Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 188 10/29/23

Episode Date: October 29, 2023

A pilot flys high on shrooms, some folks in Tenn are told by God to squat in a mansion, a man hires hookers for him and his horse and Kim Kardashian is peddling bras with fake nipples in them.

They call it Sunday, but it's really Thursday. They call it papers, but it's a Google sheet. It's no more the news, and this song is a song. But at least we have the corrections. Bobby McMean, one, two, three, clap. One, two, three, clap. Read all about it. Oh, no.

Read all about it. Oh, no. Read all about it. Oh, there it goes. Sunday papers. Let's go. In two different offices for summary, or a closet and an office, even though we live a mile from each other. Why aren't you here? Boundaries.

Boundaries. Look at your maroon mug. Hey, how's my name spelled on that mug? Spell right. It is. Mike Gibbons. Tiki has one where there's no S. I guess, I don't know.

You leave off the last S for savings. We're going to discuss merch later on. We're going to talk about the Kardashians. We got a story about. Oh, what idiots. What an idiot. Yeah, I mean... It's over. We try to avoid being a Kardashian podcast.

We try to aspire to higher topics. Yeah, but when it's between Kim Kardashian and Hamas, they're both signs that the world's ending, so you have to pick carefully. Yeah, did you see Grand Central Station yesterday They're both signs that the world's ending. So you have to pick carefully. Yeah. Did you see Grand Central Station yesterday with the protests?

And in London also. And Chappelle. Chappelle, you saw someone in his crowd told him to shut the fuck up and he went off. No, he's had multiple walkouts. And it's like, isn't he just saying that there's two sides to the story? Isn't that what he's coming out and saying? Yes. And he's actually being pretty careful he just saying that there's two sides to the story? Isn't that what he's coming out and saying? Yes. And he's actually being pretty careful about it.

And he followed up. But we kind of talk about that a little bit. What else we got on the show? Daniel Radcliffe. That's interesting. Yeah, that's an interesting one. We have a great Florida man. A lot of dirty, dirty topics that Greg Fitzsimmons put in the podcast. A lot of sex central. I'll try to help that. It is a man. A lot of dirty, dirty topics that Greg Fitzsimmons put in the podcast. A lot of sex

central. I'll try to help. It is a little. I mean, last week, I think the theme was murder. There was a lot of murders. And you have both in this time. And this is this time it's both. I don't know. I mean, I look for what excites me. Oh, boy. You want to speak of sex? I go to the Apple store. I got a new computer. Maybe people can tell that resolution is better now on this than it was on my old computer. Dude, where did your hair go? Stop.

Oh. And so I go to the Apple store and I have to transfer my old data onto my new computer. And my old computer, which all, if it could talk. And, and so I show up and right off the bat, she's like,

what's this? And it's the slider that goes over your camera for when you masturbate. And then, and then I noticed that I'm not making this. And I'm like, please don't check my history. And then I see there was a fucking hair on the keyboard. A hair like I don't have hair on my head, Mike. How did hair get on my keyboard? Oh, you think she's that sleuthy? And I felt and she's this young feminist looking apple genius.

Wait, are you implying it's a pubic hair? That's the implication. How long is your pubic hair? Who said it was long? Well, then couldn't it have been a nose hair or an ear hair? You got those coming in. No, it was substantial. Oh, that's what I mean.

Yeah. Disg it was substantial. Oh, that's what I mean. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah. So, but it is weird. I'm just glad you didn't check the history because I did not wipe it, which might have been just as suspicious.

If you wiped it? If I'd wiped my history. No, that's fine. Um, oh, you know, I've been meaning to bring this up the last few weeks and I always space on it. Uh, unrelated to what your, your pubic hair, um, that whole Roman empire thing, I found a perfect question and maybe, uh, we should try this, but, uh, you ask a woman and rather gently you bring it. You're like, do you ever when you're driving, do you ever think about how easy it is to swerve into an oncoming car? Holy shit. I was at a dinner party. This is a few years ago.

And these two women were dying laughing and all the guys they were like what's going on and they're like oh my god she thinks it too and the table goes what and and the women go and let's say there were six women there the woman goes explain exactly that especially like she's at night swerving into it, which I know is the Christopher Walken scene from Annie Hall, but that thought of how easy it would be just to swerve and just run right into the oncoming

car. And the other four women were like, yes! And all the dudes were like, what the fuck is going on? It's insanity. Oh. Yeah.

I was going to call Erin and see what she said. You know, I'm betting against Erin thinking that. Erin is pretty grounded. Yeah, I don't think that she would do that. But these women, some were grounded. It surprised me. What do you think that is? I, they might be, this is the, the aggro.

This is the, I guess, chauvinist view of it. Maybe they're like so impressed with the machine they're driving. Like, wow, this machine, I could, it's amazing what you can do with a machine. I could just move my hands a little bit and it would go right. And it would change the course of history for at least two families. Yeah. Uh, cause by the way, that is probably the most flattering take on it because the real take is psychosis. Right.

I'm giving them an out that they're in wonder of how these machines work. I'm guessing that if you were to ask the women at a certain time of the month, you might get a different answer than at another time of the month. Right. But, I mean, we're aware of how easy it is. I'm aware of like how crazy it is that there aren't more accidents when cars are going 40, 50 miles an hour on where there's just two yellow lines separating the two headlights. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Right. Or what about on a highway where they're in L.A., where there's fucking five lanes and people are, you know, rushing. They're a foot from each other on every side. And somehow there's rarely an accident.

Yeah. Like an NASCAR. Yeah. It's like a school of fish that just kind of go together. Right. There should be. There are a lot, but there should be more. But no, I never contemplate, wow, imagine just driving right into... And you know what? Here's the proof that this theory holds water, is Bruce Jenner never had that thought. Becomes Caitlyn, smashes into a car on the PCH. There's your proof. By the way, we have to apologize for last week.

The sound quality was unlistenable, according to some people. A guy named Daves and Confused said, I didn't realize Greg and Mike were doing this episode on AM radio. That's great. Great show, AM radio sound. Love you guys. Aw. And then somebody else said,

amazing how your room transitioned from bright white at an hour six to a deep yellow orange one hour of sun's movement. So anyway, as far as the sound goes, absolutely 100% my fault. It was my equipment. I think I did not plug Mike's cable all the way in. I should have been wearing headphones. Denman, unfortunately, was not on the Zoom because we didn't give him fair notice to be there. Yeah, well, he was at his pro-Hamas rally. Is he pro-Hamas? Oh, yeah, I guess that, yeah.

Yeah. Right. And so anyway, we apologize for the bad sound and promise it will never happen again. Nothing wrong will ever happen on this show again. Before we move on from that Roman Empire thing. So if you can record yourself asking women in your life that question. Oh, that's great.

And see if see what you get and then send them in. Do it discreetly. Don't let them know you're recording. Record them, ask the question, and then send it to fitzdogradio at gmail.com. And next week, we will have a whole section where we play your women's answers to that question. It could be just audio also, obviously, on the podcast. No, just audio. Just audio. Just audio.

Well, if they they themselves can, you know, kind of go viral if if this I mean, I'm overstating things a little bit. But, you know, everyone women videotaped themselves, you know, doing the Taylor Swift thing and also the Roman Empire thing when they asked their boyfriends and husbands. What was the Taylor Swift thing? It was like, can you believe she's making this quarterback famous? I mean, this tight end famous now, the football player, like no one had heard of him. And guys like he's won the Super Bowl. Like, you know, twice. Yeah.

They're just apoplectic. Yeah. Do we talk about Jason Isbell? We didn't. You know, last week we were going that night. Oh, right. Right. So here's the update for listeners, really. I just love how blown away you were. I have to say I thank the listeners because we discussed country music. I talked about how I wasn't that into it. I don't get it. And people sent me recommendations

for their favorite country artists. And Jason Isbell came out a lot. So I started listening. I fell in love with this one particular album called Southeast. And that turned out to be the album he played in its entirety. Southeastern, it's called. And he played it in its entirety, Southeastern it's called,

and he played it in its entirety. That was the concert. And let me tell you something. I've seen a lot of concerts in my life. I don't know that one has stayed with me. The sadness stayed with me for like two or three days. It was a fucking sad album. Yeah, and I mean, just the lyrics are great and then but then he rocked out you know he played the album and then he went into you know i i wish

and this is so lame of me to say i wish like he had played a cover because those guys even put an allman brothers song um on their album uh so it's not just live. And he's done covers. He did a couple of covers on his eight night stay at the Ryman one of the nights. I'm forgetting which cover. But anyway, you know, he did King of Oklahoma. He sold the shit. And that that was the best guitar jam of the night. But he's pretty modest in concert with his with his guitar playing yeah and he's very generous to his band he gives he puts a lot of focus on the band he mentioned him i think three times each yeah no he's just a really great guy and um by all accounts and it and that's the vibe anyway and the rhyme and sound which we already talked

about last week as a wheeler yeah it's the best sound i've ever heard in a place it's just wooden ceilings there's no distortion everything's crystal clear it never feels loud even though it is loud i don't know how to describe it it's like maybe it's the soft wood on the ceiling or whatever but it's amazing yeah it's great and it's so intimate wood on the ceiling or whatever, but it's amazing. Yeah, it's great. And it's so intimate and stuff. Yeah, it was fantastic. So anyway, yeah, no, we didn't talk about Isbell, but it was great. Yeah, it stayed with me too.

It was really cool. Should we talk about our contest winner or our auction winner for the golf? Right. Well, here you go with the, well, you want to get the logo out of the way? Well, oh, is that after the logo? Oh, you're going to talk about during the song. Okay, that makes sense. All right, the logo this week, Don Gilroy.

We talked about how breaking is going to be an Olympic sport in the next Olympics. Oh, yeah. And Don Gilroy made a very funny breaking graphic for us. Yeah, from the movie. Thank you, Don. And then the us. Yeah, from the movie. Thank you, Don. And then the song. I should see the movie break-in. You know, that's what I should do.

You know, I remember some film writing class, and there's Script Notes is an amazing podcast on screenwriting and writing for just writing in general, television also. And they're like, whenever you're seeing a piece of shit and I, and I have done this whenever you're in a movie, that's disappointing. Don't just be like, write it off.

How would you fix it? It is so hard to do. Like, it's almost like you just want to throw the whole thing out and start fresh. But an extension of that would be, listen, they made a movie. They started back. They went

backwards from breakdancing is popular. Let's make a movie about it. I should first give a half hour of thought of, I have a gun to my head and, uh, I Denman and his Hamas buddies have a gun to my head and I have to write a hit movie about break dancing. What would I do? And I have to do it. And then I should watch break in. I should watch something I know must be the biggest piece of shit and see what it is. Well, the thing about it is, to me, the angle is the the guys and women that throw down cardboard in time square back when time square was seedy and break dance there i always wanted to know i want to follow them back to their fucking tenement in the bronx i want to see them split up the money like all you see is

the performance you don't see what's behind it you don't see that sometimes there's like a nine-year-old breakdancing and his father is breakdancing too, but you get the sense the nine-year-old isn't that into it, but he's really fucking good. Like that's the story. Here's my story. Total young black kid in New York, down on his luck, crazy. You know, we established it's just all over. He's going to be putting a foster home. And then another guy, he's this Jewish guy, white, and he's a little redundant, I guess. And he unless it's Sammy Davis Jr. It's a black Jewish guy.

No, it's a white Jewish guy. And he inherits his family's box company. And and it's it's going down the shitter. He's going to be evicted. He's in bankruptcy. He might even go to jail. And they bump into each other on the street, and all of a sudden they work it out that the kid's going to use his cardboard

for breakdancing, the kid gets famous, the box store, there it is. I bet that's better than breaking. All right, here's mine. And they get married. There's a troupe of Puerto Rican breakdancers, and they're going down the street, Fine. And they get married. There's a troupe of Puerto Rican break dancers, and they're going down the street, and there's a bunch of Italian guys that are in the cast of West Side Story.

They suddenly break into a street fight where one group is salsa dancing and kicking them in the face, and the break dancers are sweeping their legs out from under them with back spins. Yeah. Yeah. And put a giant gay soundtrack on it. It's the gayest movie ofspins. Yeah. Yeah. And put a giant gay soundtrack on it.

It's the gayest movie of all time. Yeah. So the song this week, Not Gay by Tim Daly. A replay. A replay. It's a replay. I don't think it was actually that long ago that he made it for us, but we have played it.

And then so he was the guy. There was an auction this year that our friend kit boss started up he got great writer yeah he got signed memorabilia he got walk-ons onto sitcoms where people actually got to be in a sitcom and they auction money to uh for people that are below the line workers we're talking like grips and PAs and people that are affected by the strike shutting down. Not the writers, not the actors, but like production people. So we donated a round of golf and Tim Dilley put up $4,000 to play with us.

This is the Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons, and Gubbins group at Penmar. Might have been more than that, right? Yeah, foreign change. Keep in mind, when I looked at the auctioned items, I went on the website, I was, like, embarrassed. I mean, like, there's Simpsons, like, original artwork. There's a family guy. Like, you know, he was drawing custom things and signing them. guy like you know he was drawing custom things and signing them like and and the props that you mentioned and there was amazing amazing things for auction and we thought maybe we'd raise a few

hundred bucks for the charity no problem and then they a lot of people ended up bidding and we ended up with three different people i think this was your idea to say well let's take the people that came in second and third and offer this same round of golf to them for the same money. So I think we got two or three people that are actually throwing into the kitty. I just hate when auctions leave money on the table. Like even like remember we were at the golf thing and there was like a trip to Hawaii. Right. So it was like the I don't know. Maybe it was airfare, but the hotel, they got this great room and

Bert Kreischer and two other guys. So three people were bidding. Ben Bailey. It went so high up towards 10,000. 12,000. And so now you have $30,000 floating in the air and you then say, ah, let's forget 20 of the thousand. Let's just do the 10.

It's like call the hotel, get another room. Right. And pay for it. To give a shout out to Ben Bailey, he outbid Bert Kreischer, which is hard to do because Bert's shirt was off, he was drunk, and somehow Ben Bailey took that fucking cash cab money and went to Hawaii.

So anyway, this guy Tim Dilley, he came down from San Francisco. He's a consultant, which I said to him was basically a bullshitter. And he must have some money because he drove down from San Fran. Great dude. We had an amazing round of golf. We had a lot of laughs. He did all the gambling. We have a lot, a lot of side bets when we play golf and he was in on all of them right which i think it came

out ahead actually yeah it didn't start well though and i'm like are we really taking this guy's money like like he just paid an obscene amount to play golf with these idiots. And now we're like, hey, you want to double or nothing on this putt? And he kept losing out of the gate. But what a nice guy, man. Both daughters went to USC. I asked their names, and of course I've forgotten them. I was going to mention them here on the podcast. But yeah, he was so nice.

So nice, but I'll tell you what, what which is weird i wrote him a really nice email afterwards thanking him and saying what a great time we had nothing back how weird is that i think it's weirder that you're mentioning that now we're we're heaping praise on this guy and it's not fake. I loved the time spent with him. I hope I'm going to see him in San Francisco next month when I'm playing up there. Maybe that's it. You guys already made plans to see each other. Yeah.

Oh, that's a good guess by Denman. Denman said, I'm guessing you sent to Tim Dillon by accident. Yeah, that's possible. Auto, when it auto-fills the address. Yeah. They are not at all similar, these two gentlemen. Or I might have sent it to Chris's brother, Tim Denman. He's in jail.

Does he receive emails? He's still in jail. Yeah. Corrections from last week. Yeah. Corrections from last week. Matthew Ladder said, let let Greg know that it's Andrew, not Anthony Santino. Time to adjust the dosage, Greg. I got maybe 25 of these emails to the site this week. And I'm sure they tagged Andrew. So should we do that? Should we do that every week? Yeah. I, you know, I, uh, I have Jay, like Jay Rogan, just say Jay Rogan. I said that to his face one time I was standing there and I was like, Oh, uh, uh, I forget how I said it, but he goes, yep. My name is Andrew.

Um, I just saw him. I was in DC and I I met up with he was doing a theater with Bobby Lee and Jetski Johnson. And I met them all for lunch on Saturday afternoon in D.C. We had a blast. Yeah, I it makes sense because he's Italian. I see why you go, Anthony. No, because I always think of Anthony Jeselnik because they're both, you know, tall guys that are kind of dark and funny. Interesting save. OK.

Suncat Pop says, no, Mike was correct using further. He was not talking about a physical, literal, measurable point on the ground, which he could not go farther than adjective. which he could not go farther than adjective. He was speaking of his endurance, his inability to continue any more, any longer, any further, which is an adverb. I don't even remember the example, but I love it. This is accurate.

That's why I think famously, further on up the road, the legendary blues song is incorrect. You're saying that some of the syntax in blues singing is not correct? Well, maybe on the page it says farther, but no one, including Clapton, says that they say further. David Kimmel said, you and Mike were talking about the definitions of several words. Irregardless was brought up, which is the incorrect form of regardless. Yes. It is off so used wrong so often that it made me wonder what's up with that.

My theory is that people have heard irrespective so much they screw up regardless. Irrespective. I wonder if irrespective. Is irrespective like regardless? No, irrespective means independent from. Isn't that regardless? No, I think regardless is is diminishing the meaning of something. I bet irrespective is unnecessary. I'm going to get into that. That's how I'm going to spend the rest of my day.

Not true. We might go see Scorsese. We got four hours to kill. Speaking of movies, Hugh said American Graffiti was set in Modesto, but filmed at a variety of Northern California locations, not Burbank. The diner was the old Mel's Drive-In on South Van Ness in San Francisco, not Bob's Big Boy.

Interesting. I stand very corrected. Wow. I thought it was in the Valley, but yeah, okay. I mean, I think the idea was that it was the Valley. I think they were selling you that it was the Valley. They just didn't shoot it there. It's like The Shining. The hotel for The Shining is up in Oregon. Part of it, yeah. But I believe they said it in Colorado, though. They said it was Colorado.

I think they shot it inside a place in Colorado. But the exteriors were... Most of it was shot in England on a stage. The maze and all that. But they used exteriors of the Overlook. was shot in England on a stage. You know, the maze and all that. But they used exteriors of the Overlook. Well, no, they called it the Overlook. It's the one on Mount Hood. But it's also, I think it's a hybrid of the one on Mount Hood and one in Colorado. But yeah, it's supposed to be in Colorado.

And the opening scene, I'm just, meanwhile, I just have correction letters in mind as I'm flagging each of these things. And also the opening scene was going up the gorge, which is in Oregon. Right. Wrong. Sorry. It went there. No, it's in Glacier National Park. No.

Yes. The opening helicopter scene is Glacier National Park. I took a matching photo of it. But the, whatever. Dave Koechner, by the way, this is pointed out to me by denman is doing a show at the one in estes this weekend uh full disclosure kechner is a client of denman's he rep he does his social media and so he's trying to get me to promote him but the truth is kechner is one of my dear friends so i'm happy kechner is a fucking genius now wait where he's what what's an estes a mel's what is he doing uh where they shot

the shining exterior ah okay and that's colorado yes estes park yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a hybrid. But it's mostly, when you think of it, it's the one in Oregon. Mount Hood. Speaking of being on the road, I will be in Houston, Texas this weekend at the Riot, November 3rd and 4th. Please tell your friends I want to sell this one out. I love this club. Bakersfield, The Well, November 11th. Austin, The Mothership, November 17th through 19th. I will be filming my new special on November 18th.

It might already be sold out, but if you want to get tickets, try. San Francisco Punchline, November 30th through December 2nd. Those will sell out. Get your tickets. Fort Worth, Atlanta, Portland, La Jolla, and Tampa all coming up. We also want to tell you about what, Mike? We're going to get it up right now. Game time, baby. Game time. Here we go. I got to switch it, although it's probably it's still in Nashville.

You want to see the Nashville Predators. Seventy seven bucks. But keep an eye on it because it's tonight and it drops a lot. All right, let's switch to LA, but love game time. You go on there, makes it easy. First of all, I go on there and this is not a selling point they suggest I talk about, but I love this. I go on there to see what's going on in the town I'm in. You can just put Discover and it'll browse through sports, music, plays, anything that's going on. Yeah, there's shows. It's great. All right. So here we go. Let's do sports in L.A. Oh, UCLA football. It's at the Rose Bowl today. By the way, it's sold out the Rose Bowl. Want to know why? Because it's Coach Deion Sanders and Colorado coming to town.

I was going to say, because usually UCLA can't sell tickets for shit. I was shocked by that price. I was with the guy. He came to our comedy show at the Improv. But my friend's son goes to UCLA. And we had dinner last night at my sister's. And he's like, no one goes. Because they're in Westwood.

And if you want to go, you get on a're in West Westwood and they all have. If you want to go, you get on a bus or find a car and go all the way out to Pasadena. That's their home field. So what happens is they all pregame and then they blow off the game and they don't even get in the cars or the buses. Crazy. They stay on UCLA. Except when primetime's in town. All right.

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And the other great thing that I've found is that you can go on international websites. You can go on Netflix in other countries, and you can pull up content that's available there that may not be available here in the United States. Anyway, I love it. I've had it for about five years and I just feel safer. And look, there's stuff I search that I'm not proud of. Clearly, you hide it from the people in the Apple store. Yes. And so do you also hide your pronunciation of router? Is it router? No, that's what you said. Oh, it is router. It's not router. Well, however you want to say it, I want you guys to secure your online activity by visiting expressvpn.com slash papers today. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash papers. And you can get an extra three months free.

Expressvpn.com slash papers. Speaking of papers, you got anything to crinkle? And then route, route, route for the home team. Oh, stop. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Front page. Take it away. Getting high on shrooms. I think a lot of people are expecting.

This story is crazy. People were expecting us to do this story. That's why we're leading with it. The off-duty pilot accused of trying to shut down the engines of an Alaska Airlines plane mid-flight Sunday said he was having a nervous breakdown and told the flight crew he needed to be subdued. said he was having a nervous breakdown and told the flight crew he needed to be subdued. Alaska Airlines pilot Joseph Emerson, 44, has been charged in federal court with 83 felony counts of attempted murder. Do you think they charge each one? Don't they do them individually?

Shouldn't he be like, listen, in fairness, I really only wanted to kill the guy in 13D. Like, yes, there was going to be some collateral damage. Just the screaming kids. None of the adults. Emerson attempted to cut fuel to the plane's engines while the flight was on. To explain this, when you're an off-duty pilot flying, they seat you in a jump seat in the cockpit. So he was in the cockpit even So he was in the cockpit, even though he was not flying the plane. So he tried to cut the fuel lines en route from Washington State to San Francisco. Gee, I wonder where he got the mushrooms. Maybe in a state where they're

legal. This is amazing. It was quick action from the airline's captain and first officer that kept the engines from failing completely. Emerson was subdued by members of the flight crew, but then attempted to grab the handle of an emergency exit during the flight's descent. While in custody, he told a police officer he became depressed about six months ago, and he said it was his first time taking mushrooms. and he said it was his first time taking mushrooms. I mean, I thought shrooms were about like peace and love, not plummeting to your death with 180 people. Taking out 83 people. I'm trying to think of the scene. Okay, you and I are pilot and co-pilot, right?

And a guy we know, or I've gotten to know, but he works in the same company he's in the jump seat and we're driving and he reaches up and flicks off the fuel we would both laugh hysterically at that first thing he did it's kind of like someone grabbing your wheel and like shaking it a little as you're driving like oh that's kind of funny and then like you put it back but you look at him and he's not laughing and then he tries it again like dude what the fuck are you doing like and he's a bit crazy because he's on shrooms that would be that would be pure first of all how did this story get out why wouldn't they hide this i know well i think the incident in the cabin probably tipped him off

when he was trying to pull the emergency door open. I guess so. And I guess everything's recorded. Obviously, there's the black box like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? That's not funny. And, you know, the tower is like, what's not funny? Oh, never mind. Never mind. It's like when I lived in Boston, I used to hang out with Tom Cotter and Al Ducharme every day. They're both very funny comics. And the running joke was when a guy was driving the guy in the passenger seat would just surreptitiously lean over and hit the horn at inopportune moments and we were in brookline village one day at a crosswalk

and there was a fucking old lady being helped across the street and when she was directly in front of us, he leaned over and he just rode the horn. And this is like a really precious, sweet neighborhood in Brooklyn. Well, you know, my crazy roommate, Jerry. Jerry liked doing a thing and he'd give you a little warning. He's like, hey, do you mind if I try this thing I do? And you're like, and you're the driver, right? And Jerry's sitting right behind you. Yeah. And he just would cover both your eyes with his hands. So what? That's not crazy enough. So one time we're chatting and

we had the coolest cab driver ever. And Jerry's like, Hey, do you mind if I, and he did it. The fucking guy freaked out, pulled over, kicked us out of his cab, the whole thing. Jerry covered a cab driver's eyes while he was driving us. That's hilarious. But this is sort of like, it's kind of like, you know, back when we're dumb idiots, young boys, you'd like, you know, flick each other's balls or like even like kick your friend. Like that's how I would have taken this initially. But this is so dangerous. I remember my first time taking shrooms. It was like, uh, 1982, I was 16 years old.

All my friends had already been taking shrooms for like two years. And I waited till my 16th birthday. So April 5th, 1982, I take some shrooms with Eileen. I shouldn't say her last name. My friend Eileen. Yeah, I didn't say Jerry's last name. And we get invited to my friend. And I don't even have to say this guy's last name because there aren't very many of them. His name was Lachlan. And he lived, and I'm not making this up.

Oh, yeah, you've talked about lachlan he lived around the corner from my house in the house formerly owned by tiny tim that tiny tim built to be a castle it was a castle and lachlan's uh siblings names his brother name his name was hamish and his sister's name was lala and they lived in tiny tim's house so this was like a fairyland and we were never invited into the house it drove us fucking crazy we all wanted to go in tiny tim's house so my 16th birthday we're on mushrooms and finally lachlan goes hey you guys my parents are away you want to come over my house so this is all worlds coming lower the drawbridge so they lower the drawbridge the elf stand to the side and we walk in and and he

immediately takes us to the basement to a small windowless fucking room no tour no you know winding staircase or and so we're sitting down there and we're in this dungeon we're watching tv and there's like 10 of us and me and me and eileen start giggling because it's just so crazy that we're in this house and the kids names are lachlan hamish and lala and we're and we're in the basement and he won't show us the house and then all of a sudden this little this little terrier walks into the room and somebody starts petting them. And somebody goes, Lachlan, what's your dog's name? And he says, Fred. Okay. Game over.

Me and Eileen cannot stop laughing hysterically screaming to the point where Lachlan threw all 10 of us out of the house. Get out of my castle. This pilot thing, though, I think maybe we should add to our challenge and ask all the women in your life, have they ever thought about shutting the fuel off on an airplane while it's in the air? Let's see how many women have thought about killing 83 people with a flick of a switch. I am surprised there aren't more drug episodes on planes because a lot of people take gummies. They just want to kind of time travel that six hours or eight hours or nine hours to Europe or Australia, wherever. And like,

they just want to sedate themselves. But I can't believe- Or how about the people that were out the night before on ecstasy or LSD, and they don't realize they're still tripping when they get on the plane. All of a sudden, they're like three inches from people on either side, and the seat front is four inches in front of their face, and they just freak. Also that they're in a chair in the sky. Yes. I always thought that airplane food was a gentleman's agreement among all the airlines. Like let's

keep it subpar because the more people focus on how bad the food is, the less they'll focus that they are flying through the air at 600 miles an hour, five miles above the planet. I guess it's either that or the fact that the kitchen is three feet by three feet and there's only really so much you can do. Maybe it's just a happy coincidence, but that's what worked. Speaking of crashing, Brooke Livesay believes God showed her two other men and a couple of children assigned to stay at a vacant million-dollar home in Nashville. But the law says they were breaking and entering, illegally squatting at the home. At least, yeah. They're different ages.

They were charged with aggravated burglary. They left an estimated $150,000 in damages. They left an estimate estimated one hundred and fifty thousand dollars in damages, major damage to the floors, windows, holes in the walls, cat and dog feces, flies everywhere. A shed in the backyard was damaged. Items missing. Police talked with Reynolds, who admitted he knew the house was vacant and believed it would it to be abandoned. it to be abandoned. He thought, quote, if he moved his belongings inside, that it would qualify himself as an established resident, which it does in certain places. There is tenant, I think it's called tenant rights. No, not tenant rights. Well, we talked about the Airbnb. The guy can't get the woman out here in LA. We did that story. When asked if she had permission to stay in the home, Live State told police God intervened. Yeah, the ultimate permission.

Thank you. She said didn't know who owned the home and doesn't pay any bills or make payments to the home. Yeah, God. I mean, you can buy it. God told Mary and Joseph to squat in a manger. And let's just say they left. They left a little mess, too. At least these people didn't leave fucking afterbirth in the living room.

All righty. Or frankincense. Did God also tell her to shit on the carpet? Because it sounds like that's she was following orders. Right. God. It's similar to the Wheeler Walker. God told me to fuck you. It's similar to that song. That is my favorite song of his. Yeah. Hands down. And I mean, I know I've talked about it before, but it's a true story. And then Ben wrote about it, which was in high school, his buddy and girlfriend dating throughout high school, hot and heavy. She's super religious.

They're at it, going at it. They stopped just shy of doing it. And she's like, I really think we should pray on this. And he told his friends, he's like, I can't even believe it. Like, we were just about to do it. He's like, I think we should pray on this and let's talk tomorrow and all that. So they get back together. And she's like, did you pray on it?

He's like, I did. And God told me to fuck you. Did she go for it? I don't know. That is a good ending. I don't think so. Well, if it goes to court, they'll probably get one of these appointed Christian judges. And you know which way this court, this case will go.

God's all of our landlord. Right. So it might go that way. To be fair, that describes a lot of homes in Nashville, the way it's trashed. No, no. I'm picking on Hicks. All right. What else is going on, Mike?

Public places are banning influencers. Finally, despite the creator economy thriving, more cafes, businesses, and even towns are deciding the influencer exposure isn't worth the headache. That's potentially bad news for micro-influencers who rely on a steady flow of content to stay in the conversation. But it could be uniquely beneficial for brands and businesses looking to create offline experiences that every influencer wishes they could document. It's anti-influencing. So Day is a design shop, cafe in Brooklyn. They instituted a no photos and video policy. I wish more restaurants would do that. And, you know, they did that study. A consulting company came in and the restaurant was like, why are we losing money? Like nothing's kind of we haven't changed our menu, blah, blah, blah. And this is before the pandemic. And they ran cameras and they studied the and they looked at their old video footage. And the duration of each meal had gotten much longer because of everybody taking pictures of their food. Oh, no shit. Really?

Yeah. So, Pomfret, a town in Vermont, closed access to tourists of its most photographed public spaces with the foliage because influencers had caused the area too much damage. Andorra, a micronation in Europe, is even instituting new laws to curb the migration of YouTubers. A micronation in Europe is even instituting new laws to curb the migration of YouTubers. And in recent years, a hotel in Ireland and a cafe in Taiwan also put up the no influencers sign. And I think Israel's like, huh, this would be great in Gaza. No video, no photos, please. You little influencers.

Yeah. Yeah. Because they are trying to influence. They're trying to influence people's opinion on influencers. Yeah. Yeah. Because they are trying to influence. They're trying to influence people's opinion on this. Yeah. And then, you know, we mentioned the Chappelle thing and Chappelle's kind of instituted it, you the Chappelle conversation is not as widespread and it's more intelligent because you're kind of remembering what he said and no one is selectively editing it out of context. And people are recounting what was said, which I know is not that reliable, but it has a lot less stupid legs, unnecessary legs that are added to some of these stories.

I'm just surprised that some people don't bring two phones because you check one, you keep one in your pocket and you videotape with that. But I haven't seen any video of him talking about it. No, but they were quoting. The New York Times wrote about it. And then the first appeared, according to the New York Times, it first appeared, I think, in the Washington Post. And there was a recording that they were referring to because the journalist was like, are you sure he said that? You know what I mean? But I've been with people at shows who they're like, I have a sitter at home. There's no fucking way.

So the husband gives up the phone and then they hide the phone. But you do go through a metal detector. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Well, I like the trend. hide the phone. But you do go through a metal detector. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I like the trend. Like the trend. I think they should continue it.

I think they should put a ban on white girls pursing their lips and throwing inane gang signs. That's top of your list. An Idaho man who police say told them that he shot. Please say told. Oh, so basically this guy shot and killed an entire family of four. Marjorie Allen Kaler is charged with four counts of first degree murder after he shot Kenna Garpede, her father, and two sons. The four family members were all shot at point-blank range. The fatal shooting and questions occurred just a few days after the suspect's wife, Kaylee Kaler,

alleged on Facebook posts that Devin, 18, one of the people that was killed, had exposed himself, was shaking his penis and masturbating through window in front of her and her juvenile daughters so basically this guy flashed the guy's family so the guy went and killed his whole family i mean that's some old school gangster shit you, maybe he should have just put like a severed horse cock under the guy's pillow or something. I'm glad we're avoiding the heavy stories like the Mideast and just focusing on some little local stories. Yeah. And I love the detail.

He was shaking his penis. He shook it. Maybe he was listening to The Roof is on fire and got confused between put your hands in the air, put his penis in the air and shook it like he just didn't care. But isn't shaking your penis covered with masturbation? Yeah, I think it's,

I mean, that's most techniques. I guess you could squeeze it. If you have really good concentration, you could just squeeze it. Uh, yeah. Uh, that seemed like the maybe call the authorities yeah yeah wiping out a whole family is a bit much i mean you could have really you obviously wanted to ruin their lives you wanted to end their lives that's why you shot them point blank you could ruin ruin their lives. I mean, he's 18. He has a label for the rest of his life if he's doing it in front

of a family. Right. Right. You send him into jail where he gets raped consistently for two years, comes out limping with a very different attitude about jerking off in front of kids. In fairness, though, the guy, the wife who was in the other house was just just naked and playing with her pussy in her window. They're a fun family. Husband feels a little stupid now that he learned that. A Longview man is accused. I don't know where Longview is.

Is accused of a. Where's Longview? Denman, you want to look that up? There's a lot of Longviews. What are you talking about? Is accused of attempting to hire a prostitute for himself and his miniature horse. Jad Shipman. That narrows it down.

48 was arrested on one count of first degree attempted animal cruelty. How is that cruel? And one count of patronizing a prostitute he offered to pay 440 i don't know where he comes up with that number to a person to travel to longview to touch him and his miniature horse sexually shipman told the potential prostitute he was having a difficult time finding a willing participant to join him as, quote, the last two gals I asked said it was noticeably outside their comfort zone. I just love that because it just sounds like they got some well-heeled hookers. Most hookers would call you a perverted cocksucker, maybe shank you, not say it was outside their comfort zone. That is outside my comfort zone.

And so are three of the other things you're asking me to do. That is in my uncomfortable zone is what I call it. So a deputy arrived at Shipman's residence, saw two miniature horses on his property. He admitted during the interview that he had prior sexual contact with animals while out on bail. He the suspect is prohibited from being around animals. First of all, this should not be a felony. The horses are miniature. That's a petty crime.

By the way, if you're paying $440, get some grown-up horses. Get some full-grown horses. You can afford it. Yeah, get some bang for your buck. Unless maybe he wanted like a hooker who was a little person. That would be serendipitous. I also think he may, maybe he has these miniatures so he can say he's hung like a horse.

There you go. And I'll prove it. Look, look at this guy. Yeah. Maybe they're just easier. I i mean clearly they're easier 440 could be that her going rate is 40 bucks and he goes but i'll give you 10 times as much to fuck my horse yeah i'm sure there's a pedophile joke in here somewhere but uh I'm sure there's a pedophile joke in here somewhere, but yeah, it's more like a little person.

Denman said it's in West Washington State. A lot of crazy shit happens out there in West Washington State. No, West Washington is Seattle. Oh, yeah. East Washington is the crazy. East Washington gets a little badlandy. Yeah. All right, let's do some entertainment. You got it.

Crinkle, baby. Daniel Radcliffe is exec producing a documentary about his former stunt double who was left paralyzed following an accident on the Harry Potter set. David Holmes, the boy who lived, is a coming-of-age story of a prodigious teenage gymnast who formed an inextricable bond with Harry Potter star Radcliffe. Holmes was working on Deathly Hallows when an explosion of a planned stunt sent him plummeting to the ground, leaving him paralyzed from the chest down. featuring candid personal footage shot over the last decade, behind-the-scenes material from Holmes' stunt work, scenes of his current life,

and intimate videos with him, Radcliffe, family members, and former crew. All this guy wants to do is put this behind him. Forget about the fucking world-shattering tragedy and put him in a fucking wheelchair. And Radcliffe's like, I think I want to get an an all scuff the best documentary this year right and the worst part is radcliffe's making him do all the dangerous reenactments poor guy yeah i think he's also planning i mean he's he's covering his ass obviously on this he's

trying to do the guy himself i heard he's also planning a documentary about an Asian masseuse who catches mouth herpes after blowing a world-famous child actor. Okay, so what is that? Well, the idea is that that's what Radcliffe—everything that he's done that's harmed people, he's now making a documentary to them to make it. Got it. But there's no rumors about that? No. Thank God. to them to make it. Got it. But there's no rumors about that? No.

Thank God. You know, oh, Deathly Hallows Part 1. Okay, so it's not an early one. That's a late one? Yeah, I think he'd been doing all the other movies. Denman, you have the full collection of these books in your bunker. Deathly Hallows Part 1. How far along in this series is that one?iel i think apparently like the guy he put the man up in his mansion after the accident and obviously the guy couldn't get up to the second floor so his bedroom is right under the stairs put him up is the right term he like propped him up against the wall yeah strapped to a bed.

Denman's in his bunker and can't hear us. How long does it take to look that up? No, he's duking it out in the bathroom. I'll look it up here. 2010. He said 2010. Which movie? Where was it in the order? It says part one. Jesus Christ. 2010. He was 21 years old, Radcliffe. Okay.

So I was wondering if it was like a kid when he got paralyzed. Yeah. But no, doesn't seem that way. Okay. Well, let's move on while Denman continues to look through the Encyclopedia Britannica for information. Here you go, buddy. Look at this. There's good news in the celebrity world. Kurt Cobain's daughter and Tony Hawk's son are now husband and wife. Frances Bean Cobain and Riley Hawk tied the knot earlier this month in L.A. after getting a marriage license in San Diego.

The couple's marriage certificate says they got hitched October 7th. And the celeb who performed the ceremony is none other than former R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe. By the way, Stipe is also France's godfather and her godmother is Drew Barrymore. I mean, it makes sense they're getting married. I mean, marriage is pretty scary, but taking bad risks kind of runs in this family, both families. I wonder if Drew cried at the ceremony because she never gets that emotional. I bet she did. That would be a performance, which she's not supposed to do because of the strike,

but she doesn't care about that, so she'll probably do it anyway. Exactly. Will they skateboard down the aisle to rape me? I mean, I'm trying to picture the ceremony. Yeah. Wow. Well, you know, Stipe and Billy Corgan were very close to the mom. And so they were.

Huh? Yeah, they were very involved. Billy Corgan produced one of her albums, one of the garbage albums. Did he produce it or like did he help write a bunch of it? Yeah. Then there was some fighting about afterwards. God, who could predict that? Yeah.

No, there's a lot. Yeah, Billy Corgan was enmeshed a lot. He was, I think, a bigger influence on Nirvana than Nirvana. I know people who know more about this will write in, but I think Smashing Pumpkins were a bigger influence on Nirvana than Nirvana maybe let on. Yeah. But I know Stipe was very close to, uh,

Courtney. Okay. Nips. Uh, on Friday, Kim Kardashian announced the launch of Skims ultimate nipple bra. As if there was a nipple bra that was sub-ultimate before this? Yeah.

Penultimate? Was there a penultimate nipple bra? So a new version of the brand's beloved push-up style with a built-in faux nipple for shock factor. That's in quotes, as the brand explained on Instagram. Quote, the Earth's temperature is getting hotter and hotter. The sea levels are rising. The ice sheets are shrinking. And I'm not a scientist, but I do believe everyone can use their skill set to do their part, Kardashian began in a cheeky campaign video announcing the news. Cheeky, by the way, is loosely meant to reflect mentally disabled. That's why I'm introducing a brand new bra with a built-in nipple.

So no matter how hot it is, you'll always look cold. Nice try with the lame joke to distract from the stupidest idea ever. Nice try with the lame joke to distract from the stupidest idea ever. This is a person. If this is successful, it's an indictment on our culture and our world. My daughters watch their show is such an embarrassment to me. Kim Kardashian's first idea was her best friend's idea, which was to suck and fuck on camera and then release it. That was her best friend's idea, which, which was to suck and fuck on camera, uh, and then release it. That, that was her first idea. Meanwhile, mannequins have had nipples for years and I just, yeah, yeah. In stores sometimes they, they will. Yeah. And I can't wait for her new line of, uh,

camel toe yoga pants. I think that's where this is going. Just a big stuffed camel toe right in the crotch. Right, right. That's good. Yeah, I love this, that she's even making a joke about global warming. Well, she's going to be flying around the country on her humongous private jet promoting this joke that she's making. Yes. And she's also selling flotation devices in case the sea levels flood your town. You implant them in your chest and your ass. And just the objectification, which she's so behind, of women.

I saw someone, some feminist, but like a true one who that, that was our occupation in the sixties and seventies and was like, it's just so miserable to see, like, you know, part of what we were trying to do was the de-objectification of us like that. It wasn't based on this and it felt so good in the seventies to, it felt like we were changing course and we had a long way to go, but it felt like we were changing course. And now, uh, cosmetic surgery couldn't be more popular and literally changing your natural body and your natural face to appear more attractive for the opposite or for the sex you're interested in. Plus the makeup and then the fucking filters

on the camera and the photo shoots. It just, well, whatever. But I, but as far as the nipples go, this was very funny. I used to play in a poker game in New York for years, and it was Monday nights at Eddie Brill's house on St. Mark's Place. And Louie used to play and Sarah Silverman. And so I walk in one night, and we would all do our sets, and then we would meet at Eddie's house at, like, midnight, and we'd play until, like like four or five in the morning.

And so I walk in one week and Sarah is sitting there with a white T-shirt on and her nipples are so erect. I was like, what the fuck? And so I didn't say anything. I was just kind of like, you know, when you're like you're fighting your eyes muscles to go down you're trying to keep your eyes at eye level not look down and so i'm doing that the whole night and then finally like uh i said something at the end of the night and she started laughing they because we smoke a lot of pot at that game she started laughing and she goes oh my god i totally forgot before you got here and she reaches in and she pulls out two candy corns that she'd stuck down her bra meanwhile you're playing the whole night with your hand right above your you know

right on top of your nose like you're like you're hiding your hand um so yeah it's so dumb it's just so i guess it's whatever it's harmless it's It's just so I guess it's whatever. It's harmless. It's stupid. But I don't know. It just triggers me how fucking stupid we are and that they're so celebrated. Yeah. It's here's what else is crazy.

Popular Twitch streamer and OnlyFans model. Is that what you call them on OnlyFans? A model? Sure. Or Amaranth is teaming up with Polish brewery, The Order of Yanni, to create and sell a new beer made from her vaginal yeast. Okay.

You sure it's not vaginal, Mike? Finally, a good idea. Like, basically, I pap smear myself. They want to make beer using my vaginal yeast. It's hilarious. She added people will buy it for sure. I don't know if they'll actually drink it. I mean, they'll probably drink it. This isn't the first unusual product that the 29 year old has hawked. She previously sold fart jars, bath water and her own hair for thousands of dollars. So guys are going to buy this, her fans, and drink it.

And apparently once a month, she's going to put out a red ale. There's a special release. It's a new type of beer. It's an APA. It's the Amaranth Pussy Ale. Did you say her name? Amaranth? Yeah. Excuse me, bartender. There's a hair in my beer and a couple clumps of toilet tissue. Yeah, that's extra. We got to charge you extra for that.

Here's your beer. No strings attached. The head, the head on the beer is just dried cum. the head, the head on the beer is just dried. Come. Well, maybe the next guy going down or like, it smells like a brewery down here.

What is happening? Yeah. No, for an extra thousand dollars, you could pour the beer inside of her vagina and suck it out. Yeah. Disgusting. All right. Is it time to make America Florida? No, let's talk about what we're watching. I just watched this documentary about, it's called Supermodels and it's about

the four big supermodels from the eighties and nineties. Yeah. Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Naomi Campbell, and two others. Ed Burns' wife, what's her name? Oh, yeah, yeah, and she has a sister as well. I'm forgetting her name, yeah. Well, because Ed Burns' brother married her sister. Right. And then there was another, Linda Evangelista. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She got some kind of surgery that fucked up her whole body and she became disfigured and she couldn't go out in public for a couple of years. I didn't know that. Christy Turlington is the fourth one. So anyway, it's all about how crazy big they got. It's kind of the history of modern modeling in America and how these four came along. And suddenly it became less about the designers and more about the models themselves. And instead of them hoping to get jobs, the designers and the photographers were lining up to get picked by the models to do stuff.

And they were making crazy amounts of money. And by the way, I looked this up. I had a feeling that Cindy Crawford was the richest just because she's always had a lot of side businesses going. So I looked it up. Guess who the richest model of all time is? Is it Kathy Ireland? It's Kathy Ireland. How did you know that? Because she sells lamps. Really? She went full in on home decor.

Oh, wow. And I mean, to the point where she has deals with like JCPenney, you know, it's going to be lower end stuff, but it's, it's all over maybe even the world, but it's all, it's like one of those, it's one of those stories where, yeah, it's something like that, where giant corporations have taken her brand and gone wide with it. Yeah. Because she, she was not in the special. And I said to my son while we were watching it, I go, he goes, which one was your favorite? I go, honestly, there was a woman named Kathy Ireland that you've never heard of who is, to me, the most beautiful model of all time.

And then when I looked it up, I saw that she was necessary roughness. What does that mean, Chris? Oh, he's accidentally, this is a text to his girlfriend. He's accidentally putting it in the document. She played a college kicker alongside Scott Bakula. She showers in the movie. Yeah, she was all natural beauty. But anyway, so.

Is it Bakula? Bakula. There was a lot of talk by the models about the photographers and how they inspired them. Herb Ritz and all that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The trust that they had with the photographers allowed them to explore themselves.

It was such fucking bull... You were born with great facial structure and a hot body. You made a lot of money. Stop. Stop with this creative bullshit. No, listen. The photographers deserve credit for oiling them up and having them take their tops off. Yeah.

Come on. They deserve credit. And they totally whitewashed how much the cast and cast came into play. They did not mention eating disorders one single time in a three-part series about supermodels. I remember, you know, we would get... So at this time, to put it in context for younger viewers,

I mean, remember George Michael put Evangelista and a bunch of them in his world, like, hugely famous video. No, no, no, no, no. It was these four. Right, okay. And, no, but it had more. It had, it had others also anyway, but also at that time was the Victoria's secrets catalog and they got paid. They were treated. It was weird. It was like the clothes were beside the point and it was

just these unbelievably high paid, um, models and it would arrive and it was like a pornographic magazine. It was crazy. They'd be in lingerie, sometimes just panties, no top. But, you know, they would be covering so there would be no technical nudity. Anyway, I remember seeing it and Stephanie Seymour, I think is her name, was so gorgeous. But one time I'm like, oh my God, these photographers are genius. Because one of them slipped through the cracks and her leg was like by a table or something. You could tell how big it was. You could then get scale and you're like, oh my God, she's starving to death. Like you saw how big her thigh

was compared to something you knew the size of. Right. And you were like, Holy shit. She's emaciated. Yeah. I remember that. Like I didn't have like, you know, not to sound like an old man, but like when I was a teenager, there was no porn movies. There was no VCRs. And that, that Victoria's secrets catalog was it. It was 90 percent of my fodder. Yeah, there was some stand up who had an opening line like the Victoria's Secret catalog arrived last week and boy, are my arms tired. And everyone died laughing because everyone knew what was going on. Like it was it was pretty. It was, you know, it wasn't exactly the level of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit,

but that was only once a year. Let's make America Florida. You got it, pal. Florida man threatens officers after they tell his wife about drunken pool incident. All right. The reason I put this story in here is because it took place at the villages, which is we did a story.

It's the one of the biggest retirement homes communities in the world. And we did this. There's that documentary on it. And we did a story a few weeks ago about the guy this time, the second time being arrested for drugs. This time he was trying to buy wholesale erectile dysfunction pills and sell those. But he's also been arrested for cocaine and all these other illicit substances. So officers responded to the pool after people complained of a drunk person smoking in the pool area. That man identified as Parrot

became belligerent toward the responding officers and yelled profanities at them while slurring his speech. During Parrot's drunken rage, an officer tried to get Parrot's name and date of birth. Okay, so we're at the retirement community pool. Guy's had a little too much to drink. Fine. How bad can this get? You're going to break my... So, I'm sorry. The guy, they approach him and he goes, for fucking with me, I'm going to break your throat. That's what

Parrot yelled at the officer. You're going to break my throat? The officer asked Parrot to clarify. Yup! Was Parrot's response. The man also said he'd kill the officer and repeatedly asked the other officer to shoot him in the face. Wow, he's conflicted. Kill or be killed. Yeah.

Seems like Parrot maybe should be put back in his cage at the villages. Maybe the villages should have a big cage like they do at the Ojai Valley Inn where they have exotic birds and it's kind of in the middle of the grounds. Just a big parrot cage with this guy screaming for people to shoot him in the face. And his little water feeder is just a Budweiser. Yeah, exactly. And while he was in jail, I guess his wife was putting up pictures on missing posters on telephone poles of his face.

Exotic parrot, please return. No questions asked. I mean, he this guy wants out of the villages. I just looked it up. Guess how many people live in the villages? How many? A hundred and forty five thousand. What? 145,000. What? It's a city. Oh, I do know that. I know they have their own post office. I mean, all that. I doubt they have a school system, although grandkids very often move in when the wayward parents can't handle it. Should we make Australia Florida?

Yes, we should. Okay. two stories this week. First one. There's a one in a million chance someone will get tackled by a whale while on a surfboard, and an Australian man managed to capture the rare event on camera.

55-year-old Jason Breen had been wing foiling, which is similar to windsurfing, on a beach in Sydney on Wednesday with his GoPro camera and filmed his close encounter with a whale. In the video, Breen is balancing on his wing foil board in the water when suddenly a giant whale breaches the surface and collides with Breen. As the clip continues, Breen gives a surprised yelp as he falls underwater with the marine mammal. The next few seconds of the video show a frantic moment of the camera from underwater as he struggles to resurface.

He eventually does and appears to get back on his board. I just got hit by a whale, he tells the camera. So not only did he record it, but someone from land recorded it. And I thought it was a shark attacking him when I saw it. It was crazy. I was once at, what was the water park in the Poconos or in the Jersey Shore? Yeah, I forget. I forget what it was, but I went down.

Action Park? Action Park. I went down the slide and they never would stop me from going. And then a woman came a few seconds later. She weighed about 320 pounds, landed right on me. So I can relate to this. Very similar. Yes. So I then was like copying. I was looking for the story to copy it into the document. And then I saw he died and I'm like, oh man, well, I'm not going to do that story. And then I realized, no, that's a different story. The second story, an Australian man was killed during a boating trip when a breaching whale struck the vessel in what officials describe as an absolute freak accident.

Okay. I think we have to stop calling it a one in a million and an absolute freak accident when the same thing happens twice in one week. I mean, this is just some pure Australia shit going on. In this one, Stuart Collings and his brother-in-law, Darren, were on a runabout boat in the waters off Botany Bay in Sydney Saturday morning when a whale breached onto the boat and sent the two men overboard. Collings was knocked unconscious while

Kermie kept him afloat for nearly 45 minutes until emergency crews responded to the bay. It was an absolute freak accident, he said. Maybe it's the same whale. Yeah. They have an out-of-control whale who loves doing this shit. I think we've got to get Captain Brody on this.

This was no coincidence. This was no freak accident. Here's your movie. That's better than breakdancing. We're going to need a bigger sailboard. Yeah, exactly. All right, let's get to sports. You got it.

My doorbell just rang. You want to read this sports story? And I'm going to come back. The Florida Man Games is a new competition coming to Florida in February based around finding the best real-life examples of the, quote, Florida Man meme. Presented by Ripley's Believe It or Not, the Florida Man Games will take place in St. Augustine near Jacksonville with tickets ranging from $45 to $145. Teams of five will compete in contests including beer belly sumo wrestling, a pool noodle mud fight,

a category five cash grab, where contestants inside a wind machine grab money within a limited amount of time, and an obstacle course where competitors evade arrest from real police officers. After submitting a video about why they should be chosen, only 16 teams will be selected to participate. Those separate events will be available for other event goers to participate in,

like a mechanical gator and an obstacle course. This is missing a lot of events. I'm not going to do your joke. Did you do my joke? No, I was about to. They're missing a lot of events. Where's the crack? No guns? No car chase? Please tell me there's a domestic violence pentathlon involving snakes and gators and white claws.

I'm back. All right. Yeah, just to get in, you have to be sunburnt, drunk, and have an open cut. There has to be something that's bleeding or oozing pus. All right, so that doorbell, I don't know why I answered it, but they've been sending people. I live in this apartment complex. They've been sending people the wrong door.

Anyway, this one, though, no, was a nice old man, and he's wondering. He's going around with a clipboard. If I'm willing to have trick or treaters from all like the kids that live in the building. And if I would sign up and it would be around Sunday at six. And I said, well, listen, I go, I don't know if I'm going to be here Sunday at six. I go, but usually what I do is I leave a, you know, a bucket or a bowl out with candy in it. And he's like, oh, great. No, that absolutely counts. I'll mark you down. And of course, what I do is I leave a bowl out. And the only thing I put in it is a note that says, please only take one. Yeah. And that solves it.

I don't put any candy in it. No, I don't put any candy in the bowl. Yeah. I like getting in the spirit. We go out on Halloween every year. So we, we always leave a thing and there's always one fat kid that takes all the candy. Right. Well, this will be interesting because it's an organized thing. So no other, by definition, thing because it's an organized thing so no other by definition no other trick-or-treaters have been around so the kids are all going to look at the first kid on the line and accuse him of taking all the candy yeah i should film it all right let's get down to business that's uh that's yeah a lot of people say that phrase A mug shot was released Tuesday That shows Shanna Gardner in custody

In another Florida story Of course Following her extradition To face a capital case In the murder of Mike Let's skip this one Okay yeah That does sound like a Florida Olympics though

This day in history Yeah Oh man of Florida Olympics, though. This day in history. Yeah. Oh, man. Dwayne Allman, a slide guitarist and the leader of the Allman Brothers band, is killed on October 29, 1971 when he loses control of his motorcycle that drives into the side of a flatbed truck in Macon, Georgia.

He was 24 years old. After Allman's death, his band continued to tour and record. In 2004, Rolling Stone declared that the Allman Brothers were the 52nd greatest rock band of all time. 52nd. That seems deep. What are you fucking kidding me? I would put them in the top 15.

I just watched a documentary about them. And, you know, so we can have people write in if they want their list of the most tragic, like, and this is how I'll define it. It's of course, super sad, you know, when Stevie Ray Vaughan dies. Right. But I think, and it's, and it's of course, object subjective. I think this is sadder because this is like what could have been it's like hendrix uh otis redding um and of course duane allman it's like they were about to do i couldn't wait to see or the world was just waiting to see what these unbelievable artists were going to do. And they basically died when they were kids. None of them years old.

None of them were over 26. I believe me. I think I think 27 was the magic 27. Yeah. Jim Morrison and Janice Joplin and probably Otis also. But like they were about to, you know, and like Stevie Ray Vaughan is of course,

incredibly sad, but he had already explored. We already got so much out of him where we're Dwayne Allman, just like three years before this, he was turned on to Coltrane and it blew his mind. his mind and there's interviews of this fucking hick kid at 20 years old or whatever talking about he had someone had just turned him on to coltrane and miles davis and it completely informed what he was doing and then he like grew up in florida total fucking red redneck and you know he was so good that uh didn't didn't they bring him in to do the lead on Layla? I think he's the lead guitarist. I'll go on forever. The short version is respected. Watch. Watch Muscle Shoals. They tap into this a little bit. You know, they're from Nashville, actually.

And then the Florida dad moved them to Florida. And then they ping pong between Florida and Georgia and then eventually set up shop in Georgia. But, you know, they were out in L.A. and that's where, you know, that's where he first did Sly Guitar. I've told that story before because of because of an album that Greg Allman, his brother, gave him because he was Dwayne was so miserable in L.A. But anyway, yes, when the story on Muscle Shoals, very, very briefly and truncated here, is that they were going out to lunch. And as the guy said, the only thing worse than bringing a or equally as bad as bringing a black guy to this one diner, which was completely racist, was bringing a hippie. So Dwayne Allman and Wilson Pickett had to stay behind. And while they were gone, Dwayne Allman goes to Wilson Pickett.

Hey, man, I have the best idea. Let's cover Hey Jude. And he's like, and Wilson Pickett's like, Hey, Jude, the one that's on the charts right now that you want to cover that. And Dwayne Ullman's like, yeah, but we're going to do it different. He's like, what? So the guys come back from lunch and like, Hey, check this out. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, you're covering the song. That's like number one on the charts right now. He's like, yeah, but we did it different. And that jam is what Eric Clapton heard. And by all many music critics consider Dwayne Allman's jam at the end of Hey Jude, Wilson Pickett's Hey Jude, to be the official discovery of Southern rock. to be the official discovery of Southern rock. And, and then,

and then Clapton comes to Miami and the Allman brothers are playing in Miami. And someone tells Clapton, Clapton goes, wait, wait, you mean the kid that plays the lead? Yeah.

I want to see him. Clapton goes to the show as Greg Allman tells it. And I don't think it's in documentary. This is just my obsession, obsessive compulsion, which I've told on this podcast before, but Greg Allman tells it. And I don't think it's in documentary. This is just my obsession, obsessive compulsion, which I've told on this podcast before, but, um, Greg Allman's playing and Allman brothers are jamming. And he thinks Dwayne broke a string because Dwayne stopped playing. And there was just no, all of a sudden his guitar solo was interrupted and he looks over and Dwayne is just looking. Dwayne spotted Clapton in the crowd and couldn't play, like was so taken aback. And that

night they jammed and the opening were like crazy, legendary, immortal notes of Layla. That's not Clapton. That's Dwayne Allman, the kid. Who was, I think, 19 years old at that point. I don't even know. But anyway, that that's it's but he also was a session musician at the at muscle shoals the famous studio down in alabama yeah no there's a great album of all those tracks where he was like a lot of aretha franklin john hammond ronnie hawkins boss skags it's amazing so they uh yeah and here's the crazy thing. He runs into a fucking truck on a motorcycle, dies, and then who is the other one? No, other band member.

Oh, yeah, the bassist. He died in the exact same way. He crashed his speeding motorcycle into the side of a city bus. And the crazy thing is, about 10 years ago, I'm watching the Super Bowl, and a fucking commercial comes on for Geico playing Midnight Rider, and it's motorcycles. It's talking about insurance for motorcycles. Right.

And I can't imagine. Who has the estate of the Allman Brothers that they let that happen? How about sober Eric Clapton, who was a heroin addict and all that, and maybe a drunk, but substance abuse? Then he's playing, and he's essentially the spokesperson or poster child for Michelob Beer. Remember that?

Right, right. But anyway, last thing I'll say, I go on and on and thanks for humoring me, but Dwayne Allman's really one of my favorites. And my friend Joe Tenetti is the one who kind of taught me, because, you know, I would like, yeah, Southern rock, all of a sudden, no, no, you don't understand. It's like he played me tied to the whipping post and he goes,

this was Coltrane's influence on them. It's the two guitars guitars and the way you have to view the allman brothers is jazz and the two guitars are playing like cat and mouse and doing their old thing just like some of those amazing jazz uh bands and jazz recordings Call and response. Yep, exactly. Under merch, we have Elizabeth Quigley says, how about stickers for merch? I would totally plaster some on every water bottle I own. With how everyone carries water bottles everywhere, it would get tons of views. Love you both. Oh, and this is the woman who gave me honey cashew nuts from Trader Joe's up in Portland. Oh, and this is the woman who gave me honey, honey, cashew nuts from Trader Joe's up in.

Oh, nice. Yeah. So what do you think? Now, you told me this week because it is now October 29th. Yeah. You're supposed to be in charge of the merch. I'm moving forward with it. Where are you at? What are you thinking? It's we're still in the incubation stage of the startup. Yeah, but no, no. But I think we do cozies, and I think we do – I love – it's such a weird one, but the glasses, cloths, you know? Yeah.

The lens cleaners. Microfibers. Yeah, well, the lens cleaners ones. Yeah, I think they're even thinner than that. But those two seem easy. I like Elizabeth's suggestion of stickers. Yeah, easy to send. We're trying to do things that are easier and less breakable to ship than maroon mugs.

Yeah, the mugs were like fucking $12 to ship or something. So this is what we have to do, Greg. I'm going to research the cheapest way to do this. I know you like when it's on autopilot, but if I'm unemployed, why don't we just stuff envelopes ourselves? I would do that. And also we could make it more personal. You'll have my DNA on licking the envelope. There you go. I'm going to put my vaginal sauces on the inside of the envelope. And then Dickie said we should do a golf ball. And we could put the logo, but we could sign it. Yeah, I don't know about that.

That sounds like a lot of work. It's a weird envelope that has a golf ball in it. I'll flatten the golf balls and ship them. Let's cut down to the funnies. Let's do it. Okay, Hager is,

Hager walks into a bar and he shakes hands with another Viking and he goes, sorry I'm late, Mean Max. I hope you didn't get bored waiting. And Mean Max says,

not at all. And you see three guys at the bar that all have stars over their heads and broken noses and black eyes. You can't leave Mean Max waiting. No. And then you don't see in the third frame that they don't include is the barmaid coming out.

She's limping, and she looks a little scared. Oh, yeah. I wonder if Mean Max is related to mad max probably all right uh and the next the horrible hager sitting at the table eating he doesn't look happy helga is looking out the window she has sweat beating off her head she goes hager what would you say if i told you atilla the hun has our house surrounded and she looks really scared? And he goes, why did you give me kale? Because Hager, worst thing that happens is he gets a black eye.

He never dies. But Helga, she's the nervous one. They're both already wearing helmets. I think they're ready for this. Yeah, I think they're in good shape. I mean, why do they wear helmets all the time, even during dinner? Maybe they're Dwayne Allman fans and they know to be ready. Hey, look at Attila the Hun's dialogue bubble.

What is it? Oh, yeah, that's hilarious. Chris, is there any way you could cut and paste that or have your hate machine, your laptop, translate that? Is that just because... Chinese letters. Yeah, but is it racist if it's just gobbledygook? Like if he just made symbols that look like... Yeah, it kind of looks like gobbledygook because

there's an exclamation point in the middle of it star yeah that's nothing or if the guy is lazy and he just put like some letters from the number three on the daily specials at some chinese restaurant in there yeah all right so uh lockhorns loretta is in a dress shop with a friend and she goes i used to be it used to be heights but now i'm afraid of widths that's cute wait wait what it used to be heights but now i'm afraid of widths but now I'm afraid of widths, like the width of the dress. Now they're sitting at dinner. Leroy looks unsettled.

And Loretta goes, don't think of these as leftovers. Think of them as the week in review. And now you got Leroy, and he is at a pharmacy. There's a pharmacy worker stocking the shelves behind him, and Leroy's got his thumb pointed at a shelf that's glassed in and locked, and he goes, can you parole a tube of toothpaste for me? Look at that. There you go.

Very contemporary. Yep. Meanwhile, Leroy's trying to get to all the histamines so he can make his meth or whatever that is that they lock up in pharmacy. That would be a hard turn for the Lockhorns if they went Breaking Bad on you. I'd read that every day. Yeah. What is the product? I probably have it wrong.

I'm sure someone will write in. But I forget. Huh? I think it's Sudafed. Oh, yeah, Sudafed and all that. I think it is histamines. Okay. Here's the far side.

I thought it's pseudofed. Oh, yeah, pseudofed and all that. I think it is histamines. Okay, here's the far side. I thought it was very timely. So these two guys are fishing in a boat. It looks very relaxing. They have their lines in the water, and they look over the horizon, and there are just mushroom clouds erupting over the hills. There's three of them. And the guy goes, I'll tell you what this means norm no size restrictions and screw the limit

it's kind of us on this podcast as the world is melting down except over that horizon not only do you see the mid-east erupting into flames but you also see the nipple bra selling out on its first fucking iteration. Man, that really got to you. That hit a nerve. I think it's because your two daughters are watching it and you're just so upset. Because maybe it's also in this time where it's like, can we be a little more, I mean, not serious, but have a little sort of gravity, even if you're doing comedy, but like, you know, a little more. That's just garbage. It's just garbage from a garbage person. Yeah. Speaking of a garbage person, fucking Dagwood is on the couch, but the cushions are

on top of him as he lays down and she walks in. are you doing dear and he goes looking for my cell phone it may have slipped under the cushions i mean it's it's fucking sad enough when it's a beautiful saturday she's got on an olive tight sweater the look at the boob look at the side boob yeah and walking in she is there she is ready she wants to go for a hike, maybe go to a nice dinner. And this fucking idiot is under the cushions of the couch. Yeah. So I was hoping,

this is Greg Fitzsimmons' revision of this. Same exact comic, same exact photo. She walks in, what are you doing, dear? I was hoping you would sit on my face. There you go. Right? There you go. Right.

Too easy. Give her a fucking little surprise on a Saturday. The kids are out. They're weird kids that never age are out. Jesus, if I could just get animated, if I could get in there, I make him a cuck. I'll tell you what. Oh, if I could just get animated, if I could get in there, I could I make him a cuck. I'll tell you what. Oh, boy. All right. Listen, we've gotten to the end. Mike, you're going to make your lunch. What do you got? Yeah. 30 lunch.

Oh, I thought you meant I'm going to prepare my lunch. Yeah. I'm meeting good old friend Jesse, pair of my lunch. Yeah, I'm meeting good old friend Jesse, who you know, and then you might join us for the Scorsese movie. It's an epic undertaking. It's three hours and 20 minutes. I've heard mixed reviews, but I can't not see a Scorsese movie. What are you, crazy? And you got to see it in the movies. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking, listen, I'm not going to, don't get me wrong. It's it's daunting. I kind of a mixed ongoing. But then I know a few years from now, I'll be like, remember when Scorsese was alive and he put out a movie that was generally well received. I know there are some detractors, but like and I just didn't want to see it in a theater. It's like, why wouldn't you go see a Scorsese movie as it's meant to be seen

in a theater? And I wish there was an intermission. I don't think there is. They are doing an intermission in some theaters, but I don't know if they are in Santa Monica. We should go to that app that tells you the best time to take a pee. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I timed that shit perfectly and stopped making sense. I went out when the Tom Tom Twins or whatever that was called. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember, I left at the perfect time.

Nice. When David Byrne took his piss break, that's when I took mine. We want to thank Midcoast Media for their fine work. Chris Denman was pretty much on it today, although he didn't give us the Harry Potter list of movies in the order, which would have been really fun. But he also, if the sound is bad this week, not our fault, Chris Denman's fault. We also want to remind you to support our sponsors.

That's how we keep paying Chris Denman and his force, his team over there. Don't forget GameTime. Get the app use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Also ExpressVPN.com to protect your computer and your privacy.

I will talk to you next week, everybody. Thanks for joining us. Wait, what was that? That was a weird one. What? I'll talk to you next week? I'll talk to you next week. We'll talk to you next week, I have to say. It's TomTom Club.

By the way, I am killing, I am nipping so many corrections in the bud today. Yeah. With your router that you get your internet through your router. Yeah. Like a Roto router. And it's not Thompson Twins. It's TomTom Club. And I said Tom I said, Tom,

Tom twins, maybe they'll get together and form a super group. Um, all right, wait, what else? What do I have to promote? Yeah. What do you want to promote? Oh, you know, I didn't talk about, uh, let me go down to, I won't make this long, but entertainment. I didn't mention the shows I'm watching, started watching The Patient with Steve Carell, and I mentioned that at my sister's last night, and people were like, oh, I stopped. It got too heavy. I'm like, what?

So I've only watched three episodes, maybe four, and I really like it so far. So by next week, I'll have finished The Patient. I watched The Night Manager. Boy, I am not a Hiddleston fan. That's what I learned in that. But I like Hugh Laurie. And then I'm watching Couples Therapy again on Showtime,

and I can't recommend it enough. It's short, 25 minutes. It's real. And that therapist is amazing. Also, we've been watching, we're up to date on, there's a series called gen v which is a spinoff of the boys on amazon oh i have to watch the boys our dear friend uh a kid that we've known since he was probably 12 or 13 asa asa german is starring in jen's it's very weird story his

father is a big actor greg german who's a dear friend yeah he was he was on gray's anatomy for many many years famously and that oh no no famously from uh sorry the lawyer one calista flockhart's uh show um what was that called which i did not like but he was he was very popular with that and he's been a million movies he's a big actor and then his son turns out now he's uh he's on the show and he like he's got some serious range he does like he does some serious acting it's it's really great ali mcbeal ali mcbeal yeah um all right that should do it we'll talk to you guys next week take it ash take Ish. Dang it. Ish. They call it Sunday, but it's really Thursday.

They call it papers, but it's a Google sheet. It's no more than news. And this song is a song, but at least we have the corrections.