Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 194 12/10/23

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

This week you can get George Santos on Cameo, our picks for TV viewing and Mike Johnson will conveniently blur your face out of the Capitol riots videos. An Australian woman runs on the tarmac to stop a plane and Gibbs takes an Ambien at the airport and misses a flight. Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail]  

We're all about it. Read all about it. Here we are everybody. Welcome. Welcome. All right. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Yeah, you sound great. Oh, dude. Strong start. This is a strong start today. Let's do this. What is it? December what? 10? It's December 10, and we're going to talk about this day in history in a little bit. This is a good is a good one this week oh i didn't see i should read the podcast you should read the podcast i'm gonna start reading it that's on my that's you know what i gotta start thinking of resolutions

resolutions do you think that in 1776 their resolution was to have a revolution uh i don't know i bet it was always well you know they got a little sick of the resolution like i'd like to pay less taxes i'd like to pay less taxes i'd like to own more slaves i'd like to pay less taxes yeah and then they got their way yeah i'd like to get that fucking crown off my back yeah goddamn british uh people hate the british uh yes uh in what way well like last night i was talking about israel and palestine on stage at at midnight at the comedy store for some reason sounds hysterical and i said i said i don't know anything about this but let's talk about the english and the irish i mean you want to talk about the same fucking situation and the place like lit up people were

very into it and I just did some I did some crown bashing and I think America's done they're done with the crown and I think people of Indian descent Irish descent Scottish descent they hate the British. It sounds like you pulled a little Irish lives matter when everyone's talking about Israeli and Palestinian lives mattering. Well, I like Palestine with the points, by the way. Yeah. I just want watching everybody get in trouble it's pretty funny yeah it is funny speaking of koozies well we all right listen people have been writing in i guess right and

sending you someone accused me of only sending him one because the envelope was torn up and he got one but there's only one per envelope you're the worst salesman for this project it's no we're getting more and more requests i think people can can feel the heart and soul and the personal touch that's going into this and maybe the desperation this one comes from this one comes from jason in green bay he, while it's freezing here and I don't need my beer any colder, it's an honor to slip your koozie on and it reminds me how much I love the show. Thank you, you guys.

Look at that. And it made it to Green Bay. Yep. Well, listen, write in if you have not received, I'd say, you know, the first batch, which was big, but like, I'd say if you know, the first batch, which was big, but I'd say if you got in touch with us in the last two weeks, we're just waiting on more koozies.

Greg and I are then going to sign them. And Olivia said she'd help me again. I mean, Sophie helped me. So I'm going to pay her an exorbitant amount for an hour. And she also sent, by the way, a letter today and had to ask me where the stamp goes. I love it. So that's what I'm dealing with.

Yeah, yeah. Do you remember the Chevy Chase joke on SNL? I think it might've been the very first joke ever told on Weekend Update. He said, the United Postal Service has just issued a new stamp honoring prostitutes in America. It's 15 cents, 20 if you want to lick it. Dirty out of the gate.

Yeah. So anyway, go to at Gibbons Time, G-I-B-B-O-N-S-T-I-M-E. On Venmo, you'll see my right eye with my glasses and then a blurry Bill Murray behind me in a tuxedo. Or just go to FitzDawg.com and you can click on the link right there. And then please just put your name, even though it says your name, put your name and address as close to it looks on an envelope so I can just copy and paste it on my labels. I'm going to start bringing them on the road with me by the way on my uh i'll announce my dates in a minute but a lot of people are asking for them at live shows and i can fit koozies in my suitcase that's easy you could bring 50 and they it would 50 of them would weigh less than a

pound yes i think yeah i think so right why not yeah so i am uh i think this is the first sunday papers i've done outside of the studio i've been bounced from my uh recording studio my office is gone i have a new one uh but i haven't started going there yet i think i'm going to do my first podcast from the new studio this week wow with the great reggie watts is coming on on tuesday and then the great brad williams is coming in on thursday uh i just had uh robert smigel on last week people fucking loved it i gotta listen yeah it was amazing and then you know what's cool i ran into ran into Jimmy Carr at the comedy store last night. You know Jimmy Carr, right?

I love Jimmy Carr. And he's like, hey, man, I listen to all your podcasts. We know each other. I've known him for many, many years. And he's like, you know, I listen to all your podcasts. I love the one with Tommy Tiernan. And he was quoting from it. It was so fucking cool.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, he's one of the edgiest guys out there for sure. Always has been. And offstage, one of the funniest fucking dudes you've ever talked to. So quick and dry. Yeah. So we put it out to you guys.

There was some emails complaining about the sound. We got new microphones, and we were asking if it was too low or too high. And pretty consistently, people said that it was quiet. Hugh said, I wonder if it might sound better with the screen or a pop filter for distance. Sometimes it was a little boomy and poppy.

Okay, that's something to think about. Well, we've never heard that one. And then, sounds good. This is from Phil. Sounds good, though I never really had a problem with it anyways. I don't know what people are bitching about uh thanks phil uh and then another guy's talking about how he Jeff Anderson listens on a bluetooth in his garbage truck and it can be very noisy and yours is the only podcast that i listen to that i'm not able to turn the volume up high enough to hear so uh i guess garbage trucks not as quiet

as we thought they were yeah well maybe and also it was weird that he told us our uh our podcast smells it has a dank terrible rotten smell too right christian kelly says first i agree with the volumes too low and still is, in my opinion. Anyway, it goes on and on. We sent them over to Chris Denman, who was very open to the feedback and didn't push back at all, was not at all defensive, which was really mature of him to take it in. Yeah, maybe it's easy, though,

because what about where he's charging us per decibel? That sounds weird. Oh, that's what it is. I don't think volume should cost money. Like in other words, it's the same electronic circuitry. Maybe it costs more. Yeah.

If you turn up the volume, I think you use more battery, right? If you're driving big speakers. Maybe I'm right. He's right. And it's St. Louis. I think the energy costs are through the roof in St. Louis. Yeah. Logo this week from

Bruce Wise is really great. It's KISS. It's referring to KISS. We'll do this story next week. Yeah. But the news this week was that KISS did their last concert, and the only concerts in the future will be with them as their avatars. Well, the headline was kind of like, KISS will play live forever.

Yeah. First of all, everyone's going to play live forever. We talk about Santos doing cameos coming up, and I thought AI, he looks so bizarre, we'll get into it, but like AI is going to create, anyone can be singing or talking or playing an instrument. Right. They did it with, who did they do the hologram?

Was it Tupac? I think they did a Tupac hologram tour already. That was like five years ago. That was really primitive. And that's basically like, I think that's like projecting an image, but it doesn't need a screen. It's a 3D image.

But is Kiss overstating or overestimating their desire to hear Kiss in the future? They are with me. I didn't want to hear them in the future or the past. They're the worst. I hate Kiss. I didn't want to hear them in the future or the past. They're the worst. I hate Kiss. I mean, I get it. And, you know, there's a lot.

George Lopez, who I worked with for a while, he was a gigantic Kiss fan. Really? He went on tour with them. No way. He did, like, three or four legs of their European tour. I mean, he doesn't play or anything. He just parties with them. That's hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah. of their european tour i mean he doesn't play or anything he's just parties with them that's hilarious yeah yeah there's a lot of comedians that are fans of bands and travel with them there's um my morning jacket and zach are very close and then um oh yeah tons there's the pearl jam guys all that stuff paul f tompkins goes on the road with uh amy man and then uh brian posain is always out with different heavy metal bands yep uh the song speaking of music the song this week i'm sure you loved it it's i honestly think one of the best songs we've ever had. It's from the Nymphandels, which I don't know where they're from. I'd love to get more info. If you are the Nymphandels, send us some bio and we'll play some more of your stuff. Really rocking great shit. Have you tried your Google machine? What Google machine?

Your phone? Nymphidels. I'm looking them up. Oh. We also had somebody whose wife, he asked her if she has a temptation

to drive into traffic. And here was her response. Hey, let me ask you a question have you ever had like a desire to go into like incoming traffic and just fucking hit your car hit somebody with your car

have I ever had a desire to do that yeah like being pissed off or something not a car I thought of like driving it off a fucking cliff just to end my suffering like come on louise yeah i just want to rest not have to fucking wipe assholes and like make food and like sometimes when i'm driving in nashville think I could just fuck and it'll be all over. Really? Yeah. Why?

You're gonna kill our kids? Is that what you're telling me? They should be fine. They're in the back. Oh, so it's just you. You're gonna like leave me with them? Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Fuck.

But I've never had like a thing a thing to, like, drive onto, like, incoming traffic. I don't know, because they say women are supposed to be, like, prone to doing that or to think about that all the time. I don't know if it's true or not. Because they're mad? Like, what was that movie where that, like, young person, like, came in front of that lady and took the parking place, and she got pissed and put it in reverse and rammed and rammed, and she's like, I'm old and I have better insurance. I've never thought of fucking doing that.

Really? Mm-mm. Okay. So I guess she wouldn't drive into traffic, but, you know, murdering is... Heads up, dude. Get your wife some help. Also, it still could be traffic. We don't know what's at the bottom of the cliff.

That's true. Yeah, it could even be like a ferry. It could be like ship traffic, shipping lanes. Dude, I can remember having small kids and having some really dark thoughts when you're when you're exhausted and anxious and they won't stop screaming uh it's it's fucking hard man it's as hard as you know uh almost anything in life dealing with small kids in a stressful situation when they're acting up.

I mean, I wouldn't drive over a cliff. That's pretty sick, but. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I remember you just, it's, it's sleep deprivation. Obviously it's torture. And there were times where it's like, why, why can't you just, and you do that shushing. And I'm surprised I didn't deafen the baby. I would shush so loudly by their ear. I would just want the thing to turn off. Well, that was the advice that we got. Our doctor was this pediatrician who turned out to be like, he's the most famous pediatrician

in the country. His name is Dr. Karp. Yeah, that's right. I forgot. And he was the baby whisperer. And he put out this book and then a bunch of books. And he's a big lecturer. And his whole thing was recreate the womb, which means put the baby in a tight swaddle,

almost like they're in the womb again and they can't move. And then hold them like a football under your arm sideways. And then shush in their ear because that's what it sounds like in the womb it sounds like an like an ocean wave and uh and then shake them like a martini he said i know it's in the swaddle the tightest thing ever yeah uh he said babies are way tougher than you think, so don't worry about hurting them. So that was from Manilow, by the way, the wife driving. A couple corrections, and when I say a couple,

man, did we have a rough week, Mike Gibbons. Uh-oh. Okay, so correction, a very small number of people, 2% have survived jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge. 34 people are known to have survived the jump. So you got to feel like an asshole when you survive. You know, you got to, like, part of you feels like a hero that you're the 2%. But also now everybody knows that you you're weak and you're a coward and you tried to kill yourself.

I can't do anything. Yeah. I can't get anything right. No, of course. All right. So wait, I was just distracted a little bit because a text came in from Olivia who left here not long ago that's my youngest daughter she's 18 and she's driving over to her mom's and the text came in and it just said accident and I go what I'm doing podcast do you need help and then I'm like

don't admit anything take pics and videos too if it helps and she goes no i didn't mean to call you i didn't mean to call you meaning that's what the accident was and this moron this moron just writes accident no wonder she doesn't know where to put a stamp this is what i'm dealing with. No, Dad. I meant I peed my pants. I was listening to Sunday Papers last week. Yeah.

At an accident. Oh, my God. All right. We got this guy, Greg Reinheim. I think this is Hugh O'Connor. I can't remember. Maybe that woman who's recording. She can drive off the Golden Gate Bridge.

That should be the new thing. And then halfway down, she just texts her husband accident um greg you said kathy gives a correction you said kathy griffin is great and everyone should go see her both those statements are incorrect oh you're wrong kathy griffin's very funny she is funny um greg said that john the baptist made jesus a christian a christian is someone who believes in jesus so because of your Greg said that John the Baptist made Jesus a Christian. A Christian is someone who believes in Jesus. So because of your perfect timing with that line, your flawless delivery,

and the absurdity that John the Baptist made Jesus believe in himself, I can only assume that was a mistake by you and not a joke. Well, here's the thing. John the Baptist was doing baptisms before Jesus was, you know, I guess it was before Prince became known as the artist formerly known as Prince, you know, Jesus was the, was the Messiah formerly known as whatever his name was. Um, but John the Baptist

used to bat, used to baptize people to get rid of their sins, and he baptized Jesus, and he also was a zealot, just like Jesus. He was a proselytizer, and they spent a lot of time together, and he taught Jesus a lot of what he knew. So I might have overstated it, but he was at the very least a mentor to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Messiah. He's like, Jesus, listen, you find a shallow puddle. It looks like a lake. It's an illusion. And you walk on it. Now you have two goblets. One has water, one has wine. You put the napkin over it. Do you know how to tie a knot? Because you're going to have to teach these guys how to fish, and then you've got to make a really big deal about it.

Yeah. Now, you get some lines, you tie them up into the trees, and then you just push the rock aside and whoosh. I wonder, do you think he gave them as a gift, like John gave Jesus a crucifix to wear around his neck that's the a lot of comedians including louis ck have done that joke like is that what you guys imagine him like the king of uh all christians like did he i think louis was like he's like holy shit is that me on the crucifix

john's like yeah hey I have some bad news. I have some bad future news for you, pal. And then this guy, Brent Rinker, said, correction, 38 out of 1,800 people have survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. There's a documentary about it. This guy, John Kevin Hines, is an American suicide prevention speaker who attempted suicide by jumping from the bridge in 2000 at the age of

19. His story gained a lot of media coverage and he's since become a motivational speaker. What's the motivation? You can do it. No, I think his big thing thing he sells a lot of merch including capes and very baggy shirts and overcoats a big hat with a very firm chin strap will also help you yes prevent suicide when you jump off the bridge water wings yeah yeah what is that documentary like? Is it just like, it's just a camera looking up and bodies, and then occasionally there's a ding, that's one, and then once it gets to 38, the documentary's over. Yeah. I don't know that I want to watch that.

I want to see the documentary about the making of that net. I told you about the net that costs almost as much as the bridge cost to build. That's crazy. yeah um otherwise it would be cheaper to just hire a sniper imagine that i wonder if that would curb suicides like yeah uh it is punishable it's whatever whatever they come up with to justify it uh you know when you get to the side, I'm probably in the crosshairs right now. Like, I know you want to die, but the people jumping off the bridge don't want to simply die. They want to do it that way. Otherwise, just jump off a roof at home or park your car in the garage or whatever you want to do. Not to mention taxpayer money to then they're going to send out a bunch of Coast Guard and

he's going to spend five hours looking for your stupid body. Be discreet. Be discreet. Go in a bathtub, slit your wrists, and call 911 so that they can come and get your body out of there before your daughter goes to play with her fucking toy duck in the bathtub and sees dad. What about electrifying? Just putting a cable that's beyond where the public would touch it.

You'd have to climb up like you're going to kill yourself. And then there's an electric, like it would shock the hell out of them like they couldn't hold it long enough probably to climb up on it and jump off yeah and like a like a third rail but it's not in the subway it's uh it's there uh that would better than a net also hurt them a little yeah uh this guy guy, Plus One, said, The Roots used to tour 200-something days out of the year. Before they got the Fallon gig, you were close. One album was called The Roots Come Alive.

Oh, I'm not denying they're a good band, but we were talking about great bands from cities. Yeah. Matt O says, Travolta's manly strutting with pizza and Bee Gees was 86th Street in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. I think I might have said somewhere else. No, we landed in Brooklyn, but oh, you might have said a different- Yeah, I think I said the wrong neighborhood.

Oh, okay. By the way, Bensonhurst, the most racist piece of property in America. Is it still? Yes. Okay. His job, house, and disco were in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. The good thing about Bensonhurst is this time of year, actually right now, you can drive through Bensonhurst at night. They go crazy putting up Christmas decorations. People have two car garages and they open up the doors

and the inside is just a massive diorama of Christmas and the lights on the lawns. So me and Jerry Red Wilson and a bunch of people took a bus and we went out there and drove through Bensonhurst one Christmas. It's like going to the zoo, but you guys are going to go see Italians.

Yeah, right. You're going to the zoo, but you guys are going to go see Italians. Yeah, right. You're going to gawk at all their little ways that they live and everything. You guys are racist. Mark G. Did we already do this correction that the band can't be the most American band because most of them are from Canada?

Yes. I think we did that, right? Yeah, okay. Yes. And then... Alright, never mind that one. Cheers Mate says, where ABBA was not insanely big due to excluding it from 70s tours, quote, there is no demand for us as headliners in this country, but that's the only offer we would accept.

So I guess they didn't want to work their way up on tours because they were so big. In Europe, they were like the Beatles. They were huge. Yeah, that was pretty American-centric of me to say that because they were giant here in terms of airplay and sales. They were huge, but they were huge all over the world. Like every European disco was playing them and stuff.

It's possible that promoters didn't believe in a female band playing big venues. I mean, I didn't realize it was two women and two men. I thought it was all women in ABBA. Oh, no. I'm wondering. I mean, I also said, we didn't get corrected on it, that disco, maybe I said sort of started in New York. I wonder if that's right. Obviously, you know, record scratching and rap and all that did, but disco, which predated rap? Well, I think disco had a salsa feel to it so i think there was like the new york latino influence i don't know you're not you're not you're not grabbing me there uh you're not swaying

me or convincing me but uh it would be so great if we had a producer who was like actually on the document with us while we were struggling with the information? While we were struggling. That's a full-time job. What would you like to know? Did disco start in New York? All right. Let's. You ready for this?

Right. I just Googled disco origin, right? First result is a paragraph and it says disco started as a mixture of music from venues popular among African-Americans, Hispanic, Latino Americans and gay Americans and Italian Americans in Philadelphia. No, get out of here. I have not. I have not. Really? get out of here i have not i have not made really so that is the first paragraph in wikipedia under the word disco well it's the second paragraph wow so your hatred well sorry it cut it off in philadelphia and new york city during the late

1960s to early 70s yeah well that well, that certainly enhances your hatred for Philadelphia. Well, so there you go, Philly. You know what you got? You don't have any really giant rock bands or anything like that, but you got disco. Now they're going to be like, go fuck yourself. Although I think I remember Philadelphia having a Disco Sucks rally at a baseball game. It was before the game started.

I don't know if it was a record burning, but it got completely out of control. Oh, no, no. It was huge, and the thing exploded. Was that in Philly? I'll look it up. Let's see. Anything not to see the Phillies. Yeah. Comiskey, Chicago. Oh, see. Anything not to see the Phillies. Yeah.

Comiskey, Chicago. Oh, Chicago. Alright. Yeah. July 12, 1979, Disco Demolition Night. It was in Wrigley Park, right? I'm sure podcasts have been done about this. And they were playing Detroit.

The playing field was so damaged by the explosion and by the rioters that the White Sox were required to forfeit the second game to the Tigers. Oh my God. Yep. You got, it was a promotional event. Admission only costs 98 cents when you,

when you arrived with a disco record. That's amazing. That's one of those things, you're supporting disco to not support disco. I've been listening to late Led Zeppelin lately, like Coda and what's the other one called? Presence. Anyway, there's like some disco feel. In Through the Out through the outdoor yeah there's a little bit of

disco feeling in through the outdoor yeah they did a little country i think they were like i think it was called hot dog that song yep so uh let's talk speaking about seeing live music there is no better way than using game time which is an app that allows you to find events whether you want music theater comedy sports get on game time get on it it takes all the guesswork out of buying tickets you're not going to stress out wondering if it's time to buy. You're going to hang out. They're going to have these flash deals, last-minute tickets, and you can put in what section you want to be in,

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It's great. It's right up to the start of the event and even an hour after it starts what else do we got here so i always i just love talking about this i also go on there as i say every time just to discover they have a thing called discover which is not limited to sports or limited to concerts and you it shows you all types of shows there's comedy shows and everything in there i do it whenever i land in a city or weekend comes and i you know want to find something to do and there's a guarantee it's you'll always get the best price if you find tickets in the same section and row for less game time will credit you 110 of the difference take the guesswork out

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So jump in. Do it. You're good. You'll do it. All right, front page. You got some paper to crinkle? Oh, do I have a paper? And it's, what is this?

I printed out something, but here we go. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Oh, George Santos is making cash on Cameo. Santos is churning out so many videos for paying customers that he had to buy a stand to prop up his phone

because, quote, his hand is getting tired. As of Monday, the former congressman was charging $200 a pop, but he has since doubled his rate to $400. Why not? As of Tuesday, he'd shot 150 videos and planned to, quote, crush another 60 to 70 tonight. Santos will make more money in his first few days on Cameo than his annual congressional salary of $174,000. I wonder if his Cameos are a lie.

Like, is he dressed in his volleyball uniform? Does he do it from his desk at Goldman Sachs? I did see one. I mentioned this earlier. And his face is very odd. And I thought it was like a joke thing that someone created with AI. Oh, yeah. I really did.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it very much, he looks like Barry Manilow or somebody like that whose face is kind of floating above their body. He looks like a float in the Macy's Day Parade. Yeah. By the way, I do cameos and I set my price really high because I really have a hard time doing them. I enjoy doing them and I'm flattered that people reach out, but I get so caught up in, is it going to be good? I want to make sure I'm not putting something shitty out when people were nice enough to order it. And so I, if I get one every two weeks, that's about right. And, uh, and it takes me half a day to make it. So I don't know how this guy's doing 60 in a night. I think we should do them.

Really? Maybe instead of koozies next year. Or maybe we do one a week if someone has an occasion or whatever it is. And we do one a week. I think my price is like $200 or something like that. Yeah, maybe something like that. What should we set ours at? I don't know.

I don't know the cameo world. 50? I'm 150 apparently. Oh, you are. Okay. I don't know. I mean, 100 because of inflation? I don't know.

All right, let's do all- I mean, how labor intensive? We want it to be good. We want it to be funny, sincere, all that. Yeah. All right, to be continued. To be continued. We want it to be good. We want it to be funny, sincere, all that. Yeah. All right, to be continued. To be continued. To be continued.

I remember, I think we should get Santos to do one for us, but we should have him doing a shout-out for our corrections section, saying that's such a great idea. Maybe I'll do that. You know, we could trick him, of course, and it's easy to do anyway. Maybe I'll do that. You know, we could trick them of course. And it's easy to do anyway. And AI can do it. I hate bringing up AI so much, but we should have like a, uh, I am, you know, I am so happy to be doing this for you guys. You're great. And then a little later, like it's a guilty pleasure, uh, you know, reaching out of it.

So, you know, and then we cut together, I am guilty. And a really elaborate one that has details of what he's confessing also. Yeah. Trick that bastard. Yeah. Reagan, it's just so funny, these guys that are completely disgraced, and then they go out and make more money when they leave office. I found this quote, Ronald Reagan said, politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.

And that has been spun out into, you can become a broadcaster. Look at Oliver North, who's now like a big talking head on Fox news, makes tons of money, books, speaking tours. This guy should be in jail. I mean, he, whatever, I'm not going to get into what he did, but like Kissinger, Kissinger was highly paid talking head. He wrote like three memoirs. Um, I wonder what Nixon did after. I mean, I know he was in California. I wonder how active he was. I know there's a Nixon library. There's a Nixon library. And what else did Nixon do? I know he wrote at least one memoir after he left office. Maybe he went back to growing up poor or rich or whatever it was that you got wrong.

Maybe he went back to growing up poor or rich or whatever it was that you got wrong. Yeah, it turns out poor. Eliot Spitzer, remember that guy? Oh, yeah. He's a real estate mogul now. Oh, here's Dan Min. Hold on. During nearly 20 years of retirement, Nixon wrote his memoirs and nine other books. He undertook many foreign trips, attempting to rehabilitate his image into that of an elder statesman

and leading expert on foreign affairs. He suffered a debilitating stroke in April of 94 and died four days later. Damn. All right. And he taped it. You can hear the stroke. He taped everything. That's a shitty four

days man um all right you want to read this next one nearly 20 percent of workers cheat on partner at office holiday parties people search engines spokio that's i've never even encountered Spokio. They polled 1,200 American adults about infidelity in October and have found that 35% had nearly been enticed to betray their partner at the office Christmas party, while 17% admitted to hooking up with a party paramour. The salacious stats didn't surprise Big Apple therapists, who said people tend to form intimate bonds with colleagues under workplace stress. Of those surveyed, 22% say they fooled around with someone other than their partner because they liked the attention, while 20% said

they lacked trust in their significant other. More than 11%, 11 however said they have affairs for the rush of the taboo so wait before we 20 fooled around because they lacked trust in their significant other is what are they the cheaters i that's that seems weird like is that like a preemptive attack yeah that's pretty passive aggressive they paint it as being defensive like listen sorry i get so defensive uh you know about you and because i don't trust you and so i did bang heather in marketing it's very defensive of me i'm like that it's one of my personality flaws i just don't trust. Stop making this about me and Heather in accounting. I don't trust you. That's how this started.

Look, I don't know about you, but this really makes me think I need to get a job. I need to be in a workplace. I didn't know they still had those. I was thinking about this and I was thinking back to like, all right, what Christmas parties have I had at jobs and did anybody fool around? And I realized I really haven't had Christmas party jobs. Like I've been a waiter, I've been a caddy,

I've been a parking attendant. I cleaned somebody's apartment every week for about a year when I was in college. I don't think I ever went to a Christmas. You ever been to a Christmas party? You must have when you were at HBO. Oh, tons. And also, by the way, and this is a very true story,

at HBO in New York, I hooked up with a girl in December. It wasn't at the party, but in December. I lived in New York, and we weren't cheating on anyone and it it's I don't recommend it it gets ugly uh we got married then true story and you were just doing it for the rush of the taboo I was just doing it for the rush and the taboo. I was just doing it for the rush and the taboo and I didn't trust my imaginary partner at the time. Oh my God.

I mean, I've told this story before but I'll just tell it really quickly. So that is a true story and so one time we were shooting it was with Attell

and Louie and everybody. They had half hours on HBO and we were at, what was that, Catch was on the Upper East Side? Yeah, Catch Rising Star. Catch Rising Star

let us shoot there. Jeff Stillson. There were tons of people. It was amazing half hours that year. David Cross and everything. So anyway, we take a little break and we're outside and we're waiting. It's like lunch break. And then a guy goes, you believe in psychics?

Because across the street from Catch was a psychic. And the window was right there. And so anyway, long story, a little short, Cameron comes and comes back out. He's like, dude, that was crazy. And I'm like, and he's a really like grounded guy. He's like, I already paid for you. He's like, you're going in. I'm like, I don't go to psychics. I don't believe in them or whatever. So I go in and I sit down and she goes, put something personal, like a watch or a wallet, something in this bowl on the table. And I go, all right. So I like put my wallet in there and she looks at it and all this, and we're just looking at it. And then she, first thing, she just looks me up

and down a long, long, long time. And then she goes, you're dating someone from work. And then I look out the window and it turns out, I went out of course, and I accused him of telling her like, that's a, that's a funny thing now he did not he swear he didn't and i and i totally believe him and he goes and she's like thinking thinking he's like she's younger and true she was four years younger which in your 20s is a big deal i guess and so i'm like yeah and she's and i'm like still though right and she's like and then she i'm like what else's going to find something vague to convince me she can see things. And she just thought, and this was the last thing she said. She goes, walk away.

Don't do it. And I did not tell Liz that until I'd say 12 years into our marriage. But every time we had a bad fight, I'd think about that psychic. Oh my God. And when we got divorced. Yeah. Have you ever gone back to her, the psychic?

I should. She was telling me all this crazy shit about planes and the buildings that would happen in a few years. I'm like, you're crazy. She told you, don't buy real estate, Mike. It's just going to go down. Don't buy the stock market.

Short it. You should consider liking and following the Giants, not the Jets. I'm like, you're a bat shit. I don't believe anything you guys say. All right. So a drunk paramedic crashes Detroit ambulance with patient in back. The paramedic who the fire department didn't identify sideswiped three cars while driving the patient through the city of Hammertrack. After the crash, he waited for police to arrive.

The paramedic who has been with the department for six, was tested and found to be under the influence of alcohol. The driver said, three cars. This is Detroit. Record six. And then, of course, they were all put in the ambulance, which crashed. And then another comes, and then that crashes. All the paramedics are shit-faced in Motown. That's what we've learned.

Yeah. I can't believe they shit-faced in Motown. That's what we've learned. Yeah. I can't believe they have emergency services in Detroit still. I thought that got slashed out of the budget. By the way, this is probably the least depressing story out of Detroit this month. It's a feel-good. This is a feel-good one for Detroit. And by the way, it's kind of the other driver's fault because when you hear an ambulance siren, you're supposed to pull to the side of the road.

But I guess in Detroit, you're supposed to pull off the road into the woods or a parking lot to get out of the way. I don't know what's going on there. You want to read this next one? You got it, pal. Pilots reveal the biggest lie they tell passengers on delayed flights passengers are often told that the flight crew will quote make up time while in the air if a flight is running late but a pilot on reddit explained that this is seldom true especially for shorter trips there is very little we can actually do to make up the time, he explained. The longer the flight, the more we can do.

But still, we're talking five to ten minutes, not an hour. However, making up time is not a matter of flying faster, but rather requesting direct routings and shortcuts, as well as using wind speed to maximize tailwinds. Shortcut? A shortcut on a flight through the air? Are they normally taking the scenic route at 30,000 feet? Yeah. Well, if you go up really high,

you'll get, depending on which way you're going, you might get there very fast. Well, a shortcut would be don't waste all that time going to 30,000 feet. Just hover slightly above the power lines and just gun it. Helicopter level? Yeah. I thought the biggest lie was when they described what we're all going to do

when there's a water landing and it includes all of us surviving. Right. I thought that was the biggest lie. Yeah. And also, you want to save some time? How about this? How about have a gate ready when we land? I mean, were you not expecting us?

Were you not expecting us? Because that's when the fights break out. Every time you see a fight on a plane, it's after they've landed and they're waiting to get off the plane. Right. It's so stressful i don't know why it is it's because you kind of sublimate that you're claustrophobic

for four or five hours and then when the plane lands you kind it's almost like you know when you you're heading towards the bathroom maybe even you get out of your car and you're like all right i'm gonna go take a shit and then your key doesn't work and all of a and you're like, all right, I'm going to go take a shit. And then your key doesn't work. And all of a sudden you're like, I'm going to shit my pants. That's what it's like getting off a plane once it lands on the tarmac. I'm sure everyone has the same exact thought. And by the way, that happens the most when your flight is early. So you can't really win. When you get there early, you're like, ah, we have to wait. Someone's at our gate. Right.

early like ah you know we have to wait someone's at our gate right another lie is when they tell i truthfully the most i get lied to is about when they tell me i have to check my bag because of course it's southwest and i'm and i'm c82 or whatever goddamn thing i pick checking in 23 hours and 59 minutes before my flight i get in in the C-section and they tell me, oh, you're going to have to check that carry-on. There's no more room in the overhead. I'm like, yes, there is. There is. There is especially-

Especially when I pull out people's tiny backpacks. Take out your backpack and your purse. And how about the guy that brings a fucking bass guitar? What is this, a tour bus? This is a fucking shuttle from san francisco to la oh the nashville thing it was guitar palooza it was crazy yeah of course of course um all right so let's get into a little bit of politics we try to avoid politics but this guy this house speaker mike johnson is really he's really something else. He's admitted that the conservative party

is doctoring footage of the January 6th insurrection to prevent the identification of the rioters. We have to blur some of the faces of persons who participated in the events of that day because we don't want them to be retaliated against

and to be charged by the DOJ. Why are these people being protected? We've hired additional personnel to do that, and then we'll eventually put out the tapes, but we don't want them to be retaliated against. So there's 40,000 hours of footage, and they're saying that putting this out would actually shorten up a lengthy investigation

and find the 2,000 people that were there that day. I mean, look, these rioters, they're not rocket scientists. If you want to find them again, just announce there's another rush on the Capitol. Every one of those fucking idiots is going to show up and just cuff them. You know, I thought it was a little weird when he also blurred trump's face as trump was telling everybody to go to the capitol right that seems a little weird like you see his hair yeah yeah yeah i don't know it's also a little tricky blurring all those heads when they had all the goofy hats and their white hoods on yeah they've already got on white hoods what are you gonna blur a hood um did i tell you my

reaction when i was watching it live you know because everyone it was like a 9-11 moment where it's like turn on the tv just it doesn't matter just turn on any channel and uh turned it on and when i saw them in there and i was seeing footage where they were walking around and then like holding the door for each other and walking in. And I got like, it's kind of like when I see looting, I'm like, stop them. And I don't know why I think that with looting, it's like, I'm on the side of the giant corporation. But in this case, I was so puzzled and I sat there watching it just stone faced and for five minutes and I go, oh my God, I know what they're doing. They are letting them all in and then they're going to lock and surround the building.

Siege. And I go, that's brilliant. Siege. Huh? It's a siege. Is that the definition of a siege? Yeah, you surround and you contain and you starve them out. We should have left them in there for like 100 days.

But is a siege like almost roping a dope, like playing dead? It's kind of like letting you in like that lobster trap, and you can enjoy the food. It's there, but now you can't get out? Right, exactly, until the food runs out. No, I mean, no, they they would all be and then they would just you know then the army surrounds the building and one by one you have them come out and they're put in cuffs and uh processed yep i like it yeah the problem is they didn't send the national guard

they well they also didn't have that plan the other thing is they would have been locked in there with the politicians maybe that's not so bad they could have sent so many types of reinforcements but the orders never came from the president anyway enough politics a georgia woman did not get her birthday gift wish her birthday wish and ended up in jail uh the deputies with the columbia county sheriff's Office reported to a home in Evans at around 4.30 a.m. in response to an alleged incident of family violence. When deputies arrived, the woman told them it was her birthday and her husband was supposed to have given her, quote, a sexual favor, but fell asleep instead. She told deputies she became angry and hit her husband with her phone,

causing cuts on his face. The birthday girl called police after her husband allegedly responded by pushing her away, which caused her to hit her head on the corner of a nightstand. Sounds very Georgia. When questioned, the husband admitted to falling asleep and told deputies he had been too tired for birthday sex. So after questioning the two, deputies decided to arrest the wife for being the initial aggressor

and booked her into the detention center on charge of battery and family violence. Well, maybe instead of buying her a new phone, he should have gotten her a dildo. He was close. She hits him and he had an orgasm and he buying her a new phone, he should have gotten her a dildo. He was close. She hits him and he had an orgasm and he gave her a battery. That's right. Right to the face. And I love the fact that, this is George,

they took the side of the woman, they took the side of the guy who didn't want to have sex. I mean, was the next arrest a bartender trying to give a guy a free drink? Yeah. Um, I,

I, I wonder, I wonder, I'd like to think that this is not the real story. I wonder what the real story, like they came up with that. All right, listen,

Oh Jesus, we are banged up. Uh, I was sleeping. that. All right, listen. Oh, Jesus. We are banged up. I was sleeping. You are horny. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like perform and act like they've got something where he just goes down on her

because he's supposed to perform a sexual act. Maybe it's a play. Have they written a play? A little one act? Yeah. the vagina monologues yes and uh you know speaking of fun i got a package of omaha steaks in the mail and it's not just steaks it's chicken it's pork and it's oh it's whole. It's so good. The quality is amazing, and it's so nice to have it delivered to your house, stick it right in your freezer.

We are supported by Omaha Steaks, I should say that, right out of the gate. So it's great. I remember two summers ago we went up to visit the Malloys in upstate New York, and it was my mom, my sister, her two kids and husband, my kids. And so my mom was like, all right, they're going to need food. So she sent a giant box of Omaha. It was hot dogs. It was everything. The assortment's fantastic. For three days, we just ate it and they were so thankful. It was great. So thankful.

It was great. Yeah. We used to, my stepmother's from actually St. Louis, but from the Midwest. And Omaha steaks were a very big thing for her for years. So she'd send them out all the time. And of course, they come frozen. You put them and they're just like flash frozen or whatever it is. They're so fresh.

And then when they would come out here, that's what I'd serve up. We'd have a big barbecue, and she'd get her. It was almost self-serving in a way that she sent them because that's what she got served when she came out here. Well, look, it's the holidays. This is a great time to send it to some loved ones. I would suggest ahead of visiting them because who knows what kind of crap they're buying from Ralph's. You're getting quality here.

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Minimum order may be required. That's a good deal. It is. It's entertaining. Speaking of which... Entertainment. Where's the... Here we... Okay. where's the here we go okay um we got it well we got a note from somebody i think it was elizabeth brown who's a friend of the show although i can't find the email she sent and she said that she

really enjoys our picks for movies and tv shows. And can we do some for the holidays? So I think we, you told me to start watching Fargo, which I did. Yeah. How's it going? I, I was blown away by season one,

blown away by season two. Yeah. Don't remember three, four was Chris rock, which I love Chris. That season did not get me. This one is back with a vengeance yeah it is so uh compelling you can't you can't not binge it it's so good yeah I'm caught up and it's very it's it's getting interesting like it's uh some uncomfortable

weirdness yeah I don't i don't want to say more than that but uh yeah i'm really liking and she from uh you know what's what's she ted lasso ted lasso she's like the little almost like kind of mousy which i think they're leaning into because she has these big eyes and she's very, an amazing Minnesota accent. Well, don't forget Frances McDormand. I mean, it's kind of based on that. This little woman who's actually very tough. Right.

And so I'm liking it a lot. And then are you caught up on The Curse, Nathan Fielder's Curse, The Curse? No, I got to start it. Oh, okay. It is highly uncomfortable, and Emma Stone's amazing and grounds the whole thing in a way and legitimizes it kind of,

because it's weird by design. Is it a story? Is it like a narrative movie, or is it a series? It's a series. It's a TV series. I think I'm on episode four or three i'm caught up i think four and it's it's bizarre and it's a slow burn i mean i'm staying with it because uh the rehearsal

was one of my favorite things on tv in the last few years so yeah people really bummed out over the rehearsal by the end of it i I loved it. I loved it. I loved it too. It's the kind of TV I like. I like experimental TV. It's existential. It's weird. You know.

Yeah. I got a screener. I've been getting a bunch of screeners, and I got a screener for the movie Salt Burn. Yeah. Have you seen it? No. I'm not. I wouldn't prioritize it.

It's well done. I love the two actors. It's Barry Keegan, I believe is how you pronounce his name. Oh, the Irish guy. Yeah. The kid who stole the show in the Banshees. Yeah. And then Jacob Elordi, I guess,

but he's the great-looking guy from Euphoria. The alive one. Huh? The alive one? The alive one? One of the actors from Euphoria died. Oh, yes. He's the alive one.

And he plays a great-looking, which is part of his character, not only in Euphoria, but in this movie, he plays a very great which is part of his character not only in euphoria but in this movie he plays a very great looking uh guy um charismatic and all that in this movie but uh well done but not really recommend and then i asked you last week to see love has won watch the documentary fucking loved it oh my god here's the thing about cults is you can say these people are crazy. You can say, how do they buy into this? And then you can also say, how much do I want to live there? How much do I want to trip on psilocybin, get baked all day, have sex, live off the grid, live in a house with a bunch of other cool people that's decorated?

with a bunch of other cool people that's decorated. I want the interior decoration of that woman's house in my house. It would just make me happy all the time. Wait, of those dirt bags laying around? Yes. In a hippie commune? Yes. It looked, I don't think I'd last two days there.

You got to let go of your control, dude. You got to embrace the chaos. Maybe I'd last more than two days, but this is what would happen. It's like, all right, there's a new leader in town. It's me. Shave your pit sister, and everybody, we're doing chores, okay? Everyone has chores. We're cleaning this place. No, there was a girl who said she cleaned the entire house every single day.

That poor woman is one of the most fragile humans I think I've ever seen. Yeah, I know. But it is amazing when you see these cult leaders because there really is a percentage, and it's different for every one of them, that truly believes they are messiahs they have messiah messianic complexes and she they said there's moments where she kind of shows her hand

that she doesn't believe it but that's that's only with one guy a couple times and the rest of the time she's fully in character as god mother mother god yeah but when i was watching it i was like is anyone is no one gonna point out like god's pretty and articulate yeah and shit-faced shit faced all the time yeah anyway highly recommend that and then i saw the movie napoleon last night with i brought my daughter and her friend and aaron and to the movie theater to the movie theater that's where you're supposed to see it grand epic battle scenes well it's ridley scott so you know it's it's incredible i mean there is one scene where i'm not gonna say what happens but i started laughing out loud and i couldn't stop because it was so badass.

It's just crazy. Oh, like over the top crazy? Yeah, but believable, but gory and it just is tense. I laugh when that stuff happens also. Like I laugh at the absurdity of it. Yeah. And I had just finished listening to like a 50-hour biography of Napoleon. And I had just finished listening to like a 50 hour biography of Napoleon.

So I had an advantage, which I think the average viewer should at least read a Wikipedia entry. It's just that, you know, there was a lot going on in France. They don't really explain in terms of like, you know, the royalists versus the revolutionaries and how half of France was on each side. And so it kept flipping back and forth during his time of having a king and then not having a king, and then he makes himself king. But he was one of the greatest generals of all time. He was a genius, but he spread himself.

Anyway, I'm not going to get into it, but it's's a long fucking movie it's like two hours and 40 minutes joaquin phoenix is amazing the last time i think the last time they worked together was gladiator joaquin and ridley scott and uh you know ridley scott joaqu. Joaquin was the emperor. Oh. He was Caesar. Okay. Whatchamacallit, the fight scenes in Gladiator. Yeah. When those horses are... The opening of that movie, when those horses charge and they're coming down the hill, and the catapults, all of it is incredible.

Yeah. This was very detailed about cannonballs. There's a lot of cannonballing going on. All right. And then Susan Sarandon. Oppenheimer. Oh, you want to do Susan Sarandon? Yeah, she was dropped by her talent agency last week

after going on a pro-Palestine rant, was dealt another blow on Tuesday, this time being dropped by her talent agency last week after going on a pro-palestine rant was dealt another blow on tuesday this time being dropped by a production company that was considering her for a short film a fucking sure i don't even do short films i mean that's how you start your career it's not how you end it susan just fucking go get a house in woodstock and relax. Poor Susan, man. She's so rattled by this and now she's like, apparently she's shopping around a sequel for Thelma and Louise and it's like,

I can't see it. It seems like the makeup they'd have to do for their faces after that. I don't know if that's going to work. Yeah. I saw Oppenheimer. Here was a headline this week. Oppenheimer, the Japan release was confirmed after months of dialogue. I guess there had been a question if Christopher Nolan's hit biopic would play in Japan,

given sensitivities there to its subject matter. Well, I just want to say I'm glad that they announced it and didn't just drop it on them and surprise them. I think the movie's going to bomb, honestly. You know, look, this will probably go over about as well as the series Jersey Shore went over in New Jersey. All you can do is move on from it,

try to rebuild. Too soon. Both Jersey said that and Japan it. Try to rebuild. Too soon. Both Jersey said that and Japan will say that to this. Too soon. What's this Elvis thing? I didn't put it in there. Oh, maybe I put it in.

All right, well, let's skip it. Sure. Let's make America Florida. It's from Liz. it's the one who said i was looking for this email uh documentary called loving elvis they interview many of the young girls he dated several were 14 years old oh his stepbrother said one of his friends pretty much admit that elvis was into young ladies priscilla wasn't a fluke uh and she said also can we get more entertainment news and what to watch

recommendations um there we go yeah i read a biography two biographies of alvis one of them is that last train to memphis by um who's that's supposedly the best one i think that's the quintessential one i think it's i think it's Greer Marcus who wrote it. And it showed his perversion was basically like he was into young girls, but he was not really into penetration. He loved to cuddle. And then once they got older, once a woman had a baby, he couldn't touch her anymore. And that's when he and priscilla fell apart because

he couldn't have sex with her because she'd had his child peter garrel nick garrel nick okay yeah uh wrote last train to memphis uh wow that's some details huh yeah yeah i i don't i i don't know if i want to watch that sounds a a little like the Michael Jackson excuse. So the King of Pop and the King of Rock and Roll snuggled underage kids. Okay. And the King of Pop married the King of Rock's daughter. Yeah. Another connection.

That's the craziest thing ever. Here we go. Make America floraida let's do it okay there are these two manatees who have been dubbed romeo and juliet and they're going to be freed from a miami miami sea aquarium after an activist outcry. Wait, is this Florida Man or Florida Manatee? Bingo! A pair of aging manatees living in ever-deteriorating conditions at a Florida aquarium since 1956 will be relocated following complaints by an animal rights group

and a damning report by the USDA about the conditions at the park. The manatees, named Romeo and Juliet after Shakespeare's Thank You, will live out their remaining years in a sanctuary where their medical and social needs can be more carefully attended to. Drone footage captured last month provided a bird's eye view of Romeo, 67 years old, living in dismal isolation at the Miami Seaquarium. In the heartbreaking video, the mammal was shown swimming all by himself in the brackish water off the aquarium's dilapidated pompano pools, which are closed off to the public where the animal rights group said he's confined all the time. So my take is they couldn't come up with more hopeful names for

these poor manatees was Sid and Nancy too romantic I'm thinking how about Jack and Rose from Titanic at least one of them survived at sea right right Selfishly. How about Dory and Nemo? Were they a couple? I don't know. I didn't watch that because Ellen did the voice. What about Ahab and Moby? Yeah, I mean, I guess you've turned them gay now. Well, what do you think Ellen was in that Dory movie?

Yeah, you're all gay. I mean, I'm assuming Moby is a man. And, you know, like Romeo and Juliet, if given a chance, these manatees would have killed themselves. I know. It's going to be tragic. It already is tragic. Well, the manatees are like, wherever you place us,

just don't let it be the, what do they call it, the condos? What's the area down there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The villages. Just don't put it be the, what do they call it, the condos? What's the area down there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The villages. The villages. Just don't put us in the villages. Don't put us, please don't put us in. You know, and Romeo and Juliet are like, thanks, so we're fat as hell?

That's what reminds you of us? We were beautiful teenagers, thank you. Now, she was only 13 in Romeo and Juliet. I'm counting that as a teenager. Yeah. Florida man arrested for quitting job in the middle of transporting prison inmates. On Tuesday around 9 a.m., deputies received a call to be on the lookout for an inmate transport van in North Carolina. for an inmate transport van in North Carolina. The caller was the owner of the inmate transport company

and reported the driver was off course and refusing to return the van. The driver, Florida man Joshua James Pinkett, had four inmates in the locked cargo area of the van. Pinkett told the owner that he was quitting his job in the middle of the trip and refused to stop at the intended destination for the prisoners. Deputies stopped the van on I-40 and learned Pinkett was supposed to stop at a location in Hickory with the inmates, but refused.

Pinkett was charged with five counts of felony, second-degree kidnapping, and felony larceny by an employee. and felony larceny by an employee. The man apologized, saying, what I've done is unforgivable, and I sadly will be leaving the state of Florida. Luckily, I found a new job driving an ambulance in Detroit, going for the record of seven. You know, I can totally imagine the prisoners in the back gagging him on like, yeah, man, quit, man.

Dude, I just heard that call. They don't respect you. No, no quit later. Quit right now. Right now you quit, man. Make a statement.

Depending on the job, you do have a lot more leverage if you quit in the middle of it, like a pilot or a surgeon or an astronaut. Yep. Do it. Just in the middle. Don't let go of that leverage. All right, we're making Australia, Florida.

Let's do it. I loved seeing this story, and there was a photo of her just standing out there. A woman was arrested in Canberra. Is that how you pronounce it? Sounds good. A woman was arrested in Canberra after running

up to the plane on the tarmac. She was charged after running up in Australia. The incident happened on November 1st and video filmed that evening shows the woman standing close to the plane's cockpit. Eyewitnesses said the woman was waving at the pilot

apparently after arriving late for her flight. An Australia federal police spokesperson said the woman was waving at the pilot, apparently after arriving late for her flight. An Australia federal police spokesperson said the woman had been refused bail and was due to appear in court on Friday. Wow. I think she's seen too many movies. And I looked it up online. I tried to find a collection of movies because it's such a trope.

How did you Google? How did you search this? It's not easy for me. Up in the Air, Love Actually, Liar Liar, Airplane, The Proposal, A Fish Call Wanda, The Bodyguard,

Die Hard 2, Six Days Seven Nights, Going the Distance and 12 Monkeys. Those were the ones I found in less than two minutes. For someone who gets so many facts wrong

you're all of a sudden flexing your Google skills. Well I think there's going to be some corrections on those. Oh God. Alright. I mean first of all did you really think

the guy was going to stop? I mean we both grew up in New York. You can't even get a bus to stop? I mean, we both grew up in New York. You can't even get a bus to stop if you run up next to it. My school bus driver, I'm not making this up, this old black guy named Kenny from Louisiana, and he used to fucking enjoy pulling away. If you were a kid and it was January and you're running across ice with your lunchbox and your backpack and you're waving at the bus,

he would pull out and we'd all laugh. He would laugh. We would laugh. And then halfway to school, he'd quit. I've told this story before, but very quickly, because I don't think people listen every week, but that time I took Ambien, the long story short is because there's a lot of context, but I had to take a red eye and I had to sleep. I was working the next morning all day in New York city. So I, at the bar, I was early at the bar. I ordered a vodka Coke and took my Ambien. And all of a sudden it was like, I look my i'm like oh my god we're like what and my my drink's empty and i run over it was virgin air i run over and the door closes and i run up kenny i run up

and at virgin the desk actually was behind like facing the door so i see the door i turn around and i go and i look at them and they go are you Mike Gibbons I'm like yes and they're like we've been paging you and I turn and I point I go I go is that is that that's the door to my flight and they're like yes I'm like is I thought about and I go is there anything I can say right now to make you open that door to get that door to open. They're like, thank you so much for asking that way. No one has ever like asked that way. No,

there's nothing you can say. And they put me in a, and they felt so, they knew what was going on. They felt so sorry for me. They put me in a hotel. I stayed in a hotel eight miles from my house at the airport. Cause they put me on like a 5 30 a.m well you're leaving out the best part was that you had an entire crew of cameramen who were all in new york waiting for

you at 6 a.m at jfk yeah zach was on saturday night live the next night we were all flying in we were shooting i had all the equipment and i had the rented car and I was picking them up. They were on American on a different red eye. Oh, what a fail. What a fail is right. And all I wanted to do, if I wasn't on ambient, I would have run out on the tarmac.

Stop that bitch. All right. Speaking of sports, let's get into it. um i no jokes i watched the beckham documentary finished it and i'm wondering to people who know a lot more about this um i think it was obviously it was a fluff piece okay uh i forget the actor's name but the actor produced and directed and he knows them and he did like countless interviews with him you can see him in a million different wardrobes which gets to my point the focus on appearances of posh and beckham i just don't think it was a fair documentary. Like, wasn't he a gigantic distraction?

I mean, yes, he was good, but like, did they soft pedal? Like she was hated in Spain. And I think she earned that not just because it was Fisher Stevens, not just because of the, the one comment she made about food or whatever the hell it was. She arrived with like countless bags. And I think they were always both a distraction and both always making it about themselves. Do I have that right? That's my question. Well, I know the British press loved them and they elevated them.

And I think they just fed into it. Well, first they hated them, but yeah. Or second. But I mean, it's just, I could never be a celebrity in England. I think it's the worst place in the world to be a celebrity. Look what happened to Lady Di. You were so afraid of it, you didn't become a celebrity here. didn't become a celebrity here well i mean i had that option and i always felt like you know i just want to put i want to put the podcast first and not get really good at stand-up same with me it's

like koozies or a job search koozies um i guess denman just posted this. Breaking news, 29-year-old L.A. Angels. L.A. Angels? I thought it was the California Angels. Two-way star. Oh, my God. Shohei Ohtani just posted on Instagram that he's signing with the Dodgers, so he's going to move across town. The 10-year, $700 million Ohtani will receive from the Dodgers is the largest guarantee in sports history.

Shohei. Wow. Shohei the money. It's so funny because baseball is so American. And now you got these Japanese guys coming in. I'm assuming he's Japanese and some of them are the greatest players in the sport. This guy is arguably one of the greatest ever.

Yeah. I mean, we'll see. He's 29, but he is the most ridiculous talent. Oh, yeah. And then Yamamoto, I think he's a free agent as well so we'll see what happens with him Yamamoto the money uh let's go to work as well you know let's get down to uh uh this day in history here we go yes December 10th 1690 a failed attack on Quebec and subsequent near mutiny forced the Massachusetts Bay Colony to issue the first paper currency in the history of the western

hemisphere France and Britain periodically attacked each other's Northern American colonies throughout the 17th and 18th centuries. In 1690, during one such war, Governor William Phipps of Britain made a promise he could not keep after leading a successful invasion of the... Anyway, long story short, but there was a shortage of coins and they had nothing to pay the troops with possible mutiny happening so he just printed a limited amount of uh government-backed paper currency to pay the soldiers um and then uh it was initially their ious they're they're they're i mean it's yeah they were initially unpopular for anything except paying taxes and was phased out within a few years. However, paper currency would return to Massachusetts.

The Bank of England issuing banknotes in 1695 also to pay for the war against the French. And I think I think Zach might still have a couple of these bills in his wallet. That's how that's how often he spends money. Nice. All right. Letters. Are we doing letters? Yeah, we got a lot of letters.

Let's get to them. Okay. Adrian Mathis said, in last week's show, Mike said that Kelly Clarkson was the second best thing to come out of American Idol machine out of curiosity what was the first best thing in Mike's opinion I think it was uh Simon's shirts they were the best thing to come out of it uh I always based on her name Jennifer Hudson yes I'll give you that. I thought I made that clear

last week, even though I didn't say it explicitly, but she's, I mean, that, that voice is so powerful and great. This one is from somebody. I forgot to write the name down, but, um, oh, we did that one. Yeah, we did that one. Okay okay what about lou lesperance who says uh i love the show even with greg's shitty fact checking just want just writing to squawk on mikey's tagline take it eesh and its internet origins i actually went to high school with tommy romola the boat necked freak who coined the dipshit phrase take it eesh we both went to high school with Tommy Ramola, the boat neck freak who coined the dipshit phrase, take it each. We both went to Bayshore High School in New York. He was a steroid freak in the 80s. Still going. Whatever you do, don't buy a car from that guy. Shit, don't buy a dime bag from him.

But he is the origin of your line. Well, I can tell you right now, in 1981 or 2, I was saying take it-ish to my friend Frank Moretti in high school. So I think me and Tommy Ramola, we must have run into each other at Danceteria one night and shared it. I'm not sure. I think we should say we don't know if he's a trustworthy car salesman, and we certainly don't know if he sells dime bags. Alleged.

I don't think Tommy would take it-ish if he heard this. Tommy, take it-ish. Tommy, tell your lawyers to take it-ish. Hey, put the gun down. Take it-ish. This one comes from Christian Kelly. This one comes from Christian Kelly. So he's talking about the millennial annual wage satisfaction. He said it was baffling.

As a young millennial myself, I don't honestly believe the majority of us need exorbitant annual salaries of $500,000. It's unfair to use L.A. County yuppies' conspicuous dining habits as a metric of generational lifestyle choices. The truth is many of us are struggling to make above $20,000 or $30,000. I think $60,000 would be enough for me. Nice. That's reasonable. Yeah.

Well, Christian, if you ever uh start getting more money coming in very honest no joke here one of the keys to life is living beneath your means yes uh not drastically but just beneath so definitely give that a try says the 56 year old man who's sitting in his closet of his rented apartment you got it pal koozie's for sale he's talking to the guy who's driving a 2011 prius with a paper clip holding the fucking fender on and let's cheer it up with an obituary all right well listen i mean sometimes somebody dies at 101 and there's isn't it weird sometimes there's a feeling of like all right they had a good life but you know what norman lear was still living i i met him and he was out at largo all the time he was having lunch with you know judd

apatow one day and fucking around with Jeff Ross the next. He was overseeing a show on TV. This guy was alive. And so there's still, even though Norman Lear was 101, it really was kind of sad when he died this week. Yeah. I mean, but I think to the first part you were saying,

everyone seemed to just celebrate him like crazy. Yes. Yes. He is the guy who brought us all in the family, which alone would have made him maybe the most iconic TV producer of all time. But then he also gave you Sanford and Son, Maud, Good Times, The Jeffersons, One Day at a Time.

And these were all shows that were breaking down what was acceptable on TV. Racism, sexism, the women's lib movement. I mean, even abortion. Yep, absolutely. Rape. Yep. Oh, yeah, Gloria got raped in one episode.

That was crazy. No, I think it was Edith, wasn't it? Oh, was it? Well, there was a break in. I know. Anyway, all in the family meant so much to my family. We would, my grandmother would, she loved Archie and her favorite was George Jefferson, especially when he was on all in the family before the spinoff. And, uh, and, and my dad and I was really young, but I mean, it was, if you see it, it's very, very interesting. I have the DVD box set. It's like Eugene O'Neill or something like that. And it was just amazing and fearless. Just fearless.

And funny. I know. The jokes were so fucking good. I mean, Edith hit home runs every time she came in. And on the times when, you know, you'd see her get beat down and beat down. And then once in a while, she would annihilate Archie. And it was the most gratifying feeling. And there was, you know, they send clips.

It's Rob Reiner playing meathead with Archie and they're getting in a fight. And I mean, some of these are talking points for Black Lives Matter. Like now, like, you know, and this was on CBS where he's like, he's like, no, no, I think they're equal. You know, he's like, you don't think the black man is handicapped in this country? And I was like, no, he's like, they're very able. They're beautiful, as they say, you know, and he's going on and on. And he's like, and listen, you know, they can they can they're free. They can get their own jobs. He's like, nobody, nobody had parades in any marching for me to get my first job.

And he eats over at the table. It's like, yeah, his uncle gave him his first job. Right. Right. That was maybe one of the greatest lines in the history of the show. It's so good. Yeah. And then it said and then he was quoted as saying, for all his faults, Archie loved his country and loved his family, even when they called him out on his ignorance and bigotries. If Archie had been around 50 years later, he probably would have watched Fox News, probably would have been a Trump voter, but I think that the sight of the American flag being used to attack Capitol police

would have sickened him. So that's kind of interesting. So, I mean, and he's one of these guys where they came from i mean i guess he's he's even prior to the greatest generation wasn't he he was like maybe the beginning of it but born in 1922 fought you know enlisted in the army worked as a radio operator and a gunner in 1942 and then he came back he got to work he got work in public relations broke into tv with he had a partner that he wrote with wrote for dean martin and jerry lewis um and then he eventually i mean he'd fucking did all in the family and i think it was 1975 wait what year was it it was edith by the way than that who attempts to rape okay

anyway uh it's amazing just watch all the film and also on instagram there's a great account that keeps posting hysterical clips well the crazy thing is all the family was on at eight o'clock on Saturday night on CBS, the Tiffany Network, with no restrictions and no warnings. If you want to see it now, it's on Nick at Night at like 11 o'clock at night with warnings and it's edited stuff out. That's where we are as a country. Right. Oh, yeah. Here it is. All right. Let's cheer up, Right. Oh, yeah.

Here it is. All right. Let's cheer up, Mike. Here we go. Sunday funnies. This guy writes in, got some far side fun facts. Gary Larson made the comic

from 1979 to 1995 before retiring. After a 25-year break, he restart made the comic from 1979 to 1995 before retiring. After a 25-year break, he restarted the comic as web-only to go with the launch of the site where you can find his old work now. He truly is a mad genius, and I love his addition to the Sunday Papers comic lineup. Thank you, whoever wrote that. Well, on that note, I can do this one. I chose this one because I saw that letter.

So wait, let me make this one bigger here. So this was Gary Larson's last comic, and it's the nice witch from Wizard of Oz. And there she's doing a spell. And the dialogue bubble says, why, Gary, you've always had the power to go home. Just close your eyes, quack three times, and think to yourself, there's no place like home. There's no place like home. And he's surrounded by all the characters uh from the far side and it's in color the cow the cowboys all that a little kid all that stuff pop to the the frame the next frame it's black and white it's the scene from wizard of oz where dorothy's in the bed and he wakes up and he's surrounded by his family and they are all basically the characters,

just like Wizard of Oz and the snake is there and everything. And he goes, and Aunt Zelda, all the women looked like you. And Uncle Bob, all the cows looked like you. And Ernie, there were cavemen that looked like you. And there were all these little kids like you, Billy. And there were monsters and stupid looking things and animals that could talk some of it was confusing and then oh wow there's no place like home damn that's rich yep glinda the good witch of the south ah all right yeah she wasn't wicked was not wicked uh let's get to

oh let's get to these lockhorns because they're wicked leroy is in the doctor's office he's holding his back and gritting his teeth loretta's giggling and the doctor says your spare tire is out of alignment good one solid joke i think i think she gave him that joke and now Leroy and Loretta are going through the bills or the mail and she goes we're invited to the Lenhart's New Year's Eve party but only if we put up a $200 damage deposit

fucking Leroy parties hard yeah now we got the Hager the Horrible is running out of a castle with two bags of loot him and lucky and the queen is standing in the archway of the castle with her hands on her hips and she screams out of the next frame don't forget and then uh hagger says to lucky the duke is a hoarder yeah and the queen is a whore. I mean, what did they forget? I think a little rape.

They rarely forget that, though. That's weird. Well, I guess they got some. Maybe it was a really good bag of loot, or maybe they're not that into the Queen, but, I mean, it just seems like it's part of the job. Do the job. Finish your job.

Focus, right. Finally, let's get to, I have to say I had to go back in time to find a blondie in the archives because this week, once again, whatever this guy is who writes the strip, all Dagwood. Dagwood at the deli. Dagwood at work.

Who gives a shit? This strip is not about Dagwood. If she's not in a frame, I'm out. So I went back and found an older one and now they are in the attic. They're cleaning out. It's like a spring cleaning day. She's got on a

fuchsia top, tight blue jeans, maybe marbled. And she goes, dear, this dented old bowling ball has got to go. And he goes, but that's my lucky ball. And she goes, I'll make you a deal. If you throw it away, I'll cook you the best pot roast ever. And the final frame is him throwing the ball in the garbage. Herb, his neighbor, is throwing his ball in the garbage.

And Dagwood goes, you too, buddy? And then Herb says, Tootsie had me at chicken fricassee. Really? Really? How into eating was this generation of men? Unbelievable. And first of all, I mean, look, Dagwood, compare the broken bowling ball to the two bowling balls that are hanging out of the bra on your beautiful blonde wife. I mean, get your priorities straight.

I mean, don't you want to finger those? Get your fingers in them? Yes. Yeah, right, right. There's no dents on her. There's no cellulite. That's smooth. Her ass is smooth as a bowling ball.

Roll it around in the gutter? Oh, that's what you want to do. All right, listen. We did it. Thank you guys for listening. We got through this on a beautiful Sunday. I think next week I may be in my new studio. That'll be exciting.

We want to also remind you guys to support the sponsors. That's how we keep the show rolling forward. You're going to go to Game Time and you're going to put in what's our code on Game Time? Papers. And you're going to get yourself $20 off. Also, you're going to go

get your tickets. No, you're going to do an entry with prize picks and you're going to get an entry with prize picks, and you're going to get $100 if you put in our code, papers. And then finally, oh, Omaha Steaks. If you go there, take advantage of 50% off site-wide if you use code PAPERS, get an extra $30 off.

We want to thank Chris Denman and everybody at Midcoast Media that does such a fine job. We appreciate your efforts. And anything you want to plug, Mike? Oh, I didn't do my dates. Let me do my tour dates. Oh, yes. That's what I want to promote.

Well, first of all. And the koozies. We've been promoting the Best Buddies benefit at the Comedy Store. We got Nikki Glaser just joined the lineup. Oh, nice. So we got Sarah Silverman, Annie Letterman, Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee, Ron Funches. It is sold out, unfortunately,

but if you want to donate money to the cause, it's bestbuddies.org. Also got dates coming up in Fort Worth, Texas, December 15th and 16th milwaukee at the improv december 29th through 31st den theater in chicago atlanta portland la jolla hollywood california on st patty's day and uh tampa florida go to fitzdog.com get some tickets god already promoting st patrick's day what is happening you're gonna be around for it this year how the hell do i know it's 2023 jesus lower your voice what defensive everyone

says my voice is too low on this podcast so there that's the only time they heard me in that garbage truck well we got our new mics and uh i really hope you guys are enjoying the improved quality and uh i think that's it i think we'll just have to see you guys are enjoying the improved quality and I think that's it. I think we'll just have to see you guys next week. I think everyone should take it-ish. Take it-ish! Bye-byes. We'll see you next time. Oh