Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 122 7/10/22

Episode Date: July 10, 2022

U.S. Kids are putting on weight but shedding IQ points, an 86 yr old flight attendant refused to retire, Paul Rudd signs a nerd’s yearbook and we finally talk about the Carlin documentary.

Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike. Sunday Papers, yeah, it's what I... All right, you're going to clap. And my clap. Three, two, one. Such a professional clap. Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it!

It's a sad, sad day in the Sunday papers. Oh, my God. The tragedy. The unmitigated international despair. You just said you weren't going to talk about it. And it's the first syllable. I love that. Yeah, you can't. to talk about it. And it's the first syllable. I love that. Yeah, you can't.

Come on, you're known. Of all comedians, you're known to be like one of the guys most in the moment. You're going to be in the moment. You're going to address what's going on in the room. Yep. I've got on my Snoopy hat as a shout out to my soon-to-be late dog, Brule, who we've had. He's 16 years old. We've had him for 13 years.

We've talked about him on the podcast. He's a loving, caring, protective dog. But he's got temperamental issues. All right, here's how we're going to do it, because you're mixed about this. I want to give the viewer listeners a green light to laugh and almost celebrate brulee's death uh in in in in wholesome ways also it's he's going to a better place uh and he's struggling which we'll get into in a minute so there's a lot of good without you know making light of it but i we can also, I'm the guy that might make more light of it than you.

I want to take you off the hook for that because it's also very emotional. It is very emotional. I didn't realize I would be this emotional about it. But yesterday, you saw me, I couldn't even play golf. I was so distractedly depressed and I was depressed all day. And I realized, like, you know, I know it's his time, but there's a certain amount of guilt that comes with putting a dog down where you feel like, you know, like literally I'm taking a life. And I'm like I'm the kind of guy that like I throw spiders and mosquitoes outside. I don't I don't kill them.

Well, you didn't have to choose strangling brulee with your hands. You know, there's other, I know it's a Saturday, but you could probably pay extra to get a vet to come by and do it. No, I just, I choked them out so that I could drown them. I didn't. We had our next door neighbor, Dr. Michelle Jack, who's a lesbian veterinarian who we've been friends with for 20 years. That's on her card. And she was supposed to do it, but then she couldn't. It was going to be nice because she was going to do it in the house.

But now we couldn't find anybody who could do it in the house over the weekend. Do it in your house. Yeah, they come to your house. Boy, is that going to hannah's the other dog yes that'll teach hannah to stay on the straight and narrow right we should wait until right after hannah pees on the rug yeah and then put brulee down in front of her if you pee one more time we will kill brulee little blind bastard.

I think even that would get through to her. I mean, she's the one that should be put down. I mean, her time is not long on this planet. They've both overstayed their welcomes. But she is also 16. She's blind. She's deaf. She has dementia.

She pees on everything all the time. She'll walk up to a wall and then stare at it and bark at it for 15 minutes. It's a little like when you used to rage. All right. Hold on a minute. Explain, detail what the groomer, how the groomer called you guys back about your two dogs. Yeah. So two days ago, we brought the dogs to the groomers. And we figured this is, you know, we're going to put Brulé down. We want to make him look nice for the ceremony. I didn't know that was the reason.

All right, yeah, I was going to say, what a waste of money. All right, go ahead. So we took him to the groomer. We took the two of them to the groomer. And usually you drop them off, and then about four hours later, they call you and they say the dogs are done come pick them up uh this woman calls about 45 minutes later and she goes come pick up your dogs and we're like what happened and she said well uh brulee bit the groomer twice and hannah has open pussing sores and it's not hygienic for our workers

to touch them come Come get your dogs. I would have just been like, just hold them underwater. Can you hold? I will come pick them up, but can you please hold them underwater? You have scissors, right? You guys have scissors? Oh, no. So it's all about Hannah now.

Have you ever put a dog down? I have not. I mean, Jeff did, my stepbrother. We grew up with a golden retriever. Well, my dad was like Ellen. My dad would give dogs away. Now, I don't know if he killed them. Like, for instance, he had a Scottish terrier and he got it.

I think it was the divorced dad with the kids. But my dad, as you know, was like never in his apartment when we weren't there. You know, he was always working her out in New York City. And so it was it was too cruel for the dogs. But he claimed he gave it to his doorman who loved the dog. And then when we questioned him on that, he said, oh, no, he gave it to his mom who lives in the Philippines. None of it's adding up now that I'm recounting it. Yeah.

But we never saw the dog again. But anyway, Jeff put down our golden retriever that we did have its entire life. And I missed that. But Jeff picked me up at the train station at Brewster and goes, you want to hold Seji? Our dog was said, you want to hold Seji? And then he threw that box that you can kind of hear its teeth still hitting the metal of the box. And he threw that on my lap. Well, Brule is famous for biting people.

He has bit people his entire life. He should have been put down a long time ago. He bit Owen yesterday pretty bad, like deep, deep bleeding. And he, well, whatever. I don't even want to get into the whole history of his biting but uh so i'm thinking about tom o'neill's been bitten tom o'neill's been bitten somebody somebody recommended that i have him stuffed with with his teeth bearing his teeth and for christmas give it to the kids in a box. You're joking, right? Is that too far?

No, that was me. Oh, okay. That's great. That was a great joke. Should I do it? Yes! I told you, in all seriousness, it would make the funniest, best gift. A ferocious dog that would go on some bookshelf somewhere, but even if it's just a joke gift, it's going to make Christmas.

Yeah. All right. I'm going to do it. You should look into. I wonder what that costs. Probably thousands of dollars. No, it's probably high hundreds, right? Or a thousand, maybe a thousand.

It's worth it. Oh, my God. It's a legendary joke. Yeah. You know, with its, you know, like- Blood dripping down his mouth. Well, like they would do a wolf in like the museum, you know? Yeah. You have to, but you have to look into that. I don't know if they just need photos. Like,

the whole fish thing. So I caught a fish in a fish in cabo anyway it's the one that's on my you know in my garage because the family wouldn't have it but anyway when you stuff a fish they don't need any of it any part of it they measure the fish and they know the the exact you know uh type of fish and they just they just create it i don't know what the deal is with animals. I don't know if they skin it and it's really his fur. Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. Denman has just written that squirrels cost around $100. Oh, well, this is not much bigger than a squirrel.

Yeah. But I wonder if a squirrel is like a fish where they don't really need the exact squirrel because very few people have a squirrel as a pet, so they just make squirrels. Yeah. Where I don't know if it's like they have shih tzus or whatever the hell brulee is. Can you imagine the looks on their faces when they open that box on Christmas Day? I can just see JoJo laughing for two days straight yeah yeah speaking of speaking of gifts for jojo happy birthday jojo look at that my little girl is turning 19 years old today your girl just turned 19 right yeah yep in may in uh may late may yeah so um we're gonna i asked her what she wanted

for her birthday and she said she wanted her car detailed oh wow which is interesting because i checked at the car wash 260 bucks if you're like to shampoo it and do all that stuff there's different levels of detailing yeah i think're going to go with a lower level of detailing than that. I got to save money for this dog stuffing. Meanwhile, now with everything, like that sounded outrageously expensive to me. That's a dinner for two in LA at a nice place now. And not even with a bottle of wine.

No, it's not that expensive. If you get, or how about this? You ready? You get a drink each, and then you get a glass of wine each. Yeah. That is $100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

Yep. It's just a fact. They now are taking advantage. It's honestly right around $20 a drink in fucking Los Angeles I know and I feel bad because my son's 21 and he wants to start going to bars and then he'll come home and he'll be like dad I went out I bought me and my two friends a drink

and it was $50 that's not affordable for a 21 year old kid that's a day's work for a 21 year old kid they're just taking advantage kind of like the gas prices of this inflation you know, inflation. But it's also what they can get. Everything is what they can get away with.

Yeah, I know. I went to the gas station last night. It was $6 and it said $6.30 a gallon. But then when I was pumping it, it said $6.50. And I looked at the sign did you realize it's 20 cents more to pay with a credit card than to pay cash at a gas station i didn't know that the one on bundy the one on bundy and national oh wow not going there anymore oh that's that's a pretty fancy yeah you know they have you know they have that high high octane gas there. Oh, do they? Yeah. And one of the reasons is, you know, all these, how can I say this?

Ferraris and stuff? Well, the douchebags who have, keep their high performance cars in hangars at Santa Monica Airport. Oh, okay. And they go there. One of them is Jerry Seinfeld. One of them is Jerry Seinfeld and they fill up and then they go, quote, buzz the canyons in Malibu and do their whole like weekend ritual of that stuff. That'd be fun. Yes, sure.

Being a douchebag is fun. And we're going to talk about George Carlin later and his take on golf courses. Oh, my God. That was damning. I know. I felt really, well, like we'll get into it later, but like,

there's so many things that you can, and I teased you last week about the wide world of white that you're living, but they are the most fun things to do. Yeah. Um, all right. What else? Everyone has COVID.

Every human being that I know has COVID right now. I think I called it. Mike Dugan just got over it. Oh, he did? We were pitching a TV show. We had to cancel the meeting because he had COVID. Oh, my God. Zoom it.

It was supposed to be Zoom, and he still canceled it. Oh, my God. Is he still alive? My nephews are visiting one of them has covid um i got uh my cousin i so many people have covid it's ridiculous the new strain is the most contagious one by far they say yeah number five or whatever it is a ba5 anyway uh i called it in addition to a bazillion scientists out there but i I think COVID might wipe out humans. Well, I'm not I don't know what the fatality rate of this new strain.

It doesn't seem to be as lethal. But at the same time, we also don't know what the long haul effects might be. Yeah. The yeah, no viruses get less lethal as they go on because that's part of their survival built in sort of programming. Also, the really deadly ones kill their hosts. And so there's less spread of them. But I don't know. It could be one little variant and it's like, oh, this variant, it's not deadly at all, but women can't have children after it. That's all it takes. Handmaid's Tale. Is that what happened?

Yeah. Same with Children of Men. I don't know how it happened, but that was a scenario that you were dropped into. Oh my God, Children of Men is so good. Children of Men is fucking crazy good. Watch that if you need something to watch. Okay, so I know we talk about this entertainment. I started watching third season of Atlanta.

It's the best show on television. All right, save it for entertainment. What are you doing? You don't jump around in the newspaper. Oh, I'm sorry. We never jump around. You're right. Sorry, my bad.

Shout out to Lawrence Tarpey, who did this week's logo. It is a homage to, I believe it's the homage to Goodfellas. Is that where they kill the guy in the trunk? But he's got a flashlight in his hand, it looks like, instead of a gun. I mean, it is definitely a body in the trunk, which I used to have that. You remember I had that license plate on my big Cadillac, B-D-Y-N-T-R-N-K. But is that the car that it was?

That looks a little older than the one in Goodfellas. Yeah, it does. Is that, I don't know what it is. Alright, Lawrence, send us in some clarification on where that's from. The song came from James Enrique and it is music that made me feel weird to my core

almost like I was watching scat porn or something highest praise that's your example yeah okay all right porn is fecal matter right right? SCAT. Yeah, scatological. Yeah. Have you ever watched scat porn? No. You've seen Two Girls, One Cop? Oh, yes. I put it in a pilot. No, you didn't. Alright.

Tosh.0, they gave us $5,000 to make a pilot. It's a whole thing. Anyway, we put together...iel didn't know anything about the internet at the time i was obsessed with youtube anyway we we put together a good thing and they made us do it live a live presentation by the time and this is the end of the story by the time we got it in a good place i was like fuck comedy central and what i want to do is be like here's your five thousand back000 back. Here's 6,000 back.

I'll pay you interest. We actually have a show that someone should take a chance on and you did not. And when of course we couldn't do that, I was like, well, this is what we're going to do. The biggest thing online at that point for anyway, that a lot of people loved were reaction videos to two girls, one cup. They were all over YouTube. You never saw the content. You saw people's reactions and like they would freak out and famous people did it. Sports teams did it, you know? Um, and, and you can still find them. They're so fucking funny. People throw up watching it. So what we did is we were going to shoot our reaction. And so we put it on the, going to shoot our reaction.

And so we turn the cameras on the executives and I showed every executive of Comedy Century two girls, one cup, and I filmed them. I love it. Fuck them. Fuck them. Turns out they loved it too.

See? Executives are just self-hating scat fans. Corrections from last week bc says that true romance was the movie you guys were thinking of that describes the italians in proper light okay in proper light uh and then this one comes from manolo matos i like how greg makes fun of mike for the peloton bike story, but 15 minutes later, he discusses the golfing and hitting the wrong ball. You both are white guys and can't deny it. So is your pronunciation of Manolo.

It's probably Manolo. Yeah. All right. He has an additional thing here. He also says a pill preventing implantation of a fertilized egg is an abortion pill. A pill preventing the follicle from releasing the egg in the ovaries and not allowing it to be fertilized is not because there isn't a zygote fertilized egg. Big difference, even though abortion should be safe and legal all the way for whatever reason. OK.

All right. And an additional note on Ricky Martin. As you were recording the episode, there were news that his nephew, 20 years old, had filed a restraining order against him. Apparently, they had a relationship. Ricky's married to someone else, by the way. A few hours later, the news broke

the nephew retracted and removed the restraining order. So Ricky is having sex with his nephew? Is that what this is alleging? His nephew Manolo? Yes. I think we got the source right here. Damn. If I was having sex with Ricky Martin, I'd be telling people on podcast too.

Yeah, that makes sense because they're going to try to get all. I mean, the threat is to get his dirty laundry out there. We covered that story last week. So I bet this kid, I bet Ricky and his people paid that kid immediately to back up off of that. Well, listen, I mean, there is no Vita that's more loco than having sex with your own nephew. Bob Patterson, check the pronunciation. You blew it.

Huh? I don't know. Also, Gibbons thinks conflating means something else. Abortion and the morning after pill are two different things. Right, right, right, right. You know what? I mean, yeah, sometimes I might misuse conflating, but I was talking about the two pills

and I actually think I was conflating, attributing some of the qualities of one to the other. Also, somebody sends you an email about Joey Pants and the spelling of his name. You try to correct him that his name ends with an E and not an O because he was on my podcast. It's Pantoliano. You big jackass. Okay. I got some tour dates just announcing for the very first time. Some tour dates coming up starting next month.

Jonathan's in Agunquit, Maine on August 11th. That's going to be fucking nice. And then the next two nights I'll be in Manchester, New Hampshire at Chunky's Chunky's cinema pub. I got to get a new agent. No, that's the greatest name ever. Imagine,

imagine naming a pub that serves food, presumably Chunky's in Los Angeles. There wouldn't be a soul in there. Yeah, yeah. And then I'll be at the Grove in Lowell, Arizona, September 16th and 17th. The Howlin' Wolf in New Orleans. This is rescheduled on October 6th.

Howlin' Wolf is very cool, man. It's a very cool club. It's in the Warehouse District I saw Better Than Ezra there Are you kidding me? When they were the top band Dude, let's get a trip going Let's get five or six guys

And go to fucking New Orleans October 6th might be cool enough temperature-wise And not humid where you want to kill yourself All right And then October 7th I'll be in lafayette louisiana at club 3337 all tickets at fits dog.com let's talk a little bit about the security on your computer when you use your bathroom do you always close the door behind you yes you do you don't want random people looking at you taking a dump. So why would you let people

look in on you when you go online? Using the internet without Express VPN is like going to the bathroom and not closing the door. Every your internet service provider knows every single website you visit, right? And what's worse is they sell this information

to ad companies. Express VPN puts a stop to this. It creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the Internet so your online activity can't be seen by anyone. I have ExpressVPN. I've had it for like three years. It makes me sleep at night. I have it on my computer.

I have it on my phone. It turns on automatically when I turn my shit on. I don't even know it's there the other great thing is if you are checking for airline prices and you have express VPN it doesn't track you if otherwise it will jack up the prices on you as you search hotels.com same thing but if you do it through an encrypted device you can check all you want, and it never affects the prices. Listen, when you're going to be Googling how to stuff Brulee, you don't want them to jack up the prices on that.

That's right. If you're trying to look up how to show scat porn to network executives, come on. Listen, the best part is it's very easy. You just click one button, and you're protected. It's the number one rated VPN by Mashable, The Verge, and countless others. So if you're like me and believe your online activity is your business, secure yourself by visiting expressvpn.com slash papers today. Use my exclusive link, expressv P N.com slash papers.

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We truly do. So I just listened to a book, uh, in my travels to New York and back. And I don't want, I don't want to know. I don't want to talk about it. But it was a guy in country music, read his own book. Very typical of a country guy.

It was a laconic, slow read. I 1.4 times that. It was perfect. And I got through it faster. 1.4 times that. It was perfect. And I got through it faster. 1.4 times speed. You know, other places, I think, like with podcasts, you can speed it up to like 1, 1.5, 2, whatever. This is right down to that.

I know it's a weird thing to love about Audible, but it just adds to it. No, I slow mine down because I use Audible to go to sleep every night. I pick the slowest. I just finished Grover Cleveland's biography, and I put it at three-quarter speed. He was president. Did he make him sound drunk?

He wasn't a drunk. He was a fat man. No, no, I mean you make the reader sound drunk. Oh, yeah, yeah, totally, totally, yeah. So it's like a drunk man's whispering in your ear as you go to sleep, which by the way, you can hire now on task rabbit. That's someone to cradle you and just everything. It's not your, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. That's all they whisper as you, as you drift off to sleep. Okay. Back to audible. Audible offers an incredible

selection of audio books across every genre from bestsellers and new releases to celebrity memoirs. I mean, if you haven't listened to Norm Macdonald read his book yet, what are you doing? Uh, there's mysteries, thrillers, motivation, of course, wellness, business, and more. I listened to books about procrastination instead of working. And that works for me. Yeah, it's perfect. You'll discover exclusive Audible originals from top celebrities, renowned experts, and exciting new voices in audio. As an Audible member, you can choose one title a month and keep from their entire catalog,

including the latest bestsellers and new releases. All Audible members get access to a growing selection of audiobooks, Audible originals, and podcasts that are included with membership. You can listen to all you want and more get added every month. You listen to it before you go to bed. I tend to listen to it in the car, and then when I remember, I'll put it on in the house. If I have to do whatever, tasks, basically house stuff. If I have to clean the kitchen, that's the best because it just flies by.

So let Audible help you discover new ways to laugh, be inspired, or be entertained. New members can try it for free for 30 days. Visit audible.com slash papers or text papers to 500-500. That's 500-500. That's Audible.com slash papers or text papers to 500-500. Try Audible free for 30 days. Audible.com slash papers. Oh, my God.

I just farted like 10 seconds ago. Interesting. And it is the most pungent. You ever just enjoy your own fart sorry audible for that okay we could put a little more breathing room so to speak between the two yeah yes of course you do you're like look how powerful i am in the car it feels powerful and and it feels it just feels like it's mine that's the thing about farting it just feels like it's mine. That's the thing about farting. It just feels so personal. Huh.

I wish we could do an ad for farts. You just did it. If you want to listen to audible.com, the best way to do it is with some Raycon wireless earbuds. Oh, boy. I use my Raycons when I work out. They stay right in my ear Really nicely I can take phone calls on them

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off your raycon order that's buyraycon r-a-c-o-n dot com slash papers to score 15 off buyraycon.com slash papers speaking of papers you're going to want to put noise isolation on those things when you're walking just hannah because you're going to get a lot of questions and you don't want to hear them. And the whining of Hannah, who misses her husband. Let's get to the front page. You saved Hannah from an abusive relationship. Extra! Extra! We all have thought it! Extra! I know.

Alright, here we go. Headline this week was, more U.S. children. You're frozen forever. Let's skip this one. Why? Oh no, sorry. Go ahead. Do it. But you were frozen. Alright, so

you've promised. Do you want to make a promise to uh to people that you are going to buy new wi-fi yes i'm going to get wi-fi in my office because currently i hijack it from my next door neighbor you do three podcast you do three podcasts where you need video streaming to be flawless and you you still are scamming in or whatever it is, hijacking, piggybacking, whatever it is on your neighbor. Does he know you're doing it? Just kidding.

Yes, he gave me the code. He gave me the passcode. He's fine with it. Alright, whatever. Chris is saying you need a wired connection. Into what? A computer that has no inputs these new apple computers fucking suck you can't plug anything into them you should see me it's like uh which which headphones i'm on a plane and if i want to watch something on my phone i've downloaded

i need uh the apple uh jack which is the flat thing that goes in the bottom, whatever the hell that's called. And then, of course, the rest of the world is still using the 3.5 millimeter, you know, plug headphone thing. Right. Apple. This just, it's, and they're going to change it. I know. It sucks.

Here we go. More U.S. children becoming obese at younger ages was the headline quote these were the worrying data indicate that the childhood obesity obesity jesus let me do this again the worrying data indicate that the childhood obesity epidemic in the united states continues to grow and get more serious so i pause there because did they have to put continues to grow and get more serious. So I pause there because did they have to put continues to grow? Yeah. Is the problem getting bigger? Is it huge?

This is heavy stuff, man. It is amazing. It's the only thing we're making progress in in the United States. The only forward motion is the size of our children. It goes on to say currently around 40% of high school students can be classified as having had obesity or being overweight in their primary school years. So 40%, but have more students gotten fatter or just have the fat ones grown? So now they're 40% of the mass of the student body. You know what I mean?

Like me, how are they measuring this? Maybe it isn't more kids getting fat. Maybe it's just the fat ones are so much fatter that they're up to 40%. Researchers assessed trends among kindergartners starting school in 1998 compared to 2010. Obesity was defined as having a body mass index above the 95th percentile, and definitions were tailored to different age groups. Well, they knew there were a problem with these kindergartners when the Duck, Duck, Goose became a menu item rather than a game.

Hey, now. Wait a minute. Mike Gibbons. Also, the game changed to Duck, Duck, Oh, My God, I Gotta Sit Down, I'm Lightheaded. Imagine these fat little bastards running around in a tight circle like crazy. Do you remember how fast you'd run around that? Dude. Duck, Duck, Goose was fierce.

You had to lean. You leaned to your left because you were running so fast. Yeah. Oh, my God. They can't even get up. You just tap the fat kid and then you just walk. You just walk around while he has an asthma attack and fumbles around like he's on ice. Yeah.

I also have my dumb old joke that I used to do that the obesity epidemic among our youth is leading to teen walkaways because they can no longer run away. Yes. Gold. Gold. Gold. That joke had to be explained every time I did it. Yeah. I expect to see the duck, duck goose one.

The next time you do stand up. What else here? Analysis also showed that throughout this window, the risk of undeserved and economically disadvantaged children developing obesity rose by 15 percent. It should be noted none of the kids could fit through this window. Shouldn't poor kids be getting skinnier? That's how you know you live in a rich country, when the poor kids are fatter than the rich kids. Right.

It is. Listen, not to get serious, but it is like they do studies i remember one was like oakland and all this where it was like you couldn't get a vegetable it was like over a mile and that's in a city it's so sad but there was like eight liquor stores yeah right um and you know all the cheetos you want anyway all right moving on to light if you could just get some kale in a pawn shop we'd be all set moving on to lighter fare as missing warning signs pile up in investigations of mass killings. New York State is rolling out a novel strategy to screen applicants for gun permits. People seeking to carry concealed handguns will be required to hand over their social media accounts for a review of their, quote, character and conduct.

Of course. People don't—jobs do it. You apply for a job, they're going to check out your social media. It's an approach applauded by many Democrats and national gun control advocacy groups People don't jobs do it. You apply for a job. They're going to check out your social media. It's an approach applauded by many Democrats and national gun control advocacy groups. But some experts have raised questions about how the law will be enforced and address free speech concerns. Yeah. Here's some red flags that they're going to look for. Relationship status going from dating to single.

Yeah. Posting a trailer for a new John Wick movie, anyone following Alex Jones. Our friend Tom O'Neill is never going to get a gun. Also, after you post your glee at Killing Brulee, they are going to definitely require a cool-down period for you. Yeah, right. Anybody's been bitten by a dog and they post about it, can't get a gun.

Anyone who stuffs their dog in a violent pose, maybe they're going to pause on you. Yeah. You don't have a gun, do you? Nope,

I have a BB gun. It's down in storage, though. I bought it for my mom. She complained about crows so much where she used to live that I bought it for her for Christmas. Did you shoot any crows? She definitely did not.

I think I might have tried. But crows are vindictive, man. They will hit back. Really? That's what they say, that crows actually have that ability. They're smart enough to be vindictive. Damn. Yeah.

And then to do nasty stuff. Yeah. I've never shot and killed an animal. Oh. When I was little, we had a BB gun up in Carmel. My stepbrother Jeff, these birds would come to a bird feeder, which was out in the back, and this cute little bird, and we lined it up, and part of it was, what are the odds

you can hit this little bird or whatever, so you see where this is going. So all of a sudden, I had it in in the sites and it wasn't that far away. It was on the end of the gun. No, it wasn't that far away. And I was like, uh, I can't do it. And Jeff goes, you pussy. I'm like, all right, I'll do it. I shot it right in the head first shot. And then Jeff goes, I can't believe you just killed that little bird. And then Jeff goes, I can't believe you just killed that little bird. But he wasn't even joking.

He was like, oh, my God, because it was this. I mean, it hit the thing. It took the little bird right out. It was shocking. I hit it. And he immediately legitimately, honestly, was like, I can't believe you put out a bird feeder and then you're killing the little bird that's like that johnny cash song about the boy who's got a rifle and he's just playing around and he shoots a guy do you know who wrote that song who you'll never guess sting no yep really Sting. No. Yep. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was an old Johnny Cash song.

No, it was in this latest crop of songs, I Hung My Head, I Hung My Head. And then he's in Trial and stuff. Yeah. It's amazing that Sting wrote that song. Damn. Yeah. Of course, it's Sting's.

Well, what's his name? What's's his real name that's what it's listed as the writer i guess all maybe all the sting songs are written by uh declan or whatever the hell his real name is whatever british name he has the wisconsin supreme court ruled that a transgender woman cannot change her name because she's on the state's sex offender registry and the law does not allow people on the registry to change their names the woman identified in court documents only as ella was required to register as a sex offender after being convicted of sexually molesting a disabled 14 year old boy when she was 15 she's's now 22. According to court records, Ella was a 6'5", and more than 300 pounds at the time of the assault.

Big gal, big gal. The victim was 110 pounds, blind in one eye, and autistic. After the assault, Ella taunted the victim on Facebook and told other students what happened, perpetuating the victimization and trauma, the court said. Mean girls. Really? Ella entered the criminal justice system identifying as male and was ordered to register as a sex offender for 15 years. I think that women as a group tried to block this trade.

We don't want her. You guys keep her. Until she gets out and the Olympics start, Danella's going to be throwing that shot put like a beast. We got her for the Olympics. You know, the story in detail that he was wheelchair-bound at the time of the attack, Maybe she crushed him during the assault. Did she put him in the wheelchair?

Also, she began her transformation back then pretty easy to catch. The police would be like, we have a description. The assailant is 6'5", 300 pounds with a janky wig, awful makeup, and limps with very tight high heel shoes. We got her. We got her. We saw her. She was across town. But isn't this the old trick to get into women's prison? Yeah, we talked about this a couple weeks ago.

It was that, I mean, there's a guy that knocked up like six women in the prison. I'm sorry, not a guy. I just dead-named a woman who knocked up a bunch of women because she identifies as a woman, but maintains the original equipment. I told you we brought that up. And then the next week I saw Chappelle do it on stage. Yeah.

Of course. He listens to Sunday papers. Yes, we're accusing Chappelle of stealing our material. But yeah, this is this is yeah, they should not. This person, I don't I'd like to say, although I'll probably get canceled, I don't think they should go to women's prison. This six five three hundred pound vicious person. prison this six five three hundred pound uh vicious person i think this person needs to be in solitary so it doesn't matter if it's a men's or a women's prison this this woman person uh is a sick sick motherfucker and i know they're gonna do a they'll do a documentary about her

and she'll end up getting a book deal and making millions of dollars because she's a fucking lunatic. Well, that's a nice thing the prisons can say. Like, listen, you are going to be so happy and you're going to feel incredibly respected. We have unisex solitary confinement cells. So, I mean, it's really it's perfect. Yeah. Hard to be offended in there. An 86-year-old woman has been recognized by Guinness for being the world's longest-serving flight attendant.

Matt Nash has been a flight attendant for nearly 65 years and currently serves with American Airlines. Nash recalls that it was just $12 for a one-way airline ticket, and passengers would pay the flight attendants as they boarded. Passengers were also able to purchase life insurance from a vending machine upon arrival and would receive cigarettes and matches after the onboard food service. Anybody who knows that should be retired at this point. Well, you get the cigarette after you have sex in the bathroom with Betty, the flight attendant. Who, by the way, had to be single. They had to be single.

They had to be a certain height and a weight, and they would weigh you in on every flight. If you gained a few pounds, you would be taken off the payroll. It says she has no plans of retiring yet. Do we need a flight attendant who wouldn't be qualified to sit in an exit row? This is what we do know. Betty is still making the weight cut. Or no, I guess they got rid

of the weight cut, but I'd like to think she's still keeping it tight. Oh yeah, Betty's got it tight. I saw a picture of her. She's adorable. Oh, well listen, the airline weighs my bags. Why not weigh these old bags? It's just a matter of, you know, it's science. I mean, the plane has to fly.

They have to know how much it weighs. All right. Well, she flies for America. Remind me to avoid American Airlines. Can I get another steaming hot cup of coffee? Not in my lap this time. Oh, thanks, Betty. I'll have my coffee stirred, not shaken, not shaken.

By the way, the new hot flight attendants, I think you can agree, they're all men. All of them fit as hell, looking sharp. They'd welcome a weigh-in. They don't want any big flight attendants on the crew. Yeah, they'd love it. Yeah. They look fabulous.

They do look good. You don't see overweight male flight attendants. They take really good care of themselves. No, and the arms are grabbing the biceps. Yeah. And, like, they're, yeah, they look almost military-like in the way they wear the uniform. I like it. Don't ask, don't tell.

I don't mind. Make them all gay. I love it. Well, you can't make them gay. Just hire gay ones. Go ahead. Good news for Gubbins. You got it.

Well, I guess I got to cut Dennis Gubbins a break. Last week I gave him shit because he charged me a stroke penalty when we were playing a match because I accidentally hit somebody else's ball. And then Daniel Whittier wrote in, he gave you a break. It's a two-stroke penalty. Uh-oh. Well, Dennis might be listening to this, but he listened last week because on the golf course, he, I want to say, cornered me. You were on the other side.

And he couldn't believe you balked or protested the penalty thing. Yeah. And he went on about it. And something, I forget what, he had some explanation about it and something I forget what he had some explanation about it anyway which by the way we should commemorate on Sunday Papers Mike Gibbons who started playing golf a year

and three months ago shot even par on Penmar not according to Dennis well Dennis said you were one over because you what is it you lost a ball? So, sliced, here's golf talk, white, white, white, sliced the ball. A wide world of white with Mike.

Sliced the ball and then ran out of time looking for it and then hit one and then right near where I dropped the ball and hit it, I found my ball. So, it was a one-stroke penalty and I took it. I added it. Did you then play the original ball? No, I picked it up. Yeah. Yeah. No, I had already hit it and we were behind and we were slow. The people were behind us. I felt pressure. Might be because one of the guys we play with, Mikey Fitzgibbons, has OCD. It's like watching Fred Norton play golf. He has all these twitches and ticks and stretches and yoga poses and breathing exercises.

It's like a minute and a half every time he steps up to the ball. He thinks a lot, yes. Which would be fine if he didn't also, he's always the last guy to hit, and when it's his turn, he's not ready. He's over-talking. He also, in the middle of a lot of fidgeting and in the middle of a lot of knee bends, all of a sudden be like, hey, wait, did you see the game? He interrupts himself, which, listen, nicest guy in the world.

Nicest guy in the world, of course. And then if he doesn't hit a good shot, immediately indulges himself in hitting a second ball, which none of us do. Nobody hits a second ball. It's like he has a hole in his pocket that he can just drop a ball out of it. It's on the floor before his follow-through is done.

Golf Talk! Let's do some entertainment. You got it. Signing a yearbook is usually a heartwarming end-of-year tradition among friends and classmates, but not for 12-year-old Brody Ritter. His classmates refused to sign his yearbook, leaving him with only four signatures, two of which were made by his teachers. his mother shared this sad experience on facebook thanks mom god asking other parents to teach your kids kindness many people were inspired to help including actor paul rudd

after this story was shared in the news uh he was the beneficiary of another special message this time from Rudd. He sent a letter that said, it's important to remember that even when life is tough, that things get better. There are so many people that love you and think you're the coolest kid there is. I don't think so. Or they would have signed his fucking yearbook.

Can't wait to see all the amazing things you're going to accomplish. The Ant-Man star then came and had a FaceTime call with him, and he sent him an Ant-Man helmet that read, to my good friend Brody, for when he takes on the world. Something tells me

this isn't the kid's first helmet. I mean, the obvious burning question is, is this kid an asshole? Why didn't anybody sign his yearbook? It's not that big of an ask. I also love that immediately the bullies all beat the shit out of Paul Rudd. Should beat the shit out of his mom for, like, embarrassing him on Facebook. Yeah.

I mean, his dad just stayed clear of the whole thing. His dad knows how things work. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, his dad just stayed clear of the whole thing. His dad knows how things work. Yeah. Yeah. The mom thing. What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah.

On social media for everyone to see. Right. Well, the good news is this kid won't be able to buy a gun, I think, if they check the social media. Right. be able to buy a gun i think if they if they check the social media right two people loner in high school overbearing mom who shamed him on public uh you know social media no gun for you yep nobody likes them yeah um let's go down to uh all right we need we said we would talk yeah we said we'd talk about it last week. It was a penalty imposed on anybody who did not watch the George Carlin documentary by Judd Apatow. So you and I both watched it. Your thoughts?

I thought it's an extraordinary documentary. It was so well done. I've seen a lot of, I think I've seen Apatow. Apatow's done another, oh yeah, Shandling. He's done a lot of documentaries. Right. The Avery Brothers, the New York Mets, Shandling. This is by far his best one.

Yeah. And what's the Avery Brothers one? He did a documentary on the Avery Brothers. Who are they? They're in a band americana band oh the avid oh maybe that's what they're called the avid brothers and i'm probably not pronouncing right but yeah all right i should check that out uh this is the best one i've seen it was really really well done documentary um the transitions all of it was great production value all that and

it's one of those documentaries it's not only a great documentary but the subject matters unbelievable and um part two i like better than part one you um i i agree with you i love it i think that i think that it's up there with this shandling one um i didn't love the ending where i'm not going to give away the ending for people but i didn't i thought it was a little too um i whatever i don't want to be a spoiler but i love i think we can talk about it well clue me in i don't know what you're talking about he's showing all like the january 6th stuff and it was a lot of stuff that happened after George's death. That was,

I mean, I get what he was going for. Like he was kind of, George had foreshadowed that a lot of this stuff would happen. But, um, but I love the access that Judd got. He fucking did the legwork.

And I mean, there's like footage from every tonight show that he ever did. He had home movies. He had radio clips. He had radio clips. He had interviews with local news. It was incredible. I mean, when you saw the page where he had to list the archive of where he got the footage, it went on and on and on.

It was incredible. Did you see, you remember my old boss, Chris Spencer at HBO from New Zealand? Yeah, right. I mean, guy kind of like gave me my break and all that stuff. Uh, Chris is in it. And that was very cool of Judd to keep them in there because Judd used so much of his footage.

Chris directed. I remember I couldn't go that day. I worked at HBO and they're like, we're going up to, uh, the Heights to walk around Georgia's childhood neighborhood with them and interview them. I'm like, what? And, uh, I was down like editing on 23rd street or something. And then they went to,

uh, a studio and all that beautiful black and white footage with a white background with George, which they used in part one and two. And it was, and in part one, I would see the slate when they were walking around, um, you know, upper Manhattan and I'd see Spencer's name on it. Anyway, very cool of Judd to put, you know, you see George and Chris talking and that didn't need to be in there. I think that was a nice little shout out because you use so much of Chris's footage, which is technically HBO's footage. But anyway, I liked that they showed the things, but I think showing January 6th went too far because George didn't talk specifically about that. But he talked specifically about abortion. So I liked when they showed how sort of ahead of his time he was being outraged at some things and about,

you know, corporate ownership of us and the illusion of choice and, um, and consumerism, you know, he was just so on it in terms of those issues. And, and a lot of people like Colbert detracted him for maybe it's not funny. But at that point, like if it's interesting, you know, I excuse a lot of comedians if they're interesting. I don't really care if they're funny at times. No, I disagree. Especially if I know they're funny. That last special was not funny at all. And it was angry and it was unmoored.

I thought I thought it was unwatchable. unmoored. I thought I thought it was unwatchable. And I think he got he got to a point in his life where he was so enraged and he had so given up on the species in his own words. He didn't he hated the species. And and I think that he wasn't accessing any distance from it to make it funny. So I and I'm glad that Judged showed that. Pretty bald-faced. He showed footage that was just not funny of him at the end. And his face was bloated because he was on medications

because of his illness. And, yeah. But now, wait a minute. But the last special actually wasn't the one you're talking about. Oh, was that the second to last? Yeah. Yeah, because the last, the one you're talking about, fittingly, had a graveyard setting. Right.

And it was the death of humans, I believe. And maybe it wasn't that, but I mean, that's how I'm looking at it. And he probably explained it at one point but um i don't know i guess i'm more forgiving when when i i'm i'm watching you know he's a true artist you know so i'm watching an artist and i don't have to like every period but i can also still really appreciate it you know what i mean like i just remember like wow it's like an album going really dark or or like when neil young tries something crazy electric you know at that when electric electronic music started and like like yeah i will not listen to this one again but i kind of can respect it yeah um i don't know if i feel that way about comedy but i that that's interesting. But I like seeing that like he'd get knocked down and he was, you know, look, comedy used to get reviewed a lot.

You know, you put out a special or an album and then everybody reviewed it. They don't really do that anymore. And he got some bad reviews over the years because he had times where people felt that he was becoming a caricature of himself, of the guy that talked about small things and, you know, ad nauseum. And it just became like kind of like too much of a hook. And he got shit for it. And then you saw him dig in and go, fuck them all. And then he would go deeper and he would get. Oh, he was such an artist. He would just get better every time.

It was amazing. I just remembered I recorded something. It's literally 18 seconds, but I was like, I'm never going to remember the way he phrased it. This was him in a club trying stuff out. So I mentioned his last special. His last special where he looked old, and meanwhile I think he was 70,

but he looked much older than that but he was talking about old things you know like and people will carry shit for you like it seemed like he got back to comedy you know what i mean that's for his last but anyway i think this was him because he's really old in this clip and he talks about he goes i'm not trying stuff out do you remember this he goes i'm not trying stuff out he goes i want you to know that I don't do that like on you. All right, here it is. Hopefully, let's see if you can hear it. And we're going now.

You fucking. Hold on. Where's it playing in? Here we go. Sorry about that. Here we go. I'm trying this stuff out on you i'm not trying i don't do that the audience doesn't really figure into my plans

this way i look at it i'm here for me you're here for me and no one's here for you could you hear that that's great i'm here for me I'm here for me. You're here for me. No one's here for you. That's awesome. It's such an amazing way to look at it. Yeah. Now, I think one of the things that you get trapped in as a comedian is obviously caring too much what the audience thinks about you. And that was something that he was always shedding and shaking.

And I think Shanling was another guy that uh that did that as well as is tried to free himself from the control of acceptance from the audience and and as he did that he would go to deeper places and uh oh that's the reminder for every comedian don't give a shit what the audience is thinking about you. Every artist. Are you kidding me? How to follow whatever true north setting you have inside you. Right.

And it's brutal because, I mean, walking that line, it's like, well, I have to make a living. So, you know, and is that a sellout? You know, like, uh, it's such a hard line to walk. Uh, luckily I've never struggled with that. I've just been a soulless sellout my whole life. So I told you, you know, so a lot of writers and a lot of people in Hollywood, you, you create a loan out company, a corporation. So it's literally an S corporation and you're a sole proprietor. So you have to name it, right? So I named mine, my first one was new boots, Inc. And new boots was a clash lyric. And what it did was remind me, I, it was on purpose to remind me to never sell out, like to, to just really do what I felt was funny and everything. And like the second checks I put in there were for the biggest piece of

shit project ever. Like immediately, it immediately, I just pictured Joe Strummer like, ah, you fucking really? The second project is a piece of shit you did for the money. Right,

right. I know. Now, when I used to do the warm-up on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and a guest would come on who, like, Spade came on one time, and I just remember fucking telling the audience to clap and dance during the commercial, and just him looking at me like,

what happened to you? Oh, please, Spade. And I was just like, I had a kid, man. I had a fucking kid. Alright, everybody, big clap as Spade's And I was just like, I had a kid, man. I had a fucking kid. All right, everybody. Big clap as Spade's promoting grown-ups too. Spade would be the first to take the piss out of himself about selling out. I picked that name out of a hat.

It was not an incident with Spade. Spade is the coolest guy in the world. I was trying to think of somebody I respect. That's the only reason I picked his name out. Ellen. How about Ellen's right there? Right. All right. So last night, all right, getting back to Atlanta. Atlanta, it has the quality of Fargo where it is not trying to be funny

and it is so genuinely uh interesting and funny at times and you're just watching a show made by an artist it's all right that's it it's pure art it's it's art so get this i'm watching it last night i fall asleep i'm watching it on hulu i fall asleep. I'm watching it on Hulu. I fall asleep. I wake up and I'm not making this up. I don't know how long I was out for and blackish was on and talk about two ends of a spectrum. You fall asleep to this work of art and let's face about African-Americans, it's African-American stories. And you wake up to a piece of shit, which is pandering so hard to the audience. I was rattled. I was like, well, how is this a joke? And did Anthony Anderson, what overacting school did he go to exactly?

It it was so glaring, the difference between the two and I had slept in between and it was still jarring. Anyway, interesting night. I don't know that I've really seen blackish enough to judge it. The few scenes I've, I have seen actually were kind of meaningful and good. So, um, I'll watch a couple episodes cause I've only heard good things about it I mean listen

I can remember the one I woke up to so I go to sleep I fall asleep and no fault of Atlanta it was late to Atlanta and then I wake up to Anthony Anderson

walking in on his kid masturbating so I don't think this was one of the meaningful ones I have heard Black-ish has a lot of meaningful ones. But this was so over the top, it was crazy. Yeah. Damn. With every easy joke ever. Yeah, yeah.

And it just reminded me of my dumb sitcom where, yeah, find a way. You need three jokes a page. Like, what are you doing? It's a multicam. It's like, ah, that's not what I that's not what the pilot was. Right. Well, somebody suggests there's another documentary that we need to watch. This is I don't know who wrote this. Sweet Pray and Obey is absolutely the one of the best I've ever seen. It's about the fundamentalist Mormon people are talking about it on Arizona.

of the best I've ever seen. It's about the fundamentalist Mormon cult in Utah and Arizona. So let's watch that. People are talking about it. All right, should we have a penalty next week? Penalty of $50 if you don't watch Sweet. You have to watch at least three episodes. All right. By next week.

How many do we get? Three? Okay. It's probably, I don't know how many there are. Oh, it's just a documentary. It's not a series. It might be a documentary series. Chris Demmon, will you look that up?

Oh, it's misogynistic. Oh, I'll watch four. I love misogynistic stuff, obviously. Watch that with two broke girls as a follow-up? Yeah, there we go. Make America Florida. Are you ready? Here we go. This was sent in.

Oh, maybe while I'm looking it up, while I talk about it now, you can find the person who sent it in to us. It was an email. I got it, actually. Hold on. Right here. Ba-doo, ba-doo, doo. Where are you? Here we go.

And, nope, that's the giant eating snails. We talked about this earlier. How about the giant eating snails in Florida? Maybe we'll do that next week. This was sent in by Toby Lester. Toby Lester. Sent this in. I thought it was fake for sure.

It has fake written all over it. It supposedly was published in the Florida Times Union on July 2nd. It's an obituary. But I looked it up and it appears to be real. I found another news outlet who interviewed the guy who posted it. So this is an obituary. I'm just going to read it. Here we go. So that documentary, by the way, is four episodes in a season.

So let's say you got to watch at least two by next week. If it's women hating, it's going to be tough to stop at two, but I'll do my best. All right. to stop at two, but I'll do my best. All right. Lawrence H. Pfaff Sr. was born in Belmont, New York on April 16th, 1941. He passed away on June 27th, 2022, living a long life, much longer than he deserved. He is survived by his three children. No, four. Oops, five children. Well, as of 2022, sorry. Well, as of 2022, we believe there is one more that we know about, but there could be more. His love was abundant when it came to himself, but for his children, it was limited from a young age. He was a ladies man and an abusive alcoholic, solidifying his commitment to both with the path of destruction he left

behind, damaging his adult children and leaving them broken. Was this like an obit that was published in the newspaper? It was an obituary published in the obituary column of the Florida Times Union. Okay. Lawrence Sr.'s hobbies including abusing his first wife and children. Oh, whoa. He loved to start projects, but never followed through on any of them. He enjoyed the life of a bar fly for many years and had a quaint little living space studio above his favorite hole in the wall, the Club Nashville.

Lawrence Sr. did spend over 20 years in the NYPD, but even his time in service was negligent at best because of his alcohol addiction. His commanding officer took away his gun and badge, replacing them with a broom until he could get his act together. Lawrence senior did claim to be clean and sober for over 30 years, but never worked any of the 12 steps, including the eighth and ninth steps with his children making amends. He possesses no redeeming

qualities for his children, including the ones he knew and the quote ones he knew about end quote. It will be challenging to miss Lawrence senior because he was narcissistic. He was incapable of love. Lawrence seniors passing proves that evil does eventually die. And it marks a time of healing, which will allow his children to get the closure they deserve. Lawrence senior can be remembered for being a father to many and a dad to none. Damn.

So the, and a dad to none. Damn. So I read the interview they did with him, and he hesitated doing this, but after he wrote it, he said it was so healing, and he felt better about it, and so he went forward with publishing it. I'd like to do an obituary now for Brule Fitzsimmons. He was a rageaholic

who had a drinking problem, or I should say a peeing problem on the rug. Never a fan of other dogs, he often engaged in fights on the street and would bite animals as well as people.

He shook, he whined, he demanded, but he will be loved forever by the Fitzsimmons family. Rest in peace, Brule. Of which he proudfully never consider himself a member of. He protected us. Well, whatever, I don't want to talk about Brule anymore. Here's the story about the Giants. He protected you. Well, whatever. I don't want to talk about Brulee anymore. Here's the story about the Giants. Yeah, he protected you from sleep.

He protected you from buying new furniture. He protected you from so many things like that. Yeah. He didn't protect you from lawsuits. Nope. We paid out a $20,000 lawsuit when he bit somebody. Was it $20,000? No.

$20,000. And we bit somebody. Was it $20,000? No. $20,000. And we still didn't put him to sleep. How? I would have... Putting to sleep is too gentle a term. I would have snuffed him out. I would have grabbed his mouth and put my thumbs in his nose

and watched the life go out of him. Yeah, yeah. I would have made him look at the check before I sent it he was cute though he's a beautiful dog uh let's go to sports you got it pal all right wait before we go into this story did you watch that five-set Nadal match? Oh, yeah. Unbelievable.

What a warrior. Oh, my God. What a fucking warrior. And he just, you know, he's just so beautiful to watch because at his age, he's 36 years old, he still chases down every goddamn ball. And even if he doesn't win that point, he's sending a message to the guy on the other side

that he's not getting away with shit. He had to find... He has such an abdominal injury. So this is what happened to anyone that doesn't follow it. But, I mean, in terms of just this legendary athlete, arguably the best ever, he, in the quarterfinals, he was against a young American, like

24-year-old guy, Fritz, who's the rising star for America, for sure. 6'4", best serve, one of the best serves in tennis. Anyway, Nadal went toe-to-toe with this guy while having this

crazy abdominal injury, which he beats Fritz in five sets. And then he has to draw in a half hour match and has to drop out of the tournament because the injury is so bad. Now, during the match with Fritz, the injury was so bad. He had to find a new way to serve. So none of it. I think very few of his serves

broke 100 miles an hour. Oh no, he was serving like 85 miles an hour. Yeah. Against one of the best players in the world, obviously. They're in the quarterfinals of Wimbledon and still beat him. Yeah. Just sheer will. Yeah.

And now the finals will be, well, by the time you listen to this, the finals will be going on and it's going to be curious. And Djokovic and Djokovic and Djokovic is like I watched his match yesterday against Nori, the British guy. And I mean, he just is basically you need to play your best game. If you have a weakness, you will lose against Djokovic. He does not have a weak part of his game. Everything is strong. Well, this other guy's opponent is younger and all that.

Yeah, but he's a hothead. He's crazy. You don't know which guy's going to show up to the match. Ah, I like that. I'm going to watch. You want to put money on it? Well, what are the odds? I mean, do we get odds? Who's the favorite? Who do we get odds?

Who's the fucking odds? Bet like a man. If it's even, I'll bet you. Let's say it's even. All right, fine. 20 bucks? 20 bucks. I want Djokovic to lose.

Okay. I hate that I'm betting for Djokovic because I don't like him anymore. You're anti-vaccine, so this aligns with your belief system. Sports. In an exclusive interview with the Daily Australian, the Australian's world... What the fuck? You wrote... You put this in here.

I can't read it. I put this in... Oh, yeah. In an exclusive interview with the Daily Oz, Australian world number 98, Daria Saviller, revealed that she has opted

to skip her period because of the pure white dress code at Wimbledon. Great Britain's Heather Watson has also spoken publicly about this. Quote, I'll probably go on the pill just to skip my period for Wimbledon. That's the thought process and conversation the girls have about it. Look, let me tell you something, ladies. There's nothing more baller than walking out onto center court

with what looks like a gunshot wound in your crotch. Scream on every shot. Throw tantrums. That's a 6-0, 6-0 right there. Ladies, there's an easier way. Put a baby in there. Get knocked up before Wimbledon. Duh, it's right in front of you.

Stop that crazy, disgusting bleeding. By the way, Djokovic almost didn't play Wilman because he refused to take the pill before going. He doesn't want any of those foreign science substances in his body. Let's go on to another anti-vaxxer, Elon Musk, in the science section. Is he anti-vax? I would guess. Journalist.

I have no idea. Denman, why don't you look that up for us? I know he was anti-shutdown. Yeah. Because he's a businessman. Right. Well, of course he doesn't want his employees being protected. He wants them protected, but he doesn't want them to miss work.

Well, some of them are not using protection at all, apparently, because he quietly had twins with one of his top executives weeks before he welcomed a child with Grimes. Grimes is his wife via surrogate. Court documents have revealed in November, A surrogate. Court documents have revealed in November, the executive 51 reportedly had twins with Siobhan Zillis, Zillis, 36, the director of operations at Musk Brain Machine Interface Company Neuralink.

He now has nine known children. Zillis studied economics and philosophy at Yale, where she also played goalie on the women's ice hockey team. Wow. Well, it looks like she let one between the pads recently. In 2015, Zillis was on Forbes 30 under 30 list in the venture capital category, and she got to use her AI expertise at Tesla. She is currently the director of operations and special projects. I mean, she's a big fucking deal.

No, listen, she was on the 30 under 30, and then she was the one under Elon. Elon. I mean, I just can't believe this guy. He has nine kids. I'm sure a guy who runs three companies has ass burgers. Yeah. I'm sure he's a comp competent dad for nine children.

Dad, will you be at my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese? I'm not, I'm not sure, son. I've got a crew of 11 breaking through the atmosphere at five o'clock. I'm being sued by 31 pregnant women and I have to do Joe Rogan's podcast at

six. What's your name again also i forgot how to pronounce your name sorry about that this guy abandoned twitter you think you want to abandon these nine kids the names of the new kids will be bob and frank just to further fuck up his other kid whose name is a bunch of symbols no one can pronounce. Oh, yeah. What is that kid's name? It's named after a plane, Elon's favorite plane. Oh, God.

X, X. It has an X in it. X, Y, something or another. It's impossible. No one knows how to pronounce it except Elon. Denman dug this up. Elon Musk says he and his family are vaccinated, but that mandates for the masses are an erosion of freedom. Yeah, they're an erosion of disease also. Yeah.

Here's something that I believe in so much that here's something I don't believe in so much that I get it for myself, but then tell other people not to do. Yeah. So also she's going to turn down this job of running Twitter because it's a pay cut from being the mom of two of Elon Musk's children. Yeah, exactly. Just stay at home with them. The checks will roll in. By the way, Elon's supposed to be the smartest man in the world. Wouldn't this have been easy to spin that this was another surrogate? Like what? It happened at the same time as the surrogate gave birth for his wife. Wait, his wife used the surrogate?

Yeah, that's what you read. You should listen when you read. I don't. Look, he quietly had twins with one of his top executives weeks before he welcomed a child with grimes via surrogate. Hello? Two surrogates. Three kids. Jesus. Why not? I mean, you couldn't pay off people to go along with that story? Maybe he doesn't care.

No, I think he's just a narcissist. And I do think he's ass-burgersy. I don't think any of this stuff registers with him. All right, here's the kid's name. He told, it was on the podcast, that the kid's name is pronounced X-A-12. It is X and then I should, that's the Greek A-E. Alpha Epsilon. And then A-12. So that is so outrageous he actually won't get teased

at school. They will think he's probably a robot. That's a tattoo. That's not somebody's name. X-Ash A-12. How do you even scream that when you're angry at the kid? Get in here.

This day in history 1985 july 10th the bomb sinks the rainbow warrior green pieces flagship vessel in auckland harbor new zealand uh green pieces rainbow, after French agents in diving gear plant a bomb on the hull of the vessel. One person, a Dutch photographer, was killed. They'd been preparing to protest a French nuclear test site in the South Pacific. Two days after the incident, French authorities denied responsibility in the bombing and continued to do so, even after the New Zealand police arrested two French Secret Service agents in Auckland.

Under pressure from New Zealand authorities, the French government formed an inquiry to investigate the incident, and after several weeks concluded that the French agents were merely spying on Greenpeace. Later in the year, however, a British newspaper uncovered evidence of French President François Mitterrand's authorization of the bombing plan, leading to several top-level resignations in Mitterrand's cabinet and an admission by French Prime Minister Laurent Faubion that the agents had sunk the vessel under orders. I think Ellen also fired somebody because of it. In Auckland, the two agents pleaded guilty to lesser charges of manslaughter and willful damage and were each sentenced to 10 years in prison. Following negotiations with the French government, New Zealand released them a year later.

Wow. In 1992, Mitterrand ordered a halt to French nuclear testing, but in 1995, it was resumed and Greenpeace sent the Rainbow Warrior 2 to French Polynesia to protest and disrupt the tests. You know, my brother worked at Greenpeace

for years. Your brother, Bobby. No, I know. I could smell his body odor at the time. Oh, yeah. Why is it the people with smell his body odor at the time oh yeah why is the people with the worst body odor are the ones that show up to your house ringing your doorbell on sunday morning because i don't want to put aluminum up there and stop it uh or or or over shower yeah um i do not remember this do you remember this i do not remember this but it looks like france got away with it the the agent spent a year in jail for fucking killing somebody so

whoa why the focus on the two guys ordered to do it what about it's so crazy and wait this was 1985 keep in mind mitter on spoke at our graduation four years later. That's right. Boston University. Our graduation, we had the then sitting president, George Bush, the older George Bush. Yep. And the sitting president of France, Francois Mitterrand. And you wonder whether the president of BU had deep ties.

He is deep ties. He is deep state. He ran the CIA in Central America. Dukakis was also there, like in the building. But it was the first time two heads of state were ever at a graduation ceremony, I think. I just remember having to wake up at fucking six in the morning because we had to be there extra early for security to get in. Do you remember that? Yes.

And it was such a hot day. Yeah. And I remember they limited us to four tickets. And my dumb joke at the time was that's not even enough for my parents. We had a boat. Were you part of that boat trip the night before? Of course. Yeah. So there was like 10 of us.

I have very few memories of that though, but, um. There were like 10 of us and we got together and we, uh, got some money and we rented a boat. Thank God it wasn't the Rainbow Warrior. And we got our favorite blues band, Chuck and Helen, The Candles, and they played on deck. Was it Chuck and Helen or was it another band? I don't, again, I was one of the organizers of this band every thursday night for years at a place called

great scotts and they played on deck and we had and we each invite we had like 200 people on a boat all our best friends and it was the night before graduation and we just cruised around boston harbor i got pictures, Mike. I'll show you the pictures. I'd like you. I think I might have. I had to choose things, whether to bring my mom or my dad. I think maybe my mom was on that.

I don't know. But, boy, what a great thing to do. Yeah, that was amazing. I mean, for the families. Listen, you kind of aren't that into it. You're going, you know, like we're going to be going to college graduations before long. And it's like it's an obligation. Imagine how cool your kids are that you have a booze cruise with an amazing band around like a harbor and get to see Boston that way.

Yeah. God, we really peaked early. We certainly did and then the cover of the boston herald the next day was a a shot of me dudley pete and i think ted fine at the gray was an aerial shot of us in the crowd at the graduation wow yeah i'm gonna post that in the episode remember we had to go to two graduations? Oh, that's right. Then you had to go to your own college within the university. Exactly. We had the big one in the stadium with everybody. And then you had to go to like, we went to the school of communications.

Were you there? No, I was, I was liberal arts. I actually had got a real education. liberal arts. I actually had got a real education. Oh, that is true. I told you, so BU at a few years earlier was with Syracuse, one of the two best communications programs in the country. And then cut to my senior year, my journalism professor is a writer at the Boston Globe, and apologized to us that we were taking, in 1989, a journalism final on a typewriter. Yeah. While every journalism school in America had computers. Yeah. Or at least word processors.

I think Howard Stern donated a shitload of money and they refused to put his name on a building. He got very upset. Wait, who? Howard Stern. He went to the School of Communications. Right, right, right. Yep, yep.

All right, let's get to it. Let's get to it. We asked you guys last week, we talked about, we finished up our segment of first songs on first albums. You guys reached out, a lot of great suggestions. Please don't send any more.

We're done with that. And we have now moved on to cover versions of songs that were better than the original. So, starting off with Malay Kanaya said, I love rock and roll off the album I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts is a cover of the original done by the Arrows. I haven't heard the original, but that is definitely her. She only had two big songs, right? Maybe three, but OK. John Patton said, I think think the song cocaine is a good one

made famous by Eric Clapton but JJ Cale made the original yeah Richard McCabe said Johnny Cash cover of hurt was better originally was nine inch nails and there Trent Reznor said I popped the video in and wow. Tears welling, silence, goosebumps. Wow. I felt like I lost my girlfriend because that song isn't mine anymore. Yeah, keep reading. It really made me think about how powerful music is as a medium and art form.

I wrote some words and music in my bedroom as a way of staying sane about a bleak and desperate place I was in, totally isolated and alone. Somehow that winds up reinterpreted by a music legend from a radically different era genre and still retains sincerity and meaning. Different, but every bit is pure.

That's perfectly stated. Yeah. Grand Mr. D has a bunch of them don't leave me this way by thelma houston originally marvin harold melvin and the blue notes the harold melvin and the blue notes version is fucking amazing that being said thelma houston did it as a disco song and it was fantastic as well. I don't know that one is better than the other. Proud Mary, originally by Credence.

Ike and Tina Turner, definitely take it to a new level, especially if you see them do it live. Oh, it's incredible. Respect by Aretha Franklin, originally by Otis Redding. Yes, that was an upgrade. Otis would tell you the same thing. I Fought the Law by The Clash, originally the Bobby Fuller Ford. Did you know that?

Of course. And The Clash also on London Calling, a brand new Cadillac. And then there's another one they did also, which is incredible. Oh, wait, you have I Fought the Law. Oh, two down below. Sorry, there's another one. We'll get to it. Police and Thieves by The Clash, originally by Junior Mervin. Yeah. Tainted Love by Soft Cell, originally by Gloria Jones.

Red Red Wine by UB40. Remember that one? Of course. Originally by Neil Diamond. I heard Neil Diamond do it and I thought he was covering it wow okay Take Me to the River by the Talking Heads originally Al Green that's a tough one because I mean

Al Green doing that song is fucking phenomenal I agree but then the Talking Heads do it they do it. They do it a totally different way. Well, they have that little thing they do with it. There's a lot of interesting choices in the talking heads one, and I love it.

Twist and Shout by the Beatles, originally the Isley Brothers. And then Rick says blinded by the light by Springsteen but Manfred Mann's cover went to number one fuck Manfred Mann fuck that cover Springsteen's was it's so much better I also it's like the birds

with Dylan you know they did a ton of Dylan and like anyway yeah broken ankle says higher ground Birds with Dylan. You know, they did a ton of Dylan and like, uh, anyway. Yeah. Um, Broken Ankle says Higher Ground originally by Stevie Wonder. Then the Chili Peppers did it. Um, both phenomenal. Yeah. Uh, Lawrence Tarpey. Uh, he says, I can't get no satisfaction by Devo by the Rolling Stones. I'm sorry. Sorry, Lawrence. I love you, but no. No. I didn't know Hall & Oates did Every Time You Go Away.

I didn't know that was theirs. Brian G. says it was originally by Paul Young, and then Hall & Oates did it. All right, we'll do some more next week that's enough to wrap your heads around for now no no the it's the opposite paul young covered hall and oats oh okay wait grand funk railroad some kind of wonderful is amazing yeah and then the tide is high blondie covered that all right there there's there's way more than this. There's other really big ones. We got a letter from Renee who wants us to give Emmett a shout out. His birthday is July 11th.

He has done some artwork for us in the past, and they're obsessed with the show. So happy birthday to you, my friend. Yeah, Emmett, happy birthday, man. Let's take it down now. Oh. Obituariesaries and that's all folks this is a tough one james khan one of my absolute personal heroes love james khan even though i don't know he seems like a guy that i'm surprised wasn't me too just based on his personality oh you know yeah most of your heroes are me too able for sure i would think so

but obviously dickie from rosie's bagels said uh it's not gonna work now but he goes um he's like james khan died like he's second he died like he texted me he's like, James Caan died. The second he died, he texted me. He's like, ironically, he was riddled with bullets at a toll booth. So he was 82. Obviously, he played Sonny Corleone in The Godfather. By the way, not Italian. James Caan was Irish. Huh. He was also known for Elf.

He was fucking amazing in Elf. He was amazing in Misery. And what was the one where he was a safecracker? was fucking amazing in elf he was amazing in misery uh and what was the one where he's a safe cracker i think it was called thief maybe when i first saw him in elf i was like this isn't gonna work yeah i got i got vibes that he was like um what i heard burt uh reynolds was like with boogie nights like what the fuck is this he's like this isn't you you know, like he was difficult. He thought it was way beneath him. I'm not saying at all that's what James Caan was like in it.

And it turns out that was his character, and he worked great in Elf. Yeah. Yeah. He, big testosterone guy. He drove motorcycles, karate. He did rodeo. He practically lived, karate. He did rodeo. He practically lived at the Playboy Mansion.

Yeah, yeah. And he just he gets hookers. Well, I never paid for them, you know. I just gave them all the cocaine they wanted. Oh my God. I didn't even see you put that line in there about the play. I read the line about I stepped on it. I just just know i know him as just always at the mansion he says to get over my

divorce i got a prescription to live at the playboy mansion for a while that's so funny i didn't know he literally lived there yep he had a big feud with john wayne i guess i'm on his side then. I hate John Wayne. I fuck John Wayne. What was his feud with John Wayne? I don't know. Did he call John Wayne gay? That's my feud. Oh, maybe. Was John Wayne gay?

According to me, yes. No, of course it wasn't that, but I wonder what the feud was. He says, I really do wish I had an Academy Award. But listen, here's what you got to know. Number one, anybody who gets cancer in a movie automatically wins the Academy Award that year. Number two, I sound like I'm bitter, and I am. Well, that bitterness can lead to cancer maybe that was his plan dude he should have got an oscar for godfather for sure no but didn't what's his name get the oscar as a consigliere al pacino no um it would be supporting Chris can you look up what

Godfather was what 71 2 1 and 3 or 2 and 4 it was one of those he was in 1 and then I think he was in a flashback in 2

no no but I'm saying 71 and then Godfather 2 was 73 or it's 72 and 74. But let's look up... Is it Willem Dafoe? No, not Willem Dafoe. That's who... No, no, no, no, no. You know...

What's his name? Yeah, obviously the old guy now. But Tender Mercies and all that stuff. One of the greatest actors ever. Network. It's so funny that some people have names that everybody forgets. Yeah.

Yeah. Part one was 1972. And who won the Academy Awards that year? Actor and supporting actor. What did Godfather win is I guess the question. Or who beat them.

All right. As we wait for that, I'm going to remember his name and it is come on tender mercies. It's the great Santini. How weird. I can remember all these other things. I, it's just,

I get panicked about the name I'm trying to remember. Everyone's going fucking crazy listening to this. I'm going to look it up. Did he just write it in? Not Gene Hackman. Oh, good Lord. I'm looking at the cast list and they don't have them listed.

What are you talking about? Weird. Oh, I want it in 73, of course. what are you talking about? Weird. Uh, Oh, I want it in 73. Of course. Let's see. All right.

I'm going Robert Duvall. Yes. Yeah. I have a blank, a blank against that name, man. I don't know what it is. All right.

I'm looking this shit up quickly. Thanks for staying with us. Uh, very close to don't know what it is. All right, I'm looking this shit up quickly. Thanks for staying with us. Very close to impossible to listen to this conversation quite honestly. I'm going to start the cartoons, the funnies. Okay, here we go. I got it. All right. Marlon Brando wins, of course.

Gene Hackman won the year before, by the way, for French Connection in 71. 72, Marlon Brando beat out Michael Caineain listen to this list of actors brando beat out michael cain lawrence olivier peter o'toole and paul winfield damn holy shit 72 73 were crazy years do you know the albums that came out in 1973? I'll look it up for next week, but somebody just sent me a link for

the top albums of 1973. It'll blow your fucking mind. Alright, hold on. I just have to. I'm sorry. 1973, Jack Lemmon wins for Save the Tiger. He beats Marlon Brando, Last Tango in Paris. Jack Nicholson, The Last Detail.

Al Pacino, Serpico. Robert Redford, The Sting. What? 74, Art Carney wins for Harry and Tonto. Albert Finney, Murder on the Orient Express. Dustin Hoffman, Lenny. Jack Nicholson, Chinatown. wins for harry and tonto albert finney murder on the orient express dustin hoffman lenny jack nicholson chinatown al pacino the godfather part two listen to these music albums in 1973 dark side of the moon houses of the holy goodbye yellow brick road which, which is Elton John's best album. Quadrophenia from The Who.

Goat's Head Soup from The Stones. Let's Get It On, Marvin Gaye. This isn't just because we're old. These have stood the test of time. Greetings from Asbury Park and Wild The Innocent and the E Street Shuffle both came out in 73. Greetings, Raspberry Park and Wild the Innocent and the E Street Shuffle both came out in 73. Oh, I know another reason James Caan is bitter about not winning an Oscar. Joel Grey won it for Cabaret.

Oh, Jesus. In 72. Eddie Albert, The Heartbreak Kid, James Caan. Oh, this is another reason he lost i of course they all lost in 1972 this is the last thing we'll talk about best supporting actor category five nominees three of them from the godfather so they split the vote khan duvall pacino so they split the vote right all right let's do the funnies uh oh here they are the lockhorns and here is loretta she's putting her coat on

leroy is uh got his belt he's trying to he's trying to put his belt on and she goes it is possible for pants to shrink, Leroy, but I don't think a belt can. That's great. Next one, he's walking in from outside. He's sweating. Loretta opens the door for him and he goes, I fought the lawn and the lawn won. I thought you'd appreciate that one. Look at that.

And we just talked about that. Yep. Hager the Horrible. And we just talked about that. Yep. Hager the Horrible, we got his friend, the dope, the dopey guy. And so he walks over to a girl and he says, we've only just met tonight, but may I be honest with you? And she says, you may.

He says, I've never met a woman who totally captured my heart so quickly. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth. And then she says, it was nice to meet you. I'm going to go now. And he says, goodbye for now. And then as she leaves, Hager says, did you really mean all that about following her to the ends of the earth? And he says, of course. And Hager goes, you better hurry.

She's got a running start. Typical rapist thing to say. mean are you kidding me like they were not speaking they don't speak in metaphors in the 11th century when they say he's gonna follow you he's gonna fucking follow you uh a little self-awareness on my side so sophie is here so she's out in the living room so she's only hearing my side. So Sophie is here. So she's out in the living room. So she's only hearing my side of the conversation. She just hears silence, silence, silence. And then I say typical rapist thing to say. So she has to assume I'm talking about you. Okay. Here goes the dark world of Charles Adams. This one is great. Uh, the woman, The woman, the wife, is on the phone, and on the phone she goes, nothing much, Agnes.

What's new with you? And here's the picture. Let me make sure I get it in frame here. And she's on the phone holding a revolver, and you see the feet of her dead husband who she just killed. I mean, and what year is this? Agnes means it was definitely the 1950s.

Nobody's been named Agnes since 1951. Oh, wait. I can look up what year that was. 19, what did you say? 51. It's January 52. Wow. Dude. That's amazing you say? 51. It's January 52. Wow. Dude.

That's amazing you just said that. Yeah. That's a little early for that dark. I mean, he was, I mean, I know comedians were doing it, but, you know, he's up there tapping into that dark material. Well, if you want to talk into darkness, let's talk about Blondie this week. Jesus, mother of God.

Every time they show them in bed together and he's got a laptop out and she's reading a book. And it's like to me, that's like that's like a man sitting in a steakhouse with a porterhouse in front of him and a glass of scotch. And he's playing Wordle on his phone. So he says, boy, you really like so he says boy you really like you boy you really like those medieval romance novels he says to her and she goes yes they really tug at your heartstrings and she goes in this tale sir kiss a lot drags a 25 pound iron bar for a hundred miles just to forge a wedding ring for his true love. And then he says, is this about me forgetting to take out the trash this morning? And she says,

no comment. So once again, Blondie is forced to get her needs met on the other side of the bed through literature and I would assume various hardware. Various

hardware? You know, dildos and vibrators. Oh, no, no. I got it. I got it. I like how you show discretion in describing it. And that went out the window. Look at that outfit she's wearing. Jesus.

Pink. Pink with frills. Look at the way the boob hangs on the side a little bit. Just right into the cradle of her elbow. And it's no sleeve, so you can technically call it a wife beater if she's using those tools that you talk about.

Alright, well listen folks, you've hung with us again. I know there's a lot to take in, and I know that a lot of you break off into discussion groups and threads online. You discuss the show. We appreciate that. And we want to once again, happy birthday to JoJo and a fond farewell to Brulee.

Big day. And thanks to Midcoast Media, Chris and Key and Beth and John, who do a fine job putting the show together for us every week. Anything you want to plug, Mike? Robert Duvall. That's who it is. Yeah. We got it. We got it.

We got it, everybody. How gratifying was it when we finally got it? Yeah. I doubt anyone was able to sit through that. No one's listening now. We lost everybody during that. That was ridiculous. Yeah.

So everybody, thanks for listening to the show. Tell your friends, spread the word. Go to Apple Podcasts and leave us comments and reviews and five stars. We appreciate that.

It helps us out. It totally does. And we'll see you guys next week. All righty. I think everyone should take it-ish. Take it-ish! Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike. Sunday Papers, yeah, it's what I like.

papers yeah it's what I like say why don't you come on over here blondie after I throw a move on

no I read all about it Sunday papers alright Read all about it. Sunday papers all right. Read all about it. Sunday papers. Deadwood, you piece of shit.