Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 16 6/21/20

Episode Date: June 21, 2020

It’s not easy doing a comedy podcast during these charged times, and Mike and Greg have again failed to deliver something appropriate. They say goodbye to Eskimo Pies and confederate flags at Talladega. The Family Circus brings Mike to a boil, matched only by Greg’s hatred for Dagwood.

Sunday Papers. Sunday Papers. Yeah, yeah. Sunday Papers. Sunday Papers. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the Sunday Papers. Read all about it. I know. You stare at your phone all week.

You get little fucking drips, little drips of information. You're confused and anxious. Sunday, we land all those stories. We sum them up. little drips of information. You're confused and anxious. Sunday, we land all those stories. We sum them up. We make sense of them. We feed them to you in a funny way. Welcome, Mike Gibbons. Aren't we?

I think we're more an antidote. I think we're an escape from the news, no, in a way, because we're so inaccurate and really avoiding the really hot button issues sometimes. I don't know. I think we're going, you know, based on the stories I have this week, we're going fucking head first. We're going into the belly of the beast, my friend. Me too, then.

Me too. Fine. But in terms of being wrong, though, you bring up being wrong. We got a number of people, to say the least, pointed out that we put out a couple videos every week. If you missed them, go on Instagram and you can watch them or YouTube. Put out a couple videos and one of them was talking about in London how the protesters are pulling down statues of Gandhi, Winston Churchill. And I incorrectly identified the people pulling down the statues as right wing, when in fact, it turns out they were Black Lives Matters people

that found those statues to be, or those characters to be racist. Hmm. I wonder, are there any right wing Black Lives Matter? You just did a very sweeping statement there. Interesting question. Are there right wing Black Lives Matter? Well, certainly not Mike Pence. Mike Pence was asked point blank if if he would say Black Lives Matter and he said all lives matter and they pressed him on and he wouldn't say it. They were like, say it. He's like, I won't say it. They were like, say it. He's like, I won't say it. They're like, say it. Yeah. Someone brought up, there's very funny comedic examples

of like the equivalent of saying all lives matter when someone says black lives matter. And of course I'm spacing on them now, but it is such a stupid thing to say. Yeah. Yeah. But you're changing the subject. You know what I mean? Yeah. But Churchill was racist. I remember that. I read his biography. He hated the English.

And you're saying he also hated the Africans. Hold on. He did hate a lot of English, but not generally. You just said he hated the English. Oh, the Indians. He hated half of Parliament. That's for sure. Yes. The Indians. He hated half of Parliament, that's for sure. Yes.

But no, Indians, no. And I think, yeah, in his early military experience, he described the enemy. I believe it was the enemy. But anyway, the natives of the country in unfavorable terms, to say the least. Yeah. And listen, he viewed I think you can safely say he viewed whites as superior. You know, he's in England. England had taken over half the world. I'm not excusing it, but his mindset, I think, was just that we are more evolved and superior, I believe. I think was just that we are more evolved and superior, I believe.

Which is interesting because during his tenure, they went from being, you know, the biggest colonizers of the world to really losing almost everything. Yeah, it started then, but they still had so much. I mean, there's still Hong Kong, still India, you know, the Falklands. But yeah, the sun started setting on the British Empire, on the flag a little more. Right. And then Gandhi, I forget. Who'd Gandhi hate, the Pakistanis? He hated Pakistani food. We all do, unless you're drunk. The only time you like Pakistani

food is when it's, you know, you avoid it during the day and you can't believe it's even being sold legally. And then once you're shit-faced you will line up in front of a guy on a fucking street stand and eat that shit out of a newspaper. Wow. It wasn't a

hunger strike. They just kept bringing in Pakistani food. But wait, so wait, Gandhi was racist? Yeah. Oh, boy. Someone's going to correct me on that, too. Yeah. I wonder.

I just don't know. This is when you just shut up because you don't know what you're talking about. I don't. Meaning me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, all right. Well, corrections. I don't. Meaning me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, all right. Well, corrections. I like corrections.

We should maybe make some fake corrections. Yeah, if you guys notice anything false, email it in to fitzdogradio at gmail.com, and we will, in fact, correct it. I also want to give a shout out to Scant Regard. I think it must be the name of the band. Did our song this week. The Sunday paper song was very upbeat. Yeah, it was kind of jaunty.

At one point, and I know I got this wrong, it sounded a little Sergio Mendes, like Brazil 66, but more that it reeked of 70s, a little jaunty 70s vibe. Yes, it felt very 70s. I was back on my school bus. I had the beginnings of acne. I still had a bowl cut. Was this when you were in the back of the bus? No, that was high school. 70s was grade school.

We'll get into that another time. With the political climate as it is right now, and what's happening to comedians right now, I will not be bringing up the fact that I used to masturbate in the back of the school bus. I think that would be that's kind of safe, actually, isn't it? I don't know. Compared to what we're hearing.

Well, listen, there were big there were big backs on the seats of the bus. You remember those big backs so that. Oh, yeah. Then it's fine. Then it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. It was like a sneeze guard.

Nobody was getting anything on their legs. It was like Hannibal Lecter behind a fiberglass. There's the animal in the back. Just don't go near him. Oh, my God. If you were a girl in high school,

God forbid you let one of your thighs stray out into the aisle as you sat there and you were a couple rows ahead of me. That thing got looked at. What imagination we had. Yeah. I mean, listen, we're not 80 years old, but, I mean, there was no – I mean, Seinfeld, didn't they do an episode where George masturbated to his mom's Glamour magazine? Yeah, right.

Right. No, I remember when I was really little, the public library had in the magazines, there was some women's magazine where they would do an article on self breast exams. Yeah. That was it. That was all I needed. It was like, it drove, and I think I was even pre-sexual, pre-playing with myself,

but it was like, it just blew, it overwhelmed my mind. I just remember looking at it and basically, there was a boob and it just, and imagine kids now who their little,

their little, their phone has all the world's porn on it. That's insane. Yeah. I would have gotten nothing done. If I was 15 and I discovered Japanese hidden camera massage porn,

lesbian, parentheses, I would have never gone to school. I'm sick again. We would be sick. Our bodies would be depleted. We wouldn't have been eating. Dude, we had posters. My Farrah Fawcett poster, you know, the one with the red bathing suit, of course, everybody does. Yes.

That, I used to stand up and lick it while masturbating. No. Yep. Oh my God. I'm glad we weren't friends then because I had one and I would have, I couldn't leave you alone. And I remember the Cheryl Teague Sports Illustrated where she had the mesh. The netting. Yes. But just that we can point that these were cultural touchstones

is really remarkable. Farrah Fawcett was wearing a one-piece, rather modest bathing suit. Not even a bikini. Yeah. No. What about Valerie Bertinelli? Remember the Valerie Bertinelli shots?

Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. No, it didn't take much at all. It was crazy. And then Victoria's Secret came out and forget about it. That was better than porn. To this day, That was better than porn.

To this day, it's better than porn. Occasionally, whatever, not to bum you out, but occasionally in the Victoria's Secrets thing, I noticed, like, you'd look at them and you're like, oh my, like, these are just unbelievable specimens and they're Photoshopped and they're the best lighting, best making, I mean, it's the highest end photo shoot you can imagine. But occasionally you would see, see like a leg next to something that would give you scale,

like the arm of a chair or like the leg of like a couch. And you'd be like, oh my God, she's emaciated. Like occasionally I'd be like, oh my God, she's that thin? Like that's not even a leg. Yeah. And occasionally that would bum me out. Like get her away from something I know the size of. Yeah. And I like that it was negligee. They were they were going to bed.

They were preparing to go to bed. They were preparing to tease someone in many cases. Well, the best part is, is if you were a rock star back in the 80s, how many rock stars married? Like, I remember Nikki Sixx. Yeah. He married a Victoria's Secret model. They all, it was like their Tinder back then. They would just pick it up, and they would pick a woman, they'd call their agent, and they would go out with a Victoria's Secret model. Yep.

Two of the Kings of Leon, I think two, married Victoria's Secret models. Yeah. And then you go down a tier, you go down a tier and you got your Pauly Shores and they would go to a Hooters and that was their dating pool. That still works. Good for him. Then you got me in 10th grade just looking for the sad girl at the party. Who's the one who's alienated?

She had a fight with her friends. There were parties on the bus? Are we still talking about the bus? Excuse me. Is anybody sitting here? Don't go back there. I heard it was three to a seat. Bus driver just

putting up the big, those long rear view mirrors or whatever. Backwards looking mirrors on his sun riser. Kenny. Kenny had to turn it up. He couldn't even watch it anymore. Right. The best is if he got in an accident while you were doing it.

That would have been the best. Just thrown face first because your hands can't come up fast enough. Yeah. The police are looking at the accident and they go, wow, this kid got thrown so far his pants fell around his ankles. And he came. Oh, my God. What a news podcast this is.

Yeah, let's get to it. Let's get to the front page. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Extra! Oh, this, you mean beer? Fresh paper. fresh paper.

Yeah. Big news today, we should say last night. We're taping this on Saturday. I'm sorry, listeners, that this is on a Saturday because there's a lot of news stories that are developing right now that won't be current when you listen to this on Sunday. So just understand that the podcast needs to be edited on Saturday night. Thanks to our good friends, Chris and Beth over at Midcoast Media who who edited it. But they need they need overnight to do the editing so we can come to you guys on Sunday morning. OK, so so full disclosure, it's it's it's between two and 3 p.m. on Saturday, West Coast time, which in Oklahoma means, what is it, two hours ahead, do we think?

Maybe one. You think one? All right. So it's about 3 or 4 in Tulsa, and we can only guess what's going to happen tonight. What's going to happen tonight? But it's. Oh, yeah. The cops.

Cops are polishing their batons and the antifas are putting on their black fucking oxygen masks and the Nazis are throwing a fresh tattoo on. This is like the West Side Story. It's all. They're starting to dance. They're starting to dance towards each other. That's what's going on. When you're a Trump, you're a Trump to the end from your first cigarette

to your last dying day. All right. There's already been an arrest. They've put up big fences. There's all these reports of people driving by screaming Trump sucks. The Trump death clock truck moved in.

Did you know about that? What? There's a Trump death clock truck and it pulled in Saturday. It's pulling in Saturday. It displays the digital statistics on three different faces of the vehicle, delivering real time tracker of the alleged needless American deaths due to Trump's response to the coronavirus pandemic. Interesting. Yeah.

So that's pulled in. So I'm sure that won't provoke people. Yeah. The problem is the word needless. That's the key to this whole thing is that there are a facet of society, and it's not a small facet, that believes these are not needless deaths, that really believe that if old people die, it's kind of okay. It's kind of good for the economy and we can afford those deaths. And then if young people start dying, you're going to see those masks start going on again. Well, the problem is I understand the, hey, identify the most vulnerable, they stay at home. Well, if you keep everything open, the most vulnerable often can't stay at home. They have to work, as many of them even on the front lines, if you consider food service,

the front lines, and even nurses and healthcare providers and all of that. So it's way more complicated than that. Well, wait, talk about the six people that are working on the Trump rally. Right. So six members of the Trump campaign advance staff in Tulsa who were doing like a lot of the logistics for the Trump rally tested positive for COVID. So I don't. The people that show up early and touch everything. I think so. And I don't know their exact role and I don't know when they flagged it. But that is a headline today also.

So that'll be interesting. Uh, but, and then his provocative language in this has been, you know, a bit crazy. Like he really is fanning the flame. Uh, you read that tweet of his. Yeah. He basically said that, uh, protesters, you will not be treated the way you were treated in Minneapolis and New York and L.A. It will be a much different scene, exclamation point. Yeah. And he said that to protesters. I'm protesting. Let me check. Oh, yeah, still legal. Still legal in America. Yeah, it turns out it's a constitutional right. Yeah.

Yeah. And he included lowlifes. Any of you lowlifes who are going to Oklahoma, please understand, you will not be treated like, yeah, exactly what you said. Yeah. But, you know, when he does that, this is what I'm thinking about. One of the biggest news stories today, for sure, though, is this judge in New York who he tried to fire late last night. He does these Friday night purges. That's when a lot of his purges have happened because it misses the news cycle and it goes into the weekend. It's very calculated to do that. I mean, there's the famous Saturday Night Massacre when Nixon was trying to quash and fire detractors. So anyway, Trump tried to fire the U.S. attorney from the Southern

District of New York, who's very powerful. And who he appointed, by the way. He appointed and he was a Trump supporter. But once he got in office, he really started, he got to the first of the Cohen, Trump's lawyer, prosecuted him. And that's when Trump first turned on this guy. And he used to work this guy for Rudy Giuliani's firm. Now he's investigating Giuliani and his dealings with whatchamacallit? Ukraine. Ukraine. So Barr went to try to fire him and then announced he's leaving office and resigning. This is last night and the judge immediately puts out his release. I just read that I'm resigning. That is not true. And I'm staying

here. And as we began the podcast, I think Trump then came forward and I believe fired him. But what's going on though is- This is like when I used to date Cindy Murtha and she broke up with me and I just stood in her living room and I went, no, no, you're not. I'm still your boyfriend. I'm staying. How did that go? Not good. She had her neighbor ask me to leave, the guy who was in ROTC, military guy, gently asked me to leave. This is going to be Trump in January. So my speculation is, and a lot of people's, he's doing all this provocative stuff at this rally because the real bombshell damaging news, I think, is in New York. And I think this investigation

and also the one into Turkey, that, listen, I'm not even being partisan. I'm just having, you know, whatever. Studied media. That was my graduate degree. I really think and he's done this before. Like the day he called Meryl Streep underrated and the entire Twitterverse exploded. exploded. He loved that because that was a hugely damaging day for him where they were trying to rush appointments in on that exact day. And they were also doing something else that day, which I have written down here somewhere, because I went back and I tried to find the news cycle for that day. Oh, it was Trump that day accepted the conclusions that the Russia had hacked the Democrats trying to manipulate the election. Wow. Which which was huge news. So any day he acts up or any day anyone really acts up, it's the magician's trick of distraction. Look over here. Don't look over there. Right. So so this case is, I think, going to be fascinating.

Don't look over there. Right. So so this case is, I think, going to be fascinating. Yeah. This ongoing investigation. His name is Jeffrey Berman. And he is now Trump has fired him. And the question is whether or not that can be appealed and dragged out until the election, which I read in one place is possible. But then in other places, it's not. So this is going to be a very interesting week because the big worry with Trump is that if he doesn't get reelected, he has to face all these charges in New York about his finances and they will become public because he won't be protected anymore as president. So this is the guy behind that. So he's his his back in case he doesn't get elected yep no it's gonna be it's yeah and this is the guy also trying to get his tax tax releases and all that stuff more bad news for uh trump bolton's book uh will be allowed to come out

it was uh it went before the supreme court and uh the administration was trying to say that the book was going to, it wasn't properly vetted, they're saying, and it had information in it that could, what do you call that, classified information in it. He claims there's none, though. Yeah. But they say he could lose his $2 million advance. Yeah. That what it's going to go towards charities or something. I think he'd have to give it to charity $2 million. And I think, I think he needs it. I think he needs a 2 million. Yeah. I don't know if they'll be able to do that.

If there's no, listen, if there's no classified information, then no harm, no foul, right? Yeah. I think it's the fact that he pushed forward without permission. It was, it was procedural. It wasn't the outcome. It was the way he went about it. Ah, all right. Right. It's a weird, it's a weird world. How upside down is the world that I'm rooting for John Bolton? Who's despicable. Yeah. No, I mean, it's the same. Look, it's the same thing with, you know, Democrats had to come around to Mueller because Mueller was the guy that ultimately let the let the the emails come out for about Hillary. Right. Other crazy. Other big news. Mike, are you setting me up? No. A little newspaper. Oh, oh, sorry. Other big news. Yes. Oh, here we go. COVID is spiking in all the states

that have loosened their restrictions. Florida, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Arizona. And they've reached their highest levels of the pandemic this week. Texas has seen known cases double in the last month. And this might be some indication about a second wave already starting. Yeah, they're thinking it's the first wave because they didn't finish with it. But Florida had over 4,000. California is having more cases as well. California is in those top five. The rest are you mentioned. But yeah, it's not looking good. This like warm weather theory and everything is not holding up.

And poor Brazil. It's winter. I always forget it's winter there. Yeah, I know. So they're going to continue rising with a bullet. Yeah, it's crazy. Is that person in your inner circle that had it, what's the progress on them? Still kind of sick. Kids are still with me, going a little crazy with that, I have to say. Yeah. But we finished our quarantine yesterday.

Oh, okay. So very, very happy about that. And meanwhile, now with this news, I don't know what that means exactly. We still have to be careful. I went to Trader Joe's yesterday. The line was like 35. It was over a half hour. It's crazy.

Yeah. So anyway, done with our quarantine. So, um, anyway, done with our quarantine. And then we just wait, um, to see because the person in our family is sick still. Um, so, and then there's all these, I hear different conflicting stories all the time, but one story they heard was you have to go three days without the fever while not on Tylenol. Make sure you're truly fever free for three days. This is after you've

been sick for two weeks, three weeks, maybe four weeks, three days without the fever. You test, comes in negative. You then have to quarantine and wait seven more days and test again to confirm the negative. Wow. So my thinking is, if you go by the book, if America goes by the book, right, with this, hey, let's reopen, you know, let's keep it going, protect the vulnerable. Let's say that the very sort of loose interpretation of everything and, you know, the people who are like no mass. Come on, let's get the economy started. But if you're going by the book in terms of protocol, one sec. by the book in terms of protocol once sick. Like let's say, and I don't know what I'm talking about here, but I imagine that means, let's say there's a big bullpen in an office with, you know, 20 cubicles. If one of those people gets sick, confirmed coronavirus, then all of them have to go home and quarantine for 14 days. And all the people those people live with, if you're by the book, the CDC book, I think you then have to quarantine them.

Yeah. So the economy just, you know, grinds to a halt again, doesn't it? Yeah. It seems like we should just take it super serious like China did and shut it the fuck down or South Korea, because now it's actually popping up in Beijing again. But, you know, a second wave of it is going to be even more detrimental because you're not going to have all that money from the government again. You've got people that are, there was a two or three months protection on being evicted, and that's gone, that protection is gone. So now they say there's going to be millions of people evicted from apartments. And if there's a second wave, that's going to be even more people evicted. Yeah. You know, it's kind of crazy this thing happened because I remember in one of our first podcasts like two months ago,

I had said this, this I had said the virus, the covid was really going and it was already doing it. I had said the virus, the COVID was really going and it was already doing it. It was obvious. It was really highlighting the uneven playing field in this country. Yeah. You know, that the poor neighborhoods and people of color were especially getting hit hard. The minority groups. And then you're really going to see. And I remember saying even like, you think Rodney King showed how fucking unfair that America is again against the have nots.

Wait till this virus runs its course. And then now you add to it these police, the police situation. And, you know, George Floyd and God, he's just one of many now. It's it's really it's really a cauldron, man. It's it's not good at all. Now, this thing's going to go on for a very long time. It's a really it's really a cauldron, man. It's not good at all. No, this thing's going to go on for a very long time. It's really depressing. I had a serious bout of depression this week. Did you? I couldn't get anything done.

I couldn't sleep. I would be sitting at the dinner table with my family, and everybody's talking, and I'm not talking, and I'm not hearing, and it was really bad. And then I kind of snapped out of it. I did a couple good podcasts at the end of the week, and it really pulled me out because I'm forced to show up and sit in front of a computer and try to be funny with some people that I like

and who are funny, and it pulled me out of it. And so I feel better today. But there's a lot going on. If you're feeling depressed out there, people, understand that there's a reason for it. And you have to really allow yourself to go down with it a little bit and just go, we're going through some hard times. Let me just take today on its own terms. And if I'm not feeling up for stuff, and I got to give myself a break and take care of myself, do that and it'll pass. But these are tough times. And as you just heard Greg say, The Cure seems to be podcasts. So tune in. Keep tuning in as I think that was the biggest,

most heartfelt plug I've ever heard. Yeah. Right. Well, I did one with Russell Peters. You know that guy? Oh, of course. Yeah. So I go. He was in the news this week. He's selling his house or something. Yeah, I was in the house he's selling. And let me tell you something. He's going to get a lot of fucking money for it. Oh, yeah. Like the most badass house I've ever been in. We went into the the man cave that apparently isn't the main man cave. And he almost never goes in. And it's like the size of my entire house.

So he has a man cave that's so exclusive he can't get in? That's right. Is there a velvet rope? And it's because of his skin. That's what I would have in my house. Yeah. It's the Gandhi room. And he's got a fucking line of

cars, rolls Roy's Ferrari. I mean, it's crazy. And then, and then, uh, his assistant comes in with a box of cigars and he goes, Oh, these just came in. And he goes, you smoke cigars. I go, yeah. He goes here and he throws me one. And it's this Cohiba, this Cuban Cohiba. I go, what's this worth by the way? He goes goes, that's like a $100 stick. Really? Yeah. Smoked it on the golf course the next day. It was the best cigar I've ever had in my life.

Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I know he's very successful. But he's not so successful that he doesn't have to sell his house. And he's going on the road like a fucking madman. He's on the road right now. He'll be on the road like a fucking madman he's on the road right now

he'll be on the road every weekend through the summer hey did you hear about um oh what's his name collapsed on stage who uh oh yeah it's a new story a deal hugely last night no on stage at a very a big comedy chain in and it's in in Nashville. This one, I forget, not chuckles or something. It's something like that. Anyway, he, and it's on video T I saw a headline and it happened to be TMZ running it. He was feeling a little slow words. Uh, like I guess we're a little subtle. They didn't sound that to me. And because of that, someone brought him up, ran up a bottle of water. He took the water. He started to do some stuff. He only made it like four more sentences. And I guess they said his manager was there. And you see them.

They were very on top of it. You see him start to get weak and fall and they run up on stage and catch him. Wow. I know. You know who his manager is dave becky i was thinking it might i knew that but i think it's probably someone from three arts or maybe road manager yeah road manager or something wow well i hope he's i hope he's doing all right i love that guy dl's amazing i know and it was sold out which i don't know what sold out means now like do you know usually clubs 50 they take out half the chairs and but people are not wearing masks i saw a clip online last night of steve burn in a club and not a single person with a mask on wow yeah i mean think about it it laughing is literally like coughing

and you've got 200 people coughing at you with no masks on for an hour, five times in a weekend. Well, the worst is, you know, someone said, hey, if you really want to think about how it can spread in the air. Basically, someone said, I'm sure this is a bit uneducated, but if you can smell a fart, then you can obviously inhale and ingest the virus. I would rather get the virus depending on the person. I would rather get the virus. But if you think back to like, you know, in college, like when you would smell your roommate's fart from like the kitchen and it was emanating from his bedroom. Like it's it's unbelievable how that can spread. Yeah, it is amazing.

You know, where you're in a car and just the windows have to go down because it's so, so thick. Right. So imagine a comedy club. What about when you're driving in a car and you can smell a fire that's miles away inside your car with closed windows? Oh, I know. Where you drive up the five and that cattle, you know, that giant cattle farm.

Yeah, you smell it. Yeah, you smell it from miles away. Mike, let's do some entertainment. Well, you know what? Actually, I'm not. Nope. Hold on. I'm turning it back.

Some lighter news on the headline front. Hold on. I'm turning it back. Some lighter news on that on the headline front. They did a study, a psychological profile, and they figured out who hoarded all the toilet paper, which might be happening again. The study looked at whether different personality traits were associated with toilet paper hoarding and found stockpilers tended to be more fearful about the coming health threat. So basically was anxious people, which I don't think they needed a study for that. And so, because if you, it's kind of a scientific fact also that I think if you're nervous, you shit more. And I honestly think that's a truism. Like just go ask Jeeves about it. Like the English language wouldn't have, I'm scared shitless. I'm so scared. I shit myself. I'm sh shitless. I'm so scared I shit myself. I'm shitting bricks.

Those sayings don't come out of nowhere. Or you get scared and you go, shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If you ever want to look, language has it all baked in. That's where you can see everything. So they were also likely to more, this is also it. They also were likely to stockpile if they scored high in emotionality.

That is, they tended to be more fearful, anxious, dependent and sentimental. Translation, women. I might have added that part. The ladies. Well, women also have two holes to dry. We only have one. I agree with you. But the bought it up. In every clip you saw of fights over toilet paper, it definitely was a woman who had two Costco-sized things and then another woman saying, give me one

of them. You can't take both. This is before the rules were implemented. Most of the fights were women. I think this makes sense because they wiped their pee-pee. That's the problem. The problem with this hoarding thing is women's pee, I think. It sense because they wipe their pee pee. That's the that's the problem. The problem with this hoarding thing is women's pee. Well, it's also if you if you're anxious, these anxious people, you shit not just more frequently, but more disgustingly because your stomach gets all in turmoil and you have diarrhea, which causes you. It's all in turmoil and you have diarrhea, which causes you.

What's a diarrhea series? Seven wipes, maybe eight, as opposed to a guy who's feeling good about himself, maybe exercising, drinking lots of water. Sometimes you squeeze one out and it's what they call a white flag. One wipe. Nothing on it. Surrender. Yeah, your digestive system. But I know I'm not taking the blame off women.

It's women and wiping their pee. How much pee is getting all over the place that they have to wipe every time they pee? Isn't that why we wear underwear? To protect your pants from stuff like that? Yeah, and then they've got those pads they can put in. They can stick in those tubes. There's so many things for the vagina. Their pee system is flawed. I'm just going to say it.

The women's pee system. All right, men's pee, here you go. Men's pee, it's like those old school sprinklers. Remember you would plunge the thing in the middle of the lawn and it would go in a circle? Yeah. And the men's pee is the thing that's shooting it to the outreaches of the lawn. You want to know what the woman's pee structure is? It's that flap that goes,

and fucks up the pee and sprays it all over the place. Women have that flap that just, and fucking up all the pee. That's what's going on. And it goes, and we're just straight line. And that's what their system is until their flaps get in the way and screw the whole P formula up.

And then they need to wipe it. Or it's when you take the sprinkler off and you try to use your thumb over the hole to spread it out. That's what the vagina does. Yeah. It's just, it's a thumb over the hole. God did not design the vagina to pee.

It designed it to fuck and have babies. The pee was an afterthought. Wait, hold on. My mic just went out. How did you finish this bit? Did you go there? Listen, it's not women's fault. It's, listen, they were God's afterthought.

He was like, he had us. He was like, oh, fuck, I forgot. Give me a rib. Give me a rib. It's not, I haven't vetted it. It may not work. There's a little problem there's a little problem with the peeing, but I'm going to get this out, out to market. I'm a little late on it. Yeah. I seem to have cut them. They keep, they keep bleeding.

I can't, I can't really figure that one out. Yeah. Also, you guys are going to have to become mind readers because I haven't fully, they don't, they don't communicate everything they're feeling. And again, not really, they're not holding it back. They just don't realize it. Right. And I accidentally made them stronger.

So you're going to have to be a little bit passive for a few, for a few thousand centuries. Yeah. They're going to win most of the fights. Yeah. And then around 1967, I'm going to, I'm going to give you guys a little. All right, so let's do some entertainment, Mike. Oh, here it is.

All right, go for it. You go for it. Well, I don't have much except this will be infuriating for people to hear. But I finished, as you did, The Wire. I finished season one last night. I finished it last night also. What did you think? Well.

Uh-oh, is this a sneeze? It gets better and better because, like any show that's really groundbreaking, it has its own rhythm, and you have to find the rhythm. And then once you get into that, like The Sopranos, like Breaking Bad, once you get into it, it's so addictive and it's so fulfilling. is it doesn't really play in these times we're in right now because it's asking you to pull for the main characters who are beating black people up, planting evidence on them, faking testimony on them, racially profiling them, and you're supposed to kind of look past it and go, well, they're flawed.

I don't know. I'm actually seeing tons of restraint, especially Baltimore in the, is this the 90s I imagine? Yeah, 80s, crack time. Yeah, 80s. No, there were cell phones. So I think it may, listen, maybe it was even, it wasn't 2002. I mean, so I think it's it may listen maybe it was even it was in 2002 I mean 2002 is when it came out they talk about after 9-11 things have changed yeah so oh you're right yeah so it's right after 9-11 so I'm seeing tons of restraint like that bullshit thing that they have to put guys on the roof so they've wired the phones they have to put guys on the roof to confirm it's some of the people they're watching otherwise they're just not allowed to listen. I don't think that, I mean, so they, so they don't listen to these lines all the time. Just, you know,

they have to have a guy out there to confirm it. And I actually don't see them planning evidence and I don't see them doing, like I thought it would be, especially in these times, like I'm seeing this, you know, make this drive through killing of a guy and I'm watching the wire now where they know these guys are guilty, but they have to go through all of this red tape and formalities. I actually see them showing tons of restraint. Don't get me wrong. They can be rough. And when they target someone and all that, but I was expecting more, especially from the Baltimore police department. But but I was expecting more, especially from the Baltimore Police Department.

Right. I guess I guess if the show is made today, a lot of the stuff like the kid being beat up in the projects and then the guy completely gets away with it. That type of stuff might not be in there unless they were going to really villainize the character who did it, which they don't in this as much. Yeah. But getting back to the show as a show, it is slow, and I had read that about it. Listen, it's a great show. Don't get me wrong. It's super high quality, and it is so, to me, authentic feeling. Like, clearly, I mean, they wrote what they knew.

The two guys that created it, well, the guy who created Simon, he was a journalist in Baltimore. And I guess season two or no season three, I think is about the newspapers, one of the seasons. And I, and I've heard it's a build and season four is the apex and is unbelievable in the school system. But like if I was to give an objective review,

I think game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Sopranos, I enjoyed more of. And even shows like Happy Valley, Broadchurch. Did you ever see Damages? No. I challenge people, try to watch one Damages. Season one. Just try to watch one. It's impossible.

Who's in it? Glenn Close is in it and then oh yeah and she won an emmy for it i think um yes i believe so and that's when i first recognized it and then um but i was late to it i i ted danson eventually gets in it and then what um oh my god bridesmaids the irish gorgeous woman who's really funny she's's in it before she was famous. Not the one who's married to Sacha Baron Cohen. No, no, no. Again, I know we frustrate viewers with this

but if you know who it is, don't get angry. We just don't know the name. Anyway, she's in it also and she's pretty young in it but Damages I highly recommend. Is there anything Ted Danson is not in? It's fucking crazy. It's unbelievable. Well, I mean, we used to have a joke about Becker.

Like, does anyone know a single person who has watched the show Becker, which was a CBS show he was in? It's syndicated. Yep. CBS had about 10 shows, including Mike and Molly, that nobody I've ever talked to has watched, quoted from, or sat... You know, there was Yes, Dear, which wasn't a bad show. It was on for a decade.

I can't even remember the names of some of them. But I remember Dancin' at one point was actively on four shows. That were in series. I'd have to go on IMDb and add it up. I bet you he has done

more episodes of television shows than any other actor in history. I think that's a safe bet. Yeah. I bet you're right. I would say,

what's her name? Julia Louise Dreyfuss is probably close. She's up there. No, but successful people who have had series, like Patty Heaton, series Everybody Loves Raymond, then the middle, like right there,

like that's a record right there. But they're doing one episode a week. This guy had four episodes a week for years. Right, right. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's unbelievable. We actually finished season one two nights ago,

and then last night we watched two or three episodes of season two, and a little sluggish out of the gate. Interesting. I read some review where after the second episode of season two, someone came out and said, this is the best series on TV. Like that's what, like one of the first times it got its real props.

Yeah. Uh, but it was because of how, how much they had changed it. In other words, they were tuning in for second season of the wire. They thought they'd be back in the projects. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. And it takes place on the docks. Right, right. It's like True Detective, but there's... They're kind of straining to keep the characters in the same world, but I can see how it's starting to come together.

But I just remember that season four, I had never seen anything like this in my life. The New York Times editorial, not op-ed, the editorial said if Shakespeare were writing today, he'd be writing in season four of The Wire. Wow. I mean, no, I couldn't believe it. It reminds me of the deer hunter season two, because it's a lot of these working class guys, union guys in a bar and they really capture it. Not that I've spent a lot of time, but the bar

that I hung out at in Tarrytown where I grew up was a union bar because General Motors was down the street. And it felt like I was in there. It really felt like that same mentality. Oh, these guys nail that authenticity, especially the union guys. Those cops, the two old white guy cops, one eventually gets hurt. They were so nailed. And when he, I don't know if you know this story. So when he had the conversation with him, he's in his hospital bed.

So he just got, and the cops and unions have sayings for it. So he just got essentially like made. That's not the word they use. But he just got his two thirds for life. I think his pension or his salary because he was injured. So, and he's telling him and he's like, listen, you got to. And when I heard this, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He goes, he goes to his other partner. Who's going to miss them because those were just alcoholics on the

job, doing nothing, just taking full advantage of like the union and not being able to be fired. And he goes, you know, those stairs are steep going in there. You know, you should take a fall on those stairs and join me. You should retire and all this stuff. So it reminded me, my Uncle John was a steam fitter, which was basically a welder in the Union in the Bronx his whole life. He's the guy, as you know, said, Batroom. And he was just full Bronx, from the Bronx, never left the Bronx. He was friends with my dad.

Friends with your, well, no, I don't think friends, but definitely, like, knew your dad, you're right. Growing, no, I don't think friends, but definitely like knew your dad. You're right. Growing up, they were friends when they were little. But Johnny never like your dad and my dad never left the hood. So he's there. My stepbrother, who's a spectacle and hysterical and has done stand up and you know him well. My stepbrother at one point got a job teaching in New York City at Thanksgiving. Uncle John's like, are you shitting me? He's like, wait a minute, you're in the teacher's union? And before Jeff could answer that he wasn't in the teacher's union,

he's just a substitute teacher. Johnny's like, you got to take it. You got to throw a digger on the stairs. And my stepbrother's like, what? And he goes, oh, no, no, Jeff, you take one fall. It has to be a good one. You take one fall down those school steps. You're set for life. Are you kidding me? And so when I'm watching the wire and he's saying this, it's so people must've thought it wasn't real. It's so

real. And then my uncle would go to a bar and the bar had plaques up on the police and firemen who did the city for the most, like, like, like 28, two-thirds pay for life or whatever it is. Yeah. Now there's a lot of private— Cops would shoot themselves in the foot. Yeah. There's a lot of private investigators whose entire business is made up of tracking union guys that are healthy, that are out on disability.

And why wouldn't they be on the payroll from these guys? If you're a cop, why wouldn't you throw him some bucks? He only has to get a few bucks from like 20 of them. You know what I mean? Yeah. He doesn't get a bonus for convicting somebody. Right. Exactly.

Yeah. The other thing in entertainment I would say is listen to Stan Getz at the Gate. It's I think the best jazz album I've heard in 10 years. And it's a re-release from 1967 at The Village Gate. And if you're not a jazz fan, it does not matter. This is just the most fucking, you see colors when you listen to it.

You feel amazing. So check out that. And also read a book. I just finished a book called Say Nothing. It's about the troubles in Northern Ireland in that same time period, in the late 60s through the 80s, when the IRA was really starting to do car bombs. And there was a whole underground that went on. And it tracks this one woman, Dolores Price, who is a and she's born into the IRA.

Her parents are both IRA members and she's fucking gorgeous. And she's got a sister and she's a badass. She's like she's like kidnapping people. She's springing people from jail. She went to London and set off a car bomb, got thrown in jail in England, wanted to be shipped to Ireland to be in jail in Ireland. So she went on a hunger strike and brought Margaret Thatcher to her knees and got what she wanted and got shipped off to the jails in Northern Ireland. Fucking amazing story. Huh?

Yeah. Did her boobs get smaller during the hunger strike? You're the one who brought up how hot she is. Don't look at me like that. You know who she married is the guy from The Crying Game, Stephen Rhea. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Nice. Anyway, any books? Any books or music? He had a few bombs. Some of his films were bombs just to keep it in the family um i got the woody allen book i'm going to start reading that but speaking of woody allen i also ordered it's very hard to get his movie came out i've talked about it i think

years ago on the podcast but deconstructing harry came out right when his shit hit the fan um with all the allegations and everything in New York. So I, I'm like, I can, you know what? I, he's so unbelievably funny. I'm like, you know what? I can separate the artist from, from the man, you know? So I'm going to go in the theater and see it. And it turns out I couldn't separate the artist from it because he is always such an open book with what he writes. Like what he writes is like, if he's attracted to young women, that's in his movie. If he's a sleaze, that's in his movie. So he plays this despicable character.

And, um, and I remember not liking it. I saw it then a few years later and I was like, holy shit. Is this funny? I think it's the, it may be the last really funny joke machine,

Woody Allen movie that he's ever made. And I've liked some of his movies since like the one in Paris. And I'd like to, you know, match point murder mystery. Wasn't that after, uh, deconstructing Harry,

was that good? Yeah, that was really good. I don't know. Maybe I was just down on the time, but deconstructing Harry, I mean, was joke machine,

joke machine, joke machine. And so anyway, it's really hard to, it doesn't stream anywhere. It's not for sale anywhere. And I found it on eBay. And so I got it. So I'll give a review next week.

I'm going to watch that movie. Yeah. Why don't you review a movie that nobody can see? Excellent. That's what this show is all about. I want to make this a little more exclusive, this podcast, and harder to find, like our website. Yeah. All right.

Let's go to some international news. Okay. Let me turn the page. Go for it. The Bank of England has come out and apologized for historic ties to slavery. England has come out and apologized for historic ties to slavery. They acknowledged this week and they pledged financial support to black and minority ethnic communities. They talked about how they enslaved three million Africans between 1640 and 1807.

Notice they got out of the business about 40 years ahead of us. They transported them to colonies around the world. They were in the Caribbean. But they had indentured countries who were continuing the practice. No, couldn't one safely say that? Yeah, you could say that. But I guess in terms of actually exporting them. And so Black Lives Matter has blown up in England. And so they they follow the lead. There's been a few other British companies that have come out and apologized. I believe the British government has come out and apologized about slavery. Did we must have done that right. If we haven't. I am so sorry.

You're so sorry the government hasn't apologized? Yes. Oh, I see. Sorry the government hasn't apologized. I see. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

We had to have, right? Yeah, I would imagine we have. I know it's weird. Some things, like, we only partially recognize, you know, the Armenian genocide. Like, there's really messed up politics there. Oh, well, what about what's going on with the Uyghurs in China? There's a million ethnic Muslims, ethnic Chinese Muslims in prison and being tortured and being disappeared, just being killed, disappeared. And being disappeared, just being killed, disappeared.

And because we have all these trade ties with China, and so does the rest of the world, nobody in the UN is doing shit about it. Oh, Saudi Arabia. It's kind of like the wire. The wire really does show you how deep-rooted corruption can be. Yeah. You know, when all of a sudden it's like, it's two steps removed. But that money is coming from the system. Yeah, that is really killing people in inner cities and stuff. So good for England, I guess.

They have so much to apologize for. They are the worst culture in history. I fucking hate the British. And, you know, what they did to Ireland, they starved Ireland in the 19th century. A million people starved to death. They made the Irish grow food and cattle and a lot of pigs. And then they exported all of it, not just to themselves, but to other countries, while a million Irish starved and another million emigrated out of the country. I wonder if that's the worst. Like, I wonder their top five, top five atrocities.

I wonder what they are. Yeah. Well, there was they obliterated the Aborigines in Australia. They pronounce it aluminum or whatever, aluminum. That's a slaughter. They don't drink coffee. They drink fucking tea. Try to wake up on that shit.

Advertisement. And their food was complete shit. By the way, how do you fucking rule the world for hundreds of years and not have good food? It's like the world is your takeout. Not only that, their food improved when they started to open up Pakistani shops. That's when English food got better. Not only that, their food improved when they started to open up Pakistani shops. That's when English food got better. To anyone still listening, which I doubt anyone is from the beginning of this depressing podcast, that was a good callback.

Also, in international news, in Brazil, where there has been a few cases of corona, they came up with something for people in an old folks home and it's called a hug tunnel and it allows you to safely embrace. That's a vagina, isn't it? A hug tunnel. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I think that's the asshole though. And that's a tight hug. That's a tight hug tunnel. Yeah. That's, that's a, that's a hug from grandma. a tight hug. That's a tight hug tunnel. Yeah. That's a hug from grandma. Oh my God. The vagina is like a hug from your sister. I've seen cards that say just that. Yeah. So it's like this plastic sheet that has four arms in it and you can hug people through it. I think that's how Orthodox Jews hug.

I think it is. And one little hole, one little hole in it. And speaking of Woody Allen, in Everything You Want to Know About Sex, there's a scene with two people both wearing full-size condoms that are having sex with each other. He was ahead of it. Having sex with each other. He was ahead of it. Also, in Latin America, there is a phenomenal amount of corruption going on.

In Ecuador, they announced they identified a criminal ring that colluded with health officials to win contracts selling body bags to hospitals at 13 times the real price. This is the government selling them to the hospitals. And one of the men implicated, Daniel Salcido, fled Ecuador in a small plane that crashed in Peru. The irony being, needed a body bag. Yeah. That's great. Good luck. Good luck getting that yeah uh oh that's terrible yeah the corruption is it's so bad now in bolivia the uh the the bolivian health minister is under house arrest for uh for paying an intermediary millions more than the going rate for 170 ventilators,

which apparently didn't even work properly. I mean, that's blood on your hands. That's not fucking around with like, you know, a big construction contract that you skim a little bit off the top. This is people that are willing to let hundreds or thousands of people die so that they can get a payoff. That's fucking crazy. No, but any time there an opportunity comes up and there's any movement,

there's all these grifters that come in. I mean, all the stories in America about trying to sell the respirators and also just supplies, even masks and stuff. I think the New York Times did this article of all these companies that were in companies that claimed they could get them. They wanted the government, the state of New York, to forward the money first. And they were all scammers. And some of them were scammers who really believed they could get it, but they were lying about having them. Then they couldn't get them. And so all of that happens. Whenever there's any movement in any way, people will come in and try to exploit it. Speaking of which, if anybody's looking to make a few bucks, I met this Nigerian prince and he's looking to move a few ducats. He just

needs a bank account. So email us at fitzdogradio at gmail.com. I'll take care of you. I have some sports stories. Should we go over to that? Let's do it. Let's do some sports. Okay, sports stories. Talladega is happening today, Sunday. So again, we can only guess on it, but it's in East Alabama. It's a NASCAR Cup Series race,

and this will be the test of how many Confederate flags come out there because last week NASCAR banned the Confederate flag. Don't you think that if you wanted to win, you wouldn't have a flag of the team that lost? Yeah, there's all those implications. Yeah, I know. But and the whole flag reminded me, by the way, I always want to do a sketch about, you know, those artists, those performance artists who shit on the American flag.

Yeah. Because it's very interesting. It's just it's such a it's a symbol. Right. And it's like some people don't take it as seriously. Some people should take it more seriously, whatever. But it's a very fascinating philosophical conversation about it. Like that the flag. So anyway, I always wanted to do a sketch that protected the person's right to shit on the flag.

As long as the flag didn't touch the ground. Because, you know, that's a thing that offends people. The U.S. flag should't touch the ground, because you know, that's a, that's a thing that offense will, the U S flag should never touch the ground. So a sketch about this performance artist trying to figure out how to shit on a, on a, like a hovering flag that doesn't touch the ground. And just to get at the absurdity of it all, you can shit on the flag, but you must salute the shit afterwards. Exactly. Yeah. It has to be a clean shit. All these rules. So it's not about the drivers.

This is about people in the audience not having flags, right? This is about, yeah, you are not allowed to come into the infield and all that. Here's one of the quotes from the article. It's just something that you're used to seeing at the racetrack, said Harmon, who grew up in Alabama and first drove in a NASCAR event in 1996. And then he goes on to say, it's like seeing a tree in your yard. It's just there and you expect it to be there. You know, the old lynching tree out back. My papi, my papi planted that tree. It's been in our family. It's been the end of many families.

Like what? Yeah. Maybe a tree is the wrong example many families. Like, what? Yeah. Maybe a tree is the wrong example, buddy. Right, right. Yeah, well, the good news is people that have Confederate flags, generally, if you ask them to do something, are pretty compliant. So I would imagine you're not going to see a lot of flags. Yeah. And if you're listening to this podcast, driving around in your truck in the South and you're getting all just listen, don't throw your hands up in the air.

You might rattle the gun rack behind your head. Just calm down. We're talking about a symbol that sort of doesn't make sense. Well, it doesn't make sense because it didn't exist during the Civil War, except as like a minor. It was a very minor thing. It really exploded during the lynchings. No, and it is part and parcel with racism. It just is.

It's a fact. If you're talking about symbols and what it is, the symbol was most used by those factions. You are now trying to take it to symbolize something else. Well, that's a new attachment that you're trying to do to this image. The real attachment is the one that people are offended by. Any other sports? I know it's always a short section because there is no sport. No, no.

I got another one. I got another one, which is, this was, it was funny. This was under protest updates section on the CNN website. The Washington Redskins announced in a news release today, Saturday, that the NFL franchise will honor the late Bobby Mitchell by retiring his number. Bobby Mitchell was an African-American football player. Black, I should say. African-American, I think, is on the way out.

Isn't it that phrase? I think it is. I hear black is back. No, it is. So he was traded there in 61. Anyway, he's a Hall of Famer and he was with the organization even in the offices after he retired. So they quote Bobby was our Jackie Robinson. He had a he had to handle the pressure of being the first African-American football player to integrate the Washington Redskins, said former Redskins safety Brig Owens. So as I'm reading this, they are putting the word Redskins in every sentence that is honoring this man because of the color of his skin. And this is only happening, obviously.

Because of the color of his skin. And this is only happening, obviously. Well, he did die a few months ago. But clearly this is happening because of all of the unrest having to do with skin color right now in this country. And the Redskins want to be on the front line of fighting that discrimination based on the color of your skin. It's just absurd. discrimination based on the color of your skin. It's just absurd. I guarantee that the Washington Redskins will take back this award very soon.

It's going to be. I got it. I got it. It took me a second because I, yeah, because maybe I have a healthy brain. It doesn't think that way. I should still pretend not to get it. Um, yeah, it's, it's of course, I mean the Redskins, it's, it's really lunacy that they're defending. It would be like, and again, I haven't prepared any of this, but cause I just think it speaks for

itself, but it would be like, uh, well the Chattanooga Darkies are honoring, like it was a team having that name. It. What are you doing still? Well, yeah. I mean, I wonder if the Washington Redskins, if they realize that the land that the stadium is on is worth a lot more if they'll move them to a worse neighborhood. Now, is there a defense?

I always try to think of the other side. We just literally landed on the appropriate phrase is blacks. So could our argument be undermined that redskins is not much different? Blacks was certainly. Cincinnati Reds. Blacks was certainly. I don't even know what the red stands for in their weird childlike logo. But the like blacks was certainly is, obviously, as a derogatory

term. So I think Latinos have embraced being called brown people. Yeah, I mean, we're whites. Yeah, I don't like that. I always feel it's being used against me. You're you're calling me the worst race of people, whoever, whoever roamed the earth. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, so I wonder with Redskins, what do they want to be called? Native people, I think, is what it is now. No, indigenous people, I think, is the politically correct phrase. Right?

I guess, which brings us to Eskimo pies. Ah, yes. Let's talk about that. Last week we talked about how Aunt Jemima is changing, they're changing her name. Do they decide what they're going to change it to? I don't know. Aunt Flo?

They should keep it a black name. It would be so funny if corporations had a sense of humor, come out with some, you know, very racially specific name. And also Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben is under fire. Is that right? Oh, it's happening a lot with products. The butter, the butter, the butter Indian we talk about.

Yep. Yeah. No, no, not Mrs. Buttersworth. The Native American on Land O'Lakes. Oh, right. But I think Mrs. Butterworth also. Really? Yeah. She was an antebellum sandwich spread? I think so. Or syrup? But what are they going to, yeah, Uncle Ben's and

my, you know, my father was a radio guy and a big voiceover guy. He did a lot of commercials. He had the Uncle Ben's contract for about 15 years. Racist. That shit put me through college. Wow. Yeah. Okay. What's up? You told me before the podcast about Eskimo pies. What's up?

So this is the dryer ice cream company. And they have said we are committed to being a part of the solution. Okay. I love that this is part of the solution on Rachel. Okay. I love that this is part of the solution on regular quality. Yeah, of course. Everybody's got to do their part. The chocolate-covered vanilla ice cream bar joins brands such as Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben's in overhauling long-used names. and overhauling long-used names.

They say the name Eskimo is commonly used in Alaska to refer to Inuit and Yupik people, according to Alaska Native Language Center. The name is considered derogatory in many other places because it was given to non-Inuit people and was said to mean eater of raw meat. As reported to the Eskimo Gazette. So, yeah, Eskimo pies. The working title is Uncle Ben's Pies. I don't think it'll last.

What about all the nanooks and crannies? If you want to make some real money, if you want to make some real money, come up with a prepackaged meal that has Uncle Ben's rice with Aunt Jemima's syrup on it and has some kind of Eskimo pie dessert.

Put it all in one of those TV dinners. Oh, I'm sure there's some hot dog. Yeah. You could have a full racial or racially charged meal, I'm sure. Yeah. We should be able to think of some on the fly here. But yeah.

Also in what section are we in? So in, wait, what section are we in? Well, we were in sports, but I love this other, you know, this topic of these symbolic changes and meme changes and stuff. Well, that was in business. The other thing in business that I have is a family. A family of a 20-year-old student says he died by suicide after confusion over an apparent negative balance of $730,000 in his Robinhood account. Now they're demanding answers from the Millennial Focus trading app. So Robinhood is this trading app that I guess anybody can get on,

and you make these kind of complicated trades, and it doesn't read out very clearly. So this 20 year old kid thought he'd lost three quarters of a million dollars. It's also a suicide app, which millennials love. But by the way, so as someone who was shorting the market and is again, I had to step away a few weeks ago because it is crazy making what the stock market is doing. It's making money, right? Because they will just come up with, first of all, we've become completely socialist and the government now just backs, sorry, you're going out of business? Delta, here you are. Here you are, unlimited money. And here, everyone take these.

And it was so despicable. Now the government is going back on their promise to be transparent and show who got a lot of this money. So there's that issue aside. But what they're doing is all of a sudden, they'll be like, no, there's a cure. And it's like the stock market loves it up 2000 points. And what happened is a lot of people who had lost their jobs were starting to play the

market. Like I think a lot of these millennials with a Robin hood account were starting to play the market and it is so fixed. And there's huge speculation that the markets are being really manipulated up and down where these winners, this is inside, are making tons of money by taking all of these people, the amateurs' money, who are stepping up saying, I guess I'll make money on the way down because obviously it should go down. Stepping in also, Facebook just put $5.7 billion into a telecom giant from India. They paid $400 million to buy an animated gift company and fiber optic cable. Apple has bought four companies and hired 175,000 additional people. So in the turmoil, these companies are all getting backing from the government, and they're also, this is when the rich get richer, during chaos. This is when they step in and they corner the market more,

and as small companies go out of business, they pick up the slack, and they buy stuff at fire sale prices. And so that's why guys like me, because I've put millions on the sideline for years waiting for this opportunity. Wait, millions. I should not have kept it in an Italian lira. Hundreds, hundreds on the sidelines. I guess sort of related, coffee bean, right two blocks from my house here on Main Street in Santa Monica, out of business permanently. No. Yes. The chain or that location?

No, this location. But my point is, this virus will shake things up so badly that like, why wouldn't, and it's whosoever's left standing why wouldn't starbucks like buy coffee bean you know what i mean like and then all their stores they get to do something like that and that's what's going to be going on or everything is going to get more and more concentrated which is not the direction it should be going no i mean if the thing is about uh capitalism is you're supposed to have some kind of they they're supposed to let things happen the way they're supposed to happen. That's been the whole thinking with pure capitalism. So what should be happening now are these giant businesses should be going out of business at

the same rate as smaller ones, but they're getting bigger buyouts from the government. And so it's not going to ensure pure competition, which is supposed to be at the heart of capitalism. Well, I don't know. There's also theories that pure capitalism leads to monopolies because the powerful just keep getting powerful. And if you don't get involved, why doesn't Facebook just buy everything and not only buy everything, but use their power to flood. You know, it's kind of like the diamond trade.

Like if they're all of a sudden you have a diamond mine, well, De Beers is going to come in and basically give diamonds away for free till you go out of business. Then they're going to buy your mind. And that's pure capitalism. And I think, um, whatever. I have a whole theory that, listen, it used to be both, you know, hundreds and hundreds, thousands of years ago. If I was bigger than you, I could take your wife.

I could take your food. I could do whatever the fuck I want because I'm just bigger and more powerful than you. And then eventually laws were created to protect that. Well, we need those laws now because now it's the intelligent people and the more educated are the more powerful. And if you're inside Wall Street, you're more powerful. And you can take that kid with the Robin Hood's accounts money. You can just take it.

It's the easiest thing in the world. He doesn't know you're going to create a downward trend tomorrow. Jim Cramer, that motherfucker, Jim Cramer, he's on YouTube. Just YouTube, Jim Cramer manipulating the markets. He laughs about it. He talks about it. It's funny. He's like, listen, if I knew I had some shorts in play and they were going to get really hurt because the market was going up, it wouldn't take much

money. I could manipulate the markets to send them down the next day. He then wrote a book. I think the word confessions might've even been in the book where he talks about feeling so badly at how easy it is to shake people out of the market and ruin lives and make money doing it. Yeah, yeah. That's the new version of a caveman just taking whatever the fuck he wants, and there have to be rules in place. I don't even understand the stock market anymore. I thought the whole principle was companies that were starting out needed seed money to grow, and so they took investments and essentially sold off

tiny fractions of the company to people that want to invest. But do companies like Apple even need more money to grow? What is even being traded anymore? It's so fleeting. Well, that was one of the big problems is they would take all their money. fleeting. Well, that was one of the big problems is they would take all their money. They would buy back their own stock, which was allowed, which shouldn't be to inflate, artificially inflate the stock price. Yet they're not taking care of their employees. They're not putting it as much into research and development. It's a bad system any way you look at it. And so a lot of these companies are really hurting right now because of all those buybacks. And then we're bailing them out when they could have had the money, except they were

putting it into their stocks. Anyway, it's a very controversial issue. Ford is recalling more than 2 million vehicles in the U.S. because the doors could open while the vehicle is being driven. And you wonder, is that a manufacturing defect? Or is it just, if you're driving a Ford Fiesta, you just want to hurl yourself out of the car? Fiesta, bye-bye. Yes, it's crazy. It's pretty depressing, I imagine.

I think this is another case of suicide. Here's another business story. U.S. Airlines, I got this last week. U.S. Airlines record the lowest passenger numbers since 1974. These are the statistics from April. So they talk about that international travel is down. April. So they talk about that international travel is down. So I'm not going to tell you the percentage that international is down from April last year, but I just want, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. Like boss comes into the meeting. All right, listen guys, I need some good news. I need some fucking good news. Um, my wife's name is literally Karen and everything's

going to shit in this world. Just give me, I know the numbers are bad. Just, I know the numbers are, what are, what are the bad? Well, international travel, sir, is, is down quite significantly. I think that's all you need to know. No, no. Tell me what is it? Um, it's down 99% sir. Holy shit. That is a fact. Wow. International travel on U.S. Airlines, not U.S. Air, U.S. Airlines, down 99% from this time last year. Damn. I mean, how does he not jump right out a window? Get right on the Robin Hood app and kill yourself. If you can find a country, like I think Portugal,

there's some country that's giving two-thirds off or a third off when you travel there. And they're giving you a third off your flight, third off your hotel, third off everything. Imagine the flight you'd be on. It's probably going to be you're going to have your own row, maybe even get bumped up to first class for like an extra 50 bucks. Well, flights now they're saying, cause there's so many fewer of them are a little crowded domestic though here in the U S but, but how does this, how does this play out? Well, because everyone is reading these headlines now every day. And I know some of the headlines are inflated. If it bleeds, it leads, I get all that. But there's no doubt that some of these numbers are rising. And there's going to be a second wave because we've given up. I mean, you know, America is basically a couple of countries are trying to mandate masks and all that. But like AMC, I guess we're in the business section, AMC movie theaters, they did a one day turnaround.

You had a one day turnaround. They were asked, you're going to come back with theaters at one third capacity for a little while. Their plan is to roll out more and more capacity and mass. They were going to allow the jurisdictions where the particular theaters are to rule for themselves, whether mass or mandatory. People freaked out next day. Masks mandatory no matter what. But even all those little things and now the numbers going up, like I'm not getting on a plane. Well, also in movie theaters, they make all their profit on concessions.

Popcorn. Oh, I know. How can you eat popcorn with a fucking mask on? Right. I know that Judd's movie, he was, his movie, The King of Staten Island, which is excellent. And I recommend people get it on video on demand.

It was supposed to come out in some movie theaters. And then they realized, like, this is fucking crazy. There's, you know, people are not wearing masks. And do you want to be the first one in the movie theater? So I don't know if it was universal. At the last minute, they canceled it. So I don't think there's any movies in theaters now, are there? And by the way, is it like $19 or something like that? The video on demand is $19.

And it's funny. People are complaining about that. But first of all, if you're more than one person watching it, home run. What a deal. $19 is nothing. I mean, when i've added up going to the movies it's even one person if you're not seeing a matinee out here in la it's what is it 16 bucks yeah then there's parking then there's the concessions it's and then oh then they tack on

fees to buy your ticket if you want to you know reserve it in advance. So what a deal. And also, again, the economy is not getting that money anymore. So again, how does that play out? Well, it sounds like we need a lot of advice. And one place we've found it in the past is with Ask Amy. Yes, there is. I have an Ask Amy. I found it right before the podcast, so I haven't really prepared material on it. But anyway, here it is. So I got this out of, I forget what newspaper, it wasn't the Chicago Tribune, but she's syndicated everywhere. Dear Amy, I had two years of Spanish in high school. A few years later as a nurse, I knew enough words to evaluate my patient's basic needs, i.e. toilet, pain, hunger, fear. Over the years, I found that any attempt to communicate in a foreign language, albeit limited, was appreciated. Signed, barely bilingual.

She writes back, dear bilingual. So already she's upgraded her from barely, a confessed barely bilingual to dear bilingual. Dear bilingual, communicating the concept, quote, I see you is powerful. That was her only response. How about dear bilingual? Please let me know what hospital you work at so I can avoid it. And I think the letter, by the way, her letter should have gone on to write a little more like, sure, sometimes my patients struggle when I try to put the bedpan by their bokeh,

but they're the ones who I think ask for it next to their mouth. And when I help them, they're so effusive, practically screaming, which I think means thank you. screaming, ayudame, ayudame, which I think means thank you. When she says ICU, does she mean you need to get to the ICU? Exactly. Yeah, that's great. You got a pantomime.

I'm having a heart attack. It's like, oh, you love me? I love you too. She better learn lo siento and use it often. By the way, I don't need any Spanish to understand toilet, pain, hunger. I mean, can't this be communicated even non-verbally? Fear is pretty obvious. I think they're afraid of your Spanish. I took two years of Spanish, so I'm throwing it around in a life and death

setting. Yeah. I, I studied, uh, I studied medicine for nine years, did a residency. And then, uh, and then I, and then I did, uh, a book on tape of how to learn Spanish for three weeks. People are dying, but, um, but they keep thanking me. They keep thanking me as they go. I don't know, Doug. He kept saying, muy mal, muy mal, which I assume meant more food, more meals, more meals. Right. Caliente, caliente. Oh, my God.

So there's dear Amy. All right. Let's get to, well, we had some nice listener mail this week. Oh, nice. It's always lovely to get from you guys. And we read all of them and we respond to all of them. So keep them coming. A woman named Joanne said, I seem to have a crush on these guys.

This woman, Joanne, which this is a running joke. We read hers every week. She liked that we're reading it every week. So she sent us a video saying, I really do like you guys. And the video, I'm not making this up, was her in slow motion juggling one lemon. was her in slow motion juggling one lemon. And I don't know if that means something in another culture. It was a big lemon under a lemon tree. I thought it was a grapefruit because I was like, this is almost like a family circus where I'm like,

what was the intention even here? Like, what does this mean? So I thought, oh, maybe it's a grapefruit because of grapefruit for Simmons. Yeah. Maybe it's grapefruit Simmons. I didn't think of that. Grapefruit Simmons. I don't, I don't even get the word. I don't think it's that though. Um, I think it's a lemon. You think that next week she'll, she'll juggle two blue balls to represent you? Maybe that would be accurate for sure. Quarantine sitch?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. This one comes from Ben Kaplan. Hey, guys. This is a dream come true. First found Gibby on Killborn. He was the funniest thing on the show when he would show up on bits or Craig would talk to him.

It was the best part of the show. Huh. Greg, I've been a fan since. If people don't know that, Gibbons was the head writer on the late show with Craig Kilborn. And he became being serious or not. No, no, not at all. But that's part of the charm is his personas. It's not unfounded. Let's just put it that way. Does he know it's a persona? Shh, don't tell him.

So he just put out one this week that people enjoy his face. So he just put a montage. Here's my face, my beautiful face. And he put out a montage of it. So anyway, um, I, uh, he would put me on the air and eventually he stopped telling me what he was going to add. Cause he wanted to stump me on the air. You know, this is on an hour on CBS every night. So it was pretty funny. Uh, Greg, I've been a fan since I first saw you on Adam's podcast. Started listening.

Your comedy is awesome. Your book. Got your book and your grapefruit T-shirt. So when you started talking about a Mike you knew who ran Kilborn, I couldn't believe my luck. My two favorite funny people knew each other. The first time you had him on, I was psyched. Did not disappoint.

You guys are great together. Glad you decided to make a podcast. I'm finally glad we get to disappoint him today with this bad news podcast. This is a bad news podcast. With very few jokes. I know. I had two different people say to me when I said I was going to do a podcast today, like, you could take a week off. I mean, you could just- Yeah. I should have worked harder on jokes, but... TV shows take weeks off. By the way, this week, I don't know if this happened to you, so to lighten the load the night before and the day of, I'll jot down news stories during the week, right? And this week, every day, I'd have to just erase the stories the day

before because such bigger news kept coming out. Right. Right. It's hard. I mean, and we were thinking about giving our our editors a break and trying to do the show on Friday so they didn't have to work on Saturday nights. But we can't. It's just everything's happening too fast. So getting back to our number one, I'll save it to the end of the show. God, this is what are we up to, the funnies or another letter? One more mail. Kyle McFadden says,

just listen to the Silence of the Lambs section of the previous podcast. Love the show. Love everything about it. But this is my favorite thing that's happened on the show so far. Whoa. Would love for more sections like this, maybe even another podcast where you guys discuss film, television, books, whatnot. Best, Kyle. OK, I have a very sprawling theory about No Country for Old Men that it was really about George Bush and I can back that shit up.

All right. Let's do that next week. George Bush was the president. Watch No Country for Old Men this week and then I also, and then next week we'll discuss it. It's an incredible movie. It's, you know, listen, it's an amazing film. Well, it's a great book. It's a Cormac McCarthy book. Yeah. I mean, Cormac McCarthy meets the Coen brothers.

Are you shitting me? Yeah, I know. meets the Coen brothers? Are you shitting me? Yeah, I know. Finally, this is a note from, a lot of people are going to the Apple podcast section where you can leave a little review. You can give it a five-star review

and give us a note there. Somebody said, perfect podcast. If you're feeling down, you will feel better. Sorry about this week. If you want to know what to watch on TV or get some ideas, plus the Sunday funnies. Well, here they are. It's the Sunday funnies. All right. This one I found. Somebody sent me this and it's very funny. It's it's Homer from Homer Simpson. And he's got the newspaper open and he and it says chuckling. Oh, Andy Cap, you wife beating drunk.

But did someone make that? I don't I don't think so. No, I think it's an actual. You think that was in The Simpsons? Yes. That's hysterical. I mean, that's good. I don't know. I don't know so. No, I think it's an actual. You think that was in The Simpsons? Yes. That's hysterical. I don't know how it happened. Of course it's been done.

I mean, we're not the first people to stumble upon this. All right, let's go to it. Oh, no, let's go to Andy Kapp. Here it is. This week's Andy Kapp. I've fallen in love with these. Has Andy's wife, who is in a bathrobe with curlers in her hair, clearly she has been asleep

and has been awakened by Andy at the front door who must have forgotten his keys. I don't know why she's answering the door for Andy. She has in her hand a rolling pin. Andy is standing there,

bulbous red nose, cap on, little shit-eating smile on his face, and a rolling pin in his hand. He's going to beat his wife with a rolling pin because he's drunk and coming home late. By the way, that's the other thing. Okay, you're a wife beater. I get it. Okay. You're a wife beater,

but I get it. I mean, I understand that about you. Okay. You're, I understand that's what you are. I can't even say without getting in trouble. I can't even talk about handicap without getting in trouble. So you're a wife beater. That's your MO. You go out to a bar to get shit faced. I'm assuming it's because she drives you crazy and you have to get away and you don't like being around her. But that provides less relief somehow than staying home because you come home from drinking a bar with a tool in your hand to beat the shit out of her. Like, what's going on there? Usually you come home from the bar and you kind of cower.

You kind of come back sheepishly. Not Andy Kapp. He comes out with a weapon. He goes, not only am I going to wake you in the middle of the night, not only did I spend our savings getting shit-faced and probably cheating on you, get ready for a beating. Or also, I got away from you. I had a breather. I fucking unloaded on my friends what a C-word you are.

And it felt good. And I drank, which is a stress reducer. And you know what? You can start with me if you want, but I'm just fucking passing out, man. I'm just passing out. You're not going to get under my skin. Instead, I'm going to walk home. She's under his skin.

And where did he get a rolling pin on the way home? He must have bought one earlier in the day, knowing that she was going to have one and saying, no, it's going to be a battle royale. The bar probably has them on loan. You're going home like an umbrella, like an umbrella by the front door. You want to take one? They're all bloody.

They're caked in blood and hair. Yeah. Oh, my God. Hey, O'Connor, I don't want to spread the virus. When did you be your wife with this? Over a day ago? Okay, I don't think the germs can last on it. Did you ever hear the joke about the guy, he's in a bar.

Yeah. His wife's a C-word. She's at home. He's standing at the bar. He's so drunk, he throws up on his shirt. And he goes, oh, Jesus Christ, how am I going to explain this to my wife? Guy next to him says, here, take $20 out of your wallet. You've said this on the podcast

have I yeah but go but new listeners yeah do it it's a great show put this in your pocket and when you get home you just tell your wife guy next to you at the bar threw up on your shirt gave you 20 bucks to dry clean it he goes that's fucking genius guy orders another round another round after that two hours later he stumbles in the door can't get his keys into the into the lock the wife finally opens the door she looks at him he's shit-faced she goes you got puke all over your shirt guy pulls the 20 out of his pocket he goes guy next to me is a bar I threw up on my shirt gave me the money to dry clean it. And she goes, well, what's this hundred? And he goes, he shit my pants. Gets me every time.

I think we should do it every four episodes. Maybe I'll tell it every week. Who's your favorite Viking character, Mike? Oh, my God. I'm going to pronounce it Hager. I'm sticking with Hager. I'm sticking with Hager. We get so many emails about how it's Sammy Hagar pronunciation.

Yeah. But I fucking hate Sammy Hagar. Oh, I like Sammy Hagar. I don't like him. I like when he talks shit about, whatchamacallit, Van Halen, when they've pulled bullshit maneuvers. I don't know. Oh, yeah?

He's been pretty real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he defends the bassist, who I should know his name. I don't know. He's been pretty real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he defends the bassist, who I should know his name. I don't know. He's kind of grown on me. I don't like his Van Halen. Don't get me wrong. Hated his Van Halen.

And he can't drive 55. But if you step back and look at his life, in a rock and roll band, unbelievably successful, tequila guy, the Cabo Wabo, just enjoys himself. I don't know, man. Maybe we hate him because we're envious. I just feel like he's forcing it. All right, so Hager is sitting at the bar, and he's got that dopey skinny guy who he's friends with. He's sitting, and in between the two of them at the bar is this monstrous-looking barbarian. bar is this monstrous looking barbarian he's got on like a uh a bear skin kind of a vest and he's got horns with the helmet and a scowl on his face and he says i started dating a woman who knows all

of my terrible qualities and doesn't hate me and in the next frame the sidekick says maybe she hates herself and the guy smiles even the vikings know even the vikings know find a woman with low self-esteem and then you can go on rate you can go rape go rape and come home but also how psychologically intuitive like this is advanced stuff for like primitive rapists. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. That's some real insight. Have you talked to you about her relationship with her father? Well, keep in mind, these rapists create a lot of women with a lot of self-esteem. I can't believe we're laughing and talking about it like this, but, uh, so maybe they do have some real insight into, uh uh why a woman would

hate herself and why that maybe makes a perfect match oh my god yeah all right let's do a little blondie oh no we're gonna do family circus all right here's family circus i'll hold it up it's a complete waste of time like usual but there it is it's the kids talking to their mom. You see that? So anyway, again, I'm just not going to get angry about it. It's not worth it. So it's, um, four little kids talking to their mom was bending down to listen to them. Um, and it's, uh, on father's day, we're going to play with daddy all day. And then you see the dad in the background, like reading a newspaper, looking over like,

huh? And I mean, I don't even know what to say. It's just nothing. Yes. No, that's it. All dads complain about that.

Like, how about on my day? You know, mom gets joggers, but maybe make a little bit of effort. Like, wouldn't it be funny or not even funny, but funnier if he was like trying to get out the door at that time,

golf clubs in his hand. He's got a six pack. Yeah, but he's home. He has the paper. He's just there anyway. So now he has the paper. Like,

do you not, the people who created this, like have no concept of comedy, like just the basics of, well well what would make it funny he's fucking a schlub doing nothing like that yeah i guess he enjoys me i whatever it's mind-numbing to talk about raise the stakes raise the fucking stakes yes him put a cell phone in his hand with some hot chick sending him a nude selfie and he's got his keys in his hand and something's building there's something good out there.

You and I have complained about Father's Day forever. I would totally be on this fucker's side if he wasn't just like, duh, with the paper in his hand. Yeah. I'm on the kid's side in this. I hate being on the kid's side. Yeah. By the way, it's Father's Day today.

That's right. The day this comes out is Father's Day. I don't think, I'm going to wait and see. I don't even think my kids know. I hope they forget, I'm going to wait and see. I don't even think my kids know. I hope they forget. I'm going to use that. I'm texting right now. No, no, no.

Don't remind my kids. I don't think they know. And all I've been doing is feeding them and fucking tolerating their bullshit for two straight weeks with the inability to even leave. I remember my worst Father's Day of all time. The kids were young and they all decided that for Father's Day, as a treat for me, we were all going to go rollerblading. Now, understand, I've played ice hockey since I could walk. I can rollerblade at about 27 miles an hour.

That's what I enjoy. On my Father's Day, I was going down Venice Boulevard with a fucking wind coming off the ocean that was like blowing dust and sand as I held my daughter's hand and dragged her crying. And my wife insisted we're going all the way. Now we're going to go all the way to the beach. We got a picnic. Like, oh, my God. Great. Yeah, I know. I remember going ice skating. It's like there's no more efficient way to completely injure me than me ice skating so fully supporting a human being between my legs as i'm

trying to navigate all these lunatics in a skating rink yeah yeah um it's time for blondie oh it's all i think about all week i love her her. I feel like she deserves better. And here we are. And I love that your comic strip was about the guy reading a newspaper. Because guess who's reading a fucking newspaper? Okay, here it is. Go ahead. Guy's got a perfect 10 wife who is in perfect shape and waits on him hand and foot.

Listen to what this fucking Claude does. He's sitting on the blue chair. And she says, Dagwood, are you doing anything? And he says, why do you ask? And she says, because if you're not, I've got a job for you. That's reasonable, right? He's doing, literally, he is doing nothing. I already hate him for the why do you ask. In other words, my answer is conditional on what you're asking.

Right. Now you say, what do you need me to do, you fucking yellow haired goddess? Or no, I'm not doing anything because I'm me. I'm a fucking useless waste of space. Go ahead. So he picks up the newspaper, buries his face in it and says, I'm reading the paper. Really? Is that how it works in your family?

So she says, honey, as soon as you finish reading the paper, I'd like you to clean out our attic. Cut to, they're at the table where she's preparing a meal. He's ignoring her with his face in the paper. Cut to the next frame. He's on the couch with his face buried in the paper. She's standing there in a black velour skirt that comes about an inch above her knee and green pumps so that her calf, it's like a fucking bowling pin. It's perfect. And she just looks at him with a sadness on her face. A sadness that this is the 1950s and you don't divorce yet. Next frame, he's walking down the street, face buried in the paper.

She's inside the house looking out, forlorn. He's in the shower. He's got the paper. She's got her arms crossed. Finally, they're in bed. She's wearing a pink frilly top and sitting up in bed, and she says, I'll give you this. You certainly aren't a quitter as he buries his face in the newspaper. Infuriating.

I mean, if all it takes is for me to clean out the attic, to crawl on top of that fucking curvy goddess and pump one out, I'm up there. I'm knee deep in dust. I'm putting stuff in boxes. Whatever you need. What else?

How's the lawn look? This guy- He won't see you. His head's buried in a paper. You could be her side piece. Oh, God. That's right. I need be her side piece. Oh, God. That's right. I need somebody to animate

me. If somebody could animate me into a Blondie cartoon, hitting on her while Dagwood is ignoring her, I will... I don't know. I'll do something. I'll give you $100. There has to be an intervention. That's one intervention. But she also needs help.

She should be married to Hager's, you know, Cretan friend. Like, she has no self-esteem. Yeah. That's right. This is only the 1950s. This isn't the 1500s or whatever the fuck Vikings were roaming the earth. Right. This reminds me of that TV show, Mrs. America.

Did you see it about the ERA? I saw some of it, yeah. Phyllis Schlafly or Mrs. America. Did you see it about the ERA? I saw some of it, yeah. Phyllis Schlafly or whatever. Yeah, just a woman who's doting on her husband no matter how fucking... Ugh. I watched it. I kept waiting for the swimsuit competition and then I was out. I realized

I was watching the wrong show. And that's the joke we're going to go out on this week. Good one, Mike. That's going to keep them coming back. Well, if they stayed through my breakdown of how messy they are peeing and how dysfunctional their body is with that, and the complete waste of toilet paper,

cleaning up their pee mess every time they urinate, then they're fine with what I just said. What about if you guys made it through Gibbs chunk on Kramer manipulating shorting the market that that last joke was for you? All good. All good. All right. So listen, it's happening like in an hour or two. Like what, again, Saturday, it's right now, it's Saturday, it's 3.30 in Los Angeles. What is your prediction for tonight? I believe that this thing is going to heat up fast. I think there's going to be protests

outside of where he's going to speak. And then on the inside, he is going to instigate his people talking about the protesters outside. And then on the inside, he is going to instigate his people talking about the protesters outside. And when they leave, there is going to be a conflict that the news is going to cover like it's Sunday football. Interesting. Do you think they're going to serve alcohol in this function? Good question. It's kind of like Cleveland Indian fans. Like you just listen, you can't you can't give them alcohol after a certain point.

No, seventh inning. They don't sell it after the seventh inning. That was that famous beer night, yeah, where it just went to craziness. I also love the baseball stadiums that there's bat night. Yankee Stadium. It's the 70s in the Bronx, and everybody gets a bat on the way out. They were trying to get them to throw less batteries at the outfielders. I remember going, my dad, my dad would bring me because of his job in New York.

He would get these tickets to the pennant and I would go. And I remember walking and I was a young kid and they are actively burning, lighting on fire, Kansas city Royal pennants. And of course they would buy them to light them on fire, these poor people in the Bronx. But it was like, it was and people throwing things. It was a rough scene. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's actually

a really good article that just came out. There's this famous story about the Yankees back in the 50s going to the Copacabana and getting into this massive fight with a bunch of guys from a bowling league. And it was like Mickey Mantle and a bunch of the big ones. And one of the guys that was there, they never talked about it. It was this well-kept

secret, this cover-up, because the Yankees just fucking annihilated these bowlers. And there's an article in the New York Times today about this guy going back and telling the story. these bowlers. And there's an article in the New York Times today about this guy going back and telling the story. Billy Martin was with them, who was a famous drunken brawler. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

Oh, no, I want to read that. All right. All right, Gibbons. Well done, my friend. Good seeing you. Yes, good seeing you. I don't know. I think I agree with your prediction.

There might be real tense standoffs tonight. That's my hope instead of real violence. But it's going to happen because, you know, he had the curfew lifted. There was a curfew. That's right. There was a curfew as of two days ago. And then Trump pressured the mayor to lift the curfew and told everyone to have fun. Now he wants it to happen. So it'll happen. No, he wants it to happen, so it'll happen. Yep. All right.

Thanks for listening, you guys, and we'll catch you next week. Wrap a fish in it, stick it out on the curb. Light a fire with it. Maybe don't. Maybe don't do that. All right, take it easy. See ya. See ya. Sunday Papers. Sunday Papers

Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday Papers Sunday papers, yeah, yeah. Sunday papers. Sunday papers, yeah, yeah.