Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 119 6/19/22

Episode Date: June 19, 2022

A mushroom update, Apple’s new product that helps you murder and Kim defiles a national artifact. Also stories on Canadian beavers, illegal Saudi rainbows and someone throws out a first pitch like a girl.

It's time! Sonic the Hedgehog! Sonic the Hedgehog! Read all about it! Oh, we got to clap. Wait, you clap in, you freak. One, two, three. Okay, three, two, one. Mine's going to be a snap because I have my robot.

I'm going to tell you about my robot after you scream. Read all about it. Read all about it. All the news we could call together in 12 minutes that Mike prepared for the show. Read all about it. Read all about it. All the news we could call together in 12 minutes that Mike prepared for the show. Read all about it. I'm going to destroy this fucking thing. I'm a little preoccupied. I don't want to brag, but I have an AI robot that vacuums my apartment for me.

Your cock. Is it one of those? I've seen ads for those on my intranet. My what? My intranet. My what? My intranet. Pop-up ads for the cock vacuum. It's a cock vacuum? Yeah.

I'm just trying to build up what is a Roomba, basically. Did you really get a Roomba? I've had one. I don't use that often because you have to watch the little bastards. One time the daughter left, left the front door open. The Roomba tried to kill itself and jump off. You know, I'm on the fifth. Try to jump off the balcony.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. And then it loves wires. It's like a cat. It's like a little cat. I'm holding up a wire now with this arm so it won't eat it and fucking piss and moan about it. By the way denman's on on the zoom call this is a classic distraction by gibbons who does not want to face

the heat for the fact that he did zero this week preparing for the show i got stories in here man got on got online eight minutes he prepared for eight minutes before we started the podcast i owe everyone an apology um It is true. Sorry. Work is catching up with me a little bit, but it's also Thursday, and I forced that, too. Here it is. Here's the robot. It's going to see me.

It should know it's not allowed in this room. Put in three stories. One of them is the fact that they found somebody who had 17 cats. Hey, hey, hey!, no spoilers on a hot day. That's a story. No spoilers. Unbelievable. Um,

my robots listening. I'm off. We, we met. So you met Denman for the first time. What did you think of him? Chris Denman flew out to L.A. this past week. He did his live podcast with Sherri Shepherd and Kim Whitley at the Laugh Factory.

And then he came to Penmar to meet us for lunch on a hot summer day wearing a wool blazer. Not hot for him. St. Louis is in the middle of that crazy heat wave, so this was like outdoor air conditioning for him. Well, what'd you think of him? You'd never met him before in person. You know, it's weird. As I was driving away, I thought, that seemed like I've met

him a million times, just because we've once a week, at least, we're checking in on the Zoom with each other. Yeah. He was exactly like I imagined him, and the nicest guy in the world also. Bigger than you thought, right? He's about six foot, what, four? No, because he had told us how big he was.

Well, I had met him before in person. He used to fight. I think I met him in person twice. I think twice in person. I think that's it. He used to fight? I think so. Didn't he wrestle?

He knows a lot about MMA. No, no, no. That was just Tinder. Oh, I see. I think he just calls that Tinder. Yeah. Met twice. He fought amateur.

He's typing now. You could tell he damaged his hands fighting. He fought amateur some. Are we talking about boxing? Yeah, he was. MMA. Some MMA. Wow.

I didn't know that. What weight class, Chris? Many pounds ago. He fought a 205, which if you know his height is actually would be about proportional no that would be too thin his head is enormous okay my robot didn't come in the room his maga hat he can't even clasp the maga hat he has to just undo the the clips completely behind it yeah what was the confederate flag sweatshirt was a little weird, especially under the blazer. It's like, pick a lane.

Did not fit in in Venice at all. We went to Penmar, to the golf course. He loved it. And then he posted. Remember? He just told us the story? Oh, yeah. So he posted and he tagged Dennis Gubbins. And Chris, do you want to write

in? I thought you were what he said. So then Gubbins DMs Chris out of nowhere. They've never met. They've never heard each other's voices. And so Gubbins DMs Chris after the picture at Penmar gets posted with Gubbins tagged in it. And we're waiting on this. So from Instagram, here's perfect Dennis. Too bad no one thought to invite me! But I guess that makes sense. What did you have?

That's the thing about, here's the thing about Dennis's passive aggression. It's literally, it's aggression pass passive actually. Right. He starts aggressive. Right. Says something in your face and rude. It makes you uncomfortable.

And then follows it up with like a really sweet, like, what did you have? Right. Like he's already over it. Like anybody else that would treat you the way he'd like, I just putted with him. I was just at the putting green at Penmar. We met up and we did some gambling we had lunch well i had lunch he had a coke

and uh and we played a dollar a hole i won like nine dollars off of him and then we got into this fight uh and then he wouldn't let it go and he just and he kept saying rude things and i just thought for most people that spoke this way you would punch them in the face and and And he just and he kept saying rude things. And I just thought for most people that spoke this way, you would punch them in the face. And and then he just goes like, oh, everything's cool. Everything's fine. Hey, so what's going on with. And you're like, no, you can't just turn on a dime like that. You have to stay awkward the way I feel right now. Right. No, those guys are the best. There's a quality. We had talked about winning time on HBO. Yeah. And that guy reminds me very much of a producer who I'm not going to name who he will leave a wake of destruction 12 feet away in another room. Walk into this room. Genuinely happy see you. Like, hey! Yeah.

And is just light as a feather. And he knows. I mean, the wake of destruction is affecting him. Like, you know, in the show, totally going bankrupt. Barring from Peter to pay Paul. Yeah. It's all going to crumble. Maybe even fraud charges.

And yet he can't wait to see magic in the next room and all that. John C. Reilly, he's not nominated not nominated right now i think he should win i don't know of anyone better this year so far on tv yeah he was uh he was great and he's a great actor and it's the best thing he's ever done if he doesn't get the yemi i'm going to give up on all awards i'm just going to give up on all awards. I'm just going to give up on the whole idea of awards. You're not watching John C. Reilly. He really is just every way he adjusted his big 70s and 80s sunglasses and the way he smoked cigarettes. He had a deck of cards in his hand the whole time.

The way he'd walk in a room, the way he would own the room when he walked into it. Yeah. And the pain you could see, like when Red Arbuck would would dig him. You could see he would keep his bravado going. But you saw the pain. You saw that you saw that the punch land on his face. Totally. And then something I also want to talk about, I got a little emotional watching it. I'm not going to give anything away, but there are scenes with John C. Riley, the Royal Jub scenes with John C. Reilly and Sally Field.

And Sally Field is a goddamn treasure. I've never really thought about that. Like, you know, and everyone's like, oh my god, she went from the Flying Nun, look at Martha Ray or Smokey and the Bandit. Yeah. And

you know, I was never that person. But, God, just watching her, she's really unbelievable. She's unbelievable. So, anyway, if you can tell from my general demeanor. Norma Rae. Norma Rae. Sorry. The mushrooms, I'm starting to believe that the experiment that I've been doing for the last two and a half weeks with mushrooms is not panning out. It could be that I'm taking the wrong dose, but I'm finding myself irritable. I'm finding I'm still getting depression.

And I think I'm going to stop the experiments. So it should be a new story. Local man overdoses on micro doses. Because I think that happened a couple of times. Well, I don't know. I mean, I was told that the capsules I was being given were supposed to be just like a ray of sunshine on your face was how it was described to me. That was the extent of the dose and uh this was more like i don't know i got really cunty i would just i would be in a really like nasty mood wow yeah i don't know what it was so um poor gubbins that's my takeaway on that one poor gubbins, all the fights you picked with them while you were on shrooms. I know.

Anyway. Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out. We were thinking that might be the answer. Yeah, and I may try another. A friend recommended a different type of mushrooms

because there are different types. Totally. I may experiment with another type with another dosage and see if that works because I know a lot of people have written in and asked me about it

and they're considering doing it. Just understand it's not for everybody and it's not a panacea. Is that what they call it when something is a solution? A solution for everything, yeah. But you're thinking for everyone. By the way, on the back wall, and I'm holding it up if you're one of the people that watches us on YouTube, etc.

On the wall behind me is the poster that was designed by Melody Myers and Rob Dukes. It is the first 100 covers or so. I don't know if it's a hundred exactly but something like a hundred I think so of our logos of our show made into a poster with a maroon mat behind it

I showed it last week by the way oh you did? but it looks great on your green wall and thank god you don't have any matching maroon on your body so it's working out there All right, it's on the green wall now. And thank God you don't have any matching maroon on your body, so it's working out. There. There it is. It's a maroon sweatshirt, listeners.

All right. Listeners, just be so grateful you're not watching this on YouTube. Hey, Libby. So I just gave away the office that you could have had in this building. Really? Hold on one sec. Lib, do you need me, sweetie? I don't need you.

All right. I love you. I'll give you a ring a little later. All right. Aw. Thank you, sweetie. That's sweet. Yeah, later on.

You say I love you every time she leaves? I try to. Most nights I have no idea where she is. Yeah. 16. I don't say I love you every time she is. Yeah. 16. I don't say I love you every time. No, no, no. She's leaving to go to her mom's.

Oh, then yeah, you got to say I love you. Yeah, she's heading to Lizzie's now. Otherwise she'll pick her side. I wouldn't mind if she stayed there more. Does she prefer staying with you? Sorry, the sheets aren't clean this week. Does she prefer staying with you? Sorry, the sheets aren't clean this week. I think sometimes.

But she goes to a school with rich kids, and so Liz lives in a wealthier area, so she's closer to them up there. Oh, I see. Yeah. Meanwhile, I, my proximity is completely surrounded by bipolar and mentally ill individuals who are a real threat to her when she walks out the door. True. Venice is getting funky, getting super funky. It's always an adventure. Every day you see somebody that, but it's like, I'm so sick of people bad-mouthing Venice for that.

It's like, hey, you know what? Fucking grow up. Grow a dick. You know, a little bit of danger. Chris Denman is writing, seem pretty fucking nice. That's right. It is pretty nice. Compared to the mid-coast.

If you can't handle a little bit of threatening behavior, go move out to fucking Lincoln, Nebraska. Jesus. Not far from the Midcoast. Or St. Louis. Yeah. Yeah. All righty.

You want to talk about your week, Mike? Well, I saw Bob Dylan Tuesday night. Woo! Now, I send you those songs. Here's what I'm saying to you. It's Thursday. It's 4 p.m. You could go tonight for under $100 to go see Bob Dylan in the Pantages Theater.

You should think about it. I think it might be, I've said this about every band, I think it might be the last time he's here ever. Yeah, he's gotten old. He seemed very old, I have to say. He's an old 81, which makes sense. Well, he's had the voice of an 80-year-old man since he was 24. Yeah.

But it's all about the new album. You'd have to be into that vibe. It's all about the new album. You'd have to be into that vibe. It's like an old blues man, spinning tails with a million references. People wanted to get up and dance. They wanted some hard music at some points, and he ended with Friend of the Devil, and so people got up for that.

But other than that, it's like the review, which was a very good review. Did you see that review? No. The Los Angeles Times gave it a great review and it's understanding that context and it's like they said it's like David Lynch designed the set and the lighting and you're in this David Lynch like blues bar and this old timer who's seen it all it's so wild when he's talking about um elvis and mlk and like he's been with them like and been with them intimately like he was on the march on washington he spoke into this sang into the same mic that the i have a dream speech was in they They were backstage together. And with Elvis, of course, it's really crazy to think about that.

Yeah. They're not just references of a musician. Yeah. He's referencing old times that he was a huge part of. So anyway, I could go on forever, as you know, about him. If I were you, I'd consider it, man. It's too easy. Free parking a block away.

Right in, under $100. I should, but I'd consider it, man. It's too easy. Free parking a block away. Right in. Under $100. I should, but I have shows tonight. I should have planned on it. True. Well, we want to thank this week's artist, Lawrence Tarpey, for doing, speaking of Kennedy, of doing the Jack Ruby shooting logo. Pretty cool. Pretty cool.

Very cool. I'm glad you're the one that got shot, even though you look happier about it than I do. I am so happy. Look at me. I mean, is he tickling me with a.38 bullet? That would be, if I knew, in the mood I was in this week, if somebody came up to me and put a gun in my chest, that's the smile that would be on my face. Like, thank you.

Thank you. That's funny. Also want to thank Tony Cacace. I always don't know if I say his name right. Cacace, I think it might be Cacace. I think it is Cacace. He has done a number of songs for us, and they are always very high production.

This one is of me. I encourage you at the end of the podcast to listen to the song in full because we're only going to be playing about 30 seconds of it in the intro. But the whole thing builds beautifully, and it's so well done. Thank you, Tony. Corrections. So cool. Mr. Kekes.

Elliot James says Regarding Mike's rant Against the Masters While it was a good rant Oh Jesus Christ The Masters is its own entity And is not part of the PGA Tour I did not know that

The Masters is like This week's US Open And later the British Open They have no association With the PGA Just to give this some context There is this new league that's called like the what is it the lvi league or something i think it is that the

filthy saudis have launched and uh they they are giving phil mickelson 200 million dollars and uh uh who who else uh a bunch of a bunch of big-name golfers have all jumped ship and gone over there. And so they're not allowed to play in PGA Tour events any longer, which I thought, oh, then they won't be in the U.S. Open. No, I guess they're independent tournaments. But I saw Phil went out and he fucking bogeyed the first two holes. Missed putts on the first two holes today. So fuck you, Phil, you money-grubbing shithead.

Good note, Dickie, our good friend Dickie with the bagels. Well, give him a plug. Rosie's Bagels, man. Are you kidding me? You're right. We haven't plugged in a while, and I'm getting some this weekend. You are? Yep, Rosie's Bagels.

Nice. Because we're doing Father's day over laura's if you live on the west side of los angeles and you want montreal style bagels meaning they're kind of sweet they're kind of moist more so than most bagels yeah they're not as like dumb and doughy and just fat bready things they pack a. And they got a bunch of great flavors. What's the website? Rosie's with an S.

With an S? It's named after their dog. They don't have a website on their business card. Yeah, that makes sense. Or it's so small I can't read it. Probably that. You're spiraling, pal. All right, hold on. Here Huh? Or it's so small I can't read it. Probably that. You're spiraling, pal.

All right, hold on. Here we go, Rosie's. Let me look it up. Everybody preoccupy themselves. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. How do you have a business card where you can't read the website? Rosie's Bagels.

All S's. Go to Instagram. That's all you need to know. All right. Anyway, so tell me your story. RosiesbagelsLA.com. There you go. No, just that Dickie was on top of that, and I was like, oh, shit, here comes a million letters from sports nerds.

And he's like, actually, you probably won't get that many. He goes, I didn't know it until recently. So good note, though. Good story. Still golf's racist. It's a great story. American golf is racist. So there you go.

Also, Michael Smith wrote in to say Bob James was the one who did the music for Taxi. Nice. And I knew his daughter, because he grew up in the next town over from me, and his daughter was a gorgeous singer, Hillary James. And she used to come to our church, and she would sing. And I remember one time she sang. It was the 1130 Mass, and I'm hungover as shit. I'm like 15, 14 years old old and she's the same age and i'm sitting in

church and i feel nauseous and she comes out and and a beam of light comes through the stained glass window and bathes this beautiful 15 year old girl's face and she sings Morning Has Broken by Cat Stevens. And I fucking had goosebumps. You're escorted out, masturbating. Yeah. Two guys on your arms. I wonder if she ever had a career. Somebody look that up for me. Hilary James, Bob James' daughter.

The lighting guy had a good one probably. Yeah. Brian Carnicero said, You guys are a little off on current PGA players. Very international. Players from Mexico, Chile, Argentina. Notice I said Chile. I did notice that.

Japan, Indonesia are common nationalities on the roster. Did I say otherwise? I don't know. This was in regards to a massage story we did about uh deshaun watson the player who had solicited illegal well i don't know no they weren't illegal they were legit massages but he tried to put his dick in people's hands uh allegedly this woman from Rogue Relaxation Massage said, I have a big crush on you boys, and I never miss a Sunday Papers pod. But please, I am a legitimate, non-sexual, no happy ending massage therapist

with 14 years full-time experience. I'm not very woo, no crystals or chakras involved, and it is not abusive, harassment, or offensive. Crystals or chakras involved, and it is not abusive, harassment, or offensive. It is not abusive, harassment, or offensive for a male to have a physical reaction, erection, during a massage, especially from massage on his thighs. I understand that it is often out of his control, but no one acknowledges it, and no one touches it. It is 100% ignored, and it is not upsetting to the therapist. It sounds like marriage. Hopefully he's not egging it on by grinding

or even tightening his hip muscles. That response will almost always fade naturally as the therapist moves away from his core. Please don't make men think that they can't come see a massage therapist because they might get an erection. COVID is killing our business as it is. Please feel free.

Feel free. Erection's welcome. It says it on her card. Wow. Well, that's a good letter. That took the time to write that and clarify that. I think it is more upsetting than when you walk into the massage place and you're like, can I have her instead? And you point with your erection. Right. That's a rocky start, I would

say. Yeah. To the soothing hour. Like it's a water rod during a drought. John O'Malley took the time to write in and say, I'm sure I won't be the first Bronx Irishman to tell you that your boy Gibbons got the Joker stairs confused with the city steps down the block from the Ann Beale Bakht Cafe. The Joker stairs are in the high bridge section of the Boogie Down, definitely not Riverdale. Ah. So I guess they're similar stairs.

God, they really are similar because I grew up playing, but I don't know if it was. Anyway, I've been on those stairs a bunch. So good correction. Another good correction. Then Pete Cipriano said during the pod, you said Stroke Me was by Billy Idol. Incorrect, sir. Stroke Me was from Billy Squire. I can't believe I fucked that one up.

Billy Squire with the Robert plant voice out of the gate everyone was excited uh i think you and mike uh slipped in some positive views on the catholic church that might be a correction too that's a good one chrissy v wrote in to say kim whitleyley is Sherri Shepard's podcast partner. That's the one that our man Chris Denman produces. Yep. Oh, here we go. Here's an update on We Kissed on Stage last weekend, Chris said. Wow, I love it.

That's going to get Chris kicked out of a lot of clubs that he belongs to. Let's call him social clubs hillary james does sing sometimes with bob not a huge career from what i can see but does sing and perform goes by hillary please and the flying trapeze. Now I'm in. I'm in. Some kind of kids thing. Oh, okay. I'm in. Sounds good.

She's spinning around on those fabrics, whatever the hell that's called. What fabrics? What are they called? You know, like Pink Does It a lot, you know, where they're literally suspended in air. Yeah. It's a name for fabric, and I'm freaking out.

Not silks. Not ribbons. No, I forget what it is, but anyway. Don't write. We'll look it up ourselves. Let's keep moving forward. If you're going to move forward, Mike, you're going to have to do it with some good quality sunglasses. But what if they get lost?

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I don't get papers anymore. Should I crinkle this? I can't bear to read the news. What did the stock market wind up at today? You voted? It was down like 730 points today. You're part of the problem if you voted. Did you?

741. Whoa, look at TZA. Hello, hello. What did my little stock do today? You ready? Yeah. It was only up, just today, 13.9%. And so every day that it goes down like this, it goes up like 10, 15%? Let me tell you what we've done for, keep in mind everybody,

I can boast right now because all I do is lose money. At the beginning of the week, it was, At the beginning of the week, it was, I can't tell. It looks like high 30s, and now it's at 52. Damn. Get out of Bitcoin, get into, what's it called? TZA. It's a very dangerous small cap bear ETF. Okay.

Okay. Okay. It's pure gambling. Pure gambling. You're not even investing in anything. I've lost 30% of my life savings in the last month on the stock market. Well, hey, look at the sunny side. Someone's killing it. Someone's making all that money you're losing.

That's true. Yeah. Exactly. I wish it was someone I knew. I could borrow money from them. Alright, let's go to the front page. Do it! Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! You got a paper?

No, I don't do that anymore. Alright, I'm going to use my... I have ACDC playing cards. You want me to just fan them? This is my Writers Guild Insurance Cobra plan. That's not too depressing. How much is it a month? How about $2,804 a month for my insurance,

for my health insurance, for my family? No, it's not. Yeah, look at it. $2,800. For the quarter. For a month. $2,800. It's Cobra. Yeah. My insurance ran out. I'm paying the Cobra.

I can't. I'm getting killed. I'm losing money in the stock market, health insurance. Nobody's buying the fucking mugs anymore. Order some sunglasses, people. That's what a deal. schools because he thinks educating children on systemic racism is, quote, indoctrination, considers Elon Musk to be an African-American. When told he had Musk's support if he ran for president in 2024, the Florida man said, quote, I welcome support from African-Americans. What can I say? Well, you can't say he's African-American. Although it brings up an interesting question.

Now, he is African. He's from South Africa. That's where he was born. So he is African. He's not African-American because he wasn't born here. But are his kids going to be African-American? I mean, I think we have to give to Santus the benefit of the doubt here. That was very funny.

That was, it obviously was intended. Every powerful politician knows who Musk is. Yeah. Well, I told you one of the storylines and whatever. We couldn't do it because of schedule. But on my sycamore, I had Stephen Fry, the English legend. And James Corden was the biggest fan ever. In fact, he helped me contact him and told me to get him. And I was going to have Colbert, Colbert, Corden, James Corden come on.

And in the beginning of the sitcom, Stephen Fry's character would be like, you know, he adopted a son from Africa and he's coming to the office today. And then in walks James and they're like, wait, this doesn't add up. And he's like, he had, no, he adopted a son from South Africa. So that, that was that joke. Yeah. Um, so yeah, this guy, Musk is, he's getting more and more conservative all the time. I mean, DeSantis is not, that's not, you know, conservative. That's like far right. Elon Musk is a capitalist animal. That's what he is.

He will run that way, eat that way, walk that way. That is what he is. Please, please, please get government off my back. He wants deregulation and he thinks that's best for the system. Now, while he might be able to handle deregulation fine, America doesn't do well with it at all. Yeah. All the forests almost gone. The oceans almost gone. The food sources almost gone. The rivers almost gone. The food source is almost gone. The river's almost gone. Pension funds because of unions being driven out. Almost gone.

This isn't might makes right. We put an end to that after cavemen. All right, let's not get political again. We got enough fucking hate mail last week. By the way, there's a lot of Republicans that feel the same way. So it's just a matter of you don't let things run wild. We're just a powerful win. An Indiana woman tracked her boyfriend using an Apple AirTag device over a suspected affair.

Then, after a dispute, ran him over and killed him. So it worked. 26- Apple's like, phew. Think of the action ads they could have for this from now on. You know, just like car chases. 26-year-old Galen Morris, nice name, told a witness she had used an air tag to follow boyfriend Andre Smith, 26, to an Indianapolis bar. At the location, Morris and Smith were seen getting into a heated dispute with Morris swinging an empty wine bottle towards the other woman Smith was with, prompting the bar owner to ask them to leave.

Pardon me. That's what you do? Would you guys mind leaving? We have a no swinging wine bottle policy. I see what's going on with you two. Can you take that outside, please? And undoubtedly continue it. And one of you might be dead, I don't know, in 11 minutes? And by the way, the recycling bin is out there.

Please don't put that in the trash. Use the recycling. Then it happens. He's like, boy, was I on the wrong side of that bet on who would still be standing. According to court records, Morris got out of her car outside the bar, got into her car outside the bar, and clipped Smith, causing him to fall to the ground. After he had fallen, Morris next backed over Smith, then pulled forward and hit him for a third time. Morris then got out of the car and attempted to chase after the other woman before being detained by police who had arrived at the scene. Smith was pronounced dead the air tag is a small

portable device launched uh by apple to design to help people locate their belongings such as keys and wallets or side pieces um so uh concerns have been raised about the tracker's gps locating unsuspecting people i mean i'm sticking it on my agent's Porsche. I want to know where that motherfucker is. I'm going to keep showing up at like the Ivy and the Bel Air club and be like, hey, what's going on, man? Anything going on? Have you seen my Cobra Bill? Have you seen it?

Yeah. What do you think of my new script? Have you read it? Have you fucking read it? Well, the air tag is still tracking the boyfriend and it says it's very accurate it says he's in a way better place that's what it says um i think you should like give it to your everybody's trying to give their kid a leg up these days fancy private schools and uh tutors and i think like give your kid this device when they're playing hide and seek when

they're like six and they can uh they they can stick it on the kid who's it each time and track them down and be like the fucking be the bomb be like the kid in the neighborhood huh yeah nice um they are a little scary i guess they didn't have like follow friends or anything like that. He had probably shut that stuff off. He was in stealth mode. Oh, yeah. Except for that little tag. Do you have that on your kids' phones?

Liz does that. Well, Laura does. Because Laura will tell me where my kids are. Oh, really? And so do all the cousins. So like they knew this is how accurate it is. When we're here in L.A., they can tell when she's lying about being in the library at Michigan. Really? Yep.

Damn. It's pretty accurate. Yeah. And I'm like, I could have told you that without any technology. That bitch ain't in the library. I thought she did good. Did you say she got all As this semester? You know, I'm taking her word for it, and that's all I want.

Isn't that funny about college? Like, I have not seen a report card in three years from my son. Yeah. Or from this year from my daughter. I have fucking no idea. I'm paying all this money for college. I don't know how they're doing. You knew my three roommates.

So Jerry, Jeff, and Tom in Boston University. Only two of us had diplomas in the canister on graduation day, and the other two families had no idea. Really? So there's that. Yep. Yeah. Damn there was that. Yep. Yeah. Damn.

I know. All right, what are we doing? What's this story here? What were your grades in college? What was your GPA at BU? Not so hot. Not so hot. I didn't really apply myself.

There were like, I think it was like you. There were the classes that stimulated me. I think it was like you. There were the classes that stimulated me, and then the rest was I was just a citizen of Boston who may or may not have gone to these other classes. But you did well enough to get into grad school. Yeah, but that was the early to mid-90s, and they were hurting, if being honest yeah yeah getting an nyu also my dad had connections with that program nice yeah but no they were happy to have me i don't think i actually don't think i got special treatment because they were really lowering the bar it was full-blown recession and recession and much easier to get into schools.

Speaking of lowering the bar, a North Carolina charter school violated female students' constitutional rights by requiring them to wear skirts. A federal's appeals court ruled Tuesday. They found the dress code at charter day School violated female students' equal protection rights, siding with the parents, saying that their daughters were put at a disadvantage by the requirement. The students who challenged the policy were in grades kindergarten through eighth. They argued that they were receiving unequal treatment to male students, noting that the dress code limited their ability to participate in recess and made them uncomfortable in some situations such as emergency drills

in which they had to crawl on the floor or any time they had to walk upstairs and there was a pack of boys standing underneath looking up. Me, 1981 through 84. You know, it seems like there are more important issues to get your panties in a bunch over. Oh, boy. And I know their panties were in a bunch over. Oh, boy.

And I know their panties are in a bunch because I was right behind them during that emergency drill. Yeah. I swear to God, when we were in high school, the field hockey team and the cheerleaders had the shortest skirts. Just wear shorts. They're so short. All you're doing is looking at their underwear the whole time. Yeah. And yeah, it was it was pretty sexy. And then I used to go to.

Well, you know this story, but I used to go to school on a bus and my school was 20 minutes away. And I was with I was with 50 Catholic schoolgirls and me. I was the only boy on the bus and they all had these little fucking skirts on and I had an erection to and from school every fucking day I know I think you sometimes solved that erection from what I sometimes I pretended I was giving myself a massage and that I was okay with the erection and that I was supportive of the erection. Right. There's no judgment.

No judgment. It's not a violation. I would have been canceled. Can you imagine getting caught for that today? I would be done. You wouldn't only be done. It would be forced like juvie. I would be done. You wouldn't only be done. It would be forced, like, juvie. It would be counseling.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Your parents would be brought in. Yeah. I mean, not brought into school, to the situation with law enforcement, probably. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. And rightly so. Let's face it. Oh, wait. Now let's get to Mike's first and one of three stories in the script. Jesus Christ. from sweltering heat. This is in Minnesota. The Animal Humane Society said in a news release that 47 cats had to be rescued from where they were living. Where were they living? In a car with the owner for an extended period of time. The Animal Humane Society said that an additional 14 cats were surrendered on a separate rescue mission. This guy, let's say with 14 cats, this would still be a lead story in my mind. He is living in a car with 47 cats. Damn.

Right? That's a good story. Thank you. Yeah. And no mention at all about him being rescued at all. Just 47 cats. Yeah. At what point?

Yeah, they probably arrested this guy. Like, how about what's going on with this poor motherfucker? Yeah. 47 cats. Also, at night, the cats aren't pow-wowing about eating this guy's eyeballs? How is that not happening? Right, right. And I don't think that they were car-trained.

So that thing smelled like, I mean, can you imagine? He's probably sitting. The layer of kitty litter is probably thigh-high. Like, it just covers all the seat wells and the seats. Yeah. It's like he's in quicksand, but it's just filled with cat shit. There's something though that's keeping the cats in the car because cats don't like being close to other cats. So are they trapped in the car?

You know, I wonder if I was the guy's lawyer, I'd be like, can you imagine a better cat owner? He was keeping alive and keeping 47 cats in the car. How well must they have been treated? Yeah. The toughest thing must have been driving, you know, just trying to see out the back window. No airbags needed. Just drive into anything. You're safe. Let me ask you something. When you read this story, did you have any visualization of this car having any chance of driving? Or did you see it as like an abandoned car he was living in?

Abandoned. There's no way. There's no way. But they don't say that in the story. You didn't say that. What you saw is a piece of lazy shit on my part putting it in this document. And look at us. It's the highlight of the hour so far. You are to this script what this guy was to his car.

Just throwing shit in it. Just not caring about the quality of it just not caring about somehow surviving somehow surviving good news for gubbins well we've already talked about gubbins a lot but i thought maybe first of all i putted with him today and i won money. And it was not worth it. It's not worth winning the money. I think we putted for two hours. Oh. Yeah.

Was Al there? Yeah, we putted with Al, who's terrible. Madrigal? Not Madrigal. Oh, okay. I love that. I love Al. Yeah, Al's a nice guy.

Al's a very common name. His name's a word. Warner or something? No, no, no. That's not it. Anyway, go ahead. So I was thinking we could use this as an opportunity to do the Dennis Gubbins playlist of first songs on first albums. No, let's delay it.

But we got a lot of mail about it. All right. We got a lot of mail. So if you mailed in or if you want to continue mailing, and we got a lot of letters from people pointing out these have to be the first songs released on the first album of the artist. A lot of people sent me the first album. No, the first song of the first album.

It has to be a song that announces that there's something new in music or that there's a new angle on music. Yeah. Like Precious by The Pretenders. Okay, already. Like. All right. What was the first one on the Cars album? Let good times roll i think it was it's it's

crazy yeah yeah uh let's get to entertainment i haven't finished the george carlin doc i'm embarrassed to say same i've done part one i have no excuse because I absolutely loved the first half, and I need to see the second half. Finished Barry. Have you finished Barry? Have not. You know, I don't know if I've seen season two. Oh, right.

Yeah, you've got to go back and catch up. And I liked season one a lot. So are you willing to say season three is the best? No. Oh, okay. No, they're all great. No, I would say season one is the best. I have to watch Atlanta also.

Yeah, Atlanta is the best. This season is the best. Really? Yes. It becomes art. This man is a fucking artist. He's making short films. Every episode, a lot of them don't

even have the cast they just have like people he hired it's like a concept that he's exploring it's like provocative it's thought-provoking it's amazing i watched the first episode of i love that for you that's our buddy matt malloy's show but it's's, Oh God, what's her name from SNL? She's so funny. Molly Shannon. Well, no, Molly Shannon plays the elder,

but she's not the star. Um, Vanessa Byer. Vanessa Byer is so funny and awkward in this. And Matt plays her dad. And, um, and I really liked it.

I had a lot of heart. Um, and I liked it. All right. I'll check it out. Yeah. And I really liked it. It had a lot of heart. And I liked it. All right. I'll check it out. Yeah, it's on Showtime. I also reread the novel, Graham Greene's novel, The End of the Affair, which I highly recommend to anybody if you're looking for a good summer read. That movie blew me away.

Well, it's the story. I didn't see it. What? Oh, I wonder what you'd think. I should read it. Because then I became a Graham Greene fan. That movie got me into him. He's such a fucking edgy writer. The narrator is just such a flawed human.

such a flawed human and it's almost like it's vulnerable as a writer to be able to like capture the voice of your protagonist as somebody who's so evil not even evil just like just a bad person um it makes you wonder if he's crazy like who you if graham Green's crazy yeah like to be able to get inside the head of somebody who's that bad of a person you wonder wow you must be a bad person that's what I thought about Edward Albee when I when I saw who's afraid of Virginia Woolf I'm like only a madman can come up with this. And it was so vicious, like vicious on a novel where you get to be that evil and you could almost play out vengeance and all these things you can't do in your real life. You can make your characters do like, what about Nabokov writing, uh, um, Lolita, you know, about a pedophile. I mean, and the thing about Lolita is she wasn't 17. She wasn't 16. She wasn't 15.

She wasn't 14. She wasn't 13. Thank God he didn't start at 30. She was 12. Yeah. Or 11. He was a pedophile. And there are love scenes.

The love of his loins or something, yeah. Oh my God. The light of his loins. That's what it Oh, my God. The light of his loins. That's what it was. Lolita, the light of my loins. What would it be like to hang out with Nabokov at a cocktail party and be like, so, what are you up to?

I read your recent book. So do you like fucking little girls? That's the only thing you'd want to ask him. Have you seen anything you like lately? Oh, you just watched Nickelodeon? Oh, okay. Weird. I would have.

No, maybe that's right. Yeah. By the way, congrats on your new car. No windows, huh? Nice. All righty, what do we got? We have. We don't need to do that story.

No? Marilyn Monroe dress. What do you got? Tim Kardashian wore it. She ruined it. Yeah, I mean, everybody knows the story. It was Marilyn Monroe's dress that she sang. Happy birthday to you, Mr. President.

Here's my take on it. Everybody's acting like this is some kind of like it's like the holy fucking grail. This is the Ten Commandments. This is some like we should have this enshrined somewhere. This was a woman who was fucking a married man, the president, and who flaunted it by singing seductively to him in front of while he stood next to his wife in front of the nation. Oh, Kardashian shouldn't stretch it out. Fuck her. Let her put her superhuman implanted ass and tits in there and break it at the seams.

Fuck her. She was a whore. Who, Marilyn? Yes. You're not blaming JFK for this? Well, he had something to do with it. But how about seductively singing to him while he's standing next to his wife? What a fuck you that was.

It was a little rough, yeah. Well, it's not a lucky dress. I'd watch out, Pete Davidson. It's not a lucky dress for the guy. Yeah. For either of you, actually. All right, let's do some Making America Florida, our new section. Make America Florida.

You froze. Your connection is quite awful today. No, it's not. And I'm going to get blamed. Of course. Okay. Alligator kills Florida man, retrieving Frisbee and Lake.

It almost should be under good news for God, bad news for governments. The body of a man who had been retrieving Frisbees from Florida public parks, Lake that serves as a habitat for alligators was found with his arm torn off. The episode occurred at a 53-acre lake in Largo, Florida. The department said, quote,

a gator is believed to have been involved in the death. Wow. Though the medical examiner has yet to determine the cause of death. Maybe he lost his arm slamming too many Bud Light limes. It could also be that. Maybe the guy had a tattoo of a turtle on his arm and the alligator got confused. Don't blame the alligator. It was a preserve.

It's a habitat, for Christ's sake. I love the medical examiner has yet to determine the cause of death. I don't know. Why don't you take his pulse? Oh, you can't. He doesn't have an arm. That might be it. Maybe it was perch.

Who knows? There's other living organisms in that lake. Enough perch? You get enough perch nibbling at an arm? The most surprising thing is the alligator, while eating him, wasn't wrapped by a giant anaconda down there. I wonder if the alligator also swallowed the the meth pipe that was in the guy's right hand. I mean, this is Florida. Any if you're eating a Florida man, no bueno, not good. I'd be shocked if the alligator is still alive. Yeah. Totally. All right, let's go international.

You got it, pal. An entire province in Canada had a fluke accident of nature that caused many homes to be in disarray. Much of this had to do with one lone beaver that somehow wound up creating time beaver has caused harm on the Internet. I have handed in almost every script I've written late. I was caught by my wife watching nude yoga. Half the teens in America can't come without the internet now. Beavers have caused a lot of damage. Are you going to hate this Beaver as much as Marilyn Monroe, the previous Beaver in a dress who ruined everything for you, apparently? How could I have not done that story?

These goddamn beavers. All right, what's this? This looks rough. An unusual... Yeah, maybe we'll skip this one. Yeah, let's skip that one. Yeah, let's skip this one. Saudi.

Here you go. The Saudi government seizes rainbow toys in homosexuality crackdown. Items targeted in the recent raids include rainbow colored, and it morals and promote homosexual colors that they feel are targeting the younger generation. And that was an official of the Commerce Ministry. What? This seems like the craziest story. Yeah. Like it should be in Florida.

Well, maybe Saudi Arabia is the Middle East Florida. But I'm just trying to follow it. So the rainbow causes homosexuality? Like what imaginations these Saudi people have? I mean, why can't they be normal like the Irish and just believe that rainbows lead you to pots of gold protected by green midgets? Yeah, stay rational, Jesus. Don't get all, don't look too into it.

Yes. But also, if they, listen, I'm not a scientist, but if you ban these homosexual colors, there aren't that many other colors. Those colors are responsible for way more colors than you think. All you got left is black and brown. You may not even, and I'm sure we're going to get letters on this, you may not even have those.

Yeah. Well, good luck, Saudi Arabia, trying to develop some decent musical theater or get a good haircut if you're going to get rid of all the homosexual children. Oh, man. Let's go to sports. Here you go. On Sunday, beloved San Francisco Giants broadcast announcer

Dwayne Kuiper came to the defense of Jeopardy! champion Amy Schneider after Schneider's first pitch at Saturday's Giants-Dodgers matchup was cut from a rival telecast. While most fans may not have noticed, Fox Sports, which carried the game, substituted Schneider's live first pitch with the ceremonial toss by NASCAR driver Kurt Busch, recorded two days earlier at a Giants-Rockies game also at Oracle Park. By the way, just to put that in perspective, I looked up and I just just on a whim, I said, well, let me look up this this, you know, this model citizen, Kurt Busch, this guy who Fox Sports believes is such a great human being.

And the Dover Police Department is investigating an alleged domestic assault that involves NASCAR driver Kurt Busch, who they're inside his home. So that's why they got him, because he can throw a punch. He was verbally abusive. He slammed her head against the wall and the bed, threatened to kill her. So, yeah. But he dressed like a man. Wow.

All right. Did you see Schneider throw the pitch? I did not. Either did I. Although I would imagine it's the first time being told you throw like a girl is taken as a compliment by somebody. Probably. Yeah, I was wondering. So when my girls were little, they actually had very good arms. But they were snowflakes even back then. So I i was like can i say you guys throw like boys is that okay like i won't say the opposite

yeah right yeah so uh that was yeah sophie especially had a rifle it was crazy no shit yeah it was really and she was not the better athlete of the two, but boy, could she throw it. Lefty also, which is the greatest thing. I love lefty throwers. Yeah, I know. Owen's a lefty thrower. He had a good arm. We used to play a lot of football.

And he had a rifle. And I could run patterns, and he would hit me right in the chest with crossing patterns. He was good. Nice. But we didn't want to play in football. I'm sure you weren't moving that fast. Let's take a little credit away from him. Do we want to do this one?

Nah. Do we need this one? Nah. All right, let's go. What else? Stock market, we know that. What do we got? This day in history? This day in history?

This day in history. Oh, sad day for a lot of America. 1865, abolition of slavery announced in Texas on Juneteenth. Today's Juneteenth, everybody, in case you didn't know. Juneteenth. Today's Juneteenth, everybody, in case you didn't know. In what is known as Juneteenth, Union soldiers arrived in Galveston, Texas, with news that the Civil War is over and slavery in the United States is abolished. By the way, if you haven't seen it, look up Neil Brennan's bit about the plantation owners announcing to the slaves that slavery is now over. Very, very funny. It's become a day to celebrate the end of slavery in America.

Not to celebrate, to commemorate. I don't know if you'd call it a celebration. Why wouldn't you celebrate it? Well, I just don't know the feeling. I think there might have been more remorse, resentment, anger. It's hard to celebrate with that cocktail of emotions going on not if you're white what so um despite the fact that abraham lincoln's emancipation proclamation was issued more than two years earlier that's the crime that's the criminal bullshit good

it actually was badly timed because when I'm reading Ulysses S. Grant's biography right now, and they talk about how when Lincoln put out the Emancipation Proclamation, it changed the framing of the war from being about unifying

the country into being anti-slavery, which lost some of the state's support. So. Fuck them. Yeah. And this is the rebel state of Texas, of course, because there was no union troops there to enforce it. It continued.

So. You know what I love doing? And, you know, I've been going down seeing Wheer and i've been spending some time in nashville it's not a popular thing to do when you're in the south but i don't give a fuck whenever the issue comes up like um like the south versus the north and all this i'm like oh you mean the south versus america that that's what you mean right and i every chance i can, I correct him and I put that in there. So anyway. The freedmen were advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere. I mean, that's what happened during Reconstruction is there was a lot of what they called

public loitering charges where they would arrest black men and they would put them into prison, quote unquote, where they were forced to work. Many times at the same jobs they were doing while they were slaves. For no wages, they were whipped,

they were shot if they tried to escape no wages. They were whipped. They were shot if they tried to escape. They lived in. It's the biggest nightmare. Yeah, it's so it's insane. And I'm not even wrapping my mind around three percent of it. And it's insanity. Yeah. So anyway, it is now it is now a national holiday. President Biden signed legislation officially declaring it on June 17th. Well, I wouldn't go that far, on the other hand. I am wrapping my mind around 3% of it. Keep the post office open for me, huh? Let's do some letters to the editor.

If we must. Tim Keefe Oh these are A lot of these are the song Well why don't I tease The list By reading some of these letters And then we'll read the full list next week Tim Keefe says

The best opening song Is Good Times Bad Times On Led Zeppelin's debut album Pretty strong Hard to argue with that. Start. Dead Leaves on the Dirty Ground by the White Stripes. I don't know that song.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that album, really raw. It's great. Fake Tales of San Frans from the Arctic Monkeys. I don't like the Arctic Monkeys. They have a, Well, especially that one song I know well. Was it Chasing Cars or something?

Yeah. Anyway. That's from MC Rook. Or was that MC Rook? Rick said, the stroke is by Billy Squire from my hometown of Wellesley Mass. Also, your Jewish wife has a Catholic mother, not really Jewish. Oh, really? Tell that to Hitler.

She grew up on the Upper West Side. They tried to tell that to Hitler. Yeah. Didn't go well. She grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, which is a predominantly Jewish neighborhood where she ate at Jewish delis. She shopped at Jewish stores. Friends were all Jewish. Dad was Jewish. She's a Jew.

Back off. Tim Dilley, best first song, first album ever, Two Tickets to Paradise by Eddie Money. Are you fucking kidding me, Tim Dilley? What country are you from? Eddie Money is more impressive than we think. I'm just going to say that. His videos were easy to make fun of.

And he's shaking. He even had a song about it. But he was the real deal, I got to say. You know what hurt his career a lot? He was a about it. Yeah. But like, he, you know, but he was the real deal, I got to say. You know what hurt his career a lot? He was a rocker. Yeah. Eddie Rabbit. Nobody knew the difference.

People didn't know. Everyone knew the difference. No, they did not. Rainy night, summer rainy night. Yeah, whatever. They were both like fucking shitty pop artists that came out the exact same time uh he also says um any money masturbation song no i think he was talking about other masturbation songs oh other masturbation songs soak up, other masturbation songs. Soak Up the Sun.

I didn't know that. By Sheryl Crow. I don't know that one. Stroke Me, Stroke Me by Billy Squire. Yes. Yeah. Okay. And then this wasn't a song that was announcing a new voice or sound to the world,

but instead to say we are going to be all right. Hell's Bells, Back in Black album by ACDC. I mean, the lyrics, rolling thunder. Well, also that it opens with those chimes. Yes, absolutely right. It is it is the first track, first album of the second incarnation of ACDC. And those were the memorial church bells ringing for Bon Scott. Yeah. I mean... Which adds to the gravity of an unbelievably heavy, like heavy rock, amazing song already. This is a band that, in their first words, say to you,

I'm a rolling thunder, pouring rain. I'm coming on like a hurricane. My lightning's flashing across the sky. You're only young, but you're going to die. I won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives. Nobody's putting up a fight. I got my bell. I'm going to take you to hell.

I'm going to get you. Satan's going to get you. Satan's going to get you. Hell's bells. It's played in football stadiums all over the country. Yeah. Scott Shattuck says, Guns N' Roses,

Appetite for Destruction, which starts with Welcome to the Jungle. Oh, Jesus. That might even be better than Good Times. I mean, that one. Yeah. Jesus.

Yeah. Because you didn't think of L.A. as being a rock. I mean, you had the Doors, but it was mostly soft rock coming out of California and L.A. You didn't have this kind of, I mean, I don't know where guns and roses fell in the chronology of metal, but certainly they were at the front of that, that movement of metal coming out of LA hair bands. Right. It started, they weren't a hair bands and all that. Yeah. No, they were,

they were originally. Yeah. Yeah. That, they were. They were originally. Yeah. Yeah, that's their thing. So here's Boston. Go ahead. The next one the guy wrote. Go ahead and read it. A Boston which starts with more than a feeling.

Holy shit. Yeah, I want to see. Is that the one with the crazy long intro? How does it start? No. Can I put it up for a second? No. We'll get erased. Yeah, we'll get erased.

It's just acoustic guitar. Yeah. It's not the one which is... What is it? Jesus. Everyone's going to hate me. I don't know what's going on here. Peace of mind.

Jesus, Boston's first album. It's just... Yeah. It's amazing. It's amazing cliche to say foreplay long time yeah what are you doing me?

aren't we done? I've moved on I'm listening to Boston in my closet alright we'll get to the rest of these songs next week but keep them coming love to hear them. And then we had a note from this guy, Quinn Kenning. I got a lot of mail. And when I say I, because you don't read the letters and I do.

I read them. I'm reading them right now. Robert Corey said, please let Mike know at least one fan caught his C-C-Cathcart Towers Hotel FCW reference. What is that? You don't need to know. That's between me and Robert. I sneak them in, man. I literally, you know, it's a thing. You don't give me credit.

I'm sprinkling this podcast with these references. Are there separate chat rooms that just go through, like, the things that you say on the podcast? Have you? Well, you, I should probably tell you now that I have a podcast that follows this one called Talking Sunday Papers. Where I play the whole thing back and I get in the jokes I missed. Yeah, you should know that, I guess. And very profitable.

Very. Still selling mugs. And very profitable. Very. Still selling mugs. So this guy, Quinn Kenningson, I got a lot of messages from people that are saying, promoting this band, listen to Goose. And when you do, please, please give a first listen review on the podcast. All this talk about Grateful Dead and J-Rad shows is awesome for us Sunday Papers jam band fans. But it's time for your ears to get younger and experience the next best thing when it comes to jam bands. I just wrote it in my phone.

I listened to them. Little too, like, produced. It's a little too, like, clean. Like, you know, It's too yacht rocky. I like it. I like it, but it's almost like a parody of a jam band. This guy's probably freaking

out right now that you started on the wrong thing. Quinn's losing it. No, I wrote to him. I told him what I felt. And we went back and forth a little bit. He got it. Really? Yeah. told him what i felt and we went back and forth a little bit he got it really yeah there's he didn't recommend like no listen to this one raw great i think polished no he sent me links to a bunch of songs uh yeah all right i'll give it a try you might like it well you weren't on Karang been out of the gate. That's true. You came around. I'll listen again.

R. Laporta said, high school. I'm a senior and girlfriend is a hot sophomore. Hey, now I'm driving her home after a date. I don't even think she could drive yet. She starts to give me head. This is in relation to us talking about road smoke. There was somebody who was getting a blowjob on a car last week. I don't even think she could drive yet. She starts

giving me head. We didn't need that sentence. Go ahead. I'm loving it, but as we get closer to her house and I haven't nutted, I feel like I'm on 4chan now. I start to slow down. We're getting too close to her house, and to prolong the trip, I turn on a side street. She immediately stops, and without looking up or raising her head, she says, wrong turn.

So I guess she had eyes in the top of her head. All right, then. Meanwhile, the guy's on antidepressant, and now they're driving through Cleveland, then Indy, then Chicago, Peoria. Right. He has to find a place that has full-serve gas because he can't get out of the car, but they're running out. Wall drug, 315 miles. Wall drug, 226 miles. Wall drug, 30 miles.

You passed Wall Drug. He's driving through In-N-Out burgers. Yeah. All right. Let's do this obituary. And that's all, folks. I like this dude. I loved this dude. I loved this actor. And I hope you are watching this because if you see his picture, you will immediately go, I love this actor.

He was in everything. His name was Philip Baker Hall. He was 90 years old. He was in Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Modern Family. But you most likely remember him as, and I just watched his episode recently on Seinfeld. He played the book detective, the library detective from Seinfeld. He was so good in it.

Big bags under his eyes, low gravelly voice, very authoritative kind of a character. Anyway, he was... He looked like old coffee smells. Exactly. That's my description of him. Yes, exactly. He looks like... Yeah, he eats dinner on a tin TV tray.

He was on MASH, Emergency, Good Times, Midnight Run he was in, Say Anything, Ghostbusters, Boogie Nights, I said, Magnolia, Family Ties, Falcon Crest, Murder, She Wrote, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Bruce Almighty, Argo, Rush Hour, BoJack Horseman, West Wing. I mean, just one of these guys you could look at his IMDb all day. So thank you, Philip Baker-Hall, for all of your contributions to our entertainment. He's great. Let's cheer up now and do some funnies okay then sunday funnies uh leroy lockhorn is sitting down at the table boy if you if you could see the puss on loretta's face yeah i see it oh he's sitting down and she just looks at him and he goes, I'd be happy to tell you what time I came home last night,

but I lost my watch in a poker game. That will not turn that frown upside down. Nope. It just will not. It just makes it worse. Leroy, how are you helping yourself? She hasn't even touched her bagel. Look at her. I played poker last night. Did did you i was down 60 bucks and i ended out the night

uh in the black made some money in the end poker so much fun you get together with friends you all lie to each other and almost everyone leaves in a bad mood it's true i. It was one of those nights everybody felt like they won and then lost money later in the night. But there was no big winner. And that actually helps, yeah. Then we got, let's see, Hager the Horrible. There's a prince with his bride. She's sitting on her little throne.

And he's holding up a magazine that says Castle Beautiful on it. And he says, we're in the latest issue of Castle Beautiful magazine. And she's frowning. She looks scared, horrified. And he goes, don't worry. I raided Hager's mailbox. So you won't be raped. And then her butthole relaxes.

Look at her. Yeah. They show it, actually. That's not me being gross. They actually show it. No, there's joy. There's joy on her face. There's the relief of non-rape.

Well, I was saying they show it. I'm assuming you don't have a comic? Why, you are nasty, sir. Get off those mushrooms. I have one right here. Oh, boy. There we go. You ready?

This is a funny one. It's a prison cell. The guard walks up to the prison cell. There's a priest in there, presumably giving last rites. Here's the photo. Let me see if I frame it right because the script's in the way. Here's the photo we're talking about right there. And you see him in there with the prisoner who's terrified and kind of curled up on his bed.

And the warden walks up and he's like, you have the wrong cell, chaplain. He's just serving a short term for a traffic violation. Guy thinks he's dying, Greg. That's good. guy thinks he's dying greg that's good i think if i was going to get if you were going to get the electric chair let's assume you had it beat it what if you had a crime of passion where you killed somebody it was it wasn't anything you dream whatever ever happen to you, but you did. And you got the electric chair. Would you, an agnostic, ask for a priest and do a last confession just in case? Joe, just in case?

Yeah. No, I thought just to delay. Oh, you would do it just to delay? Yeah, I'm also mixed on the last meal. Like, are you really hungry? And you know, it's coming right out. So yeah, I don't know. I remember once having a philosophical conversation in high school with the roommates and we were baked, of course, as you'll be able to tell. And it was like, is torture that bad if it kills you?

In other words, does it make a difference? Because one of the big things with any experience, and philosophers talk about this, is there is no experience unless you remember it. Right. The pain is in the remembering of it. Oh, it's in experiencing it, but if then the light switch is thrown immediately,

so my, I guess, unevolved answer is no, don't torture me on the way out. That's worse. I think philosophers might be able to argue it might not be worse. It's not cool, but it might not be worse. Well, I see that with relationships that people have. Like sometimes you see a couple and they go out and they have a blast and you go to parties with them and they seem happy. And then you find out at home they're having some problems.

And maybe he tells you in confidence that they're struggling with X, Y or Z. But then you see them at another party and they're having some problems and you maybe he tells you in confidence that they're struggling with x y or z uh but then you see him at another party and they're having fun uh and then they break up and she starts seeing somebody else and he gets fucking miserable and he gets obsessed and he gets every and you realize like it really is in the it's in the loss of the relationship and the memory of you start painting pictures that it was better than it was or that it was worse than it was you play these games in your head instead of just moving on maybe learn something from it but not carry it around with you so much of our moods are based on recollections of our life rather than the living of our life. Because if you can be in the moment, like Eckhart Tolle tells us, you can actually be happy almost all the time.

Well, with that breakup thing, a huge thing that would help are those Apple tags where you can find out where to run them over. You want closure? Go run them over three times. Three times, and then get out of the car and chase that bitch down the street with a wine bottle. Yeah, you don't even need the tag for her. Maybe just chasing her to put it in her backpack. I wonder if it was apple wine.

I bet it was. Let's get to my girl, Blondie. Oh, boy. You're not over her. Well, this piece of shit is wearing a sweater. I've never seen a man wear it in my life. It's like a hot fuchsia. Sorry it's not maroon.

And he's got like an iPad in his lap, and he's got his legs crossed, again, like a woman. And he goes, I need a better iPad than this piece of junk. And she says, isn't that the new iPad your boss got you to make you more efficient at the office? And he goes, yeah, but he got me the cheapest one with hardly any storage for what I need. And he's like, what I need?

She's like, it's just an iPad for work. What do you need more storage for? She says very suspiciously. And he goes, more games more games of course and with any other husband i would go yeah you fucking pervert you're downloading porn but with dagwood it is more games he's playing games he's not downloading some hot asian feat or some three ways it might be brunettes what else could explain this situation? Oh, that's what it is. He doesn't like blonde hair.

He's into Latinas. It's written all over this comic strip. And with her low self-esteem, if she found that out, she would dye her hair to please him. Right. That's what kills me. Start calling him Poppy. Everything. She's what kills me. Start calling him Poppy. Everything. She's fully on board.

I tried to think of the safest racial stereotype I could, and that was the one. Nicely done. Mike, nicely done. We got through another podcast. Look at it. No thanks to you. I loaded this bitch up with stories you criticized the cat story turned out

to be one of the highlights it was a real highlight it was amazing what was it 47 47 cats you know one car so when i was googling the story because i screen grabbed that on my phone i was like could i find the story if i just put 47 in? Because 47 cats, immediately, like 30 results. Yeah. But no, 47, I guess, is a brand of sportswear, those hats and stuff. So 47 didn't cut it. Yeah. Sorry, you have to put yourself so hard.

Yeah, exactly. I had to type a little more today. That's why I'm a little worn out. Yeah, I'm sure. All righty, pal. I'm seeing you tomorrow at the golf course. See you tomorrow for lunch. You got it, pally pal. Thank you to Chris Denman and Midcoast Media,

Key and Beth and all the fine folks over there, and John. I always leave out John, who's the technical guy, but he's British, so I have a little chip on my shoulder. Really? Yeah. Huh. Okay. And then

I like John. We'll see you guys next week. Enjoy your heat waves. Yeah, enjoy the heat waves everybody. Stay safe Montana and Wyoming.

You're just the canary in the coal mine. I think I think the crazy weather due to global warming is just finding its toehold right about now. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little scary. On that note, take it eesh, everybody.

Take it eesh! Mike sits at home in the dark all alone hoping no one discovers the sites he was browsing in Chrome. I'm not sure what was there But I don't wanna know Greg hits the road Spreading Delta To all of the old people Buying the tickets To one of his shows I just heard there were three dead

From Buffalo Rose There were three dead from buffalo roe And Friday It's a fine day But it's not Sunday Sunday But it's not Sunday You're only for a time You're only for a time You're only for a time You're only for a time I think John Cabrera

Could use a vacation Maybe smoke some pop Or enjoy a libation While I write the songs And you sell your dick medication Cabrera Won't you share a song for me? Sunday I'm ready for some

No, it's not. Silent paper Silent paper Baby Xtreme, Xtreme, read all about it! Thank you.