Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 189 11/5/23

Episode Date: November 5, 2023

 Mike Johnson says Rome fell because it was gay, a man in China peed in the beer vat and a house with a functioning meth lab is for sale in Cali.

Well, fill up your coffee, fill up your tea, turn on the speaker, turn off the TV, sit in the chair you really like, it's the Sunday Barrels with Greg and Mike. Read all about it! Read! Who would have thought you were the problem this week? Who would have thought you were the problem this week? We have had a lot, not insurmountable, surmountable audio problems this afternoon. Not really. Here's my mic this week. It is in a bottle and it's going in here. Wait, you've got it inside the bottle? No, I like a little echo effect.

It's kind of like how Zeppelin put the drum kit in a spiral staircase thing in a manor. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. No, it's right in front of my face. I hope it's closed. It'll probably be the best audio we've ever had. Yeah. Maybe for one single week, we won't get some people saying it's too loud and some people saying it's too soft. The people saying it's too soft the

h6 this is we should get sponsored i brought the h6 and i forgot my mic that plugs into it and they have no jack somehow for a pedestrian mic anyway so we're gonna try i apologize it's we love to blame denman usually for the audio but that's not the case this week it It's me. No, Denman is on top of things. He's in touch with the Grammy Award winning sound engineer, he's told us. And he compared himself to him. He said, he doesn't do anything I don't do. Yeah, he wins Grammys.

Yeah, there might be that difference. Yeah. Yeah. So we have a big announcement to make for the holidays mike you want to take it from here yeah we landed on a merch gift i already ordered them and we need your support and uh here i'm going to show a picture we went with a with a listener's suggestion of a koozie and look at that looking good that that was the mock-up that the company sent me they're turning around really quick i don't know the quality but we wanted to get these koozies ready to ship and then you and i it's where this is a real um you know diy

situation they'll be ready to ship in a week. And we're figuring out how the payments are going to work. And next week we will tell you exactly how you can buy your Christmas koozie. And we're also doing those microfiber glass wipes. Are we doing that? I thought we decided that might divide. They were also more expensive than the koozie for some reason. I love how you say we decided.

We send a couple of texts back and forth that trail off with nobody replying. I don't know. As long as we can get it done fast, I think we should do it. I can get it done fast. But anyway, we're already dividing the effort. Koozies, let us know if you want them. We ordered. Now, don't let us know.

We're going to put them on sale, and we're going to sell them. And you guys are going to buy them, and it's going to be a great stocking stuffer. It's perfect for the stocking, and we hope to sell to at least 25,000 people. I love it. All right. Here's the idea, and we're going to price it. We don't know what it is yet. I don't think I fully know the-

It's going to be cheap, but in a way, it's like we are trying not to charge for the podcast, and in a way, it's just kind of supporting us. Yeah. And we will take care of it. We also, I think it's so DIY, I think we're sticking them in envelopes ourselves. Maybe we'll sign them.

Maybe we'll sign them. Well, I think your daughter is going to do it. Your daughter is going to be in charge of all shipping. That's going to be for her Christmas money. I think she's going to reject that job, but we'll see. But we can get it to you early. And so next week we'll be holding them in our hands. If you buy koozies,

we can buy new microphones for next year. And this podcast will sound so much better. I can buy some post-it notes where I can remind myself to bring my microphone. Also, I want to announce, I'm very excited. I do a benefit every year for best buddies which is a great organization that raises money and helps people with intellectual disabilities get housing and

internships and jobs and i do a benefit every year for them at the comedy store so this one will be december 13th so far we already have sarahman. We've got Craig Robinson. We've got Andrew Santino. We've got Bobby Lee. We've got Annie Letterman. And then we have a huge name, huge name, who is very likely that we'll be able to announce in the next couple of weeks. So go get your tickets at the Comedy Store or actually, i don't know that they're on sale yet but uh get ready that's coming i'm just really excited about the lineup wow that's very cool yeah nice uh tomorrow we're taping this on saturday so tomorrow on sunday i'm going to see the last waltz which is the it's the film shot by martin scorsese of the band in their last performance and they're joined on stage by bob dylan joan baez who else comes out

neil young muddy waters um dr john uh ronnie hawkins this is literally because it was like Muddy Waters, Dr. John, Ronnie Hawkins. This is literally because it was like a screensaver when I went to college. So off the top of my head, Van Morrison, Eric Clapton. There's it's it's it's rather endless. There's a lot of people. So I've seen it on TV like I've watched it on video, but I've never actually seen it in a theater. So they're doing it at four o'clock in every theater in the country that it's playing at. It's all it's all playing at four o'clock.

I don't know what the significance of that is, but me and Tom O'Neill and Aaron and a bunch of people are going to see it. Neil Diamond, who was a very weird ad and he was a little bit derided. In fact, he and Bob Dylan had a little back and forth. Yeah. Like Neil Diamond came off and said something like, good luck following that or something. And Dylan had a very, a very snappy retort, which is like, I could follow that in my sleep or whatever it was better than that. But I do know the personal connection because you you know, him, you met him through me.

Remember the legendary entertainment lawyer, David Braun? Of course. Right. So David Braun, who was amazing. He not only was Dylan's lawyer, but he was Neil Diamond's lawyer and and Robbie Robertson's lawyer. And he he I think was the impetus because Robbie was producing. It was very self-serving of Robbie. That's why the band was like, why is Neil Diamond in this? And Robbie Robertson was producing an album of Neil Diamond's. Anyway, the bottom line is it's hard to deny that that neil diamond killed it um you know he did really well he does i mean you got there's a whole category there's a category of singers that do something that it doesn't matter how talented you are neil young you're not going to touch elvis you're not going to touch tom jones you're not going to touch Elvis You're not going to touch Tom Jones You're not going to touch Neil Diamond You're going to touch Neil Diamond Just come on Oh come on Are you kidding me?

We're coming to America Today You know what they sound like? They sound like camp songs Or like Club Med Little anthems No I'm not defending the quality nor am i defending the quality of alvis presley who's most of his songs were garbage you're insane i'm just saying you

can't follow him on stage well people did and it worked out very well no all right aren't you mr mr no you're gonna see it you tell me all. He's one of the most forgettable parts of it. Really? Although he, although he does one song and it does well, that's all I'll say. No, it's like comedy.

There's certain comedians and their shit, their, their hacks. They're, they don't say anything interesting and they destroy because they have a lot of charisma. Right. Anyway, have fun at the Las Vegas.

I think I've seen it too many times. Unlike Stop Making Sense, which is not a concert film. A concert film I can only see so many times. You're not going to be in L.A. on Sunday, are you? No. Oh. All right. So anyway.

All right. Women swerving into traffic. What's the update? Well, last week we put it to you. Mike had a premise that as men are consumed with the Holy Roman Empire, women are consumed with the fantasy of driving headfirst into oncoming traffic. So we said to you. It was the Roman Empire, not the Holy Roman Empire. There is a little difference. fantasy of driving headfirst into oncoming traffic. So we said to you... It was the Roman Empire, not the Holy Roman Empire.

There is a little difference. Okay. There was many Roman Empires, and we're obsessed with all of them. Yes. And so we put it to you. We said, if you're a woman, write in. If you have a wife or a girlfriend, write in.

We even actually asked people to record somebody and we got a couple of those recordings but the quality of the recording was unusable so the premise what the premise the premise was i once was at this dinner party and the question somehow came up where a woman shared that she sometimes she asked other people do you ever when you're driving and for her it was at night think about how easy it would be to swerve over and hit the oncoming car head on and kill everybody in it and all the guys were just shocked and the women were like yes and we couldn't get over that all the women like four other women totally agreed and have that fantasy all the time so i thought you could ask because guys are shocked that that's

even a thought well uh marmar marmar beach is her name i know that you wanted men to ask us about driving into oncoming traffic but but I'll answer you myself. I do at least once a month, amongst other very violent thoughts. In real life, I am a pacifist and sweet. My theory, with no evidence to prove, is that women are very good at hiding their demon side. So I'm guessing this once a month urge coincides with something else in her life. Maybe she wants me to join you in San Francisco. So maybe she wants me on the road and she's going to drive against traffic and take me out.

Can you imagine that the EMT is coming and saying, well, she's bleeding from her head, her wrist, and her vagina. Okay. Lori in Las Vegas says, I'm a female driver from Las Vegas, so I'm not sure this applies to me

because we bitches are crazy to begin with. When I see Taurus J walking on a strip, the muscles in my right leg start to pull my foot from the brake over to the accelerator, but muscles in my right leg start to pull my foot from the brake over to the

accelerator, but I fight back and have not yet plowed into fat Midwesterners in sports jerseys from whatever lame state they are from, but it's coming, dot, dot, dot. Lori, if they have an Eagles jersey on, just drive right through them. It is amazing. The sports jerseys, so unflattering. They make everybody look short and fat and dumb. Meanwhile, I'm going to be there, I think, next week. We'll talk about it beforehand. But Jack is coming down from Wyoming trying to get me out.

The Jets are playing in Vegas next Sunday. Do you enjoy going to football games live? Gutman's brought me to, keep in mind this is as good as it gets. He's like, hey, last minute, do you want to go? He had access to this luxury box in SoFi. Last week it was the Bears versus the Chargers. Keep in mind,

VIP entrance into this unbelievable suite and free alcohol and amazing food. Still not worth it. It's not worth it. I just, I've gone. It was the worst game.

I went in New England. I went to see the Patriots a month ago. Great seats, 50-yard line with a good buddy. And it just wasn't the same as sitting on the couch and watching the replays. I want to hear the announcers. I want to take a piss. I want to, you know. Yeah.

It's just, it's not as fun. I try it once a year and i always feel bored it's just too fucking slow this place had its own private bathroom too so it was uh it couldn't have been easier and better and treated like i got paid basically through alcohol and food to go to this thing also getting there and and out of there uh right Right. Is it? It's a whole day. It's a whole day. And I get down on myself. I should have a better attitude though.

Like in other words, just go, I guess if I was bringing kids, it's for them. So that helps you align your attitude. But, uh, it's,

I don't know. I, it's challenging to be grateful at an NFL game. I like, uh, fights breaking out. That's maybe the only upside. But I'm also a Jets fan, so I'm turned off to all football in any way.

Sean Johnson wrote in, the part about swerving into traffic is a recognized phenomenon. The French have a term for it. La pelle du vide, or the call of the void. Whoa, French. It's most common when standing on a high ledge or building and looking down and feeling an overwhelming urge to jump, but it pertains to the thought of swerving into oncoming traffic too.

There's been studies on it, and here's a snippet from the article. Prior to undertaking this study, the researchers hypothesized that the call of the void could be a misinterpreted safety signal with those experiencing it potentially misreading the brain encouraging them to move away from the danger and the result seems to support this theory so i don't know it's the french derivation might be how when Germany rolled into town they just immediately like yeah kill it take us yeah we surrender they went right right towards the danger with their arms up yeah they said to do to us what do to us what you will they didn't fight the urge at all the appellate do not see we Nazi. We'll do corrections later, but he also pointed out that

a koozie is pronounced with two O's. It's koozie like a bird cooing, not like a cozy fire. I guess you said a cozy. I certainly did. Keep that beer cozy. I don't know why I would say that. That means warm.

Yeah, it's a koozie. The logo this week comes from Craig Godet. It's Formula One. And I liked it. He picked the body that was taller than me. What do you mean? Very accurate. I mean, the heights of the two people in the picture are exactly right between us.

I think so. And I think we look good in jumpsuits, bro. Why not a jumpsuit? You know, then you don't have to worry about a belt. You don't have to worry about what matches. You just fucking put on a jumpsuit every day. Yeah, I always thought if I was more confident and didn't care what people thought about me,

when I was skiing, I would wear a suit like that. You're not getting any crap down your pants. When you wipe out, you're not getting snow down your pants. I'm constantly having to pull, after a run, pull the pants up. You got to get a belt involved. You got to tuck the shirt back in again. No, James Bond wore it. Why can't you? Exactly. The 70s had it right. The song this week. And again, a reminder to you people, we love your songs.

We don't care about the production quality. Kyle Herr sent in that little gem. Got that message. By the way, we need more songs, need more logos. Send them into FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. We always appreciate it. It makes the show so special, and it shows us that you care. Yeah.

Here's some corrections, speaking of you guys caring. This one comes from Mark G. You said Billy Corrigan helped produce one of the Garbage albums. Then Mike goes, or did he help write it? It's Hole you're thinking of. Courtney loves band. So you both messed up that one. Yeah, I let your things slide.

All right, go ahead. There's rumors that Kurt Cobain wrote a lot of it, too. I'll tell you who didn't write a lot of it, Courtney Love. That's not where her talent lies. But I'll tell you she is good at murder with a shotgun. I could hear Norm saying that, RIP. He's very right. That would be.

If you saw that documentary, there is just very little doubt that she killed him. Oh, there's so much doubt. I forget the guy's name. I forget the guy's name. Kurt and Courtney. He did the documentary. I forget the guy's name. Kurt and Courtney, he did the documentary.

And I have to say, it was very inspiring because what I called it was a irresponsible documentary and very unprofessional. And he made himself, the documentarian, part of it. And he was just like, so I went down and I confronted this crazy man by the tracks who they said they saw that night and all of a sudden he's there like talking to the guy and i think tom o'neill uh should should kind of make a documentary where whatever he wants to splinter off from chaos and he should do that

off from chaos and he should do that rick says courtney love was in a hole not garbage also you talked about musicians who died young buddy holly was 22 the big bopper was 28 and richie valens was 17 when they died in a plane crash did you know richie Valens was 17? No, that's crazy. That's crazy. Buddy Holly came on the other day, and it's just, he's just, it's really ridiculous. It's so pure. And Dylan talks about it. Dylan talks about traveling down.

I think he maybe went down to Texas to see him, and it was in his hall of fame speech he's like he looked right at me at one point and dylan felt it was like spiritual for him yeah um yeah i mean what buddy holly could have gone on to do was incredible rave on songs like that are just i mean he's just one of those guys that every British Invasion band, so many rock and rollers point to him as one of the main influences on them going into music.

Just have whatever you listen to. Spotify, Apple. Just listen to his top 10 songs. You've heard them all. It's pretty incredible. Speaking of incredible, I'm going to be at The Well in Bakersfield, California, November 11th. I have two more shows practicing my one-hour special that I'll be doing in Austin in two weeks. So I'll be at The Well, and then I'll be at the Comedy Slice which is this cool little spot in Ventura November 15th

and then I'm taping the special there's still the late show is sold out the early show at the Mothership November 18th there's still some tickets available for the taping not many it's going to sell out very fast also I'll be there on the 17th and 19th

San Francisco Punchline November 30th through December 2nd. Fort Worth Hyenas, December 15th and 16th. Then I'll be coming to Chicago, Atlanta, Portland, La Jolla, Tampa. Go to FitzDawg.com to get some tickets. Also, Mike, when you're going to see shows, what's the way to do it? Let me tell you a little something about what I'm looking at on my phone right now, on my recording device. Get this it's game time i truly do i really do love

game time but i went on here here's i have la still on here even though i'm in nashville green day they're performing uh oh it's september it's already down to 136. September? They're in SoFi Stadium. What do you mean? In a year? September 24. Jesus. What's going on with that? And it's trending.

That's why it's in here. But how about this? Tonight, Kenny Loggins in the Santa Barbara Bowl. That dude is still in high demand. I'm all right. Even in game time. Don't nobody worry game time worry about 346 a ticket no but they'll go down yes they'll go down well that's the point of game time is you wait and you see yes they have last minute flash deals and you can track the tickets everybody gets worried everybody freaks out and they buy them right away

when they're very much higher than they will be later. Oh boy, just switched to Nashville. Here's Reba. You go see Reba. Anyway, it's great. I like going on and doing Discover is one of their buttons. They have sports, music, they have shows. But if you just put Discover in whatever town you're in it's an

amazing way to see what's going on it covers everything from sports to bars that have like smaller bands it's fantastic so uh game time is the only ticketing app that gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase you see the view from your seat before you buy so you know exactly what to expect when you arrive it It's the all-in prices which I like. Other apps don't do that. I hate seeing how much other apps the price goes up to. So it shows your total up front so you know what you're getting and you buy tickets in seconds with two taps. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Term the GameTime app, create an account, and use code PAPERS

for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Download GameTime today. Last minute deals.

Last minute tickets. Lowest price. Lowest price. Guaranteed. Do it. This show price. Lowest price. Guaranteed. Do it. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp, and it is a company that I have relied on during the, got me through the pandemic.

I'm not kidding you. You know, if you get the end of the season kind of depression coming on, maybe you have anxiety because of family coming. Here's the thing. You don't have to do therapy for five years. I did it before I taped my special last time. I did it for a month, and it really helped me get – I was starting to stress out.

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You get matched up with a licensed therapist. You can switch. You don't like your therapist, no additional charge. Just go to somebody else. Everything about it is just simple and effective, and they've got great therapists. Find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Sunday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Sunday. Speaking of slash, do we have any paper to crinkle? Oh, man, do I have paper.

I don't have a microphone. But listen how crinkly. Wow. Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! Yeah. All right. Why don't you read this? Because I'm losing my voice and I have two one hour shows tonight.

Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson once credited the fall of the Roman Empire to homosexuality. Oh, boy. It was there was uncovered audio of Johnson pushing the odd pseudo-historical theory. In the clip, Johnson is heard saying, many historians, those who are objective, would look back and recognize and give some credit to the fall of Rome, to not only the deprivation of the society and the loss of morals, but also to the rampant homosexual behavior that was condoned by the society. Wait, so it brought down Rome? That's weird because didn't Rome also give us the Catholic Church where homosexuality led that institution to thrive? It drove up membership, that institution to thrive. It drove up membership,

gave these pervs a reason to live their shitty lives as priests. Yeah, it's still a big part. Without homosexuality, you'd have a lot less priests, I think. Oh, for sure. That's a fact. Yeah, and you'd have a lot more small altar boys.

There's no more small altar boys. Nobody's sending their scraggly kid to backstage. Nobody wants to be backstage at the big show anymore and but no wonder i think of the roman empire twice a week those gays those fabulous gays come on now right and can you imagine a gay roman empire like you know like the holy roman empire but they just were honest about it. Like, we are going to take over the gay Roman Empire. Greece is like, sign me up.

First First Nation take taking Greece. That's an old gay stereotype. Well, I mean, they weren't they weren't exactly hiding it. They were wearing those toe, those dresses andals and they had those bangs those bangs were gay yep and yeah a lot a lot of a lot of incest with their gods both greek and roman they talk about rome in rome you fall on your sword or you fall on somebody else's sword you swallow a sword all right let's move on was there was there any homosexual incest i guess that's what i should have said but i don't know

if there was all right next story luxury california home uh selling for 1.55 million dollars and it comes complete with a meth lab and its contamination. The six-bedroom house in Tony San Jose offers a, quote, great location with easy access to the freeway, according to the Realtor's listing, which notes it affords more than 2,700 square feet of living space. And it also goes on to say, great opportunity to own a large home on a 6 000

square foot lot before it's sheepishly noted home has inactive meth lab and meth contamination the home has not been cleared of contamination and will be transferred to the new buyer in its current state for those who don't mind taking on a bit of a project, the $1.55 million price tag makes the house a good value as a nearby four-bedroom house sold in May for $1.725 million. That one advertised it was meth lab adjacent. I think that was their selling point. I would have just called this a home office. Isn't that one way to spin it? Yeah. Yeah. And, and it's really like, and they say that if you want to take on a bit of a project,

well, yeah, you're going to have tons of energy. You live in a meth lab. Plus, exactly. Think of all the interesting encounters you'll get with the old customers coming by for a fix. How cool would it be to throw parties in a meth lab? Like mixing up cocktails? Yeah. Perfect for a Breaking Bad binge session? Yeah.

You know, Murray really changed since he moved into that new house. Hey, Murray, how's the new place? Who's asking what are you dea where's mr white gus is dead bitch also the bathtub doesn't have a bottom in it because they they used acid to burn a body yeah you're gonna have to replace your rims on your car every couple weeks from the from the fucking randos showing up at the house. Here comes the neighborhood. More like it. All right. Speaking of crime, Sam Bankman Freed. Is it Freed or Fried? The this is the FTX founder. He was found guilty on all seven criminal fraud counts.

A jury has found that he is guilty of all seven criminal counts against him. The FTX founder faces a maximum sentence of 115 years in prison. The 31-year-old son of two Stanford legal scholars and graduate of MIT was convicted of conspiracy to commit wire fraud against FTX customers and against Alameda research lenders, conspiracy to commit securities fraud and conspiracy to commit commodities fraud against FTX investors. Oh, my God, it goes on. Also money laundering. He pleaded not guilty to the charges, which were all tied to the collapse late last year of FTX and the sister hedge fund Alameda. Keep in mind, he's an associate of Tom Brady because he personally got Tom Brady to do an ad for FTX.

As did Larry David. He did. He did. Yeah. Yep. I think Steph Curry did. Right. There was a bunch of them and they're all getting sued. Giselle, Giselle Bündchen did it. Naomi Osaka. Here's an easy rule. If your company moves its headquarters to the Bahamas, it's guilty. That's just I don't know much about business law, but I would start there. Also Stanford. I mean, his parents went there. I don't know if he did any time at Stanford because they do go to MIT, but people are comparing this a lot to Theranos and Elizabeth

Holmes, who's in prison now also. And she came out of Stanford and it's like, maybe you can get a major at Stanford and fraud with a minor and embezzlement. Like maybe they're, they're grooming the world's leading business criminals. Yeah. It's like, it's weird. How come you guys don't have student loans? Don't worry about it. We're all set. Here's a class that's going to tell you, okay, first you have to act a little off center. You have to have that deep, odd voice that she had or the crazy hair that this guy had. And, you know, people just think you're some genius, charismatic leader. Trump even has the weird hair and he's a he's a business criminal. I think the other red flag is when you're when you're like an associate, when you're just starting out

and you've already got like a Lambo, it's like, yeah, let's take a look at this guy. Yeah. So he's 31. He is pretty genius. And like I saw the documentary on him, like how he found the discrepancy in prices and wrote programs to exploit it, sometimes owning things for like a second or two because he would just quickly buy and sell it when he found the disparity in price and the buying price and the selling price.

Why not give let's say he's in for 100 years or 80, whatever he's in for life. Give him a million bucks of the prison pension fund. Keep a close eye on him. Hear his ideas. See what he can do. Right. This would have to be for the public prison system.

But like, he's in his prime. Take advantage of it. Yeah, I think they should have done that with Bernie Madoff. You know, didn't he die in prison? Think of the money the prison could be making off that brain. Yeah, Bernie's was interesting. Bernie, but, you know, borrowed from Peter to pay Paul with the Ponzi scheme.

Oh, yeah, I guess he didn't actually make money. He just on paper made money. He probably did find good investments because he kept the, listen, I guess the Ponzi does work even if you don't find something good. You just need the new investors. But anyway, put these criminals to work, man. Yeah. You call this next story Philly. I don't know.

You know, somebody sent this, and we appreciate it when you guys send us stories. I know I don't get to a lot of them. But this one, it said Philly, but it's not. An elementary school janitor in New Jersey is facing a list of charges, including child endangerment for allegedly contaminating food with bodily fluids. That's all. 25-year-old Giovanni Imparalezzi, Jewish, is also charged with aggravated assaults and tampering with food.

Police were contacted after receiving tips about social media posts that allegedly depicted Imparalezzi performing sex acts with what are described as inanimate objects at the school. I performed a sex act on an inanimate object last week. My wife. But I'm bush. I'm kidding sex act on an inanimate object last week. My wife. But I'm bush. I'm kidding. My wife is very active. He allegedly contaminated food products and utensils in the school with bodily fluids. The prosecutors say included saliva, urine, and feces.

Well, it's Jersey. That stuff's all in the food anyway. That's true. And feces. Well, it's Jersey. That stuff's all in the food anyway. That's true. In another incident, police say Impellezeri touched his private areas with bread, spit on it, then put the bread back into a container to be served to students.

Hey, Tommy, you going to eat that hairy bread? You want that? I'll take it. And it said kids are getting sick, having diarrhea, vomiting, and we're blaming it on a belly bug when in reality it could be hepatitis. It could be food poisoning, said one parent. Yeah, there's nothing new here. There's a reason why diarrhea and cafeteria rhyme. It's just part of eating there.

Nice. And he spelled diarrhea correctly, which is the most shocking part of eating there nice and he spelled diarrhea correctly which is the most spell check spell check it has to be yeah yeah oddly spelling that diary it's hard to get out unlike diarrhea itself uh thinking of this disgusting janitor did remind me that jazzleneck joke do you remember that he goes when i was in high you remember that? He goes, when I was in high school, I won't do his voice, but when I was in high school, my high school employed a blind janitor, 100% totally blind. All the other kids would joke around that he went blind from masturbating too much. At the time, I believe that I was just a kid.

I didn't know any better. It wasn't until I got older and wiser that I realized that's just an old wives tale they use to try to explain why he was always masturbating. At least Jeslyn X janitor didn't masturbate on the bread and put it back. Yeah. You know, I, I believe that I can remember being like 13 or 14 and believing that masturbation led to blindness, that it hurt your eyesight.

Oh, also, if you crossed your eyes and someone hit you in the back, you guys would stay crossed forever. I believe that if you sneezed while you were inhaling, you could have a heart attack. inhaling you could have a heart attack i always thought if someone hits me in the back while i'm crossed and i stay cross-eyed well i mean might as well jack off till kingdom come because i don't want to see cross-eyed for the rest of my life yeah so now i'm masturbating feverishly with crossed eyes that was the image it's like why does he have two porn magazines well he's trying to see them both and of course when i'm masturbating yeah with porn i would be wearing an eye patch so it's even better i have one eye looking right at my nose an eye patch and just going to town like a chimpanzee it's a good image i i it used to make me squint it didn't make me cross-eyed but it made me squint

when i was masturbating yeah turning japanese um speaking of which we'll get to that in international let's get to entertainment right here we go entertainment emily hampshire the actor best known for playing stevie budd on schitt's creek has issued an apology for dressing up with a friend as johnny depp and amber heard for halloween this killed me they had pictures on social media she had fake tattoos and wore a suit a suit that looked like what he wore in pirates of the caribbean um i want to address what is one of the most thoughtless insensitive and ignorant things that i've ever done for halloween i stupidly thought it would be funny to address as johnny depp and amber heard i am deeply sorry and ashamed for putting something that awful out in the universe. Domestic abuse is never, ever funny.

Well, can't they coexist? I guess I'm not understanding this story. She says, in the future, I will do better. Is that required in every apology? Do you have to say that phrase, I will do better? Yeah, it's an action. It's a call to action on yourself. And then you're getting people off your back.

Whatever. Wait, do they make fun of domestic violence? No, they just dressed up as a couple. Also, wasn't it found out that he was the one and there is a double standard i mean that if you're not recognizing a double standard i don't know what world you live in yeah there was no conviction he didn't do anything wrong they proved that in court and by the way she couldn't his bed right she yes on his pillow she easily could have just said she was dressed as Keith Richards and she could have said Amber Heard was dressed as Mick Jagger.

I don't know. Sometimes you got to separate it. Like remember that Halloween you went as OJ Simpson and in each house you were looking for the killers. Yes. You were like trick or treat or the people that killed Nicole. That's right. That was fine. That was fine.

That was fine. People laughed. You weren't making fun of the killing. I think it was the blackface that ultimately got me into trouble, though. You did go, you committed. That's what we used to say. You committed.

I did not see the post headline, but I'm guessing it was up Schitt's Creek. There's no way it wasn't up shits creek so you know i went on a date with her shut up yeah how tall is she she's not tall oh and uh we met on an app and we're making it was raya the the douchebag app and we were both making fun of it. And we, I, I wrote a funny thing and she goes, listen, I'm just writing to tell you that's the funniest bio I've seen on this stupid app or whatever. Cause I've made. And so we both made fun of fun of it. We realized in texting that we weren't, it wasn't going to be anything, but we were making each other laugh. And so we met and it was a lovely

lunch and it was really funny. This dog better stop barking. It was very funny. And, um, and then, um, I think she married a woman or she immediately started dating a woman. So that's my thing, man. I'm the cooler. I'm the cooler. I turn them. You're the turner. Yeah. You are gay conversion therapy, but it goes in the opposite direction. Yeah, exactly. I'm repellent. Yeah. You're straight conversion therapy. Sorry, guys. No one can have Emily now. I already took care of that situation.

one can have Emily now. I already I already took care of that situation. I'll hear. By the way, Emily, something about that. Also, I think the apologies overstated like she she has a really good sense of humor and she's on the right side of issues. That's the other thing. Here's the left again, if it is the left killing, killing people that they should not kill. So I'm thinking that she realizes how absurd it is and she's overstating the apology. Now, everybody has a publicist. That apology is written by a publicist using AI. It's so trite. Oh, by the way, Denman found the New York Post headline,

TV star apologizes for insensitive Johnny Depp Amber Heard Halloween costume. Come on, New York Post. Step up your game. What happened to the old days? There were some details about he cut his hand or there was glass. And forgive me if there was hitting. I don't I'm not remembering. And also, I think they were cleared of charges.

Yeah. He sued her because she said he was a wife beater and he won. So I, yeah, I don't know. I mean, did the woman, did the one who played Amber walk around with a black eye?

That's going too far. I don't know. Only because of black. That's like one fifth black face. That's the only reason I'm against the black eye. Let's make America. Let's do it. A Florida man was slapped with child abuse charges after allegedly cutting eight.

OK, so this is a little beefy and we discussed cutting it down but i think every sentence has a an insane florida detail a florida man was slapped with child abuse charges after allegedly cutting a two-year-old relative's penis in a botched circumcision attempt while babysitting the boy timothy pow 29, was arrested last month after the toddler's mother, who is Powell's cousin, rushed the boy to the hospital for laceration on his genitals. He called the tot's mother at around 7 p.m. So this started early to tell them that the child was bleeding from his penis area as glass had entered his diaper.

The family then rushed the boy to the hospital where he had to have his skin glued to repair the injury. The staffers at the hospital flagged the child's wound is suspicious. I'd say when they said they reported, it must've been a children's hospital. In other words, children were doing the operating. That's why they use glue.

It was Elmer's glue. It's the, it's the glue. It's a crafting day. And they feared the child must have been abused. Powell also told the cops, he, quote, he may have pulled the boy's penis downward with too much force

and wiped him, quote, very hard. He said he, quote, did not intentionally cut the child but a senior nurse from the child protection team said the little boy's laceration was much too clean and precise to be accidental in any way and it was done with intent she added that the injury looked like they may have tried to circumcise the child Powell also seemed frustrated while putting on the boy's diaper in a home security video. He allegedly yelled at the boy, threatening to put soap in his mouth

if he wasn't quiet, and he squirted him with a water bottle. Powell was arrested and charged with aggravated child abuse and remains behind bars. Okay. First of all, don't go as this costume, Emily Hampshire. This would be over the line. This is really fucked up. Florida fucked up, but you know, things are bad. If the excuse you make up is broken glass got in the child's diaper. Right. While I was pulling down too hard on his penis. Yeah. What's going on there? Yeah. I mean, and, and this,

by the way, this is all on video. That's how they know all the details. So that's going to be a fun little piece of video to roll out in front of his friends at his bachelor party. Hold on to that one. About 16 years. Yeah.

I mean, and the headline is to include circumcision. That's insane. Well, usually when you get circumcision, it, it sucks, but at least like somebody sings, you make a few grand from the relatives. You have a rabbi who puts your penis in his mouth. Yeah. Very often. Right. I mean, are we going to find out this guy's a religious nut and that he was performing this ceremony? I love that the bail was set at one hundred thousand dollars. This is heinous. Horrible child abuse. Only in Florida. The bail is like eight hundred bucks, you know, because no one's got any fucking money down. I know. But this is 100. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I would say the sad part of this story is best case scenario. He was trying to circumcise the child. Yeah. That's the best case scenario. Yeah. So. All right. Let's make us.

Let's make Australia, Florida. OK. Who wears the camouflage pants in this family? Blake Jory grew up in Noosa, Australia. Last year on a European holiday, he fell in love with an Israeli woman, Michal. Now he, Michal, I guess. Now he's experiencing war firsthand and his partner is soon off to the front line. Quote, I've got a lot of emotion at

the moment, a lot of uncertainty, the Australian said. When Hamas attacked Israel, Mr. Jory was in Tel Aviv with his girlfriend and was forced to seek shelter. To him, it was a surreal experience. Quote, it was very scary. My heart was racing as we're going down to the bunker, he said. Then hearing the explosions overhead, the rockets being intercepted in the sky above. It's just it was really horrifying. Mr. Jory's Israeli girlfriend, Mikhail, said that while it was second nature to her, Mr. Jory was lost when warning sirens went off to signal the attack. Blake doesn't know what to do. And I'm starting to run.

And I forgot that I need to explain what to do when the siren goes off. We've been to Australia not so long ago. And I was just blown away by the lack of worries you have. No worries. Everyone's happy. This sounds like she's adopted like a rescue dog who shits itself every time the doorbell rings. Right. Because he's Australian.

And like the scariest thing that happens there is like a kangaroo boxes you mikhail told mr jory to leave the country for his safety listen i think you just have to get away from me in this area i think i think you're too fragile yeah he managed to get a ticket so by the way he took her up on it He managed to get a ticket. So, by the way, he took her up on it. He managed to get a ticket on an Australian repatriation flight and is now in London. It's been a difficult decision, I think, for both of us. But my partner has said it's best to leave at this time because things are unprecedented and so unsure, he said. What a pussy. Oh, my God.

She's constantly having to tell, like, keep it together. I hope she slaps him once in a while. Like, snap out of it. Yeah. With your hysteria. Oh, my God. Australian men are like, they're either the most rugged dudes of all time, like the crocodile hunter, or they're total puss bags.

There is a lot to be afraid of in Australia. She just got one that's, she got an indoor Aussie. Yeah, yeah. Not an outdoor one. I mean, the shit hits the fan and he leaves. Yeah. And Israeli women are badasses. They, you know, they have to join the army.

They learn Krav Maga. They live with, they live as Israeli men. That takes a lot. Yep. You can be called back and I guess drafted again or enlisted again. No questions asked till you're 40. And in special circumstances, it can extend beyond that, which God, I mean, I guess we're heading towards that. Yeah, they've already recalled hundreds of thousands of troops from around the world. They're all flying back to Israel to fight. It is the messiest situation ever.

All right, let's not talk about Israel. All right, yeah, let's go to a quick sports story, right? It's going to be super quick. Just following up that the jets beat the eagles i i didn't mention that last week that's the only sports story i got it's not even a story i'm just saying those words the jets beat the eagles can i just talk about can i just talk about as somebody that can't stand either of those teams it's very hard to watch for that reason. It's also hard to watch because they're wearing the same uniform. Yeah, it is a little tough.

All right, here we go. International. international a chinese worker urinated in a ting tao beer tank after having an argument with a colleague um they don't mention this but i think he also made a pp in his coke yeah it's a joke yeah well he played joke i'm quoting he played joke you pee in your beer how cancelable is that by the way i think that might be worse than dressing up as johnny depp for halloween i'm just gonna say it you mean what we just said or what that guy did well i'm quoting

a legendary basically nursery rhyme that all americans grew up with somehow well sarah silverman did the joke on conan o'brien and she had to apologize to like the chinese something Chinese something group. I don't remember. No, no. She had that one with the Chinese slur, which was, again, way out of context. But she also did the Coke joke. Right. Just to read it so you know what we're talking about. I won't say the word, of course, but it's the Chinese slur.

We'll call it the C word. And she was trying to get out of jury duty and she thought if she said i hate c words that that would get her out but she felt so bad because clearly she doesn't and that's ridiculous and all that and her friend suggested why don't you just write i love c words uh the worker was filmed urinating into a tank used to store ingredients to make one of china's most popular beers he's since been detained his actions were caught on camera by a driver who then published the video on doyen chinese version of tiktok in china administrative detention is a penalty that can be imposed by the police acting with no judicial oversight and usually involves being detained for between five and 15 days or life if you're a Uyghur and sometimes comes with a warning and a fine.

Yeah. And I've heard that actually there's been something going on in China where after finishing the beer, people have had an uncontrollable urge to shake out the last few drops from the bottle. On the upside, this guy was immediately offered a position in New Jersey elementary school as a janitor. You don't even want to know what this guy did at the dumpling factory. Let's just let's not talk about that. We've seen your work. You're our type of people. What would it, we're working on the visa right now. All right, let's hit a science tech health. Here we go. You want me to read it? Yeah. Why don't you read it? Look at this switch. My voice, my voice has been pretty good for, I'd say two? Yeah, why don't you read it? Look at this switch, my voice. My voice has been pretty good for, I'd say, two months now.

I don't know why. Well, the problem is I fly across the country, and then I immediately go to the room, and I do two hour-long shows, and my voice gets so dried out from the flight that I lose it by the end of— every time, the first night, I always lose my voice. You also might have a big sandwich caught on it. Houston's the fattest city in the country, I think. I think it still holds the record.

I think it is, yeah. And it's contagious. It's contagious down there. I put a lot of weight on, and I've become a little bit racist. Actually, Houston is amazingly diverse. The crowds were like, it's fucking great. This club down here is called The Riot, and it's the groovi crowds were like fucking great. This club down here is called the Riot. And it's the grooviest like second.

It's on the second floor. It's an old rock club and selling out all the shows, having a blast and good local comics. It's really cool. I have to move. I'm being blinded by the light here. Very cool. I wasn't uncomfortable at your description of a diverse club. I just want to make that clear. Very cool. Yeah, Beyonce. Beyonce is home. conversion therapy, challenging the widely accepted notion that sexual orientation is immutable, particularly controversial, whereas remarks concerning being, quote, born gay,

which he mocked by suggesting the idea implies the existence of homosexual infants. Yeah, I think all babies are gay. Yeah. And then a high percentage of them grow out of it. That's my take. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a there's a reason they got rid of the anal thermometer. There was just there was too many of the baby boys were clenching their cheeks, pushing back and snapping the thermometer in half. and snapping the thermometer in half. They walk around with at most a diaper on, and they have kind of that gay, like John Wayne type walk about them.

They're flamboyant. Infants are flamboyant. Yeah. And why do you think so many of them throw up after you put a tit in their mouth? I mean, a straight baby loves it. Yeah. They bite it. They don't even know what to do with it naturally. Yeah. The latching.

And I mean, are there gayer clothes than infants clothes? A onesie. Yeah. I was just talking about if I had more balls, I'd wear a onesie. I couldn't because I was raised in this hetero, terrible, toxic, masculine, uh, culture we live in. I want to dress like a gay infant yeah the big the hair is real tight on the sides and kind of fluffy on top they never wear a shirt so gay they're walking around with a pacifier in their mouth looking for a rave with their onesie with like spongebob all over it's the gayest thing i've ever seen it's crazy let's go to this day in history such mama's boys here we go on november 5th 1940 franklin delano roosevelt is re-elected for an unprecedented third term as president of the u.s he He was the best. He and Lincoln. He had the promise of maintaining American neutrality as far as the foreign wars were concerned.

And as Hitler's war spread and the desperation of Britain grew, the president fought for passage of the Lend-Lease Act, which would commit financial aid to Great Britain and other allies. He met with Winston Churchill and he created the UN. I mean, you can't say enough about what this guy did. A lot of people look at him now and they say he is what this country is trying to move back towards. And I say, yeah. No, Biden, Biden very often has referenced the New Deal. And the New Deal is very similar to

what Biden was trying to listen. This is not pro or anti Biden. These are just facts that I'm saying. What he tried to do with that infrastructure bill was very New Deal about bringing jobs home about. And I know you could poke holes in this. It's not perfect. But the major headlines of it were very New Deal ish. This is not Biden's idea. This has been done before. It's reinvesting in America and it's really trying to get the New Deal. The New Deal, part of that terminology refers to the bad deal that. But basically is you got to take the rich no better than anyone. You got to take care of the middle class without the thriving middle class.

Anyway, America then went on to the best goddamn years ever. He also did some in many ways financially. He demanded the unconditional surrender of the Axis axis powers which some claim prolong the war uh he also allowed joseph stalin to take certain territories in the far east in an exchange for the uh for his war against japan and he was too naive where stalin was concerned especially in regard to uncle joe's own imperial designs but do you like it is funny like i don't really remember the third did he finish his third term did he like he didn't finish it i denman can you look that up wasn't that his fourth no i think he he maybe he was gonna run for a fourth i or did he die in office i don't think he died in office did he denman's not he's not with us anymore he's he won a third term he remains

the only president to serve more than two terms he's putting together tiktok videos for Pauly Shore right now. Truman was inaugurated for a fourth term. Oh. Jesus. Alright. Yeah. Let's see this. William Henry Harrison was the shortest time in office. Roosevelt spent

the longest. He served more than two... Oh, Jesus. Give me details. Anyway. Yeah. Well, Trump will change that if he gets in office okay uh fourth term is fourth fourth term ended with his death in 1945 he won a third term by defeating wendell wilkie it's not he's not hard to beat a guy named wendell Wilkie. He's not hard to beat, a guy named Wendell Wilkie. He's the only president to serve for more than two terms. Unlike his first two terms, his third and fourth were dominated by foreign policy concerns because of World War II. Okay, so four terms.

I mean, was it that? I think that was a suspension of law. I think that because it was wartime, they wanted stability. And so they suspended the cap on how many times he could be president. I feel like that sounds familiar. He was also, you know, incredibly likable. And talk about progressive, man. He married a lesbian.

Right. He also started the internet he did those fireside chats which was like presidents didn't reach out on a personal level like that it was just you know and this guy weakly sat down and just shared his thoughts with america it was very personal and people loved him for it and arguably had uh the america had the best best first lady ever. She did a lot. I don't even know if that's an argument. Yeah, she did a lot.

She was pretty amazing. And at that time, she was remarkable. Yep. And a lesbian. All right. Let's bring it down. Let's bring it down. And that's bring it down. Let's bring it down. And that's all folks.

Obituaries, you know, last week we were doing the show and I think was it Saturday? And later on that day, we got news that Matthew Perry died. Everyone knows this already. But anyway, by the way, pickleball. Pickleball at play. Pickleball is not safe, apparently, at least from my empirical data. I don't know the cause of death.

There were prescription medications there. It was not meth. There was no fentanyl. I guess they did the test. Wait, what are you talking about pickleball? He played two hours of intense pickleball that day before he died. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he went back to his place.

It was during the day. It wasn't at night, like some people think, because of that post earlier in the week where he posted at night from his hot tub. And he didn't drown in the hot tub, they don't think. His body wasn't that waterlogged. I mean, maybe he drowned't drown in the hot tub they don't think his body wasn't that waterlogged i mean maybe he drowned but in other words they think it was something else um that that made him pass out um maybe he had a heart attack while he was in the hot tub i don't know but it's sad you

know i don't know if i ever told you i had a meeting with him once it was before cordon he wanted he wanted you know ferguson was leaving The Late Late Show, which David Letterman's company produced. And he wanted, he had an idea and he wanted to do a half talk show and a half narrative scripted show, scripted show, which would basically show you the making of like it would be Larry Sanders till it was Showtime. And then it would be a real show. It's not that dissimilar to Larry Sanders. I had that idea, too. But it was more reality. Yeah. But he was the nicest guy. And we have a mutual friend. I don't want to name him, but the mutual friend couldn't say enough great things about him. He worked with him on his sitcom and all that. And what he said is, you know, the guy was obviously, as Matthew Perry has said a lot in his book and since, you know, an addict.

And I think at the time our friend worked with him, our friend's take was that he was addicted to recovery in a major way really was yeah and was doing great and was really using ping pong like was trying to avoid idle hands at all costs would have you over hey who wants to stay and play ping you know like was was really trying so hard to distract himself or whatever the right words are for an addict who's trying his best well maybe i don't know i heard that he had been having a hard time so he was sitting back and watching reruns of friends and there's a theory he died of boredom so i don't know what it is yeah yeah i heard he was unable to wrap his head around. Don't speak ill of the dead.

Bobby Knight also died. We can speak ill of Friends, which is just 21 minutes of dick jokes. It's the worst. Every episode. Mugging, dick jokes, double entendre, puns. Bobby Knight was a longtime basketball coach for the Indiana Hoosiers. He became a sports legend for his winning record and his notorious temper. He played under basketball Hall of Fame coach Ted Taylor while at Ohio State. They went on to win a bunch of championships, and then he became the head coach at Indiana University,

a position which he'd hold for the next three decades that was marked by consistent wins. First of all, he became the head coach. And suspensions, I think. He was the head coach at West Point at 24 years old. Wow. Teams under his leadership had a 725% winning, or a 72 percent winning percentage he won three titles went to the finals two other times anyway so he was he was great but i can remember there was this one press conference where he just was cursing his face off and then he got up

and he ripped the microphone off and he was like, fuck this fucking shit. Fuck you all. And then he allegedly assaulted a freshman student in 2000. He got fired for that in 79. He choked another one of his players at the Pan Am Games. He was he was really a hothead. But, you know, maybe that's what it takes, kids. One time he said to the—I'm looking up some of his quotes. One time he said to the press,

all of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. Wait, hold on. There's another quote here. um what wait on there's another quote here um uh if the nba was on channel five and a bunch of frogs making love were on channel four i'd watch the frogs even if they were coming in fuzzy he apparently hated professional you know they were always him, why don't you move up to the NBA? Oh, no kidding.

He thought that that was a step down? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's cheer up. That was a double death. Let's get to the funnies and have a few chuckles. Here we go.

Okay. funnies and have a few chuckles here we go okay haggar the horrible lucky his friend is he's in a bar and there's two women and they're sitting there and one looks perplexed and the other one looks wary and lucky goes good evening lovely lady how was your day and she goes i was on jury duty and i'm not allowed to talk lucky walks away and she goes it's better than hurting his feelings and then they don't show the next frame but the other woman says or being raped again so i can't lucky he's using words yeah i know yes they have to yell at him use your words lucky use your words yeah i mean it's so it's so new fashioned of him to be actually talking to the women instead of just taking them against their will exactly uh now you go here we go well with all the protests going on everywhere, I found this far side.

And so it's a group, a throng of protesters. They got their signs, they're marching, and they have a giant banner in front. And the banner is upside down. And you can read that it says, Imbeciles of America. Or imbeciles of America. Or imbeciles. Imbeciles?

Who the hell says imbeciles? An imbecile does. You're an imbecile. Imbeciles? It sounds weird, imbeciles. Imbeciles. You know, I got my grandfather's birth certificate because I'm getting my Irish citizenship, which you have. Don't you have your Irish passport?

I have my Irish citizenship. So to get it, you need to get all kinds of documents like your grandparents' birth certificate. A million documents. It's crazy. So I got my grandfather's birth certificate, and it's from 1896 or something. and it's from 1896 or something. And in it, it lists child's name, parent's name, siblings' names,

and then there's three vertical boxes that you have to check off. And the first one says idiot, next one says imbecile, and the next one says retarded. Like there are three levels in ireland yeah he checked all three look i may be an imbecile but i'm not an idiot you checked imbecile what are you ret? You check retarded because you're not an imbecile.

I was using it literally. We were talking literally. We were talking about it. Speaking of imbeciles, who's in bed with a beautiful blonde woman and not making a move on her? Dagwood in his donut pajamas. He's always got a book and she's always got a magazine. What? She can't handle

literature and he can are you shitting me she's propping them up again like she always does right he would have he would she would have kierkegaard and he would have fucking the funnies yeah anyway she he goes all this reading before bed is making me hungry she goes dear everything makes you hungry and then finally he goes down there and he's looking in the refrigerator and he goes well she's got me there all right talk about mailing in the fucking comic strip this week i know i mean we get it's a juicy backstory like she's maybe done with i mean the last frame he's at the fridge well she's got me there but jesus if i mean i basically just asked to have sex with her yes yes and then the fourth frame which you don't see

is her with her legs on the bedposts furiously tickling her fluffy because she's so underserved in this marriage. The calves, you can see the definition of the calves and the sheen of the newly shaved shins and the toes curling back as her back arches. And there's just a light layer of moisture across her breasts as she sweats through an orgasm. It's a good image. Better than donut pajamas. It's the Sunday funnies. All right, listen, you guys have been great.

Next week, big announcement. all right listen you guys have been great uh next week big announcement we'll be announcing the uh on sale will be the koozies available for the holidays maybe eyeglass cleaners we don't know yet but you'll be able to order them and they'll be shipped to your house within a week plenty of time for the holidays personally shipped uh maybe we'll see that. We have to figure out a way where people send their address and then I can copy and paste it on labels. You know, at least give people the illusion that we're professional

and we have our shit together. No, I think they like this sort of roll-up-the-sleeve thing. Do they? Yeah, they like that we're going to be touching. We see it. We see the name. We're in touch with it. We didn't farm this out to like Buyify or Shipify or whatever those things are.

Yeah. All right. Well, listen, thanks to Midcoast Media. Chris Denman, as always, doing a great job. The show is not on a time delay, but sometimes Chris Denman is. We want to also shout out to our sponsors, BetterHelp. If you want to get yourself some therapy online, there's no better way to do it. And now you can get a discount by going to betterhelp.com slash Sunday.

Also, if you're going to buy tickets for theater, sports or music, you can go to GameTime.com or just go to GameTime and use papers in the app and you'll get yourself $20 off your first purchase. Anything you want to plug, Mike? Yeah, I mean, well, no, but I want to make I apologize I think this audio might have worked out but it's not going to be as rich and mellifluent because I'm an imbecile and I forgot my microphone but I think it might have worked out mellifluous mellifluent god what an imbecile what an imbecile I can't get any words today geez maybe because you're sweating are you sitting in the sun or something? I am baking, man. This southern exposure. I think I'm burned. Yeah.

Yeah. The windows open. So I am. I'm probably burned. Well, maybe your girlfriend needs to get some curtains in the room that I was woken up in at 5 a.m. She will not do it. She slept in here this week

because her sister had a gas leak at her house, and she and the husband and the baby came over. So she was in here. So she gave them the house and moved up there? The dogs already ate the cushion. You know the pad you were on that made it comfortable? Yeah. Gone already.

These two dogs ruin everything. I would have a problem keeping the dogs. Let's just keep that between us by the way if anybody in los angeles wants to rescue a beautiful 12 year old beagle terrier mix who is unbelievably well trained uh only barks like maybe once a day when he's like excited to go for a walk uh really sweet. His name is Max. We've been fostering him for somebody, but we can't keep him.

And I'd love to give them to a lucky listener. If you'd like to rescue Max or get some photos, just email me at fitzdogradio at gmail.com. All right. Thanks again. We'll see you guys next week. All right, everybody. Take it eesh.

Take it eesh take it eesh well fill up your coffee fill up your tea turn on the speaker turn off the tv sit in the chair you really like it's the Sunday papers with Greg and Mike sit in the chair you really like because it's the Sunday papers Sunday papers With Greg and Mike guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo

guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo guitar solo