Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 178 8/20/23

Episode Date: August 20, 2023

Greg is back! We talk about Oprah filming the victims in Hawaii, more biker accidents at the Sturgis rally, Kid Rock drinking Bud Light and the reviews are in on Dennis Gubbins!

Sunday paper, Sunday, Sunday paper, Sunday, Sunday papers online. Tuning around 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Mike coming from a closet, Greg coming from somewhere on the road. Three, two, one. Three, two, one. Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! American News brought to you by an American podcast.

Two men working together. Bringing the entertainment every week. Sunday papers. Extra, extra. Not every week. Last week, you know. Last week, a little it was away yeah so yep what'd you guys do how was denman it was good you know denman and i you didn't miss anything greg denman and i hosted a best of and i i think i think it went really well actually i think wait

a minute you the laziest man in show business, put a best of episode together? How much time did that take? It took a lot. It was a lot. I worked really hard last week. That is a fact. Dude, I cannot wait to listen for that. The best of from what? From last year or from all two and a half years? We winged it. I don't really remember, but it was great. It was best. It was best stuff. It was good. I love it. Love it. Well, thanks, man. It's nice to know that I can go away, relax, unplug, and that you're going to fucking take care of this baby. Yep. Everything kept running. Everything, the machine kept running. You didn't have to work about it. That's how we are. We're that good. Well, I think that's the key is that we don't lose listeners, that we have that consistency, and that we never let people down.

Right, and they get what they came for. You know what I mean? They know what they want when they come here, and that's what they get. Good. Yes. So I'm just back from here. As you can see, I got my new Irish cap on. It's not maroon somehow, but you have a maroon shirt on.

Got the maroon sweatshirt on, and I got an Irish sweater, and I spent seven days and nights with my alcoholic family. Both my kids, my sister's family, my mother, everybody drank nonstop while I stayed sober by a cunt hair. I barely held on. Thank God they had Guinness. They have Guinness non-alcoholic on tap now.

So I drank about four of those a night. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. This is good because I have not heard really, I have not heard anything about your trip. No, we haven't talked. I texted you maybe once.

Yeah, yeah. So it was a great trip. We did a week in Ireland, a week in Spain. The first week we did with my mom, my kids, and my brother and my sister. And then my kids went to Europe a week before that, before Ireland with their two cousins, because they're the same age as their two cousins from New York.

Very close. It's like your kids with Lauren George's kids. And then we went to Majorca, just my wife and two kids. And then my kids changed their travel plans and bought tickets to go to Portugal, where they are right now with their cousins again. So they're gone for a month. There was a headline. I'm not making light of what really happened,

but the headline was there was a gang rape in Majorca last week. And I thought it might have been all your drunk relatives raping you. I was very concerned. They raped my sobriety. They totally raped my sobriety. And they're saying I was asking for it, saying I wanted it. Yeah. But that was a headline, sadly.

Because Mallorca is a very peaceful looking island. Like, you know, mostly in Europe, they tell you keep an eye on your stuff. Watch out for pickpockets. I'd see anybody shady the whole time. Well, get this. In the rape article, it mentioned in mid-July there was another gang rape. No shit. Both in, but having nothing to do with the locals all of

them tourists staying in hotels tourist sadly female goes back to the room or at least that was the second story anyway we don't have to talk about it but majorca in the news uh last week while you were there damn yeah majorca is here's the thing about majorca is you don't meet a ton of mayorkans it's mostly german tourists scandinavian tourists british and the british are great you know that i don't like the english but uh they they are outgoing they are funny the fucking germans i swear to god i mean you know me if i'm swear to God. I mean, you know me, if I'm out, I make little jokes with strangers. You know, I make like you, I make little comments. You poke, you poke them a little bit and see if they'll be fun with you.

These Germans have no fucking sense of humor whatsoever. They're so goddamn serious. They're up at six 30 in the morning, get to beach going on hikes running biking it's like can we all go on vacation please and i'm looking up the story right now uh oh it was french guys french guys raped a brother allegedly raped a british woman and then a big shark scene off mallorca look at a shark attack swimmer in sea off Mallorca. No. As council orders beaches to be closed. No shit.

You got out of here. Thank God you survived. Damn. Here's how my trip to Mallorca started. Ready for this? Yeah. We fly in. Our flight is delayed an hour.

We land at the airport, which is a third world airport. It's filthy. It's unorganized. There's nobody around to help you. There's no information booth. There's not a caring person there. And so we get in at like one thirty in the morning and we and we and we and we wait outside for our rent a car after an hour. And we wait outside for our rent-a-car. After an hour, no buses come for our rent-a-car. After everybody told us what to do or tried to tell us what to do. So finally, I'm calling my phone.

None of our phones work in Spain. I'm calling Verizon. You know Verizon. They don't answer the phone. And so we're left with no phone and no rent-a-car. Our house is an hour from the airport. Finally, at 2.30 in the morning, we take a fucking taxi for $120 to the house, get to the house, and it's an apartment.

We're supposed to have a two-bedroom apartment with a big living room. We get there. The lady puts us in a one-bedroom, a tiny one-bedroom. I'm talking as small as a one bedroom can get. And so my kids have to sleep on a fold out couch. And, uh, and so she, so, and we show her our contract. Here's our Airbnb contract. Here's pictures of the room. And she's a cunt. She is a fucking cunt. And she is telling us that that's not the right reservation. Like, literally, like, well, what are we looking at then? And so she agrees that two nights later, a two-bedroom will come available.

So now we got no rent-a-car, no phone service, no apartment. And I have to spend my first day on vacation taking a taxi. And then I call the rent- the rental car company the next day. They won't answer. But I'm not calling from my phone. I got a call from the cunty landlady's phone, and they're not answering all day long. So I waste a whole day.

I finally take another $120 cab back to the airport. I tell them what happened. They go, no, no, no. We were open. I go, well, there was no buses and you didn't answer the phone. So how the fuck were we supposed to find you? And so they wouldn't give me. I said, you should be paying for my taxi at least.

And I shouldn't have to pay for yesterday. No, you have to pay for the whole week. And now we don't have your class of car. So you have to be upgraded, which you have to pay the upgrade. And it's a manual transmission i said are you fucking kidding me i was so angry i went back and forth with the guy he was a douchebag i'm so angry at this point over everything you should put the cunt on the phone hey work this out for me you're good at fucking people over so i go outside and i got my car i might have accidentally keyed the car next to me when i

got in and then i drove back home and then everything turned around and then we had a fucking amazing beach day we uh saw the island we went uh caught this crazy kayak trip into caves where we like dove in the water under shelves of rock into caves and onto an island. It was a really, we had a great trip. And the kids were fucking so resilient and so cool. Really had a good time. That's amazing.

Yeah. What are you so distracted by? What are you looking? You trying to make Mallorca sound like a third world country now? No, I got good news for you. There's another, one day ago, a headline, Dutch tourist arrested on Mallorca for kicking German unconscious. I thought that would lighten up your day. Here's the thing, is that Mallorca is like Bali where we spent our honeymoon. It's beautiful,

peaceful Island. And then it's got one crazy big party city. That's like spring break all the time. And I'm sure that, yeah, that that's Palma. And I'm sure that that's where all the bad shit was happening. Oh yeah.

It's like, uh, it's like, uh, where's everyone go? Ibiza type thing. Yes. It's like uh it's like uh where's everyone go abiza type thing yes it's like abiza yeah um but uh nice island ireland was amazing if people want to hear i'm gonna do a i'm gonna do a solo podcast for fitz dog radio this week and i'm just gonna talk about my vacation so i won't get too into it on this but it was a great trip. Ireland was amazing. And fuck you for saying go to the Ashcroft

Hotel to see goddamn falcons. Are you kidding me? Oh, really? We get there and there's a gate. Oh, you mean, wait, oh, sorry. You mean Ashford Castle in Ireland? Ashford Castle, yeah. Okay, wait, why? You told me, oh, you gotta go to Ashford

Castle. You can see fucking falcons. Yeah, we get there. There's a gate that looks like it's from goddamn Hager the Horrible. And the guard at the gate is dressed like a little British fucking, he's got a proper little British red button-up jacket. And he gets all this fucking attitude. What are you talking about? But he looked British.

The whole thing felt British. And I get up and I go, can we come in? Do you have a reservation? No, we don't have this fucking attitude. What are you talking about? But he looked British. The whole thing felt British. And I get up and I go, can we come in? Do you have a reservation? No, we don't have a fucking reservation. My friend Mike Gibbons told me this place is great. Well, you have to get online. So we try to get online. There's no reservations.

It was a giant fuck you. And the rooms were like $4,000 a night. Did you guys stay there? Yeah, we stayed there and had a giant family reunion. Kids cooked in the kitchen. I am starting to feel very sorry for Aaron and your family. It sounds

like you are not good about visiting places at all. I'm not. Not at all. I'm really not. I used to be really laid back and fun and go with the flow. And now, I don't know. I just think there's too much pressure on this trip. When you got to the car rental company, were they like,

Oh, we heard about Ashford Castle and your lack of reservations. So, no, we are not paying for your taxi. How was Ashford Castle since we didn't get in? It was amazing. It wasn't that crazy expensive. I think it's, you know who put it on their register, whatever you want to call it, is Costco Travel. And I think that raised its profile so high that it's now just inundated with tourists.

Yeah. Because when I went there, it was so peaceful. They had this, I didn't play golf at the time, but they have this golf course with the shamrock sand traps. You see guys fly fishing for salmon. It was really peaceful. Yeah. Well, we ended up going on a, we went on a hike. There was a place a little bit up the road where you could literally see Ashford Castle from this hike.

It was a really nice hike. It was a good pivot on my sister's part. She found it. Oh, nice. Yeah. Very cool. Yeah. So what's been going on with you?

Other than the Best Devs show last week, not much. You know, last week I announced what the auction closed at for this golf thing with us, the fundraiser. Oh, right, right. And so you saw that $4,275, but then I ran into Kit Boss, the great writer who organized this. And he said, because I also read the letter from someone who knows you who got outbid because his wife told him to get off his phone. So he then got up. But Kit then told me two other guys were right in the running at this level. Yeah. So the conversation to be had is, do we play three rounds for this charity to maximize as much money as people were willing to give to the charity? Absolutely.

And the guy emailed me. Yeah. So he's interested in that. And I think there might be somebody else. So let's see. I mean, look, at the end of the day, this is helping people that were below the line workers. We're talking about people that were making

$600 a week working 90-hour weeks and they're broke now because of the strike. Because us prima donnas, I got a 40-cent check yesterday from a show that I wrote on last year. My checks are rarely 40 cents and I'm not joking.

Yeah. They're rarely that high. Yeah. So, um, yeah, let's do it. Let me get in touch with this guy and see if he's still on board and then

we'll, uh, we'll do it. We also want to thank our logo person this week, Aaron Beckstead, who's been perfecting we already did a barbie logo but hers was so good we had to throw it in as well um everybody's reading the paper everybody's reading the paper um she did a lot of work on this we thank her she's wonderful uh the song from sam Famino was awesome.

Thank you, Sam. Keep the songs coming in. We could use a couple more. Thank you, Sam. Corrections. Here's the thing. Maybe because it was a best of last week, there were no corrections. You did nothing. Apparently you and Denman did nothing wrong. Yeah, and I think maybe you weren't in town. I don't know if that has anything to do with the lack of corrections. That fits confidence. I don't know. Fits facts. I think that's what we call them. Fits facts. Like I have a reservation. I reserve the right room. I reserve the right car.

I tell you what, though. They never got my phone turned on. I kept calling Verizon, and they wouldn't answer. Verizon is the worst company in America and the world. I have had issues with them on multiple fronts for the last six months, and we'll talk about where I'm going instead of them when we get to the ads. But done with Verizon. All right, good.

Okay. What do you got, some tour dates? Got some tour dates. I just loaded up my fall. I'll be gone all fall. Wow. I'll be in Irvine at the improv september 10th escondido september 22nd 23rd shirley mass on october 5th manchester new hampshire october 6th

nashua new hampshire october 7th foxborough mass october 8th sacramento uh arlington virginia Arlington, Virginia Baltimore, Houston, Bakersfield San Francisco, Chicago Fort Worth All tickets available at FitzDawg.com Let's see some live comedy people You know, yeah I see your dates do work out You should get to Nashville We'll see Wheeler Walker Jr. on Wednesday

And Jason Isbell You know as part of his 10 day run at the Ryman And Wheeler's at the Ryman too On, that would be 18th and 19th, respectively. Yes. And then I'm going to go straight to D.C. from there. Yep. Sounds good. Got it in the calendar. Let's line it up. And then later in the show, we're going to talk about this guy. What was him, Oliver or whatever, with his sort of populist song.

That's unbelievably huge. That happened in America while you were out of the country. Oh, okay. And the right has latched onto it. And I think it's the furthest thing. He might be right leaning. Of course. I know.

All right. Well, let's wait. Let's tease it, but let's not. I can't. Oh, God. You're crazy about this song. No, well, I'm crazy about who's claiming ownership about it. Anyway.

Speaking of ownership, do you want to own some wine? Yeah, you know, I did the first leaf. I ordered it, and it was great. It was just no hassle. I ordered a box. They make it super easy to get personalized wine boxes. It's delivered. You pick the schedule, which is my favorite part about the delivery, because usually, especially because you have to be there to sign because it's alcohol, and you can make sure the delivery comes when you're there. All you have to do is answer some quick questions, your likes, your dislikes.

Like, I'm not a big wine guy, but I kind of know what I don't like, and that's all it took. And then they put this sort of custom order together for me, personalized, right to my door. So make sure you've got a great wine when you want it this summer. You've got to try First Leaf. You got to try First Leaf. Head over to firstleaf.com slash papers to sign up and you'll get your first six handcrafted curated bottles for just $44.95. What? No way.

Yes. Yes. Go to firstleaf.com slash papers. And it's, sorry, it's tryfirstleaf.com papers. T-R-Y-F-I-R-S-T-L-E-A-F dot com slash papers. And you're getting your first six bottles for under eight bucks a bottle. And they were great. They kind of based on my questionnaire, figured out my taste, and it turned me on to new wines. That was like one of the great things about it.

Tryfirstleaf.com slash papers. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. Here's a nice thing to do with a bottle of wine. You go off and you go to the Hollywood Bowl where there's outdoor seating and you bring a bottle of wine. If you want to get tickets to anything, I've been to so many concerts lately

and I've used Game Time several times and let me tell you something it they should it should be called game changer not game time because going to concert now is so goddamn easy i'll tell you right now if you want to go to some concerts in la here's what you can see this week you want to see darius rucker? How about $10? All right, I get it. You don't want to see Darius Rucker. But I'm just saying, say you have low standards. If you have high standards and you want to see Drake, it's $439 right now.

But if you stay on game time, you're going to watch that ticket price drop. People get so worried. It becomes stressful. Like, did I buy too early? Should I wait later? Game time basically says, keep an eye on it, get your last minute tickets, and you're going to get a better deal.

Here's Post Malone tonight. 21 bucks it's down to, and I've been watching it drop. Now, we were all going to go to My Morning Jacket. He's playing with Fleet Foxes, I guess, today when people are listening to this Sunday. But this storm, which we're going to talk about, is hitting L.A.

I was watching the prices plummet and then they just canceled it. And the worst part of them canceling the show is that Dickie just texted more like my morning rain jacket. And that might be the worst part about the whole experience. Did you see? Why don't you read further into that text, Jane? Where? What is it? Greg Fitzsimmons left the conversation after that joke.

I didn't see that. But anyway, this isn't just for music. You can get sports. You got football coming up soon. You can go to comedy shows, theater. It's just unbelievable. And I would say they got flash deals, last minute tickets. It's easy to, like, you download it to your phone with a couple taps.

It stays in the app. You don't have to transfer. You don't have to print. None of that stuff. You get images of the seat views and uh and they've got a guarantee that if you find this ticket in the same row and section on the same night for cheaper they're going to give you 110 of the difference so uh do it snag the tickets without stress with GameTime. Download the GameTime app. Create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply.

Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off. Download GameTime today. Last minute tickets. Lowest price guaranteed. Oh, we have another one. This talking about yeah i am i am done with verizon and you're not going to do much better with any of the other multinational corporations that all they do is tell you they got customer service they don't you're you're paying so much money for that quote-unquote luxury when the truth is you can do it all online.

And now there is a company called Mint Mobile where they're using the same 5G network that you would get on any other network. You get unlimited talk and text, high-speed data. You keep your phone number. Keep the same phone even. They send you everything you need right to your door, and you can switch it up. $15 a month. $15 a month. This is so simple.

You can buy one line. You can buy a family line. Families start at two lines. All the plans. Unlimited talk and text. High-speed data. On, as Greg said, the largest 5G network. All right. So listen, this is the first company to sell wireless service online only. You benefit from that. So switch over now to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month

and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash papers. That's mintmobile.com slash papers. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash papers. Remember, when you do this, do us a huge favor and make sure you put in slash papers so that we get credit for sending you there and we can continue to read these ads which help us pay chris denman and all the other dead weight on this show yeah i mean we love you tiki torches don't buy themselves denman that's right

he's got to get bus tickets to dc once year. Mm-hmm. And then bail. Who's got a paper? You got a paper? I don't. Hold on. Hold on. We're back to this. You know, last week there was no problem with paper for some reason.

Huh. Yeah, I got one. Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! the yellow paper it's old um here we go mike's gonna be reading a lot of stories today stir yeah yeah i helped you out i loaded i did last week uh too um which we'll get to in the comments so sturgis listen there's just a ton of accidents. I mean, I just can't get over them. I'm not going to read every one. But over the 10-day

Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, South Dakota Highway Patrol releases daily information on crashes and crime. It's known as the Rally Tally. So mile marker 11, Harley Davidson traveling westbound, tally. So mile marker 11, Harley Davidson traveling westbound, left the roadway, entered the ditch, and tipped over. The driver was, my favorite phrase, separated from the motorcycle, and the 73-year-old male driver was not wearing a helmet, and I will stop reading the story there. Mile marker, what was this one? It is funny that they say separated because all these guys are divorced several times not just separated restraining he was given a restraining order by his motorcycle this one was on bogus jim road i don't know much about jim but bogus jim road is a real road 2014 harley davidson was traveling northbound. Driver attempted to

brake for a deer entering. That's just what these old helmetless drivers need, is wildlife flying out of the road. He locked up the brakes and left the roadway. That was the phrase they used. He became separated from the motorcycle. 62-year-old male driver was not wearing a helmet, and I won't read the rest. Okay, there's so many of these, but I do want to read the last one. Made me laugh. Mile marker 45. A 2015 Harley-Davidson motorcycle was slowing down for a vehicle turning left, and a 2010, sorry, a 2010 Harley-Davidson was unable to slow down, and he struck the rear of the 2015 Harley-Davidson. Both units went down and entered the westbound lane where a 2005 Yamaha motorcycle was unable to avoid the two guys who flipped.

This guy flipped and hit a 2020 Ram 2500 car. If you're looking for a winner in all this, I got to guess the 2020 Ram 2500. I think so. And you know that the two guys on the Harley are blaming the Yamaha. Fucking rice burner. Didn't he see us separated from our Harleys on the road? This is, LA is, you know, Sturgis is just like LA, except for in LA, instead of Harleys,

everybody's young, has a Prius, and never crashes because instead of drinking, they're on Ritalin, and they never go over 25 miles per hour. They're all on, they're on Ritalin, and they never go over 25 miles per hour. They're all on their microdosing shrooms and just incredibly clear-headed, wide awake. And then there was one article I saw today, which is as Sturgis attendance slows, because they noticed that it peaked in 2015

and it's been falling off. I think we can see why, by the way. But as Sturgis attendance slows, 2015 and it's been falling off. I think we can see why, by the way, but as service attendance slows, rally organizers look to diversify. Yeah. It's all part of their plan to have their usual 65 year old white guys without helmets failed to negotiate turns and run into 65 year old black guys, Asian guys, and Latinos, all without helmets and have them all separate

from their bikes and fly in the ditches. That is the future of Sturgis. No, the Asian guys will be wearing helmets because they wear helmets to ride a scooter. They wear helmets to ride a bicycle. They love their helmets. They'd wear it on a plane if they could. I think you're right. Yeah. With their masks that they've been wearing for about 10 years. By the way, European flight. I got in last night very late and no masks at all on the plane. It's over. It's a fit. You would think that like. And there's a surge right now. And there's a surge right now. Yes. But let me tell you something.

Air France, shout out to Air France. First of all, the Charles de Gaulle Airport, Charles de Gaulle, is a great airport, lots of information, super clean, great restaurants. And then the flights, two hot meals, the nicest flight attendants that stop in constantly check on you good comfortable seats uh we had a we had a uh family that had a one and a half year old and a two month old in the row in front of us and i was like oh this is gonna be fucking rough those two motherfuckers fell asleep at takeoff and woke up at landing. It was gorgeous. Wow.

Good for you, man, all the way from there. Yeah. That's fantastic. Meanwhile, while you were away, LOL is now AWOL. After Gen Z murdered the laughing, crying emoji a couple of years ago, I'm still using it. I guess that's why I'm not Gen Z. It became clear that no expression of mirth was safe from suddenly being, sorry about

my voice, suddenly being declared passe. So now LOL is giving way to a new abbreviation for communicating hysterics. I-J-B-O-L. I-B-J-O-L. It's pronounced EJBOL, and it stands for I Just Burst Out Laughing, which is only one syllable short of saying all the words. I-B-J-O-L. Exactly. Right, right.

That's what I noticed. I love each bowl told the times that what's really led to the spread of the acronym is its utility, which and how it manages to more accurately describe what happens when something funny crosses their screens. This guy goes, I don't LMAO. It's just not what I do. He goes, I'm usually just quiet. Another person said, by the way of explaining each bowl's usefulness. And then I let out a snort. You know, I like the I U u j q i'm usually just quiet why don't you just write that right right what about what about abbreviation for wdmsc uh which is why did mikey send that clip mikey fits sends clips that

befuddle me. I go, was it supposed to be funny? Does he think it's interesting? It's just odd. It's like absurdism. I-A-B. I am befuddled. That's your new one. Yeah, yeah. I still

I never laugh out loud at a clip i smile without teeth so swt that's what i should write swt you kind of got me a little bit i mean doesn't haha work that's fine i mean right here's when somebody sends me something that's funny, sometimes ha-ha can sound condescending and like you're putting them off a little bit. Right. But I don't know. I just don't. If you're laughing out loud at gifs or whatever they call them,

you're a fucking psychopath. You're lonely. You need to get out and have interactions With people Yeah If I really do If something really does get me I start writing haha And just speed type

And it's just a mess like I laugh that hard Yeah yeah So the other people who if I do send them a haha They're they're like, oh, boy, he really didn't like it. I guess that's what happens. Yeah. OK, here we go on. Another another story since you left town. She has no shame. Oprah Winfrey faces backlash on social media amid reports she was told to leave her camera crew outside of a Maui shelter following the deadly wildfire. So did you see video and pictures of this? Unbelievable.

Yeah. People swimming in the ocean and, you know, devastating. Just devastating. And I'll get back to Oprah in a second. But did you see the one house that survived? One house because they didn't have like an asphalt roof. Well, also, I guess they contribute most of it. Dude, they contribute most of it to it was cleared right around the house. It didn't have any flammable like couches, outdoor furniture, also brush.

So no, none of the sparks could find something in the immediate perimeter of the house. And I guess the house is like 100 years old. It was this beautiful old house. So, I mean, so imagine that's the definition of survivor's guilt. So imagine that's the definition of survivor's guilt. Yeah. So here we go. It wasn't long before the news about Winfrey's appearance hit social media, where several unhappy Twitter users voiced their disappointment in her. Quote, I don't understand celebrities.

Oprah showed up to a Maui shelter with a CBS camera crew. Would you want people coming in and getting publicity during the worst time of your life? What is wrong with people? Everything's a show. Have some humanity. Oh, please. They're Hawaiian. These are the same people who rejoiced in airing Dog the Bounty Hunter for 12 years

where a mulleted juice head and his bouncer wife kicked the doors of low-grade felons and took them to jail. They loved it. Also, shocker, Oprah turns up where they're handing out free food. Oh, sorry. That was your joke. You wrote that. No, you wrote that. Sorry, I read yours. I read your joke. By the way- Yeah, go ahead. By the way, I thought Oprah only talked to the royals at this point. But I guess these people I was thinking about, they're kind of like Harry and what's her name? Is it Harry?

Which one is it? Harry, what's her name? Harry, of course. They're rich. They hate work. They can't go back home. Their relatives are dodging their calls. They're just like these Hawaiian people. I'm going to defend my comment. It's not

really fat shaming. What people younger than me don't realize is for about 15 years, Oprah dragged us through her weight issues. There were her new diets. They change seemingly every year. Do you remember the show? She literally wheeled out the equivalent. She had a big bags or fat on this cart. And that's how much she made us look at how much fat she lost. Unbelievable. So she's dragged us into that.

So, you know, anyway, that's all I'll say about that. Okay, you're going to love this one. Kid Rock on camera caught enjoying a Bud Light. No! Say it isn't so! The kid? So much has changed. So much has changed in America since you left.

Wow, God. He appears to have made his peace with Bud Light just months after using an assault rifle to destroy multiple cases of beer in response to the Dylan Mulvaney social media post. The Bawataba, I don't even know how to pronounce it, probably his asinine song, rocker rapper was spotted by the gossip news site TMZ, spotted by the gossip news site TMZ, sipping from a can of the beleaguered Anheuser-Busch brand at a Colt Ford concert in Nashville on Thursday. How about that? Well, that's the only time I would spray a Bud Light with bullets while Kid Rock is holding it against his chest.

Maybe he's just drinking one of the many cans he couldn't hit with his assault rifle because there was a lot of them. Remember how many he missed? He missed a lot of them. Yeah. I mean, how can he not drink this shit? He is Bud Light, beloved by Americans with low standards, watered down in derivative, and way less popular now than it was before. That's perfect.

I was hoping for a second, I was hoping it was a headline that Kid Rock caught blowing a guy in the Bud Light suite. That's basically, it's very close to that, really. The way his outrage at it. I have to think, I'm not gay, but if I was going to have a guy suck my dick, it's going to be Kid Rock.

Because first of all, I know he can't sing because my dick's in his mouth. Number two, I can grab his mullet for traction. Yeah. And he's got no sleeves, so he can really get his arms involved. How did they not use the headline, Kid Rock transitions back to Bud Light?

That would have been it. He would have loved it. And keep the back to Bud Light below the fold, as they say, so you just see Kid Rock transitions. All right. Okay, wow, what a section this week. Here it comes. Good news for gubbins

i haven't been around so i'm not sure if he's done anything the last couple weeks but let's uh there's a lot of news for gubbins what do you mean news well you got him here uh check the emails why don't you check the emails let me let me check because sometimes people write in about them uh this guy nymph 40 said it's like having a substitute teacher you want to throw desks and chairs at what does that mean all right they must have seen we don't keep the ruse up we don't have to keep the ruse up anymore uh wait what's happening what's happening oh here we're gonna keep acting dennis and i hosted a subbing last week.

A fan-less-tastic. It was, I mean, look, I found out about this a couple days before it was happening because there was talk it would be Gubbins, there was talk it would be Denman, and I kind of left it up to you. I said, whatever you want to do is fine with me. I think they're both people that the show is familiar with. You decided to go all in with Gubbins.

I think there was a little bit of Denman at the end, which I read a ton of positive feedback on Denman. People love Denman and his commanding right wing voice. Yep. Yep. I think we got some new listenership, but here's some of the feedback on our episode last week. Buzzy Jumper said Dennis just up and says he won't do the last weekly segment reading comics.

Actual jokes to close the episode. Did not see that disappointment coming. Please do not have on again. I'm going to defend Dennis on every level. First of all, it's very hard. Well, I'll get to that second. Regarding the comics, listen, I appreciate all our fans, and some surprise me with how much they like the comics. Dennis in no way, he floated it. I'm going to take all the blame.

I pulled the trigger that we're going to skip it because one of the highlights is you being outraged while reading Blondie and Dennis isn't going to like pretend he's you and do that. And so it didn't seem to add up. We also had run pretty long. And so that was my call. You can all blame me. The other thing though, if I can be sincere for a moment, what I did learn was, and I brought up how I was switched into a different role and I had to kind of be the driving force of it. And what I realized and I think a lot of listeners realize is how good you are at it. Like you are a really great broadcaster. Wow. And I couldn't do it. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

No, and look, and I don't want to come down hard on Dennis. He was very generous with jumping in. I think his idea was to have some fun with it. I am grateful to him. And we did get a handful of people that really liked him. Oh, no, I think there's a bunch of them, yeah. I listened to the podcast, and here's my general feedback. It's just he gubbinsed it.

He did not write a single fucking joke. He took a fistful of edibles, and he's listened to the show every week since we started it. It is a joke show. It is a written show obviously it's loose it's conversational but when we get to the stories there are a couple of hard jokes from each person on each topic that's not a secret recipe it's pretty easy to figure that out and he did none of it yeah i mean do you think greg's penis and Kid Rock's mouth writes itself come on that's not

improv actually I did just improv that that that's when I had not that that one you did you did yeah that's true you would have seen that in the script um but anyway so again my gratitude to give to Gubbins and you know I think he uh I think he's a super funny guy. I listened to it. I think he had some great moments. But overall, it felt a little bit like he was hanging back because he didn't bring anything to it. And this is what I'll say, too, is Dennis almost has a right not to prepare because he is one of the funniest people I know. And this is not a stretch. It'll sound so boastful,

but I do know some of the funniest people in the world. I know a lot of them. And he is one of the funniest people I've ever met. And there's a reason he's friends with some of the funniest people in the world. Yeah. He's quick. He's silly. I met Zach through him. Yeah. Here's one that maybe came down on you. Mike says, yeah, Greg usually leads and then I don't have to do much of the searches for another word besides work. Well, I brought up that example of when you're with someone and your persona, your self-identity gets switched. And, of course, I brought it up a lot about when we were driving to the airport. And I was so late. And I won't say the whole story again, but I was so late. And I pull up and I'm expecting you to be on the curb with your bags, furious.

And I pull up and Aaron looks up like he's still packing. I'm like, what? No, I'm the tightly wound guy. I remember her father drove me to the airport one time and her father was like kind of neurotic and worried a lot. And so we're driving to the airport. We're in upstate New York and I went up there to do a benefit for him because he was running for the Senate for the as the senator from New York one year. And I came up there with the great Barry Crimmins. Rest in peace. And we did a benefit fundraiser for his campaign. And he was driving me to the airport. And halfway there, he's like and it was like 1030. And he's like, what time's your flight? I'm like, 1130. And he's like, what? What? What?

Because we were still 20 minutes away. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm fine. This is the guy that wants to revolt and dismantle Israel. I think he's got to be a little more even keeled. Right. Let's see. Let me read one more.

Eric said, I was pleasantly surprised, coming all prepared with his improv and paper and hand crinkling. You guys could learn something from him. Seriously, Mike and Dennis had a good chemistry going, very enjoyable show. Oh, and Chris, his voice. Hello. As you can see, you were sorely missed. No, just no. This is not a bit. It's not a joke.

Anyway. And look how many accounts Gubbins had to open just to write positive things about himself. Yeah, right, right. Here he is as Morgan. Love the Gubbins. Missed you, Greg, but he held his own. I'd love to play golf with you folks next time I'm in town visiting brother-in-law, but can't afford the 4G.

We're negotiable. Mike took the lead like a pro showrunner. I did not. That's where I really realized your skill set that I do not have. I don't mind. One guy, Paul, said, we'll never complain about ever again when you misreference something. Much better than when Dennis just avoids referencing something altogether.

I quote, quote, that one joke in Barbie was good. You know, when she's crying and the ugly thing. All right. I's move on. Well, I came down on Barbie, so. Local news. Here we go. Is there a crinkle? All right, this whole.

You want me to read it to give your voice a break? Yeah, sure. It's getting stronger, though. Go ahead. Just like Tropical Storm Hillary, it's getting stronger. It's forecast to hit L.A. on Sunday with winds of up to 80... We don't get 80-mile-an-hour winds in California. First potential cyclone landfall since 1939.

So this is big. I mean, this town is freaking. I've only been in this town for 12 hours. I landed last night, and it's all anybody's talking about. And it's just going to be rain, I think. But, yeah, my morning jacket canceled. The Hollywood Bowl canceled. Sports events are being canceled.

The whole town is being instructed to batten down the hatches, which includes bringing your furniture inside, all that stuff. And the National Weather Service has warned of potential flooding, fire risk and dangerous marine conditions. Fire risk?

Only California could burst into flame during a hurricane. Yeah. Will this also cause more homelessness and all of our other problems exacerbated? Yeah. I can't wait till all the projections about Hillary turn out to be bullshit and the numbers come in much lower than expected again. And then another headline is going to be, there were no fatalities from Hillary this time, but don't forget about Vince Foster. And she did inflict total devastation in the basement of that pizza place with the sex child ring she ran.

I still can't believe she did that. That seems unlike her. Why aren't people talking about it? Yeah. I mean, if this one's named Hillary, maybe the next one we should be able to call Marjorie Taylor Greene because hurricanes blow a lot of hot air, never go where they say they will go, and they get over-reported on. Then she's going to forget anything ever happened. Did I say if it's there?

I mean, maybe I said it. Let's do some entertainment. Oh, yeah. We have a lot this week. Dude, you haven't seen Barbie yet? Did we talk about Barbie? I have not seen Barbie, but here's what I did see. I was in Barcelona, Majorca on Sunday night, and there was a sign and it said Barbie party tomorrow night, eight o'clock.

And there's this really cool little wharf that's got a pool and an outdoor bar and a stage. It's a big area. And the party was going to be there the next night. So JoJo fucking loved barbie did your daughter see it i don't think they have yet oh uh jojo loved it and so she got all dressed up she had some pink stuff she wore a pink top and a pink skirt and she went to the party and let me tell you something it was so much fun. They had a band that rocked. Two bongo players, a bass player,

this guy in acoustic guitar that was playing it above his head like a mariachi guy. They were gorgeous. They had man buns and open Latino shirts. And they were playing, and they played Volare. Mike, they played Volare. And the entire fucking crowd got on their feet. I was. And, you know, just the mountains in the background and the ocean behind you and all these women like teenage girls like 12 and up had on pink outfits.

They were so excited. There were older women. I'm talking in their 60s in pink outfits. They were so excited. There were older women. I'm talking in their 60s in pink outfits. The dance floor was packed all night. People doing shots. It was just it was a fucking great. It was maybe my favorite night of the whole trip. 80 for Barbie. That's maybe the new trend. Yeah. Yeah. Well, listen, if you go see it, I wish someone had told me this if you're expecting to see something and i said this last week subversive uh smart and funny don't expect either of those three things but the production value is either three things or two things any of those things there you go well i guess i was thinking the correction for next week. That's true. But smart and subversive, I guess I lumped them together. But yeah, it it's made perfectly for like young women, you know, haven't heard these feminist things before.

You know what I mean? Or especially pertaining to Barbie. So whatever. I don't want I don't want to be curmudgeonly. The reason it was a good party is because the film is kind of a good party. Like the set design's really cool. They're these big dance numbers. It's very plasticky, you know, that made up world. And so it's that. I just lean into that and you're fine. Well, I'll be curious if your daughters enjoy it, because I've heard from Patton Oswalt wrote a whole long tweet about how much he loved it. But he's also got a daughter who he went with.

So he maybe saw it through her eyes. I'm wondering if he thought it was funny, though. He did say it was funny. He said it was funny. Yeah. Wow. All right. Should we get to Bradley Cooper?

Yeah. How about this? Even the headline is a little trepidatious reading it. Bradley Cooper has been accused of, quote, Jew face over the fake nose in Maestro. Leonard Bernstein's children, though, defend his prosthetic nose. By the way, I think Jew face might have been created by Sarah Silverman. I think she might have been the one that coined that phrase. I know.

I remember when she came out about that, about non-Jews playing Jews. Yeah, she's very opposed to that. Social media criticized the film, which Cooper co-wrote, produced, and directed after Netflix dropped a trailer for the biopic on Tuesday. produced and directed after Netflix dropped a trailer for the biopic on Tuesday. Advocates and social media users were quick to notice the change in Cooper's appearance, with some branding his apparent use of a prosthetic nose as anti-Semitic. Hollywood cast Bradley Cooper, a non-Jew, to play Jewish legend Leonard Bernstein and stuck a disgusting, exaggerated Jew nose on him, this Stop Antisemitism organization said. And then people were like, just looked up a picture of the real Leonard Bernstein. The big anti-Semitic prosthetic nose on Bradley Cooper was definitely not necessary.

And then a lot of people pointed out that Bradley Cooper played the Elephant Man with no prosthetics on Broadway. So Jews have bigger noses than elephants? Is that the idea? Remember the size of the Elephant Man's head with these giant tumors in it? Well, that's interesting because, you know, in both groups, they never forget. Never forget. Yeah. Elephants and Jews. So the movie's coming out december 20th right after hanukkah oh well bradley is a method actor so he got the nose done

he also got circumcised and then he was told by his mother every day while filming that he's the most special little boy in the world. Most furious about this is Jeff Ross, who's been ready for this role his whole life. Right. He's been he's has the Jew face ready. He talks about it. He does a million jokes about his Jew face. And he would.

The problem is the makeup budget would have been too big to make him look less Jewish. That was going to be the problem with Jeff Ross playing Bernstein. They would have to put his nose on a diet. It's Bernstein, right? Do I have that right? I think it's Bernstein. No, it's Bernstein. It's Leonard Bernstein.

Because of R.E.M.? Leonard Bernstein. Remember the R.E.M. end of the world as we know it? Right. Leonard Bernstein. But have you seen the.M. end of the world as we know it? Right. Have you seen the picture of Bradley Cooper, by the way? No. Is it ridiculous? It's too big, if you want my honest opinion. It looks ridiculous.

Wow. And Bernstein was like a good-looking guy. Yeah. And this looks weird. I wonder if he got a good looking guy. Yeah. And this looks weird. I wonder if he got a lot of pussy. Like most musicians get a lot of pussy, but I wonder if you're a conductor. I think that is a story point. Oh, interesting.

I mean, it's about his long relationship to the woman, but I was under the impression. God, I hope I'm not wrong. I was kind of under the impression he did get a lot of tail. Yeah. I mean, they were the original rock stars, the conductors. They get sexy up there. We saw the Chicago Symphony Orchestra when we were there, and they're considered one of the best in the world. I hope they're called

the symphony. I can't remember if they're the Philharmonic or the symphony. But goddammit, that conductor was like mesmerizing. You couldn't take

your eyes off him. It's like a dance. They're doing like a dance up there. And of course, I'm going to forget his name, but L.A. has one of the biggest

rock stars in that area. Oh, yeah. What's his name? Yeah. Yeah. Duhamel. And we but I got to tell you something. I they hit the peak of whatever the pieces, whatever movement it was, it was the I forget who we I think we I think we saw Rachmaninoff. I forget who we I think we I think we saw Rachmaninoff and it hit a peak and I burst into tears and I look to my right and my son is crying right next to me. It was really emotional. Oh, my God. I love classical, great classical music from a great orchestra. It's it's really something. Wow. Yeah. No, there is something that I've appreciated with age. I saw that documentary on Pavarotti. I think it's Pavarotti.

Well, the Italians, Greg, you should know this. You were just in that region of the world. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was the biggest, arguably, the biggest human voice on the planet. And there's something incredibly beautiful about that. And when you see someone, like we talked about, like Sinead O'Connor, and I went in and when I sent it to you this week, I found her first SNL appearance. And, you know, when you see her. Oh, my God, dude, that was fucking crazy.

Try to find it. It's season like 14 or something. Anyway, whatever it is. But when you see someone just singing with their truly their heart and soul and they're just this channel for this unbelievably strong voice. Like, you know, when we would go to the Santa Monica high school as a very famous choir, like that Christmas show,

like, like Orison choral music. And I wish I appreciated it when I was, you know, younger, but just to hear that sound of these human voices. No, there's something about Sinead.

I mean, I mean, obviously trained opera singers, they spend so much of their training in getting out of their own way, of getting the sound from the diaphragm out their mouth without it getting constricted by the nose or the nasal passage and all of that. But it's also emotional. There's something about hearing a true, pure voice, whether you're talking about Ella Fitzgerald or Sinead. I think there's something that emotionally comes through without being checked or questioned. It's just pure. Their delivery of what's in their soul actually comes through their vocal cords. And even, it doesn't even have to be even technically, everyone knows it. Like when everyone talks about Stapleton's voice, you know, that is obviously really affecting people, you

know, and there's tons of amazing voices out there, but also back to classical music. Yeah. I mean, when that writer, when Beethoven, Mozart, whoever it was, Rachmaninoff, like they are just feeling it. And their heart and soul is going into that crescendo you heard. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you can't help but being moved. It's great. Yeah. It is. And there's also there's also something about looking at this orchestra and knowing that of all the kids that started taking music lessons when they were six years old and they stuck with it.

And then they got into high school and they got into whatever highest level orchestra there was in their high school. And then they all went to college and they weeded out of all this mass of great talent they weeded out and became they got especially when you look at the first chair violin or the first chair cello and you think this is one of the greatest person people in this craft in the world and you are watching them and their commitment you see the difference between the first chair and the second chair and then somebody who's just sitting in the second row it's like it's fucking powerful and that's part of what moves you when you watch it

is these are people that probably not making a ton of money and you think about what's your day i kept thinking about there was this older asian woman who was the first violin and i just thought does she get up late and read the paper and take walks with her dog and have dinner with her husband and then go and perform rock monon off in front of a thousand people who were moved to tears like what kind of life does she live it's kind of fascinating. Or just the coming home. How was your day, honey? Well, this weird guy in the front row in maroon sweater cried his eyes out. It was a little distracting. He just kept staring at me.

His son cried to make him feel less alone. It was a whole thing. Alright, that's the last time I'm vulnerable on this goddamn podcast. All right. That's the last time I'm vulnerable on this goddamn podcast. Good for you doing that. I'm surprised you had reservations, of course, when you went to go see the music in Chicago. Use game time. Well, yeah, exactly.

This story jumped out at me. Blindside star Quentin Aaron, the guy who played the blindside football player, defends Sandra Bullock amid the Michael Orr lawsuit. So the blindside star, Quentin Aaron, who played Michael Orr, is weighing in on the shocking lawsuit.

He's coming to the defense of Sandra. Aaron told the New York Post he was shocked and completely caught off guard by the lawsuit, having met Michael Orr and the Toohey's, which is the family that supposedly adopted Michael Orr. I feel this is a sad, unfortunate turn of events. I can say just from my personal experience of meeting with both parties, I had the utmost respect for both of them. So he said nothing.

Anyway. He said zero. Right. Which is what bothered me anyway michael orr is suing the twoies the family who took him in claiming they never adopted him but instead tricked him into entering a conservatorship which he's still in the forum former nfl star alleged the family has been profiting off his story and name raking in residuals from the blockbuster film while he has not profited.

The Toohey's claim Orr tried to extort them before the lawsuit and deny making millions from the blind side. However, they are not disputing that they did not adopt him. So how about that? If he's hoping to get adopted, I think he's really blowing it here. Exactly. But my thing is – yeah, go ahead. Look, the guy is worth – I looked it up.

He's worth $22 million. He won a Super Bowl. And they said in the article that the amount of money that the two of these made was like $700,000, and they were going to split it evenly among their five family members. It's like, all right, I think you can give up a fifth of $700,000 when you're worth $22 million. And one article was talking about how they paid for 20 hours of tutoring for the couple years. They got him through high school. He was failing grades.

They got him through. Come on. Leave the family alone. Who gives a fuck if they adopted you or not? They took care of you. They helped get you there. I wonder if they're in charge of his 22 million like Britney Spears, who was under conservatorship. Oh, interesting. No, I didn't read anything like

that. I don't think that's the case. That would have been in there. Right. But my whole thing is who gives a shit what the actor who play this guy thinks. Right. Like, oh, here's a big news story. Facebook is no longer allowed to show news clips and it's really affecting Facebook and their popularity. This week was a story. It's plummeting. Let's ask Jesse Eisenberg what he thinks about because he played Zuckerberg in the social network. Like what? What are you talking? Hey, that that that submarine exploded going down to the Titanic. Hey, that submarine exploded going down to the Titanic. Holy shit. Get Kate Winslet on the phone.

She played someone who was on the Titanic. Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, you know, Lincoln, these new papers were released on Lincoln. And I wonder what Daniel Day-Lewis thinks about this new Lincoln Road. Like, what the fuck? This is so stupid. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you almost said it.

Wow. I almost said that word, right. You know, I looked this up. I was curious just in light of this about Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens' novel about an orphan. And I looked it up, and guess what? Here's a quote.

The novel may have been inspired by the story of robert blinko an orphan whose account of working as a child laborer and a cotton mill was widely read in the 1830s so he is the modern day uh or yeah or the olden day or did he get a dime i wonder if that poor little fucking orphan got any of that Charles Dickens money. And no one adopted him. Nope. He had to pick a pocket. Or two.

And he got no more gruel. Poor little bastard. All right. We talked about Oliver Anthony's Rich Men North of Richmond. It is now officially number one on Apple, Spotify, and iTunes. Wow.

I guess we could talk about it more another time, but my whole thing was like, it's a very populist song. I was hoping, he claims he's more center than people think, but the right wing has grabbed onto it. And it's like, how are you honestly, uh, and genuinely grabbing onto this song that is about working class people whose dollar isn't worth that much and about struggling working class people. How on God's earth is the right wing thinking this is their anthem? Well, it's very weird.

I mean, the right wing is a little schizoid and I don't want to get into a political bashing session because who cares? little schizoid and i don't want to get into a political bashing session because who cares but it is a little schizoid because it is there are a lot of working class blue collar republicans but then if you look at the tax breaks that the republicans are responsible for pushing through every time they're in power those are the things that have cost people money. They add to the deficit. Tax cuts on the rich add to the deficit. And tax cuts on the rich generally mean the poor has to make up the difference with their taxes. Oh, completely. And how about this? Send me a list of Republicans who have voted for raising the minimum wage. How about that? And anyway, listen, to avoid the political quagmire we could get into,

this is what I would say. I got very excited about the song because this guy seems like he votes red. That's just my opinion. But all of a sudden, the red has a song that's anti-rich. And it's like, fucking finally. And I just think the 1% is the problem. And as soon as the right and the left realize this is some grand design where we're fighting each other and the real problem is the disappearance of the middle class. The real problem is the disappearance of the middle class, and everyone should be on the same page about that, and that the 1% is going unchecked. It's crazy in these corporations that aren't paying taxes. Well, as long as these big corporations own the media, which they absolutely do, the people will be fed.

Right. Literally. They will be fed misinformation, and they will fail to rise up against the real issue, which is, like you said, the disappearance of the middle class, the lack of respect for the common person who is actually the one who is the means of the production, the ones that are actually, I sound like a communist. Anyway, let's get to Florida. Let's do it. Make America Florida. You can't catch me.

Florida man puts $300 worth of stolen Walmart merchandise in his pants. The alleged theft happened Tuesday at the Walmart in Ocala. A Walmart loss prevention officer told deputies the suspicious man fled the parking lot after he allegedly placed numerous items in his pants and walked past the registers. When the loss prevention officer tried to stop the suspect, later identified as this guy called Goodrow, he said, you can't catch me before leaving the parking lot. A deputy was able to locate Goodrow in a red Kia about a half a mile away. Goodrow was put in handcuffs while they searched the vehicle. This is why I put the story in here. The deputy found a box and a saw, which they saw him steal, I think, and a small folded yellow piece of paper, which contained a crystal meth-like substance that was later field tested and tested positive for meth.

Inside the car was a backpack that contained several opened Walmart items, a clear pipe, a watch, and lubricant. Of course. Which is the most Florida backpack ever. In fact, I think it should be a reality show. What's in the bag, Florida? I think we should go pitch this unscripted reality show right now. Yes. I mean, it's like when I walk out of my house, it's always, okay, phone,

keys, glasses. In Florida, it's like methamphetamine, zip ties, bail bond. Lube. And what's with those items? A clear pipe, a watch, and lubricant. I think he wanted to time himself sticking the pipe up his ass for when he inevitably goes to prison. You know, like how—when the cops crash the door, I'm only going to have how many seconds? I got to get that pipe up there in a jiffy. Why clear? If you're sticking it up your ass, don't you want a brown pipe? I don't want to see the skid marks on my pipe. Especially when you put it in your mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, what about Florida? What do you mean? I mean, what about Australia? Do we crinkle? I always forget. Yeah, we crinkle.

Okay. God, you've been gone one week. Gubbins handled this transition so much better than you. Oh, God damn him. He's gunning for my job. Veronica Gray, Australian man sentenced for mailing feces urine to Hollywood stars. Veronica Gray sent parcels from post offices around the state of Western Australia in February and was found out after one of the packages ruptured and leaked onto a postal worker.

Public broadcaster ABC said Gray, who identifies as male, well then maybe change Veronica to Vinnie, had placed his feces and urine inside 23 postal satchels sent to Hollywood actors Leonardo DiCaprio and Jared Leto. Now I'm on her side. Now I am on her side. He pleaded guilty to five charges of using a postal service to menace, harass, or cause offense. His lawyer said that he had not intended to harass the actors,

but instead wanted to share his passion for the environment. I want that lawyer. I mean, what a leap. That's more creative writing than I have ever done. Yeah, I guess he wanted to show his passion for the like, like what? Here's here's some nature for you. My pee and poop. Yeah. Oh, and I I messed up. I dead named I said her. You're right. It's all he he he. But this is what I do wonder. This is the real test. When he peed in the parcel post, was he standing up? That's what I'm wondering. That's the test, people.

But first of all, how are you dead naming a man if the man's name is Veronica? I guess so. He's deadnaming himself. Yeah, well, the literal deadnaming, you're right. Yeah. Well, anyway, I think that it's got to be tough because, you know, DiCaprio is not opening his own mail. He's got an assistant that's doing it. And shit like this probably happens all the time.

Shit like this. Good one. Shit and piss like this happens all the time. Also, do we. There's a phrase going postal. If this mail delivery carrier did not go postal after this Veronica Gray's feces and pee burst all over him, I don't know what it would take. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's do some sports.

You got it pal hey what have you been watching on hbo lately okay so this is going to be the end of me too many you know i'm a i'm proud to say I didn't waste the last 30, 40 years clinging to them. I get involved and excited again when they become exciting. I watched the first episode of Hard Knocks, which is on Aaron Rodgers and the Jets. And the first episode, I've only watched one, is a love story to Aaron Rodgers, quite honestly, and to the Jets. And you see all the teammates talking about his no-look passes. And they show, of course, only the best passes. But the reminder for me was at the end, they scrimmaged the Bengals.

They didn't put a lot of starters in all this. And they were up and everyone was so happy and ecstatic and all this. And then they tanked it in the second half and lost. So I think that's going to be the model of my Jets fandom this year. But I definitely, Aaron Rodgers comes across, I mean, this editor took care of him. I mean, this editor took care of him. He comes across as the most likable guy in the NFL. Also, because he's not well-liked.

He's become a lightning rod because he was a big anti-vaxxer. And he also, I don't know, he said a few things in interviews that turned people off. I really can't remember. I know Rogan loves him. Yeah, of course, because he's independent minded and all that. Of course, Rogan, that tracks completely. But, you know, they also make him seem I'm looking up his age. They make him seem like this grandfatherly figure. And meanwhile, he was born.

When was... He's 39. He's 39. Yeah. Crazy. He was born... So what year does that make it? I can't even do the math fast enough.

1984? No, worse than that. 83, 84. Right. December 83. Crazy. Right. December 83. Crazy. Yeah. And no joke, they're all like, the other players are talking about they were like born the year he, like they were three on his first season.

Like, it's unbelievable how old you feel watching it. All right, so listen, did you watch any of- Well, he's about four years younger than Tom Brady. Huh? Oh, yeah, right. He's about four years younger than Brady. Did you watch any of Spain's run in FIFA? No, actually, we were in Spain for the semis, and I don't know how it slipped past us and we didn't watch it.

I'm not sure if they were watching it in Spain. But in Ireland, we watched the women play Sweden in the quarters. And it was a shootout because it was a tie. And the Americans were disgraceful. They missed three of their penalty shots. They missed the goal entirely. You sound like Trump. They had the fucking net open and they shot over the crossbars.

And then what's her name? Megan Rapinoe had so many opportunities to score, and she kept blowing it. She's horrible. That's literally what Trump said. Oh, really? Oh, I think he might have used the word horrible. But yeah, he came down on him. That was kind of a popular thing that was in the news.

Well, I think they won it the last two times. So it's just surprising that they got knocked out. Yeah. And of course, it's happening not on his watch. And he's blaming the state of America for their loss. Is he? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the finals are today. They'll happen at 3 a.m. L.A. time, so 6 a.m. East Coast time.

So I'll watch it. Why not? Spain versus England? Yeah, what do you think? Spain, right? I think it's Spain. I think Spain's going to do it. Why not? Spain versus England? Yeah, what do you think? Spain, right? I think it's Spain. I think Spain's going to do it. I wonder what the odds are. I mean, I'm rooting for Spain. I have no idea who's favored. Yeah. All right, let's...

I think it's least unfavored. Let's do This Day in History. Do it. Let's do this day in history. Do it. All right, baby. On August 20th, 1911, a dispatcher in the New York Times office sends the first telegram around the world via commercial service. via commercial service, exactly 66 years later,

on October 20th, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, NASA, sends a different kind of message, a phonograph record containing information about Earth for extraterrestrial beings shooting into space aboard the unmanned Voyager of Voyager. All right, so they shoot a fucking LP into space like they just assume they have a record player? I don't even have a record player.

If I found that little time capsule, I'd be like, I don't know what to do with this. I don't have a cassette player. I don't have a fucking 8-track. You think they're going to guess? Like, you know what? Go get some moon rock. I bet we can make a needle out of it

and pick up the vibrations on this vinyl. Now, how many revolutions per minute should we do? 45 seem about right? 33 and maybe a little more than 33. Like a third? How will they even know if it is playing? They don't know the language. How will they even know if it's at the right speed?

Right. It's going's at the right speed? Right. It's going to be the wrong speed. They're going to be like, why? Because they have Jimmy Carter speaking on it. They're like, why does their leader sound like a woman? Also, we all know how durable records are. They never scratch. It'll be fine.

Yeah, they never warp and become bumpy. Yeah, that's a great idea. So anyway. You're also going to have to find these hipster aliens who are really in a vinyl. Yeah, and they'll be really into decoding it because they'll all be on, they'll drink a cold brew. brew and uh so the times decides to send its 1911 telegram to determine how fast a message could be sent around the world it simply read this message sent around the world it left the dispatch room at the times building at 7 p.m on the traveled 28,000 miles, relayed by 16 different operators, and then arrived back at the same operator 16.5 minutes later. Wow.

Yeah. And they launched this spacecraft to basically go on a grand tour of outer planets, which went to Uranus, Neptune. Yeah. So anyway, they had a lot of stuff on the record, 60 different languages, scientific information about Earth and the human race, classical, jazz, and rock and roll. Now that's, again, what are they getting residuals on this? Because if they're sending my rock album to fucking Uranus, there could be billions of people listening to, you know, Running With the Devil. I am not joking.

You've signed these contracts. And one of the things in terms of rights is that they are going to own what you've written in perpetuity throughout the universe. Yeah, that's what it says. It literally says throughout the universe. Yeah. It used to be, I think when those contracts first were going, I think it was in the country and then they changed it to world and now it's universe. That's crazy.

Yeah. Pretty forward looking. All right, let's do some letters to the editor. Okay then. Okay, so now Steve Hall says,

hey, if I'm correct, I heard Mike say that he grabbed a friend's boat. He didn't know how to drive and was trying to follow the coast to see people on Block Island, a.k.a. Fire. No, they're two different islands. And got caught in a squall. That may be the most blue blood shit I ever heard. What is blue blood shit i ever heard what is blue blood yeah very like

very waspy and privileged it wasn't someone else it's it's worse it was our it was a little boat my dad owned and yeah and i almost hit a surfer going less than a mile an hour uh in the thickest fog ever i was like in the thickest fog ever. I was like in the thickest fog. I started to hear waves. I'm like, fuck, I'm probably near rocks. And then I heard, whoa, dude. And it was a guy sitting on his surfboard right like seven feet away from me. And I'm like, oh my, he's like, you got to back up.

I'm like, he's like waiting for a wave to break right there. I threw the thing in reverse and then i had to find the harbor and then i couldn't make it i was going to martha's vineyard it's very blue blood shit he's right well it is that is a funny phrase because this blue blood is rich blue collar is poor white collar is rich and and white-blooded means you have cancer, I think, right? What? If you have a high white blood cell count, doesn't that mean you're sick? And then the blue laws are the old laws, which are against profanity and stuff like that.

If you're working blue as a comic, you're dirty. You're poor and dirty. Blue is a comic. You're dirty. You're poor and dirty. If you support Blue Lives Matter, you are white. Generally speaking, yep. But it could be rich or poor white.

Right. All right. We broke that down. I would guess rich people get arrested less than poor people, even though they commit crimes, but they do it at a higher level where it actually affects way more people in a way more fundamental way. All right. Let's get to B. Jones. I think we read this one. We did. OK. I think we read this one oh we did okay I think we read these yeah

we read that oh there's this one Morgan Hradecki Hradecki Mike if I'm not mistaken it's called Breath by James Nestor it's a great read and touches on mouth breathers as well I must have missed that last week what What's that all about?

I don't know. Okay. But I do know that mouth breathing is a problem, and I am one of them. I read— I'll look into it. I read two books on vacation. Wow. The first one was by Nabokov called Penin.

And it was so fucking funny. This is the weirdest coincidence. It is about this college professor from Russia who moves to the U.S. And he's very haughty. And he's very full of himself. And he's very like, you know he's he's blue-blooded he is the old aristocracy that was driven out of russia by the by the communists and so it's so fucking weird because he's made fun of behind his back for being pretentious and he's kind of fat and gross so i read it and it's

fucking nabokov it's just so well written. And the thing that infuriates you is this is the first book he wrote in English because he's from Russia. And his vocabulary is so much deeper and richer. I had to look up. I have a habit of looking up words I don't know when I read a book. And I was looking up a word, a word word every fucking page. And so then I finished that, and I start rereading for the third time Confederacy of Dunces, which is like my favorite book of all time. Right. And the lead character, the protagonist, is an overweight, pretentious,

haughty guy who is just, I mean, one of the great characters, Ignatius Riley, one of the greatest literary characters of all time. But if it wasn't for Nabokov, there would not have been Ignatius Riley. There's like a certain, well, there's a certain archetype that I think started way back with like Don Quixote. And I'm trying to think of who the other haughty character was, but like it's an archetype. But but I swear to God, I was I was finishing it on the plane. Confederacy Dunces. And I was LOLing. I was whatever that new phrase is.

I was out loud laughing my ass off on the plane. Well, I told you two weeks ago, Ankind is really reminding me, and I think I'm going to revisit Confederacy of Dunces after Ankind. Yeah. All right, let's get to it. Let's take it down. Let's take it down a notch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all, folks. Born in Climax, North Carolina. And that's a first name oh here we go denman with a save clarence avant so this guy who was born in north carolina the oldest of eight children moved to jersey as a teen got start and got a start in music managing a club in Newark, quickly moved up to managing the acts of such performers as Little Willie John, Sarah Vaughan, Wynton Kelly, and others. By the late 60s, he was spearheading groundbreaking deals for black artists, such as a deal between Venture Records and MGM. He formed Sussex Records in 69,

Avant Garde Broadcasting in 71. He had a talent for getting people in a room together and making deals happen. He worked with and mentored big names in the music industry, Quincy Jones, David Geffen, Jay-Z, Pharrell Williams, Whitney Houston, Lionel Richie. And they said that he was called the Black Godfather.

And he just made so many deals happen and was such a guy who was so respected and beloved in the music world. And I just thought this was kind of an interesting story. He got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I mean, I didn't know this guy. It just goes to show you how you can live in parallel worlds in this country and not necessarily know somebody that I should have been aware of before.

Right. Well, was his wife... Do I have the right guy? Was his wife, do I have the right guy? Was his wife murdered? Denman wrote, yes, murdered in a break-in a few years ago. In Beverly Hills. He was brought into their home like two years ago. His wife, Jackie, was murdered in their Beverly Hills home during a break in.

Yep. And then Denman wrote horribly sad. Which is weird. LOL. Yeah, because he is African-American. Let's get let's cheer up after that. Let's go to the. Yeah, let's do it. Let's cheer up after that. Let's go to the field. Yeah. Let's do it. Okay.

Let's get to a little Hagar the Horrible. There's a woman standing in the castle looking out the window. She's the queen. Her husband is the king, even though he looks like he's transitioning into a queen himself. And she's looking out and it's never good when your wife is looking out and she's got that look on her face like here we go again vandals are at the gates and she goes vikings are swimming in the moat and the king says doesn't

don't those fools know the water is filthy she goes hager didn't come with them and then she looks a little bit surprised or a little bit relieved because I think Hager, he rapes first and he rapes hard. So it's going to be a gangbang. The woman always looks more worried than the man in Hager the Horrible cartoons. Yeah. I guess the men are future cucks. I guess that's what's happening. Yes.

They have to watch. Yeah. And then the next Hager the Horrible, they're in a pub, and Hager's there with his boys. They're drinking a few beers, and the waiter comes over. Very interesting, the waiter has a tuxedo on. Hmm. Hmm.

Didn't know they had those in medieval days. And he said, would you gentlemen mind moving to our private dining room? People are complaining. And Hager goes, which people? And then the second frame widens out and you see that there's a lot of pretty women at other tables and they're smiling and they look flirty. And the waiter goes, the men, sir, it seems their dates are attracted to, quote, bad boys. What? Is this that Menschhausen syndrome? What's the syndrome?

Stockholm syndrome? Stockholm when you fall in love with your torturer? Yes. That's what's happening here. Well, I like the euphemism for rapist is bad boys. Yes, they are bad. You bad boy. Speaking of bad boys, Leroy is sitting on the couch in the Lockhorns,

and he's watching old TV. Loretta does not look happy. And Leroy goes, the History Channel is nothing but reruns today. That's funny. Little joke. Why not? In the next one, Leroy again is in the same green chair. He's reading the paper.

Loretta again, not happy. And he puts the phone down and he goes, just another scam call from your mother. I like that. Love a good mother-in-law joke. Here we go with Family Circus. It's two porcupines. And it's a guy porcupine who showed up at the door with flowers. And the female porcupine has answered the door and has curlers all on her porcupines.

You really got to see it. If you guys are not watching this on YouTube, you are missing, okay, you're missing an hour and a half of two middle to old age guys talking, but you're also missing the cartoons. You know what else you're going to miss? A family circus this week. Oh, it's been a while. I put it in because so many people were upset last week that we skipped this section. So here it is. So it pains me to say the family circus is in and here it is. It's the red-headed daughter and she's pointing at The family circus is in, and here it is. It's the red-headed daughter.

And she's pointing at the idiot son, the red-headed son's feet. Billy. His name is Billy. Yeah. He's pointing at his feet, and he has mismatched socks on. And she says, your socks don't rhyme. says your socks don't rhyme and so even that pause even that pause i've put more work into this then yeah who is it bill keen then bill jeff keen i think bill keen started it and now this particular one was done by his son jeff who who just felt like the the premise of this family was so strong that after 40 years of bill keen beating this dead horse

that jeff was going to ride this fucking gravy train a few more years so the children malapropisms got it, but you have to put a little more work into it because rhyming doesn't mean they're identical. No one is rhyming brown with brown. And forget the colors. I shouldn't even use that. Cow with cow. And so it doesn't even work on that level. It's just an idiot kid. It's really an idiot cartoonist who's dumber than the kid wouldn't say that. No, they wouldn't say that.

It's just it's trying to be clever. It doesn't resemble anything childlike. It's just the concept of a man who's on his way to the golf course, probably scribble this down in the notes section of his iPhone while stuck in traffic in Phoenix where he lives in a mansion. Like one of your socks is wrong. That might be what a kid says. And then maybe you'd be like, which one? There you go.

That's even a little better. It still sucks. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, a kid would say, you look like a fucking wrong. Yeah. A kid would say you look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. Speaking of idiots, Dagwood's in bed reading a book. I love how she's always reading a magazine and he's always reading a book. Like somehow he's more intelligent than she is.

Meanwhile, he's wearing donut pajamas. And now she says to him, listen to this cheesy line, quote, I hope you have a GPS because I'm getting lost in your smile. And then she goes, he he with exclamation points. She's clearly turned on by that. She thinks it's cute. And he goes, ha ha, that's super cheesy. Second frame is just him staring at camera, breaking the fourth wall. She's also breaking the fourth wall. It's an interesting moment. And then the third frame is he has shot out of bed,

and she's saying to him that cheese pizza is still in the freezer. Bake it real quickly. I'll read more. And he goes, you read my mind. All right, a couple things here. Oh, too many things. Number one. Number one, your wife is peaked. Her sexuality is peaked by something she has read.

She is warm. She is ready. I'm not saying she's wet, but she's warm. That's all you need. I would take a cold blondie. You got a warm blondie. And what do you think about fucking cheese pizza? And also, if he's eating so much, if he's so obsessed with food,

why does he weigh 97 pounds? Is Dagwood bulimic is the question of the week. Does Dagwood have an eating disorder and he's puking up all of these eight-layer sandwiches and these double pizzas? Where is it going? week does Dagwood have an eating disorder and he's puking up all of this these eight layer sandwiches and these double pizzas where is it going right up his nose in the form of cocaine I think that's why he doesn't gain weight that's why he doesn't bring any money home for his goddamn wife who deserves to live in a mansion and it's killed his sex drive. And look at his crazy hair. Yep.

And look at the, look at when he darts. Look at the little cloud of dust left behind. That's a coke run. That's a coke run. Like a roadrunner, yeah. He's got coke hair. I think we solved it.

Dagwood's got coke. See, Dennis couldn't have done this last week. He's got coke dick. That's why he's not fucking blondie. Right. Right.

We want to thank Midcoast media for making this show possible andy who's our new engineer i don't know if he's new but he's he's doing it today and uh key as always has done a great job in the past i don't know if she's got a week hopefully she's on vacation somewhere chris denman who did some crack work not only this week but apparently last week, chimed in. We got a lot of good feedback on him. And then Beth and John, everybody over there, thanks for making the show happen. We want to remind you guys to support the sponsors.

If you go to First Leaf, you're going to get yourself with Slash Papers. You're going to get $8 a bottle for your first six bottles. We also want to remind you if you're going to go see anything live, game time is the way to do it. Game time will give you $20 off with the papers logo.

And finally, Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile, $15 a month. Go to mintmobile.com slash papers. Mike, what do you got planned? Good to have you back, man. Yeah, it's good to be back. It's good to be back. I really enjoyed this.

I missed it last week. Again, love to Dennis for showing up, doing his best. Yeah. And thank you guys for being gentle with him. Absolutely. Sorry I lost my voice. You know, Adderall makes me lose my voice. I don't know. It dries you out. Of course. I don't know if it dries you out. I think it creates a drip cause it is a cocaine pill and then I'm clearing,

then I'm clearing. I don't know what, if, if someone knows right in cause I certainly want to have a better voice for this. I mean, that's all it is. So anyway. All right, RFK Jr., we'll talk to you next week as well. That poor guy. Yeah. All right, we're going to figure out this storm, man.

Wish us luck. I guess when you're listening to this, L.A. is getting flooded, I guess. I think it's missing us, by the way. I think it's going to the south. Orange County to Palm Springs is what I heard. They never hit where they say they're going to hit. We're going to get a bunch of rain for a couple days, which sucks because we finally got some summer weather here where we could actually go in the ocean.

But the problem with L.A. is it doesn't soak in the rain. It doesn't trap the rainfall. It all flows over the ground which has not been rained on in months so all the dog shit and the fertilizer and the dirt and the smog just like deniro said in taxi driver it just cleans the scum and it runs directly into the ocean through storm drains it's the craziest fucking system. We have droughts in this state, and we let all the water run off into the ocean. I still don't understand it.

They're trying to trap it now, yeah. And then you can't swim for like three days. Yeah. The waves are big, though. They're big right now. I know. I saw a lot of people heading to the beach today in their surfboards.

I think everybody should take it-ish. Take it-ish! There it is. Sunday paper, Sunday, Sunday paper, Sunday, Sunday papers online. Tuning around 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time Mike coming from a closet Greg coming from somewhere on the road Corrections coming

Remind us we're getting old Oh, and there's talk Of gubbins coming on and hosting. I say leave the man as a mystery.