Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 199 1/14/24

Episode Date: January 14, 2024

Orthodox Jews are tunneling under Brooklyn, Christians are tearing through the Constitution and Epstein is behind the fall of more perverts. We defend Jo Koy and Daniel Tosh and attack Belichick.

I don't read a real newspaper. I prefer the audio version. Sunday Papers, podcast. Greg, you might. They do deliver. They do deliver. Sunday Papers. Coming to you live from Los Angeles, California, as well as Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah, buddy. Hey, now. Midwest cold. That's what we're calling this. Midwest cold. It's unbelievable. How bad is it there?

It's not. It was a really rainy, nasty day. No snow, but snow apparently Monday. I don't know. I're you're heading to chicago in theory i leave for chicago we're recording this on a friday late in the day uh it's currently snowing in chicago it will snow until four in the morning it also rained today so as it dips into the 20s the rain will turn to ice my flight leaves at 9 a.m on saturday and uh lord willing if the lord jesus christ smiles upon me and is unaware of my masturbation the plane will land and i will tell jokes to people at the den theater you should let

the other people know uh the other passengers, that that flight is canceled just based on masturbation. If only I could do good with masturbation. Can you imagine? Why isn't there a world where masturbating makes you money? You would be rich. Why the finger pointing at me? Well, I just know that. Yes, I self-soothe a lot I get it only when you're under pressure I don't know what you're like when things are relaxed and easy but I know that when uh when you got a script to write those hands are not on the keyboard

no it's a classic uh maneuver in fact, so classic, the Kathy cartoon. I found one. I was like, wait, what? And she talked about every time she sits down to write a script, she immediately has to put on pornography and touch herself. What? So I'll explain. That's all I'm going to tell you.

Okay. I found a kathy cartoon that said that and then i have a giant explanation about it and it's a lot of fun it's a lot of fun kathy's fun yeah so uh we'll get into that um yeah i see the chicago i called it up on my phone here it's raining now, dropping to 4 degrees tomorrow. Yeah, so all that rain is just going to be a sheet of ice. As you said, we're doing this on Friday. Tomorrow's Kansas City game is making headlines for its weather. It might be 20 below windchill, and Miami is playing there.

So that's no bueno for Miami. No. They apparently have not won a game in two years when the weather was less than 40 degrees. Those stupid dolphins. They got a fucking Hawaiian quarterback. You think that guy can play in the cold? Dolphins are silly and stupid.

They're always getting caught in tuna nets. They're just idiots. Yes. And the thing is, if any of the cheerleaders are menstruating, those dolphins are going to go right for them, baby. And is it menstruating? It's not menstruating? I just cut it short there.

It's probably what you said. It's menstruating. Yeah. I don't like that. By the way, I rewatched the second borat movie last night and that scene where the daughter is that that's the one where he brings his daughter over and he's supposed to uh marry his daughter to mike pence oh the recent one yeah okay yes the scene where they go to a debutante ball and the daughter does the moon

the moon blood dance where she lifts her dress she's got hair coming out of her panties and blood smeared all over her crotch and there's all these people in tuxedos and gowns miss one of the single funniest thing i've ever seen in motion picture history it's amazing oh my god justice no it's amazing uh yeah that is that was a recent one i forgot and then i saw i guess it was bruno maybe i may i i definitely have blurred them a little bit well it's amazing because as they were filming it the uh oh there was a pandemic special. Yeah, the Wuhan flu, as he was singing about. He called it Wuhan flu.

And then I saw, yeah, I saw one. Maybe it was just clips or it was pandemic. I saw it online and Sophie and I watched it. And it was when he was in the basement quarantining with the two Hicks. Yes. Yeah. Now, was that in that movie? Yes. with the two hicks yes yeah now what was that in that movie yes they the two guys that lived together was a very unusual relationship because they weren't gay as far as you could tell but

they lived together in a house no and they had family in a house no they were no they referred to like one of them had daughters and stuff. Oh yeah. So yeah. It was very interesting. So anyway, that's the plan for the weekend. I also have to thank everybody, all the listeners. I was at,

I was at 97,000 and I said I wanted to break a hundred thousand. Boom. Look at my Instagram account right now. 100,000 on the nose nose I made it mom let's see if anyone dropped you hold on I'm going no don't even say it why suggest it why suggest it well you put it out there and then it's bulletproof uh no did you see by the way I just went to you, um, in the wrong place, but I just went to you and, uh, I sent you that Springsteen clip. Did you see that? No. What was it? It's the earliest known, uh, like demo. He did it in a studio in New York of, uh, uh, not jungle land, Mary queen of Arkansas. No, no, no. I've heard those. His audition, those three things.

Yeah, those are incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's Thunder Road. Oh, I think I did see that. Yeah. Just acoustic and an extra verse is in there. Yeah. And it's incredibly mellow. It's like listening to all those bob dylan variations uh you know like 10 variations on each song type thing yeah uh but hold on i'm really good with instagram i haven't found while you're looking it up shout out to the heil mics that we're using everybody's commenting on how much better the quality is of the sound uh we gotta thank uh chris denman who has a friend over over at Heil that was generous enough to donate some mics. Thank you.

You are truly. Let me unfollow you and see if it affects you. You're at exactly 100,000. Why would you want to put that in people's minds right now? You know how the internet works. No, but it has to be approximate you're not at exactly a hundred thousand are you well i just broke through like two or three days ago so um i'm probably not a lot above a hundred thousand but why i'm i'm not gonna unfollow you i'm not gonna unfollow okay

thank you uh and i won't call producers around town and say that you're an irresponsible writer. Wait, you mean with the self-soothing? That's part of my process. Oh, they know that. Yeah. No, no. It's on my, that's on my, on my sheet. That's on my credits, my credit list.

We want to thank Bruce Wise this week for the logo. It's Starsky and Hutch. We will get into that. There was one of them died. Yeah, man. Curiously, not during the filming of the show where I'm shocked that nobody died. What kind of car was that?

I looked it up in the obituaries. It had what kind of car? El Torino. It was an El Torino? It might be an El Torino, yeah. Yeah. Chris, you want to look that up? And then the song this week, Sam Femino. Very cool track. Thank you so much. We are down to one song right now.

We have one song in the folder on my desktop that holds all the songs. Uh, need you guys to dig in, pull out your ukulele, your flute, your harpsichord, whatever you got. Put us a song, put a song together for us. Send it in to FitzDawg.com and we will play it on the show

and you will be famous. I have an idea. What? It's a Gran Torino. Okay. No, but my idea was, on point, I'm not that bad. I just looked it up. No, but my idea was, on point, I'm not that bad.

I think this year you and I should be responsible for one song each. I like it. I'll do that. I cannot play a single instrument and that there's zero false modesty there. It's not like I know three chords on a guitar, but I don't know one chord on a guitar. Well, I'm a very poor guitar player, but I can play some chords. I have the worst voice anybody's ever heard. So I'm going to have to pick a very low octave and kind of talk, sing. I mean, I would love to, oh, maybe I guess I could have the, I could find, I would love to.

Oh, maybe I guess I could have the, I could find, I could have YouTube. This is such a poor man's way to lay down tracks. I'll have YouTube in the background just play me some drum beat. I guess I'll do that because I'm not using

whatever it's called. Garage. Garage band. Yeah, garage band or any of that. I may send a few tracks over to Denman to mix it for us. I assume he can do sound mixing on a song. Oh, wait, you're doing a professional jobby on this? Yeah, mine's going to be good.

I'm going to get, I think we have bongo drums, and I believe we have maracas. And so I'll lay down a bass line and then a rhythm guitar and a little bit of percussion. Yeah. I mean, even if you knew the first few chords of Highway to Hell, it's like Sunday papers, Sunday papers. Like you could just whip something out. Hey, were we already recording when you told? No.

What's your news on ACDC? No, no, no, no, no, no, told, no, what's your news on ACDC? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's very hush hush. You can't tell anybody that. No, no, no. But the other thing about Axl. Oh, I think, I think Axl Rose is singing with ACDC right now. I think on the last tour, what's his name? Died, right? Who? Didn't the lead singer die or did he just quit well i mean bon scott the original guy no not bon scott no uh brian jones brian i think right brian god i used

to know all this stuff but it's uh anyway his voice is, his hearing is gone too, I think. But also, man, listen, I took my kids. It was the first thing. Brian Johnson. Yeah. No, he's kicking it. 76 years old. But I know he's hurting big time. He's a good storyteller.

You hear him on, I think it was Stern. He's a good storyteller he you hear him on i think it was stern he's a good storyteller yeah um all right so uh i'm sure i got that wrong and we're gonna get some corrections but here's some corrections from last week um oh here we go axl has performed with them okay good oh brian is out of the band due to hearing yeah oh yeah all right so i took them wait chris can you look up when they played dodger stadium last i'm gonna put it at 2017 it was their last i think it was their last tour and i remember so i took my girls thank god you know my ex-wife was like you better pick up and know, my ex-wife was like, you better pick up. And it was my ex at the time too.

Like you better pick up hearing aids on the way there. And I was close to be like, you don't tell me you had a parent. So I stopped at a farm. Thank God I picked up, not hearing aids, earplugs on the way there because they would have wanted to leave after. It was so loud. Maybe it was our seats seats he thinks it's 2015 i think uh i believe i i remember reading at one point acdc had the world record for the loudest

concert and i think it was at madison square garden and this would have been back in like the 80s so thank god we got the earplugs because we they wouldn't have been able to stay but i remember we left during the last song like they were so spent and they played a long night and i just remember turning and like it was technically my second concert i ever went to which is remarkable and it was for back in black and um i just saw he was just shredding in the finale of the finale. And it was kind of like my goodbye to Angus. And I just stopped and I took that in as I was walking my kids to the car. And even then it was like, man, is he looking old?

And it's 2015 that I'm talking about. So, I mean, nine years ago, that's crazy to me. I remember I used to steal from cars a lot. That's the whole career of the Beatles ago. Right. I used to steal from cars a lot when I was a teenager. And I remember cassettes. I was a big thing of stealing cassettes and i got the back in black cassette and i i i wore that thing out i mean it's it's a perfect fucking album it's unbelievable i tell people even if you don't listen to the three giant hits hell's bells you shook me all night long and back

in black it still holds up yeah taking, how many albums have three huge hits? Take those three hits away. Right. Giving the dog a, it's unbelievable. Right. And it's so simple. I get it. It's so simple.

Oh, I watched on the plane. I watched a documentary on Miles Davis. I got to take a deeper dive on that stuff. It wasn't a great documentary, but what a character. Yeah. Yeah. And he was very, he was very outspoken. He talked about, he talked about other musicians very honestly, who was good and who sucked. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. Um, corrections from last week. Um, Meep Zork said very likely I misunderstood the terms but it sounded like you guys predicted howard stern would renew his contract last year he renewed his contract in 2020 for five years

so either you know something no one else has announced or that prediction doesn't even make any sense love the show and the koozie um yeah it's confusing with howard because and then you got joe rogan upping his contract every few years with with spotify yeah and uh and i think they're kind of neck and neck for who's getting paid more money it's crazy well i heard axl rose is replacing robin quivers you you know that you told that before we started recording and uh yeah and and then Brian Johnson is replacing Baba Booey. Also Brian Jones, resurrected from the dead, is going to join the staff over there. Dodges Hodge said, I think you mean,

will they return to Gaza City? We made a prediction about whether or not they will be back in Gaza. They're currently in refugee camps in southern Gaza because no other Arab country, about 40 of them, will take them. Gaza City is almost complete rubble and there's nothing to return to. Sad all around. Wait a minute. Why won't any of the Arab countries take in the refugees? Well, well i mean no one wants in theory no i mean not in theory in theory america wants refugees but no does anybody really want and there's by the way there's giant

political reasons and i'm not sure of all of them but uh there's because i remember early on a lot of people predicted that they're going to be driven out and Saudi Arabia is going to have to take them. And then there was huge debate and everyone's like, are you kidding me? Saudi Arabia will not take them. And now you got Yemen. We just bombed Yemen because they've been,

their pirate ships have been attacking boats. So that could heat things up. Don't pirate ships. Pirates, man. Fucking pirates. You ever see the videos Don't pirate ships. Pirates, man. Fucking pirates. You ever see the videos of these pirate ships attacking freight boats and they come in and the freight boats have fucking barbed wire and water hoses to try to fend off these pirates. It's crazy.

Why don't they have an assault rifle? I know, right? Maritime law. He's the captain now. Stephen Hawking died in 2018. Tom Gower said, why, what did we say?

We didn't know if he was dead, right? First of all, Tom, time is relative of all people. That would be a Steve telling you that time is relative. So is this young lady's age rub it rub it on my flaccid cock uh liz brown friend of the show did you forget the presidential election who was your candidate to win oh i guess we didn't didn't we predict that already i thought

we both said biden i think we both said Biden. I think maybe we forgot it for a second, and then you quickly wrote this comment, and then the next minute we said, hey, oh, by the way, who's going to win? She also said Jimmy Carter shouldn't count since he's on hospice. How about another pick? That's very true.

I've seen people go on hospice and go right out of hospice. Malachy McCourt. Oh, right. No, Malachy McCourt was on hospice and then kicked out of hospice because he wasn't dying. I love it. I wonder if you get to take a little of that morphine to go. I know, right? I know, right?

Tour dates. I'm coming to the Atlanta Punchline January 18th to the 20th. Portland Helium February 22nd through the 24th. Huntington Beach, the Rec Room on March 1st. Then I'm coming to La Jolla Hollywood Improv St. Patrick's Day Show March 16th. Mike Gibbons will be there. Dennis Gubbins March 16th. Mike Gibbons will be there. Dennis Gubbins will be there. I think I will be there.

Also, we have crazy lineups. Last year we had Bill Burr. We had Harlan Williams. Zach showed up, but he didn't go on, right? Right. That was weird. And it's getting too dark in here. Harlan was so goddamn funny. Har stole the show he was great uh by the way this show you're listening to right now is sponsored by better help what are some things you want to keep the same about yourself or your life in 2024? Where are you doing great? The new year, I know it's

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now what game time fellas it's time for game time oh my god love game time just called it up the app where you get the last minute tickets. It makes ticket buying easy instead of frustrating like it is with everybody else. What are some of the points I always forget to read? They have zone deals, flash deals. You have views from all your seats in the venue. The lowest price guarantee. You have event cancellation protection, job loss protection.

Only ticketing app that gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase okay i love going on discover you can do sports music shows discover though tells you what's going on in the town we have the islanders at the predators i don't know i mean when are they going to change that name i don't know, but the Predators. Yeah, that is weird, huh? Yeah, for $113,000. Okay, you know who's going to, who knows if this price will drop based on his recent interview? Cat Williams. But he's not here until April, but he's $130,000. Dude, next week we have to talk about that Cat Williams interview.

It was crazy. And I want to go see the whole thing because every time I think I've seen too much, there's another clip with him just spitting crazy theories, I think, on some of these fellow comedians and stuff. Yeah, it was a three-hour interview. And I guess he was, I would imagine he was drinking because he said some really wild stuff. Yeah, with some brown alcohol.

I don't know what they were drinking. Chris Stapleton playing his hometown radio. That's not till August, but that's at 2.52. All right, what else is going on here now, though? So you're going to watch those prices. They're probably going to go down. And when it's time, boom, the app is smooth as silk couple of taps no downloading no transferring no printing

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Guaranteed. Guaranteed. Now it's time. Ladies and gentlemen, how about a paper crinkle? You got something? You got it, pal. Extra! Extra!

We all love it! Extra! There it is. This is a story that I literally can't believe this is real. I had to go to two different sources to make sure that this was real. I absolutely did the same thing. Extremist students from an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic group. Isn't it ultra-Orthodox?

I thought it was the same thing, ultra-Orthodox and Hasidic. Secretly hired migrant laborers to help them build a controversial tunnel at the sex world headquarters in Crown Heights, all to fulfill what they felt was a religious obligation to expand the holy site.

Six renegade members secretly began digging the three-foot-high, 20-foot-wide, 50-foot-long tunnel. Those are weird dimensions. Three feet, so you've got to crawl. Why is it 20 feet wide? It's like a giant, I hate to say it. Oh, God, never mind.

I was going to say it's like a giant pizza oven, but that's a bad thing to bring up. That's a bad one, yeah. That was fully unintentional, by the way. They used crude instruments and their hands, stuffing dirt in their pockets so it wouldn't be detected by the leaders. You've seen the movie Shawshank Redemption. That's what these young men did. They dug and put dirt in their pockets. Later, the men, most of them in their teens.

Except these guys will never escape this prison they're in, no matter what. They then raised some money and hired migrant laborers, describing the workers as Mexicans. First of all, why stop them? New York City is low on money. We need a new tunnel. The Lincoln Tunnel at rush hour? Forget about it.

All right, I'm not following something. So they stuffed the dirt in their pockets so their work wouldn't be detected. But they also hired Mexicans? Did the Mexicans have to hire the dirt so nothing fishy they wouldn't smell that something was going on and oh that's just a mexican wait is he oh he's not carrying dirt that's fine that he's in here in our center well how big are their pockets like you fill your pockets and then what you got to go upstairs and find a dumpster what are they doing with the dirt also the mexicans like this might be the easiest job ever like four pocketfuls of dirt like and then i'm done then i can't come back in or otherwise it looks suspicious all right

well uh you know i i saw when it first broke dicky sent it to me and i also was like no no no this is fake because it's making them look like rodents the footage was so uh it was they looked like animals coming out of like hibernate like they caught them coming out of like grates like sewage grates on the sidewalk and then inside they were coming out and covered in dirt and i'm like there's no this is like an anti-semitic effort that's been made and this is weird footage that someone's making this news story i mean obviously you felt the same thing wait so yeah if and then there was like an attack when the cops showed up they were like throwing tables and like running at the cops and they got to be tackled and carried out like these guys were on a crazy and first of all where is the tunnel going where do they think it's

where they trying to get to it's not this is not the west bank no No, I know. It's, I have no idea. Probably the Flashdancers. It's not even there anymore. They're stuffing dollar bills in their pockets instead of dirt. Then they get there and they're like, sorry, Flashdancers closed. What? All right. But Diggy pointed out that one, the top comment when the news broke

was look who likes tunnels now referring, referring to Hamas. Yeah. Right. Um, why don't you read this one? Cause it's about Florida. A bill introduced in Florida Senate would make it defamation to accuse someone of racism, of Senate would make it defamation to accuse someone of racism, sexism, homophobia, or transphobia, which could total the freedom of speech in the sunshine state. SB 1780 would make it easier for an individual to sue another person for defamation, according to the measure and allegation that the

plaintiff has discriminated against another person or group because of their race sex sexual orientation or gender identity constitutes defamation per se so even when these allegations are false they are automatically defamatory my my head is spinning. I can't even follow. So if someone kills a black person because of their race and you accuse them of committing a racist crime, you go to jail? Well, I mean, not if you're right, I guess. You don't have to prove the defamation. I think it's saying no matter what, you can't know i think the defamation um i think it's saying no matter what you can't do it

this is what i do even when the even when the allegations are false they are automatically no matter what you can't call out race sexism whatever i mean what's happening in florida what are they turning into desandis first of all desandis is so gay for doing this uh well the first thing i know is you can't call this bill racist it's built in it's baked into the equation you're right right uh. That's scary. Yeah, that is weird. All right, let's get to another crazy story. At a meeting in 2009, the treasurer of the NRA worked out a plan to conceal luxury expenses involving its chief executive, Wayne LaPierre, according to audio of the meeting obtained by ProPublica. according to audio of the meeting obtained by ProPublica.

The recording was unknown to New York's Attorney General, who is pursuing the NRA and LaPierre over a range of alleged financial misdeeds. It shows in real time the treasurer enlisting the group's longtime PR firm to obfuscate the extravagant costs. Captured on tape is talk of LaPierre's desire to avoid public disclosure of his use of private jets as well as concern about persistent spending at the beverly hills hotel how much how much time does the nra spend in beverly hills i mean can't can't clint eastwood and the other two republicans who live in la just hop on a zoom call. Here comes your correction about Eastwood

living up North, but, uh, yeah, but I'm with you and yeah, it's also, why does this guy need a gun? He's in private jets and in the Beverly Hills hotel. How paranoid is this guy? Yeah. And good luck telling this guy anything. I mean mean he's like yosemite sam he's he's the head of the biggest gun club in the world uh tell him he's fired tell him go ahead tell him to take out the trash or get out of the handicapped spot la pierre is a gem man i mean there's a million stories on that guy yeah i know it's just terrible although i will say beverly hills has gotten pretty violent man with all the robberies the flash mobs well not only no the flash mobs aren't that violent but the they target people with jewelry and uh it's like back in the

day and then in new york in the 80 80s. And then there's armed robbery. They just pull up. And there's also violent smashing grabs also. Don't get me wrong. I'm just thinking the big ones don't seem to be armed. It's just a group that goes in and just tries to take everything from Nordstrom's. But the smaller ones, the guy's watch was taken when he was eating out on the street in a fancy restaurant on Rodeo Drive. Damn.

Or Beverly, one of them, but in Beverly Hills, yeah. All right, why don't you read this next story? I got to let the dog out. You let the dog, wait, what dog? Fucking Max. Remember that dog we fostered for three months? One of my kid's friends kind of went homeless. So he gave us the dog until he could find a place.

And then he supposedly found a place. And then his father became homeless. So he had to move in. And he's allergic to the dog. So we get the dog. Now, meanwhile, I'm allergic to the dog. So just to be clear, so the Fitzsimmons will take a dog but not the kid. Exactly.

I think that's what I got out of this story. Yeah, we don't rescue. I mean, look, we'll take the kid, but he's got to sleep in a corduroy bed in the corner of the room. And we get to change his name to Max, whatever his name is. It's now Max. And you're allergic to kids, homeless kids. By the way, if anybody wants a beautiful dog,

he's about nine. He's like a beagle terrier type of dog. The most well-behaved, doesn't bark, doesn't pee inside, great to walk, very well behaved, beautiful. Let me know, fitsdog.com, email me, let me know if you want to rescue the dog. We'll give it to you. Oh, you're going to get emails, man, of course. I hope so.

That's a good sales pitch, are you kidding me? Yeah, it's a good dog. All right, I'm going to let him out. All right, you go let him out. Oh, now you're giving me a pervert story. Donald Trump denounced reports of his association with jeffrey epstein but faa flight logs show the two did indeed have a relationship the former president argued tuesday he had never been on the convicted sex traffickers

plane or quote stupid island after images of the two made by artificial intelligence surfaced online. This is AI and it is very dangerous for our country. Trump posted on his truth social site. I was never on Epstein's plane or at his stupid island. Strong laws ought to be developed against AI news. I'm surprised Trump's a fan of laws. News Nation's Ashley Banfield dug into flight logs submitted to the FAA, which confirmed Trump flew on Epstein's plane at least seven times.

The documented flights were between Palm Beach and New York City. The logs also show Epstein was on board each time with Trump. Wow. It's just amazing that bald-faced, he just comes out and lies. I have never been on the plane. Meanwhile, seven times with him, he just says anything. And his followers, even when he's caught, go, well, that doesn't count because whatever reason.

Yeah. go, well, that doesn't count because whatever reason. Yeah. I think Trump thinks that AI stands for actual information. He's opposed to it. That's a good one. Also, why would Trump go to that stupid island when he already has been with underage girls on Manhattan Island? It is, allegedly, it is stupid to go there.

I mean, you got, he's already working a creepy island. Yeah. Why sleep in a strange bed when you can sleep in your own bed? Yeah. You don't have to go to Teterboro or whatever private airstrip. You don't even have to leave the island. By the way, did you see that photoshop that they put out showing him like holding a young girl's leg and it like and then you look close and like her hand was half missing

and his jacket was zigzagged like it was such a it the photoshop was so bad it made the sunday papers logos look like an annie leibowitz photo well here's the thing you don't have to uh you don't have to photoshop anything just look at the court records yeah i mean there's a big one now like the girl was 15 and it's like the third time and her story's been corroborated i'm not saying it's true but it's in the court system and it's been there for a long time and he's fighting it like crazy. So we'll see. Well, allegedly, and this is in fact, but allegedly Trump met Melania on Epstein's Island. Oh, I thought it was at a party. I had heard it was at a party and someone else was making time with her

or maybe was already with her. Yes. The other person was. You ready for this? He made a power move. Allegedly, Russell Simmons, and I heard it was on the island, was with Melania. Here's the dog if anybody wants to see the dog. Come here.

No way. Yeah. Come here. Look at this dog. Look at this face. Oh, that's a cute dog. That doesn't look like a beagle. Well, he's got a little beagle to him.

Is he playful? How old do we think that dog is? He's like nine. He's like a nine-year-old dog. He's very sweet. He likes to snuggle up. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah.

So anyway, let's get down to entertainment. What? We're moving on from pedophilia that fast? Well, you know, I feel like once we get into politics, people get upset. Alleged pedophilia. Okay. Oh, wait, we need a, you mean this? There we go.

All right, you put the story in there. That looks pretty chunky, but. All right, I'll skim through there. That looks pretty chunky, but... All right, I'll skim through it. Joe Coy, we don't need to go through it. Joe Coy, host of the Golden Globes. He got attacked for being sexist, for bombing, all this stuff. Steve Martin came to his defense, and it's just so crazy. That's interesting, because Steve Martin clearly didn't have to.

And I don't think like they have this, a lot of times things like this happen. The, they have the same manager and the manager will beg another person. Can you help my client out? Just put a little something in there, you know, that didn't happen here. No, Steve Martin has hosted the oscars four times he knows that it is the most difficult thing in the world totally got his back a lot of people did i had his back i put out something on twitter about yes i did i defended him um kevin nealon wrote a really nice thing so um you know he says and then and then some woman, some woman attacked, a bunch of people attacked

Steve Martin. Here's what one woman wrote. Nah, the toughest gig is being a woman in show business or any business. He took the stage and highlighted that point. Demeaning and trivializing women deserves no congratulations. You seem like you're truly a nice man, but you're out of your league on this topic oh really steve martin is out of his league this is his league he literally helped create this league of people that mc in a funny interesting way you on the other hand have a twitter account you're you're not in

this league you're not even in the fucking triple a minors you are you're in little league in the world of comedy you play t-ball and he is fucking uh carly stremski her favorite word is probably mansplaining i guarantee it so lame oh my god well here and So lame. Oh my God. Well, here, and also, she claims to do demeaning women. Did you know that Greta Gerwig came out and defended his Barbie joke? Oh, I saw that. Right, right. She said that he called the blockbuster,

so he said the blockbuster film Oppenheimer is based on this 700-page or bigger novel and that Barbie is a film adaption of a plastic doll with big boobs and she said well he's not wrong she's the first doll that was mass-produced with breasts so he was right on yeah i mean the, it's crazy. So here's my take on Joe Coy is, I don't know, first of all, never say that as a defense that he only had 10 days because that's like three times as many days as you need to put a good monologue together, in my opinion. opinion but obviously can get better and better but you can get 80 of it there in no time he also could have asked a pro over 50 people to send him jokes for free you know he could have done that easily he probably did um i think he made the cardinal mistake of not recognizing the elephant in the room up top which is nobody knows who you are,

generally speaking. And you have to come in self-deprecating. I think you should come in self-deprecating. I mean, Steve Martin comes in self-deprecating sometimes. A guy who's a multi-award winner and legendary and world famous, like when you're on, you know, especially the Oscar stage. I mean, you mean you gotta come in i remember a joke i wrote for ellen which was that this was always her dream to host the oscars not to win one and let that be a lesson to you kids always aim low and you know like even ellen having the wherewithal to be self-deprecating and kind of know her place in that room well yeah i think he lost his voice because ricky gervais hosts it and he's the opposite of what you're saying but he's he's an

outlier he is not the normal host for these things he's british so he kind of got a pass as an outsider who's going to make fun of hollywood um but the no the rule is you come in was self deprecating actually he came in and said he couldn't believe, like, you know, in terms of just saying reckless things that they hired him again. And then he established that he doesn't care. But he actually did do a, like, can you even believe they hired me again? Yeah, right. So, I don't know. I think, you know, blaming the writers was a shitty thing to do.

That's the only thing I'll fault him for. Oh, no, that don't know. I think, you know, blaming the writers was a shitty thing to do. That's the only thing I'll fault him for. Oh, no. That was the worst. I didn't think the jokes were bad. I thought, and the audience response sounded good. And I think the director, it was very fucked up to show Taylor Swift not reacting to the joke. That was really throwing the host under the bus. That's when I decided I love that joke, when I saw Taylor's stupid face.

Yeah, right. You know what? That was a joke on the NFL, and I didn't think it was a bad joke it wasn't a bad joke it was a the NFL should be called out for how much they're exploiting her right yeah he he kind of gave I did read someone say he kind of gave up on it by the very end of the joke and he should have stuck it like in other words he of course didn't see taylor's reaction but stand by that joke if you believe in no he said i'm sorry at the end oh he literally said i'm sorry you can't do that no you can't back down you gotta you gotta also understand you're playing to the home audience it doesn't matter how you're doing in the room you you stand tall you look in the camera you

deliver your shit you take a little pause at the end and uh and the selling out the writers was inexcusable and it's the worst selling out of writers i've ever seen actually yeah that wasn't cool saying he wrote something like you know listen you picked every joke. So that's on you no matter what. And if you didn't get enough jokes, like when I used to write for Bill Maher, we each turned in 40 jokes by noon every day. So if he got seven or eight writers, that's 320 jokes a day for 10 days. If he couldn't pick out a five minute monologue out of that, you know,

which I think he did. I thought the material was fine, but he shouldn't be complaining about it. Let me save a corrections. 280 jokes. But yes, exactly. All right.

Uh, let's make America, Florida. You got it, pal. Here we go. Oh, I do want to say one thing about that. I put it on my Instagram.

I was watching the, I guess it was best supporting actor in a dramatic role, right? And, uh, Robert Downey jr. Won it. And I saw the movie. I saw Oppenheimer by the way. Uh, as since we just did entertainment, we might as well talk about this i like the movie a little hard to a little hard to follow the bombing although it was very interesting what happened to him after but i thought they were like jumping all over the timeline to push the bombing further and further back in the movie you know what i mean right so there were too many distract like come i mean why are all these like affleck is in there affleck's brother casey affleck is in it um and of course what's his name uh who else is uh anyway and uh i'm having

such a brain fart right now but robert downey jr is an example also it was very distracting it was like he put his friends in there oh matt damon, that's what I'm trying to think of. Matt Damon. It's like, what? You have a Matt Damon and an Affleck in this thing? It's like, why? Just make them great actors we've never seen before. Yeah, I saw it.

I really liked it. And then people go, it's too long. What are you doing in your life? What is so riveting? Are you missing some tweets? It's an extra hour of your life to watch kind of an amazing movie. And I like movies where even if I don't love it, I learn something. And I had actually read this book.

I read the book about two years ago. And it really captured it. I thought they did a great job. The romance was played up a lot more because that's what they have. There's got to be a romance in a movie that goes beginning to end. God forbid, you know, the guy creates a nuclear genocide.

That's not enough of a story. We got to have a cute little love story running through it. Well, everyone knew he completely fucked the Japanese, but he had some side pieces too. All right. Anyway, back to what I was saying is here's the category of best supporting actor in, I guess, a dramatic role. And Robert Downey Jr., I noticed he got up really fast, right?

And so they're like, and the winner is Robert. And he turned around at Robert and started to get up and the winner is robert and he turned around at robert and started to get up and kiss his wife and all this i then realized holy shit in one of the boxes next to him is from flower killers of the flower moon robert de niro you're up against robert de niro and you stand up when robert's called really and then I was like I really frame fucked with it and I'm like wait a minute did he hear his life but even if you get to Robert D you're still not there yet and it definitely didn't get past that there's De Niro and Downey and he popped up so I think it could easily be his ego but it's almost like I think they know.

They get a tip-off maybe in the commercial break. I don't know how it works. I think they do because the bottom line is people need to get up to the stage faster. The worst part about award shows is that like 40 seconds it takes them to hug their pretend wife, even though they're gay, and high-five the black guy guy which you have to do on

the way to the stage you know just yeah be ready i also think kissing the winner is really you're really trying to be in that moment because you know the camera's on and i'll just let them have the moment let them get up to the stage and just walk off with the award and hopefully don't thank too many people but yeah that that ego on robert downey jr to uh pop up on robert was crazy i have to i have to say though he was so restrained in that movie i have never seen him not play i didn't realize it until he played this character he's played the same character in every fucking movie he's ever done the cocksure guy and he didn't do that this time and it was great yeah he was very very you know faulty character although when he played the black guy uh in the comedy he was extraordinary yeah he's good he just he's just annoying

yeah all right we're finally to make america florida just days after she was arrested on charges of related to allegedly attacking her boyfriend with a christmas tree a florida woman is facing new charges for allegedly smacking her boyfriend in the face with a vase on new year's day miracle rivera what a name was charged with aggravated battery after police say she attacked her boyfriend of two years at the home they share together the new year's day glass glass vase attack caused visible injuries to the man's face this woman explodes on holidays. Watch out for Arbor Day, bro. She's going to hit you with a tree. And you know what's coming?

Flag Day. Oh, yeah. And what about St. Paddy's Day? He's going to beat you with a shillelagh. Fourth of July, she blows you up. I mean, that's the kind of person you don't invite over for holiday celebrations. She's exciting, though. Yeah.

Fourth of July is the one. Yeah, that's the one to really watch. There's an M-80. If she has M-80s, you're gone. And her name is Miracle. The miracle is that they stayed together after she attacked him on Christmas. The miracle is that in Florida, this is even in the news. She's a holiday miracle. He's like, this is even in the news. She's a holiday miracle.

He's like, I can't do it anymore. She's like, honey, you know, the holidays are challenging for everybody. It's a stressful time. We got through it. Okay. Yeah. She's like, what do you want for Christmas? And he's like, uh, no physical abuse. How do you wrap that? physical abuse how do you wrap that uh yeah betty's like asking her like honey any resolutions this year i'm please yeah uh do you want to do this uh or do we already cover the florida well this is a different one dictionaries and encyclopedias are among the more than 2800 books that a florida school district has pulled from library shelves in an effort to comply with a law that Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed last year. The books have been banned, which gives residents the right to demand the removal of any library

book that depicts or describes sexual content. This is the fucking dictionary so are we in afghanistan are women in florida going to have to start wearing fucking burkas will other religions be allowed like how far is florida gonna go encyclopedia you know what it might be this district man desantis may even be against this. I hate to take his side. And by the way, it's a theoretical. I don't know what his take is on this thing. Well, if he's running for president, this shit's not helping him

because 90% of Americans don't agree with this kind of garbage. By the way, I looked up in the Oxford English Dictionary, I looked up in the Oxford English Dictionary. Bestie was taken out. Scissor kick. Whackadoodle. What are we talking about? Crapshoot.

These were taken out. Bookaholic. Why? I don't know. Because it has a holic in it maybe. No, but why any of them? Shizzer kick. Shitstorm was made because lesbians scissor each other.

What? I don't know. I think scissor kick existed before scissoring. Well, the kick is once you're orgasming. I like that one. Here we go. All right. It's time to make Alabama, Florida.

Alabama man stuck in decorative urn breaks his silence. He should have broken the urn. All right. Did you see this viral video? Yes. Connor Padgettet is perfect that's exactly i i might have even guessed that name just based on the the this this white guy screaming in his trap in urn uh connor paget an architect for a birmingham firm was dubbed the new hero of 2024 after footage of him crammed inside a large vase surrounded by drink-toting partygoers who offered well-intentioned but useless tips for how to get out,

blew up on social media. Call the fire department to break this motherfucker, Paget shouted at one point as fretting guests insisted he could break free if he just put his mind to it you can do it one woman cheered while another bizarrely urged him to simply take off his belt i am doing everything i fucking can god damn it he replied adding i already took off my belt and that didn't do shit and he did all that in a thick southern yes a podcaster who go a podcaster called the urn debacle the whitest shit he'd ever seen in an interview that he did um paget just had a few things he wanted to set straight for starters he said it's not an urn obviously it's a vase so now that's the whitest shit i've ever seen yeah that that response is perfect.

He went on to say he'd prefer not to be associated with Alabama's other latest victim to viral fame, a man who recently stripped naked and jumped into an aquarium at a Bass Pro Shop in front of freaked out shoppers, which we covered last week. Yeah, the video was hilarious because like nobody was laughing that was what was so crazy like if if my friend was stuck in a vase or a vase as we used to say in new york i would have been laughing my i would have been drawing dicks on his forehead forehead and uh and you know pouring cold water over his head and these people were like so concerned yeah i i mean you're an architect just break the just break it roll into something yes mike brady would have been out of there in 30 seconds i mean yeah that i with the southern

draw really put it over the top for me. I love that. It was perfectly Alabama. Like, you know, you can dress up all fancy, but you're still in Alabama, and it's like a cat getting its head caught in a jug. Have you ever been to Alabama? Yeah, a bunch of times.

Really? Yeah, I worked there for a week, shooting in their minor league stadium in Birmingham at one point. I drove through it this summer. Wow. The whole way. Yeah. Damn.

I did the whole north-south of Alabama. What's it like? Everyone's caught in vases. Everyone's just rolling around caught in vases, screaming in a thick Southern drawl. Oh my God. They're stuck in all. We were on the highway. Well, Birmingham, I really liked.

Birmingham had this really beautiful square in its town and they had a civil rights museum there because of the famous church bombing that took place. And so I went to the Civil Rights Museum, and it was HBO did a thing on Jackie Robinson. It was a biopic. And I guess Jackie Robinson played, I can almost remember their name. Is it the Knights? Chris, if you're still listening,

look up the Birmingham Minor League team. I think it might be maybe it's the Knights so anyway I really like Birmingham but this year when I drove oh the Barons okay this year when I drove through I

we just stuck to the highway so we didn't see many like Trump signs or whatever it is you'd expect it says Michael Jordan played for them that's interesting To the highway, so we didn't see many Trump signs or whatever it is you'd expect. It says Michael Jordan played for them. That's interesting. Oh, nice.

Do you think that the vase is a metaphor for the past and that the man was stuck in the vase? Maybe. He seemed a little bit effeminate, too, and I'm wondering if he's blossoming and growing into a gay man. I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but when, when a man has a thick Southern accent, it kind of sounds gay, right? It sounds like who's that,

that beloved guy that died and he got famous and will and grace, but he was just Sean Hayes. And I think he was, no, he's from Tennessee. Oh, the old guy. Yeah. The old guy., but he was just a little. Sean Hayes? And I think he was. No, he's from Tennessee. Oh, the old guy. Yeah, the old guy. Well, he was gay.

Tracy? No, he had a woman, a name that could work for women and men. Leslie something? Leslie. You're absolutely right. Yeah. So anyway. Leslie Jordan. Leslie Jordan.

Speaking of sports, let's go right into it. Let's do it. Speaking of sports, Patriots partnership with Bill Belichick comes to an end after 24 seasons and six Super Bowl titles. And this is what I want to see. I want to see the footage of him leaving Foxborough shirtless early in the morning, stumbling, doing his walk of shame. That's what I need to see. Yes, yes.

Like a man who just got in a fight with his wife and needed a little breath of fresh air. a man who just got in a fight with his wife and needed a little breath of fresh air. You know, I thought that footage was fake of his real walk of shame that they found in November, but it was real. Well, they say it came to an end after 24 years. No, it came to an end when Brady got fired. He should have left immediately

because that was the reason he won championships period he was it was the the greatest quarterback to ever play the game winning titles he stood on the fucking side coaches get way too much credit he was football's colonel tom parker as far as i'm concerned i don't know. He did create a culture there. And they cheated often. They did. Well, I've told the story before, but we shot a piece with Joe Montana and Deflategate was happening. And Montana, I asked him about it

when we were like reloading and stuff. And he's like, yeah. And he said something very interesting. He goes, you know what I'm what I'm really thinking about is the fumble, you know truthfully it would make in throwing and stuff and catching but but he said but boy uh he goes what was his phrase he's like uh yeah he's like uh he's like it was something like well if you're not oh he goes yeah but you know, if you're not, oh, he goes, yeah, but you know what? If you're not cheating, you're not trying. And he goes, and the Patriots try really hard. Yeah.

I wonder what, do you get a gold watch after that many years? It's Robert Kraft. So maybe he just gave him a gift certificate to the happy feet massage in Jupiter, Florida. maybe he just gave him a gift certificate to the Happy Feet Massage in Jupiter, Florida. You know, that was like half a mile from where my mom lives. Really? Yeah.

What happened to them? I mean, did they get more famous or did they close down? I don't know. I never checked. I got to find out. I think my mom said they closed down. Or all of a sudden the crafty is on the menu. I never checked. I got to find out. I think my mom said they closed down. Give me the, or all of a sudden the crafty is on the menu.

Give me the crafty. She's crafty. Yeah. She's just my type. She's crafty. All right. Where do you want to jump down to? Let's go to,

uh, let's go down to this day in history. Oh, okay. Here we go. Alright, I've been put in charge of this day in history and I think we're going to do something new with it. Instead of just blindly reading it, I'm going to have you guess when it was. Okay.

You ready? I'm going to say January 14th. That's a good one. All right. This day in history. Chelsea, Burnett, Sully, Sullenberger, the third. The pilot. He was a nobody.

Yeah. However, tomorrow, January 15th, is the anniversary of when Sully captained U.S. Airways flight 1549 that he ditched in the Hudson River after both engines were disabled by a bird strike. And not the Philadelphia Eagles because they can't strike shit. They're the worst. Anyway, all 155 people aboard survived. Sullenberger became an outspoken advocate for aviation safety and has helped develop new products

for airline safety. He blah, blah. He served as a co-chairman on the Experimental Aircraft Association, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, tomorrow's the anniversary. What year was it? I'm just thinking, I'm almost positive it was after 9-11,

which would have been 2001. So I'm going to guess it was around 2009. 2009. gonna guess it was around 2009 2009 you googled it no i did not am i right it's 2009 no shit are you serious i did not google it you saw my head was back my head was back thinking the entire time yes baby that's a good one that was good 15 years ago i remember it because john stewart had him on and it was an amazing interview because the guy was everything you hoped he would be this was not a fluke this was a fucking decorated marine i don't know what what part of the military he was in but this but this guy was the real deal. No, Letterman had him on and it was great also. And then the Tom Hanks movie, they needed, you know, where's the conflict? Where's the conflict that you need in a movie to keep

everybody riveted? And I thought, in my opinion, they made up this big witch hunt where they were trying, you know, insurance was trying to vilify him for ditching the plane versus landing it. I think at Teterboro or some nearby airfield and they were trying to blame him. And I don't think that happened. Yeah. I don't remember that happening as much.

Yeah. That was, that was a false construct talking about. Yeah, I don't remember that happening as much. Yeah, that was a false construct. I mean, to the extent that they're talking about. Absolutely, schmuck bait. Totally. Yeah, yeah. But that was amazing because you have to think,

if you lived in New York City and you saw a fucking major-sized plane going just above building tops, people must have freaked the fuck out. Oh, of course they did. And all of a sudden it banks and lowers and is coming along the Hudson River towards downtown Manhattan. Yeah, right. Or Manhattan at all.

Plus people go out in that water. Like if you go to the Chelsea Piers, you can rent kayaks. There's kayaks all over there. There's no way you'd be able to pick out a kayak from a 747. No, but luckily it was like crazy cold. Kayaks all over there. There's no way you'd be able to pick out a kayak from a 747. No, but luckily it was like crazy cold. I mean, it was now. Oh, that's right. It was January in New York.

Yeah, it was very cold. I remember that. Yeah, that was one thing. But all of them got out. They all exited. They were standing on the wings. It was incredible. Dude, when I grew up, here's how much the climate has changed since 1980.

When I was young, I grew up on the Hudson River. The river would freeze over. You could literally walk across the river. And now, not even close. It never even begins to freeze. No, I know. They used to call people from New Jersey, it was either bridge, tunnel. No, I know. They used to call the people from New Jersey. It was either bridge tunnel or ice walkers.

Right. That crowd going to the disc, going to the limelight. Yeah. All right. Let's get to some letters to the editor. You got it. There it is. All right.

Ryan Patterson says, wondering if Mike would be willing to comment on Daniel Tosh's new YouTube channel show. Has he seen it? How does he feel not being involved? Though it seems as though only a few people are part of making the show, given the fairly low production value. I personally enjoy the hell out of it, but I can't separate Mike from Tosh in my head.

Keep up the good work. My signed Super Sunday Papers koozie has gotten me tons of trim. Hear that, people? Oh, we mailed the new batch, signed them, mailed them, they're out. New batch just went out. I know some people were looking for them.

You're going to get them this week. They're on the way. And if you want, we have some more. There's not a lot left, but if you want to get a koozie, get on it, go to FitzDawg.com and you can read all about how to get yourself a koozie. Oh, yes. While we're on that, and I'll answer the Tosh thing in one second.

While we're on that, though, some people are so nice. They didn't get them and then they're like, you know what? Keep it. Don't worry about it. Here's one so i guess i whoops i shouldn't identify wait a minute shouldn't identify him but uh garrett uh i just listened to the new pod and heard you guys are sold out no worries you can keep the cash well no such chance i sent it to you anyway it all went out they all come out in a timely fashion uh mike went to spain for a week so that slowed things down for a minute but we're back they're ten dollars that includes

shipping and handling and it's a pretty high quality product his voice said as it went to three octaves then this dude matthew is sent 20 bucks in on december 19th and goes this is just a tip you already sent me my koozies thanks so much what we need more of that we need more of that matthew so cool maybe he probably wants me to say his last name it sounds to me like you're hedging about this Tosh question no I'm not so here's the thing I've only seen clips and the clips I've actually kind of liked and I have uh you you would think I have an interest in rooting against Daniel so Daniel and I created Tosh.0 and then Comedy Central wasn't going to bring it back for season two. I had this offer that I kept saying no to from George Lopez and it was one of those like playing hard to get.

I mean, I think I said no like four times and this isn't false modesty. Yeah, this isn't false modesty. It just explains that I, you know, Tosh.0 was my baby with Daniel and I wanted to stay so badly. And then I couldn't, I begged Comedy Central, just let me know you're bringing it back and I'll stay, even though the other offer pays more. And they couldn't.

And so I went, I left after season one and Daniel took it well at first. And then as Greg knows, he hated me. And, you know, I think he might've had some event. It happened to a few people, whoever dared to leave Tosh.0, it did not go well. And I don't know if he still does, cause he's very much changed. You know, back then he was single. His, the name of his production company is Blackheart Productions. He prided himself on not really having much friends or family. But then he's gotten married. I mean, he's had a kid.

That was unimaginable then. And, you know, Daniel's really funny. And he has a giant bullshit detector, which is great. And I bet he'd be good at this podcast, which is, I think he's talking to Hollywood types. And I forget the kind of premise of it. But so I liked what I've seen, to answer your question. And, you know, I hope Daniel does. He doesn't need the money, which is a good thing.

So he's probably doing this because he's legitimately interested in it. Right. Soon as I don't need the money, I will be, uh, I'll be building a comedy club like Rogan did. She's going to build a club and playing it every night. If I had enough money,

that's, there's a place right around the corner that I would buy. And it's a perfect setup with a parking lot next to it. And, uh, I would just invite my friends split all the money yeah so I hope

Daniel does well with it he's a really funny guy I've never said differently I wish he didn't hate me and I wish he saw that I was not you know disloyal really in any way and we both went into Comedy Central and begged them to pick it up. They're like,

we don't know if we have the money. Comedy Central in those days was famous for that. Sarah Silverman's show was the biggest show on the network and they'd take two years to put the next season on and it lost its audience. You can't have a show that takes two years to come out. People lose interest.

It was terrible um all right speaking of things dying let's go to a bit and that's all folks no i'm in a relationship all right david soul the doleful eyed blonde actor and singer who rose to fame portraying half of a cagey crime fighting duo on the hit 1970s television show Starsky and Hutch and who also scored a number one hit single in 1977 with Don't Give Up On Us died on Thursday I forgot about that don't give up on us, baby. Oh, wow. I didn't even know it.

By the way, he had a kind of significant recording career. Significant if you don't know anything about it. Let me put his name in here. You're going to talk about the car and stuff, I imagine. Yeah. Go for it. I can talk about his car and stuff, I imagine. Yeah. Go for it. I can talk about his car? Aren't you going to talk about the goddamn Starsky and Hutch car

or talk about your memories? You asked me to put this in there. Oh, it's also our logo. No, I said to put it in because it was the logo. But no, I don't know a lot about the Gran Torino. I think, was that a Pontiac Gran Torino? I don't know. it was a badass car you always wonder in shows like that like in that or duke's hazard where they've got this iconic old car and they smash the shit out of it every week like how many did they go through

in the history of that show okay he had uh in addition to don't give up on us he had four top 10 entries and an additional number one single with silver lady in the 1990s he moved to the uk and found renewed success on the west end stage uh he also made cameos in little britain holby city and lewis um it was a ford the grand torino was a ford that's what i thought uh because i read it earlier today um yeah and he was hutch and i thought he came out of nowhere oh people a lot of people are like everyone should see Salem's Lot, which he stars in, which is a made-for-TV American movie from 79. But the reason he got cast in this is the producers of Starsky and Hutch

saw him in Magnum Force. Really? He played one of the officers. I imagine it was a very corrupt badass officer and that's what he was in well this car had a 360 horsepower it was a v8 four barrel and uh that was the 1971 i'm guessing they drove a 71 that's what it looked like to me 71. I'm guessing they drove a 71. That's what it looked like to me.

Okay. I'm trying to look. He got into drugs and alcohol a little bit at one point. You know what would be amazing is if we had a producer who was listening to the show and could write information in the script as we went. We should do that.

Three pack a day cigarette smoker for 50 years, y'all. No way. Made it to 80. See? Yeah. See? And also, I think he fought addiction.

Yes, he did. Let's see. This guy urged Sol to seek help for his excessive drinking and he entered rehab in 89. Okay. Now five marriages. Five marriages. Yes. That dude survived.

How many packs a day? He was ordered to attend therapy classes for alcoholism and anger management. That was in 1980. The car was in 1976. Denman just looked it up. I think he uses encyclopedias. Of course he does. He's not going to let anyone, including a Republican somehow, he feels guilty about it,

but he's not going to let them tell him what to do. All right, listen, let's cheer up. That was sad. Here we go. Funny time. Okay, funnies. All right, Lucia Ribeiro, who's a huge part of our show, she said, I'm listening to Wax Poetic on your Sunday papers

about Blondie's body, and I'm waiting for your observations about her waist-to-bust ratio. Her boob profile is so top-heavy, it almost looks like she would fall forward on her face. Dagwood, oblivious as usual. Just a little—so let's deal with that first, then there's a second part. It is insane, and it is what makes her so special. She does lower back exercises kegel exercises she takes care of herself and she's she's 84 years old right now you know i

mean she's a track she's kept it tight she's kept it tight she's unbelievable the second part of the message is just a reminder that a while back you also mentioned a segment idea where a historical inaccuracy is corrected good idea uh maybe we need to do that should we add that in this segment i know but you and i uh had trouble uh finding one well um i think we didn't that was just off the top of our heads. I think, I mean, look, blowing up a conspiracy theory, that's got to be something you can find online. Oh, here's a good thing. Listeners, send us something that's a historical inaccuracy. Like, and I'm not talking about like there was a second shooter in the grassy knoll.

I'm talking about like accepted things about history that need to be corrected. Send them into the show. Rosa Parks actually moved her seat. I think she finally moved her seat. Also, Rosa Parks was not the first black woman to not give up her seat in the front of the bus. There were other women that did it first but uh for some reason they chose her to sort of like uh you know galvanize the movement and put a face on it it would be funny if the rosa parks refused to give

up her seat but it was for like an elderly handicapped black woman and she's like no no i'm not and the bus driver's like be reasonable ma'am yeah i don't want to get rough here but come on she's gonna fall she has a walker uh all right so let's all right here's a go here's what denman wrote rosa parks just decided one day to not move from her seat on the bus because she was tired. This historical fact making rounds is incorrect. Rather, her reason for not leaving her seat for a white man was purely to stand against the segregation law for which she had years of training with the NAACP leading up to that action. So she trained with the NAACP. There you go.

There's some, yeah, you know, I've read about this before. First of all, the bus driver's a dick, and there was a little bit of history, like he would, like, pass her and not stop. Like, there's more to it than that. And there's also more to it that I think she was forced to move her seat, I believe. I don't know.

Anyway. Look, it's these people who think that we live on a round earth um let's get to hagger hagger is sitting in court with his lawyer the judge is facing them the lawyer says to hagger well you can't win them all and then hagger goes stop saying that the trial hasn't started yet and then in the next frame hagger goes, when's the last time anybody was convicted for rape? Yeah. It wasn't a crime yet. It was not only a crime, it was considered a man's duty.

Talk about a historical inaccuracy. Duty. Yeah, he said duty. Lockhorns. Lockhorns. he said duty um lock horns we got leroy is in bed and loretta says the doctor says you'll be out of here and back on the sofa in no time not their best uh this next one's better uh wait which one i like the one on the left all right so he's got two bags in his hand and he says to her i did look in both bags and i still don't know which is the garbage and which is my lunch that's the woman woke up early and made you lunch how about if it's that fucking bad

buy something at the vending machine at work but why insult her and save i like the bottom right one of the the pouring uh coffee but save it for next week i will save for next week and then there's another one this was a classic that i found online and she is uh clearing his plate and he says i enjoyed it to the last bite, especially the last bite. There you go. I Google Kathy, and I find this particular one. And she's picking out, and it says, I don't stop eating when I'm full.

The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. Oh, man. And I'm like, wait a minute. I go, that's Louis CK, which came first. So then I click on that and I, and I follow it down and someone created a,

they took Kathy cartoons and put Louis CK quotes in them. No way. Yes. And there's an account of them. Wait, let me see if it's C.K. quotes in them. No way. Yes, and there's an account of them. Wait, let me see if it's here. Yes, it's called Kathy C.K. And Kathy C.K. merges Kathy cartoons with hilarious Louis C.K. So I put another one in here.

This one below it is, she walks in the door and- No, she's in a dressing room. Oh, she's in a dressing room oh she's in a dressing room and she's standing there and she goes i don't know how women still go out with guys when you consider the fact that there's no greater threat to women than men anyway shout out to the guy he had an instagram account which i could no longer find. But if you Google Kathy CK, I think there's a like some blog spot or something like that. about like the fat shaming and the depiction of women as needing men to be happy right body image and all that stuff so i think she became a little more aware of that in her later strips oh yeah maybe all right speaking of unaware here we go blondie uh douchebag is in the bathtub he's singing he's laying in a bubble bath singing cheeseburger in

paradise that jimmy buffett's on perfect taste yeah that's what that's my point like you are in the blissful joy of a bubble bath and that's the fucking that just sums him up literally i would put that in my 10 worst songs of all time like if he was singing astral weeks by van morrison i might have to rethink everything with dagwood bumstead if he was singing you know cashmere by led zeppelin i'd be like all right maybe maybe he deserves this this woman but cheeseburger in paris how about love on the elevator how about uptown girl that's what he love on the elevator no those are the songs he should be singing okay yeah that's his

repertoire uh so he gets out and blondie goes it seems like you're enjoying national bubble bath day and he goes well i was until daisy decided to jump in and the dog comes out but the thing is dagwood's standing there with a bath towel on. First of all, she's your wife of 80 years. You still are afraid to show your cock and balls to this woman? It's Blondie. That's all you should be doing. You there?

Oh, I've been freezing, so I've just been standing still listening. And then you literally just froze. And I'm like, wait, is it frozen again? That's how you know, that's how you know you've got a dynamic podcast is when both guys think the other guy is frozen. I am hard lined in and this is happening. I am, I am so over this AT&T goddamn bullshit yeah I'll tell you did you finish the thing yeah I'm done you did finish it you got all the way to hog all the bubbles yep and then

I made a comment after that about him wearing a towel in front of his wife at this age that's what I heard but I thought you were in the second frame are we looking at the horizontal stripes on her like sleeveless top? Dude, they are so full and so bouncy. She knows what she's doing.

She knows what she's doing wearing those horizontal stripes. I mean, how do you come out of the bath and look at that and go, I guess I'll put a green towel around my crotch? You're just going to walk up to her naked? Yes. Right. I hear you. I hear you.

It's a strong move. You know, you're clean. You know, she knows that. Anyway, let's thank you guys for listening. It's a new year. We're going to try some new things. We're looking for you guys to send in some stories from history that are not in fact true. And we're going to ask you to also support our sponsors. Go to betterhelp.com slash Sunday and get yourself 10% off your new therapy.

And also go to Game Time Papers and get $20 off your first purchase. Anything you want to plug, Mike? Oh my God, yes. I want to plug the Tampa Bay Buccaneers who play the Eagles Monday night in a wildcard game. And let's just review. Listen, I can't follow the Jets, but since November 20th, the Jets have been better than the Eagles. So November 20th, I'm just going to go over their last one, two, three, four, five, six. Their last eight games, they won. They beat the Commanders by seven. And on November 26th, they barely, in overtime, beat the Bills by three. Then they have never won again.

Killed by the 49ers, December 3rd killed by the Cowboys, December 10th lost to the Seahawks, December 18th. Oh, sorry. December 25th. They beat the giants 33 to 25.

So I take it back. They lost six out of their last, last seven, December 31st, new year's Eve lost to the Cardinals yeah i remember that january 7th the giants again but the giants beat them 27 to 10 yeah in the first three quarters the eagles only scored three points against the giants all right listen i see you're all worked up i'm willing i'm willing to wager $20.

I'm going to put $20 on the Eagles. Will you take that bet? Well, what's the line? They're three-point favorites. Philly is three-point favorites. You're just making that up? No, I just looked it up. All right, well, how about this?

On Monday, we'll agree on the line. It can change. Who knows what's going to happen? What do you mean the line? You just categorically said the eagles are the worst team in football and now you want points well i'm just gonna give away free points why would i do that you can't you can't have bravado and swagger in your opinions and then say i want the points take the fucking bet like a man it's not a man it's an idiot but what is it you're

saying you're giving the bucks three points yes uh yeah i mean i'll take it just on principle but oh my god if it becomes if it becomes let me just check your fucking first of all how is fitz dog How is Fitz dog not getting fact checked? You mean by Denman? No, by the world, by me, by everybody. Here we go. You ready?

Um, but, but, Oh, here it is. You're right. It's at three. Fine.

I'll take it. Let's lock it in three points, 20 bucks. I got the Eagles. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you. Mid coast media for producing and editing.

Thanks, Chris Denman, for kind of hanging out in the background a lot. And we'll catch you guys next week. No thanks to AT&T for this connection. All right. Take it, Ish. Take it, Ish. I don't read a real newspaper. I prefer the audio version.

Sunday Papers. Podcast. Greg, you're mine. They do deliver. They do deliver. They do deliver. They do deliver. They do deliver.

They do, they do, they do, they do deliver So many corrections So many corrections So many now On the Sunday Biggest podcast Alright I'm serving the biggest podcast Alright, won't you buy a koozie?