Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 172 7/9/23

Episode Date: July 9, 2023

Biden now snorting rails in the White House, FLA Man treats his wife’s lover like a baseball, Britney gets hit one more time and twins are born into a toilet. Plus, what’s going on with Denman?

Hey there, Greg. Hey there, Mike. You know just what we like. Hey there, Greg. Hey there, Mike. You know just what we like. All right, I'm going to clap in. And three, two, one. Three, two, one. Read all about it. Read all about it. Hear ye, hear ye. Extra, extra! Five cents! A nickel! Remember that? A nickel? What's a nickel?

I can remember when the newspaper was 25 cents. The New York Post was 25 cents. Yeah. Now it's like five bucks. What was the Staten Island ferry? Free. It was free, goddammit. It was free. It was free going.

I think it was free going to Staten Island, and you had to pay to get to Manhattan just to try to get people. Everything in New York should be that way. All bridge and tunnel should be charged, those dirtbags. I'm putting on a light well they've paid off i mean initially the bridges and tunnels in new york were the bridges were all created by robert moses and they put out a bond to collect tolls to pay for the cost of the bridge but they paid that off back in the 1950s. And now they're just collecting tolls for no reason. Greg, it was the hottest day on record for the third time this week. Oh, Jesus, who cares?

Let me do a deep tease. You ready? Yeah. Today we're going to talk about Obama and someone, I think, tried to get violent with him. So it's a win, Both sides win on that story. The White House cocaine. Freckles are fashionable. A dead mom. I don't know why I put that in here. Gladiators, love and death. Contiki. I watched that documentary last night. And then CTE is not

just for men anymore. What's CTE? You have it. That's why you don't remember it. It's brain trauma from the heavy hits. Right, right. Well, I like it, Mike. This is a new production-heavy version of Sunday Papers. We're going to really, you know, go to another level. All right. You, out of nowhere, during the week, created a pop-up comedy show. Yes.

How did that happen? Well, our dear friend Tom O'Neill, who is the author of Chaos, the History of the CIA in America in the 1960s, he, like, this is what Tom does. Me and Aaron had gone out to dinner on Friday night. I love this story. Saturday night. It was Saturday night.

We go out for some Thai food. We come home at about 10 o'clock. I've got a show at 1115. So we're just going to stop at home. Maybe I'll throw a move on her. She'll shut me down and we'll have a snack. And so we come home and the door, the gate to our house has a whole chicken in a bag that's been delivered

with a chocolate chip cookie on top of it. Keep in mind, right outside your gate, pit bulls have been known to attack people. Yes. Projects are down the street. It's not, you know, you mail would be stolen in a second. Yes. It's not safe. I live in an unsafe neighborhood. And so an unsafe neighborhood where the average house goes for two and a half to $5 million. Uh, that's Venice for you. And so we get, we get to the gate. I pick up the chick and I'm like, I don't know who the fuck this was meant for, but it's mine now. And we walk inside and within two minutes, there's a knock on our door and I open it up and it's Tom O'Neill with 10 people in their 20s that are drunk that he met in a bar. And the first thing he goes is, where's my chicken? Where's my chicken? He's oddly zero plans and then a well-executed dinner plan.

So now they're standing in my living room, and each of these 10 people has grabbed a piece of chicken, and they're eating it with their hands because they're all stoned. And one of them is actually Tom's nephew, Matthew, who I love. You know him. He's a great guy. Yep. So one of the guys they're with is this redheaded kid in his 20s. He's from England.

And he has visited 77 countries in his life. So he's an adventurer. And he tells us he's a comedian. But he's never done stand-up in the United States. And so I said, well, we got to change that. We got to get you on stage. And he's like, well, can I come with you to the comedy store tonight?

I'm like, no, absolutely not. You're not coming to the best comedy club in the country on a Friday night or Saturday night to do a show. And so Matthew goes, well, you know, I belong to the yacht club. And when I say yacht club, this calling that place a Yacht Club is like calling Panmar a country club. Right.

It's like a 1970s. The People's Yacht Club. It's $70 a month and you have to volunteer to 10 bar. And the drinks are only like $5 and they give you a heavy pour. Oh, yeah. It's a lot of alcoholics. It's fantastic and diverse. It's very diverse, yeah.

And all different ages. Eclectic is also a better word, but all types and all of them hammer. All hammered. There's a pool table. There's a karaoke machine. There's a deck. It's really karaoke machine uh there's a deck it's really fun it's oh and just fyi it seems that no one there owns a boat i'm not joking i'm not joking they all sank their boats it's a room that is very mid-century it's a couple of rooms that are you go upstairs and it's on them. It's in the marina.

And it was for people to go and you could cook your own meal in there and shower if you had like a small boat. But you couldn't afford to be in any other. You know, there's a couple of real yacht clubs and boat clubs in the marina. I think there's three of them. Well, which are expensive and the usual drill with boating people. The undiscerning ear would listen to this podcast and hear us talking about golf and yacht clubs and think that we actually were living a pretty bougie life.

If you could see these golf clubs and yacht clubs, you'd see we're living a lie if you want to get a a very accurate perception of what we're talking about no joke picture your elk's lodge yes both are at exactly the elk's lodge level so matthew goes you know the pool room might be good for a comedy show i go book it. I go let him know we're coming down. That night, this is at like 10 o'clock on a Saturday night, so we're booking a show for Sunday night.

I text out to some comedians. Jacob Feldman says he'll come out. Love him. Griffin James decides he'll come out. And then the bartender from Hanano, who we'd been hanging out with that afternoon, we were shooting pool at Hanano that day. And I texted him because he told me he was a comic. I said, come on down. And then you and Gubbins both signed up.

And so then we got the English kids. So we got seven people on the show. We send out a group text and we fill the place. There's like 30 or 40 people sitting on folding chairs in the pool room. They have a nice sound system, a couple speakers. It was great. And your girlfriend was there. Your daughters were there.

Yep. It was a riot. We had so much fun. It was really, really fun. And the group was crazy. We also saw each other running charades at my sister's house. And getting back to Tom for a second, Tom was there. So that was the next night was running charades, right? Yeah. It's out in the middle.

And you like have four or five teams that are all in separate rooms. This one was the person sitting in the backyard. People were in the backyard, the back, the garage, the living room. Anyway, and you come out, like four people get the clue. They run back. As soon as now it's a relay race. Now the next person who guesses it runs out and gets the next clue. This was the best part.

Tom O'Neill's giving clues. They're normally disasters. If he had his way, he would have 10 fucking Patti Smith songs, but he was actually good about it this time. And then one of them, he put his book chaos, right? Yeah. So the best of us. So we finished and we won. And then we roamed around and watched the other team struggling. And Tom was watching also. And this team goes book one won. And then we roamed around and watched the other team struggling. And Tom was watching also. And this team goes, book, one word. And they're like, Tom's book. And then no one could get the title.

That was my group. That included your girlfriend. Yes. And your sister. Neither one of them knew the name of his book. What about you? No, I got it. I got it. Oh. Um, so, um, yeah, that was fun. And then what was George's clue? Didn't George have a great clue? So George, my brother-in-law, who's amazing. George is on my team. I felt I was too harsh cause I was so

hyper and there were drugs involved. But anyway, George goes, runs in, right? Keep in mind, it's tense. This is a race. As soon as you guess it, you fly out and you have to have rules of like whoever touches the clue giver's arm first, because two or three people are racing to hear the next clue. So George runs in and he goes, movie. No, no, sorry. Mikey was giving a list and it was all albums. So he runs in album and he goes two words and he goes first word. And then he just starts walking like calmly and he's walking. So we're like fucking walking dead soundtrack, walking in LA, walking. What the fuck would it be? And then he's like, no, no, no, no, not walking. And then he's like trying to get walking more like, but you are walking. He's like, yes, I, I can't even belabor it anymore. Cause even if I told you for a one 80th of the time he took, you would shut off the

podcast and kill yourself. Literally the clue he was giving was Hotel California, and the walking was someone walking into a lobby. And I immediately kicked him off the team. I traded him for his daughter, Kate. Walking into a hotel lobby, not carrying a bag, not pulling a roller bag. You could have at least dragged a wheeling suitcase right oh and then and then by the way we're like walking and then he goes no no no so he starts again and this time he walked casually and then he stopped and he looked around so we're

like you're in a cave you're in a cave oh i wanted to kill it. Yeah, that was fun. That was fun. And then we want to give a shout out to Clay Voorhays. I hope I'm saying it right. Voorhays did an oil painting of a microphone on air with Sunday papers written on it. And I even emailed him back, and I was like, how did you make that? I thought maybe he used some, like, animation software. Or a filter, yeah. He oil painted it.

It's fucking cool as hell. I think we almost should make, like, a T-shirt out of that. It's very cool. At least playing cards. Doesn't it look like a cool playing card? Yeah, it does. It does. And then, uh, Lawrence Tarpey, who not only writes songs for us, he does art. He does it all. He's a friend of the show. He did a very fucking cool song. What song did you say it sounded like? Uh, oh yeah.

Chris Dettman helped us with Romeo Void. I think it's better if we slept together or whatever that one is. A little of that. I don't want to take too much away from, uh, yeah. I think it's better if we slept together or whatever that one is. A little of that. I don't want to take too much away from Lawrence. It was a really cool song. By the way, can I just tell you who- In the style of. Maybe the coolest band of all time is the fucking B-52s.

If you have ever seen them do Rock Lobster live on stage- They were avant-garde. They were avant-garde. If you have ever seen them do Rock Lobster live on stage. They were avant-garde. They were avant-garde. They were so, they didn't give a fuck. They did what they wanted to do in the most campy, silly, but committed way. Sweating their asses off. And kind of amazing vocals and a great backup band.

But, I mean, if I could pick any concert to go to in history, they would definitely be in top 10. Seeing them in the 90s or the 80s, I would top 10. I think I did see them. Jeff brought me to the, not the Roxy. I'm trying to think in New York. It might have been the Roxy. Really? And the guitar, and the guitar, I think people underestimate their guitar at a very vicious sound.

Yeah. Yeah. And also, and you talk about not giving a shit. There are definitely chunks where it's like, ah, like she's completely doing a Yoko Ono. Yes.

Yes. When, when it was already famously the least attractive thing one could listen to. That was well established. But she was on pitch when she does it. Yeah, she did it well. Yes. Some corrections.

Aaron Clermont said, what's going on with the sound on your show? Have to boost it to hear your voices. And then, bam, you section break music comes out like a blast that wakes me up. Not that I didn't enjoy your dialogue. Yeah. Chris, can you make a note about that? Like when they go to the music for each section, it gets incredibly loud. It's kind of like when you're listening to local TV or TV, sorry, when you're listening to TV back in the day,

and then a local ad would come on, it would be so fucking loud. During the July 2nd episode, Mike stated that figure skaters perform on frozen ice. Mike, it's just ice or frozen water. Right. What I was saying, I was comparing him to synchronized swimming. I forget what I was doing, but I should have said Frozen Water, yes. Jonas D. said,

Shannon and Subject, Shannon and the Clams, who I recommended last week that people listened to. Big fan of the show. This is definitely my most music nerdy and woke complaint ever. You said she was like Lizzo.

I've also been a recent fan of the band. My complaint is, aside from the size of both these women, what do they have in common musically? Nothing! You got me. Are you serious? They're both overweight women, and I don't know why, but I just said that they're similar.

Lizzo and the Clambake? But I will highly recommend Shannon and the clam bake i i but i will highly recommend shannon and the clams it's feel good you'll dance you'll have a good time your life will get better uh speaking of your life she might hold on she might have a new album and i and i'm risking adding another large woman into the mix but that's not why i am but i heard her on the radio this week, and I remember during the pandemic, I loved the album she came out with. But Yola? Have you listened to... I've sent Yola to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's great. Yes, yes. And not like Lizzo. Much more just melodic, no edgy lyrics or anything like that. Speaking of great performances, if you live in the Pottstown, Pennsylvania area, on July 21st, I'll be at Soul Joel's, apparently a cool little club.

And then I will be in Point Pleasant, New Jersey at Uncle Vinny's on July 22nd and 23rd. Tickets are going fast for those shows. Get them soon at FitzDog.com. Also, I want to tell you about a fine company that's helped us out in our lives personally. I love when we have an ad that we interact with a lot. These guys are great. We use. So GameTime is an app that you get that helps you get last-minute,

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You can look around at the arena from your seats. It's really great. Are you looking at anything lately? Tonight, Dodgers, 26 bucks. By the end of the show, it'll probably be down even further. And listen, I know it's not last minute, so you may want to wait. But Wednesday, Los Angeles sparks. It's very far away, but right now it's $4 a ticket. And maybe it's the playoffs. I don't know. I don't know how that works.

How are they affording these $1,200 salaries? I don't know how that works. How are they affording these $1,200 salaries? Do you know the highest played player in the WNBA is somebody's daughter? I think Dennis Rodman's daughter. And she's got a four-year, $1 million contract. Really? Yeah.

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for $20 off. Download game time today. Last minute tickets. Lowest price. Guaranteed. Nice. Oh, I'm sorry. I got that wrong.

Rodman's daughter plays pro soccer. And she has, I think, a $1 million four-year deal. Ah, all right. She could have been. She probably could play WNBA, too. Oh.

Denman is writing that the highest-played WNBA player is Jackie Young, and she makes $250,000 a year. That's a lot of seats. Can I just say that? Is that safe just to say it that way? Yeah. So many seats. And you know what's fucked up about it is she's making a $250,000,

but meanwhile, her husband and kids are at home and they have to send out for takeout every night that she's on the road. That adds up. Oh, geez. Are we doing front page? Let's do it. There's your crinkle right there. Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra! There. Prosecutor, let's read our title since we're starting to put some effort into our titles. Obama. Prosecutors say a man arrested near President Obama's home last week with weapons in his van visited the D.C. neighborhood after former President Trump shared what he claimed was Obama's address on Truth Social.

How is that? How is that not a crime? Is that a crime? He's probably like everyone knows where I live. You know, that's where the documents are. Why can't they know where Obama lives? Taylor Taranto, 37, wrote on Telegram, we got these losers surrounded. See you in hell. He then live streamed from his van on his YouTube channel. So this guy, Taranto, of no fixed address, allegedly talked about

finding an entrance to Obama's home using the sewer system. He had, apparently he had explosive devices and FBI bomb squad and canine officers were deployed. He had two firearms in his van and 18 guns registered to him. That's enough. He had hundreds of nine millimeter ammunition, a steering wheel lock and a machete just in case things got really bad. I like he has the steering wheel lock. Yeah. Yeah. So they followed him. Somehow he fled and got away, and then they apprehended him later. Right, because he couldn't make any turns because he lost the key to the steering wheel lock. Just going straight.

Yeah, right, right. I mean, look, if you've already got him in the sewer system, just leave him down there and give Secret Service Mexican food, and let's all take a shit on this guy. Oh, man. This is why listen, this is a good argument. This is why you have 20 guns, because you're a well-regulated militia being necessary

to secure a free state. You have to protect us from the government like an ex-president having dinner with his family. That's why you need the firearms. 20 of them. Right. Fucking Trump. It's the first correct information to come out of Trump's mouth in months, by the way.

Was it even? I don't know. If you want to catch Obama, go to a talk show. That guy can't stop fucking giving interviews. Well, cause they're probably giving him a half a million dollars every time he shows up at some Marriott conference room and talks to a bunch of billionaires. He's doing, he also likes cred, you know, you know, he has an ego about his lists every year. So he has this ego that he likes, you know, massaged. And so he does these like I think it includes small pot, not small podcasts, but like hip.

Well, remember, he did Maron's right. Yes, he did Maron's. And I think he's done Conan. Huh? He's done Conan. Yeah. Oh, the one on Showtime he did. He's done. I've? He's done Conan. Yep. The one on Showtime he did. I've seen him do a bunch.

Yeah. Well, speaking of presidents, President Joe Biden has been briefed on the investigation into the discovery of cocaine on the lobby floor of the White House West Wing and thinks it's incredibly important for the Secret Service to determine how it got there. Secret Service agents found the powder during a routine White House sweep on Sunday in a small, clear plastic bag on the ground

in a heavily trafficked area. Wow. I like it. I like it I like it I think Obama He's fading I think the only way we're going to get this guy re-elected Is a little higher energy

Maybe talking a little more intensely He'll start fucking Kate Moss Get him back in the headlines Please get the coke to Biden Please get the coke to Biden What Are they saying It seems like there would be 40 cameras that would have footage of this. Right. I mean, I, I, I picked this story up a couple

of days ago. Maybe there may be an update. Maybe Denman wants to check on that, but this is, this is where it stood a couple of days ago. Were people screaming that it was Hunter, obviously? Oh, no. Fox News jumped all over that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course they did. Hunter Biden is on the tour. He's in the area where they lead tours in the White House doing blood. And meanwhile, his parents were in

Camp David or his dad was in Camp David. Yeah. I mean, that easily could have been somebody dropping it there on purpose just to stir some shit up. I guess. Yeah. Speaking of which, you want to read this next story, Mike? Oh, shit hitting the fan on a bed in a cozy room as a makeup artist used a needle dipped in semi-permanent liquid pigment to carefully prick about 20 microscopic dots across her cheeks.

Before her appointment, Chloe had drawn specks on herself with an eyebrow pencil to wear the latest beauty trend that thousands of people across the country are trying out. Freckle tattoos. Available in the shape of hearts, stars, even astrological signs and lucky stars. The melanin-filled skin marks, once a cause for schoolyard torment, have become the latest TikTok obsession. This procedure for these artificial sun kisses takes around an hour

and is less painful and permanent than a traditional tattoo. It lasts about eight months to two years, depending on the skin type, sun exposure, and other factors. We just wanted to get rid of freckles. Don't you remember that? Oh, no. I had freckles. Don't you remember that? Oh, no.

I had freckles as a kid, and it was torture. First of all, I had about four, and they were each about an inch wide. They were big, shitty freckles, and I hated them. I had acne and freckles and red hair, and I was pasty white, and I was skinny as a rail, and I was soy white and I was skinny as a rail and I was so, oh, I looked horrible. You must've looked like a mannequin, like a little, like a ventriloquist. Yeah. I looked like Chucky.

I looked like Chucky, the killer doll. That works. You can also get, how about this? How about I get some acne tattoos and a wine stain? Maybe sketch a thick load on my chin. Guys will love that. How about a big L on my forehead and on my back in big letters, kick me. And just throw in the red hair also.

Yeah, yeah. We need a revenge of the jocks. This has gone too far. Our society. Right. I know. It's like, I went from being this nerdy, skinny kid to being kind of a cool guy in college. And now I'm not cool anymore, but I had my moment. And at that moment, everything went nerdy. It could have been my big payday. Always going against the grain. How do freckles work? They come out in the summer and then they go dormant? Yeah, they're kisses from the sun and Jesus only comes out in the summer.

Hey, by the way, when I read that weather that we're shattering records, I'm like, why is it always during summer? Do we just ignore the southern hemisphere summer? Like you barbarians don't count. And I looked it up. And of course, the northern hemisphere, because it's tilted towards the sun, that's when the earth gets its hottest. On the top 45 percent, 45% or top, sorry, the top 90%.

Okay. The 45th. I looked that up to the 45th latitude is right through Maine. Um, okay. Next story. Yeah. Why don't you read this next one Why she wouldn't even harm a fly

That's a little Hitchcock line for everybody California man Hid mother's death for three decades To collect her benefits Donald Felix I love it Donald Felix Zampak 65

Received more than $830,000 in payments from the government intended for his late mother. He also took possession of her home while it was still in her name. He should have been like, what? I was in denial. Look, look at all the Mother's Day cards I bought even through last year. Look at the flowers Mother's Day cards I bought even through last year. Look at the flowers. Yeah. Yeah.

When I was, I guess, about 16, I was 16 years old, and I was driving in Tarrytown, and my parents were out of town, and I had their car. And it was one of those big old V8 Chevy Caprice classics, the four-door, about 19 feet long. And I was driving through town. I'm sure I was drinking. And the cops pulled me over. And I didn't have my license on me. And so they took me in to the police station because I was so young. They thought I took the car.

So they called my house. I was so young. They thought I took the car. So they called my house. My brother answered the phone and said, is Mr. Fitzsimmons or Mrs. Fitzsimmons there? And my brother, when they said it was the police said, yeah, this is Mr. Fitzsimmons. And they said, we have your son here. We picked him up for driving without a license. You need to come down and release him. So my brother, I'm not making this up and I have a photo in my book. Cause I tell this story. They came down to the police station. My brother dressed as my father, he wore a blazer and this t-shirt. My father always had this t-shirt that says I gave to Eddie aid. Cause it was like this party they threw for their

friend, Eddie. And, uh, and he had on loafers and he had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. My sister put on my mother's blouse, giant sunglasses, big hoop earrings, and they walked into the police station and said, is our son Greg here? And they fucking released me to my brother and sister. And there's a picture of us all drinking beer in the driveway with them dressed up as them. It's so funny. He goes through a detail that the police would have no idea about, like that T-shirt.

Oh, no, it was just to crack me up. It was just to make me laugh. How did they? I mean. You know what it was? Deirdre is how old at that point? They saw them and they were like, get these fucking clowns out of here. Just go. Just go.

Oh, to be white and fuck around with the police. Right? Oh, to be white and fuck around with the police. Right? Oh, my God. If I could list all the time. I had the cops pull me over once, and I was drunk. And the cop said, just drive straight home. I'm not making that up. Drive straight home. Put that wheel lock on your car so you can't turn and just drive straight home. Put that wheel lock on your car so you can't turn and just drive straight home. So

you came up with that story because it was pretending to be a mom? Yes. I mean, what do you want? One-liners on every story? I'm going to tell you, I'm going to go off script a little bit. I'm trying to find the length though between this guy. I'm trying to find the length, though, between this guy. I read a little more about this story. So what they've done is, which is so smart, they finally decided to look at all the old people who are getting benefits and then cross. What is it? Cross-analyze it or whatever you want to with the list of people who have claimed zero Medicaid benefits. Because they're dead.

Yeah, right. And then they start knocking on doors and fake old ladies answer. Although I'll tell you what, if you were to investigate my Aunt Jo, who died at 93 this this year she did not go to the doctor for the last 40 years never went to the fucking doctor wow yep she was probably pretending to be her mom what a racket man that's fantastic i it. He's giving all the money back apparently because he's selling the house. And he also, he, he, by the way, he more than did this. He also borrowed money against some lenders. Might've been a credit card. I'm trying, I'm trying to remember what. You look at the efforts some people put into not working and you go, why not just work? It was very similar to the effort I would put in to cheating in school.

Yeah. Like the cheat sheet, which I basically needed a magnifying glass to read how much information I had on it and how long I would spend to write that small on a piece of paper was insanity. Yeah. Right. I should have just read the chapter in the book. Yeah. Um, so let's get to a little good news for gubbins. We want to crinkle it up. Here we go. Yeah. yeah so we're just teasing basically that I'll be gone for two weeks in August and then we are going to have

what do they call it on the radio when somebody takes over a show they hijack yeah but there's a funny word for it they call it like hijacking the show or something so we're going to have the Den Den Show. It's going to be Dennis Gubbins and Chris Denman. We've decided, people weighed in and almost categorically said they will not listen if this happens. So we're going to go ahead and do it.

Two bears, one den. Two bears, two dens. Yeah. They are like two bears. They are. They're both bears. Big, hairy, gay dens. Yeah. They are like two bears. They are. They're both bears. Big, hairy, gay-looking guys. Maybe we should fly Denman into Los Angeles to do this in person.

That would be... And then who's going to produce from the mid-coast? Key. But it'll be on the left coast. Oh, Denman is saying bring Dennis to St. Louis. Can he stay at your house, Chris, if he comes out to St. Louis? He said hard no. Hard no.

All right. All right. Let's get to some entertainment by the way he's he's writing in the document and i thought he was just writing hard like that was his response to spending time with dennis in his house i'm hard what are we doing what are you watching oh man i watched the i didn't write it down but i i'm watching love and death we talked about i think she's attractive in that yes we talked about that we love her i did watch that gladadiator documentary. Oh, so did I. I thought it was kind of a waste of time. I thought it was one of the best seven hours I've spent in the last couple of years. Well, first of all, you have to understand something.

If you're young and you listen to this show, go listen to another show. Oh, Jesus, Greg, the demo, the coveted demo. If you're older, you remember gladiators. I was obsessed with the gladiators. I watched every episode, and I just loved that it was such a... This was before MMA. I just thought it was the

most raw, physical competition. And the women were just... Ever hear of boxing? Boxing? They didn't use their feet. They didn't use cudgels. You were in love with Nitro. But it's all about all the steroids they took

and how they would go on tour and they would do like a 40 city tour in a year. And they just would, it was just like every fucking night. They finished, they got on a bus, they drove six hours, they unloaded, they somehow erected like the walls and the towers and the mats and everything and fought it out with like, you know, if you're in Houston, you're competing against a dozen of the toughest, biggest people in that city

that want to kick your ass. So night after night, you are fighting the toughest people from that city. It's crazy. But it's not true. They even said they were picking similar sized people to the gladiators. And there was like the average viewer kind of couldn't relate. So then they started picking, you know, tougher, but smaller people. Yes. Because then it was David versus Goliath. But those smaller people have been resting. They didn't just fight in Detroit the night before and Cincinnati the night before that. They also weren't shooting up roids in their hotel room all night. That's true. Good point. I've been watching

True Detective. It's the third. I think the third season came out a while ago, but we're just getting around to it. And what a snore fest. Jesus Christ. Which one is this? your classic black and white comedy team. I'm sorry, police team. Mershala Ali and Stephen Dorff. Oh, wow. Who are phenomenal actors.

I missed that one. I think the last one I saw was the second season, Vince Vaughn. Um... Was it? I think so. I saw that. The first one was McConaughey and what's his name? Yeah, and season two was based on kind of a true story about this town outside of or within Los Angeles County, I think.

It was awful. That second season was awful. This third one is a little bit better, but it's just there's no action. There's no, like there's sporadic action scenes, but for the most part, it's just super slow. So last night, and I say this to myself, I'm like, especially after watching Gladiators, which I disagreed with you. I was like, there's so many quality kind of legendary things out there that I haven't seen. Come on, start doing it. So I want to go on a Werner Herzog, uh, kick and people had always told me that he made this insane movie called

Fitzcarraldo. And it was so insane that there's a documentary about it called Burden of Dreams, which feels like a Werner Herzog documentary because he's constantly being interviewed with his famous German voice and all is the way he speaks in such philosophical ways. So have you seen Burden of Dreams? No. ways. So have you seen Burden of Dreams? No. He's in the Amazonian rainforest. And the headline is, without giving anything away, it's a movie about a guy. I didn't want to get into details, but he has to bring a giant boat. I mean, giant. I think this thing's a hundred feet. It's like a ferry.

It's like the Staten Island ferry, smaller than that. But that's the type of boat with multiple levels. Kind of like the one we rented at graduation in Boston. He has to bring it over a hill to get from one river to the next. And he hires the true local people. It's crazy. Wait, where do they shoot this again? In the Amazon.

Oh, people died. People died. How many people do you need to lift a fucking ferry over a mountain? Like hundreds? They got a tree. They put a hole in the tree to put another tree through the tree, which basically made it something

you could wind up with cables, but they cheated, and they also bought a used bulldozer, and none of it was, oh, and then it would be like, so then, oh, now the river's too low, so the boat would get grounded. They're like, well,

we got to wait for the rainy season. And he had already made one trip back to promise all the investors that this movie would get made. It's, it's, if you want to see someone, here's a line. I put, I put a little description in the script here. He goes, with a resolve bordering on insanity, Herzog struggles to realize his vision, vowing to see the film completed, even if it leads to his undoing. How would you compare this to Heart of Darkness, the making of Apocalypse Now? I mean, they so had this in mind, although this was 82. When was, well, when was Apocalypse Now shot? I don't know.

But this was an earlier movie, but they were shooting it while they made, Chris, can you look up when Fitzcarraldo was shot um 1982 no that's the documentary when it came out oh no wait no no you're right it says that's when he started Fitzcarraldo it looks like it's the 60s but it's with the local tribes also they have to mediate the tribes are at war. It's in Peru. It's nuts. I'm guessing Apocalypse Now is the mid-70s. Yeah, I was thinking 76 or something like that.

Yeah. I'll look it up. Anyway, yes, Heart of Darkness is a great comparison. All right, let's get down to released in 79. Okay, 1979. Let's get down to released in 79. Okay, 1979. Let's get down to Make America Florida. Here it comes. Oh, also, I watch the documentary Contiki.

Remember seeing that in school? Yeah. Oh, my God, the sharks. That's what I remember vividly. That's how I know I'm an ADD kid. When I was watching, I'm like, I remember how that's affected me. It's the only part of the movie I remembered.

And it's because there were sharks. I needed something stimulating. Otherwise I was bored shitless. Florida man beats wife's lover with bat after finding them together in bed. 33 year old John Deming allegedly stormed into a Lake Worth Beach Airbnb with a black Rawlings aluminum bat. Just an FYI, because this is Florida, I assumed he beat him with a living bat. Anyway, he found his wife, Christy Barbato, in bed with one of her co-workers.

Dimmig entered the room, closed the door behind him, and charged at his wife's lover. He knocked him with a blow and pinned him to the floor. Dimmick whacked him with the metal bat at least thrice. I think thrice is quite the fancy word for a Florida story,

but that's the word that was in there. As Dimmick walked out the door, he allegedly shouted, don't come near my fucking wife again. It sounds very like what's his name at the Oscars? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Will Smith. Right. Well, look, this seems fair. I mean, the guy deserved it. You fuck a guy's wife and getting beat with a baseball bat, that's nothing.

This guy, he's not a Florida native. He's a transplant because a real Florida man, he would have used a jackhammer. He would have stolen the guy's wallet, gone on a strip club tear. The wife would be locked in a closet. The dog would be limping. A lot of shit would have happened. There'd be baby gators hanging from nipples. Yes, this was mild.

The fact that he said, don't do it again. A real Florida man, you wouldn't have the capacity to do it again. Also, she's going to remain his wife. That's what's implicit in that statement. And it reminds me, you know, until like 1979 or maybe even later, Texas had the paramour law, which is, and this is, and I'm quoting homicide is justifiable when committed by the husband upon one taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided that the killing takes place before the parties to the act have

separated. It sounds like they still have to be humping. It also sounds like she's going to get shot also. But it was always that mentality. Like if I'm in Texas and I run in with a gun, and if I'm in Florida in this story and I run in with an aluminum bat, And if I'm in Florida in this story and I run in with an aluminum bat, I mean, I think I'm just threatening the guy and telling him to leave because I have a big conversation coming up with my wife. Right. Isn't that. Yeah. The more evolved, I think.

Yeah. That is amazing. It's not really his fault. So they have to be in coitus interruptus. They have to be in coitus while you kill him. The Paramore law. Well, this was the thing. You couldn't like have dinner. She starts crying and she says she slept with Steve down the road and then you run and kill Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it couldn't be. Right. She's still got to be wet. That's the rule.

The cops show up with napkins. They test her. If she's wet, it's a clear murder. It's clear and free. Yeah, because you're standing your ground and this guy's dick is in your ground because your wife is your property. That's right. Yeah. All right.

Let's get down to he was murdering her pussy. That's what Chris just wrote. I can't wait for the Den Den show. Let's make floor Australia. Let's do it. Or make Florida Australia. I've never questioned that. Is that right?

I think it actually should be make Australia Florida. Okay. I'm going to do it again. Make Australia Florida. Here we go. A former Australia rules football player has been diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy in a landmark finding for female professional athletes. The Concussion Legacy Foundation said Heather Anderson,

who played for the Australian Football League's women's competition, is the first female athlete, I think in the world, diagnosed with CTE, the degenerative brain disease linked to concussions. CTE, which can only be diagnosed posthumously, can cause memory loss, depression, and violent mood swings. Wait a minute. How could they tell she had it? That describes all women. Come on.

By the way, I did see a funny meme that went around and it was a chart with a graph. And this was a commentary on trans women athletes. And it was a graph of testicular injuries to female athletes, and it's all 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 until like last year and a huge spike in the chart. Memory loss and depression from playing women's rugby. I'm pretty sure it's not just female rugby because I can tell you firsthand, it also happens when you play golf with Dennis Gubbins. Shabang! Try to have memory loss. You try to

forget what just happened on the course. Jesus Christ. Here's the thing about Gubbins. We're playing golf with him today. He doesn't look at the groups ahead to say they're playing slow. He literally turns around and he looks at the holes behind him to see if people are playing slow.

And then he gets irate if they're playing. It's like, Dennis, just be on your own fucking hole. What do you care? He's the golf police. I like it. Hate it. When he's out there, the course runs faster sometimes. That's just a fact.

All right, let's get to sports. Sports, here we go. Oh, more female sports stories. Bloody hell. For the first time in 146 years, Wimbledon has changed its women's dress code. But this being Wimbledon, the change is glacial rather than radical. Players are now

allowed to wear dark-colored undershorts. The move has been made to alleviate the worries of competitors who are on their period. In a statement, the All England club said that the new rule will, quote, help players focus purely on their performance by relieving a potential source of anxiety. It has been welcomed

by many of the players. As U.S. pro Coco Gauff told Sky News, I think it's going to relieve a lot of stress for me and other girls in the locker room. Well, this will be welcome news for the Chinese players. Well, once they start getting their periods. I think then they will really welcome this. I think, yeah, a lot of athletes, depending on how intense the training is, might not be getting them as regularly. But wait, will they also change the rules for serving? Because I've dated a lot of women on their period

And it is never their fault Look at that sophisticated wordplay Yeah, took me a while on that one It was like a puzzle I'm surprised you didn't work deuce with douche in there there we go you know what i thought about recently having nothing to do taking a right turn on this story but you said the pace of change of wimbledon is glacial rather than radical i think soon glacial is going to mean fast yeah right yeah the. The way they're moving, the way they're

disappearing. Yeah. This change happened at a glacial pace. Oh my God, overnight? Yes. Overnight. It happened overnight. You want to do this one? Hit me, baby, one more time. Brittany, are we doing the story? Well, why don't you do the punchline first

and read the story? That's the title. Denman put this in. I can't wait for the Den Den podcast. Britney Spears, no charges will be filed, according to Chris Denman, following a brief investigation of the altercation involving pop star Britney Spears, brief investigation of the altercation involving pop star, Britney Spears,

San Antonio Spurs, seven, four rookie, Victor Wemba, Nyama, and a member of the player security team, Las Vegas. Okay.

I can't even read. This is the worst fucking written paragraph I've ever seen in my life. He copied and pasted it in, but you gotta, you gotta fudge these things and fuss with them. Anyway, apparently for a few days, people thought Britney Spears ran up to this rookie star of the San

Antonio Spurs, and then his bodyguard slapped her in the face, her glasses flew off, and she flew to the ground. But now they're saying they're determining that she inadvertently hit herself in the face. So hit me, baby, one more time would be the punchline.

Yes. But Denman put it as the title of the article. I would say it's the least damage she's done to herself in about a decade. Right. I don't know. Maybe the security guard got a message from all of us from the 80s and finally acted on it.

Wait, what do you mean? We all wanted her hit in the face. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 90s. Oh, Demond's saying 90s. He's trying to save himself after that

fucking horrible story he added in. I didn't see the footage, but I saw the headline. All right. What is this? Flag? Is this new? Fucking horrible story he added in. I didn't see the footage, but I saw the headline. Alright. What is this? Is this new? This new story?

No. I've never seen it. Take it out. Take it out. Why is he adding fucking stories to the goddamn script? We said we don't want it. I know that was Tom Brady losing his shirt. It's gone.

In FTX Crypto. Let's go international. Here you go. There. A twin due to be medically terminated. That's a nice way of saying it. To save his brother's life, made a surprise arrival

in the toilet bowl. What? The mom, Corrine Rose, 30, suddenly went into labor and welcomed twin boys while on the loo at 32, this is in England, obviously, at 32 weeks along. The amniotic sac for one of the twins, Neo,

burst too soon, and doctors broke the news that he wouldn't make it. To give his twin, Grayson, a fighting chance, Corinne made the tough decision to undergo a medical termination for one of the boys. But the day before the procedure, Corinne found herself delivering both babies alone in the bathroom, scooping them out of the toilet. alone in the bathroom, scooping them out of the toilet. They went to the neonatal ward, and Grayson, who weighed four pounds, was discharged after three weeks. Neo, who weighed two pounds, 14 ounces, has defied all the odds despite doctors' fears he wouldn't pull through.

He's finally joined his brother at home. After being flushed. Yeah, that was definitely. Discharged. She went through a whole roll of toilet paper on that one, I'm sure. Well, pretty literally dropping the kids at the pool. Yeah, watch out for these kids in swim class. There's no stopping them.

What? That's a crazy story. Yeah. Watch out for these kids in swim class. There's no stopping them. What? That's a crazy story. Yeah. Look at her shitting out kids. And the Neo, the whole ward's named after him. The Neo, what was the? The Neonatal Ward. Right.

Right. Not you, Grayson. Imagine that. You go to visit her in the hospital, and you're like, oh, can I hold him? And you hold him, and you're like, no, I'm good. Here, you can take him back. Grayson was, you know, Grayson was the shit that took a little while in terms of, I think, yeah. Neo was like, you know, the warning shots that come out first, And then you got Grayson coming down,

coming down the tube. Yeah. Huh. All right. Wow. This story is called unfair. Now let's skip this one. It's kind of lame.

Let's get to science. Science. Technology. Okay. Okay. Prince of Wales. Oh, okay prince of whales gray whales have learned to approach whale watching boats to have parasites removed by human beings that has been claimed video footage documenting the behavior in baja california shows a gray whale having whale lice picked off his head by the captain of a small boat i have done it repeatedly with the same whales and others.

It's very exciting for me. Captain Ahab would be rolling around in his grave right now. So, this is the first time I'm seeing this story, even though you put it in earlier. But, so the gray whales are on a migration. This thing remembers where this captain is? Yeah, Baja is a huge spot for whales to go by because it sticks out into the ocean, and they stop by there on their way down.

They go up north in the summer, and I guess these things are like lice. Yeah, no, they come down and they give birth in the warm waters in Baja. Yeah. But that's wild. I think these whales must have gone to my kid's preschool because I picked a lot of fucking lice off of them in my day. But they never remembered me. Jeez, I saw some ad.

It was on my Instagram feed or something. And it was, I think it was an Asian clip. It looked, it was just an Asian mom and moms, I guess, with kids. And there's a lice comb and they put out like a white paper plate and she dragged the comb through. It was unbelievable how many bugs fell on this plate. Really? Yes.

It says to me that they're not lice. I mean, maybe they are, but they're the biggest lice I've ever seen. Damn. They'd be big on a whale. My kids got lice so often. It was embarrassing, but it wasn't always their fault. The whole school would get it. Oh, we had little dirt bags in my school uh it was waldorf you know inspired charter school and i think kids were sleeping just in like blankets on the floor whatever these dirty

hippies did with their kids and it was repetitive how many times the same kid would give lice to the whole school. Yeah, yeah. That was like this girl Michelle gave us chlamydia so many times in high school. And you can't get that out with a comb, I'll tell you that much. Penicillin, baby. Oh, disgusting. This next story is called Good Head. All right. In an extremely rare and complex operation,

surgeons have reattached a 12-year-old boy's head to his neck after a serious accident in which he was hit by a car while riding his bicycle. Suleiman Hassan, a Palestinian from the West Bank, was airlifted to Hadassah Hospital's trauma unit where it was determined that the ligaments holding the posterior base of his skull were severely damaged, leaving it detached from the top vertebrae of his spine. So the condition is commonly known as internal orthopedic decapitation. And what's not, it's a sad story, but I mean, happy ending. And to celebrate this historic operation, the Palestinians are releasing a Suleiman Hassan bobblehead doll. Are they? Yeah. So collect it. Could be worth something someday.

Imagine if there was a mix up in the trauma ward and they accidentally put an Israeli head on this Palestinian kid. He'd be throwing rocks at himself. He'd be smashing his head into rocks, banging it on the wall. Or would the Israeli brain take over? I know. I know I mean since the Israelis most recent incursions into the West Bank I'd say the Palestinians

they're really losing their heads I mean alright enough I want to give this premise to Mary Shelley see what she comes up with the new Mid-East Frankenstein well why don't we give it to the Brothers Grimm

and then she can steal it from them. How dare you. Let's go to business. Business time. After filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in May, Christmas tree shops will now close all of its stores unless it can find a last minute buyer. A last minute buyer for the Christmas tree shop? close all of its stores unless it can find a last-minute buyer. A last-minute buyer for the Christmas tree shop?

More like an early shopper? It's July. Do they have one of the things called, where you pick off all the Advent calendar countdown to when their company's going to be hopefully solving stuff? The Massachusetts-based retail chain, which has more than 40 stores, is liquidating its remaining stores because of worsening finances. They reached an agreement to liquidate the stores unless a buyer emerges in the next week or so.

I got to say, I'm not a business major. Tough to run a business when you literally only have a fourth quarter. So the store is called Christmas Tree Shops? Yeah. You've never seen them? No. Yeah, they're all over the place. Well, it says that it has

more than 70 stores across 20 states. That's not a lot. They have one in Cape Cod. Like, just as you get to the mouth of Cape Cod, there's a giant... That might be the original one.

Christmas Tree Stores. It's liquidating its remaining stores. What's in there in July? Apparently there's other stuff besides just Christmas stuff. Like I think they try to sell lawn furniture in the summer and all that stuff, but change the fucking name. Don't call it the Christmas tree store. This sounds like a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.

Like Scott Baio with a bad Santa beard comes in and stops Lori Loughlin from a hostile takeover. It writes itself. Across the streets, the leap year gift shop also struggling. Not doing so hot this year. Yeah. Did you hear they're hiring at the Leap? The Leap Year shop is hiring. When?

In three years. Maybe they, what about a new model where it's a pop? No, we don't want a pop-up store. That's for Halloween. They're cowards. Yeah. This is going gonna be us and also the Haley's Comet store

is still hanging in there strong oh yeah yeah the um the uh alright let's move on I ran out I ran out of steam kinda like Haley's Comet after the comic comes it's hard to keep up that enthusiasm

what are we doing here's this day in history you got it at least comment after the comment comes. It's hard to keep up that enthusiasm. What are we doing? Here's this day in history. You got it. Why don't you read this because you're such a Dylan fan? I would have written this differently. This is Greg put this in here. All right.

Quote, this here ain't no protest. Let me start again. Protost? Protost. The dot. Protost too much. This here ain't no protest song or anything like that because I don't write no protest songs. That was how Bob Dylan introduced one of the most eloquent protest songs ever written when he first performed it publicly. most eloquent protest songs ever written when he first performed it publicly. It was the spring of his first full year in New York City, and he was on stage at Gertie's Folk Festival in Greenwich

Village talking about a song he claims to have written in just 10 minutes, Blowing in the Wind. A few weeks later, on July 9th, 1962, Dylan walked into a studio and recorded the song that would make him a star. You go on to detail that Peter, Paul, and Mary recorded it first. It talks about the lyrics. It represented a breakthrough for him as a songwriter. And he affected the Beatles. All right. Yeah.

So this is the day in history when he performed it live first. That's what I'm gathering. Yes. Got it. Yeah. He came in. They have pictures of like the tapes and a lot of old bands were this way, but they have pictures of the tapes of like what he recorded in one session. And it's insane.

Yeah. Like he went in and had most of his album and, and he left them warts and all with, with the mistakes on them. Or if he started to mispronounce, like a lot of times those were the takes he chose and stuck with. Yeah. I like that,

that, that beginning of, uh, the, uh, Captain Ahab song I like that, that, that beginning of, uh, the, uh, Captain Ahab song. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's something, something dream. Or he starts laughing and he keeps it in. Um, but really that song, I mean, they've written 10 minutes.

It's got 14 verses in it. How the fuck do you write that in 10 minutes? He's AI man. Bob Dylan is AI. Yep. That would be a good one. Get AI to write a Bob Dylan song. That was the first thing I asked AI. You know that, right? What? I can find it. I said, write a Bob Dylan song about cereal. Oh, really? That's what I asked AI. I'm not kidding. You got it right there? Yeah.

I just have to log in. By the way, this guy writes in to me, and he's a friend of the show, and I like the guy, but I don't know why he did this. He writes in and he says to me, hey, I have a pitch for a TV show. So I immediately stop reading because I cannot read pitches from somebody that I did not ask for the pitch. Because if I do something similar down the road, they can sue me and say I stole their idea. So I always tell people I don't read it and then I tell them I'm sorry I can't read it. And then he writes me back, that's okay, it was a pitch I had AI write anyway.

Oh, okay, thanks for just wasting my time. Wow. Yeah. It's not in here. I'm looking at my history of chats. I guess I erased. Oh, you know what? I probably didn't have an account.

Anyway, it spit out a song very, very like Dylan about cereal with rhymes and everything in it. Damn. Yeah. Chorus. Let's do some letters to the editor. Okay. Yeah. All right, let's do some letters to the editor. Okay, then. All right. All right, so we've been talking about doing merch.

People are weighing in. Sarah says, I recommend you use a dropship company like Printful. You don't have to do anything once you design your merch and put it on your website like the photo below it's it if someone orders that t-shirt printfall handles everything and just sends me my cut it doesn't even cost anything so basically it's they print the shirts to order they you don't you don't have to print a hundred and then sell them it just makes them per shirt. Right. I got that. How does it not cost anything?

I don't know. Ask Sarah. Maybe it's in the price. Thank you, Sarah. This is from Brian in Madison. Since you guys are big into golf, how about some custom golf ball markers? They would be flat and light

so it would be easy to ship. Lots of options out there. What's the markup on a golf marker? I mean, how much can we possibly justify charging for a golf marker? I like the new idea of playing cards with today's logo. Yeah. What do you mean? Like print an entire deck of cards with today's logo on it or each deck, each card has a separate week's logo.

I know. I think that's harder to do. But like through other companies, like I've made Christmas presents where I put a funny family photo, you know, on cards. Yeah. All right. This one. Costco does it. This guy, Darren Johnson, says, was on a cruise ship and one of the comedians was selling magnets. No one bought them because the comedian wasn't really known or beloved like you. But I think magnets would be a good thing to sell for Sunday papers, cheap to ship too. That's not bad.

Wait, what are they? Like a fridge magnet. How are you saying that word? Magnet. You're not putting the emphasis on the first part of the word? Magnet. You know the show Dragnet? What would that be?

Dragnet. Dragnet? Dragnet? You're saying magnet? I don't even know how you're saying it Chris, are you hearing it weird too? Magnets Magnet

You're too concerned with net I also say forehead and milk. Yeah, you do. You're from the same neighborhood as me, basically. I don't know. All right. I don't know. All right, Raymond says.

Well, you're magnetic. It is magnetic. That's where you do put the emphasis. Sorry, go ahead. Magnet. Magnet. Tragnet. Raymond says, you and Gibbons were talking about

who was better Jefferson Airplane Jefferson Starship or Starship Gibbons shit on Starship saying quote built this city was shitty

then you said actually Miracles is a great song by Starship I thought it was notable that built this city was written by Bernie Taubin

no yep get out of here yep apparently according to this guy wait a minute Denman you want Bernie Taubin. Yep. Get out of here. Yep. Apparently, according to this guy. Wait a minute. Denman, you want to fact check that?

Please fact check that. I mean, it is literally. That's a perfectly controlled experiment where you don't give it to a lunatic genius. You give it to a fucking, you give it to humans. Yeah. And a great band. And it sounds just as shitty as it does on paper. I would put that in my top three worst songs in history. Do you go in for the,

uh, holy shit. Bernie Talpin co-wrote it. Wow. Oh my God. That's perfect. Huh. That's, and by the way, if he gave it to Elton John, somehow I'd be singing along to We Built This City.

Wow. Wow. It's often called the worst song ever written. Written. And also the execution. It was supposed to be because so many rock clubs were closing around the country and it was an homage to that.

Oddly, I now blame the Starship or whichever one it was that did it now. I blame them, except I blame them for their choice. Okay, so Denman has now written an AI song by Bob Dylan about Greg Fitzsimmons. This is clearly Denman trying to make up for that horrible incident earlier. I want to hear this Bob Dylan song about Greg Fitzsimmons.

Greg Fitzsimmons, a comedy sage. His punchlines hit with timeless rage. From laughter's depths, he'll never wane. In comedy's realm, he'll forever reign. Look at that. I'm sure there's a lot more. It's better than Bernie Taupin. Yeah.

AI is better than Bernie Taupin. I think we knew that before we even knew the concept I didn't even have you could have told me that 10 years ago I'm like I don't know what AI is but you're right I would also put White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in my top 20 songs of all time it starts slow

and then it builds into a rage of course and Taupin had nothing to do with it it's less than 3 minutes, and it just fucking powers through. Yeah, her voice at the end, strong. This is a long one, so let's...

Oh, no, let's talk about it because it's about tipping, which we've been on about for the last couple episodes. Brent says, Near my work, there's a hotel that has a pretty good omelet bar. Occasionally, I go in and partake, even though I'm not a guest. I justify the thievery by tipping $4 or $5 for a free omelet. Judge me, but the chef, a cute little oriental woman, detail thrown in for Greg,

is always very happy to see me and makes my specific order every time. So the other day I'm walking through the parking lot. I separated five ones from the rest of the cash in my pocket, planning on whatever inside, whatever. So he, and the long story short is he discovered later on the five ones and realized he'd given a wad of tens to the chef. And so he probably gave her about $150 for the omelet.

But you know what? You've been eating free omelets for a while, and guess what? You're going to keep eating them. You can bring friends now. How long has he been doing this? She better not get fired. He better make sure she doesn't get fired.

Right, right. So, plus it's pretty good karma. I mean, that shit, people don't tip. You make an omelet, you got to crack eggs to make an omelet. You got to shred cheese to make an omelet. You got to dice tomatoes to make an omelet. You got a diced tomatoes to make an omelet. Meanwhile, cup of coffee. I just turn on the spigot, hand you the cup. Where's my fucking dollar? They look you right in the eye. Where's my dollar? Meanwhile, this chick is sweating her

balls off, making you an omelet and you give her nothing. The cup's right there. Hold on. Let me write this down. You have to, do you have to break the eggs to make an omelet? What are you saying? Isn't that a famous adage? That was my whole point. That was the gist of the run. I got it. Okay, good, good, good. All right, good. All right, here we go. Don't judge me. Don't judge me.

Are we doing this? You got me so scared that David Gilmore from Pink Floyd died. Oh, the obituary. All right, you got to crinkle the paper for the obituary. And that's all, folks. David Gilmour. Here's the good news.

A different David Gilmour died. David Gilmour is very controversial, though, these days, isn't he? Isn't he, like, got some crazy opinions about stuff? I thought that was Roger Waters. Oh, maybe it's Roger Waters. David Gilmour was a serial entrepreneur who started or was involved in a series of business ventures, most notably the Fiji Water brand, which was the number one imported water for a time. He's Canadian.

At 16, his father offered him enough money to start a company or a daily stipend to travel to Europe. Gilmour chose the latter. He would continue to travel but quickly put his focus on business ventures. ventures. They included furniture importer Dansk Design, real estate, and a stereo manufacturer, Clariton. I remember Clariton. They sucked. They did suck. Were they in Radio Shack? Yes. Radio Shack, where idiots and nerds go to buy things. In 69, he founded a hotel chain in Fijiiji and he purchased a gold mine in Canada he sold the hotel chain but purchased Wakaya Island he purchased his own island in Fiji and had a private resort and he started an aquifer.

He started pumping water and selling it and became a billionaire. I wonder the environmental effect of that. I just think it's insane. I have a whole bit about this, about how we have so much water in this country that we kind of make a joke out of it. We have water parks and water slides and we have fountains and then we import water that we don't even need from third world islands that are dried out islands. And it's like, no, that tastes better. I want that water. Nevermind. We, we flush our poops or children down the toilet with, with purified filtered water. Yes. And it used to be,

I mean, it's only in the last 10 years, they started like limiting the amount of water in the bowl. It used to be filled to the top. It was like a fucking grande. Oh, I live in the, I live in this old,

old place. And, um, it is a big swirling. It's like a tub of water. I have an old school toilet. It's it's, I don't own this place. I'm a renter, but boy, that should be replaced. Now, now you go to like a Sheridan and they're so, they're so concerned about saving money on the water bill. There's like a teaspoon and you take these shits that just coat

the side of the bowl it looks like there was a car chase in there oh okay come on anyway once again children in there we're off the algorithm we're off the algorithm let's do the funnies we didn't really have to cheer up after that obituary but let's do it anyway have to cheer up after that obituary, but let's do it anyway. So Leroy's standing at the living room window. Loretta's reading a book and he goes, why are you staring at me like that? And then you read the cover of the book and it says, declutter your life. And now we got Hager the Horrible. And he really is horrible, Mike. I mean, what do you call rape besides horrible? So Lucky, his friend Lucky, says bye to his girlfriend.

And she's dressed in what looks like a bondage outfit you would see in Soho back in the 70s. And she's kind of hot. And she says, bye. And then Hager walks in and he goes, so what were you talking about? He goes, mostly about her. She told me she's a bad cook. She told me she has bad habits and a bad temper. And Hager goes, troubling and scary.

And then Lucky goes, she told me she's a good kisser. And then Hager pushes him out the door. Hurry, you can still catch up to her. And then the next frame says, and rape her. I mean, was kissing back, was that a thing in the medieval times? Was a woman expected to kiss back? I think maybe they would kiss them goodbye to make themselves feel better as if it was borderline consensual maybe right or they had one or over like yeah i decided when

you were done that maybe this felt consensual yeah right i don't know. All right, Far Side. Far Side. Far Side. What's that? Far Side, as they say in Boston. Far Side. We got Bob's Pets. You see a pet store, and there's a cat in the pet store,

and in the foreground, you see a tank, a fish tank, and it says piranha, $29.95. And then you look closer at the cat, and the cat has two wooden-legged peg legs. And he's kind of keeping his distance. He's as far from the piranha ball as he can get.

He's just staring at it. He's learned his lesson. I'm surprised he has a real tail. But it does remind me there's another, I don't think we've done it, there's another funny far side with a cat, which is there's a cat in bed sleeping with its owner, and there's a dog outside, and the dog has cracked the window, and it's just going put the cat out. Put the cat out.

This is another Ahab story. What is? Well, the fish ate the cat's leg. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Now he's got a wooden leg. Yeah, peg legs. All right, let's get to Blondie, which, again, I don't know why they even call it blondie anymore because this asshole who writes the cartoon whatever his name is evan young or john whatever

he it's only about dagwood it's it's it would be like you know calling sebastian's show john david who's his opening act we didn't come to see fucking John David. We came to see Sebastian. No offense, John. We want to see him take some simple stuff and really funny it up. Anyway, so Dagwood and Blondie are in bed. Of course, Blondie is up, perky, hair is done. She's reading a book.

She's got on a violet negligee one strap off the shoulder she's begging she's lonely she lives in hell all she wants some action from this guy who's wearing fucking donut pajamas and he's laying there and there's a little buzzing and a sign of like a fly buzzing around the room. So Dagwood goes, that mosquito is really getting on my nerves. He gets up, he gets a newspaper and he chases it around. Hold still, smack, got him. Now the lights are off again. He's in sleep. He's in sleep. He's asleep. And then he goes, ah, silence at last last and then there's a buzzing noise and blondie pops up out of bed and uh i mean i look is it funny no does he fuck her no it's like family circus

what's happening when did he lose interest in this strip yeah that's weird i mean how insulting is it to her that she comes to bed she's i know her she shaved her legs and she painted her toenails before she got into bed i guarantee it she did a couple of uh she did a uh summer's eve disposable douche a little right guard on the pits she's ready for action and donut guy is chasing a fly around. That's the only thing that gets his attention in this bed. Look around. Greg, I think you're missing this very savvy writer's intention here and the subliminal message.

So at last, silence, and he goes right to sleep. And then she's awake, and above her head it says Bzzz She is grinding her genitals with a vibrator Oh, that's the buzz Yes Got it And that's what she has to do

She's a woman and she has her needs She has probably kept the Radio Shack in their neighborhood in business with the amount of double D batteries she's bought for that thing over the years. And that's why the lights are out because when she fires it up, the whole lights in the neighborhood dim. Yeah, that's right. Because she's so tight. It sucks the energy out of it. That's the one that's plugged into the wall. She could barely fit that thing in there. She's got to get a small one. Oh, it's got tight. It sucks the energy out of it. That's the one that's plugged into the wall. She could barely fit that thing in there.

She's got to get a small one. Oh, it's got detailed. Okay. All right, listen, folks. I was talking about her ass. If you want to support the show, get your tickets at GameTime, the best app out there right now. You can download it and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase.

I also want to give a shout-out to American Gladiators. Check it out on Netflix. Anything you want to plug, Mike? Yeah, that Werner Herzog, the documentary about him called Burden of Dreams. And then let's check, let's see if the Dodger tickets, what do we got here? Dodgers are at $26 tonight. I think that's maybe where they were, but that's cheap. Get there.

Get there. On game time. Thank you to Chris Denman and the whole crew over at Midcoast Media. Does a fine job for us. Beth and Key and John. And of course, the lovely Chris Denman, who you're going to get to know very well in about a month. We'll catch you guys next time. Thanks for listening.

Take it easy, everybody. Take it eesh, everybody. Take it eesh! Hey there, Greg. Hey there, Mike. You know just what we like. Hey there, Greg. Hey there, Mike You know just what we like

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