Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 20 7/19/20

Episode Date: July 19, 2020

On this week's Sunday Papers, Nick Cannon loses some jobs, Mike goes deep on Jaws, and sports are back! Plus, we remember the great John Lewis.

Sunday Papers, yeah yeah Grapefruit Simmons and Mike Gibbons They cover all the news from front to back In great clothes as every show discussing blondies rack Sunday Papers Extra, extra, read all about it. Sunday Papers. They're here.

Listen, they're slapping onto your doorstep right now. You can hear the squeal of your paper boy's bike going off to the next house. Did we start? That's the start? I thought it'd be fun to kind of do like a whole big thing. Oh, no, no. It's great. No, no.

Then we started. We started. I just, I still had it on speaker and my headphones weren't in and all that shit. I like it. I like this start a lot. This is our new start. You know, I was thinking about. I didn't check levels. I was thinking about like paper boys.

When you go back, everybody's got the newsy cap on, but do they really understand what a news boy used to do like in the 1930s, 40s, New York City, street corners? Like guys literally stood there with a bag and a paper, and there were so many paper boys that they were hustling.

They must have gotten bored and made up stories, too. Yeah. You know, Rockefeller sucks his own junk right here. What? 25 nickel, whatever it is. Yeah. Betty Boop, naked this week. Blondie. FDR walks. He walked. I'm sure he did. Here you go.

I don't know. Depression's over. Read all about it. Yeah, that is true. You get the paper every day. I do get the L.A. Times every day. It was yet another effort for me to try to embrace this city. I've been here now over 20 years and I'm still adjusting. And also for kids, I wanted my kids to see me with a paper every day, which has not worked. No, they look at it like, why did they screenshot yesterday's news and print it really big on something that's hard to turn the page of? And I'm the same way with my dad. My dad's so desperate to get the New York Times in the morning. I'm like, he's like, hey, did you see this? I'm like, yes, I saw it. I saw it at dinnertime last night when the New York Times

put it online. Like and I'm a subscriber. I get the I get the hard copy New York Times Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And with that comes a digital subscription. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I basically get I get the Sunday New York Times and that's it. And but, you know, digitally, you're getting most of the Sunday paper stories on Saturday, which is why we're able to do this podcast. We record it on Saturday late in the day. They turn it around and get it to you motherfuckers Sunday morning. So you can have your coffee, smoke your pipe. Huh. Seems old school.

How's everybody doing? How are our listeners doing? It's another week. Yeah. It's another week. You know what I've been thinking about? What? Remember we had our kind of farewell dinner. We saw the writing on the wall and we all went to Cha-Cha Chicken, which is amazing.

We should do an ad. Would we get paid? Eat at Cha-Cha Chicken if you ever eat out again. On Pico in Santa Monica. Yeah, right by the ocean. No, not Pico, on Ocean. And it's outdoors, which is, no, it's Pico. It's a corner. But that's why we went is because they have these outdoor tables and outdoor public, kind of public drinking because you're outside. Anyway, that was early March. Yeah. It's been, that was five months ago, basically. Four and a half months ago.

And what I find, I don't know if anyone else is finding this, like, I'll be like, oh, man, another week. All right, here we go. And it's like, all right, so Monday happens, right? And you're like, okay. And it's slow to get things grinding and going. And then you kind of figure out everything you have to do and maybe even get a bunch of stuff done money. And then what happens to me every week is Tuesday just almost instantly becomes Friday. It just goes from Tuesday to Friday. And that's kind of the pattern I've, I've felt lately. Like Tuesday, you'll be like, Oh wow, it's only Tuesday. And then all this stuff. And all of a sudden it's the weekend. Um, you know, not in a traditional sense

of a weekend, but all of a sudden it's like, all right, what are we, you know, I have the kids, what are we doing? So yeah, I, with that time, like hours are slow, but months seem to be slipping by pretty quickly. Yeah. And my week changes because I used to. It used to be that the kids were out all weekend and I was working during the week. And now the kids have part time jobs during the week and they're home during the week. And now the kids have part-time jobs during the week. And they're home on the weekends. So now I throw a move on the wife like on a Monday or a Tuesday. Okay.

As opposed to the weekend. So that's a long week for Erin. She just seems sad during the weekends now so she just goes right from a monday or tuesday to a blackout uh all right listen mike we could chat all day but people tune in oh first of all let's give a shout out to james enriquez who did today's theme song which i really liked yes that was a really good one. Yeah. They're all good. I mean, it's so great that they keep coming in.

It's amazing. I know. And they're getting better and they're getting worse. Like, I'm finding the high end higher and the low end so silly. I mean, people are literally just, like, getting drunk, getting on GarageBand and and recording something and those are just as good so Mike and I are going to start doing a second

segment you've begged for it you've suggested it we're going to do a short Thursday Thursday paper Thursday edition yeah what is it called? And we're going to cover comics.

We're going to do extra Sunday funnies that'll be different ones than you hear on Sunday. We're going to do an extra movie review and we're going to do letters from you guys and we're going to play in full some of the songs we receive. And other stuff. It'll be a shorter podcast, maybe 20 minutes,

but it'll be something just to throw out more content. Packed, condensed. Now wait, that's not happening this Thursday, right? No, next Thursday. Thank God.

That'll be Thursday the, probably August by then. Thursday's one of my flyover days. It's like, remember, I jump from Tuesday to Friday, so we'll see how that goes. And also our logo, David Hughes did a beautiful

logo for us this week. Retro, old school, couple guys on a bicycle. We should also hit corrections, which we do every week, mostly because Mike and I lie, apparently. We don't try to, but we both have ADHD and we're getting older

and we don't always get the facts right. Brian Gullickson said, You said your daughter was watching a lot of RuPaul drag race recently. You mentioned it appeared that many of them have had gender reassignment surgery. But much like other aspects of drag, looks can be deceiving. By and large, those queens are fully peniled men who are engaging in a time-honored tradition of drag known as tucking. Basically, you shove your whole dick and balls into some unholy mixture of back or up and in. I don't know what up and in means. I don't want to know.

You then have to dance around on stage with your genitals strapped down like an Apollo astronaut. Sometimes it's an absolute work of art, as seen in the links below, which I saw and are on the website. It's incredible. Like G-string thongs. And you're like, where's the dick? Other times it's not as successful, which can be referred to as a meaty tuck.

not as successful, which can be referred to as a meaty tuck. Well, I'd like to say that you were absolutely correct. And he even says so himself. Looks can be deceiving. And that's exactly what you said. You said it appears. Yes. That they have had their post-op. But in fact, I don't think any of them have had gender reassignment surgery.

I think drag specifically is gentlemen who become ladies. But the goal is the appearance that they have nothing down there, right? Have you or have you not ever done a tuck in front of your friends where you tucked your cock between your legs? Oh, a mangina? Obviously. Have you? Of course. Yeah.

Duh. High school? I don't know. I think in public even, didn mangina? Obviously. Have you? Yeah, duh. High school? I don't know. I think in public even, didn't we? Wait a minute. At my bachelor party, didn't, and it sounds like the worst bros, the beginning of the worst bros story ever, but didn't our friend Matt, didn't we chant mangina in that steakhouse and he got up and did one?

Matt did? I think so. No, no, not Matt H., not Matt M. Oh, yeah, yeah, I could see that. I think he did. But anyway, of course, Mangina's been around even before vaginas. I have a friend who was a struggling comic like me back in Boston, back in the early 90s. And I did this thing.

Tom? No. Oh, okay. I left a camera rolling in my bedroom and all the guests at the party went in one by one. And they had a couple minutes to leave a message. And this guy, Kevin a did a mangina for the camera and uh he is now a famous actor and i occasionally send him the clip saying like stay on my good side buddy this could come out anytime yeah right russian hackers who are reading this email right right uh the other

correction was from um joe marie papillo who says i'm sure you've heard from others by now but i wanted to correct something said on the july 12th podcast the star of the hbo miniseries I Know This Much Is True was the fabulous Mark Ruffalo and not James Franco, which is why there's no actor brother to play the other part. Yes, I confused that because there's another show called The Deuce. I thought you did mention The Deuce. OK. Where James Franco plays his own brother. And I got them confused. Finally, somebody said Frankenstein is the doctor.

That's what I said. The monster is the person who corrects you. I saw that letter. I said that. I said the doctor is Frankenstein and that the monster is called the creature. I think the monster is even referred to as the abortion at one point in the book. No shit. But thank you for listening and sending it in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. It didn't have a name, the monster, except it was called these descriptive terms. All right, let's get to it. Front page. Oh, boy. Here we go. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! I can't wait. What's the lead story? I don't know. The official portraits of former presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush were removed from the Grand Foyer. Oh, boy. Political story. OK, go ahead. They've been moved to a rarely seen room in their previous location. The pictures would have been seen daily as Trump descends the staircase from his third floor private residence or when he hosts events in the White House.

Now they hang in a space used mainly for storing unused tablecloths and furniture. And in turn, dresses. Well, exactly. It turns out that that room wasn't that unused when Bill Clinton was president. So has there been any comment? It's weird. Check out those tablecloths. They just throw a black light on those tablecloths.

See if there's a little Billy batter floating around. So, yeah. Why move those two? It's weird. Why move those two? It's weird. Like if I were there, if I was president, those two are pretty, you know, life affirming. Like, in other words, they're not that intimidating. They're both they were both kind of disasters in a way. I mean, Clinton had a very productive presidency in those eight years were considered a success where Bush was a disaster. Um, but it's like,

my problem would be if I came out and saw Abe Lincoln or like FDR staring at me every day, I'd be like, fuck, I know. All right. All right. I'll get,

I know. I bet my fucking plate is full. I write like it would just stress me out. Like seeing a high bar as soon as I came out of my bedroom. Yes, that's true. I would keep I would keep pushing Clinton like, you know what? I'm not doing so great, but I'm not like those two yet.

Right. Or put up portraits of guys like Ross Perot who didn't win. That would make Trump feel good. Michael Dukakis and Ross Perot. I think Melania just puts up all the first ladies like, I got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Eleanor Roosevelt, not a great look. They should have had Eleanor Roosevelt superimposed face on a horse and Melania's riding her. Exactly.

Also in the news, Republican Senator Tom Till's of North Carolina here. You know, something good is coming just from the beginning of that sentence. OK. Suggested Hispanics are less likely to wear masks and social distance, quote, just wear the mask out of respect. Now, I will tell you, I'm not a scientist and I'm not a statistician, but one of the concerns that we've had more recently is that the Hispanic population now constitutes about 44 percent of the positive cases. It is hitting them very hard. And we do have some concern that in the Hispanic population, we've seen less consistent adherence to social distancing and wearing a mask. Yeah. Yeah. They're also not self-quarantining, are they, Tom tells.

Yeah, he knows because they're cleaning his house, mowing his lawn, and delivering his food. Could that have anything to do with the higher rate that they're the essential workers? So what did he say? Latinos just disregard the mask? That explains the number? That's what he's saying, And I can tell you firsthand, living in Los Angeles, which has a very large Latino population, they're all wearing masks.

They are all wearing masks. First of all, a lot of them wear masks on their jobs when they have. I mean, the ones you the hardworking guys, when you're driving around L.A. and you see them working outside. Right. So but that's like the blue collar. But I also think you're right. They're on the front lines of so many things. Like when you go here, how many nurses are Latina? It's unbelievable. And how many how many Latinos are forced to live in a house with a lot of other people? It's not like I'm sure Tom Till's has a big mansion that used to be a slave plantation

where there's plenty of space. And a quinceanera, that's at least 300 people in a garage. At least. Yeah, that's right. And then you've got the mariachi band. They can't wear masks because how could you understand the words? I can't understand the words.

I am so surprised that racist wasn't like, and this is the words. I can't understand the words. I am so surprised that racist wasn't like, and this is the problem. Their masks, the luchador masks, there's a cutout for the mouth. So the virus gets right in their Mexican masks. And they're wrestling. Come on. They're hugging another guy with a cutout mouth in his mask. Of course it's going to spread. Also in the news, Miss Kentucky. Oh, yeah, I saw this. I saw this story. A former Miss Kentucky who admitted to exchanging explicit photos with a teenager has been sentenced to two years at a West Virginia prison.

Ramsey Bethann Beers, 29, was charged with four counts of sending obscene material to a minor. She sent at least four topless photos via Snapchat to a 15-year-old former student of hers while she was employed as a teacher at a middle school. The boy's parents found the photos on his phone and sent them to the police. Beers was crowned Miss Kentucky in 2014, and her fiddle performance won the preliminary talent competition at the National Miss America pageant. She fiddled. He diddled.

Okay, then. It's an interesting, you know, there is definitely a double standard. And I think if I may be just at the risk of being inappropriate, I think sometimes a double standard is appropriate. No? First of all, I think it's, how about this? What do you think about this, Greg? When I'm not even trying to be funny, which will be obvious when you're in a relationship. Isn't that the real crime? Let's call it rape. Like, in other words, if you're in a relationship where you're raping someone and you're caught. The pictures were just icing. Of course, that's good.

You're seeing them. When you say raping, you're talking about statutory rape? Yes. Right. So in the statutory rape, which is what she'll be charged with, right? Aren't they kind of just throwing the book at her with the pictures? Because the boy is seeing her real naked body in person. That's kind of the crime.

Then, of course, she's texting pictures and it's kind of like a technicality that they're getting her on with that one. Right, right. Now, I think it's also that he sent her dick pics. It's like robbing a bank in Jersey and you go back across the GW Bridge like, yes, OK, stop putting so much emphasis on taking the money across state lines he robbed a bank can we get back to that right right i guess it's because it's all about evidence they've got hard evidence now and when i say hard evidence i want to see those fucking photos right right um because

she was hot did you see her photo no huge rack and uh but i have to think like if you watch her in the swimsuit competition and you got the boner you're gonna lose it when she pulls out the fiddle here you go maybe she just goes but you know i wonder if that was her speech what do you plan to do one day well i want to feed the homeless and help the poor and, of course, animals and rape. But it's so cliche that Miss Kentucky is out there playing a fiddle. Did Miss Alabama play the washboard? Miss Louisiana pumped out a couple of jugs of moonshine?

The dong, dong, dong, dong, that nose harp or whatever it's called. Couple of bald guys come out with banjos. What's going on here? Bring back the swimsuit. You know, regarding the double standard, whatever the risk of, again, offending people. You know, we have a friend who's a lawyer and he was a lawyer back in New York in the DA's office. Anyway, in the Bronx, he he, of course, lawyers are attracted to those arguments where there is a double standard and stuff. And regardless of if a lawyer believes in it or not. Anyway, the case he brought up, I found was interesting, which is if universities did not have a double standard, then this scenario could play out. Lacrosse bro wakes up in his bed and he got blackout drunk the night before. And there's a girl in his bed and there's like a condom on the floor.

And it's very obvious, you know, what happened. And they were just shit face together and they had a good time. But if he has no memory of that, he could go to the dean and be like, hey, and describe what I just described. And there was a condom, which I can prove it was consummated. And then she has to be suspended automatically, no questions asked. Right, right. Which there's no world where that's happening.

Right. But that's if there were no double standard, that's what would happen. I wonder if that ever has happened. I mean, I've never heard a case of it. I know that I had a girl have sex with me and I literally, that did happen. I had zero recollection of it. And I'm married to her. Well, she has to block it out every Tuesday. Poor thing. She has no memory of any of them. No. How do you think she's so psychologically

healthy? She just pushes that shit down. Whoops. It's Friday. I think she's like me. It just goes from Monday to Friday. And, uh, Greg said, tells everybody on his podcast, he has sex with me, which is weird. She may press charges. Um, but you remember Zach's joke about the teacher. You hear about the, the, the kid who had sex with his teacher just died oh no the kid died you what did he die of he was high five to death that's right yeah all right let's go to international International. Oh, boy.

Another royal wedding. Princess Beatrice, the daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah, Duchess of York. I don't know if you saw her photo, but she looks like an oil painting of royalty from the 17th century. Like, you know, the eyes a little close together. Big forehead. Yeah. Bad chin. Little inbreeding.

I know, you'd think it's like the artist. You know, like how many selfies do we reject? But you just have to accept that guy's first painting. That's right. Like, are you fucking fucking look at my chin? Yeah. And it's always like he's. I was. Imagine I was blinking.

You're really going to paint me with my eyes closed. And he's and he's the royal portrait painter. So which those guys were always there for like 50 years. You're catching him at the tail end. Hands shaking. He can't see shit. Yeah. Meanwhile, he probably his life story. He has a nondisclosure agreement, I'm sure.

But it's like, trust me, I improved all of them. Like, you should have seen what I was working with. Right, right. Henry? So anyway, yeah, her father is the infamous Princess Andrew, the Duke of York, who's in some trouble with the whole Jeffrey Epstein case. Oh, yeah. Small ceremony attended by the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, and close family.

They couldn't tell if Prince Andrew was walking her down the aisle or if he was just following the flower girl. down the aisle or if he was just following the flower girl. And then he'll deny, despite the photos, he'll deny ever having relations with the flower girl. Yeah. That guy's got balls, huh? I mean. Well, misguided. That interview was roundly criticized. Like it was the worst.

And then he stepped into things like, I don't remember. I don't even remember, like he said something, I don't even remember going upstairs and like, how do you know the photo was upstairs? I mean, how did you know that photo is upstairs then? That's right. Like, you know, he was tripping up every step he made. Well, he finally stepped down. He's no longer the...

I don't know how you quit a job that you weren't doing in the first place. Yeah. You're fired from having breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Jeez. That's it on international. Oh, that's international? I have some other front page oh you got some more

front page oh let's go back to front page i don't know it's just a news story i don't know where it goes i don't like labels but the gop senators are sounding the alarm as the coronavirus surges in their home states. And like Lindsey Graham, who like McConnell is up for reelection, said, if you believe wearing a mask is a sign of weakness, then you're wrong, he said. Nobody is asking you to go to Afghanistan and get shot. So that's a quote. And I think at that point, all our soldiers in Afghanistan are like, wait, what did he just say? Like, is that what they asked me to do? I thought they asked me to defend freedom.

I didn't know I was cannon fodder. They asked me to come here and get shot? he's isn't he one of the bosses back home what's my mission again yeah i thought that was hysterical that he phrased it that way that's funny i love that the mitch mcconnell i thought he'd be the last guy to say where i'm well he should be the first guy to say wear a mask if Well, he should be the first guy to say wear a mask. If I had that face, he should not just have a mask. He should have like a full anything to cover this, this fucking chin neck thing that's happening on him. He should be happy to wear a mask.

He just reeks of plantation owner. Yes. Like his face just looks. And I know that's racist of me to say, but it really he looks. It's racist of me to say he looks like a racist, I guess. But he really does. Now, he looks like the guy. He's a despicable human being. You know what it was, though?

He held his finger up and and felt which way the wind was blowing on Trump. Yeah. Before before he did that. But his home state is just imploding. Yeah. And he made fun of New York along the way. Remember, he had a beef with Cuomo at one point. He's just a dick.

He looks like the guy you see coming out of a massage parlor on Lincoln, slipping his wedding ring on again and looking back and forth a lot as he comes out the door. Wait, hold on. I think we've all been there. With his shirt untucked as he gets into his 2015 press. Wait a minute. By the way, I think you're giving him too much credit. I think he deals more directly.

It's probably more nefarious than that. Yeah, he's reptilian. When you think of like the Cheneys, like the reptilians, the ones that really, you can't, well, never mind, let's not get all political. Yeah. Any other front page stories? Portland mayor demands that Trump remove the military agents. You saw that?

Yeah. So Trump deployed federal agents to Portland to protect federal property and monuments. Portland views the Fed troops as a menace. And plus, they're making no effort to assimilate. They don't patronize the vegan shoe store. They don't buy from the organic chickpea food cart. It really exists. And they have no tolerance for all the yarn bombing, which is a phrase I learned this week. What's yarn bombing? Yarn bombing is like graffiti, except you do it with wool. And you put wool around trees and color it as if you painted the tree, or you make a sign out of yarn, and so the property doesn't get damaged, and it might even be beautified.

Wow. Do you put cats in the tree also? An old lady. An old lady. I'm yard bombing. Wow. Yeah, that's crazy. The yeah, the Portland thing there. There is a there is cars going around with unmarked.

Yeah. These these undercover cops and they are literally arresting and putting people into cars, taking them away. And nobody knows where they're going. They're like they're being disappeared. taking them away and nobody knows where they're going. They're like they're being disappeared. This is like the stormtroopers. I wonder where they take them there. Like, I guess there's some federal office, federal or there might be a federal. I should know more about this.

A federal prison in Portland. I don't know. I don't know. But this should be the state. No, that would be state. I don't know how that would work. I think it's federal. No, that would be state. I don't know how that would work. I think it's federal. No, the agents they're using are from the Department of Homeland Security.

Maybe there's a military base or something. Some little federal island is probably not that far out of Portland. Well, Department of Homeland Security, I think they have their own jails. Maybe they took them there. Yeah. But this should be a big story. Keep your eye on this, folks folks because this is a slippery fucking slope any other front page?

no what do we got? well let us entertain you oh boy little entertainment section what do you got? what do I got in entertainment? A little entertainment section. What do you got? What do I got in entertainment?

Well, I did see right after we did it last week, New York Times about Gary Larson's comeback, the cartoonist from the far side. He put out three and he blamed a clogged pen for his sort of delay because he retired a while back. But we should just keep an eye on that. But the headline was the far side cartoonist, Gary Larson surprised fans this week with three new cartoons, 25 years after his retirement and months after he teased his return.

So I think what we'll do is next week, or maybe we'll save it for those Thursday shows. Someone I knew in New York who worked at Knopf Publishing knew how much I loved Gary Larson and said, you know, he gets a lot of inspiration from Charles Adams, the famous cartoonist who especially was in The New Yorker a lot. Was that the far side? Who created the, no, the Adams family.

Oh, the Adams family, that's right. And Charles Adams. And he lived out, I think he lived out in West Hampton also, but anyway, and he had like a very Adams family house out there. I think it was based on that or the other way around. So anyway, I'll talk, I'll show some of his, cause I mean, they're remarkably similar and really witty. One frame, a lot of the same settings, like two guys on a deserted Island, uh, two hunters out,

you know, on safari, you know, stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's very, very similar. So anyway, that was, that was one story in entertainment. I saw we got Nick Cannon made some news this week. Oh boy. He,

you might have the better read on. I think you have the story. I didn't know. I guess he had a daytime talk show planned and it just got canceled over recent backlash over his anti-Semitic comments on his podcast. Viacom CBS ended a relationship

with Cannon after he said black people are the true Hebrews and included anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. Cannon said the Jewish people controlled the media, likening it to the power of the Rothschild family. And he said black people are the true Hebrews. He was then fired by the Jewish people that run ViacomCBS. Actually, I don't know that. I don't know that they're Jewish. I do.

And where did you read it, by the way? In the Jewish New York Times. Yeah. Yeah. If he was saying something that was completely unfounded, I don't think he would have been fired. And then he was fired from the Masked Singer, which by the way, has a very Jewish last name, Singer. And then he was rehired though on that. But his talk show has been pushed. And then some other projects. Oh,

and he lost his gig. Oh no, that was a while ago he was replaced on america's got talent there was another controversy with america's got talent he was replaced then too but listen the thing about nick cannon is he's trying to put a foot in both worlds like he hangs out with a lot of pretty radical black uh thinkers and at the same, he does these kind of very sellout kind of gigs where he he's he's he talks differently depending on what arena he's in. Of course. Yeah. Also, if you needed any more proof, then he's not all there and he's insane. He was married to Mariah Carey for six years. Yeah. That's not like, oh, wow, you wake up and, boy, did I make a mistake.

I married a complete lunatic. Six years and children. Yeah, right. So the other thing in entertainment, and then we're going to talk about Jaws. Your homework assignment, kids, was to watch Jaws this week. I got a Jaws theory. 60 seconds or less theory. Got it. I will believe that when I hear it. 12 minute movie guy. Ellen, which I think we both worked for, right?

We definitely I think we're allowed to say that. This is how we know we worked for her. So we definitely, I think we're allowed to say that. This is how we know we worked for her. We, I believe, we both signed non-disclosure agreements, which were part of your contract. So we can't talk about her. However, I'm reasonably certain I can just read an article that is out from BuzzFeed that was actually based on Entertainment Weekly did a profile on the executive producers who have vowed to do better after a damning report on behind-the-scenes working conditions

at the show. Ten former Ellen staff and one current employees said they felt intimidated and were fearful of their superiors while on the job. Others said they were reprimanded for taking medical leave

and family bereavement days. Does my nondisclosure agreement prevent me from saying I'm starting to feel triggered? Just by hearing that? I remember taking a bereavement day. Didn't someone pass someone very, very near to dear? My aunt died back in New York. I remember that. Right. And you, you took time off. It was my first day off in two years. Yeah. I took off.

And, uh, what happened after that? Well, I was sad. You know, my, I was very close to my aunt and she meant a lot to me and she'd been sober for a long time before I got sober. she'd been sober for a long time before I got sober and, uh, it was hard. And then you went back to work. Yeah. At a different job. Not that job. It was, it turned out. You're allowed to talk about other jobs, Greg. I went to the man show actually, uh, after getting, that's quite a swing. Yeah. After getting, after finally leaving the show for missing that day.

This is what I remember. Oh, I'm not allowed to say what I remember. But I know... I believe you worked there when I was there and then you didn't work there. One former employee said there was a lot of smoke and mirrors they pull on people's heartstrings they do not know what they know what's going to get likes and what people are going to go for which is a positive message that's not always reality some of the most troubling accusations

came from a black female staffer who said she walked off the job after experiencing microaggressions and racist comments, including references to her hairstyle on the set. Ellen DeGeneres executive producers Mary Connolly, Ed Glavin, and Andy Lassner said the allegations, it's not who we are and it's not who we strive to be and not the mission Ellen has set for us. We realize as many in the world are learning that we need to do better, are committed to doing better, and we will do better. I have heard that last line from at least five different people doing a mea culpa about racism or whatever, that we need to do better are committed to doing better we will do better i've heard that so many fucking times it's a template yeah but it sounds

like it sounds like they're breaking their non-disclosure agreement they're talking about work to the public yes why do they get to talk yeah maybe they get to talk because it's so trite and it's such predictable bullshit. Yeah. All right. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe the nondisclosure agreement doesn't doesn't really limit you when you're saying nothing. Right. When it's just hot air coming out. Yeah. Can't You can't even write that down. If you try to type those words, just nothing comes up on your screen. Your fingers move. You hit keys, but no letters appear on your screen. It's fucking weird. I tried to write it out.

They might have not paid writers to write that over the weekend and 14 days straight without a day off or something. Maybe they did that. I don't know. It sweeps people. Kiss your families goodbye. Let's talk about Jaws. Let's start it off with, we got a letter from somebody who was so anxious to talk about Jaws

that he sent us an email already. He said, Robert Shaw as Quint is one of the best casting ever. My parent did not allow me to see this in 1975 as I had to stay home with a babysitter with a bad attitude and white heads on her face while my parents went out. My dad brought me to a theater in Sag Harbor and I had just turned eight.

Wow. And I was in the ocean all day and I was not in the ocean all day the next day. That's for damn sure. I saw it. I had flashbacks. I literally was triggered. I started having like PTSD watching that movie from how scared i was there was a report that uh somebody had some kind of a neurological reaction to the

movie which is sort of like uh identified in the psychological in the psychology community psychiatric community uh where they went into trauma and couldn't stop crying and shaking for days from how scary the movie was. So people should also know this. We were, like, you were out on Long Island, but I was, like, living there that summer and kind of every summer of my childhood. And that movie was very, very close to home.

And before it, they pointed out that Quint was actually based on Frank Mundus, I believe is his name, which was the crusty old shark fisherman at a Montauk, which was down the road, granted 40 more miles, but the same road on the southern shore of Long Island. And Mundus was unbelievable. And he had the record. He had, I think, the top two records or whatever for great white caught on a fishing line. And, you know, as opposed to harpoon or any of that stuff. But, you know, a total legend.

He would pay local boys to round up the stray cats. Montauk had a lot of stray cats because of all the fish restaurants and stuff. They would throw it out and they could live on the dumpsters. But all right, this is Frank Mundus and not me, listeners who are going to shut off this podcast right now. Anyway, in the morning before he would go out and take his charter out, he'd round up the cats and put them on board. And then that's how he would chum because it chummed itself. He'd he'd cut the cat and just throw it in the ocean. And the cats and the yes.

And the cats flailing would naturally spread the blood and chum the water. And and whenever he'd see a dead whale, he'd hop out and go whale walking. And that's where actually he got his biggest great white was he saw the monster feeding on the whale, hopped back in. And then his charter guy, the charter was over. He found another boat to take his charter back in and he stayed out himself and landed that great white on rod and reel. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. They say the biggest great white ever captured was 21 feet uh they've they've caught a couple 21 footers and in the movie they say he was 25 so you know this was the biggest great white ever in the movie um it was uh i gotta say the opening scene with the girl skinny dipping, she was so hot. She had such a great body. It was so sad that she died, but I get it. I get why she had to die.

I get why he was attracted to her. And people know the story of, it was a bit of an accident, the suspense that was created because they had two mechanical sharks. He named him Bruce. Spielberg did after his lawyer. And Bruce worked fine and was worth millions of dollars and worked great with hydraulic pumps or pneumatic pumps on land.

But as soon as it got in the water, it didn't work. So they had to kind of shoot around it. But it's one of the reasons you don't see the shark till the third act, really, of the movie. And that turned out to be an invaluable move because your imagination. Like there was a couple of famous horror movies. I think it was Creature from the Black Lagoon and another one. And they say the reason why those were so scary is because you didn't see the monster. Right. You saw his reaction to the monster.

Yeah. This was Spielberg's second movie. I think he had done Duel or whatever it was first. Anyway, he felt like he blew it. And they needed stuff. And it was really saved in editing also. They shot extra scenes, I think, in the editor's swimming pool, I believe. But I read one story.

I didn't find it this week, but I just remember I think he had to spend a night in Boston. He was coming off of Martha's Vineyard. He had to spend a night in Boston before connecting to L.A. And he kind of had an anxiety attack and close to a nervous breakdown, convinced his career was over. Wow. attack and close to a nervous breakdown convinced his career was over wow as jaws was in the cans literally being shipped back to los angeles wow i guess it was a premonition for forrest gump um did uh it was the music though they say just those two notes yeah and the guy that did the music is, what's his name?

John Williams, of course. And he did Star Wars? Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Close Encounters, Star Wars. Yeah. He's done everything.

Yeah. John Williams. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah. He's unbelievable. Yeah. Spielberg uses him all the time. So what's your theory?

Launch into your theory here. I swear to God, 60 seconds. You ready? Yeah. A lot of people have been talking about it, by the way, that basically there's a very similar scenario. I have not started. Don't start the clock. But a lot of people are like have recalled the scene with the mayor saying we can't shut down business. We can't shut down business because of the tourism. We'll lose all the money. It'll be crazy. And it's like, no, you have to shut down. And if you do shut down, you'll be able, you know,

maybe open, you know, later. So anyway, that's really the theory. So Jaws is COVID-19. The shark is COVID-19. You ready? Yeah. The biggest, so the biggest theme in Jaws is its critique of capitalism. The mayor of Amityville will not shut down. We have to stay open for business. But a public officer, I'm going to like the public is Brody and he will represent, you know, the public opinion, let's just say. And then there's a scientist, Hooper. Let's just say he's a scientist from the CDC. And they try try telling the mayor there's an outbreak on your hands. He's Fauci. He's what? Yeah, he's Fauci. You're right. Right. Go with that. You got an outbreak on your hands and it's a killer and it'll definitely continue killing if we don't stop it. And in one scene, they refer to a previous outbreak. Did you see that in Jersey in 1916? Five people died. The shark attack then that was their precedent and they're like we have to shut down like look at 1916 it's very similar to the outbreak was it in 1918 right of um of the corona back then the spanish flu yeah so anyway the scientist um screams at the politician that he if ignores this problem

he's going to swim up and bite him in the ass and the scientist continues that there are two ways to deal with this problem. You can kill this animal, read the virus, or you can cut off its food supply, read quarantine. What we are dealing with here is a miracle of evolution. This is a quote from the scientist. All it does is swim, eat, and make little sharks, aka all the virus does is spread, infects and multiplies. They tell the mayor if you shut down now, you'll probably be able to reopen. You'll probably be able to reopen earlier, like in August. The mayor is, quote, August. It's almost July 4th.

We're going to be open for business. More people will be hurt by the close down of our economy, he says. Plus, we aren't even sure this is a shark. It might be a motorcycle accident. Read the flu. Nope nope a scientist has confirmed it's not a motorboat motorboat accident this is not like the flu at all way more deadly well if it is a shark it doesn't attack children guess what it just killed a kid and like so many of these virus sharks the deaths his loved one his mother is unable to be with him when the virus takes him. You know what? We found a cure. You know what? We found a cure. It's sort of like hydroxychloroquine,

and it just killed the shark. So the problem solved. Nope. Your cure kills the wrong things. You just killed the wrong shark. Wait, it's a hoax. See, it's a total hoax. That kid was pretending to be a shark holding the dorsal fin. This whole outbreak is a hoax. Nope, not a hoax. A guy was just killed in the channel at the same time, took his leg off, similar to the amputations caused by this virus. So the scientists are going to try to kill. So the scientists decide we're going to go out, kill this virus shark.

So they go. And then they see the shark is way bigger than they thought. Oh, shit. This virus shark is way bigger than they thought. Oh shit. This virus shark is way bigger than they thought. We need a bigger boat. We need to call the who we need to call who we need to get the CDC involved in all this. But the captain, the guy who's running the ship says, fuck that. We're not calling who.

In fact, I'm going to cut off all communication to who I'm going to bash the funding to who they're getting no more of our fucking funding, the radio, right? Broke the radio. And I'm also going to keep all the records. CDC is not getting any more of our transmissions, none of the records and all that they're coming to us. I can do this. I'm doing a great job and I don't want any of your science. You think that needle, you think that needle is going to work like testing? No. Richard Dreyfuss said a needle, right? We don't need your self-contained breathing apparatus like ventilators, which is scuba. And now you're going to and now you're putting on a mask before you get in the water to go find this virus. Nope,

we don't need masks. And then that old guy, the guy who's running the ship dies. We can only hope. And then the public and the scientists kill the virus on their terms. That's it. Was that all you or did you look that up? That's all me. I just wrote I wrote it last night. That's crazy. And one of the things you're leaving out is when, you know, Trump doesn't want more testing. They caught the other shark and he refused to let them cut open the shark's stomach to test whether or not there was other people's limbs in there. And this was in fact the right shark. Right. Wow. There you go. Crazy. That's a good one. And you did it in just, it wasn't a minute,

but it was like a minute and a half. It was probably longer than that. Yeah. But it was too good to quit on. God damn, that was good. And I'm sure you'll see other things in it, but those real lines are really, and that's why people before me tapped into that mayor really was the business, the capitalists of this country. Like, you cannot shut down. The shutdown might be worse than the shark. Right.

And he was willing to let some people die for the sake of the economy of the island. Right. You cannot shut down. The shutdown might be worse than the shark. Right. And he was willing to let some people die for the sake of the economy of the island. Right. The other big theory, of course, is that this is Moby Dick with a shark. And of course, and that, of course, Quint is Ahab. He's obsessed with tracking and killing this whale who killed, he had killed other sailors that he had sailed with. And in this case, Quint had been on the SS Indianapolis, which during World War II was torpedoed by the Japanese and like 900 people died.

That's that story. You know, and it's pretty improvised. You know, Shaw rewrote. That story is all fact. No, no, no, no. But in the movie, Shaw kind of wrote that speech. He really had a hand in crafting how that was told. Oh, no shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a storyteller. Holy shit. And so that boat went down and they say half the people died of shark attacks, like 600 guys. I think it was more than half. Well, they say there were 1,200. 300 went down with the boat. And then so that left 900.

300 survived. So, yeah, about 600 died either from shark attacks or inhaling salt water, they said. Exposure. Yeah. Anyway, so that gave. And then so in the end, Ahab, like, I don't want to be a spoiler alert, but Quint is killed by the shark the same way that Ahab is pulled underwater by his leg by Moby Dick. But that's the more obvious one. Everybody knows that theory, but I like yours. I think Quinn, what's that? Fresh. I love it. I think Quinn literally says at one point, like,

no, I have to get this shark. It represents Ahab's mother. Because that's the big theory in Moby Dick. Yeah. Right. Right. It's his mother figure or something. Right. All right.

Great. Let's move on to sports. They're back. Holy shit. This is the week nba is back uh car racing is back um car racing has been back here bubba the black nascar right booed he was booed and then applauded when he crashed so that's going well. No, really? Yep, yep, yep, yep.

No shit. I shouldn't say yep. I didn't see it. I read that, and I read it in a reputable news source, but that's what I read. Holy shit. Yeah. So anyway, sorry. I was never a huge fan of NASCAR for that reason.

I might become one now. I mean, to root for them or to maybe get involved and sort of try to get that, be on the right side of things, I guess. I don't know. Right. I've gone to NASCAR, though. When I made fun of NASCAR with Kilbourne, we did a remote. And so we went around and one thing I did was Bill Clinton's. I think it was Bill Clinton's book came out at that time. I'm dating myself, but it was like, let's say it was 2004. And so one of the questions I asked in the infield, what do you guys think of Clinton's new book?

And holy shit, the vitriol that came back was crazy. Yeah, he should get spot. You know how they put sponsors all over their car? He should get sponsors that really annoy the NASCAR fans. Oh, yeah? He can get like a Biden for president on one door. What's that? Oh, okay. I was going to say toothpaste.

Toothpaste. Health insurance on another door. Yeah. Rachel Maddow's face on the hood of the car. Yeah. An anti-domestic violence league. All right. So wait, the NBA, you say, is coming back.

When are they supposed to start? This week. This week. This weekend. Games are going on right now, I believe. Really? Yep. God, so many of them are having it.

I still like my idea. And baseball. Baseball's back this weekend, too. Play with the virus. Play with the virus. Well, I guess with NBA, they're doing a bubble, right, where everybody's got to stay in the same hotels. Do you know about this?

Yeah, but the bubble had some leaks, though, didn't it? Didn't someone just, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. No, it's didn't it? Didn't someone just, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. No, it's not going to last. Here's the sad thing, is that we just landed our first sponsorship on Sunday Papers, but it is a betting site that starts the first week of the NFL, so we're hoping to God that it's not canceled.

Otherwise, we lose our whole fall advertising campaign. Well, I read that the LA Rams guy, so they're on full quarantine. I heard this report on the paper. They're on full quarantine and it's, you know, in the goal of the NFL season starting. And I guess his lineman for the Los Angeles Rams, then not only did he test positive, but like nine members of his family and they don't know how it happened. And of course, my first thought is that's how the

wife just learned he has a side piece. I mean, he's a professional athlete. That's right. Yeah. Are you sure it was Corona that nine members of his family got? I just know they're infected. I just know it's spreadable. Does Corona cause blisters on the lips? Yeah, exactly. Right. They're all itching.

Now, what about. Speaking of football, you see the Redskins? No. What happened? The Redskins can't get out of the spotlight for the wrong reasons. Fifteen women accused the Washington NFL team, the team executives of sexual harassment. Oh, boy. The allegations include name calling, unwanted touching and aggressive advances from several employees of the organization.

The NFL issued a brief statement condemning the alleged activity as, quote, serious, disturbing and contrary to the NFL's values. The NFL added that name calling has never been part of NFL culture. I mean, maybe a little, but usually the spousal abuse is so physical the women can't hear the insults. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they should be the instead of the Redskins, they should be the black and blue skins. I thought I thought beating and killing your female partners was the NFL's biggest problem. And and just being murderers. Yeah. That also. So they're sexually harassing women in the here's the solution. I hate to say it. Don't hire women in the NFL because they're only going to get harassed.

They're only you're going to get sued one way or the other, either for not hiring them or for hiring them and abusing them. And you got to figure out, you got to crunch the numbers, which is a smaller payout. And the best is this trial. This trial is in this really nasty arena of sexual harassment. And, and it's all infused with the name Redskins. Like it's like the most inappropriate conversations are the stenographers is going to be like, can I just write one PC thing today. It's like the most inappropriate conversations. The stenographer is just going to be like, can I just write one PC thing today? It's like, and who grabbed your ass? A Redskin? Yes. A Redskin grabbed my ass. Yeah. How long were you with the Redskins? Most of my adult life. The whole thing is just a comedy of inappropriateness. They should punish the people that did it, the redskin front office, by sending them to live on a reservation in Oklahoma.

Just riddled with alcoholism, low education. They have to bring their families. They have to raise their families on an actual reservation. Right. Selling cigarettes by the highway. What else? Was there another news? Oh, there's another sports story.

You ready? Yeah. Boy, this is not the animal friendly hour. Cecil, the lion's killer, is back in the news. Remember that guy, the dentist? Yeah. The Minnesota dentist who killed beloved Cecil the lion bagged an endangered ram in Mongolia last year. It was just revealed.

The enormous sheep are considered a national treasure. Only 19,000 left in the world, and they are officially on the endangered species list. Coincidentally, Donald Trump Jr. caused international outrage last year for bagging a similar ram on a hunt during the same month. It's unknown if they were the hunting parties knew each other or were hunting together in that western region of Mongolia. When I love this line, when the mirror that's where I read this, when the mirror caught up with the dentist to ask for a comment, the dentist angrily sped off in his Porsche. Is that true? That's absolutely true.

Making him even more likable. And by the way, it should be noted, in a weird way, some people might use this to lessen the blow of the story, but it should be noted he the dentist this is true only bow hunts and then it was reported that he shot cecil he was hiding in a tree the dentist for hours and he shot cecil from the tree and it is said to have taken cecil 10 to 12 agonizing painful hours to die oh god and my question was when I read this, why hasn't this dentist committed suicide? Do you know about the suicide rate among dentists? That was the highest, highest suicide profession in the world.

Right. So suicide is increased among health professionals and dentists hold the highest suicide rate, which is 7.2%. And then I thought about it. You mean 7 out of 100 dentists kill themselves? I guess that is it. I should go back and look because they said the regular average is like 0.4. So I guess that maybe is right. Because 4 out of 5 recommend Ratson and your chewing gum. So one.

But then I thought, this is why he hasn't killed himself. He's been, he's been trying to take his own life with a bow and arrow. You know how hard, you know how hard that is to do. You got to get your feet. And then the bow keeps popping off the string as your feet are pushing it down. As you're aiming the thing at your neck. Or you have to shoot it straight up in the air

and then run exactly under it that's good that's not gonna happen yeah i remember first of all you said it's a rare ram is it one that can convert to a first down in a playoff game. That's even rarer. I asked my, I remember asking my dentist when I was growing up. I'm not going to say his name because of the things I'm going to say about him. But I remember he was an older guy. Why are my pants unzipped? And he, yeah. And he, yeah.

Why did you give me so much nitrous? I'm seven. And he had fucking a forest of nose hair. I remember looking up at it. And as I got older, once I got to be like 17, and I was kind of a wise ass, I got in the chair and I said, I said, I just read that dentists have the highest suicide rate of any profession.

I said, why is that? And he normally, he used to whistle a lot. That was his thing. Through his nose hairs? Just an unintentional whistle? Right. Different pitches. He could do an E flat on this one, an A minor on that one. And he sat on the chair, which you don't do. He sits on the chair and he said, do you want to be here and i said not really and he goes exactly how would you like to work a job where nobody wants to be there you're putting them and i was like holy fuck i thought i was just being a wise ass i didn't know i was gonna get this and then he had to work on me after that you know drilling a fucking cavity after putting him into that mindset.

And wow. But it turns out he was he was hitting the nitrous. This guy, he got really disbarred or he lost his license for hitting the nitrous. Why would you if you're that depressed? I guess. Yeah. Nitrous is amazing, right? Oh, my God. It's so good. Huh? They asked me in an office, uh, I went in recently for an unnecessary x-ray, but they thought, they thought there was a cyst, but a cyst can also just be a pocket. So they want to look at this pocket anyway. Nothing was wrong, but I went in and they're like, so listen, we have to cut your gum and just take a look just to rule out that this is anything. And that's what happened. And they're

like, do you want nitrous? I'm like, yeah, sure. I want nitrous. Okay. Who's going to say no to that? You're about to cut my gum open. And you know, and they, they, so they gave me nitrous even before they put the needles, you know, numbing me. And so then I get the bill and the bill for the nitrous not covered by insurance, I think was 200. It might've been more, but it was more than the procedure. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, and I refuse to pay. I'm like, I go, you should have told me that. Like, that's crazy. Yeah. And by the way, it didn't really work that. That's the reason I thought of it. It didn't really work with me that much. But, you know, maybe their gas was running low or I was just getting I don't know what was

happening. I felt lightheaded, but definitely not laughy. Maybe you just had a high tolerance because of all the whippets and the poppers that you do. I mean, poppers are nitrous oxide, right? I think they are. I don't know. I shouldn't say that. You can ask our friend Tom, who pops them and then has anal sex with men. Okay. You know, my mic just, my headphone just went out. I don't know what you said, but I see the paper crinkling. Let's do it. Science, baby. This is kind of a cool story. Sounded like your last story was science, but go ahead.

So they did some research that shows that the songs you value most in your life link to a very specific time in your life and are tied to memories that have shaped who you are. A study by the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology says that music from your teen years becomes intrinsically linked to the powerful memories that inform your sense of self. intrinsically linked to the powerful memories that inform your sense of self. In the study, they tracked 80 guests on the BBC Radio 4's show, you know, Desert Island Discs? Yeah, I remember when I worked with Corden and all the Brits, they turned me on to it. It's an enormously popular show.

Like the biggest musicians in the world, Paul McCartney, they all come on and they choose eight tracks to take with them to a desert island and so uh they say that half the songs chosen by their guests were linked to important memories from when they were between 10 and 19 years old and it's so true when i need some comfort music or whatever when i'm in the mood to really like take in the music, I go back to when I was like 14 years old. Right. And I was thinking like my top three. And I just this is my I'm talking albums, not songs.

OK. I I feel like Miss You by the Rolling Stones is one of the top three. Most people who are Rolling Stones fans wouldn't even put that in the top. Wait, Some Girls? Yeah. Some Girls. Did I say Miss You?

Yeah. Yeah, I always call it Miss You. Some Girls, which I knew every fucking track to, to this day, I can tell you, when the whip comes down, just my imagination.

Oh, the album is flawless yeah lies i can tell you what was on side one what was on side two why this song would have gone before this song i thought about and the same thing with um grateful dead shakedown street deadheads they sneer at that album it's not an important album right it's my one of my favorite albums of all time and i still get deep feelings when I listen to them. They say, did the article talk about how patients with dementia, that one of the last things that can break through dementia is music? Oh.

That a child, a son or a daughter could walk in the room, not trigger mental activity, but you throw on Sinatra and all of a sudden there's mental activity. And they remember it and can even discuss it. Yeah. Jeez. So there's something about music which is incredibly deep seated with us. What were your. All right. Give me your eight tracks.

Forget the album. What are your eight Desert Island tracks? Turning Japanese by the Vapors. Stop it. It's not a Japanese island. You know what that song is, right? Turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese.

I really think so. Do you not know what it's about? No, what's it about? It's about masturbating. And Japanese is his eyes are like this as he's jerking. No. This is better than my Jaws theory. No, that's a fact. He's in prison and he has a picture. I got your picture. Oh, you don't know this? Oh, I never knew that.

I think I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. Yeah. By the way, there's a lot of those dirty little trivia not to derail this story. Like, do you know the band 10CC? Of course. Okay. That is the average amount of ejaculate.

That's the name of the band. I swear to God. Well, do you know that song Pictures of Lily by The Who? Yes. All about masturbation. Pictures of Lily make my life so wonderful. And he talks about yeah, I got your pictures. I think I'm turning Japanese. And then that's him. Yeah, right. You're picturing yourself jerking off a lot on this desert island. Right. Don't you have to bring fodder for that? Yeah. Is there a song about how to make a boat out of a palm tree? I'll bring that to a desert island. No. But before the podcast, you mentioned you were going to talk about this story in music. But before the podcast, you mentioned you were going to talk about this story in music.

I had it was later in life, but there was an album. But just as you said, it's you couldn't really defend it as that's going to be one of the albums you're going to bring. But Matthew Sweet's Girlfriend was such in heavy rotation and it has a cult following. such in heavy rotation and I, and it has a cult following. And I remember we brought him on Kilborn and that's when I learned like who else had this cult following this guy, Michael O'Brien, who's a great writer. And, and we like, we're both down there just like, you know, just like Uber fans, like just like one. And we watched his rehearsal and he's this amazing guitarist, but that album girlfriend is fantastic. Okay he's this amazing guitarist. But that album, Girlfriend, is fantastic.

Okay. Put that on my list. And then, I don't know, another similar in terms of a track. I became, and my roommates, if they're listening from college, I became obsessed, is the right word, with Bob Dylan's song, Desolation Row. And it was on Highway 61 Revisited. And I would play it at least one time a day. Keep in mind, this song is, I think it's 11 minutes long. And I would play it

so much that my roommates hit it. And we really didn't have money and they hid my CD and there was no music services or anything like that. And no radio played it. So, and I wasn't about to go buy another one. And so, uh, I did not hear it. And then they, then I said, Hey, where is it? And I asked for it. Anyway, album lost forever and they forgot where it was. And they really did. We're moving out at the end of the year and we take a picture off the wall and they had tucked it behind the picture on the wall. So it smashes to the floor and I freaked out and immediately put, plug the stereo back in and listen to it. All right. Well, there you go. Yeah. I don't know what it is. It's just a meandering story, but oh my,

it did something to me like physiologically. It was great. We can do another quick science story. This one is about birth control. The success of birth control comes from two hormones, progesterone and estrogen. researchers found oxytocin levels were higher in women taking birth control hormone released to increase social behavior this hormone promotes trust and emotional attachment with friends family and romantic partners the team found relationship status was linked to more sexual activity. So women essentially taking the pill are more apt to have sexual activity. It's a turn on. That's tough to tease out, though. Maybe you feel sexually liberated. Well, whatever it is.

It's a horny pill. That's the new roofie. It's a it's a double whammy. She'll have sex with you and and you know she's protected. Right. All right. I love science. Oh, that was not very PC.

Mike, one of my favorite parts of the show is a thing called Ask Amy. Oh. Okay. Before we do it, we got a quick email about Ask Amy from Brian, who said, first of all, he said, I seem to have a crush on these guys. He said, I wanted to let you know that Amy from Ask Amy is Amy Dickinson, who regularly appears on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me on NPR as a panelist. Did you know that? I did not know that. I know I'd rather not know anything. I didn't even believe Amy was a panelist. Did you know that? I did not know that. I'd rather not know anything. I didn't even believe Amy was a real person. All right. What does she have to say this week?

Well, one of her writers, I don't really have any funny material on this, but it's an interesting letter, I guess. And we'll just wing it when we hear it. Where is the letter? Dear Amy, four months ago, I started dating a guy. We clicked really well, but I started to see little red flags. He'd get very angry if I didn't text him frequently. He seemed possessive.

Because of this, I broke up with him. At first, he did not take it well and said hurtful things. After a few weeks, he asked if we could remain friends and keep in touch via text. Amy, he just sent me a picture of his new tattoo. The tattoo is my name with hearts on his back! I vacillate between being furious and just shrugging it off. Can you offer any insight on what I, on what would make a man do such a ridiculous thing? And then I thought it would be so funny if it was like signed fearless or like signed H O in Mexico.

Like imagine if her name was a really pop coincidentally, a really popular tattoo, Right. Signed mom. Signed mom with an R-O through the heart. But that's crazy. What would you do? It's her name, but it's written in Sanskrit. Yeah. I think if I was Amy, I'd be like, it sounds like you got yourself a keeper. Most men are so afraid of commitment. And boy, is this guy a committer? I think she should look at it as if this is the modern version of a notch on your lipstick case or like a or like a World War Two fighter who puts a kill sign on the side of his plane.

The more guys that are walking around with your name on their back, the better you lived. Signed, bitch. Well, well, bitch. First of all, it might not be you, but I think it is. I like the restraint. I'm not using the C word there. Well done, Mike. Yes, we're trying.

Should we do some, uh, some listener mail? We did some up top, but you got, you got a juicy one. Do we get any good ones? Well, it's weird. We got this one from a woman, Joanne. Okay. Says I seem to have a crush on these guys. This happens.

This is happening too much. I think like, I don't know. You think it's a copycat thing or do you think that we are exuding more sexuality on the show? Well, it's probably a couple of things. I think, first of all, you're choosing the letters so that it's not exactly a random sampling of a letter, but they are in there every week. I mean, even if you are picking it, we should just be grateful, right? I mean, I don't like praise and attention that much, and I try to deflect too much. So why don't we just accept it? Let's take it in. We earned, you know, we earned it.

Thank you, Joanne. Yes. Thank you, Joanne. Keep writing. Keep writing every week. Yeah. There's a lot of Joanne types who also are called Joanne out there. Yeah. She's the opposite of a Karen. She's a Joanne. That's great. We found our opposite of a Karen. She's a Joanne. That's great. We found our opposite of a Karen. Yeah. Look at this Joanne heaping praise on someone. Easy, Joanne. Oh, Joanne.

Yeah. Has its own Instagram account, Joannes. This is from some freak named Grant Tolliver. He said, I just want to tell you I love the Sunday podcast. Listen every week since I have quit porn. I close my eyes and jerk off to your womanly voice. If you could send me some more recordings during this time, I'd really appreciate it. That's funny. I like it because he's talking about you. Grant.

Quit porn. Hi, Grant. Boy, what a time to quit porn well yeah i know um we got a note from another guy who said he quit drinking when the pandemic started and he's he's doing well i mean it's actually it is a time you can transition into new behaviors because there's not all those external pressures you can control your schedule. So if you want to go to a virtual meeting every day at 9 a.m. or you want to run, whatever your new habit is, this is a great time to start it.

Do you think there's going to be, with the PC culture, really running, whatever, burning on more burners than ever. I don't even know how to phrase it. In overdrive, let's say. Do you think porn will come up? It's amazing that guys can get called out on a bad date. I won't say who, but attempts to publicly shame and cancel a career of like a performer because of kind of a bad date,

which everyone eventually agreed that that's what it was. Like anyway, when it's this sensitive, I mean, porn is crazy if you think about it. And when you see the fantasies on there, it's full blown, like incredibly offensive. Everyone has their thing. But I think you and I are fairly average guys. And, you know, we see stuff on there where you're like, what? That's like so degrading. It's it's incredible. Right. Or the casting couch where this fucking sleazeball puts an ad on craigslist and women come into his office

because they're going to do adult photos and then he talks them into a career in porn and then says i have to videotape you having sex with me so i can show it to producers at the beginning of the videos it says these are fake auditions there is no job these girls are not paid and then he takes the video of them getting naked blowing them having sex and he posted on the internet and a lot of these women there's like a huge class action lawsuit of all these women against this guy and a lot of them are saying they're fucking suicidal they've've lost jobs. One girl got kicked out of school. And that shit is still on the Internet. It's on all the major sites.

YouPorn and YouTube, whatever all the sites are. I got to check my bookmarks. But they're on all the major sites. Yeah. It's. Yeah. I mean, maybe they're individually sued. I mean, I know there's freedom of speech and I know Larry Flint already went through this, but it just seems like. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's an interesting area in terms of the legal world. Right. And what could be done. I think nothing. But yeah, I'm just surprised it hasn't been brought up more.

Yeah. We have an obituary this week, and this one is pretty heavy. This is a really important person in the history of this country. And I'm just going to read. There's a woman who does a newsletter that I read every day that you also read every day. What is her name again? Heather. Heather. Hey, why don't we give her why don't we give her a shout out? Yeah, I'm going to give her a shout out right now. We get these emails. Heather Cox Richardson. Yeah.

She's really you can sign up for her email for free. Maybe we should put that on our website somehow. Yeah, let's put we're going to put a link to that on the website. But you can subscribe on just go to just go to just search Heather Cox Richardson. And she's an historian. Yeah, I don't know anything about her, but I do know she's in a historical context. So anyway, she she's an historian. And very briefly, she puts out an email that gets to my inbox like after 11 at night. She does it after work on the East Coast. But I can't wait to read it usually. So this is her summing up the amazing life of John Lewis. Tonight, just before midnight, we heard the news that 80 year old Georgia representative John Lewis passed away from pancreatic cancer. As a young adult, Lewis was a troublemaker, breaking the law. That's in quotes.

Right. Breaking the laws of his state. He broke the laws upholding racial segregation. He organized voting registration drives, and in 1960 was one of the 13 original Freedom Riders, white and black students traveling together from Washington, D.C. to New Orleans to challenge segregation. It was, quote, it was very violent. I thought I was going to die. I was left lying on the Greyhound bus station in Montgomery unconscious, Lewis later called. He almost did die a bunch of times.

An adherent of the philosophy of nonviolence, Lewis was beaten by mobs and arrested 24 times. As chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, he helped to organize the 1963 March on Washington, where Martin Luther King told more than 200,000 people gathered at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial that he had a dream. Just 23 years old, Lewis spoke at the event. Youngest speaker at the March on Washington. Two years later, as Lewis and 600 marchers hoping to register African-American voters in Alabama stopped to pray at the end of the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, mounted police troopers charged the marchers, beating them with clubs and bullwhips.

They fractured Lewis's skull. To observers in 1965 reading the newspapers, Lewis was simply one of the law-breaking protesters who were disrupting the peace of the South. But what seemed to be fruitless and dangerous protests were, in fact, changing minds. Shortly after the attack in Selma, President L.B. Johnson honored those changing ideas when he went on TV to support the marchers and call for Congress to pass a national voting rights bill. On August 6, 1965, Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act authorizing federal supervision of voter registration in districts where African Americans were historically underrepresented. New black voters helped elect Lewis to Congress.

In 1986, he's held the seat ever since winning reelection 16 times. You know, one of the famous pictures of of police beating black protesters at the time. He's the guy getting beaten. No shit. Yep. Wow. They posted that. But like, talk about a hero, man. Like, that's, it's just, and I think he went out, like, he went out to the church where Trump, you know, went and did his publicity photo op, you know, with the Bible upside down. You know, he went back out there because he was, he just, he was just so proud that that tradition, it's such an American.

He loved America. That's another thing is he talked. A lot of these obituaries are so great about him, about how much he loves this flawed country, mostly because it is always trying to improve. Yeah, right. And and he just sees, you know, this legacy, you know, of what what he was doing. And, you know, her word of her word was so carefully chosen, fruitless, what appeared to be these fruitless demonstrations and fruitless arrests. But they added up. Yeah. And it's the hard work.

But I mean, God damn, what a hero. Like, I mean, when you think about the pressure these days, you know, to be counter to the status quo, if you look, it's easy for us. We live in Los Angeles. But if you're somebody that lives in the Deep South or in the Bible Belt and you have opinions opposed to just look at the harassment people that wear a mask get. Now, imagine, you know, standing up for certain civil rights in areas where where that's not the way people think. He faced that every day of his life times a hundred, you know, being being maligned by the media and being being having bricks thrown at you while you're speaking. And you just keep showing up and doing it your whole life. But the rule and the rule he under orders, do not fight back. So the 24 arrests were, okay, I'm out on bail.

Now what's the new plan for me to go get the shit beaten out of me and maybe beaten to death like other fellow protesters. Right, right. And that's what's going to eventually move this protesters. Right. Right. Like that. And that's that's what's going to eventually move this needle. Wow. It's it's so and that like that they're among us, you know, and then broadening it out to like. Heroes in general, like, you know, even soldiers, regardless of politics, truly like World War Two soldiers like there. How many? There's there's not many. I mean, we're at the end of that where there will be no more very soon.

Right. And people that literally got up and said, I'm going to die for an ideal. I'm willing to put my life. And you think about like, you know, like I was watching Jaws and I was thinking about when the boat was going down and they were still fighting about how how intrinsic and biological your your your your fight to survive is. And to go against that for something you believe in. Right. Really powerful. No. And I was, you know, with the girls, my girls and family at Pearl Harbor this year, and they have the records of people that were on the,

we were at the Arizona Memorial at the USS Arizona, and they have the records of how many are still alive. And, you know, I might have told this story, but it's so moving that some of these men who are in their nineties and older, um, when they die, their wish, which they've made clear before is to be buried with their friends who died on the Arizona. And so the Navy has a special, it's on YouTube. There's a short video, very little fanfare, hardly any production value, but there's a little video of, they have Navy divers and this is one of their tasks when, when it comes about,

they get the ashes, they go down to the Arizona and they place them in the ruins of the Arizona and lay them to rest with their fellow soldiers. Wow. That's powerful. Imagine that far out. Yeah. 70 years ago, you, I mean, the kid was 19 next to you.

You know what I mean? And then 70 years later with your family, grandkids, all that stuff. You also have family plots assuming and, assuming, and all that stuff. And no, that's where you want to be laid to rest. Right. Because you made a choice the way they did. It's just their fate was different. But you made that magnanimous choice.

So, John Lewis, rest in peace. Thank you for everything you did. Let's get back to porn. Holy shit. Let's get to the Sunday funnies. Oh, okay. Let's start off with the one that always puts a little bounce in your step, or a little speed

in your step if you're a woman. Andy Capp. Oh, boy. His wife is... She's got a great sense of humor that's the thing you can say about her she has she kind of rolls with the punches she's got a strong jaw and a great sense of humor yeah and uh in this particular one frame caption uh andy you can see him it's on the street two women talking andy cap is inside kick him back on a chair arms behind his head and his wife who has a black eye is saying to her friend i was talking when i should have been listening end of comic that's comedy in london right now

that's comedy in London right now that's I can't believe it's real and she's saying it with a smile on her face uh I was talking when I should have been listening no you were staying when you should have been listening. No, you were staying when you should have been leaving. That's like the awful, I mean, it really is. I mean, that joke, I guess, has been around for centuries, millennia. It's like, what do all battered women have in common? They don't listen. Yeah. That's what this comic strip just did.

They did that joke. Right. I mean, if a guy comes back from a fight and he lost against another man, he says, I was talking when I should have been listening. You have a laugh. You have a little whiskey. You move on. But, wow. That's a good one.

Let's lighten it up. It's his wife. Let's lighten it up it's his wife let's lighten it up with your uh with gary larson from the by the way it's like hopefully she said that in a low voice he could hear that through the window and now now he's telling the neighbor that she got beat maybe he's proud of it but i i smell another beating kind of kind of feels like the intention because he's close to the window is all is right all of his comic strips end with her being hit and their and their universe being back on its axis again yeah back to normal things have been settled problem solved imagine imagine if we

you know set up set up pitches around town we go on amazon netflix cbs we go to the networks we go to the streamers and we got our show idea and it's like kind of like you described it's a situation like all in the family or like cheers and in this situation comedy um uh there's andy kappen is why it's it's going to be kind of inspired by that comic strip. And she'll stray a little off the path, and then she will get the shit beat out of her. And then at the end, you see the situation has been restored, and all is right, and she recognizes where she went wrong. And they would, I mean, and we're like, no, no, this exists.

It's in newspapers every week. Yeah. People, people are buying this story. Yes. There's something about it that's gratifying for the male and female readers of the newspaper. Well, although go back. Honeymooners. The honeymooners.

One of these days, I'm going to punch you in the face. Right in the kisser. Yeah. Bang, zoom, right to the moon. Right to the moon. So our pitch would be, this is going to be like the honeymooners, but he never says bang, zoom. He just bangs and zooms her.

Yeah. And she hits the ceiling on the way to the moon. And then, and it's not animated. Yeah. And also, he'll never give her a warning about one of these days. No warnings. He just does it. Uh, and, and by the way, this is a happy ending show. You know, it's a feel good show. There's a wacky neighbor. Don't get us wrong. You know, we're gonna, we're not going to ignore the usual tropes. um he needs somebody to brag to yeah um let's do some far side oh it's so

fucking smart and funny every time this is a woman who is walking up her front walk to her house and she has a basket of eggs no black eye no black okay. Well, she hasn't gotten inside yet. Right, that's true. She's walking towards the house. A chicken is walking past her, and he's carrying a baby. Wait, what? Like, she's taking the chicken's babies, and the chicken is taking her baby. Gotcha. Gotcha. taking the chickens babies and the chicken is taking her baby gotcha gotcha I like it

I like it you can see the chicken the hen hen house the hen house she's walking towards the hen house. I got it. I got it. That's great. You know what's perfect about

it is the far side is so smart it has to be explained to me and Family Circus has to be explained to me because it's so stupid. Right. Maybe they're both above my capacity to understand them. How funny would it be if Gary Larson took over Family Circus

one week and the dipshit who does Family Circus had to do a far side? I love it. He would ruin his brain trying to come up with something. Oh my God. Yeah. The second far side.

The woman would be like, hi, and he'd be like, clock. That's what that's what family circus would come up with for the caption on that. Right. Right. Yeah. It'd be two cavemen. And he go, I drew something on the wall.

I told you not to. Buddy, I told you not to draw on the wall. Even that's too good for family circus. It is. All right. This next one is a viking ship and uh it is being rowed by eight men four on each side the four on one side look like they are giant visigoths they're fucking brawny and strong the other side these guys look like they've been starved to death they're skinny and the caption is i've got it too omar a strange feeling that we've just been going in circles i remember that one that's great yeah all right i like that you you like a little hag of the horrible hagar it's a good segue

all right this is uh helga is with her and her daughter her daughter is by the way smoking hot she's uh she's got the the shell thing on her boobs they're like product of product of rape but go ahead, yeah? She is. Helga is stirring a pot, and the daughter says, Mama, do you think someday women will have equal rights? Wow. Whoa. Helga says, we have them now, dear.

And then Helga turns around, holds up a rolling pin, and says, some women just don't know how to use them. Powerful. Powerful. Is she implying she sometimes hits Hager with that? Yes. Gotcha. And just in general that women need to step in?

Is that what the book was about that postmodern feminism? Lean into it? Lean in. You got to fucking lean in with a rolling pin ladies oh my god all right let's hear some family circuses i got a blondie that's gonna knock your tits off okay family circus it's a kid in what looks to be an above- pool. It's the sun right there. And he, he's standing up in the water and he has water dripping all over him and he's pointing to his ear. And then he's a quote.

I had my head underwater and now this year won't listen. or won't listen. That doesn't count for paid entertainment. I mean, kids say the darndest things, but like... Yeah. You have to amortize everything you read in the paper

divided by the $1.50 that you paid for it and realize there is a monetary value on that piece of real estate in the newspaper. Maybe it's one cent, and he's not giving you the rent on that piece of paper. I mean, I can't even. But, like, every person who's been alive, never mind parents, knows kids don't have command of the English language yet. Like, so what?

I can just start one and use ones that I mean, remember, Olivia used to call magazines Mazagines. Daddy, is this your Mazagine? Yeah. Fucking put a deposit on the beach house because Olivia also called it a a kajusi or jacuzzi, whatever she called the jacuzzi kajusi or something. Yeah. So, oh, I get I get a second home. I get a vacation home now.

Oh, yeah. How much is this one worth? We were on the ferry going over to Catalina Island and Jojo said, we're on the ferry. Write it up. Print it. That's perfect. She said something wrong. That's worth money. Mommy, do I have an itch or a scratch? How about that one? Fucking just write 20 of them.

You have half the year done. It's unbelievable to me. Yeah. No, we're in the wrong business. We're in the wrong fucking business. Think about all the work that goes into Sunday papers. Okay, right next to it, I thought maybe they're all this stupid. This is Dennis the Menace. Oh, yeah. Dennis the Menace. I just looked at this now. And I'm like, maybe it's just as stupid.

It's the same thing. It's a little boy, and he has just one. He's the only one talking. One frame. One panel. and he has just one, he's the only one talking, one frame, one panel. This little boy's sitting like on an ottoman and clearly the parents have had company over

and there's this couple sitting on the couch and he's on an ottoman sitting right next to him, Dennis is. And Dennis goes, you sure don't look like a prospector to me, but my dad said, and then he's looking at the woman, you were a real gold digger. Really?

Yes. That's fucking good. Yes. It's a attractive. Are you shitting me? An attractive woman sitting next to an older guy. Whoa. That,

that's not bad. That's not bad. That's something drunken grandpa says. Yeah. Not the six-year-old. Holy shit. I know. There it is.

Wow. All right, Mike, put on your safety belt because Blondie is fucking bringing it this week. Okay. Dagwood is sitting in his blue chair watching TV like the fucking oaf that he is. It's a Saturday. Has he taken Blondie out to a park, maybe on a hike, maybe shopping, kissing the ass that's perfect? Yeah.

Now, watching TV, off frame, you hear, Dear, does this new bathing suit look okay? Suddenly my eyes fucking open wide. Second frame, blondie in a pink polka dot strapless bikini. Did not know she did that. I've never seen it before. And her body. Oh, boy.

An hourglass doesn't describe it. This is a, the way the breasts come into the hips and then flower out into these. Let's not kid ourselves. They're fleshy thighs. That's what you want. It's got a little bit of meat, but then when you get to the knees,

it's like they've been sucked in. It's like they've been fucking clamped tight. And then again, the fucking calves explode. It sounds like her legs have an hourglass shape almost. Exactly. That's what it is. Full busted. And she says, dear, how does this bathing suit look?

And then Dagwood bounces out of his seat and says, uh-huh. And his hair sticks straight up. and she says, I'll take that as a yes. Next frame, Dagwood is outside talking to his neighbor, and he says to the neighbor, whose hair is also straight up, I'm assuming Tootsie modeled her new bathing suit, and the neighbor says, yeah, why? First of all, why? Huh? First of all, why are you in the yard talking to your neighbor?

You should be ripping that fucking leopard skin bathing suit off that phenomena known as blondie. And the women go, is there that neighborhood has a week where all the new bathing suits show up? What's going on there? Yeah. His hair sticking straight up. Why isn't his dick sticking straight up? Yeah. What are you, a boy?

Are you a fucking man boy? Wait, why can the neighbor have said like, no, I just looked through your window. I don't buy my wife bathing suits. You do. Right. Now you texted me that shot of blondie. He takes out money. I'm going to pay for half of that suit.

I'm going to pay for the bottom. Well, maybe it's like a, it's like a, um, something about Mary thing where they jizz so hard on their heads that their hair is sticking straight up. Do you think he would go for that?

I'm sure that's what it is. And that means he instantly jizzed without touching himself in front of her. And she's like, I'll take that as a yes. Then I at least respect that he's coming. There's gotta be an orgasm. I don't care if he does it himself, but at least acknowledge that it's the hottest chick in animation history

showing you herself in a strapless leopard skin bikini. True to character, you've been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, bathing suit, whatever, where's my sandwich? That reminds me of food. All right, listen, if you want to see these comic strips, I don't know why they're not up on our website. We should be posting. I've saved them all in a file, and I'm going to see what I can do about getting them all up on the website. Do people go to the website? I don't.

There's not much on it. But check it out. Yeah, we never talk about it. Well, what is the website address? It is sundaypapers.net. Ooh, we got the dot the coveted dot net and don't forget if you write us a mail we send it we bounce it back

to you with some reactions it is fitsdogradio at gmail.com also you know you can be watching the show on YouTube every week as well as we put up a couple clips on Instagram follow us on Instagram.

Follow us on Instagram. It's at GibbonsTime and at Greg Fitzsimmons on Instagram. Check those out. And keep the songs and the graphics for the show coming in. We love them, and we appreciate them. Yeah. Mike, we did it again. We always say we're going to keep it short. Once again, we are at exactly an hour and 45 minutes. It's so weird. It comes out the same exact time every week.

Well, it's a magic formula. Also look forward to the new Thursday papers we're going to be putting out. Not this week, but the week after. All right, Mike. Good to see you. All righty, man. Take it easy. All right. We'll talk to you soon. Another week.

It's almost over. Bye-bye. Oh, wait. What about our sign-off? Wrap up the fish, stick it in the birdcage, throw it in the fire. Crumple it up. Kindling. Start fire starter,

wrap a birthday present in it in a responsible way that reuses the paper. Stick it under a chair you're painting and call it a week. God bless. Alright, bye-bye. Sunday Papers, yeah yeah Grapefruit Simmons and Mike Gibbons

They cover all the news from front to back In great clothes is every show discussing blondies rack Sunday Papers, yeah, yeah Sunday Papers, yeah, yeah Sunday Papers, yeah, yeah Sunday Papers! Sun and paper!