Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 165 5/21/23

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Toe sucking, Amelia Earhart and Target is the new Bud Light. What are the angriest airports in the country and Australia is the world’s Florida.

Sunday papers is here just. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday Papers is here just like you asked for it. Week in, week out, whether you want it or not, we're coming into your ears. We're going to find our way in. Mike Gibbons getting chia seeds out of his teeth. Yes, they're out. They're healthy, man. They're out, but those little bastards.

Wait, what were you eating? I make a cereal I put some chia I'll sound so soft But Do you get more stuff stuck in your teeth The older you get Oh absolutely I got one spot right here Every single thing I eat I have to try to pick this out

And it's hard to get to Every meal There is nothing off limits I eat, I have to try to pick this out and it's hard to get to every meal. The, there is nothing off limits that I wouldn't use in my car to get to that. I have a spot also. Oddly, it's the spot with the most space. So like, I'm like, why it's almost like it shouldn't even get stuck in there. And I will use, uh, Oh my God, it's a bone. If I see a Starbucks straw, you know, those little plastic tab things, stirrers. Oh my God, that's fantastic. I break that in a hat, you know, anyway, but I will use dirty paper. I will use old napkins on the floor of my car. I'll use anything to clear it. Yeah. I have, Yeah, I have those little flosser handles that I keep in my bag, and I go after it with that.

But it is where bad breath comes from. I have a friend who has very bad breath, very bad, and it's becoming—it's not you. I was just going to say, at what point do i just know what is the protocol when you know it's affecting business relationships the guy's married i don't know how the fuck she that's her job her job is to say something what's the protocol for letting somebody know? Have we talked about this before? Uh-uh. I don't think. Okay. I don't know because, you know, it seems like everyone would want to know. It's a, you know, you don't want to do that.

But would they hold it against you if you were the one that actually told them? Would they feel awkward in front of you from now on? Well, you can't, like, write an anonymous anonymous, like almost like a kidnap ransom note, like, you know, and leave it in their mailbox because they are then scouring the faces of everyone they run into for the next month. Right. And I actually don't think you would have a great poker face in that case. Like, because you'll be like, is he scouring my face? And that's enough. That's it. You're you're you're done. So, because you'll be like, is he scouring my face? And that's enough. That's it.

You're you're, you're done. So how would you handle it? I'd, uh, I'd, uh, not be friends with him anymore. No, I'm kidding. That's why I want to tell him. No, I think some people really would avoid him because of this. Yeah. Well, you know, there's another thing that happens I've noticed. I don't know. I mean, what's going on, but you know, we, we had a friend who just got a lot of teeth work, but if your teeth, I mean, it sounds like an overstatement to say are rotting. That is not good. And, uh, and that, that is almost guaranteed. I don't think there's anything you can do against that bad breath. Yeah, I mean, there's a number of ways.

I looked it up online, and there's gingivitis, which is actually like a virus in your mouth. And then you've got rotten teeth. Then you've got maybe you drink too much coffee and garlic and shit. And maybe you had to change your diet. Here's what you do. Change your diet. Floss every night. Use a good mouthwash every night. Go to the dentist.

Tell him the situation and get it fixed. Yeah. Yeah. I had a woman who was like that. Some people are against mouthwash every night. I do know that. Why? They think it's a little overkill with antibacterial

soap that you're killing good bacteria as well if you overdo it. Really? Yeah, that you want some of the good bacteria in your mouth. Yeah. But anyway, I'm sure it's safe at that level of alcohol in there.

By the way, how do I look? Am I blown out? How's my lighting? Do I look like a ghost? No, your lighting looks good. Okay. I see the reflection of the screen in your glasses, but I always look that way because of working in television. I've got a nice maroon working today.

I've had too many hosts where you see the teleprompter going up in their glasses. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Speaking of which. You did what today? What? What did you do today?

I'm wearing some maroon today. I know. That's great. I thought you noticed that. No, I, well, I, yeah, every time. I should just say things when you're not wearing maroon. Yes. That's the deal.

So I directed my first special last week. I know. And you have not told me about it off the podcast, so I directed my first special last week. I know. And you have not told me about it off the podcast, so I'm dying to hear. Zane Lamprey came out. We did two shows. He does brewery shows, and so he's really big in the brewery world. He's had a couple TV shows where he drinks around the world and around the country. TV shows where he drinks around the world and around the country.

And so it was a lot of work in the brewery because the brewer, I don't know why he picked this brewery, but it was in Huntington Beach and they were great people and the place looked nice. But it also had Florida ceiling windows on two sides and it was on the ocean. And it was like, what the fuck are we doing here we had to bring in draping and drape like 15 foot windows it was crazy and we're shooting one show at five o'clock and one at eight o'clock so one of the sun is up one is the sun is down so that was a lot of work and we had an amazing lighting i didn't even think about the sun all right yeah wow we had this amazing lighting guy named ziod who came in and uh he he uh set up the lights he did he did a really nice job back lighting the

back wall really soft and orange because zane was wearing a blue shirt and then we had like uh like blue lights on the audience, and he kept the audience nice. I wanted the audience in the dark, as dark as they could be. Sounds like a Miami Dolphins theme up on stage. And then the sound was good, considering the size of the room. And I went out with him a couple times, and I went through his material.

I tried not to give him too many notes but i gave him some some punch lines and i switched the order a little bit and he was great about taking the notes and then uh we had eight cameras and they were like 6k cameras which means basically you can shoot it and then in post you can push in a little bit so i know it gives you the ability to like have a close up shot where in the past you would have gone like, fuck, we should have been tighter on that. Now it's like, well, just push in. It's great. And it doesn't lose any quality. When we were doing Brody, the first it was a Canon 5D.

It was an SLR. Anyway, long story short is Jonathan Kreisel, this amazing director who created and directed all the Portlandias. He was coming out of SNL. What? He did Kroll's show, Nick Kroll's show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, he shot a scene with Brody and his mom, and it was a little restaurant that gave us permission

for like 15 minutes unofficially. And he's like, and oh, they also thought we were taking still photos because it was one of those cameras oh yeah we chew we got by with a lot of people who had no idea those could shoot video so chrysal gets at the next table and shoots it anyway i go in a post and this is speaking exactly to your point and a conversation is cut and i'm like wait a minute we brought a second camera in there and he's like like, nope, I just locked it off. And even with the low lighting, it was enough resolution where I could pop in and make a conversation just with the wide shot with ISOs.

Yeah. So we set it up and the five o'clock show comes in and it was a Saturday night and people were it was a saturday night and people were day drinking they came in and they were shit faced and so what we did was we just told everybody get two beers because we don't want waitresses we don't want anyone getting up during the shoot we don't want you going to the bathroom go to the like 15 minutes before i announced go to the bathroom get your beers so a half hour into the show zane goes you guys look like you got another like like you need another beer everybody go to the bar and get a beer and we're shooting with eight fucking cameras we're like what are you doing it was insane so everybody

gets up and now they are annihilated and people are talking and they're yelling out and this couple gets into a fight. We drag them outside. He knocks her down outside. There's yelling. Zayn is trying to yell to them to shut up from the stage. It was nuts. Now, that being said, we got a lot of good shit in that show because it was so chaotic. We got some fun stuff.

But then all the pressure was on the late show for him to fucking nail it. So he goes up on the late show and we get, you know, we got a full house on both shows and he comes in and he did like an hour and a half and he fucking nailed it. He got every joke down. The audience was on fire. Tons of applause breaks. And we shot it really really dirty like we got we were shooting it like framing it through the tap while the bartender was pouring and backs of people's heads in the shots and we had two reverse cameras so we got every time we talked to somebody in the crowd we we had them

you know they had on uh headphones so we were able to tell the cameras where to go and uh and the light looked fucking gorgeous in the shot and it was just such a blast i got such a charge out of it i'd never done this before and i realized like this is this is something i really want to do i want to pursue and you know there's so many people shooting specials now i'm just going to go out to everybody that's shooting a special even if it's a low budget and go let me direct it i'll do it for low money let me learn how to do this really well and wear your foot in the door yeah yeah absolutely so uh yeah it was very exciting it was very fun and uh and thank you by the way on your notes on my one hour special

which i also directed um if you can say that you've done two your foot's what your whole body's in the door whole body's wet but your notes were amazing they were very helpful oh great man i'm glad i mean it's so when you're too close to it it's the worst because it's and also you have to kill your babies you know what i mean right it's uh it's really tough when you know it it works but you're like i still gotta lose time i think that should be the slogan on the front of an abortion clinic. You have to kill your babies to kill your babies. Yeah. It takes the, it takes the tough choice out of it. You know, if you have to,

I'm in Missouri right now and I asked the audience if they, if there's legal abortion and they said they said, no, it's illegal. I said, what about legalized marijuana? They're like, oh, no, you can do that. Yeah. So a woman has the right to put pot in her body, but she doesn't have the right to take a baby out of her body. Also, she's probably feeling more frisky when she's baked so it's gonna lead to a lot of premarital unplanned unprotected yeah there you when you're high you do not put a condom on

you're just feeling it man uh back to i never thought it was back to uh you know i've never seen the movie sophie's choice back to having to kill your babies uh i've never seen the movie Sophie's Choice back to having to kill your babies. I've never seen Sophie's Choice. And I kind of a funny take, I guess, is like, was there a choice that she could have both killed? Was that it? Was that on the table? So that seems like the easiest. That seems like the easiest out.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. Because the survivor, the survivor is going to fucking resent you. You don't want that kid around. I don't want to be left with a depressed baby, you know, child, like who's damaged now. Und wer ist mein Bruder? Start from scratch, yeah.

Yeah, by the way, my top five movies of all time. Are you serious? Oh, my God. It's incredible. I just never have the emotional energy to press play on it. Yeah, it's heavy. You need to take the rest of the day off after that one. That's a heavy one.

All right. Well, there's a lot of those. I have to Requiem for a Dream. I know the ones I've avoided. And it's kind of like, you know, exercising. You know it's good for you, but it's not going to feel good. Well, and there's all the ones because we both have teenage daughters of the, like, 16. And what was the other one?

Eighth grade? It was eighth grade. Was it 16 or 13? I think it was called 13 actually oh yeah 13 yeah um those are i've avoided those yeah oh i saw eighth grade eighth grade but i eighth grade i wanted to see my girls to see it right away he has an amazing scene in a cab where a guy is trying to make out with her and he's older. It's like kind of not, not, you know, he's like a senior maybe, or a junior anyway, he's older than she is. She's in eighth grade and, uh,

and puts pressure on her. And then when she like has the wisdom to like draw a line, hmm, he gets angry and get, and like gas lights. And, and, and it's like, that is going to happen. You and I want my girls to see how right she was. Stick to your guns. That's that guy's problem, you know what I mean? The term gaslighting did not exist until, what, two years ago? Oh, in popular culture? Well, it's almost beyond popular culture it's actually really

insightful psychology that i never thought of when i was younger i never thought about people flipping something on me when i was the innocent party and now that people are aware of of it, it's actually amazing that that recognition of that dynamic exists now. Right. I mean, I'm not trying to sound woke, but I think that's a woke thing that really works. Yeah. About three or four years ago, there was a great SNL sketch about the origin of gas lighting and you know, the origin, right? that now he kept he kept turning it down she's like it's getting darker he's like it's not getting darker in here i think that's the origin like a light in the house or something so it starts like that but then it's like okay it's time for your steak and it's like a birthday cake like every she's like this is not a steak like and it goes it goes literally crazy and it's so so funny yeah i'm trying to

think if i've ever gaslit somebody of course you have have you ever been accused of cheating and you have cheated and you've told them like what are you talking about yeah that's textbook gaslighting when i was in college i was dating a girl who you know yeah and i went to i went to remember they used to have happy hour at um what was the bar down near kenmore square that we used to go to i forget anyway there was like a happy hour. It started at like four o'clock in the afternoon. And I went there and there was a girl that I didn't know, but she like flirted with me. It was amazing. Like she picked me up and I went and, you know, and I was I was not very faithful in college. And so I went back to her apartment and I had sex with her. And part of that included the performance

it was a and a command performance of oral sex by me just you need to know that for the story so then I went to my my girlfriend was throwing a party that night so I showed up at like 11 o'clock at night shit-faced and she hugged me and she smelled it on me no yes and i tried to deny it and she got so furious and i left the party and we broke up for a while we got back together we broke up for a while over that one wow yeah that's uh that's a tough one all right i'll just assume you ate her butt. So, you know when it's tricky gaslighting? We should compare notes on best ways to gaslight. Know when it's tricky?

Oh, here's a good example where it could be tricky. Like you brought up the guy with bad breath. Well, when you're trying to protect someone's feelings and you're lying right yeah like that in a weird way is you're trying to gaslight them out of feeling bad for themselves you know like no no no no no you know no the dress doesn't make your ass look fat or you know that's the bad dumb example but like there's a million examples there's a million or they the person wasn't invited to a party so you're trying to or the person wasn't invited to a party. So you're trying to lie that it wasn't much of a party. And, you know, all like you're trying to change the reality that they are sniffing out.

And that's the textbook way it happens. You know? Yep. Yep. Yeah. When they're right and you're changing the reality to make them wrong. How are the kids? You got both daughters home for the summer now.

And I do wonder, so like Sophie's out in the living room and like, you know, and here's their dad, real mature, doing a completely juvenile podcast. But you know what I don't think about? Like, she can hear me right now. She can hear every word. Literally, I'm not even yelling and she can hear. And what you don't realize is how long my silences can be. And then just out of nowhere, I'll just be like, uh, who cares if

you're gay? And then that's it. Or long silence. And then I assume you were eating her ass yeah right totally exactly yeah hey in sophie's choice could she have killed both of them and then nothing and then silence for a while like that's what that's what she's hearing meanwhile that's her name all the more confusing yeah totally uh no but they're both home and here is great so uh olivia we gotta we have to sit olivia my youngest down and have a talk to her about respecting other people she just kind of and she is add but she kind of does what she needs for herself so so sophie has to borrow my car so she borrowed my car and they're at their mom's and Olivia has the old car, 2007, whatever. So Sophie wakes up and my car's gone and it's like, what?

And it's because Olivia woke up for school and was like, oh my, oh, that's right. My car's on E. I'll just take dad's car. So just leave Sophie with a car that's on E. So Sophie gets in the car and then drives. just leave Sophie with a car that's on E. So Sophie gets in the car and then drives. He's like, Dad, it's making a lot of noise and it's blinking water temperature on the dashboard. I'm like, oh, that's a really important one, right?

And so she pulls over. We call the garage. And anyway, when the AAA tows to a garage, the guy at the garage goes, I am still trying to figure out why your why your engine didn't seize them and blow up and maybe he used blow up because it's a hybrid i i don't know but he's like it's remarkable that it didn't was the radiator empty oh totally and and and it had a leak and so uh anyway we asked olivia and asked Olivia and Olivia were like before we alarmed her.

We're like, hey, how long has that light been on? She's like, I don't know, like probably a month. And we're like, Olivia, you got to listen to that. And like, do you know what it was blinking? She's like, yeah, what? Swear to God. Yeah. Water temperatures. But it wasn't that cold.

Like, so I didn't think the water was that cold. And I'm like, oh like oh my god i have mentally ill women i don't have a son i don't have i don't i don't have a human who like has a faint idea of how things work she thought it was when it gets too cold. Women generally do not have an interest in how things work. I think I can safely say generally women really don't. And I don't know why guys do. Like literally a boy, you can't stop him from asking questions about how something works. You know what I mean?

And many, many girls as well. But generally women, it's not big for them knowing how something works. That's hilarious. Oh my God. Anyway, she thought the light was going on, warning her that the water in her engine was getting cold. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I know.

Amazing. This week's logo comes from Irish Shane Iandrandi I don't know if I'm reading the name right But we apparently have just won a figure skating competition I know Which is nice Did we reference that over the last few podcasts maybe? I don't remember

Ice skating? Yeah I'm not sure Or just great looking outfits Maybe it's just about that. Maybe there was a big ice skating tournament that we missed. I always appreciate when they make me the man. Thank you, illustrators and graphic designers.

I love watching figure skating. It's so beautiful. And having played hockey my whole life, I can appreciate what goes into skating well. And having played hockey my whole life, I just I can appreciate what goes into skating well. But I get so tense because they've worked for years for this one moment and all they have to do is catch a blade or come up short on a triple axel. Oh, and it's all over. The whole dream is over. They're laying on the ice and and they got to finish knowing that they're going to get a shitty score.

Oh, it's too much for me. I can't take it. I wonder what age, because it's true for everybody. And again, I don't know if it's true for women, because women don't give a shit about how things work. But I remember being in grammar school and hearing that Lin Swan, remember that he was taking ballet classes or lessons? Yeah. And I remember at that point being like, Oh my God, he must shame. I mean, he, he obviously he's the best ballet dancer in the world. And, and same with like figure you'd see figure skating. And you're like,

imagine if like a real hockey player got out there and we'd like show them what skating really is. And then obviously there's a certain age where you the truth dawns on you which is these animals are the craziest skaters ballet like dancers and that yeah lynn swan could only dream of jumping as high as a real male ballerina you know what i mean or whatever dancer and uh yeah when i was in uh when i was in college we i took a power skating class and it was taught by a female figure skater and she was teaching hold on laura stam oh i don't remember the name my best friend in grammar school rich stam his mom was laura stam she taught the islanders how to power skate no shit really yeah yeah yeah and i learned a lot i just learned about like skating backwards

that the the power comes from your inside leg you would think it would be your outside leg pushing but it's your it's your inside leg yeah and uh and how to get power on both steps how to take shorter shorter steps when you're skating backwards and turning and really digging in. She's like, if you can't hear your skates grinding on the ice, you're not pushing hard enough. It's amazing. Yeah, no, I remember going to the like rich whatever. Like we went to the Islanders and he would take me to game stuff and I hated the Islanders. But one time I went and saw drills and it's like tons of hockey sticks on the ground.

They're all having to jump over them and backwards and sidestep and do all these agility drills. Yeah. To become better skaters and stuff. Come on. The Islanders back then, Mike Bossy. It was like,

they, they had some fucking one of the greatest players. They won five Stanley cups in a row. Didn't they? Yeah. They were amazing. I think they were good players of all time. They won five Stanley Cups in a row, didn't they? Yeah, they were amazing. I think they were good this year, actually. They went pretty deep in the playoffs. Oh, my God.

Does Madison Square Garden still chant Pot Van Sucks? And they did it for literally two decades after he was no longer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. This song comes from Josh Pryor. Really fun song. Thank you for your creativity, Josh, and your effort and your time. By the way, we're running low on songs and logos. I asked for some last week and we got some great ones, but we need some more. So keep sending them in. FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. them in thank you so much and if you don't just a warning we're gonna we're gonna play biggins second one our friend biggins sent in two and one had we played the

one with more effort but uh so that's it that the gauntlet's been thrown down we got uh corrections adam myers said uh my wife is a physician assistant in colon and rectal surgery. That's got to be fun. Jesus Christ. She deals with hemorrhoids of every kind all day, every day. I told her your story about getting a hemorrhoid from a bidet. Her only response, that doesn't happen. He's sitting on the toilet too long.

I'm sure, and that's from Adam. I'm sure Adam gets spoken to that way a lot in his marriage. You know, that kind of hurt my feelings. No, it didn't. You hurt your feelings. She's gaslighting him. Also, I bet Adam cooks a lot. Like, it's all right, honey.

I know where your hands have been all day. I got this. Let me. Let me. Put the as all right, honey. I know where your hands have been all day. I got this. I let me, let me let, don't put the asparagus down. Please, please, please, please. Yeah. And I always think about the doctors that end up working on the ass, like coming out of coming out of medical school. Yeah. If you got great, and I do a bit about this, but like if you, if you're a medical, if you get great grades, you're a neurolog and then the last one on the on the job board at your college the last the last

jobs left on the on the board when the good ones have been taken is fucking colon and rectal surgery yeah there have to be listen they're like you can be a mechanic on, you know, rockets. You can also be a mechanic on a PT cruiser. Like, in other words, I think, I think, you know, is there a, is there a time in medical school where it's like, okay, here's the map of the brain. And this is as far as we've gotten, like in the synapses. Now we're seeing that that could, that's where the dementia, blah, blah, blah, the plaque buildup on the synapse. And then it's like, but, but John, why don't you just go look for bumps in the anus and you scrape them off? It's kind of like barnacles on the bottom of a ship.

Look for bumps in the, bumps in the asshole. Here's what a perfect asshole looks like. Here's what a perfect asshole looks like Photo of Donald Trump Now you want to look for one But I also think That would mean that if the best Doctors are going to neurosurgery Coronary Cancer treatment

You got to think The worst doctors end up As ass doctors None of them are any good. Also, do you want the one that you find who that was his life's goal? Like, what's up with that guy? Like, he was from a young age. He's like, I want to grow up and be an ass doctor.

Yeah. Yeah. Another pre-op meeting? You want to look at it again? Also, by the way, the barnacles that they scrape off, that's probably a question too. Like, all right, I'll, I'll, I'll do you. I sure I can't go with the brain guys today. No, no, you go do that. All right. So, but I, I have to learn how to tell the difference between like a bad bump in the asshole and no, no, take them all off and then we'll test them then just give them us

yeah just give them us and we'll test them so just just take everyone good and bad how would you like to walk in and the nurse preps you she gives you a gown that opens in the back she lays you down on the table you're told to pull down your underpants and wait for the doctor she leaves two minutes later door opens and all of a sudden you hear, hello. Hi. How are you? It has also occurred to me once again what Sophie is hearing on the one side of my conversation. It's better than what I just said. Good bumps in the ass.

Better than what I just said. The good bumps in the ass? Mike says, you said last week that you were recording on Thursday, March 11th, but I think you meant May 11th. I apologize for this dumb correction. I wanted an excuse to message you both to say hello. Love you guys. Keep doing what you're doing. All right, Mike.

Thanks for being anal and also giving us praise. Yeah, Mike, we appreciate that. Find any excuse. Write us next week. How about this? Mike, why don't you stay in touch with us? Each week, come up with the most unnecessary. I'm not even being, I just sounded angry. I'm not. This is this genuine it would be fun to come up with the most unnecessary correction that would be well we kind of have that guy already that guy bob petterson yeah he writes in with little little tiny ones which i love uh yeah or something you wished was different all right uh timothy kane said you left out howard stern also went to the college of basic studies at Boston University.

I didn't realize that. I know he graduated communications like I did. And I did not know he started in basic studies. All right. Not only that, he cut some fat ass checks to BU and they were going to call the new communications building, the Howard Stern building. And it was like protest. call the new communications building, the Howard Stern building. And it was like protests. People forget that Howard Stern used to be like the modern day Joe Rogan.

You know, like he was very controversial. He was like, oh, he's a misogynist. He's racist, all this stuff. And now nobody, now he's just like considered a guy who is a legend who's great who's a great interviewer who brings in a less a less celebrities but that's not how he came up no and rogan is a great comparison because uh stern also had his giant army of followers right right unbelievably loyal yeah yeah yelling baba booey at golf matches. Right. Right. Right. When they sick somebody, I mean, they ruined Don Imus.

He can't. Right. They went after John DiBello in Philadelphia and they attacked him so hard. I'm not making this up. You know, it is a little like the insurrection. Yeah. Like an irresponsible leader telling his followers to attack. Yep. Yeah. He is a little closer to Trump than you think. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, get this though. I'll, I'll keep it brief, but Olivia, you know, who's in like the wokest school in Los Angeles and all that anyway, but she goes,

you're really a fan of this guy. And she sent me like either a Tik TOK, probably a Tik TOK, but I'm on Instagram. And, but she goes, you're really a fan of this guy. And she sent me like either a Tik TOK, probably a Tik TOK, but I'm on Instagram. And, and, uh, it was someone grabbed a clip of Howard talking to a hot woman, you know, a major celebrity who I'm forgetting who it is and being like, look at you. And you know how he gets lecherous, you know? And like, look at you. I mean, what you must like, and I forgot it was unbelievably obviously sexual and personal but it was like yeah that's how like you know I had a I had to step back and see my youngest daughter looking at and I'm like yeah this doesn't this is hard to defend. And the only thing I said is, oh, and I thought I got it right.

I go, yes. Like, I'm not going to deny. I go, yes, that is bad. You should also see him with hot guys. He's equally as obsessed with what they're packing, how easy it must be, what do girls do to you, and all that stuff. And I go, and he knows it's a problem and is in therapy multiple times a week and talks about his therapy. Yeah, he has some remorse.

Is that a pretty good way of framing it? Yeah, he has some remorse about his behavior when he was younger. He said that he was very desperate for fame and he would do anything. And, uh, I know this, sadly, this was a recent interview. You know how he gets with like an unbelievably, but I did want to tell her he's, he has a perverted mind and it's very 14 year old sex obsessed, but it actually is rather equal. You know, he hits beautiful guys up. He can't stop talking to beautiful guys. So let's be honest.

It's the way a man thinks. Not all men, but for most men, like he would always ask the same two questions when he had a beautiful woman on. Have you ever had a lesbian affair? And have you ever had anal? And it was like and it got to the point where he would go like he would take a call all right we got a billy coming in from boston yeah a farrah you ever take it in the can and then howard would be like oh come on that's inappropriate that's not that's not the kind of question but in all fairness farrah have you yeah let someone be your bad guy yeah oh look i don't even want to read this viewer question. What is this?

Hiding behind it. So George Lopez, who can be an incredibly funny guy, and I know you'll agree, like you're hanging out with him in the green room at clubs and stuff, like the greatest fucking guy. Also one of the greatest comedians of all time. He's like a Jackie Gleason type. Like put a drink in his hand he doesn't need even bullet points and listen sometimes lately if i'm being honest like it's been big misses for me but

uh when i was running and co-running his late night show uh you know so segment producers every day we have two guests in a band or two guests in a comedian so we go over the bullet points what are you going to talk to this, uh, in the segment? And he would have someone on who was like, let's say this is not true, but let's say it was like Ben Affleck. And they were talking about,

uh, his relationship with JLo. He always want to be, and he said, he goes, I always want to go back to 11 years old and just be like, so, so you've seen her naked.

And it destroyed me. because it's so funny, but it's also so pure and true. And that is a subtext of an entire adult conversation you're having with someone who is married or sleeping with a specimen. And, um, and so anyway, he knew it cracked me up. So anytime we had a guest on and like the segment producer walked in and I'm overseeing the meeting and they're like, well, you know, they're on and it's, you know, it's whoever. And it's like, and he just looks at me

at a corner of his eye and he goes to the segment producer like, do you think he's, so he's seen her naked, right? And, but the best is during the show, sometimes George would have cocktails and by the second guest and I'm standing at a podium, like straight out front by the second guest, he's like, so have you seen her naked? And then he looks over to me knowing we either, either it works and every, everyone dies laughing

or we have to cut it out of the show. I just thought, I used to think about that with pete davidson and uh and kim kardashian like he's i mean we've all seen her naked but like he's touched her and yeah pete davidson has i mean jesus some of these guys they just rack up literally the they find the hottest women in the world and they just date them one after the other. Every time you think he can't top himself, he does. Well, he's literally on a roll

and I think women are incredibly flattered. You know what I mean? That they're choosing her, you know, he's choosing her after who he's been with. They all these women think the other women are gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You know, that's how that college I'm in college trying to trying to go to a bar and like stay on the other side of the bar from the girl that I'm planning on taking home that night. So nobody sees me with her. And then your whole face stinks of her private

parts we've already been through this oh by the way uh last night i'm a little i i have good energy i don't want to make excuses this is going to be a great podcast once we start it uh wonder do we already press record um i saw dead in company last night oh you did i didn't even know they were there until yesterday afternoon. Mikey told me anyway. And it's John Mayer. And it was a John Mayer guitar show last night. It was fantastic.

But to our point, you know, he wrote that your body is a wonderland or whatever. And that was about, do you know what actress was that about? They think. I don't think he ever. Jennifer Love Hewitt, I think. Ah. She had a great body. But Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Jennifer Love Hewitt in the, was it 90s? I hope she was in her 20s in the 90s. There was a certain stage there where everyone would want to ask the person she's dating, like, so you've seen her naked? Yeah. And he literally wrote, your body is a wonderland about her yeah yeah she was incredible back then but also like cute as a button you know she was also like fetching personality and well that's what made it so much hotter and she played these sort of more pure characters and so yeah oh and lopez even talked about lopez goes uh

coincidentally this is a crazy night of quick, crazy day of coincidences. John Mayer last night with that song. But Jennifer Love Hewitt lived in Toluca Lake by George. And we went over there and George goes out his kitchen windows. They see that house across the street. That's Jennifer. Because he got her to come on the show. And he's like, I was pulling out of his drive when he asked her. And he goes, yeah, no, she's right over there. And he's like, I could see right through her window. He's like, unfortunately, it's the kitchen window. And he's like, I could see right through her window. He's like, unfortunately it's the kitchen window. Let's go over the ages here.

I don't think you can even say that to me. Um, so I'm going to be performing in Austin, Texas at the mothership Rogan's club, May 25th through 27th. I believe it's all sold out. Sorry about that. Boston laugh, Boston, June 16th and 17th. That will it's all sold out. Sorry about that. Oh, man. Boston.

Laugh Boston, June 16th and 17th. That will sell out. Get your tickets soon. Potsdam, Pennsylvania, July 21st. That will not sell out. That will be half empty. There will be plenty of elbow room. Why aren't I going to Austin? When is the 25th?

Is that five days from now? May 20th. Yeah, it's next week. Next week. Oh, it's next week. Next week. Oh, it's Thursday. Okay. All right. And then Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Uncle Vinny's, July 22nd and 23rd.

That will be filled with, apparently that's like where Jersey Shore is filmed. It's like the big hair part of the Jersey Shore. So that'll be fun. Will it be distracting when you're hearing the clanking of pinky rings on glasses as they watch the performance? And right now I am in Kansas City. Well, by the time you hear this, I'll be done. But it's so weird. I fly in yesterday and I'm on Southwest. And Southwest, fuck you, Southwest. They got a new thing.

Just give us seat assignments. I don't get it. I check in. You're supposed to check in 24 hours in advance. I check in 23 and a half hours in advance. And I get pole position C30. Oh, my God. I was just going to say, don't say what it is i was gonna write down on a piece of paper and then have you tell me and i'm not what i was gonna

write down was c 27 that's what i was same thing i jumped on it when it said you can check in now because you know what the new thing is is if you pay 40 you get to check in 90 minutes early so it's just another thing where the airlines are fucking whacking you for $40 here, $50 there. So you look at your airfare and you think you got a decent airfare, but with Southwest, there's so many extra. Fuck you, Southwest. No, C27, I get up there like, yeah, that bag's not going on with you.

And then I'm like, all right. And you just have to hold on to the wing. I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah. i tried to check in so early yeah but uh so anyway so i i sit down and i'm sitting next to this great guy who works he's from uh flip-flops shorts he's from missouri and uh he recognizes me he's very excited to meet me and we end up talking for the whole flight great that's the that's the type of person that flies southwest right right that's my demographic and then he goes but uh but i'm busy this weekend so i can't come see you then i get to the hotel i check in the woman behind the counter she's like i'm starstruck and she comes out from behind the counter gets a

picture with me you come to the show no i can. I'm working both. That's my life story. And then my show last night had a hundred people in it. And I'm like, what the fuck? Where are all these fucking people that know me and love me? Yeah. And also she's like, I'm starstruck.

Okay. And here's your room right by the elevator. No, she upgraded me. She gave me a big upgrade. Oh, nice. At least she got that.

And she gave me a free pass to the spa. We'll talk about it later. We're going to talk about it later. I finally started watching The Last of Us and they pull into Kansas City. So that's how I just saw that city. And it was not a cool situation. Hasn't got much better. Yeah.

And then we've got these people that send us food that we get to eat for free. Oh, no, no. Factor Meals is awesome. Factor Meals is so healthy. It's so easy. It's so fast. You have so many choices. Look, you know, nobody has time to cook a decent meal. Like for you to shop and get the proportions right and do it,

it's just, it's mind numbing. And instead you can get these, you can get these meals that are ready to eat. They come straight to your door and it is like fresh. It's never frozen. You put it in your refrigerator. That's why it only takes two minutes to heat up. And, uh, you know, if you're calorie conscious, they've got this dietitian approved calorie smart meals, less than 550 calories per serving. My mother, I purchased a membership for my mother because she was down on her weight. She's gained 10 pounds using the extra boost of energy. There's like a protein, protein plus. Yeah.

If that's your goal, you can make it work with factor. Yes. Keto, vegan, whatever you want. They got all of it. And so you can cut down on money.

It's cheaper and faster than takeout. And, and it's so fast. So did I tell you, did I tell you my factor story with my dad? What? My dad was like not getting around he's just you know he's a single old guy now in Florida and I told him about factor

and I'm like I'm sending he's like don't don't don't it's almost like that first uh everybody loves Raymond we're like fruit of the month club he's like yeah it comes every month they're like every month and it's like so he he just feels encumbered by it cut to i visit him in like a month later and his fridge and freezer have factor meals and i'm like wait i go i thought i canceled it and he goes no i have another friend who recommended he's like it's incredible oh that's cool it had to come from another friend he's like i'm eating'm eating. I'm like, I'm finally eating. I'm keeping my weight on. Like, I'm eating smart.

I don't have to think about it. He loved it. All right. So listen, head to factormeals.com slash Papers50, 5-0, and use code PAPERS50 to get 50% off your first box. That's code PAPERS50 at factormeals.com slash PAPERS50 to get 50% off your first box. That's CodePapers50 at Factormeals.com slash Papers50 to get 50% off your first box. Just do it. Listen, well, listen, I know we, but we really do believe in a lot of our ads.

Like I know I'm supposed to say all of them, but we like strong endorsement of some. This is one. Try it. You can freeze them if you want. Otherwise, they're ready in two minutes. No prep. Like, if you don't even have time for the meal kit thing, like, this is the way to go. All right. You got paper to crinkle? Not a chance. Let me see what I got.

Hold on. I got an envelope. Oh, I have a plastic thing that's holding a pair of sweatpants. Oh, there you go. Yeah, here we go. Extra! Extra! We all love it! thing that's holding a pair of sweatpants oh there you go yeah here we go front page an evening manager is this did you put this you put this story in okay an evening manager of a tennessee hotel was arrested after he snuck into a man's room and sucked on his toes, according to police.

David Neal, it figures his name is Neal, a 15-year-old manager at the Hilton Hotel in Nashville, crept into the male guest's room while sleeping and got intimate with his feet. According to police, he made a key card and he entered the room at 5 a.m. The guest told police he woke up to Neal's mouth around his toes and immediately confronted him. I think that's an immediate confrontation situation.

I don't think you kick back and wait to address what's going on. Listen, sadly, I've seen a lot of Tennessee guys. That's not the place I'd start with the foot play. what's going on. Listen, sadly, I've seen a lot of Tennessee guys. That's not the place I'd start with the foot play. I'm just telling you. Here's what you know in Tennessee. Yeah, you want to talk about getting bad breath. That is another way to get it. Tennessee, tremendous, tremendous literal odds are there's a gun in the car and there's

fungus in the boots. Yes. That's just two things you can safely assume. Yeah. But I like the line. The guest told police he woke up and Neil's mouth was around his toes and he immediately came. That's what it was. And then they revised it.

Well, usually when they turn down the sheets in a hotel, it's not the bottom half of the sheets and it's before you get into bed. How is this creep able to untuck the sheet at the bar? I have freak outs where I can't believe I don't pull. All right. That's a that's something I should literally talk to a psychiatrist about. If I get in a bed and my feet get down there under the covers and I can't even push them further because it's so tight. I have, I think I'm using this word correctly, a conniption. Yeah. I have a conniption fit where I kick them like there's snakes on my legs. Yeah. I go crazy and it's instant anger. Yeah. And in hotels, they tuck that sheet about four feet under the mattress.

So you can't get it out. Oh, I know. Listen, I have a cleaning woman come to this place once every two weeks. I forget then, right? And when it only happens once, I get in bed and my feet and nose, I then go like, why do I even have a cleaning woman? I'm like kicking the sheets, trying it because she's did such a good job tucking the sheets in.

I'm the opposite. And I lose it. Aaron is like you and I need mine tight. I tuck them deep in. I need to feel like I'm being pinned down in an MMA match. All right. Listen, I'm not even joking. MMA match.

All right, listen. I'm not even joking. I was thinking of putting it on Craigslist free or Facebook free or whatever the hell it is, Marketplace. Sophie said she wanted a weighted blanket one Christmas. I got her one. Too heavy for her. It's upstairs fold. It hasn't been touched.

Well, we're going to give it away to whatever listener sends us the very... No, don't you want it? Don't you want it? We have one. Oh, all right. Oh, Jesus. I didn't know you were also a teenage girl. We are going to mail you this blanket.

No, we're not. It would cost so much to ship. Oh, yeah. Never mind. The thing's 15 pounds. Let's get to the earthquake. Yeah, I don't have a lot of funny stuff on it, but it's right in my sweet spot. Earthquake rattles parts of Westchester County, New Jersey in the middle of the night. A small 2.2 earthquake rattled the lower Hudson Valley in parts of northeast New

Jersey early Friday morning. It hit in Westchester County about three miles north of Yonkers. It's always at this time at 153 a.m. That's basically where I grew up, by the way. The town is just over 16 miles away from midtown Manhattan, so it's possible some in or very close to New York City may have felt the shake. Several took to social media. Welcome to our Los Angeles world. The first thing we do is go on Twitter. And they're hysterical. And also you can

see how big it was and where it was. Several took to social media to report a rumble that woke them in the middle of the night, including NBC New York's Natalie Pascarella. What a New York name who felt the rumble at her home in Bergen County. So anyway, I put this story in here because there's a fault line on, they think, 14th Street. And it's a disaster. And apparently it's every hundred years and it's long overdue. And yes, you've predicted this. We do our annual predictions and your prediction every single year since we've done this has been that there's going to be a major earthquake in New York. I also think this was the first year I gave up on predicting and you think one's going to come this year in L.A. Yes, I did. We'll go back. We'll check the record. I think I gave up because I can't believe it's like waiting for Godot. I can't believe it hasn't happened.

But this is so funny because they felt it in the suburbs, but it also happened in the city. But in the suburbs woke people up in the Bronx. It was just one of like three dozen loud rumbling disturbances that happened that night. Yo, you feel the earthquake last night? Was it before Tony's Monte Carlo drove down Arthur Avenue with no muffler or after the ice cream truck that sells fireworks burst into flames? Which one was it? Turns out it was quieter than the garbage truck. Yeah, exactly. Remember Louis C.K.'s It's Every New Yorker?

You hear that you're trying to cover your head with a pillow because the garbage truck is like, and all the whistle when it backs up and then never mind. And the guys come into his bedroom. Did you ever see that clip? No, no. He's cut. So the garbage truck is outside, very typical in New York city. And it's, it's, it's on Tik TOK. It's being passed around and he's covering his head with his pillow. He's trying to sleep. And all of a sudden his window shatters and like four guys, garbage men are in

there just banging the gun, just banging and throwing things over, but mostly banging those metal cans like crazy in his bedroom. Pure Louis absurdity. That series is so underrated. So few people know how brilliant it was. And you can get it now on his website because he was able to purchase it. John Lengrad. Lengrad, is that the guy that runs FX?

Yeah, I think it is. Lengrad? Lengrad? Lengrad, yeah. He loves Louis. And basically, you know, they owned his catalog and they sold it to him for not a ton of money. And you can go to his website now and get the whole series for not a ton of money. I have to pick the time that I push that series on my daughters because they will have none of it probably.

But yeah, right. It's like me talking about Woody Allen movies like let's make a tiny effort. Like I'm not even going to argue with you about Louis, but let's make a tiny effort to separate the artist from the art for a second. I'm not asking you to watch a rapist's comedy. asking you to watch a rapist's comedy uh but anyway because that show very few comedians do absurdity as well as he does and also sometimes it was just super he's also has a giant brain and it was super interesting and they'd have amazing guest actors on it. And yeah. Who played his therapist? I forget, but I remember Charles Grodin played the guy in the park he ran into when he was walking around. Really, really eviscerated from a relationship and feeling dumped.

And, you know, and he gave him that great speech of like, do you see how alive you are? Like that pain is alive. You're living. Like the ups and downs are what life is. And it was amazing. And then his dad was played by F. Murray Abraham. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah.

In the Russian tea room. Bobby Kelly played his brother. He did a great job as his brother. Worth revisiting. And it gets more and more confident. If you don't find yours, if you think season one might be a little too much about the standup and like, and comedians talking about things,

just wait. It gets, he then dates a woman who doesn't speak English, his stuff with his daughters. Anyway, it's as if he's a sponsor. Um, I'm thinking maybe we can cut this next story.

What do you think? Yeah, I think so. Dubai is making a $5 billion man-made moon. We'll do it next week if we're low on stories. All right, let's do this next one. Retail giant Target rolled out an LGBT pride collection that includes rainbow-colored onesies for infants, stoking conservative outrage that echoes the Bud Light fiasco. Target's line of trans options, not my words, theirs, promoted on its website ahead of next month's Pride Month, sparked even

more fury because it targets kids. The items include bathing suits with quote, tuck friendly construction and quote, extra crotch coverage. Other offerings. We should give that to altar boys. Can it really hide them? Maybe it's just that extra minute of the priest foraging through there, trying to find it.

Just that extra time. Like an Easter egg hunt. A disincentive. Yeah. Or get them caught. Other offerings that raise conservative hackles include T-shirts that say, quote, Pride Adult Drag Queen Katya. I don't know what that is. And then trans people.

Oh, quote, trans people will always exist and quote, girls, gays, theys. Yeah. And then, so look how ridiculous this is, wrote Twitter user who goes by the handle gays against groomers. The only thing these people understand is money, groomers the only thing these people understand is money the account said wait a minute i just want to get this straight you're saying the only thing a giant corporation one of the largest retailers in the world understands is money huh yeah you're right maybe you're right i don't know i think just the opposite i think that they saw what happened with bud light bud light i just did i just had an experience where bud light was promoting a show and they would not put anything on their their social media is in a blackout they are not posting anything on any social media until

this thing blows over they're losing so much money. And I don't think that Target missed out on that. And yet they're going ahead with this campaign. I think it's actually kind of brave by them. If this is even a real story, this feels like and I checked it. I went online and I saw that it was in the New York Post. I don't know what that means. I mean, the Post is not known for journalistic integrity, but it is generally vetted somewhat. It does seem like a fake story. Like, why would you, as Target, like, listen, you can get it on Etsy. People can make these t-shirts and sell them, and they can be on even Amazon.com, like from an individual.

But Target is making a shirt that says girls gaze days. Yeah. Well, I need to be. Maybe it's. Yeah. I like to get one of these bathing suits that tucks because my balls are getting a little saggy. And I think I need a top like a bikini top that helps with my saggy tits. Yeah.

I think. Oh, yeah. And you already got those pants that help your ass a little give it a little shape sure and uh hides the hemorrhoids it has a little tuck where the hemorrhoids are hanging out i wonder if the accounts gays against groomers because gays for groomers was already taken i bet that might be the case all right What is the deep hysterical fear That your child is going to be gay Like when did that

I mean it was always like A concern But now it is an all out hysteria Like clothing Is not going to flip your kid to gay My mom dressed me in tight Polyester pants and pastel shirts For church every week.

I wore paisley speedos and I never once. OK, once tried to suck anyone's dick. But if I had to. You did. That's right. You did. I almost said maybe direct correlation. You just had a breakthrough.

Yeah. But I mean, is it is it that much of a nightmare to have a homosexual child? It's 2023. Look at the fucking job market. This gives your kid a step up. It's easier for them to get laid. They don't have to deal with crazy women. They're going to dress better.

They're going to be in better shape. What the fuck is the downside of a gay kid? My parents were such libtards. They dressed me as the construction worker from the village. They did. Yes. They also, my mom,

somehow she made it herself. It was like her animals, you know, like me getting dressed in one. So each week I'd be a different member of the village people. Like I was the cop with the big gay mustache. And then I was the native American who back then was clearly called an Indian or maybe even an engine. Yeah. Yeah. And did she, did she make you work out at the YMCA after school?

I mean, I had to do the dance. I didn't, I didn't even know how to spell. So I didn't like, is this a Y I'll take, take your word for it. It's fun. It's fun to sing in the YMCA. Yeah. I just grew up. I knew I was going to join the Navy. All right. Time to play a little game. Uh, Twitter analysis reveals the angriest airports in America. All right. This is a little bit of a confusing story. It's a real story in a fortune magazine. So based on Twitter activity, John Wayne airport in orange County, California angers its travelers more than any other us airport to arrive at that conclusion. It's shocking, shocking that middle-aged women from orange County were angry and let people know about it. I wonder if they asked to talk to the manager. To arrive at that conclusion, Forbes analyzed more than 37,000

tweets directed at the 60 busiest airports in the U.S. from March 22 to March 23. We then used a machine learning tool, Read AI, to analyze the sentiment of each tweet and determine where the travelers are most annoyed. So let's say, one, let's say, uh, cause I know one of them, but I don't want to spoil it. I want you to guess the top 10 or the other nine John Wayne airports, number one. But I will say that it's a weird, like the, the, one of the airports listed defended itself and said, there's another, like the FAA, has actually a feedback tool. And listen, like we have a 91% approval rate that people are happy with this airport. So this is just based on tweets. Okay.

The other nine. Well, LaGuardia in New York is famously the worst airport in the country. So I got to put LaGuardia in there. All right. Now, have you been to the new LaGuardia? No. Oh, man. It's impressive.

No shit. And a friend of ours in Carmel, he was the head. Well, they probably had so many teams, but I think he might have been the head electrician. He's in all the unions. He built skyscrapers and everything. Lenny, who's awesome. Anyway, so Lenny lenny man that job was forever i mean la guardia was almost for i mean it was a disaster it was a construction zone it

was one of the first airports in the country yeah lag so it's not lga lga yeah no i think it's lga i think you're right it is is LGA. Right. Okay. No, LaGuardia, not on here. All right. What about the Denver airport? Mostly because it's an hour from the fucking city to get there. I don't know how people aren't raging against that. No, it's not on here.

Their baggage carousel system was broken for the first three years that they opened the airport. It had a tent structure on top that leaked. Wow. All right, O'Hare has got to be on there, Chicago. I know. Not. That's crazy. It's a weird list.

Should I just read it? Well, I think what it might have to do with is the clientele. So I have to think about the people in the city that would tweet complaints the most versus it being the worst airport. So I'm going to go Palm Beach Airport, PBI. Very close. Although I don't think rich people have Twitter.

Super rich people. So Fort Lauderdale? Well, I mean, super rich old people. Fort Lauderdale? Nope. Tampa and Jacksonville make the list. Okay. Detroit sucks.

I know. That should be on here. I know. That's what I mean. It's make the list. Okay. Detroit sucks. I know. That should be on here. I know. That's what I mean. It's a weird list. It's mostly, also, it's mostly Southern, which they don't even have de-icing delays. What about Atlanta? Not on here.

Oh, yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Of course, it's Hartsfield-Jackson. It's Atlanta. Yes, Atlanta on it. Houston? Hobby? No, there's an Epley Airfield where I don't know where that is. San Antonio, though, makes it.

San Antonio. Okay. What else? You got a couple in California. You got San Jose, which is the Norman Y. Mineta in San Jose but of course the people of San Jose will read that as Norman and Mineta because it's Y which is Spanish for and who are Norman and Mineta Phoenix Sky Harbor

Nashville International Airport which is looks like LaGuardia did Nashville grew so fast the airport's playing catch-up. You fly in there all the time. All the time. Other than being made fun of for wearing a mask during the pandemic, I enjoyed the size, the small size of the airport.

San Diego's on here. Wow. And then we've read every one. John Wayne, Jacksonville, Epley. You know what's so crazy is that Ronald Reagan has an airport. Is it Washington, D.C.? Yeah. He has an airport.

Meanwhile, he broke the air traffic controller union up back in the 80s. They went on strike and he replaced them all. Yes. Yeah. I know. All right. New good news for Gubbins. I'm on the picket line last week.

I don't think we said talked about this last week. Gubbins, great guy, actor, not in the WGA at all and comes out and he pickets and you know actors are doing that gina gershon was on the fox lot the other day did you see weezer performed at paramount oh nice yeah and a lot of celebrities are coming out and fox actually is getting a lot of them because of west side it's also the coolest temperature i think of any picket line um anyway uh so he comes out and we're just having a casual like hey and so i incredibly casual i'm like hey like what are you doing after this what are you up to tonight he's like oh i'm going to spain i'm like what i'm like that's that's like that's something i feel i should know. Like that's not like, oh, I'm going to hang in tonight and watch something.

And he is in Spain killing it. His cousin, who has a lot of money, I think through marriage, is over there and he has a guest household himself. And then he said he doesn't know how long he's going to be there because then he has friends in a boat off of Portugal. Unbelievable. He was just in Greece three months ago. No. Yes. Yes.

I don't think so. Yes, he was. I don't know. He's doing it, man. Yep. And he goes up to. Nobody on their deathbed is going to say, I should have acted less like Gubbins. Right. Well, it's a twist on I think people that have played golf with him. I think people that have played golf with him

might say that, but I think he's turned a corner. Yeah. Also he speaks Spanish. I wonder if, uh, if he listens to the Sunday papers, the, uh, the Lunes, no, that's Monday. What's Sunday? Domingo? Don't know Spanish. In French, it's demain, I think. All right. I'm going to look up Sunday. Everyone knows. Or is demand tomorrow? Sunday.

Papers. Translate. I bet AI could read our whole podcast with our periodicos del domingo. That's what he might be listening to right now. In French, I said it was demand. It's demand. Demand is tomorrow. By the way, we should mention we don't have Chris Denman on the podcast today.

So if we seem a little off our game, there's going to be a lot more corrections because we haven't had Chris to jump in here. I forgot to put down some time codes here. All right, that's close enough. That was 107 right there. All right, let's get to entertainment. Yeah. Here, hold on.

This is a toxic plastic. Rap crinkle. All right, so Sophie's home. We're looking for something to watch. And I didn't think it was her speed, but, you know, I had heard about The Last of Us for a long time. So we started watching the last of us and you know, that guy, Craig Maslin, I think his name is, he did a Chernobyl. He has a very good podcast. If you're interested in writing for TV or film, he does it with John August, I believe is his name script notes i think so shout out to them uh and craig's career man has taken off so he wrote this uh series which is very cormac mccarthy you know a little bit you know the road

right and uh but so i started watching it and uh great great pilot which was long uh but great pilot i didn't know how long it was. That was a problem. It's like, I think 90 minutes or more. Anyway, then it gets to episode, I don't know, four or five. I think it deeper. Five or six. Yeah.

And it's Nick Offerman. So all of a sudden they're showing another story, you know, kind of like what we love about Atlanta. So I don't know if you'd call this like an isolated type, you know, kind of like what we love about Atlanta. So I don't know if you'd call this like an isolated type, you know, thing. And you can, if you do not watch The Last of Us, you could go to this show, this episode, watch the previously on,

which will show you that, you know, it's a pandemic and it'll show you, I don't want to spoil anything, but it'll show you some people who ran into trouble so far in it. And then like, who's, who you're following anyway, Nick Offerman and Murray Bartlett, who's the, my favorite guy from season one of white Lotus, put it this way. I was talking like this, but much more succinctly. I will go, dude dude i just started watching last of us there was an episode and i was cut off and someone goes to nick off from an episode it was beautiful beautiful it's one of the most touching heartfelt genuine organic episodes of tv

i've ever seen in my life and i would just go it. You don't even have to watch the series. I mean, you can, but that was such a level above everything before it. And can we just play that episode for free in front of every person in a red state so they can understand what a homosexual relationship can be? You mean so they can throw up?

Yeah. No, that's the thing is it's not it's not gross it's not heavy-handed it's really just about how the emotion but i'm talking about oh well listen you already talked about all right so this isn't a spoiler i laughed so fucking hard out loud so did sophie but basically they're starting. It's the first time they're ever like, it's crazy. They don't trust each other yet, Baba, but it's the first time they're hooking up. It starts to get hot and heavy. And I'm wondering, I'm like, I mean, a lot of people will not be able to watch this, you know, like, and, and it's, it's like so hot

and heavy and then hard smash cut to that's not what i said and it says three years later like they're just a fucking yeah like any other couple right right right it was so funny right uh so that's my that's my entertainment report is that episode is worth promoting. If you're not interested in the show, it's not even really about the apocalyptic premise. You know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the first 20 minutes of that movie Up. Remember the animated movie?

Yes. With the guy with the balloons in the house? Yeah. It really reminded me of that. All right. Let's head to Florida, Mike. You got it. Take us to Florida. Most people in Florida don't take my advice. Don't watch what I just told you to watch. You will not be able to. You'll start shooting things. Florida man gets four years for adding bleach to quote difficult coworkers, Pepsi. Lately, I've just been grabbing these based on the headline. All right. A former Florida dollar general store worker has

been sentenced to four years in state prison for spiking his colleague's Pepsi with bleach spurred to do so because he claimed the victim was brushing up against him. The complainant said he left an open Pepsi can on the counter during a bathroom break and when he returned to take a sip he noticed the soda tasted and smelled like bleach. It was probably the cleanest thing in the store. Ellis denied arguing with the coworker and claimed to have spilled some cleaning solution on the counter. Oh, this guy's name is Ellis. I'm going to cut that out. When deputies reviewed the surveillance footage, they said it showed Ellis pouring bleach in the vicinity of his coworkers, Pepsi can, then wiping it with a paper

towel. After he kept denying, after deputies told Ellis about the video and urged him to be honest with them. The 49 year old allegedly admitted to putting some of the bleach around the rim of the can quote to get back at him for being difficult to work with. That's what it takes. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if that's all it took Dilbert. That Dilbert has a whole new season. Dilbert's going to be. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if that's all it took Dilbert. That Dilbert has a whole new season. Dilbert's going to be poisoning everybody. Yeah. After the crime, the victim had the whitest teeth in the history of dollar store employees.

I love it. Yeah. I mean, look, this is attempted murder. Let's not whitewash it. All right. I didn't need that. That was unnecessary. This is the least Florida way to try to kill someone.

Like, how is there not a gator in his car? How is he just not shooting him or trying to beat him with a snake? Something like that. He didn't try to topple an ATM machine on top of him. There's always an ATM machine in Florida involved in the crime. Yeah, are you kidding me? It's the lottery. It's the lottery for those who have the balls to do it.

All right. You called this story too dark, but I added another Florida story, and we'll see. It is dark. Florida mom abandoned child on slingshot ride on Mother's Day. Again, another juicy headline. Police in Dayton. Sorry. Police in Daytona Beach said Brewer's 11 year old son. I guess the woman's name is Brewer wandered into a 7-Eleven on South Atlantic Avenue Sunday while crying. Quote, there's a little boy here. He said he said his mom left him said the store clerk while

calling 9-1-1 his mom left him at the slingshot the police report said the child told officers that brewer put the younger brother in their car at the slingshot ride but wouldn't let him in the vehicle jabbing the child in the stomach with her keys before taking off police said they found a family friend to take care of the child who told them that the friend had taken care of him previously. According to the report, the kid had been kicked out of their home in the past.

Anyway, am I the only one on the mom's side here? This kid sounds terrible. How bad is the kid? He's only 11 and he's already been kicked out of the house and living with other people. Yeah. And 11 is not that young. Like, get the message. Yeah, it is true that they never they never take the mother's side. It is, you know, some kids, I swear to God, there are kids that are shitty kids. Swear to God, there are kids that are shitty kids. Also, the image of him like, we have a kid here, he's lost. He's 11. He's probably 5'10". Yeah, right, right.

Like, what are you talking about? I know. And it's Florida. There's so many people looking for a young boy that are willing to take him in to their shed and take care of him for years. Totally. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Someone's going to make him a nice sandwich, get him some bleach to drink.

He'll be taken care of. Yes. They'll get an ATM machine. They can both open it together. All right, sports. All right. Well, the lead sports story, I would say, is

the NBA. As we sit here Saturday morning, Denver is up 2-0 over the Lakers and the Heat is up 2-0 over the Celtics, sending this towards a finals that nobody wants to see. Right. If you don't think, I bet, I wonder, this is what Gubbins would say, I think it's going to be interesting watching the refs. I mean, of course wonder this is what gubbins would say i i think it's going to be interesting watching the refs i mean of course this is a conspiracy theory but if you don't think the nba wants the lakers versus celtics you have a hole in your head yep yeah i think i saw a video a clip on tiktok of um what's the guy from the nuggetsuggets that's the big deal?

He's the Eastern European dude. I forget his name. I don't know anything about basketball. But I saw a clip of him missing a slam dunk, and in the background you saw the ref put his hand over his head and shake his head. It was like, no, you can't pull for them now. Do it when you take the check later. Maybe he was just shaking his head like

we shouldn't let foreigners in the league i try to tell them yeah yeah but i mean uh two zero both of them are down like yeah what do you think i i bet both of these series that would be a good bet that that could be a parlay we place right now. Meanwhile, everyone listening to this already knows the result of the Celtics game. I think it's Celtics. No, that's tomorrow. It's Lakers today. But I think both of these will go to 2-1. Okay.

I don't even know if they're home or away. I'll take that bet. What kind of odds are we doing? Even odds? I don't think you know no i'm taking the two underdogs and also parlaying it you got to give me uh three to one odds i think i have to win both i'll give you three to one odds on 10 bucks done okay i love it uh i also watched. I sat down. I was flying to Kansas City yesterday. What a fucking day.

Jesus Christ. I had like a 7 a.m. flight, which means I got to wake up at like 5 a.m. And so the night before, I put on the Carolina-Florida hockey game. It's the East Coast Fin finals of the NHL so great teams I really want to watch the game but I'm like I really don't have time to watch this game and I I sit down and I and I uh and I have it on DVR so I can fast forward a little bit

so I keep moving keep moving through and then I get to the third period and it's 2-2 and I'm like all right fuck I hope this doesn't go to overtime sure enough goes to overtime period and it's two, two. And I'm like, all right, fuck. I hope this doesn't go to overtime. Sure enough, goes to overtime. And now it's fuck. Now I'm in real time. I've caught up to the game and I can't stop watching because it's such a fucking good game. And all of a sudden it goes to double overtime and then triple overtime. And then fourth overtime, all of a sudden it's the sixth longest game in NHL history. it's fucking

midnight and i gotta wake up in five hours but i can't stop watching that oh my god and then plus like my heart is racing because it was so exciting i mean these guys they played for five and a half hours and they were playing with grit at the end they're still diving for pucks, chasing down the ice. Oh, more than ever. More than even in the first period. Are you kidding me? Because you know whoever loses that game is losing the next game. It is such an emotional boost to win a game like that.

Yeah. Hockey in overtime is thrilling. Yeah. It was was amazing so florida won and they were playing in carolina it's like penalty shots in soccer and the crowd the crowd had a lot of them had left because at the end of the first overtime no five minutes into the first overtime carolina scored a goal and everybody left because they were it was like it was a rush out of there because it was so late. And then they overturned the goal. And so 18000 people who had left all came back into the arena again. Oh, my God. Yeah. They turned the cars back upright and then put out the fires also outside. Right. No, no, no no it was they had won it would have been for them to win

oh nice yeah all right international international international let's do it a 95 year old woman is in critical condition after police in Australia shocked her with a stun gun as she approached them with a walking frame, a walker, and a steak knife at her nursing home. Claire Nolan. Australia, by the way, is the world's Florida. All right. Right. That is a, that is, that's pretty, we should maybe do Australia, man. Yeah.

As a, all right, let's note to self on that for next week. If anyone finds Australia stories, send them into us. We'll do that. All right. So the best part of this is there is a detail that has not even been revealed yet. So Claire Nolan, the 95 year old woman who has dementia, was taken down by a senior constable. At the time, she was approaching police, but it is fair to say at a slow pace, he said. Sounds like an episode of The Walking Dead. And then The Walking just about to be dead. Yeah.

And then he said, quote, she had had a walking frame but she had a knife all right i i scanned down the article here's a little fyi claire is five foot two and weighs 95 pounds she fell to the ground of course and struck her head i mean she hadn't been hit with this many volts since before the kids took her vibrator out of the nightstand. Her hidden vibrator. I wonder if the taser burned all the STDs she got in the nursing home and burned them right off her.

Maybe that's a plus. Or what if it cured the dementia? What if they accidentally discovered that the cure for dementia is 500,000 or 50,000 volts? And then, but it only lasts for 24 hours. So your husband would have to, every night, he'd have to remind you to take your pills. He'd rub some CBD oil on your shoulder and then hammer you with a taser. Imagine a scientist, they get involved, like, wait, wait, wait. What were the conditions? Okay, so she was holding a

metal walker while you... They would just try to isolate it and control the experiment as much as possible. However, if you don't think there was an immediate call out for a mop and bucket, you are crazy. Like, definitely

clean up on the second floor claire spilled again that happened for sure yeah all right business let's save that for next week and go straight down to this day in history all right here we go but we do but we do want to talk about disney versus the sanis uh disney's finally acting acting like the absolute gangster that they are yeah okay um let me make and should be skipped it for them skipped all right um let's get to this day in history five years ago to the day that american aviator charles lindbergh became the first pilot to accomplish a solo non-stop flight across the island wasn't he a big like nazi supporter charles lindbergh absolutely sympathetic i don't know if like you

know i'm sure people will write in and say he wasn't a big Nazi supporter, but a lot of ink has been spilled about it. I don't know in what capacity. Well, he was definitely an isolationist, but I think it went beyond that. Right. Anyway. I mean, was he pals with Ford? Because Ford, same thing. Not sympathetic enough, for sure.

That's saying the least of it regarding Jews. Well, five years to the day that he became the first pilot to accomplish a solo nonstop flight across the Atlantic, female aviator Amelia Earhart becomes the first pilot to repeat the feat, landing her plane in Ireland after flying across the North Atlantic. Earhart traveled over 2,000 miles from Newfoundland in just under 15 hours. Newfoundland.

Newfoundland. Her left blinker was on the entire time. I know. And also when she got to the airport, like, we'll park it for you. We don't want the tires to get ruined. We don't want the tires to get ruined. Unlike Lynn, Gerhardt was well known to the public before her solo Atlantic flight.

She was a member of a three-person crew in 1928 and was the first woman to cross the Atlantic in an aircraft. Although her only function during the crossing was to keep the planes log, the event won her national fame. So she got a distinguished flying cross. But in her first... Amelia, what? Amelia, the whole log is filled with doodles.

What the fuck have you been... And also, who's Steve? You're just writing about how Steve doesn't tell you he loves you enough. Is this a journal? Why are you turning their letters into numbers and then adding them up to see if they match however two years later she attempted uh with with co-pilot frederick noonan to fly around the world but her plane disappeared

near howland island in the South Pacific. The U.S. Coast Guard picked up her radio messages that she was lost and low in fuel. The last the world ever heard from Amelia Earhart. It's sort of like Olivia. It's like there's a light on the dashboard. What light is it? It just says low fuel. Sophie, I told the Olivia story. Listen, we can joke all day about Amelia Earhart, but like, I mean, there's probably an amazing book on her. Like what, what made her tick?

Like, yeah, that's an, that's an extraordinary person. Yes. Talk about swimming and no jokes here. Talk about swimming against the tide. Like she must have been told no and you're crazy a million times. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how many female pilots are there now? I never see them now. Well, I mean, I do see them, but then I immediately get off the plane. Now was Amelia Earhart

I believe was gay. I think she might have had an affair with Eleanor Roosevelt. What? I'm reading that. I mean, what about your pronunciation of Roosevelt? Alright, next week we're going to talk about amelia erhart's sexual

uh preferences yeah anybody have any research on that please send it in all right speaking of which also send us some amazing facts on her and we'll do it uh in the this day in history follow-up how about this day in last week's history? That'll be our new section. I like that. All right, I like that. All right. If someone knows some nice, juicy nuggets, especially pro-Amelia Earhart, we'd love them. Speaking of you guys writing in, here's some letters to the editor.

All right. Mr. D. Mr. D. says, during last week's episode, Gibbons mentioned that Tucker Carlson has a punchable face. Not sure if you're familiar, but the Germans have a one-word term for faces like Tucker's. Backpfeifengeist. It translates as a face in need of a slap. That's amazing.

So very German. So very fitting. Backpfeifen geist the germans we know how efficient they are yeah but like like we like that that word's just too complicated that's not gonna ever sell but schadenfreude schadenfreude really caught on yeah one word that explains like that concept you know that's pretty great well i think it translates to cold blood oh really yeah wow okay yeah um we also asked you guys for some new music last week we were accused of being a couple of old guys we talked about three dog night and people were just like, can you guys listen to some new music?

So we put it out to you. What is some new shit we should be listening to? Mitchie Mitch, who's a big friend of the show, sends us lots of great music. He said, wondering what the popular bands are right now with the kids. And one of the huge bands is called The 1975, a mix between Talking Heads and Coldplay. Well, I'll be honest.

I saw them on SNL. I was underwhelmed. They felt a little bit, I don't know, poppy, 20-something-ish, like pandering a little to the 20-something-ish. You know Alex Edelman, the comedian? Yes, of course. He's blown up now with the Broadway show. Yeah, that's all that Jews.

He was a writer on my sitcom. He's friends with the 1975. Oh, wow. Yeah, and really liked them a lot. So they're, I think, a good band. They may not be your taste. No, I think they're a good band. I respect them.

It just doesn't it's not the kind of band that I would go deep on. So when the dead took a break last, they had too many breaks, man. They took a break and then they did drums and then they did space like make drums in space the break. You know, that was my biggest complaint about the last dead show we went to was that huge break it was like fucking 25 minutes i will say the coolest thing though is everyone gets to go outside oh yeah that's unique like the forum is you know it's madison square garden but uh you can't go out i don't think you can go outside madison square garden everyone goes outside.

Everyone's smoking. They have all these bars outside. And so that was cool. But it's a coincidence that this guy said who they, the old guy music. So when the dead took a break, they played the talking heads. Right. And I just heard it at one point. I'm like, oh, that's cool. And then another talking heads. And I think they were playing Stop Making Sense. Meanwhile, I'm like this. This is a little bit of a tough act to follow. And it was they then came back making noise, you know, with space. And I'm like, get back, play the talking heads again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joel writes in, I don't do much, but what I do is keep my finger on the pulse of the music scene. Joel writes in, I don't do much, but what I do is keep my finger on the pulse of the music scene.

And in my unprofessional opinion, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard are going to become legends in years to come. Every time they come through Philly, love you, Mike. The venue is larger and tickets go faster. They got a diehard fan base compared to Deadheads or Tool fans. Scary fanaticism. So anyway, that sounds like it might be a fun live band to see. Yeah, totally. I mean, just for the title alone.

Just so when people go, what are you doing tonight? I can go, I'm going to see King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard. Yeah, that's a mouthful, but I'll try them out. Thank you. Craig Kuna said 46. Yeah, Philly. Craig Kuna said 46-year-old guy here. So this is really new music from old guys. Yeah. I listen to Fitztag Radio and Sunday Papers, love them both.

You and Mike often talk music, and you indeed have great taste in music. I don't believe you ever mentioned the Black Angels. They have tons of influences you're into but are uniquely their own band okay all right i'll check them out yeah uh noah kahan said arlo parks arlo parks i know that's really high quality yeah it's yeah yeah yeah high quality uh jason cobb said check out boards of canada they aren't the next Radiohead, but were actually one of the bands that inspired them when making Kid A. I'd recommend starting with Campfire Head Phase. Okay.

Justin Babs said, Fred again. He is bending the EDM genre and just exploring music. His live sets are better than his albums. I actually, and Sophie just walked in. I know she shares this. I actually like EDM. Like you knew I got into like Rave. Like I was very into the Chemical Brothers when that happened.

I just thought, you know, yeah, like it's like a jam band, you know? And if the DJ is really good, it is like a jam band where it's like oh he's coming back to you know where he left off like it's come all the way around you know and there's an artistry to it obviously for sure so yeah owen just went up to a edm concert in like san jose uh and it was on a i want to say a golf course or something and he said it was it was on a, I want to say a golf course or something. And he said it was, it was like a two day thing. And he, it took him three days to recover when he got back.

Let's just put it that way. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You can get lost in it for sure. And let's get to obituaries. Here we go. Here we go.

And that's all folks. A definite legend. You want me to read it? Yeah, why don't you read it? Jim Brown, the transcendent athlete, actor, activist who ran roughshod over the NFL and its record books in the 50s and 60s and won multiple MVP awards before retiring or retiring abruptly at age 30 to focus on the civil rights movement and a career in Hollywood has died at 87. Brown, you're going to this guy was like a man among boys for anyone too young to remember. Like this was like this guy, it was like a Jordan situation. Yeah. Brown led the NFL in rushing a record eight times in his nine seasons and rushed for a record of 12,312 yards. He went to nine pro bowls and was an NFL champion in 64. In his final season, Brown rushed for a league-high 1,544 yards. He never missed a game playing in 118 straight before his sudden retirement in 65 after being named most valuable player.

Think about that. Think about 118 straight games when you're the most physical player in the league where they said there was some quote from him about like, you have to make the other guy remember how hard he got hit the last time he tackled you. Right. And it's a little like, you know, even though I was a Jets fan growing up, one of my favorite players is Walter Payton. Walter Payton would hit you so hard while running to the sideline just to get out. Yep.

There was no commanding motive of self-preservation. Why can't I talk? Preservation. Of preserving themselves. You know what I mean? Yeah. Self-preserverance, which is smart. It's kind of like sitting down. Have you ever seen the tough boxers who are like, I don't want to sit down. themselves you know what i mean like self-preserverance and which is smart you know it's

kind of like sitting down it's like have you ever seen the tough boxers who are like i don't want to sit down don't you know i want to send a message don't give me the seat but everyone would tell you like dude sit down like you're gonna be a lot you're gonna be stronger in the next round if you sit down like run out of bounds don't get hit and these guys would punish people but also my image of jim brown from footage loss he wore no. I think his shoulder pads might even been small. It looked like he had just a shirt and like, you know, the pants on. And that was it. There was no pads, no elbow pads, none of that stuff. And it was just this pure athlete. So get also Brown is also considered one of the greatest lacrosse players in history, earning first and second team all America honors while scoring more than 70 goals in two seasons at Syracuse university. So he was inducted into the national lacrosse hall of fame in 83. From what I have heard, my brother went to Hobart.

Hobart has an amazing lacrosse thing. So I got into lacrosse for a little while, and Hobart's right near Syracuse. And Hobart, which is Division III, plays Syracuse and Johns Hopkins and sometimes beats them, even though they're Division III. But from what I've heard, there's zero debate that he was the greatest lacrosse player of all. I guess Jim Thorpe was another one. from what I've heard, there's zero debate that he was the greatest lacrosse player of all. I guess Jim Thorpe was another one, but apparently Brown could do whatever he wanted on the lacrosse field. You know who else was inducted into the National Lacrosse Hall of Fame? Hit me. My cousin, Robbie Hoynes.

And Hoynes. It's Hoynes, Brown, and Thorpe. Sorry. That's right. So he played at West Point, and he was like just a fucking superstar. We used to go up and watch him all the time. He was All-American all four years in high school, All-American all four years in college, and then he actually went on to play pro lacrosse out of Philadelphia. He was one of the first inductees into the Lacrosse Hall of Fame. Wow.

This is not my cousin who's currently a professional golfer. Who's in 50th place at the PGA this week. I was looking at that tournament leaderboard. It was playing. Uh, and I just was on TV, but I didn't see his name. I didn't go down.

But I'm always looking for his name now. Well, he's going, uh, he's playing in the U S open in LA, uh, father's day weekend. So I'm going to try to get some tickets and go watch him.

Oh, nice. Yeah. So Brown was a really charismatic guy, too. He appeared in more than 30 films, including Any Given Sunday and The Dirty Dozen was the one he was leaving when he retired, I think, to be in that. He's a powerful runner with speed and endurance.

His arrival sparked the game's burgeoning popularity on television, and he remained an indomitable figure well after his playing days ended. Brown was also a champion for black Americans and used his platform and voice to fight for equality. Quote, I hope every black athlete takes the time to educate themselves about this incredible man and what he did to change all of our lives, LeBron James said. We all stand on your shoulders, Jim Brown. If you grew up in Northeast Ohio and were black, Jim Brown was a god. In 67, Brown organized, quote, the Cleveland Summit, a meeting of the nation's top black athletes, including Bill Russell and Lou Alcindor, who later became

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to support boxer Muhammad Ali's fight against serving in Vietnam. In later years, he worked to curb gang violence in LA and in 1988 formed AmeriCan, a program to help disadvantaged inner-city youth and ex-convicts. Brown also made news for his own legal issues. Brown went to jail in 2002 after refusing the terms of probation for a misdemeanor charge of vandalizing his wife's car three years earlier. After turning down counseling and probation, he was sentenced to six months in jail and served four. For vandalizing a car? Come on. Yeah. After his release, Brown told reporters, incarceration does not work. It doesn't make our community any safer. So then he started to work with the prison system.

But in fairness, actually, it's not fairness because I don't know what I'm talking about. But I had heard that it was more than vandalizing a car. I heard it was like accusations of domestic abuse. Yeah, that sounds familiar, unfortunately. But Jesus, I didn't know he was four years behind bars at that age. Yeah, that sounds familiar, unfortunately. But Jesus, I didn't know he was four years behind bars at that age. Sounds like he didn't want to

do his community service. By the way, there's this series I started watching on Netflix about Conor McGregor. Yeah, I saw the ads. He had to do community service because he threw that ladder into the van of a bunch of fighters that were pulling out of the parking lot and he was

taunting them to get out and fight him so he got the judge was pretty lenient on him and he just got he got like seven days of community service and uh and so he goes to this church in brooklyn and he actually has this transformative experience wow Oh, wow. Yeah, from a preacher there and from what he read. So it's a great series. You got to check it out. Imagine if the guy who's taunting you to get out of the van, like what doesn't he understand? Like, no, I will not be getting out of this van

to fight the best cage fighter on the planet. Well, they were all fighters. They were all like some of the best MMA fighters. One of them was a guy who went on to beat him in his next match. Oh, wow. All right. And he called him a pussy for not getting out of the van. All right, let's get to the funnies.

All right. Oh, wait, do you have a Dilbert? I wrote a Dilbert. I did too, but I'll save mine for next week. Okay. Can we get a crinkle for the funnies? Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For racism, here it comes.

All right, Dilbert. First frame, Dilbert is at the water cooler, and he says, so the gay midget goes, I didn't have to. I was already at eye level. Second frame, guy with a rainbow button on his blazer wearing pumps with his three-piece suit says dilbert that's such an unwoke cis male take on quasi-sexuality third frame dilbert is driving his pickup truck with the gay guy being dragged by a rope wow this was in a national newspaper

that doesn't seem like something a kid should be exposed to. It seems not even funny. Like they weren't even going for a laugh on that last frame. It was like he was trying to say something. Yeah, like Hager has some punch to it sometimes. You know what I mean? Right. But yeah, I didn't see the third frame coming. I kind of did, but I'm not going to admit it.

I'm not going to admit it. All right, speaking of Hager, he is— And what's Dilbert doing working in Wyoming? All right, go ahead. So Hager is at the table. He's dumping out his money can, and he goes, I don't have enough cash to pay this crew this week and uh lucky goes you need a bridge loan and hagger goes why would i want a bridge i

need cash so now he goes to the royal bank he walks in and he goes relax i'm not here to raid the bank because everybody looks scared he sits down with the loan officer and he goes i need a business loan to meet my crew's payroll and they give him a bag of officer and he goes i need a business loan to meet my crew's payroll and they give him a bag of money and he goes thanks i'm back in business and then the next frame he has returned with his marauding gang and he goes now i'm here to raid and the reason i read this one is look at the face on the woman who is running away from them. She is so afraid of being raped here. Yeah, and that guy is not helping. He's hiding under the desk.

Yeah, right. She needs a champion at this point. She is faced away from them. She is in a full sprint. Her mouth is open. Her eyes are bugged. This is not about the bank getting robbed at all. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Now we got the Lockhorns. It's literally not safe. They've taken the safe out, and she is far from safe. She is an unsafe. On the Lockhorns, Leroy and Loretta are leaving the marriage counselor. And here's the thing. On the Lockhorns, Leroy and Loretta are leaving the marriage counselor.

And here's the thing. They try for all the bickering and all the unhappiness and all the friends that they push away because they're such fucking horrible people. They go to marriage counseling and they're walking out. And he goes, no, I don't think he was being complimentary when he said we were made for each other. That's a smart joke. I like it. And then the next one, Leroy is sitting on the couch stuffing beer nuts in his face,

drinking a can of beer, and Loretta's talking to her friend, and she goes, Leroy's an avid indoorsman. Kind of clever. I like that. Yeah, kind of like the I like that. Yeah. Kind of like the great indoors a little.

Oh, yeah. There you go. Now, wait a minute. Great indoors. Joel McHale. I am looking for. So a guy. Wrote in. Oh, man, I'm screwing this up anyway.

This was sent in by Bernie H. And it's a far side. And it's one, two, five alligators around a big like bucket, like a like a half of a like wine, you know, cat like a barrel. And it says bobbing for poodles. You know, two of their faces. faces yeah two of their heads inside the bucket two of their faces are bobbing in it so so this was sent in wait let me find it this is worth reading so it was sent in god damn everything's i had the window opened so anyway it was sent in uh let me and apparently whatever i'm going to paraphrase that that got him a lot of letters um but he i guess gave an interview where he said well believe

it or not that's not what it was at first it came out i think it was at halloween around halloween and that's why it's the bobbing for apples is what he's uh making fun of alluding to and it was bobbing for babies oh shit yeah wow so there was an article written about that and which I have lost but uh that's what it was anyway far side far side a side too far maybe in that one well asshole sitting in bed. He's got donut pajamas on, as usual. Does he launder them? I bet Blondie has to launder them because he's only got one pair.

And she's reading a book. Oh, she probably sews them because he goes through them. Right. And just try, you know, everything for this guy. Well, he probably wakes up and thinks they're real donuts and starts gnawing on the cloth. So she's got to sew that up. She's got a book. He's got a computer and

he goes check out these celebrity names uh powerful zillion legendary pilot inspector bare blue rocket zot it makes me really thankful and blondie goes for what and he goes that i have a boring name like dagwood bumstead and then she kisses him and there's a heart in the air. And she goes, well, dear, you're unique in other ways. What has he done? Look at her. Look what she's wearing. Did he have her lobotomized?

She's got a violet low-cut negligee. And her hair is done. She does her hair for bed and this fuckhead brings a laptop to bed when he's got her four inches away i mean is this an ai blondie like the ex machina or whatever however you pronounce that like has he has he spoiler has he created this new is the real blondie tied up somewhere i'd like to know about the writer who writes Blondie. I should probably know his name. But what kind of relationship he has with his wife?

My guess is his wife is overweight, she's nasty, and she does no housework whatsoever. And he has created this figure as an antidote to his miserable fucking life. Yeah, I don't think you can draw those every week or every day and not get turned on. Tell me about it. I read them when I get turned on. You're just looking at them exactly. All right.

Well, listen, if you guys are looking to make your time in the kitchen shorter, more nutritious, and cheaper than eating out, head to factormeals.com slash papers50, and use, that's 5-0, and use it to get 50% off your first box. Mike, anything you want to promote? Yeah, I mean, I guess that episode of The Last of Us with Nick Offerman. Right. I thought it was a well it was a great isolated story. Also, we want to thank Midcoast Media, who does a fantastic job always. Chris Denman in absentia this week, but also Key, who I think does all the editing. And John, who's in the background, but a powerful force over there.

Beth Hoops, who does all the social media. Thank you, Midcoast Media. And I guess we'll see you next week Do you remember what song was in the The episode The Nick Offerman episode I know that the girl was really into Billy Joel I would not have liked the episode

If that was the case But didn't you notice that with the series, that she was playing a lot of Billy Joel? Oh, nice spoiler. Well, now I'll stop watching. I've lost all respect for her. Yeah. No, better than Bernie Taupin.

No, no. And I wish we could say take it each, and then everyone would go out to a song. No, it was a fight. It was that Linda Ronstadt song. Oh, right. Her voice on a song. No, it was that Linda Ronstadt song. Oh, right. Her voice on that song. Oh, my God. I know we're old guys talking about

stuff, but that's like one of those that euphoria brings back. You know what I mean? Where everyone is like, holy, listen to that. Dude, when I heard that song, I went down a Linda Ronstadt snake hole? Rabbit hole? Rabbit holeonstadt snake hole, rabbit hole? Rabbit hole, right?

Yeah, rabbit hole. And I started listening to- Or a fleshlight hole. I don't know how you got into her. Come on now. It was Long, Long Time. Oh. Yeah. Something came across my feed, of course, because it knows I'm an old guy, but it's TikTok.

First of all, she did get very well in the podcast. And so she did get very popular recently because that documentary about her and a lot of really. Yeah. And a lot of parents had their kids watch it, you know. And but there is a clip going around. She's live in concert and it's like a tom jones power coming out of her voice like it's just she sang so hard it was incredible well she's such a powerful voice you think of her as a rock singer but actually most of her awards were country music awards she was huge on the country music charts yeah johnny cash had her on when she was really young like he always was looking for the new he had cream on like it didn't matter to johnny cash what your thing was like if you were talented he was having you on but like my

association with her was always like the eagles jackson brown part of that whole laurel canyon sound geffen geffen signed all of them. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, Mike, I'll see you this week. All right. Have fun in KC. Thanks. Take it eesh. Take it eesh.

Take it eesh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday,