that night, and I snuck in the next morning. They didn't know I was out. I snuck out that night and, um, and I, I snuck in the next morning. They didn't know I was out. Like I snuck out the night before I came home at like 11 o'clock. Hey mom. Hey dad. I'm fine. Going up to bed, up to my room, wait 20 minutes out the window, back downtown, keep drinking. And then, uh, and then I came home the next morning at like, you know, cause I got, I got

bailed out in the morning by my friend's mother. She was a waitress. She bailed me out with like quarters and singles. And so I walk in the door at like 10 o'clock in the morning. And my mom is like, I didn't know you went out this morning. I was like, yeah, me and Dave took a bike ride, which is so out of character for anything I would ever do. I imagine. And so then I came in and, you know, and it was fine.

And I was just like, all right, I'll deal with this court date. Two days later, we're sitting at the dinner table, and my dad opens up the local paper, and the police blotter says, Greg Fitzsimmons, age 16, arrested at 3.42 a.m., 22 Beekman Avenue Avenue for disorderly conduct. When you're reading about your children in the police blotter as they're sitting across from you.

Oh, my God. So they didn't show up to court. They said you're dealing with this on your own. It might have been a shrewd move because you you might have seen so much more pathetic. Like if you're the judge, you're like his family won't even support him. Also, your dad was a bit of a celebrity and it could have been seen, it could have been a bad look.

Yeah, because the guy that I fought against, his name was Eddie Flacco, and he was like he was from the projects. He was this Puerto Rican guy from the projects who was like way older than me. And it was me and my friend, Brian. We fought him. It was me and me and Brian against Eddie Flacco, but we were 16 and he was like 25 and he pulled out,

he pulled out a switch. It wasn't a switch blade. It was a switch comb. You know, when you hit the button and the comb comes out. That's well already I'd rather a knife because the comb comes out. I'm like, we are dealing with a complete psycho. Who will kill us with the comb? And he doesn't think I'm well-groomed, which hurts. Oh, my God. So, wait, what did he do with the switchblade comb?

I don't know. We tackled him on the hood of a car. And we were outside of a bar that we'd been in, but it was also next door to the police station. So the cops literally didn't even take a car. They saw us on the camera, came outside on foot, and just arrested us and brought us inside. You guys are like, he pulled a comb on us.

What were we supposed to do? Oh, my God. And then it's an arms race. It's an arms race. Then all of a sudden, I'm pulling a brush. He's got a blow dryer. Where does it end? The judge had the hearing just because I've been a judge for 40 years.

I've never been this confused. So there was a comb. Where do we start? All right. So that's it for entertainment. Let's do some international. Okay. Israel. Oh, boy. Israel had a big holiday called Lag Bar Omar. Jewish Orthodox people have mass gatherings around roaring bonfires. But first is a pilgrimage to Mount Meron, where the second century Rabbi Shamir Bar Yaqai is buried. Wait, is this Game of Thrones? I don't get these fucking ultra-religious people.

It's like they got to go to this guy's grave. My dad has been dead for, I don't know, fucking ultra religious people it's like they got to go to this guy's grave my dad has been dead for i don't know 20 something year i've been to his grave twice and i'm in the neighborhood all the time he didn't show up your court hearing fuck that guy yeah fuck that guy i left it i left a switch comb on his grave the last time i went. Yeah. And it's just like. What the fuck? Well, you didn't believe in your dad. These people believe in this. Yeah, it's probably a prophet. That's right. That's right. And so they all showed up. Hundreds of them were arrested and they started throwing rocks at the police. It was a big it was a big ordeal. Well, you know, that's of course, I don't know

if you read the whole article. I did not. I've not, I don't even know this story, but you know, that's, people are going to decide the way to rebel in a way is with the, to wrap yourself in some religious flag. You know what I mean? The religious right to congregate, you know, they already did that when they were shutting down the mega churches and stuff, but it went surprisingly well here in America. Of course there were holdouts and now a lot of those churches are sick, so they're doing it themselves. But that'll be when, when people really want to come back, of course there's going to be hair salons now and then, but it's also going to be, you know, F this, we are congregating, We're exercising our religious rights and there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah. Well, you know, look, the whole argument with that is it's not just you.

You're then spreading that virus from your church to the people at your grocery and the people at your if you start getting haircuts or whatever. You know, it's like whatever. Well, there's limits. There's limits to free. You can't, you know, scream fire in a a crowded theater there's limits to all these constitutional rights you know like you can't you know hey i have a religion that um kills people with red hair no you don't well i have a religion where the uh priests molest altar boys okay yeah that one seems like it could get by for a while. Maybe even be the number one religion of all time. And maybe we'll just let it go by for a few centuries. Then we'll look into it. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Are you depressed about the coronavirus,

Mike? You think you're having a bad time? It sounds like if I look at it relatively speaking, I shouldn't be upset, Greg. Let's take our gaze over to Kenya. Okay. They're experiencing coronavirus as well as the worst locust invasion in 70 years. They're going to, damages of $8 half billion dollars by the end of the year. Twenty million people already severely food insecure in the region. And this will fuel conflict. There will be pastoral attacks as people all since there's no resources, no food, they're going to be moving into areas where there's grass and they'll fight over it. So, yeah, it's a triple banger.

So many of the world's problems would be solved if locusts were delicious. That's right. Like, what a bounty falling from the sky. Like, they're everywhere. They're practically crawling in your mouth. Yeah. rolling in your mouth yeah if we if if rodents and and pesticide and and uh pandemic it's it's for for me it's like uh uh there was a movie back in do you remember it was like a made for tv movie about locusts back when we were kids in like the 70s and was it called like the day

of the locusts or something yeah it was something like that and it was like the Day of the Locust or something? Yeah, it was something like that. And it was like, I just remember there was Roots. There was, there were like three made for TV movies. The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Yes. That was a big one. I don't know how that got such traction. It was all about a guy who was just, you know. John Travolta.

John Travolta, right. He could only live in a bubble. Still does. He gets out for massages once in a while at around 3 a.m. in West Hollywood. But other than that. Big tipper. Yeah. Everything we're saying is fair.

He would agree with everything we just said. Here's good news. fair he would agree with everything we just said here's good news there's going to be there's a company out of the netherlands that has figured out an all plant bottle so we could be getting rid of plastics wow and they've um they're they already won the support of uh carlsberg beers they're going to start doing it it's a-lined bottle with a very thinner layer of plant plastic. This could change the game, they're saying. Coca-Cola is backing it. Danone is backing it.

They say that globally around 300 million tons of plastic is made from fossil fuels every year. Oof. 300 million tons. I just bought an outdoor rug. No, but when I went on to look, because you can't go to the store and look at them, I was looking, and this one is made, they brag about it, and it was a little more expensive.

You know, they're cheap plastic things, but 100% from recycled bottles. Wow. Yep. So they're, they're, they're screwed all these, you know, in Patagonia uses recycled bottles to make a lot of their fleece. Yeah. Uh, and other companies too. There's a company that I'm friends with. This guy has got a company called Burio and they make, um, they take fish, fish netting, which is huge. There's just tons and tons of fish netting. Yeah. It's on that big Island in the Pacific. A lot of that is fish netting. Right. And so they actually dredge theirs out of, um,

Chile and around South America and they make sunglasses out of it. They make, he sends me shit all the time. He sent me a Jenga game made out of it. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. So that's a good company. Check them out. Give them a shout out. Wow. All right.

Should we do some business, some sport? We did business. Let's do sports. I'll crinkle the thing up, some sports stories. Hope Solo, do you remember her? Of course. The former U.S. Women's National Soccer Team gold. You love women's soccer, Mike.

Yeah. It's just so fast moving. So she, her dog was shot Wednesday night in what she described as a heinous act. And she suggested the dog may lose a leg. The quote was, our magnificent dog Conan is in critical condition after being shot last night. It's hard news to share. And then she provided no further details. But the location was unclear, but someone shot her dog.

But it reminded me of, did I ever tell you the story where I was watching Judge Wapner, People's Court? No. So Jack and I were painting houses one summer and it was early we got out of college it was during college we got out of college like anyway so it was still we were on martha's vineyard it was still below 50 degrees if it's below 50 degrees you can't paint generally so we would just buy like a 30 pack of the cheapest beer and we bring it back to the house and start drinking in the morning and we were so bored we would TV. We started watching people's court every day and

betting on it. So this case came up. It was a kid who shot his neighbor's dog. So when they come out, the plaintiff, the defendant, we then have to place our bets just on hearing the setup. to place our bets just on hearing the setup so i bet that um this kid was uh going to be innocent so jack and i are jack and i are watching it and so the guy's like uh why did you he eventually get wapner eventually gets to well why did you shoot the dog son he's like because it was barking he's like yeah but just because it was barking you shot it i, don't you think it's a little extreme? The kid goes, well, I was high. I'm like, I'm like, wait a minute, Jack. Jack immediately picks up the money. And I'm like, wait, that sounds like the worst defense I've ever heard. It's not over. This literally happened. And I'm like, that's someone he should not be representing himself. He should even use a court

appointed attorney like you did. So Wapner is like, wait a minute, what? And he goes, well, I was high. And he goes on what? And he goes pot. And he goes, how much pot do you smoke, son? And he's like, I smoke every day. He's like, you smoke pot every day. He's like all day. Swear to God. Next question. wapner goes how are you how are you affording all this pot and the kid goes i sell cocaine swear to god wapner immediately just goes okay hold on obviously i rule in in for the plaintiff but that's no longer what this case is about. Son, what are you talking about? And then the whole case became about this kid, this cocaine dealer who smokes pot all day and shoots his neighbor's dog. It was the most amazing case ever.

I wanted the money back. Yeah. That's great. So maybe he's Hope Solo's neighbor. I would just say that now. If you have a painfully honest burner next door to you, I think it might be this guy. Yeah.

Insane. Anything else in sports? Sure. Actually, no. I think that was the only sports story I grabbed because I knew we'd be running long today. I mean, football is really locking into their schedule. They believe they're coming back that season. I'm trying to think what else. Without fans? Is that the idea? They don't know yet.

They don't know yet. Everyone's just still talking about the schedule. Wow. And then I think, is this the last weekend for The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan doc? Yes. These are the last two episodes. It's been really, you know, I never knew how, it sounds so stupid, I never knew how driven Jordan was. I knew he was driven clearly, but I just thought it was mostly crazy amount of talent. The guy needs to be, you know, needs that stimulus.

That's why, you know, I think he gambles so much. He needs things on the line. And so, you know, when he when he when these big games would happen, I just thought he stepped up to it with his unbelievable ability. I did not know. Have you been watching it? Oh, yeah. That he's like kind of tyrannical in practice.

Yeah. And especially after his first year back from baseball, they lost in the first round of the playoffs, I believe. And I think it was the first round, maybe second round. And the next day, he started training for the following season. Right. I think the whole team did. I think he convinced the entire team to train through the summer. Right.

He did. Anyway, it convinced the entire team to train through the summer. Right. He did. Anyway, it's really cool. Yeah. And also, like, when I used to, when we lived with, oh, no, you didn't live with us. When I lived with Pete Scott, he used to work for Nesson, the New England Sports Network, and they covered the Celtics games. And Pete had a job pulling cables for the cameras. You know, as the cameras cameras moved he'd pull the cables

and so they were short a guy one week and he goes you want to come down and uh my job was to sit at half court like literally in front of the scorer's table i remember we'd see him on tv yeah and i'd have and i had a boom microphone and headphones and my whole job was to point the the microphone at the ball only when I was at half court. Once they were playing on the other side, I could kick back and watch. And that game was the Celtics, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan. I was sitting three feet away, and all you could see was

when the ball was away from Jordan, he was mauling whoever he was defending, grabbing their jersey, trash talking. It was insane. Yeah, he's unbelievable. Yeah. I played. We watched it. I'm watching with the girls.

And Reggie Miller has been coming up a lot lately. And I told him that really funny, you know, Reggie Miller's whole childhood experience growing up with his sister, who was is considered, I think, still the greatest female basketball player of all time. Oh, that's right. Yeah. But it's a great, you know, the great story he tells. And we found that on YouTube, him telling it was, you know, he didn't even make varsity. And then when he did, he wasn't even played. She was they were here, by the way, in Los Angeles.

They grew up in around Los Angeles. And she was the biggest high school prospect in the history of female basketball. And so anyway, one day, though, finally, he was started and he shot the lights out and he did really well and he couldn't wait to brag. And he comes home is his dad and his sister pick him up in the car and the dad of course was at her game and he's like um like how did it go he was like hey how was the game they're like pretty good he's like yeah you know i did well today too and he has this big shit-eating grin and they're like really he's like yeah started today and they were like oh and they were both kind of impressed and they look back at him he's like yeah actually uh i got 40 points and he thought they would like, Ooh, and they were both kind of impressed. And they look back at him. He's like, yeah, actually, uh, I got 40 points and he thought they would like pull over

the car. They'd be so impressed. And they looked at each other and smiled and he's like, yeah. And he's like, uh, and they're like, that's great. You know, that's really great. And they're like laughing. He's like, what? And he's like, well, you know, Cheryl had a big game also today. And he's like, Oh really? Like, what did you do? She scored in her high school basketball game 105 points. Holy shit. That day. Wow. Yeah.

And that's against a women's defense. So that must have been really difficult. You can't let a positive story just lie there, can you? All right. Let's do a quick listener email before we get to the Sunday comics. You got it. This comes from, I cut off the name. Really love the Sunday paper.

So glad it's a regular podcast now. Gibbons has such great, dry, sarcastic East Coast humor. He really makes me laugh huh not today today's all long stories fueled by drugs go ahead and I've been a fan of yours since I heard you on Stern while I wildly disagree with you two politically your takes are still hilarious keep up the good work and hopefully you get some good advertisers so Gibbons can be the first podcaster to literally come out of the closet. Huh. I wanted to read this because I want to point out something. We do try to avoid politics, and I think we got into it today more than we have in any other podcast because, you know, it's a it's a no win situation.

I feel like people have already heard about politics. I think we're heading into an election where things couldn't be more partisan. And I think it probably turns you off to hear from the other side. And that's not really what the podcast is about. But if we are dipping into it a little bit, I'm happy to hear we get a lot of emails like this where people say, I don't agree with you, but it's fine because, you know, I enjoy listening to the podcast. You sent me one letter from a listener that thought that I might be too conservative for her politically. Really? Yeah. And I thought that was fascinating because I've always tried to like be kind of fair about it because we live, you know, listen, we live in such a hypocritical town and it's such, you know, obviously it's a bubble like we talked about earlier. So I do try to be fair about it. But calling me is, I mean, you know me, I'm practically an anarchist at this point and nothing short of a socialist. So it was very interesting to hear that she thought that means we're being pretty fair minded, I think, on this podcast. Maybe. I think it's hard because I mean,

I don't think we were today. I think today we probably and also, you know, it's starting to become a political it's becoming politics versus science when it comes to social distancing. It really is. There are people that are listening to, including Fauci, that are listening to the scientists who say we may be moving too fast with lessening the social distancing and that we're going to see a swing back that's pretty intense. And then you've got people that really feel like it's a constitutional right. It's about liberty, that they can't be told what to do. And they also think that there is that it's a constitutional right. It's about liberty, that they can't be told what to do. And they also think that it's overkill. And obviously, we won't know if it's overkill until a few months from now or even a month from now. And then hopefully, we can just adjust based on that. So it's hard to come down on one side of anything without it being political

these days. I just want to say one thing about the the theories that we've done this wrong. We've done a lot wrong. I understand that. But people are like comparing it like to Sweden, right? Like Sweden's doing it right. That seems to be a call out. I'm seeing on Fox News where they didn't do, you know, the shutdowns. I honestly think Alexa turned herself back on, by the way. I'm not even kidding you. I can't hear it. Okay, she's talking. So anyway, she doesn't like my political views.

Wait, what did Sweden do that was right? They did not do as much of the social distancing and lockdown. They kept restaurants and bars. Well, you couldn't go into bars, I guess, but they kept social situations limited, but they did not ban them. There was no stay at home order, for instance. So they encourage people, you could go out and recognize social distancing. I don't know about masks. And what their philosophy is, the only way to beat this is with herd immunity. Herd immunity is defined as 60% of the population gets immune by having the virus,

having had the virus. So here's what I will say about this. And this is what a lot of Americans can't be told. We are a poor country. That's just a fact. The 1% have more wealth than the 90% combined. So what happens is we have even, even lower middle-class families can barely get by and they are eating like shit and they don't have health coverage and their health coverage is very limited. And so, and if you go into inner city areas, not only is their diabetes run rampant because of incredible malnutrition, but then there's also malnourished. There's actually people who are like, you know, starving and so much of America also is at the poverty line and a disturbing amount of children. So what happens is this. America can't go the herd mentality route, in my opinion,

America can't go the herd mentality route, in my opinion, because too many people would die. Sweden is a has a bunch of things going for it. It is a richer country in terms of average. They have better health care. Many of them live alone. They are also not as old of a population as America. So it has a lot of that going for it. It's obviously less city clusters and things like that. Well, it's also, that's assuming that there's not reinfection. And now I've read about some cases recently about people that fully went down with the coronavirus, got better, and now have it again. So until we can prove that you actually do build immunity

from having had it, that's the whole herd mentality is a moot point. Yeah. They say they may be false positives, you know, the first time around. You know, who knows? But you're right. The real answer is, you know, we don't know. But what happens is to some people, I will say, on the right,

the old and the sick and the unhealthy dying is a smaller price to pay for the general health of the country economically, which translates also into health. Like, I'm not denying that. Like and that maybe more lives will be threatened. More healthy lives will be threatened by the shutdown. But anyway, we can't go we can't go the herd mentality unless we're really willing to let a lot of the population die. Right, which I think a lot of people are. I mean, some people just feel like, you know, if it's going to come down to completely putting us into a depression, that we have to sacrifice a certain number of lives,

and that's just, I guess, a personal predilection. That's a personal morality that that, you know, we're never going to come together as a group on as a society. Some people just won't put up with that. And some people think that it's a necessary evil. And people who say it's not that deadly. I really have to say, I think the leading answer now is we don't really know because so many people have died at home. I understand a lot of deaths have been attributed to covid that maybe shouldn't have been attributed. Like if you were already on, you needed help breathing and you were kind of towards hospice and then you got it.

Well, they're counting that as a COVID death, which is not really fair. I totally get that. So, but so many died at home. There's a lot of people that died without ever having been tested and they weren't counted. Exactly. Anyway. So that's that. All right. So just to cheer you up. Oh my God, it's time. We wait for it. We work towards it. It's the Sunday comics. Uh, this week, uh, let's start it off. I found a good Hager the Horrible where, you know, we talk a lot about Hager's good traits. You know, he's a marauder. He's an explorer.

He's a doer. He's a doer. Hager does. Yeah. And he does rape. And we've talked about the raping and the pillaging. He's so open about it. Also, I don't, it definitely wasn't illegal.

No. Did Hager break laws? I think the law is that you have to go do it. Otherwise, they'd probably kill you. You can't say you have bone spurs if you're a Viking and stay home. You got to go. Yeah. You'll be slaughtered so uh one thing we didn't mention about hagger is uh not a big animal lover and i i thought i thought

the animal lovers might have an issue with uh this this week's uh hagger the horrible by animals you're not talking about women. Just to be clear. Hager is returning from pillaging and raping, and his wife tells him that the barn burned down while he was away. And then in the next frame, she says, oh, no, actually, this is an indictment of Helga, his wife. Then in the next frame, she says, the good news is we're going to have a really big barbecue. OK. All the horses died.

All the animals died in a fire. And Hager has no response. No response. He looks off in the distance as he does. Right. Thinking about rape. Thinking about rape. Yeah. He also probably in the distance as he does. Right. Thinking about rape. Thinking about rape. Yeah. He also probably slept with some of the animals. He might be very sad.

Yeah, right. So, wow. So it's insensitive on a new front. Yeah. You know, and again, these are Vikings. But why do you have a Viking comic strip in a newspaper where it's meant for kids? Kids are the only ones reading the comics, aren't they? Except us. By the way, what's so terrible? I mean, an accident happened, and they are going to eat the cooked animals.

Isn't that the right move? No, that's true. I guess they were going to eat them cooked animals. Isn't that the right move? No, that's true. I guess they were going to eat them anyway. Yeah. All right. I like it. Wow, a rape-free hagger. Let's get to, oh, I got a good family circus for you this week.

You're going to love it. I have one, too, from the LA Times. Again, I don't search. I just look at the ones that come in my Saturday L.A. Times. Yeah. How are you times carrying family circus? Go ahead. This is Kathy and I'm and I'm watching this TV show called Mrs. America, which is all about the equal rights movement. And and I can't help think about Kathy when it comes to the women's movement and everything she's done for it. She's she's sitting in the first frame. She's with her mother

and the mother says, I'm sure you're... Kathy's sitting in front of a pie with her tongue out and a fork in her hand, a little overweight. And the mother goes, I'm sure your stomach wants more pie, but what is your brain telling you, Kathy? And she goes, my brain wants the pie too. Mother goes, what is your common sense telling you? My common sense wants the pie. What's your heart telling you? Shut up, bitch. My heart wants the pie.

Mother says, fine, eat the pie. You're a grown woman. You know what you're doing. Eat the whole pie. Kathy then eats the whole pie. Father walks in and she says, mother made me eat a pie. And first of all, she's fat shaming. You see why Kathy is so pathetic.

Her mother is, she's fat shaming her. Wow. Yes, but I'm more interested in, is Kathy a grown-up retarded woman? Is Kathy not a child? How old is she? Did the mom say she's a grown woman? Yeah, she's a grown-ass woman. I mean, she's constantly talking about her wanting to be married.

She's like middle-aged. Kathy is? She's like 30. She's like 30. Doesn't she have that black, like, bob cut? Sometimes. Yeah. Maybe I don't have the right thing.

I don't really read the, for obvious reasons, I don't like getting super angry at the paper, so I only read depressing real stories. I don't go to the funnies. Yeah. Okay. All right. Let's do some, let's do some Blondie.

Do you want to say Blondie, or you're holding Family Circus for last? Oh, yeah, no, we do Family Circus, then Blondie. Right, okay. Family Circus, you want to do yours first? All right, I'll do mine first. So here was today's. I don't know if you can see it. It's a, I don't know who that is, the dad. And he's shutting a book and the book says Adam and Eve and he's shutting it.

And his little son is looking up at him. I guess the implication is he's just read it. And the father goes, what does that story of Adam and Eve teach us? And the little boy goes, not to eat fruit. So, you know what? I don't think it's that bad. Yeah. It wouldn't have been the answer.

I think he could have had other answers that he gleaned from this story. Like, what does the story of Adam and Eve teach us? I don't know. That woman was an afterthought. That women don't listen. I mean, God told her one thing. Don't eat from the tree of knowledge.

Right. There was one rule. Yeah. And then that men have to clean up women's messes. That would be funny seeing a little kid say that. And also, Daddy, does this mean that we're all a product of a very thin gene pool? I also learned that. Yeah.

Isn't there a lot of inbreeding? I learned that Snake was kind of like her pimp. Like, he really pulled the strings on that one and told her. Like, she wanted to get it on with Adam after eating the. I mean, that was the whole thing. Yeah, that's the the pimp kind of fatter. Yeah. The evil phallic symbol led the woman into being evil.

Right. This is one of I found on a Web site that is called Jessica Cohen Blogspot, and she's a Christian. This is a Christian website. Jessica Cohen is a Christian? We'll just let that go. Go ahead. Oh, yeah, that doesn't make sense. But all the comments are from Christians.

Because Jessica is such a Jewish name. All right, go ahead. She says, the comic says, Daddy won't play Wii bowling with me. I beat him 12 games in a row on Christmas Day. Want to play with me? Again, no punchline, no twist. Wait, did you just read the whole comic?

Yeah. It's him talking to his mother and he's holding the Wii remote in his hand. Daddy won't play Wii bowling with me. I beat him 12 games in a row on Christmas day. Want to play me? You know what would be so funny? If we found out that all family circuses were two panels, but the paper misunderstood it and only printed the first panel, which is the setup. Yeah, he's been he's been faxing them in, but it's on double sided paper and they never turn it around. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Kind of like our jokes to Saturday Night Live that year. Yeah. Right. And so anyway, there is underneath it, somebody posted that this was a this was that there's a lot of family circus hidden satanic messages. Oh, and they reconfigured the letters and it spells Satan wants me naked. Well, that's obvious. Everyone could see that in the comic. Yeah. wants me naked.

Well, that's obvious. Everyone could see that in the comic. Yeah. And so the comments are, Moondoggy says, are none of us safe? Curse you, Satan. Another one,

Cheese Boy says, you are so brilliant, I would never have seen it. Yeah. You think? T.S. Hendricks says, I think I somehow knew it all along curse you family circus isn't satan aiming a little low that's what he wants just them to be naked i think yeah right satan usually he's also a very good negotiator he usually out of the gate asks, he over asks on something. And usually his what he'll go down to is still way worse than nudity.

Yeah. Nudity is how you show up. Then shit starts to happen. Yeah. Nudity is just yeah. Like, let's start with that, because my idea is I haven't even gotten to him yet. All right. And now Blondie, who is, I don't know who the fuck's writing Blondie now, but I didn't realize they're brand new. Again, some of these comic strips, I think, are taking over their dynasties. The family, each kid takes over,

because a lot of them start, like Blondie started in started like I think it was 1929 it began well you can see this could the family circus there was we bowling you know what I mean right and this one is uh dealing with the coronavirus so this must be like the grandson because they realize here's our family business we don't do really anything. We take the whole week off, and then on Saturday, we scribble out some fucking dribble, and it gets syndicated to thousands of newspapers. Or they call this virus.

I'm wildly impressed if that happened. Right. All right, so Dagwood in the first frame is sitting, of course, feet up on a fucking Ottoman watching TV with a dumb look on his face. And the TV says, with restaurants closed, ordering drive-thru food is the responsible thing to do. Second frame is Dagwood at a burger joint drive-thru picking up some food. And then the third frame is him sitting at the kitchen table

covered in burgers and fries. And Blondie, who's wearing a pink top and long sleeves, which is unusual for her, but it offsets the plunging neckline that she's got this week. And she says three drive-thru lunches. And he goes, I'm just doing my civic duty. That's it, huh? That's it.

Wow. And he didn't get any for her, right? Where's your outrage? Yeah, right. No, she's always standing. Every time it's a Blondie comic, he's sitting at the table and she's standing. Or he's sitting in the ottoman and she's standing. Or he's laying on the couch.

I mean, if Bl blondie was my woman her feet would not touch the fucking ground those beautiful little feet can you imagine what blondie's toes look like they are probably sky blue enamel painted with cuticles rounded down and they would be so soft i would carry her she's not gonna take to take out all. So she's not going to put that in her pure body. No, no, she's a one wiper. When she takes a dump, it's one, one square sheet and they call it, they call it a surrender, a white flag. You hold that thing up. That's what they call it, huh? Yeah. She doesn't even need it. It's more symbolic. they call it huh yeah she doesn't even need it it's more symbolic she doesn't even have to wear underwear all right so we've done it again mike i got some pitches on our sign off oh okay before

we do want to remind people check out fitz dog radio out on every tuesday and uh also childish my podcast with allison r, comes out on Wednesdays. Don't forget, if you like the show, go comment, rate it, give it five stars. Keep subscribing. Tell some friends. We're building. Every week, we're building. It's exciting to watch.

You're a part of it. Thank you guys for listening. I don't know how many people made it past my Silence of the Lambs story. I'll also have a podcast just about Silence of the Lambs. Right. Okay. We had some some sign offs i tried last week we yeah we had yours the i think the one that you ended up landing on was uh send flowers to huey lewis because we just killed the news yeah not bad. Wrap a fish in it. Ooh, I like that. Put a string around it and take it to the curb. We're out.

Hmm. You snooze, we news. Let your dog piss on it. We're done. I like the wrapping. Wraps. Wrap a fish in it. Okay.

Yeah. That's how we're going to go off this week. Also, looking for more logos from you guys. If you want to write us, write up a graphic that we can list the show on iTunes with and put out on Instagram. We try to do a new one each week, and we always give you credit. So throw us one of those. Okay. Thanks for listening, you guys. Wrap a fish in it we're out bye mike take it