Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 126 8/7/22

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

The Brittney Griner defense team falls short of freeing her; hoping for a rebound on appeal. Alex Jones takes his first bath in a long time, Georgians are now listing their fetuses as dependents and we say goodbye to Vin Scully.  

Well, I pulled a newspaper from a garbage can. It was from five weeks ago. And I gave it to Mike and Greg to read to you on a Sunday paper show. Wait, let's do that Greg Fitzsimmons clap. Greg Fitzsimmons clap. There it is. Here goes my clap. Three, two, one.

Yes, sir. Okay, and we are recording. I think you can start screaming before I put my headphones on. Read all about it! Read all about it! It's a wake-up call for the country and for me. I'm fucking exhausted, Mike Gibbons. There's no way to start a podcast. We talked a little bit

about it before the podcast started when the Zoom began and you had some disruptions in your sleep last night. Noise was waking you up. Yeah, the wife was a little snory last night. I wasn't going to say that. You told me not to say that. Well, whatever. It's out there now. It's out there. My wife snores. She needs help. She needs to see a specialist in L.A., I think. That's my diagnosis. You also, so apparently like one of the most popular things now is building homes with two primary bedrooms. Really?

Do you know why I said primary? Why? Because master has been faded out. Really? Yes. Yes. It is no longer the master's bedroom. I think that's a dumb... And this is the master bedroom, and down the hall here we have the slave cabins.

It can still be called your masturbatorium, but it's no longer the master bedroom. But getting back to that, you know, it began with separate bathrooms, you know, or like separate, really like the two sinks, two sinks. And then the bathrooms kept moving further apart a little. And but I remember going to Ben Stein's house in Beverly Hills and he's married and we were shooting some great name drop for 2001. Well, I I was going to say I can't name the name, but it turns out I can definitely name that name because no one's going to be offended. And people it's almost like making up a name. But anyway, they had two master bedrooms and I thought it was like, oh, trouble in paradise. I think it was the opposite. I think they had less trouble in paradise because of the two master bedrooms. I would enjoy a, literally,

if it was a giant walk-in closet, put a bed in there, just a full-size bed, some soundproofing, bed, some soundproofing, I'm good. I would gladly snuggle with my wife, read in bed, and then say, okay, baby, I'll see you in eight hours. And then I would go walk into my walk-in closet and sleep. All right. This is how diseased you are. You just described another master bedroom, but it has no windows and it has clothes and shoes in it. And that's good enough for you. Hey, you're doing a podcast from one, so I don't know what you're talking about. Why could, yeah, the sound is so muffled it's professional almost.

So wait, why wouldn't you just cuddle, do whatever in bed, and then walk down the hall to your bedroom. Because I like that you're saying that this is still our bedroom. This is still our place of communion in our marriage. But I just kind of sneak off for the sleeping part. And then I come back again in the morning. And so you maybe have some marital relations with your wife, and then you slowly, under darkness, slip back into the closet? You know how this looks with you sitting there like that, right?

I'm getting that, right? Yes, I am fully. Look at me. I'm in the closet. We just had a lovely anniversary. We went off to Lake Arrowhead, and we stayed. Our friend Annie and John, friends, they have a house up there, and it's on the lake. It's so beautiful.

It's a two-story cabin with a view of the lake. You walk down a little path to get to their dock. You sit out on the dock all day. You read books. You swim in the lake. The water temperature is beautiful. Took hikes every day. Took some mushrooms. It's just a groovy time. It was amazing. I was so envious to you hit the word groovy yeah but no of course that's fantastic yeah it was great um john dore who is a great stand-up comedian oh my god google his stuff on conan. But I worked with him at one point. Anyway, Canadian, the nicest guy. He started commute before the pandemic.

He started commuting from up there. No kidding. And, you know, listen, he didn't have a nine to five job. So it would be like he'd come in to do sets. And that probably wasn't every night because, you know, it's a healthy drive. do sets and that probably wasn't every night because you know it's a healthy drive but well the problem with the drive is once you get to san bernardino you go straight up a mountain and it's it's uh what do you call it back roads yeah yeah yeah where you go back and forth yep uh switchbacks switchback roads all the way up it's pretty it's a gnarly drive. You get a little car sick, but it's so worth it because the lake, you can't get on the lake unless you live on it. So it's not a jackass festival where people just pull up in motorboats and scream and yell. So it's peaceful.

And yeah, it was great. It was great. I just wish it was longer. We went for three days. I could have spent, I could have spent five or six. No, that sounds great. It was great. I just wish it was longer. We went for three days. I could have spent five or six. No, that sounds amazing. Very good getaway. And happy anniversary. Thank you. 23 years. And yeah, other than the snoring, everything's perfect. I mean, isn't the it's also because we're older, but isn't the idea of two master bedrooms.

I don't know. That sounds amazing to me. Um, I have my own now. So, uh, I think part of it is, uh, you know, letting go of that. You're the opposite. You haven't had that in 23 years. Yeah. Your own bedroom. you have it on the road. It's pretty, I mean, it's pretty great. When, during the pandemic, I felt very guilty that I would drive past the airport and I would get a little bit of FOMO. I would, I missed hotels.

I missed sleeping late, being able to watch sports, sitting on the bed, eating fucking barbecue that I got from a takeout place. Having sex anytime you want. Anytime I want with whatever chambermaid is cleaning the room. Oh, I meant by yourself. Come on.

I wasn't going there. Yeah, I missed it. And I do love it. I love being on the road. I'm looking forward to it's weird, though, because I get depressed that I'm leaving because I do like home. My kids are home. So I'll be sad that I'm gone. I'm leaving for nine days tomorrow morning. And but I also am looking forward to the hotel life. Yeah, no doubt. Well, listen, maybe a listener can write in.

So I deal with snoring a little bit too. I have to sleep on my side. But there's all this advice, like you do the flow nays, you maybe even wash out. If congestion is a big part of it, I think that is for me. And it's why I'm breathing through my mouth when I sleep. But anyway, maybe a listener who knows a lot about this or some listeners who have a hack that works can write in because it's a huge issue. It's a very big issue, actually. We'd appreciate that. Her email address is-

There we go. Write to her. Write to her. So you can see her tonight. We're going to see you tonight at your sister's party. So you can see her tonight. We're going to see you tonight at your sister's party. Yeah, the British cousins, these two really funny girls, college age, are coming in. We saw them in New York at the St. Patrick's Day parade. They flew in with their family, and their dads are, you know, my generation. And, you know, we would tell stories when they first came over, and they would repeat stories to me. And I'm like, I have no memory of that, but you know,

we would just go crazy in New York when we were in our late teens and another visit in the twenties. And now they have girls just like I do. And so this next generation, you know, that's the one we went out in New York with Olivia. Olivia borrowed the British ID that time. Yeah. Yeah. And they worked on her accent. So I told Laura we should get just as a joke, we should get tater tots for something to eat tonight, because that was the word the British cousin used to make fun of how Americans like tater tots. Like she would just use that to mock what an American accent sounded like. Yeah. And so every time Olivia was practicing like I'm from England, you know, and I can't do it.

But they'd be like, tater tot, like, you know, like meaning you're not even close. I'm going to have a hard time talking to them tonight because I'm currently reading a book about the Irish famine. It's called The Famine Plot, and it's about how the British systematically plotted to make the famine bad as a way of controlling the Irish population. And they say, you know,

the British will tell you a million people died during the famine. They say it's actually closer to like 1.9 million, not to mention the 2 million that emigrated. Was it 1 or 2 million? I think it was 2 million people emigrated. Wow. Wait, emigrate means you left. They emigrated. Yes. Yeah. All right. Here's the good news. They are Irish. Oh.

Well, they're not. But their family, no one was in England at the time of that. Okay. Fair enough. The generation right before us had a skedaddle. Yeah, I think. No, no. So my grandfather left.

But I think they actually stayed in Ireland. They're even more Irish than I am. I think it was their parents who went to England. Yeah. Yeah. So it's their first generation English. I think that's a shorter way of saying it. You'll find out tonight. Boy, I hope that goes well. It's going to be a party. Is Gubbins playing? Is he showing up? Yeah, I believe so.

He's the party favorite. That's the good news for Gubbins' segment. He's going to be at the party tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Laura needs him at every party. He is. He is the absolute best social ingredient to put in any recipe. Yeah, he'll dance. He'll make fun of people in a playful way.

He's great with names. He'll call them out. He's keeping track of who's drinking what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He polices the party in a way. As long as the games don't get too serious for him, then we're good. Exactly.

Well, this is called Rage Cage, and it's going to blow your mind. And I think you might get sick first drinking all your pussy beer. What's Rage Cage? It's a combination of beer pong and chase quarters. Uh-huh. Drinking is actually the least, obviously, especially, I mean, even once you're past 22 years old. In fact, drinking, it's so much, the idea is not to drink. You know what I mean?

Like, so it's just this game of skill, and you don't want to get caught with these things. It doesn't even matter. Oh, my God. They would fill it with like white. Oh, because of Sophie. Maybe they fill them with a white claw because she's celiac. Jesus, that's the worst shit on earth. Yeah.

Truly, truly awful. Yeah. Sponsor, I didn't look. What's this mask in airport? What does that mean? So last week, you know, I was in Kentucky. So I forgot to tell you this. So I'm in the airport. I mean, I mean, Tennessee. Sorry. I was confused because Hoffman's actually born in Kentucky, but he lives in Tennessee now. So anyway,

and boy, lucky I didn't go to Kentucky. It was underwater. Anyway, anyway, in wild traffic, in the airport, in Tennessee, um, I was like, had my mask on one of the only people in the whole airport to have a mask on. And I was like online at something. And the guy turns around and goes to me, um, you're still worried about that stuff, huh? And, uh, and I pulled down, no, he goes, you're still worried about that or whatever? So I pulled down my mask. Like, nice, friendly. Pulled down my mask. I had a big smile.

I'm like, I'm not so worried. I'm on day six. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Fuck that guy. That's awesome. Because as I was getting all these looks, I was like, how do you know I'm not protecting you? Right.

How do you know I'm not Asian? Right. You can't tell. What do you think? All Asian people have the same eyes? No. So everyone, please steal my move if you want to really alarm people who are maybe giving you a stare. Like, oh, don't worry about this.

Or like they're looking, oh, don't worry. I'm on day six. I don't even think I need this, really. I'll tell you, I am wearing the mask when I fly tomorrow. I am wearing the mask on all flights on this trip. Of course. Yeah. No, it's happening everywhere.

I had like two Zooms earlier today. Both Zooms had COVID stories. One, you know, like a non-participant couldn't make it. And I'm trying to think of others. But I think Sophie had it. So I picked Sophie up at the airport last night. She came back from Europe. Her stories were so funny.

Did she have COVID? We believe so. I picked her up with a test, but I also felt a little confident because she said she'd been feeling like shit for five days. I think she did. I mean, it could have been a cold. She partied all over for three weeks, Europe, staying in hostels and the whole like cheap way to do Europe. And she but but one part of her sickness was she lost her sense of smell.

Really? Which I didn't even know was in this strain. The old strain's still around. But she already had that, but it was a while ago. They had it way before me. So anyway, it's going around everywhere.

But I pick her up anyway. She tells me about in Greece, it was mostly, she was in Corfu, mostly British and Irish. And she just said, they're just so funny. And oh my God, do they like beer, right? So it's so great watching this new generation learn kind of national characteristics and stuff like that. But this one guy was the most

amusing and what did he say he's like uh not i'm square listeners are probably knowing what i'm trying to get to like uh i'm situated like he'd be like uh had six pints i'm i'm fit i'm situated i'm god i'm forgetting what it is but it's a phrase they use. Yeah. And I'll remember it in a little bit. But she said they were the most fun. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I know.

So she had a good – well, I'll ask her tonight. I'm sure she's so sick of being asked how it was, but she just got back, so I'll be one of the first people to ask her how it was. Yeah. No, she had a great time was kind of sick in Paris but I'm like you know that's kind of the one to miss compared to Italy and and partying in Greece she loved Sicily which I've never been to yeah me neither and apparently that's and it's uh she sent me pictures of the water there oh my god so Sicily is high on the

list but Paris like you'll be if you go to Europe that's probably the place you know what I mean And she sent me pictures of the water there. Oh, my God. So Sicily is high on the list. But Paris, if you go to Europe, that's probably the place. You know what I mean? You're going to do Paris again. Yeah. And fuck them. Fuck them. They only saved us during the Revolutionary War. Yeah, well, we more than paid them back, I think we can say.

Yeah, I think so. But, yeah, their disdain for tourists. And she really, they talked about that. She's like, no one's smiling. But that's a New York thing, too. All righty. You know who we can't thank back enough is Marcos Calandrelli, who did the Sunday Papers logo this week.

That's a really nice logo. Yeah, I like that. Very cool. Thoughtful. And the song from Wade Daniels, I like that. Very cool. Thoughtful. And the song from Wade Daniels, who you heard at the beginning of the show, I think hard to describe, really. Well, Wade, it's hard for me to describe. I haven't heard it yet because we have a thing where I can't.

But I'm looking forward to it. And that you sent one in is great. Some corrections. Mike Mulroy says your battery powered luggage is called away, not up. Up is a movie about an old man floating away on a balloon who probably can't remember Robert Duvall's name either. Got us. Eric from Duluth says, hey, Greg, let's straighten this out for the last time. The guy Mike talks about every week is Charles Adams.

He's an old school cartoonist who worked for the armed forces in WW2 and created the Adams family. Two Ds. The far side is from the 80s and 90s and was created by Gary Larson. Scott Adams is a right wing nut job who has drawn the Dilbert comic for going on 30 years. Now that used to be about crazy office life, but is now a thinly

veiled commentary on his idea of wokeism. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. All right. This is a long one from do we need this one? No. Which one?

What's it on? Well, about transsexualism. I just, she's basically this woman, Deborah Cummings. Thank you, Deborah. I appreciate the note. No, not Deborah Cummings. This is from somebody else. Says.

Formerly Deborah Cummings. She says transsexual is an outdated term. You should just say trans. Well, all right. Still. Okay, that's maybe. But transsexual isn't wrong. Right? It's outdated.

All right. Whatever. Deborah Cummings said, oops, Greg said Jimmyffa's father was born in brazil india he was born in brazil indiana so i wrote her back because i specifically remember reading it and it was indiana so i said you're insane i said indiana your speakers are shorting out so she wrote back to me hey greg i'm going to play that clip for you right now. No, I can't hear it, but you be honest. You be honest.

I'm betting on Debbie. Poor coal miner in Brazil, India. Yeah, I just said it. I just said India. So she said, if you had seen my pronouns, are he, she, her, I'm sure you would have been more considerate. Love you guys.

Oh, this is, oh no, this is Debbie C. Okay. Boy, we're going to get corrections for our corrections. Yeah, I know. I'm going to have corrections for our corrections. Yeah, I know. I don't know who said what. So anyway, sorry, Debby C. You're right. I said India.

Dates coming up. Oh, I'm not going to get these wrong. I'll be in Vancouver and Ottawa this week. Oh, wait a minute. What's today, Sunday? I'll just be in Ottawa later this week with Louis CK doing some shows. Then I'll be at Jonathan's in Agunquit, Maine, August 11th. Manchester, New Hampshire, August 12th and 13th. Lowell, Arkansas, September 16th and 17th. Then I'll be in New Orleans, Lafayette, Chicago,

San Francisco, Tampa, Plano. Go to FitzDawg.com for exact dates and tickets. Look at you, man. Right? That's taking you till December. Yeah, but I gotta fill out some more dates. We're just starting. We got a bunch that we're working on. People are trying to give me money, but not enough. Ah. And then we'll fill those in as we get

the numbers up. Because it can't just be about, you know, the love of the sport. Hey, Mike, do you have a vpn on your computer you bet i do it is the greatest thing to happen to my computer since the little thing that you slide across the top and they can't see you while you're masturbating to porn um in 2022 if you don't have it on your kids' devices, you're completely insane. And I'm talking about the VPN. It's like walking your kids home from school and not telling them to watch out for windowless vans. The ExpressVPN, look, every computer has an IP address, which is

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stein and then you never know. And then you can see like I just watched Netflix in the UK and they have all the Bourne movies, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. They've got a bunch of stuff that you can only get there. So you make your money back right there. Secure your family's online activity and unlock tons of new shows by visiting expressvpn.com. Use my link and you can get three extra months free.

That's expressvx-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash papers. Expressvpn.com slash papers to learn more. Mike, let's do the front page. I think it's time. I think it's time. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! All right. Here's the update from last week. This is news. So we're recording this on a Thursday because you're heading out of the country. Can you hear me? Yeah, go ahead. Talk. Oh, OK. I'm going to talk.

So you're heading out of the country. We're doing this on Thursday. And so the update just came in and it's Brittany Greiner, the WNBA pothead, was just found guilty of drug possession and smuggling in a Russian court outside of Moscow. She has been sentenced to nine years in prison. Good news is the work program in the Russian prison pays 30% more than her WNBA contract. And that's rubles. And that's in rubles. Yeah. Well, look, we all knew that her being found innocent in this trial was a long shot. And I think we all know how long shots go in the WNBA. A little short. A little short.

Did not work. So here's my question from last week, and I know a lot of people are spilling ink on this, but let's say we did do this deal, right? Because also the nine years is kind of people are like, but slow down because there's maybe an exchange of prisoners that's going on at higher levels with the governments. So let's say we do trade this arms dealer who's in prison here back to Russia, Russian arms dealer, and we get her. Does she go to jail? Here? No.

Well, that's a problem, isn't it? Well, a lot of people are upset because if she had been caught with that in the wrong state a decade ago, or any state a decade ago, she would be sent to jail. You know, I don't know if she'd go to jail, but would you go to jail for any point where you went to jail for just pot in this country? Oh, my God. It's a huge issue. Yes, there's there's lots of people in jail right now because of marijuana charges. But that's is it not not even for a lot of marijuana. Right. I think I think it's like if it's your third strike and it's marijuana, you can actually go to jail for marijuana,

but you wouldn't go to jail if your first charge was a small amount of marijuana. and I think that's what people are screaming about. Now listen, I might be wrong, but I believe there are people

in jail because of marijuana charges. Oh, there definitely are. But I'm just saying- but not like third strike. Right. I think legit maybe what she did. Yeah. Yeah.

I really think they're right. Chris Denman is writing tons of cases with tiny amounts of weed. With massive sentences. It's horror. Oh, thanks for the editorializing. And then he wrote, it's horrible at the end thanks chris denman we were curious about your emotions about the news story he wrote you are horrible more editorializing and more stating the obvious more stating something that uh is

is already said in this already implicit in this podcast no i think one of the things that's happened now is they're trying to get people out on appeal that were in jail on marijuana charges because now it's legal. Then the question is, should the charges stand if the crime is no longer a crime? Or leave her there and then send all these American prisoners to Russia.

Have Russia just feed them three hots and a cot over there. Right. Russia likes the hotheads in prison. We just take a vape pen, throw it in a suitcase, give it to one of our prisoners and lay them off on the Russian system. Can you imagine life in a Russian prison? I sure can, because I watch Stranger Things. Yeah, they went to Russia, huh? They did. He was in a Russian prison. He lost like 50 pounds for the role, the actor. Also, here's references.

Here's what happens. If we have any listeners who are younger than 45, you have all these references that are at your disposal all the time. And a lot come from school and college, literary references. And boy, do they start fading. So obviously, A Day in the Life of Igor, what's the last name? It ends in Vich. Ivan Dolovitch.

But that's literally a book about Russian prison. Right. Iliad, Ilya, good Lord. Ilya Gonzalez? No. According to the ACLU's original analysis, marijuana arrests now account for over half of all drug arrests in the United States. Of the 8.2 million marijuana arrests between 2001 and 2010, 88% were for simply having marijuana, which I guess means a small amount. There's significant racial bias.

Despite roughly equal usage rates, blacks are 3.7 times more likely than whites to be arrested for marijuana. Interesting. seven times more likely than whites to be arrested for marijuana. Interesting. A day in the life of Ivan Denisovich. Solzhenitsyn was the, anyway, used to know all that shit. But anyway, I think that Russian prison was, I think a little different than the one she's going to.

I believe so. Let's do the Alex Jones story. Yes. Love this. So this was yesterday. Oh my God. Did you see the video of this? Yes. Fantastic. I don't know though. There's something going on with it that rubs me the wrong way. Okay. Alex Jones learns on the witness stand that lawyers, his lawyers, sent his text messages to the rival attorney. While being cross-examined at his defamation trial in Austin, Texas on Wednesday, Alex Jones was informed that his attorneys accidentally sent two years of text messages from his cell phone to a lawyer for the Sandy Hook parents suing him, and then failed to note that the messages were protected under attorney-client privilege.

The Sandy Hook lawyer explained, quote, 12 days ago, your attorneys messed up and sent me an entire digital copy of your entire cell phone with every text message that you've sent for the past two years and when informed, did not take any steps to identify it as privileged or protected. So then the lawyer— You realize you just said the story three times in a row in slightly different wording. Well, I wanted some of those key words in there because I think something fishy is going on. Okay. So then the lawyer goes, quote, you know what perjury is, right?

And Jones goes, quote, yes, I do. I mean, I'm not a tech guy. Is the truth tech? And first of all, you've got one of the biggest podcasts in the fucking world. Yes, you are a tech guy. That's exactly right. Yeah. The jury.

And so they showed his. Well, what the show what had happened was and I didn't put this in there, but he had a couple of days earlier said, do you have, and I think he asked this before, like he did not know the answer. And he asked, do you have any texts, any correspondence regarding Sandy Hook? Did you ever write a text? And do you have any in your phone? And he says, no. Yeah. And so they're claiming they got him on perjury here because he does have them. Now, there's a million ways to wiggle out a perjury. Like, he didn't remember them. It actually looks good that he supplied all his text messages.

If he knew they were in there, wouldn't he have erased it, number one? And wouldn't he not give them up? But I think what's going on, and I doubt this is true, but I am wondering if his own attorney has set him up. Because it's so egregious. Well, there's also two steps to it, which you mentioned in your three readings of the story, is that he gave over the text messages, and then there was a moment, there was an opportunity for the lawyer to say

that these are covered under attorney-client privilege, which he did not. Which I only said once. Yes, go ahead. Right, right, right. Well, I've said it twice now. So I guess that's four times. Yes. And then he goes, your attorney messed up. All right. First of all, I didn't like that phrasing at all because, and sure enough, his attorney filed for a mistrial because of the mess up.

So his own attorney filed for mistrial based on his own attorney's mistake? I believe so. Okay. I do know, but I think the mistrial was rejected, but it's almost like, I'm sure the attorneys can't talk because they could be questioned about it, but it's like almost, maybe it's even saying that he messed up excuses him. But why would you, especially given the chance, as you said, to make it inadmissible, like you were given, you messed up twice. I just can't wait for the jury to actually see. Can you imagine the text that Alex Jones sends,

this alcoholic, hateful, racist lunatic? I mean, it's going to be somebody should release it as a book. I mean, is it part of the public record now that it's been released in a trial? I mean, imagine seeing a dead child emoji with a dollar sign after it. I think there are probably famous cases, and I bet some listeners know, where attorney, the defense attorney about defending someone incredibly egregious. Now, of course they are sworn. They have to defend them to their best of their ability. But in like a case like this, where, I mean, if, if you're not, if you're anything being a lawyer, it's about the truth. And I know I'm being a little naive here, but

it really is at least in an ideal world, that's what it's about. And when all of a And I think that's what all this is about. So in this case, he's one of the diseases in this world who is just, like, to claim that that's Stalin-esque and it's erasing of something that really happened, you know what I mean? Right. Like, to deny that, that's like denying the Holocaust, like, where there's ridiculous evidence, ridiculous amounts.

Right. And this is where, you know, the system works, because in theory, this will bankrupt him and put him out of business so he can no longer put out untruths like this that have an effect on society. that have an effect on society. And what was the company that put out Hulk Hogan's sex tape and they got sued out of existence? Gawker? Gawker. Yeah, Gawker. Yeah, like they were a shit company and we're glad they're gone and the system worked.

No, that's a very different story, actually. Is it? With Teal. Yeah with teal yeah yeah funding it teal didn't like this is what happened and i'll probably feel or teal the guy we met yeah so peter we'll call him teal teal he is a billionaire i i believe paypal i believe what I'm saying is true. So I think Gawker outed him. So he set out to destroy Gawker. He saw an opportunity in this case with Hulk Hogan and he completely bankrolled the lawsuit to bring down Gawker. Right. No, I understand that. But my point is Gawker should not be in existence. I mean, a company that takes sex tapes and puts them out for profit, I think there's no place for that in society. I don't know if you can. Unless it's the Kardashians, in which case, big place.

It's very complicated putting out a sex tape. You can't just put out a sex tape, I don't believe, at all. No, I mean, especially if the person had no knowledge of being recorded or if they did have a knowledge and then a reasonable expectation that it would be private, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, this Alex Jones thing is amazing. And it did make me think, imagine if you just heard all of a sudden someone has two years of all your text messages. Oh, my God. That's my first reaction.

Jesus. I text up now. i and that's us now i have gotten to the point now like somebody sent me a text you know we have a text chain going with somebody who's a good friend of ours who wrote something to me yesterday that i realized if taken out of context would look really bad on my phone and i erased that part of the message and it wasn't it was not actually proof of any guilt on anybody's part it just looked bad and so I took it out I'm looking at my cell phone and emails as public record because who knows we all right so you've seen like recently like google exec was being questioned also.

It's like, so do you have access to everybody's text messages and everything? And he's like, he tried to wiggle out of it. And he's like, well, I mean, the technology, if their phone is backing up and like, in other words, it's on servers. And it's like, can you, if you wanted and do you have the right to access all text messages? And he was forced to say yes. Yeah. And so in a way, I'm glad we're in comedy. I think we actually have an out.

It's like, well, what do you want? This guy's a jokester. You know? Yeah. Right. And so, but boy, it still wouldn't get us out of jail. And context is everything. But that's the funniest thing is we're actually like I like to think good guys in terms of like I don't think we're hateful and and bigoted.

And I don't know of you hating anybody except maybe Aaron right now for snoring. And so anyway, I mean, and we're still like not a chance, not a chance. Are you going to look at my text from two years? Well, I I think that sometimes I do things for shock value and that those if those things exist, there is no way I can explain that a guy I went to college with that I would call a woman a cunt oh my god I just revealed what my text was that I would talk about I'm just kidding

I didn't call anybody a cunt well the main thing for me is I'd have to somehow so why are all your dick pics black? seems weird right right The main thing for me is I'd have to somehow, so why are all your dick pics black? Seems weird. Right, right. And how come you're only capturing the middle section of the penis? All right.

Let's move on. Oh, by the way, speaking of that word, I could tell Sophie had hung out with a lot of Brits and Irish. Because I go, when asking about Paris, she was like, it's good. But you said the people that they're all cunts. They're all cunts. The Parisians. I was so proud. It's great.

Yeah. A Mississippi man. Speaking of things, a Mississippi man said his pet cat helped prevent a robbery at his home and he credits the calico with possibly saving his life bandit a 20 pound cat lives with her retired owner fred everett in the tupelo suburb of belden when at least two people tried to break into their shared home last week the cat did everything she could to alert everett of the danger the attempted robbery occurred at 3 a.m everett said he was first awoken by meows in the kitchen.

Then she raced into the bedroom, jumped onto the bed, and began pulling the comforter off of him and clawing at his arms. Everett knew something was wrong. Yeah, your cat wanted to have sex with you. She had never done that before. What in the world is wrong with you, I said. He got up to investigate, saw two young men outside his back door. One had a handgun. Wait, hold on. Hold on, Lefty.

He's got a cat. I've got allergies. Let's get out of here. Lefty. These are old-timey burglars? Yeah, they had on the little scully caps. Okay, here's the detail that jumped out to me. A 20-pound cat? Right. It probably thought it was food delivery and was so excited and trying to get him out of bed to open the door. Also, how did it even jump? How did it make the jump up to the bed? Does he have a futon on the floor? Yeah.

And they probably thought it was a lion. They're robbers. They were like, this motherfucker, he's one of those guys that keeps lions in the house. I saw it on Netflix. I have a feeling this cat keeps out in the house. I saw it on Netflix. I have a feeling this cat keeps out all the potential ladies also coming over without doing anything. Yeah. A 9-11 call made by air traffic controllers suggests that a co-pilot

who died after he exited a plane during a mid-flight emergency last week may have jumped, a recording released Tuesday showed. The body of Charles Crooks, 23, was recovered last weekend after he plunged from the plane near Raleigh, North Carolina. He did not have a parachute when he exited the twin-engine CASA CN212 Avio car, sparking questions about whether he had fallen or jumped. Uh, maybe the other pilot was talking about how charming only murders in the

building is. I would have fucking jumped too. I think I once said, I told Zach, I go, uh, I just saw a due date. Was that his movie? Right? Driving Across Country? Yeah.

I just saw Due Date and I tried to walk out. Unfortunately, I'm on a plane, which is an old joke. But I twisted it around a little bit. I tried to walk out, but I was asleep. Exactly. What is... There's something wrong here. Also, wait. Maybe he didn't want to pitch in for gas.

He's 23 years old and he's a co-pilot? I know. That does seem young. Maybe it was going down because this guy from the previous storyboard is a 20-pound cat on board and they just guesstimated for what a typical cat weighs. Maybe he was sick of having to read the offer for the for the free credit card over the intercom. The amount of interruptions. Also, what is it about like I think about airplane psychology a lot. psychology a lot. Like I actually have, I thought for a long time, the, uh, the, the bad food on planes, like the legendarily bad food on planes when they used to serve food, I thought was

intentional because it's kind of like, look over here, look over here. Don't think about you are in a chair 30,000 feet above the earth. Yeah. Uh, so, and I know i'm wrong there but i think that is a big part of it so the um when the pilot comes on to tell you what how he's doing it what rudy's we don't everyone's already trying to watch their show right and it freezes it entirely also how about not freezing it for some announcements so if you you want to listen, you just you pause. You take out your earphones. Right. Right.

Yeah. Except for the initial announcement. That's I mean, it is amazing to me the volume level as well that they have it on. They don't realize they put the phone right up to their mouth and scream. And it's fucking jarring. I've covered the speaker above my head with a pillow before, like, you know, or a blanket or whatever I had. It's especially if the speaker's right over your head. It's ridiculous.

But why did this guy jump? I don't know. Because at best, you're only matching what's going to happen, you know, to the plane if you don't survive. But every pilot knows you have a fighting chance. Even if both engines die, there's miracles that can happen with landing a plane. Well, maybe the guy farted. I think you're overthinking it. You could find a lay. I wonder what the things are. I mean, he's 23. I bet he was overthinking it. You could find a lake. I wonder what the things are.

I mean, he's 23. I bet he was wondering, too. But aren't there, like, techniques where you come in on trees or obviously, I don't know if water is much better, but big planes have dipped a wing in the ocean. I've seen that technique. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I bet there are a lot of techniques of no power.

And I do know that the interstates are built every five miles, I believe, every five miles, there's a one mile straight stretch by design. That's also the reason why they have golf courses. By design. It's also the reason why they have golf courses. It's one of the arguments with people that are proponents of not getting rid of golf courses because there's such an environmental waste. Say it's because it's a place for planes to emergency land. Meaning so white guys who can afford to play airplanes as their hobby can land on white fields of golf courses. And that's why always bring your clubs when you fly.

Always bring them. Some clubs, if they find out it's a Jewish pilot, they do not run out with fire extinguishers. Mind if we play through? Pregnant. Oh, wait, are we going to do this? Yeah. Pregnant Georgians can now ready for this can now list their fetuses as dependents on their tax returns.

The Georgia department of revenue released new guidance this week, establishing that the agency will quote, recognize any unborn child with a detectable human heartbeat as eligible for the Georgia individual income tax dependent exemption. Georgian taxpayers can claim an exemption in the amount of $3,000 for each dependent. Well, all right, good. I'm claiming each of my sperm as a dependent. That's $3,000 times 100 million sperm.

That's $300 billion write-off. Wow. Unless I jerk off before April 15th, then it's like 50 bucks. Yeah, it doesn't replenish at the rate we used to. No. Not at all. Okay, I'm doubting that an unborn Georgian

is worth $3,000. I'm just going to come out and say it. How much is a born Georgian worth? Even less, but you have to add a little more for the potential. Remember those stories that like that unborn became Beethoven. Yeah, right. So, but that's crazy. Also, I think in Georgia, if you have sex while pregnant now, it is technically a threesome.

Right. If she wonders why you keep high fiving her, it's like because I'm having my first three way. Yeah, exactly. The more I thought about this, it's easy to poke holes in it. Exactly. The more I thought about this, it's easy to poke holes in it. I think it kind of makes sense. But I think you. Oh, no. I was going to say maybe you give the money back if you don't have the child. Back if like if it doesn't go to term. Obviously now, what, abortions, right? But I'm just thinking because the reason you get this credit is because children are expensive. Yeah.

Well, so are unborn children. Right. So it kind of makes sense. Well, I think if the government's role in society is to legislate change that's good for the greater good, then abortion should be a write off because we don't don't we not want people now. I think the government's trying to encourage more procreation right now, which is weird that we've stopped immigration and we're stopping, so I guess we're creating, we're getting rid of abortion because we also got rid of immigration

and we need somebody to replace the immigrants to do the work. I think, you know, many, many cultures recognize and definitely Native Americans that this is a failed... There is an expiration date on this planet. Native Americans famously tried to live so things were circular, reusing, and that it was circular and not linear. And so, and I think then the smartest people in the world, many of them, became fascinated with space exploration and many of them as a means to solve this problem that's coming down the pike, which is earth is inhabitable or it's just full or dead.

So, I know, really uplifting. But, I mean, this is such a shit show. Like, are we just going to keep growing the population? I mean, by the way, I have no idea what the answer is. Also, stagnating the population I don't even think works. Certainly if it goes down, it doesn't work. There is some number of what every human, the exact number of offspring they need for the world to maintain its population. And that number is higher than you think.

Yeah. So I don't know. I have no answers. I remember reading recently. I don't even have questions, obviously. Go ahead. In the last 50 years, I think the population is like tenfold what it was before. It's crazy.

Yeah, even in America. Can you look that up? But can you believe not that long ago there was North America, which untouched by the modern world at that time. Right. That's crazy. Denman just literally wrote, sorry, search term, question mark. Are you fucking kidding me? What would you like searched? Population of the earth in the last 50 years

wait are you getting down on chris for he called you sleepy he goes what would you like sleep i am i'm fucking sleepy you're not showing it yet oh good honestly though uh i don't think you could pay me enough money to listen to this podcast like Like, I don't know how he does it. Like, listening to this live. Did you just insult all of our listeners? No, no, no, because no. I mean, no. Hats off to him.

Hats off to him. The old tip of the cap to you. Yeah. No, but hanging in there and Chris every week has to do it live, and we're just meandering. Here's the population. He nailed it. Look at that population.

All right, so in 1950, no, this goes through 2050. This isn't it. Well, just do 1950 to 2020. All right, so to 2020, it is tripled. It has tripled in the last 70 years. So I was close. I said 10 times as much. Right. And the growth rate was

in 1950 the growth rate was 19%. It is currently 8.7%. It peaked at 22% in 1960. Yeah, and it's gone down every year since 1960. And now it's only 8.7% growth rate.

Wow. You'd think some housing would be a little more affordable. All right. We're going to run out. I think we're going to run out of housing. Entertainment! We're going to run out. I think we're going to run out of housing. Entertainment. What makes you think we're running out of housing? All the people living on the streets surrounding your house?

I saw a guy yesterday. He had a tent on Venice Boulevard. He has a tent that has a grill out front. It's got a door that has a frame on it with hinges and a welcome mat. Kick off your shoes before you come outside. Here's how useless the city can be. I was reading something. Actually, Dickie sent it to me from Rosie's Bagels.

Get them. Delicious. And although not a great, not great context to be talking about delicious bagels. So he sent me this article about homeless and that there used to be, there's a law about oversized vehicles being parked. You know, they're trying to, you know, the idea is- Over 50 feet. Yeah. The idea is you don't have your RV sitting there. And these have been sitting there for years, literally years, and that they have grills like you're describing. But one concern they brought up was, because they thought this will get the city's attention,

was what about all the sewage? And that they felt that the sewage from them was being dumped down the city drains, which is totally illegal. And so they immediately rushed out to check it, and they did find fiberglass tubing that was in the drain, the sewer in the street. But it wasn't connected to the RV, so can't do anything there. And they left. Oh, really? How useless anything there. And they left. Huh? Really? How useless. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. How about a DNA test? I think there's a bazillion ways to prove that when you're not looking that that tube is connected. Yeah. Oh, my God. I did not watch anything this week because as i said i was on vacation with my lovely bride we had a nice time and all we did was read we sat on the dock got a book recommendation a summer read for you guys it's called a gentleman in moscow it's by a guy named

amor towels who is uh he's written a. I should have written down the names of the other books he wrote, but you'd recognize them. So fucking good. Such an amazing read. It's long. It's like 600 pages, but it's worth it. I got to get, I'm going to write, you know, this is how scattered I am. I know you're really tired today, but I took an Adderall and a coffee at the top of this podcast. I'm still working on a coffee.

Carry me, baby. This is, maybe you can relate to this. This is how I know when I'm especially scattered. I can't keep track of my to-do lists. Like, there's six of them. Yeah. I don't know where they are. I don't know which one's, I can't remember where I wrote the thing I have to do, which one it's on.

So here I am. This is probably my third one in two days, fourth one that I'm starting. But I want to put, what was the book you did a book club on? And I keep meaning to download it. Yeah. Oh, Ant Kind. Ant Kind, right. I've just heard too many amazing things about it.

Now I trust you. So I got to get Ann Conn and read. All right, I did no reading, but I did watch. Last night, Sophie was home. She was jet lagged, so she wanted to watch something. So we went on Netflix and we said, all right, we're either going to watch The Gray Man, which is on Netflix, the new movie,

or Hustle, which is Adam Sandler's movie on Netflix. Let me guess. She convinced you to watch Adam Sandler. No, I looked up the Metacritic ratings and I guess the Gosling movie, The Gray Man, was below 50%. So we watched Hustle, which I've heard is really good from a lot of people. Listen, it's not bad. It's super feel good. It feels like an after school special. But, you know, they say one of those things to do if you're in this business is don't just criticize it.

How would you make it better? That is so hard to do, I have to say. And but I think they were just looking for more ways to keep the cat up the proverbial tree, as they say, you know, in act two. And they repeated things. Sandler is becoming such a good dramatic actor, by the way. Yeah, we'll say that. Yeah. But it really reminds me of Jeff Nichols. But I I just wasn't, they ran out of challenges and they repeated them. What is he a basketball coach or something? Scout. He works for the 76ers and he's a scout.

That's where you really see him. He doesn't want to be a scout anymore. That's the, that's the thing that they give you up top page 20, probably in a script, like find our guy. And then you're going to be the assistant coach and um so he had us to find a guy he finds a guy this is all up top and anyway not worth it if you're looking for things to watch yeah not watch a lot of nba people i guess that that pleases a lot of uh you know i I didn't even know half of them were, obviously. So, but Dr. J's in it.

I loved seeing Dr. J. Did we talk about the WeWorks docu, not docu-series, the series with- I started to watch it. We never talked about it. I started to watch it on my own, but we never talked about it. We watched, we haven't seen the last episode to watch it on my own, but we never talked about it. We watched it. We haven't seen the last episode, but it's so bad, it's good. His accent is so bad.

I like him. And his character, and I forget the woman's name who's in it with him. She's a big deal. Yeah, no, of course. What's her name? From Devil Wears Prada. Anyway, you can't stop watching. It's like a bad read.

You have to keep going. And I would recommend it. And Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway. By the way, she's done some outstanding nudity in her day. Oh, really? Yes. In this movie?

Not in this movie. But she has in other ones. Huh. Not in The Devil Wears Prada. Nope. Did she do one The Devil Wears Nothing? The Devil Wears a couple hands on her titty bombs. That's what that one was.

She was with somebody famous. I can't remember the nude scene, but you could tell it was like, all right, she's not going to do she's not going to do nudity for Pauly Shore. But she is for fucking, you know, Chris Hemsworth. Of course. Well, it's also the level is an art. Did you finish the bear? Yes. I don't know if I can. I mean, everyone says it gets better. Yes. I don't know if I can.

I mean, everyone says it gets better. It gets better and better and better. And it really leaves you off going like, cannot wait for season two. Really? It is such a great setup for a second season. It's almost like a pilot. It turns out the season is like a pilot episode for what season two is going to be. What, does another brother have a muffler shot that he has to save? All right.

You worry too much. No, that show worries too much. I'm watching them all freak out about using the right French phrases when they're serving fucking hot dogs. It's such a, oh, my God. I know, but it'll all make sense. Trust me. It would be like Apollo 13, like the best scientist, like worrying about all like a backyard balloon launch on a fucking like water rocket.

It's so stupid. Yeah. The nude scene she did was with Gyllenhaal. Is it Gyllenhaal or Gyllenhaal? Gyllenhaal. Is it Gake or is it Jake? Come on. Nice alliteration there. Jake Gyllenhaal or Gyllenhaal? Gyllenhaal. Is it Gake or is it Jake? Come on. Nice alliteration there. Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal gave it to her pretty good in a movie. I'll tell you that much. But you couldn't tell me what movie. No, maybe. That would be a

great thing if Denman actually put that information as well. Or should I should I beg for each scrap of information as we go along? And when he listens, he gets shit from you. I can't even put a dollar number on what would how I could pay attention to this podcast. Love and other drugs. It's called. Thank you, Chris. Go back to sleep. I've never even heard of that. Make America Florida. Let's do it. Make America Florida. Let's do it. All right. A Florida man has been arrested for attempting to break into the Patrick Space Force Base using a stolen truck.

And why did he do it? To warn the U.S. government of a war between aliens and Chinese dragons. There's a war between? Wait, there's a war between aliens and Chinese dragons. There's a war between aliens and Chinese dragons? Why is this not in front page? No, and they've never gotten along. It's very racist. Anyway, his arrest affidavit noted that he stole a 2013 Ford F-150 three days before driving to the Patrick's Air Force Base, sorry, Space Force Base located in Brevard County. According to his arrest affidavit, Johnson said he was ordered

by President Biden in his head to steal the truck and drive it to the Space Force Base to, quote, warn the government about U.S. aliens fighting with Chinese dragons. Wait, why didn't Biden call the Space Force Base, the Patrick Space Force Base directly? Why did he call this guy to go there in a truck? I think this guy is very special. Uh-huh. And it makes sense that they called him. And also he's trying to put the pieces together and he's like, this is why Pelosi's in Taiwan this week. Yes. Because the Chinese dragons. Yeah. Yeah. In reading that, it's interesting that even the paper said it was because he was ordered by President Biden in his head.

Was it in President Biden's head? And did he like telepathically see or I'm assuming they meant it's in his head. He heard and saw President Biden deliver this message. I think it was in Biden's head and it was in this guy's eyebrow. Usually it's a head-to-eyebrow communication. Do you remember Attell? This is just, we talk about Attell so much,

which he deserves. But he had a thing about being crazy or something in a bank and like talking to someone in your eyebrow. And I just remember it can be the details. Do you remember the name of the person in the eyebrow? No. It was Terry.

He's like, what, Terry? Right, right. And he's making this face and looking up at his eyebrows. He's like, what was that, Terry? Shoot them all? Like it was so hysterical. Yeah. So anyway, that's Florida.

He stole a good truck, man. What a waste of a successful heist of an F-150. Yeah, I know, but... Three days before, he got away with it. Yep. And then he has to take a different car to go fight the aliens or warn them to fight the aliens and the dragons. I know.

Not going somewhere, not going to a scrapyard was just crazy. What he did was crazy. You could also walk up. I mean, you did sit on the truck for three days before going to the base. You could have walked up to the base and delivered this message. Maybe you'll jot it down a little note. And in your typical Spielberg movie, you do approach on foot. There's like a, you know, there's a big shot.

There's a wide shot with somebody approaching a large base in a small driveway and they're, you know, do it right. Yeah. Or it's at night with flashlights like E.T. Now, what do you think U.S. aliens are? U.S. aliens, Mexicans. Exactly. Thank you. Let's move on. Sports. All right. The female Tour de France. So you can't even call it inaugural and you can't call it the first because technically it's not. There have been efforts to have women have their own race there as well.

in efforts to have women have their own race there as well. Anyway, the female Tour de France fell into chaos on Thursday as a mega pileup swallowed dozens of riders just 45 kilometers from the finish line. Several of the riders sustained injuries and one was rushed to the hospital. All right, it was the fifth stage of the, this article is calling it the first female Tour de France. It did have a different name back then. This stage has been, was seen as a sprint before the challenging stage, which is next in the mountains. Anyway, there's details about the crash.

And then logistically, a little context here. Logistically, the men's race is 13 days longer. The women's race is, the men's race is 21 days versus eight days for the women. And the cycling distances of each stage are also on average 50 to 100 kilometers shorter for the women. 100 kilometers shorter for the women. Bordeaux, France, more like it. Tour de Farce. Wait a minute. Why is it that they make it shorter for women?

Because the truth is, I have heard that women are actually built better for long distances than men are. Yes, they're also built way better for long stories and long chats. But men are better for long excuses. No, they are. The famous, whatever they're called, super distance runners, that's not it. Oh, women, no men, no man. It's kind of like saying no woman will ever lift as much as a man. No man, I think we'll run, uh, that, that race, whatever that distance

is. Uh, it's over a hundred miles, I think, uh, faster than a woman. I don't think. I think that if you took a man and a woman and you had them start running next to each other, But if you took a man and a woman and you had them start running next to each other, eventually he would just scream, you win and stop. Does that mean she won the race? Or he'll just start drinking in his basement. Yeah. Here you go. Scientists say women could dominate ultra ultra marathons. Women have greater muscle endurance than men. A study appears to show a physical difference.

Researchers from the University of British Columbia found women were less tired after natural muscle exercises than men of a similar age and athletic ability. So why is it that in in in tennis tournaments, men play five sets and women play three? And not only that, they are exhausted at the end of three very often when you see them. Like, I mean, Serena, I think, was out of shape. But, you know, you see them at the end of their third set and they are wiped. Right. I think you have to get past a certain level of endurance. They tap into fat resources, I believe is what that's saying. And that I think you have to be

completely depleted. I don't know what I'm talking about, but that's my guess. All right. Well, this is my guess. It's time to go to this day in history. All right. Do you notice how we didn't even talk about the stereotype of women driving? We did not go for the low-hanging fruit on that story. We did not. But I just snuck it in. I just snuck it in, kind of.

I just snuck it in saying, those are the jokes we didn't do about their inability to drive. Wait, one quick story. Did I ever tell you, it doesn't even matter, and this isn't anti-Liz, I guess it is a little bit. When I was married to Liz, we got into watching The Amazing Race at one point,

and like everybody, it was the number one show in the country. And this was in the early 2000s or something. And she's like, we were laying in bed watching. She's like, I bet we do really well at that. And I spit up whatever food I had in my mouth. And there was no getting out of that. And we basically had to go into, and I eventually had to be honest. And I'm like, all right, let me, how about this? Let me just ask you a couple of questions. How long can you look at a map in a car?

And she's like, less than a minute. I'm like, do I need to say all the other things? Like 40 bazillion pee breaks or, or allergies from dust. I go, do you see like where some of the terrain they're running through and stuff? And how about all our fights in airports? You can't even handle getting to the airport less than two hours early. No, by definition, we will never be let like more than five minutes early to an airport.

Like there were a million things I could have brought up. That's hilarious. Yeah. In 2005, August 7th, a trapped Russian sub was rescued. It was a mini submarine with seven crew members on board. It was in the South Pacific, and they'd been part of some training exercises

off of Russia's far eastern peninsula when the propellers became entangled in cables that were part of Russia's coastal monitoring system. Unable to surface, the sub's crew was stranded in a dark, freezing submarine for more than three days. I mean, you talk about this guy jumping out of the plane. I would have popped that fucking latch and said, just kill me now. Three freezing dark days with a bunch of Russians. Where's the documentary on this? Yeah, I know.

These are like the soccer kids. So they were trapped 190 meters below the ocean surface. Jesus. They organized a rescue mission. They asked the United Kingdom and the U.S. and Japan for help. And in the ensuing days, the three countries mobilized rescue crews for the trip to eastern Russia. The Russian Navy attempted to first lift the sub from the water and later to drag it to shallower water where it could be reached by divers.

Both approaches were complicated by the 60-ton anchor attached to the cables that had ensnared the sub. Finally, with fears mounting that the trapped crew's oxygen supply would soon run out, the six-man crew of a British-owned and operated Scorpio 45, the Brits, once again, just like that Thai soccer team, rescue sub arrived and was able to cut the sub loose. All seven on board, which included six Russian Navy seamen

and one representative of the company that made the sub survive the ordeal. So this was five years after a Russian nuclear submarine sank, killing 118 people on board. Wow. In that disaster, the Russian government had delayed asking for outside help for some 30 hours, which was blamed for the sailor's death. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if they have evidence of the 118 people on board, because it was probably very similar protocol to this. Like, I mean, are there efforts to slow down breathing? I'm not even joking.

Like, are there efforts to lower everybody? I mean, the, you know, consuming the oxygen. I don't even know what you do. Yeah. I mean, you would think that there would be an external pump that you could pump new oxygen into a sub in a situation like this. Is there any way to convert water? The answer is yes. Into oxygen. But could a sub do that? Or is there just one smart scientist who's just trying to outlast the other one 17 and then he's going to in like whatever that little,

like, you know, the missile side, like he's just going to ingest a little water that he takes it. He boils it. Yeah. Then he takes it. He boils it. Then he's creating. The big rescue happens. One genius is left and 117 dead.

And then he gets the film rights because he's the only guy that can tell the story. Yeah, exactly. And he feasts on 117 fresh bodies. Oh, that Russian flesh. He even shuts off the SOS signal. He knows he has months now. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you can suck the oxygen out of their lungs

because there's always a little left. And all that sex. And there was even more semen in the sub when they finally rescued the guy. All right, let's do some letters to the editor. Okay. This is from Keith. He says, Keith McGee here, Brooklyn born and raised, still resides.

I have had to drive a lot for work lately. I've been binging. You guys are great. I feel like I'm hanging out with friends just shooting the shit. You are a friend, Keith. I do want to point out something that you may not be after this. You spoke too early. I want to point

something out. If the deafening silence from Mike whenever Joe Rogan's name is mentioned, it's incredibly obvious that Mike has something to say about Joe, but it's as if he's biting his tongue because Joe is an old friend of Greg. Just an observation. Take it eesh, Keith.

No, I can honestly say right now I'm a fan of Joe Rogan. I mean, I, just like anybody, I don't agree with everything he says and I don't agree with everything he is, but I think he has a good heart and he called me funny, and man, that's all it takes.

When did he call you funny? I think he, well, you told me he did. Maybe you lied. No, but remember we did Mary Lynn Rice Gubbs' benefit for her school or whatever, and it was in the comedy store, and he was one of the performers, and so was I. Oh, right, right, right, right. OK. And I and I happen to do well. You know, I had funny stuff for parents of young kids in a privileged school and I kind of criticize them all in a funny way. And so anyway, he liked that.

But besides that, he's incredible. No, there's a million things I can list telling you why I like him. Do I agree with what he said on masks? And to tell you the truth, I don't even know the full thing, but I like Joe a lot. All right. Good to hear. And Joe will be happy to hear. He listens to every episode. And he makes it this far. Andrew Coco says, on the 717 episode, someone from the Tilson Institute of Transcendental Studies wrote in about a cover song. While their suggestion about a cover song was objectively bad, their ability to slip in a tit joke was phenomenal.

Check out the acronym of that institute again. T-I-T. TIT Studies. Okay. They did it. They got us. You got us. Man, imagine listening that close.

As I've said, I can't even listen to any of this. And imagine listening that closely. Well, this next letter comes from the Central University for Nuclear Technology. Wait a minute! What? J.J. White writes this next one. Oh, this is too long. Why?

It's pretty. Why don't you read it? I've never. All right. J.J. White, if that's your real name. Hi, Greg. Okay, because it appears that you and Mike Gibbons received a fair amount of, parentheses, hopefully good-spirited, ball-busting for not being able to remember names. Oh, he's telling us how to Google quickly because we couldn't remember names and then we're both stumped, like with Robert Duvall.

Yeah. All right. And if we do that, everybody wins. As always, thanks for your podcast. I do enjoy it on YouTube. All right. Good. Way to cut out the middle.

Thanks, J.J. White. Kevin Craven says, a couple weeks ago you mentioned doppelganger bands. I mentioned this. The outpour from people was scant. Bands? And I think of the cars in Cheap Trick,

maybe in this vein. I think of maybe Aerosmith and I'm listening. Black Crows, maybe in the same vein. What? No. No.

Jesus, not even close. No, that's a bad one. That's a bad one. Foghat? Yeah. So here's one that I can think of. Here's a few. Vanessa Carlton and Michelle Branch.

Never heard of either one of them. The Hives and the Vines. Well, they're an acronyms, practically. There's Arctic Monkeys and Arcade Fire, which I said, but then somebody yelled at me. I got an email of somebody yelling that the bands are not similar, but that's because people think they're right. Yeah, Arcade Fire is good. They're way better. Chris is proving he's still listening.

He's writing that in now. Yes. No, I really like some Arcade Fire. No, there's a lot. There's bands that you can see. There's obviously very similar bands. When they come up, all of a sudden, all the A&R guys are trying to like, you know, sign the same thing.

You know, the whole, all of Hollywood including music is everybody rushing to where lightning just struck, you know? So out of that, there's going to be doppelgangers in that whole Seattle scene, you know, I just don't know enough about it to nail it. But I remember when Stone Temple Pilots came out, I thought they were very similar to early Pearl Jam.

Yes. And I'm sure there's things like, you know, who wrote Dollar Bill? I'm trying to remember that grunge band. I love that song. Anyway, yeah, there's a lot. And so, yeah.

All right. Should we do the obituary or should we go right to the comics? Who's the obituary? Vince Scully. And that's all, folks. Well, how about this? Why don't you and I loosely for a second talk about Vince Scully and then also Bill Russell?

Okay. Oh, that's right. Did we miss Bill Russell? All right. So Vince Scully, if you're not from Los Angeles, you still know Vince Scully. Oh, yeah, you do. Because he's a national broadcaster, but he was also synonymous with the Dodgers.

He did the Dodgers. Are you ready for this? I got to look it up, but I think it was 60-something years he was the announcer for uh for the dodgers i don't have it written down six it was like 60 something years he announced the dodgers games it was fucking crazy but the guy was not just poetic but what kind of made him was that he was a great storyteller but he also knew when sometimes to let the game do the talking oh my god yes amazing famous for it happened yeah there was a there was the um there was the time i guess maybe

the most famous was he was calling the game when hank aaron uh broke babe ruth's home run record, 715, and here's how it went. Fastball, it's line drive into deep center field. Buckner goes back to the fence. It's gone. For the next half minute, Scully didn't say a word, taking it in as the Atlanta crowd cheered and roared the milestone. And then Scully said exactly what the home run meant. Quote, what a marvelous moment for baseball.

What a marvelous moment for Atlanta and the state of Georgia. What a marvelous moment for the country and the world. A black man is getting a standing ovation in the Deep South for breaking a record of an all-time baseball idol. And it's a great moment for all of us. Wow. I did not know he said that. Yeah. And how about he called that, which was over Bill Buckner's head.

He called the famous Mets 1996. 86. 86 game. Where it went through, where Mookie Wilson's ball went through Buckner's legs. Right. Which, by the way, the reason why it went through his legs is because his legs were so bad that he wasn't out in the outfield anymore. Buckner was such a great player that they switched him to first base because you need

the least mobility to stand at first base. But he wasn't able to. Well, there's a lot of theories. No, but there's also a lot. I would say most sports writers also say without Buckner, they're not even in that game. Right. They don't make it that far in the season. Right.

Yeah, no, the poor guy. But I rewatched, as a lot of people did, the Kirk Gibson call. Oh, yeah, I saw that. Right around that time also in the late 80s. And I timed it. So I watched it on YouTube. You have to understand, that was one of the craziest home runs ever. Kind of like that Ted Williams where it's all of a sudden like you can pluck this event from out of the future.

You can almost will it as a crowd. And everybody was, but he was like this wounded guy, Kirk Gibson, who could barely stand up there, couldn't use his legs to swing. Anyway, when he did the impossible, he, he. It was a walk-off home run in the, I think it was game one of the world series. I should know all of that. Yeah. But anyway, they and against Eckersley.

Anyway, when the ball went out, he's like, you know, the ball's gone. He did not say a word for 70 seconds. Wow. And then I heard it might have been two minutes during that 86 Mets, you know, the bill buckner one we were just talking about so it's really extraordinary you know the funny image though is but by the way just to just to say one thing about that i was when we were at the cabin when i said we didn't watch any tv i actually did the tv was connected to only a few channels and so one night I put it on for about an hour and I watched a silent movie and I was so fucking engrossed. There's something about you being drawn into it

because the words are not coming at you. It's not telling you how to feel. It's not informing your mind constantly. And you're forced to actually look at what the characters are doing and what the actors are giving you and think about it. And I think it's that same thing with letting you look at the crowd, look at the players, form your own fucking opinions,

form your own emotions. Well, Marshall McLuhan labeled it hot and cold media. And a hot media is one, I believe, I might have switched these, but a hot media, I believe, is one that involves you more. And you're more involved with it. They do all studies even on TV and where your eyes go. And when there are things that do exactly what you're saying. And jazz was one that was very, it might have been cool mediums, actually,

that aren't putting out a lot of energy that draw you in more i i do remember in school i would mix the two up but he he made that distinction between things that are pulling you in i mean like a book where you're creating all the imagery yeah now i find that with stand-up comedians there's ones that come at you and they're i'm not saying one is necessarily better than the other but i prefer when a comedian can take a pause make an expression i mean spade is kind of great like this and draw you in and so and and and not fucking hammer you uh sometimes i don't respect the comedian as much who's like prancing the stage and jumping up and down and screaming. It's like, all right, well, anybody can do that.

Yeah. Well, you know, after that, Kirk Gibson, after the 70 seconds, he goes in something like in an in an improbable season, the impossible just happened. So my funny thing to do with him is picture him frantically. The reason there's a delay is he's frantically trying to come up with the line. Right, right. The great line, just like with Hank, just like with Hank Aaron, like that. What a line that was. Yeah. But I think he had that one preloaded. He could not have had the Kirk Gibson preloaded that he even came to the plate was crazy. But anyway, the other thing that needs to be said about him, so many things do. But the last thing I'll say about him is he's one of those legendary guys that does color, the color commentary and play by play.

So his stories are always like love fouls that off to left. Anyway, he was in the steakhouse, you know, and he does both of them. And there are a handful of those legendary guys. And Rich Eisen, who's an announcer, he posted on his Twitter, go to his Twitter, he collected a few of the great ones, and one was this unbelievable story. He talked about a guy at the plate, perfectly timed somehow until his at-bat was over.

It was incredible. Here's one that Chris just posted. Two years ago in spring training, he and his wife were roping cattle, which is what they do, one-on-one pitch, sinker, low ball, two, two-on-one. And they started by a large snake. Madison thought it was a rattlesnake, so he grabbed an axe and hacked the snake to pieces. But there's something more to the story.

2-1 pitch, low ball, 3-3. When his wife, Allie, and an ex- It's amazing. That's hilarious. I should do that on stage one night. I should call a baseball game while doing my act. Or just be like, she's crossing her legs. She's not really into this bit anyway the one like just

just comment on some you know couple in the crowd maybe yeah that's uh so the other one was bill russell you know just amazing you can look it up but one of the most interesting things for me was he when he came up bob koozie was the biggest name in basketball. And they won, I think, three championships together. And then Russell went on to win, I think, five more in a row. Eight in a row total, I believe. Anyway, Cousy is still alive. But when he got much older, like I think even in his 80s, Cousy's still alive, but when he got much older, like I think even in his 80s, was in an ESPN interview and he was talking about Bill Russell. Now, another subject that the backstory to this was the racism in Boston.

And Bill Russell has a famous quote about how extraordinary the racism was because you had all types, including like the institutional racism by the Harvard professors, like, you know, that's just entrenched. They don't even think they're liberal and they don't even think that, you know, down to the real, real hate. And he was had a hard time. I mean, they broke into his house, scribbled racial shit on his walls and took a shit in his bed. Yeah, right. While he's the star basketball player for the Celtics. Yeah, yeah. And countless other things. And Cousy was the captain and beloved.

And also like the mouthpiece of the Celtics, that's who the press went to to get his take on anything. Anyway, Cousy is being interviewed as an old man. And when talking about Bill Russell, the sentence was something about his extraordinary physical ability. No one had blocked, and all of a sudden started crying,

broke down sobbing, and basically came around to saying how much more he should have done back then for Bill Russell. Yeah. And anyway, there's a book about it. I should have done more. I think there's even another book about it. But if you want to read something pretty beautiful in terms of just race and sports,

I think that was it. And Bill Russell just dealt with so much. And, you know, I thought a lot when I was reading Bill Russell's New York Times had a very good obituary. A lot of it's in there. I thought about winning time, the Lakers series. You know, I used to hate Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, not only because he was a Laker and all that. I just saw him as very unfriendly and all that. But when you now are seeing what those guys went through. Right. I would have been the most resentful motherfucker you could imagine if I was one of those star black athletes at that time. I honestly don't know how they performed so well. No, I was just reading about Nat King Cole. And, you know, he was the guy who started singing in the 30s and 40s. And then when the civil rights movement started in the 50s,

he was criticized for playing segregated crowds in the South. He was attacked on stage by a guy with a knife at one point because somebody had circulated a picture of him with a white woman. And and he basically said, I mean, his whole point was, I'm I'm accomplishing something just by being in this arena, by playing, by being a famous black musician and playing in certain cities. That's a a first and so he then came around and he said you know but you guys are right i was slow to coming around and it's time for me to not play any place that's segregated not play any place that won't put me in a hotel or serve me a

meal in their town and uh and all this stuff so i mean, it really put it in perspective of like, let's see, it'd be easy to criticize Matt King Cole at a certain moment in time, but you're not seeing everything that that guy put up with. One Night in Miami or Three Nights, whatever that recent movie was, which imagine the meeting of Muhammad Ali. He was fighting down there. And then Sam Cooke and Malcolm X. All right, let's cheer it all up with some funnies. You got it, pal. All right, we're going to do a little Beatle Bailey today.

Miss Bixby is standing there in her beautiful yellow hair. She's got a pearl necklace, which I always found to be a little provocative. I think that the Mort Walker, Greg and Mort Walker, were sending us a little message with the pearl necklace. And she says, do I have any volunteers? Three dudes put up their hands. And then she says to Sarge, they're all yours. And he goes, thanks, Miss Buxley. So they thought that she wanted to be gangbanged.

That's what they're telling us in the comic strip, that she just randomly walks in the barracks and says, anybody want to volunteer to pile drive me? Come on. Come on, guys. This is going to be the biggest don't ask, don't tell ever in the military. Well, which leads us to our second Beetle Bailey comic strip. Sarge is saying to Beetle,

what's on your mind? And Beetle says, thoughts that I'd rather not share with you. And then Sarge grabs him by the neck and says, I know what you're thinking. And Beetle goes, then why did you ask? He was thinking about

fucking the sergeant. Not killing him? I don't get it. That one's really vague. It's don't ask, don't tell. Alright. It is don't ask. He is saying don't ask me. Yep. Yeah. What am I doing? Don't ask, don't tell. All right. It is donate. He is saying don't ask me.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. What am I doing? Charles Adams? Little Charles Adams. Okay. Not Scott Adams.

All right. Look at this one I found. This one, I should have done it sometime over the last year. This is how ahead of his time. I mean, you know, I'm not saying he saw what was coming, but like, talk about edgy also for this time. So it's a guy reading a letter, okay? And he's in his basement and he gets a letter and I'm going to read and he's reading and he goes, dear fellow alumnus, your face was among the missing at our annual reunion last June. Won't you help us to keep tabs on members of the class of 17 by telling us what you are doing now?

And he is reading this among his schematics and diagrams of the Capitol building with cases of dynamite all around him. Holy shit. Planning an attack on the Capitol. Look at it. He's in his basement. He has, for those not watching the podcast, a scale model of the Capitol and all these boxes of dynamite and bombs.

And a little green visor, the bomb-making hat. The bomb-making hat. Oh, and he has cases. Look at under the stairs how many cases of dynamite he has. And then on the wall, he has drawings of all the grounds around the Capitol. Let me see. That's page 15. And it was class of 17.

Let me see what year that cartoon was from. Anyway, Charles Adams is the goddamn shit, man. I mean, so edgy. That was from 1939. January 28, 1939. January 28th, 1939. Which, by the way, there was a lot of anti-government sentiment right then because it was, wait, 39? Was FDR in office yet? When did FDR get in office? Maybe it was 40.

I forget everything. I already told you that I forget everything, so I don't know. Hoover? I'm told you that. I forget everything, so I don't know. Hoover? I'm illiterate. All right. Finally, let's get to some Blondie. Dagwood's laying in bed wearing his fucking donut pajamas. He's got his back to Blondie. Why?

I have no idea. He says, whoa, I just had the wildest dream. And you go, wait a minute. Maybe someone discovered they're a heterosexual. And she says, what was it about? And he jumps up and he goes, a giant 12-foot chili dog was trying to race me to work. And she goes, wow, who won?

And he goes, guess. That's funny. Here's my dream. Her butt cheeks are peering up over the edge of that blue blanket. Tan, thin sheen of blonde hair, the moonlight reflects off of them as her gaping red anus stares me in the eye. And in between her legs, I can see her upside down head saying, take it, take the shot. That was my dream. take it take the shot that was my dream well wouldn't freud say he's in a race with a more well-endowed man which is the giant 12-foot dog chili dog and he's trying to race him to work and

work is sex with the wife right right i think that's what's going on there. Either way, Blondie's not getting laid once again. So FDR was president in 39. And I'm sure it's all right before. Yes. So there was a lot there was a lot of anti-socialist rage in the country at that time. And there were there were plots to kill FDR. They went on throughout his throughout his time in office. And I think there was actually one assassination attempt on him. But they were they they aimed too high. He was waiting for him to stand up to take the shot. Yeah. When was the New Deal?

Because I know that had a lot of detractors, to put it mildly. The New Deal might have started after World War II. No, no, no. It started at the beginning. No, 33 to 39. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

33 to 39. And there was a lot of people that felt like they, you know, the whole you have to understand, like there was the government was not seen as as an agent for the the the working man. You know, people didn't want that. They there was a big thing about everyone takes care of themselves. This is America. It's very similar to today. Well, yeah, the role of government and what people think it should do. You know, that great newsletter we get from Heather Cox. Richardson.

Heather Richardson? Heather Cox Richardson. Okay. Is that what it is? Yeah. History professor at Boston College. The cyclical nature of that, of the government helping and very often the country sort of grows and does well after that. And then there's a pullback to where government's role should be much more narrowly defined and not be as supportive. Anyway. Mike, you pulled me through it this week.

I didn't think I could do it. And we did it. We did it. Son of a bitch. Yeah. If we didn't do it. And now I'm going to drop off a cliff. I'm going to have to take Adderall just to socialize tonight.

I know. I'm going to have to have my fourth cup of coffee today. Or if I take a nap, I don't think I'll ever come out of it. Hey, an email came in during this podcast on Thursday. Alex Jones ordered to pay $4.1 million to Sandy Hook parents, and the jury is to decide on additional damages. See, I don't think that's enough to hurt him. I think he makes that in a year, easily. Oh, I think so. Yeah, I mean, I think so.

Yeah. Yeah. Just on his sneaker deals and endorsements. Right. Reading ads for Mangrate. I'm going to look up what is his net worth

Alex Jones. I mean going to look up what is his net worth? I mean, I think these things are accurate. No, they're not. But they're there. They say 10 million dollars, so four million doesn't hurt him that much. Another place says he's worth five million. Says he's worth $5 million. Listen, we know podcasters that used to get $50,000 a read. Isn't that true? There are podcasters that get, I don't know, about $50,000. I know $10,000.

I know some people get $10,000 a read. Maybe $20,000. Yeah, yeah, probably $20,000. I don't know about $50,000 a read. Maybe 20. Yeah, probably 20. I don't know about 50. Well, here, I'll just say it. I thought before Rogan at his height got 50 from some sponsors. I don't know how I could have

made that up. It's probably false. Anytime you hear stuff about money, it's always wrong. So I take it back. I doubt that exists. But I do know, I do know that, uh, Tim, Tim, get Tim, uh, what's his name? Tim, uh, Dylan, he gets 220,000 a month on his Patreon. So that's, you know, that's not nothing. It's 3 million a year. Did you just out him? Is that public? Oh, he keeps it public. He wants people to know. Oh, wow.

All right. Glad we're helping him. Maybe he should pay us to do an ad for his podcast. Right. Already, fella. Well, glad you made it through it. Yeah, we did it. And we'll see you and God in two hours.

Jesus Christ. There's going to be a food truck, right? Yes, there is. All right, good. Wow, it's two hours. Oh, man. All right. All right, I'll see you then.

Take it easy, everybody. Thanks for all your hard work. Take it easy. Chris listened again. I don't know how he did it. God bless. Well, I pulled a newspaper from a garbage can. God bless.