Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 180 9/3/23

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Trigger warning: lot of death in today's episode - and not just Mike's jokes about Florida. Another jet ski escape, McConnell’s poker face, and a cow in Nebraska riding shotgun.

You take Sunday papers and what do you got? You got a couple of dudes who don't know what's what. They're gonna sit in their closets and wear maroon. And then they're gonna say stuff that isn't true about their friends. About the news. About actors. Slap it in in five. Three, two, one. Oh my God this read all about it read all about it hear ye hear ye

extra extra and all of that we got the sunday papers and what do you got um that theme song i gotta tell you something you Gubbins, I didn't realize how good Gubbins his little theme song was until I heard it from David Chamberlain from record LA who helps singers and bands get started and record stuff through that harmony and all that being, I was just crazy. I think Dennis Gubbins helped crazy. I think Dennis Cubbins helped him. I think he helped him. Jeez, I don't know.

I was very amused by that. Well, I told you it was a repeat because you played it to me over the Zoom and I couldn't really hear the orchestration. Yeah. So very cool. It was very cool. It took some real professional editing to do that, uh, and orchestration and singing and all of that. We really appreciate David for doing that.

Cubbins is going to demand a residual. And, uh, George from GS artworks did the logo. It's, uh, I believe he did this logo behind me. The official Sunday paper is a framed logo. He's very talented. I think he lives in Germany. So he did it very quickly. And he sent it over without any problems. Jesus.

So my condolences to your ex-wife's family. I know she just lost her dad this week. My father outlaw is what you would call him. Father outlaw? Well, he was my father-in-law before the divorce. That's good. And so you knew him well. He loved you.

I loved Elliot. He was such a fun, cool guy who had an amazing history in his career. He did. I really was very fond of him. And, you know, listen, he made it to 88. And it was a pretty kind of quick decline, which in the service this morning, they said, you know, he was grateful for, I think. Talk about his career a little bit, because it's pretty fascinating.

Yeah, he went, you know, I should know like more, but he actually was a star soccer player in high school, of all things, because he's not a tall or like big guy. And then he and then he really other than. And he's Jewish. And he's Jewish. And he's Jewish. But he went to school in New York. He was born in the Bronx. Then he went to Cornell. Undergrad.

Columbia Law School. Was very idealistic. Started working for the Lindsay administration. I think his first job might have been for Bobby Kennedy. Wow. Then the Lindsay administration, which think his first job might have been for Bobby Kennedy. Wow. Then the Lindsay administration, which he was the mayor of New York, a liberal mayor of New York. And then while dealing in city government, got an offer from the private sector and went over to music and rose up very quickly. And then was president of Arista Records, which was a big name back in the 70s and 80s.

And they had all the disco bands, Arista. I think, yeah, a lot. Gloria Gaynor and the Bee Gees. Barry Manilow was on the label, I think. Anyway, then like Warner Brothers and then opened his own consulting firm. And yeah, he was in the music business for his whole career. So, yeah, but but such but such a nice guy and a word that came to mind a lot was gentle. Yeah.

Which I could use you and I could use maybe a little more of. Although you're pretty gentle in social situations if you're not driving. If I'm not driving. Yeah. Sorry, I was kind of a cunt on the drive home from the golf course yesterday. I don't do well in the backseat. And also, you and Gubbins, you've got this thing where you're hell bent on saving 30 seconds by taking left and right through downtown, slamming on the brakes, changing lanes constantly. It's fucking nauseating.

I'm actually not. I didn't, I wasn't even aware enough. I just put it in ways and just blindly followed him. I don't think I was zigzagging so much, but we were going through Koreatown, which is, I think, the hot spot for bad driving in town. If I may say so. You may not, actually. Oh, okay.

All right. But I just think that you get on a highway and it's going to take you five minutes longer in the end and your wheel will barely move. You will go straight and smooth and you'll just get there. I would have done that for sure. I was only talking about when you're driving

and off and alone. Oh, I thought you meant how much I was bitching when I was in the backseat car yesterday. No, no, no, not at all. And also with Gubbins, I've been losing my temper. We'll get to Gubbins in a minute. Let's tease that. I got some shit to say about Gubbins. What a tease.

What happened to your ankle, pal? You sent a photo last night. Well, when I was a kid, I did gymnastics very seriously from the ages of like 6 until 13. And I went to training camps in the summer, and I used to train during the week. And at one point, I was on a trampoline, and I used to be able to do like double double back flip into a front flip with no bounces in between into a back. I was a nut and I flew off a trampoline. I flew off a trampoline mid flip and landed with my ankle under my ass on the hard floor. And without a doubt, did damage that should have been probably operated on, if not put in a cast for six months. My mother did not take me to the doctor.

Look, my mom took good care of me. But in this case, she might have overlooked taking me to the doctor. Yeah. And so to this day, every morning I get up, I limp to the bathroom. And once in a while, it just locks up. I try to run and usually I'll run for a week and then it just gives out and then I can't run again for another two weeks. So it went out yesterday and I iced it and whatever. The big news- You haven't even answered my question. What does go out mean? How did it happen?

The big news is you haven't even answered my question. What does go out mean? How did it happen? It gets to where I can't walk on it without screaming and pain. I think I was sitting with my foot under my ass in my seat because my back was sore. It's sadder than I thought. Yes, I know. That's all it took.

Can I tell you about my visit to the Adam Carolla show? Can I retell you? Yes. Okay. So I go to the Adam Carolla show? Can I retell you? Yes. Okay. So I go to the Adam Carolla show this week. It's not going to air until September, but I recorded it yesterday or two days ago. And I go in and there's a porn star in there. And I should look up her name because she has made an indelible impression on me. I walk in.

She's about 5'11". And she's, where's her name? Sounds like you remembered a lot about her except her name. Her name is, all right, I'll find it while we're talking. So I walk in and she's just got a beautiful body. Oh, her name is Maitland Ward. And I go in and she and she's charming and she's got on this sweet perfume. And look, I've been married 24 years and I've done a perfect job of staying faithful. But at the same time, I'm a human and she was, I felt very, oh, turned on. It was two hours. I sat about three inches

from her. And then I went back to my office after the show and I furiously masturbated and I did it to her video, one of her films in high def. And it was like 3D masturbation. So that's kind of consensual. I'm wondering whether or not I came home and I could not look my wife in the eye. It was so intimate that I felt so guilty that I almost confessed to her what had happened that day. Wow. Now the jury, how does the jury stand on this? And Denman, I want you to weigh in as well. Was it wrong what I did? Mike, are you there?

Who, me? Yeah. Hold on a minute. I got a new computer and apparently safe search is on. I don't even recognize Google. I don't even recognize google i don't even recognize it wow because i'm looking her up all right it's off and meanwhile she's clothed in every single photo oh no she's attractive she's an attractive she's won like seven avn awards she's got a book out and uh she's very charming she was really good on the show anyway.

So, no, I don't. You know, listen, she it's. You know, I contact with Aaron. That's its own thing. I don't want to address that. But the what does that mean? That seems a little. So so you're masturbating in front of her, but you're not making eye contact?

Masturbating? What? You're masturbating in front of Erin, but you're not making eye contact? Yeah. She deserves the respect of at least you staring maniacally right through her. No, no, but she put that out there because this is what I'm weighing it against.

Let's say Adam had a woman, a an attractive woman in the studio who is, you know, major in business. And that's what she does. And she's now a podcaster. That's creepier, right? If you run home to masturbate over her. Creepier, right? If you run home to masturbate over her? Well, that accountant doesn't have a high-definition 35-minute video of her. Right. Yeah. That's what I mean. Okay.

So she's put that out there for profit. And she does OnlyFans, where she does whatever you want on an OnlyFans. Right. So anyway, shout out to her. Buy an OnlyFans from Right. So anyway, shout out to her. Buy an OnlyFans from her. Why was she there? Well, Adam rotates in his co-host now. Porn stars. Got it.

It's porn stars. It's female comedians. It's always a female. And he rotates them in. Yeah. All right. So I also had somebody. I watched a TikTok video. Once once in a while you know tiktok has

a lot of inspirational stuff on it and sometimes i'm really moved by it and then 20 minutes later i completely forget what it said but in that moment you feel like you're gonna change yeah make eye contact with the wife got it right so i saw one and it was addressing musicians and it was i can't remember if it was quincy jones or somebody and they said you should do every performance so that if you died afterwards you would look back and say that's that's the last show i would have wanted to have and all week i've been doing shows and I've been thinking about that. It's made me write. It's made me like listen to my sets on the way to the show.

And it's made me bring an energy to the stage that maybe I've been neglecting lately. And I've been having really fulfilling, interesting sets this week. Wow. And then you light your mic on fire and trash the stage at the end? That's cool. Yeah. It's a tough way to live, you know, like live every day like it's your last. You clearly can't do that.

No one would go to work. But I think it makes you make decisions. Like the other night, I got offered good Dodgers tickets. And then also, Raelynn Nelson, who's Willie's granddaughter, who I'm friends with, asked me to come to the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and watch her band. And you know what I did? I sat home and watched TV with my wife. And I just thought, that was not the last day of my life.

That's not how I would have lived it. I think you're supposed to say that is how you would live your last day of your life. Oh, with my wife, you mean? Yeah. Well, she could have come with me to either event. You know, I mean, what am I saying? It's not my business. You don't make eye contact with her no matter where you are.

So it's the same thing. Gibbs is improvising today. He's got his Dennis Gubbins hat on. Yes. Like Gubbins, I'm making a decision. I have not seen the script. I put in a Florida man, which you've criticized, and I put in an Australian man. No, an Australian snake.

Australian man. No, an Australian snake. But I had I just all of a sudden had this funeral service today and a Shiva after it. So here I am. Well, totally excusable. I am going to tell you my Shiva joke. What's a Shiva? God, well, Irish people and Jewish people are very different. What's a Shiva? Go ahead. Well, Irish people and Jewish people are very different. If you're Jewish and somebody dies, you sit Shiva and drink wine. And if you're Irish and somebody dies, you sit wine and drink Shiva's.

I like it. Solid, solid work. That's the kind of joke you tell on your last night ever doing stand up. Right. All right, let's get to corrections. Emmanuel Hanna said, according to someone's community notes, that earthquake prediction has no scientific basis. See the community notes in this post and the screenshot. Sounds like it was a Reddit situation.

But apparently you can't predict. As you know from us making our annual predictions every year and you every year predicting a major earthquake for Los Angeles and you're never right. Well, because I'm blindly doing it because we're so overdue. But I will say when there's, I forget what it's called. It's almost like a shower of earthquakes, little ones. There's a name for it.

When that happens, that sometimes can be an indicator. The key word is sometimes. It's like a cluster of them. And they're pre-shocks. They're getting better at predicting. Well, then why are you still here? What are you doing? What? Then why are you still here?

Why are, what, that should be my career or why am I, cause, cause it's coming. Why am I, no, I don't mind earthquakes. I'm just waiting. God damn it. We need something to be the great equalizer for this housing market. That's what you're waiting on? A cracked house at half price? And a lot of people to move out. Like that pussy Bruce Springsteen, who not only moved out, can you imagine spending, something I do, a whole chapter of your memoir and your Bruce Springsteen,

which means it's a pretty eventful memoir, on the earthquake of 94. And not only did he move out, demanded, by the way, a corporate jet, man of the people, Mottola to send a corporate jet to get him out of here, when he was back in New Jersey over the next few months, had to see a therapist and get treated for PTSD. Really? Yeah, the boss. It's more like the secretary.

The underboss. Yeah, yeah. Not even a capo. Never mind the boss. Is this the unpaid intern or the boss? What the fuck is going on with the guys crying in the corner um also mark said delighted you enjoyed your time on our fair island ireland and feel like the fraternal thing to do is assist you after your brutalization of irish

pronunciation love you played rise and Dub is pronounced Ro-Sheen as in Rowboat and Martin Sheen. And apparently Dub is Dove. So it's

Ro-Sheen Dove. Anyway, forgive my pedantry. Sound like Rock, Paper, Scissors? It's, what?

It sounds like Rock, Paper, Scissors. Yes. We got some tour dates coming up. Rope, sheet, dove. All right. Improv in Irvine on September 10th. Escondido on September 22nd and 23rd.

Shirley Mass in October. These are all October dates. Manchester, New Hampshire. Nashua. Foxborough. Sacramento. Arlington, Virginia, Baltimore. And then in November, Houston, Bakersfield, San Francisco, and Fort Worth.

Go to FitzDawg.com. Get yourself some tickets. Support live comedy before it comes crashing down. And, Mike, is there something you want to talk about? I'd like to talk about game time. I used it this past weekend. Yeah. I went to go see a rescheduled my morning jacket with the fleet Foxes warming up and the rescheduled was a good opportunity because so many people couldn't go because it was moved to a Monday night. Oh,

it was scheduled from the, uh, the hurricane and earthquake, really the hurricane that we had out here. So there was still tickets available at the box office, which usually would affect the scalping situation. But true to its name, man, it kept dropping, dropping, dropping. Get this. You know, when you use the code, the code PAPERS, which I tried to do, you get $20 off your first purchase, but it totally makes sense. It has to be a $75 plus purchase. Okay. Got it. So, for instance, if you want to go to the LA Sparks and get $20 off, you're going to have to buy around 35 to 40 tickets, just to put it in perspective. Right. Well, if you want to buy a 50 cent ticket right now, it's $50. 50 cent is $50.

Oh, nice. Beyonce will get you qualified because she's $141 right now. All right. because she's $141 right now. All right. Sam Smith. Sam Smith is $32. You need to buy three of those.

But I'll tell you, that's how effective it is. I bought two tickets to the Hollywood Bowl to see two good bands, and I couldn't even reach it because the prices kept going down. No joke. And so it was great. And by the way, I think it's because so because the prices kept going down. No joke. And so it was great. And by the way, I think it's because so many people like Fleet Foxes. It was the easiest. I know this is not an ad for the bowl, but it was the easiest trip.

Anyway, game time is the reason I pulled the trigger because it was one of those nights where it's like, you know what a drag it is going to the bowl. Like it's not it's not like, Oh, you know, a half hour there, half hour back parking's disaster game time inspired me because they made it so easy. The ticket price itself then paid for parking because it was so low. So I was so happy. I'm now into classical music, Mozart. I'm reading his biography right now. And I've been listening to him, and I decided I want to go see a lot of classical music. You can see theater, music, sports. Do it all, and the app is so easy to use. A couple clicks, and it's in your phone. You don't have to download anything.

You don't have to print anything. They got a low-price guarantee where they give you 110% back if you get the same tickets in the same section and row. So snag the tickets without distress with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off.

Download GameTime today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. So easy. Alright, front page. We got paper? We got some paper. Paper the paper? Extra! Extra! We all

love it! Extra! A convicted child rapist. That's how we like to start Sunday papers. Strong start. I did not put this story in here. Go ahead. Who dramatically escaped an Arkansas prison on a jet ski. What?

A lot of jet ski stories. Remember we had the Chinaman escape from China last week. Yes, that gentleman. He's finally been captured a year later, along with the family members accused of opening fire to help him flee. The fugitive inmate, Samuel Hartman, was nabbed at a Quality Inn in Lewisburg. Is it Quality in Lewisburg? With his wife, his mother, and his mom's boyfriend

a year after he escaped from the East Arkansas Regional Prison. He's a family man. Look how wholesome that is. He was serving a life sentence for raping his 14-year-old stepdaughter. Oh, wait. He is a family man. I take it back. The two women are accused of driving a pickup truck to the field and opening fire on a

corrections officer as he ran to get inside they then allegedly drove the vehicle to the nearby mississippi river where they planted two jet skis to help them escape so uh what's going on with jet skis these things used to be fun. These things were like crotch rockets that rednecks got DUIs on. Not a means of escape. I mean, it's great as a means of escape because no tire tracks. And if you wear a trucker hat backwards and an old miss wife beater, nobody's going to notice that you're different than the other jet skiers. I didn't know how they did it.

I thought this was more like escape at Don Amaro where they, he used the jet ski inside the sewage pipe to get out. Oh, was, did that really happen? No, but they used the pipe to get out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Although that's a pretty good John wick or, um, uh, what's the car driving? Fast and Furious.

I could see that happening in Fast and Furious. Has anyone done jet skis in a major city's sewage system? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think that would be incredible. Or Batman, something. I bet it's been done.

It has to have been done. Have rid of jet ski yeah boring so boring it depends though like if you have fun stuff to do or if you're island hopping it's great but you know i was invited to take the jet ski to catalina island which is about 30 miles off Los Angeles. On rocky waters. It's pretty rough waters. Once you get out in the middle of the channel, it especially can be, you know, big swells. But here's the thing, man. Okay, that's fun.

Maybe the whole way, especially if you see whales, which they have seen whales, and they definitely see dolphins. But then you eat dinner over there and maybe drink a little. Then you have to ride it back to Long Beach. Right. No thank you. No way. And it's often dark.

Yeah. And you're crossing ferry lanes? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, I don't get it. There's a place in San Diego where there's an inlet where the jet skiers famously go and do crazy quick turns where they pop up out of the water. And I guess that looks like it's kind of fun, but not really.

I mean, come on. Stop with the water. Everybody stop with the water. With the sailing. Oh, let me get a boat and puff, puff up the sail. And, ooh, look at me going back and forth. Oh, I'm a real sailor. Stop.

Greg, you're taking some joy away from a child rapist. He clearly likes it. He's not known for his decision-making, so give him the jet skis, will you? But isn't it kind of funny, our relationship to the open water? Like, it's a thing that kills you you suffocate and die if you go under it for too long and yet every coastline of every part of the world are people congregated toying with it teasing it going into the edge of it, floating on it, zipping around it in boats. You're just jealous because of your stupid ankle.

We were born scuba diving. We were born with a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. Did I just nail that? In the womb. Yeah, and we grew up. We grew up and we got the fuck out. You cut the cord. Yeah, and we grew up. We grew up and we got the fuck out. You cut the cord. Where it's dry. Yeah.

Also parachuting. You cut the cord. Speaking of geography, a geography professor didn't hide his clown fetish or the fact that he sometimes indulged his urges by recruiting students as subjects.

He posted regularly about it on social media. Quote, I have a face paint fetish and convince the cute girls in my classes to let me paint their faces, he once wrote. There is very little doubt in my mind that there are traces of semen in the face paint. So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop here. Yeah, Joseph Tokash, who was on the tenure track before a student journalist at nickel state university in louisiana they got

papers in louisiana exposed his behavior he submitted his resignation the same day that he posted videos on youtube and one reddit post on a forum meant to highlight hard to believe stories. Tokash posted pictures of several women in white face paint. I'm not following this. Why? Because it's Louisiana and they weren't in black face paint. So he has a face paint fetish and how has he abused his position i guess he asked i mean look he asked the girls if he could paint their faces they said yes he said in class that he enjoys doing it and they i and now suddenly it's wrong i don't know oh he doesn't

teach art no history geography geography oh all right i missed that i guess okay so he's not teaching face painting he's not teaching face painting it's tough to come from a jet skiing child rapist to this one. Yeah. You know, I'm up. I'm up. You know, my guard is up. Maybe I should have led with the face painter. Yeah.

It's also, if you're trying to groom young women, I would start with the face painting and then build. I mean, it's a weird fetish. I mean, just go old school. Chew off a woman's stockings while wearing a leather mask and a butt plug. It's not a child's party. What's the face painting? And get out of the water. I wonder if they were. Maybe his fetish was changing black women into white women.

Oh, it's Louisiana. That might come in handy. Yeah, I think that's maybe what his thing was. All right, speaking of southern creeps, go ahead. Here you go. Why don't you read this one since you're so excited? Freeze, Greg wrote as the headline. Senator Mitch McConnell appeared to freeze for more than 30 seconds during an event in Kentucky a month after a similar incident during which the 81-year-old stopped speaking. Yesterday's

freeze happened when McConnell was asked if he would run for re-election. Tilt, tilt, tilt. When it became apparent he had frozen, an aide came up to him and asked, did you hear the question, Senator? It's exactly like last time is they think he's thinking, but they think that for way too long. And the videos are incredibly awkward because, you know, behind his sort of motionless eyes is something yelling, screaming help. Yeah. McConnell still did not answer. Afterward, an aide reported McConnell, quote, feels fine,

but said he would consult the doctor before his next event. Well, the upside is it's the first time in 30 years he's been asked a question and did not lie afterwards. Zing, zing. Second joke. Yes. His frozen heart is starting to freeze the rest of his body. Third joke.

Third joke. Do it. You didn't have time to write this week. I put in a little extra. Yeah. Suddenly Joe Biden looks like Quentin Tarantino. I do like this angle. It is the most likable that McConnell has been.

Just don't say anything about that. Yes. Yes. But they're all talking about, I mean, should he be, you know, resigned or be forced? Shouldn't they all resign? Can we please put a 70-year limit? Feinstein? Feinstein in California?

Please, just go home. I thought she dropped out. She's not still working, is she? She's, I think, technically dead, but she's walking around and doing her job. It's terrible. Wow. It was like Larry King at the end. I didn't see him King at the premiere.

And he got, Pierce Morgan got the worst reviews because of course there's an emotional component. You know, we all fell in love, then out of love, then back in love with the old, you know, Larry King. And so anyway, Larry King comes in and he has his table full of his dudes, all like 80-year-old guys from Brooklyn. And he had reprinted on white paper. He had made copies of all the terrible reviews and passed them out. And they had the best breakfast ever. That's amazing. My friend was his producer for many years. Wow.

She loved Larry. I think he was a very charming, very decent human being. Is he still alive? No, he died. He married. He married. I want to get this right. I think he married nine times, but one of them was a repeat.

Okay. How many times is Larry King married? I think like eight and five, or eight and six were a repeat, maybe. How many? I mean, I'm assuming that Denman is looking this up at the same time. But the best would be you'd see this,

for people who do not- Eight times to seven women. Look at me. Come on. And which one repeated? But you would see pictures of it? It started with a high school sweetheart and then his most recent wife, who he was estranged with at the time of his death.

Oh. Maybe at the end they got back together again. He was front row behind the Dodgers. If you watched any Dodger playoff or World Series games, no matter where you are in the country or world, you would have seen him next to Mary Hart, who also had front row seats. But the best was seeing, because he looked like a lizard.

He really looked primordial. And he would be at his kids, who his kids were like, I don't know, 70 years younger than him. And he'd be at their Little League games and it was the funniest image. Yeah. You know who I saw at a Little League game is, who's the guy that was an American History X? Norton. Yeah. Edward Norton?

Yeah. This next story is called Bullshit. Okay. Norfolk, Nebraska. Around 10 a.m., the police responded to a call of a man driving on 275 with a Watusi bull in his passenger seat. Did you see this picture or this video? No.

Okay. The officers received a call that a car driving into town had a cow in it. And you got to see the picture because not just a cow. I think it must be a bull, but it had the biggest horns, sharp horns you've ever seen in your life. Maybe Denman could put a picture in or something. All right. Denman's not on this call. I haven't heard from Denman the whole time.

I think he's off editing something. I'm going to Google Watusi Bulg. You keep going. They thought that it was going to be a calf, something small, or something that would actually fit inside the vehicle. Oh, my God. Yeah. That would make sense.

I mean, driving a calf is like in Nebraska. It's like having a Great Dane in the car. Oh, my God. Yeah, that would make sense. I mean, driving a calf is like in Nebraska. It's like having a Great Dane in the car. It's a calf. No, this looks like it's out of, like, Dumb and Dumber. Yeah. Quote, as a result, the officers performed a traffic stop and addressed some traffic violations that were occurring at the time of the situation.

The occupant of the vehicle was identified as Lee, mayor of Neelai. The Watusi bull's name was Howdy Doody. So when you got a bull like Howdy Doody, you're doing fun shit. You don't name a bull Howdy Doody and then just hang around the farmyard. All right.

I'm not going to exaggerate. I'd say these are each horn is four feet yeah and do you see the shit the shit that he made all over the back look behind his ass on the car no i only have the one picture from the front there's a picture from the side where he shat all over the back of the car. That bull can do whatever the hell it wants. I'll tell you, if I was a bull, you wouldn't see me calling shotgun. I don't want any guns involved at all.

I'll walk and I'll meet you there. This is crazy. Well, this is very similar to our snake story later, which is equally as surreal, I think. All right, let's get to good news for Gubbins. All right, let's do it. All right, let's call this bad week for Gubbins. I have been so annoyed with him this week.

I don't know what the fuck's going on with him. We played volleyball on Sunday. The text message went out, and it literally said, we are going to be playing with teenagers. This will not be a good game. Lower your expectations. Gubbins shows up like he's in Nebraska with 91,000 people in the audience. He is fucking coaching everybody.

He is yelling at people when they miss a shot. He is getting pissy. He gets pissy when somebody misses, and he fucking turns around and he throws his hands up, and it was a friendly game. I know. He was pissy, he got there on time or maybe even a little early. And I was very late. What happened was whatever there were normally I am late this time. I really felt responsible, but my mom was here and it was a whole, there was a whole brunch I was hosting and my mom had said, she's not going

to last long at the brunch and so i even padded it and then she stayed like it you had a 12 30 brunch you were hosting for a two o'clock volleyball game that's a 15 minute walk from your house no no that's not padding it it a five minute. My mom thought she would only come by and be here like 45 minutes. Yeah. Whatever. I didn't pad it enough. You're right. So he, I'm responsible in a weird way, I'm saying for his mood.

That's what pissed him off. That's what, so I don't think he was that competitive, really. Oh, really? Ask your girlfriend who yelled at him for about a minute and said, stop mansplaining to me. She just thought it was kind of funny also, I think. But yeah. And then he yelled back at her later. He yelled back, but he was giving her shit later. It was very unpleasant. And then we play golf. And even you had to say to him during the golf game like change your tone dennis like he's telling you i've never said that to him before but and he goes what he's a fucking you you know grow grow a

sack you know and like that i was sensitive but i'm like no let me explain to you what it is i hit a shit shot i'm having a shitty day and i'm trying to contain it. And then all of a sudden you're like, you know, you're holding a fucking club that hits 200. I'm like, don't, how about just saying, Hey, cause I'm in the rough, right? Like it's like, it's, it's a shitty, even if you don't play golf picture, a bad day getting worse. And so I'm in a bad situation. And then I'm like, you you know you could just kind of say knowing wow mike's probably fucking furious right now and like seething inside you could be like hey i'm not sure if you know how far it is you know it's only 150 if you wanted to use a different club i would have had no reaction to that but he yelled his overall tone i think it used to be charming when he was younger and he knew the line and he no longer gets the line.

And now it just comes out as angry and nasty and passive aggressive. So do we think right now when he's listening, this is helping him? I hope so. I hope that somebody tells Dennis that it's not charming anymore to be fucking nasty to people all the time. No, no. I think he has said also he's going to work on his tone. He literally said that. He said on the car ride back, he was great the rest of the day. Yeah.

Except you're the one who wanted it. I'm surrounded by two guys who are getting fucking pissy moods. You're then a fucking bitch in the back seat. Yeah, I know. And I apologize to Dennis for that. I was not pleasant on the ride home. Oh, you see, everything's fine. Everything's fine now.

Thank God I don't take golf that seriously, fucking. Otherwise, I see why people are tormented by it. Even talking about bad golf. That's the overall message. I go out to play golf. I want to relax. I got a stressful life. I want to go on a course and not be around fucking yelling and screaming and negativity.

Right. Or volleyball. Or a friendly volleyball game. It's the wrong energy to bring to it. Yeah. I've got a nice suggestion. Go jet skiing. No attitude.

Nice and pleasant. All right. Let's get to some entertainment do it uh this is a buzzfeed article why don't you click on it so you can follow along as well all right this is a list of uh talk show hosts talking about the 17 famous people who are rude, awkward, or simply all-around horrible talk show guests. Okay. I know the worst guest in five years of Craig Kilbourne I know the worst guest.

Who was it? Mark Wahlberg. Really? Refused to play five questions unless he was given the answers. Everybody played five questions. Actually, I shouldn't say that. Refused to play five questions unless he was given the answers. Everybody played five questions. Actually, I shouldn't say that. Refused to play five questions unless he was given the questions in advance. Wow.

No, part of the rule is, and he took it, no, that was Kilbo really, really serious. He's like, I just want to tell everyone this is not going to be an issue. It will never be an issue. This sounds stern. If anyone tells any of the guests any of the five questions, you're immediately fired. And he goes, I don't want that to sound stern. Just never, ever do it. That's it. Simple rule. Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, coming in number one on this was Chelsea Handler said Justin Bieber was flirting with her in a way that was really creepy and that really bothered her.

And she said that's the way he does his interviews and she doesn't appreciate it. It made her uncomfortable. I have had great experiences with Justin Bieber and I've had a not so great experience with Chelsea Handler. So I'm going to pass on that first one. Interesting. All right. Colbert said Hugh Grant. with Chelsea Handler. So I'm going to pass on that first one. Interesting. All right. Colbert said Hugh Grant.

Hugh can be difficult. He said he was the worst guest ever. He had said he had because he complained so much behind the scenes. He's giving everyone shit the whole time, and he's a big pain in the ass. That's weird for Colbert to say that. He was terrible on the red carpet. Did you see there was a famous clip of him? Like, so are you excited for tonight?

He's like, no. Like, you know, like this poor woman was trying her best. Oh, I did see that. Yeah, yeah. He also, I don't think he enjoys the public persona at all anymore. Of course, he has a famous incident picking up a hooker, but he, but I love when he is angry at the government over in England and at Murdoch, you know, for tapping their phones and all that stuff. So there's things I do like a lot about him. Wow. Okay.

Anyway, okay. Jimmy Fallon said he had his very first late-night guest. I guess his first one ever was Robert De Niro. And he said in real life he doesn't even talk much. He came on. He just one-word answers and nodding. And I guess, I mean, that's the thing about De Niro. I wouldn't have him on as my first guest. He's famously a character actor who, when he doesn't have lines given to him, is not he's kind of a neutral person.

He's not a personality. Also, go back and watch Fallon's first show. It was unwatchable. I am shocked it's still on the air just based on the first three months. And they kept firing everybody. Fallon's first show was unwatchable. And of course he's gotten much better, but like, you know, maybe, maybe you would do better with, with him now. Huh? Graham Norton said that Harvey Weinstein was the worst guest of all time. He's in jail. So he gets the prize for worst guest ever. He asked for my email and he emailed me something very nice. And then he decided he wanted to be on the show because he was going to promote something. And it was a show that was fully booked. So I replied saying, oh, thank you so much,

but the show is fully booked. He emailed back. What if I blah, blah, blah? No, the show is fully booked. Then he emailed back again. But I think and I just had to turn to my booker and say, can you please deal with this? And then he had that sort of attitude that, oh, no, I'm going on. That is what makes you a good producer. Yeah, it sounds like the guy didn't take no for an answer. Sherri Shepherd said that Ann Coulter was the worst guest ever because of the way she treated Barbara Walters. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Hey, by the way, a follow up on Hugh. Jon Stewart publicized what a bitch he was and everything, and he goes, turns out my inner crab got the better of me, says Hugh Grant, with the TV producer in 09, unforgivable, Jon Stewart correct to give me a kicking.

That's nice. Wow, really? See, I like Hugh. Huh. Also, to be that good-looking looking and and that i think he's funny it's pretty that's like carrie grant level stuff craig ferguson who you worked with for a little while yeah right he said his worst guest was uh macy gray who i have a deep soft spot for. She is one of the most talented musicians of the last 20 years,

totally underrated. And I think part of the problem really is her personality. She came on Ellen, and we made fun of her for weeks afterwards because she was just really high and really kind of out of it. Wait, are we going to pretend she's not? She didn't smoke six pounds of weed before she does anything. Yeah. Yeah.

No. Macy Gray, I think, was so high. I'm guessing that was it. Yeah. All right. Well, enough dishing. I think we made our point. Don't fuck with late-night talk show hosts,

because they will spill the beans eventually. Spill the tea. Yeah, they're not supposed to do that. Oh, here's James Corden. Oh. He said he was disappointed by Rick Ross because of his reaction after watching the host rehearse a hustling parody about binge watching Netflix.

It was completely empty. The room and Rick Ross was like this. And Rick Ross goes, cool, I'm just going to go to the restroom. About 20 minutes later, we were still just stood there. And then his management person came back and went, yeah, Rick's not going to do that. Do you remember that? No, I was already gone. I think I'm on Rick's side. Yeah. We've all seen some of the dance numbers where Kourtney's dressed up as a cat doing it with Paul Abdul and stuff.

Yeah. Yep. Yep. I get it. They can't all be winners. They can't all be winners. And you're going to make a rapper, hard rapper like that look foolish yeah you know who did it though was um eric andre had on um ti the rapper ti and totally fucked around with himI. was such a good sport about it. And T.I. is a legitimate gangster rapper.

He's a guy who's been in jail, has a bad reputation. I've hung out with him because I produced a show that his wife was on, Tiny. And then he comes into the comedy store sometimes. Could not be a more lovely guy. Oh, nice. Yeah, really cool dude. Cool. Let's get, cool oh next topic also about the late night hosts is they are all joining forces to do a podcast steven colbert seth meyers john oliver jimmy fallon and jimmy kimmel are doing a podcast called Strike Force 5.

It's a daily show aimed at raising money for their staff during the writers' strike. They're going to talk about all kinds of stuff, but the proceeds all go to the writers, which is really nice. I don't think just the writers. I think the whole staff, which is nice. You know what I mean, these guys? My understanding is I don't know if all of them are doing it, but I know Kimmel and Fallon and, uh, Colbert, maybe the others are all paying, not just the writers, the entire staff. And they said it's costing them hundreds of thousands of dollars a week and

this thing could go on for months longer so fucking tip of the cap to those heroes no doubt because this is yeah there's no end in sight i mean hopefully i'm wrong and there is an end in sight but you know i think i brought it up last week or the week before. It's never mind getting the writers and the companies to see eye to eye. The companies can't see eye to eye. Right. I can't imagine a meeting where Netflix is aligned with Warner Brothers or with CBS or Paramount or any of them. Well, don't forget, just a few years ago, the writers all fired their agents because they were packaging,

and the writers said it was hurting them, hurting their bottom line. And what happened? The smaller agencies stepped up and signed the agreement that the writers wanted, and suddenly those small agencies looked like they were going agreement that the writers wanted. And suddenly those small agencies looked like they were going to become the big agencies. And then the big agencies crushed their not crushed, gave way, capitulated, capitulated, and they signed the agreement. And I think the same thing is happening now because it's called the AAMTPA or something. And it's Warner Brothers and Sony and it's all the big companies.

And they are signed on to an agreement with the Writers Guild and the Actors Guild. But little tiny production companies are not. And I can't remember the actor, but he just announced a new film that he's going to be doing. It's a little indie film. he's going to be doing it's a little indie film and he's and and that company signed on to the dream list of everything the writers and the uh actors wanted and so they're going to go ahead and do that film and any other small company i just i talked about it last week i did a film with doug stanhope they just got purchased by uh what's his's company. And they are and I called the Screen Actors Guild and I said or the Writers Guild and I said, am I allowed to know Screen Actors Guild? I called. Am I allowed to promote this? Because the rule is you cannot even talk about a project you are doing now if it's part of the big companies.

They said to me, that's an indie film. Talk about it all you want. That's what you thought they said when they didn't call you back? You got to interpret these things. You got to read between the lines. I don't know if I've told this story, so I'll make it very quick, but I think it's interesting. So on the last writer's strike, I was working with Spike Ferriston. He was the host. He's a famous Seinfeld writer, soup Nazi and stuff like that. And he had his own talk show for a short while on Fox, two seasons and writer's strike hits and our segment producer comes into us. Oh, so it hit. And then we went back to work when everyone else went back to work without writers. So you could like have guests on.

It was interesting because it was just a writer's strike. So the actors could come on for things that were already shot, whatever. So anyway, a guy comes in and goes, I got this urgent message from the dad on Malcolm in the Middle. We're like, what? And he's like, yeah, he's done this new project. He says it's the best thing he's ever done and the best thing he'll ever do.

And he cannot let it die. And he's terrified it's going to die because the writer's strike is preventing them from promoting it. And we're like, all right. He goes, he wants you to watch the pilot. So you see where this is going. It was the Breaking Bad pilot. We watched it that night. We called each other and we're like, can you fucking believe how good this is? We have to have him come on. And he goes, I would never normally like cross the picket line and all this. I hopefully want some exception that it's something that's already in the can. And it was different circumstances back then.

And so he came on, Brian Cranston, to promote Breaking Bad. Wow, that's amazing. I just watched season four, episode one, yesterday at the gym. And I thought, all right, I'll watch 25 minutes of this while I ride the inclined bike. I watched the entire episode. Might have been pedaling a little slow by the end. I could not get up. It is so fucking compelling.

It's amazing. What have I watched? I started watching Telemarketers. Have you started watching that yet on HBO? It's, I'm on, I think there's three episodes. I'm on episode two. It's a wild bunch. It's an interesting kind of story. I don't know if I'd say's three episodes. I'm on episode two. It's a wild bunch. It's an interesting kind of story.

I don't know if I'd say it's great. I'm continuing to watch the Jets hard knocks. What else have I seen? Fuck Aaron Rodgers and his fucking aunt. He is an election denier. He, to this day, I'm telling you. Oh, does he deny the election? He denies the election.

I mean, look, if you want to be a vax denier, whatever. I can see possibly buying into some of the data, quote unquote, that's flying around out there. But if you are going to deny the election, you are fucking dead to me. All right. I'm going to look into if he ever like I know about vaccinations. I'm going to look into his election denial. No. And also like that show, I watched two episodes and I was like, you're not going to talk about it. They signed a deal with him. I bet that said we will not bring it up if you let us shoot you with the jets this year. So fuck HBO, too. This is an assault.

Now, this is an assault on our democracy. Denying that election. When you look at what Al Gore did in 2000, when he said, you know what? This is controversial. This is bad for the government is bad for the country. And he conceded. Did he need to? Absolutely not.

He should have fought it. A lot of people argue he should have fought it to the Supreme Court. He didn't because it was good for the country. Trump did the opposite. And anybody that supports that is dead to me. Hello? Yeah, I'm looking up. You look like Mitch McConnell right now.

What did Ryan Rogers say that he does not regret? By the way, while you're looking that up, I will list the people during the writer's strike that are still on my payroll. I am paying my gardener, my housekeeper,

my hot tub guy, my bookkeeper, my accountant. Those are two different people. My agents, my stockbroker, my podcast producers, my therapist, my doctor, my dentist. I didn't realize until I sat down and looked at it how many people I pay every single month. It's crazy.

You're just like Kimmel and Fallon. I am. A lot of people are making money off of me, and I'm glad to help out, especially Midcoast Media. All right, what are we doing? Where are we moving on to here? Are we making America Florida? Let's do Make America Florida. All right, I'm going to truncate this story.

All right, I'm going to truncate this story. But 50 years ago, a Canadian Canadian police discovered a partially nude woman floating face down in a river in West Montreal. The unidentified body, by the way, became infamous in Canada and had not been known to authorities the identity until 2021. Thanks to finally DNA. So in June 75, Montreal police investigators questioned Nichols, who was her boyfriend. Well, you forgot that they exhumed the body. They exhumed the body, right. And they also had some of the materials. She had cloth on her.

When they found her, they did DNA testing on that. So hold on, though. In 75, though, when she went missing, police questioned Nichols, her boyfriend who she lived with in Montreal, and they did not consider him a suspect, according to the complaint. Nichols said the couple got into an argument and that she left on her own for Vancouver that June. And then a partial male DNA profile was found on the blood stains of the green cloth that she had. And the Ontario police collected DNA samples from nine male persons of interest, which did not include her roommate, who she got into an argument with. And they found that there were no matches until now.

And the reason this is in Florida is because they went down to his retirement home and arrested him this week. I love it. He thought he was going to ride this one into the sunset. And I had put we play a game, but I already spent too much time on it. But we could have played. What I mean, can you imagine the conversation between detectives? Like, so do you think we should test the boyfriend? Nah, it's never it's never the guy that's been helping us out. I mean, how great has he been pointing out these nine other guys? I mean, calling, email he been, pointing out these nine other guys? I mean, calling, emailing, staying in touch.

Yeah, but you know, the last time they saw each other was a fight. Yeah, but look how old he is. He could never do this at this age. How would he kill somebody? He's 34 at the time, Greg. I mean, he became

an honorary sheriff down here. He's one of us. Listen, we're testing everyone. We've tested nine people. You just don't want to throw him in the patch. You don't think just you know, like, why not? Yeah, we got a whole, we got a baseball team full of guys here. Why are you going after the manager?

It's crazy. And like, most people are like, it's the boyfriend. But they don't even have to hear the details of the case. It's the boyfriend. Yeah. 9.9 times out of 10, it's the boyfriend. Yep. Oh, man.

Or the ex-husband who used to be a running back. Yeah. Oh, boy. Love interest. How about that? A former or present day love interest is almost always it. Okay. Let's make Australia, Florida.

Florida. Boy, this paper is really not doing it for me today. Okay. If you have not seen this video, you have to just Google. Crazy. I guess you could Google crazy Python, but Google Python Australia. I think it'll come up if it's in this week's batch of results. A large Python was spotted in Australia's Queensland neighborhood, and it caused quite a stir among the residents.

All right. So I saw this video and I'm like, what? It was a shot up towards roofs. And then there was this giant what looks like a like one and a half foot or two foot diameter pipe going from one house or one rooftop to the next. I'm like, it almost looked like when you're in an amusement park and you're looking up at the Harry Potter ride and there's just like, you know, connecting things on the rooftops, like almost like a roller coaster. This fucking python is the biggest thing I've ever seen. You could not put your arms around it and touch your fingers on the other side. Impossible. your fingers on the other side. Impossible. And it first of all stopped and then looked down at like the crowd and then continued to go into a giant tree, which was next to the house. So it's also agile when you see like whenever I see the pictures of the biggest pythons and

the craziest snakes ever, like are captured in the Everglades or wherever, and they're on the ground. You're like, you could go up and just kick that thing in the head. Those fuckers are so big they can't even move. Then I see this. Yeah. Its head is way bigger than your head. Oh, yes. Yeah.

And now pythons, they squeeze you, right? Is that what they do? No. First, they bite you hard with, like, I don't know if they call them teeth, but with jagged, basically, teeth that grab you, and then they wrap around you. Yeah, right. No, it's nasty, man.

It freaked me out. That was crazy. And in the video, it's all these Australian people, and they're, like, kind of having a cocktail on the deck watching it, except you hear a two-year-old in the background wildly screaming because on a biological level, he realizes he's the one the python's coming for. That thing could have chosen any one of them.

It's crazy. So, yeah, I mean, it really is Florida down there in so many ways. All right, let's get to sports. You got it. You got it. Spanish Soccer Federation President Luis Rubiales, elderly mother who had gone on a hunger strike to protest his suspension for his World Cup kissing scandal,

has been hospitalized, a local priest said. Angela Behar was taken to the Santa Ana Hospital after feeling tired, stressed. Father Antonio said she was discharged after being treated for leg swelling, vomiting, and dizziness. How does your leg swell when you're not eating? I don't think it would fucking slim you down. Good news is he won't kiss her.

Behar has abandoned her hunger strike. The dramatic hospitalization came 48 hours after Behar has abandoned her hunger strike. The dramatic hospitalization came 48 hours after Behar and her sister locked themselves inside Motril's Church of the Divine Shepherdess to protest the treatment in the week of the World Cup. Yeah, if there's a place you don't want to hide because you don't like being assaulted against your will, might not be the Catholic Church. Maybe a gay bar. Maybe check out a gay bar to hide.

Yeah. And the bad news is the son is still facing charges. The good news is she can finally fit in that size three again. It's ridiculous that that guy's fit. I don't know all the details. What I do know, it seems like an overreaction. I think that's safe to say.

Especially among the Spanish. You ever see those dudes on the soccer field? They're like rubbing each other's faces and slapping the ass and hand jobs in the shower. They don't show that, but I guarantee it. Oh, I heard about this volleyball match.

All right. In Nebraska, it's made history. The Nebraska Cornhuskers said they smashed the world record for attendance of a women's sporting event. This is in your face, Mike, who always says that if the women earn enough, they should be paid the same. Okay. They drew more than 92,000 fans.

They say it also surpassed the world record attendance for any women's sporting event. It also, I don't know if you've read this. Are they not being paid well? They're in college, not getting paid at all. Yeah, you bring up a weird point. It also sets the record for the most people asking, do you score on the serve? And then also the record for most people leaving a game at halftime. Is there a halftime?

I bet they could have used a little Gubbins energy at this volleyball game. Yep. 92,000 fans there. Could have used a stern talking to with a very sour tone, dire tone. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Come on, ladies. He'd be calling them ladies.

I mean, I remember for a while there i think it was during sampras's reign women's tennis was much better to watch than men yes gabriella sabatini oh yeah no no but not only because of that but also like they had rallies and the men weren't like i don't know he had no rival i don't know what it was. Anyway, I think women's volleyball, there's an argument to be made. Maybe it's not. Listen, very few people were watching men's beach volleyball. And it's not just because of the bikinis. I guess here in America, we had the two best in the world and they were great. And those were always entertaining.

No. And the, well, yeah, for tennis, but as far as volleyball, these women are not wearing those thongs. They've got on like, they look like Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, long shorts, no midriff showing. So it's not about the sexiness. People are going legitimately because the women are that good at volleyball. Yeah. Yes.

International. Yes. International. Okay. Okay. A passenger has gone overboard on Royal Caribbean's Wonder of the Seas, the largest cruise ship in the world off the coast of Cuba. 230,000-ton vehicle. The ship's crew immediately launched a search and rescue operation. It's working closely with local authorities.

Apparently, Cuba has to oversee it because it occurred in their territorial waters. oversee it because it occurred in their territorial waters. Yeah, let's look for those passengers that fell off a fucking 14-story ship. Tell them to keep an eye out for all those parrots that flew out the owner's windows this year also. About the same odds of rounding them up. I'm just reading the end of the story. I'm just reading the end of the story. Also, I just want to say, with all that buffet, the limitless buffet food and margaritas,

those passengers are going to float like a set of car keys. Yeah, that's true. But I think they should check Miami, because wouldn't there be tremendous odds they fell in a refugee boat going from Cuba to Florida? Right. Isn't there odds that you they fell in a refugee boat going from Cuba to Florida? Right. Isn't there odds that you're not going to hit water? Are we doing this show in 1978? Aren't they going to hit a pickup truck which has been sort of customized to float? No, Cubans still try to come here. They wash up on the shore in Florida.

They do? Oh, yeah, 100%. Wow. But leave DeSantis in power a little longer, they're going to be washing up on the Cuban shores. Everyone's leaving. And advisor to Russian President Vladimir Putin has claimed that Ukrainian military

will become, quote, unified through gay sex like the Greek Spartans. Oh, boy. Russian authorities have been using anti-LBGTQ and national sentiment to justify its unprovoked war against Ukraine. Quote, military theorists and historians know which army in Greece was the strongest. The Spartans. They were united by a homosexual brotherhood.

They were all homos. This isn't me talking. This is Putin. These were the politics of their leadership. He said that the U.S. and Ukraine will use neuro-linguistic programming and other brainwashing techniques to turn Ukrainian soldiers gay against their will. The last thing Russia wants is to fight any army resembling the Spartans. I can tell you that for a fact. And then Spartans who you've called gay, that's not going to go well. that's not going to go well.

Right. Imagine the dissing that would take place on the Ukrainian side if they were all gay. Oh, my God. Did you see the new Russian uniforms? No wonder they were in camouflage. No one would be caught dead wearing those. All right, do it again, this time a little more gay.

Honey, all we have to do is whip out these huge Ukrainian schlongs and those cis pussies will go running back to mommy. In Athens and Sparta, homosexuality was practiced to various degrees and its status was somewhat complicated, according to Plato. Sometimes it was actively encouraging.

But, I mean, they were married. To women? For Spartans, all activities involving marriage revolved around the single purpose of producing strong children and thus improving their military. They had arranged marriages. But like, I'm surprised they didn't throw gays on the pile of cripples, so to speak. That's what they called them back then, people. Jesus.

No, you know, Spartans did that. Really? No, Spartans weeded out, very much like Sweden. They weeded out the weak by killing them. Sweden? What are you talking about Sweden? Sweden, I believe, was the last country to have, was it called, not euthanize, Sweden, if you had debilitating disease or whatchamacallit disease, which gets progressively worse.

Neurological? Sweden killed. What do I have to Google here? Sweden killed. Let me put babies. Was the test. Eugenics. I think it was called eugenics.

Was the test on mental capacity based on putting together a set of bookshelves with one wrench? Yeah, exactly. I think it's called eugenics, isn't it? I would say that if gays are truly the best soldiers, America needs to examine its don't ask, don't tell policy. It should be do tell, do tell. Come on. My gay voice is killing today. You are killing.

I take this back. No need to write in. I'm correcting myself. They didn't kill them in Sweden. They sterilized them. Oh. And in 1997, they promised a full investigation into it because the Sweden's policy of eugenics, which began in 1935 and came to a quiet close in 1976. Whoa.

Yes. So it started basically when Hitler was rising to to power that's where they got the idea i maybe yeah it was arguably where eugenics met with its greatest success was sweden wow herman lundborg yeah anyway there you go all right let's get to this day in history okay this day in history. Okay. This one is called the headline is Lady Died. Shortly after midnight

in 1997 on August 31st, Diana, Princess of Wales, affectionately known as the People's Princess, dies in a car crash in Paris. she was 36 her boyfriend the egyptian born socialite doty fayad was the driver of the car oh and the driver of the car henry paul died as well she was one of the most popular figures in

the world her death was met with a massive outpouring of grief. My wife did not leave the fold-out couch in our living room for two and a half days watching the whole thing. Yep. I wonder if What's-His-Name wrote Candle in the Wind, customized it, right? Didn't they update the song? From Maryland to Lady Di? I don't remember. Piles of flowers reached some 30 feet

from the palace's gate. They were vacationing in the French Riviera. They left the Ritz Paris just after midnight, intending to go to his apartment. A swarm of paparazzi on motorcycles began aggressively tailing them. Three minutes later, the driver lost control and crashed into a pillar, pronounced dead at the scene. Diana's former husband, Prince Charles, as well as her sisters and other members of the royal family, arrived in Paris that morning. Diana's body was taken back to London,

and the paparazzi were blamed. But later it was revealed that the driver was under the influence of alcohol and prescription drugs. Well, here's a newsflash. I'm under the influence of prescription drugs all the time, a really good influence. I'm not listening to you. I am reading about Candle in the Wind, 1997.

That was the name of the read. There's new lyrics written and recorded as a tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales. Well, Bernie Taupin was up late that night. It's amazing if he had to stay up late at all to write whatever he writes so yeah anyway the Wikipedia should have more on it it doesn't

because it was originally written about Marilyn Monroe sure was let's get to the obituary another sad one we're going death death death, death today. A lot of death. Yeah, I leave you to your devices.

Florida? Well, you know. Bob Barker was the Emmy Award winning host of the long running game show The Price is Right. Died at his home in L.A. at the age of 99. And, of course, there was a meme going around saying, even in death, he didn't go over 100. He started out in radio in Burbank, and then he hosted Truth or Consequences.

And he wasn't the show's first host, but he did host it from 1972 until 2007. Amazing. So for 35 years, that motherfucker got picked up in a limo, drove 15 minutes to the studio, mailed in two hours of filming, and called it a day. I would see him because we taped upstairs. The Late Late Show taped upstairs at CBS.

Price is Right was downstairs. Sometimes we'd be drinking after late at night or whatever. You could go down and spin the wheel. It was like in the hallways. They would move it in the hallway because Dennis Miller's live HBO show on Friday nights would use the Price is Right studio. And right now today, Bill Maher's Real Time uses the studio.

That's right. That's right. He was there when it became the longest-running game show in TV history. And he won 19 Emmy Awards, holds the record for the oldest person to host a regularly scheduled game show. He was 83 and a half when he retired. He was a big animal welfare guy. Remember, he ended every show with help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed and neutered.

Remember that? Of course. Here's a here's this is how young people can understand, you't understand what a fixture he was. It was just there was four TV channels back in our homes in the 70s, and he was on for an hour every weekday. So this is how much of a fixture he was. In one of my favorite movies of all time, The In-Laws came out in 1979. At one point he sends alan arkin peter fox sends alan arkin up to his office he's waiting in a coffee shop

downstairs and peter fuck plays this fbi guy but he's a little like you know uh he's not detail oriented and he's fuzzy on stuff so he gets his coffee and he's looking up at the tv and he goes so what's the idea of this show? You guess the price of the products? And the guy serving him coffee is like, you've never seen this show before. So in 1979, you could make a joke about someone being unaware of the price is right. That's what a fixture was in 79. Yeah. All right, listen, let's get to let's cheer up a little bit, Mike,

and go to the Sunday funnies. Let's do that. All right, Leroy walks into a bait and tackle shop, talks to the cashier, and he goes, what do you suppose a trout would choose for his last meal? That's not bad. Very optimistic. Here's Loretta fucking hammering Leroy.

This one was building. He was trying to get a lid off a jar of peanut butter. And she goes, if Leroy ever gets convicted of a crime, it'll be for mail fraud. M-A-L-E. That's solid. I wonder why as a writer you're like, all right, next year we should do one with mail room. You know what I mean? Once you find wordplay like that, I wonder if they do that.

Yeah. Mailbag? That's a good one. M-A-L-E. You can't just leave it alone and give Bunny her due. She thought of a good one. Here's the far side. It's two guys fishing on a lake.

There's like certain hills behind them and a rolling pasture. And behind the hills, you see three gigantic mushroom clouds. It is the end of times. And the one guy says to the other fishermen, I'll tell you what this means, Norm. No size restrictions and screw the limit. See, there's a plus side. Just like this podcast. There's always a silver lining. Speaking of which, Hager the Horrible is, I just, this is not this week's, but this week's were kind of lame. So I went back into the archives and I picked one that I think encapsulates the spirit of Hager.

Where is your Hager? I don't even see it. That's why I went ahead. It's right underneath the Lockhorns. Hager goes, they're in battle. He's got his shield, his arrows flying through the air. His men look a little bit intimidated. And he goes, go forth and fight for your women. And then Lucky goes, hmm, that didn't seem to motivate them. And then he goes, go forth and fight for the enemy's women. And Lucky goes, there you go. Bingo.

They all start charging towards the front lines of rape. Let's close it out with a bedroom scene for Dagwood and Blondie. Now, if I was in a bedroom scene with Blondie, it would be X-rated. It would be like, it would be the Adam Carolla show all over again. So he's in his donut pajamas. She's laying down with her back to him. Yeah. He goes, can we at least kiss and make up?

She goes, do you think that would help, dear? He goes, I do. And then they do a little kiss on the lips. And then she rolls over and she goes, you thought wrong, dear. Apparently that kiss did not do it for Blondie. dear apparently that kiss did not do it for blondie maybe because he's wearing donut pajamas and rolled over after the kiss that kiss should have been followed with a little neck a neck lick maybe a finger to the pie hole oh gee not i thought you'd be encouraged i thought you'd be encouraged she's kind of like maybe it's the beginning of the end.

It's the most sex I've ever seen them have in that bed. A peck on the cheek. There's also that. But there's now a reason he can't throw a move on her. Right. That's true. You've been given that gift, Greg. She has finally shut him down.

She closed the door to dagwood as we close the door to sunday papers and we remind you guys to go to our sponsor this week support the sponsors that's how you support us go to game time get the app download it get twenty dollars off your first purchase we want to also thank the fine folks over at midco media key. And I don't know where the fuck Chris Demmon was today, but he was not participating in this show. Uh, we got Beth hoops. We got John, we got a bunch of people. There's another guy too. I forget his name. He's new. We should say hi to him. Hank. Is it Hank? No idea. All right. Um, also Mike, is there anything you want to promote? What do I want to promote?

You promote something while I think of it. All right. I will promote a new band that I just discovered. Because I've been venturing into country music, which I was never a fan of growing up as a New Yorker. fan of growing up as a new yorker and now uh because of people like um like jason isbell and chris stapleton i'm starting to come around and there's a hot young band that i like called the red clay strays and these guys fucking bring it the lead singer is about as much charisma as you can get in a lead singer so check out the red clay strays nice uh i don't know i have nothing really to promote um okay all right yeah what would it be i oh you know what i watched

it was kind of but it's for an old person there's a documentary i think it's on amazon and it's called like sinatra's palm springs but if you want to see how much fun white people had, that's the one to watch. Oh, really? Well, white people and Sammy Davis Jr. So I just want to include Jews too. And yeah, they went out there and also, but they opened actually, they opened the, not Thunderbird Country Club, they opened Tamarind. Like Sinatra walked the walk, man.

So they opened Tamarind so it would be diverse because Palm Springs was all white and like Protestant. And so they opened Tamarind. Anyway, you get to see all his houses too. And if you're into that mid-century architecture, it just seemed very cool. And it wasn't actually just white people. So I take that part back.

Arista Records. I just want to go back because I didn't get a chance to shout out all the great artists from there. But Clyde Bain was famously granted. Neil Diamond was a big one. Neil Diamond was a big one. And the big artists were Aretha Franklin, Prince, Outkast, Whitney Houston, Notorious B.I.G., so many. Amazing. All right.

That'll do it. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you, everybody. Take it thank you everybody take it eesh you take Sunday papers and what do you got you got a couple of dudes who don't know what's what they're gonna sit in their closets

and wear maroon and then they're gonna say stuff that isn't true about their friends about the news about actors and movies and such and such and they don't know what news is cause they're a couple of guys that don't really give a it's sunday papers with mike and That's what Mike and Gibbons is, Mike and Fitz is, Greg and Fitz, him and Zinda. Oh boy, had it for a minute. Had it for a minute.