Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 171 7/2/23

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

A meteorologist is threatened for saying it’s getting warm, negative on Affirmative Action, Southwest has people angry, and JizzLane Maxwell is being a Karen in jail. Also Madonna and Costner are in the news along with the new All Drug Olympics in Australia.

All right, clapping in three, two... Well, it's Sunday morning! The sun is shining! Sunday here once again! Grab a cup of coffee and open up the front door! You know we're gonna read all about it! All right, uh, clapping in. Oh, that's a little hot.

Check, check, check. Fucking submarine. Clap in three, two, one. There it is. That was a good fucking clap. Yeah. Read all about it. Read all about it.

In the same room. For the last time. Sunday papers. For the last time. Why the last time? This Papers. For the last time. Why the last time? This pre-production meeting took 30 minutes? 43. It's like we're a high school podcast trying to figure it out.

We had feedback, the camera angles. Yeah, but we figured out the system. It's easy from this point on. I don't know. We'll hear if there's echo like crazy like many of our podcasts. Yeah, but we figured out the system. It's easy from this point on. I don't know. We'll hear if there's Echo like crazy, like many of our podcasts. Yeah. We should be known as the Echo podcast. So nice they said it twice.

We are like, I don't want to sound racist, but we are like being left behind as if we're aborigines or something. We're still using wooden tools. Like all the other podcasts have like beautiful sets. Yeah. They got like five cameras. Right. High dev.

And we're sitting here with these fucking sure $100 microphones. We're getting new mics. We're getting new mics. Chris Denman is going to send them to us at some point in our lives. He's going to get them from one of his rallies. I think they have extra ones. Those are bullhorns, aren't they? They are bullhorns. You're right. I wonder if they're affixed to the tiki torches so you can just hold your tiki torch and it holds your bullhorn at the

same time. Heil microphones, he's writing. But we're being left behind in other... I mean, this is what's going on. Too often I'm made to feel, especially with my kids and everything, like a 90 year old. Yeah. I think we are ahead of previous generations in feeling like the get off my lawn guys, because technology is moving so fast. You know what I mean? In other words, we are so out of it that we're not even out of it. You get out of it like 40 is the new 60. Like people say, you know, physically it's the other way. But in terms of being relevant and staying on top of things, we're really way ahead of like where people were. Like even as an example, we're going to get to Alan Arkin at the end.

Like, even as an example, we're going to get to Alan Arkin at the end. The way that this generation of journalists, by the way, not kids, are saying a Little Miss Sunshine actor. Like, you know, and I know he won the Oscar for that. But, like, it's weird. He's a legendary actor. Yeah. And it's even weird how they're remembering people because they're not remembering things he did more than 50 years ago. No, sometimes I do the New York Times crossword puzzle every day. And I think to myself, my kids could answer one to two questions on the entire puzzle because it requires knowing history.

Yeah. Different cultures, pop culture, politics um geography yeah like so many things that they just but i mean but that being said that's an old mindset because now you can get those answers on your phone so do you need that knowledge anymore oh i see what you're saying i thought you meant for the puzzle right well i mean my my name recall is is continuing to get worse. Right. And it's not just because of age. Right. It's absolutely because you have that. Name each of the musicians in Led Zeppelin. Oh, right. Well, Page, Bonham, Plant, and John Paul Jones. Okay. Right. I can do, no, there are things like that. But by the way, I'm very afraid of,

so we're going to talk about what we could talk about right now. Lewis Capaldi. So that went viral this week. Did you see that? No. What's that? Lewis Capaldi is has that has a hit song and he was at Glastonbury. Oh, I did see that. That was amazing. And he has Tourette's, which I someone told me he developed it in his 20s, which is terrifying. If I get Tourette's, I'll tell you right now I'm jumping off a building because there's no way my Tourette's, no one's Tourette's goes well. I really fear

the amount of filtering that you and I probably both do. You can't open that hatch. You're worried about saying racist things. Weird you jumped to racist. Jews aren't a race. No, no. I don't know why you jumped. No, but anything. On the drive over here, a guy, I was waiting to make a left for fucking ever because it's Los Angeles, which doesn't have one-way streets. I was waiting forever to get over here. I was already a little late and waiting to make, and it turns red finally. And a fat

fucking white guy in a pickup truck comes through and the guy in front of me. So you're trying to make a left and you can't because he runs the line. Well, there's one guy in front of me. So the pressure's really on. And that guy's anyway, long, boring story, a little shorter is he goes through and the guy in front of me honks at him and my windows open and he comes by and he just with his fucking fat arm i'm shocked he didn't have like a rebel flag in his rear mirror of the cab he just wait smiles and waves like yeah and fucking he's sitting back with that posture just like a fat fucking, you know, comfortable with everything. And he waves. And I literally was, I had to almost literally bite my lip.

I was just going to be like, I was like, what could I, without really blowing a gasket, I was just going to be like, lose weight. And I figured that would be enough to get me shot. Yeah. And I held back. But if I had no filter, that would have been so far down my list of the things i would have yelled at this fucking guy right or tourette's is physical too so anyway lewis capaldi has tourette's which was also physical and a lot of tics were coming out and he couldn't sing and it

was this heartwarming moment go find it if you haven't seen it but you probably have meanwhile if people don't know glassberry has i think has, I think, 200,000 people in the crowd. It's unbelievable how big it is. It's a sea. It's a field. I mean, it's unbelievable. And everyone started singing along, knowing what was going on to support him. And he would try to come back into the song and it would last like a syllable or two at times. And then he'd walk around. And I had this thought that this is what Joe Biden needs when he can't talk. This is what he needs. I rebuilt the infrastructure.

Yeah, yeah. We put COVID behind us. He has usually two teleprompters in front of him, which are that transparent glass. They should turn one and face it to the audience and everyone should just talk along. Just talk along when when old Biden gets his tics and his God bless him, his stammer, whatever is going on up there. And I think that's what that's what I that was my first thought when I saw it. The crowd would just have to know to go really slow. Yeah, right.

I had no interaction with my son during his negotiations with that Russian company. And then everyone's like, why does it say God bless the queen? And then everyone's like, why does it say God bless the queen? Yeah, well, I mean, that was, if you haven't seen it, watch it. It's pretty moving. And I had no idea. I'd never heard this guy's name before, but I guess he's Scottish. So I guess he's pretty famous.

It's almost like, oh, that's almost like a yodel now that I'm doing it myself. It's almost like a. It sounded like the Numa Numa dance. Yeah, it did a little. But I think he, wow, I think he stole a couple of those chords. Ah. He'll be sued. Everybody, you know, he just, what was the case that somebody just won? It was.

Yeah, the little redhead. Yeah, Harry Styles. Nope. No, I always confuse harry styles with that other guy here's my name recall which i don't have you know no no ed sheeran ed sheeran so ed sheeran i guess you know and and they i read an article about this and i guess there's x number of chord progressions that work in music or something and it's just there's not going to be any of these cases going forward. They have set a precedent that music is like,

it's like saying you did a painting with the same colors as this guy. Right. You can't do that. Yeah, not quite, but right. Because the chords are the structure. So it's like, hey, you're painting houses like that guy. Right. It's even more than that.

But I've heard both sides. I did hear a musician say it's a hey you're painting houses like that guy right it's even more than that but i've heard both sides i did hear a musician say it's a little bullshit like he he's he's not being fully uh genuine in in how much he took well he i don't know he played i don't have an opinion on he played the song live and then segued into playing the song that he stole at a concert one time. And they had it on tape. And they used that as evidence. But that didn't do anything. Oh, that's pretty interesting. Yeah.

But the one, the Marvin Gaye song that What's-His-Name stole, we should call this podcast What's-His-Name. That thing? Yeah. So that one. Robin Thicke. All I know is. That not only had the chord structure, the melody, it had the interact, like a crowd

party sound at the beginning, and horns beeping, it had everything. The only thing they added was misogyny. That's right. And I can't believe they couldn't wiggle out of the court case with all the misogyny, that you're the hottest bitch in this place. Right. But- They kept striking female jurors. This is a good test.

What you do is my kids were at the perfect age when that song came out. This is a test that you should do in court. Get a bunch of kids, play the original and see if they're like, oh, my God, I love this song because they have only heard the current one. Right. And that's what happened to my kids with that song. And then they were like, wait, this isn't it? But it took a while for them to say that. Well, with comedy, it's similar.

I mean, you know in your gut when it's stolen. And because there's a spirit, a song has a spirit the way a joke does. There's something underneath the words and there's an attitude. And that has a spirit the way a joke does. There's something underneath the words. And there's an attitude. And that's something that's hard to quantify. But, I mean, I had a joke stolen by a woman. I'm not going to say who. She's pretty big.

She had her on a TV show for a minute. Rita Rudner. Rita Rudner stole this joke about shopping for high-heeled shoes that I had. But it's like beat for beat for beat. It's like a six-part joke, and she hits each part in order. It's fucking crazy. And she's like this really respected comedian.

Wait, I know someone who does that cascading punchlines thing, but I'm not going to say the name. No, it's not cascading punchlines. I just mean that there's different beats to the joke. Oh, okay. Oh, all right, all right. It's not like tag tag tag that's Wendy Liebman yeah Wendy Liebman and she's great she's amazing and she very much was inspired and I mean this in the best possible way she did not steal wait we're not talking that's not who it is I didn't guess correctly

no no no no no I'm saying Don Gavin uh originally was the guy who had the cascading punchline. Yeah. Oh, OK. But so many people, Lenny Clark, Tom Cotter have all there. They've been inspired by that in a way that it's not copying it. But it is it's almost like you. Well, Ellen DeGeneres with Jake Johansson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jake Johansson was the voice. That's stealing his voice. Yeah. Wendy and Tom, I think, more were like, you see it and you have an inflection of it, but it's not stealing it.

Got it, got it. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, well, comedy is tougher because this is what you don't realize. And I think maybe that criticism of Ed Sheeran was this is it happens constantly. There's a guy I follow his account. I don't even know the name of it, but he calls it interpolations. If you Google interpolations, Instagram or TikTok, you'll find this guy and he's a real music theory guy. And he shows you and he goes, there's a difference between sampled and an interpolation, which I can't articulate right now.

But when he points it out, he's like, and this was found in this song and this song and this song. And that's why if you see the Radiohead album, they share writer's credit. Sometimes it's like, oh, my bad. They add the name without a trial. Right, right, right. Without a trial at all. So that's what they were. I guess that's one of the criticisms of Sheeran.

Like, that could have been done. You could have avoided all this. You really can't throw a guy's name on there? And again, I don't know what I'm talking about. Especially why Zeppelin. I mean, here's Zeppelin is they made so much money. And they were taking songs from old blues guys that were fucking down and out.

Like they, you don't want to throw those guys. Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. There's a lot of, uh, my friend,

you know, Chris Weinstein in New York, he has a Spotify cause Led Zeppelin is one of his favorite bands. I mean, but he's fully aware and he has a mix, a playlist of all the stolen, of all the original songs that Zephyr stole from. Yeah. And there's a lot of people that have this and there's websites and they paid a lot.

Right. But they fought it though sometimes. Well, the Stairway to Heaven one, they won. I didn't know Stairway to Heaven was won. Jesus. Oh, yeah. Stairway to Heaven was a hugeesus oh yeah stairway to heaven was a huge one that went on for that that lawsuit went on for like 15 years wow yeah but there's even

like when i go to when i work 11 to 7 or whatever and i think plant changed it from 7 to 11 i'm very close to getting that right like it was really pretty bad. I know. And you know what? To be a band, look at the Birds with Bob Dylan. Look at Joe Cocker with the Beatles. It's fine to cover or sample, but fucking acknowledge it and pay it. Yeah. All right.

Let's move on to the great Rob Moore, who made this great logo for us of Batman. I got to be Batman, and you're Robin. There's, yeah. It does look good that way, I gotta say. You have a stronger jaw and everything like you did, I think.

And you have a boyish face. Oh, look at my tights. But I would say there's a definite move to make me more effeminate lately, and that's reversing a big trend. Yes. That went the other way. Well, because I complained about it and people listened.

Oh, all right. The song from Adam Copeland is, it's like punk rock meets garage band. Meets one take. Meets one take. Meets... No, thank you, Adam. It's very cool. Which, by the way, that's all we need from you guys. Continue, please, sending in your wonderful art,

your songs. We fucking love it. It's a big part of this show, and we really appreciate it. All right, I want to take your temperature on this before we get to corrections. Yeah. All right, they found the remains of the people in the sub, right? So the

sub thing is over, but I had a thought when the sub was still a mystery and they didn't admit that the thing had blown up yet that they were all going to fall asleep. That's what would happen. But when you're all around there, it's almost like running out of food. It's like this, you know, this guy is fucking hyperventilating. Do we to kill this fucking guy yeah we could buy ourselves another few hours if this guy stopped also it would be one less person breathing never mind hyperventilating so i thought about all the scenarios where like would you kind of like the donner part would you would you draw straws to see who you kill to eat his oxygen in a way? But then I thought about the son who was on there.

He might have needed the least oxygen. Yeah. And there's going to be someone technically who needs the least and will survive and go to sleep last. And I thought, if you're that guy and you fall asleep last and you're down there and you know this sub is going to be pulled up and probably pretty soon. They're going to find this sub somewhere. And just like they put, they've already pulled it up. They pulled it up after it imploded. Would you draw dicks on everyone's faces?

I that would be amazing. I put it this way. I would literally die laughing. Cause I would be laughing using up. Cause I would be moving. Like I was at the top of Everest as I'm drawing a dick on the guy's forehead. I'd be like, you know, every step just takes so like, there's no oxygen and I would still get the marker out and be drawing the dick on his face and drawing like slot on my dad's cheek or whatever to make me laugh and also i am just imagining them finding us and first of all they'd have to hide that they would have to but also like

do they tell the families? I don't know. I think it's the most hysterical thing. There's no one else who did it because they've all got dicks on their faces and you don't. You can't say, oh, this other guy did it. He's got a dick on his face. Also, they find my phone and I'm like, I have my dick

on that obnoxious billionaire's forehead and I'm taking pictures of my dick. The most juvenile... And there'll be no repercussions. I'm dying in three minutes. And these billionaires, all they think about is their legacy.

They're on boards of museums, and now your final photo, you got a dick on your face. And maybe you try to post it, and you're like, you have no reception. Remember, you're 10,000 feet underwater. But maybe it auto-posts once they pull the sub up. I think what you would have to do is if you realize that air really was

running out, you'd gotten everybody's face. I think your last effort is to put a dick on your own face. You could do that. I guess that's the, I guess that's the mature thing. Yeah. face you could do that i guess that's the i guess that's the mature thing yeah yeah that's the mature way to go i get it that's why i talked to you you're the voice of reason i went on uh i went on stage last night and i opened with you know we're all thinking about it let's talk about it the sub going down and which kind of like got a laugh because i did it in a kind of misdirection

way and and then i did this joke i think i might have said it on here but about like the worst way to die is trapped in a capsule with no air with billionaires oh yeah i do this no i'm basically saying like because they're all carrots and if you're with poor people at least like you know the rich person's like what the the fuck? I paid 250 grand. This isn't supposed to happen. And the poor person would just be like, yeah, yeah. Right. Bad shit happens.

And they'd just be chill. Oh, the billionaire is going to be complaining already before they fucking ran into trouble. Right. I know. Thank God they imploded immediately. The way they died is a fortunate way, I know. Thank God they imploded immediately. The way they died is a fortunate way, I guess, because, Jesus, if you've seen footage, there was a footage of a train that was one atmosphere, if that was what it is, one atmosphere of pressure off. Yeah. The internal pressure versus the external, and it caved in in a millisecond.

And I guess underwater was either 300 or 500 something atmosphere difference. Yeah. Which means I don't even think the human eye could see how fast it imploded. Wow. Yeah. I made almost all of that up, but it is true. It's hundreds more than the one. And I did see a train tanker implode because of one atmosphere. So that is true.

Huh. All right. Let's get some corrections. Susan Carlson said regarding the microphones and the operation you two are running, it's slipshod, not slap shot. Just saying. That's good. I mean, how is it that you and I, who work at a fairly high level in the entertainment industry, you know, we've got real credits. We've been associated with, you know, shows that shoot a million and a half dollars an episode. We are in a union for writers. Yes. And somehow we are like our gang. We're like Spanky and fucking Alfalfa doing a podcast.

Our metaphor game is Slipshot. That's what we just learned. Tell Mike that the first attributed work of science fiction, we were talking about Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, is from Lucian of Samasata, 2nd century AD. Mark Russell wrote in. Ocean of Samasota, 2nd century A.D. Mark Russell wrote in.

He's apparently getting his doctorate in, like, Samasotan fucking literature. Yeah. Well, I mean, the Bible is science fiction, isn't it? Yeah, that was 200 years earlier. Yeah. Guy goes, guy, all of a sudden they move a rock so he can go up and join daddy in air, in the air. Yeah. I was thinking about, I wrote this joke last night.

I was in bed with Erin and I was kidding around with her. But here's the joke. I think my son is the second coming of Jesus Christ because we, I didn't have sex with her for a year before the baby was born and he's black. That's a solid one. That's really good. I think I can build on it. Who are the three wise men that would show up? One of them was black.

Well, they're showing up at the delivery, though, aren't they? Exactly. Yeah. Mark Russell said, Leading into last week's correction section, you referenced the 1967 Jefferson Starship poster that as that week's logo design. Surely you meant Jefferson Airplane. The Starship adaptation was later on. Either way, good effort. You know, I used to I used to think that the Starship sucked and the airplane was great. Starship had some great fucking songs. Really? They had some shit

songs. I think I might be writing a correction next week. If Only You Believe in Miracles, that's a beautiful song. That's the Starship. Yes. That sounds like America or Bread or one of those soft bands. Oh, you don't like that song? No, it's good, but I don't think that's Starship. I think it is. Do you want to check on that, Denman, if only you believe in miracles?

We Built a City on Rock and Roll is one of the worst songs ever recorded. Thank God you just said that. I was on the edge of my seat during that short sentence. But I think Grace Slick was involved in both. I thought that they named themselves Starship because they lost her, but she was in both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we built the city she's in.

Okay. Joe says, big fan, really love... Oh yeah, he's writing Jefferson Starship Miracles. Yep. Wow. Big fan, really love. Oh, yeah, he's writing Jefferson Starship Miracles. Yep. Wow. Big fan, really love the show.

Thanks so much. That said, there's no way to make algebra fun. Correction, you're a moron. Apparently, Joe is an algebra teacher. I actually fucking loved algebra. Of all the maths I studied, I found algebra to be very satisfying because it wasn't a lot of formulas. It was like there was hard answers and there was logic. It was like doing a crossword puzzle. Okay. For the very similar reason, I remember my strength was

geometry, but not most of it, but proofs. Yeah. And I think it's like why I kind of like to argue now if I feel I have the goods. In other words, if I, I can make an argument, if the evidence is there, I'm going to find it and put it in a linear way to basically solve it. You know what I mean? And ignore other data in order to do that. That's your gift. That's my gift.

I don't know about that, but I do know, I think I might've told this years ago on the podcast, but went to Hackley with your sister and your brother for a short while, but I was only there two years. But Hackley, and I think I've told this, Barr, the justice, Barr, his dad, who was also, I believe,

very much in the Washington circles in intelligence, became the headmaster of Hackley. Did you know that? You mean Attorney General Barr's father? Yes. So Stephen Barr, right, is Attorney General. So it's Donald or Ronald. Oh, then maybe Stephen's the dad. Actually, if you could look this up, Chris, as well.

Fact check us on the fly. Anyway, he was this old, cur, as well, fact check us on the fly. Anyway, he was this old curmudgeon-y like guy, but he, because of all his washing dyes, he got these genius Russians and gave them jobs at Hackley. And I mean- Really? Genius like you would make an over-the-top sitcom, like messed up hair, crazy fingernails, dirty body odor. And they would hold a pencil like it was like some weird instrument. And but they were geniuses. Yeah, they might have been physicists.

Who knows? Wow. But anyway, and I had a dumb geometry teacher and the dumb geometry teacher goes, we couldn't solve this proof. And he goes, I couldn't solve it either. And he goes, how about, he goes, I, he goes, I think it's wrong. I'm going to write the textbook. And I'm like, it's not wrong if it's in the textbook. Right. So he goes, uh, and I, and I think I said that. And he goes, well,

if anyone can solve it, you can teach class tomorrow. I went right up to the third floor and found one of those smelly fucking bastards. And I go, what do you think of this and he grabbed the pencil and it was literally you remember when et like grabbed like reese's pieces for the first time that this guy like grabbed and it was like on the page it was like this this solved it in two minutes he was like if oh it's because of this no that was tricky like that was tricky the 40 seconds he saw it And so I went in, and the guy let me. We had class outside that day. No. Yes, we did.

Yes, we did. What was your lesson plan? Oh, just that. No. I wanted to admit to the class what I did. But the only reason he believed me was I was really good at proofs. Uh-huh. And I think I told him I stayed up all night trying to work that one out.

I see where you got thrown out of that school and a couple others. How many high schools were you thrown out of? I own a grammar school. It's not a high school. Okay. So three? No, two without that one. All right.

This is from, oh, this is kind of a long one. Do we want to read this? No. Why? It's about tipping. Oh. Big fan of the show. On last week's episode, Mike was open about his tipping philosophy.

I'd like to address that because it's time for him to learn to treat servers fairly. Oh, interesting. Like many others in the service industry, I make a living as a server. It's not a summer gig or a side job. I've got a mortgage and kids. Got it. I've worked my way up from fast food to fine dining. I've always thought about that.

You know, a waiter in a fine dining restaurant, do you know how much fucking money they make? I mean, the average bill is $400. They're getting $80 a table. They're probably doing two seatings of four tables each. So that's six. Right, and they don't pool. Well, they pool a little

because they have to tip the other workers, right, that aren't on the front line. So I have not read this letter. He might make a good argument about how much time he spends in fine dining on people. Yeah. And you don't have as many tables because the quality of service and attention is higher.

But go ahead. Let's read it. So anyway, I even worked at a comedy club. 20% is the norm for me, but those were New Yorkers, not the rest of the country, for a long time. New Yorkers were the only ones tipping 20%, generally speaking. Yes. New Yorkers were the only ones tipping 20%, generally speaking. Yes.

A server who does their job well expects a 20% tip. Also, servers tip out the bartender and food runners. Mike asked, are you really supposed to tip $120 on a $600 buy? Yes. If you can afford a $600 bottle of wine, you can afford the tip you are expected to pay. And I can't, so he might have a point. If you can't afford it don't buy it greg said the real rule is 18 tip but not on alcohol or tax and that is completely false no it's not that has been the rule again uh he he goes he goes and the new york formula what the fuck does that even mean don't you guys live in west la good point well yeah um so anyway also a one dollar tip per

drink dude it's not 1996 anymore yeah i i took i took issue with you giving a dollar for a drink who you maybe a maybe a draft beer at a dive bar bagels agreed with me last night no i'm talking about you get a beer yeah and dickie brought this up last night. But if you ask for like a Manhattan, which he likes, he knows that's work and attention and all. And there's a little bit of artistry to it, you know? So that's 20% generous use of the term. Uh, yeah, I guess. Or let's say it's, yeah, I mean, two bucks if it's a $15 drink or something like that, which is $3 would be 20%. But I know like,

uh, and I don't order these types of drinks, but I know if you order like an old fashioned, you almost have to apologize as you order it. Cause it's like, sorry, like that guy's going to spend some time on that. So you would definitely tip for more than that.

Yeah. There's also, they got to prep the bar, the garnishing, you got to whatever. All right. If I go up and to prep the bar, the garnishing. Whatever. If I go up and I get three beers, I'm sorry. I'm not tipping 20% of that. Three bucks. Maybe it is 20%. No, it's not. Here's a bar people should go to.

Three bucks? In Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Soul Joel's. Pottstown, PA, July 21st. I hear, I think I was making fun of the name Soul Joles, but then I found out like they've had a crazy lineup of comics that have played there, like Sam Morrell and Attell. All these guys go through there. So I think it should be great. Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Uncle Vinny's, July 22nd and 23rd.

I heard Jim Florentine has played there. Uncle Joey Diaz has played there. So that should be fun also. Hey, Mike. Yeah. Do you get stressed out when you're buying tickets for events? Guess what I was just on right now. I want to quiz you.

All right. I'm on an app called Game Time. Okay. All right. What do you... Okay. Monday, Taylor Swift is playing SoFi. Sold out for months.

All right. Tomorrow, Fall Out Boy is playing BMO Stadium. All right. All right. What do you think the difference on this app, which gets low prices, what do you think the difference in one ticket cost is? I'm going to say there's a $700 difference. Well, Taylor Swift is $764.

I nailed it. And Fall Out Boy is $9. Yeah. You're unbelievably close. Dead on. Yeah. All right. I can't believe you can even get a ticket for Taylor Swift. I thought it's been sold out

forever. I am shocked. That is a testament to... I am shocked she's on here because it is the hardest ticket. Testament to game time because I think what happens is tickets get released late. Sometimes they hold on to tickets and then they release them and you're going to find those on game time. Ed Sheeran is

$63, but you also have to pay the musicians he ripped off. It's a little... It's hard to keep track. There's killer deals. It's easy because you can see the view from your seat. You can look around virtually

from the app. It's amazing. A couple taps, your tickets are in the app. You don't have to transfer. app is amazing. Couple taps. Your tickets are in the app. You don't have to transfer. You don't have to print. If you want to go to football, basketball, baseball, concerts, comedy, theater, it's all there. And it knows your area. It knows what's around. If you find a ticket in the same row and section for that show, they will give you 110% of the difference for what you paid for your ticket.

And again, you can wait to the last minute so you don't have to stress out. Just relax, get your high on before, and go to the show. Bad news for Los Angeles Sparks fans. Oh, boy. It's gone up from $1 to $2 a ticket. It's gone up from $1 to $2 a ticket. So you are paying 100% more if you want to go see basketball at that high level. But the good news is if you can find a ticket in that section in row,

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for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Did you listen to my Father's Day podcast about my dad? Where did I read a comment?

Oh, someone DM'd me on Instagram and told me how sweet it was. Really? Yes. So I'm going to listen. I don't think I've ever gotten as much response to a podcast as I have on this show. Really? Yeah. Well, I cried.

No, no. I cried. Did you? A little bit. Just once. How should I listen to that? Because that'll make me awkward. Yeah.

But I'm going to listen to it. I obviously would have brought it up. Are you kidding me? I covered a lot of ground. Must have been incredibly therapeutic. It really was. Because I went through 100 hours of his old recordings of his radio shows, and I pulled out some clips.

And just sitting with him in my ears was very intense. It brought back a lot because, you know, there's a lot in somebody's voice. Oh, totally. There's so many emotions. And I could hear love. I could hear joy. I could hear pain.

I could hear anger. It was all in there, you know? And he would get into these arguments with Mayor Koch, who called in every morning. And like, I felt like, oh, it made me really stressed out to hear him yelling at somebody. Wow. Yeah. But he didn't hit Mayor Koch. That's the difference. OK, let's move on. Front page. That is different. Oh, there's the paper that I see on the Zoom. There it is, that soft wilted thing. Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra! All right. TV meteorologist quits after receiving threats and

harassment over climate change coverage. Chris Gloninger spent the last 18 years breaking down Iowa's latest local weather news. His departure comes months after receiving a series of harassing emails from a viewer who disagreed with one thing he did on air. He explained how weather was linked to the climate crisis. He also received other negative feedback via private messages and social media, which has become a common experience for

weather and climate communicators. So I didn't realize this, but it is a case in many cities, mostly in the South, where they can't take it anymore. They are feeling incredibly stressed. They get death threats if they link the wacky weather to climate change. And it's amazing that, all right, if you live in the deep South, your children can't be exposed to any talk about that slavery was bad, that there was red linings so black people couldn't buy apartments in the 1950s. Anything that would make them uncomfortable is muted. It's deleted. It's sometimes, and I'm not trying to be snarky,

it is sometimes very confusing which side has the snowflakes. The left definitely does, but a lot of people on the left aren't convinced that someone's going to break in their house every night and have to arm themselves, like heavily arm themselves. And also afraid of books. So afraid of all the trans people. Yeah. You know, all of them.

Yeah. How many are there? All seven of them in the country. Yeah. And what they'll do and the indoctrination and the grooming that's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think at the heart of it is and the grooming that's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think at the heart of it is.

That did get snarky. Go ahead. Well, at the heart of it is for people that are so anti-drag or trans, is it immoral to be gay? Because it started out as being about trans athletes that's where this began which there's two sides to that story absolutely i mean nope there's one for me but go ahead well right for most people there's one i see i see two sides of the story but so i get there's an argument there but it has trickled down to what happens with public discourse. It gets grabbed on by the media on either side, right or left, and it gets blown up and it gets oversimplified. And all of a sudden you've got anti-gay sentiment in the country.

It went from trans athletes to trans to drag queens to just gay. Right. And that's really sad. Well, gay athletes, gay people. Yeah. They're bad,

but gay athletes are cool. They're awesome. Yeah. They're all, I mean, figures get male figure skating is fucking impressive. Dude, fucking Louganis and shit.

Are you kidding me? He was doing figure skating, uh, above, uh, unfrozen ice. Yeah. That's what he, that fuck He was doing figure skating above unfrozen ice. Yeah. That's what that fucker was doing.

So I heard the traffic lady is also being stalked by a guy in an 82 Ford Focus after his car was outed as the disabled vehicle in the carpool lane last week. I think you ought to re-rack people that you're doing a joke on the local news. The traffic lady. Is this radio all of a sudden? What, they don't have traffic on the news anymore? I always thought that was a weird concept. You're sitting at home watching TV, and they're telling you about which roads or something.

I mean, unless you're watching TV in your car, how is this helping anybody? No, they would bring up maps and show you all the red lines before we had phones and stuff. Yeah, absolutely they would. So you'd call home and say, what are they saying on the TV about where I should go? You couldn't. There was no phone. There was no phone. What am I saying? It was even worse than you're saying. But imagine this guy's newscast when he's getting death threats like, okay, some wacky weather again. Who could have predicted this again?

And then it's like, new rule. I'm no longer going to do my job, which is forecast because we all sort of know the real forecast. So let's just go one day at a time and all continually be surprised by the uptick in tornadoes and the encroaching sea levels, okay? Every day we're going to be surprised. Right, right, right. Until the big surprise happens. Please don't kill my family.

Yeah. The financial reporter had his tires slashed after he reported that Bitcoin lost 40% of its value this year. Exactly. This is the Supreme Court on Thursday. Everybody knows this story. Exactly. The court held in an opinion for the conservative majority that Harvard and UNC admission programs violate the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. The Students for Fair Admissions, a conservative group, sued Harvard University and UNC over their race-conscious admissions programs, alleging intentional discrimination toward Asian American applicants. This undercuts more than 40 years of legal precedent, and it's a blow to schools that say race-conscious admissions programs are vital to building a diverse student body.

Well, it looks like UCLA is going to look even more like Tokyo state. Just going to say it. Meanwhile, this is obviously a complicated issue. We're going to, you know, we'll do jokes, but I don't know all the fine print. I don't know what universities it affects. Is it all of them? I don't know why they, another ruling, they can tell a website designer in Denver that because she's private, she can refuse same sex. You know, that was based on sex. But like Harvard's private. Can't they create to an extent a world if it's proven, which it is?

No one's arguing they were actually trying to diversify because of the benefits of a diverse campus. If it's genuinely that, I don't know. It's over my. I think that the day Harvard ends. What do you call it when your father went? So now you get to go. Legacy. Yeah. The day they stop allowing Biff and Ashley in because their father and grandpoppy went to Harvard, then it'll be an even playing field. The day they stop, you know, Randall Van Cleet for coming to school on a squash scholarship. Randall Van Cleet. Randall gets in because he can play hockey. Yeah.

A hockey player gets in above, you know, an Asian kid. Right. Definitely above an Asian hockey player. I'll tell you that. Oh, yeah. I can't name one. Either can I. They're out there, but I can't name it. Listen to this. I looked up some statistics, and I'm sure they're close. I mean, I think they say they're absolutely facts, but

even if they're not, they're close. You see San Diego, 50% of the undergrads are Asian. Jesus, really? Do you? Chris probably knows off the top of his head. How many, are Asians 6% of the population in America? Like, I think it's low, something like that. I think black people are about 13% of the population,

and Asians are probably about six, although I think that's growing. Who should ask an Asian these questions? We're getting into heavy numbers here. But at UCLA and UC Berkeley, the percentage of Asian undergrads is respectively 40% and 42%. In contrast, whites represent 23% of the student body at UCSD. No shit. You would have thought if you told me that whites represented 23% at San Diego, I'd be like,

well, yeah, that's because Hispanics probably are a dominating number. No, 13%. How many blacks are at UCSD? 1%. That's crazy. So here's my point about all of this is, what's the spirit of the law? And do you support the idea that there's something wrong with 1% of any population in this country being black? And what is your solution? What's the alternate solution to this? Because this is a problem and it needs to be addressed. Is affirmative action the perfect solution? No. Are unions the perfect solutions? No. But what's the leading factor and whatever. This is not the podcast to solve this or even talk intelligently about it. But it should be one of the factors. I don't understand how that argument can be rejected. But the Supreme Court also makes, yeah, I nailed it. Asians are less than 7% of the U.S. population.

Wait, is that a height? seven percent of the U.S. population. Wait, is that height? So I think. And the Supreme Court, by the way, sometimes the rulings are not what they seem because they're being very technical, you know, it's an interpretation or they've kicked it back to the states or whatever it is. And again, it's above my the size of my brain to tease all that out. But I mean, maybe it's, you know, sometimes I think the Supreme Court, I know they would deny this, but are kind of like, figure it out. Yeah. You know what I mean? We have to take this stance, but Jesus Christ, figure it out, will you? Right, right, right. And I know that does happen because they've done blind studies.

If you can say that word anymore, where, by the way, one percent are blind. People have changed their names. I have a hard time studying to a more stereotypically white name, the same application. They've done name changes and there has been a correlation to like letting whatever the desired group is. been a correlation to letting whatever the desired group is, that group got in more. All right. Yeah. So I don't know. This ties into this next story.

You want to read this? Well, I just want to do this wedding website lady, which is another Supreme Court ruling. A graphic designer who wanted to expand her business, create custom wedding sites, but did not want to create such websites to celebrate disgusting same-sex weddings. I might've added that word. Citing her religious views as a Christian. Lori Smith, the designer, saw the case through a lens of free speech. She said the government was forcing her to create a custom product with a message that violates her religious views. So this is what I've been reading. The defendant, because she's suing, the defendant who allegedly asked for this website,

which caused this lawsuit, did not even know his name was on until he got called by reporters this week. And he goes, you might want to know this. I never asked her to create a website. And's not mistaken identity by the way i never and also i've been married to a woman for 20 years and i'm not gay so this is insanity to me wait was the guy tom cruise this is insanity i i don't know all the details but what i just is true. I don't know if it's like then a hypothetical, which is all the court needs and can rule on like, does she have the right because of religious, you know, like, is it encroaching her religious views? how about a figure it out for this fucking Karen? Like just figure it out.

You can, you can maybe drag your feet on a gay, on a gay, you know, wedding site and be, and just be bad at your job or just say no. Find a way to say no. Like so many discriminating people do.

Well, first of all, all, all weddings are gay. You know, any guy that has to dress up like his friends and wear cute little collars with wingtips on them and shiny black patent leather shoes, that's pretty gay. And what wedding planner isn't gay who's male?

Right, exactly. Has there ever been one? Right. I wonder what the divorce rate is for gay marriages versus straight marriages. Demond, why don't you look that up in your little book that I know you have under your desk. I bet he's going to sue us saying he does not want to be forced to Google gay issues. Right. The boys might check his computer.

Yes. The boys. All right. Speaking of boys, this guy, Darius Bradford, 48 year old man from Plano, Texas, has been sentenced to life in prison. He was convicted on three counts of burglary of a habitation with intent to commit invasive visual recording, which is literally he was he was shooting up women's skirts with a video camera. And he's going to jail for life. 23 different women on 47 different occasions. And I guess on he also I think he worked in an apartment building.

He was an apartment manager. And he put a cell phone in the bathroom. OK, so we forgot his cell phone. Oh, yeah. He didn't forget to jerk off to it in the other room. Maybe it was a plea bargain. Like, listen, you can put me away for life. Just let me have my videos in there.

I need my stories. Oh, my God. Life in prison for upskirt shots? I know the bar for getting life in prison is getting lower than this guy's camera angles on the escalator at the Galleria. Thank God it's not an international situation where massage parlor hidden camera guys are put away. Right. Right. All right. We all have our genres.

Can you pan down to the feet? But here's the thing. We have too many people in prison. We have people that are actually dangerous on the street. I don't think this is going to fly well with a lot of people. You're taking his side at Sam. I'm not taking his side. I'm just saying, is there other solutions besides prison? What about- Blinding him. Read the script. No.

I literally wrote that down. No, you didn't. An operation where he is partially blinded. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like castration. Yes. Sorry about that. I did not mean to step on that. What about that? I like that. I don't like that, actually. No, come on. He can Sorry about that. I did not mean to step on that. What about that? I like that. I don't like that, actually. No, come on. He can't do that. What about just no phones for him? No phones. Flip phone. Yep. You find a way to communicate without a camera. Take his forearm off. Then he can't jerk off. He can't reach.

I think he'd be like, I'll take the blind. I got it all up here in memory. A social media user waiting to board a Southwest flight recently cried foul in an apparent pre-boarding scam involving wheelchairs. The oldest trick in the book. Passengers are known to get antsy boarding and exiting planes. Rangers are known to get antsy boarding and exiting planes, but Paul on Twitter complained about how some fellow Flyers are possibly attempting to game the system by requesting wheelchair assistance

in order to be the first ones on the flight. I won't read his tweet. And they get a seat while they're waiting also, instead of standing by numbers like cattle. Yeah, and you got to find your letter A. I'm always C. Always, always always yeah this is the bs line oh by the way what they do now with southwest if you want to get in in group a you have to pay 35 dollars this is supposed to be this you know egalitarian you know fair playing field and now

they're fucking rigging it i flew with kilbourne once and it was for the show but we had a like on southwest no i know it sounds weird but it was like a short run and that was just the easiest maybe we're going up to san francisco or oakland or something and it was just the easiest and we're like and he's he's actually kind of low maintenance but when we when we walked on the flight people were already seated in the front and he just goes, you know it's not first class, right? You know it's not first class.

He said it to the first three rows. That's hilarious. So I remember when I went, I was performing at the Montreal Comedy Festival one year and my flight got delayed in New York. So I got there late and I was performing a big show that night. It was TV taping. And so I got in touch with the festival.

I said, I don't know if I'm going to make it. And they said, when you get off the plane at, before you get off the plane, request wheelchair. And so I did and they fucking wheeled me through. And then when you get to you know customs right

around all of it and I got through the entire thing in about 10 minutes everybody else was on this hour-long line got in they fucking grabbed me put me in a van got me to the show I walked on stage and fucking bomb so bad Howie Mandel was the host. And I did so bad. And there's like 3,000 people in the audience. Instant karma. And so I eat it. And these were bad crowds. Montreal has this thing called the Gala. And they started at

like 4 o'clock in the afternoon. And the whole crowd is old. And then I went on at like 9 at night. They'd been sitting there. And so I fucking tanked so hard that I literally, Howie Mandel went off, came up on stage to shake my hand. And I go, Howie, can I do that again? And he looks at the audience.

He goes, come on, everybody. Give it up for Greg Smith one more time. And I did this bit where I shit on Deal or No Deal. Yeah. And I talked to, you remember that bit I used to have? No, no, no. But I know this. I used to have this bit about how all on Deal or No Deal. Yeah. And I talked to, you remember that bit I used to have? Of course. No, no, no, but I know this shit. I used to have this bit about how, you know, all these coke whores were. Anyway, and it kind of killed.

And he came up and he shook my hand and didn't look me in the eye. It's like after the first one, you're like, Howie, I have an idea. I'm going to flip this. You're not going to be supportive, but they are. I have an idea. Just let me try it. Um, this is, so my dad pointed out at one point I was in, he was dropping me off at the airport. I visited him in Palm beach and that's the Palm beach international airport, which is in West PBI. And obviously it's a giant, you can almost call it a

shuttle to LaGuardia for all the New Yorkers that come down there. And we walked by, I'm like, whoa, because it was a line of wheelchairs. And I just go, whoa. He's like, oh man, you don't know about that? I'm like, what? He's like, oh, that's called the Miracle Flight. I'm like, what?

He goes, oh, it's a miracle. It's also on the way down here. He's like, about like 20 wheelchairs go in and by the time they land, they're walking. The pilot is also like one of those televangelists. You walk again. You'll walk again. And he goes, everyone down there goes, oh, no, I'm taking the miracle flight at like 410. Like it's it's that common. It's hilarious. It's that common, yeah. They can walk. You should have to show a placard. You should have to

bring your handicap placard from your car to be able to get a wheelchair to the airport. Right. I remember I did something like you. I took advantage of it when my Achilles went. I had the boot. And then you just go up an elevator. I forgot. But in the airports, yeah, I absolutely got special treatment. They didn't make me stand on line like I should have. God, I'm always talking about cutting the line, taking advantage of my handicap status.

Yes. Remember you cut the line on vaccines? That was Gubbins. You confused us so much. No, I think it was you. Oh, no, right, right, right. Remember you cut the line on vaccines? That was Gubbins. You confused us so much. No, I think it was you. Oh, no, right, right, right. He got us through. But yeah, I did.

You didn't? I did not. No. I don't know about that. I told the guy I didn't want to do it, but I did show up. Denman says divorce numbers are very low for homosexuals now, but expected to grow. Is that a joke?

I don't know if that's a joke. Not a joke, he wrote. You can never tell with Denman. Well, he's certainly not talking about a boner. If it's gays, he has a little filter in his head that doesn't let him go there. Oh, he's saying they haven't been legally married long enough for numbers to net out. They've been able to get legally married for 20 years. Is it 20?

Not in St. Louis. 10? I don't know. When did gay marriage or when is gay marriage expected to become legal in Missouri, Denman? Well, they can get married, but instead of throwing rice, people line up and they throw rocks and bottles. That's funny. He says hopefully never. And I'm not making that up.

That is literally what he wrote. All right. And I'm not making that up. That is literally what he wrote. All right. Our next story, Jizz Lane. Yeah. Disgraced former socialite. Is it Giz Lane or Jizz Lane? Jizz Lane.

I think. Jizz Lane Maxwell has been nicknamed prison Karen. Socialite's generous. Good. After filing hundreds of complaints at the federal prison where she is currently serving a 20 year sentence. Why is she only in for 20 years? She facilitated child rape for 20 years.

I think I wonder if this is part of the. Of course it is. If you're the defense attorney, you're like they want to say life. Right. It's like after 20, she'll be 81. Come on. Yeah. So I think that is a consideration.

She was found guilty of child sex trafficking with her former lover, Jeffrey Epstein. That's also overstating it. Since being imprisoned in Tallahassee, she's filed 400 complaints ranging from criticisms of the food you think they give a fuck how good and bedding the thread count on the sheets to frustrations over the lack of black hair dye I think you don't want to be attractive in prison is it for her pubes? every aspect of prison life offers an

opportunity for her to play the victim she creates constant drama for staff and inmates alike the source says Maxwell is coaching other inmates in filing complaints with the hope of causing mass lawsuits. The sources claim that her end goal is to be transferred from Tallahassee to Danbury, Connecticut, where it is a smaller, mainly white-collar criminals, and she thinks she can get there by causing as much hassle as possible. Well, Greg, it's the old adage, the squeaky rapist gets the oil. That's right. They say that.

Yeah. They say that. Yeah, and she's coaching young female inmates. Should she be coaching young women at all in anything? She's an influencer still. Yeah. anything she's an influencer still yeah uh this how can the president danbury be whiter or more white collar is that what they said than this this what happened like not give giving a shit about a prisoner complaining about anything right i can't believe the food's bad it's like food's

bad why don't you think about it in solitary? Yeah, right. Or just you get smashed by a guard. No, and I cut out some of the article, but they gave her a job in the prison library so she could do research on her case. That's how she spends her eight hours a day working. She should be scrubbing fucking pots. Yeah.

I think she should be like all the working out. I've said this before. This will not go over well. They should have life cycles. You want to lift weights. You also have to do some time on a life cycle, which is going to generate electricity for the public prison or the town. To power the prison with bicycles.

Yes. I like that. With human exertion. I like that. With human exertion. I like that. That's like Alcatraz. This is absolutely true. I took the tour in San Francisco.

Do you know who built the prison? No. The prisoners. Oh, wow. They fucking dropped off a couple hundred prisoners. They lived in tents. And every day they got up and they fucking laid bricks. And they built the prison. And when they were done, they got inside.

And some of them then got out by scraping the fucking cement. That they had left. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They watered down the cement a little bit. Exactly. Yeah. What are you building over there, Sullivan?

Hot tub, sir. Prison hot tub. Yeah, this sounds a little weird but yeah and also if you're bench pressing all day or that bench press is being used all day we'll hook it up to something that's generating power that should be the resistance that they could do that at a spin studio they have because i used to think about that idea Because I went to a few spin classes back when I was misguided. And I'm like, it was so rigorous. The whole class, the building, the room seemingly was shaking when everyone was standing up

and pedaling like mad people. And I'm like, these are all generators. And so I think some people have tried to do that. They, they try to be off the grid because the cycles are generating the electricity for the, which are saved in the battery. Will there be a day? And I hope there will be in the future where you can power your laptop by jerking off. Wow. It just needs movement right you know they have all those things that float and just the tide and the waves moving

them and the clicking so if you had something that clicked because your wrist keeps going near your torso say yeah that would be a lot of energy yeah but and it's got to reach Japan that's the thing with my internet.

I'm jerking off. It's got to reach Thailand. Maybe in prison, that peep show upskirt guy can work on this idea. All right, let's get to some good news for Govins. All right, here it is. This paper is really gone. All right, here it is. This paper is really gone.

Okay, so I'm playing golf with Gubbins this week. Golf, by the way, terrible sport. Anyway, I'm playing golf with him, and he's like, do you drive here? Because he can walk to the golf course. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, do you mind if I get a ride home? I have diarrhea.

That's exactly how it was asked of me. That's exactly how it was asked of me. Wow. And there's a public there's a bathroom obviously there. Yeah. Did he make it? Did he make it home? He made, I mean, I think. I didn't smell anything and he was running into his house. Wow. Thank God. It's a very short ride. Damn.

But, yeah, that's a friend. I did that. Yeah. And I have a tarp in the back. I can't believe I didn't throw it on his seat. I know that tarp. There's a famous story about that tarp we won't get into on the air. It's for surfboards.

Yeah. It's disgusting sand and everything gets everywhere. There's also a story about Gubbins on the golf course yesterday where he was such a pain in the ass that I literally thought about taking a break

from playing golf with him. I'm so tired of him. From the time he takes his club out of his bag until he hits it you are expected to be completely silent he'll say no he'll are he's probably furious right now i'm trying to relax i want to go to the golf course and just have fun have some laughs get get some fucking sunshine hang out with some friends and he is yelling at the top of his voice that you were talking he hasn't even taken his practice swing yet.

Right. I don't fucking need that shit. I bet him listening to this right now, he's shitting my car. Ugh. That's how angry he is. No, and then the yelling about, you know, is this guy going to hit up and are they playing slow? It's just constant.

It's like it's not relaxing. Chris is listening. It's not relaxing. Chris is listening. It's his future co-host. Can you just sugarcoat this a little bit? Right, right. Sugarcoat the diarrhea? Let's get to entertainment. You got it, pal.

Have you seen any of the new Black Mirrors? I haven't seen any of it, but people are talking. Black Mirror was the biggest thing to hit TV. It was during the beginning of the pandemic. Everybody, or was it even before the pandemic? No, no, it was well before, actually. Because I remember I was at Corden, and I was working with a lot of Brits. It's a British show.

Oh, right. And it had already played there, but I came into work kind of like, have you guys seen... And they're like, yeah, we're well aware of it. They have American accents? Huh? Oh, yeah.

Well, when they're mocking me, they did. Yeah, we've seen it. So, but the new one, there's one with, of course I won't know, but Jesse from Breaking Bad. Oh. Yep. And it's very, I like that one, although that's all I'll say. But it was a very good, yeah, it's a very good, you know, basically a Twilight Zone.

It started in 2011. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, it's almost almost like 2015 is the first time i saw it might have been the first time it was in america it's so intense that it's one of those shows one of the few shows you truly cannot binge you need to watch one yeah and then you need to watch some fucking ted lasso or some lame horrible show like that afterward. Right. There's three good ones so far that I've seen. And then I went on rankings, and I happened to see the three that are ranked highest.

I think there's six. Of all seasons? No, no, no, just this season. And it's the one with him and, oh, God, let's see. You know what it is? It's Panic. I know I'm bad at names, so then I panic. But it's with Jesse from Breaking Bad, and he's basically an astronaut,

and with Josh Hartnett, who is making a comeback in my, I haven't seen Josh Hartnett in years. It's those two guys. And then actually the female kind of lead. in years. It's those two guys. And then actually the female kind of lead. There's one in Scotland, which I thought was a good ride and a good show. And then the first one is with Salma Hayek. Really? And also, and I'm forgetting her name. I love Salma Hayek. The actress from Schitt's Creek, the sister,

is the lead in it. She's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the first one they put up. Probably because of the star power. And those three, I've enjoyed a lot. Okay. I'm going to start watching. I just finished Jury Duty. Have you seen that yet? I haven't finished it. Oh, my God. Look, the first episode, I don't love- It's not a new concept, but it's apparently well done. No. Jimmy Kimmel did a thing- Oh, the movie. Years ago where they- Winnie City Heat, yeah. Yeah, Win a thing years ago where they shot an entire movie, and there was only one guy who didn't know what was going on.

Right. And then there was a Bachelor with the guy who did not know. Right. So if you haven't seen it, I'm not going to blow jury duty because you should watch it, but the sad thing is Kirk Fox, who's a good friend who's going to be on the podcast next week is uh in it and he is just a great fucking actor and he's perfect for this show and then he's not in it a lot he doesn't get a lot of face time and then i heard it's because somebody kind of blew his cover yes oh i just called him up i know who you're talking about and he's in it yeah

and they had to move him away from him yes because no, the guy in it, the Mark in it said he I think enjoyed a show that that guy was in. Oh, OK. I think that's what it was. Is that what it was? Yeah. He was in Parks and Rec and he's on that show. But there's also a great reservation that we did a show with for maybe the school fundraiser. But isn't there an old stand-up in the show? Let me look at the cast.

But anyway, and there's also the guy. There's also a guy from that Netflix murder mockumentary, but it was all dicks on cars. He's the guy with the chair. The chair device. He's great. He's great. I don't want to blow up for anybody. Also, shout out to Righteous Gemstones, which is just

as strong as it's ever been. So fucking funny. Why does it say Love and Death here? I'm watching Love and Death. Woody Allen's love and death. No, I know. Right. No, it's, uh, an Elizabeth Olsen who is quite, I think I haven't watched all of it yet. Uh, attractive. Utterly charming. Utterly charming. She plays, I mean, it might as well be a fifties housewife,

but she plays a 1980 housewife, and she does it very well. You know who her sisters are, right? Yeah, of course, the twins. It's so funny because their career, I don't know that they want a career. I think the twins are, they're into fashion and perfume and stuff. I don't know if they want to show up his career but certainly their their sister is doing way better than they are right now and so far i think she's excellent in it it's kind of like marky mark with the uh by the way i did not know what happened

i'm watching with sophie and very surprised yeah and then when something happens it i don't want to spoil this for people it kind of could go either, and I didn't know which way it would go when there was a struggle. It's kind of like Marky Mark with Backstreet Boys. Is that who? His brothers were in Donnie Wahlberg? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't in Backstreet Boys, and then he became the big sensation. Was it Backstreet Boys?

I think so. Kids on the Block. New Kids on the Block. Yeah, he wasn't in it, and now he's bigger than any of those guys are. And it's also like Michael Jackson, who wasn't originally part of the Jackson 5. Ah, was it Jackson 4? Somebody fact check that one for me. No, I'm sure before he was born, the father was pimping out the brothers somewhere.

And also Janet. How about Janet? Yeah. No, I'm sure before he was born, the father was pimping out the brothers somewhere. And also Janet. How about Janet? Yeah. Janet got bigger than everyone but Michael. How about... Janet's touring now, I think. Hey, we got Neil Young tickets, my man. I know it's JoJo's birthday or I would be there.

July 10th. You're not going? I can. I got JoJo's birthday. She wouldn't there. July 10th. You're not going? I can't. I got JoJo's birthday. She wouldn't want to come? She doesn't like Neil Young. I mean, I think she likes him, but she doesn't want to spend her birthday with a bunch of- At the Greek.

I know. And you're a new fan of Jason Isbell. He's coming to town. Oh, really? He's here this month. He is in an episode of Good, Righteous Gemstones. No, that's his counterpart. I say counterpart.

Oh, Sturgill Simpson. He's a harder rocker. You want to read this Madonna story? Madonna, almost Magana. There we go. That's my headline. We decided this week, and we didn't consciously talk about it. We're going to start putting funny titles on.

We discussed it before, but I think we should. Yeah. The 64-year-old was found unconscious in New York Saturday and rushed to the ICU where she was reportedly intubated overnight. She's famously been intubated a lot. On Wednesday, her manager, Guy Osiri, announced that she was suffering from a serious bacterial infection, not her first, and needed time to recover, so was postponing her tour due to begin in Vancouver July 15th. And from what I heard, when she got to the ICU, they saw her face and they immediately cut her open assuming this creature had eaten Madonna.

And that she was coming out from the inside of the creature? Well, they were like, it's like in a python, like it were, whatever it is, some alien, like, because it kind of resembled her, but not totally. Right, right. Well, there's no doubt who she caught, because she's been with a lot of skeevy guys. It was Rodman.

She got this from Rodman. He has 37 tattoos, 19 piercings. He's had 12, one night stands. And they a bacteria from him would laugh at penicillin. They they looked at the bacteria through a microscope and it had on a big red, hot red wig. You don't get rid of a, you don't get rid of a Dennis Rodman bacteria. I rebounds on you. It's so easy to slut shame her, but God bless her. There was a period in New York where before Derek Jeter, she was like Derek Jeter. She would have men up to her apartment.

I remember when, uh, what's his name came in messier came to the rangers he's fucking messier really oh yeah for sure no i looked at her list of guys and it's pretty i mean we forget she was married to sean penn yeah oh and also married to the british director guy ritchie yeah um Which is weird that Guy was serious, her manager. Yeah. She's been with a lot of guys. A lot of guys. But no, she was just sexually

just killing it. And it's, of course, our society's slut shames are Vegeta's a fucking hero. Meanwhile, what a slut that guy is. Or was. Hopefully. Well a slut that guy is or was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully.

Well, you know who else Madonna was with? Who? Vanilla Ice. Yes. I mean, relationship, not even a one-night stand. Right. And then I remember- Shouldn't you have a one-night stand with a one-hit wonder?

On Wayne's World or on SNL, they had a thing where they were in her bed. They'd gotten into the coveted bedroom of Madonna, and they were there. That's hilarious. Yeah. Oh, she was with Sandra Bernhardt? Of course. Oh. Well, they were besties.

I think that's Kevin's joke, that two women can't be friends without licking each other's vaginas. Oh, then he hates them. This next story, Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner's estranged wife, Christine Baumgardner, said she's willing to vacate the plush mansion she previously shared with the actor on one condition, the handbag designer.

Isn't that fucking perfect? When you got a trophy wipe, that she's a handbag designer? Did she stitch it? Did she go out and look for patterns in downtown? It says design all right she's been holed up at the 145 million dollar property despite their long-standing prenup detailing that she'd be out 30 days after they filed for divorce which was may 1st uh she now says she won't leave unless the actor coughs up more money to guarantee she won't be left penniless.

The 49-year-old wants the Yellowstone actor, 68, to agree to pay any support fees, whatever. She wants more money to get out. Wow. Did you hear her complain? I read a little bit about this. So I read a little bit about this. I guess the filing surprised. They were not doing this celebrity thing, which is a joint release that we love each other.

We're going to be better. The kids are going to, you know, please give us our privacy, all that. This surprised him when she filed, apparently, and not his idea. And I'm assuming the house was his before they met. If he could have that in the clause that she has to vacate that property, but, um, her complaint, cause everyone, her lawyer said, I think she deserves this, or she deserves to stay for what he did to her and insinuated all this stuff. Like he had violated the marriage and he had cheated. Then when pressed and then he defended himself when pressed, her biggest complaint was that he works too much.

I love it. Go to fucking hell. You can't get the $145 million property if you're complaining. He's right. Right. Can't have it both ways. Jesus. Yeah. More like's working too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Can't have it both ways. Jesus. Yeah.

More like divorces with wolves. What? She can stay in the house, but Waterworld has to play on every TV in the house nonstop. That'll get her out. That'll get her out in a second. Let's get to Florida. Make America Florida. She asked too much.

It's her Native American name. Here it is. Young Florida man charged with animal cruelty. Wait for it. For using a baby gator to shotgun a twisted tee. Is this a scene from South Park? That is like a, what is it? Yeah, like a Mad Lib.

I thought of how I could do it, but you wouldn't even come close to this. The twisted T is such a nice detail. So the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has charged a Plant City miner. Oh my God, he's a miner on top of it, with animal cruelty after seeing the worst kind of clout chasing video, never heard that term, circulating on social media. The video recorded last Thursday in a Hardee's parking lot, the details get better, shows a group of teens handing a juvenile alligator, oh, handling a juvenile alligator roughly.

One uses the gator's teeth to puncture a can of Arizona Twisted Tea, then shotgun the alcoholic beverage with the young reptile still clamped to the aluminum can. Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation President Vernon Yates said, this has got to stop. And then there was a sub headline on the article that said, this isn't the first time we have written about this. What the fuck? Wow. This has got to stop. The thing that no one has ever seen before, but I guess in Florida you have. Well, now it's a living meme. Now it's going to be something all Florida kids need to do when they drink

their Twisted Tea. And meanwhile, they charge the tea, and the alligator was like, what's the problem? Twisted Tea rocks. These guys are totally awesome. Next week, they said I can gangbang Clem's sister. He's on the ride

of his life. He could be in a fucking swamp right now getting eaten by a python. I did read one of the details. They said they think the alligator was traumatized because after they chugged it and they got it off the can, they dropped it to the ground. Normally, that would mean the thing scurries like a

motherfucker out of the Hardee's parking lot. Apparently, it hit the ground and just stood there for way too long before it even moved. like a motherfucker out of the Hardee's parking lot. And apparently it hit the ground and just stood there. Just stood there for way too long before it even moved. It was probably like, we are. What the fuck are you thinking? Yeah. Or who's next?

I wanted the mom to come charging out of the bushes. Well, thank God it wasn't Bud Light. That's what his parents said. That's right. Let's make his parents said. That's right. Let's make Florida Australia. Here we go. With the crinkle. In Sydney, Aaron D'Souza is sure if he builds it, they will come.

Oh, Costner tie-in. Not ghostly baseball players, but athletes of another sort. I had to fact check this to see if it was real. It certainly is. He wants to know any of the other sort. I'm slaughtering this. Let me start again. So in case we do this with a promo, Aaron D'Souza is sure if he builds it, they will come not ghostly baseball players, but athletes of another sort. Those who compete with an edge. The Australian born London based businessman is president of the Enhanced Games, a sort of Olympics, but without drug testing, which he says will obliterate all the world records

by unlocking human potential. This is like the opposite of the Special Olympics. It's the very special Olympics. The Enhanced Games has its own website featuring a video that purports to show the quote, fastest man in the world. He has broken

Usain Bolt's 100 meter record. No shit. He has unlocked his body's true athletic potential, the website says. But the world isn't ready for him. The Olympics hate him. He has been vilified. He will be vindicated, says the creator.

So this, for our young listeners, it's literally an SNL sketch called the All Drug Olympics. Of course, one of the famous sketches of all time. Which was Dennis Miller in the news threw to it to where the All Drug Olympics was taking place in Bogota, who was the host city. The logo was the five pills instead of circles. There were five pills. And then Kevin Nealon was on site where a lifter was going to deadlift three times the world's record.

And, and, and he, remember the sketch? Yeah. He pulled his arms off and blood was shooting out of his shoulders. And Kevin Nealon said, I think tomorrow he's really going to feel it. And also, and also when he was introducing dennis miller introducing him he's like already 115 world records have been shattered which is exactly what this guy is saying he used the word obliterated by the way how is this different than just the russian olympic. It is the Russian Olympics. Yes. I think we should do the same idea, but instead of steroids, it's all hallucinogens. And it's just like throwing javelins into the stands,

baseball games that are perfect games, no hitters. They're all no hitters. Confused guy just kneeling like, am I really a hammer thrower? How has it not occurred to me how ridiculous this sport is? Yeah. And the swim meets are just who doesn't drown? Who's the last one to drown? As they just,

as they paw the water and they look at the streams of water coming off their hands. I love that. Imagine the dives. Imagine spinning in a tight rotation, falling through the air. Like no way do you make it in with a little splash? The new competition will be biggest splash. Right.

Biggest splash, loudest giggle. Right. They're giggling the whole way down. And by the way, every platform diver, immediately lifeguards have to dive in. As soon as he hits the water, lifeguards to pull the guy out. He's underwater, not even realizing where he is. Oh, my God. This is the only Olympics that Russia,

I mean, on your point, they won't go to it because it would be a level playing field. Right, right. Like, yeah, everyone can use as much drugs as you want. Yeah. Oh my God. In the SNL sketch, which I watched a little of, Mullen's like, he's trying to break the record and reportedly he's on cocaine, heroin, this, and NyQuil was one of them. And then he goes, and I've heard right before he took the stage, he had a few cocktails.

That's right. It's so good. That's such a fucking great. Google that. It reminds me of the one where it's a commercial for donuts and John Belushi is eating donuts. It's like a Wheaties. It's a take off a Wheaties cereal. Yeah.

It's a cereal that is donuts in a bowl. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's get down to. Wait, let's do the Schwarzenegger for a second. Because I thought this was his third. Oh, I forgot about that.

Where is it? Right below. Oh, yeah. And sports. Oh, that forgot about that. Where is it? Right below. Oh, yeah. In sports. Oh, that wasn't sports? What was that? That was an Australian. Oh, that was Australian.

Okay. So this segues nicely into sports. It would have segued nicely before you hit a roadblock. All right, sport. This is a nice story to close Pride Month. Oh, good. Arnold Schwarzenegger was being interviewed. And he said his mom cried when she saw posters of men on his walls.

I love it. Mom cried when she saw posters of men on his walls growing up. And I saw the quotes and I didn't see them, but I have a terrible, of course, every impression I do is terrible. But my mother was always looking at the wall and she said, all of your friends have pictures of girls. Where did you go wrong? And she would cry. She was in front of the wall crying every day until she called the doctor, our house doctor. But he said there was nothing to worry about.

He said, no, this is quite normal in the kids his age. They idolize men that are strong. Don't worry about it. He's not gay. That was her biggest fear. He gave this interview this week, this week with no recognition. I'll tell you something. He is.

Is this after his series that he did? The docuseries? He's probably out there promoting it. He's funny as shit. He really is. He's legitimately. He can be, but he also has blind spots for sure. Well, again, again, like marriage, weightlifting is very gay.

You're like one guy's bench pressing, the other guy's standing over him spotting, and his crotch is like right over his face, and he's like, two more, and he's like, yeah. Oh, totally. And then like you see guys curling, and then the other guy's standing behind him pushing his elbows into his side, like almost like he's hugging him while he does it.

And then they get all sweaty and hit the shower together. It's very gay. Mom, I'm not gay. It's just beautiful men in Speedos. Tan, beautiful. Look at his lats. Look at his triceps. But just no awareness at all of what he's saying.

Oh, my God. That was, yeah. It was, they were afraid. They were afraid of Jews and gays. Don't forget gays in all the camps. Which is true. All right, this day in history. Let's do it.

All right, this day in history. Let's do it. The Second Continental Congress, assembled in Philly, formally adopts the Resolution for Independence from Great Britain. The vote is unanimous, with only New York abstaining. What's that all about? Yeah. The resolution had originally been presented to Congress on June 7th, but it soon became clear that New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, and South Carolina

were as yet unwilling to declare independence. I did not know this. Though they would like to be ready to vote in favor of a break with England in due course. Well, first of all, New York was loaded with British. So at that time, they had a lot of sway. And I think that some of these farming states, they were using Great Britain as a place to sell their goods. And so I think they didn't want an embargo. So Congress agreed to delay the vote until July 1st. You know what I think it was, to be honest? I think New York, Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, South Carolina, they all hated Phillies so much, they just didn't want to go along with them.

They're like, you know what? We're going to wait until it's our idea. Yeah. Yeah. So they delayed the vote to July 1st. In the intervening period, Congress appointed a committee to draft a formal declaration of independence. Its members were John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson.

Jefferson, well known to be the best writer of the group, was selected to be the primary author. He presented it to Congress on June 28th. it to Congress on June 28th. On July 1st, 1776, debate on the Lee Resolution resumed as planned with a majority of the delegates favoring the resolution. Congress thought of the utmost importance that independents be unanimously proclaimed. To ensure this, they delayed the final vote until July 2nd, when 12 colonial delegations voted in favor of it, with the New York delegations abstaining, unsure of how their constituents would wish them to vote. John Adams wrote that July 2nd would be celebrated

as the most memorable epic in the history of America. Instead, the day has been largely forgotten in favor of July 4th, when Jefferson's edited Declaration of Independence was adopted. Ah, yeah. Well, boy, July of Independence was adopted. Ah, yeah. Well, boy, July 2nd was forgotten. So was this guy, Richard Henry Lee. I know.

Never even heard of him. Yep, yep. No, but I read Jefferson's biography, and he really was, like, such an intellectual. And he came in, and, like, there was just no question that he was going to be the guy that was going to write the constitution. Yeah.

Yeah. He rewarded himself. It's like a little like a writing hack. He'd like, listen, let me just do a half hour writing and then fuck a slave. Then a half hour writing and then fuck a slave. Yeah.

I mean, they all did. They, they were all slave owners. It's really weird. It is weird that, yeah. That,

that so much. What that document says. but the spirit of it is all men are created equal and it's like but they're not you own human beings i know not those humans and women women had no right it's very fucking weird but at the same time we cling to this document to this day like the the people are the originalists, they want to go back to the Constitution as if it's this holy grail that can't be corrected or updated. Remember Zinn at BU? Howard Zinn. Howard Zinn would say the Constitution is like this beautiful crystal bowl that is very beautiful and great to look at and point at, but it's empty.

Yeah. And then he would define what he meant by that. But yeah, he would call out all the crazy hypocrisies. All right. Let's do some letters to the editor. Yes, sir. We have some merch ideas. Rob Mitchell said that as someone who sold and shipped small items

for a number of years... Is he talking about kids? I even paid Greg... Paid Greg 12 years ago for an ad on his podcast for a product called the Bub Cap. Bub Cap? Bring it back. What is it? Well, they got to bring it back because my ad didn't get it going in the first place.

I have advice. First off, if you want something, you can just stick in a regular envelope and ship with a single first class stamp i like that all right so he likes the idea of rolling papers um or he says they're too big no they're not we can put rolling papers in an envelope all right um you don't have to worry about tracking because it's so cheap. You can just send another one. But even if it's double, who cares, right? Yeah. Because what's a stamp now?

$6? I don't even know. How much is a stamp? How much is a stamp? If I had to guess, $55. Chris, how much do we think a stamp is? I bet it's $65. Chris, how much is a stamp?

First of all, we should bet on how long it takes Chris to look up a really simple fact. Where would we be? Is he going to write letters to the editor? He's going to mail it to us with a stamp. I like that. Also, he said Google PopSocket. Everybody owns a smartphone. Easy to make, easy to ship, and cheap enough when bought in bulk.

What's a PopSocket? I think you stand your phone up on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the case that has the pop socket. I don't want my phone being bigger. True. Good suggestions, though. This is a guy named Danny P. from Netherland, Colorado. Also, he's telling us to Google pop socket.

It's probably some depraved sexual act. Greg mentioned last week that he's played hockey his whole life. Curious where you played growing up and if you still play beer league. Also, golf. You guys talk almost every weekend about your golf shenanigans, but rarely, if ever, do you divulge

your scores. I'd wager that lots of us are curious how you shoot to give some context to your stories. I'd wager that lots of us are curious how you shoot to give some context to your stories. I think we convey that. I suck. 63 cents for stamps. You said 55. I said 65.

I win. I think you're not on Price is Right. You don't win there. I went over. Well, I played hockey up until the pandemic. I have not played since the pandemic. I am definitely up for it. And as far as golf goes.

Hockey. I mean, at what age do you bow out of that? No, it's not. We don't hit. We don't hit each other. I mean, there's incidental contact, but nobody's like checking each other. As far as golf goes, I have played 50 years and gibbs has played for two and i'm embarrassed to say he's almost as good as i am at this oh no no you shot an 84 and 85 last week

yeah well uh you know i get lucky on a lot of my bad shots are getting luckier they're all forward moving now you know what i mean well that's the thing about you is you really never try to kill the ball. You always keep the ball in play. No, I try to kill it, but that's a slice. Whatever. We're not going to talk about golf. We're not good. That's the answer.

We're not bad. We should be better considering how much we play. Who's the best comedian hockey player? Was that from Chris Demmon? Ian Bagg. Ian Bagg is very good. I played on a league with him in New York, and it was the Police and Firemen's Hockey League at Chelsea Piers.

Wow. And you know who was on our team? I bet the Irish guy. What's his name? Dennis Leary? Yeah. No, Tim Robbins. Oh, right.

And we won the league. And Tim Robbins took us out to a fancy steakhouse, got us all cigars, and we went out all night. Because Tim Robbins is the biggest hockey fan of all time. Mark Messier was like his best friend. Huge Rangers fan. And he was so excited. He was just okay. He wasn't a great skater.

He was very big and gangly he's a tall guy for sure um ian bagg's really good bill burr is scrappy but he doesn't have a ton of experience he's playing a league out here with me um you know who's good is that uh of why am I forgetting his name? Asian comic. No. Not Bobby Lee. No. Steve Byrne. Steve Byrne's very good. Oh, wow. Did, you know, he did the St. Patrick's Day show.

Canadian. Is he good? Harlan Williams? Yeah. I don't know if he plays. He's kind of a big guy, too, and Canadian. Yeah. That's why I asked.

And then Mike Mulroy says, when talking about your new microphones, you called it a slap shot operation. There we go. Okay, we already covered that. Gibbs said that Cousin Denny, oh, this should have been up in the corrections, that Cousin Denny missed a putt for 59.

Not true. He nearly holed out an approach shot for 59. Yeah, that's right. I remember you were wrong. Oh, oh. Okay. And then finally, I'd like to give one back to you

and correct one of last week's correctors. Use of word graduate and graduated from is not necessarily settled business. According to Merriam-Webster, there is still another way in which graduate is used, and this one does still produce ire in some people, in which the word is used as a transitive sense and with the meaning to be graduated from. Yeah, whatever. Thanks, Mike.

No, but Mike, thank you for writing in. Thanks for writing in, everybody. I think you took my side on that. Yeah. Eric N. said n said hey big fan of sunday papers i was curious and thought it would be interesting to get you and mike's definition of woke a lot of people seem to have their own definition of what it means to them and usually it's something different from what was originally intended i think it's become a dumb catch-all for

anything on the left i wonder what you thought well it's a a dumb catch-all for anything on the left. I wonder what you thought. Well, it's a black term, which is the craziest thing ever that everyone's co-opted it. I mean, listen. Wait, explain why it was a black term. What's the context of that? It referred to something in black culture. I don't know, but it's like, stay alert. Here, Chris is writing it.

No. Stay alert. Don't let cops grab you. Right, right, right. But it's, listen, it's, if you're asking me, having nothing to do with the left and right, I think it's being enlightened. Right? I think the idea. Or it's thinking, it's being enlightened. Right? I think the idea... Or it's thinking, it's learning something.

Now, whether it's true or false, whatever you've learned, it doesn't even matter. But you've woken up, right? I mean, isn't that the simple... Yeah, well, the converse is that you're asleep. And the idea is that asleep could be a metaphor for just taking things for granted as the status quo. That everything in the status quo that it's that everything in the status quo quo is the way it should be said crow because you're thinking black that's right the jim crow was right oh um that no but the idea that you should challenge and

you mentioned howard zinn before and i mean if you want to talk about woke history of the history of the americas is the Bible for woke. It is, it is challenging whether or not how we treated indigenous people was right. It's challenging whether when Chinese came here, uh, and we're not allowed to come here for 50 years, there was zero immigration tolerance for Asians. I mean, whether or not things like that should be looked at and whether or not there is repercussions for one race of people being treated a certain way for an extended period of time. Yeah. But what the right does, and I think the right would even agree to this, is they villainize certain words. I mean, they so effectively villainize the word liberal that Ronald Reagan used to say the L word and get huge laughs. Yeah.

Like it was a word so horrible that he didn't want to say it. Right. And so that was liberal. And now woke has been, you know, taken by the right to be an insult. Like if someone's woke, which is almost like criticizing someone for being, it's similar in a way to being like enlightened or aware of some more. Also the overuse and misuse of the word communism in this, in politics,

socialism or socialism. No one knows what the fuck you're talking about. Nobody really understands what it is. You know, I mean the true definition of communism is so far from anything that's happening in progressive politics. And listen, I don't know everything, but I know it's like the same people that are calling labeling things socialist also think that being centrist is between Democrats and Republicans.

And the center is outside of both of those. The true center on a political spectrum is outside of both of those. The true center on a political spectrum is outside of both of those parties. What do you mean by that? So the center, in other words, both are actually right. The center is to the left of Democrats. It's not between Democrats. America has one political party, the capitalists. That's it. And there's big differences that mean a lot to me on certain laws and all that stuff. But it's generally, like when you would go to Italy, you'd see all the posters up and be like, holy shit, there's a viable communist party or a viable socialist, a viable democratic party,

it's like real debate on philosophies, political approaches. America are capitalists. Right. Capitalist system. Right. And they seem to take turns on whether it's Democrat or Republican who's going to run the capitalist party. Right.

All right. There you go. You heard it from Mike Gibbons. Email us at FitzDogRadio. Please don't. I know I don't know what I'm talking about but some of that's true I'd love to hear your feedback on this

obituary oh yeah sad one and that's all folks what a grateful life yeah Alan Arkin so you put this in there I don't know I'll just read it quickly Alan Arkin an actor known for roles including Wait Until Dark, Glen Gary Glen Ross, and Little Miss Sunshine.

Can I just say Wait Until Dark? People always say, what do you think is the scariest movie of all time? I don't say Poltergeist. I don't say any of the extras. Wait Until Dark is the most suspenseful, scary movie I have ever seen in my life. And it was a play. And there is zero violence. It was a play. Yeah. And it was really tiny in terms of scope.

Yeah. Most of it's in an apartment. He won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for Little Miss Sunshine. He was a member of Second City in Chicago before his acclaimed debut in The Russians He must have been one of the first Second City members. I mean, I imagine. Yeah. Then he was in The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming, and Wait Until Dark.

He played a violent man stalking Audrey Hepburn's blind character. And he starred as a reluctant airman, Yossarian, in Catch-22. Anyway, it goes, I'm just scanning through. Of course, Edward Scissorhands. Gross Point Blank. If you haven't seen Gross Point Blank, it's great. Slums of Beverly Hills. 13 conversations about one thing.

Get smart. Anyway. Did you see The Kaminsky Method? I saw the first season. I saw a few episodes before I realized I wasn't that into it. Okay. He only won one Oscar, but he was nominated for three others. We already mentioned the Russians are coming.

The Russians are coming. But this is the thing. Argo, he was great. But so many of these headlines are like Little Miss Sunshine actor or Edward Scissorhands. When it's like, you have a guy who was in Catch-22, Wait Until Dark, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Chris wanted us to mention So I Married an Axe Murderer. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, which he was nominated for as well.

But to me, it never leaves my top 10 comedies, and I'm saying that truthfully. I would tell you that any week I've been alive since I saw it. The In-Laws. Why is it that it was not in his obituary? It's like his best movie. The In-Laws is a master class on how to play a straight man. Yeah.

Master class. Yeah. Just see it. And by the way, everyone loves to quote the serpentine serpentine scene, which is a great set piece and very physical. It is. So here's my little, it's related really to the in-laws, but it's a tribute to both of them. Peter Falk comes on, I'm working on Kilborn and he's a guest and I worship Peter Falk as well. And hysterical same

thing he can do dramatic the range is unbelievable so some of the segment producers go you know In-Laws is one of Gibbons favorite movies and he quotes it all the time Kilborn hears that doesn't tell me but then before he goes I hear you quote all the time so you're pretty excited for this guy who said this Kilborn

to me like you're pretty excited about the yeah during the commercial break I see Kilbourne whispering to peter fuck and pointing at me and i'm like no no no no no no this is not happening this is not happening peter fuck then waves me over never met him never spoken on he comes over and in a very peter fuck way he puts his arm up on my shoulder and he's like what what's your favorite quote? And I'm like, fucking shit. I just, I'm thinking that. So I just spit out the favorite one. And we used to quote it all the time in college, but there's a scene where there's a chaotic car chase with like fruit stands going everywhere. And he's doing a giant U-turn and in all the chaos. And you have Alan Arkin playing the greatest straight man who's a dentist,

who's rattled by all of this. And Peter Falk, while pulling a U-turn across a meridian on a highway, goes, next time we're in Tejada Shell, there's a place that makes a chicken sandwich. And he's talking about, there's a CIA operation, they're in Central America or Latin America, and he's talking about a place that serves an orange in Central America or Latin America. And he's talking about a place that shows an orange juice grande. And he goes, and he's talking about how good it is. And Alan Arkin's losing his mind. So I go, he goes, what's your favorite quote? I'm like, honestly, it's next time we're in Teotihuacan, there's a place that makes a chicken sandwich. He fucking slaps me. Both hands push my chest and push me back and goes, do you know that line was improvised?

No shit. Swear to God. And he goes, we were doing this scene and there was no dialogue written because there was so much action. Like chickens fly through the car. And he goes, and so I tell the director i'm like can we talk and the director is like yeah sure he's like all right we'll just we'll just make stuff up and they made that up and by the way he's talking about the chicken sandwich and the orange juice grande and the last line is oh jesus pigs the car is about to run over pigs but that was my line and of course what gives it the power

in that scene is alan arkin being a terror like the concept that there's gonna be a next time and that he would and that he would forget about the chicken sandwich place because the suit presumably so much would be going on again, life and death. They're being shot at also. That's amazing. Anyway, Alan Arkin, I mean, there's so many movies you need to see of his. But yeah, start with the in-laws. And then wait until dark. Make those your first two.

Wait until dark. Make Catch-22 your third, I think. And so I married an ax murderer for Chris. Yeah. And so I married an ax murderer for Chris. Yeah. But that scene reminds me of when the Blues Brothers were driving through the mall. Yeah. Which, by the way, that mall was being condemned and they bought the mall to trash it.

Oh, right, right, right. I think I did. And so as they're like knocking over kiosks and plants and benches, Jake looks at Elwood and he goes, new Oldsmobiles are here. There's a cab. They get a cab and they have to fly through New York and he gives them a ton of money to fly through New York and it's both of them in the cab in the in-laws and they finally come to a stop and Alan Arkin is sitting there, rigid as hell.

And you've seen him freaking out because he's a conservative dentist. And he's like, rigid. He's like, his first line is, are we still moving? And he's like, nah, nah, Sean. The campus park, we're on West 31st Street. And Alan Arkin's next line is, did we hit the little boy on 6th Avenue? All right. Well, let's cheer up now and go to the Sunday funnies.

Yes. I really need a new paper. This is very sad. This is like rubbing a used fucking condom together. Lockhorns. You know, that sound. Leroy is on the couch. He is eating a chip and watching TV.

Loretta's in the back talking to her friend, and she goes, Leroy has an emotional support TV. Nice. It's not bad. Not bad. And this is a great one. Leroy is eating a bun that Loretta has prepared.

She's got this bunch of rolls in a basket, and he goes, good day down at the rock quarry. That's a good one. That is a good one. At the Diamond Mine. This is from Ray in Toronto, Canada. Thanks, Ray.

He sent in a far side. And it's a typical operating room with all the doctors hovered over an operating table. You can see the big light above it. And one of the doctors now is reaching out with presumably meat and flesh in his hand. And there's a dog as if it's a dog at a dinner table waiting for the scrap to be lowered down into its mouth. And it's an entrail. Yes.

And, uh, and the title is take your pet to work day. That's great. Yeah. Uh, um, I,

it's so sad for me. I don't know what's going on. You found one. You found one without him. I just, but the whole week, the whole week was him, him at the barbershop, him at the diner, him talking to the neighborhood boy. It's not called Dagwood. It's called Blondie.

So she's sitting at a table talking to her friend. Her friend is fucking staggering as well. She's got it. Brunette blondie but look at the outline of the tit in that first frame this artist is a pervert go ahead and the friend says they're drinking some tea or some coffee probably tea and she goes this there's this trend on youtube called asmr where a person feels tingling in the back of their head just by being whispered to. Blondie goes, oh, that's nothing new to me.

I've been doing that to Dagwood for years. Her friend says, really? Surprise, because Dagwood's a fucking. And then Blondie goes, all I have to do is whisper barbecue and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Oh, it's disturbing being in here in person and seeing how rattled you get. Well, it's just what does it take? Her whispering in my ear, the hair on my neck would stand up.

My dick would stand up. What the fuck? He needs meat? She has to say meat in his ear? Do you see her in this lime green shirt? Her boobs are sitting on the table. They're so big. Yeah.

Oh. And barbecue is that maybe it's maybe it's their safe word or unsafe. Right. Well, there was I think I don't know if we talked about this, but there was a clip going around from the Cosby show where Bill is talking to his wife. They're at a barbecue outside. Oh, God. You know this clip?

About the special sauce? Yeah. And he goes, have you had the special sauce? And she goes, oh, you and your special sauce. And he's like, well, you know, he looks around and he goes, we could head upstairs to the bedroom. I'll bring some special sauce. It's going to make you feel kind of special.

No, it's even worse than that. It's worse than that. I'm paraphrasing. This is how bad it is. Let's say Cosby still had the greatest reputation ever. Like really America's dad and he's still revered by everybody. If you're like, have you seen this Cosby clip? I'd be like, that's

super creepy. Like not tied to anything. I'm like, he went too far there. Yeah. Like, that was, like, lecherous. Right. And he had a whole stand-up routine about Spanish fly. Oh.

How guys got excited when they got Spanish fly. He'd slip it into a girl's drink, and she'll do whatever. No, I know. And he made all his dumb faces, and oh. Hiding in plain sight. Oh. All right, listen. It's been a one hour and 52 minute podcast.

Has it? Yep. It flew by. In person. I think it's great having it in person. We'll see. Let's see how they can clean up. Look at them hedging.

Well, the tech. I'm worried about the tech. We'll get it down. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks to Midcoast Media. Chris Denman, you did a stellar job today. On it. Beth Hoops, always doing a great job.

They're going to send us some new microphones. That's exciting. Yeah. Keith, thanks for editing it. And John, whatever you do, thank you. John, I think, is the technical guy. Oh, good luck, John, this week. Don't forget, if you want to get tickets to theater, comedy, music, sports,

you're going to go to Game Time, get the app, and put in papers. Save yourself 20 bucks. Anything you want to plug, Mike? I mean, I did it. The In-Laws. It's just fun, man. And watch it with the whole family. But if you're watching, like, what did Gibbons love about him? It's just the little conversations about tsetse flies, about Bay of Pigs. There's just a boring scene. Peter Falk in there even like about,

he's like, is this coffee freeze dried? It's very good. Like there's just the weirdest, most specific lines constantly in the movie. I'm going to promote Shannon and the Clams, this new band I started listening to. Wow. They're awesome. All right.

If you like Lizzo, I think you might dig Shannon and the Clams. And that'll do it. We'll catch you guys next week. Take it easy. Take it easy. Happy July 4th, everybody. Happy July 4th. All right.

Clapping in three, two. Well, it's Sunday morning. The sun is shining. Sunday here once again. Grab a cup of coffee and open up the front door. You know we're going to read all about it. You know we're going to read all about it. Come on, man.

Come on, give me a paper crinkle. You got a paper, man? Do you have a paper nearby so we can get to the front page? I don't have any paper, man. What do you mean you don't have any paper? I've got some Amazon trash. Amazon trash will do. Just give me some crinkle, man. Give me some crinkle. Where's Blondie at? She went on paper! Take it easy!