Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 123 7/17/22

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

Ivana Trump has died falling down her stairs; documentary coming? Elon Musk’s father is having sex with his stepdaughter, Ricky Martin is having sex with his nephew and a mom’s group thinks Thor is gay. We cover all your submissions for “Better than the original”.

It's the summer baby, it's the summer baby, it's the summer baby with Mike and Greg, Mike and Greg, Mike and Greg. Three! There's Greg's clap, which is faint. Three, two, one. Oh, what a manly clap. Wow, you clap wow you're special i'm a loud clapper i've been told that are you gonna scream all about it all about it x3 x3 coming alive both both guys in los angeles california uh no news here weather-wise the rest of the country's heating up raining here it's just 73 and sunny every day coming to you live on tape first correction of the podcast right my internet is a little spotty talk about your internet what's the update well as you know, Mike, I have an empire of podcasting, three podcasts.

And I rely on my next door neighbor, the Fratricidal Film Company. And I hijack their internet. And I use that for my Wi-Fi. But because of the complaints from you and everybody else, I tried to get some Wi-Fi this week in my own office, but the guy's kind of flaking on me. Carlos Vasquez from Spectrum Business. All right.

Hold on. Pause. Pause. This is like a comedy bit where we could not have done it. With 10 rehearsals, we could not have done this as well. You are constantly freezing talking about your internet, even when you held up the little... Really? Yes.

Oh, shit. Why are we pausing? We never pause. No, you know what I mean. You're digitally pausing. So, I mean, we can continue. Of course, everyone again on YouTube will blame my connection because I'm freezing, but it's Greg's computer that's ingesting me. Should I shut down my computer and restart my computer?

Chris is going to. I don't think it's going to get any better, he says. Okay. He's just talking about the podcast. Was that his resignation? Immigrant birth rates, he said. Ah, yes. White replacement theory.

So, all right, let's White replacement theory. So, alright, let's just keep going. Let's try it. Let's just do it. We know our audio is great for the podcast. That's all that we should focus on. That's all that matters. That's mostly what we get. We don't have a very large YouTube following.

I wonder why. I don't know why. Yeah, I guess so. I really I think of this as a visual show, though. I would think more people would watch it on YouTube, but very few do. I don't even know why we record it video, but I guess that's because you and I, I don't know how else we do it. Yeah. This is our phone call that's parallel to our good recording devices which aren't even that great anywho so anyway so yesterday well yesterday erin's out of town for a week because as you

know her aunt died so she's been in the bronx going through paperwork and photos and bills and straightening things out and uh i really i hate it when she leaves i really do um oh wow and so and then her sister's in town so her sister shows up to the house unannounced yesterday uh on a friday with uh her two kids one of whom has covet and so they're staying with us what yeah, but have they arrived before Aaron? They arrived, I think, had Aaron already left? They've been here for a week. Oh, no, no, no. They've been here for a week.

So we saw them when Aaron was still here. So your week alone is with them. Maybe I missed that detail. No, no, no, just yesterday. They were staying at a friend's house. Friend back unexpectedly bounced them out of the house so and look i love them i really i got very lucky i got a great sister-in-law and brother-in-law my nephews i fucking adore them um but one has covet so we uh we made them stay in the guest house in the back good yeah that'll be a little less awkward when you're uh self-soothing constantly in your house We made them stay in the guest house in the back. Good. Yeah.

That'll all be a little less awkward when you're self-soothing constantly in your house, which is what you do when you're alone. Oh, Jesus Christ. That was my excuse to get everybody out of the house. Oh, you got COVID? Yeah, I got to close my curtains and crank some heavy metal. Don't mind me. It's a female heavy metal group. You're going to hear a lot of screaming. Yeah, right. It's a, it's a, what's their names?

Kate Schellenbach's group or what were they called? Oh, uh, after Beastie Boys, she did, what is it? God, Luscious Jackson? Luscious Jackson. Yeah. Oh, my God. We had people writing in last week when we couldn't remember what's his name, Robert Duvall's name. Yeah, people were very angry.

Oh, my God, it's so frustrating. But we called it. It is very angry. It's so frustrating. But we called it. It is very frustrating. Yeah. Just treat us like your incredibly old parents who it's basically like a game of charades just to get to a name. I was on stage. It reminds me. Yeah, go ahead.

I was on stage Thursday night. Rich Voss and his wife, Bonnie McFarlane, do this show. And you walk out on stage and there's four judges. And the judges watch your five-minute set. And then they decide whether they would fuck you. That's the premise of the game. It's like a podcast. So I walk out on stage and I'm surrounded by all these insult comics.

And they're kind of insulting me. And I'm insulting them. And then insult comics and they're kind of like insulting me and I'm insulting them. And then I do my five minute set, but like, it was so distracting that I was halfway through a joke that I've been doing for years, embarrassingly longer than I should be doing it. And, uh, I forgot the joke. I was mid joke and I forgot it and i just stopped and i went all right let's start the other part of the show that's it so fuckable right they all wanted to fuck me yeah yeah joel gallen was in the audience i found out later that's always nice why oh because i think he's taking a liking to bonnie like uh in terms of writing because bon Bonnie wrote on the Alec Baldwin roast. I wrote with her and and was great. And then I think Joel, I think I saw that Joel always does

the Independent Spirit Awards, the ones right before the Oscars. And I think Bonnie might even Bonnie might have been head writer on that. So, yeah, maybe it would have been nice for me to impress Joel Gallen, but I don't think anybody was impressed by that set. I'm sure he wanted to fuck you. What have you been doing all week? What's going on? I was watching The Offer.

I canceled Paramount Plus, and it canceled on the 15th, and so I started to watch the offer thinking like there was like four or five episodes, but oh my God, do they drag it on? We'll talk about it later. So I've been doing that a little, but wait, one funny story. Sophie's over in Europe. We'll talk about the Europe heat wave. She's like texted me like I am in a hostel, you know, in Italy and everyone here is just staring at the ceiling, sweating like, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, but, uh, a friend is over there with her two daughters and, uh, lent one of the

daughters, her carry on suitcase that has a combination like thing on it. Yeah. So she changed the com, the daughter changed the combination. Yeah. And then they couldn't open it and they're switching hotels and there's no way to open the suitcase. So the other daughter was like

trying to help her remember the combo she came up with like just a day or two before. Yeah. And they can't pack any of her clothes and stuff is in there. And the other daughter figured out that it was 0-4-20. 4-20 was the combination that she changed it to and couldn't remember it.

That's hilarious. When did you know there might be a problem with your daughter? Oh, maybe when she changed the combo to 420 and then couldn't remember it and it was like huge panic with having to make like a train and like checking out and like it was crazy it was so funny that's not kind of a red flag with the tsa also can you open your bag ma'am yeah 420 yeah yeah oh that's hilarious the guy for a minute trying to remember 420. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Especially when you stare at the guy for a minute trying to remember 420. The locked bag. I got one of those fucking bags, and it's got a battery in it so you can charge your phone,

which you never use, but then they won't let you bring the bag onto the plane if it's got the battery in it. I've never heard of a suitcase with a battery. Yeah. battery in it i've never heard of a suitcase with a battery yeah it's like a remote charger that they put and some genius decided to put that in i forget the type of luggage it is um up i think it's called up the company ah so getting used to brulee being gone thank you to all the people that wrote to me. It was very touching.

Yeah, a lot of genuine letters. Yeah, it was beautiful. I posted on Instagram and just hundreds of people sent. I guess, you know, it's a big thing. You know, you don't realize a lot of people lose dogs. And as you know, Brulee was the bane of our existence in some ways. He was biting a lot of people, pe on the ground growling shaking um you know but but then you lose them and you realize like such a it becomes such a rhythm in your life when you have

a good dog they get up with you you walk them you stop at the same spots they you know um i don't know every time i come home he's waiting for me and it's just weird because the other dog is demented and doesn't even know anybody's home but brulee used to wait by the door for you there's something nice about that oh my god you have such sort of stockholm syndrome yeah brulee was waiting to bite you when you got home the other dog is the sweetest animal i've ever seen yeah and just because it doesn't know how to find the front door anymore, you're like, you're just,

you're discounting that whole dog. It's crazy. She gets, I understand that. When she goes outside to pee, we give her a treat because it's positive reinforcement to not pee in the house. So then sometimes like if I'm not right there with the truth,

with the treat, she'll pee. And then she's so blind. She just stands and puts her head straight up in the air, like, like a bird waiting to get fed. And she will stay like that for 10 to 15 minutes. If you don't give her the treat.

All right. Was there any more thought of taking Brulee to a taxidermist? No, because the cost of putting him down was so much higher than I could have imagined. It's everything so expensive. Oh, God. It was like 700 bucks just to get. Oh, my God. And we didn't even get the ashes.

We were like, we don't need ashes. Keep them. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Well, there wouldn't be. What do they do if you don't want the ashes? Do they cremate the dog? Yes.

And they sprinkle it at sea anyway. What are you talking about? What? That's what they said. They said we still sprinkle it at sea. I guess they have so many people that request for it to be sprinkled at sea that they just do it to everybody. I think this is a big lie. I've told this story before about—

Maybe they mean they flush it down the toilet and it ends up in the sea? I think they throw Brule's cold body in a landfill. I don't even think they're going to waste the heat to incinerate the thing. So quickly, I've told this story before, but uncle John, you know Johnny from the Bronx bathroom and all that stuff he My grandmother who also lived in the Bronx where he was born had this cat beloved cat all this cat dies She's really, you know Johnny had to go over it was under the bed And so he gets the body and he very respectfully takes it. And she's like, what are you going to do? And he's like, mom, I'm going to take it up to Carmel, which is like her other son, my dad's like weekend house outside of New York.

And you love going up there and you go up there for the holidays especially. And so when you go up during those times, I'm going to bury it by the tree at the end of the driveway. And she's like, I know exactly. That's that's beautiful. So as Johnny tells it, so I walk out, first dumpster, ka-ding! Just throw it out. First dumpster in the Bronx outside of her apartment, ka-ding! The hard body.

But the best was four years, every time Grandma Gibbons, which is her name, every time Grandma Gibbons got out of the car in the driveway, walked a few steps towards the tree, did the stations of the cross, whatever it's called, did the cross on her chest and did a little prayer before walking in the house. Like she just hit a home run. Yep, exactly. A little kiss and a looking up because she knew her beloved cat was clearly not in a dumpster and then off in a Jersey landfill, but buried tenderly beneath that tree. Oh, my God.

Yeah. You going to be cremated or buried? Oh, not buried. No way. Not buried. No way. Not buried. No. What about your dad? Cremated.

And I know this dog place that'll sprinkle my ashes for free out at sea. Is your dad getting cremated or buried? He's getting buried. He bought, of course, Mr. Together. I think he bought his plot when he was in his 20s. He bought plots for his whole family. Yeah. So right now it's there. He only, there's only four other family members in his entire family because my uncle

and aunt did not have never married, no kids. So it's his mom and dad and then his brother and sister. And then I think he had to buy Cynthia was cremated. His wife is, is, is my stepmother. Cynthia was cremated. His wife is my stepmother. So I don't know exactly what they're doing with that. But she's already gone. They sprinkled her ashes. But I think he's going to go in.

Maybe he bought plots just for the immediate family, which would be he's number five. Okay. What about you? Yeah, my mom will get buried next to my dad and his brother. That's probably the same. We're probably talking about the same cemetery in Westchester. Yeah, Gates of Heaven. Yeah.

Yeah. Look at that. It's a beautiful cemetery. I haven't visited my father's grave in 25 years. I don't know why. I never think to go visit it when I'm in town, but maybe next time I go. It'll be 30 years that he's dead next year. 30 fucking years.

You know what's funny is with all the spiritualism of religion, which says over and over that this is just a temporary vehicle, our bodies, for our soul, right? Yeah. Why the importance to go to a grave site when that is, according to them, absolutely meaningless? I mean, I know there's a headstone and I get the human factor, but according to them, you might as well just look up in the sky or wherever. You know what I mean? I guess. I mean, I'm so torn because I still have so much tradition that's locked in my DNA from growing up so Catholic.

And I hold on to some of it, which I cherish. There's some of the things that I still pray. Sometimes I'll pray for people. And I don't believe in God, but somehow the act of praying soothes me and makes me feel like maybe there's something out there. I don't know. Yeah, it's an opiate, famously. And I'm not criticizing it. It is soothing.

And it is comforting. Listen, science's answers are not comforting, man. Not at all. No. No, they're not. Oh, man. The new images from the telescope. Whoa.

Like, talk about meaningless. Yeah. Like, talk about meaningless. Yeah. Talk about, at any second, like mid-word on my next sentence, everything could be gone. Everything could be gone. And I was on the beach yesterday with my brother-in-law and the nephews, and my brother-in-law said that— Wait, hold on. Hold on.

Hold that amazing thought. Here's my daughter with her first FaceTime call from Europe. Sophie. Oh, hey now. We're in the middle of the podcast. Oh, crap. Wow, your connection is like Greg's. Hi, sweetie.

How are you? How's the heat wave? Nothing. Hello. Hello. I think we have a very view yes you're this is like talking to Greg on this podcast your connection is really crappy are you okay we'll talk later no yeah I'm great I just couldn't figure out the air on this thing but it's fine i figured it out okay and you're good i'm great we're just about ready to or just not even close but like

we're going just gonna go out tonight all right we're in florence you're in florence now okay great any advice for in florence greg yeah watch later. Yeah, watch out for that Andy Cap guy. Oh, boy. Greg has no advice for you, but he says a big hello. His audio is in my headphone, so you can't hear him. Oh, okay. Hi, Greg. Hi, Sophie.

I'm happy for you. Enjoy it. These are going to be your best memories of your life. Oh, Jesus Christ. These are going to be the best memories of your life. Oh, Jesus Christ. These are going to be the best memories of your life. Enjoy it, he says. I know. I'm so excited. I can't wait.

All right. I'm glad you're not homesick or broke yet. Yeah, fuck you, hoes. I'm living my life. Okay. All right. There she goes. All right. I'll talk to you later. All right. Bye. Jesus Christ. Did you say fuck you, hoes? Okay, all right. There she goes. All right, I'll talk to you later. All right, bye. Jesus Christ. Did you say fuck you hoes?

I think so. I don't know. So she's doing fine. The best part is, as her bad connection was going through, our connection got even worse. It was the worst example of podcasting anybody's ever come across. All right, spiritual, you were talking about a grave site yeah well um maybe sophie saved that moment yeah so we want to give a shout out to the people that uh supply us with our logo this week lawrence tarpey who's a regular who's a friend of the show, gives us a lot of great artwork. It's the Star Trek.

I guess I'm Kirk, and you're Spock? Yeah, because I'm so logical. Yeah. He gave me the ears and everything. Yeah. And the song, our song this week was from Kyle

Herr, and as you see, we're going through the folder and we're clearing out whatever's left. Put it up there. Okay. Corrections. Jonas DeVita says, let me say Jonas DeVita plus no less than 35 other people all wrote in to say james khan was jewish i'm probably the 90th person to say this the quote to quote michael rapaport he's a silverback jew one of the few jewish tough guys in film ah all right um Silverback. I called him Irish. Doesn't he seem Irish? Yeah, and of course, a lot of people would say he seemed Italian.

Yeah, he seemed Italian. And then Owen Romeo, that's a good name. Love all your different podcasts, Greg, but your Spanish mispronunciations drive me crazy. You couldn't pronounce his name just now. Moy, as in Moy Delicioso, is not Moy, but Mue. Mui. Mui? Mui.

Good Lord, your kids are fluent in Spanish. Mui. Also, Nadal's name is pronounced Nadal, not Nadal. Huh? It's Nadal, not Nadal. Vowels in Spanish are consistent, not like English, where the sound can change in the same word. Okay.

Yeah. I also say Nadal sometimes. It's Nadal. Grafias. I've got some tour dates coming up if you're in Maine. You sure do. Holy shit. Get the stagecoach hooked up and meet me in a gunkwit at Jonathan's on August 11th.

It's going to be a great show. Chunky's Cinema Pub in Manchester on August 12th and 13th. And then I'll be in the fall at The Grove in Lowell, Arizona, September 16th and 17th. Howlin' Wolf in New Orleans, October 6th. I think Gibbons is coming to that. Maybe we'll do a live Sunday Papers podcast from New Orleans. No promises. I don't even look at my calendar.

All right, keep going. Also Lafayette, Chicago, Tampa, Plano, Texas, all coming up in the fall. So go to FitzDawg.com for details. What a COVID tour that is. All right. Listen. All right. Everybody's wondering, this stock market, there's inflation,

this stock market's in turmoil. What's the best, safest way to hedge against this stuff and make some money? Well, low correlation to stocks. This stuff we're talking about here, Masterworks, it's a company that I'm in love with. I've invested some money with them. It's like a mutual fund of masterworks, of Picassos and Monets and Chagalls. And so you can't buy those individually. But art in the collectible market is supposed to grow from $1.7 trillion to $2.7 trillion by 2026. Contemporary art pieces outpaced the S&P 500 by 164% between 1995 and the present day.

On average, contemporary art prices appreciated by 14% annually. Contemporary art more than doubled the S&P 500 for 26 years. So, I mean, what do you invest in, Mike? I mean, you're always betting against the market and losing money. I've got this broker who only does ethical investing, which costs me money, and I'm not into it anymore. How can I short a Monet? It's impossible. You can't.

You can't. Monet's only going up. You can't. You can't. Monet's only going up. And it's an inflation hedge. It's a physical asset. So you make more cash when inflation goes up. I like this idea a lot. Yeah.

So art is considered a store of value asset class similar to gold, meaning it's safer to invest in in the long run. Masterworks has over 400,000 members, and their value at a billion dollars. So far, they've sold four paintings, each getting net returns of 30%. So they've reached out to us. We got a special deal. Net returns of 30%. So they've reached out to us. We got a special deal. Masterworks is even giving Sunday Papers listeners priority access to their newest offerings. Head to masterworks.art slash dot, wait.

Head to masterworks.art slash papers for priority access. That's masterworks.art slash papers. See important disclosures at masterworks.art.com. Bulletproof investment. It only goes up. It only goes up. Other investments are bad. This one is good.

Do it. There it is. Let's get to the front page. Here we go. Extra! Extra! let's get to the front page here we go oh ivana trump ivana trump all right so the headline in the post was ivana so ivana trump passed away and this was the headline in the New York Post. Ivana Trump's friends worried about her treacherous staircase before death. I have to tell you something that has always been my fear. Nikki Haskell told Extra TV

she had one of those really beautiful staircases that was impossible to walk down narrow in the inside, wider as it got out. I was always afraid that she would fall. I don't know what happened. Sounds like you do, Nikki. But it's not hard for me to believe that's what happened. Treacherous stairs. All right.

Woman dies on a staircase. I immediately think it's an owl. Yes. I think an owl killed Ivana Trump. Yes. And that means that Donald is a homosexual. Yes. And that he probably has another wife who fell down a flight of stairs.

Yeah. Or he's going to. Yeah. I'm telling you, if Melania falls down a staircase and dies, I cannot wait for the documentary. Yes. I will make that documentary. It's kind of weird because I didn't know she climbed stairs.

I thought she was more of a ladder climber. Yeah, it's a social climber, of course, a heat seeker. And in her home country, this never would have happened because they don't have second floors. Where was she from? Wasn't she from an Eastern European shitty country? Oh, yeah. I mean, Ivana. She had the accent. I'm not exactly sure where, but he liked to get his wives from uh europe for a guy that is so anti-immigration he certainly loves marrying immigrants he really does uh yeah he's responsible than most people for immigrants to america yep that's one way to think about it. Did I ever tell you? So my first interview out of college was with this PR guru in New York. There were really two.

Howard Rubinstein and this guy John Scanlon were the guys. So she's a check. Oh, it says she's born in Manhattan, though. How is she born in Manhattan? I guess she must have been born here and then got kicked out immediately. With that accent. Yeah, I don't know how that happened. So anyway, so this is my first interview, right?

And it's a big hookup. My dad got me through connections or whatever. And it was really going to be kind of like just an informational one. And the guy gave me, you know, whatever, 20 minutes. So anyway, I get to his office and wait, wait, wait. And we're waiting. It goes on forever. Finally, she's like, come with me, his assistant, and we'll check. And she gingerly knocks on the door.

And this guy would always stand at his desk and talked in a big voice on speakerphone. So the door opens a little and he sees me and he's confused a little. And then he's like, oh yeah, he's like, come on. And he waves me silently in on the phone. I hear Ivana and I'm like, what the fuck? And she's like, no, no, I don't want to do it. And he's like, Ivana, holy shit. I arranged the whole thing. Go to brunch Sunday. And so I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So Ivana and Donald Trump were in the middle of their divorce. All of this is gospel truth in the middle of their divorce. Cindy Adams from the New York post was team Donald and Liz. What was her name from the daily news?

I might've told this story before, but Liz Smith was team Ivana. So Liz Smith arranged this giant brunch at the Plaza, which she was running for donald owned it and so or whatever had his name on it so anyway she's like you're going to she's like okay i can't do her accent but she was basically like okay i'll go i'll try to have a good time he's like no have a bad time victim victim victim victim and it's like he's like and he looks at me like she's fucking so stupid and he's like it's a victim brunch you're the victim donald is having a good time and it was unbelievable that's great i could not wait for sunday picked up the daily news and there was the victim brunch she's looking. Her friends are looking sad.

All orchestrated by John Scanlon. It was hysterical. How would Donald walk right into that one, huh? What do you mean? I mean, why did Donald go to the brunch? No, no. Donald wasn't at the brunch. I'm saying Donald was off like, you know, he was already fucking chicks.

He was already fucking chicks and on boats and doing his thing. More than Maples, I think, right? Yeah. fucking chicks. He was already fucking chicks and on boats and doing his thing. Marla Maples, I think, right? Yeah, he was cheating on her while she was pregnant with Marla Maples. Cheats on everything in his life, but yeah, cheats very officially on all his wives.

Yes. We have a correction on the correction from Chris Denman, who now says she was born in Zlin in the Czech Republic. Thank you. Thank you. Immigrant. Here's another story.

Chris so hates immigrants, he couldn't bear to think of her as an immigrant. A woman named Jessica Pence has shared her story of an employee of a Walgreens drugstore refusing to sell her a box of condoms. The employee told her that selling condoms was against her religious beliefs. In response, a Walgreens spokesperson said that its employees are allowed to step away from completing a transaction to which they have a moral objection. While vacationing in Wisconsin with her husband, Pence realized she left her oral contraceptives at home. What does that mean? You can't get pregnant during a blowjob? She told the Star Tribune she visited Walgreens to purchase condoms.

When she arrived, the woman said, I can't sell those to you. When she was asked for clarification, the clerk allegedly replied't we can sell that to you but i will not because of my faith um yeah there you go meanwhile the husband is behind her in line winking at the guy like well done i'm going bareback tonight i promise i'll pull out this time honey i swear to god walmart's i swear to God I will. Walmart's biggest fan. If she was a real Christian, she would have just poked holes in the condoms. I'm sure

Jessica was a real fun lay that night also. Like, can you believe what he said? Honey, can you just get in the moment here for a second, please? Oh my God. Meanwhile, the guy, talk about his moral sort of concerns. The guy will sell a pallet of ding-dongs

to an intensely overweight diabetes poster child without blinking at all. Or guns. Right. Yeah. Ma'am, I'll ring up your guns and ammo, but those rubbers you want, not a chance.

Sorry. I would show up at that place wearing a rainbow t-shirt and a studded collar and just put like five big jars of Vaseline up there and look her dead in the eye and go, I got big plans for tonight, sweetheart. And the moral thing is

crazy. Like you could just choose you could just balk on any product you, like you could just choose, you could just balk on any product you felt like, Nope, sorry, I can't do it. A bassinet. I, I, I believe children should not be brought into this world. So no, no bassinet, sorry, nothing to care for your young children. And I'm not going to rent you a, what's a movie I hate pick anyone. I'm not going to rent you a, uh, I can't even think of one, but movie I hate? Pick any one. I'm not going to rent you... I can't even think of one. Notting Hill. I kind of like Notting Hill.

Someone taught me how good it was. A writer. They kiss on page 16, which is weird. You would think it was on... They kiss on page 2. You'd think it was page 20. Blah, blah, blah. What else we got?

We got Elon Musk's dad. He fathered a second child with his, this is not a typo, stepdaughter, who is 41 years his junior. Errol Musk, 76, said that his daughter, Jana Bezendenhut, 35. They previously welcomed a son, Elliot, who is now five. Besendut's mother, Heidi, and Musk were married for 18 years and share two children. Besendut was four years old when Musk became her stepfather. That's fucking sick.

That's crazy. Who does he think he is woody allen i know woody allen immediately went out and bought a tesla when he heard about this so uh they i guess they uh were married from 70 to 79 the original wife and they had those three kids elon kimball and, and Tosca. So, yeah. Wow. Well, Elon stopped talking to his dad before that, when his dad named the first son Elliot. Elon just couldn't relate to being able to pronounce a child's name, so he was out. Couldn't no longer relate to his dad. Yeah, Elliot. That's not pretentious. What's wrong with you?

I know. What's happening there? Well, I think it is. I think, like his son, the father really enjoys plugging into things. Nice stepdaughter. Oh, my God. She was four. Yeah. I mean, that's fucking sick.

He raised this child. Oh, my God. They were close were close you know what they were friends first greg yeah yeah it's kind of nice it's nice when you're friends first and you know each other before you start sleeping together i wonder if he was a good father like i wonder if he really fathered her or whether or not he was maybe just never home and he barely knew her because like with woody allen at least like he wasn't living with sunyi she was living with mia sunyi was also older i mean listen it's ridiculous to split hairs here because she was still young uh but not for um yeah i wonder what the arrangement was.

Yeah. Wow. What a, what a crazy world. What a crazy family. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Well, wildfires and a heat wave sweep across Europe. The heat wave was expected. All right. So I know people over in Europe now, I don't know if you know any. And it's record breaking. And now fires have started. Spain, huge fires are all over the place. And Portugal, another place. We just had my daughter FaceTime in from Italy and Italy was unbearable.

So she's in Tuscany and I looked it up. Tuscany is going to be a hundred degrees. I remember lugging a backpack around Tuscany when it was in the eighties and it was unbearable. Yeah. I can't even imagine this. So anyway, uh, the heat wave was expected now to hit Britain early next week when temperatures were forecast to reach 104 degrees for the first time in a country unaccustomed to such heat get this workers were spreading grit on the roads fearing that the roads would melt without this protection schools they said would move classes remotely and transport for london the city's uh transit agency urged people not to travel on Monday and Tuesday because the rail tracks could bend or buckle under the heat.

Jeez. Wow. Yeah. So old people are not going to fare well in England. They've made that well known. But I wonder if England has any old frail people. I can't think of any. It doesn't seem like there'd be a lot.

Yeah, I know. Do all the young people leave? Do they just flee once they turn 18? It's just all old people in top hats and canes. They're just really old people. So don't put the coal in the fireplace, which is the only reason I stay alive all winter. Stop doing that. Right. In this 400 year old building I live in, I should stop that. Okay. Well, I guess the beer is already warm, so I don't have to worry about that.

But there's so few, there's so little air conditioning in Europe as we know. And so here's another example. I mean, it's like, it's, it's kind of going to be happening everywhere. You look Santa Monica high school, where Sophie went for four years for the first time ever while she was there. And Jojo was there too. All four years, the hour girls were sent home on account of heat for the first time ever. on account of heat for the first time ever because Santa Monica High School has never needed air conditioning before. Right.

And now they're trying to retrofit this old building with air conditioning. Right. They moved them to certain classes that were like in newer wings that had AC. In Europe, it's everywhere in Europe. It's going to be so hot in England, it's going to feel like the days when they were colonizing Africa.

Except who's going to carry them around on platforms and get raped? Otherwise, it's going to feel exactly the same. Even the queen is like, get this hat off my fucking head right now. Why am I wearing this hat? It's ridiculous and the four o'clock tea time i go fuck yourself yeah go fuck yourself hot tea at four right i know the the royalty is really built for cold with the outfits and the tea and uh but those fucking castles, man. It must seem like a dream to live in a castle, but I think that they're like drafty and cold.

Like you can't heat a room that has a hundred foot ceilings. Right. Good point. You ever stay in a castle? Yeah. In Ireland, it's been converted to a hotel. What was it like? And of course it's going to get hot as hell. When it's humid, I mean, you see been converted to a hotel. What was it like? And, of course, it's going to get hot as hell.

When it's humid, I mean, you see the moisture on the walls. Yeah. It was beautiful. It's up in County Mayo. I forget the name of the castle, of course. We'll remember in a minute. Is that the place you tried to tell me to go and stay last summer? 100%.

Yes. JFK stayed there, actually actually okay um it's north of galway they have it's beautiful it's great um yeah i'll get in a minute my summer sucks i got no fucking trips all summer i'm not doing anything well i'm going to mean you're going to new orleans you're going to me now that's in the fall no one in the fall. The only thing I got this summer is I got three days in Maine in August and then That'll be great. That is the time

of year. My sister's coming to visit with my mom for my mom's 80th birthday in August, so that'll be nice. Wow. And then I think we're going to go up and see Matt Malloy and Cass up in Vancouver in September. Nice.

Yeah. You know, he lent us his car and the girls are using it as a backup. And, but now his wife Cass has said that they might ship the car. They might, Matt might need it in Seattle. Do you know anything about that? I know that he asked me if I had a friend in Seattle he could ship the car to, and they found somebody. So I think the first week of August, yeah, the girls are going to lose the car.

And then what's the idea? He drives it from Seattle into Canada? Yep. Ah, that's what I didn't understand. Got it. Okay. I'll make sure to hide some drugs in the car. That would be a funny prank.

Just a bag of cocaine. Here you go. All right. Hysterical. JoJo had her first fender bender yesterday. No. Yeah, she was surfing, and she was driving back from the beach, and she said she went through a yellow light, which is always suspicious when your daughter says she went through a yellow light and uh and this woman in front of her on rose

right on rose in the ocean uh the woman tried to do a u-turn and they had a head-on collision she was fine but like the front left bumper is completely pushed in and dented it needs a new bumper and so i said to jo, call the lady and say, do you want to go through? And there was a witness. And JoJo smartly got the number of the woman who witnessed it, who corroborated that it was the woman's fault. Oh, wow.

But now the woman is saying, I'll pay half if we don't do insurance. But I think she should pay all of it. Although I'm reasonably sure JoJo ran a red light. Probably shouldn't put that on the Father's Podcast. I'm thinking.

I'm just guessing because she's a teenage girl, but I have no idea if she did or not. But it doesn't matter with the witness. Right. It shouldn't matter. and it also shouldn't matter because you guys shouldn't fear insurance by the way because just go to the woman listen we're giving you an out here it's we have a witness it's your fault uh you know and it's very self-explanatory and if she and if she says she's only paying for half go okay too bad we're gonna go through insurance right yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna have to pick up the phone and call this

woman i try you know i try to let my kids deal with their own shit so they can learn how life works but there's a certain point where you got to step in and um you know clean up their mess they've also watched their father while they're in a child seat in the back, get out of his car and go punch another car. They've seen that. Again, you want to teach them life lessons. You want to model behavior and explain. Let's do some good news for Gubbins.

All right. We have two stories. Sadly, they're both involved with golf. But go ahead. So we went golfing this week, and it was really nice. Our friend Richie took us. He's the GM of the Comedy Store, and he hosted us at a course up in the Valley. I did not go. I was not part of this.

So all this is news to me, listeners, just like you. Okay. So Rich Voss, who's a great comic out of New York, and then Dennis Gubbins and Richie and I played. And I played amazing. And Gubbins played amazing. And so we won a bunch of money. And we didn't collect. We didn't collect on the money.

And I was very proud of Gubbins because, you know, we didn't pay for the round. And then Rich bought lunch. And Gubbins very, very sportingly agreed with me that we weren't going to collect on the bet, even though it was a fair amount of money. So it's a good week for Gubbins. Okay, until now. So this week, for some reason, and by the way, I understand it's golf. So picture whatever you do, okay?

Because it doesn't matter what sport it is. But I'm a beginner, and this week I've played well. Oh, you shot par at penmar the listeners if you play golf you understand what that means this guy's been playing golf for a year and three months and shot fucking par at a reasonably hard Hard nine-hole course in Venice. That was amazing. All right. Well, thank you.

So I go out the next time, and I'm shooting. In the first three holes, I'm one under. I don't know how I got in this zone. But picture yourself in a zone, whatever sport you're playing, right? And then fourth hole, I, uh, yeah, I'm so through five holes, I think I now I'm even because I gave one back on a hole. So whatever I'm par again, I'm on the fifth. I hit this amazing drive again. I'm I, I can't believe what's happening. It's a typical sports story where someone's in a zone, right? So I'm in a zone and now I'm chipping and I'm thinking, holy shit, I might be able to

get a birdie if I chip this near the hole, right? So Gubbins walks by and goes, do you want a tip? And I go, what? And so I go, what kind of like, you know, like, what are you talking about? And he goes, I saw this YouTube video on your chips. Try to hit the ball into the ground. That's that should be your visual backswing thought, like smash the ball, like as if you're trying to plant it into the ground.

And I was like, I was like, oh, meanwhile, I'm playing out of my head, right? I'm unconscious. I no joke. I swing. It makes a right angle turn. It doesn't even go near the green. Jesus. It's called being in the dugout.

When a pitcher is throwing a nope hitter, you say he's in the dugout and you don't talk to him. And you certainly don't give him advice. And Govans is like, you said you want i i said you want it to like it's so crazy and i'm of course ashamed that it even so i i double bogeyed that hole yeah after being near the green basically about to go in no he can't stop himself he can't stop himself from coaching it's all himself from coaching. It's all he does. He coaches everybody in volleyball, coaches everybody in golf.

Love. He tries to coach me in my marriage. You want a tip? Try to drive it right into the ground. And you did. You're doing that slowly. oh my god so that was the little unbelievable so when did you shoot for the day uh total was three over that's amazing dude yeah yeah all you have to do is try to hit the fucking thing into the ground dude it's so simple jesus

yeah all right let's get to some entertainment. You got it. This guy Stephen Hall wrote in and he said, The Offer on Paramount is a really fun show. It's about the making of the Godfather. The guy that plays the young Pacino is spot on. Brando, perfect. Coppola, exact. And the guy who plays Robert Evans is awesome. The story flows well. Great show. Your comments, Mike. It's very, listen, actually, Gubbins came over

and we watched the first two and we're like, this is garbage. Now, I've since got good advice, which was exactly what Stephen Hall wrote, which is it's fun. Yeah. So you just this is how you have to go into the offer. It's slow. I think they needed to fill 10 or whatever it is. I don't give a shit about the storyline about his assistant, which they spend so much time on her. storyline about his assistant, which they spend so much time on her. She's from, uh, you know, the, uh, Sudeikis show, uh, Ted Lasso. Which one? She's the British chick who's, whose teeth are very prominent. She looks a little like a rodent. Is she the girlfriend of Jamie? Yes.

The girlfriend of Jamie? I fucking love her. She's amazing. Right. Well, pretend she's trying to talk with a New York accent with those choppers. And anyway, and she's adorable. I don't care about her storyline, though. I mean, it's ridiculous. Right.

And there's like another storyline. You've got Brando and Pacino. Who gives a shit about an assistant? And that's not even the worst storyline. The worst storyline is with the woman he's dating, the producer. The show is about the producer's story, a producer I've never heard of. His story, he works right under Robert Evans. And anyway, and I think, think you know like everyone's raving

about Robert Evans is British guy plays him and listen I named drop Palooza but because of Kilbourne I I've been to Robert Evans house a bunch when he was there and spent time with him and this guy it's a spot on impression. He has the nasal, gravelly bass voice and he nails it. But you're watching impressions. You know what I mean? I don't know. My Paramount Plus expired. What's today?

The 16th, it expired yesterday. Yeah. Because I gave up on it. I was trying to finish it before then. I think i got to like the sixth episode or something okay i'll check it out i'm not gonna you know what i'm not gonna get another channel i don't need another channel for one fucking show is there other stuff on paramount plus yes i watched beaver the beavis and butthead movie. How was that? I was like a 14-year-old giggling my ass off.

Really? I wouldn't say it's great at all, but again. Were you high? Yes, I was. Remember, I tried to organize a screening of it here at my place. Wound up over with Mikey. I'm trying to think who else. And we got baked at Gubbins.

But there was one really funny part tig notaro plays they're getting um a lecture on uh white on white privilege and they're like they're like as white males you can do anything you want you've had they're like really and so what they took away from it is we can do anything. So they immediately went to a restaurant and just took the food. We're not paying because we can't. We can't get away with anything. We'll hardly go to jail. And it was a big idea for them.

They had no idea that they had white privilege, and now they're exercising it. That's amazing. Yeah, it was really funny. uh also in the news uh ricky martin ricky martin accused of incest uh could face 50 years in prison ricky martin could be facing 50 years following a bombshell domestic violence allegations reportedly filed by his 21 year old nephew under puerto rico's laws for incest charges the sentence martin could face is five decades in prison if it's true the publication reported the complaint was made anonymously under law 54 known as the domestic abuse prevention and intervention Act. Martin's attorney, Marty Singer, said, unfortunately, the person who made this claim

is struggling with deep mental health challenges. You know, the kind of deep mental health challenges caused when your older cousin is living La Vida in La Boca. Oh, hey now. See what I did there? Yeah. Yeah. He's in did there? Yeah. Yeah. He's in his nephew's mouth.

If the nephew wanted Ricky to stop, he should have just said uncle. It's bad when you're safe word is uncle while your uncle is molesting you. We shouldn't be laughing. You've got to choose something else. But at Molestation, if the kid's 21...

The reason we're joking is because so many people are screaming that it did not happen. Really? Do you think it didn't happen? I think it happened. You think he molested his nephew? I think he... How should I word this let's begin with i think this guy isn't lying and i think they probably fooled around at the very least yeah that's where it begins so now what

what does that mean and how is it defined i don't know and i also don't know what i'm talking about 50 years is a long time but i think if you have sex with your nephew, you should go to jail. Even if the nephew is coming on to you, you should still go to jail for fucking your nephew. Right. Wow. A lot of people would be in jail. People have married their nieces and nephews. Really?

Oh, my God. Didn't musicians do that? What's his name? Jerry Lee Lewis. Was that his niece? Right. Yes, I believe. And I think she was only 13 or something. Yeah, it's not a good story. Denman, can you look into that? Can you get off the... Might like famous politicians have also been with nieces.

I'm recalling other stories of it. Obviously, the South has more of an incidence of this, but no, it's just true. Why is that? The heat make you crazy? No, it's called family values, Greg. They're very into family family you heathen look at you you're disgusting what do you fuck strangers you weirdo um i have a very cute nephew named rowan if i was gonna molest one of my nephews it would totally be rowan

and i've told that to him all the time i go you're so lucky i never molested you but he was almost a navy seal so i don't think i'd have a shot i think you could stop me easily the birthday cards every year must have been remarkable my favorite one. Yes. Denman says that he married his 13-year-old cousin. So her name was Myra Lewis Williams. And she, yeah, she was once removed. And so. Yeah. Well, it's a remarkable feat to.

Oh, she had a remarkable feat? All right. Well, then I get it. No, this is when you marry your cousin and that's not the headline. Yeah. You've really done something that. Yeah. That the 13 year old detail is going to have a lead billing on that story. But he was fucking huge in the States. And then he was so big in England because all the Beatles and all these young musicians were so influenced by Jerry Lee Lewis. They played his music.

And so he had this national tour set up around England. It was all sold out, like giant venues. And then he landed and literally, like while he was flying to england the news broke that he had married his 13 year old cousin and england fucking canceled everything like he basically did a press conference tried to save it and the whole tour got canceled and his career never really recovered after that. I'm surprised when the news broke and he landed in England,

they immediately didn't honor him in the royal family, which is nothing but incest. Yes, yes. England, perhaps, I mean, most famously, is inbred of the modern nations. For sure. Oh, yeah. All those oil paintings. I think the hardest thing about doing a portrait of a royal is getting the eyes close enough together without the paint running through the bridge of the nose. The movie Thor. We got a couple Thor stories.

Oh, do we? The Christian conservative One Million Moms is calling for a boycott of Disney's latest film, Thor, Love and Thunder, due to what the conservative organization calls blatant LGBTQ content. Sounds like One Million Karens, but go on. Yeah.

They want to make sure as many people as possible are aware that Marvel Studios is pushing the LBGTQ agenda on families and their new superhero movie. Natalie Portman, who co-stars in the film alongside Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson, made headlines early this month when she proclaimed that Thor, quote, is so gay. That would be my review. I don't even have to see it. I mean, I just love when they call it an agenda, like there's a plan, like they wrote a gay movie. The screenwriters are trying to create more gay people so there could be more gay sex, and that somehow just by mentioning homosexuality, your child is going to become

gay. Here's the thing. If hearing a barely dressed hunk of a man with a phallic hammer in his hand make a gay joke, if that makes your son turn gay, guess what? Your son's gay. He was always gay. And eventually he's going to find out what gay is. This might help him do it a little sooner and make him suffer a little bit less.

All right. Contrarian thought. I think I could get you to agree with this. I actually do think there is a gay and LGBTQ agenda. If you define the agenda as normalizing it. Right. And I think they, that's probably what they're talking about. Like, in other words, you know, I'm not siding with these 1 million Karens, but it's like, I think that is happening. Yes, it's a loaded word. Agenda has such a connotation of conspiracy.

And it's just, I mean, haven't we learned enough about what suffering goes on when people are shamed about being gay? That you would want to, at this day and age, open up the conversation and, you know, like you said, normalize it. Well, I'm waiting until Thor streams, because if I see it in a theater, I'm immediately going to pull the popcorn trick on the guy right next to me. I hear Thor does stream in the movie. Pretty gay. And afterwards, the guy's ass is really Thor.

pretty gay and afterwards the guy's ass is really thor and all the choreographed fights just like uh all the musicals just like uh uh west side story just all those extreme hetero movies yeah with dance sequences right right oh man all, what's Hemsworth up to? So he's every bit a superhero off screen as he is on screen, even ditching his daily dose of meat before shooting a scene in which he kissed his vegan co-star in Thor, Natalie Portman. The actress who reprised her role was on a U.K. radio series, and the host asked whether Hemsworth had any hidden flaws. And she said, quote, the day we had a kiss scene, he didn't eat meat that morning because I'm vegan. He eats meat like every half hour. He was just being thoughtful.

How did this story get more gay? Right. I mean, look, we are meat. You kiss any guy, he's sticking his meaty tongue in your mouth. We're fucking made of meat. We eat meat. Do you masturbate with a zucchini? You know, I heard an interesting thing I never heard before.

Dinging. Nothing is very simple. Nothing is easily isolatable like being a vegan do you know how many animals are killed so vegans can get their vegetables a lot it's interesting no a ton and if you were like say a vegan back in the day and you had this crop, you would be killing deer, pests, pests of all kind, rodents, insects, you know, even insects in the ground, worms. You'd be killing so many animals to get to your vegetables. So it's there's blood on their hands, too. Anyway, I'm not comparing it to how many like, you know, to a slaughterhouse of cattle, but it's not that easy.

It's not a pure choice at all. So I just want to remind these holier-than-thou vegans that you're killing a lot of animals. Did I ever tell you my story about Natalie what's her name? Tiger Lily. No. What? Natalie. Portman? Not Portman. No. The singer.

Ambroglia. No. Natalie Merchant. Natalie Merchant. So I did the David Letterman show. We got the right Natalie. I did the David Letterman show and she was the other Natalie. I did the David Letterman show, and she was the other guest on the show. And so after the show, we were backstage, and we had fucking sparks were flying. I was talking to her, and she told me how much she loved my set, and we talked about New York and blah, blah, blah.

And she had just sung a song from Tiger Lily. And I mean, I had chills. And I watched her in rehearsal do it like twice. She was great. She is great. I mean, coming out of 10,000 Maniacs also, Letterman loved that band. All right, go ahead. So anyway, so she was kind of flirting and I was going to ask her out.

What? Yeah. And then she mentioned that she was vegan and that she could never kiss a guy who ate meat. And I didn to ask her out. What? Yeah. And then she mentioned that she was vegan and that she could never kiss a guy who ate meat. And I didn't ask her out. Boy, she thought quick on her feet, huh? I was eating a chicken skewer at the time. So listen, I'm thinking, what about you and me pointing the chicken,

pointing an animal on a stick, at her back and forth as you're just talking gesturing oh my god it's wait can you move there's some gravy there let me just dip it in that animal blood oh my god i want to make out oh that would have been nice that would have been nice anyway uh maybe you would have been vegan You would have been so much healthier by now, maybe. I'm too skinny to go vegan. Oh, all right. There you have it.

I think Neil Brennan went vegan for a while and he got too skinny. He's not vegan now? I don't think so. I think he finally started eating meat. He invested in vegan restaurants and the whole thing. I could be wrong. I shouldn't say that. I think he finally started eating meat. He invested in vegan restaurants and the whole thing. Oh, I could be wrong. I shouldn't say that. Let me check.

Chris Denman, why don't you find out? Text him. What? You can find? Oh, all right. Let's go down to, do you want to do the Sasha story or no? Not really. You want a lawsuit, right?

I showed, oh my god so owen we i was home with owen the other night jojo was out aaron's away and he goes what movie have i not seen that i need to see so oh my god i wish my daughters would say that to me so we watched on the waterfront holy shit what a fucking great movie holds Holds up? Dude, it won the Oscar for best picture, best director, best screenplay, best actor, best actress. It fucking swept. I bet there's some wrong things in there, but go ahead. Well, no, there's some flaws. There's definitely some flaws, but it's a study of...

No, I meant in just, I bet not all those people won the Oscar. But listen, it's one study of um no i meant in just i bet not all those people won the oscar but listen it's one of the best movies it's one of the best movies of all time yeah that that is widely accepted but brando's cool is just undeniable he is just dan when you look up what awards on the waterfront got it's just like he is so fucking coy with women and and you can see them they just they want to put their arms around him they want to help him he's he plays this like helpless vibe yes yeah yeah isn't there a scene i think it's in that movie that actors study where when he's talking to her and he's shy but he puts his hand in her glove is that in that movie yeah that's exactly he puts his hand in her glove which and you don't notice him do it

oh way oh wow all right until she asks for the glove back and then you see that it's on his hand yeah yeah uh right um and then what's his name is in it. The guy with the big nose. Um, Oh, the union boss or his brother, the priest. The priest. Oh, Carl Malden. Yeah. Carl Malden is so good. He's amazing.

The guy with the middle initial. Here we go again. Like with Robert Duvall, who's the T Cobb, right? Isn't Cobb in it? Ty Cobb. No Cobb. Theb, right? Isn't Cobb in it? Ty Cobb? No, Cobb. The actor with the booming presence. That's tough. You're bigger than Brando. Much bigger. Lee J. Cobb or whatever his name

is or something? So here's the awards. It won for Best Picture, Best Director. Brando won for Best Actor. Oh yeah, Lee J. Cobb was nominated for Best Supporting. And Karl Malden and Rob Steiger were all nominated, didn't win.

And then Eva Marie Saint won for Best Actress. Best Screenplay won, Best Art Direction won, Best Cinematography, Best Film Editing. But Eva Marie Saint, who you know from North by Northwest,

the Hitchcock film, she was a star of that. She is fucking great and so beautiful. It's so weird when you see somebody who was beautiful in a film that was made in the 50s, and then you're like, well, I wonder what she looks like now. Yeah, well, you know that story. Someone told it. I think it was a stand-up about he was in love with uh his mom when he was little he's like our age or whatever like had him watch shirley temple movies and he's so in love so in love and then the mom's like i have the most amazing news shirley

temple's coming to the mall she wrote a book and she's promoting her book and he goes there he's like it was like a 75 year old bag and he was just and the mom forgot about time like and didn't explain the concept and so all of a sudden it was like a twilight zone where it's like did she just come back from a space mission where she aged 70 years in a week that's hilarious well my kids got obsessed when they were little with uh gene kelly i mean we would watch you know all his musicals and they demanded see like you know well if it started with singing the rain but then they went on to all these other ones on the town all this stuff and so then it was like i eventually had to be like, no one tell them Gene Kelly's dead. They're like, he's, he's their favorite actor.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. So yes, it is weird. But also, you know, I will say like on the waterfront and other movies like it from back then. I mean, oh my God. What was the one with Burt Lancaster? Sweet Smell of Success.

They are really, and Casablanca, Sweet Smell of Success. They are really, and Casablanca, they're tight. Yeah. They really were like, it was writers coming from novels and books and maybe even journalism and just knowing every word had a count. And so when we now show movies to our kids, the holding up, when you go back to North by Northwest and you go back to Rear Window and and on the waterfront, those are going to hold up, I think, better than like Rocky, because all of a sudden the 70s was like more like more dramatic more excess let's go more early and they just piled it on and the movies got less tight and less and i think less disciplined yes no it's true you you can tell that the uh yeah the you can you can feel the word coming off the page a little bit when they talk i mean to a fault there's times where it feels very written but at the same time it keeps the story extremely

tight like the graduate yeah it's not a word is wasted right it's great i found myself by the way in the offer which of course is a movie about one of the best movies ever made and i don't do this and it's one of those where sometimes I get, I get almost always very stupid and incredibly forgetful when I'm stoned. But sometimes there's a weird, like, I think Kat Williams called it like dumb smart that happens where I'm literally like, you just said that, like the scene just was twice as long. Cause you said the same information. And, and for some reason I have this 30 000 you know foot view of the movie where i'm like that scene was unnecessary unnecessary that could have been half

the amount you know like get out like and it's wild like i should i should read some of my own shit when i'm stoned and uh and cut it down yeah i also get when i'm stoned i start to be able to know what scene is happening next in a not great movie. All I do is predict. I spend the entire movie predicting. And I'll say it to Aaron, and I'm right a lot of the time. Same. And all of a sudden, obviously, your brain has changed.

And there are certain songs where I'm like, God, I've just never realized how good the bass is on this song or whatever. You know what I mean? Dude, do you know what I mean? Do you know what I listened to with headphones on uninterrupted the other day? I sat in a chair and I listened to grace by Jeff Buckley. Oh God. Fucking shit.

Oh my God. It's crazy. And, and, and it was not successful. The album came out. Oh, I did it because you sent me that clip.

I was going to say, what a coincidence. Okay, so did you listen to that Revisionist History? Yes, I did. All right. I'm so late to this, and everyone's rolling their eyes listening. I am so late to that podcast called Revisionist History. Malcolm Gladwell. called Revisionist History. Malcolm Gladwell. Who we talk about all the time. And he did the one on the song Hallelujah.

So did you listen to it? I listened to the podcast. And I mean, it was very interesting. It was about creativity and how for some people that are Picasso type artists, they spit out their creativity and it just comes out in a burst and they don't touch it. And whatever came out first was what was right. And then you have other artists like was it chical chical he was talking about no no it was not um it was it wasn't matisse i'll get it in a minute go ahead seizan no um seizan

it was seizan yeah and uh so he's talking about how seizan would do like multiple sketches multiple paintings it could take him years to do a painting. He was talking about- Hundreds of versions. And Leonard Cohen, when he wrote- Of some of the bold fruit. And Leonard Cohen, when he wrote Hallelujah, how he wrote, like literally did like 100 versions

of the song before he landed on it. And then he beat it to death. And when he put it out, it wasn't done. It got panned by the critics. The album didn't sell. But then he did like an offtake of it that went out on a CD that nobody listened to. And Jeff Buckley, who was like 20, I think Jeff Buckley is part of the 27-year-old club, isn't he? I think he is.

But wait, you're actually missing a crazy chapter. He put out that version, just like you said. Then I think it wasj kale heard it oh right right right jj kale then makes an obscure album and does a version which is the first version that like we all know is hallelujah but not quite but it's the closest that album happens to be bought by a woman, and now you go. So this woman buys it, and she goes away. Buckley House sits. Liz picks it up off the shelf. Here's Hallelujah.

And the versions before were very somber. And Jeff Buckley does it, and it's reverential, and it's definitely ethereal. It's mystical. But he also, there's some joy in it. And his voice is just, I mean, there's so much in his voice. It's so complex. It's fucking amazing. So I ended up listening to the whole album, and I just forgot what a perfect album that was.

And it was his only album. It didn't do well. In Cafe Sine or something, wasn't it? What's that? Cafe Sine or Sine in the Village. I think that's what they recorded Hallelujah live there. Oh, okay. All right.

Oh, wait. Grace might be different. No, no. Then he has a live album in Cafe Sine. Okay. Yeah. So he was 30 when he died. And he died in a river in Mississippi. Oh yeah so he was 30 when he died and he died in a in a river in mississippi

and he was singing what was he singing led zeppelin right he was singing led zeppelin as he went out for a swim in memphis in the river and died right What a way to go. With his boots on and his jeans. Yeah, what was he? I should know the song. I did know the Led Zeppelin song. It wasn't Whole Lotta Love, was it? Anyway, yeah, crazy. So anyway, if you have 40 minutes,

sit down with some headphones and listen to grace and just and just fucking get get get get taken somewhere else it's it's beautiful yeah um all right make florida make america florida America, Florida. All righty, Pally. Tampa, of course. A Florida man was arrested after authorities said he drove through a median around emergency vehicles blocking traffic along U.S. 41 as troopers conducted a death investigation. Which could be a separate Make America Florida. We just don't know the details of that one. That's probably crazy as well.

Yeah. But the troopers said Terry Carlton was driving with a suspended license and an open bottle of Crown Royal and a plastic baggie containing meth. Carlton then failed a series of payday. Exactly. Carlton then failed a series of field sobriety tests before he was arrested for driving under the influence and felony drug possession. Okay.

I read this. I'm like, it actually sounds like he had zero impaired judgment. If I'm driving drunk with an open bottle of Crown Royal and meth, the last thing I'm going to do is stop at a police roadblock. Also, I'm in Florida. How do you expect me to drive any other way? You're right. Right.

And you mean other people don't have suspended licenses? What's a non-suspended license? How do you get one of those? That's what they even ask kids there. Like, when are you going to get your suspended license? Yeah. Oh, my God. So somebody was telling me, I can't remember who was telling me this,

but that now that they have these tests for fentanyl, you know, one of our friends just showed us he he's got, he got them. Yeah. They give them out in Canada. And so, so many people are testing their Coke or whatever else and finding fentanyl. And then they dump the fentanyl in the toilet and they flush it and it goes into the water.

And they're saying they're finding alligators that are jacked up on fentanyl. Wow. Yeah. And it doesn't kill them. Interesting are jacked up on fentanyl. Wow. Yeah. And it doesn't kill them. Interesting. But everybody's drinking fentanyl in their drinking water in Florida.

That's why I test all my cocaine with alligators. Right. I just skip the middleman. I skip that whole process, and I just give a little bit to an alligator, see how it reacts. It's tough to get the straw in his nose, but if you really, if you put on some Frankie Goes to Hollywood, he'll just naturally do it. I was trying to think of the most cocaine music. Yeah. I just have him do a little bump right off my ass.

It's a little, you know, a little risky, but so is doing bumps of cocaine off anybody's ass. Doubles the rush. All right, let's go to International. What do we got? An American tourist fell into Mount Vesuvius, an active volcano in Italy, after trespassing to take a selfie. The 23-year-old man who dropped his phone and tried to retrieve it after taking a selfie fell several meters into the ash of the crater

before being saved by nearby park officials. He sustained only minor injuries. That is how hot it is in Europe. People are jumping into volcanoes to escape the heat. Right, right. To cool down. Yeah. Yeah.

It makes sense that he jumped in a volcano. He sounds like a virgin. Maybe he's a Scientologist. And he's just trying to meet some of his leaders. Right. Or however that works. Yeah. Yeah, he's trying to erase some of his, what do you call it when you have an error?

When you have a- Oh, is it a blockage or- Yeah. Maybe it's a blockage. Yeah. The E-meter. The E-meter. Which is like a soup can with a fucking string in it.

You know that, right? Right. No, it's crazy. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Just as crazy as every other religion. Hey, it's crazy. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Just as crazy as every other religion. Hey, come on now.

Now, this is news to me. Mount Vesuvius is still active? I guess so. Mount Vesuvius is in, whatchamacallit, what's the town? Pompeii, right? Yeah, it's pompeii it's it's it's between naples and um the uh the amalfi coast because i remember we we stopped there and did the tour it's a fucking great tour holy shit all these petrified bodies oh yeah and then they have these rooms that hold on hold on hold on wait hold on one second why don't i i know i've told it before i'll tell the story of my kids so very

quickly this pompeii exhibit comes to the history museum here in los angeles i take my kids i they're very young and i tell them like all right listen this listen, this is going to be, you know, lava. So I explained the whole concept. You're going to see people who are like frozen in action when the lava encased them and there might be just, and they're like, oh, they're fine with it. So we go in, the first room is all pottery and all this stuff they found like, you know, perfectly preserved. And so we haven't gotten to that, the bodies yet. And I know there's going to be like dogs, which they'll probably be saddest about, but you know, moms with babies that were found. So we now get to a curtain that gets us into the next room.

Guard is there. He's like, sir, he's like, I, we got it. Like I already talked to him. He's like, okay, sir. But the next room is like, no, no, I already talked to him. Don't worry. And I kind of was maybe a little like impatient, like the third time he started and he's like okay so we go through the curtain the next room there are no bodies and on the walls are menus of sexual positions yeah that's what i was about to talk about

and basically a incredibly preserved whorehouse yeah was dug out of the ruins of Pompeii. And there were menu items for doggy style and reverse cow. And I was like, oh, my God. And of course, in the thing, I'm like, let's get on to the dead kids. Let's get on to the dead kids. Let's go on. Let's find the dead babies and doggies. Come on.

And I rushed them. They're like, Daddy, what is this? Yeah, I remember that. I mean, it was hardcore, really detailed. Like the first, it must have been like some of the first porn ever made. It was Italians. They were pigs. Their leader was Caligula.

Are you kidding me? What a time to live. Jesus. You go in the vomitorium and then go back out and get more tail. You go in the vomitorium and then go back out and get more tail. A 16-year-old mom named Melissa McCabe from Murrayside, UK, decided to take her one-year-old to prom as her date for the evening. She told the Liverpool Echo, quote,

When prom came around, no one could really have him, and I wanted him to be part of my prom day. She got his tiny suit off of Amazon. The night was as magical as she had hoped with all the teachers cooing over the adorable boy. I mean, yeah. I think the prom theme that year was Night of a Broken Condom. The only one reading this story is like, I don't get it. Why is this even news?

It's Ricky Martin. Makes total sense. Yeah, right. You got to start grooming them early. We got a story for you here in sports, Mike. All right. Sportsy Sports is... Zach Wilson. Is that name sound familiar to you?

Not at all. Okay. He's getting a lot of attention for something he did off the field. He's now ex-girl. He's the quarterback for the Jets, your team. Oh, God. Right. Yeah.

I don't... Listen. Here it is. You ready? I'm going to, I'm blocked. Listen, here it is. You ready? I'm going to tell you right now. Let's get ahead of this. If the Jets start to do well and the Knicks start to do well, I'm going to be a fan again.

You want to call me bandwagon? Go ahead. I think I had the sense to give up after 45 to 55 years. Do you know? And I will come back. Do you know the last time the Jets had a season where they were 500? Uh-uh. Where they won more than half their games? I actually don't.

2010. For 12 years, they've been below 500. I think they had one year where they broke 500, but otherwise none since 2010. Oh, I'll tell you this. I know it was right around that year. I got so excited for that Jets season. They made the playoffs, I believe, that I rented a projector and a screen.

And it was when I was living up on Hill Street and the two kids were in the house. I was still married and I projected that playoff game. And I don't even think I invited anybody over. It was literally, it was crazy. Yeah. So anyway, his now ex-girlfriend, Abby Giles, took to Instagram in what is now a deleted post.

She claimed that the Jets quarterback slept with his mom's best friend. According to Mike Atza, writer for PFWA, an adult entertainment company, they've offered the 22-year-old to head a certain division of the company. Cam Soda is offering the quarterback $69,000 to become a recruiter for their division. In his rookie year, the Jets quarterback played 13 games and finished with a 3-10 record. So you know the Jets. You know the Jets.

His mom said the four-play was promising, but then he fumbled around with a condom and lost possession of his erection. Listen, I don't believe any of this story because it's about a jet who scored. So call me jaded, but I'm not buying any of this shit. Well, a jet quarterback is perfect to run a porn company because it's an all-male fan base that gets really excited at first

and then immediately loses all interest before it's over. Yep. Oh, and now Denman is writing that his ex-girlfriend is now dating his former college roommate and teammate. Wow. Oh, vengeance. Jesus. A vengeance, a dish best served steamy.

Let's do This Day in History. All right, then. Okay, we got a guy named Jimi Hendrix in this story. We got a guy named Jimi Hendrix in this story. 1967, on July 17th, Jimi Hendrix drops out as the opening act for The Monkees. Yep. And one of the oddest musical pairings in history comes to an end. The booking of psychedelic rock god Jimi Hendrix with the made-for-television Monke monkeys was the brainchild of Hendrix's manager, Mike Jeffrey,

who was seeking greater public exposure for a young client who was a budding star in the U.K. but a near unknown in his native United States. So Mike Nesmith first heard a tape of Hendrix playing at a dinner party with John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Eric Clapton. Nesmith and his fellow monkeys Peter Tork and Dolenz, became instant Jimi Hendrix fans. And after witnessing his legendary performance at the Monterey Jazz Pop Festival in 1967, they encouraged their own managers to invite the little-known but highly respected Hendrix to join the tour. So when they asked him about the Monkees,, he said, Oh God, I hate them. Dishwater. You can't knock anybody for making it, but people like the monkeys.

But despite saying that he joined the tour and, uh, the reception given to him by the bubble gum fans of the, of the, uh, monkeys was, uh, Jimmy would amble onto the stage, fire up the amps and break into Purple Haze and the kids in the audience would instantly drown him out with, We want Davey. God, it was embarrassing. Hendrix got through seven dates and then he saluted the crowd with his middle finger

and walked off stage. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that was July 17th was the final show and he also you know he played guitar for James Brown no Little Richard

Little Richard and he quit because Little Richard wanted all of his band to dress the same and Hendrix had his own outfit and he refused because little Richard wanted all of his, uh, get all his band to dress the same. And Hendrix had his own outfit and he refused to change into the, uh, the uniform. So he quit.

And when you see, I mean, the band, his band, uh, Jimi Hendrix experience, it was three, three people making that sound.

Noel Redding and Mitch Mitchell. Incredible. And when they put that band together, Hendrix went over to England, and he didn't have a band. He was kind of lost, and he met this manager, and the manager saw Jimmy's style,

and he said, the only way this is going to work is if I get jazz musicians to play with him, because he was so improvisational. And so they found Mitch Mitchell, which is, I believe I put him in the top three rock drummers of all time. And Noel Redding, who was a fucking sick bass player, which he later replaced when he hooked up with the Band of Gypsies later. And he got rid of those guys.

But I think his peak was playing with those two guys. Yeah. No, totally. Yeah, I was looking up. We got a lot of letters to the editor. All right. I want to hear them. A lot.

Oh, boy. All right. Easy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. a lot oh boy all right oh boy oh boy uh this one adam crisis um recently we asked for actors that made you hate them in a role so much that you actually hated the actor uh he said sharon stone and sharon stone and casino did an amazing job making you hate her when i saw that movie in the theater the crowd fully cheered when jo Pesci threw her down the stairs.

Yeah, she sucked. No, she was great in it. Yeah, she's great at being an evil person. Exactly. No, you can't be hated unless you're great. I mean, it's a compliment to be hated for playing a role I got it Ryan McDonald said Greg says far head

does he say far arm instead of forearm? Had to know Oh wow It's like a nightmare You guys looking for Robert Duvall's name was a true test. I'm sharing my first drink purchase with you. My first drunk purchase.

Um, Mark Gowser on Sunday papers. You said one of the whitest rich guy things I've ever heard. And I know you'll find humor in it. Uh, talking about your dying dog quote, you saw me, Mike.

I was so depressed. I mean, I couldn't even play golf. I did say that that's the worst no the Carlin thing really uh Carlin's whole routine about how golf courses should be turned into oh yeah we forgot to talk about that. Jesus Christ. It hit me hard because I can't disagree with it. And when he looks down the barrel, I think he said it three times. He's like, and it's a racist sport.

Racist. Yeah. Racist sport. It's like, oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, listen, we can feel a little better about ourselves. We're at Pan Mar, which is the most diverse thing ever. A round of golf costs $10 sometimes.

Yeah. Otherwise, it's like $13. Yeah. And so it's the people's course for sure, but that landed with me too, of course. I try to get my friend Tom to play with me a lot there. He's black just because it makes me feel less guilty. And I like Tom. Well, you had the funny story where the homeless...

Right. Oh, yeah. For a black guy. Well, yeah, there was a homeless... Well, the thing about playing at Penmar is you're caught between two worlds because the golf course used to have a homeless encampment that was so long,

it literally ran the length of the first and second holes. It was a tent city. There was a tent city up against a chain link fence next to a road that ran next to the course and it went for a quarter of a mile and so uh and then above your head you've got private jets because santa monica airport is right there so you're either complaining about the rich douchebags that are flying jets over your head or you're complaining about the poor douchebags that are lined up and you hit hit your ball over there, and you're looking for it, and you're three feet from a guy who's trying to wash his underwear in a bucket,

and you're like, excuse me, have you seen, I lost my ball. And he's like, I lost my house! Totally. All right, let's get to the covers hey wait i'm gonna send you oh yeah i'm glad we're back into music i'm gonna send you so last night we went i won't name names but we went to this amazing bassist who you you like we've played golf with him we went to his house just for a little uh dinner mike uh gubbins and mikey and i and it was like the history of bass playing it was unbelievable and then like the studio and seeing these unbelievable bases seeing a martin guitar from 1907 like all this stuff but he showed a video on youtube so steve gadd should not be new to me

he's considered one of the best drummers of all time and there's a clip of and i forgot the bassist name was it al on uh letterman's band there's a clip of just them and they're just riffing. It's just a bass and drums. I'm going to send it to you and we should talk about it next week. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable what an amazing rhythm section can do. It's just sick. And this guy, Steve Gadd,

I'm going to take a deep dive on this guy. The topic for this past week, I think we did cover it a little bit last week as well was cover songs that were better than the originals so uh phil cormier says leonard skinner's call me the breeze originally written by jj cale cale's version is good but laid back Skinner'd ramped it up Totally I mean Call Me The Breeze What a fucking great tune that is I don't know that I know

Oh I have heard JJ Cal do it Same it's very mellow Eric McLean says me and Bobby McGee Christopherson wrote the song And it was recorded by Roger Miller first In his version Bobby McGee was a woman. Okay?

Of course. I grew up with the Christofferson one. My mom played it constantly. Mele Konea talks about Robert Hazard did Girls Just Want to Have Fun, which I did a dive on and I found a video of it. Oh, wow. Maybe she sent it to me. But it's a fun song.

It's like an 80s new wave song, but it's about a guy telling his parents he doesn't want a girlfriend because girls just want to have fun. And she took it to a whole new level. They want a bop. They want a she-bop. Jason Cobb said,

Elvis Costello, what's so funny about Peace, Love, and Understanding, originally a Nick Lowe song. That's a tough one, because Nick Lowe's version is pretty good, but Elvis's is better. I didn't know Here Comes My Girl was a cover

by Tom Petty. No, but Mud Crutch is Tom Petty's band. Isn't it? I never heard that. I don't know. I thought... Denman, can youty's band? Isn't it? I never heard that. I don't know. I thought, Denman, can you look that up? Wasn't Tom Petty in a band called, no, it was called Mud, it was called Mud something. Anyway.

Manny from New Jersey. Nothing compares to you. Sinead O'Connor's cover was much better than Prince's original. Yeah, that's probably the best example in this category. Oh, me and Bobby McGee, they just own the song. There are a couple of them where, I mean, to his credit, when Bob Dylan heard Hendrix all along the Watchtower, he's like, he never performed it the same way again.

He's like, that guy heard the song better than I did. Yeah. Blackbird, Crosby, Stills & Nash's cover was much better than the Beatles. No, it was not. Brian G. said, The douchey 80s Paul Young song, Every Time You Go Away,

is originally an absolutely beautiful stripped-down ballad by Hall & Oates. Did not know that. Did not know that. Blondies, The Tide Is High, is a cover from a Jamaican rock steady band, The Paragons, that was released in the 60s.

Wow. Okay, that's's is that cultural appropriation oh interesting like when the clash cover reggae songs also yeah i mean people might argue that that's cultural appropriation wrapped yeah although she rapped what about that at the fucking beginning she was rapping like literally as it was becoming a form Mud Crutch is uh

yeah yeah I mean Mud Crutch was an American Southern rock band from Gainesville Florida they are best known for being the band that began Tom Petty's rise to fame why is this guy giving me a song? People don't get

the fucking topic sometimes when we put them out. It's not that difficult! This guy, Tilson Institute of Transcendental Studies. That's what this email came from. Tools cover of Led Zeppelin's No Quarter. No. The Atari Boys of Summer over Don Henley.

Didn't hear that. Rage Against the Machines, Maggie's Farm. No. Oh, David Bowie, It Ain't Easy. Originally by Ron Davies. oh david bowie it ain't easy uh originally by ron davies i went back and uh yeah i think he sent me the original with ron davies who's part of the kinks and uh yeah it's a very cool version but bowies is better all right i think we'll get to more of these next week. That's enough for this week. Another little note on songs. This is how, this is how I knew I wasn't enjoying like the offer that much. They, all of a sudden they played, um, they would pop out an incredible song on the TV show. Like it was, um, all of a sudden the Stones and it was like who do you think you are scorsese

and it was just like a party scene in a hollywood hills house and it was can you hear me knocking and i'm like if you're gonna use can you hear me knocking you better like come loaded for bear like you really better have a great scene right like when it fell so flat like when scorsese uses monkey man and ray laoda is driving around thinking there's a helicopter over his head are you fucking kidding me it's choreographed with the song in mind it's like edited beautifully it's not like this was like hey here's a scene Hey, did the song clear? Oh, great. Slap it on there. Yeah, right. They're trying to buy.

I felt embarrassed. They're trying to buy an energy for their scene that's already lacking. They're trying to buy it from the song. Three or four times while watching the offer, I felt like the song was looking around like, what am I doing here? I don't come to shitty venues like this right it's like wearing a prom dress to uh a keg party and that's all folks uh let's do some obituaries very sad week in obituaries jack knight who is a guy that I knew from the comedy store

he was a comedian he was also a very successful TV writer he was starring in a TV show he died they have not announced the cause of the death as of yet he was only 28 years old he was known for the

he created and starred in the Peacock comedy series Bust Down. He just finished filming First Time Female Director, directed by Chelsea Peretti. He played Devon on the hit animated Netflix series Big Mouth that he was a writer on for five years. Toured around the world as a stand-up. I mean, this guy could not have had more going on in his career. And I've heard rumors of how it ended, and we'll get into that next week, but we'll just say very sad news, very sad news. That's terrible.

Yeah. Tony Sirico, do Yeah. Tony Sirico? Do you pronounce it Sirico? I'm fine. Yeah, whatever. Oh, your pronunciation with Italian or Spanish is fascinating. Sirico. The actor best known for his starring

role in The Sopranos is Pauly Walnuts. Here's his part. Tell me if this is funny to you. He died at an assisted living home. He pronounced walnuts right. He died at an assisted living home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida at the age of 79. Do you remember that was the whole storyline in like season four of The Sopranos was his mother and the assisted living. Do you remember that?

Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's really funny. So it's funny because it did not seem like he was destined for a life as an actor. He was a criminal, arrested many times on charges including assault, robbery, and felony weapons possession. He served 20 months of a four-year sentence at Sing Sing Correctional Facility. sentence at Sing Sing Correctional Facility. And he was inspired by watching a performance by a troupe of visiting actors that were all ex-convicts. So he had an uncredited performance in Godfather Part Two, small roles in Goodfella, Romeo is Bleeding, Bullets Over Broadway, Mighty Aphrodite.

So he worked, but at the time that he got the sopranos i had heard he was living on his mother's couch so he auditioned for uncle jr but instead was cast as paulie walnuts which was supposed to be a very small role and they just inserted it more and more into the show as it went on. Oh, yeah. Think about what directors he worked with. Coppola. Yeah. Woody Allen. Scorsese. Woody Allen.

Yeah. God, yeah. And then, of course, landing on The Sopranos. Man. He was a good actor. Well, I remember that scene vividly. Like, you know, all they have is giant wads of cash, thousands of dollars in their pockets. And they're out to the fanciest dinners.

And they're like, you know, kind of running that part of New Jersey. And then there was the first time you went into his home where he lived. It was like this shitty apartment with a lazy boy in front of a TV. Right. And it was so perfect because it's kind of like Scorsese at the end of Casino deglamorized it, you know, by showing these, like, you know, slugs all coming into the casino when it opened. And so I love that because you're like, wow, despite the diamond rings

and their fancy stolen clothes and their nice cars, that's the reality. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Well, you know, that was, I think that was a big mob thing was like, you never show off your wealth. You know, you keep, you keep it low key. Uh, also dying this week was, um, Ivana, not Ivanka, Ivana Trump. Why would you name your daughter Ivanka? If your name is Ivana Trump why would you name your daughter Ivanka if your name is Ivana isn't that fucking weird

it is but we didn't we cover her no yeah we did I just mentioned in passing she died in New York

uh that's alright so fuck it let's get to the funnies let's cheer up a little bit uh this was a comic somebody sent in and it's uh it's an old lady let's cheer up a little bit. This was a comic somebody sent in,

and it's an old lady sitting on a plane next to her husband. The husband looks like he's catatonic. His tongue is sticking out. He's got one eye bulging. He's dead. He's dead, Greg. He's dead. And the stewardess says to the woman, when we asked you to turn off all electronic devices,

we didn't mean your husband's pacemaker. So what old person reads that in the funnies on a Sunday and laughs at that? Right, right. It's a little weird. Lockhorns, Leroy is underneath the sink. He's got a tool in his hand. And Loretta says, Leroy has the mightiest touch. Everything he touches turns into gold for the repairman.

And then he's eating dinner with Loretta and he looks at her and he goes, Meatloaf is not supposed to be cooked al dente. Yeah. Hager the Horrible. Hager and Helga are standing there and a happy young couple comes along. And the man's got his wife who's got some stunning cleavage, big smile. And he goes, Olga has agreed to be my bride. And then Helga goes, how lucky you are.

And then as they walk away olga says olga always makes a lovely bride and hager goes you're in a mood so apparently the woman has been gotten around she's gotten around she's been a she's been abducted many times in her life they're in very contemporary clothing next to the Vikings. Yeah, they do that sometimes in Hager. They look like hipsters. Yeah. Yeah, they do.

Sometimes, and yeah, that fitted jacket that the woman has on, and she has on kind of like a very contemporary haircut. Yeah, a bowler hat. You got any Scott Adams for us? i know but i have some charles adams charles are they related scott adams and charles adams related who's scott adams didn't he do um uh this is a simple one all right it came out this one simple. It came out December 25th, 1943. Wow. It is a. Let me make sure I frame this right. It is a gingerbread house in the woods.

It's very fairy tale like and Hansel and Gretel have gone up to the house and there is a giant warning label on the house for the ingredients. And one of the first ones you can't see it from there is contains glucose and then dry skimmed milk anyway i just thought that was and there's the witch in the back about to kill them but anyway i just thought that was making fun of like labels and all that a little early for 1943 interesting wow So glucose was a thing back in 1943? If he wrote it 10 years ago, it would have been gluten, but

I know. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. No, but in 1943, no, that, you know, that the high sugar content and that there was a label on a frosted gingerbread house, I thought was worth noting. You know what's weird is my mom's mother, who was an alcoholic,

was like a really healthy, she only put healthy stuff into her kids. She bought all organic stuff, and she was very aware of ingredients, like probably gluten or whatever. And it was very weird because they were dirt poor. But she was very conscientious about what they ate. From Ireland. Came over here when she was like 15 years old. Spent a lot of money on booze. She did.

That's why they didn't have enough money for for, I guess, Frosted Flakes. My father used to laugh about how he came over the house one time and and she he said to my mom's mother, can I get you a drink, Margaret? And she says, no, I'm not drinking this early. And then he and then he saw something behind the toaster and it was a drink. And he goes, what about this here? And she goes, oh, that must be left from last week. And then he saw something behind the toaster, and it was a drink. And he goes, what about this here? And she goes, oh, that must be left from last week. And he's like, with ice cubes in it?

At some point, you've got to realize you have her cornered and let her save face. Yeah. I would have just been like, okay, I'll put it by the sink, and it would have rattled the ice. No, he loved to bust her balls. And my mom said she loved it. She was the most bitter. She was not a kind woman. I have no good memories of my grandmother.

But my father used to tease her, and she loved it. That's really funny. He totally charmed her somehow. So let's do some blondie. Dagwood comes home. Honey, I'm home. She says, how was your day? Of course, who's at the fucking stove with an apron on,

slaving away on a pan? How was your day, sweetheart? He says, how was your day, sweetheart? She says, well, nothing went right at any job I worked. And by the time I got home from three catering jobs, I found out that our refrigerator had died. Everything was spoiled. Even the tenderloin we planned on eating for dinner. The entire day was nothing but aggravation. That's how my day has been in a nutshell.

And then he says to himself in the last frame, this probably isn't a good time to tell her she forgot the spicy mustard on the pastrami sandwich in my lunch today yeah you know when a good time is to say that when you fucking are on your deathbed you piece of shit what did you hear what she does for you every day you go to your office where you're a failure where the running joke in the comic strip is how you are a useless bag of shit who sleeps at his desk and then you come home and you're gonna complain to this 10 this piece of ass that she didn't put fucking mustard on your sandwich kill yourself dagwood okay this is what this has become you reading blondie i feel like i am in a uh in a dysfunctional household with an alcoholic parent I fear.

And then Blondie and Dagwood are at the table, and then he says that, and it's just like, oh, no, here comes Greg. Like, Dagwood, when are you going to learn what triggers he has? You're pushing the wrong buttons, and then you rain down on him with this wrath. And I'm not even drinking. Can you imagine me drunk reading blondie holy shit christ forget it someone animate me somebody fucking animate me send me to the strip i got some shit to straighten out um you're there drunk eating your pasta and it's like what did he mustard we want to remind people

if you want to make a smart investment right now and hedge against inflation and other things go to masterworks.art slash papers for priority access to a great investment in artworks that you could otherwise not afford

we also want to remind you to listen to for priority access to a great investment in artworks that you could otherwise not afford. We also want to remind you to listen to Grace by Jeff Buckley. Anything else you want to promote, Mike? Not the offer. I don't know. No, I guess I am going to lie. Oh, yeah, sure, man. That drummer, are you kidding me? Who I just mentioned, whose name I'm now forgetting. Um, who was it?

Who was it? That drummer. Go look him up. You heard me say it. Go look him up. Okay. Uh, all right. I'll see you in about four hours. We're going to play golf. And, uh, and then, um, And then Aaron comes home at midnight tonight. I go pick her up. Wow. Throw a move on her, get shot down, and go to sleep. Are you going to test because you have whatchamacallit in your backyard?

I should test for COVID before I pick her up, yes. Maybe test before you play golf with me also. We're outside. Oh, good Lord. Steve Gad. Steve Gad's the drummer. Holy shit. Go check out that guy's drumming. Good Lord. Good. All right.

I think it's time to take it eesh. Let's take it eesh! It's the Sunday, it's the Sunday, it's the Sunday with Mike and Greg, Mike and Greg, Mike and Greg. Thank you.