Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 146 1/8/23

Episode Date: January 8, 2023

Our predictions for 2022 paid off, and new ones are made for 2023. A 6 yr old shoots his teacher, a robot defends someone in court, and ISIS New Year's resolution is to make a comeback. Florida Man calls the cops to help him rob a house, and a woman on Air India gets peed on. IN 1ST CLASS!  

It's Sunday Papers with your host Greg and Mike. It's easy Sunday just like riding a bike. You're gonna love it, you're gonna get hyped. It's Sunday Papers with your host Greg and Mike. I'm gonna make an announcement. The Sunday Papers is about to begin. I repeat, the Sunday Papers is about to begin. Clear your calendar. Plus the age six. I'm going to do that this time.

Oh, yeah. That'd be a good idea, Mike. And we're clapping in in five, four, three, two, one. That's your clap. Three, two, one. Listen to that clap in 2023. 2023 claps. Read all about it.

Hear ye, hear ye. Extra, extra. Brand new year, 2023. New news. Hold on. A little tangle. I'm not a pro. All new news.

All fresh. No more Brittany Griner news. No more. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, Mike. I'm going to keep saying that for months. My tree is still up. Screw it.

We're still getting cards. And I'm putting my, you know, we put our Christmas cards up on the wall on the archway of the doors. We put them in the doorways, and they're still coming in. Used to be. I used to send out Christmas cards. You remember that. I sent out Christmas cards every year. I sent one.

Before I had a family, even, I would do a joke one every year. Oh, that's right. You did send out good ones. And I stopped sending them out about three years ago, as it seems like everybody did. I used to get an average of 60 cards. I'd count them. And I saved them. I save all my Christmas cards.

What? I used to get like 60 Christmas cards a year. And now I get like half that. I've, as you know, gotten way less social. I'm going to add that to my resolutions. I'm going to be more outgoing like I used to. I used to have a bazillion friends that I actually made real efforts. Sometimes I get accused of clustering them. Like I'd go back to New York, I'd be like, meet me at the bar. And then when they get there, they'd be like 12 people, you know?

Yeah. there'd be like 12 people you know yeah which i get but anyway uh i'm glad to hear your cards have uh gone down mine certainly have you know when you send one it's a reminder to people you usually get one from them the following year exactly or even a week later right right sometimes all of a sudden it's a fast oh hold on yeah on. Yeah. But what was I going to say? That you're gay? One year. No, no, that's next year's resolution. One year.

No, I'm resolving again to fight that urge. And, I mean, that's the one resolution I keep every year. Did you say that I'm gay? I hope so. Yes. That's what I heard. You're so gay. Yeah, okay, good.

When are you going to finally, I mean, Jesus Christ, let it out already. Look at me. I mean, it's right here in the closet. So I got one year I had a Christmas card, and it was me. I took a Christmas shift at FAO Schwartz, and I was posing with a wooden soldier with a very tall hat type thing next to, I think, a giant Paddington who had the same hat on. Anyway, super cute card, reeks of Christmas. And I have to say, it was a very impressive card. So I get it done on the Upper East Side.

And it's a Japanese family running a picture, which they don't exist anymore, basically, but like a Photoshop, you know. And the most unfriendly guy ever. And when he gives it to me, I'm like, you know, let me check before I leave. I'm like, oh, this came out good. What do you think? And he's just like stone face. Anyway, I go the next year to do my Christmas card. I'm in the fucking window.

He has me up there as an example facing Lexington Avenue. That's amazing. So I go in and I'm like, hey. And then I point to me. Just nothing. Nothing. Nothing. It was just like, are you ordering more cards this year?

Like, just like it was the guy guy's incredible that's great yeah you ever hear my fao schwartz story no i did a corporate event it was uh swatch was uh launching a new line of watches and for some reason they wanted us to do like a panel at FAO Schwartz. And it was me, Max Weinberg from the E Street Band. Sure. And what's her name from? From. Betty Davis.

Who's the singer, dancer? Paul Abdul. Paul Abdul. Oh, I might have heard. Didn't she like you? So we did the event together, the three of us. And it was like a three hour event. We had a lot of downtime. We got to talking. And then the next day I got a call from the publicist saying Paula wanted my number. She wanted to ask me out. OK, so here's what you need to do right now because I think a lot of people are opening their laptops to write a letter

of how many times they've heard you tell this story. You have to change the ending. So I fucked her. Dude, I knew it. To her album, to her 1931 album that she had put out. You took steps inside her, steps back outside her, then back in. I get it. There's a little cat on a fence

looking in the window while I was bawling away. Oh my God. You got a Laker girl. That was always a goal of yours. I had just started dating my now wife, and so I declined. Yeah. Hey, look. I'm going to tell that story often.

I think, yes, I think so. That is a good story. I'm glad we told it again. You ever date a celebrity? Huh? You ever date a celebrity? Who's the most famous person you ever dated? I did. For a short while, I had a thing with princess die right after she got divorced right after she died it was too much I couldn't handle the paps and boy was I right um no uh I matched on a, I almost, God, should I say this?

There's a douchebag dating site. And especially it started in LA and it's very LA. Put it this way. The first time in the writer's room at a show I was working at. Is this the Riot app where you have to be recommended because you're in the industry? It is. an app where you have to be recommended because you're in the industry it is so the for james corden writer's room i had been divorced you know like uh two over a year and i hadn't started dating and they're like you gotta fucking and it's like a scene out of like a rom-com and i

should probably write a rom-com with them anyway they were so sweet all so much younger than me they're like you got to get out there man and like And we're like, we're putting you on Raya. And I'm like, what's Raya? They're like, Oh, look at this guy. And it was like, I was a cave man, like Encino man who was woken up like, and then like, all right, listen, we need pictures. And I'm, and I, and like, do you have any pictures of you alone? And I'm like, yeah. And I look and the only pictures I have of me alone, every single one of them, I'm holding a child's birthday cake because that's the only time a photo was taken of me like alone. They're like, oh, no. I'm like, isn't that kind of gimmicky and cool?

So anyway, the first the first time I go on it, like I got approved. Right. You know, they had me jump the line. Someone in the room was connected. So because usually they let you on. I think one of the metrics is how many Instagram followers you have. And cause none of the fucking listeners of this thing, follow me at, at Gibbons time. I hardly have any followers. So anyway, that didn't work. I jumped the line. One of the first people that pops up is Courtney love. And I'm like,

Holy shit. First one I'm talking day one. Oh, Raya limits. Because I didn't pay extra. Raya limits like how many people you can see. Maybe it's like 15 at a time. Like you can't do it for hours. And it was the first pod of people. And I screen grabbed it immediately. Like instinctively.

Like I got to show everyone this. All of a sudden a message pops up. You just grabbed a picture from Raya. This is your last warning. You will no longer be a member of Raya if you take another picture. And it was so scary. I'm like, I had no idea that technology existed where they could tell I grabbed, you know, a photo of my screen. Yeah.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that registered with anyone or they could track that. Yeah. in the writer's room were talking about, oh, like everyone sees Matthew Perry. Like at that time, like he was one. And there's other celebrities on there as well. Anyway, Bethany Frankel, the housewife, maybe the most famous? Yep. We matched. And we never met.

And one time we were supposed to meet in LA and she was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel and she told me to come up there and maybe we'd have a drink. She was going to moderate something and she was moderating something at like 8 PM. And I'm like, well, I don't get off work till like whatever. I'm like, you know, I could get there at, I think I said I could get there at six, which sounded perfect. Right. And she's like six, the glam squad arrives at five 30. It sounded perfect. Right. And she's like six. The glam squad arrives at five thirty. I'm like, what? So that was perfect here. Ready? Then I'm in New York and she lives in New York and we had a plan to get drinks.

Let's call it a Thursday night. All of a sudden I see on her Instagram or whatever. She's in. So anytime she's in a helicopter or someplace great, like all these idiots, she has to post it. Yeah. And what she was posting was her helicopter ride to her house in the Hamptons. So then, so I see that and I text her, I'm like, are we still on for drinks? And she's like, oh oh I'm out in the Hamrens now but yes can you get out here and I'm like uh I'd be on the Jitney bus and I guess I'll

get there at 1 a.m like what the fuck are you talking about I'm a human being and the next day headline to the New York Post her boyfriend is found dead in Trump Tower. No! Yes. No shit. She was looking for an alibi, not a date. They were on again. Well, I killed him because I was so angry at her.

They were on and off, and it was, I guess, tumultuous, but they were definitely off. And I think he, I don't know, man. Now looking back, I'm wondering if it was fentanyl, but they said it was an oxycodone overdose. Wow. Yeah.

Damn. So it's tough dating out there, man. I'm telling you. Can I tell you something? My agent ended up meeting, I think met her on an app and dated her for a couple years. Bethany Frankel. Yeah.

Was he found dead in Trump Tower? Not yet, but I'm going to call him. I'm going to call him right now. She's a lunatic. You know, later in the show, we're talking about in this podcast, we're talking about the backlash against Harry finally. And like it's full momentum now. She someone sent me a post of her going off on them. Yeah.

Like almost like from one publicity whore to another. Dudes fucking stop. Like, you know, she was saying that to them and it was pretty funny. She's kind of funny. I have to say like. One of our friends dated Brady's first wife. Oh, I know. And I didn't even know about it.

He never told me about it. It just came up when we saw him recently. He's like one of the most beautiful women in the country. Yeah, I told you. When I was married, we went out to dinner, and she was at the table. And on the ride home, even, wife and I, like, I mean, that, can that can you like we couldn't even get over how beautiful she was. Yeah. Both of us just admiring another human being. Bridget Moynihan. Yeah.

She's she and she's also funny. I mean, I was one dinner, but funny and cool. So that that makes it all the more attractive, you know. All right. Well, listen, you've got some note in here about, you've got a new year's resolution. That doesn't sound like you. No, it's me. First of all, before I get to that, I listen, I have the new hip is two months old now. So one of my things is I'm going to get young again and I'm being realistic. Like I don't think there's, listen, I'm old, I'm 55, but I can, like when I start lifting and I start doing like my body responds pretty

quickly. And I know those days are numbered. I don't know how many listeners are out there. I know I felt like this in my forties also, trust me, it keeps getting worse, but I like, I'm going to go gonna go surfing like i'm gonna start surfing again like because both of my daughters surf like i want to surf with them this summer and like i couldn't even sit on a board with my fucking broken body anyway i want to like start doing that i want to start getting better sleep and you know all that anyway but when i started to put together my resolutions it's like I was a toddler.

Like, it's like, how different is this from a toddler? Suck more tits. No, no. And also, do you ever feel you're getting more AD and ADD? Oh, yes. Now, it could be the complete lack of structure in my life because that can make you feel way more ADD. But I also think I'm technically, chemically more ADD. So anyway, I start right down my resolutions.

Earlier bedtime, right? More sleep earlier bedtime. I swear to God this is number two. Lay out my clothes the night before. Like I wear Garanimals. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Make my to-do list the night before. Because this is what happens. If my bed's not figuratively tilted in the morning to roll me out of it and I keep rolling, the morning's a fucking nightmare. Yeah. If I see my clothes on the floor, I'm just like,

I can stay in bed another five minutes. It's just there's already there's obstacles. Yeah, yeah. Okay, don't eat sugar. So I'm less sugar. So I'm like 190 pound toddler. I have my clothes put out the night before. I have my little to do list.

I'm going to try not to do fucking eat sugar. It's anyway, I'm, I'm a fucking seven year old. Yeah. My, my resolution, I did pretty good last year my resolution was to work out more and to meditate more and i actually worked out like a good four days a week all year and meditated pretty regularly this year i want to i want to fight crime more. I was going to guess more maroon. More maroon.

I helped you this past year. I think it was at Christmas. No, it was your birthday. My birthday. You gave me a maroon jacket, maroon pants, and a maroon T-shirt. And I've seen all of them on you. Total joke gift. Not a joke for you. Went right into the rotation. Yes, it did. And then I also want to be less defensive.

Oh my God. Emotionally. That's ridiculous. I just had a huge conversation about that with someone. Yeah. All right. What is it? Why do you do that? I mean, you want to save that for the next show? It's all fear.

I, I, I have so much fear and it's hurting my standup. It's hurting my personal relationships and I don't know where it came from. I think a lot of it is residual from COVID. I think it shut me down and I never really came out of it. And I think one of the solutions, honestly, I need to take a giant shaman-led hero dose of mushrooms or something else because I need to snap out of it and I need to start

opening up myself to new experience with no fear. Hold on. Those sound a little like you've broadened it out a little. You started with defensiveness? Yeah. I mean, I think defensiveness, like when I'm talking to people, I don't I'm not as vulnerable. Yeah, I don't see you that way. I also don't see you the way I'm my problem.

My problem is. I hate to admit this because I know I don't seem that way either, but like I get offended, it's not the right word, but I get I feel. Yeah, I get defensive. Why don't we talk about this next week? Because this is interesting. All right. Next week, let's put it off because it has a million different ways. But I think a big one is, you know, part of your survivorship in your youth. you know, part of your survivorship in your youth. I think you've brought that here. Absolutely. And the funny thing is, I think when I was less evolved, and again, we'll talk about it next week, but when I was less evolved in a weird way, I was less defensive because now what's

happened is I'm in this zone in between that I don't, I'm not, yes, I've made progress and I've grown and I am more mature, but oddly I'm less mature because I'm now advocating for myself a little more. So I'm more easily offended, you know, or I'm like taking umbrage to what someone said, like I'm digging in instead of like letting it roll off my back. Offended on a personal level of being rejected, you mean? Yeah. Or if there's an argument, I feel I'm accused of something or like, or it's a criticism. That's it. Just under the banner of criticism. Like all of a sudden I'm actually, I think there was more of I don't give a shit in an unhealthy way.

Now I'm in the, I give a shit, but I haven't learned how to give a shit, but like be a blinking about it, you know, which I always refer to, like, just let it roll off my back a little or hear the person out. Like why, why get tense? Why get angry? Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I think that, uh, I'm not suffering the slings and arrows as well as I could be. Yeah. All right. Let's talk more about it. I mean, age has a big thing to it. One little dumb joke just to lighten it up and get off our psychological bullshit. I was in the airport and I was in Nashville and it was small and there was like one, one thing was out of order.

So I think there was like one or whatever. And I get behind a guy who's washing his hands forever. And the New Yorker in me is like, what the fuck? And, and then clearly I see, cause my daughter's OCD and she actually sometimes has an issue with, you know, dryness. Like she's got it pretty under control, but she, one sure sign is, uh, and I've worked with OCD people. Holy shit. Their poor hands are just like cracked. They're so dry because they wash them so much. So I see his hands are dry. He's like washing it like a surgeon doesn't even wash his fucking hands. And I'm like, what are the, of course the fucking New Yorker in

me. It's the same with traffic. Like what are the odds I'm behind the safest fucking drivers comes to a complete stop at every stop sign and i so i go to myself in my head there i'm like what are the odds i'm in a rush to get to my plant and i'm behind a fucking ocd guy at the sink and then i thought about it i'm like pretty good pretty good actually like that's where you're gonna find them that is exactly where you're gonna find the ocd guy who's in the middle of a eight minute wash. Right. Right.

Now, it was like when we're all putting fucking alcohol on our hands, when we weren't scrubbing them in the sink and everybody's hands look like they had fucking. What's that? What's that skin disease? Leprosy. Yeah. Leprosy. Yeah. All right.

Let's get to it. Or eczema. Let's get to it or eczema let's get to ladies and gentlemen we do it every year the first podcast of the year we go back we look at predictions from the previous year we see who was bright more and then we make predictions for next year So let's get into 2021. Look at it. First topic was the Super Bowl. And you got to keep in mind, if you're not a football fan, you don't know this, but there are still half the teams in the NFL are still alive. So there's, you know, 16, 17 teams with losing records are still alive. Yeah. So last year, I predicted the Green Bay Packers. You predicted the Buffalo Bills. I was goddamn close. Our home team won it.

The LA Rams won the Super Bowl. Who did they play? Did they play Cincinnati? Cincinnati. Yeah, they played Cincinnati. But the Bills lost in the uh playoffs the semis whatever and whatever it is and oh man did i uh the bills were america's i think the bills were america's favorite team at that time they may still be all right so who you're

picking for this year oh wow i haven't prepared for this. Denman, will you write down these picks as we do them? I just wrote 2022. I guess I'd like to say the Bills again. Is their quarterback healthy? Yes. Josh Allen. He's maybe the best quarterback in the league. Who else do I like?

I like exciting quarterbacks who can also run. I like athletic quarterbacks. You like Mahomes then. Yeah, no. I mean, they're over for me. I don't want young and exciting. Is Cincinnati still great? Then you want Herbert, Justin Herbert from the Chargers.

He's another one. Love that guy. Yeah. Chris, write down who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl? We'll invite Chris. Chris could be in this too. All right. Also, he'll be a guideline for us when we don't have a single clue what we're talking about.

Chris says who? Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck the Eagles. They're the worst thing ever. They give me, they are. Now I don't even want to do this. They're the worst. Yeah, that's another quarterback who's young and exciting, though.

And he runs and he's big. You know, I don't even mind the Eagles. It's their fans, fuckers. I'm going Bills. I'm going to go. I would go Bills also. They lost their safety. We'll talk about that later.

I doubt he'll be back this season. God damn it. Who are you picking? I'm going to pick the Chiefs just to mix it up. Oh, you're not picking your fucking boyfriend, Tom Brady? Fuck that guy, that piece of shit. I hope he retires and

starts fishing off a boat and the boat gets run over by a tanker. Wow, that's detailed. Imagine if that happened. You'd probably feel pretty good. You'd feel powerful. I think there'd be investigators at my house the next morning. Well, they'd have to listen to the podcast.

That's true. There'd have to be some chatter about the podcast. You won last week, by the way. We'll get to that later. Will we get COVID? I said yes, both of us, and I'll get it first. Mike says he'll get it first. I think that meant that both of us also.

I think we both thought we'd both get it. You, in fact, got it first. Did I? I did not get it. So I don't know who gets a point on that. I never caught COVID. As you sit there in that ridiculous hat, you've never had COVID? Never had COVID. Really? Nope. Been on the road nonstop for the last year and a half,

and somehow I did not get COVID. And every family member has had it? No, Erin hasn't gotten it either. And she works in a doctor's office? Yes. What's going on over there? I think it it's called denial i think you have been very sick and you have not been very sick have not been sick i've been sick once and that was recently and i and i uh i quarantined when i come home from the road she used to make me sleep in the guest house because because she didn't because she didn't want me to get her sick. She was also enjoying her alone time. As I was. I think I get two points for this.

No, you don't. Yes. I got COVID and you were wrong. You didn't get COVID. No, but you said that I would get it as well. Oh, okay. But I got it first. I get a point. I said I'd get it first.

All right. I'll give you one point for that. Thank you. All right. Stock market, you said it would be down. I said it would be- Hold on. Are we going to get COVID this year? Okay. Will we get it this year? Do you not know how this works? I'm going to say, for me, I am not going to get COVID. You're fucking insane. Not getting it. I'll

double this one. Remember that next year. I'm getting two points for saying you're definitely getting COVID. And I will say Mike. Okay. And I think I'll get, I've had it. Did I get it twice? Let's just make the bet about me. Okay. Stock market, you said it would go down. I said it would go up. In fact, it's down about 10%. Why did I lose 25% of my money if the stock market's only down 10%? Can you explain that to me? Wait, did I? All right. I don't know if i got covet twice that's weird it's all blurry okay all right so you are now plus two because you guessed the stock market bitcoin it was at 43 000 we both said it would go up hold on stock market i said down yeah so you got two points

and you got a point for that and a point for the other one. Wait, have we made predictions for the coming year? Oh, yeah. Good Lord. Dude. Sorry. All right. Stock market next year is going to go up. Really?

Yep. I hate to say down every single year, but I'm on a streak now. And one year streak. I think it's going to go down for the first half of the year. and then i think it's going to come roaring back at the end of 2023 i think it's going to be down and also yeah it's not you know as i've said before like everyone's a crybaby. It's not down. Everyone's still up for two years. Everyone. Yeah. Except Tesla. If, you know, tech got hit pretty hard, you're probably down.

That's probably what happened to you. Amazon's down more than 10. No, I think it's also because usually, you know, half my money's in bonds, and bonds went way down, too. That's the problem. I don't understand any of it anymore. I think I used to think. I don't even think I understand a little of it anymore. I used to maybe fool myself.

So next year, I'm saying up, you're saying down. Bitcoin was, we both said it would go up. It went from 43 to 17. So we were both wrong on that one. Next year, will it go up or down? I say it's going up. I don't want to say down. I think another one.

No, no, I'm thinking another crypto might go up or something else. Okay, and then earthquake. I said no. And once again, again you said yes you're so fucking negative and we did not have an earthquake it's a significant earthquake yeah i've given up on an earthquake is this the first year i say no and it happens you're gonna say no this year i'm gonna say i'm just done i'm done like i'm gonna say yes i'm gonna flip it happens i'm gonna freak out uh the question last year was will how big does it how big do we have to agree it's it's a big national news story i guess Let's say even over a 5.0 in L.A. would be big news.

I'd say we'll call it 6.0 plus. 6.0. That's huge. No, I mean, Northridge was six to Chris. What was Northridge? I think we should do it by the amount of damage that's caused. It's got to be more than $5 million worth of damage. You're right. Like, for instance, if this past year a five-whatever hit and it fucked up the city, I'd be screaming we had one. Let's call it $5 million. Northridge was $6.7 million. And it really depends on where it hits.

I say we say $5 million worth of damage. $5 million. That's fucking Kanye's house. What are you talking about? $20 million? No, it's like a billion. No, whatever. How about this? If it's over, if it's high fives, high fives are above. Yeah, high fives are above. By the way, you know the difference between a 6.7 and a 6.3 is actually very, very significant. All right. 5.5 or above. Okay.

All right. We'll debate it. Will Trump peacefully leave the White House was the question last year. That was a real question. You said yes. I said no. In fact, I was correct. He did not peacefully leave the White House.

You know, I could dig in a little. He left on time. He didn't say goodbye. He didn't go to the- He didn't say goodbye was not the question. He didn't go to the coronation. We didn't say goodbye. He didn't go to the. He didn't say goodbye was not the question. He didn't go to the coronation. We didn't say he wouldn't politely leave. He incited a fucking riot.

He sent tens of thousands of people to upset the vote. That is not leaving peacefully. Where am I right he's at? There's no proof he incited a riot. That has not been determined. Next question was, will he... All right, so that puts me at plus... Wait, you were plus two.

Bitcoin, we're both wrong. Earthquakes, I was right, so that puts you at plus one. And then... I'll give you Trump didn't leave peacefully. All right, so that puts us at even. But I think we were saying he won't leave the White House. Oh, please.

Peacefully. He got on that copter. He got on that copter. We both said he would be charged. He has not been charged. Yeah. Will Mike be in a relationship? I said yes.

You said no. Right. You are, in fact, in a relationship, and I am, in fact, up one right now. I am in a relationship. Look at that. And I was negative on that one, too. Or was I? Maybe I was just realistic. Georgia election. Will Democrats take the Senate? I said yes. At the time, there were two Senate races that were up. We won both of them. We took the Senate. Greg is now plus two. I was negative on that. Surprise, surprise. How did we win, George? That was crazy. That was insane. And then here's the big one. Who will die this year?

And then here's the big one. Who will die this year? The death pool. We each listed three people, and only one out of those six picks died. I said Bob Barker, Henry Kissinger, and Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth choked on it. Bob Barker's still alive? You said Bob Barker, Jimmy Carter, and yep,

Tony Bennett. All still alive, so I get another point for that. I'm plus three. We also said definitely will still be alive. I listed Mel Brooks. Yours says definitely alive DVD. What's DVD?

I still play DVDs. I think they're very much alive. Yeah. Now, who would be DVD? I mean, you wrote this, didn't you? I'm plus three. David Lee Roth. Donna.

Who would be DVD? I don't know. Oscar. Donna Who would be DVD? I don't know Oscar You said West Side Story Like the gay man that you are I said Belfast Like the Irishman I am In fact, Kota won

How did we not see that coming? How did we not hear that coming? Right out of the gate It's death well hunting It's a piece of garbage. The only good thing is a few less people spoke with a Boston accent. I wish I were I wish I were deaf for the other ones. But I but I think I bet no one. At all is talking about Coda. It's not even a year.

It's it's it will be fact the most forgotten one of the most forgotten movies of all time is it eight months ago seven maybe even no no no like 10 nine months ago nine months ago no one no i i forgot there was a movie coda who are you picking for this year's oscar are we going to? What about the Death Pool? Maybe we come back next week. Come back next week with what? Three names each? Yes. Okay, good. Next week, come back with three names each

and then also, I haven't researched the Oscars. We'll research the Oscars. I mean, yeah. I have not seen Tar. You know what movie has stayed with me? And it's not because I'm Irish, but the Banshees of Vinasharan or whatever. That's my pick. Even though it's actually a long shot, but I still think it'll win.

Best actor. We both picked Will Smith. He did, in fact, win. I guessed that he would slap somebody across the face. Interesting. That's the point. Interesting. All right, so at the end of the day, I am plus three.

Here's a little extra one. Let's just put it in there, and we'll do it now. But we'll come back with movies. Will Will Smith be married in a year? Wow. Smith be married in a year? Wow. I mean, at this point you could say it would have happened, right? Yeah. I think he's going to be divorced though. I think they're not going to be together and who knows how they'll define that. I say yes. And they will come up with some bullshit definition, like the new version of consciously uncoupling. Coupling. Right. Next question. Will we have writing jobs next year? I'm going to say for me,

yes. Well, wait, will we have worked in 2023? worked in 2023? Isn't that the question? Will we have worked? Well, let's say you work all year, but then the gig ends in December. Do you win? Well, define worked. Obviously, we're working somewhat. But I think will one of us have a 13-

I'm kind of not working somewhat. That's why I have to lay out my clothes. Will one of us have a 13- I'm kind of not working somewhat. That's why I have to lay out my clothes. Well, one of us have a 13-week contract with a television show. Oh, Jesus. Union? Union work? Union. Oof.

I don't know. I would say yes. I wasn't aiming that high. I have to. I have 16- This town is killing- Oh, wait. Hold on.

Writer's strike is due in June. Oh, wait, hold on. Writer's strike is due in June. Oh, that's right. Or May. All right, well, I don't know how you define working. I mean, we both work. Will there be a writer's strike? Yes.

Okay, that's good. Will there be a writer's strike? And I say yes. We both do. Okay. Because this is the first time they cry poor every year, but they can actually kind of cry poor this year, even though they still owe us money from streaming the fucking bastards. Yeah. OK. So Mike says we're going to work. Will Trump run for president in 2024? I say yes.

I say yes. I say yes also. Will Biden run for president in 2024? Oh, God. I don't know. I say yes. I'm a lot of yeses this year. Very positive. I know. You're such a pussy. You were too of yeses this year. Very positive. I know.

You're such a pussy. You were too many yeses last. Oh, now you're yes on a goddamn earthquake. That's not positive. Nope. I would, God, that's, I mean, yes. I'm going to say yes. Okay. Will Kamala be on the ticket?

Has she, you're predicting she's changing the pronunciation of her name? Will Kamala. Well, I came up with this question. Will she be on a ticket? Any ticket? I hope not. I say no. I say no also. Okay. Will someone make a joke about Will Smith at the Oscars? 100%. I say yes as well. And how funny he's banned. Like, it's a useless ban except that one day a year. I have not seen Emancipation, but we talked about it last year

because that was one of the kind of insider tracks of when he was the villain, the people involved in that huge budget runaway slave, I think it's a runaway slave movie, must have just shit themselves. Like, no, you just ruined it. Right. And sure enough, man, I think it went

right to streaming. I think it's out now. It was supposed to be he was going to get to, I mean, at least be considered for two Oscars in a row. Jesus. It all went away. I mean, who? Tom Hanks? And then who did it before then? Isn't that amazing? In 30 seconds, you can take one of the most beloved highest earning actors in, in, in,

and turn them into an unhirable person. Not only that, that guy could have run for president. Like he was, he was squeaky clean and a massive success story, and he was positive. Recording artists. And nice from every account I've heard. Yep.

All right. Will Brady, you have three choices. Brady will either still be playing for the Buccaneers, will he be traded, or will he retire? I'm going to say traded. Yeah, me too. Sorry. Really? Well, I heard some report or it came across my Instagram like they were talking about the Raiders and then the guy goes, I literally saw that all of my knowledge is based on 16 seconds.

And it was like Raider rumors, but Raiders wouldn't be right for him. And I think the one they chose was the Colts would be perfect for him. Well, so would the Patriots. Mac Jones sucks a bag of dicks. And Carr. He'd go back to. Oh, I haven't heard that one. Yeah. I told you that. Oh, I haven't heard that one. Yep.

I told you that time. He's saying he's under a one-year contract, more likely to leave as a free agent. That counts. We don't know the difference. We're idiots in sports. I don't know what that means. He's going to be traded. Another team. Another team.

Will Tesla's stock be higher next year? Oof. I say no. Although it's very low right now, so you never know. I think you stole that from me. Well, in a few minutes, we're going to talk about the safety of a Tesla, which is pretty remarkable. Pretty good. I'm going to say no also, of course.

Jesus, this is a boring one. We're both picking the same thing on everyone. Will Twitter be higher? I say no. I say yes. Okay. I don't know much about it, but the next question is why? Will Musk still be, will he still own Twitter?

Oh, I didn't know about own. Well, he already stepped down as a CEO, so. Oh, did he? Yeah. I'm a little out of the news cycle. I didn't know about own. Well, he already stepped down as a CEO. Oh, did he? Yeah. I'm a little out of the news cycle. I didn't know that. Yeah, I think he will still own Twitter because he's not going to give up that easily. Oh, then let's just, I think Twitter up or down is good enough.

Okay, let's leave out this one then. Because I'm going to agree with you. I think he'll still own it. Will either of us be in a self-driving car either drives us without a driver either behind the wheel yeah or as a passenger like like if we lived in san francisco the odds are drastically increasing we would be i'm gonna say no could be a bus i'm gonna say yes i say yes. I'm going to say yes. But you can't be in a driverless car with another person behind the wheel.

Then I'm going to say no. Okay. That means you're getting in a real, maybe you go visit Joe Rogan and he sends one for you. Is that what you're thinking? Or, you know, Pete Scott was just in town and he had a Tesla and he sends one for you? Is that what you're thinking? Or, you know, Pete Scott was just in town and he had a Tesla and he let me drive it. And I could

have put it on autopilot, I think. Alright. Alright, how many live podcasts will we do this year? One. I'm going to say two. I think we should I think we should do one at the Penmar and I think we should do it on a Sunday. That doesn't count. On a Sunday morning. On a Sunday morning.

Who would come to that? I think a lot of people would. Well, we stick around for good news for gubbins. We had an interesting run in it. All right. Check, check. All right, and final question. Two more questions. Will the conflict in Ukraine be resolved?

I say yes. God, I hate when you make me negative. I say no. I mean, a year is so short. Yep. All right. And finally, will Damar Hamlin, the guy from the Bills that was injured, the safety, will he be playing next year? Good Lord.

You put that question in there? Yep. I'm going to say no. It's, uh, I don't know anything about it, but you can fix a heart pretty easily. Not according to country music and a young man uh depending on what i don't know what happened does anyone know what happened yeah he got hit in between heartbeats there's something about your heart is electrical impulses and when you get hit in between pumps,

somehow it makes you vulnerable to this cardiac arrest that happens. I used to let my girls punch me as hard as they wanted in the chest. They'd be like, they'd even say a friend, like, watch, my dad lets me punch him. And they would go, I mean, they'd hit me hard. That's brave. No, it's incredibly stupid. It's not happening anymore.

If they do it, I smash them right back in the face that's my defensive thing i gotta work on all right and now all right i want to play something we didn't get to wait i have an idea uh oh the dana white oh that's a good one chris started writing maybe we predict the dana white Oh, that's a good one. Chris started writing. Maybe we predict the Dana White thing. What's the prediction? I think nothing happens. He stays in charge. And I think the. I think there's going to be a stay out of his business. It's between he, which is wrong, but I think that crowd is going to be like, I also like how many people thought that Will Smith did the right thing. Like it was incredible to me.

Yeah. So I do not think there will be significant punishment for Dana White. What do you think? I think you see it. Yeah, I saw it. She hit him first. So I think that gives him a little bit of an out. Well, I mean, I don't agree with that. I think if a woman hits you, you take the hit. mean i don't agree with that i think if a woman hits you you take the hit but she did hit him first so that gives him some justifiable you know he was hitting back uh nothing happens to him we're both saying the same thing yeah all right but it's a good one to remember next year because i bet we've forgotten it i mean i think it's or they're already moving on uh something that we've forgotten it. I mean, I think they're already moving on. Something that we've meant to play this past month during Christmas,

I don't think we played it. If we did, excuse me. But David Chamberlain from recordla.com put together something. You and I were riffing on the 12 Days of Christmas. David Chamberlain's amazing at this shit. If it were Florida, man. And he put together this little ditty, and I'd like to play it for you right now. All right.

All right. Put the go-to doodle front of the kids wreck nativity scene. Stole a car. Crashed the car into a cup. This is definitely year-end Florida Man Award nominee. That's incredible. Isn't that awesome? That is.

Hey, before we leave this, I just want to say, before we get to the logo, maybe if anyone has interesting predictions, they could write in for us to make. Yeah, that's good. We'll add those next week. Give us a couple topics you want us to make predictions on for next week. FitzDogRadio at gmail.com I'll answer all

your emails. You can send your logos and song submissions. This week's logo comes from Keith Hebert. It is the picture of the goalie from the World Cup holding up the trophy to his cock. Who am I? I'm just a Saudi prince? Oh, no, like the main Saudi dude.

Oh, okay. Like the main Saudi dude. Oh, OK. Yeah. Qatar official. I'm a Qatar hero. What am I saying? Saudi. Yeah, Qatar. And he was he was like the prince of he was like the prince of Qatar.

I can't believe they still have princes. Jesus. I want to be a prince. I mean, if you could have any job in the world, you don't want to be king. That's a lot of pressure, you know, and you got to do a lot of meetings. But to be a prince, the prince of Venice, that would be awesome. Did you really just say prince of Venice out loud? Well, Denman wrote it in.

That's why I said it. I mean, Gubbins is the mayor of Venice. Are you above him or below him? That's the beauty of Prince. You're not above or below anybody, but you have carte blanche to go anywhere. You have sovereign power. You don't even have a wallet. Princes don't have wallets.

Everything's on the arm. You know so much about princes. I had no idea. I'll wear purple. The song this week comes from Mitchie Mitch. Excellent, catchy tune, as always, from Mitchie. Very talented dude.

Thank you, Mitch. Corrections this week. I feel like we've already done a podcast. We haven't even started yet. Yeah, are we going to cut back on some? Yeah, let's cut back a little bit. All right, we'll play it by ear. Corrections. Greg, I'm just listening to your Tuesday afternoon podcast.

You asked if anybody know where Yonge Street is. Yonge Street was, I forget the reference. I think it was in a, it's in Toronto. It's the longest street in the world clocking in at 56 kilometers it's pronounced young despite the spelling we also have a main street called Avenue Road

am I just to sit here as you answer corrections for your other podcast no I think it was oh I think you're right that is meant to be for my other podcast how about a correction for this fucking shit that i have to put up with well i didn't realize you listened to my other podcast i'm flattered yeah um this one comes from paul fly guy uh banshees of

inishira and he says to me the plot was obviously about the establishment of the Irish Republic. Colin Farrell represented the free staters of the civil war who wanted peace. Brendan Gleeson represented the IRA fighting over the Anglo Irish agreement, which ceded six counties to the British in order for there to be peace between the two protagonists of the movie. The sacrifice of fingers had to occur. The fingers represent the northern counties that remained part of Britain. Wow.

He lost me a little there, but that's an interesting theory. You know, listen, the writer is worth his salt big time. And his sister moved, you know, Colin Farrell's sister moved to um to england and he wouldn't go that's not that's kind of not a spoiler god we got a letter about being spoilers anyway i really this movie is oh yeah i think colin farrell is going to win the oscar i i don't know if he'll be lead though he. He's not a lead. They put him in as best supporting actor. Are there already categories? I believe so.

No, there's no nominations yet, I don't think. I think there are. I'm very out of it, but I don't think so. Denman, can you pull up the Oscar nomination? Yes, the nominations are out. What? Yeah. No, I think that was maybe the preliminary list.

You know, it's fat. Okay. No, that's Brendan Gleeson. I did not like Spielberg's movie, and it's tanking. Oh, really? Yeah. Because you never know if that'll win an Oscar anyway just because it's Spielberg. Yeah, it was weird.

Did we talk about it? It's like he still had West Side Story. Oscar anyway, just because it's Spielberg. Yeah, it was weird. It was, did we talk about it? It's like he still had West Side Story. Like, like there's a scene, a dramatic scene. I'm not giving nothing away. There's a dramatic scene between two high school guys. They're kind of, they're in an argument in the hallway. And, and another guy enters and it was almost like it was choreographed and a bit flamboyant.

It felt like a musical. It was weird. Huh. And I told that to someone and they're like, you know, maybe the theory is this is how Spielberg remembered. And he has like kind of a filmic memory. So maybe there were certain styles. You know what I do want to see, though? A list of there was a scene when he lived in Arizona as a kid and there are all these kids on their bikes and it was it was E.T. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I would love to see other references

that you could then see in his movies from his childhood. Oscar nominations come out January 24th. So we'll see. That's a prediction I got right and you got wrong. They're not out yet. Let's go down to my dates. If you want to come see me do live stand-up comedy, Atlanta, Georgia. Punchline

Comedy Club, January 19-21. Portland, the Helium Comedy Club, January 26- through 21. Portland, the Helium Comedy Club, January 26th to the 28th. Philadelphia Helium, March 9th through the 11th. And just announcing Boston, Laugh Boston, coming up in the spring. Ads, let's talk. Why don't you talk about Green Chef? I always have to remind you of this, even though often I can't make it. I joined my dad in New York, but what about March 17th? Oh, yeah. St. Patrick's Day, March 17th at the Hollywood Improv.

You're right. Putting that in right now. God, I'm here. There's another prediction I made. You did not make that. Improv, March 17th. You going to be in town? I don't know.

I mean, there might be a gathering at the parade again with my dad. We'll see. All right. You want to do this ad for Green Chef? I don't know. I mean, there might be a gathering at the parade again with my dad. We'll see. All right. You want to do this ad for Green Chef? I do. I love them. They sent me some meals. It was great. Green Chef is a CCOF certified meal kit company. Green Chef. I'm going to just read a little

of this because I'm a little scattered. Green Chef makes eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, or just looking to eat more balanced meals. Green Chef offers a range of recipes to suit your preferences. So you can, listen, you can customize this stuff. You can kickstart it with keto.

You can change it over. You can do whatever you want. The menu's expanded. There's 30 recipes weekly. If you're craving more servings of it, now you can double the portions in your weekly order with just one click. Wow. Yeah. Help yourself to delicious, convenient recipes to support your healthy lifestyle and taste good to eat well in the new year. That's a resolution um and uh they have options every type of lifestyle um and if you're carb conscious lifestyle it makes it easy also it's sustainable it's organic produce premium proteins

and all that so all right i had the two recipes here this is what i did and this is all real i'm not making any stuff i they sent me tilapia with a creamy tomato sauce. And then another one was a chicken with garlic chard rice. Look, it's like a bowl. So Sophie, my daughter, and I both broke out our kits and cooked side by side. And they were done in the same amount of time. And then we ate dinner together and we loved it. Oh, nice.

No, it was really. And there were leftovers and we had them because we each did that meal and there was more than enough. And no, I loved it. So go to Green Chef dot com slash papers six zero sixty and use code papers 60, as I just said, to get 60% off plus free shipping. Greenchef.com slash PAPERS60. You're going to get 60% off and free shipping. It's highly encouraged to include the green. I'm reading the direction.

Like then Mike should say this. It's the number one meal kit for eating well. Get on it. You also want to get on. Look, NFL is here, baby. It's almost over. The playoff picture, that's when you got to start betting hard. Because now you've seen these teams all season.

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Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. And there's a bunch of, you have to see the disclaimer on our website if you want to read all the disclaimer stuff. If you have a gambling problem, call 877-8-HOPE-NEW-YORK. If you're in New York, there's a bunch of numbers that you can get on our website if you have a gambling problem. Okay. Let's get to the front page at 60 minutes into the podcast.

Not quite that long, but should we have an intermission? Almost exactly. Do it. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra!

Calificial, Califishal, California officials. That's what they should call them. Califishals. You're right. Say the driver of a Tesla that plummeted over 250 feet off San Mateo Highway Monday has been arrested for attempted murder and child abuse. Darmish. Insane. Darmish A. Patel.

Oh, boy. That doesn't sound American. Of Pasadena. Was behind the wheel of the vehicle when it went over the side of a coastal road on a spot known as the Devil's Slide. Should have seen it coming. Honey, let's go for a ride. Where do you want to go for a ride today, honey? I'm feeling kind of down.

How about the Devil's Slide? i wonder if there are signs 40 miles till devil slide 20 miles that one mile to oh boy also inside was four-year-old son seven-year-old daughter and 41-year-old wife all four survived and were transported to a local hospital for treatment for serious injuries uh They've collected evidence and developed probable cause to believe this incident was an intentional act. What do you think that is? Well. No, the evidence. Oh.

Do you think there's cameras videotaping you in a Tesla? Well, I would Well, did he, in his trip, was it like a funeral home? Did he put that in? Like, what was the final destination? Or beach, 200, devil's slide? Yeah. Well, here's a little tip. If you're going for that murder-suicide plunge off the PCH, don't do it in a state of the art vehicle made by the same people that build space shuttles.

Take my Prius. I could wipe out my whole family just going over a curb. If only Tesla's stock price crashed as safely as this car did. Listen, the guy, the car just instinctively followed the stock graph of Tesla's stock price. I wonder if the AI saw it coming. And I kind of wrote that as a joke, but I'm also serious. Like, you know, like now, have you had a car yet that knows where the lane is?

Yeah. And shakes when you try to cross the lane without a blinker? Yeah, my Subaru does that. Does it? Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Or maybe it warned everybody, like, stop your dad or brace for impact.

Maybe that big screen lit up with a message. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how they could tell he did it intentionally. I'm fascinated by this. And he probably he. All right. I wonder if you're I've never been like traumatized at a level.

I've never been traumatized. But like, do you remember going off the cliff? I mean, I think I would remember going off the cliff I mean I think I would remember going off the cliff no matter how hard I hit once I woke up I know sometimes you don't remember a single goddamn thing even from the 10 minutes before yeah um but he must be like what especially when he woke up I know a guy that got beat up. He was walking downtown. I think he was a little drunk. And he got jumped by a bunch of locals. And they beat the fuck out of him.

And they stomped his head. And he was in a coma. And then he came out of the coma and did not remember even seeing anybody. It reversed his memory to like a minute before anything happened. That's because the perpetrators were Italian. I don't remember nothing.

I didn't see nothing. I'm fine. I walked into that gate. Yeah. Alright, I came across this story. Jesus. Student is in custody after shooting teacher on Friday. It's always on Friday. Don't go to school on Fridays. I don't like Fridays. Newport News, Virginia, a six year old male first grader is in custody and a female teacher in her 30s is in the hospital with life threatening injuries.

Friday afternoon, following a shooting in the classroom at Richneck Elementary School in Newport News. and the police in Texas reacted just as fast and with the same force as they did in Uvalde. That's the only joke I could come up with, this fucking crazy story. Yeah, well, I mean, luckily there was no fatal shots. I mean, imagine when he's in second grade and he really learns how to shoot. I mean, did he bring a pistol in his backpack?

They said that there's metal detectors at the school. For first graders? Yep. There's metal detectors at the school. And maybe because it goes up to sixth grade. I don't know. Did he 3D print a gun? Is he that advanced? Yeah. My guess is that's the last time the teacher critiques his macaroni Batman. I mean, she's going to be all about support from now on.

We find out the whole class cheered him on. Once they realized he wasn't pointing the gun at them. I mean, come on. I mean, oh, Jesus. This is crazy. Denman's saying he shoots at an eighth grade level. Nice. Nice.

Here comes the judge. An Arkansas judge was charged Thursday with soliciting sex from a defendant's girlfriend in order to make the charges against her boyfriend move quicker through the judicial system. He said he is being blackmailed and immediately called the state police and FBI after the woman offered to do anything to expedite the process involving her boyfriend. So, I mean, when she told her boyfriend what the judge said, the boyfriend said, that's awesome.

I'm out of here. Oh, you want, sweetie? No doubt he would do that. It was probably his idea. Yeah. I mean, justice is blind, but it can still feel, Greg. I wonder, did the judges pick up blind? You think the jury's hung.

I'm done with my puns. Sidebar, side piece. Now I'm done. Whenever I see judges, the first thing I think of is the Ted Knight's quote in Caddyshack where he's talking to Danny. And he goes, Danny, I've sent boys younger than yourself to the electric chair. I didn't want to, but I felt like I owed it to them. There's a lot of those, like the world needs ditch diggers, too. Like there's a lot of smart lines that aren't really like total jokey.

You know what I mean? Yeah. They're very character. All right. In a related, I put this in here because I saw your judge thing. World's first robot lawyer will be defending a human in court next month. In February, AI developed by Do Not Pay will advise a defendant during an entire court case about a speeding ticket. The AI will run a smartphone listening into the proceedings of the courtroom before instructing the defendant

on what to say via an earpiece. Jeez. Will he call his self-driving Tesla to the stand to be cross-examined by the AI in his ear or by the remote camera that logged his speed? We don't need any people for the jury. And also, soon it's going to be a jury of robots. The judge is just a kiosk. You just swipe your card to pay the fine at the end.

I think from what I know about AI, it's going to scroll through famous things that have been said in courtrooms, like better to trust the rock of ages than to know the age of rocks separate, but equal the guys like I was, wait, this is about my speeding ticket. You can't handle the truth. This fucking robots just out of control. Yeah. It is almost like, you know, with the mafia guys have the lawyer always whispers in the guy's ear before he speaks. That's what this guy has. He's got the earpiece in.

I want to watch. I wonder if it'll be televised because it'll be like like he's holding his head, you know, here up to his earpiece. Like I plead the fifth. No, wait. Are you getting in a fight with the thing who's telling him to tell the judge to fuck off or something? Like, wait, wait, wait, what? Yeah. Or AI is so smart, it hears everything, and it's like, all of a sudden, it's like, I plead guilty. It's crazy. Oh, I just like this headline. this was literally a headline i read yesterday

terror group isis plots 2023 comeback i already have the t-shirt everyone's making a resolution man everyone yeah yeah yeah 2023 let's see. Bomb more. Do those jungle gym things more. Take less shit from Shaheen. Who the fuck does he think he is? I'm going to get three more wives. Allah, that means I have to plan three honeymoons and three bachelor parties. Meet a lot of virgins.

What do you think a bachelor party is like for somebody in ISIS? I mean, the guys the night before 9-11, those guys were in a strip club, so maybe they fucking go for it. Is it a big change to their lifestyle with women generally being such a non-citizen? I don't think they view it as like, all right, you're about to spend eternity as a not wearing the pants in the family anymore. Right.

Better get your ya-ya's out now. I think they're getting their ya-ya's out. Yeah. Who knows? I think we might be. Or they never get their ya-ya's out. Yeah. Who knows? Or they never get their ya-ya's out, so it's no change. Do you want to skip this next one? The kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, let's go down

to good news for gubbins. I love this. This is a piece of mail. It came in from a guy who's calling himself Charlie Hacker. I don't think that's his real name because this comes This is a piece of mail. Yeah. It came in from a guy who's calling himself Charlie Hacker. I don't think that's his real name because this comes from a golf course. What's up, Fitz Dog and Mike? My name is Charlie, and I met you guys last Saturday at the Royal and Ancient Penmar by the Sea. I remember him.

That's our golf course that we play. I listen to Sunday Papers and Fitz Dog Radio Weekly, and I've been playing Penmar since I was a kid, so I was stoked to see you guys there, and you were both very cool. What was even cooler was when I got to the first tee, and there he was. Gubbins in the flesh. Now, the reason I knew this man was Gubbins because he was smoking a joint on the first tee box.

Most of us would usually wait until maybe the second tee, but not Gubbins. It's true. He stands on the fucking first tee. And the whole restaurant is like three feet away. Okay. I'm not sure if this is in Gubbins' defense, but he had just played nine with us and had already done some smoking. Yeah. Some.

Yeah. I think that's in his defense. So it wasn't really his first hole. just played nine with us and already done some smoking. Yeah, some, yeah. I think that's in his defense, so it wasn't really his first hole. So I went and introduced myself and asked if, in fact, he was Govans, which he was. Nice guy until I mentioned I listened to Fitz Dog Radio on papers. Then he became a really nice guy. He bribed me with a pre-rolled joint and asked me to please email you and say that he should be on the show. I got really stoned from the joint he gave me.

So I say, let him on the show. Eventually. Anyway, it was a trip seeing the Papers crew and the Wild and at the Wild and whatever Venice Country Club, no less. Thanks for all the laughs, Charlie Hacker. That's fucking hilarious. He is campaigning with marijuana. If you want to get people to do things, the last thing you want to do is give them marijuana. And listen, we shouldn't bring this up, but Charlie Hacker is an eight-year-old boy. That's right. So it's so inappropriate. Yeah. That's a prediction. Will Gubbins

be on the Sunday Papers podcast in 2023? Oh, all right. Let's add that. I'm going to say no. Well, that makes it rather easy for me. You're the boss. I was going to say

yes. Dennis, I said yes're the boss. I was going to say yes. All right. Dennis, I said yes, for the record. This guy, by the way, Charlie Hacker, just out of coincidence, he came up to me and he was very excited. And then I saw his father. I didn't realize it was his father, and I said hi to him because I had just played golf with his father like a couple weeks before. His father is a lawyer, entertainment lawyer.

Nice guy. Nice. This was a – we got a group text with a bunch of us on it. And Gubbins posted this, and I thought it was very funny. There's a guy named Colin, and his handle on – it might be Instagram – is at Cheeseburger. No, Cheeserburger. No, Cheeser Burger. Oh, Cheeser Burger. And his joke was, what happens when you come at an orgy?

Do you just go sit out and watch like you've been shot in a paintball game and you're waiting for the next round? That's fucking genius. That's a perfect joke. A shameful splotch on your belly, just like paintball, and you just sit there like, yeah. Because after you come. I'm out.

I'm out of ammo. After you come, your interest in sex, it's amazing. Kevin Nealon has this great bit about watching a porn movie, and he's reviewing it, and he's saying, really good acting acting very sexy women getting very uh very into it uh don't care at all don't care at all about the movie i don't know why it's on uh starting to get a little interested again a little bit um but to be in an orgy, which you've got to think, it's not going to be crisp white linens and roses and Bach playing. It's going to be some seedy fucking setup with a mat on the floor.

And it's going to feel germy. And after you come, you're just going to go like, where am I? What the fuck am I doing? She's not attractive. Look at that guy's asshole. It would change so fast. I love, even with your description, you had no problem coming. Even with your description in that room.

That's what I mean. Yes, exactly. Well, wait. So you know there have been articles in the LA Times. There are many high end sex parties. Right. And I guess they're in every city, but there's a lot in L.A., of course. Yeah.

Nothing's changed since the Manson murders. And they are high end. But I think, you know, it's less of a full out, you know, eight bodies all over. I mean, it's more than two often, I think. But I guess there you put your really nice clothes back on and you have a cocktail in your hand, I guess. I've never been to one. I've never been to one. I know there was an article in The New Yorker about it, about how frequent it is. And it's like a lot like studio heads and like, you know, with smoking hot wives.

Sometimes they're wearing masks, like eyes wide shut type thing. And women, I think they charge everyone, but I think women like recruit. They want them to feel safe. Anyway, maybe I read the same article as you. It was like, they, they were like social promoters. They were married. Then they went to Indonesia and they were very good at setting up parties, legit parties in clubs for tourists. And then he came up with this idea. She was very supportive. They moved back to LA, but then like he got so obsessed with his idea, but also that lifestyle.

Anyway, I think it was made into a, there was definitely a podcast on it, but it was because it broke up the couple. Anyway. Let me ask you this. Would you and your girlfriend go to one of those parties? No. Wow, you didn't even hesitate.

Is that because you don't think she would go, or is that because you don't want to go? Or because you don't want to have someone have sex with her? I think it's the safest answer, so I immediately blurted it out, and then I could think about it. But also, I don't think she would. No, I think I'm answering for her. And I don't know. I would just have a curiosity, I guess. Maybe that's now.

Now I'm getting to the wrong answer. Now I'm getting to the wrong answer portion. I would do it. Well, they are certainly around, and you know people have been to them, Greg. I am sure in your entertainment life. Oh, there's no doubt Craig Kilborn's been to one of those parties. And Bill Maher. No, no, no.

Bill Maher, maybe. Craig is rather prudish, actually. Really? No, he is. He used to, like, yeah, I remember, like, back when we would do Madonna jokes. Jesus, it was 20 years ago. But he then would be like, I don't want to do any more of those. You know, even though we were, you know, highlighting her, the sluttiness of whatever story that was happening.

Wow. Yeah, it was weird. No, no. And he is he's actually he's actually pretty conservative socially. Yeah. All right. let's get to entertainment. Oh, okay. Ben Burgess writes in, Mike's confused take on the last episode of White Lotus resolved. Mike talked about why wine and- Hold on, hold on.

Someone fucking got furious that we spoiled. Oh, yeah, this is a spoiler so here's a spoiler for a minute yeah just fast forward one minute if you don't you don't want to hear this mike talked about why wine and dine her before killing her why not just kill her could that be that since they were trying to stage her death as a drowning close to the hotel shore they wanted her to have drugs in her system to back up the reason for her drowning by the hotel. Other theory, Italian hit men have riders in their contracts to party and have sex before

hits. I like his other theory. But listen, I haven't thought about it a lot, but his first theory, listen, the guy had rope and a gun. They showed how he was going to kill her. I don't think, also, I don't think it matters how she dies. She could be killed as long as they find the body. They get the insurance money. Right. Yeah. So I don't think it matters. I mean, they could have bashed her head in with rocks and left her on the beach. I mean, they probably wanted a clean killing, but whatever.

I mean, you could also put drugs in her system. Hello. Like one Oh one. Anyway, uh, Andy beach wrote, you know how Spotify has that blue label. Anytime a podcast talks about COVID, maybe they need a label where they, where a show is hosted by two guys who work in entertainment, mind you, who in 2022 still can't grasp modern TV watching and spoilers. Fuck me. The wife and I were just last night guessing the outcome of the gay crew and

Jennifer Coolidge. Can't your beloved West Coast media pull down episodes, edit for fuck-ups, then repost? Big fan, period. I guess, period. Well, I know we told him to fast forward over that last thing, so maybe he didn't even hear that. Maybe he didn't hear us read his mail.

He might not have heard us, but I think he'd be proud now. I referenced him before we even got to his letter nate heinz says watch south side on hbo season three just started but start with season one episode one did you see south side no what is it i'm assuming it's about chicago i don't know but i i put it in here because i've heard it now from several people that it's a good show, so maybe we need to put it on our list. Okay, what have I heard? All right, there's a movie I watched, which was fun,

and it was just one thing, and it was on, was it HBO? Anyway, it's called The Menu. Have you seen it? Oh, yeah. What's his name is in it? Ralph Fiennes, something? Right and one of the finds brothers and uh the one the one who who's the evil guy in harry potter i think it's him so anyway

uh there's a lot of big names in it a lot of big names too many big names the the woman from you know the chess series Joy yeah I think that is her name Joy anyway it was not great but

it was nice watching like a short film thing I also watched I'll tell you something that's great huh I'll tell you something that's great oh go ahead The Last Movie Stars

with Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. It's a docuseries about their lives. Fucking spellbinding. Wow. Their lives are so incredible. First of all, she was the most respected actress in the country for years. She won the Oscar for Three Faces of Eve.

And she was, it's funny becauseaces of Eve, and she was... It's funny because she was pretty, but she wasn't gorgeous. But there was something very sexual about her. Like, they talked a lot about that she liked to fuck. Like, before Paul Newman, during Paul Newman. What? They talked about that? They converted their garage into,

they called it the fuck house. And they put mattresses and stuff in the garage. This can't be true. Yeah. Yep. Alright. But, they both went to the neighborhood playhouse, which is the acting school that I went to in New York.

You know who else went there? Brando. Tons of people. Jimmy Dean. Yeah. Marilyn Monroe. They were all like buddies out here. I know like I read stories about like where they're partying in town and they kind of were, you know, young and bad. But it was James Dean and Marilyn. And you know who was in that group? She was in the Poseidon Adventure. She was large. Yeah. Oh, God. I'm the fucking worst with names. Anyway, she was like Marilyn's best friend or something.

Oh, yeah. And who else was in that? Carl Malden. Chris, help us out. Carl Malden. Yeah. Oh, was he? But Paul Newman. Shelly Winters.

Yeah, Shelly Winters. Paul Newman was always not getting the roles that Brando was getting. He got nudged out of every movie by either, not just Brando, but also Jimmy Dean. Like, he got pretty close on East of of Eden and he didn't get it. But then he did HUD, which was kind of like seemed like a James Dean character. But they talked to. Well, whatever. We'll talk more about it. But start watching that. It's great. I also saw something. I'm not going to remember what it was, but Aubrey Plaza. I look for like the highest rated movies this year.

I look for like the highest rated movies this year and Aubrey Plaza plays someone who's trying to get by and has student loans and she's in Los Angeles and she works for a catering company. But then someone says, hey, there's another way you call this number. And that that's the premise is there's you could do something illegal, not that illegal, but it has to do with fraud. And anyway, I'll look up that movie. But I watched that, and it wasn't a bad little movie. So you're promoting something you can't think of the name of on a podcast? No, I'm going to get it right now. It's going to take me 10 minutes. In the meanwhile, I'm going to start this story about Billy Bush. He got caught. Let's skip this one.

Emily the Criminal. Is it called Emily the Criminal? I think so. There you go. Yeah. Emily the Criminal. Not a memorable name. It's a little on the nose and it's also has a spoiler in it um what else wait hold on what else is there anything else that's out

there oh I've heard to watch Tulsa have we talked about it? I watched Tulsa King. Me and the wife. It's awful, and you can't stop watching it. He's such a bad actor. He does not listen. He has his lines prepared in his head, the way he's going to say them, as if every line is going to be quoted. He's got an I'll be back line.

Everything is very macho and hard, but yet the series is addictive. So if you want some dumb TV, Tulsa King. What are you reading, Mike?

I'm reading someone recommended The Place, This Place, on HBO Max you reading mike i'm reading someone recommended someone recommended the place this place this place on hbo max about the 20 something in a suit oh yeah fucking with right wingers okay that's more of a comedy thing uh yeah tulsa okay then someone recommended navalny n-a-V-A-L-N-Y, doc about a Russian opposition leader. Huh. Okay. Okay. That's all I got. Navalny is, right? He's the guy that got poisoned.

Right, right, right. I forgot. All right. This one is about Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting were just 15 when they were when they electrified audiences in the 1968 version of Romeo and Juliet directed by Franco Ziffarelli the film was a hit nominated for four Academy Awards but also

stirred controversy over a bedroom scene which included images of Whiting's buttocks and Hussey's bare breasts now in their 70s Hussey and Whiting's buttocks and Hussey's bare breasts. Now in their 70s, Hussey and Whiting filed a lawsuit accusing Paramount of sexually exploiting them and distributing nude images of adolescent children. Here's their leverage.

They're like, if you don't pay us, we will show those body parts again now. Exactly. They were promised that they wouldn't be shown. And in fact, they were. I mean, 15. That's pretty. He apparently he's being represented by Hirschfeld and Weiss, and she's being represented by the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Is that who she was signed with? She was like 15. Yeah. That was her agency at the time too what a coincidence yeah uh i actually was my whenever i

read nudity in the news i immediately like google search it so i can see what nudity they're talking about and i started to with this and i stopped i'm like it's child porn if i find the image i now have child porn on my computer you just type type in 15-year-old, and then there's autofill, and you're like, oh, man, I do this too often. Jesus. I mean, do they have any chance? First of all, how are they going to prove that? I mean, do they have their contracts? Maybe.

Was it in the contract, the promise? Ziffirelli's dead, so they can't cross-examine him. He swore to them that they would not show any of the body parts. They said that they suffered career damage from it and mental duress. There was a whole thing about how it fucked up their lives. And they're just realizing that now? Yes. 55 years later.

Maybe they both just saw it for the first time and are like, oh! Is this why I haven't worked in 68 years? Yeah. What? I don't know. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck. I mean, Brooke Shields was only 15 in Blue Lagoon,

but I think they used a body double for most of it. She was older. No, no, no. I think you're a body double for most of it. All right, let's do it. She was older. No, no, no. I think you're thinking about Pretty Baby. Oh, maybe that was it. Yeah. But there's always that.

There's even like, you know, I remember seeing, I think, a documentary on The Exorcist and even the stuff she had to say, like, and she was a child. Yeah. Your mother sucks cock in hell. Yeah. documentary on the exorcist and even the stuff she had to say, like, and she was a child and like, it was a big cock in hell. Yeah. There was like a lot of, uh, you know, you had approval from the parents and they had to have a psychologist on set and all that stuff. Let's go down to Florida, Mike. Mike. We're going to make America Florida as we do every week. I loved the, again, it's there are the jokes are in it. Police in Naples are searching for a man who allegedly chucked a beer at an

infant. I did not put the word chucked in there. That was in there. According to WBBH, the man was thrown out of Virginia's Italian restaurant Monday night for being overly intoxicated. A witness states that he was exiting. When he was exiting, he began screaming at a family that was saying their goodbyes on the sidewalk. As he stormed out, he proceeded to throw an entire beer. Oh, sorry. Quote, as he stormed out, he proceeded to throw an entire beer on my five-month-old baby who was in her stroller doing absolutely nothing wrong, the mother said.

I saw my baby scared like I've never seen before, soaking wet in beer well look you know a girl a girl soaked in beer in florida that that could just be spring break that could just be a wet t-shirt contest they start early down there i mean how cautious first of all how fucked up is the family that the mother's defense was my My five month old was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Like what? What five month old does something wrong? I think I know what she meant. Like, listen, I'm not defending the guy, but if the thing is crying uncontrollably, haven't you wanted to throw a drink on an airplane on a crying baby i have yes yes and that is wrong yeah um but also i saw my baby scared like i've never seen before comma soaking wet in beer well i hope the soaking wet in beer you haven't seen before either i mean you put that in there

right um well everybody was a little wound up. They just ate Italian food in Florida, which is enough to make anybody angry. And the baby slept like a rock that night. So maybe it's not so bad. They learned a little something. Okay, the next one. Christy Vadnay and also

Jerry Jordan they both were nice they're listeners of the podcast and they sent this in a couple was arrested Saturday after one of them called 911 to get help with moving their belongings from a home they were burglarizing

yes this is in Florida deputies responded to a home they were burglarizing. Yes. This is in Poinciana, Florida. Deputies responded to a home in Polka County after a 911 call was made, but nobody spoke. At the home, deputies concluded that nobody lived there. However, they found a male suspect and his girlfriend inside the home after entering it through an unlocked door. While talking to deputies, the female suspect told them that she had called 911 to have law enforcement help them move their belongings from the house. They also wanted to get a ride to the airport so they could spend the weekend in New York, the sheriff's office said.

Of course they did. Of course. These people are living the life they're going to new york for new year's eve i love these stories where you're left thinking are they brilliant or the stupidest people ever yeah right right like if they had pulled that off first of all i don't think that precinct goes after them again because all that officer that drove them to the airport is going to do is lose the paperwork lose the paperwork lose the paperwork yeah there's officer that drove them to the airport is going to do is lose the paperwork, lose the paperwork, lose the paperwork. Yeah. There's such incentive for them to forget about this couple, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I just want to be, I want to be the couple that they're meeting in New York, you know? Like, you know a good time's coming. It's like, what are the plans for New Year's? We don't know where we're going, but Sandy and Rick are coming up from Florida, and those guys fucking bring it. Something good's going to happen. Yeah. Sandy and Rick, what are we up to?

I don't know. We're having the fire department pick us up at JFK, and then we're going fucking crazy. We found an apartment in the East Village. No one's there. We can hang out there for a while. Yeah. It's totally great.

Authority's going to be involved at every level. All right, let's get to sports. Here it is. Push in our bet with the Buccaneers. Here it is. It was a push in our bet with the Buccaneers. They lost to Arizona by a half a fucking point. Well, with the spread, yes.

With the spread. I think it was three and a half points, and they lost by three. And then Carolina, the Bucs beat Carolina last week. So we are back at $400 that I'm down. I feel really good about this week coming up. We're playing Atlanta. Atlanta is giving the Bucs three and a half points. I want to suggest to you, Mike, since it's the end of the season. Okay. Let's kick it up to a C note. A hundred bucks. A hundred bucks. Yeah. Whatever the spread is at game time, as we always do, sure. Three and a half points.

We don't know that yet. That's what it is now. That's what it's been all week. It's been sitting at three and a half all week. You don't know what's going to happen. Tom might not show. That's true. That would probably help me.

I had written down here that we had a side bet, the Rams versus the Broncos. Did we bet on the Rams versus the Broncos? I mean, it's easy to go back to the – I don't remember that. If any of our listeners can remember, did we make a bet on the Rams versus the Broncos? I hope so because the Rams – I would have taken the Rams, and they won 51-14. So somebody let us know, and we'll give you a taste of the winnings. I definitely would have bet against the Rams, so I'm starting to get scared that this might be true.

Yeah. Okay. Why would I do that? FittsDogRadio at gmail.com. All right. Let's get to – what do we got? Technology. The one down international.

Let's do some international. Why don't we save some for next week? Let's save some. Yeah, let's save some. We'll get down to, yeah, this international one. Oh, okay. You want to read the one about P. Was that my story or your story?

Yours, of course. An Air India flight from New York to Delhi. Delhi. Where a passenger walked up to a woman seated in business class and urinated on her and nothing was done about it. And the narrative that... Because it's old Delhi. It's not new Delhi. And the narrative that this happens on Air India is being reinforced because 10 days

after that incident, another man urinated on a woman in Air India, this time on a Paris to Delhi flight on December 6th. Once again, little was done about it. There was no penal action after the accused gave a written apology. Sounds like there was some penal action, actually. If he's guilty, they're going to slam his penal in a door. Well, I read a little about this story. He was not supposed to use business class.

He was supposed to pee on a woman and coach right it's the caste system in india he went up through the curtain so uh yeah that's that's why it was even noticed yeah but he'll but nothing will be done i mean for some people that is business class getting those extras you know yeah some guys. Some guys like to get peed on on the fly. But I guess they did nothing. They didn't offer her, like, a blanket or whatever. And fucking. Maybe next time she'll want less leg room, a little less.

Make it harder to get peed on. Yeah. I mean, listen, I don't, I mean, is the second story really true? I mean, it happened twice? Yeah. What does that mean? Is that something that happens in India?

Do people pee on women? Imagine being in the plane and you see that. Yeah. And I don't know. Do people applaud? I have no idea what's going on. I don't know. Well, let's get to science where we understand everything.

Yeah, we sure do. All right. I read this headline. This is a short story. All right. I read this headline. This is a short story. The headline literally in the science magazine said, are black holes time machines? Yes, but there's a catch. And I thought the catch was, and it is also a catch, that you can't get there to get out. You have to travel faster than the speed of light, you know, all that stuff. But there's also another small catch and the scientific term,

it's called spaghettification. And as you cross the event horizon, which is that tipping point also where you go into the hole and you can't see and no more light escapes from it, you would be stretched flat like a noodle. In fact, you'd probably be stretched so thin, you'd be a string of atoms spiraling into the void. But other than that, yes, theoretically black holes are great time machines. Huh. I did read the article and it's all a theory of relativity and Einstein. So the gravitational pull, this is part of it. The gravitational pull is so strong that it slows things down. And even, you know, like a clock, if it's next to a big

enough object, that clock will go slower because of the gravitational pull to that large object than a clock that's not near a large object. So for instance, if you and I, Greg, went up there and got close enough to that gravitational force, and we hung out there a month, there's a world, depending on how close we were, when we came back to Earth, in a month, it would be a year later. It would only be two weeks later. Oh, it would be a year later. Oh, because it moves slower, because you're slower next to it, right. Right.

So, in other words, in effect, but then it gets so complicated. And you'd lose weight because you'd be spaghettified. Well, there's also that. And we'd be Italian. Whatchamacallit, there's also crazy theories about because it's a loop, you could actually travel back in time also, but that's when it lost me. Huh. Yep. Interesting. Very interesting. Sure sure that's why it's in there this day in history

i remember this because i had just started doing comedy a few years earlier and this was something every fucking comedian in the world was talking about january 8th 1992 president george hw bush vomits on the prime minister of japan uh one of the most widely ridiculed and memorable gaffes in the history of the united states presidency occurred in japan uh when he vomited uh prime minister uh Kichi Maezawa was hosting a dinner in honor of the state visit. Bush was 67. He was playing doubles tennis with the emperor of Japan and his son that morning.

During dinner, however, Bush suddenly felt ill. He leaned forward, then fell to his side, vomiting into the lap of his host the prime minister bush then fainted as his wife barbara his aides and members of his secret service swiftly attended to him he was revived within moments and was able to leave the dinner under his own power apologizing for the incidents that's i don't know younger viewers listeners can't even imagine. Like, it was such, George W., H.W. Bush, was so formal. Yes. He was the oldest school.

He was the head of the FBI, right, or CIA. He's a G-man through and through. He, like, was so stiff. Like, one of his big downfalls was they asked him, like, how much a gallon of milk costs. He's like, ah, ah, ah. Like, he hadn't shopped for his own food since he was like, you know, 17. Probably never. And Japan is so rigid and formal. This was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It was like he bowed, he bowed,

which you're supposed to do, but then he vomited as he bowed. And, uh, yeah, that I, God, I can't remember. I used to have all these jokes in my act about it. Everybody did. It was, like, the go-to joke. Yeah. Well, I don't think it was as bad as the time Truman dropped two A-bombs on Japan. That's true.

I think that gaffe, I think that was a little more uncomfortable. Right, because from what I remember, I think that gaffe, I think that was a little more uncomfortable. Right. Because from what I remember, the Prime Minister of Japan didn't melt when he vomited in his lap, right? Generations weren't affected through their just ravaged DNA. Right. Yeah. All right. Let's get to the obituaries.

And that's all, folks. Sadly, we have a lot to choose from. We enjoyed it. By the way, we took one week off. I think that was the only week we took off all year, right? I don't know about that. Maybe. There's only one more, probably.

We might have taken one other one. So that was it. We enjoyed our week off, our New Year's Eve. We missed you guys. But in the meantime, we one. So that was it. We enjoyed our week off, our New Year's Eve. We missed you guys. But in the meantime, we had several deaths that we need to address. Pope Benedict the 16th, he was the first Pope to resign

office voluntarily since 1294. Jesus. Yeah, well, many others should have. He succeeded the popular Pope John Paul II And he served until 2013 when he stepped down

Usually you Do it until death So He was born Joseph Ratzinger In Germany And from a young age I think he was Drafted into the Hitler Youth I believe you're right in Germany. And from a young age, I think he was like he was drafted

into the Hitler Youth. I believe you're right. He was part of the Hitler Youth for a little while, which was a bad sign for a future pope. So then he studied and whatever.

Let's just cut to it. He shifted dirty priests who molested children all around the world. He oversaw it as a bishop. He oversaw it as a cardinal. And he oversaw it as a pope. He was a disgusting piece of shit.

And he's going straight to hell. Who else died? It's an interesting way to cover up your Hitler youth. Like the old trick, look over here. Right, right. Sex with children. Certainly that'll steal some headlines away from my Hitler youth. Right, right. Sex with children. Yeah. Certainly that'll steal some headlines away from my Hitler youth.

Right. Barbara Walters passed away. I had the pleasure of meeting her. I did The View one time. Nice. Yeah, and I was backstage with her, and she was showing me, at the time, the new Palm Pilot. Boobs?

Her new boobs. And she was explaining the Palm Pilot to me, and we had a very nice moment. We hung out for like 15 minutes. And that was in 2015. 2015. I never met her. An interview she did with Trump went around uh viral this week and she was tough yeah she was tough about what a bad businessman he was dude did you see the interview she did

with richard pryor no where she said the n-word really yeah she's like i just don't know about and i'm uncomfortable saying this but uh the word and then she said it and then she said it again and richard pryor was like what the fuck it got yeah and it heated up this was many years ago obviously but it does not play well today at all. Right. Well, Richard Pryor famously, I don't know if he stuck to his guns, but after a trip to Africa, he came back and swore he'd never say it again. Right. Right.

So anyway, she interviewed Catherine Hepburn, Michael Jackson, Monica Lewinsky, Margaret Thatcher, Fidel Castro. She interviewed everybody. Everybody. And. She interviewed everybody. Everybody. She was the interview. That was the Barbara Walters interview. Right. That's when you knew you made it.

Yeah. So she made her way up and was on 2020 for many years, ABC Evening News, The View. 2020. Rest in View. 2020. Rest in peace. And then finally, in the sports world, Pelé. Pelé. How do you say it?

I said Pelé, but I may be wrong. It's not Pelé. I think it's Pelé. Brazilian soccer legend, record-holding winner of three World Cups, died of colon cancer. He he was 82 considered one of the soccer i as there's a there's an argument about if he's the goat i mean people are all yelling screaming about now how messy's the goat but messy only won one world cup and i saw this video that was sent to me by ian edwards showed all the fancy moves, passes and such,

that Ronaldo and Messi have made. They showed Pele doing the same moves first. And my son is like, eh, but he played in Brazil and it wasn't the same competition. He never played in the other leagues. Yeah, because Brazil was the best soccer league in the world. All the great soccer players at that time were Brazilian. It's why they won the World Cup three out of four competitions in a row.

Also, yeah, then he went to the New York Cosmos. Right. I went to Pele's last game. My dad was a businessman in New York and somehow got tickets. He was in a rather new, I think, giant stadium. And he played the first

half for the Cosmos, I believe, and the second half for Brazil. Yeah. And I think he scored for both. And I remember, I think they were giving him a little room, but I think he got for both. And I remember, I think, and I think they were giving him a little room. But I think he got a bicycle kick, too. Someone can check me on that.

Wow. Yeah, I saw him also in Giants Stadium playing for the Cosmos. Maybe he was at the same game. Was I at the last game? I remember it was a big deal. It was definitely his last year. I don't know if it was the last game. But don't people think

maradona is the best the goat the best ever people try to argue that but you can't really you can't really argue with messy right now also ronaldo people fucking hate that guy now he's a real douchebag why i thought he was a good guy nope not a good guy at all he's selfish did you see him try to take credit for that header uh his teammate crossed the ball and he went up to head it missed. The ball went in and then he started celebrating that he got the goal and they credited him with the goal. And then much later took it away from him in super slow-mo. They realized that he never touched it. Oh, wow. But, but like just lots of stuff. He's a shitty guy. I don't know.

I've seen a lot of stories about where he's a good guy. Well. Anyway, but if someone, if some listener is objective and a real student of football, soccer, send your list, the top five, I guess, or three, four. Well, I guess, how many would be considered? I mean, I guess there's guys on England and Germany we'd have no idea about.

But it's Pele. I mean, some people say Ronaldo, I guess. But Maradona, for sure Maradona, Messi. And now you got this new guy, Mbappe, from France, who is the future of the sport. He is on track. I mean, he won a World Cup. He was a runner-up in a World Cup.

And he's a superstar. All right, let's get to the funnies to cheer up. Let's cheer up, everybody. We always cheer up with the Sunday funnies, Mike. We're going to do that, and that's my prediction. We're going to keep doing it. Nothing puts a smile on my face like this. Medieval rapist.

Yes. The great, great Hager the Horrible. He's walking down the street with his wife. A beautiful woman walks by in a dress. Hager yawns, and then his wife kisses him, and he goes, what did I do to deserve this? And they don't show the next frame, but she said, thank you for not raping that woman in front of me.

That's so unlike you or you didn't rape her again you're just bored with her yeah that's what happened yeah uh and then all right we'll skip his next one lock horns um he is at he is at the store, and the saleswoman is holding up a dress, and he goes, I know that's what I gave my wife last year, but she returned it. And then she's paying the bills, and she says to him, be careful not to look directly at what we owe. I like it. Jokes. Then we got Leroy at the doctor's office. And I put this one in for you, Mike.

And the doctor says to Leroy, you need to lower your blood pressure, cut out salt, red meat, and Jets games. Yep. I thought the Jets were getting excited. I guess they're now done forever. Are they out for the year already? God, they lost like four in a row. No, yeah, they're done. Their quarterback sucks ass.

One of the smartest, best far sides ever, which I can say about a lot of them, actually. So there's a setting where you see a little island and then the water around the island. And there's like, would you call those platypus? Yeah. They look like webbed footed, long billed things. Yeah. It could be a platypus. I think it's like kind of like prehistoric sea creatures that look kind of like a cross between a platypus and I mean, I don't even know what else, almost a manatee. And one of them's holding a baseball bat. And the three of them are laser focused on their baseball, which is up on the sand. And they're right at the edge of the water looking up. And it's great moments in evolution.

And I just remember the first time I saw that, I'm like, this fucker is so funny and smart. Great. Yeah. And it's, I'm sure it's in like science rooms where people are like, you know, that's exactly, you know, how many species evolved actually is, you know, need. Yeah. Speaking of need, Blondie, the boss shows up. So in the first frame, Dag was in a tuxedo and so is his boss outside on the front stoop. And the boss says, Cora and I had a huge argument.

Can I spend New Year's Eve with you? And he goes, sure, okay, boss. Way to fucking protect your... And they come in, and Blondie is wearing this sherbet, like a raspberry sherbet-colored dress with matching shoes. She's got a party hat on. She's clearly worked on her hair,

and she's sitting on Dagwood's lap sideways with her legs across him right on his cock, and they're watching the TV, and it's counting down together, 10, 9, 8, and then in the next frame, Blondie and Dagwood are both asleep, and the boss says, safe to say 2023 can't be much worse than tonight. And I just think, once again, here's a chance.

I'm not saying you got to, on Groundhog Day, you don't have to make a big fucking deal with your wife. But New Year's Eve, Dagwood, have a cup of coffee. Man up, kiss your fucking wife at at midnight and then take her upstairs and throw a move on her and instead you're sitting on the couch with your boss asleep what a fucking tragic waste of a woman i just i feel like there should be a book written about the tragedy that's blondie's life and the potential it's almost like miss lady Chatterley. You ever read Lady Chatterley's Lover? No, it's been banned in my library forever.

Oh, my God. It's like that, a woman who's dying inside because of the marriage that she's trapped in and how boring it is. But in that book, at least she goes off and she gets some cock. But Blondie gets nothing. She just stays with him. It's not a classic. It's not a classic.

It's not a classic like Chatterley. Mike, we've hit the almost two-hour mark. We gave the people a nice big podcast for the new year. Look what happened. We thank you guys for tuning in and staying with us. Tell your friends. My other resolution is to grow this podcast this year. We're going to do some live ones.

I like that. We're thinking about coming to St. Louis and doing a show in... When is that? In February? Denman? What month is that? I can't remember. That would be the one we do. But it helps us if you go to Apple Podcasts and

give us a comment and some stars. Tell your friends. Get on board. We want to also have you support our sponsors. Follow us on YouTube, right? Follow us on YouTube and the Greg Fitzsimmons channel. Subscribe. And also go to greenchef.com slash paper 60 and get 60% off plus free shipping on your order.

And don't forget also if you want to do a little gambling during this football season, then you're going to download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code PAPERS. New customers can bet $5 on the NFL and get 200 in free bets instantly. Okay. Thank you to Midcoast Media. They've been through a lot this week, and we thank them for their support. Mike, anything you want to

promote? Happy New Year. What do I want to promote? Atlanta beating Tampa Bay? No, I got nothing, really. My recommended shows I've heard are good. Okay. I think that's it. All right shows I've heard are good. Okay. I think that's it.

All right. I hope everyone is off. It's a hard year to start. Everyone's saying that. And if you guys have any suggestions for Tulsa, Oklahoma, me and Mike and a bunch of us are going there next month, and we're going to see Bruce Springsteen perform at the stadium, and we're going to the Bob Dylan Museum.

But looking for some restaurant reservations or other things to do in town. Keene's. It's not Keene's. Something Ballroom. Oh, yeah? We'll try to go there. That's like a legendary venue. But, yeah, we're asking a lot of the listeners in 2023. It's interactive, guys.

It's interactive. It's a two-way street. It's not just about us. All right, well, we'll catch you guys next week. Thanks for hanging out with us. Thank you, and try to take it-ish. Take it-ish! There it is.

It's Sunday Papers with your host, Greg and Mike. It's easy Sunday, just like riding a bike. You're going to love it. You're gonna love it. You're gonna get hyped. It's Sunday Papers with your host, Greg and Mike. I'm gonna make an announcement. The Sunday Papers is about to begin. I repeat.

The Sunday Papers is about to begin. Clear your calendar. Cancel all calls. It's Sunday Papers with your host Greg and Mike. It's an easy Sunday listening just like riding a bike. You can do it. You can feel good. You can be

who you want because Greg and Mike are doing it and they ain't gonna front. They're the best. They're the best. Sunday Papers podcast is about to begin. How do you feel? All they making things up is gubbins even real. Forehead.

Farhead. Forehead. Farhead. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare.