Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 142 12/4/22

Episode Date: December 4, 2022

NYC is now picking up crazy people off the streets, San Francisco has robocops, and a FLA Man hits his girlfriend with a sex toy. Also, Putin shit his pants.

Sunday, then comes Monday, after Sunday comes Sunday, Sunday podcast, and then Greg and Mikey comes. Alright, hold on, hold on, I gotta press, got it. Okay, you're gonna do your clapping. Three, two... That's weird, you don't hear it. Three, two, one... Read all about it oh hear ye hear ye x3 x3 read all about the news this week kanye kanye kanye kkk is that what it is yes uh yeah i mean uh yeah we'll get to it it's a story teasing it teasing it deep tease deep tease

uh i am coming to you from a hotel room a very cool hotel i'm staying in called a loft it kind of looks cool i have to say yeah it's groovy and it's got this big uh i closed the curtain because of the light it's got this huge huge window on a high floor looking over the city. Playing it. Actually, I'm in Fort Worth. I'm not in Dallas. I'm sure people in Dallas would be very upset about that. I mean, is that like Tampa St. Pete?

Yes. I mean, I've been there. It's like Minneapolis St. Paul. Well, is it really like that? Because Minneapolis-St. Paul, those are two pretty big. I wonder. It's probably exactly like that. No, Fort Worth is huge.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm shocked at how big it is. And it's a distinct other city or it's a different kind of section? Yeah, it's like a half hour away from Dallas. And it's got high rises and it's got like, is happening. It's very did not know any. Apparently it's like the conservative part of the city. And then Dallas is much more. Dallas is actually blue. I didn't realize that. So I used to be obsessed with watching Family Feud. I might have been stoned, but it was on my apartment on the Upper East Side in New York. And they would have like stunts, like celebrity Family Feud.

And one was Playmates. And it was like the Playmates of the 80s versus the Playmates of the 70s, the Playboy Playmates. And they bring them up. And I remember two questions. So one was related to what we're talking about. It goes, world city known for its art. Now this is the two go up there. No answers have been given yet. And world city known for its art, Dallas. First answer. But I remember another one on the same show because I'd be like, there is not a single show funnier than this on television. And then it was like a place known for its awful food. It's like the garbage. And they all had southern accents it was perfect was it family feud where they said um oh no no i'm thinking of the newlywed game when he goes what's the weirdest place

yeah you've had sex with your husband and she goes in the butt in the butt bob yeah uh no yeah that was that i don't know if that's folklore or if that was really no no that's real i've seen it uh and then sometimes there are the clues you know on wheel of fortune you're like wait a minute you know uh where it looks like it's something really dirty yeah but uh yeah so d and Fort Worth, good for you. Yeah. And here's the great part is, Oh, uh, Denman just wrote in Fort Worth has, is got a million people in it. Whoa. Yeah. It's huge. And, uh, and so I get to the club last night and, uh, sold out. So the show starts like a half hour late. And then the second show was, was almost sold out. So they starts like a half hour late and then the second show was was almost sold out so they just it took a long time seating people so the late show didn't start until after

11 o'clock at night so i didn't get on until after midnight now you gotta understand friday night late show as you know notoriously it's why steve martin left comedy that's the reason he gave okay it's just people have been up since seven o'clock in the morning to go to work notoriously. It's why Steve Martin left comedy. That's the reason he gave. Okay. It's just people have been up since seven o'clock in the morning to go to work and then they start drinking after work. They're fucking exhausted. And so during my late show,

I had a woman in the front row who was goth. She had on flip flops with her fat fucking feet on the stage, sitting in the front row, on her phone the whole time when she wasn't talking directly to me or talking loudly to her boyfriend she was warned by the staff three times before i even got on stage and then she kept talking during my set

and i fucking snapped there was nothing funny about what i did i lit i ripped into her i called her a piece of shit i called her a skank i told her to get the fuck out and uh i drove her out and then she finally she just she just stood up and she uh and she stormed out did people applaud yeah oh good no but this was this was after another woman in the back stood up to announce that she just got engaged and started making a speech about it. Stood on her table and made a speech about how she just got engaged. And then there were, I mean, it was nonstop. It was the worst Friday night late show.

I was supposed to do 45. I did 42, which isn't like me. I never go short, but I did 42 minutes and I didn't sell my merch after the show and i got the fuck out of there wow it was brutal fort worthless there you go the good news is ari shafir is playing there's two clubs and well there's a bunch of clubs in dallas ari is in the uh another one across town his shows are all sold out so he went on instagram yesterday and he he posted a video saying that everybody should go see me because he's sold out which was very cool to him oh that's great and then we're gonna uh we're both staying an extra night and we're gonna go

to the dallas uh dallas cowboys game tomorrow uh sunday night very cool yeah i mean they're they're in the running right i i believe yeah they're good uh it's it's I mean, they're in the running, right? I believe. Yeah, they're good. It's a shit game. They're playing the Colts, so it'll be a slaughter, but we'll have fun. I don't know if we're taking mushrooms or what's happening, but Michigan is playing in a

few hours. You know, my Sophie's there, so that's a big game, but they've lost their star running back. Now, last night, you know, all of a sudden, I'm following college football because of all the nieces and the daughters. But Laura, my sister, my sister's family, and including Kate, who goes to USC, and my sister works there, they all drove out to Vegas for a big game against Utah and got their asses handed to them. Oh, that's brutal. Yeah, really brutal. It was very depressing.

And their star quarterback, who is arguably the best quarterback in the league, got injured. Oh. What's that? So did you go with them? No, no, no, no. what's that so did you go with them no no no no i went to veto and met our friend there and i mean you don't drink anymore but the martinis it's almost like the palm martinis where it's like this is like a quarter of a bottle of vodka yeah yeah this doesn't fuck around they've

they've got shrimp that are the size of your fist they everything's big so they took their tv out though so we were watching it on on his phone which is you feel like a weirdo loser kind of like that woman in the front row of your show yeah um but they're like no no that's fine I mean I think they're gonna replace their tv I don't know but it was a great game who'd you go with it was Rabi oh yeah yeah I met him there you were there just recently with him yeah we had we had a good dinner yeah

it's it's not cheap but it's so fucking good that pasta they make with the pink sauce oh no that's the house the house the house pasta was amazing no but you get that discount, and then everything, all the prices make sense. Also, Rubino's everybody there.

He'll stop there. I shouldn't say all this, but he'll stop there on the way home. So he's on a first-name basis with everybody there. Yeah, it's great. There's an anime convention going on a block from here, so there's all these people that are dressed up, you know, body paint and latex, you know, like tight clothes.

And so I get on the elevator and there's a woman and she's got her two daughters that are clearly, they've got bouffant hairdos and makeup, even though they're like nine years old. And, uh, and then,

and then the, a woman gets on the elevator who's dressed up as, uh, a star Wars figurine. Yeah. Figurine. And she's, and she's with somebody else.

So we get on and the star Wars girls get off on the third floor. And then the doors close and the mother of the two girls goes what a freak show and i'm like look at your fucking daughters look at the eating disorder that you're starting right here uh anime convention sounds like yeah are there a lot of exposed toe shoes you can walk over there and kill a whole afternoon yep a lot of open-toed shoes a lot of exposed toe shoes? You can walk over there and kill a whole afternoon. Yep. A lot of open-toed shoes, a lot of cleavage. It's sexy. But they're a little young, a little young.

They're on the edge of what you can look at. Did you ever – no, I think we talked about this, but for some reason one time whenever I called up some porn site and the porn site, the page I got on was like listing their top uh categories or whatever it was anyway i swear to god i think anime was the number one category no shit no it was like on porn hub it was a major one you know whatever i don't know that many porn sites believe it or not and uh listen to you no no i mean the caveman lawyer. I'm a caveman. I don't really know the law. I am not in any way saying I don't freak with them quite often,

but I'm saying there's go-tos. It was one of the go-tos. Yeah. And it was enormously popular. I don't know if it was number one, but it was shocking. My friend Josh, who you know, sent me a link to porn one time he was like hey man you gotta check this out and i was just like so creeped out like how weird is it to share yeah porn scene like like we're gonna see each other next time and be like hey man did you jerk

off to that that that thing that i jerked off to we both both jerked off. It's like, ugh. I wonder if we watched it at the same time, pal. So anyway, I click on the link. Why don't we just watch it together on one computer and save energy? So what's going on with your hip? How is it? Oh, it's great. It's great. I go see the guy like Wednesday or something

or Tuesday and, uh, you know, the followup, the surgeon he's so, you know, they are like God-like complexes, you know, they have. So he's just like, whatever you want to do, do it. And, you know, meanwhile, all physical therapy and stuff's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Timeout, timeout. Do not know. You cannot do like, I guess it takes, I don't know what it is, but let's say it's three months, uh, for the bone to completely like just adhere to the titanium rod that's in it. Like, you know, like where it becomes one, of course, it's a fix now. And I'm, I literally was even like trotting around and, but I'm walking everywhere. Everything's great. And now I just have to keep my promise to myself and like stretch and, and do all these things that I couldn't do that I swore I would do once I got better.

Like yoga, really yoga is the answer. Like why won't I do yoga the rest of my life? If you were to tell every guy that if you do yoga every day, eventually you could suck your own dick, it would take off. That would be the greatest marketing tool for the sport of yoga. Or you can meet someone in the yoga class that might do it for you. Dude, if I was single, I would be all about going to yoga classes. that are like in shape, care about themselves, got that, that little bit of quasi spirituality where it's not religion, but they, but there's something that maybe is a little bit deep. I mean, I think you're, you're, you're, you're excluding a giant part of that class that's trying to manifest everything and has crystals. Yeah. Right. So there's that, there's that group too. Yeah. You're Frank earner and

you're like, what is this? I think I just told this story, but I mean, uh, but, uh, a friend of ours who go unnamed was dating someone and, uh, and it wasn't going like that great. And he kind of like brought that up. There was just a little lack of chemistry, not only physically, but also, and she goes, Oh, you're talking about the bedroom. And he's like, no, no, I know. I knew that. So I got a different crystal for under the bed. And he's like, what? And he didn't know, but the whole time there had already been a crystal like pyramid under the bed for their sexual energy. Yeah. I love it. It didn't help. How's your handicap plate treat?

Dude, it's called a placard and I hang it from my rear view mirror. It's the greatest thing ever. Because not only do you not have to put money in meters and you can park, but Amy, I went to, we'll talk about it later, but I went to Gubbin's birthday party

and there was no parking anywhere, but there's a residential street and it's all permit parking. Doesn't matter what the handicap placard or disabled placard, whatever. I should know what they're calling it since I am one, I guess. But, um, you just park doesn't matter. Zoning doesn't matter for you. Permit parking doesn't matter for you. I told you last time, you know, five years ago, um, I had it and we went to a Dodger game and we saw, I mean, they were right against the stadium, the disabled spots. And I took my mom, stepfather, and Laura, my sister, and we went, we parked, we got out. The spot next to us was Don Mattingly's, who was the manager of the Dodgers at the time.

Yeah. Now, will you also compete in the Special Olympics this year? I might. Who knows? Why not? Go all the way with it. Good luck finding it. You should see my x-ray.

I'm like Pistorius. I should kill, I should, I think I have a carte blanche to kill my girlfriend. I have these, it's unbelievable. They're on both sides now. By the way, good luck finding a handic blanche to kill my girlfriend. I have these meta, it's unbelievable. They're on both sides now. By the way, good luck finding a handicapped spot at the Special Olympics. Those babies go fast. Oh no, I am enraged.

When in parking lots, they're all full. I'm like, this is fucking bullshit. Cause, and meanwhile, I'm fairly legitimate at this point, but this, here's the thing. Cut to, it's only good till April, right? So what you do is I went to like AAA or DMV, but I went to AAA. They have them. They see your, it's basically a prescription from a doctor, right? So they see that it's valid and all that stuff. The doctor has to sign it and detail what's going on. Then they take a hole puncher, a standard hole puncher,

What's going on? Then they take a hole puncher, a standard hole puncher, which is key. And they then click out April and then they click out 2023. Well, I'm getting a hole puncher and I'm punching out 2024, saving that little punch out and gently gluing it over the 2023. I'm good till April 2024. Like moving a cup on a putting green. Exactly right. I love it.

Use the filler. I love it. Once again Mike Gibbons cutting ahead of the needy for his own personal gain. I'm using it at concerts sporting events. The airport front row baby. Front row. Great song this week from Jim Tripp.

Thank you, Jim. It is trippy. Jim Tripp is trippy. I love that song. By the way, we need more songs and we need more logos. If you can send them in to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. Love your work. The Sunday Papers logo this week.

I always shout out the name, but i can't remember who did this one i'll have to look it up and announce it next week um a couple corrections one very anally retentive person sent in a screenshot this one's on denman i guess because on the screenshot uh this is the blurb of our episode on Apple Podcasts. And in the description, it says, Steve Jobs' sandals sold for $218,000. Dylan's new book sold for $600 until they found it. The autograph was fake.

So it says it instead of out, and somebody circled that in red and sent it in. So Denman're you're being called on the carpet ah then this one comes from eric well don't you send it to don't you send that to him i should but i figured i thought you did i'd rather do it on it oh yes but then he's supposed to spell check it oh i write it and then there it, and then there's a process, Mike. There's a process. Oh, okay.

A chain of command. I got it. Well, Sunday Papers is spelled correctly somehow. Eric in Bethesda, spelled Bethesda, says Mike says he doesn't want us to see Bernanke at the big board. Bernanke? Bernanke? I see Bernanke at the big board. Bernanke? Bernanke? I said Bernanke. Bernanke at the big board regarding election results.

Ben Bernanke is the former Federal Reserve chair. Steve Kornacki is the MSNBC analyst who has a board to explain election results. Right. Steve Kornacki. Right. I'd like to see Ben Bernanke at the big board telling us that the big recession still ahead of us, still coming. I don't know. Jobs report was very good. We added like 500,000, 250,000 new jobs last month. We're kicking the can down the road. Are you kidding me? No way. I sold all my stocks. I sold everything. I'm in a holding pattern. Of course. I think that's the right move and I'm probably wrong.

That means everyone should buy. Speaking of making money, I will be in Atlanta at the punchline, January 19th through 21, Portland helium, January 26th through the 28th, Philadelphia helium comedy club, March 9th through the 11th.

And I got a bunch of dates. I'm going to be posting next week. Let's talk about ExpressVPN. Oh, my God. You need it. If you use the internet and you're not using ExpressVPN, it's like checking in your baggage at the airport without a lock. You think your stuff is kept private, baggage at the airport without a lock. You think your stuff is kept private, but you never know who's going through your cock rings or your butt plugs, or I don't know what you put in your

luggage. Yeah. To Fort Worth. When you go online with a VPN, internet service providers can see every single website you visit. They can legally, this is legally, they get away with this, sell this information without you consenting to ad companies and tech giants. And then they target you with this data. You can browse anonymously when you use ExpressVPN. ISPs cannot see your online activity. I don't know. Maybe you're looking at some weird shit like, you know, anime porn.

Your identity is anonymized by a secure VPN server. The data is encrypted for maximum protection. Fire up the app. Click one button. It's so easy to use. Phones, laptops, even routers. So everyone who shares your Wi-Fi can be protected. I love it.

I also love it when they, you know, I always want to mention this. When you use this, you can go on Netflix and other streaming servers in other countries and unlock a bunch of programs and movies that you can't see in this country. Oh, it's great. It's just like an added little bonus to what's already a great service. So secure your online activity by visiting expressvpn.com slash papers today.

That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash papers. And you can get an extra three months free. Expressvpn.com slash papers. Okay. I don't have a paper. Do you have a paper? I don't have a paper either, Quaidling. Oh, I do.

Here we go. Extra! Extra! We all have bought it! Extra! Front page! Sheetal Dio. Sheetal Dio was she tell dio was shocked she didn't she was shocked when she got a letter from her queen's apartment buildings co-op board calling her diwali diwali decoration offensive

and demanding she take it down my decoration said happy diwali and had a swastika on it said dio a physician who was celebrating the Hindu Festival of Lights. The equilateral cross with its legs bent at right angles, sound familiar, is a millennia old sacred Hindu symbol. Buddhism and Jainism, and it represents peace and good fortune. Indigenous people worldwide use it similarly. and good fortune. Indigenous people worldwide use it similarly. Dio believes she and the people of other faith should not have to sacrifice or apologize

for a sacred symbol simply because it is often conflated with the tainted version of the swastika. Tainted. I got to say, she's really putting a target on her head with this. I mean, besides the red dot that's already there. Besides that one?

All right And I heard that some local Jewish teens Tipped her elephant And they pranked her at the call center When she was working that day Meanwhile her husband tried to defend her But that didn't go so hot Because he had a Charlie Chaplin mustache

No, he didn't Yeah, which didn't look great next to the swastika. What do you mean? It's Chaplin, not the beloved Fuhrer. What's with you people? Now, if you excuse us, we want to get back to our festival of lights where we light torches and wear white robes and pillowcases on our heads. Join us in the lobby.

It'll be very festive. Very. cases on our heads join us in the lobby it'll be very festive very you know and then yeah it is weird that chaplin did the hitler mustache now wait chaplin was around starting in the 30s though was it he or was it he was before i mean you know he obviously was around at the same time but he had his mustache i think before hitler made it kind of like the swastika before hitler uh the word they used tainted it uh like the swastika it's it's a matter of time until they go back and uh the the the woke police start airbrushing chaplain's mustache off no i know uh but i like referring to it as a chaplain mustache, especially when I wear it.

Yeah. And he did. He played Hitler at one point in one of his movies, didn't he? Well, the great dictator. Yeah. Yeah, he did. And, you know, I think that's the movie that has an amazing speech on freedom. And he was not trying to be funny at all. And it's like a beautiful speech actually. Uh, that's worth looking up. Um, is it a silent movie?

Um, interesting. Did he ever talk to chaplain talk in any of his movies? I think he did. I know he's got, I'm so ignorant. I used to know all this stuff. I remember audio on that one.

I think he did. No, I think in that one he did. Yeah. God, I saw something this week. It might've even been on Instagram, but now Instagram has longer clips and it was on Buster Keaton and it was a compilation and it was a guy talking to about how he really only, he did his stunts and they had to be real. And it was and also how he set up comedy. So I was very interested in it, you know, and how he blocked it and stuff. But his stunts and I'm just stating the obvious. But if you have not checked out a like greatest hits of Buster Keaton stunts, it's crazy.

It's unbelievable. Yeah. I mean, really the greatest of all time. He was incredible. I mean, the train falling into a river, a real locomotive like that was super crazy. But there's one where a woman is coming over a waterfall. He swings out on a rope and grabs her and brings her back to the side i i couldn't like you could see it coming and i'm like there's no way he pulls this off yeah and then never mind everything's been you know copied a million times but like you know the house falling and he's standing in the window and the facade of the house or the door anyway it's it's worth checking out for sure speaking of worth checking out kim kardashian has settled with

kanye west after nearly two years uh from filing for divorce and uh kardashian uh they're expected to share joint custody with equal access to their kids north saint chicago North, Saint, Chicago, and Palm. Are these album titles or children's names? But sources told TMZ that Kardashian is expected to look after the four children the vast majority of the time. Yeah, I think that sounds about right. I hope so. West is also required to pay his ex-wife $200,000 a month in child support,

as well as any educational and security expenses that children might accrue in the future. So $200,000 doesn't cover the security guard and school? It doesn't cover education? Education's going to double that. Oh, not a month. It won't double it a month. Sorry. No, a month. It'll be $200,000 for the year, at least. No. Oh, for that many kids. Yeah, yeah. For that many kids, it will.

Four kids, $50,000, a pop in private school. Yeah. By the way, did the judge look at their net worths? I mean, Kanye's attorney should have just said, Your Honor, my client said he hates Jews. We're expecting a slight downturn in his earnings this quarter. Luckily, he'll be able to pair with the residuals from his hit song, Gold Digger. Those will come in handy now. Those will come in handy. Yeah.

Yeah. I know. I think he's going to have to do an extended remix on that song now he has to update that song i believe yeah uh yeah what also is he doesn't she have more money than him hold on now i mean i guess that's uh, two and a half million a year. So maybe that's not a big deal. Yeah. That's right.

But still, I mean, and she's getting all the houses. There's like three houses and I think she's getting them all. He's keeping the Eagle's nest outside of Berlin. I think he's going to gonna or whatever that yeah whatever whatever hitler's uh retreat was called yeah kim is worth 1.8 billion dollars kanye is worth 400 million dollars so why is he paying child support i don't get this at all

not to mention her earnings are going up his are going down i mean he is he is spy well we'll talk about him in a minute yeah uh let's talk about new york new york city mayor eric adams directed city officials tuesday to begin hospitalizing more mentally ill people from the city streets the move will include hospitalizing people from the subways and streets, even if they aren't posing a risk to others with the hope of finding hospitalized patients ongoing care before discharging them. Well, Mike, tell your stepbrother Jeff to stay off the subway. This could be it. He's got to stay out in Montauk. Do not go to the city, Jeff. Do not go to the city.

I mean, how do they know who's mentally ill in New York City? Like, who's making that call? All right, here's a guy urinating on a bush and accusing it of laughing at his penis. Yeah. But over there is a guy paying five grand a month for a studio apartment that overlooks a sewage treatment plant. So who's the crazy one? And people in Times Square are posing with a naked cowboy who walks around with just a guitar.

Right. He is a tourist attraction. Yep. And a former mayor is walking around with hair dye dripping from his crazy face, just spewing unbelievable things. Like, you're not going to drag him away? Right.

And Pete Davidson is walking around. Yeah, exactly. Hopefully this includes Staten Island. There's a lot of nudity in Times Square. Now they got these women now that, uh, their body painted.

Oh, wow. They're fucking completely naked and they're just like smoking hot and they're walking around outside the Disney store in Times Square. It's crazy. Right outside the M&M store. Perfect location. Here's an update that Denman just posted.

All right. In addition, Yee is expected to pay $200,000 a month in child support, which the New York Post reported is because the children will spend the majority of their time with Kardashian. Okay. Well, not really an update as much as restating what we just said. Yeah. I was looking for the new news, but I guess it's the custody percentage.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. But even then, even then, if she has more money, I think there's a thing that I happen to know this in California called a diso master, which is basically a formula and they put in all your income and tax breaks and, you know, head of household and deductions. And then it spits out, oh, and percentage of time you have with the children. And it spits out who owes who money. And I don't know if that judge was Jewish alright the BBC I saw this headline we were talking about this kind of a few weeks ago

but here was the headline San Francisco to allow police killer robots so how did an editor not catch this because this could be read that these robots are going to be killing police. And I don't know why liberal San Francisco is all up in arms against that.

But anyway, San Francisco's ruling board of supervisors has voted to let the city's police use robots that can kill. The measure permits police to deploy robots equipped with explosives in extreme circumstances. Employee robots equipped with explosives in extreme circumstances. And we talked about this either last week or two weeks ago because we were talking about the driverless cabs. And of course, this was next. I think we even joked that the robots should be driving the cabs. And that is one cab you will not ditch on. That is for sure. Big tips.

Big tips for the killer driver right well silver lives matter about that yeah no tips for the driverless i didn't even think about that what a perk silver lives matter after after it kill the beautiful thing about the uh robot is after it kills the guy it it puts the body in a bag and it cleans up the crime scene it wipes everybody's phone clean who videotaped the fucking gruesome murder that just happened listen they you know it's back to the mechanical hound you know in fahrenheit 451 but why would i think there'd be a lot less operator error you You know what I mean? Like, let's say the robot is overrided, right? That someone can control it, especially when it comes to deploying force, right? Like,

you're not there now. You're not a, and again, just, this is the example I'm picking. I'm not, I'm not like pro, pro, pro, blindly pro police guy like Giuliani wasiani was. But you're not a terrified cop that is going to be trigger happy or just so on edge, you're certain you're not going home to see your kids that night, that you're not taking any chances and now you're going to kill a guy

who has a hairbrush in his hand. You know what I mean? There's no rush. The robot can walk right up to the guy and gas him and put him to sleep. Yeah, but how do you feel if you live in a crime-ridden area and you've suddenly got non-human robots among you? Because that's what it's going to lead to. They're going to be policing the streets.

Of course. And the cops have no skin in the game they they they you know there's no face-to-face contact there's just this force that's you know possibly killing you they won't kill you they'll perfect that they're gonna drop a robot in every square half mile like in say los angeles everyone's going to know their robots number and, uh, there's going to be no fucking crime. Wow. You love it. No, no. I'm saying that's, what's going to go on. I, I have not weighed, I'm not weighing in yet. It's too much. It's too big an issue. But it's weird though, is that like, you can't like, I've gotten tickets.

You ever get a ticket mailed to you with a picture of you running a light oh no i just got one this week it's trying to get 450 dollars out i mean the advice everywhere you don't do a goddamn thing you don't even google it ignore it right yeah so and the reason why you can ignore it is that you were not handed something from a human being. So there's a deniability. And so why would there not be deniability with a robot killing you? I mean, you keep jumping to killing what, what about it cornering someone or what about it finds them by the way,

car chase. You don't even need a car. This robot will run down the car. Yeah. It'll chase it. I want to see a car chase with a robot running after a Celica. I'm dying for that. We have truly caught up with science fiction.

I know. But also, let's say there's a hostage scene. Well, it's like, don't come in here. And the robot's like, don't worry, I'm coming in. Yeah. Like, easy, stop yelling at me. I'm entering the building now. And it just saws through the door, walks up the steps.

And it's like, don't worry, I am not allowed to. I will not. I give you my word, my robot word. I am not going to kill anybody here. I have a camera and we just need to see what's going on here. And it walks in the room and they can shoot it if they want. and we just need to see what's going on here. And it walks in the room and they can shoot it if they want.

And then at one point it's like, okay, I'm putting all of you to sleep in three seconds if you don't drop your guns. Like that's all it would be. And all of a sudden gas comes out of it. Why not? I think you've got a novel. I think you've got to write the novel. Oh, my God. I do want to go back and see RoboCop and what issues they tackled in that.

That was pretty advanced for its time. I mean, not only conceptually, but the robot was really cool, I remember. Right. All right. What do we got? What do we got? We got good news for Gubbins. Yeah, we do.

There it is. So tell me about it. I was out of town, but he had his, him and Mikey Fitzgibbon had their birthday party, which does it feel like they have one every six months? Well, Dennis has already screamed at you over text about uh there was a covid but wasn't that two years ago i don't uh there was makeup there was a makeup party i think and i think there was a party six months ago anyone over the age of 21 that that forces their friends to

celebrate a birthday i mean fucking grow up nobody cares you're 50 year 51 years old nobody cares two jesus christ and we celebrated their 51 and a half birthday yeah so how about this if you're if you're over uh six or eight and you're still celebrating half birthdays, that's the real problem. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. You know, and then you show up and it's like, you don't know who's going to be there. And, you know, I don't need to go into an awkward party situation at this point in my life. I only want to be around people I know at this point. Oh God, here he goes. I don't want to meet new people. Yeah. And if they're on the phone,

you get them kicked out of the front row. It was a good party. It was a good party. And there were a lot of really funny people there. Where was it? All right. So it was on Pico and Euclid and I used to live on 14th, which is the next street up from Euclid. And so I knew this bar and it used to be called, you might remember it, driving a Pico when you like kind of come up the hill past, you know, you're past Lincoln, you come and when you level off, it's on the right. And it was called the speakeasy. Oh yeah. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. And it was round. It almost looked like a ship there. And, uh, and then there was a tire shop and a gas station. And then Santa Monica College was

right there. Anyway, it was a legit old man dive, like not a kitschy dive. It was like a relic, an old dive. Well, now these hipsters have bought it and there's a $20 hamburger on the menu. And I went in, the waitress I thought was maybe overwhelmed running around outside and then it started raining of all things but a good sign for Govan's birthday and Mikey's but I went inside at one point thinking I'd get a drink faster it was such a wait and it was one of these places where the handlebar mustached bartender was just peeling orange rinds yeah for the drinks he was making. And I'm like, all right, this arts and crafts thing is a fucking joke.

So I went outside and just ordered a beer. If you're going to charge me 20 bucks for a hamburger, I want it fucking now. I want you taking the order immediately, rushing it, and fucking running to bring it to me. I shouldn't wait to get ripped off. Feed me. Yeah. Did you bring a present?

I did not actually. But I bought a drink. That's the other thing. Why not choose an incredibly expensive place with $19 drinks? Because the idea is they're going to be bought drinks all night. Right. Nice. Way to go, Gubbins. I had an appetizer. What did I? Okay, here it goes. You ready? This is Los Angeles for you. I had an appetizer and fries. So I got two small things.

And then I got three beers, pints of lager. Simple. Local, like lager. And draft. And then I got, Mikey ordered like maybe a paloma and it was 98 bucks you know who i feel bad i'm not making any of this up i feel bad for our kids like tip was included so i didn't even have a choice 98 was the bill like owen is starting to hang out at bars on the west side and i just feel

so bad for him he's got to go to places where you know it's 14 for a draft beer he you know he should when we were when we were young we fucking we'd find places that had dollar drafts oh when we were at bu it 99 cent 20 ounce nicka knickerbocker beers. At Father's 2. At Father's 2. Right. Yeah. 99 cents for a giant bottle of beer.

Yeah. It was fantastic. I think there were 20 ounces. I know. And nobody pressed charges back then. Those were the days. But I also thought the pandemic would kill that because after the pandemic pandemic, I'm like the first time I went out to, especially like a Santa Monica bar,

I'm like, you are not charging $16 for this fucking vodka soda. I'm like, do you know what $16 bought me during the pandemic? A bot, a giant bottle of sky vodka is like 16 bucks at Costco. Yeah. And it lasted bucks at Costco. Yeah. And it lasted me all night.

Right. All right, here we go. All night. All right. Kanye, we've talked about him. We're going to keep talking about him. In an hour-long interview with conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, the rapper Yee praised Hitler, made anti-Semitic jokes,

and talked about his recent meeting with former President Donald Trump. Quote, the Jewish media has made us feel like the Nazis and Hitler have never offered anything of value to the world. I think they did that on their own a little bit, no? I see good things about Hitler also. I did a Google search because I was just curious. Do you see dead people? Because there's a lot to see.

I was curious what the good things were. And so I made the mistake of Googling it. And man, let's just say with Hitler, still got a lot of fans. I'm glad more than ever that you have a VPN to Google such things. I know. I know. That's a great example, by the way. Yep. Yep.

Kanye, I don't know if you saw that. He also said on the interview, he's going to spend Diwali at Sheetal Diao's place in Queens at her apartment because he loves her decorations so much. Yes. I mean, Hitler, Hitler, he made great art.

He made great art. All right. So this tweet got a lot of talk, you know, a lot of chatter this week. So the house judiciary, the GOP, the official Judiciary GOP account on Twitter on October 6th just made a tweet that said, Kanye, Elon, Trump. And it stayed up there

through the last two months and was finally taken down. And BuzzFeed had a great headline, which was, Republicans finally deleted that tweet about Yee, Musk, and Trump, and all it took was praising Hitler. Oh, my God. So that wasn't a hijacked account? That was an actual? No, actual account, and it got a lot it was october 6th wow yeah it was back before the check marks and here's the blue check mark it was before you could buy them and all that

stuff um no and they even think jim jeffries uh is that not jim jeffries uh what's his name uh from ohio i have the comedian's name in mind. Who is it, Chris? Your favorite your favorite congressman? Oh, I know you're talking about. God damn it. I'm glad I'm not remembering his name, but they actually think he because he is in charge of that committee that he might have actually tweeted it. Jim Jordan. There it is. God damn it. The wrestling fucking asshole. Denman also is correcting us. He said it's pronounced yay, not ye.

Oh, yay. Yay. I'm hoping that we really don't. Yay, Hitler. Yay. Should be con boo. Wasn't it ye at one point? Yeezys, right? I thought it was yeezy. Yeah, wasn't it Yee at one point? Yeezys, right?

I thought it was Yeezy. Yeah, wasn't it? I mean, I... Well, no, it is Yeezy. It's not Yeezy, but still, I don't know if it was ever Yee anyway. Yeah.

All right. We also had a story about... There's a new movie out called... Oh, everyone's talking about it. Based on true events. Shark Tornado. Yeah. 1985 incident that that featured a bear who was found dead in Kentucky after eating roughly 15 million dollars worth of coke from a duffel bag dropped from a drug smugglers airplane.

That smuggler was part of one of the elite Kentucky horse breeding families and fell to his death when he bailed out of the plane. How do you not option this for a film? Cocaine Bear was originally earmarked as a comedy, but is now being unleashed as a thriller with the ensemble comprising of Kerry Russell from the Americans, who I fucking love, Margo Martindale and the late Ray Liotta, who, by the way, also did about $15 million worth of cocaine, but it did not kill him because he's not a pussy bear. Yep. Imagine that bear. Normally when you see a bear, they tell you you're supposed to just lay down and play dead,

but I think with this bear, you offer him some Xanax and tell him you can get him into a rave and maybe sell him some Bitcoinanax and tell him you can get him into a rave and maybe sell him some Bitcoin. That'd go very well. I'm surprised this is in Kentucky because cocaine bears are indigenous to Fire Island. Hey now! Yeah.

Also, it's one thing to be attacked by a bear, but it's worse when he won't stop talking and pushes you to start a business with him. It's like, is this bear showing his teeth as a when he won't stop talking and pushes you to start a business with him? It's like, is this bear showing his teeth as a threatening gesture or does he just have crazy coke mouth? Yeah, was he doing freezes? Was he doing some gum freezes?

Yeah, totally. Oh, my God. This seems we should come up with our own movie. It seems like there's shark tornado, cocaine bear. It should be like mushroom rats or something like that. We had a story. Maybe it's still down here. There were rats that ate a bunch of pot.

There's the next movie. There's the next movie. Stoned rats in New York. Right. They already axed stoned. They'll eat anything. They're paranoid as shit. Chris, you should copyright that.

Meth Gator. Meth Gator's good. Oh, Meth Gator's great. Speaking of Gators, let's make Florida. Let's make America Florida. Florida. All right. I found these two, and I love these stories. A Florida woman is suing Velveeta for $5 million,

claiming that her instant macaroni did not cook fast enough. The woman said in the suit, quote, The statement of ready in three and a half minutes is false and misleading because the product takes longer than three and a half minutes to prepare for consumption. To provide consumers with a product that is actually ready in three and a half minutes, the product would need to be cooked in the microwave for less than three and a half minutes so that all the preparation steps could be completed in the three and a half minutes time frame. I mean, I believe she's talking about an extra 30 seconds or maybe a minute. So if I'm the judge, this woman has to convince me that 30 seconds of her time is worth even a single cent. And I have news for her. If you have time to sue Velveeta over cooking time of macaroni, you lose on every level, every level you've lost. Yeah. Eight, seven o'clock to seven

30 Fox news, seven 30 to eight o'clock Fox news, eight o'clock to eight 30 Fox news. You had a minute. You had a minute. By the way, shouldn't she be suing that it's not instant? I mean, that's that's what it claims. It says it's instant. She should be able to snap her fat little fingers together and it should just be ready. Oh, instant rice. Watch out. Someone's coming for you. It's that the way people instantly dislike her her. And how instantly she will blow the settlement money on scratch tickets and plastic surgery. Or the candy

the now and laters. It's not now. I have to open two wrappers to get to one of those bastards. This should just be called laters. And I always eat them all at once. And there's none left for later. So that's false advertising. Yeah.

What a lunatic. All right, here's the other one. Florida man accused of hitting girlfriend with sex toy during drunken Thanksgiving Day argument. It happened on the day all families get together. According to a copy of the affidavit at approximately 4.40 a.m., not a good time ever, on Thursday, November 24th, deputies responded to the Sun Island Motel. What started as a verbal altercation between this guy Pacito and his girlfriend allegedly escalated into physical violence as he was packing his personal belongings into his luggage. All right.

By the way, can I just say for a second, can we just install some streaming cameras at the Sun Island Motel so I can watch what happens there at 4.40 a.m. every fucking day? Soon it's just going to be the Sun Island Motel man, not Florida man. It's just going to be... All right. So here just going to be. All right. So here is here's what went down. And I I don't know. I do not think this is an open and shut case.

Quote, the defendant got into a verbal argument with his girlfriend of seven months while the defendant was packing his suitcase to leave the room. He began throwing the victim's items out of the suitcase. to leave the room, he began throwing the victim's items out of the suitcase. During that process, the victim advised that the defendant hit her with a sex toy on her torso, leaving a bruise. After deputies on the scene read Pacito his Miranda rights, he allegedly admitted that he did throw several items, but explained that he, quote, does not recall exactly what items he launched per the document. The affidavit additionally states that Posito's behavior indicated that he was under the influence of alcohol at the time of his arrest. Of course he was drunk.

Otherwise, he would have hit her with his hard cock, not a fake one. That's why you use those. He wasn't bruising her with his real cock he couldn't even make an imprint with the real cock yeah and by the way why do they call them sex toys doesn't that seem a little like uh pedo you know yeah yeah honey put on your sexy onesie i'll get the i'll get the wine that we put in a baby bottle and we'll have sex with these toys and we'll fuck to marry had a little lamb if they're starting to outlaw the word girl you know that's the there's a lot of strong opinions about that that oh really yeah like girl on girl like that you just a lot of people are i think

it's incredibly wrong to use the word girl to describe grown women who are engaged in sexual activity like a girly show is not gonna be I don't know how long it'll last but anyway there's a war being waged on that so toys is right in line with that I also avoid when I am occasionally looking at pornography I never click on anything that says teen. They advertise a lot of clips as teen. You do not want that on your server. I don't even see those anymore.

Everything is stepsister. Everything. Yeah, right. This incest thing is who made the call on that? It's lunacy. You have a stepsister? They're just rebranding clips. It's nuts.

Also, on this whole thing, I'm calling bullshit. Listen, this guy wanted out of there. There's a lot of pressure on Thanksgiving Day. Lots of shopping and cooking. Last minute ingredients you can't find. I lost my mind trying to find porcini mushrooms. So he just started throwing her shit out of the bag. And is it his fault that she has never dodged a dick coming her way?

She finds it impossible. That's a long way to go for a fucking, it's a great joke, but you took a couple of hard laughs. It's about Thanksgiving, Greg. No, it's not. It's about her being a whore. Oh, my God. Can't the cops be like,

all right, listen, if he really was throwing at you, he probably would have tried to launch it like a hatchet right in your mouth to shut you up. We don't know what happened in the room, but it seems like she got in the way of stuff he was throwing out of the bag.

I don't know. Yeah. All right. Well, let's do some sports. You got it. All right. All right. Those motherfucking Buccaneers, man. I'm down $200.

Last week, they gave Cleveland three and a half points, went to overtime, and they lost by six. Motherfucker. Oof. I don't even know who they're playing this week. Let me see who they're playing this week. Yeah, let's get it. Well, here, Chris can put it up.

We got to get a line in there. Find out what the point spread is on the Buccaneers game this week. And I'm going to, I think it's like an 11-point. Dallas is playing, and they're giving the Colts 11 points. So it should be a shitty game. But I told Ari that he had to buy the tickets for this game, and he bought really good tickets. Oh, no.

We're like on the 50-yard line. Well, what I was going to tell you, well, does Ari drink? I'm not sure. Well, you don't, so it's not as important. So brother-in-law George and I, he's a Dallas fan. He grew up in Tulsa. Anyway, we went to Dallas like five, six years ago and we went to that stadium and we did StubHub and we bought cheap tickets because we knew about that crazy jumbotron in there. Right.

So or whatever they call it, that if you wait till you see the stadium, it was like the first super modern arena, you know what I mean? Like, or, or stadium, I should say. So we went there and we were taking escalators up to our nosebleed seats. And we got on this one level, which looked like an alcohol mall. It was just bars. So we stopped going up. We walk over an insanely attractive hostesses there. Like with, it was basically like almost like she worked at a Hooters and, and we're like, can we come in here

and drink? It was a bar with a million TVs with every other game on. And then an open air like bar where you'd like, you could put your elbow on the counter and just look out at the game for better seats in a way than we had. And they had like, you know, the high, the high, the stools that you could sit on. We never saw our seats. Did you look at the game at all? Or you just looked at the screen the whole time? So what you do, and everyone talks about this in Dallas is you're like, all right, I paid to be in this building. I'm here live. I'm not going to watch that Tron. And then you force yourself to watch play. And all of a sudden you're like, you can't help it. All of a sudden you're

like, well, I mean, the guy's facial expressions are up there. Now you're so low that it might be a little unnatural to crane your neck up and watch the whole time. You're not going to believe how big this screen is though. It's incredible. I think i'm going to play the game i have uh ear pods i'm going to put one ear pod in and i'm going to play the game on the radio because i prefer watching football on tv because i want to know what the fuck is going on i want the stats it's a game of numbers you also want to tune out ari exactly put it in that ear hope he doesn't get beat up for being Jewish in Texas. All right, here we go. Bucks are giving away three and a half.

And this week, why does he have a question mark there? No, I asked him, is it in Tampa Bay? It looks like it's at the Saints if they're listed last. When it says versus, that means. Oh, he's schooling you right now. Just like I did. All right. So they're playing. New Orleans.

It's in New Orleans. Prince William and Kate Middleton didn't get the warmest welcome during their night out in Boston yesterday. They sat courtside at the Celtics versus the Heat and found themselves on a jumbotron. But the crowd wasn't thrilled. While some cheered for them, the two also earned audible boos and chants of USA, USA. USA, dude. USA. When they appeared, dude, USA. When they appeared on the big screen.

Totally out of character for a Boston crowd to boo white people like that. Perfect. I wish they started singing Long Live the Queen or something like that. And in Boston, of course, Queen means Magic Johnson. Dude, you're a fucking princess? What, do you go to Boston University? You fucking couldn't last a year there? Oh, they're racist? No shit.

All right, let's go international. Uh-huh. This story is entitled Putin, P-O-O-T-I-N. Russian President Vladimir Putin fell down the stairs and soiled himself this week amid mounting speculation that his health at the world cup lining Putin 70 suffered the fall at his Moscow official residence. And according to the telegram channel, general SVR, which purports to be run by a former Russian spy, the leader fell down five steps before landing on his coccyx.

And on top of this, his cock is sick oh sorry sorry take it out take it out although his security guards immediately rushed to his aid the impact of his fall caused putin to involuntarily defecate due to cancer affecting his stomach and bowels according to the channel yeah disgusting he has literally and figuratively lost his step honestly how how do we even know this information i know i mean i would have assumed everyone who saw him defecate himself is dead now oh yeah yeah yeah they cleaned up and then they were shot red scare more like brown scare is that what it was yes it was a brown scare vladis smear putin smear

denman wrote this story feels like a leak i don't know ah yeah well yeah all of a sudden the Russian story on waste is not about pee, about peeing on a bed. All right. What's this one? A longtime lady-in-waiting to the late Queen Elizabeth II has stepped down from her role amid an allegation of racism. This is interesting because I watched the most recent season of The Crown, and this woman is featured prominently,

and she's featured as a racist. Really? Yes, she says racist things. Oh, wow. Yeah. So this has been no secret. So they launched an investigation into an accusation that Lady Suzanne Hussey, she's a hussy,

made racist comments to an attendee at a palace reception hosted by Queen Camilla. Ngozi Fulani, the founder of Sista Space, a nonprofit organization that supports women and families affected by domestic abuse, shared in a Twitter post that she was asked repeatedly by Hussey where she was from. What part of Africa are you from? She allegedly asked her. Fellaini wrote that when she replied she was from the UK, she continued allegedly saying, Oh, I can see where I am going to have a challenge getting you to say where you're from. Where did you first come from? Fellaini, who was at the palace for reception

combating violence against women uh wrote that she had mixed feelings well whatever yeah i mean it's wow it is amazing you know the uh when you ask a black person where they're from that's like i i guess in british black people in england i don't know what that experience is if they feel uh the same kind of racism that is felt in this country well john oliver did one of the greatest breakdowns of how involved England was with the slave trade and by how involved, like the most involved. They set up the transatlantic, I find it has the exact name, the transatlantic slave trade. And it's absolutely despicable.

And they're starting to address it, but it's clearly not enough and the ways they're doing it. But they actually, they made slavery illegal before the U.S. did, though. They got out of the business before we did. Well, I don't think it's that easy. But there were two things. They illegalized getting slaves from Africa and transporting them. That became illegal before indentured servants. So there was a two-step thing. Like that slave trade

became illegal and outlawed. And we still had slaves here in America, though, that were reproducing and growing as a population. Right, and they also had the slave trade in the British West Indies, where people were, yeah, that was more of indentured servitude. And a lot of Irish actually were held as indentured servants in the British West Indies. But it doesn't compare to the black slave experience. But this isn't that bad for Hussey, by the way.

I mean, Hussey used to call Diana, Princess Diana, the N-word. I mean, that's such a stretch. I mean, you're a real racist if you're doing that. I meant noble. When I said N, I meant noble. Here we go. A Buddhist temple in central Thailand has been left without monks

after all of its holy men failed drug tests and were defrocked. Four monks, including an abbot at a temple in Pechabun's province, Bungsam Phan District, tested positive for methamphetamine. The monks have been sent to a health clinic to undergo drug rehabilitation. I love it. The temple is now empty of monks and nearby villages are concerned that they cannot do any merit-making.

So merit-making involves the worshipers donating food to the monks as a good deed. Donate food to the monks. The monks are on meth. I got news for you they're not hungry that's monk meth 101 right donate donate uh baby nipples you know those uh pacifiers yeah and way to go busting up the most productive temple in the world. They were meditating like motherfuckers. Yes. However, I will say when you're hopped up on meth, the vow of silence doesn't go so great.

No. No. Imagine that. You like hike up the hill to the mountain to get to the monastery to find out the meaning of life. And they're like, be in the moment. Next, next, next, next. Be in the moment next next next next be in the moment and then the uh you know the gongs they go all gong very met and gong gong gong gong gong all of a sudden it's a full-blown rave on the mount all right we're all one consciousness move on matter and light are the same next look who's back reincarnated

oh my god all right let's get to this day in history shall we let's do it here it comes 1952. I did not know this story. Smog kills thousands in England. Heavy smog begins to hover over London. It persists for five days and leads to the death of 4,000 people. What? It was Thursday afternoon when a high-pressure air mass stalled over the Thames River Valley. Thames or Thames?

Thames. When cold air arrived suddenly from the west, the air over London becameames River Valley. Thames or Thames? Thames. When cold air arrived suddenly from the west, the air over London became trapped in place. The problem was exacerbated by low temperatures, which caused residents to burn extra coal in their furnaces. The smoke, soot, and sulfur dioxide from the area's industries, along with that from cars and consumer energy, caused extraordinary heavy smog to smother the city.

By the morning of the 5th, there was a visible pall cast over hundreds of square miles. It became so thick there was virtually no sunlight. All transportation was halted. There were rail accidents. Respiratory distress caused most of the deaths. A lot of the deaths. A lot of animals died, difficulty breathing, vomiting, and phlegm, and then death.

That's crazy. On December 9th, the fog finally blew away. In the aftermath of this incident, the British government passed more stringent regulations on air pollution and encouraged people to stop using coal to heat their homes. regulations on air pollution and encouraged people to stop using coal to heat their homes. Despite these measures, a similar smog happened 10 years later and killed 100 people. I mean, 4,000 people. That's like almost a 9-11, isn't it? 1952. Our parents were alive. I would think it was in the 1800s. Right.

I know. I was thinking, it made me think of Peaky blinders. I've been watching a lot of Peaky blinders lately. I heard it's very good. Oh my God. But, but they show there's like a,

um, you know, uh, iron, iron, uh, uh, what do you call it?

When you, when you fire up iron? Smelting? Smelts, yeah, there's like smelts. There's a lot of smelts and a lot of smog. We probably have that wrong. But yeah, the iron ore and everything, but the, wow, that's crazy. I thought it would have been back in the industrial age

when it was just so polluted. And I remember, well, back, when does Peaky Blinders take place? Early 1900s? It starts in the 20s, and now I'm in season five, and the stock market crash just happened. So that was, what, 1929? So there are cars on the streets? Yeah, they got cars. They got nice cars.

The further you step back, it's crazy, crazy how recent the modern age is. Yeah. It's, I mean, barely. And boy, did we accelerate things and technology is just like we're just killing the planet. We are spinning. Everything is happening so fast. I mean, just today's stories. You know, a cop that's a fucking robot is a real thing.

It's over. We have caught up to science fiction. We can't even imagine the future anymore because we can't even imagine our present. No, the future is going to be on another planet and you know people are writing about it all the time i mean you think we'll ever live on another planet i think for sure actually really yeah and i think there'll be colonies out there i think yeah i mean that's where it's that's the only chance that's where the top

so many of the top thinkers are obsessed with it. They're talking about like exploding, you know, giant bombs in off some planets so that it changes the atmosphere to make it more conducive for humans. humans um so yeah we'll see but yeah i think so and so many movies depicted there and so many books depict are depicting that already that's so perfect like the creation myth of our new planet is we started by bombing it that's how we're showing up how you doing yeah exactly uh all right let's do a letter to the editor yeah yeah hold on there we go by the way we welcome your emails fitz dog radio at gmail.com carolyn wrote in to say i know you and mike are going to be recording sunday papers i want to make sure mike knew about the documentary on netflix called stuts very insightful and vulnerable doc about jonah and his psychiatrist, Phil Stutz.

I bet Mike would love it since he was also a big fan of couples therapy. Well, Carolyn, I appreciate your thinking of me. And I actually did stumble across it. I'm sure Netflix put it up on my feed because, as you said, it knew. I don't know if it knew I like couples therapy. But I have watched some documentaries that get into the psychological area. And I start, I watched the first minute to see what the hell it was about. And it's an interview and he's talking to him and the guy seems Phil Stutz. The therapist seems kind of funny and it's Jonah Hill and Jonah Hill states the premise right up top, which was he was so unbelievable with Jonah Hill.

Jonah wanted to share this life advice with as many people as he could. So that's all I got to. And I'm like, I am definitely going to watch it. I got through about maybe 15 minutes and I almost canceled Netflix. I don't need to see I don't need to see Jonah Hill talking to his goddamn therapy. Give me a break. You know, how self-involved are you that you're going to take your therapy? Just go to therapy, get better, and make movies. I don't want to see you in therapy talking to this.

It was terrible. It was terrible. But what if there's really great insight, and a lot of people can't afford therapy? That's true. Because they can afford Netflix. I just don't see him as a very, right. I just don't see him as a picture of a resolved life.

He can't handle the public asking him, saying, hey, you look great. He has to put out a public statement. Is he changing his last name now? I don't know, but I think you're— I don't know if he's claiming that he's the healthiest human walking around. I think he might be claiming that Phil Stutz has great advice and it can only be helpful.

I once mistaked him for Andy Milonowski. In first class of a flight. Milonakis. Yeah. Andy Milonakis. Who's maybe the most awkward thing I've ever experienced in my life. Even Phil Stutz couldn't help him with that one. He called you Andy Milonakis. I literally am at a loss. I have no advice on how to overcome that trauma. I guess acceptance, but good luck with that.

Oh my God. Bill Burr just texted me a picture of a ticket to the 12th, the fifth annual comedy riot, which was, do you remember the Boston comedy riot that WBCN used to put on? It was a comedy competition. It was literally how we all started in comedy. And I competed against Joe Rogan.

It was a competition? Yeah, my night was me, Joe Rogan, John McPhail. Who else went on to do stuff? Robbie Prince, who's a very funny comic. Todd Parker, who's very funny. Wow, I don't know where the fuck he got that. All right, let's do some uh

help wanted this is our fun new section that was suggested by adam bean and uh here is some if you're looking for a job let us help you here's an idea team member los angeles is this if you're looking for a job or are we helping an employer find an employee? Both. Okay. I mean, we're listing the job, so hopefully somebody wants it. I haven't read this. I didn't even know what it was. All right, let's do it.

Team member, Los Angeles Animal Rescue Facility. Manual labor. This is a physically demanding position and mostly outdoors. We require that you must be able to lift 50 pounds minimum, must be able to bend, lift, push, stoop, stretch, climb, and crawl, and other strenuous activities. Tasks include or were not limited to guinea pig wellness checks, behavioral observation, and adoptions.

Okay. I like that one. I fucking, I want to do this job. I want to do a weird job. Why don't you make it a project? That would be fun. And you're going to write about it. Here's another one.

Here's one that's down in Florida. All right. Oh, wait. Or is it? Okay. Yeah, all right. I'm a golf ball diver. I go into golf course lakes and I recover golf balls.

Not if it's in Florida. Wash, sort, and sell them out of my warehouse. I need a worker to go to the golf course with me and receive the bags of balls in the water Not if it's in Florida. But you will be expected to walk the ponds a little and pick up balls you see. You then bag them and take them back to the truck and return to pick me up. At the warehouse, you will wash and or bag the balls. This is a heavy lifting job. The bags weigh up to 70 pounds each. 70 fucking pounds. You know how much 70 pounds is?

Yeah. And there will be about 60 bags lifted daily. God damn, this guy's finding a lot of fucking balls. Jesus. In caps, it says, if you don't exercise regularly, you won't be able to lift these bags. Most of the job is collecting balls at the course and washing. We don't stop for lunch,

so you'll need to bring food with you if you want to eat. However, there's plenty of time to do so while you wait in the golf cart. This is an 830 to 6 job, but it is sometimes a 7 to 7 or more job five days a week. Huh. Pay starts at $15 an hour. Oh, my God. How much do I want to do this fucking job? Uh,

wait, he said something about alligators. I forgot where it was. He said there are alligators. Christmas bonus after one year. Yeah. If you tend to fall asleep, this is not the job for you.

Couldn't that be in every listing? Oh my God. That's amazing. Um, yes, there will absolutely be alligators in the lakes. I deal with them all the time. You will be trained on how to deal with them. Also, they would get me before you in 20 years, I've not been injured because of any animal. So potential to take over the business. That's very promising. Could happen any minute. Yeah. Revolving door at the top of that company. Yeah. And then finally, here's one closer to home. Are you willing to take a chance and try something new that you might love? closer to home. Are you willing to take a chance and try something new that you might love?

LCA San Diego is hiring a lice technician at our Claremont Clinic. All right. All right. Lice technician. Okay. All right. All right. Let's go down. Someone would love that, huh? Okay. This is a sad one. Let's do the obituary. I would love that, huh? Okay. This is a sad one. Let's do the obituary. And that's all, folks. All right, here we go.

Yeah, yeah. So this past week, a man who was a mentor to me, who was a dear friend and a dear friend of my father's and my family, Freddie Roman. He was a comedian. He was a Borscht Belt comedian. He was the quintessential Catskills comic. Yeah, he was a legendary Catskills comic. You know, was Jewish in the 1950s,

doing jokes up for the Jewish crowds at the Catskills, at Grossingers, and just a delightful man, generous to other comedians. He was, uh, he was just so fucking funny, such a pro when I was a kid, I knew him when I was a kid. And when I got into high school, I wanted to be a comedian. And Freddie used to pick me up at the house in his Cadillac and drive me up to the mountains. And I'd watch him do a show and he'd buy me dinner and he'd do little jokes to me while he was on stage. He, I remember one time he was like,

he said putts and then he made an aside and he looked right to me in the crowd and he goes, Greg, a putts is a guy that gets out of the shower to take a leak. And I felt like such, I felt like the most important person in the world that Freddie Roman was doing a joke just to me. Wow. That is very cool. And I saw him one time I went to the, uh, you remember the Yonkers raceway? Oh yeah, of course. My grandfather used to go there. So there's a racetrack and they were having some kind of a, I don't know how this happened, but he was doing a comedy show where he was standing on the track and there was an audience in the stands. There was no race going on that day. It was a comedy show. And he walks out there and he's got on a fucking tuxedo with the white shirt and the bow tie and the shiny shoes. And

it's noon on a Saturday and he's standing on the racetrack and there's about a hundred people and they're spread out all over the place. And which in comedy is death. If people aren't sitting next to each other, it just doesn't fucking work. And I was like, oh, my God, this is I was so uncomfortable. I'm like, this is going to be a disaster. Freddie, in a funny, cheerful way, got everybody to move down to the front, sit real tight next to each other. And then he did an hour of his, I mean, I had seen the jokes over and over again. And he did them to perfection and he fucking killed. He was sweating his ass off in the sun. He had this toupee.

He was the old school, like classic tuxedo with the toupee guy. And he just was always very good to me. And then when I moved out to LA, he introduced me to, as soon as he found out I was going to LA, he's like, my son's going to take care of you. And his son was a guy named Alan, uh, Alan Kirshenbaum. Freddie's real name is Kirshenbaum. And he's a huge TV writer. He created Yes, Dear. Huge. Yeah. He was a big deal. And he would take me out to coffee. He brought me into a couple rooms to punch up shows

and read all my scripts, was just the greatest guy. So anyway, I don't know how much stuff you can watch of him online, but his big thing was he launched a show called Catskills on Broadway, which was this love song to the Catskills. And it was him. It was, uh, Malzie Lawrence, Dick Capri. And I forget there was a woman who also was on it, but, uh, they, they did the show on Broadway for years. And, uh, and then they would do it on the road they'd take it on the road and it was uh it was it was great anyway so all my love to his family uh I gotta send his wife a card I just got her address but uh I'm very sad very sad he was 85 but still it's just sad

where was he living he still had a place in New city which is all the all the catskills comics lived in new city which is uh new york but it's halfway between new york city and the catskills right right so it was perfect for them they could go to the friars club during the day shoot the shit play some pool and then they could go to go to their show that night in the Catskills. But he would died actually down in Florida. I think he had a place down in Florida. Got it. And then Christine McVie, we also lost her this week. And it was, you know, from Fleetwood Mac. And it was like, I remember driving around that day and you would just hear that, you know,

that great, I shouldn't know it, but that great song off that, you know, that great, I should know it, but that great song off Rumors, you know, that songbird that she fronts on. Yeah. And, you know, it's I saw Stevie Nicks at the Hollywood Bowl like not that long ago, like a month ago. who reads up on these things, was like, I'm just so brain dead now, sorry. What's-His-Name was really sick that week, Lindsey Buckingham, and had that morning canceled a show that night. And Tom was like, he might be in really, really bad shape and could go at any minute. And so I think Fleetwood Mac, the sadness is not over. I mean, I think Buckingham is really struggling.

Oh, really? Yeah, so it's really sad because that album is considered by many top ten albums of all time, by so many people. Oh, it's my top three albums of all time. Rumors is a perfect fucking album. It's brilliant. And the fact that they made it while christy mcvee was breaking up with lindsey buckingham they were divorcing at the same time

that um stevie nicks was breaking up with uh mick fleetwood yeah wasn't so there was total chaos going on i thought buckingham and Nicks were breaking up. Oh, maybe that's what it was. I think so. There were two couples, and both couples were breaking up as they were making the album. And somehow they pulled together this transcendent, gorgeous album. Which, you know, everybody thinks of Stevie Nicks,

but Christy McVie was like she she fronted a lot of those songs oh no and her voice in the mix was incredible uh wait I'm looking up this one lyric you can go your own way uh lyrics so anyway I I I forget where I heard it, but I heard Lindsay talking about that song. And hold on a minute. Oh, wait. Lyrics. And he wrote it about Stevie Nicks. And it was about how avoidant she was. And so imagine writing this song and bringing in like, hey, you guys want to give this a try and asking her to sing on it. And, you know, I give you my world if I could and all that. You can go your own way.

And he goes, you can go your own way. You can go your own way. You can call it another lonely day. So his opinion of her was she was an army brat and she grew up on constantly moving. And so it basically was like these commitment issues. And she couldn't commit she was breaking up with lindsey buckingham so he's like you can go your own way you're

gonna call it another lonely day in other words like go ahead that's what you do you fucking run from everything you're gonna run from me and you're gonna be lonely and it's like can you can you sing back up on this can you really knock this out of the park because i think it's a hit right and there was another song on the album that was uh written by god some i think christy mcvee was having an affair with the lighting guy on the crew and one of the songs that uh what was the song um fuck somebody write in and tell me what this was but one of the songs on the album was about the guy that she was having an affair with who was the lighting guy on the crew oh you make love and fun it was you make loving fun oh yeah yeah yeah yeah wow yeah. Yeah. Wow.

All right, let's cheer up after all these obituaries with some Sunday funnies. Oh, here we go. Yep. Okay, so on our medieval comic strip, Hager the Horrible, Hager and Lucky are walking along, and there's a couple on a bench, and the man is raping the woman. And Hager says, Sven is lucky to have a girlfriend as passionate as Olga. And then Lucky goes, where is Sven anyway? That's a pretty good joke.

She's a whore oh man well she doesn't it doesn't seem well she seems into it i was gonna say back then i don't think the ladies had much choice in the matter no no she's passionate because she has to be passionate passionate or dead it'll be weird calling the rape victims back then whores. That's a real evil twist. Yeah, yeah. The Lockhorns' Leroy is getting dressed. He's putting a tie on. Loretta is at her makeup table, and she goes, That tie won't go with that jacket, and neither will I.

Solid. So solid. And then another one uh they're watching a basketball game and leroy says no loretta if a player dribbles too much it's not called drooling that's borderline borderline all right oh leroy's reading the paper, and he says, according to the paper, I get my news from the internet. That's a nice little joke. Yeah, that's cute.

Tight. No one got hurt. She doesn't seem impressed with it. Nope. Of course. It's just another thing Leroy says. So I think it's an old Farside, and whatever, the Farside, there's so many good ones to choose from, but

it's in a hospital and there's a hospital bed, you know, with the curtain pulled, there's three doctors standing around a guy in bed and the guy in bed is like wide eyed and looking very concerned. And the three doctors are around him. And it, the quote underneath is testing whether laughter is the best medicine. And the doctors are pointing at him and just laughing. So there it's their laughter that they're testing, whether that's the best medicine, not the patients. That's hilarious. Yeah. patience that's hilarious yeah um on blondie dipshits on the chair he's got on a purple shirt and he's got his feet up on the hassock like he's like he's earned a break like like he's put up so much quality work this week that that it's time for him to really you know

luxuriate uh on the tv it, scientists believe soon we'll virtually see what's inside a person's brain. Dagwood says, wow. And then Blondie goes, right now they'd find a double-decker salami and Swiss sandwich in yours. And he goes, wow, how did you know that? And she goes, that's not rocket science, dear. You're sitting next to to blondie and that's what's going through your head here hey blondie look in my head for a second what am i seeing what am i thinking oh you don't want to look at that blondie i'm seeing some some satin sheets crumpled up at the bottom just below your buttocks as your ass cheek catches the sunlight and just a thin sheen of blonde hair comes down your lower back, your bosom protrudes from the side of the pillow.

As you look back at me, you get it, Blondie? Yeah, I think she got it. You get what you're going to say? Okay. She's already running away. Yeah. She's comfortable with him, probably for good reason, probably because of sickos like you. Maybe she's a lesbian

oh the plot thickens maybe that's why she's okay with this weird friendship slash marriage um all right mike we've gotten through another sunday papers how do we one hour and 30 minutes on the nose we are going to ask we're going to ask people to support our sponsor. Go to expressvpn.com slash papers. Get three extra months for free. I use it. I love it. Mike uses it.

He loves it. Yeah. Also, also anything else you want to promote Mike? Uh, no. Rumors. What am I watching? What? Rumors. What am I watching?

What? Rumors. Oh, yeah, the album Rumors. I'm watching White Lotus. It is so slow, but I continued watching it. F. Murray Abraham. There, that's what I'll plug. That guy, even in this slow piece of garbage,

he's one of the most talented actors of our of this generation f marie whatever generation of of the of the last 20 30 years yeah unbelievable yeah he's a guy like um who's the guy from homeland uh who homeland oh oh oh oh mandy patankin yeah he's like mandy patankin he's one of those guys that every role he takes on he does it like a fucking pro like a broadway actor you know there was a funny scene in white lotus uh this past oh i guess it was two weeks ago and they go to they're on they're in sicily right and they go go to the town where Michael Corleone went back and where his fiance blew or his wife blew up in the car. So that's become a tourist attraction. And

I believe it's a real one, but in White Lotus, you go there and there's a gift shop and you eat there and they have a model of the car that she got in. But it's three generations talking and it's F. Murray Abraham's the grandfather. There's the grandson. And then there's what's his name from Sopranos? Christopher. Yeah. And I'm forgetting his name. Michael Imperioli. Michael Imperioli. And so the guy, the grandson is talking about how there's male toxic masculinity in the godfather. And it's like it celebrates this stupid image of men who lie to their wives. The wives' place is just at home. They're not allowed to ask about the men's business.

And then never mind the killing and all that stuff. And the illegal, you know, everything illegal. So it was wild watching one of the sopranos in real life yeah be in this scene saying are you kidding me italian great great works of art about italian americans like the godfather like they portray and they're talking about what it portrays and i thought there'd be some wink or nod yeah to there's also been a lot of great tv shows you know something subtle but no yeah I gotta watch that everybody loves it I'm uh I'm looking forward to it oh my god lower your expectations big time yeah yeah it's fun to watch

it's beautiful it's like vacation porn you know at this resort and Sicily. Oh, my God. But season one, I heard, was better. I haven't seen season one. So far, anyway. All right, we want to thank Midcoast Media, Chris Denman and Key and Beth and John, everybody over there that does a great job getting this out to you guys. Thanks for listening, watching.

Please post your comments at Apple Podcasts and give us some feedback. Helps us out and tell some friends. Okay, we'll catch you guys next week. Take it, Ish. Take it, Ish. Sunday podcast on Greg and I. Sunday podcast on, so sit out after. Saturday night it comes out on us. Sunday night comes Monday. After Sunday comes Sunday. Sunday podcast on the regular mic