Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 176 8/6/23

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

Giuliani is outdoing himself this week claiming he has breasts. Lizzo is sexually harassing and Zuckerberg prepares to lose his fight with Musk. Sadly, the video crashed. This week is audio only, sorry.

This ain't the show. This ain't the show. It's not Sunday Papers. It's Sunday Papers 2.0. It's Dennis Gubbins. He's stealing the show. Chris Denman is taking some time off from Storm in the Capitol. Record there. Check it, check it, check it. Ooh, that's a little hot, Fitzy. Let's take it down a notch. Check, check it check it check it oh that's a little hot fitzy let's take it down a notch check check one two one two one two stay on the mic so people don't complain about the sound you're gonna clappy clap clap clappity clap and five didn't hear a thing three two one read all about it there you. Read all about it. There you go. Read all about it.

Hear ye, hear ye. Extra, extra. Headlines coming in from Nashville, Tennessee. He's there again. He's there again. I'm a Florida man this week, Pat. Oh, you are? Yes.

You're down at your dad's? No. I'm at the Redneck Riviera. That's what they call it. I think that's racist and and classist and what else but it's rosemary beach it's also called 30a it's also called the panhandles malibu really this is what i can tell you the beaches are like the bahamas. It's unbelievable. They're nice, you mean? The clearest, whitest water.

This is... Wow, look at that. Yeah, look at that, listeners. Yeah, so I didn't really know about this. It's between Destin and Panama City, and it's this stretch. They call it 38 because that's the road. And sometimes they've called it Nashville South. But a lot of this part of the country

comes here. And now I kind of understand why. Wait, what are you doing down there? Who do you know? It's like a family reunion on Hannah's. They do it every year. So it's a family getaway, some big bombastic house, and it's in this community. I'm sure Carl Hyasson has written nasty things about it. Yeah. But, yeah, it's one of those

because the dunes are so incredible. Wow, because, you know, Pete Scott and Dudley were right in that neck of the woods last week. Oh, because you know, Pete Scott and Dudley were right in that neck of the woods last week. Oh, wow. So Chris just wrote the St. Louis suburbs are rampant with 30A stickers. Wow. Damn.

I got to tell you something. And they're gun racks. And they're we take care of our own in a small town bumper stickers. Here's the thing about you and me, Mike. There's a lot of things to say after that bumper stickers. Here's the thing about you and me, Mike. There's a lot of things to say after that setup. But here's the thing about you and me. Is it you and I?

No, me. Me and you. Is that we live the lives of very wealthy people. And neither one of us has really worked much. people and neither one of us has really worked much and we we've both you know we we live beyond our means and that and it's mostly because we've been lucky enough to meet people who have money but i think when people hear oh like i was in malibu this past weekend staying at a fucking mansion right in the malibu uh malibu what do they call it that little stretch i uh the colon the colony yeah malibu colony i was right there yeah

did i pay for it didn't pay a dime just friend of a friend unbelievable you should see i have a coffee table on top of an ottoman in the middle of that. That's my MO. But you know what it is also, I think, give us a little credit here. At least I feel this obligation. We kind of sing for our supper. I remember like 15, 20 years ago when I was married, this very wealthy family had a place up in Santa Barbara and we'd go up there and it was always, I think, July 4th, say. And so they would have shipped in all these mean lobsters. And it was just, it wasn't like a big party. It was probably 20 lobsters or something, which is a lot. Don't get me wrong, but it's not like it's a party for a hundred people.

or something, which is a lot, don't get me wrong, but it's not like it's a party for a hundred people. And so there'd be like, you know, 15 of us there. Anyway, I know this trick where I can put them all asleep doing headstands and it looks like Cadillac ranch. They're all lined up that they wanted me back every year just to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I know I get a little roasty at these things. I come in and I roast people a little bit. And rich people love to be roasted because nobody ever does that to them. Everybody's always kissing their ass. And it makes them feel a little more equal because they're probably ruining people's lives. That's how they got the money. That's right.

And I remember going to our friend George Close. His family, I think it was actually Mallory's family, his wife, and they both come from money, and we were in Rhode Island at their mansion, and I was with Sue Costello, my ex-girlfriend Sue Costello, who's from the heart of Dorchester, talks with the full accent, and she's a total ball buster, and she's funny.

And couldn't be poorer. She couldn't have less money at the time. No, no. Her to rich people, I know I'm overstating it. It's like the Explorers Club has found this wild animal, and they all want to study it, and they're fascinated by it. And they want it around all the time. They were constantly asking me to. We had broken up, and they're fascinated by it. And they want it around all the time. They were constantly asking me to.

We had broken up, and they were like, when's Sue coming back? I'm like, what about me? I can make fun of you, too. Yeah, but you don't have the accent. Exactly. Yeah. No, it's true. You have to be charming in those situations.

You have to bring a decent gift, be charming, and clean up when you're done. Oh, yeah. I've already been told. I've emptied the dishwasher three times. Yeah. I've been told, like, all right, we got it. By the way, even though it's only 90, it feels like— and last week I was in a 1077 degree driving down from the mountains. Camping was great. And the drive down with, and this feels hotter than 107. So anyway, we're reading,

dude, you had recommended ant kind. You did not recommend it strongly enough. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I am on the plane. I'm not making this up. The only reason I wasn't like really embarrassed with how much I was giggling out loud is I was seated next to two deaf people on Southwest. It's just luck of the draw. Is that what people tell you when they sit down next to you on a plane? We're deaf, by the way. And it's I had I had i had i thought of a racist joke like if if i was racist because they're sitting next to me and the guy they're both doing sign language and the guy's black and i thought like a a racist like or what a racist person would say is um he looked articulate though i love that you say if i was was racist, you had the thought. It's that you didn't have the thought for somebody else.

You had the thought. Nope. No, no. I was thinking I was in character. You know, I do these exercises where like, what if I was a woman? I make things less funny. Okay. Hold on.

And kind. I mean, Jesus Christ. There's okay 1914 1914 was a time of change the old man says ignoring my question we knew we had three years left before we would enter the first world war and that the second world war was scheduled to begin shortly thereafter the The Germans are nothing if not punctual. Well, he's the guy from Confederacy of Dunces, but with a different slant. But it's that same first-person narrative from a obnoxiously...

So have people... Like, I was going to Google Ignatius Riley and and kind. Are there a million people pointing that out? There's got to be. Well, you know, you know, I had a book club for the book, right? I know. And I couldn't catch up and I saw the size of it. I was intimidated. By the way, of course, now I'm like I'm like 80 pages in and all of a sudden I'm a reader recommending books to people. And like, yeah, I can't believe now I want to tell my daughters,

like you have to read, we're going to mandatory reading. It really is. You get your brain going. You should just be reading all the time. Yes. I'm reading, uh, Nabokov right now because I figure I always alternate between serious books and then I've, and then I'm rereading Confederacy of Dunces after that. That's what I packed for the trip. Nice. I think I might revisit it too. Cause I really don that. That's what I packed for the trip. Nice.

I think I might revisit it, too, because I really don't remember it much. But it is this voice for sure. All right. And a little update on Brother-in-Law George. So did I tell you about his pickleball accident? Yes. He ran into it. He hit his ribs on something on the wall.

Yeah, yeah. So he ran. He dove for it. He was a very competitive guy and he's playing his daughters and he did not want those bitches to win actually my daughter and his daughter he's playing sophie and kate and anyway ran into the fence but there was this metal box and that's what he hit and it was bad and they went to urgent care but then the technician wasn't there to take x-rays okay so he goes home i visit him this week i go over

there and i see him and he's like on the couch it's still not doing great but a little better and noticing a little improvement today uh text comes george is hooked up to a million tubes and he's in cedars and no he went finally he wasn't doing that great. And he went to his general, I think. And she took an x-ray. And as soon as she saw the x-ray goes, you have to go to the emergency room right now. No, he has five fractured ribs and a collapsed lung. No fucking way. Yeah, dude. He's that's that's him in cedars. Five fractured ribs and a collapsed lung. No fucking way.

Yeah, dude. He's that's that's him in Cedars. Holy shit. This happened like last Saturday. Today's Thursday. It might have even happened last Friday. Do you think he punctured the lung then or later? No, then.

No, he's been barely able to move. Yes. No, that's why she goes, you've got to rush there right now. Shit. Crazy. Fucking pickleball. Doctors were perplexed how I went around for so long with a collapsed lung. Yeah. Me or you would have been in the emergency room from the tennis court. Maybe. I don't know. Sometimes it's like if it's we also hate all that red tape and bullshit.

And if we think we're all right, I think we would have been. Wow. That's intense. All right. I'll have to send Laura a text. Go to the ER right now for surgery. I guess that's happening. Surgery.

Wow. They're sure the lung has been collapsed since the incident. So my sister goes, since the incident with the fence, and then he types from the hospital, the metal box. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's crazy. I wonder what's more painful for him, that metal box and the injury or my sister.

Oh, no. I have a guess. No, the most painful part is having to tell people for the rest of his life he got injured playing pickleball. I mean, this is a guy who played, like, full contact basketball his whole life. Yeah. No, and he dove for this because he was not going to lose that point yeah it was like the end of the match jesus another all right well you know uh how was your anniversary anniversary was great we spent it up there in um in malibu so it was very romantic

um took some walks and saw a lot of celebrities walking up the beach and uh we went out to this fancy greek restaurant up by malibu cove i don't know tavernato greek place tavernatonis or something yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah it's great very festive it's very festive and you go in and first of all if you go to a nice restaurant in Malibu, just enjoy the people watching. It is such a collection of out of touch caricatures. Guy like like 75 year old guys with like tight white pants and, you know, a high top Adidas with green tinted sunglasses and silver fox hair uh you know and just like women with fake tits and lips and uh it's just so funny these are the people that like you know all they do is recycle reuse and it's like and then they stick fake tits in their chest

right well they're keeping it going they're not buying yeah they're keeping new parts new parts yeah um but uh and then there was some guy at the bar i posted it on instagram if anybody wants to look at my instagram account it's just my name on instagram but there was a dog and he was like a like a giant labradoodle type of dog and they uh painted or dyed his hair to look like a tiger and then grew out the hair around the head to look like a lion and he calls it a liger and it's called henry the liger and apparently he's pretty famous in malibu and i didn't know whether it was cute or animal abuse i was somewhere in the middle. Well, do you know where a liger comes from?

Where? My first knowledge of it is the movie from Utah, you know, like with the llama and all that. Napoleon Dynamite. He used to draw ligers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. A lion.

A lion. And a lion times tiger is a real thing. Ligers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. A lion. A lion. And a lion times tiger is a real thing. Liger. Wow. Wow. Chris knows that. Now, who raped who? The lion or the tiger?

That's a good point. I wonder who's the dad. Yeah. So, tell me about the camping trip. You went camping with our uh, our friend, I won't say his name. He doesn't like to be mentioned on the podcast. Right. So we went up and, uh, the good news, we chose the Eastern Sierra because it would be cooler. And then when we got down to the, is that the place I told you to go where we went?

No, that's on the Western side and it was just too hot. It's too low in altitude. So I think as we mentioned, we parked the car at 10,000 feet. Anyway, where you park the car is 20 degrees cooler than where the town of Lone Pine.

So the town of Lone Pine and then you just drive up. It's probably not even 10 miles. It takes about you just drive up. It's probably not even 10 miles. It takes about a half hour, though. It's this just sidewinding road that goes up. And it was cold at night. I was shivering. I had to put my clothes on again because of the goddamn sleeping bag.

So it was cold at night, so it was great. And the lake was freezing. And how hot during the day? Not that hot up there. Like, you you know not even probably 80 nice yeah it was fine lots of snow no shit we walked through a lot of snow is still up there really yeah there was we would put our stuff in the snow right near our tents that's amazing yeah and you went in the water in the lake No, right near our tents. That's amazing.

Yeah. And you went in the water and the lake? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We went swimming too, which is great because it is really cold. And it's like putting ice on your body. So it was great. Wow, that's awesome. It was really, really awesome. I'll send you pictures.

It's really beautiful. It's very cool up there. And how far did you hike? I think we did 18 miles in three days. But generally, you're going up at its heaviest. You go up about six miles and it's not that big. This hike luckily is not that big of an incline. It's like 16 or 1700 feet or something, which is hardly anything quite honestly. But you've got a 60 pound backpack. No, it's much lighter than that. I overstated it. So the first time I went, I was not as good at this.

And I'd say my pack was probably around 50. And then, you know, just analogy in water is 32 ounces. So that's two pounds. So you clip that on. But we've gotten better and I don't bring as much water because especially when you know you're crossing rivers because you can just fill up again so there's things like that and i mean two pounds is a lot when you're trying to cut weight so anyway i'd say the pack was probably uh 40 or or with water and um so not not as bad and you guys did you stay in the same tent

or you had separate tents separate tents but we ran these two guys but did you stay in the same tent or you had separate tents separate tents but we ran into these two guys but you ended up in the same tent just for a spell yeah yeah and uh but these two other guys were going and they saw we had some fishing poles and we had bought the fishing license and they were going up to fish so they wanted to talk to us and then we kind of couldn't figure it out what they're like could they be gay and we're like so then we ran into them the next day up at this lake and we're like hey hey how are you doing and all this so they're like yeah it was really hot the first night is miserable basically everyone's altitude has altitude sickness but it's just the degree if you have really bad altitude sickness you're throwing up and shitting yourself. But if you have just mild, you basically have the

worst night's sleep the first night. So that's what it is. So anyway, they talked about they're like, yeah, it was terrible. You know, it was one of those where we just set up our tents, the mosquitoes were attacking us and we just got in the tent as soon as we could. And he's like, but you know, and then it's so early. So, you know, we put the, uh, the iPhone up in the tent. There's a little net, you know, we just watch TV with it. And the other guy, like a couple of minutes later goes, um, no, it's pretty cool. Cool though. You know, like we, we forced ourselves to eat. We weren't hungry. And then, but then we're there watching any, any gestures, the same thing, which means they're in the same tent and so i go

to ruby i'm like he didn't have to do that like were they hitting on us because we look like the gayest guys up there yeah a little broke back mountain yeah so i'm wondering yeah i'm wondering what they and they were a little rough they kind kind of looked like, you know, those uncles in Ozark, you know, the guy with the red beard or they were trying to like electrocute him on the dock or whatever. They looked like that. So it wasn't if they had been fit, young guys, clean shaven, then you think you guys might have said, fuck it. We're on a mountain. It's cold. There's snow. then you think you guys might have said, fuck it, we're on a mountain. It's cold. There's snow. Maybe, although with these guys, you know, the biggest thing I complain about is you have to bring a bear canister up there.

And I think if we, with these guys, the bear canister would have been my anus. If you get what I'm saying. Because these guys were bears. So the auction, people are bidding. Right now there's a charity called WGA Rage Sale, or I guess they want to pronounce it W Garage Sale. That's how you spell it. W Garage Sale. And if you go there or go to the website FitzDawg.com and you can bid on

playing golf with Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbon, Gibbons, and Gubbins. It's a five-some, including you. We're also going to sing like a barbershop quartet quintet. All expense paid round of golf, plus lunch, plus some swag from Penmar i already talked to

them they're going to donate some swag and uh and it's going to be uh it's going to be a great day of golf there'll be a lot of gambling you'll probably make your money back uh and right now yeah it's up to 620 so get in we'll teach you all the rules of like by the way does anyone else in the world play these like Malloy's game is it well known Saweetie and all that I think Malloy made these up there's a thing called a Murphy

which means you're off the green you're not on the putting surface and you have to chip and then put it in so two strokes from off the green and that wins a dollar from everybody in the group. If you don't make it, you owe everybody a dollar. And the catch is, what it does, though, is you're not really playing golf,

because if you're really just on the fringe, you would always use a putter, but to get the Murphy, you're not allowed. You have to use a wedge. You got to get the ball off the ground. Yes. And there's a bunch of bets like that. We'll play all of those.

And we carry dollar coins because you pay out at the end of every hole. Which, of course, with Gubbins means you haven't even gotten to the next tee. And he's like, dude, you owe me three. I was two up. Everyone's going to see that. Everyone's going to see it. Yeah. I mean, some people want to see if it's real.

People want to know, is this Gubbins phenomenon? Is the fact that the most difficult guy in the history of golf, do I want to play with that guy? Yes, you do. Just so you can believe it's real. The winner should also be obligated to yell, play them up to the fifth hole. Yes.

And Gubbins will walk you through how to do that. Here's the amazing thing about Dennis Gubbins. He will, there's a par three where he yells at groups ahead that are on this hole. Hey, wave them up. They are one, two, three, there are four holes ahead. Yes, and he yells across the golf course, because if you don't know anything about golf,

on par threes, when you're on the green, you're supposed to let the people that are back at the tee hit, because that's supposed to speed up play. So they hit, and then after they hit, you finish putting out and you move on. So he yells at people to do it. And guess what? When we're on the green, he never waves people up. Not never, but not always. Many times he does not. And then if you talk within a minute and a half before he hits the ball, there's supposed to be this cone of silence. Meanwhile, he talks in everybody's

backswing. Also, the confusing thing about him is he goes, talking's fine. Talking's fine in my backswing, everything. You just can't whisper, which is a really weird rule, and it's also very confusing because

the natural courtesy in you is you will, he said, we could keep talking, but let's not push it. Let's lower it down a little. And then he freaks out. No,

because his thing is he thinks everybody's talking about him all the time because he's a narcissist. And so he wants to hear what you're saying. I will be at a party and I swear to God, if I start talking about Dennis, he can be 30 yards away and he's like a prairie dog. I just see his head go up, and he's looking me right in the eyes. It's fucking eerie.

Is he about to open a can of food? Is he about to open a can of food? So you don't want to miss that. The logo this week comes from Blaine Kendall, which is ironic that his last name is ken doll when oh that is interesting it's barbie and ken on the beach we have another barbie submission which we will do next week because uh it's from a friend of the show so we're gonna go back to back posters. All right. And then, excuse me, the song this week comes from a regular DJ Seaweed.

What do you think of the song this week? We've got to send it to Gubbins, clearly. It's so great. It's about Gubbins and Denman. You can hear the full version at the end, although I think we can play the full version right here on the show show so thank you thank you for that dj seaweed corrections this is from brian gentlemen just finished listening to the july 30th podcast noticed a factual error that needs to be addressed i hate even doing this because i know we all make mistakes and you two are human

but mike ended the podcast by stating at one point that it's hard not to respect Sinead O'Connor. But in fact, he should have said, it's impossible not to respect Sinead O'Connor. Bravo to you both for providing what I consider to be the most subjective and heartfelt tribute to one of the greatest singers of all time. So there you go.

Then this one comes from... Oh. He said objective, right? Yeah, why? Oh, lots of love. I need to correct myself. I meant objective, not subjective. My dyslexia and an inability to write consistently

will win again. Oh, yeah, he did say subjective. Huh. I just read it as objective. I filter on the fly. The ghost of Tom Chode said, Often while I enjoy the pod, I find myself wishing I held the wild abundance of overconfidence you possess

when throwing out facts about music. Unfortunately for you, it's usually not rooted in fact, but more on a Swiss cheese-minded hunch, a flight of fancy, if you will. Not only did Paul Anka not write the smash hit Can't Take My Eyes Off of You, his version didn't appear until two years after the song's release. It was, of course, Frankie Valli

who had the big smash hit with that song, and it was written by Frankie's former Four Seasons band member, Bob whatever. Okay, we get it. We get it. Yep. Gary. All right. Hey, baby.

You can't even come close to making a bad version of that high note. I have not announced tour dates for the fall until now, but it is official. Got my fall schedule together. Tonight, this will come out today, Sunday. Tonight, the 6th of August, I will be at the Ryzen Dub

in Galway performing stand-up comedy in Ireland. So come on out and see that. Got a bunch of friends coming. My friend T.O. is coming, I think. And then our friend Tom O'Neill's, our friend Dimple's Liz has relatives. They're all coming. Escondido, September 22nd, 23rd.

Shirley Mass, Manchester, New Hampshire. Nashua, New Hampshire. Sacramento Punchline, October 12th through 14th, Arlington Draft House, Baltimore, Houston, Bakersfield, San Francisco, Chicago just announced. All these dates at FitzDawg.com. Come out and see some live comedy this fall. Wow. Yeah.

Nice. All right. You want to do this ad read since I'm sick of talking? Well, I'm going to be talking this whole podcast because I did all the stories. But yes. Oh, there you go. Are we talking about game time? Yeah.

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Remember, we've been tracking Taylor Swift. It was $800 for the last few weeks. $324 on game time right now. I see that. That's crazy. Beyonce was up to $400 hundred it's now 157 dollars well i'm down here and in tallahassee you can go see soldier boy for 38 bucks how about that that's not bad what else max and igor 43 bucks yeah now it's

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It's right there to use, and we've used it a number of times. It's really easy. Snag the tickets without distress with GameTime. Download the GameTime app. Create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download GameTime today.

Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Nice. All right, paper. We got a crinkle? I have plastic that'll make a sound. And gift wrapping. Oh, that's a nice sound. Oh.

Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Front page. 100% that bitch. Lizzo has spoken out, finally, in response to several of her tour dancers leveling allegations of sexual harassment

against her calling their claims sensationalized stories. Earlier this week, a lawsuit filed by three of the singer's tour dancers alleged that Lizzo had sexually harassed them and created a hostile work environment through sexual, racial and religious harassment or harassment. She's also destroying the craft services table. They don't even mention that in the lawsuit. Liz has said the last few days have been gut-wrenchingly difficult and overwhelmingly disappointing. And I say, God bless her and how unselfconscious she is. If I were her, and I know I'm wrong, but I would have chosen a different term than gut-wrenching, just saying.

I just think we all get an image, and that means it's really bad. Yeah. If it's wrenching her. Lizzo allegedly pressured a dancer. Here it is. Here are the deets. Here it is. Here are the deets. Lizzo allegedly pressured a dancer to touch a nude performer at a club and forced several dancers to take part in an excruciating 12-hour audition. It also alleges that the singer's dance captain, Charlene Quigley, pushed her Christian beliefs on performers

and denigrated those who had premarital sex this suit also says that quigley quigley simulated oral sex shared lewd sexual fantasies and talked about her performer's virginity so when i go those all sound like the reasons you get into show business when i got to the end of that sentence i'm like where's where's the heavy stuff? Are you kidding me? Yeah. Is this what front page lawsuit worthy sexual harassment looks like in hip hop now? Yeah. Right.

What's happening? Remember Lil' Kim sees a shooting and doesn't snitch to save her own ass and goes to jail for a year. Yeah. Where there was definitely sexual harassment going on. Oh my God. And then, oh my God, look at this. Look at the sun on my face.

Hold on. And then, well, I guess I don't care. And then not only that, she forgave the guy who did snitch, which that's how they found out she lied to a jury and she went to jail for a year. She even forgave that guy. Wow. Yeah. Come on, Lizzo.

What is this? You would have got a human resources department on your tour is this a safe space come on she simulated oral sex she was eating a hot dog hot dogs hot dogs yeah is it really simulated how many guys have like six dicks in one bun? How many? And that's what Lizzo was doing. Also, by the way, the touching a new dancer, that means they're out partying. Right. That's not on the clock. She forced you. You touched the new dancer.

That's what the new dancer is there for, to be touched. And since when is a Christian not pushing their beliefs? It's what they do. It's what they do. I mean, are they suing every Jehovah's Witness who shows up at their door at home? Yeah. I mean, people, their job is to get you to join their religion. I don't know why. I don't know why it's always in the byline or the bylaws of a religion that you need to go out and get other people. I mean, like, I don't have a religion, but I got a group of friends. I don't ask people to join. I want less people in my group of friends. I think even Judge Judy would be like, what are we doing here?

Honestly. Right. And the premarital sex, how hurt were your feelings? The whole world judges that obviously to a lesser extent today but like get over it yeah come on people oh my god poor i'm on team lizzo team lizzo on that one here we go rude rudy oh mr giuliani noelle Dunphy sued Rudy Giuliani for $10 million in May, filing a 70-page complaint chock full of graphic allegations and text messages. She alleged Giuliani forced her to have oral sex, that's better than kissing him, and intercourse with him, in addition to making sexist, racist, drunken, and anti-Semitic remarks when she worked for him from 2019 to 2021.

Wow, you spent a lot in it, two years. Yeah, and those were quiet pandemic years. She also revealed that she recorded some of their interactions. So here's what was recorded. Quote, Come here, big tits. Come here, here big tits your tits belong to me give them to me i want to claim my tits he's got a brush up on his sex talk i'm sorry i want to claim my tits i want to claim my tits these are my tits giuliani said in one March 12th, 2019 exchange.

Quote, these breasts belong to me. Nobody else can get near these, okay? I don't care if they're flirting or they give you business cards. These are mine. You got it? Understand? I'm very fucking possessive. I've gone easy on you.

As Giuliani stressed to Dunphy that I've been easy on you, she responded, I don't know. You're pretty tough on me, according to the transcript. When Giuliani again demanded, give them to me, referring to Dunphy's breast, she replied, maybe before the transcript cuts off. Wow. I hate to take Giuliani's side here. first of all it sounds like he was america's mayor of titty city which is any city the mayor of titty city we did on the ben show he's america's mayor of titty city but it sounds like she's being a bit coy no a little coy um You know, she did stay with him for two years, which is very strange. And you never know what's going on in a relationship if there's role play. Look, again, I do not want to defend Rudy Giuliani.

No. But at the same time, like, you know, what kind of games were they playing? You know, it sounds like he wants to get breast implants. Those are my titties. I want those titties. Can you get me a pair of those titties? I think Trump probably heard this and was like, I want those titties too.

Have you seen her? Did you see a picture of her? No. Every single article I found prominently showed a picture of her tits. Like they knew why people were looking for the story and their, their big tits. Yeah.

I doubt Giuliani made this up. Yeah. He makes up, he saves all his made up stuff for politics. Um, I would imagine he motorboated her and then she ended up with mascara in her cleavage. He, he constantly wanted to recount her tits.

That's what was going on. One, two, one, two. Yeah. Also, what's his obsession? Maybe to him they were kind of like symbolic of the Twin Towers, which is how he really made his name for himself. Right. And he wanted to fly his name for himself. Right. And he wanted to fly a missile into them. Yeah.

He wanted to save them. They're mine. They're mine. They're the city of New York's towers. These are mine. Right. I want the towers. I want the towers.

Yeah. Okay. Should we move on to this Zuckerberg craziness? Yeah. It's just a shame. I just, I had such, seemed like such a good guy before i heard this about him imagine how much uh hair dye she gets all over her boobs i literally just made that joke three seconds ago did you really yeah you weren't listening no i was scanning i said he i said he motorboats her and she comes up with dye on her cleavage.

That's better than what I said. I was scanning down the document and I died so I didn't hear you. Which is good. We both did it. And now you get credit. Mark Zuckerberg builds Octagon in Back Garden to train for Elon Musk's super fight, leaving his wife, Priscilla Chan, fuming. And I guess he made available to the public a screen grab of their text exchange. And he goes to his wife, did you see the octagon I put in the backyard? Yes, I saw it. It looks awesome.

Mark, we have plenty of yard space, exclamation point. I have been working on that grass for two years. So to say these are rich people problems is putting it lightly. So anyway, Mark Zuckerberg has gone to great lengths to make sure he's ready for the potential Elon Musk super fight. What? I mean, you know, the guy I went went hiking with goes this is the glitch in the matrix this is this is it's all going to explode they've run out of ideas for us and now the programmers in this simulation that we're living in are having the two biggest nerds who are the

new heroes fight each other yeah yeah and he goes he thinks as soon as the first punch is thrown everything blows up and disappears wow i like that yeah but here's the cage match i want to see i want to see zuckerberg versus the winklevoss twins that's what we're all been waiting for yeah and the but this is the problem the winklevosses. That's what we're all been waiting for. Yeah. And the, but this is the problem. The Winklevoss is are going to have to come up with the idea first and then old Zuck will announce it. And I'm all in on the Winklevoss is they're going to destroy him with all that pent up rage. And then Zuckerberg is going to steal the belt. If they do win it, he's going to just keep stealing from him. He's going to keep stealing from him. Yeah. I mean, that's a tough fight. Those dudes are like six foot four. They're ripped. They were rowers.

And, uh, and like you said, they're fucking angry. Yeah. And so anyway, Zuckerberg revealed he's also munching on a whopping 4,000 calories a day on a diet that consists of McDonald's, just when he thought he was smart, in a bid to offset all the activity. The Facebook founder recently showed off a new blue belt in jujitsu, the next color above the beginner-level white belt. After he won his first amateur jujitsu tournament, Zuckerberg beat the shit out of a six-year-old is what i'm guessing and by the way he posted with his new blue belt like next to an instructor

like he's like he's eight yeah i so i don't even think he that guy has no time he didn't even earn that belt he he paid for it he paid for the blue belt the way we all paid for our blue checks baby um the the head of meta is about to end up on the mata that's a stupid joke that's what it is i just think look either way the world loves this because either way a douchebag billionaire is going to get humiliated so we all win i mean i think both will it's not going to be a pretty win for the winner either no way yeah it's so ridiculous i mean in a way i think they they both think that they're tough guys but they wouldn't win a fight against a real person they're just the softest most fucking jelly bellied fucking self-satisfied they need to fight i want to see a real fight i want to see a guy and his wife with two kids stranded in a tesla

that has no power because there was no charging stations around. I want Zuckerberg to fight a guy who is an MMA social influencer who lost his blue check. That's a fight. I like that a lot. Yeah. That's the next fight. You know what maybe the future is with the disappearance of the middle class and all of a sudden it's like Roman times and they're gonna put up fights to please the poor masses i think uh what we start doing is whose bodyguard

can beat up whose bodyguard oh that's good and that'll be a real thing that you would say joe rogan's will take anybody joe rogan's are all like Navy SEALs that do MMA. And they're badass motherfuckers who also happen to be the most like gentle, sweet guys. But they they'll they'll kill any of these guys. Yeah, I imagine. I'm surprised they didn't go in like the Israeli military or some other military that's known for the yeah the new spartans in the world wherever they are well that's the big thing for hollywood celebrities was always to get the israeli military guys the club my god whatever yeah right i remember that um all righty here we go good news for okay he expressed disinterest in hosting no and then we thought is it tough if denman and don't know each other yeah tough for both of them and although Denman seems to get along with all white people.

But so. You're going to Europe tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, I leave for Ireland for a week and then I go to Spain for a week. So there we so we have one podcast that I won't be around for and we have to let's let's hash it out. that I won't be around for. And we have to, let's hash it out. It can either be Denman and Gubbins together, which Gubbins is afraid of, or it could be you and Gubbins together, which might make them more comfortable.

And also then we'll have one person that, well, I don't know how the technology would work if it was Gubbins and Denman. We wouldn't care. I would just watch it when it came out Sunday and see what happened. Yeah. Do you have a second mic? Do you think you could have Gubbins?

Oh, no, you don't have cameras. You'd have to do it on a computer either way. Denman just wrote, I own a studio. Yeah, that's true. Um, all right. Maybe it's all three of you. All right. Did you want to talk about our scheduled golf with Dennis that happened last week? I mean, this is unbelievable. He asks us, he asks like eight people

if they want to play golf up in fucking way out in Simi Valley on a 90 degree day on a Monday. So on Friday, I text him and I go, I can't make it. I'm sorry, but I can't make it. It's me and my wife's anniversary. There's can't make it. It's my wife's anniversary. It's me and my wife's anniversary. See how I, there's a Freudian slip. It's my wife's anniversary. That's amazing.

It's both of our anniversaries. I'm surprised you don't play golf if it's only her anniversary. And so I said, I want to be home. I don't want to be running in the door an hour late, sunburnt and exhausted. And so I passed. And then all of a sudden I get a text from on Tuesday, you guys owe me 60 bucks. Cause you, you missed your tea time. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? In fairness, he kind of said it was my fault. So

what happened was I forgot about this. Didn't put it down, came back from camping. And then he's like, Hey, can you play tomorrow? And then out of nowhere, there was a zoom, which I was not in violation of the strike, but there was a zoom I had to do all of a sudden at that time. And so the zoom had been moved a bunch and I'm like, I can't move it again. And what a bad excuse. Like, sorry, I'm playing golf on a weekday, a workday. So anyway, I really should eat it. But I do want to ask him questions like, why did they let one go? Because I don't think he canceled yours on Friday. Well, look, I mean, we're going to have to get into it.

He said he was going to argue with the golf course and try to get the $60 back, but I don't see how I'm on the hook. I'm in Malibu trying to live my life. Yeah, celebrating Aaron's anniversary. Right. Let's keep going here. Entertainment, pal. She's done it for 30 years.

it's your it's your fifth anniversary and it's aaron's 20th 23rd um all right entertainment leah remini leah remini sues scientology for harassment seeks to end the church's alleged suppressive person's retribution policies so just days before a critical pre-sentence hearing for convicted rapist and prominent Scientologist Danny Masterson is scheduled to take place in downtown L.A., the church finds itself back in court. Leah Remini filed a blistering complaint against the L. Ron Harvard-created organization and its leader, David Miscavige, whose wife is totally missing. Missing, gone, misplaced. Miscavige misplaced.

Anyway, the complaint states, for the past 10 years, Ms. Remini has been stalked, surveilled, harassed, threatened, intimidated, and moreover, has been the victim of intentional, malicious, and fraudulent rumors via hundreds of Scientology-controlled and coordinated social media accounts that exist solely to intimidate and spread misinformation. So it goes on, I don't have to read it, but it goes on for a while about how they would do this, the accounts that they would run and create just for that purpose. Anyway, the thought came to me, this sounds like a perfect case for Paul Blart, mall cop, and why didn't she call her old buddy before now? Why did she let it go this far?

I mean, he could get on one of those things you stand on, right? Yeah. That cruises around on wheels. Which I think they're all on Craigslist now. What were those things called? E-ways? Segways? Segways. Segways. I think Segways headquarters was in Santa Monica. I'm not even kidding. And do you know that the guy who created the Segway went over a cliff on a Segway and died? I did hear that. They had off-road Segways, which sounds like a sketch. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, maybe she... What about her part in this? Maybe she's making some bad choices. This organization has made heterosexual movie stars out of Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

Do the math, Leah. Dance with the girl that brought you to the dance. You think she would have been on King of Queens if it wasn't for Scientology? They opened doors. I think her mom. Her mom got her involved, I think. Which is a classic story of moms

getting their kids advanced in the entertainment business. All I know is I left Catholicism and no one ever harassed me or came to try to get me back. I think that with Catholicism, they wait for you to be replaced by Mexicans and the babies that they want that let the parishioners abort. That keeps the pews filled. Greg, they also front load the abuse. They don't wait. They don't wait till you're leaving. You're leaving because of the abuse.

Yeah. You actually stop abusing you once you hit 18. Yeah. They can't reach you anymore. Right. Or you've grown too old, you know, to cuddle. Yeah. Oh, my God.

The craziest thing happened two nights ago. I was at the West Side Comedy Theater in Santa Monica, great little club, and I'm on stage, and I'm talking to this girl, and I go, oh, what are you doing in town? She's like, I'm here for therapy. I go, what kind of therapy?

She said said trauma therapy i said and then of course any normal person would then go all right so uh i went to 7-eleven yeah just move on i go so what's the trauma wait you're on stage this is public yeah yeah oh jesus i of course go what was the trauma and she goes it was my father and i of course, go, what was the trauma? And she goes, it was my father. And I, of course, once again, could have started a bit about going to the beach. Now, what did your father do? No. I go, did your father beat you?

And she goes, no, worse. And I said, and I just, and then I just literally stood there and I went, I don't know where I go from here, folks. And then like and I said, but you seem so sweet. You see, she goes, yeah, I know. People tell me that I'm like that they want to like mother me. I said, yeah. I said, I just feel like holding you. I feel like cuddling you. I go, that was the wrong thing to say. I go, I did not mean to say it like that. I see what your dad saw on you oh you're very sweet and so so the set goes off the rails after that i leave the stage and neil brennan's on next and i

go oh my god the craziest thing just happened he goes what i go i was talking about this girl and she's here for some trauma therapy and they're like and now neil brennan so he doesn't hear the rest of it he goes on stage immediately walks over to her and he goes so i hear you're in therapy and the whole thing started it fell on him like an avalanche oh my god and she was alone she was sitting in the front row alone. Going there for some laughs. Yep. Ugh, what did he hit you? No worse.

What, he ignored you? Oh, God. Keep just going with bad guesses. All right, so a 21-year-old from Rhode Island went viral after she tossed her bra on stage during the rapper Drake's concert. He picked it up and he said to the packed out crowd, 36G, locate this woman immediately. Not only did fans locate her after she shared a TikTok of her throwing efforts at the concert, but so did Playboy. Veronica Correa captured the attention of the adult magazine after the video of her bigger-than-average bra

did the rounds on social media. She received a message from Playboy via Instagram, inviting her to become a creator with them. They wrote, We recently launched a new invitation-only Playboy app that gives creators the opportunity to earn by monetizing exclusive content similar to the ones you've already been posting on instagram and tiktok she accepted the offer and is now one of playboy's creators

calling it a dream come true she also revealed that she has not gotten the bra back from Drake. It's a size 36G, which, you know, that's great that that will lead to that kind of attention. Meanwhile, a woman threw a 34A cup bra on stage and she got an invite to be the new spokesperson for the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. So that's, you know, everyone's getting in on

the action they're still so active yes i mean the itty bitty titty committee the thing is you can fit a lot of them in a room or even a phone booth you know i think when drake was like locate this woman giuliani's like on it i've got her i'm telling you I've got her But they're mine Those are my titties And then some guy who threw his shit stained boxes up there Got an invite from Charmin Baby Wipes To be an influencer also What's a dream come true To be with a magazine

That's no longer a magazine Like it seems like This maybe was a dream come true in the 70s? Yeah. Like, maybe. Is she also going to get sponsored by Blockbuster and Pan Am? Like, what kind of dreams does she have? Yeah, free flights for life. That's what we're going to pay you.

Yeah. I'll have my tab colasas and it would be fantastic remember when Pan Am used to get hijacked all the time that seemed like they must have had no TSA was there even TSA back then or did you just walk on the plane that's a great

I wonder what it was like at it's most minimum yeah I mean just nothing I would imagine what it was like at its most minimum. Yeah. Uh, I mean, just nothing. I would imagine. And then the first thing was your bags probably.

Maybe not you bags, but not you. I mean, certainly everybody was bringing their cigarette lighters on the plane. Oh yeah. All right. I don't know. Okay. it's time to make america where i am right now florida beloved florida manatee's death at aquarium came after traumatic sex injury. The records show the death of Hugh, a 38 year old manatee who died in April at Sarasota, Florida's moat marine aquarium

could have been prevented according to new records that detail the beloved animal's death. Skew died from a 14.5 centimeter rip in his colon and other traumatic injuries caused by a sexual encounter with another larger male manatee at the facility. So who knew these beloved gentle sea cows were violent anal rapists? Jesus. I know. Iists. Jesus. I know. I mean, although I have to say, it's kind of his fault. He was being a real manatee. All right.

You've clearly changed your meds, and I don't know if this has led to the unrelenting wordplay that's happening. It's because I was so busy, I looked at the script for like five minutes before the show started, and I just put in the corniest jokes I could find. Oh, God.

Although I have to say, if I had to fuck a fish, and there may be a time when I do, it would definitely be a manatee. They're gentle, they're kind of curvy they're approachable and afterwards they're not going to talk not like those fucking dolphins yeah and you could clearly you can tear their ass up you like doing that 14 centimeters i gotta i gotta check that out on a ruler yeah exactly so get this right off this beach. Manatees.

Really? Yeah, you rent a kayak. You can go right over them. But we saw some of them were breathing because they can be underwater. I wonder how long a manatee can be underwater. I think it's hours. No, it's only 12 minutes. Oh, is that really it? It's 12 minutes and then they have to surface for air. That's why they're constantly getting hit in the head by boats like your stupid kayak and soon my kayak exactly they are see i don't like calling them sea cows when they can hear me though it seems a little rude yeah it's racist but also like racist you gotta think of course he got raped in the ass. An aquarium is basically a prison for fish. It's like, yo, we got fresh meat.

I'm going to hit that prison pocket in the yard. Yeah, that manatee, the poor guy Hugh, should have aligned himself with the white supremacists or some group. You got to pick early. The belugas. You got to hook up with the belugas. Those are bad motherfuckers. Those are the white supremacists, exactly.

Let's make Australia, Florida. Okay. A grandfather paid $5,000 to banana picker John Yalu, who's 36 years old, to amputate his leg with a circular saw. Police confirmed that other men in the town, I read the whole article and that he had gone up to all these different fishermen in this town and they had all been asked to help sever his leg with a battery powered circular saw that he carried around in a late model vehicle.

Yalu has been charged with Mr. Tal's grisly murder. And maybe, I'm thinking maybe Banana Picker is not the best occupation to draw from. No. It says it right in the draw title. He picks. He doesn't cut.

Maybe he could have picked your leg off, but an electric saw? Yeah. Wrong guy. Wrong guy. Not what he does does different kind of guy also this guy doesn't listen this john yalu guy doesn't listen he told him don't kill me just hack my entire leg off with the saw but i repeat do not cause me to die circular saw in his car this is a very like australian tough aggro way to go yeah um i think what

happened was a confusing story but he was immediately unconscious bleeding everywhere and never woke up but then they searched for the guy and then he died later because there was other things going on but yeah it yeah, that's the weirdest thing ever. Imagine that. Why not do it yourself? Yeah. Come Mr. Tallyman, tally my bananas. Daylight

coming, I want to go home. Okay. We're going to sports pal sports sport it up sports michael rubin is putting romance rumors surrounding kim kardashian and tom brady to rest speculation around a potential relationship between the two grew during the fanatic CEO's star studded annual white party on the 4th of July. I thought that was didn't was that Puff Daddy had the white party on the 4th of July. Yeah, white parties are a thing. But I think this time white party means this is the time Kim's going to go white. is the time Kim's going to go white. Oh, I see.

Yeah. So anyway, he addressed the crazy rumors, noting how stories get out of hand. He's ready for this, Mike? He's a buccaneer. She's a fucking here. Come on. Wow.

It's getting worse. You don't have a lot of time yet. You made time for that. Yeah. What I'm noticing is she just can't keep her hands off Trumpers. Yeah, right. She doesn't see color. Yeah. She doesn't see.

You know what color she sees? A red hat. Yeah. That's what she sees. Kanye and now Brady. And yes, Brady's a Trumper. He's worse than a Trumper. He's worse than a Trumper. He's worse than a Trumper. He then turned his back on Trump by going to Biden's White House with a Trump joke,

stabbing Trump in the back. Yeah. He's Judas. He's Judas. Well, I see why he's interested in her. She's a wide receiver. I'm a hack. I'm a hack. And I've clearly given up on this podcast. She is a wide receiver. We know that. It's been documented on video. Yes.

Are we doing international? No, let's get right down to this day in history. Let's do it at auburn prison in new york the first execution by electrocution oh execution by electrocution in history wordplay is carried out against william kemler who'd been convicted of murdering his lover matilda ziegler with an axe a lot of people you know what's funny is you don't see a lot of axes laying around but when it comes to murder it seems to be the weapon of choice yeah they should almost you know how you can't get benadryl in a CVS without a prescription now because they'll use it? They should do that with axes at hardware stores.

You don't need a prescription or anything, but it's locked behind the counter, so you can't buy. You can't steal 30 of them. Electrocution as a humane means of execution was first suggested in 1881 by a dentist. in 1881 by a dentist. He'd witnessed an elderly drunkard painlessly killed after touching the terminals of an electrical generator in Buffalo.

In the prevalent form of execution at the time, death by hanging, the condemned were known to hang by their broken necks for up to 30 minutes before succumbing to asphyxiation. In 1889,

the New York Electrical Execution Law went into effect, and they designed an electric chair. It resembled the modern device. Davis's chair was fitted with two electrodes, metal discs held together with rubber, and covered with a damp sponge. Oh, man. together with rubber and covered with a damp sponge oh they were applied to the criminal's head and back and in on august 6 kremler became the first person to be sent to the chair how did it go greg well after he was strapped strapped in a charge of approximately 700 volts that's like that's like a couple of light bulbs was delivered for only 17 seconds before the current failed

although witnesses reported smelling burnt clothing and charred flesh kemler was far from death a second shot was prepared the second charge was a thousand volts and applied for two minutes where upon smoke was observed coming from the head of Kemmler, who was clearly deceased. An autopsy showed that the electrode attached to his back had burned through to the spine. Dr. Southwick applauded Kemmler's execution with the declaration, we live in a higher civilization from this day on. That's insanity. I looked up this prison um joey gallo the famous colombo crime family guy

went there robert chambers the preppy murderer did 15 years there wow damn it was a model prison meaning that they really built other prisons based on this one, on not only its architecture, but the way they ran it and stuff like that. Who else? Wait, there's other guys that I looked up. What year was it built? It was built in the 1800s. I think it said it at the beginning there. 1800s.

I think it said it at the beginning there. Yeah. Because Sing Sing prison, which is the next town up from where I grew up. Yeah. Let me see what year is built. This was built in 1890. No way.

It was the second state prison in New York after Newgate. And it was the, oh no, the first electric, sorry, the first electric chair was 1890. Well, Sing Sing Prison. Holy shit, dude, it opened in 1818. Okay. Wow. Sing Sing opened in 1825. And it was built with marble from a nearby quarry and it was built by

the original prisoners so they basically stood there with shotguns pointed them at the prisoners who built it and then when they were done they went okay get inside amazing

that's amazing it was sing sing by the way i'm very proud of it because it's one town up from us and a lot of my friends fathers were prison guards at sing sing my friend keith's father uh actually worked there and was selling drugs to the inmates and then was put into prison himself for selling drugs to the inmates. Ah. Oh, you know who also was there? Poor kid. Corey Wise. He was falsely convicted in the Central Park jogger case.

Oh. He was there. You know, all those guys then were released. Yeah. And that's giuliani and trump giuliani and trump were very big players in getting those innocent kids in jail um i also want to point out a couple of uh fun facts about sing sing you've heard of the phrase going up the river yeah that. That's going up the Hudson River to Sing Sing prison. And it was also when you hear the big house, that's Sing Sing prison, the big house. And your mom used to get moist watching out a window. She used to look

into the yard, right? When my mom sold our house, she moved to Ossining and she lived about a quarter of a mile from Sing Sing and from her balcony on the seventh floor with binoculars. You could watch the pickup basketball games. And no, she did not get wet. She just enjoyed basketball. I'm just repeating what you said. It's fine. I never said that. Okay.

What else do we got here? I'm sorry. I'm just... Lucky Luciano went to Sing Sing. Ooh. All right. Oh, no. A lot of famous crime people went there.

All right. Let's get to some letters to the editor. You got it, pal. Here you go. Paper. Okay. We're still talking about what our new merch is going to be for the fall we've got a lot of great suggestions from you guys keep them coming campbell suggests beer koozies it may be a florida thing where i live but everybody uses them and it seems to be easy to ship i fucking like that that. I kind of like this idea.

It was low-hanging fruit. Why is Campbell coming up with this? Thank you, Campbell. We just don't get it. I mean, my brother-in-law has a koozie in his hand all day long. He loves koozies. That's one sold right there. They work.

They work. Koozies absolutely keep that shit cold. All right, we got some mail. Jeff Briggs says, I heard Mike on another of my favorite podcasts, a typical disgusting display, a podcast for writers by writers who hate writing. And as I have always enjoyed Greg's work,

I tuned in and I've been bringing, binging the show from the beginning. My favorite episodes of FitzDog Radio were always the ones where Mike was on. I was so happy when you guys started Sunday Papers. Hands down, the best thing to come out of the pandemic. Totally worth it.

Also, if we only get one life, I hope you guys know how lucky you are to live it with a friendship like yours. I love you guys. Take care jeff briggs jeff briggs should write in every week that was a feel-good letter yeah thank you jeff and he pointed out our friendship look at all that yeah very sweet of you jeff what is that podcast that you did it's goldie and alex sulkin you know both of them. Yeah, of course. So they started one.

They were very complimentary of ours. They plugged it. Nice. And were very self-deprecating about how theirs is not nearly what ours is. And, yeah, they wanted to talk about, you know, they have writers on. Sometimes they have no guests, but they'll have writers on and talk about their career. And, you know, I met both of those guys. Now, Sulkin is running Family Guy and Goldie is, you know, a very celebrated writer. And but we all started in Kilbourne's writing.

I was just going to say, it's pretty amazing when you look at the people that started on Late Late Show with Craig Kilbourne, how many of them have become huge writers? Yeah. And it was like the first job for most of them, right? And Billy Kimball, I think, just recently won an Emmy for Veep. He was the not only showrunner, but head writer, too. And, you know, assembled this team. Most were East Coast, if not all, I think. And, yeah, it was kind of a murderer's row.

Ross Abrash, of course, famous Norm Macdonald writer. And then you are we allowed to say this? Sure. You then got him a job and he's been a coveted writer for Howard Stern for a decade more. Well, before that, he had also written for Saturday Night Live. He had written for Letterman. You know, this guy had a lot of credits, but he was living in New York where there's not a ton of writing jobs. And it just came up where they told me they were looking for a writer at Stern. And I go, stop looking. It's over.

I got your guy. Because I already knew Ross was a Stern fan. So, yeah, it's worked out well for him. Totally. And Ross is a Stern fan. So, yeah, it's worked out well for him. Totally. Ross is a machine. He's great. Dan Mayer says, awesome tribute to Sinead on the Sunday Papers.

Mike and you hit it out of the park on that one. She was a brilliant artist who spoke truth to power and paid dearly for it. I didn't know about Madonna trashing her back in the day and hadn't heard Morrissey's powerful condemnation of music industry execs just a few days ago. Thanks for the segment. Yeah, I've been thinking about her.

You know, I listened, if you want a gentle album that's not as strident, you know, and people might have this image of her being very militant. I think I might have brought this up last time, but I think it's called Oak. What the hell is it called? Oak something. Look for it.

It's where she lived, and it's the name of the train stop near her. Royal Oak or something. I'll look it up. Keep going. All right. Let's get to the obituaries. Here we go. Yes.

And that's all, folks. All right, you all knew it was coming. You knew we were going to talk about the late, great Paul Rubens. God damn it. Who was a character that, I mean, very few people have taken a character and made it so ingrained in pop culture. Like, Pee Wee Herman was, he was really, what's the word?

Avant-garde? I don't know, but like his show, and it's so funny because he died because I said to my kids a month ago, I go, because they're always looking for movies to watch peewee's peewee's great adventure big adventure uh what was was that the movie that was the movie right and then the show was called peewee's playhouse um really like iconoclastic i think is that the word i think and you know almost subversive you know in a way like you know because it was it was actually like edgy yeah it's gospel oak uh chris just put in the shenade album it's

um so you know you know he wrote that with phil hartman no shit he wrote peewee's big adventure with phil hartman there might have been another writer but the two of them because they were both groundlings you know peewee went to boston university also no yep in the acting program there awesome and gina davis i think also yeah i know she did yeah and he would like her i think take the train in new york whenever he could for auditions for Broadway and stuff. Wow. Yeah, but Pee Wee, so I remember vividly, I was a young kid, and my friend Chris and I were going to go see Pee Wee's, the movie, and Chris had kind of intellectual parents who were both lawyers and hardcore New York Times readers.

They're like, we're going to the movies. And I'm like, what are you going to see? And we're like, Pee Wee's Big Adventure. And the mom's like, what are you wasting your time for? The New York Times calls it silly. And we're like, yes. Yeah, right, right. And it's amazing.

And the New York Times hopefully has recanted that review. You know, a lot of times reviewers revisit and said, you know, we kind of had that wrong. Because I think they gave a negative review. Well, they destroyed Animal House. They destroyed Stripes. They destroyed, you know, any of those kinds of movies. Caddyshack. They all got bad reviews.

Oh, there's so many people who gave bad reviews to Bonnie and Clyde, and then they go back and they revisit it. 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, it's so goddamn funny. And then did you see the viral clip going around this week of when he's making a balloon, a giant balloon squeak and how long it goes on? And it's one of those, it's really funny. Then it gets annoying and then it's so annoying. It gets funny again. And those are so hard to pull off. Yeah. Those are my favorite jokes.vin mean he was the king of that oh yeah so anyway he he died at 70 he was um he was a very you know he had cancer but he kept it very quiet uh he said at the end please accept

my apology for not going public with what i've been facing the last six years he said that on monday with the announcement of his death i have always felt a huge amount of love and respect for my friends, fans, and supporters. I have loved you all so much and enjoyed making art for you. Created for the stage, Pee Wee, with his white chunky loafers and red bow tie would become a cultural constant in both adult and children's entertainment for much of the 80s.

Though an indecent exposure arrest in 1991 would send the character into entertainment exile for years. That was such bullshit. I mean, what else do you do in a pornographic theater? You masturbate. It's like going to an amusement park and squealing with delight. He was visiting his parents in Florida and had to get out of the,

how you went to a theater. Yeah. Went to the place where it's supposed to happen. Yeah. I mean, what do they think people go and watch a film there? Of course you're going to jerk off. Jesus.

He probably made that noise. That's the problem. All right. So very quickly, one little story I worked with him. I promise I'm not not making this about me but it was the guy's choice awards and it sounds like a joke but it was really star studded anyway it was right before his big comeback in fact i think this was one of his first appearances again and so i was the head writer i was calling you they're like they're like you know mr rubens wants to see you in hair

and makeup i'm like okay so i go in there and he just wanted to go through the script and he's getting a tremendous amount of makeup, much more than he used to need. And he was so self-conscious about how old he was and kind of wondering like, cause Peewee is, you know, Peewee, it's a young character. He plays basically a man child but you know with the bike and all that and and all his friends are kids and young so anyway he we went over the jokes he's so goddamn funny we went over everything but he was so nervous and when he went out and keeping it he did a bit i think with will ferrell but like the lonely character as Pee Wee? As Pee Wee. Okay.

Full makeup. I mean, I was writing jokes with him as the white is going on his face, as the hair is getting dyed and slicked down. And so anyway, he did a thing with Will Ferrell, I believe. But when he walked out, the place went crazy. No shit. So anyway, he killed it. He was amazing.

So it was on like the warner brothers lot or something and i'm having a beer with the other writers like we finished the production we wrapped it was great everyone's kind of leaving and we're drinking in front of some bungalow on this warner brothers lot a sedan you know a town car goes by and it's his town i didn't know that all of a sudden the car stops he runs out because he saw me runs over gives me a hug and just thanks me profusely like it was the most earnest he was so grateful and then i've been seeing this week that he's just the nicest guy he never forgets these if you've become kind of a friend of his he never forgets your birthday i saw saw Jimmy Kimmel and Patton Oswalt say,

this is what he sent me on my birthday. And it's nonstop memes. Patton Oswalt all day. It was people getting pies slammed in their faces. That's what he sent Patton Oswalt on his birthday. So he was just like the nicest fucking guy. No one, no talent I've ever worked with has been that grateful ever.

He didn't have to do that. He thanked me enough, and it's my job. Yep. All right, let's cheer up. Let's cheer up, for God's sake. Here we go. Funnies. This is funny.

Let's do this. Okay, so let's start off with Hag of the Horrible and his wife Helga are sitting on a bench. The sign says, marriage counselor, please wait. They're in the waiting room. And there's a couple next to them, and they are making out. And then all of a sudden, the next frame, the therapist comes out and says, next. And the woman who is making out with the guy, the guy has now left.

And she says, you two go ahead. My husband is late, as usual. So I guess she was just being raped by a different guy before her husband got there? This is a thinker, huh? Yeah. Wow, yeah. I like it, though. Yeah.

I like that he didn't fully rape her. He just tongue raped her. That's it. Yeah. I like that he didn't fully rape her. He just he just raped. He tongue raped her. That's it. Yeah. And meanwhile, it's like Hager is all like nonplussed. But meanwhile, it's like that's a weird reaction from a rapist. Like at most, she's consensually cheating. Right. I think that's a I don't know that they knew the difference back then. um i think that's a i don't know that they knew the difference back then yeah consensual sex is like maybe 1950s yeah not sure if it was before right right i think it was after world war ii i mean even like you remember the soldiers coming back from world war ii where

that soldier is raping that girl during the parade. He bends her over. In Times Square? Yeah. That was 1945. So yeah, it was until the 50s. I always thought it was a kiss, but I never looked down because the kiss stole the show. For me, I'm romantic. Yeah, you're like that.

Someone sent in, I should get the email. I'll give you credit next week. They sent in a farsighted. It doesn't really look, it must be like a really old one, but I loved it. So it's a dinosaur, typical T-Rex type thing. He's in a public bathroom. It looks like he's sitting on the can and his eyes are all worried. And he's looking down at the toilet paper and you see he has his little dinosaur arms. He's not going to be able to wipe. It's kind of like a little person who has to use a wipe stick.

You know that? Oh, wait a minute. Denman is now saying that this is from a comic called Rubes by Leigh Rubin, and it's not a Farside. I called it. It's Farside-esque. Okay, well, you do. Blondie, I'm going to look up who tried to hoodwink me

yeah find out uh in the meantime i'll give you two blondies this week in one uh almost done dopey dopey is fast asleep in a bed with blondie first of all if i'm in a bed with Blondie. First of all, if I'm in a bed with Blondie and she has an ounce of life left in her, I'm piled on top, dry humping, and frothing into her neck. And meanwhile, he's asleep in pajamas with fucking donuts on them. And she goes, I had a dream that you won the lottery and you ran off with the cashier that sold you the ticket. And he pops up and goes, honey, you know I'd never do a thing like that and then they roll over back in their bed and then she goes nevertheless i'll be the one who buys the lottery tickets from now on heads up londy he's not

fucking anybody if he's not fucking you he's not fucking some greasy deli help who's selling lotto tickets okay he's a homosexual and then the next one i just want to point out well i well you want to do yours and then i'll do the second blondie one what am i doing oh i thought you were going to like rectify who sent you the oh no no i'm going to find it as i still haven't found it. Go ahead. So in the next one, it's Blondie's son and daughter. And the daughter, who's a smoke show, by the way, she's not as hot as Blondie,

but you know, because she's mated with fucking Dagwood, but she's sitting on the couch. Oh, look at this. What's going on back there? Nothing, nothing,

nothing. So she's laying there and she's got her hands between her legs leaning back on the chair in a very masturbatory position and she said it doesn't even matter what the comic strip says just if you're not watching this if you're watching this video you can see what this looks like but it's crazy and in the frame, she has both hands between her legs. And that's how we go out of Sunday Papers. Sorry, I was distracted. I had to find Amy.

Amy sent this, and it said, helping out Mike with his far side comic for the week. Hugs to you both, Amy amy oh go fuck yourself amy trying to fool us like that with a far side never said it was a far side might have been my mistake because i weed through the emails and i forwarded you that because i saw it and i thought it was a far side so she never claimed it was. And I think by virtue of you receiving it from me, you assumed it was.

No, I just read you what she said. What'd she say? We're both great listeners. We should listen to each other on this podcast. Why start now? She said, hold on, let me not ruin it. Where is it? She goes, helping out Mike with his Far Side comic for the week.

Oh. So this is the funny thing. It is Larson's kind of humor, but it's not just the drawing style. There's something about it. Yeah. It's not quite the same. But you know what is the same? So we didn't do a Far Side this week.

I'll do two next time. Okay. Thanks, Amy. In the meantime, you guys enjoy the rest of your summer. Go see something live. If you want to see some music, you want to see some theater, you want to go to a sporting event, go to Game Time, get the app, and get $20 off when you use code PAPERS. Also, check out my tour dates at FitzDogg.com. Mike, anything you want to promote?

Well, I'm a reader now, so first of all, I want to promote literacy. And then if you're going to pick up a book, Greg has recommended it probably a year ago, Antkind. It's the first novel by, what's his face? Charlie Kaufman. Charlie Kaufman, the Oscar-winning, hysterical comedy writer. Two Oscars. He won two Oscars.

You said it very confidently. I don't think he has. Yes, he's won two Oscars. He won for Spotless Mind. What else do you think he won for? The one about the flowers in Texas. Sure. Adaptation?

Adaptation, yeah. He an oscar for that as well i wonder i wonder for sure nominated or definitely should have been we'll see we'll see next week also he should have he was probably nominated for being john malkovich um i would hope so jesus he's unbelievable and he's also in documentary, too funny to fail when he was just a comedy writer on Dana Carvey show with here's the writing staff, Louis CK, Dana Carvey, uh,

Bob Odenkirk, David Cross, Steve Carell, Steven, uh, uh, Stephen Colbert, Mike Ferris, Mike Ferris,

Mike Ferris, then Dino Stamatopoulos. It crazy. It was murderers row. Yeah. And there's first jobs, I think for Carell and Colbert and, and cross,

I believe. Wow. Alrighty, kid. All right. Well, enjoy the rest of your time in a beautiful Florida. Bon voyage. Good luck with the gig in Galway. That's so cool rest of your time in beautiful Florida. Bon voyage.

Good luck with the gig in Galway. That's so cool. It's going to be fun. And, yeah, looking forward to freezing in Ireland and then it being hot as shit in Spain, where the beaches apparently in Mallorca are all completely topless. So, getting to get some wraparound. You don't have to bring your surf shirt.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All all right thanks to midcoast media you guys do a great job chris and key and beth and john and everybody else and uh we'll see you guys uh next week everybody i won't see you guys next week take it ish take eesh! This ain't the show. This ain't the show. It's not Sunday Papers. It's Sunday Papers 2.0. It's Dennis Gubbins. He's stealing the show. Chris Denman is taking some time off from Storm in the Capitol. Read all about it.

Take it. Cause here we go. Chris Denman and Dennis are taking over the Sunday paper show.