Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 200 1/21/24

Episode Date: January 21, 2024

A man loses his head in Colorado, Kelce’s family hates Taylor and Kelly Osbourne apologizes to Mexicans. Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): fitzdogradio@gmail Sponsored by:  Gametime, download the app, use code: PAPERS 

baby it's the sunday paper they're not heroes or mass crusaders no countdown interesting three two one let's read. Let's start. Read all about it. Let's start. Read all about it. Read all about it, y'all. We're starting this now. Down here in Georgia telling you all the news. Listeners, what's happening? What's happening, people? Look at you breaking the fourth wall right out of the gate.

I'm on Sudafed, man. There's no rules when you're on Sudafed. Sudafed? What do you get, a cold? They lock that stuff up, man. Damn. I've had a cold. I'm on day 13, maybe. By the way, can I tell you this about you?

Where does all the snot come from? Can I ask a very literal question? We've all been there. I'm blowing my nose so much it is weighty. There's so much stuff and I'm like, where? And also it's endless, right? You're blowing

your nose 10 minutes later. Is it your throat? I know. Where's the mucus coming from? Why can't I get half of that to come out of my cock? I would be such a stud. My wife would be like, I'm married to Peter North. This is amazing. This is a fascinating turn in my question, but okay. That's an interesting, no, you should have been a doctor. Well, an orgasm is very similar to a sneeze. Yeah, but this is blowing my nose, but I guess

there's blowing. I get it. All right. Okay. No, no. Good point. Let's just talk about semen. And then, you know, when you sneeze, somebody says, God bless you. And when you come, they say, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah. God's involved in both. Tissues are involved.

There's no arguing with you on any. I mean, this is all such tight logic it all works I'll be using it all at the 8 o'clock show tonight at the punchline in Atlanta well we know where the semen comes or does not come from where is all the mucus

where is all of it all the green or light green or whatever color you got working and it's non-stop filling tissues. Yeah. Your throat, it has to be, right? I believe there's a gland that has phlegm in it.

I can't wait for the correction. A gland. So confidently, there's a gland that has phlegm in it. I don't think we're talking about phlegm. Chris, will you look it up? I'm pretty sure there's a, because you have the- Isn't there a mucus gland? There's a mucus membrane, and that's with your gland.

Okay. Oh, here we go. Anyway, I'm on Sudaf- Snot is produced by glands in your nose and throat. Thank you very much. Okay. All right. I'm in. I did say throat and I think I said a mucus. I wonder if there is a mucus gland. A lot of glands. So the salivary gland is interesting because you don't realize how much it's squirting out. If you eat, like you ever have a dry sandwich

and you don't drink anything with it and yet you're swallowing it? Each of those bites is getting saturated with saliva coming out of the side of your cheek. It's a lot of water. Gland is one of those words where if you're high and you say it three times, all of a sudden it's not a word anymore. Gland is a weird one. Yeah. It's like glad and anymore like land is a weird one yeah it's like glad my gland the gland illusion land i remember this is a good podcast are we done i remember being on mescaline once and saying the word sneaker for 25 minutes well i told you that one time i was on edibles and somehow i came across the word bookkeeper and I almost freaked out.

O-O-K-K-O-O. That's insane. Right in the middle of the word. No, sorry. O-O-K-K-E-E. Mississippi. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. Three I's.

Is that Native American? Is that Native American? Is that Native American? Has to be. Sounds Italian. Congratulations, by the way. I didn't congratulate you formally. It is your 10th anniversary of your divorce. Thank you.

Yeah, I just shared that with you. So I'm not impressed with the congratulation. I guess we're pretending in front of the people that you just are thoughtful and it came up. It was in my date book. Yeah, I found out on New Year's 10 years ago, but that was the just origin of the dismantling. So what was the origin of the dismantling? You mean of the conscious uncoupling, as Gwyneth Paltrow would say? Yeah, this was very conscious uncoupling.

Unconscious. It was unconscious uncoupling. Yeah. How long were you guys married? How many years? I put in the win column. I think it was 13 years. 13 years is a win. 13 and a half.

You made two beautiful daughters. Yeah. And, uh, and you have a very, uh, functional relationship now. Not a lot of X's can say that.

Right? No. Getting along, uh, supportive. We sit, we sit with each other at all of Olivia's soccer games and stuff and watch and, and,

and roll our, both roll our eyes at the crazy wokeness of her school. Oh, yeah. Any any celebrity parents on the sidelines? Yes. And I don't know all of them. It used to be crazy. You know, Apatow was there all the time and everything. They are all the time and everything. But we'll see at graduation. The Paltrow and Chris Martin don't come to games. Or, no, I shouldn't say that.

I take that back very officially. Their kid doesn't play. They only have a son left in high school, I believe. And I'm going to girls' sports events. So, in other words words they're not showing up to sporting events their kids are not in that's that's interesting yeah so they're not supportive they're not supportive of strange children it would be actually very weird if they were if you were showing up for fucking other kids sporting. I think they'd escort you off the field. Chris Martin just comes to girls' soccer games. That's not weird. Although, I mean, look at these-

That's a hot play. These college women's volleyball is filling up fucking 30,000 seats. Yeah. Women's volleyball, it's a lot like women's tennis where it is really interesting because sometimes the points go on they're really they're generally genuinely exciting you know like when you see those long rallies remember the sampras years men's tennis

sucked for about a decade yeah and women's tennis was amazing yeah yep you had uh it's nice it's like slow motion tennis you know you can really sink in and relax Gabriella Sabatini uh yeah she was the best oh Steffi Graf her legs Steffi Graf had great legs I mean her backhand. Maria Sharapova. Yeah. Oh, someone just, I played tennis this week at Hillcrest. It's funny to say in LA the Jewish club because everyone but one is the Jewish club in LA. But Hillcrest is predominantly, I think it was founded on that. Oh, I took a picture. This is interesting. We're a comedy podcast.

So anyway, I played at Hillcrest. Let me finish my first thought. And someone just saw Sharapova there playing pickleball. Really? Yeah, because I know some probably big, powerful guy in town probably invited her out to play or whatever. But I did see posters. I think it's Sharapova or Sharapova, however you pronounce her name,

is teaming with McEnroe to play Steffi and Andre, who are married, and in a giant like pickleball event. Like it's a doubles match. Yeah, this has got to stop. This pickleball thing's got to stop. You know, I lost my office because they're knocking it down to build pickle tennis courts yeah pickle ball pickle ball man well you know uh bjorn bork bjorn bjork used to come down to the paddle tennis courts in venice and play paddle tennis against against the guys okay the this club hillcrest founded in 1920 and in 1945, they had their 25th anniversary dinner and it was a black tie event. And I took a picture on the wall of the invite and the card and the day, all that stuff. Anyway, so here was the night, how it was going to go. It's called the greatest all-star show ever presented in this country.

A caravan of show business. Here was the event at Hillcrest Country Club in 1945. Introduction by Ed Sullivan, master of ceremonies, Jack Benny. And then they bring out Danny Thomas, Gene Kelly, Danny Thomas, Gene Kelly, Margaret O'Brien, Van Johnson, Mickey Rooney, Red Skelton, Jose Iturbi. That's the only name. Jose Iturbi, I don't know. Frank Sinatra, George Burns, Carmen Miranda, Danny Kaye, and then Xavier Cugat. But all of that was leading to, I think, the biggest star in the world, Al Jolson. Oh my God. That's crazy. What? That's like one of my St. Patrick's Day shows at the Improv. It's crazy. It sure is.

The lineup, except for Gubbins. Gubbins in 1945 would not have been on that show, nor should he be in 2024. We have to discuss that, whether or not Gubbins will be on the St. Patrick's Day show this year. Last year was such a disaster. Yeah, I forget my note, which was the same thought that everyone had there. But I do know the best year he ever did, he did stand up as an Irish guy.

And it went on, you know, I think he might have missed your cue or whatever, but that was the strongest I've ever seen him do. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. We'll see. But it's going to be March 16th. You're not sure if you'll be there, but. I think I will now.

We'll see. It's a Saturday night, so we might actually do two shows. I got to see who we can get to show up. I should start writing material. This is, by the way. I guess I got that mucus. I got five minutes on mucus. You ready for this?

And I can't believe we didn't make a bigger deal out of this. This is our 200th show. This one right now. This is our 200th show. Well, as Kilborn used to say, and it's the most important one. You want to know why? Because it's the one we're doing right now. Yep.

I like that. I think we should have done something. We should have had like some, I don't know, clips from past shows or worn hats or something. I'm wearing a hat. You're wearing a hat? Yeah. And how are you? Did TSA take away all your maroon clothing? Look at you.

No, here's what's fun. I showed up to Atlanta, unpacked, and then was getting ready for my show last night and realized I did not pack a shirt for the show. So I went on in a sweatshirt, which I never do. I always wear a dress shirt on stage. And you crushed. And I did not crush.

Oh. How is your mic being held up i've got a little clip and then it's a table why it looks very steady right yeah because you get complaints you know you're you're physically active uh in a you know in a knee and knee sort of popping way well i get nervous it's the 200th show. Yeah, it is a big, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. I have what you call, is it, what do they call it?

Restless leg syndrome. I think I got restless leg syndrome. I think you have hyperactive disorder, which is associated with ADD also. Yes, I do. And you got the HD, you got the HD part. And I took Ritalin today

and had three cups of coffee. So, hey now. Look at us. And I took Ritalin today and had three cups of coffee. So, hey now. Look at us, and I'm on my mucus drugs. Speaking of the mics, let's give a shout out to the fine people at Heil Mics. H-E-I-L. They are literally the best mics in the business. And we are not paid to say that. We just happen to be using them, and we love them.

Heil. Heil M them. Heil. Heil, Mike. Yep. So our friend, Pete Scott, who we went to college with, were you ever his roommate as well in high school? No, never his roommate. We shared, I roomed with his, at the time, kind of like best friend roommate who was a wild man and I roomed with him senior year

but no so anyway he came out to my show last night with his girlfriend and uh now when it's hard because pete's like my barometer because once a year i play atlanta and he's always there and i always feel like i gotta do new stuff you know i can't be doing the same shit he saw last year and so there was a very small crowd last night and then he was there and then the MC went up and he did 15 minutes of where are you from? What do you do? And where are you guys from? And what do you do?

Like 15 minutes of it. And the crowd, it made it the worst fucking crowd. Cause then they just talked throughout the rest of the show. They just thought it was supposed to be a party and so not only am i doing new shit in front of a small crowd they're all talking and i was jet lagged whatever sometimes they're not great shows they generally are and you had a hoodie on and with a hoodie on you go up there looking like Belichick. Yeah. So Pete was in town in LA and we went out to dinner with a guy who's an assistant coach for the Clippers.

And I'm friends with him. And do you know Paul Scheer? Yeah. The great Paul Scheer. Very funny. And so I get the text from the Clippers coach. He goes, hey, let's all get some dinner. And I said, great. And then Pete was like, oh, you want to have dinner tonight? I was like, well, I already have a dinner, but do you want to come? So I said, so I brought Pete

and I get there and both these guys have their wives with them. And I go back and look at the text and it specifically said, we're bringing the wives. Aaron's home. And it's kind of turned into a thing where I've gone to dinners that I didn't bring her to that it turned out were co-educational events. And she's very cool about it. But it's also like I feel a little bit bad because we were at this fucking nicest restaurant on the west side, and he was picking up the check,

and everybody's, and she knows one of the wives. Anyway. So Pete was your bitch. So Pete was my bitch, and of course he got along with everybody, and they're all hugging him at the end of the night. He's a good wife.

Yeah. I don't know night he's a good wife yeah i don't know if that's a great story but um uh make up an ending to it so anyway so i'm making out with paul sheer's wife paul sheer's wife is actually an actress who is in that show frankie and johnny or johnny and frankie that, that show with the two comedic actresses, Lily Tomlin and what's her name? Oh, yeah, of course, of course. So she's on that, but she's been on a million shows, and she is the most lovely.

Her name is David Raphael. Oh, God. Denman, can you look that up? June Diane Raphael. And she is, you ever meet somebody, like she was on my podcast once years ago, but she didn't even remember. But you ever hang out with somebody like at a dinner and at the end of it, you're like,

I need to be in that person's life. I need to be good friends with this person. Yes, of course. Confident, funny, sharp. Yeah. Yeah. Paul Scheer did very well for himself. Yeah.

And you're like, thank God Erin's not here. She's going to see this envy. She's going to see this admiration I have for another wife. Yes, she's going to see my fixing her napkin in her lap. Grace and Frankie is the show. Grating her hair at the table. The logo this week, we want to thank Kyle Spencer, who's a dear friend of the show, who does a lot of logos for us.

The launching of True Detectives was this past week. And so he made that in honor of that. It's set in Alaska. And the two cops for the first time are female. Yep. And one of them is Jodie Foster and the other one I do not know. But I looked her up and she was a professional boxer. She's also, I don't know how to say this, but she, I think is, I mean, what I'm saying, struggling with is, I don't know if she's Inuit, Native American.

She's got Native American in her. She's got a number of different Native American influences. Is that the right word? Yes, and I did hear them on NPR. Not this population specifically. Right. So she was talking about how much she learned, and she's just like, they are built different.

She's like, the population they're talking about are like icebound and snowbound for such long periods. And she was like, I could never survive. They're just so different in a way, like their ability to survive. Not to mention the total darkness that they have for a couple months of the year. I couldn't handle that. And it's being, I couldn't handle all the light because you get the light for such long periods of time also.

Then it's also, I heard, being shot in Iceland. No. So it's being shot in very challenging situations as well. Wow. Yeah. The shows, it's not bad. I mean,

I only watched the first episode. They put them out once a week because it's HBO. I kind of watched the first. I fell asleep a few times, but there's a supernatural element. Yes. For sure. Well, they all have

a supernatural element. Oh, I didn't know that. I only saw the first one. I only saw the first one. So yeah, you're right about, yeah, when they't know that. I only saw the first one. I only saw the first one. So yeah, you're right about, yeah, when they track that down. When we get to entertainment, I'll tell you about a show that you told me to watch a while ago, and I'm finally watching. The song this week is from Adam Copeland, who's also a generous provider.

By the way, thank you guys. I said to you last week that we needed new songs, new graphics, new banners. We got a bunch of fucking great songs. So thank you guys for those. We still need some new posters. So if you want to focus on some posters, maybe we need a Valentine's Day one coming up.

Maybe we need the Black History Month one one maybe put us both in blackface we could get in trouble just for a picture all right wait a quick little story i shared with another professor at this i'm teaching that class at usc and so he and i'm like you know i don't know it's you know it's so't know. It's, you know, it's so, so PC at these universities. And I go, I'm a little scared, especially we're talking about like, can I say like, man, that sketch was crazy because ableist language, you're not allowed to say the word crazy anymore in theory. So he goes, Oh, I heard a story recently, this art teacher was teaching and he was very much in, in the, in the group back in the day with Warhol and everybody downtown. And now he's an old art history professor, but Basquiat painted him once.

And so he showed his class, but this is an old white guy. Basquiat painted the guy in blackface and he showed a painting, the Basquiat and got reported. No way. Yes. And what I wanted to say was like, you know, technically every black person in paintings is in blackface. It's a painting. black person in paintings is in blackface it's a painting it's it's the most i don't even know how to approach that issue my head's yeah that's fucking existential well we also both know somebody that works at a college and they were on a group call and said, okay, guys, we'll see you later.

And apparently got called into human resources. Yeah. Because you can't say guys to men and women. Yeah, I know. Next meeting, fuck you guys, seriously. Right. You just double down. Yeah, corrections.

We got a couple ones from Toby. Listening to you guys talking about acdc was the worst thing i've experienced lately and i just had a colonoscopy that's solid people people go brian jones bond scott come on i know i know a shit ton about acdc i've seen them so many times so brian johnson is in acdc they recently released a new album and he is the singer a few months ago they held their first concert in years and brian johnson was the singer several years ago axl rose filled in for him on a tour due to him having some hearing issues well we might have some news regarding acdc yes and that's that's all we can say all we can say and but uh

but it's big news it's big acdc news it's gonna be about a tour i think i guess do they have a new album now is that what they just said recently released a new album all right i guess so and uh yeah no they're they're amazing you know one time i them, I don't think I ever told you this. I think it was, yeah, Kevin Brennan was on SNL and was being given a big shot. And I was back there for some reason. It was after I already lived here. But Colin Quinn took over for Norm and was having Kevin come out and do like a, and now here, like a guest person slides their chair over on the news, weekend update. Anyway, I went to that taping, and I stood on the floor when ACDC played. No way. Yeah, and Will Ferrell came over,

and I know Will because mostly at that time, especially mostly because he went to USC with my sister and we knew each other. And anyway, so I watched, standing next to Will Ferrell, I watched ACDC in a tiny room. What songs did they play? Do you remember? I don't. You know, I should look that up. I mean, I can tell you it was, I think, you know, around the year 2000. We could obviously find out. Maybe Chris can look it up.

I don't know how many times they appeared around the year 2000. Stiff upper lip and shook me all night long. Wow. And I think they might have played another one after the show. Wow. I was at SNL when Nirvana played. What? Prove me wrong.

Tell me I wasn't. Oh, you're just doing that? Imagine if I was. I was there when Beck played Where It's At. Two turntables and a microphone. Uh-huh. That was pretty cool. What?

The way you just saying that? Nope. Right. Uh, if you want to see, uh, also Bob Pedersen and you know, Bob,

Bob is a little anally retentive. He's a little hung up on corrections, but he said Sunday papers, January 14th, Gibbons said adaptionion instead of Adaptation. What the hell, Mike? This is the second time I have heard this. Sunday Papers is a tough listen.

Was I talking about the movie or is that the general? I don't know. An adaptation of a book, maybe. I like adaption. It's almost like adoption. It's like adoption, except you changed something. You changed adoption with an A, so you adaptioned it. I like adaption.

Speaking of amazing live performances, I will be in Hollywood. Our very own producer, Chris Denman, is producing a show at the Bourbon Room on February 1st in Hollywood. If you want to get tickets, I don't know how they get them. Chris, tell me, how do you get them? BourbonRoomHollywood.com, February 1st. It's going to be an all-star lineup.

The biggest name on the show has not announced their name yet, but will. Guy Torre will be there. Jessime Peluso will be there. Most importantly, I will. And you're going to come down, Mike, right? Yeah, I heard. Joe Coy's

hosting? Joe Coy will be hosting and we've got Taylor Swift sitting in the balcony with a camera on her. Excellent. I'm around, man. I'm around. And then that's going to be Grammys weekend, I think.

And then I will be in Portland at Helium on February 22nd through the 24th. Huntington Beach on March 2nd. La Jolla, March 8th through 10th. Hollywood St. Patrick's Day, March 16th. Tampa Sidesplitters in April. Go to FitzDawg.com, get yourself some tickets. Also, speaking of tickets, it is a hassle. I think the worst thing about buying tickets is wondering if you're paying too much, whether you should wait, whether you should buy them now. Game time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports, music, comedy, and theater events near you.

Mike, what do you take it from here? Flash deals, zone deals, easy to find and buy tickets for every kind of event. I'm a broken record, but you know I love going under Discover. So I put Discover in Los Angeles. We got Nets at Lakers tonight. It's going to drop right now. It's at $78. And this is the key. It's going to drop right now. It's at 78 bucks. And this is the key.

That's all in. They show you the all in price. You can also see the view from your seat before you buy. So you know exactly what to expect. But I love the total up front. The app is amazing. A couple of taps. You download it to your phone.

No transferring, no printing, none of that stuff. The app is amazing. Look at this monster jam. You want to go to a car rally thing? Nope. A monster jam tomorrow, $35. Ooh, Rangers, New York Rangers at the Ducks Sunday. That's down to $39.

Rangers at the Kings, way more expensive. That's tomorrow, but that's going to come down. Cody Johnson, UFC, Supercross, WWE, Monday Night Raw. I go on just to see what's going on in town. Anyway, go to them. It has deals on tickets right to the start of the event and even an hour after it starts. It's the place to find last-minute tickets. So take the guesswork out of having to buy tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account,

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All right, let's get some Crankle. You got some paper at your disposal? Look at this. Look at this one. It's old. Looks like somebody tried to write a script and got frustrated. Oh, you want to know what this is? And sadly, we're going to do the obituary. This was the

Kathy Lee Gifford Christmas review by Tom Shales. But it's a 200th show. Fresh piece of paper. Also, the Tom Shales review. Here we go. Front page. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Extra! Extra! We all have thought it! Extra!

Why aren't I on Sudafed all the time is my first. That should be the lead story. Heads up in Grand Junction, y'all. Authorities are investigating a possible homicide after a human head was found in a deep freezer in the front yard in Grand Junction, Colorado. New homeowners were cleaning out various leftover belongings at a recently sold house and discovered a bag with possible human remains. It's not possible anymore. Update to the story. It was a human head. And then there was another update because I went back to it just before we started and they also found some hands although they don't know if the hands are related if that's the right word to the head huh look at that well colorado this is what happens when you legalize weed shit gets crazy listen it's right on that you saw the tax records of the house you were buying and there was a head

of household where do you think that was gonna go right that was just all that shit do another one like that who complains about getting a little head not me they sweeten the deal you know what you're gonna get a little head also just sign on the line right if you could only just keep it in the freezer and take it out when you needed it you know yeah um so so was oj skiing in colorado last week he's looking for the killer there coincidentally by the way i grew up in tarrytown new york home of washington irving and our high school mascot was the Headless Horseman. And everything in our town was a Headless Horseman. It's so sad when your town only has one thing to cling on to.

And it's a headless guy? Well, what was Eastchester? You grew up in Eastchester, right? Dirty Little Italians. That was our mascot. That was the only thing we could cling on to. What was the nickname for Eastchester? Greasechester.

And all I wanted to be was Italian. They were goddamn killing it in the 70s, man. Rocky. Saturday Night Fever. Travolta. It was just nonstop Italians. Right. Oh, man. The godfather. They were the coolest. Right. Oh, man. The godfather.

They were the coolest things ever. I told you. I think I'm the only boy who would pray at night to be shorter. I wanted to be thicker and olive-skinned and hairy. Definitely olive-skinned. And so I dated girls that were olive-skinned and hairy and thick. I did. I fucking did. hairy and thick. I did. I fucking did.

I loved them. I loved those Italian girls, Latino girls and Italian girls. That was my thing. All right. So before we leave this story, what, jokes aside, which we were very good at, what is our best guess at how this is going to play out? Well, considering, I mean, it's one thing when somebody chops your head off and sticks into the freezer because they're trying to preserve it.

This freezer was on the front yard, so it wasn't even plugged in. So it's somebody who is so deranged. Not only do they cut a head off, they don't understand how electricity works. Well, wait, we don't know any of this. They could have moved the freezer out. off they don't understand how electricity works well wait we don't know any of this they could have moved the freezer out i also don't think the head i think that i hate to get gross here but i think the head would be soup and they didn't go through with the standard burial or cremation procedures. So you're, you're giving them the benefit of the doubt. I think I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt because I'm thinking, I mean, unless they died, uh, the owners, in other words words, like why wouldn't you throw out, why would you leave that behind? Well, you save it, like you said, for the soup.

It's like a turkey. Yeah, you make a stock. What do you want? A little vegetable stock? Human head stock? I have a bunch of beef stock. Whatever you want. Yeah.

All right. Well, I'm going to keep following. Well, now there are hands. Now, here's the other thing. When hands and head are dismembered, that gets police's attention because you are trying to remove dental records and fingerprints. Right. Look at you.

That's a different story. Look at you. Heads and fingerprints. Right. Look at you. That's a different story. Look at you. Heads and hands. Well, I also remember Hannibal, look deep within yourself, Clary Starling. Go seek out Miss Moffat, an old patient of mine. M-O-F-E-T, go now. And then she went to self-storage,

which was his riddle, and found a human head in the garage. Yeah. Speaking of human heads, Jason Kelsey. You're starting me off. I'm going to do the rest. Well, I figured we should wrap up this story at some point today. I have a show tonight.

Jason Kelsey could face a frosty reunion with Taylor Swift if he goes to the Chiefs playoff game in Buffalo on Sunday amid claims his relationship with the pop star is awkward. Man, I was hoping for a stronger word than that at the end of that sentence, but okay. In a bombshell, I doubt it was a bombshell report, but in a bombshell report from Life and Style magazine last week, it was claimed Swift doesn't have the warmest relationship with Jason and his wife, Kylie. Jason and Kylie have apparently not made the singer feel too welcome and comments made to the media about their relationship have upset Swift. Kylie gave an

interview saying that in the spotlight is not particularly my cup of tea and that she prefers to watch games from the stands rather than the luxury suites from where swift cheers on the chiefs life and style quoted her source saying taylor hasn't had the best reception from jason and his wife um and quotes uh what is this a particularly irked swift with the source adding taylor took that personally. And since then, it's been very awkward. I mean, I kept putting all the details in there, hoping this would get more awkward, or at least there was some trespass. But Taylor Swift having a personal problem with someone, this is really news. Just listen to her songs as if she doesn't dwell on personal problems

with anyone she always gets along with everyone she's never takes anything personally right i think guys should just instead of saying will you go out with me will you write some songs about me and i think she's setting the stage for the breakup, it sounds like. Well, I don't know that I want to be in the luxury box. You got a picture. His brother is pretty well-versed in football and plays, and he's running a shoestring or a bootleg, and it's a play option. Meanwhile, you got this human Barbie doll going, did he score a home run?

Wait, why did that guy just hit him? He didn't do anything. You don't need to hear that. That's what she's asking? I'm just guessing. Yeah. Based on how she reacted to Joe Coy teasing her, I'm guessing the wine will be flowing and the resting bitch face will be on full display.

That was, I'm telling you, I don't mean to defend Joe Coy at all, but that joke wasn't terrible. It was a joke on the NFL. I'll defend him. And his whole Taylor Swiftization of the NFL. I will defend him 100%. There was nothing wrong with that joke. It was a solid joke. Yeah.

And he quit on it. That was the problem. California family sues after eighth grader wearing warrior paint at a football game was suspended because they thought he wore blackface. The young football fan said that, quote, no one said anything at the October 13th game when he covered his cheeks and chin, claiming, and he also claimed a black security guard even encouraged him to put on more. I bet he did. Yeah, they can't find that guy, but it happened. Everything was normal. No one said anything. It was a normal football game, said the boy who put on the eye paint himself as he had done many times before but a week after the game the principal called him and his parents to tell him that j.a was being

suspended for two days and barred from attending any future athletic events what barred from any future events but he already rehearsed his halftime minstrel show. I know. What's... Yeah. I mean, meanwhile, the kids with actual black faces get in no trouble whatsoever.

You can tell this school is not down South. Yeah. And I always wonder, like, how much of your face are you allowed to cover before you're in trouble? Because you see guys that put the black under their eyes, and sometimes they go a little crazy. Sometimes it's like two inches of black under the eyes, and you just think, dude, you better slow it down. Yeah. And then you cry a little, like this kid probably did, And it goes down your cheeks and all over the place.

Or you start, yeah, you start sweating and you start rubbing your face. And you don't realize as you're rubbing your face. Yeah. And it's a good excuse, too, if you're doing like a heist at night, you know, and you want the full black face. You know, like a Navy SEAL. Meanwhile, like watch the seal. You get it. Meanwhile, like watch the Chiefs game on Sunday.

The entire crowd is going to have red face, but that's, but that's fine. Yeah. That's weird. St. Patrick's day. Green face.

I, I'm not a fan. Did Redskins, did they have a famous like guy in the stands? Like, uh, who, who painted himself red, you think? I'm sure. They must have.

With a headdress, an Indian headdress, a Native American. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Chris is writing they had the hogs. The guys would dress up in dresses with pig noses. I remember those dudes. All right.

Well, that doesn't have to do with Native Americans. Well, this is how far back I go, man. I remember loving Riggins, their running back, who was just this weird outlier country boy who just could run like anything. Yep. And tough and big. Big football weekend coming up. Who do you like?

We got four games. Oh, I paid you. You didn't even fucking thank me. You won the bet last week. Oh, my God. You know what? I forgot about that bet. Listen, I've already gotten it.

It's as if the Jets won the super bowl the way the philadelphia eagles imploded that's the greatest thing ever yeah that was bad that was really bad what an end of a season i mean when you see the looks on these fans faces it was worse than a parent dying they were so fucking hurt and upset i know yeah but all. But all right. So who do you like? Should we make some bets for this weekend? Or should we wait for sports? Let's wait for sports. Let's wait for sports.

And maybe Chris can put up the matchups on Saturday and Sunday. And with the spreads. Okay. And we'll be there in a long time. You have time. Okay. All right. Working at the, nope, Seattle Teacher.

I love this. Another, another school thing. Seattle teacher tells students it's offensive to identify as straight. Have we gone back to the days where you read the title of the story that then repeats itself in the first sentence of the story? Uh, don't call me straight. Uh, yeah. A Seattle high school teacher has been accused of berating a student for describing himself as straight saying it's offensive because it suggests that LGBTQ people must be crooked. I mean, I wouldn't say crooked, maybe like really curvy or bent like their wrists, but I don't know about crooked. Yeah. I mean, maybe because when I'm having sex, I'm not doubled over.

Does that make me straight? I'm not performing the Heimlich maneuver on myself when I make love. Oh boy. By the way, I'm offended when somebody calls me sis, because it sounds like they're calling me a sissy. Yeah. I mean, shouldn't the other side be called sis? Yeah.

Like, if you can't call somebody trans, short for transvestite, how come you can call somebody sis? Or wait, you can call somebody a sissy, but you can call somebody sis? Or wait, you can call somebody a sissy, but you call me a sis? Forget it. I don't know where this is going. Try it tonight in Atlanta. All right, tonight. Pete Scott's coming to another show, by the way.

No. Yeah, he said, I'm coming back. I'm going to tell him not to come. It's too much pressure. All right. Next story. All right. So a North Carolina car wash employee died on Saturday.

Yeah. By the way, you told me to load the document this week, right? Yeah. And then I load the document. And listen, one of the stories, no doubt, had a frozen head in it. Yeah. But here's the story you add. A poor employee dies at work. Yeah.

So she was trapped. She got trapped in the machinery. They replied to Zips Car Wash for a report of her traumatic brain injury involving a car wash worker. Quote, upon arrival, first responders located the victim, later identified as 26-year-old Caroline, I won't say her name, where she had apparently become entrapped in equipment located within the car wash, pronounced dead at the scene. The car wash said in a statement that the company's thoughts and prayers continue to be with her family and friends and will continue to support them during this difficult time. The local site will remain closed at this time out of respect for Carolina.

Oh, great. So I have to have a dirty car because of their fuck-up? I don't remember us staying out of hot tubs for 24 hours after Matthew Perry died. Oh, Greg, too late. Too late on that. Yeah. Well, I mean, no, I'm not even going to say it.

The final rinse would not clean your car. They have to wait till that gets out of the system. The weird part is, this is the weird part. It was a hand car wash. So the machinery and the equipment was a bunch of ex-cons with rags in their hands she got trapped in them that actually sounds like it would be lovely why would she die from that i would i would love ex-cons rubbing me with soft we're joking about your dead woman story well people at the funeral i just got a picture of people at the funeral, I just got a picture of people at the funeral like, this is so sad.

But, you know, she looks really clean. She has that nice waxy glow. They got out the water drops. They got them out. I don't know how they did it. Oh, boy. Here we go. First piece of paper.

Let's move on. We got entertainment alright so I have to say you told me a while ago to watch the is it the curious case of Natalia something Grace curious case of Natalia Grace

we've seen two episodes I am fucking obsessed the dad Curious case of Natalia Grace. We've seen two episodes. I am fucking obsessed. The dad? The dad is a, he's clearly in the closet, right? The dad? Okay, so I thought you put this here because you did see it a long time ago. And they've added, I think, two new episodes where um did you see balloons go by was that for a 200 episode chris denman i don't think he's controlling the zoom that's crazy what

just what just happened that was weird i wonder if it'll be on the broadcast or if you and I are just, will appear like two old dudes who are just seeing things. Oh, he just said it will. If you all updated your phones recently, I guess there's a new feature. Do the thumbs up. Do the thumbs up. Do a thumbs up.

All right. No. Oh, look at that. I don't want that. I don't want that on our professional podcast. And that's not even my phone. I mean, my phone has nothing to do with this podcast but i guess it's the os system all right so all right to everyone listening and probably

watching i just held a thumbs up close to my computer camera and a thumbs up appeared on the screen yeah greg you got nothing something triggered balloons to go by i don't know what that was Greg, you got nothing. And something triggered balloons to go by. I don't know what that was. Probably something I said or like, yay. You were just saying that there's a new season. That there's a, I think it's a whole new season. I know what it was.

The dad must be gay. No balloons? No balloons. They were like pink balloons. And the thing that you tie off the balloon looked like an asshole. Yeah, balloon knot. You look really close at it. Yeah. So, all right. They added two episodes where they now interview her, right? Which are amazing. But it's at the end of season, I think there was only one season. Anyway, whatever.

I envy you watching it from the beginning because the dad, and by the way, it only somehow, it keeps getting better. Wow. I mean. Oh, you have to stay with it. I feel like I'm in the pandemic again. Do you remember how intense and visceral watching a good series was during the pandemic when you had nothing else to do? Tiger King. And what was the one about the Orange County woman who was being taken advantage of by the guy? I mean, any of the true crime ones i don't know why but they just captured our attention and i missed the pandemic i will oh you did where did you go no no no i miss it now oh you miss it oh i thought you missed it yeah oh wait what are you talking about you guys had a pandemic

it's weird um also fargo the last episode of season five of Fargo was absolutely beautiful. It closed it out. I don't know because episode nine, I think, was the best. Yes, nine was the best. And without giving anything away except a song, the end of that episode, it looks, of episode nine, it looks like a film. and this doesn't give anything away either there's just they decided to shoot it it was incredibly smoky and maybe foggy and it was

look like a film and you see her face by the way she is extraordinary in this thing. Yes, she is. From Ted Lasso, and I should know her name, and I don't. Wait, did she not get, she got nominated this year and did not win, and I can't remember who won, but it was crazy. I don't know. Was it Ali Wong that beat her out? Oh, I think it was. And no disrespect to Ali, she was great, and that show was really great,

but it was a And no disrespect to Ali. She was great, and that show was really great, but it was a different level from this. Well, you said Ali really doesn't have range because she was playing an Asian woman who couldn't drive well. What? I know. I know. So I kind of, you know what? I don't agree.

I don't agree with you. Carrie Matchett is apparently the name. And, oh, my God. but this is what i'll say all the smoke the it's filmic it's incredible there's a shocking scene and she looks up and all of a sudden you hear the notes of tied to the whipping post yeah by uh the allman brothers and you're just like this is the fucking best show right now. Yeah, it is the best show. If you haven't watched it, season five. Should we talk about the Emmys last week?

I thought the finale was a little like, you know, so here's some like follow-ups to what happened. You know what I mean? It definitely felt, it felt anticlimactic, but I also feel like, you know, that's, there was stuff that needed to be tied up and I thought they did it in an emotional way. It wasn't, they didn't gloss through the story. They, they sat with it

at the end. They let you feel the conclusions of all the stories. And our buddy, John Hamm, uh, is impressive in it. I like very impressive. I mean, it's, it's pretty crazy when somebody goes deep into a character and is so on the money, as opposed to Jennifer Jason Leigh, who attempts to find a character and gets horribly lost. She's on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike with a fold-out atlas, just in a lot of fog and not knowing which way to go on this jug handle. All right, they're saying Juno Temple. Chris is now saying Juno Temple is the actress. Yes. Juno Temple.

And she did not win the Emmy this year. What was the name you gave us a second ago? I don't know. Juno Temple, I recognize. Yeah. All right. So anyway, let's get back to the Emmys. Oh, different season.

I thought Anthony Anderson was a good host. Eh. I'm a little over. He didn't hit hard. It was show busy. I'm a little didn't hit hard. It was, you know, it was show busy. I'm a little over his super positive shtick. Yeah, I don't mind it.

How about the winner, the Emmy winner for best comedy series? The Bear. What in the hell? And Succession won for best drama. And you've already, I texted this, but I am not exaggerating in any sense of the word.

Every single episode of Succession is funnier than any episode of The Bear. Yes. Agreed. any episode of The Bear. Yes. Agreed. I am not suggesting Succession should be in comedy, but The Bear definitely shouldn't. But which part of The Bear was funny?

And again, don't get me wrong. I think The Bear is one of the best shows in the last 10 years. I love The Bear. But yeah, I don't even know what they were thinking was funny. No, Chef. It's not a comedy. Sorry.

And then this guy, Philip Lassiter, wrote in. He wrote something. It seems like he was under the influence when he wrote it. Oh, he's asking about the curse. Well, listen, let's not talk about it because i have not seen all of the curse all right maybe the season finale happened yeah i've only seen three or four episodes of the curse so we'll talk about that next week let's finish it this week yeah all right and then here's a story about kelly osborne she got backlash in 2015 she made made a comment on The View.

She was addressing Donald Trump's policy on immigration and said, if you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump? She later acknowledged her poor choice of words, but stressed, I will not apologize for being racist. I am not.

The clip of Osborne saying, if kick every latino out of this country has now re-emerged on tiktok and become its own meme oh you never want to become a meme no it's thrusted osborne and the accusation of racism against her back into the spotlight so she gave an interview and called the quote the most cringe moment of my entire life. I don't know. I mean, if you kick every Italian out of the country, who's going to kill your ex wife for 50 large? I mean, if you kick every Jew out of the country, who's going to tell college students that they need to shut up and educate themselves about the Middle East? These are solid points. If you kick every gay guy out of the

country who's going to tell you your new haircut is crushing it or let you know who's fucking who at work tell me mike listen i want to defend kelly listen you know we can't know her struggle we can't know her po view and what she lives with she's lived in homes with eight or more toilets her PO view and what she lives with. She's lived in homes with eight or more toilets. She's also had toilets on private jets and in hotel suites, she has at least three toilets. So this would hit her very hard,

you know? And I mean, who in the world is going to clean their own toilet if a Latina can't do it? Yeah. So valid point, I think. Yeah. I think she comes from a,

from a place that a true American voice. I love when British people come into this country and speak for us. Once again, John Oliver won the Emmy. Don't get me wrong. Love John Oliver. Great show. But why is it that we celebrate when the British, when Ricky Gervais goes in front of an American crowd at the Golden Globes and shits all over America, and Kelly Osbourne comes in, I mean, no offense, we got our own people to shit on us. Yeah, that's true. Well, she went to Crossroads, and like a lot of people at Crossroads, I mean, if Latinas aren't cleaning their toilets, they're going to start viewing them as single-use toilets, and they're just going to throw them out after one use. It's easier than washing them.

Speaking of Latinos, let's make Florida great again. Here we go. Let's make America Florida. All right. This is a violent story, so I apologize for that. But a teacher was beaten. But it's a very Florida headline. Dude, I watched this video.

It was disturbing. I did not watch it. Yeah. I did not press play when I read the description. A teacher was beaten unconscious by a 270-pound student over a Nintendo Switch. So wiping the spit from her face, Florida teacher Joan Nadech sensed it was time to escape her classroom. The last thing I remember is having my hand on the door handle.

I don't remember anything else until 3.30 when I came to. And at that point, I was in in the ER and my son and daughter were standing there. So in an attack that's been viewed more than 10 million times, including by Greg Fitzsimmons, then 17 year old Brendan Depa standing six foot seven inches tall and 270 pounds pummeled Nate itch with more than a dozen kicks and punches as she lied motionless on the floor. What the hell? And I just want to say, this is the state of our country that a teacher now senses it's time to leave

the classroom after a student spits in your face, but it's kind of a toss up because the student doesn't have a gun. So you probably think you're being a pussy. Yeah. I mean, it's so crazy. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Maybe students in Florida do get a little triggered.

Did the teacher mention slavery or RuPaul's Drag Race? What happened exactly? Maybe there was a book with like a gay character in it. No, it's really horrific. And I mean, I just remember like the worst thing that ever happened to our teachers. I had a teacher in seventh grade and I think we were watching a film strip or something. Film strip. Remember that was a word film strip. Yeah. Maybe you would smell the mimeographs that got passed around. So we're watching something and I was sitting next to her desk and she wasn't. And I saw her keys. I picked up the keys and then I went over to the window

when she wasn't looking and I threw them out the window into some bushes, uh, cut to like eighth period and i get called to the office and they said what did you do with mrs solomon's keys and i was like playing dumb what are you talking about i have no idea i never saw her key meanwhile what a douche thing to do imagine fucking losing your keys and then at the end of all you want to do is go home go in your kitchen and drink red wine until you forget about these shitty kids and she's stuck at school and so they go well all right if you didn't take them let's just say if they're found and put into the office mailbox by the end of the day everything's fine cut to me in the fucking bushes, find the keys, put them in the mailbox.

The next day I get called to principal's office and I got a suspension for a day. It was like, wait a minute. I thought the deal was, what's going on? I'm psychic. I kind of, I just, all of a sudden I saw where they were. Right. Right. I just see you like no questions asked okay they just walk right out

right to the bush all right why don't we make alabama florida all right and i love this one because it involves both um according to the Washington County Sheriff's Office on Friday, deputies received a call about a man pounding on the front door of a home and a vehicle sitting stationary nearby. Deputies headed to the scene and found a car matching the description of the one reported. Deputies say the driver was sitting inside the vehicle with a blank look on his face and a parrot on his shoulder.

Now, the headline, which I didn't read, was Alabama man high on mushrooms arrested with parrot on his shoulder after fighting with Florida deputies. I'm thinking he was probably banging on doors, asking everyone, do you see the parrot too? Yeah, right. You sure the cop wasn't the one on mushrooms thinking he saw this whole thing? Yeah. And then they brought the parrot in for questioning. He talked.

He talked. I think people down south are really taking Jimmy Buffett's death hard. This guy's probably tripping out of his mind getting arrested. He's like, are you going to put the ankle chains on me wooden leg, are ya? Like, how are you not a pirate? If you're on mushrooms and you don't become a pirate, if a parrot's on your shoulder, I don't know what you're doing. You got to rethink your life if you don't become a pirate if a parrot's on your shoulder i don't know what you're doing you got to rethink your life if you don't become a pirate then

um let's go to sports here we go let's go to sports all right let's make some pay why don't we say ten dollars a game should we do that yes thank you you didn't finish the thought i guess thank you for paying me twenty dollars for the eagles loss that we bet on. Yeah. I mean, usually you acknowledge that when somebody pays a bet off. That's true. So sports, why don't we do this?

We'll each take turns picking with points. You pick the first game. I'll pick the second. You pick the third. I'll pick the fourth. Okay. So the Ravens are giving the Texansans nine and a half points i'm going to take the ravens oh shit that's what i would have taken sorry you get the next pick all right the

49ers are giving the packers nine and a half i will take the 49ers damn it okay the lions are giving six to the bucks um boy i want, I want to take the Bucs on this. I really liked how they played, but I don't want to root against Detroit. Yeah. So I'm going to take the Lions. Yeah, I don't want to root against Detroit. I mean, as much as I love the Rams, and I was really upset they lost last week, if it had to be to somebody, let it be these

poor bastards from Detroit. It was the first playoff game they'd won in like 30 something years. So, and they've never won a Super Bowl, so maybe they get in. Did you see all the guys crying at the game and all that? It was really emotional. The announcers were great. They were like,

you have to understand how many generations here have never seen a playoff game with Detroit in it. Or it's been a generation or two. All right, and then the Bills are giving the Chiefs two and a half. I will take the Chiefs on this one. As much as Josh Allen blew my fucking mind last week how great he played, but I just feel like the Chiefs, i can't see them not in the super bowl because of taylor swift right you think it's going to be the end of the road for taylor swift

if they lose swift really going to buffalo do you oh it's in buffalo that's right i mean what did she stop touring she makes like $2 million a show and she's going to football games. All right. So Chris, uh, Greg took the chiefs. Uh, yeah, I took the Ravens. Greg took the 49ers. I took the lions. Greg took the chief. There you go. All right. Good luck to you. Good luck to you. Too bad Atlanta's not in it. You go to the game. Oh, I know.

But you heard their new coaches, right? Is it Belichick? Yes, it is. Wow. Okay. All right. You have to get to a show. What are we doing here? All right.

Let's rip through this. We'll skip international. We will skip science. Want to go to a show. What are we doing here? All right, let's rip through this. We'll skip international. We will skip science. Want to go to this day in history? I got it. Okay, let's do this day in history. Here we go. First of all, today, Sunday, the 21st, correct,

is National Hugging Day, everybody, and National Banana Bread Day. Oh. But also on this day in history, Gregory, it was the first commercial Concorde flight. Oh. Generating a sonic boom as it traveled through the atmosphere at supersonic speed. The Concorde, a commercial aircraft built with funding from the British and French governments, began regular service on this day in what year? I'm going to say 1979. Why do you say that?

I'm going to say 1979. Why do you say that? I don't know. I just picture the crazy late 70s, cocaine and disco, and somehow this crazy new plane that could get you to London in three hours. I'm going to say 79. Also, do we know why they discontinued it? Also, do we know why they discontinued it? Remember, Phil Collins took it from Live Aid in London to Live Aid in Philadelphia so he could perform at both of them.

And I think the world generally said, not worth it. But that's what he did. Was it something environmental? I don't know. But anyway anyway the year was 1976 no shit the bicentennial year and I would have guessed earlier actually let me see we could do another one if you wanted

it was the only plane to ever create sonic booms passenger plane that would actually create sonic booms because it broke the sound barrier yeah um passenger plane that would actually create sonic booms because it broke the sound barrier. Yeah. I don't think there was a lot of seats, so maybe it just didn't financially make any sense. Right.

I'm wondering, but the tickets were really expensive. I think my dad got to do it through corporate. I don't think he paid, but I think he did it. Okay, here's one, another one, very quick one. Vladimir Lenin, who led the Russian Revolution in 1917 and later served as the first head of the country of the Soviet state, died. What year on this day? What year? He lived to be very old.

I think he died in 1961. That is the most perfect Fitz-Togg answer and explanation. He died in 1924, seven years after the revolution. seven years after the revolution you know the crazy part is i i uh listen to the audiobook of lenin's life and i put it on as i'm going to sleep after i take a sleeping pill and for 45 minutes i have the timer set, I listen to it, that's how much I took away from that book.

All right, give or take 10 years, Louis XVI, the last Bourbon king of France, was executed by guillotine in Paris during the French Revolution on this day. Give or take 20 years, what year was that? 1917. Give or take 200 years, what year during the French Revolution?

1775. You got it by two years on the original bet of giving you 20 years. It was 1793. Wow. I miss that guy. Yeah, right? Okay. So there we go.

We're having fun with this day in history. Yeah, it's good. It's a good revamping. Let's do it. Okay. We started a new segment last week where we asked you guys to send us in historical inaccuracies, basically almost urban myths of history, and ones that we all take for granted are true. And we're not talking about the moon landing, folks.

We're talking about stuff like this. Gaz sent this in. A fairly well-known historical inaccuracy is that Napoleon has been portrayed as extremely short. Even Bug Bunny did it. Bugs Bunny, you mean. He was, in fact, average to even above average height for the time. The short reference was created by the British as fake news. Now, this is another biography that I read and it did mention that he was like 5'7 and a half which during that time was tall

and I'm glad they cast Joaquin Phoenix Joacine Phoenix in the movie because he's not a short guy. Remember in Get Shorty the running joke was that Danny DeVito was going to be playing Napoleon and he was on all the

billboards around Hollywood. Oh, God. I forgot that. Yeah. Alright. Alright, let's get to the obituaries. Here we go. Obituary. And that's all, folks. Yeah, you know, you put Bo Burnham's name in there and I didn't realize

I guess there was all these rumors he wiped his social accounts, and he had predicted he would die on this day? Yes, and I mean, I'm Googling it now, and I haven't seen anything other than the story about the story. I haven't seen anything about him being dead. Yeah, and the story I read was that he once gave an interview and he said that he's just in love with his dog and that when his dog was gone, he wouldn't see any reason to

live on. And so I think he estimated when the dog would die. I don't know if the dog or Bo is dead, but I'm doubting either of them are dead. Well, I hope not. I think Bo is a really, I'm doubting either of them are dead. Well, I hope not. I think Bo is a really, really fascinating, interesting, funny guy. Yeah. So Tom Shales, who I talked about a few, coincidentally talked about a few weeks ago, has passed. The headline was Tom Shales took TV seriously even when its creators didn't. And Shales was admired.

Nothing so much. Shales admired, nothing so much, Shales admired nothing so much as ambition, but he also managed the feat of having high standards about lowbrow things. Anyway, he was a huge fan of Letterman. He had an essay that he wrote that was got a lot of, it was reprinted a lot and read and it was the visual ambition of the medium he talked about. He cited Michael Mann's direction of Miami Vice, the Gonzo monkey cam of late night with David Letterman and the rise of MTV.

He said, I feel grateful not only that I'm alive in the age of television, but that unlike a lot of people I know, I can still find it on occasion marvelous, he wrote. I can be delighted and astonished and exhilarated by it and appalled. And his appalling reviews were some of the most famous. Anyway, he loved all the great things. Gene Stapleton is Edith Bunker and all that. You know, he had a famous pan, which is worth looking up if you want to, of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, which even the talk show host admitted decades later was accurate. It's dismissive harshness blinds him to the peculiar ambition. Anyway, he eventually changed his mind and wrote a rave about O'Brien years later.

Anyway, the Post's obituary, where he worked the Washington Post, summed him up, his body of work elevated the coverage of criticism of television beyond mere musing on plots and gags. He described shows, serious or silly, as pieces of a cultural mosaic

worthy of deeper inspection. And those reviews of Kathy Lee Gifford's Christmas specials, that's what we read a couple of weeks ago, are legend. And he's just amazing. And especially his negative reviews. He was just such a great writer and so funny. So we've lost one of the great critics of all time. and so funny. So we've lost one of the great critics of all time. It is. I mean, when you think about television today, it has never been better and never been worse.

When you think about shows like Fargo or Sopranos or Game of Thrones, and then you think about the Real Housewives type stuff or people getting a 90-day marriage or whatever it's called, where people marry foreigners so they can get green cards. Our friend Rabih worked for this company, and I pitched them a show as a joke about immigrants getting green. It was a bit in a bit. It was a show making fun of TV where there was actually a show about people competing for green cards to marry people. And it actually became true.

All right, let's get to the funnies. Let's cheer up after this Tom Shales news. All right, let's do it. So Loretta is staring at what seems to be a broken speaker, like a, what do you call those? An Alexa. An Alexa. And Leroy says, no wonder you keep wearing them out.

Their voice activated. Just shut up. He's saying, just shut up. Just shut up. That wouldn't be as funny or artful. This is clever. And now I'm going to describe this next Hager the Horrible. And you tell me what's wrong with this picture. So there's a tent and it's got moons and stars and eyes and it says Madame Zara. And Hager and Lucky walk up and Hager goes, you can't trust these card readers. And they walk inside, they sit down

and then Lucky says, I'll deal to the cards like so she can't cheat. What's wrong with this picture? She's not being raped. Why would a woman in the medieval times have a tent which completely obscures the vision of her and allow men to walk in all day? Are you kidding me?

How about some symbols on there like ropes, gags? To be honest, it looks like a trans woman. It does. She has pretty beefy arms and a headband, and it's wrapped around her bicep, this, I guess, armlet. I don't know what you would call that bracelet around her bicep. She looks like Carrot Top. She looks like Carrot Top from behind.

And Madam Madam who knows yeah maybe it might be trans I don't know alright fair enough I like it Hager's giving us a look though he's breaking the fourth wall breaking the fourth wall alright so I am officially stating that I don't understand

Kathy and I've seen a lot of these in trying to find this one, I just want to find a representative one. I see the creator of it often posing with like Kathy dolls and all this stuff. They're incredibly negative. They're not funny. Anyway, here's one. Uh. Kathy is sitting next to her friend and the friend is somehow, she's reading a magazine that says tan on it. I know it's a brochure. A brochure.

And the friend goes, why don't you just go outside in a bathing suit? And Kathy, sweat flies out of her head. She like puts her hands up on her chest, exasperated and goes, ah, not that. And I, I've learned that act is a big thing that Kathy yells whenever it's maybe feeling, uh, self secure or like having a healthy self-image but all right we'll put some more in here it's it it seems like a moving target i i don't exactly know the voice of this well it's body shaming this this entire comic strip is just shaming women about needing men and being overweight and being embarrassed about it. And I think, thank God we can introduce this back into women's brains

because they've become so independent and so happy with themselves no matter what weight they are. I know, but sometimes it seems like a commentary on, like she's making a commentary on people who are trying to do body positive things and she's like, I just want to drink my wine. Yeah. So I kind of don't know which it is. I don't know.

Maybe she should have been on Sex and the City. Yeah, an incredibly confusing thing written by gay men. Yeah. I think you're right. Speaking of gay men, dagwood is in bed he's got a laptop out and blondie's reading a book she's got on a pink negligee frilly at off off shoulder uh the arms are toned like you get the sense that not only does she fucking cook for this guy and run a catering company and raise the kids,

she's doing Pilates or yoga because she is firm and toned. So she goes, wow, this romance novel is steamy. And he goes, really? What's the plot? And she goes, so far, the husband has surprised the wife by doing the dishes and emptying the trash. And he goes, is the author by chance a married woman? And she goes, yep, going on 30 years. First of all, as soon as your wife goes, wow, this novel is steamy, you throw your hand under the covers and you go, what else is steamy? You know, you get a handful of that yellow hair between her legs and you figure out what else is getting worked up.

And you go from there. What's the plot? What's the plot? Also, look, she moves over. She puts down her book, moves over and hugs him and caresses his face. Yeah. When she says the guy's doing the dishes and emptying the trash. Yeah.

At that point, aren't you like, you know what? I hear what you're saying. I'm going to put something in your can because the trash is empty. I don't know. Something. He's not great with lines, but it would be something like that. Yeah. You pretend that her tits are a couple of dishes,

and you rub and you scrub. Something. Anyway. Not this. Then they're back to reading separately. Yeah. Yeah, and then he doesn't do anything about it. All right.

Listen, thank you guys for listening. We really enjoy spending our time with you. Our 200th episode. As Craig Kilborn said, it was important because it's the one we're doing right now. Yeah. We thank you for joining us for this many episodes. Some of you have been here from the beginning.

I do my standup shows and people go, I started listening at the beginning. I listen every week. That means so much to us. Tell your friends, go on. Oh, koozies. You sold,

you had some koozies. You had some koozies at your shows? Yeah, last night I didn't sell any. Pete was there and I didn't feel like selling merch after the show. But I gave two away to somebody. That's not going to help the bottom line. No.

If you haven't gotten the koozie, so wait, I did get, where did I get a message? I got a message on YouTube, I think. Someone maybe didn't get it, but I think go to the website. But anyway, I'm going to try to track down anyone that hasn't gotten it yet. I think it's only down to less than a handful. And then we got some new orders, so I'll send those out. But if you, don't worry, if you haven't gotten it, let us know.

Go to what? Fitzdog.com? Great plug. It's a great plug for product. Listen, people aren't getting these, but if you want to order some. No, everyone has. It's been a massive success. They're great.

They're autographed. They're incredible. I just took that for granted. They're incredible koozies, man. People love them. We're getting rave reviews. Send us pictures of you with your koozies, man. People love them. We're getting rave reviews. Send us pictures of you with your koozies. We've gotten a bunch of those.

Maybe we'll post some of those. And also, I want to thank Midcoast Media, who does an amazing job every week. And also, don't forget, if you want to get the lowest prices on tickets, go to Game Time app and put in code PAPERS to save papers to save 20 off i gotta go tell some jokes mike i'll see you uh hotlanta tear it up see you tomorrow uh yeah man oh and good luck to all my sports teams over the week and to beat you and take some of your money because you're so good at paying right away 10 bucks a game Let's turn around last week's losses. Take it, Ish.

Take it, Ish! Oh, baby, it's the Sunday paper. They're not heroes or mass crusaders. Oh, baby, Sunday paper. Ooh baby, Sunday paper

If they were a veggie, they'd be a caper Far too bitter for anyone to savor Ooh baby, Sunday paper