Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 116 5/27/22

Episode Date: May 29, 2022

  Ellen is off the air and thus our NDA’s are null and void! A jumper in NYC, a rectal hemorrhage on a cruise ship and Spacey is charged. We do not speak of the Amber Heard trial. You’re welcome.

Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers With Greg and Mike There it is, and you can take it away, sir. Read all about it! Read all about it! We're both in L.A.

Why are we in the same studio? Read all about it! We gonna do that at some point? it. We're both in L.A. Why are we in the same studio? Read all about it. We going to do that at some point? Sorry, I'm joining late. What was that? I said we're both in L.A. How come we're not in the same studio? Do we want to try that soon? Oh, because

COVID's not at its outrageous high point right now. It's not. Can I show you my coffee mug that I'm drinking from right now? I'd love to see it. And you got a... That's your dad!

Greg has held up a coffee mug that is Fitz and Rosenberg, which is the name of the morning show, 5.30 a.m. to 10 a.m. And on top of his dad's face, it says Fitz Mug, and it's a drawing from WNEW, 11.30 a.m. And on top of his dad's face, it's his Fitz mug. And it's a drawing from W.N.E.W. 1130 a.m. This was his this was his coffee mug.

And years after he died, there's a woman who worked for him who was his producer. And I went to Columbus, Ohio, to do a show. And she came out to see me. And she brought me a mother, my brother. And and I've got the mug. So I'm thinking maybe I'll give it to Owen and he can drink from it when he does his radio show at DePaul. Oh, man, it would be great if you had two of them. That's a very cool mug. It's not awesome. Yeah. And your dad didn't go with Maroon. It's interesting. Didn't go with Maroon. No, he tried to break from the Fitzsimmons because his grandfather's

radio show was all Maroon. Wait, that was what's his name? Did you get my name back? What's your grandpa, or is that your mom's name? Florence McCarthy. Florence, yes. Yeah, that was my mom's side. Oh, okay. Hey, Florence.

Yes. I think it's 1130 a.m right that's what they called it 11 30 um yeah wnew i mean when he was on wnew it was the number one station on am and am was way bigger than fm back then and then we watched we watched am kind of fade into the background over our teenage years. So believe it or not, we're not 80, and we're in our mid-50s, and we listened to music on AM radio. Yeah. Zeppelin, everybody. Back when, actually, Zeppelin, everybody back, you know, when actually Zeppelin was current and and it was what I'm saying is FM was nothing. It was it's weird. It's weird to think about. Yeah. FM was was like podcasts.

It was like a weird long form rock and roll came out on it and but but it had a way better sound because am fm stands for frequency modulation and it's a much it's a much denser wave and it carries more audio frequency on it than am and uh so so immediately they started moving the music shows to fm and then am became all talk radio and sports. I do not think I'm making this up. I mean, I'm not making it up, but I might have something wrong. AM radio, because of that thinner, whatever the terminology is, that frequency can travel so much further. And people in the Berkshires get AM radio from New York City. And like you, you, you always hear these legendary stories of Bob Dylan, like huddled around a radio in Hibbing,

Minnesota, trying to get broadcast out of Midwest and, and, you know, like Tennessee and trying to get these broadcasts. You, there are legendary stories of musicians in Key West listening to Cuban music. Oh, wow. Yeah. Listening to Cuban music, which was coming across on that frequency because there was zero access to Cuban music and stuff like that. So anyway, I was in Nova Scotia when I was in grammar school visiting. I was probably in sixth or seventh grade visiting my I was on my grandmother's farm in Cape Breton, an island off Nova Scotia. And I am telling you, I listened to Howard Stern on a.m. I got reception there. Now, was it relayed in Boston? I don't know. That's the part that I might have wrong. But I honestly think, I mean, I searched like crazy for, what was it, WNB?

No, no, no. Was it WNBC? WNBC, yeah. Yeah, AM Radio. And that's what Howard Stern was on. My father was on NBC with Howard Stern. And what was the guy? don imus was really big wow right right of bob grant and uh wolfman jack had a show on there he did the midnight shift

but i think i think am even though it's not as good quality it travels further That's my understanding. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So big week for me. Oh. I started my micro dosing of mushrooms. So I've taken them every three days. I took one on Monday. I took one on Thursday. And I feel good. Really? Yeah. I really feel like my creativity is flowing. My highs are better. I feel more steady. And I've read a lot. I did a lot of research this week about it. And it just deals with a lot of the issues I'm dealing with, depression.

And so we'll see. That's fantastic. Yeah. And maybe, Aaron, we'll let you move back in the house. That might be one of the factors going on. You're in the guest house now, which is giving you a little emotional space. I get it. I'm just afraid of COVID.

Well, actually, I have to be careful now because she's a postnatal doula now, and she just got a new client who had a baby yesterday. So she's going to start working with the new mom starting today or tomorrow. At 1 a.m. or when? No, I think normal hours. Wow. Good for her. Right in Venice.

Yeah, it's a French couple. And so she'll help the woman with her breastfeeding. Because she's not just a doula, but she's also a lactation consultant so she's uh she's all over this shit it's pretty exciting it's her new gig well you know i'm an incredibly supportive guy and if aaron needs help with those french breasts um i already asked her what seat what cup size the woman had and she did not answer and was not entertained. All right. Well, good luck with that filthy, unvaccinated French family.

Right. That's what I do when I'm rejected. I immediately turn on them. All right. Well, good for you. Now, why is it every three days? Because you don't want to build up too much tolerance to the psilocybin. Oh, wow.

Because if you take them every day, you build up tolerance very quickly. And so if you take it, like, let's say Monday, I think you said that. Tuesday and Wednesday, how are you feeling? Still feel it. No. Well, you don't feel, like, I don't feel buzzed from it. I wouldn't say that. There's the lightest of buzzes. But it's more of just like an awareness and a presence that you have.

I found myself doing shows this week, and I was like kind of riffing better, and I was a little calmer on stage. Man. Yeah. This could be your answer. Oh, my God. I hope so. I'm so tired of being depressed. I'm sick of it.

Jeez. I honestly don't know how you do it. Truly. And well, I don't. I mean, you remember we went we went up to Malibu to interview. Who was the writer from The New York Times that that we interviewed? Yeah. He wrote The Game and The Truth. And I'll get his name, Neil Strauss. Neil Strauss, who's this really famous writer. And we went out to interview him and he had done a piece on me in The New York Times in 1996, I think, when I was hosting a game show on MTV and I had a development deal for a sitcom and I just done Letterman for the first time. And it was this amazing two page spread. And then he said to me when we interviewed him, he goes,

how come you didn't make it big? He's like, what happened? Do you remember that? Yes. And and I thought about it a lot since then, obviously, because it was kind of a gut punch. It was really like, you know, first of all, I said, I own a fucking house in Venice. I have had a very good career. He's like, yeah, but I really thought you're going to make it big. And the truth is, I've struggled with depression my whole life. And every time I get some momentum going, I crash out and I disappear and I don't follow through. And it's been my life. My career has been a series of great starts and no follow through.

And it's because of the depression. Well, I feel honored meeting you here at the bottom. This is it on this podcast. No. Well, here's the thing. If I may, I wish you had told me this. He, he, I like Neil Strauss a lot and he and I spoke after that. Like he wanted not, not, not for long, but two phone calls probably about a project that he was thinking about. So, and I, and I loved his book, the game, which was the book that followed. Sorry, The Truth. It followed the game. The game was about pickup artists, all about how to get laid.

And the truth opening page is him going to sex rehab. And then he questions monogamy. I recommend it to anyone. It's fantastic. But he has an ego. You can see it on his Instagram. And I think it's a little bit of an inflated sense of, you know, he's an experiential writer. And for the New York Times. So when he talks about like doomsdayers, he immerses himself. When he talks about pickup artists, he immerses himself. So he's earned some stripes this is all to say he was really asking at that moment how did i get that wrong in other words i know i know like in other words i took a deep dive on you greg fitzsimmons in 1996 and i'm kind of almost always right yeah and so what happened here and when the obvious answer is, how many fucking ultra successful comedians are there?

One hand, we can count them. Right. And. But I think. So. You know, it is a weird thing. And I think it was good that I thought about it because I think everybody feels frustrated at where they're at and I'm not that much you know the truth is you aren't I I'm happy to be in the middle I really am I really appreciate that uh I'm sorry this podcast is all about me but

this mushrooms is making me think about this stuff no I think this is interesting I mean I think being in the middle is something that start the podcast. Holy shit. All right. I'm going to clap in three. I think that, you know, being able to, you know, live a very comfortable life and take care of my kids and and all that stuff, while also not getting accosted on the street and not being constantly hit up. accosted on the street and not being constantly hit up. You know, like I just think about how many emails and texts Bill Burr gets every day from people that want something from him. And then you question your friendships because you don't know if people really like you because of you or because of what you represent. Fame is such a fucking commodity in this town. And having, you know, and I've had moments of it. I've had, you know. When I have a project going on, I feel the difference. I see when people start coming out of the woodwork and asking, even if it's just to hang out, you question it. It's weird. normal, grounded people, mostly writers.

And I've managed to have a healthy, successful life. But then when Neil asked me that, it did make me stop and say, I have had a lot of plates, you know, steps up to the plate. And they have, none of the big ones have gone. And why is that? And I really have to say, just give yourself a break. You just were born with a fucking,

a kill switch that just goes off sometimes and you just shut down and there's nothing you can do about it except mushrooms. I'm not buying all of that. I don't want to invalidate you, but I really did bury the lead. Interesting context here. We went up to his house. He had his little baby and he had his wife, right? And he wrote about them in that book, The Truth. And it's the love of his life. He was doing everything to change his behavior, his mindset, so he could settle down with this woman who was the love of his life. He asked you that question when we were up in Malibu. And one of the, you don't measure success by your career.

In fact, it's not even your first thought. You have this amazing family, and you are incredibly present. Your fucking kids are your best friends, yet also a dad to them, in the right way where you can't be their friend. And Neil Strauss got divorced a few months later. He did? Yes. Wow.

And so here's a guy asking because. I hate that that cheers me up. Well, no, but what I'm saying is this, and I'm not even really trying to burn Strauss on this. What I'm saying is his brain is very much calibrated on success is measured by your career. And so that predisposes him to have that view and to ask that question. When I also want to get back to the handful of comedians that we do know, whatever. I've always said this, too, like at whatever age you learn that your heroes have fucking problems. It's like Bob Dylan was more of a probably in some ways spent more time with me than he did his own kids.

You know what I mean? Like Bruce Spring, whoever's on your list, they are spending so much time on you, the fan, touring, writing, their craft, everything that gets to you from their creative process. They're very seldom in their home and for sure not a hero in their home. Right. Right. No, it's true. And I do think about that stuff. And it is one of the first things I look at when I meet, you know, you meet like a Ben Stiller or somebody who does three movies a year. And then you see them in an interview and they say that their family, their family is the most important thing to them. And you always go like, is it though? Is it? Or is that just something people say? Do you you live that or do you say that in interviews i also yeah go ahead sorry and it is true like i cherish my friendships including yours and my you know my my relationship to my wife as you know it's like we don't have big fucking fights i was just thinking about that yesterday like our we we had a little conflict and it resolves within a few minutes usually.

And I just I think she's the greatest woman I've ever met. And I feel that's what drives me. And my day to day life is good. I got it. French woman's tits. I got it. All right. I know I'm going to back off. You're right.

You're right, honey. But honey, you should take photos at work for your website. I think it would help show off what you do. How's the latching? Do you videotape it? Now, when you videotape it, do her feet get in the shot? Oh, no. You're not at the French woman feet.

Let's not kid ourselves. And also, a feather in your cap, if I may, is you have, and this is self-serving to say this because we share so many, you have the greatest and largest group of friends and not really one, not one stand-up or real, you know, like entertainment, someone who loves entertainment in the mix. Like even Matt Malloy, he just, he's like, ah, shit, I got this, I got this show. Like he just wants to enjoy life.

Like we are all like-minded like that. Like there are real boundaries between our careers and what's most important. Right. And Dennis Gubbins keeps us really grounded in not taking work seriously at all. There it is. Yes. No. So yeah. So anyway, we'll see how the mushrooms go. I'm glad about these mushrooms, dude. And shit, man, I wish you had told me about that question and how much it made you think about things, because, yeah, there was a lot to I think contextualizing it, understanding who's asking that question, you know, and helps, I think, a lot. you didn't,

you never, you're saying you stepped up to the play lot. And this is the last thing we'll say about it. The last thing I'll say, you said you stepped up to the play lot and you've had these really big projects, but I've never known you to be like, I'm fucking all in. Like,

like I, I've even had writers who were so rattled. This is just a writer on a sitcom. Keep in mind, they left, they got a hotel. Like the week they were out on script.

Yeah. When they had two young kids and a wife because their sleep wasn't good in the house. Right. And it's like, we would never, no matter how big the step up to the plate is, we would never even think of doing that. Right. Right. Right.

So anyway. Yeah. All right. All right. So let's get it. Goodbye, everybody, right. So anyway. Yeah. All right. All right. Good podcast. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for sitting in on my therapy session.

I feel a lot better. Where are you off to? You're flying off to Oregon today? Bend, Oregon, which I hear nothing but unbelievable things about. My niece, the great Caroline, is at uh eugene as gubbins screams at her every time he sees her sco ducks and uh so my sister my dad and sophie whose birthday it was this week which don't tell her i remember i never forget it because bob dillons is two days before it and so uh they're up in Eugene. They're driving to Bend.

Olivia and I are flying to Bend today at like three something. That's got to be a connecting flight. No. Really? Nice. To an airport called Redmond in Oregon. Very nice.

I know. I'm surprised too, actually. This is the perfect time of the year for that. It is. Although'm surprised, too, actually. This is the perfect time of the year for that. It is. Although, oh, my God, I looked at the weather this week, you know, because the girls were like, bring a raincoat. There's rain in the forecast. Bend, I guess, where we're going, which is something river, is at around 5,000 feet or whatever. And there are ski mountains and all that right around it.

And it's going in the 30s on two of the nights I'm there. No shit. Yeah, which I love. But thank God I found that out. Damn. Yeah. Well, that sounds awesome. And you're all staying in a house?

All staying. Yeah, we rented this house, which is in the like kind of resort. It's not really a resort. It's these are home, you know, homes where people live. But it's like a Palm Springs, those homes, you know, on a golf course type thing. And how many days you stay in? Memorial. Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody. Oh, yeah. It's Sunday Memorial Day. Wow. Summer. Happy summer, everyone. Happy summer. Start of summer. So we're there until, you know, we come back Monday. Nice.

Yeah. Okay. Trying to see what other notes I had here. Oh, this is kind of a little, not really that funny. So I was thinking of like getting, I was thinking like, oh, you know, maybe a big mirror here. Like Sophie's moved back in her room or whatever. So I'm like, all right, what's easiest? I go on Craigslist and I go on like Facebook marketplace. It's called anyway, one of the mirrors, the description was gently used mirror.

I never stared. I never stared at myself. I glanced. I'm like, you would just, you would just walk by it and like, you would never stand still in front of it? Or are you really good looking? Is that what you mean? Yeah, this thing never had to contort an ugly person in it. Yeah. I'm like, because I'm going to put some city miles on it. I'm going to tell you right now. There's going to be razor blade marks on it.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Wait till you see how hard used this mirror is going to be. That's awesome. Yeah. I just got an email literally two minutes ago saying Segura wants me to moderate. He's got a book coming out, and he's doing a big theater in Santa Monica,

and he wants me to be the moderator, just me and him. Dude. That's pretty cool. That's very cool. Yeah. You can ask him all about his private jets and his $600,000 cars. I want to know the answers. No, I'm going to shit all over him.

This is going to—that's all I'm going to do. That's fantastic, man. Yeah, that'll be fun. So I've got to read the book. Or as Zach said when I asked him to write the foreword on my book, he goes, I can't wait to have somebody read this to me. Oh, I know it's not a sponsor today, but Audible, I downloaded. Mary Lynn Ricecup has a book.

Oh, that's right. Fame-ish. Yeah. So I'm going to listen to that. You know, she's one of my favorites. Why don't I listen to it also, and then we'll have her call in on Sunday Papers. Should we do that? Of course.

Okay. Yeah. That'll be good. She's incredibly edgy very very different and alternative although she's gotten more less alternate or people have caught up to her i don't know what it is but you know she's doing her stand-up there's no way she could have done like an improv in a city in the midwest like it was, so... It was the comedians were dying laughing in the back of the room.

This is back in the aughts. Yeah, in the 90s and aughts. Yeah, even in the late 90s. And I just was amazed by her. No, her stand-up now, she's in the comedy store, in the trenches, following fucking Joey Diaz and whoever else,

and she holds her own. She's a good stand-up. No, she's great. And she's on the road, like really doing all the same clubs I'm doing. It's crazy. Oh, it's awesome. This week's logo, very nice. Very cool one.

That's a very cool one. If you want to check out this guy's artwork, it at ryan star design two r's and today's song is from les conley which i found out is a man i think we had misidentified les conley as a woman or wondered whether or not it was a woman i would have assumed. Well, it is a man, and he is a homosexual. I also assume that. No, I have no idea. He could be. Les is lesbian.

Maybe he identifies as straight, but we all know what's going on. All right. All right. Corrections from last on. All right. All right. Corrections from last week. All right. Ryan McDaniel said, nurse here, give fentanyl all the time. A standard dose is 25 to 100 micrograms. So you were right in the first place that two milligrams is lethal.

0.2 grams is 2,000 micrograms. So, love you guys. And then he writes, Everett House. That's the nude spa in Portland, Oregon that a friend of mine went to

and then sent me and I went to. I told you about that, right? That's hysterical, yes. Yeah. That's great. It's one of those things where I went to, I told you about that, right? That's hysterical. Yes. Yeah. That's great. I can't, it's one of those things where I go like,

you ever have something in your life and you remember that you did it and then you go, I fucking did that. Yeah. I went into a nude spa and got naked and walked around. What? Every week I have that. I did that thought about the previous week's podcast. Tubal Cain said Gibbons opening the show.

The pandemic is not over. More people are getting infected and they're all vaccinated. A little later, more than 15 minutes about bad man Eric Clapton, who is against venues that have vaccine mandates. Got it that you got to try and fill a few hours, but Clapton doesn't seem such a bad man in context. Oh, my God, Tubal, if that's your real name. You're conflating so many things here. Vaccines work. I mean, is that the debate?

Vaccines have lessened the the hospitalizations and deaths. Is that is that's not entering your thing. These two can't coexist. I mean, it's an interesting I'm impressed with the thinking. And he's a good listener. I'll give you that. But you got a few. We're not going to debate if vaccines are effective. OK, we're just not. And have they slowed the spread? Would it be worse? I happen to think, yes. You don't think that we know that. That's not a thought. That's not an opinion. That's fact. Right. Getting covid now is a drag.

I would have been the biggest fucking dick in the world if I said that two years ago. And I would have been a liar. And I would have been invalidating everybody who had relatives dying. And now it's a drag. And not everyone dies. I get it. But my mom was out of chemo. And I was terrified about it.

And the vaccines now have made it so I can see her more and whatever. Okay. We're good. Clapton's a dick. All right. His have made it so I can see her more and whatever. Okay. We're good. Clapton's a dick. His other thing is- And also awesome. That can coexist. Yeah, he does seem like a dick.

And for all the appreciation of Updike literary prose, in The Natural, the book as opposed to the movie, Roy Hobbs struck out, took the payoff through the game. I don't think that is based on Ted Williams. No. Wow. That's that is based on Ted Williams. No. Wow. That's all right. So listen, two balls,

a great listener. And I want to give him credit for that. Thank you for writing in and thank you for listening. That's actually extraordinary about the natural book. I had no idea. It was a Bernard Malamud wrote that. So, you know,

bad news bears. I got it, you know, Bad News Bears. I got it. You know, it's one of my favorite movies of all time. And and holds up despite the generous use of the N-word. So the they got Billy Bob Thornton, I think. I never saw the new one, but I heard. And I'm like, well, that's a great sign out of the gate because I love him. And also his brand is like this isn't going to be fluffy and bullshit, hopefully.

And I heard that it was a like throwdown over Hollywood saying they have to win at the end. Oh, really? Yes. So listeners can write in. Anyone who's seen the new one, that's what I heard. Did they win at the end? Huh? Did they win at the end? That's my understanding, but I don't really know.

And that misses such a beautiful part of the first movie. One of the most beautiful parts of the first movie. Yeah. The original. Right. I got a show tonight. If you guys hear this on Sunday, the 27th of May, I'll be at the Irvine Improv coming up in a couple weeks.

I will be in Bakersfield, California, at a place called The Well on June 11th. Let's get to it. Let's get to it. Let's get to the front page. Extra! Extra! We all have bought it! Extra! You got paper?

You got paper. You're in an office. There we go. I love it. There's a little memo that says, your Wi-Fi stinks and it's going to be down today. It's the comic pay breakdown. At the end of when I do a club for the weekend, it tells me how many tickets I sold and at how much.

You've actually rattled that exact piece of paper before. And how much money they made or lost on me. A week ago, that piece of paper would get you down, but not with the shrooms. No, I feel good about them losing a little money. Okay. The lead story of this podcast is Ellen. Here we go. Big story.

Ellen DeGeneres ends her pioneering talk show under cloud. Oh. So there was lots of articles about this and about how her legacy has really been tainted. Oh, my God. Did you read the LA Times piece tainted. Oh, my God. Did you read the L.A. Times piece? No. Was it tough? Oh, my God.

It was written from the perspective of a gay person and how she was such a hero and how she completely squandered it and disappointed all gay people by the way she really didn't deal with it and, you know, hanging out with George Bush and forgiving Kevin hart on her show about his uh saying he was gonna beat his son if he was gay and there was just a bunch of moments where

i think she got that one right but okay i i do also i think the guy apologized in the past they wanted him to fucking trot out and dance and apologize again. And he went, fuck you. I already did it. He actually did say sorry to say he's like, listen, I said, sorry, I am sorry, but I'm not going to fucking, you know, go through everything. But he actually it wasn't like he dug in and says, you're not owed another apology. He's just like, it's just not going to be a this. I'm not going to be vilified on a mass scale. Yeah. So there's tons of articles

about it. And, uh, but what was interesting to me, and we should do this more often. So one of the things I clicked by accident, cause I'll avoid Yahoo, like no one's business. It's, I, I don't even understand what type of person goes to Yahoo. So the article was in Yahoo and the comment section at the time I read it had 290 comments. And here were some of them. Randy 99020 said, I was never a daytime talk show fan and not because I worked during the day. I never watched a single episode. The same could be said for Oprah and her show. So I'm like, all right, well, thanks for the comment.

Then Stormy 8's like, if you watch this daytime BS, you need a hobby. Really, Stormy 8, who clicks on an article about daytime and spends the time going to the comment section? And had to create an identity. She had to log in. to the comment section. And had to create an identity. She had to log in. Shane K.O. says,

I worked. Who has time to watch TV? Three question marks. Shane, you do. You do. You are in the Yahoo comment section about on a story that you have no interest in. Yeah.

Go Bull says, Yahoo, you're becoming really annoying with your, quote, waiting to post your comment nonsense. I left Facebook and didn't look back for similar reasons. Don't think, and many others, won't stop patronizing your antique site. Delay posting that. Wow. Dragon Lady. That was from Dragon Lady

No, that was GoBull Dragon Lady is the next one But GoBull, yeah Getting into it Poor Yahoo, the comment section They're going to have to look into this They're delaying her things

Dragon Lady, bunch of numbers says Even retired, all caps I do not watch daytime TV. I barely watch TV at all. There is so much more to do rather than waste time watching TV, says Dragon Lady, who is writing a comment in the TV section of Yahoo. in the TV section of Yahoo. And then the last one I grabbed was from E, and it said,

I read about a guy who knew Ellen when he was a fat little kid. Ellen worked at his mom's business. He said she was just mean, just a mean person. I believed him. Finally, a good comment to end it all about the fat little kid. Oh, good. So we know that it wasn't like fame that made her mean. It was just she's just a mean person.

Yeah. She sees a fat little kid and she's not going to be nice. By the way, the show ended. We're taping this on Friday. The last episode was yesterday, which means ding, ding, ding, fireworks. We are out of our nondisclosure agreement. We can now talk about having worked on the show. Yeah, maybe, by the way. I think they're perpetuity.

Who the hell knows? No. No. Because we could ruin. Like, if she didn't already ruin her legacy, we could ruin it. And that hurts the market potential for reruns and syndication and all that stuff. I just got a fat check from Ellen the other day. Residuals.

No, you did not. I did. Got a big fat check from Ellen the other day, residuals. No, you did not. I did get a big fat check. Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. I feel like a freed slave. This is like the day the slaves are freed.

You ever hear of- Yeah, I mean, I think it's exactly that, Greg. Have you ever heard Neil Brennan's bit about the day the slaves are freed? No. And the plantation owner comes out on the front porch and he's like, okay, listen up, guys. Hope there's no hard feelings. Big announcement. That's good.

All right, so our next story, which we don't want to do, but outrage is NRA to gather in Houston just days after Texas school massacre. So just days after the largest, the deadliest mass shooting in Texas history. And there have been a lot in Texas. The National Rifle Association, America's leading gun lobbyist group, will meet a few hours away from Houston on Friday, which is the right now when we're recording this. Speakers include, or they did include, I don't know if they've bailed, Greg Abbott, the Texas governor, Senator Ted Cruz, and former U.S. President Donald Trump. And so I don't have any jokes.

But one real question, how insane do you think the security is going to be at this event? Yeah. Yeah. Ironically. Yeah, it should be. It should be because I'm sure there's a lot of people that would like to see those guys on the wrong end of this issue in a real way. And why would security be really huge and really tight? And I do not think they're allowing guns, even though in Texas you can do that. Because I think they realize that a lot of people who shouldn't have guns have guns.

Right. And they might come to this thing. Right. Because it's America. Yeah. I posted on my Instagram, which is Gibbons Time. I only say that not to go there for me, but to go there and watch. I remember vividly. It's crazy when I really think about how much all in the family shaped my sense of humor and comedy and that how lucky I was. I'd watch it at my grandmother's house in the Bronx. I was, I'd watch it at my grandmother's house in the Bronx. We'd get together and the Jeffersons was on right after it, that I grew up with that pedigree of comedy, like infusing, you know, just coming into my brain and my awareness and my consciousness. I'm the luckiest person, but it was an episode on gun control. And the local news gave Archie a couple of minutes, as local news used to do. They sometimes would give a viewer like a minute in front of the camera to read an editorial.

His was on gun control and especially hijacking and stuff. And he's like, I have the solution that will answer all the problems. Arm all the passengers. When you're in the airport ready for takeoff, everyone gets a gun. When you land, they all hand the guns back in. And it was the funniest thing in the world. And guess what? It still is. That the conversation from the Republican side is more arming, more guns to solve this problem. Where do you even begin? It's insanity. Well, first of all, let's just do a very simple math equation. How many people have committed atrocities with guns?

And how many atrocities have been stopped by a citizen carrying a gun. I think let that math problem be the solution. Yeah, the whole thing. Everyone, listen, everyone seems to be posting the right stuff. But Beto O'Rourke, man, he's admirably angry. How about Steve Kerr? That Steve Kerr thing was fantastic.

Man, he fucking nailed it. He's like, how do we have 90% of the population wants background checks and your elected leaders don't have the backbone to not take money from the NRA so they can get reelected to represent you? It doesn't make any fucking sense.

And most of Texas, same thing. Like even there, most of them want the rules in place that Abbott is rejecting. Right. Anyway, let's not get hung up on this. No, we don't have to get hung up on it. But I think one effective way to be like, you know, like Beto could be like, listen, Texans aren't this stupid, which I don't want effective way to be like tech, you know, like Beto could be like, listen, Texans aren't this stupid, which I don't believe, but they're not this stupid. Here's the good news. Most of us want these rules like that's a giant thing for Texas to scream, I think.

And now we can leave the subject. All right. Let's go to New York. Tough gun laws. Love it. Let's talk about the gun situation in New York. It's the end of an era. New York City removed its last public pay phone on Monday. The boxy enclosures were once an iconic symbol across the city, but the rise of cell phones made the booths obsolete. The effort to replace public telephones with linked New York City kiosks, which offer services such as free phone calls, Wi-Fi, and device charging.

There are nearly 2,000 kiosks around the city, according to a map from... I went to the map showing where they are. They're fucking everywhere. Wow. That's white. Oh. Yeah.

When you go to East New York, not a fucking Lynxian site. But, I mean, Yeah. When you go to East New York, not a fucking lengthy insight. But I mean, I just I can't believe they're gone. There's such an iconic part of New York. And I mean, how am I going to reach my mechanic if the wheel on my horse and buggy breaks? How am I going to reach out to him? You know, when they to disconnect it, they had to in line behind 20 drug dealers who were using the phone.

Right, right. Old school dudes. Yeah. How is Superman going to jack off in a charging station? That's what I want to know. All right. More. Wait.

I'm just going to tell a dumb story. Do you have any other fun material? Well, I mean, they also said the fireboxes are gone. Remember the fireboxes? You pull the lever and they're like all gone. So I guess deaf people aren't flammable anymore. Why would they remove the fireboxes? I don't know. I guess they just figure we all have cell phones now, but deaf people don't have cell phones.

Just a short, not too funny story about what happens with our generation is we look back, how did we do shit without cell phones? We would meet. We'd go out. We partied hard in New York in the 90s. We had to coordinate. It's like, well, hey, I can't

join you guys. I got a gig at the improv, says you. It's like, all right, yeah, we'll just, we'll be at this bar. But then like we move bars and there is zero way to communicate that with your friends. And so what we did was, and I think I've told this story before, I would change. I would call in from a pay phone. change, I would call in from a pay phone. I would call into my, uh, voicemail at HBO and I would change my outgoing message. And I would say, we've, we're at the raccoon lodge. Now we moved to the raccoon lodge. It's like 10, 20. And then, and then all of us, you know, they, people would call in and hear that update. and that's how we did it.

But also, do you remember when you would call from school? You'd be at a payphone. You had no money. You needed your parents to pick you up. And this was done at least twice a week in my house. I'd be after basketball practice or something, get on a payphone. Yes, a collect call from Michael and live operator. Call my mom.

My mom's like, hello. It's like, yes, you have it. And I'd be like, pick me up at school. And I would just yell it. For some reason, they didn't have the ability to mute me. And I would yell, pick me up at school and then hang up. That's hilarious. Yeah.

I remember once we were going to Brooklyn, like way the fuck out in Brooklyn. And it was like night. I, it was one of the centennial. I remember it was one of the big fireworks celebrations. It was the 4th of July. And we had come down, you know,

Tarrytown is about a half hour from the city on a train. And we were drinking before we got on the train. We were drinking on the train. And then we got on the subway to go to Brooklyn. And my fucking bladder was so full that I was bent over. I literally finally said to these guys, hey, we got to get off the train. I got to take a piss or my fucking. And they were like, fuck you, man.

And I was like, you assholes. And so I just got off the train by Prospect Park in Brooklyn. And I didn't know my way around Brooklyn. I'd never been to Brooklyn. So I got off the train and I went and I pissed. I got up on the street and I pissed behind a tree. And then I got back on the train and I was so fucking drunk. I couldn't remember the stop they were getting off at.

But I got on and I just guessed. And then I got off and I couldn't find them. And I was running around and I was petrified. It was a fucking bad neighborhood. And I'm running around and then I couldn't find them. And so, like, I just got back on the train and I went all the way back to Tarrytown by myself. That's terrible. Wouldn't happen with cell phones.

Yeah. That's terrible. Wouldn't happen with cell phones. Yeah. Also that I've told the story before where I found Dan Brickner north of Sydney, Australia, because I asked the bartender. Right. That's right. I fly to Australia.

Dan's family has no idea where he is. And they had a postcard two weeks earlier from Manly, Australia. But everyone like if you're young and listening to this podcast, which I don't know if young people do, but it's like, that's what we were up against. And I had a big backup plan, which was I was just going to drive up to the Great Barrier Reef, which I did not realize how far it was at the time. But anyway, yeah, also because you had to use paper maps.

And it was crazy. It's it's we were talking about your conversation with the bartender. Oh, all right. Well, very quickly as I land for 30 or 5 a.m., whatever it was, I rent a car. I drive. I see I get a paper map. I drive up to Manly, Australia, which is basically a suburb, beautiful beach town outside of Sydney, north of Sydney. I go there, I pull the car up to some parking spot and I go to sleep. And then I wake up and now it's still early though, it's probably 10 or something. And I go to this like third street promenade that we have here. And it's like a, you know, an outdoor kind of mall, but it's basically an alcohol mall. It's bar, bar, bar, bar. And I'm like, holy shit. So I went to the first one that opened and there was a woman there, a bartender, like prepping, getting ready. And I go, listen, this is a bizarre question to ask. I'm looking for my, and I tell her the story

and I go, and it's in my American friend. And this is what I could tell you. He drinks Mount Gay and tonic. And she's like, Dan, no shit. Swear to God. And wait a minute.

You, you didn't know even what part of the country he was in. No, I, his mom. So I called his mom before I went and it was the day after Thanksgiving. And I go, hi, Mrs. Brickner. And I, you know, and she knows me. And so I go, Hey, and I'm like, I'm actually going to Australia and I'd love to hook up with Dan down there. And she's like,

oh great. And I'm like, so do you know where he is? She's like, we don't. And I'm like, what? And she's like, well, we got, hold on. And she's like, honey, get me the postcard off the fridge. And they got a postcard two weeks earlier. And the postmark said manly, which she's like, I don't know what that means. So I'm like, oh, OK. I go. But like, did he you know, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Did he tell you, is he still in manly? Oh, we haven't heard from him since the postcard. I'm like, oh, I'm like, happy Thanksgiving, Mrs. Bricker. I'm so sorry about my friend and your son, Dan, not remembering to call you on Thanksgiving. Or being dead. Yeah, or being dead. And so then that's it. I flew and drove a rented car to Manly and took my shot.

Did you guys have fun over there? Oh, my God. It was amazing. And she's like, oh, they'll be down the hill. They're usually here pretty soon on Sundays or whatever it was. And I was like, all right. And I waited. And they came down to drink.

That's hilarious. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. We were like 24 or whatever. Three. I called Brick great. Yeah. They're a crazy character. We were like 24 or whatever. Three. I called Brickner. 22.

I just called Brickner three days ago just to say hi. Hadn't talked to him in a while. Checking in. And we start talking and his phone cuts off after about, I don't know, nine minutes. No call back. What the fuck is that? I like that move. I think it's a shit move.

Remember someone, some comedian, the key to hanging up on someone is you have to hang up while you're talking. Right. I was like, note to self. Another New York story, an unidentified Brooklyn man jumped to his death Thursday in Manhattan. The incident happened around 1.15 p.m. at 100 United Nations Plaza. According to the New York Post, the 43-year-old was, quote, touring the apartment when he asked the agent to show it.

Hey, what's the balcony like he asked him to show him the balcony and then suddenly jumped off to his death i mean they really shouldn't tell you the rent on a 400 square foot studio with stained carpets until you're safely back on the ground well listen this proves once again it is impossible to go from Brooklyn back to Manhattan. So true. So true. It just flows the other way. You were swimming upstream. Yep. Next stop, Queens. I hope the realtor got a security deposit before he jumped. Okay. So if you're the agent, you're talking about the square footage of the balcony you're probably in the middle of a sentence which describes where the sun rises is it a western

exposure you know whatever it is and uh mid-sentence he jumps off i guess you look over the rail which is not the thing to do, but how are you not? Yeah. And you're seeing him fall to the earth. Is the next move, I think if it's me, I'm in shock. But I think I immediately, just instinctively, I think I would put my hands up and look around, hoping with all my might that there's a security camera somewhere that shows that I didn't kill him. Yep. Damn.

What a day it worked out. That was work, honey. Didn't sell that UN place. Didn't go. Exactly. Fell through. place. Didn't go. Exactly. Fell through. Yeah. Literally fell through.

Guy got cold feet. Didn't sign the lease. A celebrity cruise's passenger is suing the cruise line after the ship's medical staff allegedly gave her a blood transfusion from a donor with hiv leaving her with the virus herself the woman alleges she underwent the emergency procedure while on a seven-day cruise last year however on day five she suddenly became ill doctors reportedly discerned that she had suffered a rectal hemorrhage causing her severe bleeding oh the cruel irony

medical officials then then reportedly solicited blood from passengers over the ship's pa system finding four willing donors attention passengers the pickleball tournament starts in 15 minutes on the lido deck all abortions are. And we have a woman with a bloody asshole who needs blood. HIV is fine. This is actually the luckiest passenger on that cruise. Everyone else now has a debilitating

stomach virus that will not go away. The procedure then went through with doctors successfully stopping the bleeding, and the woman finished the final two days of the voyage. That was fun. Sometime later, however, the woman said she tested positive for HIV, and she's adamant it's because of the transfusion. In her suit, she says celebrity cruises should be held accountable for the error,

even though staffers say the procedure saved her life. Congratulations. Good news and bad news. Celebrity Cruises. All the other passengers are envious. They're like, oh, look at the lucky lady just shitting blood. I've shit out my whole body on this Celebrity, as always happens on celebrity cruises. Yeah. Celebrity cruises. It's a shame that that week the celebrities were Magic Johnson, Greg Louganis, and Charlie Sheen. All right, listen, I'm no detective, and I'm not great at deductive reasoning, but I'm guessing the HIV guy who donated blood is the same one that tore up her asshole three days earlier. I'm just saying I don't think it was the infusion through a syringe.

This is a New York Post story. I want to know what happened to her asshole. She had a rectal hemorrhage. Listen, if I were a doctor, it's like an episode of House. So you got HIV. Yeah. All right. How do you think you got it?

Well, I got an infusion of blood and one of the donors is an HIV guy. Whoa. Okay. Well, what was going on that you need the infusion of blood? Oh, my asshole was bleeding terribly two days earlier. Oh, okay. I see. I see. Okay. And was that shortly after the cruise ship stopped in Haiti? Was that the port of Prince? At one point, at least, it was the number one way to transmit AIDS is what you just described. And so, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Case closed. It might still be now that it's probably dirty needles, right? I don't know. That's interesting. I wonder what the number one way HIV is transmitted now is. It's probably changed depending on awareness, you know? Somebody was just telling me you still get disqualified from donating blood if you are from a certain country. I can't remember which country it is, but you still can't donate blood in this country. Let's get to—

I mean, I'm guessing it's Haiti or one of the hotspots, an African country. Yeah, it wasn't Haiti. I remember thinking, no, it wasn't Haiti. Anyway, somebody send in that info. What disqualifies you from donating blood in this country? Let's do some entertainment. Yep, go. All right, you want to start?

Did I write that first line or did you? You did. You did. All right. The line in all caps just says, FINISHED OZARK, FUCK YOU OZARK. I think you wrote that last week and we didn't get to it. Spoilers.

Wait, you finished it, right? I did finish it. But I told our listeners to watch and finish it this week. So I don't feel bad about spoiling anything. Well, you can skip ahead. Yeah. All right. Well, let's not spoil it. But I will say this.

It felt like a final season the entire season, which I don't mean as a good thing. It felt like they were trying to blow it out. They were trying to go big. I like a final season that's like a regular season. It's just better. All right, wait, no. Listeners, cover your ears if it's spoiled. I'm going to say something in three seconds.

I get it. I get the writing. They chose evil. They really chose evil. And maybe it's a neat little package that everything this family touched. I wonder if you could look. I think everything they touched was ruined. Anything that came in their orbit was ruined.

So they doubled down on that with the ending. All right, there. Yeah. We'll talk more about it next week. The George Carlin documentary, have you seen it? Not yet. I watched it download that before my plane. All right. Let's talk about that next week. It's really- You saw it and you liked it? It's amazing. It's as good as the Shanling documentary. I think it's better than the Shanling documentary because I think he's a more compelling figure than shandling was shandling i get a little tired of

the neurotic thing um yeah george george carlin was he was a fucking beast he was a beast dude his thing on gun can you like any of these issues today you can go back like someone posted a clip of his on gun control yeah what do you say it's amazing he yeah he's great um i am we just finished the most recent season of atlanta have you seen that the season is oh that's what i was waiting for you can binge the whole thing now yeah it's one of my favorite shows and i read this are. Are you going to read this, right? Yeah, there was a... This is unbelievable. I mean, the show is so fucking out there.

There's a sequence where the rapper character, I forget his name, Paperboy. Paperboy. Paperboy, I mean, sorry. So Paperboy eats some kind of a drug cookie in amsterdam and he's wandering around and what i liked about it is sometimes a director and i believe that um uh donald glover was the director on this episode sometimes they have no restraint and when they do it when they do a guy on drug episode it turns into sergeant pepper's lonely hearts club and it gets fucking crazy and stupid this was like a very restrained but interesting kind of dream sequence that the that the guy goes

through and he goes to a bar that's i think it's called like the the cancel bar and it's and it turns out it's for all people that have been canceled and li Liam Neeson, who was canceled, I don't know if you remember that, he was going back about... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't know how many years ago, five or six years ago, he came out and a friend of his had been raped

and he said something about, I want to find the black guy that did this and kill him or whatever it was. So Paperboy walks up to the bar and Liam Neeson is fucking standing there. And he says, you might have heard about my transgression. You know what I said about what I wanted to do to any black guy, to black guy, any black guy when I was a younger man. A friend of mine had been raped and I acted out of anger, Neeson said in character. I look back, man, it honestly frightens me.

I thought people knowing who I was would make it clear who I am, who I've become. With all that being said, I am sorry. I apologize if I hurt people. Paperboy responds, Well, between you and me, I still fuck with Tegan before laughing. It's good to know that you don't hate black people. Neeson quips in return, What? No, no, no. I can't stand a lot of you.

Now I feel that way because you tried to ruin my career. Didn't succeed, mind you. I'm sure one day I'll get over it. But until then, we are mortal enemies. Paperboy says back, but didn't you learn that you shouldn't say shit like that? Neeson concludes with cameo with, aye, but I also learned that the best and worst part about being white is that you don't have to learn anything if you don't want to.

Fucking crazy. I mean, this is a guy that gets paid $20 million a movie. He is a very bankable commodity that has handlers that try to control every word out of his mouth and then somehow he goes on a show and does this that is fucking ballsy i love it and he might have timed it right you know we're saying you know that we think the pendulum has peaked on the woke stuff and it's starting to come back down even among in our woke community and our woke profession. So the timing might be right where this is a fucking joke

and maybe people will see it for what it is, which was not happening the last three years. Yeah, right. And he's sending himself up while also kind of not shying away from going to the bad thing he did. I think it's perfect. Right. It seems like a Gervais. Remember the show Extras?

Yeah. You know, like it seems very like that where they have to get a brave celebrity who's going to play a version of themselves, which is terrible. Yes. Ben Stiller on extras was amazing. I just watched Kate Winslet. Oh, yeah. So she's dressed as a nun in a Nazi movie, and she's talking about how to win an Oscar,

which is you have to play a handicapped person. I think that's a word she used. And she lists who's won for playing a challenged person in an oscar but she's talking about how to win an oscar while being in this nazi movie that was in extras three years later she won an oscar for being in a nazi movie that's right yeah fuck um you want to talk about the Nicolas Cage movie? So, listen, it's not great, but I'm being literal. It's, I loved it. I just want to, you know, I don't want to blow expectations too high. Because aren't people freaking out about how great it is?

They might be a bit. But because I heard that, I was expecting something like really, really great. But it just reminded me how much I like him. And before this podcast, we didn't have a good connection. And so you had to like shut down and I had to wait three minutes.

And I saw I was going to talk about this movie. There is a YouTube clip and it's called. Well, I mean, the title on the clip is called Nicolas Cage losing his shit. And it's a montage of Nicolas Cage losing his shit. But the real name of the clip, though, is Nicolas Cage freak out, which is hyphenated montage. It is so fucking funny. But in this movie, you know, it's in the trailer. He does a thing like, because there's a young Nick Cage.

I'm not giving anything away, really. There's a young Nick Cage that yells at old Nick Cage sometimes. But anyway, he goes, he's like, you're Nicholas! And he screams it forever. And instead of going, Nicholas! And instead of going like, Cage! He goes, Nicholas! And when he gets to the end of his breath on Nicholas,

he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa! Cage! And it fucking destroyed me. And it was even like the last, it's so good. Like during credits, just as an end note, like you heard that audio play again and I was all about it. It's so.

Now wait, the Hollywood royalty of Nicholas Cage is, uh, is it, um, Coppola? Yeah. France for Coppola. And then obviously Sophia Coppola,

but then there's others. There's others. Shire. Oh, right. I believe. Yeah. I didn't look any of this up, but he's a Coppola. Yeah.

Wow. Partly, at least. And we're all partly something. And so, yeah, that's the royalty, but maybe it started with Valley Girl. I probably don't have that right. But they, you know, whatever. I'm not going to talk about the movie anymore but you know i'm just sitting there and is it worth seeing in a theater uh there's very big shots you know like oh and it takes place in a gorgeous town in mallorca at least that's what they said and i think it is mallorca. At least that's what they said. And I think it is Mallorca.

So it's beautiful and everything. And there is action and all that stuff. Maybe. What else are you going to see in the theater right now? Well, Tom Cruise. Oh, okay. Top Gun. Right.

You know, they're saying about him, he's the last movie star. Like, bankable, you know? What about Liam Neeson? I don't know. Black people aren't going to, no. I have no idea. No, Liam Neeson's not the Memorial Day blockbuster.

Sure he is. Oh, okay. Bruce Willis was. Not anymore. No, no, no. But Tom Cruise is like, I mean, it's like gold dust, you know, like it's it's it's it's a lock usually. Anyway. Yeah.

I don't know. What is what is Chris think? Chris, would you who are some other bankable movie stars? The Rock. Oh, God. Sadly, that's true. I don't know if The Rock is. A lot of his can come and go. The Rock, to me, The Rock is the acting equivalent of Kiss.

Interesting. I kind of like that. But we like Kiss. No, we don't. Oh, really? Oh, okay. I hate Kiss. Catchy tunes. At least four of them. Name four. Oh, Detroit Rock City.

I mean, Beth is not what I'm referring to. And trust me, they come on the radio and I sing along with them. You know I can't name shit. But yeah. All right, what's this? FX. Wait, what's the what's the big the biggest one the single uh i want to rock and roll all night and party every day come on man i know that one wanna rockin i can't sing it we're gonna be

fucking canceled on youtube because my pitch is so perfect the device that they use will catch me oh right we'll get flagged for the episode right um what's this fx pistol based on steve jones book tuesday on hulu what oh my god it reminds me how much i fucking love some of punk music you know clash my favorite band but it's the it's um the you had you had Steve Jones on your podcast. I did. You forwarded me illegally his memoir, and this is based on that memoir. And most of all, it's train spotting guy. God damn my memory. Directing. Boyle. Danny Boyle. memory directing Boyle Danny Boyle oh no shit no no this is legit but just even hearing that here I go in my perfect pitch again but the opening you know the opening guitar that album

I remember when I was at HBO keep in mind that was in the roaring 90s never mind I remember remember my boss from uh New Zealand Chris Spencerris spencer chris spencer of course he knew more about music than like anyone i knew like weinstein also was up there but chris really and chris was like there is something about that album like no other i have when i put it on it still is so vibrant and now yeah and. And edgy and edgy still, not layers of intellectual edgy, but literally edgy. And that was in the 90s.

And I'm saying it now. Yeah, absolutely. Nevermind the Bullocks is fucking bonkers. Now I listen to Nirvana now and I feel like that was explosive at a time, but i don't feel it today the same way right um but steve jones what a fucking story man i remember i had him on the podcast we did a long one it was his book is incredible what a fuck everybody tries to play like they're a badass especially if you're in a rock band.

You want to have a good backstory. Nobody tops Steve Jones's backstory. He was like, his father was a professional boxer who left home when he was a kid. And he was, I forget how many times he was arrested, but it was like a crazy amount, like 40 times or something. And then he, I think he was in jail for a while and taught himself how to play guitar was illiterate until he was like 40 he's he's a dj here in la yes he's got Jonesy's Jukebox.

He's so fucking funny. Yeah, Jonesy's Jukebox. You can get it online too, yeah, obviously. It's like old FM radio. It's a guy that knows a lot about music, and he brings in great guests, and he plays amazing music. He's incredibly open-minded. I'm surprised with some of the stuff he plays. Unbelievable.

Yeah. Huge range of stuff. You'd think this punk guy would reject all that. Like, and God, real affinity for Bowie, you know, kind of an expert on it. And right now he's great. All of a sudden the Smiths, you know, but anyway, he's, he is so great. And there's a famous look at the clip. Cause I'm going to absolutely slaughter this story. But they were on this this this like almost like this Mike Douglas type, almost like a Johnny Carson of Britain.

And they were on a show there. And Susie from Susie and the Banshees, I think maybe was with them. But some good looking woman or attractive woman, you you know in the punk scene was on the couch with them and uh he likes a host said something it was like a little smarmy and steve jones who i think was fucked up was like you dirty fucker and said fucker this is british tv in the 70s like you dirty and the guy goes what and like try to like he's like and he just goes you dirty dirty fucker and and maybe call them a pervert but go find the clip it's for sure i think the guy kind of challenged him to curse like he i think he said something like uh what are you gonna curse on here you're gonna and he fucking did he's like oh if you're gonna challenge me i'm gonna do it but also like the direct sticking up to a guy who's like

thinly veiled creepiness you know but he's you know he's such a household show and name with his tie and coat yeah and jones just cut right through it yeah i love it that's great do we want to do this next story or should we skip it? Which story? Yeah, Kevin Spacey, pervert, convicted. Corden did tell me, James Corden told me about, and it was in England. He's like, he became, I think, the Vic Theater, maybe? Yeah. The creative director.

Right. And it was non, this is all allegedly, nonstop auditions. And Corden was, you know, a theater theater guy and goes everyone in town was like would have to get a drink and be like have you had your audition for spacey yet and it was like they were like survivors wow so he goes i'm not gonna going to work there. I said no. You know, like. So he's been charged with four counts of sexual assault against three men, four counts against three men. Oh, so one of them, one of them he violated twice. Spacey was also charged with one count of causing a person to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent. The woman on the cruise ship. Spacey was also the director of the celebrity cruise ship.

Yeah, he did the announcements. Yeah, everything. So anyway, I don't know. Nobody even knew he was gay until this came out. Maybe he just drives on the other side of the road when he's in England. Oh, and did I say Corden? I did not mean James Corden for the record. So I just want to say that officially. Who did you mean? I don't know.

This is a bit of ass covering right now. But I have officially said I was kidding. It was not him. Okay. Let's do some Florida, man. You got it, punk. Florida. Okay.

This is perfect. I didn't even have to write anything for this. I rearranged the story a little. So it's so it's a story. Florida man totals tractor trailer during delivery to public shopping center. This is a true story. Michael Calvo, 51, of Cape Coral, was making a delivery in the back of the shopping center when his truck tore an awning off the building and hit an unoccupied pickup truck pushing it about 200 feet. Both vehicles were totaled. When an officer approached Calvo following the crash, Calvo stated that he thought he was being pranked by a television show and did not immediately come out of the 53-foot tractor. Police say Calvo's erratic behavior

caused a commotion in the shopping center with many employees and customers showing up to see what was happening. After a few minutes, the officer was able to remove Calvo from the truck and asked if he had fallen asleep, been drinking, or is experiencing a medical emergency.

The officer said Calvo responded by saying, quote, I was smoking my meth pipe. And he was not lying. He was arrested and charged with possession of meth, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest without violence and possession of narcotics, narcotics, paraphernalia. They got him for the pipe, too. So this is why we like Florida Man stories. They come with punchlines. They don't seem to be aware

that there's laws anymore because they're in Florida. I love this guy's honesty. Yeah. Not even I'm on meth. I was smoking, which is what's worse than being meth when you're driving a truck

is actively smoking meth while you're driving a truck. It reminds me of when my parents lived by Lincoln Center for a little while. And my dad stepped on my mom's foot and broke her toe. And so they went

to the emergency room. And the emergency room in that neighborhood is really rough. And so I can't remember which emergency room it was. They might have gone up to, what's the one up in, by Columbia. Anyway. Columbia Press. Yeah, Columbia Press. So they're waiting to go in, and they're online behind a guy,

and they said he had on a raccoon skin jacket and hat, and he had a lot of bling. And the lady goes, okay, what are your symptoms? They're checking him, and he goes, well, I got a fever, and I'm sweating, and I'm shaking. And she goes, any other symptoms? And he goes, yeah, I got a bullet in my hand. I'm a little uncomfortable with your Jewish accent and stereotyping. last and far from least i have a bullet in my hand uh let's go international if we must didn't the french tits cover that up?

We got that. At least 19 people were shot and several others were wounded at a cockfighting pit in Mexico on Sunday. Gunfire was reported at Palenque or cockfighting arena in the town of Las Tinajas in the state of Michoacan. Cockfighting is illegal in Mexico. Cockfighting is illegal in Mexico. Cockfighting is legal in Mexico. Micho Khan in central Mexico is one of the most violent states in the country, but also one of the largest

exporters of avocados in the world. Oh, it's sweet, too. That's nice. Excuse me, waiter, why is there blood and feathers in my guacamole? Come for the cockfighting, stay for the guac uh wow jeez i don't know you know that's the thing like you know obviously humans relate more to dogs it's more this story will get no traction but if dog fighting was still really big you know dog fighting over bull fighting, you know?

If you were on vacation in Mexico and somebody said, hey, there's a cock fight down the street at this place. Do you want to go? Would you go? No. Is there a way to bet on it, like on my phone? No.

I would say here's the thing. Here's a good example. I was in a Mexican town. I forget where, and they had a bull ring and it was a thing to go there. And it was not top shelf. This is not a list bullfighting, but bullfights, like let's say it was Friday nights or something like that. And tourists would go as well. And I, the only reason I didn't go, something came up or whatever. I would have gone because I just had this romanticism, you know, big Hemingway fan and you know, it's in literature and you know, you've seen, you know, stuff written about the real artists, the real greatest matadors, you know, and,

and the artistry to it and all that and then at some point in my life i found out how bullshit the whole thing is and how rigged it is and how sure you know this matador might be a good fucking dancer but who gives a shit it's like a drugged bull and it's no chance and um and so i would never go yeah yeah i wouldn't go to any of that i think it's uh i think it's pretty sick but you're seeing you're basically seeing a fucking good dancer in the most ridiculous outfit in in anything ever i think do you remember in The Jerk, there was a scene where there was cat fighting? Yes. I think that was in part of his.

I think he might have done a short film like in his stand up. Yeah, he did. And I love hearing those stories because, you know, we have friends who like when they start to make it. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. They'll pluck, you know, something they did while they were a stand up, you know? Yeah. No, it was cat juggling.

It wasn't cat fighting. That's what it was. Cat juggling. Yeah. Right. The cruel, cruel practice of cat juggling. All right. Let's get to some sports. All right.

I got nothing on this story, but it's nice. Colin Kaepernick trained with the Las Vegas Raiders this week, signaling a potential comeback to the NFL. The 34-year-old who drew controversy for kneeling during the National Anthem, protesting racial injustice, has not been involved in an NFL game in more than five years. In 2017, he opted out of his 49ers contract, became a free agent. No NFL team signed him.

In October 2017, he won his grievance case against the NFL, alleging that teams were colluding to deny him a job. Raiders owner Mark Davis said he would welcome Kaepernick with open arms, provided the team's coaches and general managers were on board. I mean, I think this is great. Okay. All right, guys. Good workout. Let's do some deep lunges.

Except you, Kaepernick. You just keep doing some jumping jacks. All right, guys. Great workout. Form a circle. Take a knee. Kaepernick. You just keep doing some jumping jacks. All right, guys. Great workout. Form a circle. Take a knee. Kaepernick, here's a stool. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. I mean, God, I hope he makes it. I can't believe you won that case. I can't believe these fuckers weren't able to cover their trail, you know? I know. It's hard to prove that. It's very hard to cover their trail you know i know i think it's hard to prove that it's very hard to prove that yes i know but i think they intercepted an email that was like a smoking gun that they put it that's what i mean like why wouldn't these fucking gentlemen white

agreements be on the phone yeah crazy um so it's so great that there was a paper trail nobody should be fired for taking a knee well boy scout masters and priests those are the only ones that should be fired for taking those are two knees and they never are just kaepernick yeah uh let's get to science and technology. Okay, Monkeypox, top advisor to the World Health Organization, said the leading theory to explain the spread of the disease was sexual transmission among gay. We are doing a lot of gay sex today. Among gay and bi, oh, sorry, bisex, bisex, and bisexual men at two raves held in Spain and Belgium.

The singling out has sparked fears that gay and bisexual men, who appear to account for the majority of Europe's monkeypox cases so far, are once again in danger of being stigmatized as carriers of an exotic and frightening disease, just as they were during the AIDS crisis. Yeah. So I think I know the latest person who's come down with monkey pox. Who's that? That woman on the cruise who got her ass torn up. Oh, yes.

Let's not forget about her. I'm going to reference her till we hang up this podcast today. So this was at a rave. It must have been a hell of a rave. I'm picturing a chimpanzee with a glow stick sucking on a pacifier. More than a glow stick. Bad news for gay men. Good news for Bob Gildorf.

He's going to have another live aid? He's going to have another live aid. Live monkey. Monkey aid. I mean, Bob Gildorf. Don't get me wrong. Gildorf. What was he?

The Boomtown Rats? Was that his band? Yeah. I Don't Like Mondays. About a school shooting. Right. But I mean, he had an interesting career, but his career really was that one event producing that one event. Is that what I love? I love. Didn't we get called by a podcast to go ruin a movie like, you know, you you you criticize a feel good movie?

Oh, yeah. Right. So mine would be, you know, I have a lot, obviously, because as the listeners have said, I'm dead inside with Koda being death, well hunting and everything. But I would, the queen movie. I so enjoy tearing apart. And the Geldof thing in that was he said, fuck you to queen. Cause queen went down and played sun city in violation of everybody's agreement to boycott because of apartheid.

Right. Queen went, took the money and they were not broken up at all. And then they called live aid. Like, what the fuck are you thinking? Like we're queen, we're going to play. And he's like, you know, I think philosophically and politically we're on different pages and this wouldn't be the festival for you.

This would be helping Africa. And by Africa, we mean the people that need help in Africa. And Queen threw a fucking hissy fit and Geldof, under pressure, acquiesced. It was really late, so he gave them their time slot. Queen again pitched a fucking hissy fit because the sun was still out when they took their time on. And Geldof goes, then go fuck yourselves and queen took the gig i think i've i'm confused live aid was actually for aid in africa i was thinking it was live aids it didn't it did something else raised money for aids oh you're right yeah yeah yeah live

aid was africa well i'm glad i got to tell my Live Aid story, even though it didn't give a shit about gay people with AIDS. No. Although I'm sure a lot of the Africans had AIDS. But what was the one that raised money for AIDS? Yeah, I mean, well, Ellen John has the most famous ongoing one that every year is Oscar Party. Yeah, was there a huge one? has the most famous ongoing one that every year is Oscar party. Yeah. Was there a huge one? This would be a time where it would be so great if we had a producer who like looked stuff up while we were talking.

Well, Ronald Reagan famously didn't say the word for the longest time. Oh, that's right. Yeah. With a gay son, by the way. Yeah. So it really, I mean, again, for young listeners, the word stigma was in this article. You have no idea how stigmatized AIDS was.

Yeah. It was like these filthy people, what do they expect? It honestly was not far from that. Right. Well, you saw it a little bit with COVID. People were willing to give obese and elderly people a death sentence because they ate too much or they're too old. They were willing to accept death.

All right, here we go. The Freddie Mercury tribute concert for AIDS awareness, Wembley Stadium, 1992. No, I don't remember that. Queen wasn't invited to that either. Yeah. All right, let's do this day in history. Okay. This was something. I was shocked when this came up.

I did not know this. I don't know if you knew this story. I did at one point now that I'm scanning it, but I forgot. May 29th, 1979, Woody Harrelson's father is arrested for murder. Judge John Wood, known as Maximum John, is assassinated outside his San Antonio, Texas home as he bent down to look at a flat tire on his car. Actor Woody Harrelson's father, Charles Harrelson, was charged with the murder after evidence revealed that drug kingpin

Jimmy Chagra, whose case was about to come up before Maximum John, had paid him $250,000. Chagra, worried about the sentence that was soon to be imposed by Judge Wood, apparently conspired with his wife and brother to hire Harrelson to carry out the murder. Shattered bullet fragments found at the scene were traced to a.240 Weatherby Mark V. rifle, the type recently purchased by Harrelson's wife, Joanne. the rifle, the type recently purchased by Harrelson's wife, Joanne. Harrelson, who had a prior conviction for murder in 1968, was convicted and sentenced to two life sentences.

So he got out. He had already murdered somebody. And he got two more life sentences. Joanne, convicted of conspiracy to obstruct justice and perjury, was later paroled. Woody Harrelson funded his father's appeals, enlisting the aid of controversial attorney Alan Dershowitz. Charles Harrison died on March 15, 2007, at age 69 of a heart attack in his cell at Colorado's Supermax Federal Prison. Well, in a weird way, it's another Texas gun killing.

Right, right. In a weird way, it's another Texas gun killing. Right. Right. But damn, I did not. I didn't know anything about Woody Harrelson's childhood, but I guess his father was probably put away when he was a kid. Oh, yeah, for sure. Wow, you dug. That's a deep cut on this day in history. I'll say that. Yeah, I went deep.

So. All'll say that. Yeah, I went deep. Alright, Woody. Alright, let's do some letters from the editor. His dad in prison watching his son on Cheers. Right. Hey, Norm. And then him going, hey, Woody.

Jen McGowan said, you can give plasma for money. It's twice a week, and it's about $100 a week if you go twice. It's very safe. They test the donors for everything. You have a medical exam, and they check your blood and vitals every time you donate. Not on Celebrity Cruises. No, they don't. With the woman who got her ass tore up.

How was the cruise? I didn't like the chairs. Chairs were a little uncomfortable. The toilet paper was very rough. Yep. JB says, hey, gentlemen, went to the beach the beach life show and j rad was indeed rad jazzy punk rock dead good recommendation thanks looked for you there but there were too many white dad dudes there to see if you were in attendance got the vips took a friend lost her

right before steve miller and while dancing had one of those penthouse forum letters experiences. Oi. And I thought I was too old for this while dancing. That's disgusting. Jesus. So yeah. Weren't we supposed to go to that J rad thing? What happened? Yeah,

I couldn't go. It was a, it was a Sunday. Um, I forget why I couldn't go, but yeah. Yeah. There is,

um, couple of good shows coming up at the Hollywood bowl. I think smashing pumpkins with Jane's addiction opening for them should be good. There is a couple good shows coming up at the Hollywood Bowl. I think Smashing Pumpkins with Jane's Addiction opening for them should be good. That's this summer. Smashing Pumpkins, they're incredible. Yeah. And that's all, folks.

Obituary. This is a sad one. Ray Liotta, the actor who broke out in the 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas after starring in Field of Dreams. I had forgotten about that. I thought it was the other way around. That's interesting. Okay. He was 67. He died in his sleep in the Dominican Republic where he was shooting the film Dangerous Waters.

Leaves behind a daughter, Carson. Not Karen, Carson. He was engaged to be married to JC Natola. He'd had a big resurgence. Recent turns included The Many Saints of Newark. He was fucking great in that. The Many Saints of Newark. I didn't see it.

I shouldn't say yep. I heard that. Many Saints in Newark. I didn't say it. I shouldn't say it. I heard that. Marriage Story, for which he shared the 2020 Indie Spirit Award for its ensemble and No Sudden Move. He finished the Elizabeth Banks-directed Cocaine Bear, and was due to star in the working title film The Substance Opposite to Me More and Margaret Qualley. Won its primetime Emmy from ER in 2005.

Anyway, he won a lot of stuff, but I mean, obviously, he's always going to be remembered for Goodfellas. I mean, you just talk about a great film that was brought to an entirely different level by the perfect casting of the lead. And he's the first guy that called out, Karen!

Karen! Yeah, that's right. He started Karen. There's one scene when she flushes the drugs down the toilet. He won't stop saying, Karen, and I'm wondering

if it was scripted that way. Yeah. He's like, Karen, what did you do and then it would be like this is like Karen what the fuck like every he did Karen was in like almost every line it was hysterical yeah now the way that the way that movie built I mean when you get to the sequence where the helicopter is following him around while he's running errands he he just is he must have actually done coke there's no way he pulled off that manic energy without actually doing cocaine. When the doctor in the hospital is like, hey,

we should check you out, too. He's just there to pick up his brother. He it. Yes. Totally believable. Yeah. You're looking at him like no doctor would look at you normally. That's how bad you look. Yeah. Sweating, the sunken eyes, the rings around the eyes. And, yeah, boy, did he play that. What a tense scene. Oh, my God. That's one of the best scenes in film history. Yeah.

Name the Rolling Stones song that was playing while he was. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Isn't it that? Oh, I can't do it. I'm pitch perfect again. Isn't it... It's not Monkey Man. It's...

Yeah, I think it's Monkey Man. Can you hear me knocking, maybe? Oh. I don't know. No, I think it might be Monkey Man. I think you're right. Let's see if Chris looks it up. But, you know, the amazing thing about the way

he played that role is it started with him as a boy as this sort of like fly on the wall in this gangster world and he never lost that innocence he never lost that voyeurism about the world he was living in even when he was the tough guy even when he was you know beating karen's boyfriend ex-boyfriend with a gun or whatever like he fucking he carried so many layers during that role it was amazing no incredible uh i'm gonna watch goodfellas again i think that's on everybody's mind you know who who was a fan? Oh, it was Monkey Man. I think I watch it once a year for the last

however many years it's been out. It's one of those great movies that when it's on and there's a special quality to some of these movies. Even if it's halfway through, you just start watching. Sometimes you don't even know it's halfway through

because it jumps around a little bit. Yeah. Like, it'll be like, now this guy, and it'll jump back and give the story. Annie Hall, this, there's a bunch of them. Raising Arizona. Tarantino, Pulp Fiction. Yeah. You know, like, you just can come in and you're like.

The scenes just stand on their own. Yeah. Yeah. So good. We also want to, in the obituary section, we're going to read the names of the victims in Robb Elementary. This is so fucked up. I mean, I'm not adding anything to the conversation by saying I heard about a school shooting. Right.

And I pictured again, like the one that happened. Was it in Michigan? I believe, you know, where their star guy like got killed, the football player, because he did run at the shooter, you know? Right. And like so that's what I had in mind. And it's soul crushing and all that. And but what you're picturing is like maybe peers to the shooter who he hates and people that are running and avoiding it. And, and, uh, uh, God, where am I even going with this? But like, just like teens who maybe even charge the shooter, you know, or, or like have a chance at stopping them. And then people like, no, no, no. These kids were 10 and I was like, I had to sit down. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know how physically you, you know, he's mentally ill,

but pull a trigger. It's like shooting a fucking puppy. Like I, I just like looking them in the eyes. They're looking at you scared. Fucking. I can't even go on. scared fucking i can't even go on that uh navia bravo jacqueline cazares mckenna lee elrod jose flores jr ilana ellie garcia irma garcia uziya garcia amiria garza xavier lopez Maria Garza, Xavier Lopez, Jace Carmelo Luvenus, Tess Marie Mata, Miranda Mathis, Eva Morellis, Alethea Marie Ramirez, Annabelle Guadalupe Rodriguez, Mayte Rodriguez, Alexandria Lexi Rubio, Leila Salazar, Jayla Silguero, Ileana Cruz Torres, and Rogelio Torres. What? All 10 and 11 years old. Except Eva Morales, 44. She was a fourth-grade teacher who had been teaching for 17 years.

And Irma Garcia, 46, fourth-grade teacher, taught at Robb Elementary School for 23 years and was a mother of four. And then I don't know one of them, one of those teachers, the husband came to her, came to see her at the school and then went home and sat down with the family and had a heart attack and died at the table. Did you hear about that? Yeah, it was maybe like two days, whenever, yeah, whenever it was, he did die of a heart attack. And people were like, oh, you know, I've had to go to Facebook for this dumb project I'm doing, whatever, looking at animal clips, but I never go there.

But of course, people are like, he died of a broken heart. Maybe, maybe he died of a broken heart he died well maybe maybe he died of fucking rage yeah which you could say is the same thing but it's not as kind of quaint and nice a story yeah it's fucking tragic so anyway i think you just go out on that. I don't know if we should do the funnies. No, I can't. Yeah, I think we should. Also, here's a good subject changer. I'm like running as late for this flight as you usually do for every flight.

That's what's happening right now. All right. Well, another reason to go out. Why don't you sit there and stew in what you just did to everybody. flight. That's what's happening right now. All right. Well, another reason to go out. Why don't you sit there and stew in what you just did to everybody and enjoy the nice effect of mushrooms just leaving your body. Why don't you do that, Gregory, and think about what you've done. Oh, what have I done? On a comedy podcast. I'm glad you did it. You should do that. It's very easy to dehumanize this, and it's statistics, and it's yet another school. No, these are kids.

People. Yeah. I mean, what an age. Ten years old, fourth grade. Oh, the innocence lost. All right. You don't have to go back there again. All right.

I much prefer anger over sadness. How long have you known me? All right. Thank you, Midcoast Media, for doing a great job. And Mike, we'll see you next week. about next week. Okay. Because I'll be out of town. What are you doing next week? I'm around. Bakersfield isn't until the 11th, right? Yeah.

Okay, so we'll talk about next week. Maybe it's one we skip, or we can do it midweek, maybe. Okay. All right. Love you, Greg. Love you. Bye.

I do, though, and I'm glad you have this potential for the shrooms to work. If that's your answer, man, that's the greatest thing ever. Wouldn't that be nice? I know. Well, hopefully it's something that, I mean, the pharmaceutical industry is really scared. They are trying to shut this down because there's so many people that might be able to go off of antidepressants by using mushrooms, which we understand better, which is organic and has a history. So we'll see. Okay. We'll see you next week. Way to end it on yourself when there was

that tragedy in Texas. I know, right? Good job. Yeah. Take it eesh. Take it eesh. sunday papers sunday papers sunday papers with greg and mike