Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 169 6/18/23

Episode Date: June 18, 2023

Just back from watching the US Open golf we tackle a Philly disaster, a Starbucks lawsuit and nasty stories from FLA and Australia.

it's the sunday papers podcast with rick and mike they might not get their facts right but that's all right it's only the news the old age six and you're gonna you're gonna clap in clapping in five Five, six. Three, two, one. Look at that clap. Hear ye, hear ye. Welcome. Extra, extra. Read all about it. Sunday papers.

Heavy on sports this week. U.S. Open. There he goes. U.S. Open, baby. Here it is. Golf. We know you love it. We're going to talk about it until you start listening to WTF with Mark Maron.

Just walked 14,000 steps all over U.S. Open golf. As you can probably tell from the poster for this show, assuming that Chris Denman got it done, we were with my cousin today. My cousin, Denny McCarthy, is a professional golfer who two weeks ago went into sudden death to win a tournament, and he lost, but he's back, and he's at the U.S. Open, and we followed him around all day with his father. Love Sebastian Manacuso, however he pronounces his last name.

It's always great when your cousin tells you about the other comedian he really loves. It's like, did I bring up Ricky Fowler? Huh? Speaking of which,

Ricky Fowler, we were, he brought us backstage, as they would say in golf. We got into the players area where, you know, all the players hang out, and Ricky Fowler's girlfriend was there, and she is a pole vaulter. I guess she's got a lot of exposure on the intranet.

And let me tell you something. That is a beautiful woman. She is a very beautiful woman. Is it his wife? Maybe it's his wife. But I'd say a lot of the players' wives look like they all look like they were pretty cool, you know? Like there was a real camaraderie behind the scenes of everybody getting along. My cousin's fiancée, I met her, and she seemed really lovely.

And he was won over for the day, which was good. I think it was good. He's in the top 60. He'll make the cut, I'm sure, and he'll get to play four days. In golf, you have to, after two days, they cut half the field, so the top

half moves on. So he'll be in that. And then we'll see if he can pick up some birdies in the next couple days and move up towards the top of the leaderboard. But we hung out with him after. I hadn't seen this kid in many years, many years. And what a nice young man, don't you think? Oh, he was, dude, he was so nice. And, you know, I happen to be running right with you because we got separated a lot.

Your kids were there, which you're going to talk about in a second. Gubbins was there. A bunch of us went, and it was really fun. And none of us paid, I don't think, which is the best part. And it's in this club, man, that is, uh, crazy. The real estate, 36 holes in the middle of Los Angeles. In the middle of Beverly Hills. Incredibly exclusive club.

And, uh, I think what's his name does a podcast on it. Who's the guy we like? Um, the big thinker, uh, outliers. Malcolm Gladwell? He does a podcast, I think, about that club, or it might be Brentwood, but he does it about, and it begins about water, I think. Anyway, that's another issue. And I forgot what we were going to say.

See, I'm a little tired. My Adderall hasn't kicked in yet. What a nice young man. Oh, there it is. Thank you for getting me back on track. See, I'm a little tired. My Adderall hasn't kicked in yet. We're talking about what a nice young man. Oh, there it is. Thank you for getting me back on track. And it was such a treat. Oh, so I just happened to tag along. And the guy, can we talk about, I guess it's his manager?

Yeah. It's so hard to get in. They don't want riffraff in there. They don't want anyone back in this player's backstage, I guess you called it. And there I am just in there. They don't want anyone back in this players backstage, I guess you called it. And there I am, just standing there, and he came out, and he already had said he was hungry and needed to get something to eat, and he talked to us for like

20 minutes. It was amazing. Yeah, he really made time. It was really accommodating of him, and I know he also had to go meet some corporate sponsors. He still had to, after the round, they go and they practice. He still had to go to the practice range and do all that. And we're standing there talking, and it's like, as we're talking to him,

like, you know, Rory McIlroy walks behind him. Brooks Koepka walks behind him. John Rahm. Like, all the biggest players are walking by. It was pretty mind-boggling to be that up close. It was really awesome. Yeah, and some of those guys, man, even though they're – some of them are just – they remind me of baseball players

who are surprisingly big, you know? Yeah. And then we walked the course with Denny's father, Dennis, who's my first cousin, who is, I believe, my favorite cousin. I think I said that on a previous episode. He used to spend a lot of time at our house. He would come up and watch the Westchester Classic, and we would go down to Maryland sometimes where he lives.

Just a great dude. Really nice family they come from. So anyway, U.S. Open, very exciting. And they build these buildings. Oh, my God. You want to talk about revenue. This L.A. Country club, here's how they're making money. Number one, they're selling tickets and the tickets start at $300, $250, and they go

up to thousands of thousands of dollars per ticket. Then you've got the networks that are broadcasting it. They get a piece of that. Then they get the merchandise, which is crazy because people are buying tons of stuff. Food and beverages, corporate sponsorships. I mean, it's just so much money. They build three-story, half-a-block-long buildings

of VIP boxes looking over the course and seating and food. And, I mean, there's so much structural building. They literally built a city. Like, it was, and that's what some other guy said. He used that phrase. And some of it's hard glass. Yeah.

Lockable, like, doors you'd find on a gymnasium. Like, these tents and gigantic, some of them and air conditioned and their restaurants and their three levels. It's, it's crazy. I guess someone who was overhearing us talking about it was like, he thinks they get access beginning three weeks ago. Wow.

To build all of it. Yeah. And then they go to the next city and they set it up three weeks ago. Wow. And to build all of it. Yeah, and then they go to the next city and they set it up all over again. It's like a Jackson Brown song. But what do you think, what's in it? The club is so exclusive. They have a giant list of people they reject constantly trying to come in.

So they don't need this. It tears up their grounds. All the parking is on. There's two fucking golf courses in this place. All the parking is on the Southern Golf Course. What do you think it's, what's in it for, also, I don't know how much money they make. I don't know.

I guess it's, you know, look, it's prestigious to have the U.S. I don't know. I guess it's, you know, look, it's prestigious to have the U.S. Open at your club. And these these courses, in order to charge their members the crazy amount of money that they get, I guess they have to stay in the limelight and they have to host things like the U.S. Open. And you're right, like the 20,000 people are walking around their golf course just, you know, tromping. It's a very well-beh around their golf course, just, you know, tromping. It's a very well-behaved crowd. I would say, you know, like people don't yell out, uh, people aren't littering. It's, you know, they take good care of it, but it's still 20,000

people. Oh yeah. Totally running all around. Um, anyway, I should look it up, but you know, it's a controversial, it's a very, you know, discriminating, that's the nice word, club. And it doesn't, it's famous in LA. It does not allow any members who are in the entertainment business. No. You didn't know that? I didn't know that. Oh, that's what it's most famous for, which might be shorthand for Jews. It's certainly, I want to, I don't know what I'm talking about. So what I'm, I do know that about the entertainment business, but I want to look up how restrictive this club is. Interesting.

I mean, the crowd was a little more diverse than I thought it would be. I thought it would be a hundred thought it would be 100% white. No, well, we know about, like, if you go to Rancho, which is a public course, which is less than half a mile from that one, and it's L.A.'s best public course. It hosted the Los Angeles Open one year. And it's like UCLA. You would think, if you looked around, that it's 90% Asian. Right.

And so there was a lot of, you know, I don't know what it is. I mean, I guess it's very big in Japan and stuff, but in Los Angeles, Asians, golf is incredibly popular with Asians. I feel like I'm dancing around sensitive material, but why can't I say that? Well, I'll say this.

Asians not particularly popular with golf. Believe it or not. What do you mean? I mean slow. Slow on the course. There's a lot of everybody lines up the putt for five minutes. Everybody takes nine practice swings. They're very fastidious in the way they play.

Now, obviously, do I have to say not all Asian people? Every single one of them? Not all Asian people, but I would say for the most part, if you can be racist, you could say that they're slow golfers. So a running joke on Norm MacDonald's sports show that we did was just, a running joke on norm mcdonald's sports show that we did was just we couldn't believe how dominated uh ladies ladies golf is by korean women and it was it's so just we would have norm read the top 10 the rankings that week and it would be the craziest names that are very hard to pronounce and even even the Americans were Korean

Americans, like Korean American women. It was crazy. And so anyway, I might've talked about this before, but Ben Hoffman was on the show and I came up with an idea and Norm didn't want to go out in the field. So Ben did. And it was, we went around Koreatown here in Los Angeles with a golf club and just approached random old lady Koreans to see if they have a natural swing. We wanted to see if it was in their genes or if it was a work ethic. Like what could explain such world domination by the Koreans in ladies golf? So, yeah, that's what we did.

That's hilarious. Yeah. All right. So there was that. So keep an eye. Well, by the time you're listening to this, the U S open will be in its final day. Hopefully we'll see Denny's name up there. Um, so we had, well, we'll get to gubbins later. My kids came, I got my kid. I should Denny. Denny got me some tickets and I brought my kids and, uh, you know, tickets and I brought my kids and uh you know they I think my son was hung over my daughter is not a morning person and we got up in the morning and we went and the two of them were just

they were kind of being drags they were sitting down they weren't watching a lot they both wanted to eat they both were tired it was like what are you guys seven years old and so my wife texted me she said how is uh how's the tournament going and i wrote back the kids are being lame after an hour they were both tired and hungry and something else and then i realized i had just sent it to a group text with the kids on it so i immediately recalled the text and the phone said, your text has been recalled. The recipients won't see it unless they haven't updated their software recently.

Right. Which is like, oh, well, I know these fucking kids didn't update their software. So, yeah, it said where the software hasn't been updated. Yeah, so they probably saw it. I don't know. Well, maybe it's not. Maybe it'll begin a conversation.

There we go. Anyway, next week I'll look up. I'll give a more accurate report on the policies of the Los Angeles Country Club. What's going on with Sophie these days? Oh, yeah. So that little thing is just Sophie's babysitting. So she kind of didn't want me to talk about it. But anyway, she's babysitting a four-year-old girl who's incredibly precocious.

And, you know, listen, I've never met her her i don't know if she's on the spectrum but something but anyway she's very smart like sophie comes home like she's like uh she uses uh the word fuchsia like to describe a certain color and then also i think her last two days maybe are today and tomorrow. And they're going on vacation. So Sophie's just like, so you guys are going on vacation. That's exciting. She's like, yeah, we're going up to Monterey. And it's just that this is how the four-year-old talks. So anyway, they're over there.

But she wants constant engagement. And Sophie's like, was I like that? I'm like, no. You were pretty normal. When I was cooking dinner or mommy was cooking dinner, like you'd go play. And this is even before your sister came along and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, no, this one, there's nothing like that. It's nonstop. So they played a game and the game she wanted to play was a knock under the table and make a knocking sound. And then we'll find out who made that knocking

sound. So Sophie's like, okay, you know, very good imagination. Let's do it. So Sophie knocks underneath and she's like, who made that knocking sound? Sophie's like, I don't know. And she's like, well, did, did the panda bear over in the corner, my stuffed panda bear? Let's go ask. Panda bear, did you? I will move this along along 45 minutes later sophie's like i think it was the giraffe i think i think it was like nope giraffe said no and then it would be like who was it was it daddy's chair in the living room and so he's like i think it was the chair i really do it's like chair said no and it just and it seems like a sketch that could be on. I mean, I don't even know how I'd get out of that. Uh, I would make another knock and, uh, I'd invite

friends over. I'd invite police. I'd call the police. So they'd knock on the door and that would be the end of the game. But it seems like, I think it's great for girls our daughter's ages to babysit because it will prolong them getting pregnant and having babies. Oh, yes. And it can have no other effect. But it reminded me, like, it would be a sketch on I Think You Should Leave, which if you haven't, have you seen season three that just. No, I got to see season three, sit down with Owen, Jojo and Aaron. And I don't like, I mean, I would say take gummies. I don't even know what the Fitzsimmons are up to tie each other up and shoot the heroin in whatever you do

as a family now. Cause you guys enjoy like kind of partying and hanging with each other. You don't even need any drugs. It's so goddamn funny. My wife can't stand it. I think Owen's not a fan and Jojo loves it. I mean, it's like, if you don't think that Eric Andre is funny, you're not going to like this show. This got this.

All right. So we went back and watched some sketches because Sophie hadn't seen season one and two. It's so much shorter, so I think season three is the best season and way more likable if you want to take that and maybe tell Aaron that. Yeah, okay. I'm going to make them watch it because I think it's one of the funniest things

they've ever seen in my life. Well, the episode's like 14 minutes. Go listen. Let's just watch one. Let's see how we do on one. So Owen graduated college this week. We went up to Chicago for the weekend and ran around like lunatics. And it's funny because Owen's not like a college party animal.

He just chills with his friends. He plays on the soccer team, on the club soccer team. friends they kind of you know he plays on the soccer team and on the club soccer team and he kind of is in that world and so jojo is much more of like likes to go out and so we get we get there and she's like well any parties on what's what's going on he's like no i mean this there's an mma fight and i think we're gonna watch a movie and meanwhile it's like the night before graduation. Right, yeah. And she's just like, you are the worst.

So we just ended up hanging out with her more than he did. We went to bars with her and shot pool. That's her big thing now is JoJo likes to shoot pool at bars. Oh, I know. Sophie was going to go join you guys and now we have a challenge and I think it's going to be JoJo and me against you and Sophie. Yes. We'll go to the brig or the brig or

Hanano and we'll play. Perfect. But anyway, congratulations to Owen. I'm very proud of him. He made it through. It's a very difficult time to go through college. His freshman year got cut off with COVID. His sophomore year, he didn't go at all. He did it all online. And then his junior year, they had to wear fucking masks. It's very hard to meet new people when you're wearing a mask. Right. And then this year was kind of like his only full year of school that was normal.

And by then, he was kind of like checked out. So he got through it, which I was proud of him. He got decent grades and, uh, and he loved Chicago, but he's not going to live there. So he's back in LA with us. What did he, uh, study? Communications, Mike. Uh, isn't that what you studied? Yeah. Look at me. I'm sitting in a closet talking to our great fans. Don't get me wrong, but no engagement. It's very isolated. Well, we had a lot of friends that were in communications

that have gone on to be very successful. Yeah. Pete Scott, Dudley, Ted Fine. Oh, yeah, for sure. They were all working in communications for the last 30 years and so who knows i mean it's a weird workplace right now because like somebody told me like the jobs that our kids will be doing in 15 years don't exist right now so you're kind of training for the unknown so i i don't know i think he's a good communicator.

He can write, and we'll see what happens. Maybe he'll supervise AI when the AI is doing the writing. Right, right. Who knows? We want to thank Emmett Hall for this week's song. Awesome song. We love it. Yep.

Thank you, Emmett. 9.5 out of 10. We've got some tour dates coming up. Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Soul Joles on July 21st. Point Pleasant, New Jersey.

Uncle Vinny's, July 22nd and 23rd. Tickets at FitzDawg.com. We also want to talk to you guys about how this show is brought to you by the fine folks at gametime.co not com.co and um we love them we love it's an app really you're downloading the gametime app and you are going to find tickets at the last minute for shows, concerts, sporting events, comedy, whatever you want to see. You can get tickets that they start at the last minute, lowering the prices. So you're not – don't get them in advance. Sit on GameTime and wait, and you're going to find stuff.

And first of all, we did it for the U.S. Open because we had a couple extra friends who wanted tickets. And they waited, and tickets were super high. And then yesterday they dipped, and boom, they swooped in, they grabbed their tickets, and we met them there. It doesn't matter what you want to see. It's easy because it goes right to your phone, a couple of taps.

You don't have to print anything. You don't have to, like, export or transfer. It's all right there on your phone. It's a super easy app, and it gives you views from the seats that you're buying of the venue, so you can get a sense of, like, what you're going to be looking at.

Before we started the podcast, we called up the app and looked and as a minute and i remember telling you oh tonight's dodger game the tickets are already down to like i think it was like 41 or whatever well there they are 29 now damn this is minutes later yeah um and it's also and if and if you do buy them earlier and you can find tickets later, cheaper, they've got a lowest price guarantee and they will give you one hundred and ten percent of the difference if you find tickets in the same section and row for less. So, you know what? You know what I'm not going to do to try to take advantage of that offer to like try to beat the system what greg i'm not going to buy los angeles sparks tickets they're the wnba team i believe uh here in la because the game tomorrow which isn't exactly last minute uh the ticket is $1. So if you found a ticket for 50 cents, game time would give you three cents.

You know what? It goes up to $4. So I shouldn't have made fun of them. Oh, wait. No, sick. Eight. $8. Row two. Row two. Well, I don't know. Oh, wait. No, sick. Eight. Eight dollars. Row two.

Row two. Well, I don't know. In section 115, but that sounds pretty low. Anyway, lots of Sparks tickets on here. So take advantage of that. Snag the tickets without the stress with Game Time. Download the Game Time app. Create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase.

Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Perfect. Let's get to the front page. Let's do it. Who has paper?

I got paper. Thank God. What do you think? I don't have paper? I got paper. Oh,. What do you think? I don't have paper? I got paper. Oh my God. Is that yellow? Was JFK shot? Is that why you're saving that? That's the headline. Bloody mess on dress.

Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra! This is you. A California man drowned as he was snorkeling with his wife on their honeymoon in Hawaii last month with thieves stealing the couple's car and belongings as bystanders tried to save him. Stephen Phan, 49, of San Jose drowned in the waters off the island of Oahu on June 1st, according to the California station, and a GoFundMe fundraiser launched to help pay for funeral and burial costs and to support his wife.

Bystanders took Phan to shore and performed CPR until paramedics arrived, and he later died in the hospital. form CPR until paramedics arrived and he later died in the hospital. While the attempt to rescue fan was underway, the couple's car was stolen with their phones, wallets, money, and clothes inside. You know, this is the image I have is not a joke at all that his wife sees something

going on. It's very disturbing. They're probably dragging him out of the wall, whatever. And she runs, leaves the blanket, and they pick up everything, and they see what car it is, and they go to the parking lot. That's the despicable image I have in my mind. And then I have an image of the guy on his back in the sand,

and they're pumping his chest, and they're blowing in his mouth, and his eyes are bug-eyed and he looks hysterical and it's not because he's drowning it's because they're stealing his fucking rent-a-car and his wallet that he just hit the atm machine and put a thousand dollars in jesus mahalo that's what it means mahalo mahalo mahalo means you die, we steal. It has many meetings, that word, in Hawaii. Yeah, that's a tough... It's tough to get remarried after that one, if you're that guy's wife.

Yeah, especially since you don't have any wheels and you're broke. In Philly, I'm going to let you read this one because you're Philly guy. Okay. Keep in mind, everyone, I did not put this story in here. It is certainly not a funny story nor fodder for jokes, but here we go. Greg put this in.

I guess he thinks this is hysterical. The collapse of an elevated portion of I-95 in northern Philly resulted from a fuel tanker crash and subsequent fire, and it could mean months of gridlock for commuters. The collapsed section, which accommodates approximately 160,000 assholes a day, has been closed indefinitely in both directions for miles. Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro said in a press conference Sunday that it appears at least one vehicle remains trapped in the rubble still, but it is unknown if there are any fatalities. I-95 is a major interstate that runs on the east coast from Miami to the Canadian border. Well, here's how you can tell whether or not.

If there's a vehicle trapped in the rubble and it's unknown as there's fatalities, here's the tip off. Is there screaming from the rubble? That'll pretty much let you know. I think that's basically it, yeah. Officials said there was no threat to the city's water supply and no concerns about any environmental impact from the incident. All right, listen, despite not being a Philly fan, as the listeners know, I do not want to make light of this, obviously. But if you put a gun to my head and said, listen, this is happening no matter what. Now, it can happen in New York or Philly. This is happening no matter what.

Now, it can happen in New York or Philly. I think you know what my answer would be. And if they said it's going to happen in Wall, South Dakota or Philly, I think you know what my answer would be. Alliance, Nebraska or Philly, I think you know what my answer would be. And if you're in Philly, you will have a gun to your head. So you'll have to answer. I think this bridge collapsing is kind of a metaphor for the Phillies and Eagles seasons for the past three decades. Except for that one season that the Eagles won, which just makes the following years that much harder to take.

It's almost like God said, give him a taste. Give him a taste. Right. Also, if you were in Potsdown, Pennsylvania, same state versus Philly, and this had to happen somewhere, it's going to be Philly because you got soul jewels in Potsdown, Pennsylvania. You got soul jewels, baby. Protect soul jewels.

At all costs. Now, let's make some, let's postulate what Soul Joles is like in Pottstown, PA. It's about 45 minutes to an hour west of Philly. What am I walking into? I think it's going to be an intensely different vibe than Uncle Vinny's. Yes. I think Soul J's is interesting. Is it only a comedy

club or is it just a club? Yes, it's a comedy club. It is. Oh, no, I shouldn't say that. I think they have live music on other nights. Is it a predominantly black club? I heard that there's Amish people not far away. Amish with soul. Yeah. Amish with soul.

Yeah. Amish who love soul. Yep. That's interesting. I wonder, are Amish big live music fans because they can't listen to fucking radios? I never thought about that. Yeah, they only listen to acoustic music, and there's no dancing. I'm just picturing Soul Jaws.

There's going to be a popcorn machine. Maybe they were the ones who booed Dylan when he went electric. It's like they go, listen, it's a treat for them. They don't have TVs. They don't have radios. They don't even have cars. They go. They take their horses 300 miles to a Bob Dylan show.

First half's acoustic. the world is right and then all of a sudden the fucker picks up an electric guitar and they gotta leave traitor judas yeah um all right let's get to this starbucks story starbucks okay i put that one in there i like this story all right starbucks was ordered to pay $25.6 million. A jury on Monday found in favor of former Starbucks regional director Shannon Phillips, who sued the company for wrongfully firing her, claiming she was terminated for being white. So here's the story. And it was a pretty big story when it happened. She worked for Starbucks for 13 years. Imagine a region of stores. And there were two black men at a Philadelphia, of course, Starbucks, more racist than Boston.

That's what I'm going to go on record, which is a very hard thing to say or prove. Two black men at a Philadelphia Starbucks in April 2018 were asked to leave the coffee shop after sitting at a table without ordering anything. The men who declined to leave because they said they were waiting for a business associate were escorted out of the coffee shop in handcuffs after a store manager called police on them. They later reached a settlement with Starbucks and the city of Philadelphia. They later reached a settlement with Starbucks and the city of Philadelphia. According to the complaint, Starbucks then took steps to punish white employees who had not been involved in the arrest, but who worked in and around the city of Philadelphia in an effort to convince the community that it had properly responded to the incident. So to summarize, two innocent black guys in Philadelphia were kicked out of a Starbucks. And the result is Starbucks paid their white employee $25.6 million.

That's no matter how you look at it, that happened. White guy headline, white guy comes out on top. White lady. Oh, that's hilarious. And they're punishing. They're punishing the white employees. Isn't it punishment enough that they're forced to listen to the Tony Bennett duet CD 12 hours a day, every day? Oh, it's shocking.

Yeah. Pink's party songs on CD. I'm surprised the black guys lasted so long and they're waiting for their business associate. I'm sure when they said we're waiting for a business associate, the Philadelphia cops were like, yeah, yeah, code for drug deal. We get it. Yeah.

Stand up, turn around. How about we take the $25 million and invest it right back into the pastries so they don't taste like they were made in a Russian prison? Soften them up. How about put a little yeast in there? How did it go, by the way? The black guy's got a settlement, right, from Starbucks and the city of Philadelphia. Let's say it was surprisingly high, right? Like, let's say it was, I mean, I want to say tens of thousands,

but let's say it was hundreds of thousands. Then the white chick who works for the company that they just successfully had a settlement with because they were wrong gets $25.6 million. That's ridiculous. That's $25.6 million. That's ridiculous. They should get a percentage of what she gets. Just in advance. The lawyer for the black guy should go,

Your Honor, in lieu of accepting a settlement right now, we would just like 10% of what the white woman eventually gets. Right. That's the foresight you need in this country. Yeah. Somehow. And the audience is like, what are you talking about? There's no case.

There's no world where that will happen. Well, then it's an easy deal. Cut it for me. I will take 10% of whatever a white person makes out of this. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. All right.

You want to read this next one? 28-year-old Louisiana woman posed as a teen to enroll in high school. So this sounds a lot like, what's the, oh, I wanted to say Chris Columbus. No, who wrote the book Fast Times at Ridgemont High? If you guys don't know about that story, it's pretty amazing. Writer for Rolling Stone. We'll get his name in a minute. Chris Denman's not working today, but someone should Google it. So meaning you, Greg. And he is a journalist for Rolling Stone. And he then says, it's going to I have a great story idea. I'm going to go undercover and enroll in a high school in Southern California. And that's exactly what he did. And he went to the high school, wrote Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which became this famous movie.

So anyway, that's not what went on here. But Martha Gutierrez Serrano, who's 28, enrolled in Hanville High School in June 22 and attended the entire school year. School officials notified the sheriff's office in May they had received a tip that a student on record as being 17 was in fact an adult in her late 20s. The young woman wanted to become a, become, sorry, and meanwhile, it's proficient in English and I can't read. The young woman wanted to become proficient in English

and perhaps further her education, which I think we can all be sympathetic with, Champagne said, this DA. She was in school. She minded her own business. She did her schoolwork. She caused no trouble. She was not a disciplinary problem. My first reaction is, I think we all know she's not hot. Because my mind, right or wrong, wrong, went right to this would have been disruptive. Yes. A 28-year-old Latina who can barely speak English goes back to this school. I think that would have turned some heads. Yes.

I think that would have turned some heads. Yes. And I think, and also, like, she wants to go back for a good reason. She wants to be proficient in English, which, first of all, I don't know that going to the backwoods of Louisiana is where you go to get proficient in English. Maybe, like, hiding a body, proficient in voodoo, suppressing the vote. But not English. Not English.

And was it her choice of words to say proficient? Because this high school is incredible if that's the word she's using. Yeah, she's doing good. She came out ahead. It's like fuchsia. Yeah. These immigrants coming over here and stealing our education. And our big words, too.

Stealing our improving yourself. Let's get to good news for Gubbins. Let's do it. So Gubbins was involved in this golf outing today and i gotta tell you something then it was 18 texts and then last night like i had a long day i did three different podcasts i had to deal with a crisis i'm finally home i got an hour to have dinner with my wife and kids before leaving to go to two shows last night. And I got Gubbins calling me to go over how we're going to get to the golf. The golf course is about four miles from where we live.

And it was relentless. And then at one point, so I put everybody in a text chain to simplify it. Me, you, my two kids. So it's Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons and Gubbins, and my two kids. That's the text chain. And then Gubbins starts in with, hey, I got edible pot gummies for everybody. I was like, why are you offering my kids drugs? It was nicer written than that, I will say. What did you call it? U.S. Opens the text chain. He was pretty funny. It made me laugh.

But you're right. Your kids are on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Sometimes I'm on a text chain with him and I got him and Mikey. I got it. I got to leave it.

You ever leave a text chain? It's rude because it tells everybody that you just left the text chain. It's really funny when you do it. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding all fucking day. And it's, and it's no, nobody's accomplishing anything. Yeah. No, he goes, uh, either way excited and thanks for the invite. Here to help, and I'll have gummies for all. Yeah, yeah. And then at one point, we got to the golf tournament, and he was like, this is great. I can't wait till we get up and see the golf.

He goes, come on, gummies. He yells at his own belly, come on, gummies. Gummies! He yells at his own belly. Come on, gummies! Also, at, let's see, 1034, I guess an email was written telling us from someone who knew and gave us the tickets

where you could go to the food tents and all that. And so at 1034, I get a text, check your email and let's meet for snacks! Exclamation point. By the way, we're going to announce something. I don't know if we're going to do it on this episode or we're going to do it on the next episode. I guess we could tease it. Let's tease it. People have asked about us possibly doing this in the past,

about whether or not this is something we'd be interested in. And because of the writer's strike, our friend, Kit Boss, who's a guy I wrote with on Lucky Louie, and I think you, I don't know if you ever worked with him, but you've gotten to know him

through the writing world. Oh, yeah, I totally got to know him. We have a ton of people in common. No, I wish I worked with him. He's great. Big time TV writer in LA. So he's been very big on the picket lines. He's out there all the time.

Great dude, super smart, great writer. And so he asked us if we would be interested in raising money for this fund that he's putting together for what's his group called? We'll announce it when we fully announce this, but he's got a fund for writers that are going to hit hard times. And what we're going to do is we are going to invite one of you to come play golf with us.

It's going to be Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons and Gubbins, and you. And you're going to come out, play a round of golf at Penmar. With gummies. And then we're going to buy you lunch. We're going to take photos. play a round of golf at Penmar. With gummies. And then we're going to buy you lunch. We're going to take photos. There'll be gummies. Yes, there'll be plenty of gummies. And who knows?

Anything might happen that day. So we're just putting it out there now. Get your checkbooks out and get ready to, I don't know, how does it work? Are we going to have like an auction? Or are we just going to set a price? I have no idea. But, you know, you have to get a lawyer involved with this bullshit. But, boy, we've really become, I'm going to get back to her.

This is a very nice thing, so I'm going to come back to her. But I think it's my fault. We've become very golf-centric podcasts. So we should promise to reduce the golf chatter, I think, going forward. But with that said, it's not really about golf, if you know us. When the four of us go out and play and there's gummies involved, it's all about just having a fun time. Yes, there's a lot of drinking.

At Penmar, they give you a cooler that you can carry that has a six-pack on ice in it. Your daughter is the one who gives you the cooler. Yep. You don't even drink. It's a good time. So who would do this? Who would do this? Well, it doesn't have to be someone

in Los Angeles. Maybe you're visiting Los Angeles. We're flexible. Whenever you're coming to town, let us know. If you're rich, we'll come to you. Oh, that's true. You can fly us in. How about that? PJ How about that? PJ, baby Private jet

First of all, we'll do that if anyone wants to So just DM DM Slide into our DMs Slide in Like most rich guys trying to seduce someone We're willing to be seduced But getting back to your how should you do it

I've been on a lot of TV shows Remember Ellen, I think, was like She was giving cars all the time. She was given a Prius by Toyota because she was shilling for them. And, uh, and we would do a auction. Yeah. I think we would do an auction. Right.

And the price would get pretty high above what you could buy it for. Cause it was Ellen's, but I always thought we left so much money on the table because so an auction, you and I have talked about this before. So three people are all competing and they're all willing to pay, say, $35,000 for this Prius. And then one guy wins with 36. Now the other $70,000 goes away, just disappears. So wouldn't it be better to have a raffle? Because a raffle can be $1 or $2. People know they're supporting a good cause, and you get to keep all that money.

Or you just say, okay, highest bidder wins at $36,000. But you know what? Here's what we're going to do. All three of you are each going to get it for $34,000, but you know what? Here's what we're going to do. All three of you are each going to get it for $34,000. And now you, now you get three Priuses and, uh, yeah. Anyway, someone probably knows a lot more about this than we do. If you know more about this and anyway, we do have to Ruby, our good friend also has done a lot of these on TV and there's people who specialize. If you have a contest, you have to be very official. All right. Before we get any more boring, which I don't think it's possible,

I want to give a shout out to Kit's wife, Murray, and her twin brother, Ross, who actually gave us two tickets for the tournament for the U.S. Open today. So we're able to bring a couple other guys. Incredible. Anyway, let's get back to the news. Well, I can't wait to get to entertainment. Let's do entertainment. All right. Okay, here's what you're going to do. First of all, this was written into us. A letter came in from Liz last week,

and it said, if you haven't heard about it, you must watch The Curious Case of Natalia Grace on HBO. It is crazy. It's the story of an adopted Ukrainian little person. That's when I blurted out, I'm in. I'm watching it. And that's exactly what I did. And she, her last part of her letter was her parents said she is older than she claimed. So they dumped her in an apartment and moved to Canada. Okay. This fucking documentary. This is what you're going to do, Gregory.

When you get on the couch with your family and you force them to watch, I think you should leave, and it doesn't go well, you immediately turn to the family and say, I knew this would happen. Gibbons said you would all enjoy it, but it's not our cup of tea. But I have a plan B. And you just start watching The Curious Case of Natalia Grace. You don't have to say a fucking word. Just press play now. I was very sort of like disappointed with the ending, which has nothing to do.

I think there are three episodes. No, no, there's six. I don't even remember. But it's a thrill ride of craziness. Yeah. I mean, you got me on the line on the, on the line, you know, her parents said she's older. So they claimed her, they dumped her in an apartment and moved to Canada. Now this little person has to take care of themselves. Uh, yes, I don't want to say

anything else. I would say it's not a responsibly made documentary in my, like they're coming from the professional side. Like I think they really just tried to take you on a thrill ride. Well, guess what? Mission accomplished. Were they responsible? I don't think so. I, uh, watched the first season of a new show called the diplomat that has,

uh, Carrie Russell. Is that her name you're naked riding a guy she's got a nice ass for a 50 year old woman i think she's well aware of that and that's why that scene happened which was completely unnecessary completely unnecessary they literally like like twice yeah yeah yeah uh but she is. I can watch her in anything. Loved her in The Americans. And then she had a show when she was young for a long time. Wasn't it like a teen show? Yeah, was it?

Yeah, no. Everyone knows it. Was it Charmed? I'm going to look it up right now because we don't have Denman. Who knew we knew him this much? The show's great. It's not a perfect show. There's things I don't love about it. She wasn't on Dawson's Creek, was she?

I don't know. You're looking it up, so why are you asking me? I remembered it's K-E-R-I. How did I do that? But she's great. The husband's pretty cool. Felicity. Yeah, Felicity.

That's what it was. Yeah. So I would recommend that. I wouldn't say put it at the top of your queue. She's in Cocaine Bear. Give it a couple of watches, see what you think. But I would, top of my queue is The Americans, which is one of my top 10 shows of all time. And she's also.

Yeah, it was very good. She's also on the Itty bitty titty committee i don't know if you uh she might be the chairman of it i canceled that newsletter it was just too thin it was not it was just so disposable yeah hey really yeah i wanted something I could dig into That newsletter was just Yeah it was a little flat The new season of Black Mirror premiered On the 15th so that's Thursday which is today So that's what I'm doing tonight

Is watching some Black Mirrors And getting all fucked up And I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol That show Did you watch the one It has dance in the title fucked up and I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol that show. Did you watch the one? It has dance in the title. Like,

and it's about, huh? What? Wait, you're freezing. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you.

Oh, what are you 10? You're free. No, you're freezing. Um, Oh, I'm going to,

Oh shit. I'm on a slower wifi. All right. I'm going to, oh shit. I'm on a slower wifi. All right. I'm not going to change it. Cause that happened last week. Why does it put me on a slide? Two wifi streams in here, whatever. So anyway, there was a black mirror.

I was very into it. It was so incredible. The entire history of us, I think is one episode that that's unbelievable. It won the, it won the Emmy, but there was, and I was watching all along, and then there was an episode, I don't want to give anything away, but a kid's online, and then he's called to meet someone in the woods. Anyway, it was so disturbing, I was out. And I stopped watching it for a while. Now I've always said about black mirror, you, that's not a show. You binge, you watch one and you don't watch it late at night before bed and you

decompress. You talk about it for a little while and then maybe a couple of days later, you watch the next one. You spread it out. The first one is so amazing. Season one, episode one, because it's an insanely, it almost feels like Eric Andre or I think you should leave with Tim, what's his name, Robinson,

because it's the most absurd premise and it's treated with characters who are taking it seriously. You know, like it's classic absurdism. Do you remember what the first one's about? Was that the, with the Senator? No, the prime minister of England. Prime minister, I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's ransom and he has to do the most insane fucking thing ever. And he literally looks around like, well, clearly that's not, that's not happening. And they're like, sir, we, we vetted this and we think it has to happen. And it's, it's full blown crazy. Yeah. Yeah. You know what else is full blown crazy? The state of Florida, Mike. Here we go. I have two Florida Man stories.

The first one is only one sentence long, and it's Florida Man insists he didn't violate the law by keeping top secret documents. Wait a minute. But did they ask him for them for over a year? Repeatedly. Okay. So it's not the same as somebody turning them in of their own cognizance. It was also way more than obstruction because they have them on obstruction, but it's way more than that if you look into the details. Anyway, you know, someone like sent me a dumb fucking thing about something about some hypocrisy with Biden or. Oh, no, no. I know what it was. It was the guy being the head of Homeland Security. I don't think that's his title, but the guy who's trying they're trying to oust the guy who is overlooking the border because the Republicans now,

now that the election's close, will only go to fear, fear, fear, fear. They're going to talk about the border. They're going to talk about your kids being groomed. But it's also the Democrats, just for a second. I'd love it if we could all, these fucking issues, including Trump and these documents, I'm including that, are getting away from the disappearance of the middle class, which if we don't fucking turn that around, we're a Mexico in the worst ways possible really soon.

We think crime is high now. The only way this works and the only way capitalism works, even though I fucking have such huge problems with capitalism, is if there's a thriving middle class. That's all I'm going to say. I wish we could all focus. Go online and just research wealth disparity in the United States over the last 50 years, since unions started to get beaten down, since healthcare has become more and more the responsibility of the individual. Just look at... We'll just leave it at that because I hate when we talk politics. I fucking hate it. I do too,

but the hopeful thing here is, believe it or not, we'd have a lot more common ground if we looked at the big issues. We can agree to disagree on abortion. We can agree to disagree on death penalties and whatever else, other big issues. We can... I don't know if we can agree to disagree on gun rights.

I think we have to find a better middle ground that's further away from the NRA. But that's my opinion. But on the disappearance of middle class, I actually think we'd have a fucking lot in common. Yes, absolutely. Except 1% of the country wouldn't with the other 99. Yeah. Anyway, Florida man lost his leg from a rare flesh eating bacterial and fat infection that developed after he was bitten by a human while breaking up a

family brawl. And there's the Florida part. The man, Donnie Adams, 53. He's a funeral assistant director from Tampa. Maybe beats crack whore for worst job in America.

A funeral assistant in Tampa. He's been exposed to all kinds of bacteria, but the dead people didn't affect him like the live one did. He sought care in February for a painful swelling on his bitten thigh. When Adams

first sought care, he was given antibiotics and a tetanus shot, but the infection continued to worsen. His leg became swollen and painful, and he had trouble walking. He was rushed to surgery to remove rotten tissue. He ended up needing a second surgery several days later. He stayed in the hospital until roughly the second week of March. He went in mid-February, and the doctor estimates he removed around 60% of the skin on the front of Adam's thigh to keep the infection from spreading. He used, never heard of this, a vacuum device to close the wound. How pissed would you be at your relative who bit you? I don't know, say around week three in the hospital as your leg is disappearing.

Well, the thing is, you know, people with meth addictions, their teeth are sharper and they're not that clean. Totally. This guy may want to look into some mouthwash, you know, that kills gingivitis and E. coli. Well, what's amazing, the mouth is pretty amazing. Like, the thing that bit him and basically had a zombie-like effect on him, the guy's mouth's fine. Yeah. The guy's gums, he doesn't have to get medical attention. He doesn't need a tetanus shot. His lips, his face, like what's going on inside that skull?

Yeah. Well, it's not the worst thing you can catch from a family member in Florida. That's for damn sure. It sounds like a sexual joke, but you can also catch a bullet. Yeah. Very often. Okay, now we're going to make Florida, Australia, Greg. Do we need paper for that?

Yeah, it's a new continent. I didn't know we did a paper between the two. Yeah, we always debate that. Who knows what the rules are with Denman gone? He's not gone forever. He's just gone today. What has he had? He's had some.

He's got some rally. Is it Jews this week? He had a GoFundMe for tiki torches, which I know always leads to some big event. So I don't know what it was, but he's got his tiki torches and a lot of pamphlets. All right, make Florida Australia. An Australian man sitting on the toilet.

All right, I put this story in here because Australia, man, like God bless them. They have not killed all the things that scare the fuck out of humans, whether it's in the water or on land. So an Australian, it really is the Florida of the world. really is the Florida of the world. An Australian man sitting on a toilet at his Queensland home had a scare when he spotted a nearly 10 foot Python on top of his shower. Anthony Jackson from Hudson snake catching. That's a company. There's so many snack snake catching companies in Australia. That should be a sign. You have a problem. Yeah.

Was summoned to a home Wednesday morning by a resident who reported seeing a big snake in his bathroom while he was using the toilet. He really used the toilet after he saw the snake. After I stopped having a laugh for a few minutes, typical Australian reaction to a 10-foot snake, I got the hook and took it down, and then it was cranky. Jackson said the snake was apparently upset about being removed from the heat emanating from the light. The snake catcher said he avoided being bitten by the agitated snake and managed to get it into a pillowcase for safe transport into the wild. Like, so the snake guy shows up, and you're like, glad you're here. And the snake guy goes, do you got a pillowcase?

I take it back. I'm not glad you're here. What is that about? Yeah, I mean, that's, well, I think it would be, it would be a great prank. I mean, you get in the pillowcase, you stick it on somebody's bed, roll the camera. Something funny is going to happen. But I think it is like, it would definitely work as a laxative. If you had, you know, just put a 10-foot snake in your bathroom, sit down, and it's going to flow.

A 10-foot snake, that thing can move so fast. It's staring at you. How big is this guy? I doubt this guy's bathroom was very big. Wait, are pythons biters or are they constrictors? I think they're biters, right? Well, they're all biters. The MO, and I'm sure we'll get corrections,

the MO is the fucker bites its prey and wraps around it. Pythons are the ones with the wide necks, right? Or is that a cobra? Oh, that's a cobra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very poisonous. I don't know what a python is. By the way, a cobra is incredibly poisonous. Not as poisonous, I think, as at least three snakes in Australia.

Yeah. I think Australia has, like, many, that's what I'm going to say, many of the top 10 most poisonous snakes. Yeah, I would say that's probably true. Denman, look it up. Now I'm just going to pretend he's there. 10 he's there all right let's get to some sports do it this comes from daniel preston referring to last week when we talked about drive to survive and i put it out there. What is that? Wait, can you refresh my memory? It's the F1 series. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I postulated that since that series has come out, I bet you traffic accidents have gone up

because I know I drive way more aggressively. I have a Prius and I drive it like a fucking asshole. And so he says, I looked up the statistics on accidents since Drive to Survive came out. In 2017, the year before it came out, there was a total of 53,000 accidents. That seems low. In 2018 and 19, the amount dropped by 1,000 per year. So that's not much. It went from 53 to 52.

However, in 2020 and 2021, which is really when people started watching this, it shot up to 54,000 and 61,000 respectively. So there we go. My theory has held water. It has not at all. They are imagining that they, I'm seeing people with helmets on. I'm seeing people, you know, with auto. Here's how you can tell the guy.

It's like, remember being a teenager and you had an automatic transmission, but you would put it into drive one and drive two to try to feel like you were... Yeah, of course. Yeah. There's a lot more of that going on now. It generally stayed flat. But wait a minute.

What does an accident mean here? Because I think there's 53,000 accidents a week in Los Angeles. 53,000 accidents, okay. It means in 50 States, there's going to be basically a thousand accidents a year in each state. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense. These are Daniel. No, no. These are probably fatal accidents. Even that seems maybe that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, maybe that's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Which means that every day, means that every week. Denman, look it up. How many fatal accidents are there in the country? Well, it means every week, a thousand people die behind the wheel. Isn't that crazy? If it's true what we're saying. Meanwhile, Denman's probably having a fatal accident in his march right now.

In one of the famous marches, a woman got run over by a car. Or maybe he's the runner. Maybe he's behind the wheel. That's why he couldn't be here. Yeah, probably. All right, let's get to, well, Daniel, research it more and get back to us. Sweden's football player. Did you say Daniel?

Oh, Daniel who sent it in right sorry sweden's football player nila fisher has a new book i didn't say half of it it's made shocking revelations about the 2011 women's world cup after over a decade she disclosed that players of the sweden's women's football team were asked to show their genitalia to a doctor to prove their gender fisher explained that a female's physiotherapist conducted the process and described the experience as humiliating sexy oh sorry i misread it she claimed that the doctor directed them not to shave their private parts in the coming days and they had to show their genitalia to the doctor all right first of all they didn't need to

shave their genitalia I've watched a lot of films with Swedish women and they never have pubic hair they didn't need to shave no it said not shave which is very confusing this this dude likes not to shave their private parts. Oh. What do you think that means? Interesting. It hides the evidence, no? Huh.

Fisher said that the players were asked to quickly pull down their pants. No, no, slowly, slowly. Together. Sorry. Denman, can you put a music bed under this? And the physio would nod and say, yep, slowly, slowly. Together. Dan, can you put a music bed under this? And the physio would nod and say, yep, to the doctor. The doctor would be standing with his back to the doorway. He would make a note and move on to the next player.

Of course he had his back. He was wanking it. He has back to them so they couldn't see him. Right. This sounds like the start of a new reality show called DiCaprio's Island, where he just makes sure they're all women and he checks out their privates. He checks out their, their unshaved bushes before they can get a rose to come on the island. Right. That would be, that would be funny. DiCaprio's Island Island It's a reality show It's like The Bachelor

Because he's the world's most famous bachelor And every week Every single woman gets a rose You already know how it's going to end Yet you still watch it every week Yeah No one's ever kicked off Yeah

Until you turn 19 Then you're kicked off Right International What do we got here now let's skip that and go right to this day in history sure thing talk radio host alan berg is gunned down and killed instantly in the driveway of his home in Denver in 1984. I don't remember this. The 50-year-old host whose show on the station KOA gained a strong following stirred up controversy and his outspoken personality and liberal views. Uh-oh.

See, watch out, Mike. He had already been the target of a steady stream of death threats. That's why we don't talk politics on Sunday Papers. Sorry. Keep your guns, everyone. And keep them holstered, please. One of the suspects in the murder, Bruce Pierce, leader of a neo-Nazi organization called The Order.

Cool name. By the way, they have an event in St. Louis this week. Was arrested nearly a year later in georgia driving a van that contained machine guns grenades dynamite and a crossbow as a neo-nazi will do i think once you've got the machine guns grenades and dynamite i think you can leave the crossbow at home His right-wing extremist group had been linked to many armored car robberies in the West. Wow. So his accomplices were caught a short time later. And Robert Matthews, the founder of the order, died in a fire caused by a shootout with FBI agents near Seattle in December of 84.

So, yeah. This should be a movie. I know. Hold on. Oh, wait. I didn't even read ahead. I'm not kidding you. Allenberg's story provided the loose inspiration for Oliver Stone and Eric Bogosian's 1988 film Talk Radio.

I remember that because Bogosian was like the biggest thing in New York when we were there. Oh, yeah. Off Broadway. Yeah, he had his one-man shows. He had his one-man shows before anybody was doing one-man shows. One was called The Suburbs, I think, or Suburbia. Huh, I forget what they were, yeah.

The other one was called Sex sex, drugs and rock and roll, I think. Yeah. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. And I saw that one, I think. Yeah. And he was in the movie and he was good. It was actually a very successful movie. It was very it was very impactful because I think talk radio was just starting to really heat up and become something. And it was very believable. But, you you know i wonder how these these talk radio hosts must really need a lot of security you know i guess yeah you're really drawing out some of the crazier people in the world all right let's do some letters to the editor you got it pal all right some people were talking about merch we're gonna do some merch this year

we're taking your suggestions uh one guy said uh oh no this has nothing to do with merch this is just a guy who's talking about the air movie that you love so much i didn't love it so much oh all right well you talk about it a lot oh what but the nike founder's son travis is the owner of a stop-motion movie studio called laca they made coralline coralline yeah no that was i nominated for an oscar i believe but before that he was a white early 90s rapper that went by Chili T. I love this. There are videos on YouTube, really cringy shit. My friend worked for Laker, and he is apparently a pretty big douche.

I should read that because I don't know who you are, Tony from Pittsburgh. He's unhinged. I mean, why shit talk somebody? Who knows? A friend of a friend said this. I mean, the guy's name is Chili T. He sounds like a decent guy. He's Chili.

He's Chili. Yeah. That's Tony from Pittsburgh. All right. Better than Philly. Better than Philly. Steve said, I went to my first pride parade this weekend in a Chicago suburb to support my lesbian sister-in-law and her wife as they walked in the parade. I'm a Navy veteran, and I must say I felt more patriotic at the Pride parade than any Veterans Day parade or Fourth of July parade.

People expressing themselves or who they are in public without the fear of being judged or harassed feels like the ultimate definition of freedom to me anyway just i enjoy the podcast i hope to see you live sometime yeah i mean this whole thing about it started out with people thinking that transgender people shouldn't be able to do certain things as far as bathrooms or sports. And then that spilled into this. It's just such a slippery slope. Now, all of a sudden, there's this anti-gay,

anti-cross-dressing thing, which it's just so weird how fast it happens. And now suddenly gay people are being killed in nightclubs and there's more hate crimes on the street than you've ever seen. And you thought we were making progress, you know. Sounds like Steve was on field team six. Was it seal team?

What was field team six? There you go. It's cute. That's a very nice letter from a Navy vet. Yeah, I respect that. I wouldn't, Steve, I'd keep it low. I'd keep that opinion low at poker night with your other Navy friends, but until your shirt will go overwhelmed, but that's a very cool letter.

Yeah. And then Cyrus says, thanks for the podcast. I listen every week and love it. I'm writing in because I have some more info on the Carmelite nun story. I know how much you love the Catholic Church, so this should make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I guess we did a story last week about a nun and a bishop that were playing hide the bishop. that were playing hide the bishop. Right.

And so there's a monastery in Danvers Mass that is attached to this order of Carmelite nuns. It sits on a huge parcel of land, much of it being waterfront property. I would estimate the value to be in the $300 million range. The Catholic Church cannot take possession of this land from the nuns as long as this order still exists. But if the mother superior is discredited and the remaining nuns dismissed, then the church can take possession and sell it to the highest bidder.

Cyrus. Interesting. Huh. Sounds like a 60-minute story if I ever heard it. And would the church pay taxes on the sale of that real estate? Nope. Absolutely not. Fuck all that bullshit.

Well, it's God. God is the realtor, Mike. You lost your right not to pay taxes. I'm sorry. It's just ridiculous. All religions should pay taxes. You're a criminal enterprise. It's just ridiculous. All religions should pay taxes. You're a criminal enterprise.

Pay your taxes just like other criminal enterprises often do. Even if they buy a fucking bar to launder money, that bar pays taxes at least a little. Yep. Then we got Kyle Herr, a.k-dog i've been meaning to ask if you guys ever heard that way back in the day irish sailors used to suck on each other's nipples as a sign of camaraderie makes sense to me huh what's happening here irish sailors used to suck on each other's nipples. I mean, I was just at the zoo in Chicago and the gorillas all groom each other and they all pick each other.

It's very intimate. They take turns picking each other. And maybe this is like, uh, you know, you're off at sea for long enough. It's like you're grooming each other. I,

uh, all right. I'm gonna, a lot of problems with this. I'm one, I, by the way, if it's true, I love it. I don't have an issue with that. I've never really heard about Irish sailors. What do you mean? It's an Island. It's surrounded by water. Yeah. I think they're very short trips. Like, they didn't come to America. I've never heard of Ireland ever discovering anything. And so is it even on a short trip, you have to suck the guy? There's time to suck the guy's nipples. And also, there's such a need for camaraderie when you're, like, just going across Bally Bay or wherever the fuck it is.

Didn't you see Banishes of Elish Aaron? They had to take a boat over to the island. And there's maybe they were fucking didn't have a successful like campaign on the water ever because they were sucking each other's nipples. I got to think if it was a longer trip, they would have been sucking each other's dicks. I mean that if I'm a sailor and I'm off at sea for months at a time. That's camaraderie. I'll suck somebody's dick as long as I know that guy's sucking my dick. What if you suck the guy's dick, though, and then he jumped overboard?

I would feel so gay. Okay. Irish sailor. The first result is a album or a song called that uh all right then there's pictures steam irish sailor music fuck that i mean you gotta be kidding me no irish sailors they are you know they're it's an island, and they fucking couldn't even figure out how to eat on the island. How about all the Irish sailors go get food, get taken from motherfucking countries? Oh, don't you start on the Irish not having enough. The British would take it from them.

They'd go down to the shores and they would get the fish. them. They'd go down to the shores and they would get the fish. And then the British with their muskets and their stupid little outfits would take the food right out of the Irish people's mouths. Now there's sea shanties. I'm aware of that. So maybe I have a real blind spot too, because shanties sound very Irish, but, uh, I, I, can you like like, I can name Leif Erikson or whatever his name was. I can name famous, legendary sailors from centuries ago from other countries. I mean, the Spanish Armada. Like, I know these conquests. Nothing.

And I'm Irish. And my dad's very Irish. And my grandfather's from Ireland. What about the Irish Springs commercial? The guy is walking down to the ship. Did I freeze again? No. The Irish Springs commercial, the guy's got on a big wool sweater and a pipe,

and he's walking down to the docks. There you go. Yeah, the sweaters, you would think. Right. go yeah the sweaters you would think you would right you would think because wool is famously the best material at least uh until recently when it gets wet um but i think that's even for their wet when they're on land when they're welcoming all the sailors who are going to rape their wives i think that's what they wore by the seaside. They'd put those sweaters on their wives

because they were so fucking ugly, they hoped it would keep them from raping them. You would think with all the Spanish who raped the shit out of Ireland that if it was truly a good-looking sweater, it would have made it back to Spain. That look would have made it back to Spain. It never left the island.

It never left the island. It never left the island. A big, dumb white sweater. By the way, somebody was talking to me the other day who has a big podcast, and they were talking about the algorithm on podcasts and how YouTube and else social media pushes podcasts and that if you say Jesus Christ or if you say Marjorie Taylor Green or whatever, you get flagged and you're out of the algorithm and your podcast doesn't get the

listeners. And I think about where would we even start if we wanted to get in the algorithm? I mean, where would we even start? I don't even know how that works. Well, it seems like the most popular. Obviously we don't. It seems like some of the most popular podcasts really entertain conspiracy theories like UFOs and stuff like that. You know, because it stirs up a conversation. Well, you just started one that a bunch of people that live on an island don't sail. Well, yeah. Are there other examples of that?

Like, Majorcan sailors, is that a thing? Yeah, have you heard of a guy called Marco Polo from Spain? All right. Let's get down to the obituary and that's all folks we got two we'll go through the first one real quick i just wanted to mention because treat williams who is an actor known for uhwood on the WB series. Everwood.

Hair. I want to mention because Hair was such an impactful movie for me when it came out. I don't know what year it was, but I'm guessing it was the early 80s. We were the perfect age for Hair also because I hate musicals, and that movie was pretty exceptional. Crazy great soundtrack., nudity. It was about free spirit. It was about doing drugs.

And it was based on a Broadway play, so a Broadway musical. So it was already like, it was like when Grease came out. It was just so fucking good because they'd been hammering it out for a decade. That's how good it was. And he was amazing in that. He was kind of the star of that. how good it was and uh he was amazing in that he was

kind of the star of that and then he i also know that he was like he used to party with i might be getting this wrong but i'm pretty sure he was very close to robin williams and i think john belushi and he was a party animal during the uh late 70s and 80s and he kind of famously i think would like go out to martha's vineyard with them and and was part of that whole scene um so i love him because uh very selfishly he was a guest on uh late late show with craig kilbourne and i was i did a bit and he was watching it in his dressing room with a segment producer. The segment producer came up to me after the show

and goes, hey, Treat wants to meet you. He thinks you're very talented. Really? Yeah. Now, I don't know if he wanted to suck my nipples. I have no idea or talk about Irish sailors, but I never, I then was already up in the, whatever, I never met him, but I should have,

but, uh, that was very nice. And I will say this, which we should like always point someone in the direction to see someone's work. Who's like in our obituaries each week. He was so amazing. So there was a book called the late shift about late night. And it was the war between Leno and Letterman. And it was made into a movie, I think it was on HBO. YouTube treat Williams, Late Shift. He plays the head of CAA, who's supposed to be the smoothest operator, right, in the world, who takes this lost Letterman, who didn't know what to do. He was incredibly butthurt by NBC and he didn't see a future other than NBC. He could be syndicated. And this guy

plays an agent who goes, this is your future. And it, I just remember being being like that is a hard thing to pull off to be that because he convinced me as a viewer like holy shit i would follow that guy in hell like that guy has a vision and he just sold the shit out of it to david letterman yeah i remember that that was awesome what was the guy's name who wrote that book bill something bill cunningham from the new york times no no late shift no no no no bill cunningham from the New York Times. No, no. Late shift. No, no, no, no. Bill Cunningham was the photographer for the New York Times.

Bill. Yeah. Jesus. Come on, Denman. Where are you when we need you? I got in a little trouble with him. Yeah. Bill.

Yeah, I got it. Late shift. I'll get it. Go ahead. I did Joey Behar's show with him once. I got to hang out with him in the green room for about 45 minutes. More importantly, I shouldn't say more importantly, somebody else died. Bill Carter.

Yeah, Bill Carter. Cormac McCarthy, who is one of my favorite writers of all time, as he was one of Norm MacDonald's, because if you read Norm MacDonald's memoir, it was very, and I said this to Norm, I go, do I sense cormac mccarthy in your writing he's like absolutely he goes he's one of one of the biggest impacts on me uh he was he won a pulitzer prize he wrote the road blood meridian all the pretty horses some dark shit about like you know the west, he was a real like Western writer. He wrote in simple, uh, uh, descriptive sentences, a lot of action. There was a lot of like, uh, Native American scalping settlers and vice versa. And it was very gory, like biologically gory kind of killings. gory kind of killings.

And he just won every award known to man. National Book Award, Pulitzer, all of them. He's amazing. And I just googled it, but The Last of Us,

this was literally one of the results that came up. HBO's The Last of Us isn't the new Walking Dead. It's The Road. So I don't know if you've gone. Have you gone and watched The Last of Us like I assigned you to? Yes. Um, you know, it's very, very similar to The Road.

Yeah, it's apocalyptical. And I think that The Road— With an adult and a child. Yeah, right, right. But No Country for Old Men is still— I think it might be in my top ten movies ever. I just loved it. And I thought, and I've talked about this before,

I thought it was an allegory for 9-11 because here's this texas lawman whose dad was a texas lawman and he's in charge and all of a sudden an attack comes in using like totally inventive and unusual weapons, kind of like flying planes into a building. This guy's using a cattle prod and doesn't give a shit. And is this foreign invader. And, um, and then that coin toss, I then looked up the date of that coin toss that he made the guy do.

Anyway, I had a million things. Speaking of conspiracy theories, that lined up and I've never been able to prove it was intentional, but I think No Country for Old Men was about the Bush administration after 9-11. Yeah. I've heard that. I've heard that. There, I said it. You heard it from me. I won't stop talking about it. This was my favorite quote from All the Pretty Horses. Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real. I love that.

Wow. All right, let's get to the funnies. Let's cheer up a little bit. Nah. All right, so Hager the Horrible. there's a there's a boxing ring and there's a guy inside the boxing ring who's an ogre he's enormous he's got a beard and it says prize fight beat villadar the bone crusher win gold and then you've got hager who's stepping up to this guy and he says do you mind if I go first?

I just had an argument with my wife. The implication being he would beat the fucking shit out of his wife if he doesn't first get a hold of this guy, Vladador. Well, he's going to step in. He's going to step in. He's going to beat the fucking shit out of this giant goon and then clearly have sex with him in a very violent fashion. Right.

Followed by his men. His men will line him up with that guy's hairy ass cheeks, stick it out in front of the crowd and just have their way with him one after the other. And there goes the algorithm. Just like he would fight with his wife including all his friends having their way with her if we had denman strip out everything in this podcast that keeps us out of the algorithm it would be a it would be a 12 minute episode you might be right you might be right all right the lock horns uh leroy is there, and he's got two cocktails in his hand.

And Loretta goes, no, Leroy, those glasses don't make you look smarter. Not bad. You know what? It was a joke. All right, let's skip this next one. Let's go to the far side far side what we got is a zoo and a father and son are walking through the zoo and uh they're going to the primate house in the background you see a giraffe and in the foreground here it's uh rhinoceroses. There's one grazing, but if you look to the right a little, there's a booth

and it's like the prison phone booths where you can talk to an inmate through thick glass. And one rhinoceros is on the outside where the son and father are, and he's on the phone talking. So it's like a visit from a free person on the outside to an imprisoned person on the inside. And I thought that was very witty and funny. Yeah. I just went to, I mentioned earlier, I went to the zoo in Chicago, the Lincoln Park Zoo. And I was like, oh, this is a humane zoo. This is a really nice zoo. And then I went on Whitney Cummings' podcast yesterday,

and she was doing this fucking rant about zoos. She's a big animal rights person. And I was just, like, quietly slinking off, like, yeah, I just spent $150 on one of those places. Listen, I'll, of course, get in trouble by saying this, but, you know, I think there's certain blind spots as well. Now, maybe her horse is a rescue, but at the place where she keeps her horse, I think, you know, they're they're broken horses, so to speak. You know what I mean? And I think even if she doesn't ride hers, I think people do ride them and they're boarded there.

So it's a very hard position. You know what I mean? Like we've broken the natural system so badly that it's hard. I wonder how she reconciles that. Well, I think she feels like she's guilty and I'm not saying she rides her horse, but, you know, and maybe the horse is a rescue and she actually is. She has it all correct. I think they're rescues. And I her whole thing is like, you know, animals in captivity are just so miserable.

Like they don't even procreate in general. It's hard to get a lot of the species to even have sex because they feel like this isn't like, I mean, it's almost like young people today who say I'm not having kids because I wouldn't bring them into this world. The animals are like, why would I have a child in this crazy,

walled-in nightmare of a world that I'm living in? Right. And I'm never going to get pregnant with the security guard fucking me every night after closing hours. That might be part of it. Yeah, it's like Kill Bill Part 2 and all the animals are Uma Thurman. All right, well, listen.

This podcast is brought to you by a day we spent at the golf course instead of really writing a lot of jokes. So we hope you enjoyed it. We kind of flew by the seat of our pants a little bit. I certainly had fun doing it. Mike took Adderall at five o'clock in the afternoon to do this. Let's see how tonight goes. I'm feeling great. Let's see how tonight goes.

And I shouldn't be feeling that great, but, oh, boy, am I going to. You know what's going to help my Adderall a lot? Black Mirror. I think that will knock any energy I have, any will to live. It's going to knock it right out of me. Yeah. And then I'm off to Boston. By the time you hear this, I have already done laugh boston but i'm excited to go up there and uh see my buddy john tobin who runs laugh boston and so friends a lot of friends are coming to the show my old friend

jeff gin i don't remember you remember jeff i love jeff of course i remember jeff gin with like nine family members the dunskies are in. They're coming down with nine people. And then my friend Alex Gardner, I went to high school with, is driving up from New York with his wife. And they're going to come to a show. So it's going to be a lot of people, a lot of entertaining.

And I'm looking forward to it. So until then, we want to thank Midcoast Media. We want to remind you guys that if you want to get yourself some tickets, go to Game Time. Get the app, put in the papers code and get $20 off. And, uh, and that'll do it. Mike, enjoy your weekend. Los Angeles Dodgers, $22 now. Game has not started. I don't believe get out there. It keeps dropping. Um, I've already, uh, I don't believe Get out there, it keeps dropping Do it I've already done my promos

For everything I want everyone to watch And yeah, so I guess Take it eesh Take it eesh It's the Sunday Papers Podcast With Greg and Mike They might not get their facts right but that's alright it's only the news