Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 141 11/27/22

Episode Date: November 27, 2022

Steve Jobs sandals sold for $218k, Dylan’s new book sold for $600 (until they found out the autograph was fake), and remember the time Aerosmith and 50 Cent played a Bat Mitzvah for $10m? Podcast is still free! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday Bakers Podcast. Read all about it. Read all about it. Oh, shit. It's Thanksgiving week, but the news is still coming in on time. Tripp Dufane kicking in. Here we go. Little slow this week. Lookicking in. Here we go. A little slow this week. Look at us. Look at us. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Happy Thanksgiving. We hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving. We're recording this a little earlier in the week because of our familial responsibilities. Mike has got his daughter's half the day, not the full day. Well, some flies in the ointment. Oh, boy.

Somebody's sick. Remember I told you we'll save it for the podcast? We did not chat and catch up in the 10 minutes preceding this recording. Oh, you tricky dicky. So my sister, Laura, who has never had covid got it yesterday oh shit she went to vegas for work there was a big like convention type party very corporate she works at some university anyway uh came home with it was suspect suspecting it. And this is interesting, was feeling crappy and kept doing over the counter tests because of work, did a PCR test. So she did a PCR. Today's Wednesday.

She did a PCR test Monday morning, Monday morning, Tuesday night. she did the at-home test. At-home test, negative. Wednesday comes, whatever it is, Tuesday comes, the next day comes, the PCR, which she had taken 12 hours earlier before the negative, was positive. Wow. So the New York Times, yeah. You can only really trust the PCRs. Those other ones are very faulty. Well, the New York Times now is like, you know, talking about what we're going to do.

One of the stories. Also, China shutting things down. Yeah. Yeah. I heard NPR NPR said like this one's something like over a thousand times more contagious than the previous oh and the new booster will do i think i have this right almost nothing to protect you against the new strain except once you have it then it'll mitigate the you know the experience the infection damn so i'm gonna be getting it i'm going on the road next week. I'm going to be picking this shit up. I'm wondering if you're going to get it over the holiday. Oh, so hold on. So now the girls are like, now the whole family is like, how do we do it? Right. Because we were going to have it at Laura's. We might still go over there. She's up in the bedroom, but they have more outdoor areas. So we're trying to figure it all out. but they have more outdoor areas. So we're trying to figure it all out.

Then the girls, as you said, split Thanksgiving with me and my ex. They're going to have it at my ex's sister's house. She has COVID. Your ex's sister has COVID. Kathy has COVID. Wow. And so she can't be around the dad because the dad is in bad shape.

I just saw a picture of him on Instagram who lives with her. Yeah. He sadly his health is in decline. And, you know, listen, our only concern about all this is my mom basically has no immune system. She's on the whatever treatment she's on after chemo. She's still on that. My my my father in law, my ex father in law, my father outlaw, I guess you would say his he is compromised. So it's this big dance with the older members of our family.

Maybe you should just have it at your house. Yeah, I know. Tight quarters over here, though. But yeah, thinking about it. And you have your mother-in-law in town, right? You got the mother-in-law. Both kids are home. And Tom O'Neill's coming over for dinner. Oh, he's a walking virus. Yes, he's coming from Mexico. So he's going to bring back all kinds of shit. Yeah. But here's what's very sad. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, by the way. Send my best to Laura and I hope it doesn't spread around the family. That sounds like a fucking minefield. Totally is.

You know, the usually the Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. We do. I throw the big Thanksgiving soccer game at 10 o'clock in the morning. We get like 40 or 50 people playing soccer at once. It's like Braveheart. And kids get run over. There's some British people. They have no qualms about kicking a soccer ball into a small child's face. It's hilarious.

And then we all go home and have dinner. And then we meet at the beach at 7. You've never done this, have you, in all these years? I have. Of course I've done it multiple times. All right. I've done soccer. I've done the beach more than soccer, but I've done both.

We go screaming into the ocean at around 8 o'clock at night, and then we go to one person's house where they have a big spiked punch, and people bring dessert, and we stay all night. And I don't think any of that's happening this year. Everybody's out of town. I don't know if this is the end of a tradition that's gone on for 15 years. Well, the main the family that hosted desserts, I think, is gone for good. They're in Vermont. The Dunskies are in Vermont. They're going to come back this year for a couple of weeks But, like, originally they went to Vermont for three months.

They bought a house up there. They're going to use it as a vacation house. Never came back. That was two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Good for them. I know.

I got to visit them. I got to get up there. From the Northeast, it makes a lot of sense, I think. Yeah. So, anyway, that's it. That's it. I know. So I hope everyone out there can be as healthy as you can.

I think a mask will help against the flu as well. And don't be anti-mask. Just think of it as doctors and the medical professionals do who have worn it for decades and just try to reduce the spread of, you know, viruses. Yep. Get your booster shots. And we'll talk about that because there's a three, we're being attacked by three viruses currently. So one of the stories is about that. So we'll get to that. Shout out to Ryan P for this week's song. Dynamite song. Very cool.

The logo, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Look at us. I don't know who did that. Shit, I forgot to write it down. I'll get to it next week. So you look pretty good. I mean, you got some good face structure there. Um, well, I think I'm your best Paul Newman. I think I'm the Robert Redford and you're the Paul Newman. No, no. Are you insane? Oh yeah.

You're right. You're right. Look at me. I look like I have Trump's hair, which is Robert Redford's hair coming out. Cause my face is not exactly fitting. Okay. You've got a gay gun to your head. You have to have sex with one of them. Is it Robert Redford or is it Paul Newman in their prime? I don't know if this is the correct way to answer it, but can I do both? Are you kidding me? A three-way with those guys? Imagine that, your first gay experience, and it's a three-way? I mean, I think Paul Newman is just insanely hot, but also kind of unique. And then Redford, they're both a little short for my liking, and then Redford is just classic.

Classically handsome. Yeah. What I want to do is show my daughters. I'm like, you don't understand how charismatic, like how he popped off the screen. There's a scene in The Way We Were where he's drunk at the bar asleep in uniform. And it's ridiculous. The camera just loves that dude.

Yeah. Right. Right. right, right. It's unbelievable. I think I'm a Redford guy. I think Paul Newman is too manly for me. Redford's a little softer. Interesting, okay. And I think we could discuss what just happened afterwards easier.

I don't think I could look Paul Newman in the eye after doing gay things. Well, you'd have to hatch a plan that Joanne Woodward can't find out about this shenanigan, this dalliance. Yeah. Anyway, if people have not seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, it is so...

Top five movies of all time. It is so much fun. The soundtrack is great. What's his name? The famous score guy, Sergio. Wait, Sergio Leone shot it, right? Marconi? Yeah, Marconi, right.

I'm going to take your word for it, just like I took your word for it with drinking the Kool-Aid. Yeah, we're going to get to that now. Are we sure Marconi did it? Also, in an odd way, there's a little, I are we sure Marconi did it? Also, in an odd way, there's a little, I don't know what you'd call it in a movie,

it's not a time filler, but Paul Newman rides around playfully on a bicycle in the wild, wild west, and they play Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, I think. By Burt Bacharach. I guess. I'm going to take your word for that, too. Yes, Burt Bacharach.

Yeah. Burt Bacharach. That was a theme song to the movie. I don't know if Burt Bacharach did the whole score for the whole movie, but he did that song. Right. Speaking of corrections, well, first of all, To the movie. I don't know if Burt Bacharach did the whole score for the whole movie, but he did that song. Right. Speaking of corrections, well, first of all, I want to mention,

we are not the only ones that misspeak on podcasts. And your girl, the woman you love, the Duchess of Sussex. Who? What's her name? Oh, Meghan Markle? Meghan Markle has a podcast that's called Archetypes. And she released an episode and people went crazy on social media saying she doesn't understand what an archetype is. And that they're actually she's describing. She's describing stereotypes.

It's almost like that song, Isn't It Ironic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's archetypes, right? Okay, so, well, listen, did she graduate eighth grade? She went to the very fancy schools. Are you kidding me? What do you mean? Meghan Markle. Wasn't she a child actor? We don't have, we should mention this right now. Chris Denman is not with us today. So there's going to be more corrections next week because we don't have it. And he's obsessed with Meghan Markle. He knows everything off the top of his head. Yep.

So I'm not sure what her education is, but I think she had a fancy, I thought she had a fancy education. Chris was also just flabbergasted that the royal family was racist at all, just like Meghan. He became much more of a fan. Yeah.

He's now pro-royal family. All right, so don't look at the script tell me what your definition is of archetype an archetype that's interesting i'm i'm bad i'm kind of surprisingly because i'm a writer bad at that stuff all right so and well i mean Well, I mean, it's a type and it's probably the prevailing characteristic of someone like a villain. There's an archetype. Jesus Christ. Am I close? I know I'm close. Now, it's defined as a typical example of something or the original model of something from which others are copied. There's, you know, like...

I think prevailing kind of summed that up nicely. Okay. It often refers to a classic character from old stories or myths that have been passed down over the years. Oh, you mean like a villain? A hero, a villain, or a lover. Yes. I got closer than you're giving me credit.

All right. So she apparently is just, she's bitching about people. Anyway, shout out to Megan. Does she talk about her own archetype, which she is, which is a rat, a snitch, a rat, a traitor, someone who can't commit. Right. Also an idiot. How would you compare her and Lady Di? Listen, you got to give Lady Di a lot more credit.

She lasted so much longer. 11 years. She ate so much shit. And she ate so much longer. 11 years. She ate so much shit. And she ate so much less. And you know what? While probably experiencing insanity, she still used

her position to try to do so much good. And listen, I'm not a huge Lady Di fan, but if I'm comparing them, she also, while eating mouthful after mouthful of shit, used that royal family's powerful name and in some circles, good name, to forward and advance causes

that she felt would improve the earth. Obviously the land mine thing was huge, but poverty, she was, she put a human face on that despicable family in a lot of places she went to and like a sympathetic face. Now listen, was she also part of the problem? Of course. And was she white? So maybe it was a little easier for her? Yes, I'll give her that as well. But I think there's no comparing. Was she a little bit ignorant? I mean, your big thing is, like, how did Meghan Markle not know what she was walking into?

And the same can be said for Lady Di. How did she really believe it was going to be a true princess fairy tale ending and not know that much about that family? She came from a successful, noble family herself. Lady Di. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also, Markle had Di as an example of like, yeah, maybe this family is a little rough, a little rough on the in-laws.

Right. Right. This is from this is from I would say no less than 25 people shouted out this correction from last week. You said this is Gary from Guyana. You said the Heaven's Gate mass suicide was the origin of the term don't drink the Kool-Aid. Incorrect. This term originates from the Jonestown mass suicide. Double correction. In Jonestown, they didn't use Kool-Aid. They used the poor man's version, Flavor-Aid.

Wow. There's a very specific detail. Well, listen, it was your last drink. You don't have to get top shelf. Right? Heaven's Gate. I mean, what were they saving the money for? Heaven's Gate mass suicide had 39 dead, used barbiturates in applesauce with plastic bags

over the head, causing suffocation. You had me at applesauce. Hold on. That would have been enough to put me down. It was a little more interesting than that. And it was like, they did take a poison drink. So I didn't really like, I knew what Kool-Aid was from when you said it last week, but these guys also before the plastic bags, before the plastic bags went on their head, which is real commitment. It was phenobarbital mixed with applesauce, and they washed it down with vodka. Nice.

Yep. And were they the ones that wore the Nikes? Yes, which was quite visible after they removed the plastic bags from around their heads. Jesus. the plastic bags from their around their heads jesus all 39 were dressed in identical black shirts and sweatpants and brand new black and white nike decades athletic shoes and armband patches reading heaven's gate away team i did not know that until I just read this second. We got a road game this weekend, guys.

Don't forget the Nikes. Yeah. Each member carried a $5 bill and three quarters in their pockets. Well, now I think they're crazy. Maybe that was just for, you know, you never know. You go to a foreign country, you need to bring some cash. You don't know if they're going to accept, you know, your credit. There could be homeless people homeless people asking for change. The Jonestown Guyana massacre was nine hundred and eighteen

dead. They use cyanide and other poisons mixed with flavor aid. Anyone who pulls. Anyway, so do you think it's scarier to die alone committing suicide or with 917 other people? Those people, I don't want to be with those people. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think I'd like to do a mass suicide. Huh? I would do a mass suicide at a certain age. Well, hold your little soccer thing at Thanksgiving this year,

and everyone's going to die of the new COVID strain. All right. Eric Anderson pointed out the same thing. Genghis John said the same thing. I could read all 25 names I should to give you credit. You continue to say the Ukraine is another correction. It's Ukraine. But kudos.

The 405, man. It's an L.A. thing. Kudos to your improvement with the word Sudoku. You used to say Sudoku. You did. Yeah. And then... Okay.

Dates coming up, folks. Get your $5 and your three quarters and come on out to Oklahoma City December 1st. Rodeo, cinema. And then the next two nights, December 2nd and 3rd, I'll be in Fort Worth at Hyena's Punchline

in Atlanta, January 19th through 21. The following week, I'll be in Portland at Helium and then also in Philly at Helium coming up after that. Go to FitzDawg.com, get your tickets, come on out and say hi.

We also want to remind you guys that today's program is brought to you by, who do we got today? Policy Genius. You got it. I love Policy Genius. I'll tell you something right now. Life insurance, when you have children, even if you maybe you got a parents, anybody that is relying on your income, you need to insure your life. And it costs so little and it costs even less when you go through a insurance marketplace like Policy Genius, which is the best of them. And it's a it's a smarter way to get the right coverage so it gets more expensive as you get older so the sooner you buy your life insurance the better uh they um you know when i got mine i just felt like i could sleep at night knowing that my kids college would be paid for knowing that my wife wouldn't have to you know marry dennis gubbins to get by. Oh, boy. Oh, God. You have to go. You made it.

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life insurance quotes and see how much you can save. That's policygenius.com. Perfection. All right, let's get to the front page. Let's do it. Do you need paper? Yes. Oh, no, I got some paper. Yeah, you do the paper. All right, I saw this little gem. The 1970s sandals worn by Steve Jobs were auctioned. The California house where Steve Jobs co-founded Apple is an historical site. And now the sandals he wore while pacing its floors have been sold for nearly $220,000. its floors have been sold for nearly $220,000. The quote, well-used brown suede Birkenstocks dating to the mid-70s set a record for the highest price ever paid for garbage.

Quote, the cork and jute footbed retains the imprint of Steve Jobs' feet, which had been shaped after years of use. The sandals were expected to bring $60,000. But then you got to get protectors for them. It's like an Apple product. You got to get all the case. They were expected to bring $60,000. But the final sale price with an accompanying NFT was $218,750. The buyer was not named.

Jobs and Wozniak co-founded Apple in 76 at Jobs' parents' house, and the property was named an historical landmark. Do you see the picture of these dirty things? Yeah. I think Quentin Tarantino is going to be really happy with them I think it was like next up for bid the disgusting sandals of an asshole hippie

who treated people in his family like shit while selling out true heroes like Martin Luther King Jr Gandhi, John Lennon Muhammad Ali, Marie Callas Bob Dylan, Picasso so if you want to own the shoes that stepped on everything in its path and shared no credit for what was created, we are taking bids.

Wait, how did he sell out Martin Luther King Jr.? His ad, do you remember those ads where he would use John Lennon, Gandhi, MLK? He used them in ads for his personal computer. And it was like, think different. But it's like, you didn't think that different. There were home computers. It was a race. You just beat up your employees so badly, and you wanted it to be more intuitive.

badly and you wanted it to be more intuitive. You can spend $218,000 on these sandals or for $0.75, you can pick up a pair of the paper slippers his employees wear in China. They got rubber soles on them so you can hurl yourself out the window after working a triple shift. So did you hear there's a protest today? No. And huge violence outside an iPhone factory in China. Really? Oh, no, no, no. They came out of, you ready for this? This was disturbing. They went down, New York, to all these news outlets are talking about how the protest started.

The protest started when all the workers came down, filed down out of their dorms. Wow. All the workers came down, filed down out of their dorms. Can you get a more depressing start to a protest than that? Yeah. Their work dorms. And they apparently the manager like had COVID, but was burying all these COVID results. And they've just had it. And then authorities were sent in to crush the protesters. But in reading the story, one of the comments was about the protesters. It goes, using barefoot children in windowless

factories housed in prison-like dormitory cells on site to assemble a phone that sells for $1,100 from $11 worth of parts while you're paying zero U.S. taxes, what could possibly go wrong with this plan, Apple? As I sit here with the Apple buds in my ear on an Apple laptop with my phone sitting right next to me. Totally. So if you get these sandals, if you win them, you can step on the necks of these protesters too.

Or give a pair to one of these barefoot kids, for God's sake. That's a good one. Jesus. All right, more good news. So here's the triple whammy. It's called the tripledemic. Tripledemic? How would you pronounce that?

Tripledemic. Tripledemic. It's not a great catchphrase, not a great little name, but it's the flu, RSV, which I'll get to in a minute, and COVID. So doctors are saying we're currently in a triplidemic with three respiratory viruses. Vaccinating against both flu and COVID will help limit severe infections. And then there are currently no vaccines or specific treatment for respiratory syncytial, respiratory syncytial virus, RSV, which can infect people repeatedly. Oh, good news. Oh, yeah, this RSV is huge. Like, emergency rooms are getting overwhelmed.

And they're particularly dangerous for the very young and very old. Lovely. Yeah, basically the only thing we've cured in the last 10 years is crabs, and that's just because everybody's shaving their pubic hair. Everything else just keeps stacking up. Isn't it a quadramic? Because what happened to monkeypox? Did we just stop talking about monkeypox? Is it out there?

I think we very effectively limited those to gay cruise ships. Oh, sweet. I do not want to perpetuate that rumor. It's more than a gay disease. But the male gay sexual behavior, let's just say monkeypox was a fan. I believe it's about exchanging fluids. So why do they talk so much about gays?

I don't know. I mean, everybody exchanges fluids, right? The gays don't even kiss when they're doing it. I'm guessing. I guess you can peck the guy on the back of the head. Next story. Uh-oh. Who got in trouble here who is simon and schuster a machine actually quote hand signed copies of bob dylan's book which were then sold because of the signature for six hundred dollars that's criminal eagle-eyed bob dylan fans who shelled

out six hundred dollars for a limited editionigned copy of the singer's book noticed that the signatures were suspiciously identical. Now the publisher, Simon & Schuster, is admitting a machine actually added the John Hancocks to the book and not the 81-year-old rocker. Quote, as it turns out, the limited edition books do not contain Bob's original signature, but in a penned replica form. The company said in a statement on Twitter, which I guess, who knows if they even have their own checkmark next to Simon & Schuster, we are addressing this immediately by providing each purchaser with an immediate refund, and a robot will sign those checks. That would be hilarious if they send the check and it's unsigned.

I think the big tip off for real fans might have been that Bob Dylan was signing autographs. Yeah, not his style. These are the same simps that were paying $1,100 for his used rollerblades in golf clubs. Yeah. His autographed margarita machine. You know, the Bob Dylan things. Yeah. His Celine Dion albums.

Yeah. Listen, the way I view this is no matter what, a machine was going to sign that book. Hopefully it's the Asperger machine that can't stop writing songs and has been on tour for 50 years. That machine would be a nice signature to get. Yeah. You know, I missed that Bob Dylan radio hour. That thing was so good. Is there a place you can listen to the old ones? I think so. I know so.

It might be on the podcast. It might be on podcast because it was XM, right? I think it was XM originally. Yeah, it was originally on Sirius XM. The Bob Dylan, I think it was called the Theme Time Radio Hour. No, it was called the Theme Time Radio Hour, and I think we've talked about it before. Even if you're not a Bob Dylan fan, he is so goddamn funny. And they would pick a theme like

rain and every song in some way was related to rain. And he goes, uh, at one point he's like, so people, uh, people think we're going to run out of themes. Like how many themes can you possibly have? He's like, I don't think we're going to run out of themes like how many themes can you possibly have he's like i don't think we're going to run out of themes and to prove it uh today's theme is joe and he had a whole show where every song was related to joe there were cups of joe there was joe lewis there was a you know obviously songs that many of us know like hey jo Joe. And he just went on and on. It was hysterical. Yeah. And also his, his cuts were deep. It was like he'd play some old folk. He would play some country. He would play some rock. He would, he mixed it all up.

It was so eclectic. Yeah. All right. You get, you got exposed to Caribbean music. You got exposed to the most esoteric blues. And these it was it was just a it really was a delight. And his and the comments in between were so funny. you got this guy who is this iconic songwriter who was, you know, always mysterious. You never knew his real life because he would sometimes just kind of change his life story. He made it up from scratch to begin with. And so you never knew who this guy was. And all of a sudden you have this super intimate revelation where you get to see that he's actually very lighthearted and silly and fun. Yep. Well, I remember Jack Nicholson saying he's one of the funniest guys I've ever met. Really?

And even I at that time was like, really? Wow. Well, wait, you heard, I think Carolla told this, but so Dylan owns a coffee shop here in Santa Monica, right? You've been there on 18th Street or 17th. Yeah, many times. So he, in the back, I don't think he owns this, but coincidentally, there is a boxing gym. And I think it was Carolla that said he walked down there and he goes, no matter how long I stared at it, like I could not wrap my mind around it. But it was Dylan sparring with Nicholson. No kidding. Really?

Yeah. You know, with headgear on. Must have been the most surreal looking thing. Also must have been pretty pathetic. Alright, this is a fun story for the holidays. All right. This is a fun story for the holidays. A sneaky feline tried to have a little Thanksgiving getaway until he was discovered by TSA agents.

The orange cat was discovered at JFK Airport on Tuesday morning after an agent spotted some orange hair poking out of the zipper of the suitcase. after an agent spotted some orange hair poking out of the zipper of the suitcase. TSA told the Post that the traveler was not aware that he had a cat in his luggage. And they've got the photo from TSA. It's fucking hilarious. If you're watching the show, you can see it. We're letting— I mean, it's—I guess one of the things—

clearly one of the things it scans is temperature, because that cat is, it's the most identifiable image you've ever seen. Right. And then they, of course, the TSA wrote a tweet, we're letting the cat out of the bag on a historic find. on a historic find. This catch had our baggage screener office saying, come on, meow. Okay.

I'm glad the TCA has a good sense of humor these days. How long did the line get when they were trying to come up with this wordplay? Come on, meow? That's supposed to be come on now? Yeah. Wow. Here's what i think that's supposed to be come on now yeah wow here's what i think really happened i think it's an old lady who's got an old cat the cat's got like leukemia she can't afford chemo treatments so she's just taking the cat to uh the airport running it through the x-ray machine and trying to, and trying to kill the leukemia.

There is no way that the cat jumped in the bag and the owner zipped it up unknowingly. Impossible. They are trying to bring their cat for free. Yes. Yeah. Of course. I mean, it looks like a carry-on, right? I mean, do we know based on the description it's TSA?

Yeah, that looks like carry-on. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, of course that's what's going on. Yeah. All right, let's get to some good news for gubbins. All right, here, a little. let's do it all right uh we all went over to gubbins house uh a couple days ago to watch some the u.s play the world cup soccer and uh he was not happy with i would say it wasn't totally fun it was not happy with our company. I would say it wasn't totally fun.

It was not fun because he is so fucking competitive. He played soccer at a very low level. I think as a peewee, was it? I don't know. He's a great athlete, so who knows? I don't know. But he gets so, between bong hits, he's screaming at the TV. And God forbid you bring up another subject like, hey, yeah, my mom's coming to town for Thanksgiving.

What the fuck? Okay, let me save you a part of his tirade once he hears this. He does not do bong hits. I learned that recently. Oh, right. What was he smoking? A pipe? Probably.

Yeah, I guess he had a pipe. And then, so then the game ends and we went to the backyard and we played this game, which is like, it's like lawn bowling, but the pins have numbers on them. It doesn't matter what the game is, but the point is, he said, all right, here's how we're going to play. If you miss the pins entirely three times, you're out of the game, and you become the scorekeeper for the rest of the game. And Guggins is a stickler for rules, and he gets furious when you try to work around them. Yes.

Like if your toe was just over the crack you're supposed to throw from behind, he would lose his shit. He called eight foot faults. Yes. And then he gets three strikes. He misses three times. He's out of the game. So, like, one turn later, he's like,

I got a new rule. After everybody's gone twice, then you're allowed back in again. It's like, are you seven years old? For the record, I won both games. You did win both games. You kind of are, you're good at stupid things. Thank you. I think that's why you picked up golf so easily. It's just a stupid

sport. And podcast. And podcast. And then he texts, Gubbins, here's the second gubbins thing he texts me in all caps that atlanta that we're that hey dummy the new season is all set in amsterdam he sends us corrections every week and it's like no gubb, you're watching last season. No, you fired back. This whole episode took place in a mall. Yeah, where they were running into their exes. And he's like, oh, oh, I guess I'm watching last season.

Yep. Unbelievable. Toby wrote in, just started listening to this week's Sunday Papers. Don't bring Gubbins on. The genius of the segment is that we have no idea who he is. Love the podcast. Well, sorry, Gubbins. Well, we're envious of Toby.

Let's hit the entertainment section. You got it. I had a magic moment with the family where the kids had not seen extras before. It's so good. And I said, all right, just give it a chance. We sat down and we got to this scene where David Bowie sings a song to Ricky Gervais in the VIP section. Of course. I'm telling you, Mike, I've seen that thing a dozen times. I laughed just as hard.

I was doubled over. It is genius. Because the quality of the song is so fucking good. That's what makes it so funny. It's like a great Bowie song. So I'm wildly impressed with that, and I laugh really hard, but it's not my hardest laugh from extras. My hardest laugh is Sir Ian McKellen describing acting.

Ian McKellen is kind of running this play and they're having auditions and, uh, Gervais comes into audition and he goes, so have you, have you done a play before? And so they start talking and then he, Sir Ian McKellen breaks down what acting is. And it's on, it's so, so funny. You just have is and it's on.

It's so, so funny. You just have to, it's on YouTube. It's amazing. And then the one with Kate Winslet is amazing where she talks about what it takes to win an Oscar that you have to either be mentally handicapped or has to do with the Holocaust, which is, she's only doing this movie because it's about the Holocaust. Okay. And then did you read how prescient it was, how ahead of its time? She then did win an Oscar

for being in a Holocaust movie in real life after that. No shit. Yep. Oh, that's amazing. Remember, wasn't she having an affair with a kid or whatever? Yeah. I forget the movie, but I did see it. I forget did see the movie was a great movie. Yeah. Yeah. And then I went down the rabbit hole the last couple of days of listening to John Denver, who I mean, look, if you grew up in the 70s, you listen to a lot of john denver and in my mind it was corny music i never really gave it much of a thought when it comes on the radio i kind of changed the channel but then i started

listening to it and i realized this guy's a fucking genius he gets so made fun of like i remember a tell had a joke uh his joke was a john denver tape 99 cents. A blank tape costs $2. He could double his money if he just shut the fuck up. That's a great joke. That's fantastic. But, I mean, Annie's song, just listen to it. I mean, how did I not use that as my marriage song? If you're getting married, listen to Annie's song and think about using that for your.

But which one is Annie's song? I can't sing. All right. So this is what I know is when he died, he was one of those guys who became a pilot. And I guess I don't know what happened was equipment. But he died in a plane crash, I guess, I don't know what happened to his equipment, but he died in a plane crash, I believe alone. And I'm sorry about my voice. I probably have COVID. So when he died, I remember listening to Howard Stern. And Howard Stern, I think, had a similar view to us that, you know, he's maybe a little hokey, you know, and a little broad and for the masses. And he is all that. But he goes, I remember him like they played a song and maybe it was Annie's

song. And he just like, say, say, and this is when Stern, I think was in his bad marriage, which we did not know was bad. But at that, then later he revealed, like, he would just go home and go in the basement and be alone and like listen to music and stuff. Anyway, he played some Denver song and just goes, listen, say what you will about this guy. But he was in love when he wrote this song. Like you can feel it. And he just gave him a nice bit of nice bit of credit um when he did it come let me love you let me give my life to you that's what it was let me drown in your laughter

let me die in your arms come let me love you yeah it's like soaring it's a soaring song yeah it's soaring and it's beauty you feel that's the one he played you fill up my senses like a night in a forest like the mountains in springtime like a walk in the rain i mean it's just it's his lyrics are gorgeous and uh imagine giving that to elton john but uh but but so i went so i started reading his wiki but then again no his wikipedia page where he talks where they talk about what an he was a peace activist he lived in Colorado he was and he

says his first marriage was to Annie Martell from St. Peter Minnesota she was the subject of his song Annie's Song which he composed in 10 minutes as he sat on a Colorado ski lift they had the Denver's adopted a boy Zach Zachary John, and a girl, Anna Kate, who Denver said were, quote, meant to be theirs.

Denver once said. That's why they named them after themselves. Okay. He said, I'll tell you the best thing about me. I'm some guy's dad. I'm some little gal's dad. When I die, Zachary John and Anna Kate's father, boy, that's enough for me to be remembered by.

Denver and Martel divorced in 1982. In a 1983 interview shown in the documentary John Denver Country Boy, Denver said that career demands drove them apart. Martel said they were too young and immature to deal with Denver's sudden success. And then this, and then this lands. Following the property settlement, Denver nearly choked Martel said they were too young and immature to deal with Denver's sudden success. And then this lands. Following the property settlement, Denver nearly choked Martel.

He cut their marital bed in half with a chainsaw. Say what you will about John Denver, but that guy fell out of love when he did that chainsaw to the bed. You fill up my senses. He's a country boy. With that chainsaw to the bed you fill up my senses he's a country boy in the bedroom well i just love what divorce can do to anybody no matter how peaceful no matter how loving and beautiful you are a bad divorce and you got a fucking chainsaw in your hand there's something going around. I don't know if more than one band is doing it, but I saw like John Bonham's, is it Jason Bonham?

Yeah. His kid has this tour going around, and he'll post on Instagram, and I think it's more than him, but he will, just between rock songs or whatever, go into a sing-along of country roads and every single rocker in the audience knows every word yeah yeah and it's really kind of now his lyrics are just very clean and tight and yeah he's a great writer so here's an interesting thing. If you go back and look at the highest rated shows back in like the 70s, it's really, really bizarre. OK, two of them, like many years in the 70s, were John Denver specials.

And I think even bigger than those are Liberace specials. Oh, sure. Yeah, I remember those. I'm not even kidding you. It's like Super Bowl, two Liberaces, and a John Denver. Like, it's insane. Yeah. You know who loved Liberace and they were really tight?

Elvis, the king. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah. They were big fans of each other they used to go to each other's shows in uh um in Vegas all the time huh interesting what's this about Manti Teodoc oh Manti Teodoc so there's um netflix has the untold i guess is the series i think and it's there's sports stories and my actually my sister recommended like sophie's home and we wanted to watch something and i had never seen that i heard a lot of people say when you see it

you definitely learn you know to look at it his his story differently. This is the Notre Dame player with the made up girlfriend. Right, right. But he had been catfished before, you know, the documentary Catfish, which led to the series Catfish. And it's interesting, but I'll tell you what, man, it's two parts. He then gets ruined during the draft. He was, everyone picked him. Even with the controversy, everyone picked him to go first round,

and he didn't. He did go second round. But anyway, bottom line is, it gets to the very end of the documentary, and he is being interviewed, and then he talks about getting to the San Diego chargers who drafted him. And he sucked because in his head, he was this fraud. He, he was just broken. Right. And people booed him and made fun. People would ask for photographs with him and all this.

And then they would put memes making fun of them. Like they pretended to like him for the photograph. Then they would tear him apart anyway. And he called his agent. He's like, listen, I, I need to see someone. So he asked, he asked for the best psychiatrist he could find. He talks about what the psychiatrist said to him. And then he then goes on this like kind of speech, kind of rant about what turned around and then his attitude and why he would go out and

do it. I, it is so inspiring. It was so moving out of nowhere. And, um, it's, it's worth it just for that. Well, yeah, no, I've heard great things about it. I want to see that in the formula one documentary. It's supposed to be really good. I think you would relate to it because you're a public figure, and I'm sure you get comments that hate you and whatever it is. I am telling you, man, just watch it. You can kind of fast forward. It definitely didn't deserve two episodes, but make it to that speech he gives at the end.

Yeah, all right. Comedian Chris Rock is currently on the road performing his latest stand-up routines for fans. One of the stops at the Dolby Theater, a return to the Hollywood house for the Brooklyn Funnyman, is a return to the place where one of the most embarrassing moments of his life took place, which, of course, was the Academy Awards last year.

The comedian jumped right into it and brought up the infamous smack he suffered at the hands of will smith he joked quote people were like did it hurt you're like you're like goddamn right it hurt will smith is significantly bigger than me i am not the same size okay this motherfucker played ali i played pookie Jack City. People say, why the fuck did you do nothing back? Because I got parents. Because I was raised, you know? You know what my parents taught me? Don't fight in front of white people. No, I'm not a victim. Rock said he would never play a victim on stage or in real life. He also said he would never host the Oscars again, saying returning would be like asking Nicole Brown Smith to go back to the

restaurant where she left her eyeglass before she was murdered. Oh, so, so OJ smacked Nicole so hard it severed her spinal cord. Her head almost knocked the head off of the waiter standing next to her. That's how hard he smacked her. knock the head off of the waiter standing next to her. That's how hard he smacked her.

Keep your glasses off your fucking eyes. That's really funny. Is that yours about what Chris should do? Yes. I think Chris Rock, if he had any brains at all, should acquire the rights and produce G.I. Jane 2 and then not even give Jada Pinkett Smith an audition for it. Or make her an offer she just can't refuse. Everyone would see this movie.

Who would not see G.I. Jane 2? And you get Chris comes in, and you get a guy just like Will Smith, and Chris smacks the shit out of him in the movie. Maybe there's a guy who just constantly screams, get my wife's name out your mouth. Some unhinged, crazy person in the movie. Yeah. I think that Will Smith needs to talk to Mel Gibson about making a comeback because I just saw,

guess how many films Mel Gibson did this year? Oh, it's a crazy number. Seven. Seven movies in one year. He's back, baby. So all those people that are saying that the Jews run Hollywood, Kanye, maybe not. Yeah, no doubt.

You know, I saw him, I don't know when, I guess it was in the spring. I think it was during the Netflix festival. Chappelle did the Hollywood Bowl and he was a surprise guest. And Chuck Sklar actually, our good friend who always writes for Chris, he gave me the heads up. He's like, you should go to the bowl tonight. And I'm like, Oh, I saw Chappelle like four days ago at the bowl. He's like, no, no, no rocks going up tonight. So I was like, Holy shit. So I just went alone. And I told that story on the podcast. And so, but what was so cool was it had just happened. And this was his first kind of public appearance. And when he walked out, I think even like Chappelle or someone goes, ladies and gentlemen, and then didn't say anything. And then you see Chris Rock walk out with this very, very distant spotlight, you know, on him. Real stark spotlight.

And the place went crazy. And, you know, what you were seeing, which was really cool, was everyone going crazy for a man who showed restraint. Yeah. I mean, that's what it was. He hadn't said a word yet. He did not say a word about what happened in the press. And I don't know. It was like a little, you know, hopeful. I mean, obviously there were like minded people there. We're all fans of Chappelle and that's why we're there. And we're fans of comedy and we can take a joke. But I don't know. It was really nice to see, you know, someone who didn't hit back, um, even verbally, uh, just thunderous, like so much louder than the ovation Chappelle got. And I know it was a surprise that was part of it, but it was really impressive.

And it was an ovation slightly smaller than the one Chappelle got the next night when his bodyguards beat the fuck out of a guy who rushed the stage no that was the same night I was the same night yeah it was unbelievable I wonder which I think I think the crowd was a little more whipped up when the guy ran on stage than when Chris Rock came out yeah I mean they pummeled that guy in front of everybody yeah no and then Chappelle I told you Chappelle that night goes um how bad an MF-er do you have to be for Jon Stewart to stump your ass? All right, let's go to Florida. You got it.

Okay. Make America Florida. Palm Coast, Florida. An 89-year-old man wants change in his Palm Coast neighborhood after he was attacked by two wild hogs while taking his dog out for a walk. Now, at this point in the story, I paused. I'm like, I hope by wild hogs, he doesn't mean minorities because there's a picture of this 89 year old white guy. So it's kind of fun to keep that in mind as you read it. David Reisman tells Fox 35, the animals launched at him on his front porch at 830 p.m. Quote, the first one jumped on me. The second grabbed our little dog Riley, he said.

Reisman said he was able to fight back with his flashlight before his wife ran outside and scared the animals away. I started hitting this wild beast in the face several times, Reisman said. And anyway, they retreated and the guy lived. But wild hogs, I guess, have just completely plagued this community. And the community wants to put up fences and all that. Like, it's enough to have alligators down there. Now you have wild hogs.

Well, plus they're on meth because it's Florida. So they're a little worked up. Because meth is just in the garbage. I like it. I like the idea of wild animals everywhere. I think it's a way to keep you in the moment. You walk outside. You can't be checking your iPhone.

You can't be daydreaming. You're present. You're looking for fucking wild boars. And I think that we should have that in every major city we should release wild animals at dusk and whatever your team's mascot is in that city if you're the detroit lions fucking lions get let loose if you're yeah if you're the chicago bears we release bear into the street just because you're walking along and you're like thinking about nothing it's like there and you're back in the moment you're present when i hike alone i i do think about mountain lions especially when i go over the sierras and uh like so i'll occasionally remember

not often enough at all like to turn around because they always attack you from behind and i mean there's a couple that have, like, charged someone from the front. We've seen video of that where the guy's, like, backing away. But when they want to take you out, they're definitely sneaking up on you. And I'm like, why am I even bothering? Like, I will not see it coming. Do I really think I'm going to outfox, so to speak, a mountain lion? The only thing I feel safe about.

And you're always trying to remember, like, am I supposed to act bigger? Am I supposed to not make eye contact? Am I supposed to play dead? Like, for bears, there's two different reactions. For a brown bear, you're supposed to play dead. For a black bear, you're supposed to supposed to i forget but there's two different reactions for brown bears and black bears yeah they say black bears well with both you're supposed to kind of do that but if the attack is on yeah you don't even try to fight back with the grizzly

but i think with a black bear you try to fight back right and hopefully just you're not going to win but hopefully discourage it yeah but the only thing i'm happy about is uh when i am like if i do the solo thing up in the sierras i have a big backpack on which goes above my neck because it's all about the neck with wildlife all about about the neck. Really? Oh, that's what they zero in on is the neck, yeah. Well, they say that in street fights, that the best thing you can do is not punch someone in the face, but punch them in the neck or the throat, side of the neck.

You can knock them unconscious by punching them in the side of the neck. I mean, not that any of this matters, but the, like the, the, the position they say like, Hey, you might as well, you're not going to live, but you might as well try with the grizzly is face down and you clasp your hands together around your neck. Oh, as it chews everything else apart. I think I'm going to go balls. I think I'm going to put them over my balls. All right. All right. Let's do a little sports. Sure. Okay, so the Buccaneers bet as it stands.

Mike Gibbons is up $150. Last week was a buy. This week in Cleveland, the Bucs are giving three and a half points to the Browns. Okie doke. I like my chances this week, I'll tell you that much. Cleveland sucks. Okay, we'll see. much cleveland sucks okay we'll see there's a story about um well we can skip that one and go to herschel walker let's talk about herschel walker uh with his georgia senate race hanging in the balance republican candidate herschel walker had an unfortunate slip of the tongue

tuesday night flanked by senators ted cruz and Lindsey Graham Walker Walker spoke on Fox news quote. This election is about more than Herschel Walker. This erection is about the people, neither Cruz nor Graham appeared to clock the gaff, but the clip quickly went viral. And I thought he was an erection denier. And I thought he was an erection denier. Having erections got him in enough trouble in this campaign with all the abortions he's had to fund.

Right. Now I know why people take so long in those erection booths. I do not want to see the erection results. I do not want to see Bernanke at the big board watching Herschel's erection results. I hate when it's erection night and my wife is out. Is it similar to an exit poll? By the way, is he part Asian? Why is he saying it like this? I don't know what's happening there.

We got some World Cup soccer to talk about. You want to talk about the... Well, I think we both should give a shout out. John Oliver did a takedown of this World Cup. That really shouldn't be missed. Of FIFA, yeah. It was last Sunday's John Oliver about FIFA and their decision to set the World Cup here, their ridiculous history of being corrupt,

and also now the conditions at this World Cup, which just watch it. It's unbelievable. They brought in migrant workers basically qatar has about 300 000 people living there and they brought in about 700 000 migrant workers from like india bangladesh and they worked them to death 6 500 migrants died they say not all necessarily during the construction. Like that's the amount of migrants that died during a like a seven-year period leading up to this.

But that most of them died from heat exhaustion, cardiac arrest, working in the sun at 125 degrees. And they were housed in basically like sheds where they had like eight guys in one room. They had two toilets for 100 people, no shower. They had to bathe themselves in the toilet. They used the toilet to bathe. It was just it was barbaric. It was slavery. And then on top of all that, they withheld their wages.

They didn't pay them what they were due, which were low wages to begin with. It's disgraceful. And when they throw the word slavery around, they're not doing it loosely. You have to pay. I think it was like six hundred bucks or something and get a sponsor. No, four thousand. They were paying four thousand dollars to come over and work. Yeah. Oh, shit. And you get a sponsor. A sponsor is your employer. And then when you go over there and then they made it illegal to change sponsors for a while. And they held your passport so you couldn't leave. Yeah. Yeah. So no, it was terrible. And then I think, I think Qatar's official account was 16 people died versus the 6,500. Yeah. I have a feeling it's somewhere in between the two.

Versus the 6,500? Yeah. I have a feeling it's somewhere in between the two. Right. But read the Onion headline. But the Onion had a funny headline. So the World Cup, Saudi Arabia stunned Argentina by beating them 2-1. And the Onion headline was, Saudis celebrate shocking world cup win by

flipping over a woman and setting her on fire. It's great. And then today the New York times did an article. So right before the tournament, they're like, Oh yeah, we're not going to serve alcohol. And everyone went rip shit.

And so the New York Times today talked about how an American who had been doing business in the country, which is the size of Connecticut, had identified all the spots that serve alcohol. And so the British fans before London's before England's match found this pub and they showed the pub and all the singing. And then there was them all getting their buzz on before they went off to the match. And then the next match after England was going to be Wales, I guess, was the one we watched Wales, America. was going to be Wales.

I guess it was the one we watched, Wales-America. And the Wales crew came in for their shift in the bar to pregame before their game. That's hilarious. Yeah. All right, let's get to some science and technology. Okay, then. Okay, then. Twin babies have been born to an Oregon couple from embryos frozen more than 30 years ago.

It's believed to be a new record for the longest frozen embryos ever to result in a successful live birth. They were stored at around 196 degrees Celsius, which is 323 degrees Fahrenheit, in liquid nitrogen in 1996. Minus 323 Fahrenheit. Yeah. So Rachel Ridgway, a mother of four from Oregon, gave birth to the twins on Halloween. The father said it was mind-boggling. So, I mean, what do you get a kid like that when he's born?

I would guess a sweater. Probably a few sweaters. A onesie, a hat, gloves. What are you talking about? Because they're freezing? Yeah. I always think you get them a Tari. You get them a Mork and Mindy-like T-shirt.

Right. Some John Denver 45s. You don't give a single goddamn thought to pronouns. Oh, my God. They identify as babies. He's constantly going to the thermostat and turning it up. They just had 1992 babies. Wow.

They're very into Pearl Jam. Is Pearl Jam out yet? Or is that 94? I don't know uh a new uh i don't know we should we talk about this a new report highlights a growing trend of trans identified and non-binary individuals undergoing surgeries to have both male and female genitalia one conservative scholar says the trend makes the gender identity debate even more of a puzzler. What is this?

The report published by Vice last Monday contains interviews salmasis and hermaphroditus, and the number of online trans communities using the term has grown. So I guess you can tell someone like that to go fuck themselves, and they go, all right, I'll be back in 15 minutes. Look me in the eyes. I'm doing it right now. I mean, think about it. It's like Woody Allen's joke.

He's like, I want to be bisexual because I want twice the odds of getting a date on Saturday night. Now you don't even need a date. That's fine. God bless them. If they feel they need it, fine. God bless them. If they feel they need it, fine. Yeah, sure. I guess. I don't know.

Seems like placing a lot of emphasis on gender identity. Yeah. Gender identity. Yeah. If I had a vagina and a dick, which one would I masturbate with? It would almost be like, it would be like being Jimmy Page with that two neck guitar. You can jam on either one. I guess.

Yeah. All right. Makes the three-way interesting. Yeah. A three-way is just with one other person. All right. Let's get to this day in history. November 27th, 2005, Aerosmith and 50 Cent headline a $10 million bat mitzvah. Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith and rapper 50 Cent took the stage at the New York City's famous Rainbow Room in the early morning hours of November 27th to headline a $10 million bar mitzvah for 13-year-old Elizabeth Brooks.

She sounds like probably a very well-adjusted down-to-earth person. What the hell? So I guess she didn't know it was a surprise that they were going to perform. When a soprano sax player who looked suspiciously like Kenny G turned out, in fact, to be Kenny G, a bizarrely star-studded event was only getting started. In the hours preceding the appearance of Aerosmith and 50 Cent, former A-listers Don Henley, Stevie Nicks, and Tom Petty all graced the stage at the Rainbow Room, entertaining guests who had been given gift bags

containing upwards of $1,000 in personal electronics, including digital cameras. And within days, the photos had appeared, or whatever. The father spent $10 million celebrating his daughter's coming of age. It was defense contractor David H. Brooks. Oh, yeah, he's a real piece of shit.

From Long Island. Two years after the lavish event, Brooks was served with a 71-page federal indictment featuring charges of insider trading, tax evasion, and raiding his company's coffers for personal gain, included for the $10 million he used to pay for his daughter's bat mitzvah. He died in prison in 2016. And he had a funeral that cost upwards of $27. Well, it was nice that Springsteen served his papers when he was arrested.

Yeah. I only went to one bat mitzvah in my life. It was Sue Gersoy, and it was in her basement. And I just remember Tommy Bucci bought a joint. I guess you're only about 13 when it's your bat mitzvah. Tommy Bucci bought a joint, and it became a big deal. People found out about it. The parents found out about it, and we smoked it, and then they busted us, and I remember we were so fucking paranoid, and we got thrown out of the bat mitzvah. I like how 50 Cent was the only one so embarrassed

he tried to prevent any of the photographs from being taken. Yeah. I love that. That's despicable. Yeah. Well, don't tell Kanye about this. Maybe, I don't know, it's an open market. The entertainers did it.

Sure. I mean, I think your values are very out of line if that's how much money you're spending on something like that. No, the crazy ones are like Beyonce will go to the Middle East and perform for some king for like $3 million, some fucking dictator who has slaves, and she'll go perform. I shouldn't say Beyonce. There are certain famous performers that go over and do that shit. Right. All right, let's get to letters to the editor.

Got a lot of mail from you guys this week. Thanks for reaching out. We love to hear from you. FitzDogRadio at gmail.com for all your notes. Joanne said, so glad you're coming to Philly. See you there. I miss hearing my name on the show. Still have

a crush on you too. Oh, Joanne. Joanne. It's been a while. Yeah. Miss her. I guess I'll see her in Philly. Who knows what that's... I don't know if I met her before. I think I met her in Philly once before Berman says

Your excellent Sunday podcast Is getting better every week You just saw Elton John Magnificent Still has the voice And is playing better than ever So thus it's time to get to the bottom Of Mike's taupin

Taupin hate I love Elton John. What is he talking about? Is that snizzle for real or is Mike deep trolling us baby boomers? The John Taupin connection is amazing. Maybe you get your cow's neighbor to grill him because I can't figure out if it's schtick or his actual point of view. Bonus points if you know the Sugar Bear story. What's the Sugar Bear story? Sugar Bear. I don't you know the sugar bear story what's the sugar bear story

sugar bear i don't know what the sugar bear story is that song is about cocaine use maybe you almost had you almost had your hooks in me did you dear you really had me roped and tied well no that was that was when elton john was with his girlfriend and he was going to marry her. Oh, you think that's what the story is? No, I don't think that's what Sugar Bear is. I don't know what Sugar Bear is. I'm pretty sure it's a drug song. Did Taupin write the Sugar Bear story?

Then I'm not interested. It's probably at a fourth grade level. This one comes from Joy. This is a long one, so I'm going to have to skim through it. Thanks so much for continuing Sunday Papers. You and Gibbons play off each other so well. Look at that. And are my favorite podcast.

And since you were talking about Bruce Springsteen a couple weeks ago in his Howard Stern interview, it reminded me. By the way, that's on HBO now. I don't know if it's on now. Because I have not heard it. It's going to be on HBO. It reminded me of a great story on what a stand-up guy he is and what an asshole motivational speaker Tony Robbins is. Uh-oh. A good friend of mine, Sheila, was a nurse practitioner. And one of her patients was dying of brain cancer. Uh-oh.

Okay. Needless to say, they hung up the phone and did not tell the patient what he said. The second choice was Bruce Springsteen. Bruce came up the back stairs of the hospital with no entourage, spent three hours with the patient, signed her three CDs. And so anyway, that's a very nice story. Those are great stories. Yeah. And then finally we got one from Margaret who says, Sorry to bother you again.

You probably thought of this yourself, but hearing you're addressing the gun issue as following on Louis C.K. advice to head, whatever. This is just not well written. I can't read this. Good day. Pieter. Pieter. Just listening to Sunday papers.

Love the part where Mike's stepbrother said his perfect job would be to cart red balls from one side of the field to the other, then be told to move them back. That was a torture technique used in the concentration camps the german guards would make the jewish inmates move rocks from one side of the yard to the other then back if those rocks were red jeff would have had a better time i didn't know they did that i thought they just built bmws Mercedes and Porsche engines and stuff like that. Crubs coffee machines. Yeah.

All right. Here's a brand new section of the paper called Help Wanted. Oh, sorry. All right. Hey, what is it now? It is. This suggestion came in from Adam Bean, who's a friend of the show. And he said, why not to help wanted?

All right, so here's one that he found in the paper. And if you find one in your local paper, send them in and we'll read jobs. Because you never know. People are looking for jobs. Here's the ad. Have you ever dreamed of working at a candy factory? Now's your chance, exclamation point. $16 an hour cash paid daily.

You always know that the working environment is safe when you get paid cash daily. Join our team and help us package candy orders for our customers. We're looking for a team player who's comfortable in a fast-paced environment and can jump from task to task easy. No experience necessary. Must be comfortable standing for your entire shift. Must be able to lift 25 to 50 pounds on a regular basis. Must wear a hairnet and gloves. Must be 18 and older.

Pros. Paid cash daily. Don't have to deal with customers. Small, friendly staff. Try new candy. Send resumes or letters of introduction to candyjobs562 at gmail.com. Wait a minute. Did I miss something?

Where is it? It doesn't say. He forgot to include that. Seems like you can't do it remotely from what I did gather. No, you got to be there. You got to smell the candy. You got to feel the candy. You got to lift 50-pound bags of the candy.

I would do that. I honestly think that if that was in L.A., I would do that for the holiday season just for the story. I worked in FAO Schwartz. Remember that for the holiday season, just for the story. I worked in FAO Schwartz. Remember that during the Christmas season one year? You did? Yeah. No shit.

Our friend from Boston University, Merrill, was like a manager at the store. And I worked, I remember I had a lot of fun doing it. Like the whole world was like coming there seemingly. Yeah. Christmas season. And at the time they had a department that sold, what were they called? The turtles, Donatello and Michelangelo. Yeah. What were they called? Mutant Ninja?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yeah, Mutant Ninja Turtles. They had a watch department. So of course I had a whole spiel and I'd call them Renaissance time pieces. Cause it was Donatello and Michelangelo. I sold the shit out of those things. Really? Yeah. I really, you're not going to believe this. This is a 100% true story. When those watches were introduced at FAO Schwartz, I was hired for the launch. And I went to, I swear to God, I went to FAO Schwartz

and they had like a one hour presentation and it was me, Max Weinberg from the E Street Band and what's her name? Paula Abdul. What? And we hung out for like two hours. It was an hour show and we were an hour backstage and all we had to do was like wear the watches

and like we got up and talked about them and they paid me like $10,000. It was like this crazy corporate gig that I got. And then afterwards, I got a call from my publicist saying that Paula Abdul had called up asking about me and if I was single. Come on now. And at the time, I had just met my current wife. Did I say current? Sounds like you're reconsidering.

I had just met my first wife. And so I had to say to the publicist, I'm not available. Oh, you took two steps back or whatever her lyrics are. Oh no. Yep. Yep. Yep. But this is back when Paula Abdul, like, she was out. She was out of the spotlight.

She was like, nobody was talking about Paula Abdul in like, this was like, I would guess this was like 1994. Does that sound right? Probably, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I was still living in New York. Those were the days. Early 90s for sure.

We're not going to do obituaries this week because nobody died that we really felt strongly about. So, but we're still going to do the funnies. We're still going to cheer up with the funnies anyway let's do it okay starting off with the lockhorns um we got uh leroy is asleep on the couch loretta's talking to her friend and she goes once a week i draw a chalk outline around them Once a week, I draw a chalk outline around them. And then we got Hager the Horrible.

And Hager is with Lucky at the bar. And there's two guys at the end of the bar that have beat. They have been beaten up and down. A lot of bandages and black eyes and bruises. And Hager goes, those guys made the wrong people angry. And then Lucky goes, they were the judges at the Miss Viking contest. Huh. So during the rape, they got beat up?

I don't follow the logic here exactly. Yeah. It seems like the women in the pageant would look like that in medieval times, wouldn't they? I think you're right. Or dead. Or just dead. Yeah.

Next one is Hager with his wife, Helga. She's writing in her journal. Hager's looking at the book and he goes, you're writing about me in your diary? And she goes, why do you say I'm writing about you? You can't read. And then Hager goes, I can see those snapped quills. This is very women empowering for both of them. Yep, yep. It's the new woke Hager.

Okay, we got a far side. I didn't put this one in, but somebody did. A reader sent this in. Thank you. From the far side. So you have a snake, an older big snake, talking to three little young snakes. And he goes, again, oh, all right. One warm summer evening many years ago, I was basking on a stretch of Interstate 95, not far from here.

Then you look at the big snake, and he has two tire prints that have squished his body thin as he's talking to the young snakes. So that's a pretty good one. But, I mean, there's much better than that well maybe you should find them I had one and you know what you did this week

Blondie is at the front door she gets a box and she goes Dagwit first of all let's break down the outfit a raspberry sweater that is just making love to her bosoms it's uplifting them to the sky and the skirt is short we can see the calves and they are stunning and she goes dagwood did you order a new pillow and he goes oh yes he goes i figured this nap

this will be perfect for my nap after our Thanksgiving feast when the tryptophan hits. And then he lays down on the couch with his fucking goofy head on the pillow. And he goes, I'd better test it. They say success happens when preparation meets opportunity. And she goes, and his head meets the couch. Hey, Dagwood, how about taking that pillow and tucking it under the pelvis of that hot fucking blonde that's standing around the house doing nothing on a holiday day when the kids are not around? The things I would do with that pillow and blondie, the pillow would be encrusted when I was done. The seams would be split.

There would be blood on it. A little far. What is this, Hager? A little too far with that. Yeah. God, what a waste. What a waste of a man. Good Thanksgiving message

to go out on. The only thing that saves me is that she doesn't seem to be aging. So I will find a way to get animated and get into this strip at some point. I don't care how long it takes.

Maybe in the metaverse. Maybe you'll really feel it. Yes. We want to thank you guys for listening. Don't forget to support our sponsor, which today are the fine folks over at Policy Genius. You go to policygenius.com and get yourself a little policy. Also, we'll see you guys next week after the holiday. We hope you have a nice Thanksgiving. Yep. Yeah.

Well, everyone had their Thanksgiving already. Oh, right. You had your Thanksgiving. Hope you had a nice one. Hope everyone's healthy. Hope you didn't get the grandparents sick. Hope you didn't give that whatever virus, RSV, to the kids. Yep. And World Cup, who knows? I guess America plays England Friday.

Oh, no. Really? Yeah. Oh, we're going to get killed. Well, I'm not watching with Dennis, and he also made that clear. He said we're not invited back. No, he doesn't want to watch any more World Cups with us.

I don't want to watch with him. Right. And I took his game to my house, so I don't even need to go over there for that. Alright. Thanks to Midcoast Media. Thank Chris Den denman who was not here this week he was glaring in his absence and i expect a lot of corrections because he was not here to fact check so um we will and we thank beth and key and john and we will see you guys next week take it

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