Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 191 11/19/23

Episode Date: November 19, 2023

 A Tennessee town outlaws being gay, Snoop stops smoking weed and Billie Eilish says men can’t be fat shamed. Also Ochocinco was playing on Viagra and a woman wins a marathon with the help of a car ride.

read all about it oh read all about it not screaming because i'm taping my one hour special tomorrow night and i don't want to lose my voice hey save your pipes pal save your pipes hey now very excited shows are all sold out we got they were going to be at the mothership in austin i got some good opening acts lined up and uh i've been running the set like a fucking madman. I'm ready. And you were out with Adam Eget last night? Adam Eget, who books the Comedy Store, is one of the great human beings that we both know.

Oh, yeah. And he's just been so cool. He's just really helping me out. And we went out last night for Voodoo Donuts at about 1 o'clock in the morning. Perfect. You know, 6th Street in Austin. I love all these people that leave L.A. because of the homelessness and the crime.

I would put 6th Street in Austin up against any cruddy street. I'm talking Tenderloin in San Francisco. The fucking, what's the worst part of New York now? Is there even a bad part of New York now? What are you talking about? New York's a hell hole. Where? What neighborhood? Well, Oh, you're talking about like the Lower East side used to be notoriously dangerous or hell's kitchen. Yeah. I don't know. I think in a weird way, there's different types of crime now, but you you're right that one is really dirty and seedy yeah so are there seedy parts in new york there probably are that we're not thinking of um i mean obviously i've i spent a lot of time we're talking about manhattan

by the way yeah i spent a lot of time uptown in Harlem, and it's all beautiful. Not all, but it's mostly beautiful now. I told you I went up there. I shot something in Harlem with Bruno Mars. This is like a year before the pandemic or something. And I hadn't been there in forever. And so when I'd go there, so I would tell New York stories that like,

you know, my dad lived on 82nd. And I go, you would never. And I used to go, i used to get robbed all the time like on the every side they would like take your watch while you knew to put money in your sock and all these people especially a lot of them were brits and they were young they're like what they like couldn't believe how defensive you had to be as a new yorker back then so anyway we go up to harlem and we're in this park. First of all, it's like the biggest Whole Foods I had ever seen up in Harlem. And then we're shooting in this one park and I'm staring at the basketball court. And I'm like, can you believe that? And the guy goes, Mike, that is so

racist. And I'm like, what? And he goes, you're staring at this court in Harlem, exasperated because there's a white guy shooting baskets. I'm like what and he goes you're staring at this court in Harlem exasperated because there's a white guy shooting baskets I'm like oh my god I didn't even see that because a white guy I'm just saying there's nets on the rims and that's literally what I was staring at I had never ever seen like the nets and you know a lot of times they were chains and even the chains would be ripped right and these were and the rims would be sagging from being hung off of totally yeah no i remember louis ck used to have a joke about new york back then he was like uh you know new york's the only place where you have to say things like hey that's mine don't pee on that. He also had that funny bit, speaking of parks,

where there'd be no drinking and it would be the circle with the line through it and it was a martini glass. Like, that's the kind of drinking that's going on. Yeah, right. Yeah, no, New York, I mean, it's still rat infested. Apparently the rats are worse than ever. I think maybe during the pandemic there was a lot of garbage piling up or something.

I don't know. Rising, rising sea levels, rising sea levels. And also there's twice as many restaurants as there used to be and food carts and all that shit. Yeah. A lot of eating out on the street. And also now that there's no wolves, the rats don't have a natural enemy. That's right. All right.

So wait, hold on. Back to Austin. So Adam Eget, and then did you see him at the club? Yeah, he met me down at the club. He put me on. I did four shows last night. Ron White was hosting. It was Ron White and Friends.

So I did two of those i'll tell you something ron white's one of the most overlooked i mean he's famous he's a pro and he's rich and he's respected but he truly is one of the best comedians alive today i watched him do two hours and he just he's a killer yeah he's a pro pro. Yeah, and then we went out into the city, and just so many comics come around. Hold on, you know who I want to ask most about? Who? Which comedian in Austin do I want to ask most about?

Tony Hinchcliffe. Holtzman. Oh. I love Tony, don't get me wrong, but Holtzman. Well, Holtzman, I, oh i love tony don't get me wrong but holtzman well holtzman uh i i brian holtzman is a comic that has always closed out the comedy store in la because he's such a wild man it was brody stevens and him and he was such a wild man you couldn't put him in the middle of the show and so my thing is i've always had kids so i go go to the store, I show up early, and I hang out with people.

Then I do my set, and then I get in my car and I drive home. I never hang out late. So all these years I'd heard the legends of Brian Holtzman. Never saw him. So then last night I introduced him twice, and I got to sit down and watch him. I introduced him twice and I got to sit down and watch him. Mike, I almost could not go on the stage an hour later because I was crying so hard. My nasal passages were clogged.

An hour later, my nose was still stuffed up from laughing that hard. I had my head between my legs. He was up there talking about, he was talking about Matthew, who's the guy who died from friends matthew perry and he he just opens up with matthew perry was a fucking drunk and the whole crowd goes oh and that's his cue to go into do you even understand what comedy is? Do you let this in? Stop fighting it. Let it in.

And he breaks down comedy and then he continues shitting on. He goes, uh, I could have been one of the friends. I could have been one of those guys like, Hey Phoebe, suck my dick. And he plays out a scene where he's,

he's spitting into Joey's asshole. It's the most foul routine I've ever heard. And by the end of it, the place is fucking dying. But every time he gets them, he digs another hole because that's his sweet spot. He likes it when they're not laughing. Right. Yeah. No, it's perfect.

And you can't believe what you're seeing. Oh my God. And he doesn't even know what words he's going to say. He gets all worked up and then he'll get to a punchline and the key word, he just, he gets stuck in his throat and then he just, then he just stops and he goes on to the next joke no i told you i laughed so hard when i was down oh my god yeah so um yeah and then we walked out into the street i saw like a million comics i knew uh oh what's his name was walking around he had just done a theater show uh who's the Australian comic Jim Jeffries oh yeah yeah yeah of course Jim Jeffries was walking around and yeah

it was a good hang a lot of the familiar faces I'm going to have Brian Simpson he's coming on my podcast tomorrow and then who else I'm not moving here by the way. They, there's so many comedy rooms with all within Joe's club.

There are probably five comedy rooms within one block because there's such an overflow from the mothership that everybody else is just cleaning up the, uh, the excess spillover. Yeah. It's kind of like, uh, there should be two hot dog shops right in your stupid pinks hot dogs on La Brea, which has its artificial line. There's a giant line all the time because they're so goddamn slow. Yeah. And it's all L.A. people.

It's like scooped out bagel people ordering a hot dog like, oh, wait, I'll have the. But I don't want the cheese on the bun you know it's like oh my god yeah yeah meanwhile it's garbage meat it's the worst hot dog i've ever had i did a remote there we had james corden work a shift uh at pink's hot dog so i got i was on the inside and saw how stupidly run the whole thing is well isn't it also like an insult thing where they they they insult you the the uh the counter help i'm insulted just by the whole operation but i know i don't know if it's one of those like uh what was the place oh i'm thinking a wiener circle in chicago no wiener circle that's amazing, yeah. And I had her, not to include myself in everything here,

but I had one of the most famous employees of Wiener Circus on my, because my sitcom took place in Chicago. So instead of casting someone to play her, which I thought would be the lamest thing ever, we had her come out, and Joel McHale loved it, and she would shit on everybody.

But if you really want to see how funny they are triumph google triumph and it's wiener circle or whatever it is and triumph goes there and the insults fly oh that's great it's poochie is her name that's great well she's a legend he's coming on my podcast uh try who's triumphs who's the comic who does triumph oh i thought you're talking about joel mckale no um come on man where's my coffee come on where's my coffee yeah jesus come on denman greatest sketch writer of all time uh uh i've worked with triumph this. This is crazy. Oh, we're driving comedy fans crazy right now. Oh my God. The Stangle Brothers were the head writers.

Robert Smigel. Robert Smigel. Smigel, Jesus Christ. The Stangles were the head writers at Letterman, and I couldn't get their name out of my mind. Oh yeah, the Stangles. Robert Smigel. All right, so listen.

Mike. Deserved legend. You have been overseeing all things Koozie. You want to give the fans an update? Oh, my God. All right. So we haven't mailed them out yet. I have a real steep learning curve on what envelopes could be used, all that.

Anyway, we'll spare you all the details. They're going to be coming. Well, first of all, we want to thank you guys. It was like way beyond the number we thought we would sell. So many people ordering multiples. I apologize. I think unless if you ordered three, I think they're coming three individuals because that's cheaper. What I learned was a koozie in an envelope.

I went right. The woman at the post office goes, you're not mailing that. I'm like, yeah, I am. She's like, no, you're not. That's a package. I'm like, this is a package. She's like, it's over a quarter inch thick. I'm like, I've gotten wedding invitations this thick. And she's like, doesn't matter. That's a package. I'm like, so hold on. It weighs less than a letter. I go, what's the minimum I could pay for a package? And she's like, it's around $450. I'm like, $450 to send this?

So I'm like, that's not happening. Anyway, I learned there's a way to do it in an envelope. I just can't involve that woman. Okay. But this is the story I need to tell you. So you get a smaller envelope, basically, that squishes it down more. I'm getting the A6 envelope, I think it's called. Which I think it's an A2.

I don't know what it is. Anyway, it's kind of like a wedding invite and that gets stuck in the machines less. You're all going to have to be patient if your things arrive, but we got a mailbox, uh, service because if they do do the returns, we're going to keep track of them and everyone's going to get theirs, but people are multiples. They're wonderful. So i go to this mailbox place in santa monica on broadway and i start talking now the guy has a heavy accent he's incredibly enthusiastic incredibly and his sleeves are rolled up and he just looks like he's in it he's in there all alone he's sorting all the mail and he's from argentina and he goes mal is my passion and i don't know what accent i'm doing but i'm just going to do something no no he's like

you have to understand mel it's my poke it's my focus it basically i am on uh spectrum and he goes how you say uh asperger you know whatever and i'm like right right no problem i go i i think i might be too a little and i work with a lot of people so you know he goes yes I'm obsessed unless I do something I like I'm terrible and he goes and mail is my thing and it's always been my thing he's like since a little child in Venezuela he's like but I got in this was all of this was spit out in 30 seconds and in 30 seconds I not only learned he's on the spectrum mails his thing he stinks at everything that he can't do male and that it's been his passion. And he started doing male in Venezuela when he was 10.

This, what I'm about to say was in under the 32nd mark since I was 10 passion is, but then I had to move from Australia. I, when I got a little older, very much in trouble. Oh, the powers that be very much in trouble. Very bad. Anyway, they kidnapped my baby. So I'm here now. Well, like I, I wanted to comment on so many things. I barely just gave them the very much the green light saying, yeah, you know, I think I might be on, I mean, I might be on the spectrum and I certainly work with a ton of people, but I'm like, it got to baby. And I, now I don't even know what I'm supposed to say, but he moved on really quick. So we never, we never dealt with it. It's entirely possible. Argentinians, uh, social services took his child away. He wasn't kidnapped. I have no idea. No, it sounded like the powers that be down there.

I don't know if he lost their mail. He's very afraid to lose your mail, guys. If there's a return envelope, he says, I will take a picture of it, send it to you, and then I'll do it. I'll remail it. I'll remail it. I'll send it out the right way. Really? Yeah.

Wow. We are in good hands. He thinks I'm going to take a family member. send it out the right way. Really? Yeah. Wow. Well, he thinks I'm going to take a family member. Um, well, I really thought your daughter was going to be doing this, but I'm glad that you're actually stepping up the host of a major podcast who show runs major shows has two daughters has found the time to mail out thousands of koozies to people.

Well, yeah, I'm doing it. I got self-adhering. All right. So a couple of things on envelopes. It's down below. So a couple of shout outs. Sorry. We told people go on Venmo, find me, put it,

and then try to format your address. Well, our listeners are a fun bunch and uh all of them were like my stepbrother jeff like if you gave him that assignment and jeff's the one that burned down our family house by accident and sank the family boat is one of the most interesting human beings ever and is severely learning disabled anyway a couple of guys. Okay. Rob from Seattle, Washington just gives me a number and then the city. So now I have to go with a number and his name. I have to go in and I find his house online. And the only thing I'll say is 1.5 million for that.

Rob, I don't know. I don't know. That seems a little inflated. And then Phillip. Phillip was another one. Didn't give me his street address. He's from Alabama, Phil. And I had to go in there and I look at,

and this is what I'll just say about Phil. Nice pool, but your outdoor showers literally look like a gas chamber. They're the most depressing things I've ever seen. Wait a minute. You don't think he's a neo-Nazi living down there, do you? I'm not going to say that because Phil's very supportive. It is Alabama.

These people love us. A lot put notes like, hi, Mike Gibbons' daughter or Mike, thank you so much and everything. Matt from Rehoboth. I don't even know how you say that. Rehoboth. Delaware. Rehob Matt from Rehoboth. I don't even know how you say that. Rehoboth. Delaware. Rehoboth. Rehoboth.

He goes, Philly loves you, Gibbons. I don't know. I don't know. We have a Philly story later that's making me like Philly even more too. And then what did I? Oh, a lot of people don't have Venmo, I guess, or it's not linked. It's linked to a credit card because Vanessa and Catherine, Catherine from Lawrence, Kansas, and Vanessa from DeSoto, Texas. We got paid nine seventy one. Not ten dollars. That's what happened there.

So Merry Christmas Catherine And Merry Christmas Vanessa You can keep the What is it? 29 cents Wait what happened to the 29 cents? It was taken out Because they put it in for $10

And if you use a credit card Venmo charges you Oh got it Okay Doesn't charge you Charges us Alright well listen people Thank you so much.

And these koozies are great. People absolutely love them. It's time for the holidays. Let's keep selling them. Let's support. Mike and I both have daughters in college. Let's do it. Who won't stuff envelopes?

We got mail from Andrew who said, I know I sound like a dick, but I'm trying to help. I have several apps like Cash App, Apple Pay, but like most people who pay cash for our drugs, I don't have Venmo. It seems to be really popular in California and New York, but most people in Oklahoma don't use it. It may help sell, I don't know.

We're not getting too many complaints, so we're going to just stick with this system. Although Canada, we're figuring out. Augur Jacques said that just wondering if they're available in Canada. And while we're at it, spelling of koozies. I think we got the spelling right. It's K-O-O, right? I think it's K-O-O-Z-I-E. But why don't we just give them the mailing address?

They can mail a check. We'll give them a mailing. That's a good idea of this man who, and this will be on the website as well. If you want to go to the website and you're from Canada, you can mail us a check. Here you go. Take it.

Eesh. That's what we're going to call the, the, the made up company. Take it. Eesh. Spell it any way you want. It's at 10 14. That's 1014 Broadway number 805.

That's Santa Monica, California. 90401. I love it. Send them off. Get yourself a koozie. All right. Send us a check. We'll send you a koozie. Thanksgiving's coming up this week. Maybe it's C-O-Z-I-E. Very excited. You're going to be in town. A lot of times your dad takes you guys up to Ojai, but this year you got the daughters, and we're going to do the traditional Thanksgiving in Venice where we meet at the soccer field at 10 a.m., and we generally get about,

and I'm not exaggerating when I say this, about 40 people versus, so it's like 40 to 50 people playing against each other. So teams of 20 to 25 on each side. And we all wear black and white t-shirts. We split up into two teams. We play for like two and a half hours. Everybody goes back to the house exhausted, makes the food. And then we meet at the beach at like seven o'clock at night pitch black and about 50 of us go screaming into the ocean ride some waves

and then we go back to this one family's house where everybody brings desserts they make a big pot full of spiked cider and people hang out until like one in the morning. It's great. Perfect. So we hope you guys will join us. Just figure out which soccer field it is. Before we go too far. I don't think we put how people can pay us normally go to my Venmo, which is at Gibbons time.

You'll see my right eye with my glasses and Bill Murray in a tuxedo blurry in the distance behind me. So at Gibbons time at Venmo. And don't forget, go to the website and get all the info. Logo this week, Adam Copeland. Nice hand drawn figures of us. Not sure why Mike Gibbons is blindfolded, but good the song this week holy shit i mean look again whatever is your whatever gets you off creatively record it send it to us we use everything from you know kindergarten level broadcasting to what is the high end, which is this DJ Hill,

it doesn't get much better than this. I mean, it starts out kind of techno, which I was worried about. And then it breaks into some serious metal, almost like a Smashing Pumpkins kind of a sound. No, I'm sorry. Last week was DJ Hill. this was from a guy named kevin moquin i hope i'm saying his last name right m-o-q-u-i-n um moq mokin so uh thank you kevin for the outstanding effort and thank you dj last week um corrections this is from gabe gent gentile what a name hi I'm Gabe Gentile. Does he wear white gloves? Gentile. Maybe he's, yeah, maybe it's Gentile. When discussing the last waltz, Mike said that Clapton broke a string on his famous blackie Stratocaster,

when in fact his strap was on backwards, also making him drop the guitar when it popped off. And he says there's another track that made the film you guys should check out called all our past times i saw it you can look it up on youtube it's really great nice um and then did you put this in or did i put this in um i what the peanuts paints his red shirt Greg, you called the black kid on Peanuts Leroy. His name is Franklin. Maybe the lesbian character should have been called Peppermint Poundstone. Oh, boy.

Come on. I did not put that in. You think people were writing to me about your racist takes on the peanuts? Yeah. Mr. Pitsock says, the rattlesnakes that rattle you talked about rattling rattlesnakes and how where you went they weren't rattling any timber the timber rattlesnakes then someone said actually they do rattle i don't i don't know but anyway go ahead yeah they're they're uh the ones that don't rattle are more likely to procreate so rattlesnakes are slowly becoming snakes irregardless of whether they are timber or

desert dwellers uh you also said kathy griffin had not been on tour since the trump incident but i saw her in the netherlands so i guess i think maybe she she told me when i saw her last week that she was going to go on tour i guess in the u.s for the first time since the incident. So I encourage people to go check her out. She's always great. Speaking of going on tour dates, San Francisco Punchline, November 30th through December 2nd. I implore you, this will sell out. Get your tickets fast.

Fort Worth Hyenas, December 15th and 16th. I'm now playing New year's eve at the improv in milwaukee wisconsin december 29th and 31st yeah yeah wasn't that like one of the scenes in dommer was there like a new year's eve didn't they show him like alone and we're in a massage place or like whatever anyway sounds like where i'm Sounds like where I'm going to be on New Year's Eve. Den Theater in Chicago. This is going to be the most resolutions ever. Right.

What am I doing with my life? No, I like Milwaukee. Den Theater in Chicago, January 13th. Also coming to Atlanta, Portland, La Jolla, and Tampa. FitzDawg.com for tickets. Time to do some ads. I will point out that last week I did an ad for PrizePix. And PrizePix, I should be in full transparency.

They gave me, I think, $100 so I could use the app and make some bets. Well, guess what? I made three bets last week, hit all three. I had George Kittle going over, doing more. Well, whatever it was. I picked Kittle, Derek Carr, and Baker Mayfield. I hit all three. I made some, I'm not going to tell you how much money,

but it's substantial. Nice. But this week, let's talk about game time we talk about game time all the time and if you've ever had a frustrating ticket buying experience where you've like kind of tried to wait this is built for that you wait the prices come down other competing services don't automatically give you like the all in price game time does that it's fast and easy way to buy tickets and it's for sports music comedy and theater events and the killer last minute deals that's what they're all about so let's look it up i'm in nashville what i like doing is going on discover you can see everything that's going on blackhawks at predators tomorrow at 1 p.m

right now it's 81 bucks i guarantee it's gonna go down seahawks at titans look at this have they given up it's 65 bucks on here to go to that on sunday yeah and then uh what else do we got by the way do what i do buy shitty seats it's like i By the way, do what I do. Buy shitty seats. It's like I'm 17 years old. I still do this. I buy shitty seats and I walk down. Who cares? So what if I get moved?

I'm not humiliated in front of a crowd full of people. I'll do it. Here's Jelly Roll at the Grand Ole Opry. 3-10. He's a bit of a local boy-ish. So big following here. But yeah, it's great. You go on.

As I said, I like pressing the discover because you can see all the events. You see things in clubs. You see plays. It's fantastic. You can see what it looks like from your seats on the app. The app is amazing. A few taps. It downloads right to your phone.

No printing, none of that stuff. Lowest price guaranteed. Event cancellation protection, job loss protection, etc. So GameTime, it's the only ticketing app. It gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase. So take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime Download the GameTime app Create an account And use code PAPERS For $20 off your first purchase Terms apply

Again, create an account And redeem code PAPERS For $20 off Download GameTime today Last minute tickets Lowest price guaranteed Yeah, don't drive yourself crazy and speaking of going crazy this time of the year will make you nuts you feel people feel sadness maybe people

have died in your past and the holidays bring it up you feel anxiety about the relatives that might be dying uh so you know the best way to do it for my money is to do online therapy. In-person therapy, this is driving there in traffic, waiting room, people staring at you in the waiting room. Maybe you like, you know, the personalization of sitting comfortably in your own room and doing it. I love it. It's also substantially cheaper. So that's an advantage. The other thing with BetterHelp is that you can find a therapist that you like and they find it

for you. You fill out a quick questionnaire. They look at your needs, your wants in therapy, and they pair you up with somebody who has those strengths. If you don't like them, boom, switch it up. No harm, no foul. And this is a time of the year you want to try doing it. It's so convenient. I think you'll love it. I've used it. I used it during the pandemic for a couple years. I had an amazing experience.

I learned cognitive behavioral therapy. I keep a journal now. I feel so much better. So find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Sunday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Sunday. All right, Mike, you got some paper? I don't. All right, hold on. I think I might have some. I can make one. I can make paper.

No, I took a course. You got it? Yeah. You have hotel little stationery? I've got a paper wrapper for my plastic silverware for my oatmeal. That sounds perfect. Extra! Extra!

We all love it! Extra! Extra! All right. all right front page you put this story and it's not even me with a local story all right you read it because it's tennessee okay yeah i mean tennessee we didn't even do an australia story where uh make them what does it make florida make australia florida whatever our thing is because we got tennessee kind of became very florida this week the tennessee board of judicial conduct is accusing judge melissa boyd of using cocaine and marijuana in the months since she was elected judge lashanta rudd who served as Boyd's campaign manager during her election in 2022, alleges Boyd came to her house and smelled like alcohol and was visibly intoxicated. When she drinks, she becomes aggressive and hostile. Judge Boyd has a drinking problem for which she needs help.

Boyd is alleged to have pointed the finger at Rudd before putting her hand over Rudd's mouth, telling her to shut up and to not mess with her because she's a judge. The second affidavit alleges Boyd used cocaine and marijuana while on the bench. Wow. She, the bailiff yelled out order in the court. And the judge said, I'll have a vodka martini dry with white powder all over her nose well now we know why lady justice holds those scales

lady justice literally holds scales and a sword for carving up those lines. Yeah. Yeah. She asked the guy on a DWI charge if he was currently sober. When he said yes, she dismissed the case and asked him for a ride home. I think she's stealing moves out of Boogie Nights, doing all this blow while wearing a robe. Is there an Asian guy by the window stand lighting off firecrackers the whole time yeah the uh she keeps hitting the gavel and you're like why does she keep hitting she's she's cracking up some some coke rocks

grinding it up all right let's get to another tennessee story yeah we're going to say the two step because here's the second tennessee story locals of a tennessee city are using a recently passed ordinance which basically prohibits homosexuality murfret murfreesboro muffriesboro in june passed an ordinance ordinance banningcent behavior, which includes indecent exposure, public indecency, lewd behavior, nudity, or sexual conduct. The rule seems overtly targeted at the gay community as journalist Erin Reid first reported the mention of Section 21-72, which states that sexual conduct includes homosexuality.

It essentially banning all forms of public affection for gay couples besides talking. Wow. I think that's the first thing that should be banned. We don't want to hear these gay people talking. Oh, my God. First of all, every guy with a Tennessee accent sounds gay. And they all dress like that one guy from the Village People. So, I mean, everyone's getting kicked out of town on this one.

And even saying Tennessee is next to Mississippi, it might be one of the gayest sounding states. Mississippi. Mississippi. And so, Tennessee, so fucking your cousin still on the table. Specifically fucking your cousin on the table. If they're the opposite sex, Greg.

Right, right. Don't, come on now. Yeah, yeah. And meanwhile, there is, in my opinion, no gayer look than walking around with a cowboy hat tight jeans and leather boots yeah yeah and that's all that's going on down here and i gotta say country music i've started to really love it but it's a little gay it's a lot of like guys crying you know and doing that weird line dance that's that line dance is very homosexual well i remember saying the uh when brokeback mountain came out

i was very proud of a joke i had which was uh that Brokeback Mountain was the least gay western I had ever seen and my dad got so offended and it was weird and then I'm like what dad it's just a joke about all this anyway and also that I think I kind of think John Wayne might have been gay and that he that did not go over well with my dad. And so anyway, cut to the Oscars. And Jon Stewart, in his opening monologue, says basically the thing. He goes, it's like the least gay movie. You're like, oh, this is the gay Western? And they showed a montage.

And it was so well done. Anyway, I get a call from my dad during the Oscars. Jon Stewart just did your joke. That's hilarious so the montage was all like gay moments from westerns oh the gayest saunters the two guys the caressing the leather oh like i'm i'm sure it exists maybe it doesn't because there's so many rights involved but hopefully it's on youtube somewhere yeah but my point and of course john stewart didn't steal it or anyone steal it i'm like no dad that means it's on YouTube somewhere. Yeah. But my point, and of course, Jon Stewart didn't steal it or anyone steal it.

I'm like, no, dad, that means it's true. Like, yeah, right. There you go. All right. What do we got going on with Snoop Dogg? Drop it like it's hot. And it's back to gin and juice only for Snoop Dogg. I am giving up smoking.

Snoop said. After much consideration and conversations with my family i've decided to give up smoking please respect my privacy at this time said the statement signed by snoop um in october snoop went viral after details of his smoking session with singer ed sheeran came to light and i had not heard about these so sheeran's 32 took his wife, Cherry, and her mom and backstage following Snoop's show in Australia in March. Quote, I remember him meeting my mother-in-law and being like, what's up, queen? Sheeran recalled, I don't really smoke at all, but I was in the dressing room and they were just like blunt for blunt for blunt for blunt. Then I have a bit more and then I have a little bit more. And all I remember then is looking at him and being like, I can't see right now. And I'm thinking a completely stoned blind Ed Sheeran must be freaky looking And maybe that's what freaks Snoop out so much.

He had to quit. Yeah, right. I can barely look at that guy sober. Yeah. His eyes are already kind of just little like just horizontal lines, you know, and that wide face. And of course, the weird hair and like white as a ghost. And he was probably so white if he's so baked that he can't see. Yeah.

And well, it, look, it's good news for Snoop and his family, but bad news for anyone who currently owns stock in marijuana companies. Yeah. It's going to be a bad quarter and it'll be a quarter. Don't,

don't kid yourself. This isn't going to last more than three months. Because Snoop's about to find out how boring and unfunny life really is when you're not high. How time crawls. And food will all taste like you're at a cracker barrel. It won't be as delicious anymore. When you're with a pro, and I guess Snoop has talked about

smoking with Willie Nelson and that's the highest he's ever been I think and then I heard a story I don't want to say who told it but he and uh Chappelle went up to Eddie Murphy's house and Eddie Murphy I guess has a bowling alley and takes it very seriously puts your name no you have to have a bowling name and takes it very seriously. Puts your name. Now you have to have a bowling name. And Eddie Murphy is also a germaphobe, which is well known. And so you get your own joint. And Chappelle is a professional smoker.

I think that's public knowledge. And Chappelle was beside himself leaving and couldn't believe that Eddie could still function. And like, you know, just bowling, bowling well, putting the names in the electronic, just, you know, and was smoking them like cigarettes. Really? Yeah. Wow.

No, I don't know. That was years ago. I don't know if Eddie still smokes. I don't even know if Chappelle, I don't know what his intake is, but this was a story from years ago. Well, I'm a one-hit wonder when it comes to weed. I'm the biggest lightweight ever.

I take one hit and I'm happy. That is it. Yeah. And then we got, speaking of being high, a Wisconsin woman wept in court Tuesday as she was convicted of fatally poisoning her friend with eye drops. Jesse Kirkuski, 39, was found guilty of first-degree intentional homicide

in relation to the death of beautician Lynn Hernan, 62. Prosecutors alleged that Kerkuski took almost $300,000 from Hernan in the two years before her death. Hernan was found unconscious in her home surrounded by pill bottles, and her death was initially ruled to be an overdose, with Kurkowski telling authorities she believed it had been suicide.

The investigation was then reopened when a toxicology report found that Hernan had a fatal dose of tetrahydrozoline, the main chemical in eye drops. Great, Great. Something else we can't bring on planes now. Maybe she wasn't weeping in court. Maybe she just put too much poison in her eye. Wrong bottle. What do they mean?

All right. So I was like, what do they mean fatal dose of eye drops? Now, I'd always heard that if you put an eye drop in someone in a glass of a drink that that person will throw up. Really? Yeah. You never heard that? No. Yeah. I think it's that they'll. Oh, no, no, no. Maybe they have to run to the bathroom. That's better.

Sorry. I think it's more like food poisoning. That's the effect, but I guess poisons the key word. So get this. I go on Google and I go, uh, hold on. Let me see this. Did I grab it? What people ask, what are tetrahydroline used for? And then here's one of the, here's one of the Googled questions. Can tetra high, where, how am I going to pronounce this? Tetrahydrozone. Anyway, vising let's call it vising. Can vising be detected in autopsies? Oh my God. Okay. And then here was another, that was, that was under people also ask That was that category Now with autofill on my question In Google I go

Can tetrahydrozole And it goes and the first one Can it be detected Wow no shit What is happening Damn I mean you know the third one is Can it be used for dogs

I think the second one That got cut off there is Can it be used Whatever let's see here Can you overdose on it Yeah can it be used with Other medications Yeah all that stuff

Allergic But yeah Wow That's crazy I feel like we're telling our listeners how to kill somebody right now. Is this irresponsible? Every week. And as long as you don't follow the Florida man stories on how to kill people, you'll be doing fine. Right, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No wedding crashers. Oh, maybe it was in wedding crashers. They get diarrhea or whatever. But yeah, it's a well-known thing that you're basically poisoning someone wow all right speaking of gay the american

conservative union was once a powerhouse in the anti-lgbtq movement these days it's a shell of its former commanding presence partly due to multiple sexual harassment allegations against the group's chairman, Matt Schlapp, by men. Schlapp's been accused by men. Schlapp sounds like a handjob from a dude in the woods. A schlopp. I got schlopped last night. In early January— What happened? How did you schlop me off? in early january what happened i schlopped me off a male staffer who worked for herschel walker's failed senate campaign accused schlop of groping him without his consent is there groping with

consent i guess so right consensual groping i would use a different word maybe carlton huffman said schlop quote groped and fondled his genitals in a car as he drove the conservative leader back from an event to his hotel. Quote, Matt Schlapp of the CPAC grabbed my junk and pummeled it at length. And I'm sitting there thinking, what the hell is going on? Pummeled your junk at length. That might be on you pummeling pummeling it briefly is on this guy but a long pummel by the way is he using the word at length as a humble brag well you know he it was it was a lengthy pummel yeah he pummeled it all over, up and down and back and forth. Oh, my God. All right, so this pummeled junk, I'm like, hold on.

So I go to Pornhub and I search pummeled junk. Zero results. Although what did come up was, quote, Jeremy's hole pummeled by Andy Anaconda. That's the closest I could get. What does that mean? What do you mean? That's the name of the video.

That's the title of the clip. Jeremy's hole pummeled. I'm not making it up. Go look. Jeremy's hole pummeled by Andy Anaconda. I think I saw that t-shirt in the airport. Yeah. And he says he's blaming, and this guy's blaming it all on fake media.

I think maybe you could blame it more on your fake marriage, your fake heterosexuality. Yeah. So once again, a homophobe is outed as gay. This guy should be sent to live in Murfreesburg, Tennessee. I don't know. The guy reported unwanted physical advance. He just didn't want to use the phrase pummeled my junk. Let's mix it up a little. Yeah. Okay. How are you, how are all you guys coming up with the same phrase that he pummeled your junk? That's what he did.

That's what schlap means. By the way, how low self-esteem is it to call your genitals junk? I mean, it's a jewel, isn't it? With a woman, you call her genitals her jewels. You loved calling it a hatchet wound, which doesn't sound complimentary. Wait a minute. What? All right,

let's go to some entertainment. As if this isn't entertaining enough, let's go to entertainment. Yeah. All right, I'm watching Happy Valley season three. I really should have done recaps on one and two because I loved it so much.

And so I'm a little lost at times, but it's great. The acting is so amazing. As I said about one and two, like I would follow this actress into hell, like in this role. She's just so amazing. Who is the actress if you love her so much? I don't know you know i'm

terrible with names but here i'll look it up but anyway british actress it's all british i bought it on unless you have acorn which i should from jesus i love it when they put a show you want to see on fucking acorn well what do you mean they put it on it's it's i mean it's a british i don't know i don't know anyway um she's also in another series people tell me about and she's totally different um like like the range you know you like see her range i guess you mean like she can act she's an actor sari lancashire okay so sari or sorry sarah sarah lancashire okay and let's see what she's most known for very british oh i see i know she's known for something bigger than clocking off seeing red and yesterday it's going to be it's a location why are they making this wait is happy val is she a detective yes well

yeah yeah i've seen that show it's fucking great oh no it's amazing yeah yeah it didn't used to be on whatever channel you just said because i saw it on something i saw it i don't have that channel i think it's probably moved around to a couple channels well no i mean i'm watching it on prime but i bought it yeah maybe that's what we did uh god damn it man it should be right up here with last tango in halifax oh right right right which is also amazing which i've never seen yeah no that's so i'm gonna go see that anyway okay highly recommend that to people and then i saw fincher's uh movie killer listen man it's high quality you got trent resner on the soundtrack again i mean you know amazing cinematographer but isn't the smiths in it a lot too yes that's what he loves listening to um more you hear morrissey's voice throughout the whole thing but i appreciated

it but boy i don't know i'd like to hear what some listeners think obviously quality but it was unsatisfying i guess is the word i'd use huh yeah like it ended i'm like what yeah that was that was and i know it wasn't an original screenplay. It's adapted, but I don't know. So it's like an off-stage. I was really into it the first half. Yeah. First three quarters even.

I want to see it. And then I'm like, this is where this was going? Yeah. Fans think Billie Eilish is the bad guy after some remarks in her latest interview. Fans think Billie Eilish is the bad guy after some remarks in her latest interview. She caught flack for saying in her Variety cover story that men are not body shamed like women. I agree with that. Oh, stop.

But read the next quote. Quote, nobody ever says a thing about men's bodies. If you're muscular. I disagree. If you're muscular, cool. If you're not, cool. If you're rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you're pudgy,. If you're rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you're pudgy, love it.

Everyone's happy with it. You know why? Because girls are nice. They don't give a fuck because we see people for who they are. Can you generalize more? Tell that to poor Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill was body shamed. Kids used to make jokes like Jonah Hill is really making a mountain out of a hill.

And are you beefing up for your role as Jonah the whale? They used to say things like that to him. They used to say, light your new movie, doesn't look up from your plate. And wolfed down a cheesesteak of Wall Street. I mean, these are things kids said to him. Get him to the Greek food truck. Those are the kind of taunts that people would say to him. She should have quit at men are not body shamed like women.

That was defendable. That one I could kind of see. I mean, how about this? Here's some, there's a, there's a lot of people who have covered this and done jokes. For instance, people have talked about, um, saying to someone, uh, Oh, you know, you kind of remind me, you look like a little bit like Lizzo and them not taking it to mean you look beautiful, which is what everybody has to say about Lizzo. Yeah, yeah, right, right. Regardless of if she's beautiful or not, and you're thinking, you quickly find that there's like sort of—

So you're beautiful until you're compared to her. Yeah, and also, women are nice. You don't think women are one of the biggest problems of shaming each other? Well, first of all, let me tell you something. I grew up bone skinny. I,

everybody in my family, my daughter was like this too. Just my legs. It was like my knees stuck out wider than my thighs and my calves. I was like, I had like my, my fucking ribs came out, I could not go in a bathing suit, kids would tease me, other guys, I got beat up one time by a bunch of kids,

we were playing hockey, and they called me skinny, and then they piled jumped on me, and they beat my leg into a pulp, they had bruises all up and down, and I cried was like 11 and uh it sucked it sucked being super skinny I was totally body shamed also here's some proof in the pudding I'm gonna say a phrase you ready fat fuck not one person who just heard of that heard that thinks of a woman I thought of a guy I thought of a guy when you said it I thought of Andy Milonakis I was called a fat fuck I thought of a guy. I thought of a guy when you said it. I thought of Andy Milonakis. I was called a fat fuck. I used to Jack and I, when we were in high school, college, we throw a party. We're like the fat fucks are throwing a party. Like we call ourselves that, like that is what you, that is what men call men also. And women, trust me, there's all that data on, on, on websites that only like the top 3% are getting traffic on websites because it is so much about looks.

It's not just one way like to excuse women out of this is crazy. Yep. I used to go to hockey practice and I would wear my jeans under my pads because I didn't want to take my jeans off in front of the other kids because they would tease me. It's for women. It might be being big for guys. It's for being small. Also bald. Hey, come on.

We're forgetting that. No, no. You you married a beautiful woman before you lost all your hair. But right. But people, poor guys who are mostly bald in their 20s or it's really going. I mean, the thousands of dollars guys spend and the it preoccupies my friend Goldie, amazing comedy writer. He wrote a book on it, like So You're Bald, I think is the name of it. But he wrote a really funny book on it. He's a family. He's back at Family Guy now.

So anyway, he writes about the whole ordeal. And it scars. Larry David had that funny line where someone goes to incur the, like, you don't believe in God? He's like, trust me. I forgot how he worded it. He's like, no, I don't believe in a God. I'm bald. It was something like that.

Going bald sucks. I'll tell you that. It sucks. Oh, yeah. But anyway, speaking of sucking, let's go to Florida, Mike. Crinkle that thing. Florida man finds fully intact mammoth jaw while diving in alligator infested waters. What a zoo. Captain John, as he's known, is a self-proclaimed fossil junkie. That wasn't the case Tuesday, though, Captain John said.

His buddy, oh, sorry, I cut some of this down. He normally avoids like crazy alligators and only does this when the water's at a colder temperature, when they become a little more inactive. And he goes, but that wasn't the case Tuesday. Captain John and his buddy pulled him out of the water. His buddy pulled him out of the water after spotting something he missed. Quote, so i went up to the surface and when i got back up there he said you didn't see that big gator i said no i wasn't looking for gators i was looking for fossils it's a good thing he kept his focus on the fossils because captain john came across something he thought was a log at the same spot the next day

i grabbed onto it uh just to hold on for a second. And I realized, wait for a second. He's the second a lot. That's not a tree. That was a mammoth jaw. Okay. That's your second guess. You grabs some big object, unidentifiable object underwater thinking it's a log. When you feel it's not a log, you're like, that's a mammoth jaw. And he estimates it's a log when you feel it's not a log you're like that's a mammoth jaw and he estimates it's 10 000 years old which is the average age in florida of everything yeah and the man this is of course this is in florida this was a florida mammoth he was he was in the everglades running from a triceratops which which were the cops of the Pleistocene period. And also a good place to graze on magic mushrooms and hide from your father-in-law,

who wants to kill you after you stabbed his daughter with a tusk. It was always Florida. It was always Florida. All right, we made Australia Florida by doing Tennessee. We made Tennessee Florida. That's what we did today. So let's go down to sports. Let's go to sports.

It's a weak crinkle today. Last week, as you know, I went to Vegas on Sunday, and I watched the Jets lose to the raiders and i'm officially not watching any more football games this season i'm out you gotta be you gotta be it's too and and this is this is actually deep into the season for jets fans to be to be bouncing off you know they took you to what? Seven games in. And listen, Raider Nation, it's it's literally I expect to see people being bought and sold for cigarettes. I can't believe there's not like a weightlifting section in there where they're all shirtless lifting weights like

a prison yard. Raider Nation is the worst thing ever. Now, Jets fans are top five worst fans. I'm objective. So going to this thing was horrifying. Yeah. Who are the top five worst? You got Patriots, Eagles, Raiders, Jets, Dallas. I put up there. Dallas is obnoxious, but do you think you're going to get shivved?

I don't think so. I don't know. There's a lot of guns down there. I mean, you kind of named them. Yeah, I'll put it out. I mean, I don't know. Who would it be? Yeah, who would it be?

Pittsburgh probably has got to be in the running. God, they won so many back in the day, though. I know. Terry Bradshaw. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know who it would be. Does Miami have any?

Jaguars maybe? I don't know. Whatever. But it was, I mean, at its best, it was like a plumber's convention in Vegas. At its best, it was like a plumber's convention in Vegas at its best. Yeah. That's the highest class those two organizations get. And nothing against nothing against plumbers.

But the image you have, which is which is a dude. Talk about fat shaming. I'm hearing Chris. I'm hearing Chris Denman right now. So is this because I called it a plumber's convention? He wants to defend defend that image. I'm hearing Chris. I'm hearing Chris Denman right now. Oh, is this because I called it a plumber's convention? He wants to defend that image? Speaking of football, back in his days as an NFL wide receiver,

Chad Ochocinco Johnson reportedly had a very unorthodox way of enhancing his performance. He explained on a podcast that he took a Viagra pill before every game. He discussed using the drug typically taken before sex in a tweet where he wrote, Doctor, what did you take before? Doctor says, what did you take before the game? Me, Viagra. Doctor, why? Me, so I'd be hard to cover.

That's the kind of comedy you're getting out of the NFL these days. Here's the kind of comedy you get from me. This way, he could stiff arm a defender, but still keep both hands on the ball. Oh. That was good. Well, his joke also implies like he's not going to wrap it. It's hard to cover. Yep.

Instead of a cup, he wore a second helmet in his pants yeah isn't he gonna go long did you miss that one there you go in the huddle the the quarterback's like all right baker you do a boot bootleg right johnson button hook it into midfield ocho cinco stop staring at me like that it's up and it's good Nico, stop staring at me like that. It's up and it's good. Yeah. He tackles a guy and then just doesn't get off.

Next week, we're going to do Formula One because we just saw the news. I think it was last night or something but in the first nine minutes of one of the last practice runs a ferrari team ferrari hit a manhole and wiped out and so and i could tell you in vegas everyone everyone is complaining about this formula one race but don't they do it every year in vegas no first time they signed for well everyone's saying 10 years but apparently it's four with the right to renew for the next six i think that's wow but everyone in ve Vegas hates it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't get it. Um, I like Ruby's idea. I told you to make formula one, the big loop in, uh, in Los Angeles, the 10 to the one Oh one to the four Oh five.

Oh, that's good. I like that. And then where would everybody in Los Angeles drive? I guess it would be the 10 to the one 10 the 101 to the 405 and you just do that giant loop um who cares you can't drive in la anyway that would just be oh by the way i missed my flight hey i have these two dogs they're on the couch i'm gonna go smash them anyway um the missed my flight because my wallet fell down behind my desk and all of a sudden I was just like, oh man, I'm not going to make my flight. So I canceled. I'm like, I'm just driving. So it's early on Sunday. I'm like, there's not going to be any traffic. I punch in Waze,

says it's going to be an easy drive. I get on the 10, see a sign, all lanes on the 10 closed up ahead what it's closed indefinitely because giant homeless fires underneath and they think they were so bad that it affected the structure of the 10 freeway which runs from los angeles to florida so wait a minute you just heard this this so it happened in the early hours of sunday morning oh i thought it was further back than that yeah yeah the the whole bridge is destroyed it's not it's not uh it's not safe and the 10 is probably the most driven on road in los angeles the 405 and the 10 oh one of the most driven on roads in the country yeah for, for sure. And the amount of trucks that use it, especially around the downtown Los Angeles area. Right. The shipping.

I mean, the train station, the train yards are there, everything. Oh, I can't even imagine. Speaking of marathons, a leading ultra marathon runner who used a car during a 50 mile race and then accepted a trophy for third place has been banned from competing for 12 months by the UK Athletic Disciplinary Body. Josiah Zarkowski admitted to using a car during the Ultras marathon race from Manchester to Liverpool. She claimed she only did so after telling Marshall she was injured and no longer competing. Data from the tracking system showed that she got a lift for two and a half miles the 47 year old was stripped of her

third place title so she took a car everybody else ran and she only came in third which leads me to believe it must have been a woman driver who picked her up. That's like the low self-esteem people who dream like, oh, I had a dream last night. I got nominated for an Oscar. It's like, you didn't dream you won an Oscar? Right, right. I mean, they should have known that she didn't win when she didn't have shit stains on her shorts. That's a sign of a winner in that sport.

Yeah. Did you ever shit your pants when you ran a marathon? No, not when I ran a marathon. If you had ended that question a little earlier, I would have said a few times. Uh-huh. Once at Kmart. Let's go on, though. Remember Rosie Ruiz in Boston? yeah she was the famous one who

um i think took the t she did she took the the basically the subway she took the subway and uh i kind of went on a deep dive about her because i remember it being like it was a huge story because what she did was she started the race. Then she got on the subway and then she got off the subway and she saw the runners coming by. So she jumped in. She ran the last like mile at the most because they said one of the things that tipped them off is that she wasn't sweaty and that her thighs were pretty thick for a marathon runner. And she ran, but she didn't realize no women had come by yet she thought she was going to just place or you know come in 20th no women to come by yet she set the world record for women's marathons that's what also kind of the chubby girl just set the world record for there's a dreamer there's a dreamer

Cubby girl just set the world record for marathons. There's a dreamer. There's a dreamer. She dreams of first place. World records. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I'm reading her history here, and she's a Florida woman. She is a, well, she's actually a Cuba woman who then moved to Florida.

She grew up in Cuba, and then she was a lifetime cheat after that she got she embezzled sixty thousand dollars from a real estate company uh got five years on probation she was arrested in florida on a cocaine deal three years probation uh she she did it was non-stop her whole life she fucking crazy. She also claimed she swam all the way from Cuba to Florida, but she took a boat for more than half of it. Right. Right. She did not. I'm kidding.

She's dead. Anyway, yes, I remember that story. All right. So this one, I'll let you read this one because it's about Philly. OK, there's about to be some bad blood between a popular philadelphia radio station and swifties across the city q102 announced on wednesday that they won't be playing any taylor swift songs in the days leading up to the eagles chiefs super bowl rematch um on monday night this weekend we got a focus so we've been forced to punt Taylor Swift from the playlist, said show host Buster.

The bold move will begin at 5 p.m. Friday and last until Tuesday. There's only one Swift and Kelsey duo we care about here in the city of brotherly love, said host Becks, referring to his Travis, referring to Travis's brother, Jason and fellow Eagle DeAndre Swift. Oh, interesting. They've got a Swift and a Kelsey already. Maybe they can double date. Damn. So what are they going to do? What are they going to play?

They're going to just double down on Hall & Oates and Boys to Men, the only two musical acts to ever come out of Philadelphia? No way. What was the Philly band in the 80s? They had a song about Moses. No, I forget. There was some Philly band. I think, actually, Will Smith.

What was Will Smith's band uh with the fresh prince fresh prince uh yeah but what was the name of the the rap dj jazzy jeff and the fresh prince yeah yeah yeah right i think they were from philly um no there are some other philly bands i'm sure dude yeah but is this philly's ploy to get me to like them? We had that other guy with the koozies. What don't you get? I'm not playing coy. I'm not playing hard to get your animals. Yeah.

All right. There you go. I love them. I love you, Philly. And I'll be there in March. I love you. You know what it is? I love to hate them.

I know you do. I love giving them crap. They get they take it actually pretty well. All right. Let's get to letters to hate them. I know you do. I love giving them crap. They take it actually pretty well. All right. Let's get to letters to the editor. Show. This crinkle is really weak. This is from Andrew Griffith, who says,

In July of 2010, I was at the Starlight Theater in Terlingua, Texas, In July of 2010, I was at the Starlight Theater in Terlingua, Texas, and I walked into the place on a Friday. The last waltz on film was playing, not a video, and it was being projected on a large white sheet that hung on the wall. I was there the following night. Wait, this is in Texas in a white sheet. Maybe that was like the wardrobe room. I was there the following night and mentioned to the bartender that I was sorry I missed the film in its entirety the night before. In response, he went and fired up the projector, ran the whole thing again that night.

Sitting in this establishment, eating a chicken fried antelope steak in the middle of Chihuahuan Desert, watching the last waltz with about 20 or 30 strangers who were also digging. It was pretty close to a perfect evening. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty cool. And by the way, there was a little parenthetical here that Terlingua is a geographically isolated ghost town that has since been repopulated with all a variety of oddballs.

Yeah. Well, that's pretty cool. If the guy can throw on something and all these strangers in this in this odd place get into it. Yeah, I would say the band might be when you think about the most American bands of all time, I would put the band up there with the Eagles with, uh, well, I think no band,

no Eagles, or clearly the Eagles would have been different or later or something. Cause the band was the one that made everyone in music be like, Whoa, that, you know, one of the qualities was it sounded new and really old at the same time. Yeah.

It had country roots, but it also had like crazy guitar leads. Oh, I mean, it had everything. I mean, the blues, folk, bluegrass. I mean, it was this melting pot of sounds. Zydeco. Yeah. Everything was in it.

Right. So, all right, let's get to something very sad. Obituaries. Yeah. And that's all, folks. This one breaks my heart uh when did this happen just happened two days ago dex carvey was a comedian and the son of saturday night live and wayne's world comedian dana carvey who was featured on his father's netflix special uh he had a drug overdose at the age of 32 god uh his father we all know from snl and uh dex uh and his younger brother thomas followed in their father's footsteps prefer

pursuing their own brand of comedy often on podcasts and on youtube uh and then it goes on to list a bunch of credits that uh that uh he was he did he was in joe dirt too he was on funster um he did a bunch of stuff on tv um so he's doing a podcast with spade now they're both so funny yeah so uh carvey's and from what i hear is just one of the nicest guys also yeah i was uh i was a head writer on the show that he did called first impressions where it was a competition among uh people that did impressions and we actually he discovered melissa via senor on that show and she got us he then called uh uh snl what's his name at snl wow lauren michaels and he got her the job uh but he i worked with him for like six months and i gotta say one of people say this all the time about celebrities

but he truly is one of the kindest people i've ever met in my life and and i got a chance to meet his sons a couple times and he he'd go out and do stand-up with them and he cared about them i mean he took off people wonder what happened to dana carvey's career he basically left hollywood to go live up in marin county north of san francisco to raise his kids they were the first priority for him you hear so many celebrities go oh well you know my kids come first and then they do four movies a year where they're on location you're like i don't know. And then they do four movies a year where they're on location. You're like, I don't know about that. Then you do press junkets in Europe for each film that you put out. It's like, I don't know if your kids are the most important thing,

but I think they truly were for Dana. And this one just tears my heart out. It's so sad. I don't know. Whatever. I don't know how these things happen. Yeah, well, thoughts go out to him he's uh he is one of the nicest from every everyone and you've worked with him but

to have this it's just a nightmare so poor dana it's probably fentanyl i mean it's i can't say this enough to people and i say to my kids probably once a month. Do not fucking snort anything. And don't take any pills off the street. Because it's all got fentanyl in it now. And you can use those strips. But if you get a pouch of cocaine and you put a little bit in the test kit, great. So that didn't have fentanyl.

But fentanyl doesn't disperse evenly you're gonna have one little chunk and when i say a chunk like literally like a tenth of a grain of rice and you are dead that's it so just don't fuck with it yeah you know they have those hotlines where you can do your cocaine while on a call Have you heard about those? No You call, you're like I'm going to do something now And they listen and you do something all this

And I guess as soon as you start talking about going into business together They know you're fine and you hang up As soon as you start hitting on the operator They know that it's real cocaine. How close are you? Now that you know I got some clean blow, why don't you come on over? Yeah, a lot of people volunteering for that job. There is no hotline for edibles.

Imagine being on the phone with someone freaking out on edibles. All right, let's cheer up. This is permanent. It's not, not sir let's go to the funnies yes sir oh my crinkle has has shrunk into nothing it's wet paper thank god this is the last section i won't have to crinkle again uh hager the horrible and he's a horrible guy i mean let's let's put our cards on the table he's a rapist and his friends are all rapists and we watch kind of guy we watch them every week in the in the fun part of the newspaper so there's a guy sitting on the bench next to hager and he goes uh

and hager is saying to him as norway's greatest viking I am always at risk for retaliation. And then the second frame, you hear a guy say, oh yeah, try being Norway's greatest acerbic wits. And the guy's got a broken arm, broken leg, uh, bruises all over himself. And, um, I just always thought this is what's wrong with comedy today. There's no barrier to entry. Any asshole who went to a fucking SUNY school and got a marketing degree, they all go into comedy. It's a business now. try it your friends come you make some fucking tiktok videos in the old days if you were a court jester or just like this guy said an acerbic wit you got beat and possibly killed for trying to be funny that's what we need more of we need to bring back court jester stakes to comedy thin out the herd a little bit i like this tape he looks like leroy lockhorn oh shit well speaking of which he looks exactly like him leroy's in the living room he does maybe it's the same artist leroy's in the living room and he says to loretta who's sitting on the chair with

her arms crossed eyes closed he goes how could I ruin your birthday? I didn't even remember it. And then here's one that you'll relate to. Leroy's coming out of church. The priest shakes his hand and says, glad to see you again. Looks like you've given up on the Jets, have you? He's back in church on a Sunday. Ah, I see.

These are so hard to read because the words are so small. But there was another one I liked. And yes, I have given up on the Jets. Oh, there's a picture of the microwave, and it's got a mushroom cloud coming off the top And he goes, okay, maybe it is time to get a new microwave It's funny All right, I'm continuing on this thing I'm doing

Where the far sides that break the fourth wall So all of a sudden, this guy is in a Let's see here, a general store. And he's behind the register. And the door opens. And these two people walk in. And the caption says, Leonard felt his skin suddenly crawl. Coming through the door were a couple of real sketchy characters.

And they're not like fully drawn. And they look all weird. So that was his play on that. And in this next one, there's all these far side characters. There's a snake that you see in a lot of them. The duck that's in a lot. The old woman who's in so many in the guy,

there's a cow who's opened the door that you recognize from all of them. And then at the door waiting to come in are two sort of like film noir-ish like type of traditional looking people and so the guy who answers the door goes oh man you must be looking for apartment 3g mary worth or one of those other serious cartoons. That's good. These serious cartoons were always such a bummer. I was I always felt like it was such a waste of space because I savored every comic in

the Sunday paper. And then you would get to Mary Worth or you would get to what were the other ones called or Kathy, which was supposed to be funny any of that were bad it just I felt like oh come on who do I write to I never heard of Mary Worth I just looked it up so Mary Worth is an American newspaper comic strip that has it had an eight decade run that began in 1938 wow well like Superman used to be wasn't that a serious comic strip i don't know i mean it was a comic book no they never put it in the sunday comic strip no well i don't know if it was a strip but it was never in the sunday papers okay uh you know it was in the sunday papers is

uh blondie and in this case blondie is walking down the street arm and arm with her sad sack loser of a husband who's got on a fucking teal jacket and a red bow tie like are you going to a costume party and so they're walking down the street pretty blonde walks by dagwood just stares straight ahead uh pretty brunette walks by he's staring straight ahead uh kind of a busty yellow-haired woman walks by he doesn't look at her and on and on and on about three more women walk by and then finally blind he goes uh your eyes are still dilated from your eye exam aren't they sweetheart and he goes i guess why would you ask

the inference being that he wasn't checking out any of the women on the street maybe because he's a homosexual blondie has that occurred to you that you're the hottest piece of ass to ever be drawn and this guy has yet to make a move that he sleeps in donut pajamas and go and at the time when most couples would be making love around 10 p.m when you're both in bed he goes downstairs and has a slice of pot roast does that not seem gay to you blondie this guy's i mean these are lookers's very blonde the middle one she's very blondie-esque i guess with the orange top i mean that's the most you can see of the person yeah yeah but you know i gotta think they should show a couple guys walking by that are checking out blondie and maybe one of

them takes her and cuckles that that fucking guy Bumstead, just takes her away. He'd also be checking them out. So that's it. Hey, by the way, Superman was a comic strip. But it was never in the Sunday papers. Okay. I love how authoritative you are with your misinformation. Superman was a daily newspaper comic strip, daily, which began on January 16th, 1939. Oh, yeah. Hold on. And a separate Sunday strip was added on November 5th, 1939.

These strips ran continuously Until 66 That's the year I was born That's why I didn't know I didn't start reading it until 67 Oh my god Alright listen people Keep the cozy sales going Koozie sales

At Gibbons time At Gibbons time on venmo you'll have it probably in a week maybe two we've autographed we autographed 250 of them by more and i have to order more all right well i'm my hand is sore because we got so many more to do we have so many orders uh but we're going to get to them all this week. They'll all go out this week. You'll get them right away. And thanks for supporting the show. Thanks for also supporting the show by going to Game Time. Get yourself the Game Time app today and then put in papers and you're going to get $20 off your first purchase. Also, BetterHelp is a great way to get yourself some support during these holidays.

Go to betterhelp.com slash Sunday. And thanks to Midcoast Media, Chris Denman and everybody over there that helps put this together for us. Chris is actually in Los Angeles right now, ironically, since I'm in Austin and Mike's in Nashville. But we're going to see him later this week. We got to take him to lunch one day. Don't you think? We're in his time zone, I think. And he's in ours,

right? So he's staying at a famous celebrity's house. We won't say who's, but, uh, she's a big female comic. Yeah. Well,

just, well, Jada's there, but there's an extra, there's extra room in the house now. Let's just say that. I don't want to say last names, but Jada's been pretty generous with the freed up space.

And we've got some news about Will Smith next week that we're going to get into. We're going to get into some news about who is the other one? Formula One? No, who was the other guy that we heard a rumor about? Oh, P. Diddy. Talk about P. Diddy

and Will Smith next week. Well, whatever. They're news stories in respected publications about P. Diddy this week. Yeah. So we can get to that for sure. All right, we got a lot next week.

So support the show by following us and leave comments on Apple podcast, leave comments on the YouTube page that helps us get, uh, get the numbers up, pay the bills. You guys are the best. Thanks so much for listening and watching. Good luck with your hour, man. Oh, thank you so much. Very excited. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Very excited. That's fantastic. Stay healthy.

All right. Get a good rest tonight. Yep. I had a... And yeah, say hello to Holtzman if you see him. And of course, Eget. Yep. And I hope it goes great, man. Break a leg.

Thank you. Thank you. Of course. And in addition, take it ish. Take it ish. My Giddich! We'll be right back. With Greg and Mike Sunday morning papers With Greg and Mike Read all about it Read all about it

Read all about it Read all about it Clapping in 3, 2, 1 We'll be right back. RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE We'll be right back. The Shit would have happened. There'd be baby gators hanging from nipples. Yes, this was mild. The fact that he said, don't do it again. A real Florida man, you wouldn't have the capacity to do it again.