Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 170 6/25/23

Episode Date: June 25, 2023

There’s nothing funny about the Titanic sub situation. But we still give it a shot. A Mexican restaurant hires a fake priest to get real confessions, Harry and Meghan flop and there’s a new Beatles album?

Wow. You didn't even count. Three, two, one. There's that. Read all about it. Hot news coming from underwater. Glug, glug, glug, help, help. There we go. Welcome to Sunday Papers. Here we are, everybody. Here we are. Hey, hey now. Look at it. Fixed my audio issue, I think. I guess there was a little audio issue last week. Yeah, yeah. I guess there was a little echo. Your phones were too hot. Door. Yes. I'm going to...

We're getting new microphones, apparently. Chris Denman's got some kind of contact, and he's going to hook us up with some high-end mic. I don't know why we don't have better microphones to begin with. This is such a slap shot operation. I think it's part of our charm. Now, you gave me this microphone. This is a legendary

SM58 microphone and has a dent in it. I'm wondering if this is maybe the one you hit a guy over the head with in a club that time. Simpka, that's right. Don't ever charge the stage when I'm up there. I had a guy last night get pretty pissed off at me

and I banged him in the head with the microphone a couple times just as a joke wait, are you joking? are you joking now? no, I'm serious, I mean I didn't slam him the funny thing with the microphone is if you just tap somebody it makes a huge noise like you're slamming in the head yes and so he got kind of

self-conscious about it and then uh and then he shit on me which was really fun because he was a pilot and i had said during my set i said you know uh i, your next three comics, I go, Mark Maron was just on. He went to BU. I'm on. I went to BU. And next is Jeff Ross, who also went to BU. Like, we all went to BU at the same time. Mark and Jeff were a little older than me, but they graduated within a couple of years.

I forgot Mark went there. Yeah. Yeah. So I said that. And then I was shitting on the guy. I hit him in the head with the microphone and then it turns out he's a pilot and I said what kind of pilot and he goes private he goes but you wouldn't know about that ask Mark and Jeff that's pretty funny I know that's solid and I'll

tell you something when an audience member scores on me I'm the first one to give it up and be like, you know, I don't try to top it. Just let them have it. Yeah. No, that's great. That's fantastic. Yeah. Um, maybe you christened them. Maybe there was some magic in that mic. Right. Yeah. It's like ignited them. Um, I totally forgot you were in town. Like we just turned on the zoom and i'm expecting a depressing uh hotel room i i guess it's because you couldn't make you were working yesterday which is very rare and then i just assumed you're out of town and then last by the way so gubbins invites me last night over to penmar because they have a huge music night. I mean, you could go on the Penmar Instagram account. It's like L.A.

The line was out the door, through the parking lot, and then about 200 yards down Rose Avenue. It's like Los Angeles's effort at being Ibiza. It's the most trendy looking crowd ever. All these, you know, the hot chicks with their giant stupid hats. Anyway, it's, um, and packed with douchebags, but government's like, come on over. Jojo will get you in. I'm like, what? And so I drive over. He's like, just text us when you're, you know, or right outside. JoJo comes. Where did you park? There's no parking. I parked across the baseball fields.

People don't need to hear this. So anyway, JoJo comes out, your daughter with a wristband, puts it on, makes sure, explains to people that she's walking me in, gets me in, could not have been cooler. I'm like, is this going to be- No shit, really? I'm like, is this going to be an insane night for you? And she's like, no, I get off. I get six, which was like a half hour away or whatever. So anyway, at one point I'm at a table with Dennis and a lot of the really funny guys, improv guys and actors. And, and anyway, uh, I'm like, does

anyone want to drink? I'm going up. And then they're like, yeah, maybe get a pitcher for the table. I'm like, fine. So on my way up to the inside bar, I'm go get a pitcher and jojo's like what are you doing and i'm like oh yeah and i'm gonna picture and she's like oh puts her arm around me walks me up to the front and goes this is my dad's best friend and the dudes totally hooked me up they gave you free pitcher free pitcher and and i got a pitcher and then i got like two other drinks that people like you know what was a soda but anyway and so they had to bill me something so the bill came and it was like seven bucks and you know how expensive i think yeah so it was like seven bucks i'm like oh my god so i tipped 10 and and and thanked them but generally just saw me across who came over and

just took charge it was so cool so a little later on, we're online with Dennis. We get to the front and the guy's like, oh man, I'll hook you up. I'm like, oh wow, is this a JoJo hookup again? And Gubbins gets angry. This should be good news for Gubbins. Gubbins gets angry and looks at me. Meanwhile, we're ordering two margaritas and Gubbins gets angry. He's like, no, it's because he knows me i'm like

oh all right whatever as long as we get hooked up the guy goes yeah i'm gonna hook you up with doubles anyway you know and not charge you for the doubles i'm like great i get the bill i go immediately to tip ten dollars again press pay and realize they charged me34 for the two drinks. No. Yes, that's Gubbin's hookup compared to JoJo's. $34. And I paid $44 for two double margaritas, which I think was the charge for two single margaritas, if we're to believe them.

And how much would you have tipped on $34? Huh? How much would you have tipped on $34? No, here's what I do, because tipping is clearly out of control everywhere. You know, they put in the automatic 15% of this. I tip a dollar a drink. Sorry. That's just standard.

That's what's happening. Wow. Yeah. That's just standard. That's what's happening. Wow. Yeah. So like some restaurants, they'll have one night of the year where they freeze their prices at $19.58.

So you've frozen your tipping at $19.74? Listen, if you're getting like, I mean, listen, drinks, yes. I do think of a drink as $10. A dollar for a bartender to pour a vodka soda, I don't i don't think that's that bad yeah all right you know in restaurants you know when you order a 600 bottle of wine versus a 60 bottle of wine are you really supposed to tip uh 120 dollars yeah on a 600 bottle of wine that's ridiculous no As a matter of fact, the real rule on tipping is 18 percent, but not on alcohol and tax. Right. That's that is the New York formula for tipping. And you add a few for the drinks, I guess. But yeah, I mean, 20%, especially on expensive wine. It didn't know way. Right.

Same amount of work on corking a shitty bottle. So were there just gorgeous women everywhere? That is correct, sir. Yeah. Like also ridiculous. It's like, it's like all the images you see online of influencers in Tulum, you know know like just crazy amount of skin exposed with like tattoos up the side of the torso uh-huh you know and writing and like around the rib cage and uh and everyone trying to out goofy by the way they're not intentionally being goofy, but the goofy hats, they're just out of control. Right. But really good music. Really good music, though, is great.

Speaking of Penmar, we're going to be auctioning off a tea time with us. Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons, and Gubbins. And if you want to be our—they play fivesomes at Penmar. You're going to be our fifth. We're going to pay for your greens fees. We're going to take you to lunch, take some photos, have some memories, do some betting with Gubbins, get to see up close what makes this guy tick. And we're raising money for the Entertainment Community Fund.

And the fund is called WGA Rage. So it's W-G-A-R-A-G-E. And it's all going to be online. We'll let you know. We'll put a link on the site once it's live. I think I've heard it described as W Garage also. Okay. Maybe that's it.

So it'll be a date that works for you if you're coming from out of town or if you're a local, then anytime we're around. Are people really going to buy this? The way they've heard us talk about it, like they paid if I could have an unpleasant walk of nine holes. While Govans yells at the group in front of you to the point where you might have a fist fight with a bunch of old Korean men? We were out there for the usual Friday morning yesterday, and he had dialogue going with the group in front of us, and not only the group in front of us,

of course, four groups ahead of us. I also yelled, play him up. It was the most crowd I've ever seen in the world. But he had a dialogue going with the group behind us as well. What kind of dialogue? Trying to teach these old ladies what play up means. And it was a whole, it was wild to watch. And then anyway, and at one point a guy mistook his tone and there was some tension, but they

then cleared it up after the next hole. Jesus Christ. It was fine. No, he was right. I have to say, and yelling. Right in what way? Just stay in your own group. No, there was such a cluster. People say, in yelling. Right in what way? Just stay in your own group. You don't need to interact with other groups.

There was such a cluster. People don't understand the play it up thing, and it really does help. Yeah, all right. Anyway, but regarding Gibbons, Govins, and Fitzsimmons and all, I told you I played the best public horse in L.A., in my opinion, Rancho. And I'm intimidated. It's an 18 hole, and the L and the LA open was there one year. And so I go and I like check in. I'm like, Oh, I'm here for the, whatever, the nine o'clock Gibbons. And there's like from the famous Gibbons, Gubbins, Fitzsimmons, and I'm like, I'm like, what? I go, how have I was like, has word spread? Like, what are you?

And it was this Asian guy. And I guess he used to be the starter at Penmar. Oh, no shit. And he remembered us. Like, it is absurd. That's hilarious. So anyway, you're joining a famous foursome if you do this auction thing. What is it? Auction?

It's an auction, and it's raising money for uh below the line people like assistants in production people that don't make a lot of money that are really getting hit by the strike it's not for the writers it's for like you know assistant grips and people like that so uh our friend kit boss is running it and details will come. I want to give a huge shout out to, uh, Cali con for raking, making the logo this week. It's like, it's psychedelic. It's very cool. It's very cool. How would you describe that? I know. I think there are some influences in there. Well, it has fun house up there. And remember, uh, remember Smigel's TV fun house. Well, it has Funhaus up there, and remember Smygle's TV Funhaus? Oh, that is Funhaus.

Yeah, right, right. And then, yeah, it looks like a 1967 concert poster for, like, Jefferson Starship or something. Yeah, the Sunday Papers part above your head, which is a wild drawing of you, is very psychedelic. And Blondie is looking

very hot, I have to say. I think Hager's about to have his way with her. Yes, he is. He's got a sightline on her. This week's song was also amazing from Ha. Really great song. Really great lyrics, and you can listen to the whole thing at the end, because we

obviously can't play the entire song before each show, but the show always ends with the full song. So thank you for that, Ha. I hope I got your name wrong. It seemed like it was from Ha. A lot of corrections this week. Oh, you're kidding.

On the June 3rd Sunday papers, there was a correction about Volkswagen Automotive Group. Yes, VW owns a bunch of other car companies. Audi, Porsche, Skoda. What? But you left out the other brands they own that are way more interesting. Bugatti, Lamborghini, Bentley, and Ducati. Wow.

What? Germans own Lamborghini and Bugatti? They build the $2 million, 16-cylinder, quad-turbo Bugatti supercar. That's from Dan in Vancouver. Huh. Dan Coover. That's like Nabisco. You know, when you look at what they really own. Yeah.

Or Procter Gamble. Like, it's insane, the corporate merges that have happened over the last 10 years. And Johnson & Johnson owns Volkswagen, so it even gets crazier. Right. Brian G. says, writing in with a correction on your Irish sailors conversation. Actually, multiple corrections. There are a couple of famous Irish sailors. Ed Gibbons said there were none.

Perhaps most notably, Ernest Shackleton, who was marooned while exploring Antarctica. Yeah, he got frozen. He got frozen. His boat got frozen in the ice. Yeah. Mike then asked if there were any Mallorcan sailors, and Greg offered Marco Polo. Not only was Marco Polo Ven venetian he was he very famously took the land route across asia and didn't sail there but the confidence with which

you offer your incorrect information is so admirable that is the key yeah Yeah. Amanda Leibson says it's not graduate college. It's graduate from college. Oh, please add the word from after you use the word graduate. I think it's actually what was graduated from. We have a story that I put in in Florida about a new dialect down there, but it's interesting. It talks about things like this, like all these terms and, you know, getting, uh, whatever. Well, there's interesting phrases and it's, and it's because it's a hybrid of two languages. And so, yeah, she's right. I know, but I mean, that could fade graduate college. Well, it sounds like graduate college. Dave from Long Beach said Mike's story about Arrington Center was very close to correct.

He mentioned the track is Monaco, but it was from the Dallas, Texas course. The wall was moved because of a previous incident the day before. the wall was moved because of a previous incident the day before i'm telling you man he wouldn't let it go he was like railing against like no what was not my fault the wall and i am saying i think it was an inch yeah yeah incredible makes a Yep. That's what she said. This week's ad is the show is brought to you by GameTime. We love GameTime. We use it all the time. It is GameTime.co is the site.

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dodgers you want to go? Eleven bucks. Look at that. And here's value is probably four times that. And here's St. Louis Cardinals. Appropriately less than half that five bucks. That's tomorrow, by the way. That's tomorrow when it's five. By tomorrow, they're going to pay you to go see the St. Louis Cardinals, Denman. So and then there they are again, the Los Angeles Sparks, $1. I would wait. I would wait. I think it's going to drop. I would wait. Buy tickets in seconds. And it's the fastest growing app in the country. If you find a ticket in the same row and section, GameTime will credit you 110% of the difference.

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what is the Denny McCarthy update? Denny McCarthy is now... We are going to become a Denny McCarthy fan podcast, partially. I think every week we're going to dedicate 60 seconds or so just checking in. He's two over for the day, which isn't great. But he started the day with a four-shot lead. First place.

This is why I'm bringing it up. He was in first place. What did he shoot the first? Was he 10 under? He shot a 60 and then a 65. So he almost set the course record. He almost broke the course record. He missed a putt to not break the course record at 59 the first day.

Right. So he was up by four shots today, but he's a little tight, little tight. He's actually one over now. So he's four shots off the leader. This is Greg's cousin, for those who don't know what we're talking about. And we walked around the course, the Los Angeles, the U.S. Open here in L.A., and we met him, took pictures of him, could not have been a nicer guy. And so we are rooting like crazy for that guy.

It was crazy to see that he's not very tall. He's my height. He's like 5'8". Yeah. But he's kind of got a good build. Like, he hits the ball as far as anybody. And he is statistically the best putter on the tour. And he's ranked 35th in the world right now.

But I think that's about to go down based on the last few weeks. Well, we watched him. So he gets on the green, and then all of a sudden he becomes a greenskeeper. He walks around it. He then removes and uses his putter. It's almost like he's creating a trough to get to the hole. Like he's tamping it down and making sure there's like no errant moves that the ball is going to make by hitting a leaf or whatever the hell could be there yeah so it's very exciting uh keep an eye on him everybody he's

a he's one of the top golfers in the league now yeah all right here we go front page there we go, paper. This is a sad, sad paper to crinkle. Do you want me to do the story? We both put it in. Titanic. All right, this is my headline. The Titanic keeps killing people.

The tourist submersible that went missing while carrying five people to the sunken Titanic on Sunday was designed to be piloted with a video game controller and fitted with off-the-shelf components. The Titan's main compartment has as much space as a minivan. Footage of the vessel showed that its interior could accommodate around five people sitting cross-legged, as well as several screen displays and some camera equipment. We only have one button. That's it. It should be like an elevator. It shouldn't take a lot of skill.

Stockton Rush, the CEO of Ocean Gate Expeditions, which conducts the deep sea tours in the Titan Submersible, told Pogue, that was a mouthful, We run the whole thing with this game controller, Rush continued, showing a modified Logitech gamepad controller. It's literally a video game controller. CBS shot footage of the small space inside the Titan where one can relieve themselves in a bottle. themselves in a bottle. So the crazy thing is $250,000 times. I mean, they're making a million dollars every time they send that thing down. They can't buy a $200 controller.

Also, I mean, is a big part of their bill insurance. Like, are they paying these rich people? I like, I wonder, is a big part of their bill insurance? Like, are they paying these rich people? Like, I wonder what's going on now. But this is what I do know. Five rich people died recklessly in a submarine,

a story the whole world was following. Meanwhile, hundreds of Pakistani and Afghan migrants died in a capsized fishing boat in the Mediterranean and no one gave a shit. There were 100 children in the hull of that boat and they don't know if any of them lived. And the search and rescue

was off of Greece. They spent $5 million looking for these five billionaires. And meanwhile, in Greece, they sent out like a drone and a couple of jet skis. There was no relief effort at all. I know. It's so crazy. Yeah. You know, remember when they heard the knocking?

So what's that? Let's investigate what that knocking is because it wasn't them. They imploded day one, apparently. Right, right, right. Well, you know, anybody who went to go see the Titanic, I can relate because I went to see Titanic and I also felt suffocated and I wanted to get the fuck out of there. It felt boring.

And it's like I can't think of a worse way of dying. Stuck in an airless capsule with four billionaires. I mean, what? Entitled Karens, they're probably all like, I spent $250,000 for this. This shouldn't be happening. Meanwhile, if you're with poor, I'd rather be with poor people because they would be chill. They'd be like, yeah, bad shit happens all the time.

Should have seen this coming. I knew this, you know, and they would probably have a little party. They'd enjoy themselves. They wouldn't be screaming. No country wants us. And we're, uh, we're just a float out here. Like, of course we're going to die. Yeah.

Well, apparently the submarine wreckage where the implosion is right near the Titanic wreckage. So this is like rich people dying near other rich dead bodies on Mount Everest. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, now there's going to be more people trying to see the submarine wreckage. So soon it's going to be like a Cadillac ranch of wreckage all around the titanic it's just gonna it's gonna be like a

under underwater city yeah right of all these dead millionaire billionaire bodies and it's gonna be the the children of billionaires are gonna be buying their parents tickets so they can get the inheritance happy Happy Father's Day. I always knew you loved the Titanic. Well, you know, there was that one kid who went to a Blink-182 concert when his, I think it was his stepdad, is in the submarine. Oh, really? Oh, that was a big story this week. He's like, what am I going to sit around home like and mope and stuff?

And Cardi B went after him. It was pretty funny. week he's like what am i gonna sit around home like and mope and stuff and uh uh cardi b went after him it was pretty funny oh you mean he went to the concert after the sub was missing yes oh my god when the search was on he went to blink 182 yeah i wouldn't even go to see blink 182182 if Blink-182 was playing. That's how little I'd go to see them. Dickie sent me, I guess, a Twitter or Instagram video someone met. The kids at the Blink-182 concert. Where are you? Is that one of their songs?

Yeah. But just in that delivery as well. But, yeah, maybe he's right. He's about to become very rich, maybe. Who knows? Yeah, right, right. Wow. Yeah.

Here's another story that got sent to us. You know, you guys are very nice. A lot of times we get emails from people suggesting stories. Oh, yeah. And a lot aren't right for the show, but this one came from a bunch of people. A longtime Penn State professor was charged Tuesday after an investigation into trail camera footage

showing a man performing sexual acts with a dog. Wow. Perform sounds kind of aggrandizing for fucking a dog. I mean, did he have one of those orchestra batons while he was sticking his dick in the dog's ass? Curtain drop. There goes our algorithm. Themis Matsoukas. Oh, he's Greek.

Oh. 64 of State College was caught on camera April 13th committing sexual acts with his dog near the restrooms of Roth Rock State Forest. There's images depicting Matsukas nude from the waist down, except for socks and shoes. I don't know why that makes me laugh so much, but just I guess because he's out in the woods and he just feels like, I don't want to be barefoot in the pine needles. Sometimes you see it's normally a black guy's move in porn. It is. Yeah. I've seen that.

Right. Yep. Keeping the socks on. And it is doggy style usually. There we go. The professor of chemical engineering who has been with Penn State since 1991. During that time, he's written several books, published dozens of journal articles, and won at least three teaching awards. Here's how you keep a dog in place while you're... Yeah.

Themis Metopoulos has been relieved from his responsibilities and is on leave, said a statement from the university. He got a warrant served and he was visibly nervous when they served him, repeatedly told the Rangers, I'm done. I'm dead. You don't understand. I do it to blow off steam. Well, once I'm done, I'm dead. Wait, who said this? The dog? The dog is embarrassed.

I can't, I can't look anybody in the crotch anymore. It's ridiculous. Yeah. You get, you get the sense that he kept this dog

on a leash? That's not a dog you let just walk near you. He'd be fucking gone. Here, boy. Here, boy. Yeah.

Wow. Even Penn State, even Jerry Sandusky and Joe Paterno were like, this guy's a fucking pervert. Penn State should be bragging like, hey, kudos to us. We've moved from fucking kids to fucking dogs. Right?

Pennsylvania. They're acting like Philly out there. Animals. Why do we do it in a park? Like, you've got a home that's got shades and a locked door. Did he think it was, like, romantic? Like, oh, maybe the dog will be into it. We shades and a locked door. Did he think it was like romantic? Like, oh, maybe the dog will be into it. We'll take a hike first.

Yeah. I'll let him sniff around. Guy's like, I'm really into nature. It's like, all right, maybe don't be that into nature. Like, go for a hike, but don't get inside an animal. Like, that's really back to nature. Yeah. So American students' test scores in math and reading got significantly worse last year,

continuing a decade-long free fall. The decline in math scores last year was the biggest in the past 50 years. math scores last year was the biggest in the past 50 years. This is based on a 13-year-old students average. They say they are now lower than they were before the pandemic. So this is not all blamed on the pandemic. The declines are among all racial and ethnic groups, among both male and female students across urban, suburban and rural. Everybody's dumber. And they say students. Absolutely. They said fewer students are frequently reading for fun, which is associated with higher achievement. They read for fun. I see my kids captions of Karen's on tick tock on Grand Theft Auto, tweets from Chloe and

Kim. They read for fun all the time. Yeah, they get a meme summer reading list. I mean, I read when I was a kid, when I was 13, all I did was read. I read and I smoked pot. That's what I did at 13. No, no, there's no more book clubs. It's just meme clubs.

Right. Which is not far from the truth, actually. So kids have gotten dumber, but at least adults have gotten sharper. We elected a retired game show host and then an 80-year-old man in a dream state. Yeah. See how I balanced that out?

Oh boy, that was very uh equal opportunity uh it of course they're dumber um you know neil i brought him up before but neil postman uh who taught at nyu and and talked a lot about this you know he was he was seeing it. It's just, it's one of his interesting theories was he thought Sesame street was one of the worst things because what it was trying to do in large part, one of the things was to let children know and to teach children that teaching can be fun. Yeah. And he said, I think that's one of the most damaging things you can teach a child because it is often incredibly rigorous

and not fun at all learning. Learning can be very difficult, challenging, and really hard on you. And that is when you know you're learning something that's worth learning and that it's difficult to grasp at first. And that's what it's about. And if you're teaching them that there should always be at least a little fun or you can make it fun, they're going to check out when it's no longer fun. Yeah. And it's unfair to like, Yeah, and it's unfair to like, you know, the, I mean, science can be fun.

English obviously can be fun, but math, there's just no way to make algebra fun. No, and also science, dude, science, chemistry can be brutal. Sometimes it's just complete memorization. Yeah. Like to become a doctor? At least for chemistry, there's experiments, but like biology, Jesus Christ, the Krebs cycle, are you fucking kidding me? That was torture. Well, you get to cut open animals.

Yeah, that was good. But yeah, I think, and I'm not blaming all this on Sesame Street, obviously. I'm just saying that I think people are not doing what they, are doing less of what they don't want to do now, generally. Yeah. Now, everybody wants to follow their dream. And the dream, just coincidentally, is always something really easy, like singing or telling jokes. It's never something to better the human condition. Nobody aspires

to help mankind. It's all just the dream of me being famous, says the comedian. I'm trying to find him now. I'm awful at names and everything, but I think he's like Galway or something like that. But he's very popular on social media. And he was, I think, in advertising and everything, but he's a, he's a teacher. I think he might even teach at NYU, coincidentally, just like Postman. But he goes, um, he goes, what kind of like Postman with one of the most damaging things you can tell a kid is follow your dream, like follow your bliss and, and your path, find what you're passionate about. And he's like, you want to know who's telling you that billionaires who got incredibly lucky. And by the way, how did they make their billions or their millions? If they're an influencer in

that way, probably with like natural gas or something they weren't passionate about at all. But now they're a billionaire and they could do whatever they want, including going in a submarine and checking out the Titanic. So their advice is complete bullshit. And he goes, what you really should tell kids is try to find what comes more naturally to you, something that you might be good at, and go all in on that. Right. I like that. And also, there's nothing shameful about the trades. Like, be a carpenter, be a plumber, be an auto mechanic, like paint houses. There's a feeling of satisfaction doing that kind of work that you're not going to get sitting in a coffee shop trying to punch out your fucking screenplay that nobody's going to read. And even if they do, it's never going to get made.

Where was this advice when I was a teenager? Right? No, and also, by the way- Perspiration, not aspiration. That's my bumper sticker. Huge demand for skilled labor. Huge. Yes.

It's getting bigger every day because no one wants to do it. A taqueria chain in California has been ordered by the department of labor to pay 140,000 dollars in back pay and damages to 35 employees for hiring a fake priest to elicit confessions from its workers oh my god uh i love this they uh investigated taqueria Giribaldi in Sacramento. Probably Giribaldi. An employee testified in federal court that the restaurant offered employees a person identified as a priest to hear confessions during work hours. The employee said the priest urged workers to get the sins out, asking workers about sins that only had to do with their employment. Get the poison out. Asking workers about sins that only had to do with their employment. Get the poison out.

The priest asked if I had stolen anything at work, if I was late, or if I did anything to hurt my employer. And, you know, and they were like, he didn't even ask me the details of losing my virginity or how I masturbate. It was really weird. How did they not see this coming? Like, wait a minute, the boss hired you and you're asking me if I've stolen anything? Yes. Let me tell you straight away. I steal all the time. Boy, I feel better. This would only happen in a Mexican restaurant where all the employees are devout Catholics. At a Jewish deli, they'd have to send in an undercover Freudian therapist.

This is, so what's back pay? Because, hold on. Oh, there was another part. I cut out some of the article, but they also were not giving back pay

to people. Oh, I thought maybe they fired them. Because, okay, here's the catch. You hire a priest and you don't. You hire a guy and say it's a priest. But your employee says, yes, I steal about 15 bucks every night from the register as I'm tallying up the day's take. And so he gets fired for stealing.

That's still that. How do you what's your opinion on that? You mean, should they get fired? Yeah. Well, you have to prove it. You can't have. No, no, no. But like if you can prove it, but but you got it out of him through like like the law, you know, a police officer can't in like there's you can't entrap, although I know that's

a gray area also. But like there are certain rules about how you catch someone. Yeah, no, I think this would be considered what they call hearsay, which means there's no evidence just because you told somebody something. You can't prove that that person wasn't showing off or had an ulterior motive for saying they stole. Like they'll think I'm cool if I say so. There's got to be evidence. No, no, but I'm saying they give them evidence. They go, I steal.

He's like, wait a minute. I don't believe you. I don't think you steal. He's like, no, no, I do. Look, here's my bank account. And this is how I do it. And it's probably on the videotape, which I erase every night. The way American law works is when you're an account manager or an executive at a company and you get fired,

there's repercussions because that person can afford a lawyer and has the free time to pursue a major lawsuit. If you're making minimum wage and you get fucked by the letter of the law, you're not seeing anything. No lawyer is taken your case. I don't know. It reminds me a little of like when they don't, you know, they don't have the exact right search warrant, even though they find stuff.

And now the person, even though the person's guilty and they caught them, it's how they caught them. And now there are no more charges. Well, this was obviously not in Florida. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I didn't refill the salsa dispenser last week. I also killed my Uber driver and made a bong out of his skull. Will you forgive me?

Hearsay. Hearsay. Let's go to good news for Gubbins. All right. We kind of already covered it, but I will also mention that there's been a lot of feedback from people about, we talked about taking a week off this summer and letting Dennis Gubbins and Mike Denman take over. Maybe is Mike Denman, Chris's brother. Oh, I'm sorry. Chris Denman and Dennis Gubbins, the Dens.

Yeah, that's right. The Denmen. The Denmen. And some people think it's a great idea. Some people say they will absolutely not listen to it. I think, I don't know. I'm leaning towards it. What do you think? I think the Den Den Papers. I think we got a title.

Yeah. The Den Den Papers. I like it. Double Ds. Den of Iniquity. Yeah. I love the idea. Okay.

So what week? Do you have a week in mind? I should probably know this. Well, I'm going to Ireland and Spain in August from the 5th to like the 20th. And so it would probably be during that time. Sounds like double, double Ds. All right. Right.

Yeah. And do we have to pay them? Well, I don't know. Why would we break format and have this be profitable? Where's that going to come from? Yeah, right. They can promote their stuff. Yes, that's right. That's right. Yeah.

All right. Let's get to entertainment. You got it. Comedy story. Ever told a joke so bad that a foreign government wants to arrest you? That's the predicament for Singaporean American comedian Jocelyn Chia after making fun of the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. You remember that? That was like a full 747 went down.

Oh, there's a terrible documentary about it. It's just this reckless documentary entertaining every conspiracy theory. But she should be in trouble for telling a 10-year-old joke. When did that thing go down? All right. Anyway, go ahead. So Chia, a former lawyer who was born in the U.S. but grew up in Singapore, was at the comedy cell when she did a bit about the sometimes testy historical relationship between Singapore and Malaysia. Chia joked that Malaysian, quote, airplanes cannot fly,

She had joked that Malaysian, quote, airplanes cannot fly, referencing the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines. After shocking gasps from the audience, she doubled down, joking, quote, Malaysian Airlines going missing. Not funny, huh? Some jokes don't land. I love it. I'm launching an investigation into the punchline of that joke. Um, is that what she said? Malaysian police have launched an investigation, uh,

to, on the offensive online content laws. Uh, yeah, I think there should be a lot of investigating of this joke. Yeah. And start with, it happened in 2014.

Yeah. That should be your first investigation. Why are you doing a Malaysian Airlines joke now? Right, right. And I do think it is always inappropriate to make a joke about something like this. You know, like that joke, what does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines? They both think they can fly.

Like, that's the kind of thing I don't think should be told. Well, there goes our podcast in Malaysia, Greg. Well, how do Malaysian Airlines serve all their drinks? On the rocks. So, like, something like that, I feel. Yes. What is empty and spins round and round? A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.

That's not comedy. That's not humor to me. That should be investigated. I'm stealing jokes from the uh space shuttle like uh how did you how do you how do you know that all the malaysian passengers had dandruff because their head and shoulders washed up on the beach terrible terrible yeah why didn't they why didn't they shower before the flight well they figured they'd wash up on shore. So she doubled down with, down, with some jokes don't land. I kind of respect that.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. I mean, I just hate to see. We get no press. Nobody ever writes about us. We do this thing week in and week out. We're way more

offensive than anything this woman has ever said. You can't cancel the canceled. That's what's going on with us. That's the key. I'm not going to get me too. Me who? I'm going to get me who'd. Harry and Megan produce a Hollywood flop

called Themselves. Prince Harry and Megan's Hollywood foray is looking like a flop. They arrived in Southern California three years ago with Duke and Duchess titles and plans to capitalize on the cash-rich streaming business desperate for star power to lure

subscribers. The big ticket deals that followed, $100 million in Netflix, and more than $20 than 20 million at spotify have led to more cancellations and rejections than produced shows of course you gave 120 million to some stupid rats that's what you did they had one story you think they had more than one story apparently like the spotify podcast they they didn't give them anything for like a year They did. They had one story. You think they had more than one story? Apparently, like the Spotify podcast, they didn't give them anything for like a year, year and a half.

And they only gave them like a few episodes after that because they were like forced to. Did they think that Meghan Markle is all of a sudden talented? Something she got struck by lightning? She's not a good actress. My kids used to watch that USA show that she was on. I think it was called Suits. She was flat. Oh, I don't think she has a charismatic bone in her body. We both worked for the guy, a total lunatic, but Jim Peratori, God rest his soul, I guess. But he worked with Quincy Jones and he told me a story once that when he was sitting with Quincy working on, uh, was it vibe or whatever it was, a TV show that Quincy was doing.

He was in Quincy's office and he's just looking at the, I think Oscars and endless Grammys and just all the awards and record records and everything everywhere. And he asked him like, what's the secret of a success? And without even, you know, hesitating Quincy Jones goes, Oh, the key to success is working with geniuses. And I would tell you that Quincy Jones couldn't even help these two idiots. Yeah.

That would be a Quincy Jones failure. Here's a reality show that pays you five times that and requires no work british royalty yeah no network notes no editing a pr machine that literally treats you like royalty she didn't even yeah a built-in stupid audience that believes in fairy tales. She didn't even have one story. I just gave her way more credit because her one story was, hey, everybody, these guys are racist. Yeah. Really? Oh, great.

Thank you. Right, right. Why don't you do a documentary about the Malaysian airline? Why don't you do that? That's been done also. Yeah. Well, let's get to this. you want to do this beetle story yeah other british royalty all right sir paul mccartney says he has employed artificial intelligence to help create what he calls the final beatles record isn't there enough

great beetle stuff are you gonna put out this is like when hendrix died and his estate started finding like audio cassettes in a boom box and putting it out as a fucking record i know as an artist can you imagine like imagine like i guess the equivalent for us would be like oh hey we found mike's uh just shoot me spec script he wrote when he first moved to la like, no, that that didn't get burned is ridiculous. Yeah. Please don't. No one should see that. So he's, he's going to extricate John Lennon's voice from an old demo to complete the song. He said, well, it'll be released next year. Um, and, uh, George Harrison refused to work on the song saying the sound quality of Lennon's vocals was rubbish. And I guess Yoko Ono wants to add vocals.

It's going to be her with electric shock nipple clamps so she can harmonize with John's unremitted soul. Oh, lovely. That's her words. Imagine if AI John Lennon could have been created when John Lennon was alive, or even your version. Let's just make it simple. You have the AI robot that looks exactly like you, right? It's way more talented than you are, and also crazy work ethic, literally 24 hours a day. Also, it would have been telling John, what are you doing with her?

Like, why are you with the unattractive bad singer? I'll tell you what this John Lennon's not going to do. Shack up with that woman. Uh, it is not going to go well. And, uh, and, uh, maybe don't move to New York. Go out the back door today. You slept eight hours again. Do you feel good about that?

I've written 74 songs while you napped. Let's do some Florida. All right. So we got a letter, an email that you showed me. Hey, Greg and Mike. This is from Dan. I saw this article this morning and immediately thought of you. And he sent us, this was on, I think, Tuesday or Wednesday of this week. And he sent us an article about this,

the guy getting bitten in the leg and the disease spreading around his leg, the bacterial disease. Anyway, he goes, love the show. I haven't missed an episode since the start. You always make us laugh. And my wife refers to you as her friends, Greg and Mike. I think she may have a crush on you. Thanks for putting it out, Dan. Well, he didn't listen last week because we did that story.

Yep. So there you go. So we're no longer friends with Mrs. Dan, whoever that is. Yeah. I mean, although look, I'll take a crush over, you know,

a little tardy on the episodes. I'll take the crush. No, I know. I'm only giving Dan and the Mrs. some crap, but no, very sweet. And yes, we're your friends. We are, of course, we're everybody's friends. Okay. This story I thought was interesting. Not exactly funny, but interesting. Linguists, I would have thought it was linguists, but linguists have identified a new English dialect that's emerging in South Florida. This language variety came about through sustained contact between Spanish and English speakers, particularly when speakers translated directly from Spanish.

So some examples are throw a photo instead of take a photo, get down from the car instead of get out of the car. If these are Latinos, that probably is because they have an F-150 pickup with six foot wheels on it. That's why they're getting down from the car. And you're married with, like you're married with Aaron. Yeah.

I think that's better than married to. Yes. Yes, I like that. It sounds more romantic. You're sharing in the marriage. I think it's very similar to make love to versus make love with. I make love at somebody.

I make love with i make love at somebody you i make love beside somebody i'm usually just self-serving and soothing next to them and they're usually asleep on a park bench and then they scream at me get down from the car uh make a party. And this is my favorite one. My favorite one, which I think it'll sound so racist if I really do it, but thanks God. I love thanks God. Thanks God. That sounds like more Persian. Thanks God. Yeah. Oh, thanks God he made the birdie putt. Yeah. But it's also, thanks, God, I like it. Yeah.

Some other little dialect things that have emerged out of Miami are, say hello to my little friend. Hey, who are you talking to? Look at her. She's 1,003 years old. Here's another one. There's a baby gator in the toilet again.

I think that has come just out of the Miami area. And then the final one is and is I am butt naked because here's the Florida man story. What a segue. I am butt naked. A

nude Florida man says to deputies on high speed chase after hitting several cars a florida fish and wildlife officer witnessed a light blue suv driving through the intersection striking multiple vehicles the officer attempting to pull the driver of the suv over he said the driver fled from the intersection at a high rate of speed and went into an elementary school. The driver then entered a landfill before traveling into the wooded area. Deputies found the car stuck against the concrete barrier. They gave the driver and passenger several commands to exit the car, but they both reportedly refused. At one point, the driver can be heard over body cam footage saying, I am

butt naked. The driver, 22-year-old Steven Peterson, was removed and can be seen wearing socks. This is a theme, I think, today. The woman passenger, 20-year-old Victoria Averill, was also forcibly removed from

the car. I do not know about her socks. Now, the socks thing reminds me of, do you remember the classic All in the Family episode where Meanhead and Archie are arguing about whether or not when you get dressed, you should put on your socks and then your shoes? Or if you should put on one sock and then that shoe and then the next sock and then that shoe.

And it was like a 15 minute discussion yeah on that subject it was perfect perfectly like established their characters and their arguments for it yeah that was i mean they didn't they didn't say where the socks were it could have been a red hot chili pepper situation where you know he was at least partially covered. He was having fun and a little distracted, it seems. Yeah. Okay. Now make Florida, Australia.

Is that a paper crinkle? I always forget about that one. In the pre-production meeting, we always discuss, should we crinkle there? New video shows the moment a French woman was attacked by a dingo at a beach in Cagari, Australia. The Queensland Department of Environment and Science says the animal was humanely euthanized

after being involved in a number of, quote, high-risk incidents. Cagari Island in Queensland is home to some 200 wild dingoes. There are strict rules against feeding them with heavy fines. Another dingo was euthanized earlier this month after months of attacks on the island. So just go to YouTube and put in dingo bites woman, I think.

Anyway, there's tons of, it's very short, but this dingo approaches this group of pretty attractive young people. Sunbathing on the beach goes right up to the hottest woman in a thong bikini, smells her, then smells her ass and starts to like nibble a little. And then she gets incredibly startled. And then she gets up and tries to get away. The dog, the dingo then completely tries to eat her ass yes and you know what the boyfriend screamed dingoes used to go after babies

now they're going after babes yes a dingo ate my baby and he's referring to his girlfriend a dingo ate my booty. Why? Apparently Australian people have Miami accents. A dingo ate my booty. Do you remember what a big deal that movie, wasn't it a made for TV movie about the dingo taking the baby? Yeah. I mean,

it's, it's crazy heartbreaking, but I think that line was so outlandish. It was almost like, I want to say it kind of gave in a weird way, like it kind of gave birth to like snakes on a plane or, or like a shark NATO. Like it's such a crazy thing. A dingo ate my baby. I mean, I make, that's a little bit of a leap, my logic there, but that line was not supposed to be that iconic. I don't think. No, but, but also just the idea that that, I mean, when we were kids in the seventies, there was like roots. There was dingo ate my baby,

which I think was another major TV miniseries. There was the Holocaust. Remember the Holocaust series? No. Yeah, that was pretty heavy too. I don't think that series ever happened, Greg. That's propaganda from the left. Yeah. All right.

We got sports. We already talked. Oh, what's the update? I'm Denny. Well, let's do a little crinkle. Oh, yeah. Denny is, he was 10 under the first day, five under the second day, and now he's two over today.

So he's dropped back about six places, and he is— No! Yeah, he's two over for the day. He's 15 holes in. You know, it's not impossible, but him winning is pretty unlikely at this point. But you know what? Top 10 finish puts him in a lot of money.

Last week he was 20th at the U.S. Open. He won $250,000. So he'll be making more than that this week. And he'll move up in the rankings. He went 10 under the first day. He could do that tomorrow. It's the same golf course. You know what I learned?

Because I don't know a lot about golf at all. But I did see when we were paying attention to the U.S. Open here in L.A., just they're like, oh, you want to get out there in the morning. Like, I guess everyone knows greens are slower because they're still damp or whatever in the morning. They haven't baked under the sun and dried out and and you could see uh was it what's his name in the u.s open who had that crazy start and then fowler and then because i guess when you're leading the tournament you go out last on the last day yes yes and he struggled like crazy and then and then they would they talk about front nine versus back nine. Of course, that was the difficulty of the course. But it also was later when they were playing the back nine. And like, so anyway, there's all these things I don't know. But maybe because he did so well the first day, does he go out later the second day?

I'm trying to explain what's happening. Yeah, he teed off at the end. That's what happens. The leading players go out at the end. So, you know, we'll see. All right, let's get to some international. You got it, pal. A 76-year-old woman who had been declared dead and surprised her relatives by knocking on her coffin during her wake earlier this month has died after seven days in intensive care. Bella Montoya initially had been admitted with a possible stroke, and when she did not respond to resuscitation, a doctor on duty declared her dead. On June 9th, Montoya reportedly woke up and started knocking after spending five hours inside the funeral home.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Bella. Bella who? Bella, get me out of this fucking coffin before I suffocate. She's sort of the human version of the submarine. Like they heard knocking, everybody had hope, and then they're all dead.

That's right. Although when they got her out of the coffin, she said that she had an outer body experience and she saw the Titanic. Yes, she saw that the orchestra was playing on the deck and Leonardo DiCaprio was getting laid with a 21-year-old extra. Did they bury her at sea? Maybe that's the knocking they heard. Oh, yes, that's what it was. She's a knocker. Wherever you put her, she knocks.

Oh, Bella, we miss you, Bella. All right, let's get down to this day in history. Oh, man, yes. We are flying today. On June 25, 2009, Michael Jackson died at the age of 50 in L.A. after suffering from cardiac arrest caused by a combination of drugs given by his personal doctor. In 93, he was accused of molesting a 13-year-old boy who had been a sleepover guest at his home. You know, sleepovers.

Jackson denied the allegations and it was dropped. However, he later settled for 20 million dollars and then in 2003 he was accused of molesting another boy he was a there was a trial he was acquitted and uh and then it was re-examined in that uh documentary leaving neverland did you watch that oh yeah i watched it they were very believable yep. He then faced intense scrutiny over his radically altered physical appearance, lighter complexion, plastic surgeries. Part of this was because he was disfigured in shooting a Pepsi commercial when he burst into flame. So I guess that was a thing. burst into flame. So I guess that was a thing. You know, I think I've told it before, but I had like a little inside information on it from someone who knew his famous attorney. And maybe

if I don't say the famous attorney. Anyway, I and people can fact check this, I guess, because, you know, there's a tremendous amount of supporters who are incensed that anyone is suggesting that he slept with little kids, but, uh, apparently they were very strategic. It was like, you know, an all-star, uh, defense team. And I guess the most damning thing was, um, two kids drew, were asked to draw his genitals and he had a distinguishing characteristic and i guess that they were unbelievably act you know like similar and what they did though is they bought out and buried uh and made it um i don't know any of the legal terms, but they basically removed from the legal system one of the kids. Like whether it was, I think that's the one they settled. And that might have been the maid's son or something like that.

The cleaning woman's son. But by doing that, they didn't care about the other one because it was no longer corroborated. Yeah. It was just hearsay or whatever it was. I still don't know why they couldn't have gotten in trouble because if it's an accurate drawing, but anyway, I think I wouldn't mind being fact checked on that. This is what I do know about Michael Jackson's death. I'm at Tosh.0 first season and we are shooting a web redemption about a guy who crawls.

He gets into balloons, some, you know, some weirdo, and we are in the middle of shooting it, but our show airs that night. And we were weak to weak. Like it was, we were going to get canceled season one and we needed ratings. And this Tosh. aired on thursday nights june 25th 2009 was a thursday i get the alert everyone's phones blew up that michael jackson died and i was like we're fucking done because nobody is watching tosh.0 tonight Everybody is watching the news. Right, right. And that was it? You got canceled? No, it went on for 11, 12 seasons. But that Thursday was our absolute lowest rating,

but it was low ratings for everybody, so they kind of didn't count it against us. Wow. Yeah. I bet his Spotify account blew. Was Spotify around in 2009? No, I don't think it was. I don't think.

He probably had album sales go up. Oh, of course. So he was married to Lisa Marie Presley for less than a year. And then he married this other beard, who is the mother of two of his children who look nothing like him. Yeah. of two of his children who look nothing like him. And he was basically, they call this a homicide because there was lethal levels of propofol and other drugs in his system.

More than 20,000 fans attended a public memorial at the Staples Center. Over 30 million viewers tuned in to watch the event on cable TV. Guess who? Don't look at the notes. Guess who was the largest funeral in history, in the world? Who was the largest funeral? Yeah, the most people turned out for. Gandhi.

Very close. Cl closer than you can imagine because it was an indian who you have never heard of marco polo his name was cn anna dori and he was the minister. And I guess he was also like a writer. But he must have been very popular because 15 million people showed up for his funeral. Wow. Yeah. Isn't that weird? I didn't hear. So wait, how did you get to that stat? How many were at Michael Jackson's? 20,000.

Oh, because it was in a Staples Center. Yeah. But there were a lot outside and all that. Yeah, maybe they didn't count the people outside. I mean, I'm not saying it doubled it, but I... But the Guinness Book of World Records is where I went. Wait, Denny's putting for Birdie. What's he going to do?

What's he going to do? Oh, fucking missed it. Came off on the weak side um all right let's get to letters to the editor okay pal a lot of letters sorry we've been a little remiss in getting to the mall but david goldfarb wrote in and he said uh i decided that you guys should uh the next sunday papers item to sell oh this is the merch idea huh this is so poorly written

the car tree the cartoon image of Greg and Mike that is hanging up behind Greg's office I thought about getting that printed it seems like a lot of work. Maybe you guys could make it easier for me and offer that cartoon image on a t-shirt.

Maroon sounds like a good color for the shirt itself. That's for Brian Maley. That's not a bad idea. The guy up top though, Goldfarb, or no, someone... Oh, that was David Goldfarb wrote that. Meg Hopper suggested a small, flat, cheap idea, which is a car tree.

Those things that hang from your window. Oh, yes. I love that. Do people use that, though? Fuck yeah. They smell terrible. Yeah, that's true. Brian Maley, as well as Jordan, as well as David David Fison as well as about 12 other people

we asked about rolling papers custom made there's a place called rollyourownpapers.com that they all recommended we could do rolling papers because somebody else was worried about us adding to landfill no landfill with rolling papers

Don Gilroy said three low-cost and low-shipping items, a divot tool with a custom logo ball marker for golf, a golf towel, or a head cover. We do talk about golf a lot. I know. I'm a little embarrassed at this point. Yeah. But I don't know.

Would there be demand for a logo on? Well, we could do that in addition to other stuff. Right. Susan Carlson says, pillowcases, silkscreened image of your mugs peering over the Sunday paper. I haven't seen a podcast selling pillowcases. I wonder why. It sounds like a terrifying thing in the middle of the night. You wake up and our two faces are right surrounding your face. And I don't want you drooling on my face. I get where she's going. This chick humps pillows. I get it now. That's right. I see what's happening.

When her boyfriend's doing a little doggy on her, she slides it under her pelvis to give him a better shot at the goods. Oh, man. Okay. She said also those sun guards for your car's dashboard. Yeah, that's a big, that's a large item. Yeah. All right, let's cut down to this. Matt Turfrey, I think he's Australian, he said,

regarding cunts, in Australia, if you are a tradie, tradesman, like a welder, everyone is a cunt. There are only different levels of cunts. There are good cunts, funny cunts, bad cunts, stupid cunts. The one true cunt is a dog cunt lowest of the low hope this helps cunt and then there's cunty cunts by the way we wonder why our podcast doesn't get more listens it's because we never get in the algorithm because all you have to do is say cunt once and you are just pushed aside and you get no traction whatsoever.

So saying it seven times doesn't remedy the issue? I don't think so. All right. I don't think so. Or making Holocaust jokes. I mean, we really check all the boxes for YouTube to take us down. The Germans were cunts. That should fix everything we just said.

All right. This is a long one, but it's kind of interesting. Okay. From Brian. We were talking about Mary Shelley writing Frankenstein. Yes. You've probably heard the story about how Mary Shelley, quote, wrote Frankenstein on vacation in Geneva. She was there with Lord Byron, his mistress, and the doctor, John Polidari. That summer in Europe was incredibly cold due to the eruption of Mount Tambora, which was the deadliest volcanic eruption in history, caused 100,000 deaths,

and at least a million people died of starvation due to smoke blocking the sun and killing crops. Tens of millions more died from cholera that broke out. So they were stuck inside during their vacation. To pass the time, Byron challenged them to a game where they would each write a ghost story every night. So being the ultimate overachiever, she spent the whole summer creating only one story,

which became the novel Frankenstein, creating supposedly the science fiction genre in the process. You really cannot underestimate what an impact it had. Now here's where it gets interesting. A few years before that trip, Mary Shelley's stepmother received a letter from Jacob Grimm. That sound familiar? Grimm's Tales? Yeah.

So she worked, who she worked for as a translator. The letter told her of a story that he and his brother came across that was too dark to put in their famous collection of fairy tales. The story was, quote, the magician and the monster, about a magician who dug up corpses, sewed them together, and reanimated them

in his castle. Which castle, you may ask? Castle Frankenstein. Come on now. So while Shelley got the credit for creating science fiction, the real credit should go to the Grimm brothers, uh, or the German peasant. They took the story from while on the subject of stolen credit,

John Palidori later killed himself after the story he wrote on that trip about a vampire from Romania that moves to England was stolen by one of his patients named Bram Stoker. What? Take it, Brian. Yep. Yep. It sounds like he should have killed Bram. Right.

Oh, man. So, I mean, you think about thievery today. I wonder if this is all true. It's a lot harder to steal today because you know you got the internet and people are checking on stuff and they're posting if something's stolen and I mean there's a

number of comedians whose careers have completely ended because of thievery you worked for one of them Carlos Mencia and uh so you wonder if that's not a good. I mean, granted, there's also assholes that like I'll post without a doubt. I'll post a joke on Twitter and somebody will go thief.

That's fucking Jim Bozo from Minneapolis's joke. Yeah, yeah. I follow Jim. That's where I get my jokes. Right. So there's that, but there's also a policing element to it that's probably good in the long run. Did Jacob Grimm really write Mary Shelley's stepmother a letter detailing? I mean, I want to look into this, of course, the magician and the monster.

Let's go down that rabbit hole. I think there's something there. I think we're going to find something there. Well, she did a lot with it. I'll tell you that she did a lot with it because it was really, I mean, I don't know if that was in the story, but you know, the whole meet your maker, which was so well done in Blade Runner, you know, is all from that. It's like you're, you created me. It's kind of like, I don't know why more people who believe in God aren't angry at God. Like, well, what the fuck? Like, was there a plan here? You made me, you know what I mean?

you made me you know what i mean right well is there um i don't know it it it feels like you know science fiction those those ideas are almost like folklore like you hear those kind of um archetypal stories about creating a monster and, you know, and it being, it being a metaphor for God. So I don't know, maybe that was floating around in, in, you know, Bavaria for centuries before it got written down. Right. Um, all right, here is Seth Bedro, who says we should get Andy Kindler involved in guest hosting Sunday Papers. That's interesting. That's very interesting. We love Andy.

Congrats again for Owen. You've raised a great kid, and he's going to live a good life. Thank you, Seth. And then, all right, let's get down to— Oh, he talks about he went back to that when Andy was on and it was... I had said, you sound like you're in like a... Whatchamacallit? In jail

and prison and solitary. And he was doing a hack comedian alone in an asylum and it was so... I remember he's detailing it here. It's so funny. Yeah, maybe we should get him on with the dens. Get him in the den.

Get him in the den den. All right. And then let's get down to. Oh, there it is. Someone's giving me credit. Where? Greg and Mike love the show. Mike is right about Hobart.

Hobart was the dominant Division III lacrosse team, winning 15 out of 18 in 12 straight national championships. They stupidly moved to Division I in 1995 and have become a mediocre at best. As for Jim Brown, his credit is huge in the sports history. NCAA changed rules because of his dominance. Oh, the length of the stick has to be a minimum of 40 inches now. He played with a shorter stick, which was harder to check. This is lacrosse.

Yeah. Anyway, very cool. Yeah. People love you, Mike. The crease of the goal used to be square in lacrosse. I didn't know this. He would jump over the corners to his advantage. They changed the crease to a circle.

Wow. All right. And that's all, folks. Here's the obituaries. Speaking of sports, Homer Jones was a Pro Bowl wide receiver for the Giants and the inventor of the NFL touchdown spike. Wow. Yes. He was hailed from Pittsburgh, Texas,

played for Texas Southern College, started his pro career with the Houston Oilers. So his speed helped him dominate from 66 to 68. He had 28 touchdowns and 1,000 receiving yards in each season. So his most notable legacy is the touchdown spike. Starting at 65, the NFL had begun to find players who threw the ball into the stands after a touchdown. After an 89-yard touchdown pass against the Philadelphia Eagles,

Jones was just about to hurl the ball into the stands when he stopped himself and threw it to the ground instead. The crowd went wild, and the spike was born. Wow. Yeah. I like it. I didn't know that. I didn't know they could track it to one guy.

You don't see people spiking the ball the way they used to. Do you get fined for spiking now? You see the twist. They dreidel spin it. Yeah, maybe you do. But, you know, rugby is a touchdown. Like, the ball has to hit the ground in the end zone. Right, right.

With possession, though, you have to be holding it. Yeah. All right, let's cheer. I mean, that's touchdown. Yes, right? All right. Right. Let's cheer up after that.

That wasn't too depressing, but all right. It's the Sunday funnies. Let's do it. And Loretta is talking to her friend who's dressed in all maroon, and Leroy is on the couch in his socks. He's got his socks on, and he's napping hard. He's down. And Loretta goes, Leroy's never been self-conscious.

First, you have to be conscious. Ah, look at that. Now there's a board meeting, and the head of the company is in the conference room, and he's reading through what looks like a bunch of ballots in front of five employees. And the guy says, three votes for standing desks, two for regular desks, and one from Leroy for recliners. That's not that strong. It wasn't a strong week for the Lockhorns.

No. Thank God Hager is here to cheer us up. He's at a dress store, and the woman says to him, I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have any dresses in your wife's size. Hager holds up a bag of gold, and he goes, okay, I guess I'll take my gold elsewhere. Final frame, woman in her underwear as Hager walks out the door with her dress. Now, the question is, was she raped?

I mean, you don't get down to your underwear in front of a Viking in the 15th century and expect nothing's going to happen. And she's not getting the gold either. Come on. I can't even believe he paid for anything, to tell you the truth. Yeah, yeah. That's not his way usually. She's got a smile on her face, though. I mean, maybe she wasn't.

Even if he didn't rape, he didn't even pillage. Yep. What kind of Viking is this? there has to be pillagery or whatever you call it okay here's the far side uh we got a giant dinosaur head and uh it's like a t-rex and he's eating this guy who's in a round like spaceship looking thing. And you can see the writing on the side and it said, Bob's rent a time machine. And the guy's screaming his head off. He's going down the throat of a T-Rex.

Yes. It did remind me of that. Louis C. Louis C. K. Bet, which is great that only white people would get in a time machine that went back. I think that goes anywhere, but that goes back in time.

Yeah. But it backfired on this poor gentleman. You know, I read some dumb thing, like maybe it was an Instagram thing that came up of like facts that would surprise you. And it was, I think they said George Washington. Um, the, the, the world had no knowledge of dinosaurs in George Washington's time. Huh? But I'm wondering how late it went. Like what was, so did it happen right after George Washington died? Is that why they named him? Like, did Lincoln know about dinosaurs? Interesting.

Other than George Washington? Yeah. So anyway. Speaking of dinosaurs, you should have seen the lineup at the Laugh Factory last night. Could it buzz, da-ding? No Blondie this week, and there was no Blondie last week, and I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Okay.

Because Dean Young sucks. He, every fucking strip for two weeks is all about Dagwood. It's called Blondie. Oh, boy. I don't give a shit about Dagwood at the local diner having a stupid conversation with the cook or Dagwood at the water cooler making a stupid remark or sleeping on the couch while the next door neighbor boy wants to play football with him it's boring I want to see tits and ass I want to see sex I want to get turned on I want to

masturbate Dean what are you doing to me? God. Yeah, goddamn him keeping you from that. And I can't look at old ones because I've already spunked it out to those so many times. There's nothing left. There goes the algorithm. We're never getting it back. There goes the algorithm. Spunked it out. All right.

Oh. All right, well, listen. Yeah. I didn't plug my listen. I didn't plug my dates. I forgot to plug my dates. Let me do it now. Go to Pottstown PA to see me at Soul Joel's on July 21st, and then the next night

and the night after that, I will be at Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Uncle Vinny's. So come on out, and I'm going to play golf with Rich Voss. He's going to come down and see me. Oh, that's very cool. And Dan Brickner. I'm going in a night early and hanging out with Dan Brickner.

Oh, I'm jealous. That's great. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Anything you want to promote, Mike? Well, did you see The Curious Case of Natalia Grace yet? No, and I'll tell you when i'm not gonna see oh oh because i don't get what fucking channel it's on i'm not getting pluto tv

or whatever no you're right it's so difficult it's on it's on an app it's very very weird it's called max yeah it's like no it's not on's the largest, second, third largest app for entertainment in the world. When I looked it up, it was not on Mac. It's on Mac. All right. I'll check again. Now. Check again.

The thing is so reckless as a documentary that I was like, how did this come out of HBO? But it didn't, which is the whole idea of Mac, which is Max now includes everything from Discovery. You know, the parent, the parent company owns HBO, they own Discovery, they own Turner. And so this came from a TV show, because you could tell where the commercial breaks are. That was Discovery, I believe, but it wasn't from HBO documentaries. Okay. But it's a crazy one.

And then I've been watching Black Mirrors. Oh, yeah. And then I watched something else I wanted to talk about. I'm trying to remember what it was. Oh, did I talk about the volcano couple? No. The ones that go chase volcanoes? The volcano that you mentioned, that Mary Shelley letter that was written in.

Yes, it's called Fire of Love. And I didn't even watch. I like fell asleep towards the end. I mean, it's OK, but you should check out some of it. It's this couple who was nominated for an Oscar, the documentary. And it's this couple who in the 60s i think met they were both obsessed with volcanoes and became kind of the jacques cousteau of volcanoes and they would be alerted when one's about to go off and they'd rush there but you see

you just have to tune in for the style of it it is completely wes anderson 40 years before wes anderson oh no shit with the cute hats and all the the framing yeah and they would like they were shooting film obviously like super 8 and stuff and it's really interesting to see that wow what channel is it on beatbox..com? That one. Where did I find that one? Amazon or Netflix. It's a biggie. It's a biggie. No, Disney. Can't wait to see it. It's on Disney.

All right. We should have pointed out Chris Denman was obviously not with us today. He is, I believe there's a fundraiser for Kyle Rittenhouse today, and he's over in Michigan for that. Yep. So we'll see him next week. It's a GoFundMe because it's fun. What do you say? It's a GoFundMe because firearms are fun.

Firearms are fun. That's what he always says. Yeah. And we want to thank the other people at Midcoast Media, Beth and Key and John and everybody who makes the show possible. Thank you so much. And I promise to pay you. I owe you some money. And can't wait to get the new mics. And we're getting some new mics.

All right. So we'll see you guys next week. I'm the old Mike. All right. Take it, Ish. Take it, Ish. Take it, Ish. Clapping back again. Mike starts to speak. Greg cuts in. We'll be right back. dies. Joan thinks she has a crush on you guys. Listeners, mail

in corrections. Cartoon tits give great erections. Florida man fits neck for a billion. Denman loves Nazi man for a billion. I hope it's something that you'll like. It's Sunday Papers with Reagan Mike. We'll be right back.