Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 132 9/25/22

Episode Date: September 25, 2022

Spirit Airlines is on the take, turkeys are getting the flu, and Adam Levine douches out. Other bad celebrities this week: Ellen, the actor from “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and of course Tom Brady.

Welcome to Sunday Papers, podcast show with Greg and Mike. Sunday Papers sorts it out. Sunday Papers, podcast show with Greg and Mike. X3, X3, read all about it. Jesse James in the news. Is today Saturday? Hold on. It's Sunday Papers Headphones in

Headphones are in I just joined the podcast Clap in 1, 2, 3 Wait Hold on do that again Go ahead Oh my god

It's borderline It's not borderline it It's just three, two, one. Nice. Real nice. Real classy, Mike. Are you? Oh, wow. All right.

So you did the screaming already. You're not going to do it again. Read all about it. Read all about it. There it is. With enthusiasm. Let's go. I can't get more criticism.

People commented I was down last week. How dare they? Do you have any explanations for that? Do you want to address that in any way? I was down last week. My energy was down, but how dare they call me out on that? Listen, I go to work for about two and a half hours a week. Yeah. They don't know what I'm going through. That's right. work for about two and a half hours a week. Yeah. They don't know what I'm going through. That's right.

It's a lot. It's a lot. But I'm here. We're going to nail this. You were on the road. You were away. You're back in the closet. You got your energy back. Yes.

This is like Samson's hair. This is what I need. This is what I need around me to feel strong. Right. I'm talking into the mic this week because it's on a stand. Uh-huh. Yeah. I have the energy of like an adam levine i have like i'm gonna go above and beyond i have never been a fan what is maroon five are we all supposed to pretend maroon five is a good band now just because and then and then his fucking what does he go on? The Voice or America's Got Talent.

He's always on some reality show. He's a fucking sellout commercial piece of shit. He's the biggest. He's a walking Hollywood douchebag. He went to Brentwood High School. Someone took the picture of him with all his tats and goes, oh, my God, it just occurred to me. He's a human Chipotle bag. his tats and goes, Oh my God, it just occurred to me. He's a human Chipotle bag. And they put a Chipotle bag with all the writing all over it. And it looked so similar to his torso.

Yeah. And he, you know, he, he's a big golfer. He plays, he plays at a country club. My friend belongs to perfect. Perfect. Yep. Yep. Every song and a country club that makes sense. Perfect. Yep. Yep. Every song and a country club. That makes sense. Every song is so begging you to like it. Like it's so there's no art there. Every song seems calculated. And then when he did the halftime, so my girls were young and, you know, he was, you know, the darling of the voice. And they watched the voice and they loved him. And the halftime, I'm like, I can't do it. I can't even do it. And the best was

his halftime show orchestrated and blocked for him to like rip off his shirt in the last song. And it was widely viewed as the worst halftime show ever for the Super Bowl. That's right. And now he's in the news. I was so vindicated.

We have this in the script somewhere. He's in the news because... Did Denman put this in the script? Yeah, we'll get to it later, I guess. We'll get to it later. I'll tease it. Mike Gibbons with his producing hat on. We're going to tease it.

Long tease. It's called the deep tease. Deep tease. Deep tease. Want a deeper tease? Dilbert. Dilbert, that guy's getting canceled from all these newspapers. He's going down.

Yeah. And he claims it's because he went anti-woke. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go anti-woke, and then that will somehow explain the failure of my career. I was kind of anti-woke energy-wise last week. That's one way to say it. Yes. Anti-awake.

I'm a little slow off the mark. Partied with Gubbins last night. Oh, boy. We'll get to that. Deep tease. Deep tease. That'll be in three podcasts. So tune in in October and you'll hear that story.

My wife got her booster shot. My wife. Your internet sucks her booster shot. My wife. Your internet sucks, dude. No. Yes. Your new giant mechanism that you have there. Jesus Christ. Are you serious?

You're frozen. I haven't seen your mouth move in about a minute. All right. Are you plugged in? Are you hardwired? Hardlined? I'm not hardlined. Oh, why even?

Get the stuff. That's what I got to do. I got to get hardlined. didn't we order you the adapter didn't you order it like on the show yeah yeah but then I don't have an Ethernet cord that's long enough to reach though I do I have really long ones really yeah because I would like I think I'd bring my Apple TV outside. For whatever reason, I have some incredibly long ones. You don't even need them that long.

Okay. I'm going to get one and I'm going to hardwire next week. Yeah. All right. Erin got her booster. No problem. She got in and out. The last time when she got her first two shots, she was laid out on the bathroom floor, like burning with fever, sick for two days.

And this recent booster shot, nothing at all, just a sore arm. She works with infants, literally newborns. So there's a very good reason for her to be ahead of this. We don't have to justify that my wife got a booster shot. You're supposed to get your booster shot. That's what you do. I read a study this past week that's trying to look at the controlled population that has had no vaccines.

Yeah. And it's very hard to tease out the data. But it's anyway. But and also I forget what publication put it, but it'll be interesting to see how effective they are. Yeah. Well, I'm all for I'll take any vaccine. Monkeypox. What's the new one they're doing now? Well, the turkey should get vaccinated about the bird flu. Another deep tease. Another deep tease.

We got a lot coming in this episode um the deep tease episode yeah the deep tease podcast that's a good podcast name what's going on with uh olivia oh all right i kind of i i don't even know if i should tell this but okay it was kind of so funny. So she comes up to me and she's like, I think I have a stalker and it's actually serious. And I go, what? And she goes, I think the, I won't mention what, but someone who works in this building, I think my, I'm like, wait, why?

And she's really, really rattled actually. And I'm like, what? She's like, well, I saw him, uh, like i'm like what she's like well i saw him uh like in my school she's like i even took pictures like he was parked in front of me she goes to school three miles from here you know like three blocks from here what three miles yeah no yeah like like oh maybe two miles right as the crow flies and so she's like and i've seen it and i've seen him like around and all this i'm like well he's not a very good stalker if that's what's going on, you know, and I actually am not trying to be funny. I was trying to help her.

So anyway, that went on. She's very, very rattled. I went and asked the guy. So she really wanted me to do this. So just kind of to send a message, I pretended, you know, that there was some issue friendly. And then, and then when it was ending friendly, I was just like, oh, I go, you oh i go you know my my daughter sees you you know around where she goes to school do you like live or work up in that area you know live in that area or have another gig up in that area and he's like uh oh where blah blah blah and he mentioned he goes he gets lunch there but it was kind of one

of those like we now know like that's what olivia wanted like in case something were anyway that's not why i tell the how I tell the story. I tell the story because she's incredibly upset the first night. You know, now she's fine and really, really rattled. And she goes, I just want to take my mind off it. I'm going to watch something. I'm like, yeah, why don't we? I go, why don't we? And she keep in mind, like she is.

She was just crying. And I go, yeah. Why don't we find something like to watch? She's a nun. I'm just going to keep watching murders in the building. and I go, yeah, why don't we find something light to watch? She's like, no, I'm just going to keep watching murders in the building. That sounds like a terrible made-up joke.

That's literally what happened. Did she laugh when she said it? I go, what? And she goes, oh, my God. And she said, I knew it was funny because it was dark. She goes, I didn it was funny. Cause it was like dark. She goes, I didn't put together how literal, how literal it was. Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah.

I remember when my dad died, um, we, my mom worked at the New York times at the time and she worked with your stepbrother's father, Peter Nichols, who also worked for the New York Times. And his job at the time was he reviewed movies once they were released on DVD. Or at the time, it was actually VHS. And so he had a crush on my mom. And he used to always give my mom videos to bring home that she could watch so my father dies we do the you know his full irish wake thing you were there you know you was like three days of wakes and then a big irish catholic funeral and then the lunch so anyway we get back to the house

and we're fucking exhausted me my brother my brother, my sister, my mother. And we go into the family room and we just fall down on the couch. And we say, all right, let's watch a movie. Let's take a look at the movies down here. We'll pick one. So I'm going through the movies and I pick out a title. And it said, the title is Daddy's Dead, Who's Got the Will? And we watched it. And it was a pretty good movie.

I can't believe you guys put that movie on. That is a dark group of people. Yeah, yeah. I have an overheard from the golf course this week. Really? Yeah. So the overheard was me sitting next to you and I heard you and we were getting coffee after playing and they were right by the first tee. And this is what you said. Look at those. Look at those guys. And two of them are wearing cargo shorts. Pause. But I hear those are actually coming back in. Just a completely dumb conversation you're having with yourself about cargo shorts.

And you being under the impression you hear they're coming back in. Yeah. Yeah, at first I judged them, and then I realized they were ahead of me. They were more fashion forward than I was. The other thing I put up top here, I just put it last night. What that was was I think fashion caught back up to those guys. I don't think they stopped wearing cargo shorts in the late 80s. I think they just pushed straight through.

And fashion came back and met up with them on the second lap. Oh, that happens so many times. Like, my stepfather's, like, unhip jeans or whatever. And Olivia's obsessed with them. And so it's a joke in the family. He, on her birthday, like, gave her gave her like some of his jeans and stuff. Cause they're like, they're kind of like nerdy or maybe dark, whatever it is, whatever it is, you know, jeans go in and out from light to dark.

And anyway, and I guess skinny to straight or whatever. Yeah. Um, what else did I have in here? Oh, when I was looking, you know, it was a slow news week for the podcast purposes because you know, whatever the politics is absolutely crazy now. But anyway, a late, a last minute,

it happened yesterday, but nurse ratchet died. Oh, that's right. I saw that. Yeah. And there's listeners of the podcast. No,

I mean, she won the Academy award. Why don't I do her respect and put up her. But anyway, it's an opportunity. If you guys have not seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I mean, I guess now's the time because you will see her Oscar winning performance. We'll see her Oscar winning performance. She's incredible. Oh, look, she has her own Wikipedia page. I'm talking about Nurse Ratched does. Well, you know, there was a fucking really good TV show. I think it was Cate Blanchett.

Louise Fletcher. She was 88. Sorry, go ahead, Cate Blanchett. Oh, they did a continuation of it. Yeah, there was a TV series that was really fucking... Wait, it wasn't Cate Blanchett. It was... God damn it, I can't remember her name. Really good, really good.

Oh, okay. And you know, it's so funny. When I was little and saw this movie, I've been blown away every time I've seen it. I've probably seen it three times. And she was pure evil and, uh, and was, I just wanted to kill her so badly. And, um, and when I watched him, when I got older, I'm like, you know, this movie was pretty smart. Like yes, unbelievably manipulative. And yes, evil. Okay.

Evil. But it wasn't as cut and dry. It wasn't as black and white. It was more nuanced. Like there was also a system, you know, there was a, there was a system that was incredibly broken and she was part of it, you know? And, and the movie was smart about showing that. Yeah. And the TV show picked up on that it

was it was she was not a complete villain she was just uh yeah yeah but boy is she a delicious character to hate like just watch it if you have nothing to do tonight uh watch it now we're going to pretend it's sunday even though we're doing this on Saturday. Are we going to Bowie tonight? Tomorrow night. Yeah, Sunday night. Remember, we're pretending it's Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I think we are.

Let's do it. By the way, Slow News Week, what about, there's a guy named Adam Bean who we have to give a shout out to. He sends us great story leads every week. And I forwarded you a dozen. And I don't think you put any of them in the script. I felt somewhere last week.

And then there was a guy, he was very, listen, it's awesome that he sends that stuff in. And thank you. One was about the guy, Fat Whatever, who was arrested in Mexico, I believe. And it's a funny name, but I don't know. You know, sometimes funny stories, unless it's Florida, like they're already funny. I don't know.

There's something. You don't want to put a joke on a joke, as they say in the comedy writing rooms. Yeah. Gilding the Lily type thing. So anyway, sometimes. But I did look into that. What was the fat story? We can do this.

We'll give them a little shout out. This is great. I mean, listen, anyone who even listens to this thing. Here we go. So Adam sent in this escaped international criminal, Fat Leonard. And I went on the story, but does Adam send it in Google Docs? There was some, I had to like. Yeah, it's in Google Docs.

Yeah. So I'm not going to go in Adam's Google Docs. I don't know what's there. And anyway, so I looked up the story on this guy fat Leonard myself and it is a funny name and the guy escaped I and I don't remember much more than that but well it unrelated but this is a like criminal an international criminal and he escaped and all that. And then someone sent us this week, the kid who was found dead here in Los Angeles or the guy who was found dead, who was a witness.

He was a witness. Oh, yeah. Why did that not get in the mainstream news? That was like, I don't know what's going on. There's a guy who was a federal witness against Trump. And he suddenly is found dead at a high school or something. Yeah. And it's not getting coverage. And a while after he went missing.

Yeah. Hold on here. All right. This podcast is really stalling out. Let's get to it. He's an informant found dead on a high school camp, a federal informant. Yes. Who is informing on Trump-related issues. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

All right, let's get to it. What do you mean? I think this is the strongest start to any podcast we've ever done. Go ahead. Bruce Wise sent in a very cool logo this week. I love it. It looks like a spaghetti western kind of a situation. Thank you, Bruce. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Yeah. The song

from Jim Tripp. What did you think of that song? I told you when I heard it, I don't know even how to categorize that thing. It almost starts like a, you know, the blues where you're singing along with your exact guitar notes and then it then it grew into something different than that yeah it's trippy and his name is jim trip so there you go uh i loved it corrections we have eric from duluth minnesota said uh House of Dragon is actually fucking amazing. Correct yourself, Greggers. Oh, all right.

I'm going to give it a try. I'm letting some of them accumulate. I don't know. I've seen all of them, and I am not on board. It just, keep waiting for something to happen. Oh, boy. All right. Kind of like the listeners of this podcast.

Oh, that was not Eric from Duluth, Minnesota. No, this is Eric from Duluth, Minnesota. Not to be nitpicky, but the Minnesota Vikings are purple and gold. I know, I know. I tried to give you an out last week. And the University of Minnesota Gophers are maroon and gold. But yes, both are great combinations. You're wearing your Gopher colors today.

And on the golf course, you took off your maroon sweatshirt to reveal a maroon shirt under it i believe you might have bought me both those things for my birthday this year so i buy good gifts i buy good gifts uh rick schwartz said it's chloroform not chlorophyll that knocks you out oh chlorophyll is what makes grass green, I think. Everything green. Also, the Vikings' colors are purple and gold. Maroon and yellow are Boston College's team colors. And I agree, maroon is a beautiful color. Also, a PC way for Bugs Bunny to call Elmer Fudd and others a moron behind their backs.

I bet if I put chlorophyll on a handkerchief, I could get some lady in my van. Oh, sure. And she'd have grass stains all over her mouth Yeah her tongue would turn green Or something like that maybe But I mean with enough effort That's all I need on the handkerchief I mean you can really If you push down hard enough

It doesn't matter what's on that handkerchief I find I mean There is like a trove Of beautiful women that keep walking outside my office window. So sorry I'm distracting you today. Podcast fans, they found out where the headquarters is. Oh. Yeah. Did I ever tell you about, I mean, speaking of, I had this guy come by one day.

The story got worse. And he knocked on my door of my office. Yeah. And my office is completely indiscriminate. Like there's no my name's not on the door, whatever. And I might have just walked around with a laptop and found the weakest Wi-Fi signal. Maybe that's how he found your office. And the guy knocks on the door and I open it up and he's got a box full of old porno magazines that he wants to give me as a gift. And he's like stuttering. He's so nervous because he's a big fan of the show. And I and I and I did I didn't even ask him how he found me.

But he it was fucking weird. Wow. Yeah. But you thanked him profusely and didn't go home that night from the office. Well, look, I got to know him because jerking off with a guy is really a bond that you don't forget quickly. You write him a thank you like, listen, thanks anyway, but they were not gently used as you described. I was gently used after I looked at them for about an hour. I will be going to Austin this week. I'm going to do some podcasts out there.

I'm promoting Red Gates. Yeah, you are. I'll be on Rogan. I'll be on Two Bears, One Cave with Segura. I'll be on Hitchcliff's podcast. And then I come back Friday and do Corolla's podcast. All so I can promote. No, not all.

I do it because I love seeing those guys. But also I'll be promoting my fall dates. I will be in New Orleans on October 6th at the Howlin' Wolf. Lafayette, Louisiana the next night. Chicago, October 15th at the Den Theater. San Francisco Punchline, November 3rd through the 5th. Oklahoma City, November 16th tampa november 17th through 19th if it's still there deep tease hurricane coming to tampa tuesday

all right talk about hyenas and then hyenas in actually in dallas actually fort worth dallas fort worth right um mike we are excited about this week's ad. We are. We both got samples of this food from Factor. It's called Factor. I didn't know what hit me, man. Box showed up. I'm like, are you sure it's for me?

And it was, and I immediately went to work eating. Here's the thing about frozen dinners, and I wouldn't call it, they used to be called frozen dinners, is the quality was awful, but the idea of microwaving your dinner and having it is so appealing. Well, all of a sudden, fact just comes along, and this is like gourmet. It's so good. Yep. And it takes two minutes. Never frozen. What's that? I had to figure that out.

When the box came, I opened it and I was like, all right, am I supposed to throw these in the freezer? And then there you read, do not. They're never frozen. They're fresh meals and they take two minutes in the microwave. And they're really good. Olivia and I ate them this week. What was your favorite? fresh meals and they take two minutes in the microwave. Right. And they're really good. Olivia and I ate them this week.

What was your favorite? There was a chicken with macaroni. Yeah. That was so good. And then they had a shrimp and grits one. I ate the shrimp one. Yeah. Shrimp and grits was really good. Yep.

By the way, it factors out to be cheaper than takeout. So it's kind of a no brainer. Always comes with vegetables. They've got keto options, calorie smart, vegan and veggie, protein plus. They save time. They save money. We don't know what to tell you it's chef crafted recipes packed with restaurant quality flavor i can't believe it's dietitian approved so head to go.factor75.com slash box wait hold on this is complicated Head to go.factor75.com slash papers130, the number 130, and use codepapers130 to get $130 off across six boxes. Yes. That's codepapers130 at go.factor75.com. Are we running out of addresses on the internet?

Is that what this address is? That's CodePapers130 at go.factor75.com slash Papers130 for $130 off. All right, we got to work on that. The code is Papers130 with no spaces. No spaces, the number is 130. And it's go.factor75.com. Okay, good. There we go.

All right, let's get to the front page, Mike Gibbons. Crinkle something, man. That sounded like... That's a fresh piece of yellow paper right there. Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! You're going to blow people's earbuds away with this week's crinkling. Okay, you had put this story in originally, but then there was an update to it. So when you put this story about the Alabama prisoner on death row in here, there was some speculation that he was afraid of needles.

Right. Right. And so he and his lawyer had requested that he wasn't euthanized that way, if that's the right word, wasn't killed that way. But then I looked into the story and I think he's a I think he became afraid of needles because this is the story I found. And it was the most recent one. Alan Miller, 57, was sentenced to death after being convicted of a 1999 workplace rampage in which he killed three guys. The U.S. Supreme Court cleared the way for the execution shortly after 9 p.m. on Thursday. The execution team began preparations at about 10 p.m. and made multiple attempts to connect the I.V. line, but did not indicate exactly how long the state tried. They stopped trying to get venous access at about 11, 20 p.m. So an hour and 20 minutes later, they tried for an hour and 20 minutes. Alabama Corrections Commissioner told reporters early Friday morning that accessing the veins was taking a little longer than we anticipated.

And the state did not have sufficient time to get the execution underway by the midnight deadline. So it was called off and it was determined that condemned inmates veins could not be accessed in accordance to our protocol. This is the, this is at least the third time Alabama has acknowledged problems getting access to veins during a lethal injection. How lucky are you? Yeah. I mean, I am so apologetic because mine are hard to find generally. Right. And I usually get validated.

They're like, you're right. That was a little tricky. But but they find them. Yeah. Within a minute. You should start. You should start killing people because they they're not going to be able to put you down, man.

I got to kill people in Alabama. Yeah. they're not going to be able to put you down, man. I got to kill people in Alabama. Yeah. So there were three. The state's July execution of Joe Nathan took more than three hours to get underway, and they called off a 2018 execution after being unable to establish a line then. Crazy.

Yeah. How about this? Hire Keith Richards. He can find a vein in three seconds. He's the master. Or better yet, it's Alabama. You want to kill the guy? Kick him out of prison wearing a Black Lives Matter T-shirt and a pink pussy hat.

I give him like six minutes. Put him in blackface and have him go for a jog. How about that? By the way, I am fully assuming this guy's white and I bet him right. How about this? This is Alan Miller who went on a killing rampage. When you can't find that vein, be like, hey, Alan, you got any ideas how to kill someone?

You killed three people way faster than this is going. Yeah, yeah. Any tips? Any tips? How about this? We're going to leave the room. We're going to turn the camera the other way.

When we come back, you know what to do. When we come back, we expect this to be done. Right, right. Or get a... Silence of the Lambs guy. What's his name?

Put him in the cell next to Alan. Have him do it. Like Migs. He had Migs choke on his own tongue or whatever it was. What was I going to say? Migs distracted me. Because when we did the Ben show on Comedy Central, we thought we were going to have an actor's studio with Migs, the guy in the next cell, a couple of cells down and that

actor. And it was all going to be a conversation about him throwing his splooge at Jodie Foster the whole hour. Wait, what was I going to say about this guy? I don't know. Anyway, we should follow up this story next week. Yep. I mean, does he get another year because of paperwork?

I'm not a believer in the death penalty because I don't think the government does anything well enough that I would put the fate of a human life in their hands. Oh, independent-minded. Yeah. Yeah. But it just doesn't seem like it should be that hard to kill somebody. I mean, do you have a brick? Yeah.

At that point. Anyway, now he's afraid of needles. Maybe they just, Hey, how about this? Come on down to the garage. We're going to leave a car running.

That's humane. Yep. Right. You go to sleep. They've got a new thing where they just have you inhale. I think it's nitrogen. Guard farts. Alabama guard farts.

The Alabama guard farts. That'll do it. Should we talk about Spirit? Let's talk about Spirit. Here we go. Three former Spirit Airlines employees. Sorry, let me start again. about Spirit. Here we go. Three former Spirit Airlines employees. Sorry, let me start again. Three former Spirit Airlines employees were charged this week with a scheme to profit off passengers looking to get cheaper flights. I'm listening. The indictment alleges that two

Pennsylvania-based reservation agents would encourage travelers to book cheap future flights, then alter their reservation to a more expensive flight for free without charging the airline's change fee. Instead, the indictment says the agents would charge customers a quote commission via cash app and pocket those funds between December 2017 and August 2018. The indictment, that's not that long. The indictment says the fraud cost the airline more than $238,000 in fees for more than 1,700 flights. I love, I'm all in on Spirit. Will Spirit bring back this policy? Yeah.

Yeah. I'll Venmo some chick in Dallas 50 bucks if she can get me a cheap flight. Hell yeah. You know how much Spirit charges for a carry-on bag? Yeah. Or the ability to choose your seat? Yeah. Well, right.

Exactly. I mean, that's the thing is like, wow, so now, wait, you're charging me for the flight attendant? I thought they were paid by the airline. 50 bucks for seatbelts? What? That was my dumb joke about Allegiant Airlines. Allegiant, literally true. They did a 60 minutes, which was terrifying.

The planes didn't stay in the sky as much as they wanted. And then 60 Minutes found out Allegiant Airlines' business model was buying old planes from all the other airlines. That was their business model. So my dumb joke was that one of their extra charges like for carry on, but there was also an extra charge if you wanted to land on the runway. And I thought that was very unfair. Yeah. It's like a,

it's like one of those strip clubs that's off the main strip and they get the dancers that are, you know starting to age a little bit yeah they have a daycare there for their dancers um i just booked a flight i'm flying back to new york for christmas and oh my god airfares are so crazy these days and so i could not find flights for less than $800 each for my family to fly back to New York and so my sister goes well try Breeze Airlines they fly right into Westchester which is where my sister lives in Westchester so I uh I booked I quickly she goes but do it quick because the

flights are going up so I booked on and it was like 600 bucks instead of 800 for the seats on Breeze Airlines and then I I pulled the trigger on the seats, not having read the reviews. Here's the reviews that I found on Breeze Airways. Okay. The first one is, worst airline experience I've ever had. Reimbursement communication I was given was false. Our flight turned around midair with mechanical issues. Then they ended up canceling it.

The next one down says do not fly breeze airways, whatever you do. The next one down is all the plane staff are not friendly. It's looking better and better. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's it's one that it's one out of 10 stars on this one. So so my Christmas, I got an adventure ahead of me. It's it's not going to go smooth. I don't even know if we'll get there. Apparently they they cancel a lot of flights. And then there's no customer service number. It's all done through like you text them or something. And then apparently, they don't get back to you. It's all telepathic. Yeah.

And they don't refund your money. They just give you a credit that it's impossible to use again, if you even are stupid enough to fly with them again a credit for uh bonanza busways so i'll let you know i shouldn't bad mouth them having not flown them but i will give you guys well those are real reviews at christmas yeah well you know everyone's chatting about this recession that might be underway. And the airline, the prices are just also these businesses, a lot of them, obviously things cost more.

We're about to do a story on turkeys, but also businesses will get away with what they can. Yeah. The government needs to step in and stop the airlines from gouging people. Cause this is out of hand. We just bought tickets to fly to Chicago from L.A. $680 round trip to fly to Chicago. Well, people are, listen, the free market might correct itself.

I mean, I know a lot of people are like, I am not traveling at Christmas. Like, forget it. It's like I have to move my family like you're doing, and it's now four times whatever that price is. Yeah. After-tax dollars. Forget that. Yeah. After-tax dollars. Forget that. Yeah. All right.

Turkeys are selling for record high prices ahead of Thanksgiving holiday. As a resurgence of bird flu wipes out supplies across the U.S. Avian influenza is a devastating egg and turkey operations in the heartland of the country. If just one bird gets it, the entire flock is culled in order to stop the spread. That's what they should have done with COVID. Yes. With people. Culling.

We forgot to cull. China, I think, culled. I think China culled people. Cuba culled. Yeah. Millions of hens and turkeys have been killed in recent weeks. As a result, prices for turkeys' hens are nearly 30 percent higher than a year ago and 80 percent above pre-pandemic costs. Just as concerning are inventories of whole turkeys, which are the lowest going into the U.S. winter holiday since 2006. That means there will be literally from inflation for Thanksgiving dinner.

And I think the turkeys don't want any part of us either because we're riddled with bat flu. Right, competing flus. They have bird flu. They're all, are bats avian? I think so. Of course they are. I mean, a turkey with the flu?

It's like, God, this gravy that you made on the turkey, it's delicious, so creamy and salty. What did you make it from? Oh, no, that's just the snot from the turkey. That's his own snot. He made the gravy himself. Because the flu? So I guess we need to put masks on the turkeys and keep them out of Dutch raves. That's what it is?

Yeah. Next week it's going to be turkeys have monkey pox. The gays, the gays and what they'll do with carcasses and turkeys. Yeah. Don't bring a gig out of your Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, the giblets. your Thanksgiving dinner yeah the giblets they're all over the giblets alright it's time for

good news for Gubbins partied with Gubbins last night it was really fun and then we were over Mikey's and we started talking about it's the oldest idea over Mikey's and we started talking about it. It's the oldest idea in the world, but we started talking about best first albums. And so we'd start people writing in those.

But, you know, the cars. We already did that. We did that on the we had people write in. Remember, that was best first song. Right. Oh, that's right. It was best first song on a first album right but entire gubbins always changes the rules he always is like that album doesn't count yeah yeah like he doesn't count nirvana's first album whatever so never mind was actually their second album exactly right but uh the cars first album whether you like the Cars or not, it has, I think, seven songs that are literally played on the radio in every American city every single week still today.

It's crazy. It might be the best. Also, Tom Petty's Damn the Torpedoes has probably six or seven songs that are in full rotation. You know what was one someone put on was The Police, dude. Oh, yeah. The Police came fully formed. Yep, yep. And then 10 by Pearl Jam. 10 was their first album? No. I mean, that's what we said last night.

No, 10 was not their first album. You don't think so? Definitely not. All right, I'm Googling it now. But I will put Pretenders, the eponymously self-titled Pretenders' first album, is fucking killer. I'm sure Sabbath will come in. Now, I don't know much about hip-hop, but did anyone, like, what was Eminem's like, Jay-Z's? Right. I mean, I am mad. much about hip-hop but did anyone like what was m&m's like jay-z's i mean i am matt also those

are a little confusing because so many of them had tapes out you know what i mean like in early hip-hop well what about the what about the fujis uh the score that first album is fucking crazy oh so denman is saying 10 is their first pj album what's pj probably pearl jam oh pearl jam wild guess wow that was their first album that's insane and it has uh pj harvey and it has dude it has more hits than i remember I in my memory I had put I'm not like the biggest Pearl Jam guy but I had put some of those songs in my mind like on their second album you know I just can't believe that I can love a band as much as I love Pearl Jam and if you add if you gave me a a notebook and said okay write down all the lyrics, you know, from their songs. I think I'd cover two lines. Right.

Like it's purely attitude, tone, music, the lyrics. I don't know the fucking lyrics. I mean, obviously daughter, there's a couple of songs where they're kind of clear on their lyrics,

but a lot of them are really difficult. Well, I mean that album pop with, I mean, Jeremy was just the anthem of that summer, and the video was huge. I mean, people like Biggie, you know, who did not have a long career,

I mean, his first album must have been crazy, right? I'm guessing. Was it called The Notorious B.I.G.? Yeah. I think, well, who knows? But also, they had so many, again, they were releasing stuff unofficially. So sometimes that's what was happening in Tupac. Anyway, get to your story about Govans N.W.A.

Oh, so we're, you know, having a good time and we're eating a lot of food and other stuff. And anyway, there's a large carving knife on the table that, if it was a little longer, it would be a sword. So for comedic effect, Dennis couldn't stop touching this thing and kind of wielding it. For comedic effect, he was cutting his like chicken and steaks up with this really long knife that was put out there, I think, to carve the steak. And anyway, he was doing it like that. At one point, a friend of ours went into the house and left their phone on the table. And all of a sudden you hear this crash. And I thought for sure the whole phone smashed on the ground. And he just grabbed it and just like sliced under it. I don't know if he was trying to like get the blade under the phone.

So the phone wouldn't move. You know what I mean? But it smashed the phone and sent it flying off the table with a ton of force and he's holding the knife and he goes, how did that happen? And he wasn't trying to be funny. He was like, I'm like, I think it might've been the sword that you just flung at the phone. I think that might have done it. And he was just shocked, I guess, it made contact. I think he thought it would just sail under it.

I don't even know what happened. Yeah. But it didn't break somehow, thank God. Oh, and we were in, it's at Mikey's, and he's in between two two of these houses and he has a really nice outdoor area with a dining table. And ever been to those places where a vortex, they call it like a sound vortex. But when you're in a certain position, you're like, ah, and you find it reverberates. Yes. The capital.

So the problem is when you have Dennis, who can be like with with the knife also, like a four-year-old child. We did have to take the knife away from him. He found that Vortex and would talk all night, and he would be like, put on the cars. And then he's singing Jeremy in the Vortex. It was quite amusing, I have to say. All right. See, good news for Gubbins is not always slamming Gubbins sometimes we rejoice in the

joy of hanging out with with Dennis Notorious B.I.G. ready to die first album six times platinum damn I feel bad for artists today because nobody buys their albums it's like it changed in fucking

seven years nobody buys I guess it's like it changed in fucking seven years nobody buys i guess i guess obviously they still sell some albums people but compare nobody's going platinum i don't think anymore i think people you know who's one of the last artists maybe like people seem to be very aware of beyonce's albums you know what i mean yeah like because she'll drop an album and and maybe it's the same with ari Ariana Grande or whoever like kids are following now. But and then we're forgetting so many. I mean, the Velvet Underground, that album, you know, there's classic albums. I don't know what Bowie's first album was, but there was best album is Hunky Dory. I listened to it twice in one day this week people will talk about

boston's album which was crazy out of the gate and everyone wanted to follow up which sort of never came and then it did years later i think but anyway uh i'm wondering you know and also part of the best first album like the police really made us recognize that i mean they just like landed kind of like we talked about the first song fully formed, you know, here was punk meets reggae in some form with some Island and unbelievable drumming. And, uh, yeah, it's incredible. All right, let's get to entertainment. You got it, pal. You got it, pal.

All right. I finished Better Call Saul, the series. I think they're done. I think that was the series finale. And now that guy is doing a new show, I think on HBO, maybe her name is Rhea Sehorne, but with the woman from Better Call Saul. She's been on my podcast. She's amazing.

Wow. She's so good. Yes. Not only is it going to be the same, what's the producer's name? The Better Call Saul, the greatest. Vince Gilligan. Vince Gilligan.

Not only is Vince Gilligan, it's the same studio. I think it's Sony Studios. Why not? And it's like a lot of the same people. Dude, you have the team together. You've put out Breaking Bad and then Better Call Saul. Obviously, that makes sense. Like, stay together. Right, right.

You know? So it is. So I went, I went, and I'm like, I'm in season five? How many seasons are there of Better Call Saul? I think there's six. So I'm in season five, but I went. I haven't watched it in months, months,

months, maybe a year. I, it's like falling asleep, reading a book. I kept going back and I'm like, I don't remember this. So I literally went back to look at,

and I'm looking for those trailers like previously on, and I can't find these fucking things. And there's, there's teasers for the seasons, but there's so much. Anyway, I'm having trouble getting my footing to then finish it. Yeah, it is difficult. It is complex because there's a lot of Sebastian Maniscalco, who's so funny. funny he does he does a whole routine about um watching tv with his wife or watching movies with his wife and they do flashbacks and that they're so dumb that it's just like wait is he so he's the kid now it's so fun it's so fucking funny but they do so many flashbacks and stuff with saul

it's difficult to keep track sometimes and in this final season season, time is all over the place, but it is genius the way they do. It's so unexpected. It is not the linear finish. All right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right, all right, sorry. House of the Dragon we talked about. I'm going to give it a chance.

Bowie, Sunday Night we talked about. Where are you on the old man? Oh, I just finished the third episode of the old man i am in i first of all jeff bridges is my favorite living actor wow and i think that this show he's become chris christopherson yes he has he totally has 100 percent um and uh i had a dream chris christofferson died. Wow. That just hit me.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Which is going to happen soon, I think. I think it's great writing. And I have no problem with the old guy being an action star. He's 72. How old is Liam Neeson? Liam Neeson is still doing action movies.

Why not? Does he ever act without food in his mouth? Jeff Bridges at this point. That's a big question. I have some comedian did a thing on Jeff Bridges. Uh, uh, it was really,

Oh, Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey was on Conan's podcast. It was like, Oh, he's like, sure. And obviously he's like guys born and bred in Malibu.

Like, and he's, it's like, he's on the panhandle of like, you know, I mean in Texas, you know, or Oklahoma.

And, uh, and like you found them like, you know, in a back cabin. Yeah. Liam Neeson, by the way,

is 70 years old. And, uh, Jeff Bridges is 72. So, you know, Hey, it gives me hope.

Maybe I can still get into action stuff yeah uh we had speaking of action we had done some names they said the next bond might be gay uh people sent in some titles uh this guy bernie ho baby cat sent in octa tushy huh octa tushy you're welcome fuck face get bent truly thanks b Bernie Ho, for the positive energy. I like get bent. All right, so this is the text chain from Adam Levine. Who writes like a 12-year-old. Yeah, you want to read it?

Adam, on this text, screen grab. It is truly unreal how fucking hot you are. Like, it blows my mind uh and then she's like i mean i think the same seeing you in person i was like i'm fucked you are 50 times hotter in person and so am i ha ha ha all right that's not exactly modest um four women have now accused the maroon five lead singer, Adam Levine, of sending them inappropriate messages. Levine has been married to blah, blah, blah. Less than a week ago, uh, the woman confirmed that she and Levine are expecting, oh, his

wife confirmed they're expecting their third child. However, four days later, the couple's pregnancy news was overshadowed by cheating allegations. Sumner Stroh, an Instagram model, claimed to have engaged in an affair with Levine. Levine appeared to ask if he could use her name for his new baby. So this is the weird thing. Out of nowhere, I mean, they had an affair, I guess, according to her. Levine contacts her and goes, my wife is pregnant and we're thinking of naming it Sumner, which is her name, this woman.

Is that cool? Here he goes, quote, okay, serious question. I'm having another baby. And if it's a boy, I really want to name it Sumner. You okay with that? Dead serious. What is he doing? Wow. So then she's like, felt that was inappropriate. Reach out. I don't exactly understand this turn, but then she went public saying that she did have an affair and then people call bullshit. So she screen grabbed the text messages. Then three others followed suit. Why does anybody have an affair anymore? Like in what world? Like I'm not going to say this. There's another celebrity who I went on Reddit and I looked up his past with some women.

And it was so embarrassing to read his text messages. He was trying to get a woman to have sex with. I don't want to get into it because I don't want to start the whole thing. But it was so gross. What he wrote was so fucking vile. And you just think, like why why would you have an affair like affairs like the internet if there's an upside of the internet maybe it's that people will stop cheating on their spouses so much because you're gonna get fucking busted it's

it's inevitable all right so i had a day and we actually kind of like became friends. But this is years ago. I when when the writers room recorded and put me on Raya, I went on a date with a super hot woman who lived in the valley. Right. And, you know, she wasn't that young, but she's she was a former model. And she would tell me story. And we then like kind of like became friends. Nothing ever happened, but she would tell me stories of married celebrities who would find her on Raya,

and after there was chemistry or whatever, or texting, and some she didn't know were married, or some, it didn't even matter. Many were not married. A nonddisclosure agreement was brought up before the texts got out of hand. Wow. Yeah. So these dudes have consulted their lawyers and they're like, I am going to fool around. I hope to like, you know, get out there.

Uh, and with, well, with a lot of women and a nonondisclosure agreement. Now, I guess that also protects them, or they think they're protected, if they're married. Yeah. I don't know about how those NDAs hold up. Another deep tease. We're going to talk about Ellen in a minute because I think our nondisclosures are defunct now, right? The show's off the air. Well, this is a new story, but I have to say this new story you're about to read, I think it's one of the ones where Ellen comes off not the worst, believe it or not.

I disagree. I disagree. Oh, wow. All right. Ellen DeGeneres' former protege, Grayson Chance, claims he's, and this is a long article, but I'm going to read it because it's worth it. Really? Claims he's never met someone more manipulative, more self-centered, and more blatantly opportunistic than her.

Check, check, check. Life and career after a viral video of him performing Lady Gaga's paparazzi in front of his schoolmates landed him on Degeneres' now defunct talk show in May 2010 when he was just 12 years old. Let me interject. So this is the thing that Ellen started doing. She would find these cute kids. We've all seen it. She has these adorable kids and he's singing Usher or whatever it is. And she would get them even more. She would make them go even more viral

and super famous. And so she got the idea. Why don't I get a piece of this? Like I'm launching so that. Right. And this was a kid exactly like that. Quote, We just couldn't believe what was happening, he told the magazine. We were so unsure of what we were getting into, and the person that helped cure all of that skepticism and chaotic energy was Ellen. When the two first met, claimed the musician, DeGeneres said to him, I'm going to protect you. I'm going to be here for you. We're going to do this together. Ellen DeGeneres, breakout star Grace and Chance, ripped the comedian in an interview published Thursday. comedian in an interview published Thursday. Soon after, she co-created 11-11, a record label distributed by Interscope Geffen, and signed Chance as her first act. She also hooked him up with high-profile managers, a booking agent and a publicist, and a brand agent. In October 2010,

Chance released a mini-EP. As his touring schedule became more demanding, he claimed, DeGeneres became domineering and way too controlling. My whole week, my whole month, my whole year could change with one text message from her. That was horrible, he alleged, adding that he quickly learned that only DeGeneres' opinions mattered. Chance claimed DeGeneres was manipulative, self self-centered and blatantly opportunistic a close a source close to degenerate denies chance's recollection of the relationship however and said the comedian went above and beyond for the young musician blah blah blah blah blah um so uh so she she told him to watch this, I guess there was a documentary.

The Justin Bieber documentary. Yeah, and so he didn't watch it right away. And then she got irate. And then she said to the mother after this, what type of mother are you? He recalled hearing the comedian allegedly ask his mom before she purportedly said to him directly, disappointed isn't even remotely what I'm feeling right now. Chance said DeGeneres widely rumored wrath seeped into every aspect of his career. She would come in and look at a rack, yell at stylists, berate people in front of me and say, this is what you're wearing on the show.

She was just degrading to people. I mean, none of that stuff is new news. I mean, how many people have come out and said specifically these exact personality traits about her? Now, are we corroborating? I don't know that we can because of our nondisclosure agreement. But I would say that I've certainly read a million things that are the same as this. Yeah, I thought it was going to be worse.

I thought it was going to be like a Colonel Tom, like, you know, where he didn't realize she gets 95 percent of his proceeds or, you know, something like that. And then this guy kept going on her show, even when they hadn't spoken in over a year. And then Ellen ghosted him entirely when his sales dropped off and all this. His sales dropped off and she dumped him, the agent dumped him, the manager dumped him, like literally in six months. As soon as one of his albums flopped,

he was dead to them. I know. And she never responded to him. But that's business. And then he came out as gay and then he came on the show like it was weird because like every few years she'd have him back on the show but she wouldn't talk to him backstage she would only talk to him while the cameras were rolling and then she acted like she helped him come out of the closet when in fact he said she hadn't talked to him in years maybe that helped him come out of the closet

also uh can i get that in writing that ellen won't talk to me unless the cameras are rolling and she won't bother me or visit me in my dressing room like okay that that's that's a perk yeah all right enough before we get in trouble let's do make america florida you got it pal All right, enough before we get in trouble. Let's do Make America Florida. You got it, pal. A Florida highway had to temporarily... You're so frozen. Are you good?

Yeah. Can you see me? Yeah, you were holding that paper above your head for about a minute. A Florida highway had to temporarily close Wednesday after a semi-trailer carrying cases of Coors Light crashed and turned the roadway into a silver sea of beer cans. The pilot began when one semi-trailer clipped another while changing lanes. That forced other semis to break. But one failed to stop and collided with a pickup truck. The semi that failed to stop was filled with cases of the silver bullet beer. Minor injuries were reported by the occupants of the pickup truck and the whole road.

Of course, which which truck's not going to stop the one with a silver bullet train on it. That's what's happening. It's got it. Yeah, it's got it's got a big delivery. And by the way, I heard and this is true. Brett Kavanaugh adopted that highway mile right after the accident. Beer causing a major wipeout on a highway. Florida, who do you think you are sturgis yeah um can you imagine yeah no go ahead can you imagine though the whole apparent they oh they had pictures of it the silver bullet cans were i mean everywhere over. And it just looked like I could just picture all these fat Florida guys there,

like bears on a salmon run in a river, just grabbing tall boys in their mouths as they're all flailing about. Yeah, it's like a nature documentary. And instead of bears and moose and otters, it would be like frat guys from FSU, fucking guys in MAGA hats, all just likeGA hats, all just shotgunning Coors Lights. A bunch of Japanese tourists taking pictures of them, all slapping away at these fat bears, just putting cans in their mouth.

Yeah. More Florida news. It's called TD9. Tropical Depression nine. Yes. It's looking increasingly like it will become a major hurricane threat to Florida. So I love these terms. I love the weather terms. There's the cone of uncertainty. And I think that phrase, I think I saw a guy talk about it on Twitter is 20 years old or something. And that's the probable track. And it has this storm, which would maybe be a hurricane, potentially hitting Tampa, our favorite, on Tuesday. Wow.

1 p.m. today, Saturday, Governor Ron DeSantis has expanded his state of emergency declaration to include the entire state of Florida. So now migrants are asking DeSantis, when is the next chartered plane to the vineyard? We all want to get on it. Yeah, I want to go to the black dog. Was that a migrant? Yes, yes. And I heard that pregnant women in Florida who want abortions are planning on a beach day on Tuesday. You know, just kind of wade in up to their bellies.

NASA's been trying to get this Artemis rocket launched, and it was supposed to launch Tuesday. It is canceled. By the way, the Tropical Depression 10, it became Tropical Storm Hermione, and it has a maximum sustained wind gust of 35 miles per hour.

If it grows, it will become Tropical Storm Ian. So, this is the only thing allowed to transition to a female, to a male in Florida. But no teachers are allowed to talk about it. Yeah. No teachers can talk about Tropical Storm Ian in Florida.

You will be fired. Yes. All right. Let's get to let's skip Amanda poor. Yeah. International that interview. Boy, she let skip Amanda Poore. Yeah, International, that interview. Boy, she let them off the hook. She did?

Well, she wouldn't wear a headscarf, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Then he doesn't have to, yeah, whatever. That's a deep tease. Maybe we'll do it next week. Here's what it is. Christine Amanpoore, Christiane Amanpoore, the CNN journalist. Why do they say it with such disdain in my voice?

Amanpour, yeah. Said Thursday that she backed out of an interview with Iranian President Ibrahim Raisi after one of his aides said it would not happen unless she wore a headscarf. Well played, Ricey. Yes. I think that she should have said, I'll wear a headscarf, but he has to wear one of those Steve Martin arrows through the

head. Keep in mind, Christiane wanted this interview badly so this dictator could answer questions about the woman killed in custody who was brought in for violating the dress code. So it's literally about this dress code. So specifically the headdress. Can't zoom. Isn't there a zoom filter with a headscarf?

Can we can we put that like you put something on an emoji? Also, it's fall. Headscarves are in. Make it work. Yes, she could look like Jackie O. You'll put on a pantsuit to go interview some corporate titan at his country club. You'll put, you know, you'll do their dress code. I think she should have showed up. Get the story. I think she should have showed up. Get the story. I think she should have showed up with the headscarf,

but then also braless in a tube top with denim shorts and just seductively licking a chocolate popsicle during the interview. How about during the interview, you have the headscarf on, and you're like, so this woman was killed in custody, and she was killed because, and you start to take it off. Isn't that an effective question? Yes. You already got them.

Cameras are rolling. Yep. I like it. Canadian actor. God, I got to produce news. Canadian actor Ryan Grantham was sentenced to life in prison after he pleaded guilty to killing his mother in March. Grantham, who starred in Riverdale and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, shot and killed his mother while she was playing piano.

The next day, he loaded his car with firearms, Molotov cocktails, camping supplies, and a map that had directions to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's home. Whoa. Grantham planned to kill Trudeau, but drove to Hope, British Columbia

before turning the car around with a plan to commit mass violence at his school. Instead of committing these acts, he drove to Vancouver police and admitted to killing his mother. All I can say is what a wimp he pussed out. He really wimped out. Yeah. Oh, boy. Well, don't call a kid a wimp, man. See what happens? Yes, even if it's in a fictitious version of it. You know, he just carried that around with him.

There's certain movie roles that you realize you just get marked with for life, you know? Yeah. Like, who else? What are some other movie roles that you wouldn't be able to shake? Yeah, I'm drawing a blank. I don't know. We should work harder on this. Yeah, maybe.

But I'd love to know what the mom was playing when he shot her in the back of the head. Chopsticks again. love to know what the mom was playing when he shot her in the back of the head chopsticks again shot to the head and you're to blame oh my god all right let's do some sports sure thing now The family of a 12-year-old Little League World Series player who suffered a fractured skull after falling from a bunk bed with no safety rails is suing the league and the company that made the bed. Easton Oliver, son of Utah's Snow Canyon Little League, fell from a bunk bed while sleeping in the dormitory in Pennsylvania. Injured, he was placed in a medically induced coma, underwent multiple surgeries.

The suit is asking for $50,000. You know, they should have put a warning track on the edge of the bed, don't you think? They don't need a safety guard, just a warning track. Did they not suspect foul play when he was found on the ground with a wedgie so far up his ass and pulled over his head? Maybe it wasn't the bed's fault. Exactly, yeah. Were the other kids giggling when they came in and found him dead in the morning?

He wasn't dead. You know, how did he fall on his head? He should have slid. Should have slid. At that age, I don't think they're supposed to do head first dives yet. And by the way, when you send your kid off unattended to some childhood fucking camp, it's like this is the best case scenario. If I was a defense attorney, I'd be like, I'd like to point out that this could have been worse.

Did anyone diddle you? Did anyone show you their penis? Your Honor, the defense rests. We're all aware of under the banner of heaven, right? Does everybody, right? I mean, this kid did pretty well actually. Yeah. You want to

read this home run story? Albert Pujols, 700 home runs. Uh, this is what Chris, this is what Midcoast Media put in our document. The Cardinals legend reaches a rare milestone with a two home run night versus the Dodgers. The first home run was in, uh, April 6th, 2001 versus the Diamondbacks. And his 700th home run was, uh, yesterday versus the Diamondbacks. And his 700th home run was yesterday versus the Dodgers. The 700 club includes Barry Bonds at 762. Hank Aaron, it's set with a giant goddamn asterisk, by the way.

Hank Aaron at 755 and Babe Ruth at 714. And then you got Albert at 700. How old is Albert? Does he have some time left playing the game? Good question. Here comes Denman with the St. Louis answer. He's 42 years old. Last year. It's over.

Oh, this is his last year. Alright. So meanwhile, everyone is trying to, you know, watching Aaron judge to see if he, I guess, ties the American League record, right? It's 61 home runs. I think he has 60 now, but that doesn't equal the Juiced record. I think the Juiced record is like 72 home runs this season. Well, that's National League, yeah.

Oh, you're saying the American League, right. But they're also giant asterisks over there. And, you know, one guy broke it down, all the baseball nerds, of course. But one is, like, it was a different time then. Like, for instance, Judge is so far ahead of everybody else. Like, he's truly, like, in a league of his own with a lot of stuff going on. And also, there's a chance he'll do the Triple Crown, which would be amazing.

And so, but back when those guys were doing it, McGuire and Bonds, there was always, and Sosa, there was always, like, number two wasn't that far behind. They were all juicing like crazy. Well, yeah, and not to mention, the pitching that you're facing today is so much harder. They didn't used to bring in five relievers in a game. There was there was one reliever and there was a closer. That was it. Right. is writing. How about pictures that are black, Hispanic, et cetera? This is, I guess, Denman has a problem with that. You don't have to read everything Chris writes. You know that, right? Right. Just the racist stuff.

It's, so yeah, a giant asterisk there. But some people point out, you don't think Aaron Judge has ever taken some performance enhancing drug at some point. That's true. Yeah, I know. What really is amazing are the, oh, I mean, like Maris, you know, like no hot tubs in the locker room, no ice plunges in the locker room after. No, I mean, all the high tech stuff. They took a bus all the time. The the accommodations were shit.

They were really, you know, tougher conditions and no medical science like it is today. So they didn't cork the bats. The let's talk about football. The Buccaneers, I am 2-0 against you. You're down $100. Tampa Bay has beat the spread two weeks in a row by a fucking big margin this past week. And then what's going on this week? This week, Green Bay, I'm only giving you one point and I'm playing you

at home. So you're fucked. Maybe Brett Favre could have a lot of money taken from charities and... Oh yeah, why didn't we cover that story this week? Did we do it already? Deep Tease. We're going to do it. How about we do it

next week? It's going to be like a John Oliver story. How is he not getting... how is it not a lead story? How is Brett Favre not getting as much trouble as he should be? Because people love him. Yeah, because he did something about Mary. Oh my God. Is it because he's white?

I don't know, but I'll tell you this much. It's time for science. Alright. I don't know, but I'll tell you this much. It's time for science. All right. There's vagina-flavored potato chips now on the market. Oh, my God. The company called Chaz created the crisps as a result of research they claim suggests that malignant—

well, never mind all of that. After tasting it, you will remember your wildest love adventures, your first real love. Really? It's only available in Europe, although you can email and request that it gets shipped to you somewhere else, retailing at $10 a bag. You know what I want on a vagina-flavored chip is sour cream.

How disgusting. That's the New Jersey version of the chip. Yeah. It's got cottage cheese on it. And vinegar. How about a little vinegar also with the chips? By the way, don't be surprised if you find a hair in the bag. The worst selling chip to gay men ever.

The chips come with ketchup packets for that time of the month. No. Oh, I had a worse one. I took two jokes out. I didn't even see this story. What did you add this this morning? Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay.

Who put them out? Gwyneth Paltrow? It did you add this this morning? Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. Who put them out? Gwyneth Paltrow? It seems like something she'd do. Yeah. All right. Let's get to some business. You want to read this fun story that you put in? A laugh riot?

No. It's actually, I did this a couple of weeks ago when everyone had their panties in a bunch over the stock market going down. The stock market, incredibly rough week. The recession, they say, has begun. But listen, over two years, like the S&P, over two years, the total return is still 14%. The three-year is 27%. Its return, the total return is still 14 percent. The three year is 27 percent. The five year on the S&P is 49 percent. It's and by the way, the 10 years, 160 percent.

So everyone stop complaining. You have to pay the piper. It's been obscene the last eight years. It is weird. We have no tolerance for loss in this country. Everything has to every company's earnings have to go up every quarter or the stock plummets. It just that's not how businesses work. That's not how national economies work. Things go up and they come down. There's growth. there's rebirth, there's death, there's cycles.

And no one talk about Democrats or Republicans. The government just wrote checks for the last 10, 12 years. Like it's just check. And even before with Obama, I mean, Obama had the crisis. And but the government's just written checks. But the government's just written checks. Some economists could obviously identify the exact turn where America was like, well, we don't really care about debt anymore. And then since then, it's like and eventually that catches up, you know, catches up to you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've been shorting.

I've been like, this is unreal. And I've lost a lot of money shorting the market with ETFs over the last 10 years. And now finally, like yesterday, I remember one of the ETFs I had was up 10%, but it doesn't matter. I've lost so much. I'm never going to catch up. But anyway, it's crazy. I'm going to take my money out of the stock market, and I'm going to pay down my mortgage because that's money in the bank. If I pay down my mortgage, then I'm not paying mortgage interest, and I don't think the stock market is going to go up for a couple years. Who knows?

I mean, I guess there's the dollar cost averaging, and you just keep buying it as it goes down, and you're hoping maybe solid big companies will do all right. Yeah. Listen, I'm the last person anyone should ask for advice on this. Oh, that's for sure. But there's those bonds. Get that I-bond that you talked about.

Yeah, yeah. Get the I-bonds, people. All right, let's do some letters to the editor. All right, then. Okay, you guys were talking about Family Circus and whether to continue it, and Mike said something like, okay, I'll try to find some funny ones.

Again, it is not about finding funny ones. The thing that actually made it funny was Mike reading through soul-crushingly unfunny. A lot of people are complaining that Family Circus is gone, Mike. I don't know if I could do it. They're really so bad and zero effort. All right, Chris, go find a random one

and put it in right now. Put it in, Chris. I guess we'll look at it. Do it. I can't wait to die laughing. Lastly, I know both of you are into music and love when the discussions go there. I've heard Mike mention an L.A. radio station before that I believe streams online and talked about how great the mixes of music can be.

Wonder if you could talk about any other radio stations that still have a good disc jockey and an old school radio vibe. I'm in Chicago. All right. Go to my show on October 15th. If you're in Chicago. I mean, is he asking? I talked about 88.5 FM and it's at a college. No commercials, no news and great DJs.

Great DJs. And then on Sundays. it's amazing how eclectic it is from nine to noon. They have a Bob Dylan. They call it the Bob Dylan radio hours. And it's amazing. But it's always good. It's always good. They don't try too hard. Like NPR is morning becomes eclectic is so a try so hard. It's always like some fucking cuban bongo player doing fusion with they try to pretend they like hip-hop but they play horrible hip-hop everything is so woke this station is just cool and different and you'll find new music on it that's great i followed this guy i found this guy this week some reason, it came across my Instagram feed. And it is the coolest.

It's the coolest music. I mean, and also pop culture stuff. Anyway, his name is Mason Dufresne. M-A-I-S-O-N-D-U-F-R-E-N-E. And that is the name of his account. And I guess he has a podcast and he'll show the playlist sometimes. They're unbelievable. So really cool. So anyway, that's my music recommendation. Also, if you have serious XM, listen to classic vinyl. There's a guy named Earl Bailey,

who's an old school FM DJ who gives you lots of great stories and factoids in between songs. There's Meg Griffin is also on Classic Vinyl, and she also does the Beatles channel. So she's great. Oh, I know why I dreamt Chris Christopherson died, because the other night I got in my car and it was like maybe 10 or something. Anyway, turn it on. That station was on and there's a Christofferson song. I'm like, holy wow. I mean, they, I know they're eclectic, but, and then, then another one. And I was like, oh shit, he died. But I guess it was Tuesday night. And I guess it was a two for Tuesday. Cause then he played, uh, some music that had nothing to do with Christopherson

next. And anyway, so still alive. But that's what did it. But that's how eclectic this station is. What's this email I'm seeing here? Did you put this in? Earth, wind and fire shook his rearview mirror. Oh, yeah. Oh, so this was about. Oh, letter to the editor. You forwarded me this. A guy wrote in and goes, you know, Mike was talking about Jurassic Park and was talking about the cup vibrating in the car when the T-Rex was walking, like the tremors from the T-Rex. So this guy wrote in and he sent me a link, but I couldn't copy and paste from it. But the link was about where Spielberg got that inspiration. He was in his car and I sounds unlikely, but Spielberg was cranking

earth, wind and fire in his car and his rear view mirror would vibrate and shake. And that's where apparently he got the idea to do the vibrating. And the way they did it is they rigged the car. I kind of didn't understand this part. But the props guy or the tech guy on set of Jurassic Park put a guitar string like attached across the dash or wherever near the cup and they would pluck it. And that's what did the vibrations. I bet it was September. Guarantee was September. Guarantee it was September. Which was the 23rd day.

Just happened. Ah. Is it the 23rd? 21st? 21st? 23rd? 21st is the first day of fall. So welcome to fall, everybody.

It's 21st. Okay. 21st. That's the autumnal solstice. Autumnal equinox. Oh, the days are equal right now. Right. That's the autumnal solstice, autumnal equinox. Oh, the days are equal right now, right? That just happened. Yeah.

Man, it happens fast. Listen, it's because we've gotten older. If there's any young listeners out here, you have no idea how short years are. Although my kids say it's because they're not bored anymore that they think time is also going fast. My kids say it's because they're not bored anymore that they think time is also going fast. When we were early teens, dude, a school year was an eternity. And summer was also long. Yep.

I know. And I think most of it was boredom. But anyway, I see, like an old man, I see the sun because I can look out. I see the sunsets and it is noticeable every three days. Like the sun is moving. I can't notice it day to day, but every three or four days I noticed the sun is setting further South because you know, we are tilting North right now at the planet. So anyway, it's like, you can see the months and years go by. Yeah. I want to, I want them to get rid of daylight savings. I'm fine. I can't, I'm already depressed thinking about how days are going to get shorter next month here for the first time in my life. And again, I think it's

because I'm becoming an old man for the first time in my life. When summer, when spring came this past year, I missed it getting dark earlier. I was like more productive. I started dinners earlier. I started maybe having a cocktail earlier and it was all of a sudden I was again, then up past midnight all summer because dinner would never happen before eight. It was still light out. Yeah. I don don't know it was the first time i was like i i'm gravitating towards earlier nights yeah i bet some people like it when it's not as late as between eight and nine p.m when the sun goes down yeah no yeah let's do some funnies oh not even Not even listening. All right. My caffeine buzz just fucking wore off. There it goes.

We're not going to do obituaries, but I guess we covered, you know, Nurse Ratched. Oh, yeah, that's right. For the funnies, this won't make the Lockhorn Strip any funnier. Difficult to believe either of them never heard of John Cage. Can you maybe mention you're reading a letter? Oh, this is a letter, yeah. This is from Stephen Blackwood. Cage's most famous work is called 433.

It's four minutes and 33 seconds, which consists of nothing but silence. So, imagine being played in a loop. So, the reasoning behind the piece is that by 1952, when this was written, quotes, Muzak had become ubiquitous and Cage hated it. This was his response. By the way, another great show. But Mike seems to be dozing off at times right in the middle of talking. Right in the middle of myself talking?

Yeah, of course. I think that's fair and considerate, actually. You know, when you're like, oh, another thing about Taylor Swift. Yeah. More people talking about Dilbert. Okay. All right, Dilbert. This is the big news.

Poplar comic strip. You want to read it? Why don't you read this? Popular comic strip has been canned by 77 newspapers after its creator, Scott Adams, started incorporating anti-woke plot lines, including a black character who identifies as white. I assumed it was the other way around, actually. Anyway, Adams' much-loved Dilbert comics have been in circulation since 89 and frequently pokes jokes at office culture. But he announced he was sensationally dropped by publisher Lee Enterprises.

The media company owns 100 newspapers and one of his most recent controversial comics. OK, but so anyway. He's claiming claiming this but i looked into the story and the paper is just cut back the sunday funnies man or the factually the weekday funnies are not doing it of course and so they've cut back i imagine dilbert cost a fortune and they also cut other uh comic strips so i he wasn't targeted. There's another small detail. It's just not that funny anymore. It's like when Dennis Miller got conservative and then blamed woke culture.

It's like, no, but Dennis, you're not funny anymore. You're sanctimonious and you're pedantic and you're preachy. Nobody wants to hear that shit and and these dilbert card cartoons just weren't funny same with ellen degeneres when she had her coming out episode which was great on her sitcom on her sitcom right and then the sitcom was canceled and then she cried foul but it's like but all you did was gay storylines after that yeah and this is a mass medium there what there wasn't like a gay channel yet you know like uh that or even channels that had predominantly gay you know like like a bravo or something like that anyway so here's one of the

comics just if you want to see the quality. They're sitting at a conference table. A guy is next to Dilbert and a black gentleman. Who's next to Dilbert? No, Dilbert's the guy with the flat head. Oh, I don't even know. Oh, the egghead guy's not Dilbert. I don't give a shit. Go ahead.

The guy says, management asked me to add some diversity to the engineering team. Meet Dave. And they point to a black guy. And the black guy says, I asked me to add some diversity to the engineering team. Meet Dave. And they point to a black guy. And the black guy says, I identify as white. And the other guy says, you're ruining everything, Dave. So I don't know. Who's the other guy who looks like the smack your bitch up guy with the hair on each side? That's still, oh, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. By the way, how about about this that is the oldest fucking joke or thought you can have i know it's terrible you wish you were getting canceled because this is provocative it's such a tired premise to identify as something else also i've told the true story at CBS. The guy complained to me. He goes, you want to know what I have to go do now? They hired a director for a series.

Of course, they have to check boxes, just like this Dilbert thing he's talking about. It's the oldest story ever. And he goes, and get this, we have the best director, and he happens to be a black guy. It's awesome. It's a win, win, win, win. And I just got called that on his Dga director's guild of america paperwork he did not check the box identifying as

african-american so this guy executive had to go talk to the guy about it and ask if he would check the box oh my god there's a million real world stories yeah this. Yeah, yeah. Here is to remind us what a funny comic strip is. Here's Bunny Reiner. Mm-hmm. And she's writing the Lockhorns. Leroy is eating with Loretta. And he looks at her and he goes, I'm not hard of hearing. I'm tired of hearing.

That's great. not hard of hearing i'm tired of hearing and then and then the next one he says to her they all said we wouldn't last why didn't we listen these are good jokes and then finally he comes home drunk with a asian woman who looks like a geisha girl and loretta's got her hands on her hips apron on and he goes and he's holding up a cage with a bird in it and he goes the bird speaks only Chinese so I had to hire someone to translate

that's getting into uh hagger territory yeah that's a little creepy he brought an Asian hooker home. And what did he think, just the bird was going to let him skate on it? I mean, you're saying hooker. She is dressed like a hooker for sure.

Geisha girls were hookers, right? Is she dressed like a geisha? I think so. Maybe. She has regular-sized feet. That's a plus. They are delightful. They're not bound.

Here's, here's Hager the Horrible, who you speak of. Hager is sitting with his wife, Helga and the mother-in-law at a bar. They're drinking mead. And then the wife says, why won't mean Max come over and say hello to mother?

Is he shy? Mean max is sitting at the bar with his back to them and then mean max turns around and and hagger goes he doesn't like competition and we see the mother-in-law's face and it is um it is uh got the same scowl on it that here's the problem with the cartoon look at the blocking in one frame he's sitting directly behind hager and the next frame he's sitting behind the wife but he hasn't moved it's all off it's all off it's weird anyway yeah i mean he's obviously to rape the mother-in-law. And so why wouldn't she be angry? You know, why is Helga facilitating the rape? Also, he rapes his competition.

Yes. Have I mentioned that? All right, then I put in a far side. And it's a dog showing up at a door standing bipedal and holding flowers. showing up at a door standing bipedal it's and holding flowers and then another a female dog with a pocketbook has answered the door and the quote underneath is Oh ginger you look absolutely stunning and whatever you rolled in sure does stink I'm trying to find ones that aren't like the most I love them. That's great. I love them, yeah. I'm trying to find ones that aren't like the most popular

because so many people know the big ones, you know? Yeah. But they're so funny. Okay. Here's your challenge, Mike Gibbons, Family Circus. I have not looked at it. In fact, it just surprised me that it's in here. Here, I'm scanning down.

I see the top of the dumb dad's head. It's a family circus. I'm not even going to read. Okay. I'm not going to read what it says. So here it is. Dad comes in the room. He has a can in his hand and the little shitty boy is sitting. Billy. His name's Billy. Sitting in the chair and it's right in front of a TV showing football. So the kid's mouth is open. So I'm going to assume it's the kid saying something. And it's like, he can't say, oh, dad, you didn't have to bring me a beer. But what would the, what could the kid say?

Like, um, probably some dumb misunderstanding about his chair. Like, oh, and not funny. Like here, here. Okay. I'm going to pretend to be this comic strip. Um, Oh dad, why don't you pull up a chair? I, uh, uh, your game is on like there. That's all it would take. Right. Yeah. Oh, let's see what he wrote. Hurry up, dad. They're having roll call. It's even worse than what I did. Well, they don't have their helmets on. So yeah, they just, they're just roll call. It's even worse than what I did. Well, they don't have their helmets on. So yeah, they're just taking the field. And I mean, all I can picture is

this poor dad. He's got a beer in his hand. He deals with these shitty kids all week. All he wants is three hours on a fucking Sunday to sit down and watch a football game. And this shitty kid is sitting in his chair saying unfunny things. And he's got to put up with it. What is roll call? Why would the kid, wouldn't it be something from school? Like hurry up, dad. They're taking attendance

on the team. That would make sense. Roll call is the military. What does Billy know about the military? The dad should chug the beer and smash it into the kid's face. Well, why am I mad at the kid? That's like being mad at Triumph. Why aren't I mad at the hand that created this? Yeah. All right. All right. Let's bring it home with a little Blondie.

And who walks into the kitchen? Blondie's standing at the stove with an apron on, stirring a pot, which is, I mean, what fucking year is this that 90% of these cartoons is her standing stirring a fucking pot while this putz walks in with his hands in his pockets and goes, well, I'm done working on our taxes. And she goes, that was quick. And she goes, you actually figured out our taxes in 15 minutes?

And then he turns his back to her and walks away and flippantly says, no, I just said I was done working on them. Oh, really? How about I'm done working on this fucking marriage, Dagwood? How about I'm done working on your soup? How about I'm done fucking cleaning this house you lazy p you do nothing at work all week you got to do one thing on the weekends and you're gonna put your hands in your pocket and turn your back to me that's the detail off

yeah oh oh boy by the wayondie looks good, too. She looks good. Does she, Greg? Yeah, look at those calves, like bowling pins. All right, listen, we want to remind you guys, support our sponsor. We both ate it this week. We loved it. It's called Factor.

We legitimately ate it, and it was legit good. And, boy, easy. And head to go.factor75.com slash papers130. Write that down. It's worth it. Get that discount. Get that discount. Also, I'll see you on the road.

Mike, anything you want to promote? What do I want to promote? I guess I promoted that guy's... The Cars first album, right? The Cars. Well, I talked about the Cars before, but that guy's Instagram is... I think he is in a wheelchair. I think he's...

He's in a wheelchair. The guy has an interesting story also. I don't know much about him yet. Maybe I'll talk about him next week also. But, oh, my God, if you look at his post, it's the coolest collection of people, whether it's actors, alternative musicians, old school cool artists. And it's not just all old either. It's very cool.

Awesome. I want to give a shout out, as always always to Midcoast Media, Chris Denman, Beth Hoops, Key. They all do a fine job putting the show together every week and we appreciate their efforts and their work, their professionalism. If you guys are looking for somebody to help you with your social media needs

or your audio editing, always look to Midcoast Media. Located, of course, not in the middle of any coast at all but in st louis they'll say the coast of the mighty mississippi but that just doesn't hold water so to speak oh also they should be worried there's good tremendous flooding in canada right now they do hold water uh the and don't blame mid-coast media for for Greg's video and his Wi-Fi. Yeah, we're going to get hardwired next week.

It's so weird because I went on the internet, and you know how you can check the speed of your internet? I checked it, and it's well above what's considered good. And yet it's still... Well, you haven't, like, well, uh well now you froze no you're frozen right now in this position oh my god you probably did a wi-fi yep now you're back i think when i move fast it freezes it can tell it's a sensor it gets overwhelmed understand tech don't you my laptop doesn't like sudden movements it's a bit spooked

you know it's like a horse it's early it's still early for the internet he's still waking up alright well then we'll see you tomorrow night or tonight I should say at the movie we'll talk about it next week.

The David Bowie documentary. I'm going to look into tickets because it's IMAX, Pally. Oh, I love it. Okay, good. All righty. Why don't we both and everybody take it-ish. Take it-ish! There it was.

All right. Welcome to Sunday Papers. I've got a show with Greg and I. There it was. All right.